Chapter 30: Float

He's floating. He's not sure where he is or what he's doing. Or even how he got there. He can't feel anything, can't see anything, can't hear anything. All he knows is he's floating, like he's in a lake or river or something, and just floating along the surface. He feels alone and empty and just floating. That's it. He tries to open his eyes but he can't. He tries to reach out but he can't.

He can't.

He wants to.

He wants to open his eyes and his mouth, he wants to call out for them. They have to be near, don't they? They're always near, aren't they? Always with him, always beside him. They have to be!

Don't they?

Or no.

They aren't.

He just floats alone along the surface and he can't seem to reach the shore or the bank. He can't feel the water. But he has to be in the river, right? Or the lake. Is there a lake? He knows the river that runs alongside Coccham but he doesn't know of a lake.

If he is even still in Coccham.

Maybe he isn't. Maybe he's somewhere else. Maybe that's why he can't find them, why they aren't near, why they haven't saved him. Maybe he's still in Dunholm, still trapped in his father's cell. In his brother's hell. They never saved him.

He still thinks he's floating. Maybe he's dead. Maybe he died in that cell. Maybe his father killed him. Maybe Uhtred and Finan never came to save him.

They left him to die.

They don't care about him. They never cared about him.

He's floating. And he's alone.


His eyes snapped open and there was a gasp on his lips. For a moment, everything around him seemed hazy, the last remnants of his dream refusing to leave him be. He didn't know where he was and he didn't know how he got there. He blinked and curled in more on himself until there was a hand on his shoulder.

"Sihtric."

He froze as he heard the voice. And slowly, his eyes adjusted and the dream ebbed away. He blinked and he quickly realized exactly where he was. He swallowed as he sat up and pulled himself away from his Lord. He could feel Uhtred sitting on the bed beside him but he didn't turn towards him. "How did I get here?" He asked softly, his voice low and sullen. "Did you carry me here?" He practically sneered. Despite actually sleeping for the first time in days, he still felt tired. He still felt empty and alone and he didn't really care at that moment. He didn't care why Uhtred would do something like that. Other than to somehow humiliate him.

Uhtred rolled his eyes and shook his head, not liking the odd accusing tone in Sihtric's voice. "Fin!" He called out as he leaned back against the wall behind him. "No, Sihtric. I did not carry you in here. And I don't know why you would think that."

Finan appeared in the doorway and frowned as he leaned against the frame. He crossed his arms and tilted his head. "Ye think we brought ye 'ere? Why?"

Sihtric shrugged and dropped his gaze to his lap. He picked at his thumbnail absently and sighed. "I don't know." He mumbled.

"We don't know how you ended up here." Uhtred answered. "Gisela said Ealhswith found you asleep here earlier today. Neither saw you. No one saw you."

Finan nodded. "Last we did was when we left ye. Back home when we went t' see Alfred off an' ye couldn't keep yer eyes open."

Sihtric tilted his head, his gaze still on his lap, as he searched his mind. "I think… I remember that." He said softly. "But I don't remember leaving. I don't remember coming here or… falling asleep in your bed, Lord." He lifted his head a bit and glanced over his shoulder. He didn't meet Uhtred's gaze and looked back quickly. "I'm sorry. The Lady must be angry."

"She is not." Uhtred answered easily, shrugging. "She's worried a bit about appearances but no one seems to have seen you. And she's also worried about you." He added and paused. "We all are, Sihtric."

"I'm fine." The younger man said dryly. "I said I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He edged himself closer to the end of the bed and stood up quickly. But Finan was still blocking the door. Sihtric didn't look at him as he turned. "I'll get out of your way."

Finan pushed away from the frame and moved to the center, blocking the whole doorway. He frowned as he tilted his head. "Sihtric… we don't want ye t' leave… ye aren't in our way… if ye were implying somethin'." He glanced at Uhtred. "We won't be… excluding you." Uhtred shook his head and Finan turned back to Sihtric. "Unless… unless ye… don't… uh… want us."

Sihtric didn't answer or move. He kept his eyes downcast as he sucked in a sharp breath. He heard Finan's words but he didn't react.

"Sihtric." Uhtred said his name louder and didn't miss the way the boy flinched. "Alright." He sighed deeply as he moved to the edge of the bed and stood up. "That's it. That's enough." He rounded the bed and moved closer to both of them. He stopped a few steps away and turned towards Sihtric. He didn't move any closer or touch him. He kept his distance and crossed his arms, trying to keep his hands occupied before he did try to touch his puppy. He didn't like Sihtric's words or his demeanor. He didn't understand them. And he was getting tired of trying to figure out what the younger man needed. He had no clue if the boy needed space or if he needed… Uhtred honestly had no idea. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked bluntly.

