Hahahahaha, everyone was so mad about Killua not catching a hint, lol
He caught it, he was just scared of it. He didn't know what would happen if he let Gon close. Years of mind games from Illumi is traumatizing. The other thing, everyone was so upset at the feels at the end of the chapter. I'll tell you a secret, I had no idea that was coming either. I had up til Thursday night planned, Friday was a wild card, and the fact it decided to do that, lol I'm as surprised as you guys, It wasn't supposed to end like that, it was supposed to be as fluffy and cute as the rest of it. So I'll try to make up for it here :)
So I don't know what what I'm doing with this story anymore, this chapter is so filled with songs and unnecessary scenes, I don't even know, lol
Also, sorry if this version of Killua and Gon I'm writing doesn't please you, it's a little bit for plot pushing and it's my aesthetic for the boys. But I'm having fun, this is fun for me! Are you guys having fun?! That's great... yea, I almost done with these author notes up here lol anyways, moving on.
sing. about. chocolate: Thanks so much for enjoying my chapter so much! Sorry about the rap battle, hopefully I made it make more sense in the edit? But I'll probably go back and edit it somemore later anyways! Haha, I know you feel rage at the ending, but again, I wasn't expecting it either. Thanks for falling into my trap, MUAHAHAHA
AliVader24: Thanks for saying it was amazing! LOL I WASN'T THINKING WHEN I GOT TO THE END! BUT I'm happy it got so much reaction. I really didn't think it was that big of a thing, but I guess it was a blaring blimp in the face of the rest of the chapter's fluffiness? And here's more FLUFFXANGST! :)
Deugemia: Hey, welcome aboard new reader, thanks for coming with me on this journey. Did you enjoy where you caught up? No? Lol, yay, you'll love this one! hopefully, along with everyone else. Thanks for reading!
PrincessFairytale5: Whew, ok, first off the bat: UM I LOVE YOU AND ANYONE WHO GIVES LONG REVIEWS, THEY'RE THE BEST AND GIVES ME SLEEP AT NIGHT. Don't apologize for wanting to share the love of your story with me. Thanks. Thanks for complimenting me on my abilities, I am always (ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT) self conscious about them, so this gives me happiness. I know, I need to change my summary or something, it's not bringing people in to enjoy the ride with all the rest of you! But I don't know, I'll ask everyone what the new summary should be. I'll tell you, I had 300 summary options to choose from, that one just came out on top. I won't be able to reply to every part of your review without it being just as long, and I don't think you all want that, so... Thank you for the song suggestions, I'll check them out, and I hope you stay on board through the whole journey to love and hate all the characters! I'm just having fun myself and will finish it no matter what! Enjoy!
ALSO DONT UNDERAGE DRINK! ITS BAD TO DO unsupervised. Thx
Also HAPPPY NEW YEARSSS! Year of the dog, lets hope Gon brings happiness for another year.
Here's writing style number 2
Featured Music:
Time of Our Lives- Pitbull ft Ne-Yo
Roar- Katy Perry [suggested by ao3 commenter Dragonbooks249]
Birth (Acoustics Version)- Dardust
Sweet Apocalypse- Lambert [suggested by ao3 commenter Wutup-snow7]
I Won't Say (I'm in Love)- Walt Disney Records
Bad Apple (English)- Engllish vocals by Cristina Vee [suggested by ao3 commenter EnJaberwocky]
Here It Goes Again- OK Go [suggested by ao3 commenter hahayourenotfunnyatall]
Sober up- AJR
Can I Have This Dance- High School Musical Cast
Warning: anxiety/panic attack, Umm abuse indication? Hetero- relationship building lol? Stress stuff
Chapter 10: Lip science
Gon jogged off the dance floor to the edge of the food table where he left Killua after he gave the girls a satisfying number of 3 dances with them. He looked left and right when he didn't see Killua, feeling his heart sinking.
"Where did he…?" Gon muttered to himself, but then, from the corner of his vision, he saw the cafeteria doors that led outside open. Killua had his eyes on the ground, looking deep in thought as he came in through the doors.
"Killua!" Gon breathed out in relief. For a second there, Gon thought he'd lost him again. Killua looked up and caught his eyes, a surprised look melting into a soft smile. Gon closed the distance between them in a few strides, meeting Killua halfway.
"Hey! Where'd you go?" Gon asked, tucking a piece of pillowy hair behind Killua's ear. Killua blushed a bit at the gentle attention.
"I just went out to get some cool air, it gets a bit hot in here with all this dancing. You look like you could use some air yourself." Killua indicated to Gon's body, a sheen layer of sweat on his face and forearms. "You didn't think I'd leave, right? I said I'd hold your drink." Killua said, holding up the aforementioned drink higher into Gon's vision.
"Ah..., Right." Gon smiled, taking the drink and downing half. He looked down at it then back over at Killua who was looking out at the party. "Hey, you said you have a late photo shoot today, right? You wanna just go?" Gon asked. Killua's attention was back on Gon, but he was surprised Gon suggested leaving.
"But… it's the last event? Don't you want to-?" He asked, gesturing over to where Gon last left the other girls.
"No!" Gon cried out, maybe too loudly, but he really didn't want to be pawned off to the girls again, but even more importantly, he didn't want to spend even more time away from Killua. At least this way, he could walk him home and have some alone time with his friend. "It's fine, this was fun, but I'm sure there will be other parties."
Killua considered Gon's suggestion, his eyes darting around Gon's face as he thought. Gon smiled reassuringly as Killua thought it over so he didn't feel as though he was pressuring Gon to wanting to leave.
"...Ok." He sighed, a reluctant smile on his face. Gon's smile widened.
"Whoo, ok, let get out of here." He said, hooking arms with Killua and striding out the doors, downing the rest of his drink and tossing it to the trash by the exit.
When Gon gave Killua a dazzling smile from over his shoulder, Killua tried his best to return it past the squeeze seizing his chest. Then they were walking side by side down the sidewalk, and Gon easily filled the space between them. And Killua replied back just as easily in the spaces he was suppose to and following the social cues he was suppose to- laugh at this joke, and show appall at that punchline. But he was a little lost in thought at the moment. He felt it was a bit mean and insincere to use his ingrained social skills on Gon, but was still a little lost in thoughts from when he was outside the cafeteria. After Thursday, Killua was left feeling confused and too timid to ask for more details. Gon was more than obviously singing the song to him. But should Killua take in the song's meaning, or should he take it superficially? Take the song as a confession, or a song dedicated as a gift?
But the problem was Killua wouldn't even know what he would do if Gon was saying something more to him.
Gon was attractive, no doubt, and Killua couldn't say he wasn't attracted to him. He had a magnetic personality that quickly pulls you in to his pace, and there's no doubt multiple people have their eye on him for the ideal partner. Plus, he was sculpted for the heavens. His facial features and jaw lines promised to be a looker when he gets older, and everyone with a social media has already seen Gon's physique showcased by the tailor made gym uniform. One would have to be blind or asexual not to have at least a daydream starring Gon.
But what about more than that?
Killua was Gon's best friend, and he loved being there for Gon. Being his best friend was the best thing that ever happened to Killua, and he wouldn't want to lose it for anything in the world.
And he knows Gon can be affectionate, but he says all the embarrassing things to his other friends too, not just Killua. He can't take that as a telltale that there's something more. And Killua has fallen and messed up past relationships for less. He has too much to lose if he brings it up and messes everything up.
Killua has learned so much from Gon, maybe more than Killua has taught Gon, but if there was one thing he knew was that he learned he would do anything for Gon. Killua was a flight risk with flaky and fickle emotions, and Gon doesn't deserve whatever emotional pain he might put Gon through if he brought him closer. Killua might be able to understand his feelings for Gon better if he let Gon closer, but Killua doesn't think he'd be willing to pay the price for the consequences. He tried to get Gon to go run around and enjoy time with the girls, hoping he could realize he doesn't actually like Killua, but he only came back with a brighter, more attentive smile. But Killua will pretend he doesn't see, and doesn't know what it means.
Illumi was wrong, Killua doesn't think friends would distract him from his career, if anything, his friends advance his career and knowledge and experience.
But he can't allow Gon any closer.
He'll stay like this. He'll be happy.
As Gon's best friend.
Breathe, His aching chest reminded him as he smiled in Gon's face.
"Performance readiness." Killua said, a long sleeve over-the-shoulder shirt adorning his lithe milky white frame. Gon tried his best to keep his eyes up and locked with Killua's, but the curve sloping gently from his neck into his shoulder was... distracting to say the least.
"You have some degree of performance readiness, since you have performed before. But you have also performed under less stressful circumstance, right?" Killua asked, jarring Gon out of his straying thoughts.
"R-right!" He affirmed with a nod, his snapback hiding his view of Killua for a moment. Gon wore a hoodie with accessory chains and black skinny jeans. Killua nodded.
"Now, this won't be nearly as stressful as the actual concert, but hopefully placing you in front of a wider variety of audiences that aren't your fans. You'll have to work harder to get your audience to like you. So that's when you do your final piece at the Showcase, you won't be as nervous to perform because you know all the tricks to win over your audience." Killua nodded, turning around to face the person in front of them. "Which is what brings us here."
The words 'Greed Island' were lit up in bright green neon lights, a chain bar and restaurant with open mics every Saturday nights at 9. The club usually didn't let minors in after 10 since that's when they open the bar, but Killua's hoping that if they get in before 10 and just... stay inside, his planned evening will go without a hitch.
They reached the front doors where the bouncer rested against the side of the entrance around 9:30 when Killua last checked. The bouncer checked the time as well and slightly twisted his face at the teenagers before him.
"Sorry kids, it's too close to open bar time to let you in." He said in his gruff voice.
"Whaat? Lame, it's not even 10 yet." Killua complained. The bodyguard shrugged.
"Not my problem."
Killua scrunched his lips to one side before he tried again.
"Well, it's a good thing it's no problem, since we're of legal drinking age." Killua nodded.
"You're telling me you're 21?" He asked.
"Uh, yea." Killua scoffed.
"You can't act this bratty and expect me to think you're an adult."
"You can't say you haven't actually met older adults that's been brattier?" Killua asked, hands on his hips. The bodyguard looked up in thought then shrugged.
"True, but they also didn't have baby faces that gave away their ages."
Killua groaned and was about to open his mouth to rebuttal again.
"Killua, it's ok. I'm not sure exactly what you wanted to do, but..."
"Wait, Killua? As in Killua Zoldyck?" The bouncer asked as Killua was just about to try to coerce Gon to let him handle this. He turned back to the bouncer slowly.
"...Yes..." He said with slight hesitation. Was this going to work?
"Wow, I recognize you now! My daughter loves you. I'll tell you what, you give me an autograph and a selfie for her, I'll let you in." He said.
"Seriously? Deal!" He said, stepping forward.
-o0o0o0o-
"I didn't think that would work!" Killua huffed, pulling up his collar a bit.
"Wow! To think one day I'll be famous enough to trade my autographs for favors is so cool!" Gon smiled, keeping pace with Killua. "But seriously, why was it so important to come in here specifically?"
"Well, Gon, as someone with world star experience, you'll be invited to parties and after parties. You'll need experience with..." Killua smacked his hand on the bar they made their way over to. "Alcohol."
Gon's mouth opened wide at the very implication.
-o0o0o0o-
Killua hid his smile behind a hand as he looked on at Gon. After they went in, they enjoyed the party scene and atmosphere, dancing plenty and ordering appetizers. Killua insisted on paying, but Gon assured him he could pay for himself that night to the protest of his wallet. Gon could be so stubborn sometimes. When 10 o'clock struck, Killua tried the famous card again at the open bar, and it worked pretty well. Idols usually are exposed to the chance of having alcohol all the time. Killua's been to Zoldyck after-parties and client galas before where they served wine and alcohol. And that's where the problem lied, wasn't it?
Since Killua's had alcohol before, he wasn't affected as quickly by a glass or two. But that was a different situation for Gon, and Killua had forgotten about that little detail. Killua's plan was to have them have a coupe drinks since a World Star is expected to be able to imbibe a couple drinks. Then they sing the open mic with a good buzz since Gon will have to know how to act even with some alcohol in his veins. It was going to be informative for Killua on how Gon drinks and performs on short notice in front of a little less than welcoming audience. but now Killua was watching Gon be adorable in front of him at the table.
"Yea, and I'm pretty sure the fish I caught was twice my size, and as wide as I am long." Gon said, miming his hands like he was bringing the fish around with his fishing pole.
"Uh-huh..." Killua hummed, bringing his non alcoholic drink to his lips to sip. Once he figured out how influenced Gon was getting so quickly, the next rounds were alcohol free, although, Killua's not sure Gon knows that.
"You'd be impressed. I wish I could show you a picture... but I could always show you something else, big and lon-"
"OK!" Killua cut off, feeling his face heat up quickly. Ok, so a drunk Gon was a flirty one, good to know. "I think it's time to sign up for our turn on the open mic." Killua said standing up. Gon had a half pout on his face once Killua interrupted him but lit back up at the suggestion.
"Ya! Whoo, this is gonna be fun!" He hopped onto his feet, feeling light and energized. Killua moved over to the wings to sign up, the last performance running out of the stage's spotlight.
"You're up, go, go, go!" The stage manager said, ushering Killua's hands off the sign up to the stage stairs.
"Wait- what?" Killua blinked, stumbling up the steps. "We didn't even sign up-"
"No else did, if you wanna go, you're up." She said.
"Fine, Gon, choose whatever song you want, we'll do it." Killua said, pushing back on the manager long enough to talk to Gon who barely kept up with the manager's quick feet.
"Oh! Yay, I know exactly which one I want!" He gushed, cheeks red, before turning to the machine to key in the song.
Killua skipped on stage, keeping himself from tripping when the managers shoved him up there. He was gonna let Gon lead, but he supposed he'll warm up the crowd while he waits for Gon.
