Holly had imagined telling Roger about the abortion before. The circumstances varied, but generally it was something she wielded as a weapon. It was a good fantasy, one where she had all the power. She pictured the look on his face, the anger or the helplessness or the disappointment. She knew she'd never actually do it because there was no real good that could come of it. It would reopen old wounds and, while they'd never fully healed, it would make everything raw and worse.
In all the scenarios she'd contemplated, she never thought of this one.
"Tell him, Holly." Ross's voice was steel.
She felt Roger and Blake both staring at her, but she refused to look at either of them.
"Holly?" Roger finally asked.
"He's talking about the abortion I had." Her voice was barely audible.
She cleared her throat and tried again.
"The abortion I had after…"
"After you raped her," Ross said.
Roger turned to look at Holly. He kept his face carefully impassive but she knew him too well to not notice his tells. His hands were in loose fists, his posture was tense and his eyes were, as always, unable to hide how he felt. She'd expected him to be angry but instead, she saw how hurt he was. He was looking at her like he was hoping she'd tell him that Ross was lying, like it was a weird practical joke.
She turned to Blake, unable to take the look on his face for another second.
Blake was staring at Ross. Holly couldn't quite read her reaction but it looked like maybe she wasn't angry–or at least, not angry at Holly.
Roger made a sound almost like he'd been sucker-punched and turned to go.
"Wait," Holly pleaded, but he just shook his head and left.
She turned to Blake. "Please go after him. Make sure he's okay."
Blake nodded and followed Roger.
Once they were both gone, she looked at Ross.
"I couldn't think of another way to get him to leave Blake alone," he said quietly.
"It didn't occur to you to leave? That would've worked just as well, Ross. But no, you had to hurt me again. You were the only person who I told. The only person I trusted with that."
"You just showed up here!" he exploded. "I wanted to do something fun with Blake, and you were there with Roger. You know how he is; he can't be trusted not to hurt her. She was crying, Holly. How could you stand it?"
"We were here first!" Holly said. "I didn't want to see you here. I'm angry at both of you but I didn't want Roger to find out like this. I was just here with him, trying not to think about you and Blake. You told me yesterday that you cared about me and honestly, I didn't believe it then but you're making it impossible now. You can't protect Blake by throwing my past in our face like that. And I don't think that's what you were really trying to do. You wanted to hurt me and you did. You say a lot about Roger and yes, some of it's deserved but you did the exact same thing, Ross."
He winced and Holly scoffed. "Glad you found a conscience now, counselor."
Ross looked in the direction where Blake and Roger went and said, "I'm going to go see if they're okay."
He was gone for a few minutes; Holly paced, unsure if she wanted them to come back or not.
Finally, he reappeared. "They're gone. C'mon, I'll give you a ride back."
"Are you insane? I don't want to be anywhere near you."
"Holly, no one else is here. We're miles from town."
"I would rather walk, Ross."
He continued to protest and she finally had enough. "I can't be around you. I don't think you even know what you've done. Just go. I don't need your help."
After he was gone, Holly went in search of a pay phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Maureen. It's Holly."
"Hi."
Holly was pretty sure it wasn't her imagination that Maureen's tone got a little frostier when she realized who she was speaking with. She couldn't fault her there; she and Ed had had a brief affair when he and Maureen hit a rough patch.
"Is Ed there?"
"No."
Yup, definitely not pleased to hear from me, Holly thought, anxiously twisting the phone cord.
"Okay. Could you…"
Just then, there was a streak of lightning far in the distance and it started pouring. Holly sighed.
"Holly? Are you still there?"
"Yes. Um. Could you do me a favor?"
"What do you need?"
"Could you please ask Ed to come get me? I'm at the pay phone just past the beach."
"He's at the hospital, Holly. He got called in for an emergency surgery about…oh, about 20 minutes ago. He's probably not going to be home until after midnight. You're in the middle of nowhere; you can't wait there for hours, especially not in weather like this. I'll come get you."
"I don't want to put you out," Holly protested. "And you've got Michelle; I wouldn't expect you to drop everything and come pick me up. You're probably making dinner."
"No, Michelle's with Ben and Bill. I was just going to make a sandwich, so why don't I come pick you up and then we'll go to dinner?"
