Chapter 11
Next morning after getting some periods of sleep, James woke early, smiling as he looked down at Sarah knowing she needed sleep more than he did. He sat on the edge of the bed a few minutes before hearing a small cry.
Glancing at Sarah, glad she was still asleep, he rushed over to the crib and lifted his swaddled son into his arms before settling into the rocking chair, happy that his son only wanted affection.
"Benny." James whispered, blowing on his hand to warm it before gently brushing his fingers over his son's face, ears and the fingers that poked out from under the blanket. He sat for some time in silence, aside from his own quiet singing when he heard a voice.
"Already trying to make a patriot of our son?" Sarah asked as she walked over, laying her hands on James's shoulders.
"I didn't know I was." James whispered as he looked up to her, a knowing grin on his lips.
"James Hiller, you are the only father I know who will sing Yankee Doodle to a newborn."
"I wouldn't be too sure of that. But look, Sarah "James insisted "And there was General Washington upon his mighty stallion, giving orders to his men, there must've been a million."
"I guess he's heard that more than I realized." Sarah sighed, having to admit Benny had clearly reacted to that one line but she was also secretly proud to find this out about her son as she gently lifted him from James's arms "I think it's time for him to eat, surprised he slept as long as he did but I'm glad."
"So am I." James agreed as he kissed her forehead all the while helping her settle into the rocking chair "I'm going to get breakfast started and get Sally up. I'll send your mother but I'll be back with breakfast and we'll eat together."
"James, I imagine you wish you could do more but what you did last night, what you're doing this morning, bringing Benny to me, taking care of Sally, taking over the cooking… I appreciate it so much James, I appreciate it as your friend and wife."
"I know you do Sarah, just as I appreciate you working beside me everyday, moving back to Philadelphia with me… helping me look out for Dr. Franklin… I know I can depend on you once…"
"James," Sarah whispered, her hand on his cheek "I'm not looking forward to that anymore than you but we will be there for one another, I'll be there for you and for Sally. Now please go get her up and get us breakfast."
"Of course."
"You named him after Grandpa Ben and Grandpa Sam?" Sally asked with a smile knowing how much an impact both these men had made on both her parents.
"Sure did." James replied with a smile handing his daughter a bowl before heading upstairs with a tray with breakfast for the others.
Once at the top of the stairs, he was met by a smiling Samuel who gladly took the tray.
"How's Sally?" Samuel asked with a smile.
"She's anxious to meet Benny… I just wish they had more time with Dr. Franklin… I don't guess what little time Benny will have will matter but after these past months seeing him with Sally… I'm just glad we'll all be together when…"
"James…" Samuel sighed as he took two bowls from the tray "think about what's happening now, I'll take this to Dr. Franklin, Sarah's waiting for you."
Nodding, James smiled as he walked into his and Sarah's room, his heart swelling with pride as he set the tray down on the table between the two chairs where Sarah and Elizabeth sat, Benny now cradled in Elizabeth's arms as Sarah sat, her eyes closed, obviously already exhausted.
"James?" Sarah mumbled as she looked up, having heard his footsteps.
Laying a hand on her cheek he smiled "I got your breakfast if you think you can eat before you go back to sleep?"
"Eat what you can." Elizabeth whispered encouragingly, watching while James held a bowl for his wife.
"After you eat get some sleep then I'll bring Sally up to see Benny, how's that?" James asked, gently pulling up and tucking a quilt around Sarah while she smiled, this being the only response he needed.
"Papa?" Sally whispered as she helped Ben across the room where he slowly settled himself into a chair near where Sarah sat herself, Benny settled against her, his head on her shoulder.
Your mother's just tired Sally, she's had a long night… long morning." James whispered as he gently lifted his son up into his arms before holding him out to the man who was the closest thing he had to a father figure.
"James…" Ben whispered as he gently held one of the newborn's fisted hands.
"Mine and Sarah's son Benjamin Samuel Hiller, named after you and Sarah's father… I never had my father but… you're the closest thing I have, neither Sarah nor I would be where we are without you." he whispered, gently laying his son into the elderly man's arms, keeping a hand under him all the while.
"James… I'm honored… I'm thrilled to see you now, this precious, innocent newborn… I'm not sure I'm in a position to do this like Samuel, give you two fatherly advice but this little one… reminds me so much when I… first laid eyes on my younger son… who would be in his mid fifties, hopefully working alongside you three printing… if only he'd not been taken from me so cruelly by a bout of smallpox.."
At this, Sarah and James looked to one another, both remembering when they themselves had been vaccinated against this terrible disease, both knowing they would make sure Sally and her brother both were protected from whatever diseases were out there.
