Holly unlocked the door and Roger followed her in.
"I didn't expect to see you," she said, dropping her keys on the hall table.
"In your message, you said you wanted to see me. I'm sorry; I thought you meant it." His voice was curt.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I only meant I thought that maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me for a while yet. But I'm glad you're here," she said. "I'm sure you've got a lot of things to say, but just…thank you for coming."
She made herself stop and take a breath. "Can I get you something to drink?"
He shook his head.
Holly sat down on the couch; Roger started pacing. She took a closer look and saw that he'd been drinking. He wasn't drunk but definitely wasn't sober either. That was going to make everything even more complicated; he tended to be a lot more…adversarial after having a few.
She eyed him warily, trying to gauge his mood.
"What." He said it flatly.
"Nothing."
He scoffed. "It's never nothing, Holly. You can tell me all the ways you've judged me and found me wanting; I know that's what you love best."
"I appreciate you coming out here on what's been a pretty crappy day to pick a fight, but if that's what you're after, you can just leave. I'm really not in the mood." She tried to keep her voice even; she knew from personal experience that if she started yelling, everything would just get worse.
"Oh, I'm sorry, have you had a hard time?"
"I'm not interested in playing Who's Got it Worse, but let me tell you about my last couple days. I caught someone I thought I was dating in bed with my daughter. I made what was clearly a horrible decision in sleeping with you again and, just for added fun, had something private that was no one else's business discussed with no warning. So yes, I've had a hard time."
She could see Roger start to get even angrier.
"So let me get this straight: I find out that I could've had another child except that you had an abortion and that's on par with Ross hurting your feelings? And I'm not even dignifying the sleeping with me part with a response. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the delightful morning after you wanted."
Holly officially gave up on trying to keep her voice measured.
"Hurting my feelings? Hurting my feelings?!" She wanted to throw something but the only thing near her was a pillow. Anyway, there was nothing to be gained in destroying her own things or making a mess that she would then have to clean up.
"This was much more than the emotional equivalent of…of a skinned knee. We were engaged and I thought that we were getting back together! I thought he'd stopped punishing me and not only was I an idiot but he was actually sleeping with Blake. And they've been together for weeks."
She angrily swiped away tears. "Every time I trust you, every time I try to let you in, it's great for a little while and then you smack me down. You always make me pay for trying to love you."
"Oh, bullshit, Holly. You weren't trying to do anything but stop thinking about it. You were upset that Marler chose someone else and you wanted me to make you feel desired. Don't you dare try and pretend you came over for anything but sex."
"You're unbelievable, Roger! I don't care that he chose someone else; I care that he chose Blake. It wouldn't have been great either way, but with my daughter…"
All her anger evaporated and she was just exhausted and sad.
"Can you just go? I promise we can pick this up again when I'm a better opponent but it can't be fun kicking me when I'm already down."
She felt him sit next to her and she covered her face with her hands.
"Roger, please. Please go."
He took her hands and gently moved them away from her face.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "All I do is hurt you and I don't want to."
"Are you sure?" Holly said. "It definitely seemed like you were enjoying it a minute ago."
"I just…Holly, you know how important family is to me. The fact that we could've had another baby…"
"No, we couldn't have. It was a possibility, Roger. The potential for a child with my hair and your eyes. But if I hadn't…I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't gotten the abortion. I almost didn't anyway."
She squeezed his hands. "I know this just happened for you, but it was decades ago for me. I won't apologize for it; I had no other choice. I'm sorry you found out like you did. I didn't want you to know."
"Why? I understand why you didn't tell me at the time, but why not tell me after? We were reconnecting in Acapulco! Why not tell me then? We could've grieved together."
Her heart broke a little.
"No. There was no reason for you to know because there was nothing you could have done. It wasn't like I gave it up for adoption. There was no point in telling you. And we couldn't have grieved together because I didn't grieve it. There was literally no way I could've had the baby. And we're upset now for different reasons: I'm upset because Ross took something private and used it like a weapon to hurt me. And I'm upset because you don't care about that aspect of it. You don't care that he's sleeping with Blake. You're upset because he knew something first."
"I'm upset about all of it," he said quietly. "I don't like seeing you hurt. I hated seeing you with him, Holly. And I don't want him anywhere near Chrissy."
He put his arms around her.
"Roger," she said, her tone a warning.
"Whatever you think I'm doing, I'm not. I'm…apologizing, I guess. I'm sorry I left you at the beach. I'm sorry I made you carry all of this by yourself."
She let herself relax in his arms for a moment but then sat up again. "It's time to call it a night. I'll see you at work, I'm sure."
She stood up and walked over to the door. As she reached for the knob, he took her hand and gently turned her around to face him.
"Apologizing, huh?" she said dryly.
"I could try and find a quip, something to keep the wordplay going, but the truth is I just don't want to be alone tonight."
"We can't keep doing this. You know we can't. We're horrible for each other."
"Not always." He kissed her. "Not when we're like this."
She knew it was a bad idea but the truth was, she didn't want to be alone, either.
"Don't make me regret this, okay?" She said it like it was a joke, but he could tell she meant it.
He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Never."
The next morning, she overslept. She woke up and almost immediately started panicking. Roger was gone but there was a note taped to the front door.
Holly–I turned off your alarm and told everyone you were taking the day off. Don't be angry; you can face everyone tomorrow. I know it's three days off in a row but there's no point in owning a TV station if you can't be irresponsible sometimes, right? R.
What do people do on an unexpected day off? she thought.
Then she remembered that she was supposed to call Maureen.
"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Holly."
"Holly! I was going crazy over here. What happened?"
"You can probably guess what happened."
Maureen laughed. "I don't know what I should say. Is congratulations completely inappropriate?"