"Whoo, are y'all ready?" Killua winked out to the crowd, catching everyone's attention with his loud intro. "We about to light this place on fire..." He hummed as he heard the song intro Gon choose come onto the speakers. He loved this song!
"Ye, you ready for this!?" Gon cheered, a mic being shoved into his hand right before he jumped onto the stage with a giant commanding presence. Killua was actually taken aback, never having been up on stage with Gon before. His stage presence was so big, Killua was actually worried about being washed out and pushed to the back by him. He could steal a whole stage by himself, even if there were maybe 5 others on stage with him. He really was amazing. Lucky for him, Killua already knew how to extend his own stage presence as not to fall to the wayside when performing.
"Let's go!" Killua skipped across stage with a smile, raising his hands in a 'get hype' motion and brought some attention off Gon. The crowd watching them was eating this all up, happy with the promising start of the performance.
"This for everyone up in here looking for a good time...!" Gon sung, his words mashing together a bit from the alcohol in his system. "And may we make your time better..." He delivered with a low voice, and many single girls in the club squealed their praise and approval.
"I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago, I worked my a$$ off, but I still can't pay it though… But I got just enough To get off in this club. Hand me a good time, before my time is up! Hey, let's get it now!" They jumped into a dance number as they sang the words, a rhythmic motion to their movements. Killua forward and around Gon as he took on the next verse, their chemistry working well with each other, picking up subtle cues so they know where to move next or whose singing what without so much as a quick rehearsal.
"Oooh I want the time of my life…" Killua vocalized the notes in the song as Gon sang backup vocals. "(Mr. World star!) Oh baby, Oooh give me the time of my life…. (Killua, let's get it!) Let's get it now!"
"This is the last $20 I got, But I'm a have a good time ballin' on that" Killua took away from the spotlight to let Gon take on the first verse, his charisma overflowing with his quick speaking skills improved from rap practice, and his dancing with the words feuling the crowds cheers. Killua did back up dancing for Gon.
"Tell the bartender line up some shots, Cause I'm a get loose tonight! She's on fire, she's so hot, I'm no liar, she burned the spot! Looked like Mariah, I took another shot, Told her drop, drop, drop, drop it like it's hot!" The two star teens' movements were playful and played off the words of the songs. They were having as much fun as the crowd was. And it was definitely a surprise to Killua. He was challenged to keep up with Gon's energy at every turn and dance, but besides that, he was having fun performing. How could Gon be this amazing?
"Dirty talk, dirty dance, She a freaky girl and I'm a freaky man! She on the rebound, broke up with her ex, And I'm like Rodman, ready on deck… I told her I wanna ride out, and she said yes. We didn't go to church, but I got blessed." Gon and Killua lined up next to each other as they read each other's mind. they put their hands together as though in prayer at the word 'blessed' before going back into dancing.
"I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago! I worked my a$$ off, but I still can't pay it though…" Killua sang. They turned their back to the audience and put a hand on their jean clad butts in their dance number, rhythmically shaking of their hips. "But I got just enough To get up in this club. Hand me a good time, before my time is up! Hey, let's get it now!"
"Oooh I want the time of my life, yeah…" Gon picked up where Killua stopped. "Ohh baby, Oooh give me the time of my life… Hey, hey, hey, Let's get it now!" Killua jumped forward past Gon to take up the rapping part, his dance actions mimicking the words.
"Tonight I'm a lose my mind, Better get yours cause I'm gonna get mine! Party every night like my last, Momma know the drill, shake that a$$! Go ahead baby let me see what you got, You know you got the biggest booty in this spot- And I just wanna see that thing drop! From the back to the front to the top!" The stage was so much fun with Gon, and his personality was so addicting and enticing, Killua was drowning in it. Killua could practically forget they were on stage and they were just playing with each other with singing. Killua could forget his stage anxiety and the pressure of being watched and perfect, all to focus on singing and laughing with Gon on stage.
"You know me I'm off in the cut! Always like a Squirrel, looking for a nut." Killua rubbed his hands together as well as he could with the mic in his hands and went cross the stage playing to the crowd. They loved it, dancing and whooping to their music. Gon smiled from behind, watching Killua perform ahead of him. He felt a bit bad because he was supposed to be doing backup vocals and dancing for Killua while he did his part of the song, but he felt a bit in awe from performing with Killua for the first time. Watching and admiring from the audience was one thing, but performing on stage was like a whole new experience. It was an honor and it was amazing that Gon could perform with someone that easily matched his pace and energy step for step. Killua was so amazing.
"This isn't for show I'm not talking 'bout luck, I'm not talkin 'bout love, I'm talking 'bout lust…!" Gon's jaw dropped as he watched, on stage, in real life, before his eyes, Killua do the pelvis drop and roll, barely registering the roaring, want-filled cheers of the girls in the audience. Gon bit his lip and remembered to keep dancing with Killua.
"Now let's get loose, have some fun, Forget about bills and the first of the month. It's my night, your night, our night, let's turn it up!" The smile on Killua's face made Gon want to smile wider. His energy made him want to do better and play up to the crowd more. He was so engaging and playful, Gon fed off Killua's energy and Killua fed off his. Gon wants to say this was his best stage he could remember. He still loves performing with Killua and this was off the cuff. They sang together, "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago, I worked my a$$ off, but I still can't pay it though. But I got just enough To get up in this club! Hand me a good time, before my time is up! Hey, let's get it now."
"Oooh I want the time of my life, yeah…" Killua sang himself, putting himself out in the middle of the stage, arms out to his side and his eyes closed. Gon got goosebumps at the sound of Killua's voice, the delivery was gorgeous and perfectly pitched and tuned. "Ohh baby, Oooh give me the time of my life… Hey, hey, hey! Let's get it now!"
Killua ducked out the spotlight for Gon to walk up the spot and sing the bridge, Killua singing backup vocals behind him. "Everybody going through something (Everybody going through something)... I said, everybody going through something! (Everybody going through something)! So you might as well roll it up, Pour it up, drink it up, throw it up tonight... ohhh, yeah...
"I said, everybody going through something! (Everybody going through something)! Said, everybody going through something! (Everybody going through something)! So you might as well roll it up, Pour it up, drink it up, throw it up tonight... ohhh, yeah!"
"This for anybody going through tough times, Believe me, been there, done that…" Gon said, breaking from singing to talk into the mic. "But everyday above ground is a great day, remember that!" He said, tapping his head before falling back into line to sing and dance with Killua, rhythmically following the lyrics and words.
"I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago… I worked my a$$ off, but I still can't pay it though! But I got just enough To get up in this club. Hand me a good time, before my time is up. Hey, let's get it now!
"Oooh I want the time of my life, yeah…! Ohh baby, Oooh give me the time of my life, Hey, hey, hey, Let's get it now!" Killua and Gon ended the number with raised fists holding the mics and only slightly panting while the club raised their voices in appreciation. Gon and Killua looked over at each other, beaming.
-o0o0o0o0o0o-
"I can't believe you two!" Mito fumed.
"It was only a couple of drinks!"
"I'm sorry, Mito!"
This was why Killua tried to tell Gon not to let slip where they had gone for that Saturday night, but Mito seems to have some sort of hypnosis in her scolding, pressuring stare and Gon gave in pretty quick.
Killua gave a side glance to Gon real quick, his apology making it seem like they did something bad. They didn't really!
"Underaged drinking is wrong! You don't know the consequences of being under the influence at this age!"
"Mito, as a World Star, Gon is bound to drink. He'll be invited to after parties where there will be drinks!"
"Gon's won't be invited to those afterparties, they know his age!"
"His label company will likely have parties for their clients, and it'll look bad for him to refuse. I have been to plenty of label company parties where I have drinked alcohol before! it's not even that bad." Killua said. Mito narrowed her eyes at the starlit teen, and he couldn't help but swallow at the intensity.
"Killua, don't make me rethink what your influence is on Gon!"
"No!" He said a bit too loudly, he couldn't be separated from Gon this quickly. He cleared his throat and tried again.
"No, I mean, -sigh- Mito, I wasn't taking Gon out just to drink, or anything. It was apart of preparing him for being an idol. He'll be at these parties where there will be alcohol, and even if he tries his best, he'll probably drink an alcoholic beverage before he's 21 anyway. I was just trying to make sure he had some experience with alcohol in his system before then so he is used to it and does it in a controlled environment, instead of somewhere damage control will have to be done if he does it for the first time himself." He explained calmly. Mito raised one eyebrow, her narrowed eyes opening a bit.
"...And I can trust you to know what you're doing?" She asked. Killua nodded his head, keeping eye contact with her to show he was being genuine. She sighed.
"Then I'll leave you to take care of Gon and get him ready for bed. And maybe before you guys do this again, tell me? You guys are older than children, but not adults yet. I want to know you guys are safe. Killua, I trust you, but you're gonna have to work on showing me I can from now on. Act like you are an adult, hmm?" She scolded. Killua let his head drop at that.
"Yes, Mito. Sorry, Mito."
"Yea, sorry, aunt Mito." Gon murmured again. Mito smiled at their bowed heads and moved forward to put them both in a hug.
"Its ok, my boys. I just worry... I still love you both. Go get ready for bed." She pushed them off towards Gon's bed room. Killua blinked owlishly at her for a second before Gon had his hand and pulled him along.
"She said she... loves us both...!" Killua muttered to Gon from behind us.
"What? Of course she does! I'm sure she looks at you like another son." Gon smiled back at Killua and he blushed, a warm feeling in the center of his chest. Wow, Mito was amazing to him when he first met him, and thought Gon was so lucky to have someone who could love him like that... and now that love was his too? Wow...
They got to the room and Killua worked to get Gon to bed. They dressed in their usual nightwear, Killua having left some of his clothes at Gon's from coming over so often. Killua ordered Gon into bed and he left the room, coming back with some heated leftover pizza, water, and a painkiller.
"I'm pretty sure I didn't have you drink enough to be hung over in the morning, but this is just in case." Killua said, climbing on Gon's bed to give him the plate and drink.
"Wow, thanks Killua. You were so amazing, convincing Mito not to kill us for what we did. I usually just apologize until she lets me off with a relatively soft punishment. But you argued with her until she practically let us off the hook! how'd you do it? Isn't she intimidating?"
"Well, yea, she's got a glare that can rival my mother's, but I'm used to dealing with enraged women." Killua shrugged with a cat smile. Gon gaped at him before taking a bite of pizza.
"And at the club too! The way you sang gave me goosebumps, I only heard you sing like that a couple of times before."
"Sing like that...? But I wasn't even doing anything, I was just having fun..." Killua shrugged.
"Hm? Don't you always have fun when you perform?" Gon asked with a crocked eyebrow. Killua shrugged, pouty.
"It's... been rough the past couple of years. I haven't had fun performing for a while." Killua said, picking at his sweatpants. Gon frowned.
"Do you think about anything when you perform?"
"No... Just focus on the notes and deliver them how we did in practice."
"Well, what you were thinking about up on the club stage that you could have that much fun?" Gon asked. Killua looked up at Gon, golden hues meeting blue, and Killua almost felt embarrassed to admit.
"I was... you were so amazing up there... I wanted to show you I was having fun too."
"Mmmh, so... you usually don't sing with any emotion on a normal stage, but when you did at the club, you sounded amazing! So maybe you should try singing with emotion to sound better?" Gon asked. Killua bit his lip before turning to Gon.
"Excuse me?" He asked, a slight bite in his voice. Gon made an o face.
"That's not how I wanted that to sound-!"
"You think I'm not a good singer and performer already?"
"No, Killua, you know I think you're amazing! I just mean..."
"You think I'm lacking in my performances?"
"No, no, Killua! Hold on, wait, you're putting words in my mouth!" Gon said, taking Killua's hands to stop his puffing rant. Gon forgot how sensitive Killua could be when it came to critiquing his professionalism and perfection. Gon couldn't blame him, the defensiveness probably came from his family always trying to perfect him, but if he could convince them he was already at peak, no more punishment would come his way. Killua's blue eyes flashed as he met Gon's gaze again.
"I'm not saying you're bad or anything! If you make no improvements, no one would complain."
"You keep saying like I could improve!"
"You can! Obviously, tonight showed that! Everyone can always improve!" Gon said, trying to keep his voice leveled although Killua kept yelling at him.
"Not me. I've been trained since I could take instructions how to be the best, they have already optimized my performance, delivery, and music. I-"
"But you aren't happy!" Gon said. Killua closed his mouth as Gon's words sunk in. "You say they made you the best you can be, but you've told me countless times it doesn't make you happy. There is a way to get better, because there is a way to be good at all that and be happy too. You're not the best you can be right now, because you're not happy. If you can find how to get both, then I'll believe that you really can't improve anymore." Gon said, pulling Killua closer by his hands. Killua tried his best to glare at Gon, but he knew there was truth in his words. He understood what he was saying and Gon was suppose to be his coach in terms of finding out how to love music again.
"Alright, Gon, I'm... sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, you're just trying to help."
"Yea! The next time you forget how amazing I think you already are, I'll just shout your praises whenever they pop into my head."
"What? You already do that!"
"No, I've been pretty mild about it..." Gon said, thinking back. Killua's mouth dropped before he felt his cheeks warming up. Gon thought so highly of him- Killua should know Gon's thoughts about him. Gon would happily spout them out if Killua forgot how much Gon adores him. Anything Gon says is to help.
"Alright, so what do you suggest...?" Killua asked, rubbing a thumb in a gentle circle on the back of Gon's hand that was holding his. Gon beamed, a slight blush on his cheeks from the small but appreciated motions Killua was doing.
"Well, you sang with more feeling and emotion at the club, determined to let the audience feel the fun we were having on stage... So next time you sing, try to channel that emotion. Or whichever emotion you can. What I like to do best is think of how the song you're singing is suppose to make you feel and really embody that to portray it to the audience." Killua nodded.