Finan's eyes widened. "Uhtred!" He stepped away from the door and pushed the other man.

"He won't talk to us!" Uhtred snapped in exasperation, turning to glare at Finan. "How can we fix him or work on whatever is wrong if he won't tell us?"

Finan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You canne jus' ask 'im like that!"

Uhtred turned. "Hild said we'd have to ask him!"

Finan shook his head. "Not like that, Uhtred!" He spat.

"Then how, Finan?" Uhtred stepped closer to him and pushed against him. "Because we've been trying for days and he won't talk!"

"Hild…" Sihtric couldn't breathe. Hild. They talked to Hild. She told them! Panic gripped him and he started to spiral. He turned his back on them and titled his head back. "She told you." He breathed out sharply. He felt his chest tighten and his breathing quickened. "She told you and you know and…"

Uhtred turned at Sihtric's ramblings and his eyes widened. "Sihtric!"

Finan turned his attention to the younger man as well and he held up his hands. "Sweetheart, we know nothin'."

Uhtred nodded his head. "Hild didn't say anything, Sitty. I swear!" He insisted loudly, nodding his head again. "She wouldn't, you know she wouldn't. And I did think about asking… because you won't talk to us…" He added, his voice a touch sour. "But I swear, I never asked her! And I never will! What we know… or don't know… that's all up to you, baby boy."

Finan nodded. "Ye dun hafta tell us anythin'."

Uhtred rolled his eyes and glanced sideways at Finan. "But if you don't… then we can't help."

Finan huffed and shook his head. "But we can try!"

"Oh we can try and talk until we are blue in the face." Uhtred said with a sharp laugh. "And that is exactly what we have done! We can't get past this, Sitty. Not unless you talk to us! Just… let us in!"

Sihtric sighed deeply, his whole body heaving with the motion. He shook his head slowly as he straightened up. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't bear it. He shook his head again as he turned. He settled his gaze on them, shifting from one to the other and back again. Then he continued to shake his head and he looked away. There were tears in his eyes suddenly and he blinked, trying to force them away. "I can't… anymore." He said softly, his voice breaking. "I just can't. Please… just do it. Just get it over with and let me be. Please!"

Uhtred balked at Sihtric's words, completely and utterly lost. He resisted the urge to run forward and wrap his arms around the younger man. He longed to wrap Sihtric up in his arms and hold him right between him and Finan. His puppy had just sounded so… lost and broken. And Uhtred still had no clue why. Sihtric still hadn't given them anything. He felt Finan shift beside him and Uhtred grabbed the Irishman's arm. He imagined similar thoughts running rampant in the older man's mind.

Finan let out a low huff, the sound almost a growl, and stiffened. But he didn't move. He pressed harder against Uhtred's side and grumbled low under his breath. Uhtred spared a moment to glare sideways at him but their Irishman's words were indistinguishable. Finan met his gaze, grumbled again, and looked away. He was fighting with himself just as much as Uhtred. Neither knew what to do and it was equally frustrating both of them.

Uhtred pressed his shoulder harder against him before he turned to look back at Sihtric. His puppy's gaze had fallen to the floor and his posture was stiff. Uhtred would bet all of Coccham that if the only exit wasn't blocked, the boy would have made a run for it. And Uhtred didn't dare doubt Sihtric's abilities. He knew if the boy ran, they wouldn't be able to find him. Maybe they would never be able to find him. A jolt of fear ran down his spine as he thought about the idea of Sihtric running from them, of not being around him, of not having the younger man at his side. Uhtred swallowed and shook his head. "Sihtric…" He started softly and faltered over the words.

Sihtric's gaze snapped back to them and he read what he wanted from their posture. In his mind as equally as his heart, they were leaving him. Discarding him like the trash he was. He shook his head and turned. "Just tell me." He spat out, his demeanor changing. Anger ripped through him and he clenched his jaw and balled his fists at his sides. "I deserve that much."

Finan and Uhtred both looked confused and startled by the change. "Tell ye what?" Finan asked, his voice rising a bit. "What do ye think we're gonna do?"

"Whatever it is… whatever you think… whatever we've done…" Uhtred stumbled over his words and shook his head. "Sihtric! Please!"

"Just leave me!" Sihtric snapped as he spun back around to them. "That's what you want! You want to leave me! You want to cast me away, to abandon me! You've learned what I am! Just a whore like my mother. I don't deserve you. I'm too dirty, too broken and shameful for you. I always have been, since I barely understood what the insults thrown at me meant."

