Chapter 3
She walked into the familiar top-level office, Bill meeting her gaze with a grin.
"You wanted to see me?"
"You've done some good work over the past two years, Michelle. Really, I don't think we could have pushed the deal through today without you."
A shy smile crept across her face. "I did what I had to do."
"You should be proud of yourself." Bill cleared his throat. "I know what happened three years ago was unbearable for you. But I know over time, I've seen that spark in your eyes come back. If you're open to it, again, I understand this probably hasn't been something you've thought about, but if you want this job back, it's yours."
Michelle made a confused face. "'Job' as in…running CTU?"
He nodded. "I'll admit I've been thinking about retiring for a while now. Karen's ready too. Really, getting Jack home was the last thing I wanted to do before I left. And I'll feel a lot better if I know I have a good replacement lined up."
He laughed a little, the way he always did when he brought up Karen. They'd met at an interstate conference a few days after Tony had died and she had become his rock so quickly. After the tragedy that had befallen her, Michelle was glad to see somebody else was still able to find love and happiness in such a volatile world.
"Nadia's good, and I probably would have given it to her eventually, but she needs more time, she's still a little inexperienced. But I'd rather not wait anymore. She's a strong contender for being second in command." Bill cleared his throat, his piercing eyes staring into hers."Seriously, Michelle, if you want the job, it's yours."
—
Jack craned his head to look at her when she walked into the ward. He still had some final things to get checked out. She smiled at him, pacing quietly to sit beside his bed.
"How are you holding up?"
"Most of the tests came back fine. Broken ribs have healed. Mild concussion, few things needed stitches, nothing new."
She snorted at how blasé his voice was. "That's good." Michelle exhaled, her breath audible against the gentle hums of the room's equipment. "Jack, can I ask you to do me a favour?"
"Yeah?"
Michelle looked him in the eyes, voice rife with emotion and urgency. "Take Audrey and your son, walk out of here and don't come back. Please."
He furrowed his brow. "What?"
"Y-you heard me. I-I lost both of you these past few years, it's a miracle you're both okay now. I don't want to lose anybody else, Jack." She pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath to maintain her composure, to maintain the desperate message she was pleading. "We're all each other have, and I've already watched you lose one child, I can't watch you lose another."
Jack's face fell at the reference to Kim. Not only had they not been in contact since the day he came out of hiding, now he wondered whether she'd tried to reach out to him during his time in captivity. He'd been worried sick the whole time that something had happened to her, or that they would use her, or anybody else for that matter, as some form of leverage. But the Chinese had simply wanted him, he could at least say they kept their word on that part.
"So go out there, buy a new house, free of old memories and pain. Then call your daughter and tell her that you want her back in your life." Michelle cleared her throat. "I-I never had the chance to tell you this, but back on the day when everything happened, she visited me in the hospital. I was only half-asleep, so I don't think she realised I could hear what she was saying."
"Poor Michelle…god…both the baby and Tony." Kim whispered, running her hand down Michelle's arm. She sniffled and started to cry a little. "I-it's exactly like what happened to my dad, but she and Tony weren't even at CTU. That just makes it worse. All they tried to do was leave CTU behind for the sake of their family and it backfired completely."
Barry pulled her closer. "From what you've told me, Michelle's a strong woman, she'll heal."
Kim shook her head, pulling away. "I-it's not just that. It's the fact that all this happened because she helped my dad. T-this is why I can't have him back in my life, Barry. Because every person that gets associated with him ends up hurt or dead. Or worse, something bad always happens to him."
The man nodded slowly. "I don't blame you."
"I-I've already mourned him once, I can't lose him again, I can't go through it again, and I can't lose anybody else again." She shook her head, so exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that she dealt with so frequently. "I-I just need to get away from LA, especially CTU. I don't want to see my dad, and I-I don't want to see anybody else either. Otherwise, I run the risk of losing them too." She tucked a long piece of hair behind her ear.
Barry's tone was cold, definitive. "Okay, then. If having them in your life is only going to give you anxiety and make you upset, then maybe you don't need them after all."
"I-I don't think she ever meant to sound so harsh when she told you she didn't want to see you." Michelle bit her lip. "I think she was just scared."
Jack tipped his head in acknowledgement, knowing that if that was what Kim had said, then that certainly seemed fairer than what he'd initially envisioned. If she hated his guts, he couldn't blame her. He was responsible for so much of the suffering in her life. But it made him feel a little better knowing that she had cut him out out of fear, not out of spite.
"Where's all this coming from so suddenly?"
Michelle sighed. "Bill just offered me my job back."
He raised an eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes. "That's not the point. The point is I have seen too many people torn apart because of this job, too many broken-up families. And if I take it, it would destroy me knowing that somebody could suffer by my hand, which is why I don't want you here."
Jack looked down into his lap.
"I-I know working at CTU is important to you, Jack, I know this job is important to you, I get it, I feel the same way."
"We don't exactly want you to suffer again either, Michelle."
"Right now, I'm in a position where I can give myself over one hundred percent. Aside from you guys and my family, I-I don't have much to lose. Working at CTU is an acceptable risk for me. But you're not in the same situation. Which is why as your friend I'm telling you to leave it behind once and for all now. Now as in today." Her voice fell soft. "The only way I see Kim coming back into your life is if you do this."
