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Chapter 21

Harry and Hermione weren't enjoying being at home in London for the summer as much this time. Unlike last year, Sirius and Hermione's parents had forbidden them from riding their bikes between the houses. Sirius had explained to the Grangers about Bellatrix LeStrange being on the loose,,, and that had seen the introduction of the rule that an adult was needed to drop them off, and if they went out they needed a chaperone. Mostly it was Sirius dropping them off and picking them up because he could side-along them much easier than one of the Grangers could drive them, especially when they stayed inside the city. Once when Harry was over at Hermione's house for the day, she told Harry that she thought that this was also probably her mother's idea. She explained how her mother had pulled her aside for a talk the first night they got back from school and said she approved of Hermione and Harry but didn't want Hermione to risk pregnancy until she was finished with her schooling.

Harry had laughed at that, which hurt Hermione's feelings a little until he explained. "Mione, I love you, your quirks and all, but let's be honest here. If there is one girl that doesn't need to be told to finish school first it's you. I don't think I ever met someone who puts such a high priority on their schoolwork than you." Harry said as he pulled her into a hug, he truly hadn't meant to hurt her.

"You're more important, you idiot," Hermione admitted as she buried her head in his chest.

Harry truly had no words to say to that, only pulling Hermione in tighter. The two spent most of the rest of that day just cuddled up on the sofa, causing Dan to call them sickly sweet when he got home from his shift in the Grangers dental practice. Harry spent a lot of time reading the Daily Prophet that summer looking for information on LeStrange, but the paper had a distinct lack of blood and death that Harry would have expected from the insane women. As the weeks went by, most witches and wizards seemed to think that the woman had left the country. Due to the fact that Voldemort had died specifically by the Dementors' Kiss this time, something the wizarding community understood a lot better than him disappearing after trying to use a killing curse on a baby, this added up to the wizarding public starting to use the name Voldemort instead of the 'You-Know-Who' nonsense.

It was that more than anything that made Harry uncomfortable. Because he had told them that Voldemort was beaten this time, everyone was letting their guards down. Harry just hoped he could work out where the last horcrux was before Voldemort was able to find a way back, or he would have very little resistance when he did come back.

The third week of the holiday was the worst for Harry. The Grangers had gone to France for the week for a vacation, so he was left without Hermione for the longest time they had been apart in a while. It turned out Hermione had spoken with Sirius about the trouble Harry was having coming to terms with what he had Fudge do to Pettigrew, Crouch and Riddle. He found this out one day mid-week, when Sirius had cornered him in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. He sat Harry down and put a large glass of firewhisky in front of him.

"Do yourself a favour and drink that." Sirius indicated the drink. Harry just looked at Sirius wondering what was going on. "Trust me it will make the conversation we are about to have easier." Sirius insisted. Harry thought that his godfather was about to give him The Talk and mentally agreed he would rather be tipsy for that conversation. He drank down the fiery spirit and winced as it burned its way down his throat. As he hadn't drunk any spirits since coming back in time, and couldn't remember drinking any in the previous timeline either, his lack of drinking experience was obvious from his reaction.

"You OK?" Sirius sounded concerned but looked amused at Harry's suffering.

"Why does anyone drink that?" Harry was genuinely concerned that all adults were crazy.

"While appreciation for it is definitely an acquired taste, mostly it's drunk for the effects rather than the flavour." Sirius admitted.

Harry just ignored him and got himself a glass and filled it with water. "So what did you want to talk about?" he asked before taking a drink.

"So what's all this crap about you being a monster?" Sirius asked, surprising Harry and causing him to choke.

Sirius whipped his wand around and the water in Harry's airway vanished, letting him breathe again. After a few breaths, Harry shot a look at his godfather. "I thought you were going to give me The Talk. I don't want to talk about this." He tried to walk away, but with a flick of his wand Sirius sealed the door and he couldn't open it. Harry considered his options; he could probably destroy the door with magic if he had his wand, but he would face trouble for breaking the Statute of Secrecy. He could just sit there in silence and see who's will broke first, his or Sirius, but he then remembered that in the previous timeline Sirius had moved into a cave and was living off of rats because he thought he would be a little bit of help to Harry that way. Harry could be stubborn as well, but he wasn't sure he could be that stubborn. In the end, he only had one real choice, he sat back at the table. "Fine, what do you want to know?"

"I want you to explain how you can think of yourself as a monster." The sadness in Sirius's voice was plain to hear.