"Leave…" Uhtred said softly.

"Leave you." Finan frowned and shook his head. "Is that what ye think? Ye think we're gonna leave ye?"

Sihtric blinked, more tears slipping from his eyes, and stared at them both. "I… yes… aren't you?"

Uhtred shook his head. "No, baby boy! If there was ever anything I did to make you think that… fuck… I'm so sorry!"

Finan nodded his head quickly. "Me too. I already told ye I loved ye."

Sihtric turned away and sucked in a sharp breath. His mind reeled. Was it possible he had imagined everything? That everything had been in his head? But… they kept insisting they needed to talk! And they barely touched him in the last month. Surely, something was wrong! It had to be!

"Sihtric…" Uhtred said his name softly. "I swear to you. Leaving you has never been a thought in our minds. We just…" He glanced sideways at Finan and the Irishman nodded his head. Uhtred sighed and turned back. "We know something is wrong, sweetheart. We know you… you had a hard life before… we don't know everything and that's fine!" He held up his hands quickly. "You don't have to tell us. Or you can!" He added quickly.

Finan nodded. "Whatever ye want or when yer ready."

Uhtred quickly nodded his head. "Yes! And if you never are, that's fine! Sitty, we just want to help you! You say nothing is wrong but… you've been… different… since Dunholm."

Sihtric flinched at hearing the fortress' name and he bit his lip.

Finan scowled and elbowed Uhtred in the ribs. "Uhtred!"

Uhtred sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm messing this up."

Sihtric sighed and shook his head. "No, Lord." He said softly. He backed up a step and sunk down on the bed. "This… this is all my fault. I… I was… I was…" He swallowed, tears in his eyes, and he looked at the floor. "I was held down… I didn't… I didn't know… I didn't choose it… it was forced on me… but it's what I am. I'm a whore… and I'm sorry for deceiving you."

"Sihtric…" Uhtred sighed deeply and shook his head. He took a tentative step forward, watching Sihtric's reaction. He kept going, holding his breath, until he stood beside the bed. Sihtric still didn't seem to notice and Uhtred felt Finan behind him, following his every step. Uhtred sat down beside Sihtric and Finan moved around to the boy's other side. "Sihtric." Uhtred breathed out the name softly and he felt his throat tighten and his chest thump when Sihtric leaned a bit towards him. It wasn't much and Uhtred wasn't even sure if the younger man realized he was doing it. Uhtred held his breath again as he lifted his hand. His fingers shook and he was aware of Finan's gaze on him as he reached towards Sihtric. His fingers grazed the back of his puppy's neck and Sihtric closed his eyes and let out a tiny, breathy exhale. Uhtred wrapped his fingers around Sihtric's neck and held him firmly. Sihtric breathed out again, louder than time, and leaned more heavily towards Uhtred and the Lord sighed. "There is so much wrong with everything you just said." Uhtred said softly. "Nothing is your fault, you didn't deceive us… and you aren't… you aren't a whore, Sihtric."

Sihtric flinched, both at his Lord's words and his much too soft tone of voice. He didn't deserve such kindness. But he didn't pull away. He would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy Uhtred's fingers on his neck. He wanted his Lord's touch everywhere, anywhere, just as long as the man was touching him, he didn't care. He felt Finan shifting closer to him a moment before the Irishman grabbed his hand. Finan laced their fingers together and squeezed his hand and Sihtric sighed. "I am."

"It ain't who ye are." Finan said softly, pressing even closer to Sihtric's side. "It was who ye were forced t' be but it ain't you." He insisted.

Sihtric tried to shake his head and he felt Uhtred tighten his grip, stopping him. He let out a soft whimper. "It was."

Finan narrowed his eyes and growled softly, the sound rumbling from his chest before he could stop himself. He leaned closer and touched his lips to Sihtric's ear. "Not anymore, boy!"

Sihtric visibly shivered between them. He felt Finan's breath on his neck and his voice in his ear and he bit his lip. Then Uhtred's fingers slid from his neck to slide in his hair. The Lord tangled his fingers in Sihtric's hair and pulled. He yanked the younger man's head back and dipped his head. Sihtric felt Uhtred's tongue on his neck and he couldn't stop the moan from escaping his lips. Sihtric sucked in a sharp breath. "W-w-why?" He gasped out, his mind struggling to form the word and force it out. Both of them were working on his neck, licking and scraping their teeth against him. It was getting hard for him to focus but he needed an answer. If they never had any intention of leaving him, why was there a shift in the way they looked at and treated him? There had to be a reason.