"I mean, I don't know how that will make my performance any different..." He muttered. "But I can try the next concert..." Killua felt a cold sweat break over him. "Right! Crap, I got one tomorrow. Gon, I gotta go." Killua said, getting up and taking up a jacket to cover his thin clothings. Gon scrambled to get up after him.
"W-wait, no! No! Why are you leaving now though? Isn't it tomorrow?"
"But it's really early morning, we're prepping all day. I wouldn't even be surprised if I accidently missed some stuff tonight already."
"Aw, b-but, wait, at least let me drive you-"
"No way, you've still got alcohol in your system, so no way in hell you're driving. It's fine, its not a far walk." Killua said, picking up his phone and headphones. Gon pouted. He didn't want Killua to leave, his chest felt heavy from just the thought. And they just had a argument on a touchy subject, Gon wanted Killua to leave in a bit of a better mood, not like this.
"I... call me, alright? Tell me how things are going, you know you can text me... and... have a good night, Killua." Gon said, following Killua around like a puppy as Killua made his way to the exit.
"You're leaving, Killua?" Mito asked from the couch, watching the television.
"Yea, I totally forgot I got practice real early morning tomorrow, and it's just simpler to be there already." He said, putting his shoes on at the door, Gon at his side as he watched on helplessly.
"Ah, I see. Have a good night then, and have fun at your concert."
"Thanks." He said, getting up and to the door.
"You have a lot of concerts on Sundays, huh?" Gon muttered as he followed Killua to the door and into the night fall air.
"Yea, that's when most of them are. It's more convenient for all our VIPs and whatever..." Killua said, turning back to Gon. He looked at him in the eyes, then his eyes darted about Gon's body, feeling at loss of what to do. He felt like he should do something. Gon also hesitated, the feeling mutual.
"Killua-"
"Gon-"
They paused after that and let out a laugh, feeling the weird air dissipates. Gon opened his arms and Killua's laugh cut off, recognizing the motion. He blushed. Geez, Gon was so embarrassing, making him go into the hug instead of just hugging him himself. Killua stepped into it as cooly as he could, but Gon just swooped him up as he entered his personal space and shook him with vigor. Killua couldn't help but laugh and Gon joined him.
"I'll miss you. See you monday."
"Right. See ya." He hummed, stepping out the hug and sending one last wave over his shoulder and leaving the small apartment complex.
"Don't say it." Gon said as he strode back across the apartment to his room, Mito putting her hand in front of her smile before she could comment. Gon's door closed but she could still hear his large dramatic groan. She giggled to herself as she continued watching her television.
Gon couldn't really get good sleep that night.
-o0o0o0o-
"You're huh?" Killua asked, turning his head away from the stage hand putting blush on his cheeks.
"I'm overseeing the concert tonight." Kikyo said, adjusting the head stage manager headphones over her head, looking quite inexperienced. Killua could have laughed.
"But why?" He asked. Where was their usual stage manager?
"I recently talked to your father," She started, and Killua blinked surprised. Father called recently? How surprising... "And he was talking to me about being more involved with the kids, and I completely agreed! So I started the initiative to personally see how my wonderful kids were performing!" She said. "And I do expect nothing but perfection from our little Zoldyck proteges! Especially my star pupil who will no doubt be the best of all his siblings...!" Kikyo said, pinching Killua's cheek. Killua was about to slap the hand off his cheek when it was removed and and cold clammy hand clamped onto his shoulder. Killua shivered, immediately recognizing it as Illumi.
"Of course, mother. We trained him well enough to do nothing less than perfect." Illumi's harmonious voice said. Killua's face scrunched in annoyance as he turned back to his dressing room mirror, knowing well enough not to act out with both his mother and older brother breathing down his neck. His right arm throbbed with phantom pain as his chest constricted.
"Very well!" She said, and turned around. "Let's make sure all the instruments are tuned and get Milluki ready for the opening number!" She said into the headset as she walked off backstage. Killua was suddenly turned in his chair and met with the intense stare of his brother's void black eyes, and he felt he couldn't breath.
"Since mother is here, I am going to personally make sure you do absolutely flawless. We can't go around showing her that all her training was for naught. Our whole life we just train to perform for concerts like this. All of that is waste if we can't even do that. So smiling faces, and let's be perfect, yes?"
"Yes brother..." He managed to strain out, and his voice even sounded stable, score!
"Good," he said, then got up to leave the way mother went, probably to go show mother what a good wind-up doll he is. Killua could finally breathe again, and he rubbed his arm, throbbing with phantom pains caused by his stress.
"It's ok, Killua..." He muttered to himself, looking himself in the eyes of his reflection. "You're fine. Just don't let them get to your head, perform and you're fine until next Sunday." He said, calming himself down. He barely saw himself as he looked in the mirror which he assumed was a good sign, he won't get in his own head either.
-o0o0o0o-
Killua grumbled and frowned as he looked up at Illumi, prompting him to do his speed through with him.
"I'm just here to help, Killu. I trained you, I'll know if you messed up or forgot anything if you run your performance through me." He said. Killua sighed dramatically before mumbling through the song speedily, moving minimally just to indicate how he'd move on stage. Illumi gave him micro managing notes, but Killua would also be ok without them. Illumi could be so overbearing.
"Break a leg, Killu." Illumi gave in his emotionless tone of his as Killua went out to the stage. The audience's roaring welcomed him to the stage, all fading into white noise. He took the microphone into his fingerless gloved hand, staring out into the crowd nowhere in specific. It helped him perform if he didn't focus on the now.
The music started and Killua began the blocked out number across the stage, first stage left and give face.
"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath. Scared to rock the boat and make a mess- So I sit quietly, agree politely." Stage right, keys and chords like in practice. "I guess that I forgot I had a choice… I let you push me past the breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything… You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Already brushing off the dust!" Killua remembered what Gon told him, to bring his emotion into his voice. That somehow that makes a difference in his singing ability. Well, he was already trained to the utmost by his parents, he doesn't think there is much else he can do to improve, but he already promised Gon he would try.
"You hear my voice, you hear that sound! Like thunder gonna shake the ground. You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Get ready 'cause I've had enough! I see it all, I see it now…" Killua inhaled, trying to embody the power, the self-confidence, the raw self righteous rath in the words of the song. It was easy thinking about just how much this song was such mood. He felt it build in his chest until he really felt like he had to roar to get it out.
"I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar!" His voice raised a fever pitch, sound waves flashing over the crowd with intensity they weren't expecting. They all fell silent momentarily before raising together in one voice, a giant roar in their approval. He was surprised, his smile widening past what his stage smile required. He was… enjoying himself? The reaction from the crowd? Like they liked what he was giving, not what they were paying for.
"Louder, louder than a lion! 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh," He was surprised the crowd joined him in his singing unprompted. "Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! You're gonna hear me roar!"
He never thought he'd enjoy the stage this much. The way he dreamt the stage would be like when he was little. Was this it? And Gon could give it? Killua… was so thankful for Gon. The delivery was emotional for everyone, goosebumps broke out on their skin. It electrified them and thrilled them to the core. A carthathism they didn't know they were getting.
"Now I'm floating like a butterfly, Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes!" He decided to even break rehearsed formation a bit to dance improvised to the words like he did at the club with Gon. It was just as fun and the reaction from the crowd fueled Killua on.
"I went from zero, to my own hero! You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Already brushing off the dust! You hear my voice, you hear that sound! Like thunder gonna shake the ground! You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Get ready 'cause I've had enough! I see it all, I see it now…"
"Oh my baby Killu! I knew he'd be the best of us all!" The mother said, moving her stage manager mic off her face to express her happiness better. Illumi looked on critically.
"Yes… we're so proud."
Illumi has an inkling that Killua change in demeanor had to do with that hoodlum that Killua won't tell him anything about. This was getting weird, his precious perfect Killua was changing in ways he couldn't monitor or control. If this got out of hand, Gon wouldn't even have to worry about backing out of the music industry himself, Illumi would crush it before it starts.
"I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar! Louder, louder than a lion! 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! (You're gonna hear me roar)! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, (You'll hear me roar) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! You're gonna hear me roar…!"
Killua was having a great time, and it conveyed in the emotions he poured into the song. He felt his body tingling and fuzzy with the delivery. The crowd was jumping with the music, having fun and honestly finding a new favorite Zoldyck. They'll have to sponsor more money to them to get more concerts featuring him.
"Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar! I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire! 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar! Louder, louder than a lion! 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You're gonna hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You'll hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar…" His note echoed into the open night sky as he let his head fall back and the crowd roared back its pleasure.
"Yes, yes, great job on yesterday!" Kikyo shrilled , following her kids around as they prepared for the day. She was so satisfied with how involved she was yesterday she felt inclined to play house and try to dote on the children. It's not like they haven't been taking care of themselves and getting themselves out the door since they entered high school.
"How annoying..." Killua muttered under his breath before raising the noise cancelling headphones up over his ears and playing the music.
"Thank you mother. We'll be taking our leave now." Illumi said herding his two younger brothers out the door. Milluki was practically snorting with a please smile. He's happy he made his mother happy. But Killua couldn't care less as he grabbed his bento off the table and left the kitchen to the main hallway that led out the house.
"Oh! As you pass the closet door, take your umbrellas! I heard a nasty downpour will come in the middle of your school day and stay raining until tonight!" She called out after them.
"Yes mother!"
"Yes mama!"
"..."
Killua didn't hear as he kept his music volume at a nice drowning noise volume. He trucked on past the closet and out the house before Illumi could even double check.
Killua looked up at the sky painted various shades of gray, the downpour not letting up for a second. He let his head fall with a small bounce.
"Cripes..." He muttered. It's raining? How was he supposed to know it was gonna rain today? From now he was keeping an umbrella in his locker.
"Killua?" Gon's decadent voice rang out behind him and before he knew it, his broad frame was by his side. He held a half opened Umbrella in his hands and a half smile directed at Killua. "What's wrong?"
"I didn't..." Killua muttered, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment. He just motioned his hands helplessly at the rain. Gon followed his motion then his mouth formed a shape of an o, realizing.
"Well, then, Killua," Gon said, opening the umbrella fully and holding it over them. "Want to share an umbrella with me?"
Killua looked back at the bright boy with wide eyes and he's sure his blush didn't fade. Share an umbrella, that close to Gon, for so long? His heartbeat sped up at the thought and he flushed further. He wasn't expecting his body to react like that...
"Er..." He looked back out at the rain. It wasn't like he had a choice unless he wanted to ask the house to bring a car. And that's just awkward. "Alright."
Gon's smile widened further before he pulled Killua closer by the forearm. Killua tried to appear helpful by stepping closer to Gon when all he wanted to do was flinch away. He was satisfied his body listened to him to this extent.
"Ready?" He asked, his voice lowered in volume. There was no point in regular volume when they were literally two breaths apart. Killua swallowed and forced himself not to look at Gon's lips.
"Y-yea." He cursed himself for stuttering, but they moved into the rain nonetheless.
"So..." Gon started after they walked away from the school, nothing to distract them but the constant drumming on the top of Gon's black umbrella. Killua didn't want to say anything about his shoulder to his left getting soaked from the rain and dripping of the umbrella side since it wasn't wide enough for two. He nearly jumped when Gon suddenly spoke- he was too busy concentrating on putting on foot in front of the either and keeping a constant distance to Gon, a preferable occasional brushing of shoulders when they fall out of step with each other.
"Yes, Gon?" Killua asked, his voice too loud for their small private space under the dome.
"When does your concerts come out? The ones you do Sundays?" He asked, turning his gaze to Killua. Killua could swear the sun came out from behind the clouds.
"U-um, The-the concerts... that come out on DVD are Zoldyck specials, er, the ones we do mostly every Sunday are ones our Zoldyck VIPs ask for. Since it's a service to the client, it wouldn't do very well to sell the recording to anyone outside who attended." Killua nodded. He faced forward, looking ahead at the rain hitting the pavement so hard that gray mist rose up as well and hindered the view so one couldn't see 3 feet ahead. He peaked to the side and saw that Gon's other shoulder farthest from him was also getting wet. He bit his lip to keep his smile from growing too large. Gon also didn't mind getting a little wet for him...
"Ah... Makes sense." Gon chirped also looking forward.
"Yea..." Killua hummed. "...But I can probably get you a recording? Sometime? If you wanted?" Killua's face was surely completely red, he felt his face burning up. The cool mist and wind brushing past his cheeks and bangs were a grateful welcome. Killua didn't even have to look over at Gon to see his beaming smile.
"Wow! That'd be really nice! Especially since I know your DVDs are crazy expensive... But I'd rather see one personally. Can I come backstage to a concert one of these days?"
Killua's face lost color as his mind fast tracked through every single possibility that could go wrong.
"No." He answered after a pause. He could also see Gon's pout without looking.
"Aw! Killua, too mean. I'd just want to experience a real concert. Like a World Star scale!"
"Answer is still no." He even let a smirk on his features to hide his stress properly and make it seem like he was just being stingy. Gon pouted and much too soon they reached the corner where they needed to part.
"Ah... well, I didn't think about this..." Gon chuckled nervously.
"A-ah, erm..." Killua stuttered, stepping back a bit, leaving Gon with the umbrella. It was his after all, he should walk home with it. Gon saw Killua's movement's and quickly slipped the handle into Killua's hands, the foam still warm from Gon's hold.
"I know you live a bit farther from home than me," Gon explained while Killua's mind whirled with what Gon was about to do. "And mine is just down this way. If I run, it'll be like the rain didn't even touch me!" Gon backed out the ring of the umbrella dryness.
"Wo-wait! Gon-!" Killua lunged forward to try and get Gon back under.
"Return it tomorrow! Or don't! Whatever!" Gon said skipping further back and his hair starting to droop. "Bye Killua! Stay dry!" He turned and sprinted down his usual street.
"A-ah..." Killua choked out, reaching a useless hand after him. "Gon!" He shouted after him. He sighed, there was no point now, he was already wet and probably halfway home. He turned to walk home.