"Dr. Franklin…" Sarah whispered, her eyes full of concern for him, only now knowing of this.
"Don't make the mistake I did. If you know something might help them, do it… or the knowledge that you didn't try will possibly haunt you for the rest of your life. My fear of what may have happened to him if he got the vaccine cost me my son."he whispered, the only thing easing his mind for the moment was Sally gently laying her hands on his arm.
"We won't." James whispered as he squeezed Sarah's hand, unashamed of the tears that suddenly began to trickle down his cheeks.
"I see little Benny has his father's eyes, his mother's red hair." Ben whispered after a moment surprising James and Sarah who now saw that their son was indeed awake, his blue eyes looking to the man who held him with such wonder.
"Sarah?" James whispered that night as he sat down beside her on their bed, Benny curled up, asleep in her arms.
"I've thought about it all afternoon." she whispered as James gently lifted Benny into his arms "I didn't know anything about his family. I'm sure it's still painful for him after all these years." Sarah whispered, laying a hand on her husband's arm "I'm sorry I don't understand what it's like for you two."
With a sigh James stood, walking to the end of the bed, making sure his son's blanket was securely wrapped around him as he laid him down in the crib, kissing his forehead before settling back down beside Sarah, hugging her close to his side "Sarah,… I don't want you to understand, I feel so much loss for two people I've never known I can't imagine what you would feel."
Gently rubbing her hand over James's chest Sarah sighed, a sad smile on her lips "James… if your parents were here now… what would you tell them?" she whispered, her eyes purely emphatic.
Taking Sarah's hand into his, gently squeezing her fingers to keep his own from shaking, he bowed his head "Sarah,… I've thought about it so many times… every day there's more I'd say since I came to live with Dr. Franklin but especially since I proposed to you…" with this he stood, taking the candle over to a trunk where he kept his and Sarah's filled notebooks.
"James?" Sarah whispered, suddenly afraid she'd overstepped her boundaries when to her surprise he settled back down, handing her a notebook.
"I think it's time I come clean about this…"
"James, I couldn't… You don't need to tell me anything…" she replied now scared James was only doing what he was because she'd brought it up when he gently put his fingers to her lips.
"Sarah, let me explain." he whispered, opening his notebook towards the back "I have more but this is fairly recent. This was after you told me about Benny."
"Are you sure?"
Nodding his head, James smiled "Please, I want to go through some of these if you'll,… I just need to talk with someone else about my parents… besides Dr. Franklin."
Though still hesitant Sarah looked down to the page James had opened to and began silently reading
May 25, 1788
Dear Ma, Pa,
So much has happened in a short time and while I'll admit I'm confused and a little overwhelmed it's all with joy. Last night I returned from another interview, this time with a sweet, intelligent ten year old who is now mine and Sarah's adopted daughter, her name Sally Hiller. Yet, as wonderful news that is I admit something even better takes over my mind as Sarah told me I am to be a father myself sometime I assume in February. As I sit here by our bedroom window early this morning, Sarah getting what little more sleep she can before we start our day, my mind drifts to you once again, the fact that Sally nor any of our children will ever know you saddens me but the knowledge that they will have Dr. Franklin, however short that time will likely be somehow eases this sadness. But, I must admit despite my good relationship with Samuel I wish you were here pa, to teach me yourself how to care for my growing family but of course you nor I can change this fact but somehow as I've said before I believe you're still supporting me, looking over me despite whatever heavenly realms separate us.
As always your faithful son,
James
Looking up from what she'd read, Sarah sighed, her cheeks already glistening with the tears she'd begun to shed "Oh, James."
"You're not the only one to write your parents regularly." James whispered "I've been writing these since Dr. Franklin taught me to read and write, he thought it would help me and oddly I think he's right. I was too young to know them and I can't get them back but it feels nice to write them these letters and honestly Sarah so many times during the war I've had a feeling I can only explain as being either God… or my parents so I know where they are… I'm positive. I still remember the dread I felt while you were at Fort Trion…, the relief I felt when I saw the boat… You'll never know how greatful I was. I dreaded having to give the news to Moses and Dr. Franklin."
"I'm glad to know that, James and I'd love to discuss this with you more… maybe I could write some letters to them in my own book."
"No, share mine, Sarah… our sacred place to share our life with them." James whispered as he put the notebook into the drawer in the table beside the bed and snuffing out the candle before he turned back to Sarah "Now, we both need our rest."
"I love you so much, James… I don't want either of us to suffer alone again." Sarah whispered, briefly laying her hand on his cheek before burrowing under the sheets, laying her head down as she shut her eyes.
" Neither do I, Sarah, neither do I." James whispered as he wrapped his arm around her, closing his own eyes.