"Why what, baby boy?" Uhtred asked against his skin. He barely lifted his lips and his breath ghosted across Sihtric's neck, making the younger man shiver and moan again. Uhtred smiled and couldn't stop the giggle that escaped him. He was quite enjoying the reaction they were lifting from Sihtric. It felt like forever since they heard such lovely sounds erupting from him.

On Sihtric's other side, Finan hummed and moved his lips back to the boy's ear. He pulled the lobe between his teeth and bit him gently. "Werds, boy." He growled lowly. "Or do ye need us t' stop?"

Sihtric swallowed and opened his mouth slowly. He licked his lips and he regretted nodding his head but he did it. "Yes." He felt the both move away from him and the absence of their warmth was like a dagger to his skin. He opened his eyes and breathed out as he straightened back up. "Sorry." He mumbled under his head.

Uhtred shook his head. "Don't be."

"We needed t' stop." Finan grumbled and leaned back on the bed. "'afore we git too carried away. Still need t' talk."

Sihtric flinched and bit his lip and sighed. He slouched forward and rested his elbows on his knees. His gaze settled on the floor and he fought hard against falling apart. Too many turbulent emotions swarmed through him and he felt almost dizzy from them. He couldn't even focus enough to figure out exactly what he was feeling. He breathed in a steadying breath and just blurted it out before he lost his nerve again. "You keep saying we have to talk!"

Finan and Uhtred exchange a glance, their gaze meeting over Sihtric. Finan cleared his throat and looked down. "We do. There are a few things we need t' discuss."

Sihtric sucked in a quick breath and shook his head. "You keep saying that… you keep bringing it up… but not about what?" He straightened up and turned to look at Finan. "You more than the Lord."

"Uhtred." The Lord corrected automatically.

Sihtric turned quickly, looking at Uhtred. "Am I still to call you by name?"

Uhtred frowned and tilted his head. "Yes! Of course you are! Why would that change?"

"Because something changed!" Sihtric snapped and shook his head. His eyes widened at his own volume and he bit his lip. He looked away and once again glared at the floor. "Sorry." He mumbled under his breath.

Uhtred swallowed and shook his head. "No." He said softly. "Don't be sorry. Don't stop. Talk to us. Please, Sihtric. Tell us exactly why you think something changed."

Sihtric rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Fuck!" He stood up quickly before he lost his nerve again. He spun around and threw up his arms. "Because something did change!" He insisted vehemently. "Everything was fine, everything was great! And then Sven showed up and he…" He said his brother's name before he even processed it. A shiver ran down his spine and he flinched. "Fuck…" He shook his head. "You found out the truth about me and everything changed!" He spun around again and pointed at both of them. "You can't tell me it didn't! You can't tell me you're just okay with it."

"Sihtric…" Uhtred tried to start, tried to say his name and continue. But the words died on his tongue and he sighed and looked away.

Sihtric sighed again. "If you're done with me… please just let me go."

Finan shook his head. "Boy, we already told ye we ain't!"

"Don't patronize me!" Sihtric snapped, his voice louder than it had been. "Don't coddle me and treat me like I'm going to break!"

Uhtred's eyes widened and he looked back. He stood up quickly and stepped closer to Sihtric. He stopped himself and shook his head. "We thought… we thought you… you liked that."

Sihtric glanced at Finan and the Irishman nodded. Sihtric breathed out and looked away. He crossed his arms and a blush spread across his face. "I uh… I do." He admitted, his voice softer for a moment. Then he shook his head and breathed out and gathered control of himself again. "But not right now!" He said, his voice louder again. "I want the truth!" He turned back to them. "If you never intended to leave me… if you say nothing changed between us… then why did you suddenly stop? Why do you keep stopping when we're together? Lord… Uhtred… you keep whining about not fucking. You keep hinting at this… insatiable appetite of yours but you won't… you won't fuck me. You won't even touch me!"

"Sihtric…" Uhtred started, sighing deeply.

Sihtric didn't let him get his words out. "Are you guys fucking each other?" He asked bluntly.

Uhtred blinked, caught completely off guard by the question. "What?"

Sihtric continued, his gaze darting between the two. "Is that why you're not interested in me anymore? Is that why you've been leaving me alone while you two go off? Telling me I need to stay home and sleep?"

"Ye do need t' sleep!" Finan argued. "The nightmares ye won't talk 'bout 'ave been keeping ye up!"

Sihtric shrugged and shook his head. "You aren't denying it!"

Uhtred scoffed and shook his head. "Because the accusation is stupid, Sihtric!"

"Is it?" Sihtric countered, stepping back and throwing up his arms. "Because to me, it just sounds like you're lying to me and I don't know why you would do that!"