Harry refused to look at Sirius, instead choosing to stare at his half empty glass of water. "What else could I be? Viktor was right, first I was torturing the monsters in that maze by setting them on fire and leaving them to bleed out. Viktor may have used the Killing Curse on them, but at least that was quick. I was killing them slowly and painfully and I didn't even think about it. Then I was whisked away to that graveyard, again I didn't hesitate in killing Voldemort's snake, I just cut it open and let it bleed to death while I subdued Crouch Jr. When I took down Pettigrew, I wanted him to put up more of a fight so I could justify killing him. Then, when I took them all to Hogwarts, it was me who pushed the Minister into giving them all the Dementors' Kiss. No trial, no confirmation, they were guilty. I just decided and had their souls destroyed. I know what ignoring the right to a trial can do." Harry looked at Sirius for the first time as he said that, but only for a moment. "The worst part, I don't even feel guilty about what I did to those people. I would do it all again twice as hard if I had to. So tell me Sirius, how am I not a monster? How am I not something my parents would find disgusting to call their son?" Harry only realised he was crying when he felt the teardrop fall from his nose. He felt an arm wrap around him and felt both better and worse. Better because he had thought Sirius would be disgusted in him for what he said and wouldn't want to be anywhere near him, but worse because Harry was still holding back the worst of what he had done.

"Harry there is nothing you have done that your parents would be disappointed in you for. They fought in the blood war, sometimes on the front lines. Both your parents and I have blood on our hands. And while your mum and dad will be disappointed in others for you being in the situation where you had to do what you did, they would never be disappointed in you for what you did. Peter and Junior both have broken out of prison, all a trial would do is give them an opportunity to escape, and who knows what Voldemort would have done. Your decisions may not have been the lightest of options, but they were the best you could do in those circumstances. You are focusing on what you did to those three, but consider what would have happened if you hadn't. They would have restarted the blood war and lots of other people, innocent people, would die instead. You would be a target. They might even make Hermione a priority target to get to you. And it's not like you killed anyone." Sirius paused as he felt Harry stiffen in his arms. "It's OK, Harry. I'm on your side, just tell me what happened."

Harry didn't know if it was the alcohol or the soothing tone in Sirius's voice, but he finally answered, "Which time?"

There was silence from Sirius for almost a minute and Harry was sure that he could finally see what Harry saw in the mirror. "Why don't you tell me in order?"

Harry just nodded and started speaking. "First was Quirrell. It was in the Great Hall on Halloween my first year in Hogwarts. Everyone thinks it was just the result of some dark magic he was under, but he was possessed by what was left of Voldemort. I knew, and I knew what the result of touching him would be. I purposely went for the carotid artery, the one that takes the blood to the brain. He was still alive when he was taken out of the Hall and I don't know if it was Voldemort abandoning him or the wound I caused that killed him, but I definitely intended to kill him," he explained.

"How did you know he was possessed by Voldemort? And what spell did you use?" Sirius asked carefully.

"I can't tell you how I knew, but I trust where it came from." Harry wasn't going to tell Sirius about travelling in time. For one, Sirius might tell others, but more importantly Harry didn't want to tell the man that he had left him in Azkaban for over a year while knowing how to get him out. He may have done it for an important reason, but letting Sirius know would only hurt the man. "And I didn't cast a spell, my mother did when she died trying to save my life. It left me with a protection against Voldemort, and it was that protection that reacted to Voldemort in Quirrell that hurt him. But I wielded that protection like a weapon and killed a man who was just laying on the floor. He didn't even put up a fight." Harry was clinging to Sirius's robes hoping that the man wasn't about to leave, but Sirius just held on to Harry and prompted him to continue. "I did the second one right in front of you. I was the one who killed Lucius Malfoy, under my invisibility cloak. Hermione was the one to slow everyone's fall. But I was the one who killed the man in cold blood." Harry went silent when he finished.

The silence dragged on for what felt like hours, though it was probably ten minutes. During this time Sirius held Harry close. Eventually his godfather broke the silence. "Were there any witnesses apart from Hermione?"

Harry answered. " Under the invisibility cloak, so no. Well, except for Dobby. Apparently Dobby recognised my magical signature, but he works for me now."

Sirius looked thoughtfully when Harry got the courage together to look up at the man's face. "Good. A house elf can't betray their master so there is no danger there. And Hermione wouldn't turn you in either. You do realise how monumentally stupid that was, right? Killing a well connected pureblood who had that much influence in the Ministry. If they ever find out, you'd be lucky if they throw you into Azkaban for the rest if your life…" Sirius proceded to give Harry a lecture on doing stupid shit that could get Harry thrown into prison, lovingly of course, but still sternly.

