AN: This takes place somewhere between the season 15 finale and season 16 episode 4. It doesn't fall in a specific episode.
It had been about six months since Miranda Bailey's suicide attempt, and a little over a month since Ben Warren had returned to Station 19.
Miranda had worked with Captain Robert Sullivan to develop the PRT - the Physician Response Team. He would be a traveling surgeon, basically being a trauma surgeon. He was not running into fires anymore.
Ben had gotten a job at Seattle Pres as a surgeon - but he wasn't happy. Miranda watched her husband for a couple months while he worked as a surgeon at another hospital, and she couldn't stand it.
So she had called up Sullivan to discuss an proposal - a joint effort between Grey-Sloan and Station 19 after an off-hand comment that Ben had made with the idea.
Ben had been resistant when she first suggested it - he was adamant about being available for her and that working at the station hadn't worked for their family.
But Miranda kept pushing. She wanted Ben to be happy, and she was doing much better. And in this position, he wouldn't be in the same amount of danger that he had been in before. It felt like a good compromise.
They had eventually brought it to one of their weekly sessions - those had continued even after Miranda's sessions had been dialed back to two days a week. Dr. Cole and Dr. Holden had agreed with Miranda that this was a good move for them and that they believed Miranda was in a much better spot mentally to be able to handle it. And Ben had finally given in. And Miranda hadn't seen him so happy since before their separation.
And normally, she was handling it well.
Today was not one of those days, however.
Bailey had lost patient after patient today. It felt like nothing could go right. There had been a major car accident that morning, and three people died from their injuries. There wasn't anything more they could have done, but it wasn't a good way to start the day.
She had a terminally ill patient that she had been treating for years die next.
She had another patient turn septic and she wasn't able to do anything about it.
Last, they had had a young mom who had attempted suicide by an overdose, and they were unable to reverse the damage.
It was 10PM, she was done with her shift, and she retreated to her office, her whole body shaky. She sat at her desk, and it was a couple minutes before she realized just how frantically she was tugging at her fingers. She must have been doing it all day without really noticing it - her fingers were feeling raw, like they did when she tugged too much.
Think, think, think.
What do I do to calm down?
She mentally went through her safety plan, and almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Ben was at work. Check. Meredith Grey? Fired. Richard Webber? Fired. Teddy Altman? Not quite back from maternity leave. And the last think that Miranda Bailey needed today was to work more. She had lost enough patients today, it was time to end her shift.
She wasn't actively suicidal. And she didn't think that she would be suicidal. But she was rattled more than she had been since her attempt, and she was feeling a lot of the same emotions she had felt then. And that didn't mean she couldn't reach out. She could hear Dr. Cole in her head, encouraging her to reach out to someone. She could hear the reminder that she didn't need to be at rock bottom to need support. And the only someone that Miranda Bailey really wanted was her husband.
The last part of her plan that they had established was to go to Ben's work. He had said he was okay with it, they had discussed that when he had started at Seattle Pres and then again when he had gone back to the Station. And they had discussed the various levels of emotions she felt - that she shouldn't wait until she was falling apart to reach out, but should reach out before, to not try and be a hero.
Tuck was at his father's tonight, she didn't have to be home for him. And home wasn't a good idea, not with Ben at work until the morning.
With a sigh, Miranda got her stuff together and put her jacket on, and headed out to the station. She called Ben on her way out of the hospital, but he hadn't answered. She wasn't surprised to find that all the vehicles were gone when she got to the station.
Bailey stood in the empty space, not entirely sure where to go now that she was here. She hadn't made it a habit to come and hang out at the fire station, especially at the beginning when she spent every waking moment trying to forget what her husband's job was.
"Dr. B?" she heard from above and behind her, and she whirled around to see Dean Miller.
"Miller, what are you doing here?" She asked.
"Well, someone always has to be here to answer the phones and help any walk-ins. Is everything alright? Ben's on a call, I don't know when they'll be back…"
"Everything's fine," She assured him, tugging her fingers.
Miller raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You seem stressed."
"Of course I'm sure," She snapped at him. She glanced down at her fingers, which were getting redder by the second. "Work was difficult today." She admitted. "My son is at his father's. I didn't want to go home by myself tonight. But since Ben's out, I'll just go back to the hospital or something."
"I can't let you do that, you came all the way out here." Miller protested, grinning at her. "We can pretend you're a walk-in, so anything we do is me doing my job. We've got a couple board games around here." He offered.
She looked at him, incredulous. "You want me to play a board game?" She asked.
He shrugged. "It's better than cleaning. Plus, I've been procrastinating all night. I'd love to continue that." He told her.