"Wait... We could have just walked to my place then he could have walked with his own umbrella home..." Killua thought. He smacked his forehead. This is what they get for acting too suddenly instead of thinking about it. He chuckled. "Gon's so..." His mind didn't supply anything useful. Just things like amazing, thoughtful, and the best.
-o0o0o0o0o-
"You go straight to the bath, you! Off with your clothes! I thought you took your umbrella to school?" Mito cried out, pushing the soaking Gon to the bathroom.
"I did!" Gon sniffed and rubbed his nose pleased with himself. He sneezed and Mito thwapt him on the head.
"If you get sick, no TV for a month!"
"Mito, noooo!"
"You got sick?!" Killua cried out looking Gon over, his reddened cheeks and nose. Because of me? he decided not to voice.
"Ehaha, there must've been something in the air." Gon chuckled, rubbing the back of head. "I usually don't get sick that easily. Especially with just a few minutes in the rain." He sniffed. "But I'm already starting to feel better, so that sounds more like me. I should be better by tomorrow." Gon smiled at Killua before sniffing again. Although he made the most adorable face while sniffing, it pulled at the guilt sitting like a rock in Killua's gut.
"Stop sniffing, you big idiot, you've got to blow!" He whipped out his handkerchief and stuffed it to Gon's face, catching his nose between his fingers.
"A-ah! Killua, you're pinching too hard! I can't blow even if I wanted to!" Gon cried out, his voice nasally and his eyes screwed shut. Killua huffed, taking his hands away from his nose and crossing his arms. Gon chuckled, rubbing his reddening nose from the abuse. Killua could sure use some lessons in displaying affection properly. Gon knows he's just worried. He looked at the handkerchief more closely, and he saw it was Killua's personal one, a silky K-Z embroidered in a corner.
"ah, oh no, Killua, this is your nice one, I shouldn't-" Gon said, giving it back.
"Just keep it." Killua shrugged without looking. Gon gave a lopsided smile. How cute.
"Thanks Killua... I'm not sniffing that badly... I'll try not to ruin it before the end of the day." He blew in it, albeit a little apologetically. Killua doted on Gon a little more before it was time for first period. Perfect Pitch with Knov.
"Hello class, I hope you've been studying and practicing diligently."
"Yes, Knov." Most students answered. Some others looked nervous.
"Great, we're having a pop quiz." He said and most groaned, the louder ones being the ones who looked nervous before. "The pop quiz will be a test of range, note recognition and pitch. I'll give you what song you're to sing when it is your turn to go. I'll be calling you up alphabet order." It was Killua's turn to be nervous. If Gon went up to sing when he's sick like this, his voice won't get to all the notes properly and it'll crack and stuff. And Killua will be responsible for his failing grade since Gon got sick in the first place because of him... He had to do something. The way Gon fidgeted in the seat in front of him let him know he was also nervous about this.
People went ahead of Gon, his name starting with F. Knov gave everyone musical numbers, usually with sharps and flats hard to hit without accurate pitch. Killua wasn't worried about that, Gon's pretty good at that- especially since he has an inclination towards musicals, he picked it up easier. but with that sickness, he'll only be as good as the worst person in here.
"Gon Freecs." Knov called, pushing his calculating cold glasses up further his nose. The two stiffed, nervous looks on his face. Everyone else lit up in excitement.
"Wow, we get to hear Gon sing! Yay!"
"I wonder what performance we'll get from him!"
"I love watching him sing."
"Everyone settle down, you all are being way too disoderly for my classroom!" Knov grinded his teeth together as he tried to calm the kids that were getting up to move closer to the front. Gon got up, trying to clear his throat and failing obviously. But he didn't notice Killua get up and follow him to the front. Gon got up next to the board and Killua stopped when he got to the front row of students.
"Geez, you all are so unprofessional. He's a fellow student like all of you and you guys are acting like he's a world star come to visit." Knov said going forward to the front of the classroom with Gon to get away from the suddenly unruly kids.
Good, Killua thought. Makes it easier for me. When Knov gave Gon his song to sing and he started warming up his voice, Killua began muttering under his voice. He began matching his voice to Gon's, practicing Gon's warm ups after Gon did it to see if it sounded the same.
Then Gon began singing, and as per usual he was giving his all, giving a bit of twirls and large motioning to the audience. But Killua could hear the coming cracks in Gon's voice after hours of listening to Gon singing and knowing his voice like his own. He sang under Gon's voice to make sure he sounded exactly the same.
He raised his voice when he heard Gon's about to crack and threw his voice over to Gon so that when his faded out from his affected throat, no one heard the difference. Gon kept singing and Killua lowered his voice mimicking Gon's, preventing the sound of double voice from occurring, and just making sure to patch the holes Gon's voice left. Gon's eyebrows furrowed when he heard it but kept going. He had already decided that even though he wouldn't get the best grade since his voice isn't in the best shape, he would try his best and deliver the most on what he has to work with. But Gon was certain that his voice cracked and faded just now, but he heard his voice keep singing?
When it happened again, he had an inkling on what was going on. So he turned to find Killua in the crowd, and it wasn't hard to find him, he was right in front. and as he thought, his mouth was moving along with Gon, and he's sure it'd still be moving in sync with the words Gon should have been singing when his voice cracks. Gon's eyebrows furrowed down briefly before he remembered he was putting on a stage and he's not suppose to break face before he finishes. He tried his best so that his voice didn't crack and not let Killua sing for him, but he couldn't help it. If he could make his voice not crack, this wouldn't be an issue right now.
Gon finally finished and gave a bow while everyone clapped. The stage wasn't as explosive as they thought it'd be but it can't be big everytime, right? Killua lightly clapped while he looked over at Knov, trying to make sure he didn't notice Killua had mimicked Gon's voice then threw his voice over to cover Gon's. He let a small breath when Knov just wrote down his grade like he did everyone else. Undetected.
"Now everyone, back to your SEATS!" Knov bit out, and everyone shuffled while murmuring, waiting for the next person.
"Hey, Gon, you did-" Killua started as Gon came back. But Gon didn't even look at him and just sat in the seat in front of him, turning to the front rigidly. Killua blinked, feeling something in his chest sink.
"Gon? Gon, what-?"
"Shh, Killua." Gon whispered sharply, only turning his head slightly, then pointed towards Knov who was talking. Killua's eyes widened then sat back.
Gon just... told him to shh? He opened his mouth but he didn't think there was anything he could say or do right now that would put him in the right. He closed his mouth and waited for the end of class to come.
By the end of class, Knov, of course, didn't need Killua Zoldyck to sing, and class let out soon after that. Killua looked down to zip up his book bag and when he looked up, Gon was already booking it out the door. Killua's eyes widened and that sharp feeling in his grew.
"G-Gon?" Killua choked out, swiping up his book bag and jogging a bit to catch up. "Gon, what the he-"
"You cheated!" Gon turned to Killua fully, stopping his tracks to finally address Killua face to face. Killua stumbled to a stop from Gon's sudden stop, surprise all over his face. But then it melded into one of relief.
"What? Gon, is that what this is about? Who cares, I-"
"I care! Killua! Cheating is bad! And besides, I never asked you to cheat for me. I didn't want you to cheat for me. Everything I do at this school, all the grades I earn at this school, I want it to be of my own strength, of my own abilities. If my voice is messed up right when a teacher decides to give a pop quiz, then my grade should reflect that! And besides, what about what you were saying, that you didn't like being asked for your voice specifically to help others! I think this is the most literal sense of what you don't like." Gon said. Killua stood and listened, his mouth opening and closing occasionally as he thought of things to say only to realize they were petty and unnecessary. Everything Gon was saying was true, but gosh darn it, he wasn't about to swallow this bitter pill easily.
"Geez, Gon, a thank you, would be nice! I was just trying to help!-"
"I didn't ask for it!"
"But it's my fault your voice is messed up to begin with!" Killua stomped his foot. Gon's mouth opened to retort before he actually realized what Killua said then his eyes widened.
"Ki-"
"You think after I caused your voice to be messed up I'm gonna let your grade suffer because of it? You want that sort of thing to be on my conscious forever? You think I want to see my only frien-!" Killua was growing more hysterical by the moment and Gon finally put his hands on Killua's arms to calm and quiet him.
"Killua, Killua, kil, no, no no, shh, listen, it's ok..." Gon said in a soothing low voice. "This isn't your fault. My voice being messed up right now is not your fault." Gon assured as Killua took deep breaths in his arms. "I went out into the rain of my own decision."
"But if I hadn't forgotten my umbrella at all-" Killua tried, his voice weak and guilt ridden.
"Mh-mh, you didn't shove me out in the rain- it wasn't even your idea. You tried to get me back under my umbrella. In fact, if I listen to you and we waited a moment longer, we could have figured out that I could have just walked you home."
Killua chuckled, his shoulder bouncing with lighter care.
"You figured that out too? Ya, it was too late, you were already gone, but I would have-"
"I know you would. If anything, you would be the reason I wasn't sick. You're not the reason I am sick or that my voice is messed up. Ok?" Gon asked. Killua looked down to the floor and then back up at Gon through his bangs.
"... ok." He muttered. Gon smiled.
"And no more cheating, ok?" Gon asked, ducking his head a bit to look at Killua's face more fully. Killua laughed, tilting his head back. Gon could sure make him feel like a child. And that wasn't always a bad thing.
"Yes, yes, no more cheating."
"Good." Gon pulled Killua to his chest in a warm hug. Killua would never get used to Gon suddenly pulling him into hugs. He doesn't think he'll ever know when it was gonna happen until he felt those muscular arms around him. He let out a satisfied sigh and wrapped his arms around Gon back, closing his eyes in the pleasure. The minute bell rang and they parted.
"Ooops! Gotta get to class, c'mon." Gon smiled, taking his hand and pulling him along.
"I-idiot! I can walk!" Killua scolded, but didn't make a move to take his hand back. If today showed anything, Killua found out he gets a bit selfish when it comes to Gon. But he would also do anything for him... He'll ignore the warm feeling in his chest a little longer even though he already knows what it is.
"How'd you do the voice thing anyway? I thought there was 2 of me!" Gon asked. Killua laughed.
"I perfected the art of mimicking voices when I was younger to mess with my brothers! And then I learned how to throw my voice for even more fun!" Killua explained.
"Wow! you're so cool! Killua!"
It was just one of those days.
Killua woke up feeling like crap. He felt jumpy and itchy, moody and not in the mood. He slapped a cap over his head so he didn't have to worry about his hair and sweatpants to keep comfortable. He nearly forgot he needed a shirt besides what he slept in, so he slipped on a 3 quarter sleeve two tone shirt. He scratched at his neck, feeling his tendons stretch under his nails, his anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach made him shiver. He rose and fell in waves and it made him moodier and jumpier.
Killua's eyes were distracted and distant as he made his way to his locker, barely noticing Gon waiting for him by the locker. When Gon looked up from his phone, the smile on his face fell once he saw how distracted Killua looked.
"Killua..." Gon said, walking over. He was only slightly surprised when Killua didn't stop and just walked past him to his locker. "Killua?" Gon asked, turning and grabbing his shoulder. Killua blinked to life, his eyes finally showing some focus as he turned to Gon.
"Oh, sorry, Gon, I was-"
"Spacing out, I know, you ok?"
"Yea, just..." He breathed out, running a hand through his hair. "I'm fine." He said. Gon scrunched his nose unbelievingly as Killua turned to the locker to get his books.
"Oh! I wouldn't worry about books right now." Gon informed him. Killua raised on eyebrow and squinted at Gon to explain further. Gon opened his mouth but then the intercom system squacked to life and he just pointed up, indicating to listen.
"Hello, Musica Academy. This is your principle, Netero, speaking. There is a mandatory, school wide assembly taking place this morning in lieu of your first three morning classes." There was a pause as the hallway filled with happy cheers and curious murmurs. "It will take place in the school auditorium. Please do try your best to attend, important information will be discussed there. Thank you." It hung up with the clacking of a phone. Killua looked from the ceiling to Gon.
"...Just how close to Netero are you?"
Gon chuckled before shrugging. Gon knew Killua would probably need space to just get through this funk, and in turn wouldn't be much company, so Gon decided it would be ok to bring others along with him to the assembly. He met up with Zushi and Ponzu and whoever else they were hanging out with to talk to. Killua was just a quiet presence next to Gon, which he was fine with. Killua didn't mind just being next to Gon even if he was essentially being ignored. He just needed to disappear for a bit and his mood will improve.
"What do you think the announcements will be about, Gon?" A girl that Gon thinks was one of Ponzu's friends asked.
"I don't know! But I'm excited! It's all mysterious and it's making me curious!" He practically buzzed with excitement. Everyone chirped in with what they think that the assembly will be about as they followed along the mass of the school assembly going into the auditorium, all a clattering loud mess. Killua walked by Gon's elbow, numbly listening to him mindlessly chatter about what the assembly was about. A numb pulsing gnawed at the edge of his consciousness and he felt himself checking out, but it wasn't that bad yet. Gon's voice was a nice anchor to keep him in the present.
Breathe
His burning chest reminded him he was taking too many shallow breaths, his lungs deprived of the oxygen it needs to keep his body moving. Killua inhaled deeply and his chest ached like joints moving for the first time in ages.
Gon picked a seat, somewhere in the sea of audience chairs and Killua followed. Killua didn't even know where they were in relation to the stage or exit, he just followed Gon without thought. The first thing he noticed was the stage and it's red curtains drawn shut, all the lights off and a big spot light in the center. It drew the eyes sight very easily and it was almost hypnotizing. He drifted off in thoughtless gaze until he flinched, suddenly hit by the combined voices of the school talking all at once. It didn't help that it was all amplified by the voices bouncing off the walls and high ceiling and the music being played out over the speakers made the students talk louder to be heard. It scrambled his thoughts and that unhinged Killua. He wanted- needed to hear himself think. The music being played while everyone waited for the assembly to start wasn't even that good. It was harsh and grated against Killua's ears. It annoyed him and he wasn't even sure why.