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I would rather be in a restaurant with another adult than eat a sandwich by myself? Yes. I think I'm sure, Holly."
She laughed. "Okay, that sounds great. I'm going to stay in the phone booth until you get here."
"I'll see you soon."
"Thanks, Maureen. I owe you."
She hung up the phone and settled in for a wait. She'd brought a book in her tote bag, but she didn't even try to read it. Instead, she checked her watch and called Roger's house. He didn't answer. Then she called Blake's. No answer there, either.
When the machine clicked on, she said, "Hi, it's me. I'm hoping you're with your dad and that he's doing okay. Um, I'm sure you have questions or…comments, probably, and I'll give you all the answers you want, but…" she paused long enough that she wouldn't have been surprised if the call had been disconnected but then said, "Just call me, okay? I'm waiting for a ride but I'll be home later tonight."
She called Roger back. This time, she left a message.
"I'm sorry for everything that happened tonight. I'm sorry that you found out the way you did—both about Ross and Blake and about…look, I need to see you, okay? Or at least talk to you. Please call me. I don't know when I'll get home, but please call me."
She hung up and slumped against the wall of the pay phone. Her mind just kept spinning.
Finally, a car pulled up next to the phone booth, just as the rain eased.
She got in. "I really appreciate this, Maureen. You've saved my life."
"Of course!"
Maureen looked over at Holly. "It looks like you've had quite the day."
Holly pulled down the passenger side visor and winced at herself in the mirror. Her face was blotchy and it looked like she'd spent a lot of time crying. She was someone who took pride in not letting people know when she was upset, so the thought of being so visibly upset bothered her. Especially in front of someone like Maureen, who she didn't know that well.
"You have no idea," she said, closing the visor again.
"I know that we aren't close, but I'm a good listener. Or we can talk about literally anything else. Whatever you'd prefer," Maureen said. She took Holly's hand, squeezed it once and then put hers back on the wheel. "We can talk here or over dinner. Or over drinks."
Holly laughed. "I don't think there are enough drinks in the world for this one, Maureen."
She took a deep breath.
"But okay; you asked for it. Brace yourself."
"It can't be that bad, Holly."
"Yesterday morning, I caught Ross in bed with someone else."
"Oh no," Maureen said softly. She kept her eyes trained on the road, which Holly appreciated.
"With Blake, actually."
Maureen gasped and her car briefly veered into the other lane. Thanks to the recent rainstorm, there weren't any other cars. Maureen softly swore and moved back into the correct lane.
"Sorry," she said. "You did warn me."
"I don't think I could've adequately prepared anyone for this. But it gets worse. Or at least more complicated."
"How? Was your mother there?" Maureen's eyes widened and she looked at Holly briefly before returning her attention to the road.
Holly burst out laughing.
"Sorry. Ed's mentioned your mother before. That was the only thing I could think of that would be worse than Ross sleeping with Blake."
"It's all true. Whatever he said about my mom, it's all true. And don't apologize. I needed that."
Holly collected herself and continued. "I was hurt and angry and I didn't know what to do. So…I went over to Roger's."
She reached over and put a hand on the wheel to steady it. They were closer to town and traffic was starting to pick up.
"We went to the beach today. It was a really great day. I feel like I've spent so much time hating Roger that I've forgotten what a fun person he can be. And it's a defense mechanism; I know it is. If I remembered all the good things—if I really stopped to think about the great parts of him—I would never…"
She trailed off and sighed. "But that's not the point here. So anyway, last night, I told him that Ross cheated on me but I didn't tell him it was with Blake. I don't know why. Our relationship is so…complicated, but she loves her dad so much and I didn't…"
"I know why. You're her mom. She messed up but moms protect their kids, no matter what."
Holly scoffed. "I bet that's true for you; you're a great mother. I don't think anyone would expect that kind of selflessness from me. You were born for it, right? You probably won Mother of the Year competitions even when you were just a mom for your dolls, I bet. Home-cooked meals every night, making sure Michelle gets straight As…"
Holly stopped as she saw Maureen stiffen.
"I'm not making fun of you," she said quietly. "You're a great mom and you make it look so easy. It's why everyone loves and respects you. I'm sure Blake wishes you were her mother. But no, women like Blake come from women like me."