"We aren't lying!" Uhtred protested. "I have never lied to you!"

Finan stood up and lowered his head. He met Sihtric's gaze and raised his hand slowly. "I swear, Sihtric. We haven't." He spoke evenly. Sihtric shook his head and stepped back and Finan followed. "We haven't done anything, not without you." He lifted his hand to his chest and fingered his cross. "I swear t' God an' on the church!"

Uhtred nodded his head. "Not since that day in the woods, when we were supposed to be hunting." Sihtric sucked in a sharp breath and looked away. The younger man didn't say anything, he didn't move for several long moments. Uhtred feared his puppy was seconds from fleeing, from running for the door.

Sihtric breathed out softly, barely making a sound. He picked at the hem of his shirt and bit his lip. "Then why?" He finally asked, his voice barely audible. He sounded broken.

Uhtred glanced sideways at Finan and inclined his head. "Fin?"

The Irishman nodded and stepped closer. "Sihtric, do ye remember the first time ye an' I were together? Fooling around an' I thought I got a bit too rough wit' ya."

Sihtric smiled, his nose wrinkling a bit. He nodded his head and looked away. "Yes."

Uhtred crossed his arms and looked away. "When you excluded me."

Finan glared sideways at him. "You went an' got married!" He snapped. Uhtred flinched and Finan turned back to Sihtric. "Sihtric… ye said I couldn't hurt ya… 'cause ye were used t' it."

Sihtric sucked in a sharp breath and drew his lips taut. "Yes." He answered softly. "I… I did say that."

Uhtred nodded his head. "In Dunholm… after we treated your bruises… you said you had to…" He trailed off, not finishing.

"Ye have some twisted ideas about sex, sweetheart… uh… Sihitrc." Finan correctly quickly and cleared his throat. "Sex isn't supposed to…" Finan paused for a moment and tilted his head, trying to think of the words he wanted to say carefully. He didn't want to upset Sihtric or make him feel bad or more uncomfortable than he already was. He'd spent weeks trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say to the younger man and he still didn't know. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "It's not supposed t' hurt." He said bluntly. "A little pain an' discomfort is okay but if yer with someone who's careful an' starts slow, it shouldn't all be pain. It should be… soft an' sweet an' gentle… touchin' an' kissin'. It shouldn't be holding ye down an' slamming ye around!"

"Well…" Uhtred tilted his head and smirked sideways at Finan. "Unless that's what you want. Ain't nothing wrong with a little consented slamming around."

Finan turned and pushed him hard. Uhtred stumbled, thrown off balance, and quickly caught himself. He laughed and Finan continued to glare at him. "The important word there is consent!" Finan snapped. "Talkin' 'bout it an' makin' sure everyone involved is okay wit' whatever is goin' on."

Uhtred stuck his tongue out at Finan. But he relented and nodded his head. "Yes. And no matter what, you can always tell us no, Sihtric. There's no obligation. In anything we do. You never have to do something you don't want to do. You never have to feel like you have to. Your oath to me is only in battle. You don't owe me for… for saving you or helping you or… for giving you a home… if you ever feel like you do." He said awkwardly and turned. He ran a hand through his hair and hoped he was making sense. "You don't, Sihtric. You owe me nothing. I have never done anything for you with any expectation." He paused and a slow smirk spread across his face. "I mean… I might do it while hoping it will lead to more…"

"Uhtred, I swear!" Finan glared at him again and shook his head. "I will throw ye outta the window."

Uhtred ducked away with another giggle as Finan swung at him. He darted back a few steps and held up his hands. "Alright, alright. I am joking! I swear, Fin!" He smiled and turned back to Sihtric. "Yeah, I like fucking and I'm still hoping we can get to that very soon but no, I never expect it. I never want anything from you that you don't want to give me. Either of you. I swear." He touches his fingers to the hammar around his neck. "I'm not actually as hedonistic as Beocca keeps accusing me of. And if you… if you never wanted to… have sex… with me… with us… that… that would be… okay." Uhtred tried to sound confident in his words, tried to make them sound like he meant them. And he actually did mean them. He just wished that he didn't. Because he couldn't stand the idea of not being intertwined with these two men. "Or if you just need time, that's fine too." He added quickly.

"Uhtred." Finan sighed his name and shook his head. "Don't guilt 'im."

"I'm not!" Uhtred snapped quickly. "Just… saying."

Sihtric's gaze was still on the floor, where it had been for the last several minutes. He couldn't help the smile that twisted his lips at their antics, at Uhtred's shamelessness and Finan's mock anger. "You… you would be fine… if I never.." He trailed off.

