Title: Healing

Author: EOshipmate

Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf etc. No infringement is intended.

Summary: The WL conversation (no graphic details)

"Hey," Elliot greeted Liv as she opened the door to her apartment. She had texted him earlier to come over for dinner, and he had promptly agreed. She laughed at his eagerness, but she had to admit it made her heart full. Spending time with him as friends, spending time with their families together, had been amazing these past few weeks since they agreed to label their relationship as a friendship "for now". But this visit was not going to be exactly what he had in mind.

-earlier that day-

Amanda watched Olivia through her office window. The captain looked tired, distracted. This had been a normal sight for a long time, the weight of her responsibilities evident. But as of late, Liv had been smiling and joking more, wearing more flattering, colorful clothes, and it was a pleasant surprise to see this side of her friend. She always seemed so serious and by the book. But I guess she has to be that way as the boss, Amanda reminded herself. She had been her superior for a long time, and the brief time they worked together as detectives was when they first met- and clearly Liv had been getting over something at the time. That something being Elliot, according to all the precinct gossip. But Liv was pretty tight lipped about him and whatever caused his departure. She could be downright bitchy back in those days, especially to Nick, but eventually they settled into a sort of family, especially after the trauma Liv suffered at the hands of William Lewis.

Amanda shuddered at the memory and walked over to her captain's door. "Knock, Knock."

Liv looked up and took off her reading glasses. "What's up, Rollins? Got a break in the case?"

"No, not yet. Fin took Velasco to check out some leads." Amanda settled herself in the chair across from Liv. "You doing ok?"

Liv smiled wryly. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

Amanda shrugged. "Well, you know, you've seemed really happy lately. And that makes all of us happy. God knows if anyone deserves it, it's you."

Liv waved her off. "We all deserve some happiness around here."

"But since Elliot's been back?"

Liv tried to hide the red she could feel creeping into her face. "How's Carisi?" she deflected.

Amanda smiled. "Touche. But seriously, Liv. You seem distracted today. Something happen?"

Olivia considered brushing her off, but she had promised herself to be more open, to let her walls down. She loved Amanda like a sister, but sometimes it was hard to cross the lines between captain and detective, personal and work life. Story of my life, Liv mused before replying thoughtfully. "You're right. It's Elliot. But not like you think."

"I'm all ears," Amanda replied, relieved that Liv was going to talk to her.

Liv stood up and walked around her desk then perched on the side. "Things are going really good," she said softly. "Better than I could have hoped."

Amanda smiled warmly. "You guys are really something together. Or so I've heard. But even when I see you now there's just some connection there I can't really describe."

Liv nodded. "We've always had that, always in sync, always could just read each other so well. The bond we had was instantaneous," she reminisced. "And no one could get between us. Put us in a room with suspect, and we'd have him shaking in his boots, bouncing theories off each other until we figured things out, I could have done that forever." A sad smile played on her lips before she continued ruefully. "Cragen actually had us evaluated to make sure we should continue to be partners."

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "What became of that?"

"Rumor has it that they recommended splitting us up. But Cragen fought for us. He knew we were a great team. And Elliot and I tried to be mindful of having a second chance and not screw things up."

"And then the shooting?" Amanda suggested. She had heard all about the fatal shooting that happened, leading to Elliot's departure.

Liv nodded. "Elliot didn't want to deal with IAB anymore. He was tired of having to defend himself for good shootings. I was always so quick to defend him myself that IAB didn't pay any attention to my accounts anymore."

"But it wasn't just IAB?" Amanda prodded.

"No," Liv sighed as she walked back and plopped down in her chair. "It was more complicated. Everything between us was complicated. But it worked, until then."

"It got too complicated," Amanda suggested.

Liv nodded. "We've talked about it some. The way he just left. He was everything to me."

Amanda felt a knot in her throat. She admired the woman before her so much- her bravery, her compassion, her drive. She was always so strong. But she imagined now the woman who lost the person who meant most to her in this world without a word and it was hard for her to sit there and not go up and give Liv a hug. "He loved you," Amanda said quietly.

Liv startled at the words briefly then regained her composure and realized it was the truth. She nodded. "He was married, had kids… If we weren't partners, what could we be to each other? I didn't want him to leave his family. I really didn't. But I loved him, too, and then he was just gone. It hurt."