-ϟϟϟ-

The day before Hermione was due to come home, Harry was brooding in his room at Grimmauld Place. Sirius had convinced Harry that he didn't see Harry as a monster, but he was still having a hard time not seeing himself as one. Part of the problem was that he knew he was going to need to kill at least one, maybe two more people, Tom and Bellatrix, before this was over. And he didn't have a problem with this. The more introspective Harry got, he realized that he had reclassified those two in his head so that they weren't people any more. They were just problems to deal with. How could he reclassify people into a non-person so easily?

Harry was interrupted from his brooding when Sirius knocked on the door and came in. He looked around and crossed the room before sitting on the opposite side of the bead facing Harry. When Harry looked at his godfather, he spoke. "I need to vent a little, Harry, I was just chatting with Remus and he was moaning about work." That wasn't unusual, Harry thought. Sirius and Remus were on speaking terms again, which Harry considered a plus for Sirius if nothing else. Sirius continued, "Apparently Minerva was chewing his ear off yesterday. Do you remember the muggle born girl who was the daughter of one of the campground owners at the World Cup?" Sirius asked

The memory of the poor terrified girl being levitated in the air by gang of maked terrorists played in Harry's mind and a sense of dread settled in his stomach. "Yeah I remember her. What's happened to her?" Harry demanded.

Sirius raised his hands placatingly. "The girl is fine, as is her family. The problem is she doesn't have the money to attend Hogwarts."

"But isn't there a fund to help poorer families?" Harry asked.

Sirius looked a little pissed off as he started to explain. "Yes, but it's not unlimited, and a number of fathers of pureblood kids went to Azkaban last summer, strangely enough not long after the World Cup. The people in charge of the fund have decided that the children of wizarding families get priority over muggle borns."

Harry translated in his head. The blood bigots had decided to give the money to the children of the pieces of shit that attacked a defenceless little girl and her family instead of trying to help the girl. "I'll pay for her," he suddenly declared.

That took Sirius by surprise. "What?"

"I'll pay for her to attend Hogwarts." Harry said as though Sirius was a little slow.

"That's a lot of money, Harry. It's a thousand galleons a year to attend Hogwarts, and once you make an offer like that official you are bound for the whole seven years. Seven thousand galleons is a lot of money." Sirius was being very careful not to tell Harry what to do but made sure he had all the facts to make the decision.

Harry thought about it. While seven thousand galleons was a lot, almost thirty-five-thousand pounds, but it wouldn't put much of a dent in the gold in his vaults in Gringotts. "I still want to do it," he decided.

"If it's what you want, then okay. But do me a favour. Sleep on it, give yourself time to really think about it. In the meantime I will go and speak with Professor McGonagall and enquire how this needs to be done." Despite what he said, Sirius looked proud as he spoke.

Sirius Floo'ed to the three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade and began to walk up the road outside the village to the school. He could have Floo'ed directly but the weather was nice and he wanted to walk. Besides, it would give him time to work out what he was going to say to Professor McGonagall. As he walked, he considered the conversation he had just had with his godson. It had gone exactly how he had predicted it would, Harry had jumped at the chance to help the little girl straight away. He smiled when thought about why he had done this. Despite Harry still thinking so little of himself, his first instinct was to help; this would be good for Harry's self-image. "Monster. That's a load of Hippogriff shit Harry. Now I'm gonna make you prove it to yourself."

-ϟϟϟ-

Harry was nervous. He and Hermione were currently waiting in the private function room of a small local pub not far from the campgrounds where they held the word cup. Normally the room was rented out for functions like weddings or funerals, but as the room wasn't booked for anything today, the landlord had let them use it for free, but they would have to walk to the main bar if they wanted anything.

It turned out giving people money for school was more complicated than Harry had expected. At first he thought he could just pay the school, but the school couldn't accept people just sending them money for a random student, and Harry couldn't give money to the hardship fund without losing control over how it was spent. In the end, Professor McGonagall had needed to go visit the Payne family and ask them if they wanted to meet with someone who was looking into offering their daughter a private scholarship. The family had of course agreed to talk to Harry, if nothing else.