Walking in, they were also hit with how cold it was in the auditorium, and artificial cold made Killua shiver and he wished he was wearing something more than a thin collar shirt.
Killua didn't even know he was clenching his jaw until a grinding pain pinched at the edge of his subconscious. By the pain of it, he's been clenching for a while. He tried to calm himself down, and he was able to temporarily untense himself, but his panic was growing and getting worse. The combinations of the loudness, the dark where he was easily losing himself, the cold- Killua was freaking out. He tried to get his headphones out to try and calm himself down, but he was shaking more than he thought and it was a challenge to get his phone out with steady hands.
He considered leaving, but Gon was here. Gon would probably come, but he'd have to get his attention from his friends and over the music. Besides he'll be fine if he could just get his music up! His hands weren't cooperating with him. He was getting increasingly worried about how fast his panic was growing, and that wasn't helping the problem.
Killua fumbled to get his music out, struggling with shaking hands to pull his noise cancelling headphones over his ears. His eyebrows furrowed in frustration, Why am I even panicking, there's nothing happening...!
Then he suddenly heard it, smacked him over the head like it was the most obvious thing ever. The undernotes of the song, the backbone of the melody was a ticking.
Killua's pretty sure his panic was less intense before he made the realization.
Tunnel vision hindered his vision as it began to swim, the only red light focus seeming to grow smothering larger. He knows his eyes are constricted as his panic attack mounted. Blood roared in his ears and his chest ached-
breathe breathe breathe
-he forgot to breath. The music wasn't helping and the kids had to talk even louder to be heard over it, the noise was too much, accumulating into a symphony of clashing senseless noise-!
"Killua!"
Killua jumped out of his skin and looked over at Gon. Gon looked vaguely concerned, but Killua couldn't really see since there was such little light, just the stage and the lights lining the aisles. He struggled to suck in a shuddering breath.
"Are you ok?" Gon asked, shifting to turn away from his others friends and face Killua a bit more.
"I-I..." Killua said with a shiver in his voice. His chest hurt so bad and all he wanted to do was listen to his music, something with deep bass and slow tempo.
"Are you cold?" Gon asked. He didn't wait for an answer before he was taking off his jacket.
"G-Gon..." Killua was able to choke out in protest past his tightening wind pipe, but then Gon's jacket was placed over his shoulders. Killua blinked in surprise as Gon's scent assaulted his senses. It was everywhere suddenly and Killua was drowning in it. His eyes fluttered as he took in a steady deep breath filled with Gon . He smiled unsteadily as he clutched at its borders to bring it closer. He didn't realize Gon had a scent until then, like clean linen and and outdoor nature and trees, breathing in morning dew. A warm shiver went down his spine and he sank deeper in his seat, the tension in his limbs dying out. The smell was warm comfort and unknowingly familiar, it's what he's always been around the past few months, but concentrated around him. He breathed deeply to get a good whiff of Gon's scene that was becoming apart of his own clothes. He knew he was being weird but he didn't care, it was Gon .
Gon Gon Gon Gon...
His heartbeat steadied out to a slow pulsing thump as he practically nuzzled into the jacket. Gon smiled pleased at how much warmer Killua looked then turned back to his friends to talk.
The smell helped anchor Killua to reality and not lose himself, and it wrapped around him with a warm, fuzzy feel, like he was surrounded in safety.
"Gon..." He purred out, feeling a better and relieved. The lights in the auditorium dimmed down even further as the announcements were about to begin.
"Welcome students!" The principal cried out, sounding like he was trying to be youthful or cheerful. "It's your president, Netero here! Retired World Idol of 80s POP ROCK!"
Everyone gave polite respectful applause to their principal, but multiple of his fans gave more roaring applause. He nodded until the clapping died down.
"Alright, well, I decided, along with the new image we're creating here at Musica Academy, what with the revealing of the new Spirit Committee-" Some appreciatory cheers rose up cutting him off- "That we should keep up with the involved and engaged events. So I'm here to personally update the school on all that is happening for the next half of the school semester! And give you guys an excuse to be out of classes..." He added the last bit like he was a scandalous teen skipping class himself. The classes let out laughter.
"Alright, first thing's first! The MSSC have tallied up the spirit points of every grade class that they accumulated during the spirit events during the spirit week. It was a tight race, but..." Everyone held their breath waiting, even some of the seniors who weren't even for the spirit events were excited to see who won.
"The sophomores took it! Great job!" There was a giant rise in cries and cheers, before it melded back down to murmurs between friends.
"Awesome! I knew we'd win!" Gon cheered in his seat.
"How could we lose? We had the guy who initiated it all on our side!" Pokkle smiled. Gon smiled back widely.
"Thanks!"
"That means we'll win spirit week every year!" Ponzu gasped with sparkling eyes.
"Ah, I think you guys are overestimating me a little bit...!" Gon chuckled. The friends started putting in their two cents of why he's the best and probably better than they think when Netero brought his voice up over the chattering students again.
"Don't you guys want to know what the prize is?" He asked. Surprised and recalling shouts raised briefly and then they quieted down to listen.
"As you all know, the middle of the fall semester is coming up, and while that does mean midterms for you all, it also means the Fall Dance and Fall Showcase is coming up." The crowd cheered their excitement. "So, me and the spirit committee have decided to reward the sophomore class wit the chance to audition to perform and be the main entertainment at the Fall Dance."
Excited calls from the sophomores and outraged cries from the other classes ensued.
"What? I don't get it." Gon said. Why was everyone so upset or happy about it.
"Usually, the school gets professional performances for the dances, graduated world stars, popular celebrities, stuff like that. But this is our chance to show our skills as prospective idols! There will be alumni there that may want to sign the person performing up for a contract or maybe put up good words to other people if we can make an impression. This is an amazing opportunity!" Pokkle explained.
"Woah!" Gon crooned. Other seniors grumbled about how they should have tried harder to win.
"Me and my band is so gonna try for that!" Pokkle said with determination in his eyes. "Even if nothing comes out of it but more recognition by the people in school, it's still a great gig."
"Good for you, Pokkle." Gon encouraged, smacking his shoulder.
"Yes, and with that in mind, I want to tell everyone the theme of the Fall Dance this year."
They all quieted and shushed again, to hear, excited. Netero paused for dramatic effect.
"... It's going to be the Fall Dance: Night of the Stars!"
People whooped and cheered at that, excited with the thought. "Yes, yes, your very own Music School Spirit Committee will be in charge of handing out promotion posters, giving updates on the status of the dance and putting it all together. I'm sure they'll be roaming around to find help, so keep them in mind if you ever find you have free time. But also make sure that when you come to the dance, you stars outshine the very stars in the sky." He winked at them goodnaturedly.
"Heh, corny." Killua chuckled under the cheers of the other students, but Gon heard him. He turned his head to his friend and was happy to see he looked a bit better. He smiled and sat in a way to face Killua more than he was before.
"Alright, so," Netero said, raising his voice again. "The Fall Showcase is in 2 weeks from the this Friday, Saturday before Fall break, and as you know we have the Dance the Friday before any Showcase as a sort of before-party, mood-booster in preparation and celebration of those performing. So the auditions are next Friday and then the Dance would be the following Friday. You all should be aware of this before you audition, so that you know the tight window of preparation you'll have for the Fall Dance if you want to perform.
"Yes, so after the Saturday of the Fall Showcase, we have Fall break during the first week of October. And with the Fall Showcase over, sign ups for Winter Showcase will then be open. You technically won't be able to sign up for them until you come back the second week of October, but the sign ups will be open. So all those planning on performing this winter, keep that in mind."
Gon gulped and clenched his fists. He has to be ready... He could do this. The timer was counting down, soon, he'll be on stage to perform in the night of Winter, the fate of his future hinging on everything that happens that night…
Killua looks over at Gon's face to see the determined glint in his eyes from this silhouette. His eyes flicked down to Gon's hands clenched at his side, and swallowed the impulse to hold it comfortingly.
"Alright, I believe those are all of my announcements..." Netero said over the murmuring that washed over the crowd when he mentioned the Winter Showcase. Everyone already knows about the bet that has entangled their favorite student star in it, so with it coming that much closer, the excitement and anticipation was rising.
What was Gon to do?
Will he win?
Is this going to be Gon's first and last semester here?
All the whispered questions whirled around Gon in the air, it infected his focus.
"Just remember, just because spirit week is over, doesn't mean your spirits should go down. The committee is still around, they're still making events to remind all of you to love what you sing, and keep your spirits up. Ok! You're all dismissed to lunch!"
People began getting up, forming massive blocks in the aisle.
"Ugh, how annoying..." Killua said, standing. His legs felt a little wobbly, but the weight on it helped. "I hate crowds, I just want to get up to the roof..." Wide open space, nothing above him, instead of this claustrophobic place.
"I get you..." Gon agreed, shifting to the side trying to get out to the aisle too. Killua barely heard him over the student's shouting talk, animated about everything that was told in the announcements.
"Omg, Gon! What are you going to do?" A male student cried out, pressing himself into the aisle with Gon to talk to him. Everyone in the vicinity, pinpointing where Gon was then, turned to mob him with questions.
"A-ah! One at a time?!" Gon cried, confused at why so many people were suddenly invested in his progress and how confident he was to win the Showcase. Killua was basically shoved and pushed out the way as Gon was engulfed in a mob.
"Ah! Oi, Gon! Get out of there!" Killua shouted over the crowd, but it looked kinda funny and couldn't keep the laughter out his voice.
"Killua! Don't you think if I could have, I would have already?" Killua was barely able to make out over the voices. Killua laughed, but when he looked over at the doors, he saw the way out was pretty clear. He could leave!
"Yike- um, Gon, meet me at our usual place, yea?" He cried.
"You're leaving me?!" Gon squeaked, and Killua laughed again.
"Bye!" He waved, and felt the sleeves of Gon's jacket flap against his fingers and he remembered he was, in fact, wearing his jacket. "Oh yea..." Killua murmured, looking down at the worn green jacket sleeves falling over his palm and a warm feeling swirled and bloomed from the center of his chest, rising up to rest on his cheeks in a blush. He shivered slightly at the overwhelming emotion, and shook his head. "I have to remember to give this back..." He muttered, heading out the auditorium. He breathed in once more to engrave the scent of Gon in his mind.
-o0o0o0o0o-
What plagued Gon's mind the most- more than the foreboding Winter showcase- was when Netero announced the Fall Dance. As soon as he announced it, Gon's mind went into overdrive on how to ask Killua- when to ask Killua. He considered just turning to him and asking him right on the spot. Something like, 'we're going together, right?' and he would reply with his sharp smile a 'you know it' or something equally as Killua. But the problem would be Killua would say something like that because he would think they were just going as friends, as company to each other as they go to a party. Gon wanted to make sure if he asks Killua, he wanted to make sure Killua knew it was as his date. This was it, this was gonna be a pretty gutsy move that lays all his cards on the table. It will show Killua just how he really feels about him. But he had to do it right!
He was in the middle of that thought when the assembly ended and he was mobbed by all these people that wanted to get the juicy gossip on how he planned on staying in the music industry. Then Killua left, and Gon felt like kicking the ground and shouting to the sky. He never felt so frustrated with circumstances he couldn't control. But this was ok, Killua said he was waiting for him on the roof, so... he just had to escape these hordes of gossip zombies.
-o0o0o0o-
"You're what?" Gon pouted, his eyes rounding out for maximum pitifulness.
"Yea, I won't be coming to school tomorrow. I'm suppose to be guest starring on some World Star's cooking show." He sighed out through his nose as he brushed a hand through his hair. "It won't be fun, TV appearances never are..."
"They're suppose to be." Gon said. "Just... once you're able to go on shows you actually have the freedom to choose." He shrugged. "Anyway, can I come?" He asked. He felt hopeful when he saw Killua's face light up, but then it slumped and Gon mimicked it.
"No, you can't come. My mother still doesn't know about you, and Illumi will be there. It will just be uncomfortable for me, you, everyone involved. It'll be better if you don't go. Besides, you'll probably be super bored."
"Well, I could entertain you!"
"I'll be in dressing room all day and then on stage. Wouldn't work."
"Aw, I'll miss you..." Gon pouted. And he had this great plan on asking him too... Well, alright, he didn't really have anything, but if he thought of something, he would have preferred if Killua was there. "When is it? I want to record it to watch it."
"It airs at 11 am, goes for the hour. It's those cooking shows where they talk to the audience about kitchen problems, and then pulls out something pre-made and tells them instructions on how to make it, and we, as hosts, tastes it. We're supposed to make faces and noises like it's the best thing in the world even if it's not, like 'Uuuwaaaahhh!'" Killua squealed, cupping his cheeks in his acting. Gon threw his head back in laughter, watching Killua suddenly switch to his stage personality was like a slap to the face.
"Hold on, I wanna practice, I'm gonna be doing that stuff in the future too!" Gon cried. "Waaah!" He cried in a wispy voice. Killua laughed.
"What was that? You sounded like a smoker on a roller coaster!" He said through his laughter.
"No, I was trying to capture the sound of a crowd, but like, within me-"
"Like every Gon of your split personalities like it?" Killua laughed.
"Killua!" Gon protested, pushing him on his shoulder, which only made Killua laugh more. Gon's smile widened at hearing his chiming, twinkling laugh. It was like diamond rain, or wind chime symphonies. It made Gon's chest twist, squeeze, and expand all at once. He loved the sound of his laugh and he'll take every opportunity to get him to laugh. Killua recovered soon, sitting up to face Gon.
"Oh, yea, you're jacket-" Killua started, shrugging one side off his shoulder. Gon looked him over, and he noted he really... really liked the look of Killua wearing his stuff, so he stopped him.
"You can keep it." He chirped. Killua stopped, wide eyes and a blush on his face.
"Uhh..." He stammered.