"Yes, but I'll take it." She sighed. "We can't keep doing this. It has to be the worst thing for both of us."
"Does it? I mean, you're both adults. You're both single. It's not like you have to get married."
"You're full of surprises, Maureen," Holly said.
"Am I supposed to clutch my pearls and gasp because he saw you naked without God's permission? How boring do you think I am?"
"I never thought you were boring," Holly protested lamely.
"Liar," Maureen said kindly.
"But anyway, Roger told work I'm sick so I have a day off. Want to do something?"
"We could get lunch. Is it okay if Ed comes? He's off, too."
"Are you sure I'm not intruding?"
Maureen laughed. "Oh, I'm sure. He wants us to paint our bedroom and I'm more than happy to put that off a little longer."
"Of course he can come. Did you tell him about…everything?"
"I did. I'm sorry; was I not supposed to?"
"No, I'm glad you did. I'm not up for telling it again. I know he won't tell anyone."
They made plans to meet in two hours. Holly got there first and snagged a table. She wasn't waiting long before Ed showed up.
"Sorry it's just me but Maureen's coming. She had to pick up Michelle because she and the boys got into an argument."
"What happened?"
"I'm not entirely sure. Maureen tried to explain but I couldn't follow it. I think Bill told her she couldn't do something and Ben agreed; she told them in no uncertain terms that yes, she damn well could."
Holly laughed. "Good for her!"
"Maureen told me what she wanted to order so we don't have to wait for her."
He looked over at Holly. "She told me what's happening. I'm so sorry, Holly. I can't believe Blake did this to you."
She nodded stiffly, trying to stay composed.
"I'm sure you don't want to talk about it and I respect that. I just wanted to say I was sorry. And now we can talk about anything else; I know how you feel about having emotions in public."
Somehow the joke was what did it and Holly started to cry.
"Damn it," he muttered. "I'm sorry."
He hugged her.
A few moments later, she was able to pull away. "This never happened."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
She smiled. "I appreciate it, Ed."
They made idle conversation and Maureen showed up around the time their food came out.
"Sorry!"
"Great timing," Ed said, standing up to hug and kiss Maureen.
"How's Michelle?" Holly asked.
"Still angry. I don't know when Bill and Ben will learn that she can do anything they can do…"
"...and probably better and faster!" Holly added. "That's why they're mad."
She took a sip of water. "You couldn't pay me enough to be a teenager again."
"I don't know," Ed said. "You could avoid your mistakes. Doesn't that sound nice?"
"As one of your mistakes, I'll try not to take that personally," Holly said. "I think that we end up where we're supposed to be, but I don't want to go through that process again. It was excruciating at the time and I think it would be much worse now. Now we know better, even if we don't actually do better. But you're the tie-breaker, Maureen. Would you be a teenager again?"
"God, no," Maureen said. "Once was plenty."
Holly clinked her glass against Maureen's.
"I'm trying to decide what I should do with the rest of my day. I have to go back to work tomorrow so these are my last few hours as a lady of leisure."
"You can help us paint!" Ed said.
"I'm not doing that, Ed. No. Oh, but hey, Maureen, do you want to go to the movies? I still haven't seen A League of Their Own."
"That sounds a lot better than painting. And you don't need my help, Ed. You know as well as I do that we'll just end up yelling at each other."
"Well, it would be nice to spend some time with Michelle, just one-on-one," he mused.
"Yes," Holly said. "You both deserve that, and Maureen and I deserve to watch a movie with a bucket of popcorn."
After the movie, Holly drove home.
She called Roger at work, guessing he'd still be there since the budget meeting had just wrapped up.
"Hi, it's me," she said.
"This is a bad time. I'm really busy. What do you want?"
She was more than a little taken aback.
"Nothing really. I just wanted to see how today went. Anything I should know before I come in tomorrow?"
"Nope. Everything is exactly the same. We should know better than anyone else how nothing ever changes, Holly."
"Okay. Great. Um, well, I'll let you go, I guess. Do you maybe…?
He had already hung up. She pulled the phone away from her ear and made a face. What the actual hell?
She shook her head and hung up, too. Whatever was going on, chances were it had nothing to do with her. And whatever was bothering Roger, it wasn't going to become her problem, too.
The next morning, she got to work early but his car was already there. Roger's secretary was also already in attendance.
She went in, about to knock on his door.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Lindsey. He doesn't want to see anyone."
"He'll be fine seeing me," Holly said briskly.
"He said no exceptions."
Holly pulled herself up to her full height. "As you know, I'm the co-owner of this station. I'm always the exception. Roger and I need to talk and I'm going in there."
She turned back to the door and raised a hand to knock, but it opened before she could. She lowered her hand, feeling ridiculous.
"Hello, Roger," she said, trying to hide how flustered she was feeling.
"Holly, come in. And close the door."
She did.
"I'm going to make this as plain as I can," he said. His voice was cold. "I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to discuss the station or anything else with you. Not even Chrissy. You don't exist to me and I sure as hell don't exist to you."
Her jaw dropped.
"Do you understand?"
She scoffed. "Perfectly. And this is more than fine with me."
She whirled around and slammed the door behind her.
She didn't get more than two steps away before stopping. She turned around and went back into his office, ignoring his secretary's protests.
He didn't look up.
"I don't know why you can't be the same person for more than a few hours at a stretch, but I also don't care. It doesn't matter why you've arbitrarily decided that we're fighting again but we co-own this station and so we have to deal with each other. I'm happy to never see you outside of this building, but I can't do my job if we're dead to each other here, too. You've got two choices, Roger: leave or figure out how to be an adult. I don't care which one you pick. And one last thing: if you ever talk to me like that again, here or anywhere else, you'll regret it."
She didn't wait for a response before turning around and leaving. This time, she left his door open.