Uhtred visibly deflated but he contradictingly nodded his head. "Yes."

Sihtric's gaze rose and he piqued an eyebrow. He tilted his head and smirked. "Really?"

Uhtred scoffed and looked away. "Fine. I would be… disappointed and frustrated, sure. But just as long as I can be around you, Sihtric, would be enough. Mostly enough." He added. "I'd have to sneak off and touch myself. Constantly. But again, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Not for me."

Finan nodded his head. "For fer me neither."

Sihtric tilted his head the other way, as if mulling the idea around in his head. "So you'd be okay if I never let you fuck me."

Uhtred clenched his jaw and nodded his head stiffly. "Yes."

Finan nodded again. "An' we wouldn't leave ya."

Uhtred's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Oh fuck no. Fuck, boy. I want you with me forever."

Finan nodded his head again. "We ain't throwing ya away."

"Fuck…" Uhtred sighed deeply. "How could you ever think that?"

Sihtric looked down again and shrugged his shoulders. "You kept saying we had to talk but not what about… I thought… I thought you were going to ask me to leave. I didn't know it was just because I'm so fucked up."

Finan darted forward before he could think about what he was doing. He wrapped his arms around Sihtric's shoulders and pulled the younger man closer. Sihtric let out a surprised squeak as Finan hugged him close. He held on tightly and tucked his chin against the boy's neck. "Ye aren't fucked up. Never think that."

Sihtric sighed deeply and melted against him. "I am a little." He said softly.

Uhtred tilted his head as he stepped closer. He smiled as he leaned against Finan's back. "We're all a little fucked up."

"Aye." Finan nodded as he eased up. "Sorry." He mumbled.

Sihtric stepped back and smiled at him. "It's okay." He said softly.

"I'm so sorry I made ye think that." Finan said. "I was so adamant."

Sihtric nodded his head and sighed. "You were."

"I jus'... after Dunholm…"

"And to repeat, we don't really know anything." Uhtred interrupted Finan quickly. "Just what you've told us."

Finan nodded. "We both started thinkin' an' rememberin' things you said an' did an' we decided we needed t' talk."

Uhtred sighed. "Between traveling and Alfred and fuck… everything kept getting in the way! We wanted to talk in private, someplace you'd feel… safe, Sihtric. I saw what being back in Dunholm did to you. Fuck, I saw what just the idea of going back to show me did to you. I knew we had to get you away from there as soon as possible. And then there… there just wasn't any good time! And we didn't have any idea what waiting was doing to you, Sihtric! I swear I didn't! Or I would have pulled you into some dark corner somewhere."

"Uhtred!" Finan growled a warning tone.

"To talk, Fin!" Uhtred snapped. "To tell him why we needed to talk!"

Finan sighed deeply and shook his head. "Sihtric… can I… can I ask ye something? Ye can not answer if ye don't want t' but… have you ever… uh… not been… not treated as a whore? Held down and forced?" Sihtric flinched and turned away. "Ye don't hafta answer." Finan added quickly.

"No." Sihtric answered softly. "I said Uhtred was the first person I wouldn't object to… he was the first I was ever attracted to… no one else ever appealed to me…"

Uhtred stepped closer and lifted his hand. He slowly stretched his fingers towards Sihtric and when the boy didn't pull away, Uhtred touched his neck. His fingers grazed the pale skin and Sihtric sighed and leaned into the touch. "I wish I'd know." Uhtred said softly, his voice full of regret. "Not that I would have ever done that to you, I hope you know that."

Sihtric nodded his head. "I do. I know you would never hurt me."

Uhtred shook his head. "Never on purpose, Sitty."

Finan watched them for a moment before he asked his next question. "Have you ever… been the one to…"

Sihtric shook his head and averted his gaze. "No. Using me didn't make any of them less a man."

Uhtred narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "Getting fucked doesn't make you less of a man!" The Lord practically sneered. "Would you say that about me?"

Sihtric blinked and shook his head. "No, Lord! Never!" He worried for a moment that he'd offended his Lord with his words and he swallowed.

Uhtred rubbed his thumb along Sihtric's skin and cooed softly. "Shhh. You didn't offend me." He said with a smile, reading his puppy's thoughts by his expression. "Brida was my first but after her…" Uhtred shook his head and looked away. "I… I was with a man… a much older man. And I begged him to fuck me every chance I got." He looked back and tilted his head, his smirk returning. "And I'll beg you to fuck me."

Sihtric's eyes widened and a gasp left his parted lips. "Me, Lord?"