Hermione was busying herself going over the paperwork that Sirius and Professor McGonagall had drawn up in anticipation of a successful meeting. She had been a little surprised when she got back to the UK that Harry had decided to fund the education of the young girl, but she quickly saw the same opportunity that Sirius had and was fully supportive of Harry's idea.

Sirius walked in with Professor McGonagall and a vaguely familiar family of three - well 3.5, the woman, who Harry took to be Mrs. Payne, was obviously pregnant. A little behind the rest came who Harry knew was Mr. Payne in a wheelchair. Harry felt a flood of guilt over that, it was his actions that had taken this man's ability to walk. However, despite what Harry was feeling, the family were all smiles. The girl had long straight black hair that ended in the small of her back and tan skin that said she spent a lot of time outdoors. While she was dressed in a nice dress, the way she unconsciously fiddled with it made Harry think that it wasn't how she normally dressed and that her mum had dressed her up to make a good impression on Harry.

Mr. and Mrs. Payne looked at Harry and were obviously surprised. He wondered if they hadn't been told he was still a student or if it was something else, but he stood up and walked over to the family and introduced himself. "Mr. and Mrs. Payne I presume, and you must be Suzanne." Harry smiled and shook everyone's hand. "I'm Harry Potter and this is my girlfriend Hermione Granger. Hermione is like Suzanne, a magical person born to non magical parents."

Hermione shook everyone's hand after Harry. "We thought you might like to talk to someone who went through what Suzanne is facing." She smiled at the young girl. Harry invited them all to sit, and with a few flicks of her wand Professor McGonagall had the tea set that she had brought animate and serve them all a cup. The Paynes looked amazed but Suzanne looked at the display of magic like she couldn't wait to try doing it herself.

Professor McGonagall took charge of the meeting from there and turned to the Paynes first. "Well, as you know, your daughter has a place at our school. However, your financial situation, while not dire, is not up to sending a child to a private boarding school. I told you about the fund Hogwarts has to help families in difficult financial situations, but due to some outside factors that fund was stretched beyond its capacity this year. Mr Potter here found out about this and has offered your daughter a private scholarship. Any questions?"

Mrs. Payne had a question. "I need to ask. You look like you're still in school, can you really afford this?"

Harry smiled sadly. "As you can probably guess by my godfather being here rather than my parents, I'm an orphan. My parents were killed by the leader of the terrorists who where behind last year's incident. I was left with a rather sizable inheritance, and paying for Suzanne to attend Hogwarts won't cause any problems," Harry explained.

"I'm sorry to hear about your parents," Mrs. Payne said sincerely, but she relaxed with Harry's insistence that he could afford this.

Suzanne asked a question next. "Why would you pay for me to learn magic?"

Harry grinned widely, he had been hoping to get this question. "Forgive the bad pun, but Hogwarts is simply magical." The Paynes laughed at his pun, but everyone else let Harry know how unfunny he was. "Jokes aside. I have been at Hogwarts for four years now and it's been an amazing experience. One I think shouldn't be denied to anyone who has magic. Magic is amazing and it can be beautiful. I have seen unicorns, fairies, and winged horses. I am in a position to help you experience that and so much more." Harry explained at least some of his motivation. Suzanne looked excited and ready to go to Hogwarts.

Mr. Payne asked what exactly Harry was offering, so he slid two copies of the paperwork over to the two parents. "The offer is quite simple. I will cover her tuition for all seven years and I can help with supplies if you need it. All Suzanne will have to do is maintain an average grade of E, which stands for Exceeds Expectations, the magical world's equivalent of a B. Hermione and myself will even help her keep her grades up for the next three years."

The conversation went on for almost an hour while they covered everything from who would administer the scholarship (Professor McGonagall) to what was the food like at the school. In the end, the Paynes accepted Harry's offer for tuition but refused his assistance with buying the school supplies at least for this year, but wanted to keep that option open for the future.

Once they were done, Hermione gave a gift to Suzanne. In typical Hermione style it was a book, a copy of Hogwarts, a History. The younger girl was happy to get the book and thanked Hermione, and they arranged to meet up in King's Cross on the first of September before saying their goodbyes. Once they arrived at Grimmauld Place, Harry and Hermione took over the library and tackled some of their summer homework. Harry was feeling better about himself than he had in a longtime. Helping someone where he didn't need to risk his life or the lives of others, and where no wands needed to be drawn, was exactly what he needed. Now he just needed a plan for what he was going to do over the next year.

A/N

Hope you all enjoy the chapter, remember I love to read your comments.