"Board games aren't really my thing." She hedged.
"Come on, Dr. B. We've got cards too. And I'm pretty sure we have Operation. Hughes bought that one as a joke for Ben."
Bailey snorted. "Alright, let's play your games."
"For real?" Dean asked.
"What are you still standing here for? Go get 'em!"
Dean set them. up at a table with a phone so he could keep answering the sporadic calls that came in, and then he left to get the games. He came back with way more than a deck of cards and Operation. He had a tub full of games, including Sorry, Monopoly, Life, Ticket to Ride, and more.
"So what are we playing first?" Dean asked.
"You promised me Operation," Bailey told him. "So come on. Let's see if you could be a surgeon."
They spent hours playing games. Bailey did beat Miller at Operation, but he had held out a lot longer than she had expected. They played some card games for a while before moving onto the other board games. She beat him at Sorry. He wiped the floor of her with Scrabble, and she was just barely scraping out a win in Monopoly when the team showed up, covered and soot and tired, but seemingly in one piece.
"Miranda? What are you doing here?" Ben asked her, trying to hid his concern with confusion.
"Shhh. I am about to bankrupt your friend after a 4 hour long game and I need to focus," She waved him off, focusing at the board.
Four hours? How long had she been here? A quick glance at the clock told Ben that it was almost 7AM, meaning their shift would be over in less than an hour. It had been a horrible fire, and Ben had done quite a few surgeries on his traveling OR. And Miranda had to be at work at 7. If she had been here all night, she must not have gotten any sleep.
Ben gave Miller a look, trying to convey his questions with his eyes, but the answers for those questions weren't easy to convey. Miller didn't seem overly concerned about her, though.
Miranda did beat Dean that turn, and they cleaned up.
"You alright?" He asked her quietly, cupping her face and pecking her on the lips.
"I'm alright, baby." She told him. "You finish what you gotta do so we can go home, alright?"
"Don't you have to be at work in, like, 30 minutes?" He asked her.
"I took the day off." She told him. His concern must have showed on his face because she said, "Go, baby. I'm fine. The sooner you get done, the sooner I can have you all to myself."
Ben shrugged it off, and did as she said. He found Miller, and started helping him.
"What happened, man?"
He didn't need to elaborate. "She showed up here, around… I don't know, 11? And she looked sort of… lost… for a moment there. And she was tugging at her hands, like constantly. And I know you told me that that's a sign of her OCD symptoms. And you've mentioned that part of her safety plan is to come here. She was going to go back to the hospital since you weren't here, but she told me that work was difficult yesterday. I didn't think that going back there was a good idea, so I suggested we play some games. I was trying to keep her here and distracted. And I think it worked. At least, while we were playing. It kept her hands and mind busy, and she's a surgeon. I've learned that we aren't the only profession that's competitive."
Ben felt such gratitude towards Miller, he felt like he could cry. "Thanks man," was all he was able to say, though.
"We're brothers, Warren. And I was with you at your house that night. I needed to protect her too."
They were all settling into the kitchen to grab a bite with 10 minutes left of shift when they got a call. "Aid car 19. Ladder 19. Structure fire."
Sullivan spoke up. "Alright, Herrera and Bishop, Montgomery and Gibson, head out." There was some grumbling but the four left quickly scarfing down some food as they ran.
"Warren, go home."
Ben glanced at his wife, who was talking with Vic over coffee. "Sir, what if-"
"That's an order, Warren." he said. He jerked his head towards the table. "Go take care of your wife. We'll be fine."
"Thanks, man." Ben said and headed over to the table. He sat down and stole a sip of his wife's coffee, laughing at her when she swatted him away. "I'm ready whenever you are, baby."
Miranda glanced at her watch. "Don't you still have some time left on your shift?"
"Nope, I'm good to go."
She nodded and turned back. "Good talking to you, Hughes." She said. "And Miller, I'm looking forward to that Scrabble rematch."
"You got it, Dr. B!" He laughed at her.
Ben laced his fingers with her as they headed out of the station. "I'll meet you at home?" He questioned.
"No, can we ride together? We can come back for the other car later." He felt her hand jerk and saw her other hand raise, and he knew she had just gone to tug on her fingers.
"Yeah, come on," He led them to her car, opening the passenger side door for her before getting into the driver's seat.
"Did you have a good night with Miller?" He teased her, trying to keep it lighthearted and segue into the deeper conversation they needed.
She laughed. "I did, actually. I don't normally play many board games, but we might have to start. I didn't realize how much fun they could be."