Uhtred let out a soft chuckle and he nodded his head. "Yes, my sweet baby boy." He stepped closer and moved his hand from the younger man's neck to his chest. He pushed and forced Sihtric back a step. Sihtric stumbled a bit, a heady haze clouding his head as his back hit the wall. Uhtred crowded in closer and dipped his head to the boy's neck. He touched his tongue to the inked skin and traced the tattoo up to where it disappeared in his hairline. Sihtric shivered against him and Uhtred smirked against his ear. "Do you want me to beg you?"

Finan let out a growl as he followed. He quickly threaded his fingers into Uhtred's hair and pulled. He yanked the shorter man away and shook his head. "Uhtred! We didn't git an answer yet. Ye can't jus' attack 'im unless he says yes."

Uhtred frowned and whined and pouted. "But Fin! Just look at him!"

Finan turned, forcing Uhtred back another step. He let the Lord go and pushed him. "No, Uhtred!" He snarled. "We talked 'bout this! Consentin' t' it is different than reactin'."

Uhtred's eyes widened. He glanced at Sihtric. "I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry, Sihtric! I swear… fuck!" He turned and threw up his arms, pacing a few steps away.

Finan sighed and turned back. "Sihtric, ye have t' tell us what ye want."

Sihtric licked his lips slowly. He knew exactly what he wanted and he'd wanted it since the moment he met Uhtred. But he didn't know if he should say it. He felt his face heat up and he looked away.

Finan shook his head. "No. This time, ye gotta talk, Sihtric. We canne just assume from yer reaction. Ye need t' tell us. An' if ye need more time, we can back off an' let ye think."

Sihtric shook his head. "No… I… I don't need more time…" He said softly. He sucked in a quick breath and exhaled it slowly, trying to focus on the motion for a moment, to calm himself. It was a lot to take in, a lot to absorb. Everything they'd said. All his fears were finally chased from his heart. They knew at least part of his torrid background and they didn't care. They still wanted him and oh Gods, he still wanted them. "I've wanted the same thing for the last year." He said softly. "I… I dreamt about it… over and over again… Lord…" He turned his gaze upon the man who had haunted him for so long. "You consumed my every thought while I helped search for you. My every waking moment, Uhtred. So much that I thought for sure Hild and Ragnar could tell that I… I wanted you to… that I want you to fuck me."

Uhtred sucked in a sharp breath and glanced sideways at Finan. "Just me?"

Sihtric shook his head quickly. "No… I want Finan too. That hasn't changed… but… I just…" He sighed and ran a hand over his face and hair. He did want them both. He couldn't deny that and he didn't want to. But he had wanted Uhtred longer.

Finan nodded his head. "I understand, Sihtric. It's okay if ye want 'im first. I can leave ye two alone…"

Sihtric's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No!" He gasped. "I don't want you to leave!" He stepped closer and reached for Finan's arm desperately. "Please don't leave!"

Finan glanced down to where Sihtric held onto him so tightly. He felt a weight lift from his chest. For a moment, he did fear rejection from the younger man. It was only a moment but it practically killed him and he could kick himself and Uhtred both if that was how they made Sihtric feel for the past several weeks. He couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face and he met Sihtric's gaze. "I ain't goin' anywhere, sweetheart. Unless you tell me t' leave. Whenever ye wanna be together, you just tell me. Even if it's now."

Sihtric licked his lips and shook his head. "No… I meant… I want you, too. Uh… With us… I like when it's all of us…"

Finan raised an eyebrow. "Are ye sure?"

Sihtric nodded his head. "He may have haunted me longer but you've been a present vision in my dreams since you called me pretty."

Finan tilted his head. "Really?"

Sihtric's face darkened more and he nodded. "The word was used by the men who…" He paused and bit his lip. "Sometimes they'd call me pretty… a pretty girl."

Finan's eyes widened. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Sihtric shrugged. "We'd just met. How could you? But hearing you say it… and the way you looked at me…" His blush darkened another shade and he let out a soft giggle. "You made it sound like it wasn't an insult."

Finan shook his head. "It wasn't. I swear! I spent a year wit' this fool, spouting poetry about ye." He said, inclining his head towards Uhtred. "I kinda thought he was already smitten wit' ya, without knowin' it.

Uhtred held back, waiting as the two talked. Relief washed over him and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. "I guess I was." He said softly.

Finan tilted his head and smiled. "An' meetin' ye, I could see why. Wasn't jus' bein' pretty. It was the devotion. I could see it in yer eyes the first time we met, when ye broke the shackles an' 'elped me t' me feet."

