Chapter 6
True to their word, a government-issue car rolled up her driveway sometime that afternoon. She greeted them at the door, trying her hardest not to stare intensely and scrutinise the young man that walked in with them. Emphasis on young. Joel was in his mid-twenties, if that. He looked more like an older brother for Chloe, not like a parent. His hair was dark, large glasses framing his face. He stood almost sheepishly, feeling out of place, understandably emotionally moved by the situation. He'd lost a family member and was now being somewhat forced to take care of another. But his demeanour was bothering Michelle. It wasn't that he looked suspicious or that anything seemed wrong, he just didn't look at all prepared. Was he really the right person to be taking custody of a small child? Just because he was biologically related to Chloe and Michelle wasn't?
Michelle welcomed him and Roz, the Child Services worker she'd been speaking with, into her home. Roz had also brought a child psychologist with her, whose job was to assess the child's stress and mental state since the incident had occurred. To make the assessment independent and bias-free, Michelle had assured Chloe that the two women she would be left with were safe, and then retreated with Joel to her small dining room. They introduced themselves to each other, made idle small talk about his flight from New Jersey to Los Angeles, and then sat in awkward silence, each staring into their cups of coffee.
"I'm sorry about your sister, Joel." Michelle said.
He chewed the inside of his cheek. "Thank you…thank you, Michelle. And thank you for taking care of her daughter. I-I was just a little shocked by the whole thing, I'm sorry for putting such a burden on you, god, I should have gotten here sooner."
She shook her head. "It's been no bother. Really, she's…" Michelle sucked in a breath. "She's been a joy."
He laughed softly. "Y-You…you look like Melanie a bit, maybe that's why she was drawn to you. " Joel then glanced at the wedding ring on Michelle's finger. "Oh, Roz didn't say you were married. She didn't say much about you, other than that you worked at CTU and were there at the accident, but…"
"Um…widowed, actually." She cleared her throat, fiddling with the ring in question.
His eyes widened, a flush rising in his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, no, it's fine, really." She shrugged a little. "You want to know everything about the person who's been looking after your niece, I get it."
"Didn't say anything about other kids either…" Michelle watched him squint, almost in confusion, at the photos on the wall behind her.
Laughing a little, she pointed and explained. "That's my godson, niece and nephew. I'm not hiding any other kids here either. It's just been me, Chloe, and the dog. My, uh, chance to be a mother came and went with my husband, I'm afraid."
Joel smiled sympathetically. "Seems you know what you're doing, though."
"I guess you could say that, yeah."
His bottom lip wobbled. "God, what am I going to do. I-I was so horrible to Melanie, and now I'll never be able to make it up to her."
"What do you mean?"
"Our parents died when we were teenagers. Melanie took custody of me when I was seventeen, I wouldn't have any of it. We fought and fought, and looking back I know she just wanted to keep me from going down the wrong path, but…we became estranged. I went to New Jersey for college. And that was the last time I spoke to her." Tears had welled at the corners of his eyes. "I-I didn't even know she'd had a child. She tried calling me a few times, I think, but I was always too scared to pick up. So when I finally picked up the calls from Child Services, I…"
Michelle passed him a box of tissues. "Tragedy sometimes drives us apart more than it brings us together. I get that, I do, really."
Roz opened the door before he could respond, holding a fretful Chloe. "I think it might be nap time for her, Michelle."
She craned her neck to look at the clock. It was indeed. "Thanks, I'll set her down. How is she?"
A smile formed on Roz's face. "She'll be okay, the nightmares will come and go, but consciously there doesn't seem to be any severe trauma. You've done well. We'll leave you alone for today, but we'll be back tomorrow."
So the routine continued. Child Services and Joel continued to make visits, Joel eventually moving into Michelle's home for the final week of adjustment, before they'd both get on a plane back to New Jersey. Chloe certainly liked him, certainly enjoyed playing with him. But, understandably, he was struggling with learning all the things there were to learn and keep learning about raising a child. Especially since he lived alone, and wouldn't be within reach of any family or friends that could help once he got back home. Michelle appreciated and loved how much he was trying, but she knew that he wasn't ready. He wasn't in the right mindset in his life to be raising a child. Joel was grieving, dealing with guilt over his broken relationship with his sister that would never be fixed, he was stressed at work, stressed about money, he was still trying to get his own life together.
One night, he'd tried desperately to get Chloe to stop crying and fall back asleep, insisting that he needed to be the one to do it, otherwise he'd never learn. Michelle respected that, but by this point, they were all delirious with fatigue. Finally, he conceded.
"I-I can't, Michelle." He passed her over to Michelle, hands shaking a little as he did so.
"It's okay, you've done all that you can." She smiled sympathetically, taking the child into her arms.
Michelle sighed, already babbling to Chloe, trying to get her to settle, feeling relieved as she found her coos were successful. Joel noticed how easily she calmed down in Michelle's arms, noticed how with a few simple words and gestures, Michelle could tell exactly what Chloe needed at that moment. It was instinct. And dread came over him, knowing that with zero experience in the area, he wouldn't have that instinct. He didn't know the first thing about raising a kid. As Michelle walked to the bedroom, Joel was a few paces behind her, observing the layout of toys, the small child-proof touches, all the things that parents of young children adorned their home with. He thought back to his tiny apartment in New Jersey, wondering how the hell he'd make it kid-proof.
He froze just before the entrance, now overwhelmed with stress and with the burden of responsibility that would be thrust upon him sooner than he could ever be ready for.
"This isn't right…" Joel whispered.
Michelle tilted her head in confusion.
"I-I can't even take care of a pot plant, let alone a child. I'm three years out of college, still paying off student loans. Michelle…you…I don't know all that much about you. But I can tell you're a good person. I can tell that you were ready to rebuild your life around her. And more than anything, you know how to raise a child."
"Joel, it's…it's fine, really. You'll get the hang of it. That's why we're easing into this, for both you and for Chloe."
He shook his head again. "But Chloe's been through so much already. She's comfortable with you. The way she looks at you…it's like she already trusts and knows you. I-I don't feel right taking her away from you. Melanie would want Chloe to be raised by someone who could keep her safe. A-and that person's not me. Of course I want to be a part of her life but…she knows Los Angeles and she's getting to know you." He slumped his shoulders. "And I would feel like the world's worst person if I took her away from all of that. Especially if that causes her more trauma and more pain. I-I mean considering what she would have seen and heard that day, it's a miracle she can even behave like a normal child."
She walked closer to him, back into the hall where they could speak louder. "What are you saying?" Her heart was rising with hope, but she didn't want to believe it.
"Michelle, I'm saying that whatever form there is that I can sign to give you the right to raise Chloe, I'm signing it today."