"But you've forgiven him," Amanda replied. "And now you have a second chance."

Liv nodded with a slow smile spreading on her face. "Yes, we do."

"And it's going well?" she prodded.

"Yes, but… there are still things we have to talk about before it really goes anywhere."

"Tucker?" Amanda suggested. Fin had filled her on their history with Tucker when Liv had dated him.

"We had that talk. It went ok." She laughed. "Surprisingly ok. Elliot's actually grown a lot. We both have."

"Life experience," Amanda observed. Then it dawned on her. She said carefully, "He doesn't know about what happened to you."

From the look on Liv's face she knew she had nailed it. "It's like a white elephant in the room whenever we're alone," Liv admitted. "It's all I can think about. And he knows there's something stopping me from being completely open with him, but he doesn't want to push me. I just… I just don't know how to begin."

"You just got to do it, Liv." Her friend looked at her with compassion. "It's going to be hard, but once everything is out in the open, things will get better. She stood up and walked over to her mentor, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Liv patted her hand, thanking her for her support. "Easier said than done." She stood up again and looked out her window. "What am I supposed to say? Oh by the way, some psycho kidnapped and tortured me while you were gone? And all I could think of was how much I wanted you to save me, and you never came?" Her voice choked up then, and she felt like she had shared too much. She stepped away before Amanda could soothe her. "Anyway," She took a deep breath. "That's my problem. I'll figure it out." She sat back down and put her glasses in place, looking over the papers on her desk.

Amanda looked at her thoughtfully. "Send Noah home with me tonight. He and the girls can have a sleepover. You can invite Elliot over for a talk, no rush to get back to work or to the kids. Just you and him, and say what you need to say."

Liv looked like she was going to refuse, but then she nodded. "Thank you."

Amanda smiled and walked to the door. Turning around she commented, "Call him now so you don't have time to overthink it."

Liv rolled her eyes. "Get back to work, detective." She smiled to herself and the door closed and she was left alone. Captain Benson of SVU afraid to talk to her best friend, how ironic, she thought. I've been up against the worst of the worst. I can do this.

"Hey, El. Can you come over for dinner tonight?" she texted.

A quick reply. "What time?"

"You're too easy." wink

"Only for you." Wink wink

"7pm." Eyes rolling

Thumbs up.

Liv shook her head. She was getting used to this flirting thing they'd been doing lately. It was easy in texts, a little awkward in person sometimes. She couldn't believe that any man made her feel shy, but sure enough Elliot Stabler did. But then again, she had never felt this way about anyone else, and she knew he felt the same. It was just a matter of getting through some things. And she hoped tonight would be a pivotal step in that direction, but she was not looking forward to it. She wasn't sure if it was going to be harder to tell him what happened, or harder to see his reaction. "Wine," she said aloud to herself. "I need plenty of wine." With that, she shook her head and went back to work.

-that night-

And here he was, right on time.

"Hey, El," she greeted nervously. She eyed the small bouquet in his hands.

"I know, I know," he said almost apologetically. "But it was a fundraiser, some kids were selling them and I thought of you." To her raised eyebrow he replied, "Friends can give each other flowers, can't they?" He winked.

She rolled her eyes and took the gift. "Thank you. They're beautiful."

"So are you," he tested her with a grin.

She ignored him as she found a vase and filled it with water. "I ordered Chinese. Should be here soon."

"Sounds good. Where's that kid of yours?" he asked affectionately.

"Noah is at a sleepover tonight," she said evenly.

"Really?"

"Don't give me that look," she reprimanded.

"I didn't do anything." He laughed and saw her trying not to smile.

She walked up to him and said gently. "I just need to talk to you is all."

He got worried then, and she saw it written clearly on his face. He tried to joke. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"You have to be dating to break up with someone," she countered and squeezed his hand. "It's nothing like that."

"Ok, good," he replied. "I guess we're overdue for another talk." He turned serious. "I know this is going to take time. It's worth it." He gazed into her eyes, and they both felt a warmth coursing through them, a promise of their future. The doorbell rang.

"Saved by the bell," Liv commented, and Elliot chuckled as she grabbed their food and began setting out cartoons on the counter.