Sihtric smiled and moved closer. His fingers danced up Finan's arm before he tentatively wrapped his arm around the Irishman's neck. "I hated you so much that first night." He said softly. "I saw how close you and Uhtred were… and I was so jealous!"

Finan huffed out a laugh as he wrapped an arm around Sihtric's waist. "Didn't last very long."

Sihtric shook his head. "I saw how important you were to him… and then you both attacked me and I couldn't exactly think straight anymore."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Uhtred said suddenly and impatiently. He moved closer and glared at both of them. "Then Hild appeared and got in the way and I swear, I've been in a near state of blue balls since! Can we be done talking now? Gisela gave us the house and I'd love to take advantage of that."

Finan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Jus' cuz we talked doesn't mean we're doing anythin'."

Uhtred's face fell and his mouth dropped open. "Doesn't it? He just said he wanted to fuck!"

Finan let go of Sihtric and the boy detached himself as well. The Irishman turned towards Uhtred and shook his head again. "Maybe but 'e didn't say now!"

Uhtred threw back his head and let out a groan. "Fine! You're right!"

Sihtric smiled and shrugged. "I didn't say not now."

"Yes! There!" Uhtred nodded and hooked an arm around Finan's neck. He pulled the Irishman closer and wasn't shy around grinding his hips against him. "Please, Fin!"

Finan clenched his jaw, fighting with himself. "Sihtric." Finan turned his gaze on the younger man. "Do not let this shameless heathen sway ya."

"Hey!" Uhtred snapped indignantly. "I'm not doing anything!"

"Hush!" Finan grabbed Uhtred's hair again. "No more words from ye. Sihtric." He turned to face him again. "Do you want to?"

Sihtric tilted his head, thinking. He'd wanted to since the moment he met them, both of them. That didn't change. But he had to admit that their words had him doubting everything he knew. He still wouldn't say no. But he was still curious about one thing. "You said it doesn't have to hurt?"

Finan shook his head. "It doesn't. We can show ye… or…" He tilted his head and looked at Uhtred. "Uhtred can show ye. On me."

Uhtred moaned and nodded his head, pulling harder on Finan. "Fuck yes, I like that idea."

"Shut it!" Finan snapped. "You don't get a vote!"

Uhtred giggled and laid his head on Finan's shoulder "You already have my vote."

Finan rolled his eyes. "Uhtred, we've had yer vote since we met. Now let the boy talk!"

Uhtred smirked and licked Finan's neck, just below his beard. "I bet you'd be so pretty on your back, with me and the boy between your legs. I'll stretch you open so he can fuck you. Is that what you want, Fin? Do you want the boy to fuck you?"

Finan's eyes darkened and narrowed. His lips twisted into a feral looking snarl and he growled. "Uhtred…"

Uhtred scraped his teeth along the Irishman's skin before touching his lips to his ear. "He can make you feel really nice."

Finan breathed out loudly and pushed Uhtred away. His face was flushed and he panted for a moment. "Fuck…" He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

Uhtred stumbled back against the wall and smirked. "You're just too easy to rile up, Fin. It's fun."

Finan glared at him. "Do ye have to always be on, Uhtred?"

Uhtred shrugged. "I'm always on around you two." He leaned back against the wall, still smirking, as he watched Finan pacing the floor. "Stop being so dramatic, Fin." He crossed his arms and glanced at Sihtric. The boy's face was rather red and he was biting his lip and Uhtred knew his words had affected him too. He allowed his eyes to rake over his puppy's form and he was appreciating the view. His eyes followed the lines and dips of his arms, so nicely bare and on display for him. Until his eyes settled on the bandage. His heart skipped a beat as he was reminded that someone was potentially after him. Uhtred swallowed and pushed away from the wall. "How's your arm?"

Sihtric blinked, as if broken from a trance. He'd been watching Finan, his mind slowly sinking into a heady haze. He was rather enjoying Uhtred's teasing words for their Irishman and his reaction. He turned and looked at Uhtred, surprised at his Lord's proximity. "I… what, Lord?"

Uhtred smirked and brought his fingers to the boy's arm. He touched the torn cloth gently. "Your arm." He said, nodding. "How's your arm?"

Sihtric rolled his eyes. "My arm is fine!"

"I saw the cut, Sitty." Uhtred said, pressing closer to his side. "I may not know anything about healing like you do, but I know it looked deep."

"It was but it's fine." Sihtric said softly. "I cleaned it, stitched it, and it's healing. I promise. You can check it if you need to."

Uhtred breathed out and shook his head. "No. I… I trust you."

Finan let out a frustrated groan. "Are we gonna fucking do this or not?"