He hummed in assent. "You sound like George."
"As in Mason?" She squinted at him, letting out a small laugh.
"When…" A nostalgic yet sad smile crept across his face. "When I was on the plane with the bomb, he told me something similar. Told me to get back down there and get my life back together. Despite everything that's happened now, I-I'm glad I did. I have to admit that."
Michelle's face held a similar smile. "I'm glad too." She looked up at him, full of appreciation. "I-I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you, you know that, right?"
He grabbed her hand, thinking back to how far she'd come.
How horrific those early days had been.
After being in China, some of his memories were a little hazy. But not this one. No that day would be one of several that would haunt him forever.
They'd still taken her to a holding cell after she'd attacked Henderson and had her stitches redone. She looked up when he walked in, his commiserating face becoming more apparent as he approached the table.
"A-are they going to arrest me?"
"No." He whispered, sitting in the chair next to her. "I'm going to take you to Cedars, they'll be able to help you more than they can here, okay? Your dad and your brother will be able to see you as well."
Michelle nodded. Wordlessly, he pulled her into a hug. She looked exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Her arms slipped under his, and she rested her face against his shoulder. She was still shaking, the emotions so volatile in her and desperate to burst.
"Just let it out, Michelle." Jack murmured.
She paused, but then the sobs started small and quickly turned into unrestrained wails, echoing against the cold floor and walls. He just held her tighter. Her eyes were squeezed shut so fervidly, it was as though she were in a horrific nightmare and trying to wake up. Before she was shocked, she was angry, she was confused. Now the pain was more raw. Even when Tony had gone to prison, she'd been able to hold it together in front of him, so he couldn't deny how much this scared him. Jack at least hoped that whatever medications they'd have to give her would help to numb it, at least for a little while. All he'd heard the doctors say was that it was a miracle she was alive. Jack hardly thought so, considering the misery that had resulted.
But he couldn't lose her too.
It gave him so much hope and so much joy to see Michelle happy or at least content with her life now. She'd done it without resorting to drugs or alcohol and destroying herself the way he had. Jack was also grateful in that moment, for Michelle. If it wasn't for her, and seeing her recover, and seeing her work so hard to make sure he was okay as well, the guilt over what had happened had eased. It was still there. He'd never not feel responsible. But it didn't weigh on him the way it used to. And if it wasn't for that first call he'd made asking for groceries, Audrey never would have come back into his life the way she did. They probably would have spent even more time away, too scared to rekindle anything. Jack supposed he had Michelle to thank for that too.
"And if it wasn't for the kick up the ass you gave me, I wouldn't have Audrey, or a son, for that matter. So thank you for that. And thank you for being prepared to raise him in the worst case." She squeezed his hand back. "We've both helped each other out in a lot of ways these past few years, it's not one-sided." After a beat, he remembered why she came in in the first place. "So what'd you say to Bill?"
Michelle shrugged. "That I'd think about it."
"Do you want it back?"
"I-I do, I think. This past year has made me realise how much I missed it. I know having a purpose will help me in my recovery, it feels like the right thing for me. And I know that if I can make sure what happened to me doesn't happen to anybody else, that'll help too. But…" She sighed. "Something about it just feels…disrespectful. Like I'm defiling his memory. CTU has been the place of a lot of good memories for us, but also a lot of bad."
He reached out to rub his thumb over the back of her hand. "You're not defiling him. If you'd gone out seeking revenge, if you'd lost yourself, let yourself be consumed by all the anger and pain over losing him, then I'd say you were defiling him. But the fact that you're still thinking about him so much in your decision means you're a good person just trying to keep going."
Her face was still hesitant, unconvinced.
"If it was you, what would you do?"
"What?"
"If you were the one that had been to prison, the one that had died, what would you want for Tony?"
Her shoulders lifted a little. "For him to be happy. For him to move on."
Jack nodded. "So take it. Because deep down you know that's all he'd want for you too."
"Y-you're right." She huffed. "You're right. I just wish I had some kind of a sign, you know? Some way of knowing that this is what he'd want for me. But I guess I'll have to do without it."
"You know what he said to me the night before you both got married?"
She tilted her head.
"He told me that he always admired you for your sense of duty, for how strong you were, and how he could never compare." She smiled, sheepishly. "Moving on doesn't always have to look the same for everybody. Now go tell Bill what you want. Go do the thing that makes you happy."
With a little more conviction, she stood up, and left, making her way back to the office. Bill was putting documents away in his briefcase.
"Oh good, you're still here. I actually found something in one of the drawers the other day. Must have been left over from when you or Tony were using the office. Don't know how it survived the renovations, though. I think they must have kept some of the old furniture."
As Bill passed the small card to Michelle, her breath hitched in her throat. It was a slightly faded photo of her and Tony holding Major for the first time. He had been so tiny when they'd first adopted him. She remembered how easily he'd settled in her arms. How eager he'd been for her to play with him. How protective he became when Tony had gone on the mission. How much she loved the both of them. And with that she knew she'd found something to make her happy again. Something to give her life, something to give her purpose, to give her meaning.
She called Bill's name just as he was stepping out the door.
"I'll take it."