Holly twisted her hands in her lap, angry at herself. She really had meant it as a compliment and wasn't entirely sure where she had gone wrong.
"Anyway, you and Roger were at the beach," Maureen said.
Holly was grateful for the out.
"Yeah. But then Blake and Ross showed up."
"NO," Maureen said.
"Blake was alone at first and Roger was about to call her over but then Ross caught up to her. They kissed."
"I bet Roger lost his mind!"
"Yes. That's exactly what happened. He punched Ross and just…kept hitting him. I finally got them separated. Blake was crying; Roger was furious. But…"
She swallowed hard.
"I'm going to tell you something that I haven't told many people. But you're going to be the first person I tell because I want to talk about it. It made sense for me to tell Ross and he made me tell Blake and Roger. It's something I haven't even told Ed, so you know…"
"I know it's huge," Maureen said. "You don't have to tell me, Holly. But if you want to, you can trust me. I hope you know that. I mean, we're practically family in a way. Blake is like Ed's daughter, which makes her almost my stepdaughter. And I know Michelle likes you a great deal. You're interesting, which is something I haven't been in ages."
"Girls are hard on their mothers," Holly said quietly. "Blake and I haven't had a good relationship since…well, since she was Michelle's age, probably. But Michelle adores you; I'm sure this is just a phase and she'll come around."
"I told you that because it's true, Holly. I don't need a compliment," Maureen said it kindly and Holly nodded, almost unable to talk because of the sudden lump in her throat.
She coughed and Maureen gestured to a bottle of water just within reach. Holly took a sip.
"After Roger raped me, I got pregnant. I knew I couldn't have it. Not after what had happened. I didn't want to have sex with him and that didn't matter and now there was this baby…I knew that if I had had it, I would never feel like my body was my own again. So I did some research and made some phone calls. It was after Roe had passed but the right to get an abortion didn't yet come with the right for it to be easy to get. And I didn't tell anyone. My mom was already angry at me because I'd pressed charges against Roger, bringing shame to the family." Holly tried to scoff at the idea of that, but it sounded more like a sob.
Maureen didn't say anything, but her knuckles were white as she grabbed the steering wheel.
"She told me, you know, Roger had rights. Why wasn't I a better wife to him, why did he have to resort to…"
Maureen pulled the car off the road and slammed it into park. She looked at Holly, who had never seen her this angry.
"YOU had rights, Holly. You had the right to decide whether you were going to have sex but you didn't get to choose. And you had the right to decide what happened as a result of it. I'm glad you took him to trial, even though it went the wrong way. I wish he had ended up going to jail. I know he's a better person now, but he should've had to face real consequences for what he did to you then. I'm sorry you got pregnant and I'm sorry you had to go through all of it without a support system. I'm going to tell you what your mother should've told you: fuck Roger and his rights. They didn't supercede you and yours."
Holly started to cry and Maureen hugged her.
"I'm so sorry, Holly. You deserved better."
When she stopped crying, Maureen let go.
"Let's go get something to eat, okay? Or would you rather just go home?"
"Dinner sounds good," Holly said. "Thank you for…just thank you."
Maureen nodded.
"I've never understood why we're supposed to feel like we're in competition with other women but I stopped participating in that years ago. We have to support each other; sometimes we're all we've got."
She maneuvered the car back onto the road and headed toward the restaurant. Their dinner was much less eventful than the ride had been; the conversation was about books, movies and local politics. (Holly was delighted to hear that Ross had lost Maureen's vote.)
When Maureen went to drop Holly off, they both saw a second car in the driveway and Roger sitting on her porch.
"Do you want me to stay? Or to take you somewhere else?" Maureen asked.
Holly briefly considered but said no.
"I need to deal with this now. But thank you again." She hugged Maureen.
"Call me tomorrow," Maureen said, then nodded over at Roger. "Let me know about…"
Holly nodded, then got out and walked over to Roger.
"Come in," she said, unlocking the door.
NOTE: This story would've been impossible without SpringfieldResident1974, whose beta reading skills and brainstorming sessions were seriously invaluable. (If you hate it, it's my fault.)