"It's fine, really. It looks good on you." He winked before he could help it. Killua turned a deeper red, but he shrugged the jacket back on, which Gon took as a good sign.
"Ah... alright." Killua hummed, turning his head to one side, and Gon could swear he saw a hint of a smile.
Gon rushed into his room, throwing his book bag to one side after coming home alone. He turned on his television to find the recording of Big Belly Cooking show that Killua guest stars in. He turned it on, excited to see his friend on actual national television.
"Welcome!" A woman with teal hair tied up in a star crown about her head shouted into the screen. "Today we'll be talking about how to curb your sweet tooth with sugar substitute desserts and the perfect drink to make with certain meal palates! But first, we have a very special guest star on today! Please help me welcome... Killua Zoldyck!"
Gon clapped as animatedly as the audience members did as Killua walked on stage from off screen. Obviously some of them knew Killua with the way they cheered and clapped. Killua waved amicably and with a perfect smile on his features. He looked cute, but Gon knew immediately that wasn't his real smile.
His real smile was a little crooked, and cat like, curving at the edges. It crinkled his eyes and scrunched up his nose in the cutest way... and usually his cheeks redden from laughing so much. Gon loves his smile and studied it almost every time Killua smiled, so he knew that much... but Gon missed him so much today, he was just happy to see his best friend anyway he knew how.
"Hi Menchi, I'm so happy you invited me to the show! Especially for this episode, I love sweet things. But maybe I like too many of them?" Killua gave a stage laugh. "So finding new sweet things that have substitutes in them will definitely be healthier for me in the long run." He nodded.
"You thanking me? I should be thanking you for coming and gracing my show with your cute face." She reached to ruffle his bangs, and he reflexively flinched away from her hand, but then naturally fell into a laugh to cover it up as she mused his hair. But Gon could tell he didn't like it. Killua was really good at acting, but Gon didn't like that he had to... Gon hoped he could make him really happy one day. But the rest of the show was pretty cute and happy, Killua got to eat sweet things the whole time and his smile was genuine a couple times. Gon was pretty happy with what was aired.
-o0o0o0o-
But apparently Killua wasn't. He was in such a bad mood the following day, Gon was sure that Friday was not a good day to ask him out.
"I mean who does that?" Killua griped as Gon idly scrolled his media feed. 10 new followers! "It was completely unscripted, I was in no way prepared. I mean, there's impromptu but you have to take into consideration people's personal space."
"Mhm..." Gon hummed absentmindedly. "I knew you didn't look happy as soon as she did it."
"Nu-uh, Gon, I was able to perfectly cover my discontent. You're just saying that because I'm already complaining to you." Killua huffed. "There's no way it showed on my face that it bothered me."
"No, you didn't- yea, you're right." Gon sighed through his nose before continuing his scrolling. There was no point in trying to argue with Killua, he was just venting right now.
"And then no one wanted to tell her afterwards that she shouldn't have done that! Next time I meet her and she tries to pet me, I'll sock her!" He cried.
"Sock who?" A soft silky voice asked from their side. They both jumped then turned to the voice with a smile.
"Kurapika!" They greeted.
"Hey, whats up?"
"Yea, it's been a while, how are the upper classes?" Gon asked, sitting up from the lockers.
"It's been very well, Gon. Everything seems to be clicking a lot better. My grades are only going up because of you. Thank you." He smiled. Gon rubbed the back of his head, a blush on his cheeks.
"Aw, it wasn't all that." Gon chuckled, ducking his head. "It was something you had all along, just missing." Gon said. Kurapika inclined his head.
"No matter what you say, I never would have advanced any further if it wasn't for you. And that's sort of the reason I've come over. Gon, do you remember how I was working on those songs during History class? On the music scores?" He asked.
"Oh! Ya, and I couldn't read them..." Gon laughed sheepishly.
"But he probably could now. And hear it in his head... if you give him a couple minutes." Killua chuckled, his arms crossed as he listened to their conversation in front of him.
"That's good. But that's not where I'm going with it. I finished it." Kurapika smiled. Gon's smile widened into an open mouth smile.
"What? Wow, Kurapika that's great! That's really fast, are you sure you're happy the way it came out?" Gon asked. Kurapika nodded.
"It was easy, it was like it was in me the whole time, it just needed editing on the way to paper." He explained. Gon nodded.
"That's great!"
"So, the class I'm in has this opportunity done through the school to put on a concert showcasing the talents and songs finished by those in the class. I have a couple pieces in it, and I would like you there to hear the finished product at its debut." He said. Gon's jaw dropped.
"W-wow! That'd be amazing Kurapika. I'm honored, thanks... when is it?" Gon asked.
"Tomorrow night at 6. Here at school in the auditorium." He said. "Formal attire. Melody has a piece, too."
"Ah, sounds great. So, we'll train for half the day, and the last half we go see Kurapika and Melody conduct, right?" Killua said, asking Kurapika for clarification if they were indeed conducting and not playing.
"That's right, we get a whole orchestra to conduct for ourselves." He smiled, and they could feel how happy he was about it. "I can't wait for you to hear my piece, Gon. I hope you understand how amazing classical really is once you hear and experience it in person."
"Hah, sounds funny. You sound just like my brother actually." Killua snicked.
"Come off it, Killua. You're probably not inclined towards the classicals simply because your brother is specializing in it, and it's your personal goal to not like anything associated with your brothers." Kurapika gave him a side look. Killua opened his mouth to retort before looking up in thought and letting out a laugh.
"That's probably true." He chuckled. "But don't worry, we'll be there."
"That's right! I can't wait to hear your piece." Gon smiled. He was hoping to find a way to ask Killua to the dance sometime tomorrow, but their schedule seems a bit too full for a nice romantic moment to ask him during. But it didn't matter, Kurapika wanted them there for support and appreciation. Kurapika nodded his thanks.
"I'll see you both then."
-o0o0o0o0o-
"I didn't remember the suit being this itchy..." Killua said, pulling at his bow tie.
"You didn't have to wear a suit. He said formal." Gon said. Gon was wearing a long sleeved purple button up with a sleek black tie down the middle and the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. Black dress pants and dress shoes. Killua wore a white button up and suit jacket with a bow tie and dress pants with dress shoes, traditional black and white.
"Ugh, whatever, this was short notice and I didn't have time to plan my outfit, so I put on tried and true. Sue me." He huffed, frustrated. He yanked at the bowtie, pulling it off to a loose piece of clothing around his neck. Gon swallowed at the pale exposed piece of skin at his neck and the sexy ruffled look to his collar and forced himself to look away before Killua or anyone else noticed.
"That's..." His mind scrambled to remember the last thing Killua said to say something relevant. "True." He supplied after a pause. Geez, he didn't know how much longer he could keep from Killua. He hopes they get together soon, as he plans. The chatter in the auditorium died down as the lights dimmed and the announcer over the speakers to turn off the cells phones. The curtains opened and Knov stood there. People applauded as he bowed to start to the show.
-o0o0o0o-
Gon and Killua stood up with obnoxious cheers and shouts from their seat in the audience once Kurapika came on stage wearing his conductor uniform, the long coat elegantly following his steps. They snickered as they sat down after shushed because they saw Kurapika's face was a little red. He bowed once he reached the center of the stage, and went over to the small mic to announce how many songs he would be playing and their names. The first piece, he called Sweet Apocalypse, was so cool. It revved and sounded disjointed right before it came back onto a melody again. The concept was so cool, and everyone played it so expertly, it deserved the elongated applause. It was genius. Kurapika turned and bowed, and indicated a person in the orchestra, but then instead of turning towards his orchestra to start the next song, he stepped up to the small mic they had set to the side.
"This piece I will be playing is called Birth. I want to dedicate this piece to a personal friend of mine, Gon Freecs, for helping me find my passion in music and helped give birth to the real me." He said and then stepped towards the orchestra.
Gon's jaw dropped at the dedication. He wasn't expecting that, that's too much!
"Nice, Gon. This song's for you." Killua snickered, nudging him with his shoulder. He won't think about how tight his chest feels at the public display of affection Kurapika just showed. It's just friendly stuff...
Kurapika raised his hand and baton and waved his hands to start the piece. The two boys listened to the song slowly swell up, watching Kurapika's back move with purpose and grace.
"Kurapika's amazing..." Gon murmured, some time into the song. Killua nodded, feeling admiration for his upperclassmen friend. Not that he'd ever tell him that directly.
"Yea..."
It swelled and dropped and swirled around them, the violins playing an amazing part in leading the melody. Gon had to close his eyes to fully appreciate it. The piece suddenly dropped off and Gon opened his eyes, curious as to what happened. It was just reaching a climax! Then the whole orchestra moved to life, swaying as every piece was in motion, playing the climax that Gon waited for a beat ago, having left everyone with bated breath. It took the breath from Gon's lung. It was absolutely gorgeous. Classical was gorgeous! Soon the piece wound down to a finish and Gon was the first to bounce up and give him a standing ovation. Everyone was in pieces and tears over it, and Gon was so proud his friend Kurapika produced it. Amazing...
He sat down next to Killua and let out a sigh. He looked over to him and in turn, Killua looked at him. But one look and Killua sighed.
"Killua, I want-!"
"To put an orchestra in your song, I know."
Gon looked on at Killua with his mouth left open from being interrupted in a middle of sentence before laughing.
"Right!" He agreed.
The weekend came to an end fairly quickly, and Monday came around. Everyone was buzzing with delight and excitement. The Fall dance was coming, and the posters all around and promo stickers were getting everyone pumped.
But Gon couldn't get into the festivities as much as everyone else around. He walked into school with his earphones on, a frown on his face. The whole weekend, there never seemed to be a proper way, time, or moment that presented itself perfectly to ask Killua. Gon was still worried Killua wouldn't take the request properly if he doesn't, but at this rate, he'll never ask Killua out before the dance comes!
Gon brought his fist down in the palm of his other hand. It's decided! Gon's sure he's over thinking this way too much and he should just ask Killua. There are no such thing as the magic moment or good opportunities, just chances you take. And what comes out of it depends on how hard you worked at making it work.. It's why he's at the school afterall. He didn't wait for a chance or perfect moment. He just went for it. It worked then, it'll work now...
Right?
The point was he just gonna ask him. Straight out and ask him and show him his feelings by the end of the night either way. He pulled his headphones out of his ears and started strutting to where he knows Killua should be waiting for him. His limbs vibrated with the anticipation, and his heart was beating faster. He was nervous about what will happen, but he's ready this time.
He turned the corner and saw his white haired beauty waiting for him, leaning against the lockers. His headphones were fit snugly on his ears, his tufts of hair curling around the handle of the headphones like a halo and he was glancing down at his phone with an aloof like look. He was so cool and amazing, and Gon just wanted to hold him, and hold his hand, and kiss his cheeks-! But first he had to ask him out to the dance! The thrill of asking ran up and down his spine and he broke out in a nervous sweat as he began strutting his way towards Killua. Killua looked up at him with those blue eyes that stuns him every time they shot his way. Gon smiled widely, opening his mouth to greet him,
"Hey, Gon!" Melody quipped, stepping into his way, her hand up in both a greeting and a way to stop Gon in his tracks. Gon blinked once at her before looking over her at the waiting Killua. His legs moved on its own, ready to get to his target especially when he was so close and ready.
"Hi, Mel." Gon said, scooting left. But she matched his step.
"Gon, are you free right now? I need your help." She asked. Gon scrunched his lips up. Well obviously he was, he just tried to move past her.
"I, uh, yea, a little busy right now." Gon smiled down at her.
"Aw, I was hoping to get your help with the dance promo. Since the music committee is so small and we have so much to do... We can only depend on help from volunteers and the students to get everything we need to get done, done. And since you started the committee, maybe others seeing you help will get us more volunteers."
As she spoke, Gon's face fell. What a trap...
"I get it, Melody... yea, sure, what do you need?" He asked.
"We need help hanging the banners across some hallways. Going up some ladders and nailing and holding the ladders and stuff." She said, taking his hand and pulling him off in the other direction from Killua.
"Wa-ah, wait! Can't I have, like, a minute-?"
"Class is gonna start soon, we need all the time we can get." She said, pulling him off. Gon pouted and looked backwards at Killua, who was snicking into the hand having witnessed the scene himself.
"Bring Killua!"
"We don't have enough blackmail to bring him." She said and Gon let out a whine. "Thanks for helping! The Committee really appreciates it!" She added to try and make him feel better.
-o0o0o0o-
Gon rubbed his hands together. Well, there was no time like the present.
He was constantly asked by the committee to help with organizing and promoting the dance. He was kept so busy, he didn't even have time to train with Killua the past two days. But this time, it was perfect. It was Wednesday, and even though they just had mid term exams in their academia classes, it was now their last period- free period. And they went to where they usually did- the stone lunch tables out back. The fall weather was perfect and the orange leaves in the trees were not only a perfect backdrop to Killua, but the perfect situation to ask. It was the romantic situation Gon wanted.
"And we'll be able to start working on the song during the Fall break... I just hope it comes faster..." Killua sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Yea..." Gon rubbed his palms together for a moment. "Were you planning on going to the Fall dance, though? Before the break?" Gon asked. Killua turned towards him with an arched eyebrow.
"Um... no. I haven't been to one before. I never had a reason to." He said. After a beat, his cheeks flushed red and he looked away. Gon briefly panicked at that, wondering if he was doing something weird with his face or something. "Er, were you planning on going?" Killua asked.
"Um, yea, actually, but uh... I was asking you, because I wanted to ask you to come to the dance with me..." Gon asked. Killua stared at him with wide eyes before looking off.
"Er... I mean, sure, if you wanted to-"
"Like, as my date. Like, formally. Like I'd get you a corsage and whatever else is proper... date stuff." Gon stuttered, his cheeks burning in embarrassment. He wasn't use to not being able to get his ideas across smoothly. Killua's face slowly morphed from that of stunned but curious to unbelieving but happy, a smile growing on his face.