"Don't hog all the chow fun," he teased. And they chit chatted amiably over dinner. Work, kids, memories. Bantering back and forth like the old days. They quietly retired to the couch with their glasses of wine and sat comfortably in silence until Elliot said softly. "I missed this. I missed you."

Liv felt her cheeks warm, and she smiled shyly. "I missed you, too." He reached for her face, and his thumb softly stroked her cheek, their eyes locking. She finally looked away, the intensity of his feelings overwhelming her. "We need to talk," she said after she had regained some composure.

Elliot nodded slowly. "I know. What's on your mind? Something's been bothering you."

She returned his nod. "Yes. And I'm sorry that it keeps getting between us."

He took her hand then and held it tightly. "You don't need to be sorry about anything. I'm the one who screwed up. You have a right to feel however you do. And I'm just damn lucky you're giving me another chance."

She squeezed his hand back. "I just don't want to hurt you."

Elliot was incredulous. After all the hurt he had caused her, she was worried about him yet again. He had no idea what she could have to say that would cause her so much distress, but he began stroking her hand with his thumb as he brushed a stray hair from her face with his other hand. "You can tell me anything."

She gave his hand another squeeze before standing and walking to look out her window. He remained on the couch, patiently waiting for her to begin. "It happened a couple years after you left…" And so she told her story of survival. She couldn't look at him at first, couldn't bare to see the haunted look she knew would be on his face when he learned what happened to her. But the more she got out, the better she felt. She was relieved that this pain she had been holding in for so long could be set free. The one person she had needed, the one person who she had wanted to talk to and find comfort in, was finally there for her.

She glanced at him a few times, and his head was in his hands, his fists clenched, his breathing uneven. When she finally finished the whole thing she felt exhausted and went to sit back down next to him. She put her hand on his knee, and he looked up. Haunted didn't even begin to describe the devastation on his face. There was a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes. All he could do was grab her and pull her close. He held her tightly, and they cried silently together.

"I'm so sorry," he finally got out as he pulled slightly away, resting their foreheads together. "I'm so, so sorry." There was nothing more to say. He had failed her. He was her protector, her partner, her best friend. And he wasn't there for her when she had needed him the most.

"I know," she whispered. "I know you would have been there if you knew. I'm just glad you're back now."

He nodded. "I should never have left. I should have come back sooner."

She pulled back so she could look in his damp blue eyes. "I never blamed you," she assured him firmly. "Never."

Overwhelmed with emotion, Elliot didn't know what else to say. He was a man of action, not of words. So he did what he felt. His hands found their way to the back of her head, and his lips pushed into hers. She startled for a second then eased into his kiss. And it was everything she had ever imagined. Their connection, their passion, their love for each other finally put into physical expression, and they explored each other's mouths, warm soft inviting, eager, showing each other just how much they meant, their hearts full. Finally, they pulled slightly apart, and Liv nuzzled her head into his neck. They held each other tightly on the couch, silently, reveling in their closeness and the fact that they didn't need to hide their feelings anymore- from themselves or anyone else.

Elliot sighed and said quietly. "I don't know what I would have done. If you hadn't made it out of there."

"But I did. And I'm not saying it doesn't still affect me in some ways, but I'm ok. And we're going to be ok. More than ok." She looked at him, love shining in her eyes.

He returned her smile. "You are so amazing, Olivia Benson. My friend Olivia." Then he said with a twinkle in his eye. "My Olivia."

She arched her eyebrow. "You know, if anyone else claimed me like that I would kick their ass."

He just grinned at her admiringly. "My Olivia," he repeated.

She playfully punched his arm. "My Elliot."

They kissed again, and relaxed into each other's embrace.

"What do you want to watch?" she asked, picking up the remote.

"You," he replied, tightening his arm around her shoulder.

"That sounds a bit stalker-ish," she teased.

He just laughed and kissed her forehead. "Get used to it, Benson. I'm back, and I'm going to be a pain in your ass just like the old days."

"You going to make me blink my lights when you bring me home?"

"Absolutely. Except most of the time I hope to walk you up."

"Most of the time I might let you."

And they snuggled on the cozy couch, a classic movie playing as an excuse to spend more time together. Just the beginning of many nights they would spend like this, far into their future.