"We can get some board games," he agreed. They road in a comfortable silence for a while, but Ben reached out and took her left hand back into his when she started tugging on her fingers. "Yesterday was a bad day?" He asked her.
She sighed. "It wasn't a good one." She admitted. "Can we wait until we are home to talk? And maybe even until we've slept? I know you didn't sleep all night, and I didn't either."
He kept his eyes on the road but squeezed her hand and glanced at her. "I have to ask, Miranda. Are you thinking of hurting yourself?"
"No. No, Ben, I'm not. And I know you have to ask and I love you for it. But I promise that I'm safe."
They were at a stop sign right before their home, and he turned and looked at her fully, studying her face. He saw only openness and truthfulness there. "Then yeah, we can sleep first."
Miranda was asleep by the time that he got out of his quick shower, and he got into bed, quickly falling asleep beside her.
When he awoke, the room was darker than it was when he fell asleep, though it wasn't totally night yet. He turned over to see Miranda, still asleep beside him. He studied her. She seemed a little tense, but not overwhelmingly so. Though, she must have been tired. It was rare that she would both fall asleep before him and be asleep when he woke up.
"I can feel you watching me, Benjamin Warren," She mumbled, her eyes still closed.
He cracked a smile. "Can you now?" He teased.
She opened her eyes and smiled in response to his mirth.
"Miranda, you're killing me. Why'd you come to the station last night? What happened?"
She signed and scooted closer to him.
"I had a really rough day at work yesterday," She admitted. She told him about her car accident patients and the terminally ill patient she had. She told him about the patient that turned septic.
But she froze when she got to the young mom, and all she could see was the distraught husband with a two year old and infant, left devastated and all alone.
"What else?" Ben asked her gently.
"I had a patient complete suicide." she whispered around the lump in her throat. Ben reached out for her, almost instinctively. "She overdosed. And we couldn't save her."
"Is that what made you feel-"
She interrupted him. "I never felt suicidal last night, baby. I promise. But I felt overwhelmed and triggered, and I didn't think that coming home to be by myself was a good idea. And we should probably revisit my safety plan, because all of the people that I designated besides you aren't really options anymore."
That hadn't even crossed Ben's mind. He knew she was under a lot of stress from firing three of her best employees. And two of those employees were people that she had indicated she trusted by including them in her safety plan. "Yeah, that's not a bad idea."
"So my patient died, and I had to notify the family - husband with two small children and I - I couldn't handle it. All I could think about was you, and how I almost did that to you. And I wouldn't have killed myself last night, but I didn't feel safe being alone either."
Ben didn't say anything for a moment, he just stopped and looked at her. She started to squirm.
"Ben? Say something please. I'm sorry if you would have preferred if I didn't come to your work for that, I won't-"
"I'm so proud of you." Ben interrupted her panic with his declaration.
She froze and frowned. "What?"
"I'm so damn proud of you, baby. You've come so far. You recognized your feelings and you went for help before you were at rock bottom. And you trusted me enough to come and find me and follow the plan instead of pushing me away. Please don't ever think I wouldn't want you to come to my work. You don't need to be actively suicidal to need support from your husband."
"Yeah. Yeah, I've learned that." She admitted.
He smiled softly. "I know you have. And that makes me really happy."
She smiled back at him, almost shyly, and Ben reached out to take her hand in his, and she hissed a little, flinching.
"What's wrong?" He pushed himself up, turning on a light, and gently picked up her hand.
"You were rubbing a lot yesterday." He noted, tenderly checking her hands. They were red and chapped and starting to crack at the knuckles.
"Yeah." Was all she said in response, not meeting his eyes.
"I'm still proud of you." He told her. "Come on, let me take care of these for you." He led her to the bathroom and started cleaning her hands and dressing them.
"So how did you end up playing games with Miller?" he asked as he worked.
She snorted. "So I got to the station, and he was the only one there. I think he knew why I was there, or at least had an idea. I know he came with you when you found me." Dean had been a big support for Ben when Miranda had tried to kill herself, and he had been an integral part in saving her life. "I was just going to leave, I didn't want to bother him, though I don't think there was a scenario where he would have allowed that to happen, and he suggested games. He's a smart man. I didn't expect it to be as distracting as it was. I was serious, we may need to invest in some board games. It kept my mind and my hands busy."
"You know I'd do anything for you." Ben told her, finishing up the bandages on her hands. He cupped her face in his own hands and leaned down and kissed her.
And for the first time in a long time, Ben felt like he could actually breathe.
AN: This is a one-shot in my Escape universe. I've got some other one-shots or short stories planned around some other major events that happen for Bailey and Warren. Please drop suggestions if there's a scene you would like to see. And any feedback on this story is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