"Y-you're... ye-yea, sure Gon. That sounds... yea. Sure." He quipped, looking down at his hands. Gon beamed at that.
"That's great! Great, Killua..." Gon hummed Killua's name like it was a blessing. Killua blushed, ducking his head further. They sat there for a beat, thinking back to what just happened, both left feeling tingly and happy. They buzzed with happiness, the person that makes them the happiest right by their side, and as their date to the dance.
"Great." Gon said under his breath past his smile. They chatted idly, although distractedly. They kept thinking about how they were going to the dance with each other but didn't want to bring it up and talk about it awkwardly. It was a nice time, but ended soon after.
"So, I'm gonna be at tutoring. What about you?" Killua asked, walking side by side with Gon back into the school. Gon scrunched his nose up. He was pretty tired from doing a lot of heavy work for the dance and not getting much sleep from being nervous to ask Killua.
"I think I'm going to head home... but text me if anything, ok?" Gon asked, walking backwards as Killua stopped by the library doors. Killua smiled.
"Alright. See ya tomorrow, Gon!"
"Bye, Killua!"
Gon went off and Killua entered the library, happy to see no one at his tutoring table. He went over and set up to be ready for anyone coming and then took out his own homework and notes to review. It was easier to distract himself from how Gon asked him to the prom if it was like this. Soon, Kurapika was pushing his rolling chair over to Killua's table, his tutoring table empty as well.
"Hello, Killua..." He hummed. Killua looked up for a second at him before looking back down and humming a greeting back. "So. anything new? I'm pretty bored." He placed his elbows on the table.
"Well..." Killua bit his lip. He was excited about this, but he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Gon was pretty weird, so this might not be what he thinks it is and reading it wrong. But it was something new. "Gon... asked me to go to the dance with him. At free period."
Kurapika sat up with wide eyes over at Killua.
"Seriously? No way." He gasped, putting a hand to his cheeks. He felt his chest tighten a bit and he sneered a bit at Kurapika's surprised reaction.
"What, did you think he'd ask you?" He bit out. He didn't like the ugly tone to his voice, but he couldn't help it. Kurapika looked surprised a second time.
"What? Oh, no, Killua. I'm just surprised he finally made a move."
"Hah? What are you talking about 'finally'?" Killua snapped, his cheeks reddening. "Were you expecting this? Made a move to what?"
"Well, Killua... since apparently it wasn't so obvious to you... Gon likes you!" Kurapika shared. It was Killua's turn to look surprised. His brain considered the option that Gon might like him, and Killua might like him back, and they could start dating with affection, and holding hands- His face flushed further and he shook his head.
"No, you're wrong!" Killua shook his head. His fragile, carefully made guard to protect himself from getting hurt by something like this wasn't very thick, and he didn't need Kurapika's well placed attacks to take it down right now. "He just asked me because we're friends. Or something else weird going through his mind." Killua insisted. "Don't make it weird."
"Killua." Kurapika said sharply to get his friend's attention. He saw he was losing him to his complex mind and maze of a thought process. "Gon has a lot of friends, and yet he asked you."
Killua opened his mouth to retort but Kurapika put his hand up to stop him. "I have never seen Gon act around his friends the way he acts around you. He is always smiling, always reaching out for your touch, and wanting your attention. The way he looks at you... and now he's asked you to the fall dance. He really likes you and I'm sure he sees you as more than a friend. If you overthink it, you'll lose something precious, and you'll end up hurting Gon."
"I..." Killua muttered, his eyebrows furrowed as he thought about everything Kurapika just said. But he didn't know how to finish his thoughts. Kurapika sat back satisfied when Killua didn't have a counterargument in sight. He let out a sigh and slide back to his table. He did his part, now they just have to get together.
After tutoring, Killua began walking home, left with nothing but his own thoughts to accompany him. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at the sidewalk in front of him. He was so happy when Gon asked him to the dance. He has been before, with friends the first time around, with his old boyfriend, the second time, but now both of those were gone and left a scar. Killua scrunched his nose. Like hell if he'll volunteeringly put himself through more crap.
"If there's a prize for rotten judgment… I guess I've already won that." Killua sang, scoffing and rolling his eyes. Those on the streets turned as he passed them by, mesmerized by his singing.
"No man is worth the aggravation," Killua's convinced himself over time, "That's ancient history; been there, done that…!"
But as he sang those lines, he couldn't help the nagging voices in the back of his head, the part of him that wanted the love to be true, real, and most importantly, different with Gon... It was like the angel half of him was following him around, all ethereally looking and disgustingly optimistic, singing back to him.
"(Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to ya! Try to keep it hidden, Honey, I can see right through ya!)" The light Killua insisted by Killua's side. Killua tried to wave it off, a scoff in it's direction. The illusion just moved to the other side.
"(Boy, you can't conceal it, I know how you feel And who you're thinking of…!)"
"No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no…" Killua sang sharply, crossing his arms and turning away from the optimistic Killua. It didn't bother trying to get his attention, it knew he was listening- It was his mind and thoughts after all.
"(You swoon, you sigh, Why deny it? Uh-oh)?"
"It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love…"
Killua realized he was arguing with a phantom in the middle of the street, and he quickly moved on, his cheeks red with embarrassment.
He's been trying to push down all these thoughts since the spirit week party. He knew it could be very possible he's falling for Gon, but they're from two different worlds. They're on two different tracks that just momentarily lined up. There's no point in putting energy into something that just won't last!
"I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out…" He looked up at a chocolate store he was passing on his way to home. He remembered when Gon had gotten him his favorite chocolates, setting his heart aflame even before Killua knew to put a name to it. He blushed and moved on, although light Killua swooned past it. "My head is screaming "Get a grip, boy! Unless you're dying to cry your heart out," He sang, fisting his hair in frustration. His phantom wasn't going to stay quiet through that.
"(You keep on denying! Who you are and how you're feeling!)" Killua rolled it eyes, trying to refuse to acknowledge the ethereal beings words. "(Baby, I'm not buying, Hon, I saw you hit the ceiling!)"
"Oh, no!" Killua sang out in denial, but the light Killua wasn't deterred.
"(Face it like a grown-up, When you gonna own up That you got, got, got it bad?)"
But he also feels that Gon is different. Different from anyone or anything he's ever experienced before. He felt he was different from the first time he heard him running into the school from the roof. He feels realer, bigger than life. He grabs fate and bends it to his will, it was amazing to witness and Killua was happy to be by his side so closely to witness. He wanted to believe it... but he was still nervous.
"No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no!"
"(Give up, give in, Check the grin; you're in love)!"
He turned to shout out his phantom, but it did nothing. it was useless to run from your own thoughts. He ran up the driveway to his house.
"This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love!"
"(You're doin' flips, Read my lips: "You're in love…!")
If he goes for this, there are two thing that could happen... he'll be happy. He'll be with someone that he knows won't fall through as easily or feebly as anyone else he's had in his life. If it gets ruined or broken, it would have been his own fault and incompetence to be a good partner. But if it doesn't go well... then he's sure Gon will leave the biggest scar. Gon means so much to him... too much. It scared him sometimes. He just wanted to be sure if he went for it... would the pain be worth it...?
"You're way off base, I won't say it! Get off my case, I won't say it!
"(Boy, don't be proud! It's okay, you're in love...)"
Killua decided that the pay-off would be too amazing. He's sure the alternate to not acting on it would result in greater dissatisfaction than if he tried and fell along the way. They could make it work... it was Gon... He opened the door to his bedroom, seeing Gon's jacket hanging on his headboard. His chest bloomed with warmth and tight feelings and he couldn't help the wobbling smile on his face.
"Oooh… At least out loud..." He took the jacket down, and onto the bed with him. This must be love... He held the jacket close to his chest, letting the scent of Gon consume him again. "I won't say I'm in love..."
His pesky, optimistic, love struck singing thoughts shimmied around him before just rejoining Killua, as they were in sync with their thoughts now.
"(Shoo do, shoo do, shoo do, shoo do, Sha-la-la-la la la, ahh…~)"
Next Monday, Pokkle rushed to the lunch table.
"We got it!" He cried out, jumping around with a rush of energy. Everyone was shocked, not expecting him to rush at them like a bat out of hell when he texted them to be at the lunch table today. "The Cantabile's got the gig! We're gonna be performing at the Fall dance!" Pokkle cheered.
"What?! Pokkle, that's amazing!" Gon cheered, before everyone else was congratulating him. Well, everyone but one.
"Yea! Well, we won't be able to perform strictly acapella, but we got plenty of songs we got to play for the dance. Aw, man, we got to start now if we're gonna be ready by this Friday!"
"But what about me?" Ponzu asked, crossing her arms. Pokkle stopped and turned to her.
"What? What about you, Ponz?"
"Well, I'm your date to the dance. What am I supposed to be doing if you're up on stage performing the whole time?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"Ah, no, no, baby..." He said, moving to her side, pulling her into a side hug as she turned her head away. "I'm sure it will be fine. We won't be playing the whole time. They'll still be playing normal party music over the speakers, and we'll have breaks and rotate. You and me will have plenty of time to enjoy each other at the dance. Alright?"
"You promise?" She asked, batting her eyelashes at him. Killua tried not to gag and Gon elbowed him to behave.
"Promise." He planted a kiss on the top of her head and she smiled happily.
"Ok!"
"Well, that reminds me, since the dance is this Friday, maybe we can go shopping to get ready for it? Tuxes and stuff?" Gon asked. Killua lit up.
"Oh yea! I wanted to propose to you we go with non traditional suits. That way we stand out a little bit more in the crowd of everyone else trying to stand out." Killua said, touching Gon's arm. Kurapika noticed it, and hid his smile behind his hand. Looks like Killua got the message and it was only a matter of time. Gon beamed, happy to receive the touch.
"Mh! Sounds like a great idea! As per usual of Killua." Gon flattered. Killua blushed in return, looking away.
"Geez, shut up, Gon. You're so embarrassing..." He muttered. But Illumi was also watching Killua from afar with a watchful eye.
"Looks like they're only getting closer." Hisoka purred.
"I know." Illumi said. "And I'm going to use it to my advantage. If Gon lets Killua into his head, and gets muddled up with a weakness such as emotions, then once Killua breaks his heart, he won't be much competition for the Winter Showcase. He won't even want to compete."
Hisoka raised an eyebrow. So he allowed Gon and Killua to get closer just for the moment when he could break them up. But, "What about your brother? He'll get hurt too, won't he?" Hisoka asked.
"Necessary. Besides, it will be his lesson in never letting anyone close like I taught him. I'm sure this one will last much longer." He said.
"Ruthless..." Hisoka hummed, turning back to the smiling kids.
-o0o0o0o-
Killua smiled, looking down at his suit as he entered his house. He hopes Gon is super surprised, they decided at the end that they wouldn't show each other the suit they ended up choosing so that it was a surprise when Friday comes. Killua's heart beats a little harder every time he thinks about Friday, and his hand shakes with nervous jitters. He was so excited about that day, he's sure it will be amazing.
He opened his room door.
His smile fell to the floor and all the color drained from his face.
"Illumi." He breathed, and he sounded hallow even to himself. He was standing there with Gon's jacket in his hand. His eyes were as large and black as ever. Killua could hear the ticking in the back of his head, and he put all his focus into pushing that away, although his breathing already sped up. He swallowed once.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, eyeing the jacket once more before turning his gaze to Illumi's feet. He could never meet Illumi's eyes properly, it was too intense for him when Illumi was intimidating him.
"Would you mind telling me what this is?" Illumi asked, shaking the jacket, once, twice. Killua flicked his eyes up at it before returning his gaze to the floor. He hated the way Illumi talked. He knew Illumi listened to that metronome pace all the time, so all his syllables and words fell into rhythm with it.
"It's Gon's." He answered shortly.
"What is it doing here?"
"I was borrowing it, and I forgot to return it."
"Make sure it gets returned." He said, walking forward. Killua kept himself from flinching, hoping Illumi would just walk out, although his body was trembling slightly. Killua's head lowered completely when Illumi came to a stop in front of him. He had his headphones around his neck, but thankfully, there was no ticking come from it. but there was a music box-esque song coming from it. Tinkling instead of ticking and Killua could almost recognize it. He felt himself relaxing with the sound, the familiar an anchor from the anxiety that was creeping up his limbs.
"I noticed you and Gon have been growing ever closer." Illumi said, just his lower body in Killua's line of sight. Killua stiffened at that, but his body wasn't finding it in him to panic. What was this song? "I thought I taught you better... not to let others in."
Killua's eyes widened.
"What are you going to do to Go-?"
"I'm not going to do anything. I've done my part. I've taught you all my lessons, I can't do anything else much if you don't listen except remind you ever so often what I've told you. You should remember everyone will betray you one day... They are only using you for your voice. Even someone with an elaborate ruse such as Gon's, it's just for his own gain in the end. You don't need anyone else but me... your family. Remember there is no breaking free from family, Killu."
Killua's eyes widened as he remembered the song coming from Illumi's headphones. But he hasn't heard it in so long, since he was a child... He wanted to move, to react, but his body was already too far to recover. It was sedated without having any warning, relaxed in the worst way. He still remembers every word...
~ Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free—
I'm
~ Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free
And
"You're still young, you know nothing of the real world. How deceptive and cruel they could be to anyone they want. You'll be shocked at how extensively their plans to corrupt you can go. The only allies you have are with family, Killu. With me. you don't need anyone else."
"You're wrong..." Killua whispered. A hand was under his chin and lifting his gaze to Illumi's large hypnotic eyes faster than he could register.
"Wrong? I could be wrong. Have I been wrong in the past?" He asked, and Killua visibly flinched. He wished he had Gon's jacket right now, maybe if he couldn't move, it could at least help him right now.
~ Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel
So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change and it all will fade to black
Killua thought about telling Illumi how he tried to listen to him, maybe it would appease Illumi and he'd leave him alone. But Killua knows Gon is different. It wouldn't mean a thing if he told Illumi, he knows Illumi only knows heartbreak and misery, and misery loves company. He wanted to listen to his heart, to what he knows about Gon. But he can't help but give illumi his credit. Everything he told him had happened in his experience at school. Is it possible Gon is his next downfall?
"You can do what you want, Kill. And I'll always be waiting for you here, at the end, when your heart is broken. And I'll always help you pick up the pieces. But know I'll have told you so. You need to stop trying to same foolish things all the time. That's called insanity. I'm the only constant in your life. All you'll ever need. Just listen to me and my words..." He rhythmically spoke, closer to Killua's ear.
~ Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?
I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?
Can I take another step? I've done everything I can
All the people that I see I will never understand
If I find a way to change, if I step into the light
Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white
Killua's eyes dulled, and he felt himself less so relaxing, but numbing under the words and songs. The familiarity cradling him to listen. The comfort of the known preferred over the jittery nerves that comes with the unknown. It was easier this way, and his mind and body wasn't resisting. He doesn't even know what he's feeling right now. He just wanted to be held but didn't want anyone to touch him right now. He wanted to lie down and run a thousand miles. He wanted to fall into the void and feel anything at all. He missed Gon.
~ Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free—
I'm
Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free
And
This was it.
"This is all your good for."
Killua is just to listen to instruction from mother, father, and big brother.
"You sing the songs you're supposed to, and we'll make sure your life comes out perfectly. You're carrying the Zoldyck name for us all. You'll come out the most perfect."
He can't be free. It was nice to delude himself for a while with Gon.
"You had your fun while it lasted."
But this way, everything hurts less.
"You can go to the dance with him, but after that..."
It will be easier,
"To just end it."
~ Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel
So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change and it all will fade to black
If I make another move, if I take another step
Then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left
If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night
Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?
Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?
I've forgotten how to see; I've forgotten if I can
If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back
'Cause I'd throw it all away and it all would fade to black
Every other move he makes will be a mistake. Don't move on your own, Killu.
"Good boy." Illumi said, and patted through his hair. Killua just stood there quietly. "I'm sure you'll make the right choice. Return the jacket tomorrow. Lay down, you look a little pale." Illumi brushed past him. Killua stood there for a couple seconds before jerked to life, moving no better than a puppet on strings to the bed, laying down.
Gon rubbed his palms together nervously, ready to go the the Fall dance. He's parked up by the steps of Killua's house and he already texted Killua that he was outside ready for him. Killua texted back that he just needs a couple more minutes. Gon was a bit more nervous about tonight because Killua was acting a bit more weird and distant this week since Tuesday. Based on the way he was acting, he was worried tonight's advances wouldn't work... but Gon's determined not to let tonight end without Killua's hand in his and his lips on Gon's. Gon shivered in excitement at the thought. Hopefully. Killua was so amazing and out of his league, it would make sense if he turned him down tonight. But Gon would keep going and pushing to show Killua that he could treat him right even if he's not as fancy as others in his caliber. Even if it ruins their friendship...
Gon's eyebrows furrowed. He was worried he was being too selfish and in trying to get what he can in greed, he'll end up with nothing, but he wants to try. He doesn't want to just let it be and it be something that could have been because he didn't try.
so even though Killua returned his jacket Tuesday and was very distant in thought that he wouldn't share with him, Gon was here for him, ready to proceed as planned. He was wearing a long sleeve button up with oxford elbow patches and a thin black scarf in place of a tie. Looped belt resting on his hips and ripped jeans at his thighs and knees. He wore his usual green boots underneath at Killua's suggestion to be worn at signature 'Gon' moments. He hopes tonight will be one. He began pacing the front porch of the house, filled with excess excited energy from waiting. He was startled when the door finally opened, but was pleasantly surprised at what he saw.
Killua was wearing a white button up shirt with a blue bowtie. He wore a vest that faded from black on top to blue at the bottom, and he also had arm sleeves with the design, the sleeves coming up his arm until his forearm. He wore nearly skin tight dress pants that looked stretchy, and knee high sneaker boots over the fabric. but Gon was drawn to the makeup on Killua's face, blue and black eyeshadow with sparkles, making it look like the night sky was captures behind his eyes. And it drew the attention to his already heartstopping blue eyes. His hair curled and fluffed to perfection.
"W-woah..." Gon breathed, then realized he's been staring for too long without saying anything and Killua was starting to blush and shift awkwardly. "Y-You look amazing! Beautiful... breathtaking..." Gon listed, openly gazing. He opened his mouth to say more, but Killua would explode if he let Gon keep going.
"Thanks! Thank you, Gon, that's... enough." He said, rubbing the back of his head. "You look, really good too." He said, looking Gon over. Gon beamed happily.
"Thank you, Killua! Oh! Um," He reached behind him to get the corsage out. "This is for you. Can I...?" He asked, motioning towards Killua's chest.
"O-oh, yea..." Killua stepped closer to Gon, feeling his whole face heat up. Gon smiled, his own face feeling warm. He attached it to his vest pocket well, he practiced this with Mito many times so that he wouldn't mess up in front of Killua.
"Nice..." Gon hummed looking at the small bouquet of blue and white flowers on his chest and then took in all of Killua again. "Um, shall we go?" He asked, holding out his hand. Killua smiled at Gon's hand.
"Sure." He moved past it to Gon's car down the steps. Gon's eyebrows furrowed, a pang in his chest that faded quickly enough. He let out a sharp breath and turned on his heel to get in the driver seat.
-o0o0o0o-
"It could be ten, but then again I can't remember Half an hour since a quarter to four!" Pokkle sang out into the microphone on stage while strumming his guitar charismatically. The other two of his friends were on the drums and keyboard. The party was already in full swing by the time Killua and Gon got there. Of course, being the most prestigious Musica Academy, the school wouldn't restrict their dance to the school's gym or anything. They rented out a party space a couple of streets away from the school, a little further towards the city. It was decked out, the stage set, balloons and streamers everywhere. Plastic shiny stars hung from the ceiling at various lengths, and a large cardboard cutout of a moon with clouds were on one end. Photos were set up with large cardboard cutout of more detailed stars as the backdrop and drinks and food were in more than one corner. People were dancing in the center dance floor, talking and flirting with friends and other students on the sidelines, or sitting and resting at the tables on the outer edge of the it all.
"This looks great. The spirit committee really outdid themselves this time." Killua said, looking around.
"Don't I know it?" Gon laughed. "I had to carry in three of those speakers." He pointed and Killua joined him in his laughter.
"Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, And you leave me with my jaw on the floor. Hey!"
"Hey, you guys made it!" Zushi said, walking up to them. He was wearing the traditional suit, as were most people. Gon was happy Killua had them stand out.
"Hey, Zushi, it's been a while, how you been?" Killua asked, crossing his arms.
"I've been great... and you look..." Zushi said, looking over Killua. Gon won't dwell on the stifling feeling in his chest from the look. "Well, you look like the bright star here at the night of the stars."
"Aw, Zushi, you flatter me." Killua laughed breezily, and Gon sighed happily at the sound. He just wished he was the one that caused it. Zushi was kinda cramping his style right now. He's gotta get them some alone time.
"Um, I was wondering if you guys wanted to dance?" Zushi asked.
"Um, Zushi, me and Killua are kinda-" Gon started.
"Sure!" Killua cut off and moved to follow him. Gon's jaw dropped. What? Killua glanced back at him when he didn't feel him at his side.
"What? We gotta dance with friends." He smirked. Gon furrowed his eyebrows. Not this again... he can't deal with distant Killua! He did it last time at the spirit week party too!
"Oh, just when you think you're in control, Just when you think you've got a hold, Just when you get on a roll, Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again! Oh here it goes again, I should've known, should've known, should've known again, But here it goes again!"
Gon followed and got ready for one hell of a stars night.
"Oh, oh here it goes again. "
-o0o0o0o-
Gon's sure that they danced with every single one their friends at least once that night. Yet, none of them had been him and Killua dancing alone. Gon followed Killua to the drinks, he said he was parched after dancing for so long and laughing so much. He blew a sagging strand of hair out of his face. Just remember the goal of tonight, Freecs, don't get too impatient...!
Killua picked up a drink and turned to hand one to Gon. Gon lit up at that, happy to receive any kind of individual attention from Killua at last. Gon leaned against the table as Killua sipped his drink.
"So..." He started, putting the flirting notes in his tone. Killua's eyes flashed towards him then darted out at the crowd.
"Oi! Kurapika! Melody!" He cried, moving towards the two standing to the side of the dancing. Gon frowned, his shoulders slumping.
"Right." He huffed out, annoyed. He followed him regardless.
"hey guys, did you guys come here together?" Killua asked. "Like, together together?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Killua!" Kurapika scolded softly, a light blush on his cheeks while Melody giggled.
"No. As you know, we've been talking since Kurapika gave me a chance. And maybe at one point in my life I would have loved to, but we both agreed we don't like each other like that. We're just really close friends." She bowed her head modestly.
"Aw, good for you, baby girl." Killua smiled to one side. "And you look amazing! Plus, what you did to the place." He said. Her make-up and dress fit her figure great. "Did you want a dance?" He asked. Gon scoffed maybe too loudly behind Killua. But Killua decided to pretend he didn't hear. Both Kurapika and Melody seemed surprised too at Killua offer.
"Sure, Killua." She said, taking his hand while giving a weighted look over at Kurapika. He nodded as he watched them go.
"I can't believe it..." Gon muttered but moved to follow them.
"Wait, Gon. Do you have a second?" He asked. Gon whined slightly under his breath as he watched them go. He supposed Killua won't disappear if he looks away for a second.
"Yea. Shoot." He said before taking another swig of his drink.
"How's seducing Killua going?" He asked. Gon nearly choked on his drink and Kurapika moved a bit in anticipation of a spit take.
"Wh-you-I- How'd you know?" He asked, wiping his lips. Kurapika smiled. "I've known how much you liked Killua since the first time I've seen you two interact. And first off, that's very brave and ambitious of you to go after someone like Killua." He said.
"Yea, well, I know I'm not much and he's so amazing, but-"
"But Killua also needs you more than you think." Kurapika said. Gon stopped and looked over at Kurapika, wondering if he said what he thought he said.
"huh?" He squeaked.
"Killua is... very reserved. You remember all the rumors you heard about him when you first came to school, right? He had problems, and no one ever thought he'd get any better. But you came and helped him. He became more open and bright because of you. He was able to smile easier, especially around you. And maybe it was too much change all at once, but there was bound to be some push back. But it's progress. I know it's a little discouraging when he gets like this but don't give up on him. He likes you too."
Gon listened seriously, although he knew he was never going to give up on Killua no matter how discouraging it gets already. At the last bit of information, Gon lit up.
"He does?" He chirped. Kurapika nodded.
"Alot." He smiled. Gon beamed and looked back out over at the dance floor where his best friend was and his stomach flipped like he was free falling.
"Just assure him a little more that everything will be ok even if he takes a big step like this. Alright?" Kurapika asked. Gon nodded.
"I can do that!" He cried. Killua likes him? Killua likes him! This was great. "Thanks Kurapika! Bye, have a good night of the stars!" He maneuvered his way to his date.
-o0o0o0o-
" Hello, hello, I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I hope that you're missing me 'Cause it makes me feel young. Hello, hello, Last time that I saw your face Was recess in second grade And it made me feel young. "
"I can't believe it, I knew this would happen." Ponzu fumed, arms crossed by Killua.
"Then why'd you let it happen?" Killua shrugged, eating a brownie from the dessert table. Ponzu shot him a glare.
"You think I wouldn't have stopped it if I could have? This is huge to him, he wouldn't listen to me!" She said, bringing her arms down to her side. She was wearing a flowing gown, pinched right beneath her breasts and her sleeves connected to her middle fingers for the most ethereal effect. Her hair was swept to one side like a flowing wave. She looked gorgeous, but she also looked without a date.
"Just... get his attention from the front of the stage and get him to come down." Killua said. "If they stop playing, the school will put on the music track."
"He doesn't want to miss any alumni or record producers. He wants to play most of the songs of every hour." She said. "He'll come down for 15 minutes, but when he does that, he's taking to his friends about how great their doing, or what they could be doing better, or what song they'll do next! I don't have time to dance with him or have any alone time with him!" She complained.
"Must really suck." Gon supplied flatly, staring straight at Killua although he wasn't looking back.
"My Fall dance is gonna be ruined and it's all his fault!" She said growing more hysterical.
"Wow, calm down there, bessie." Killua chuckled, taking her shoulders in his hands. "Just... then, tell him you're out of here if he doesn't start paying attention to you." He suggested. Her tense shoulders slowly relaxed.
"Mhh... I like that. I don't want to waste my time here anymore if I don't have a good time. I could be in my pajamas instead or something! Thanks Killua! I'm on my way." She said, moving towards the stage Pokkle and his friends were performing on.
"Won't you help me sober up? Growing up, it made me numb, And I want to feel something again! Won't you help me sober up? All the big kids, they got drunk, And I want to feel something again! Won't you help me feel something again?...How's it go again?! "
Gon perked up as Ponzu ran off. He did a double take around them. There was no one else- no other distraction for Killua to use as an excuse. This was it, their alone time. Gon turned to Killua with his best smile.
"Killua?" He asked, bringing Killua's attention on him. "Can I have this dance?" He asked. Killua blinked once, glanced over Gon's shoulder then shrugged.
"Naw, I think I'm ready to just sit for a while, really."
Gon's jaw dropped again for the umptenth time that night, and the pang returned with a vengeance. He's not sure how many more of those strikes he can take. Gon's hand reached out to grab Killua's arm as Killua moved to walk past him to the table. Killua looked down at the hand first then up at Gon.
"Killua..." He started, searching for the words. "Are you ok?" He asked. He remembered Kurapika's words in these trying times and tried to put on his most reassuring face. Killua pressed his lips together in a line, searching Gon's face for something.
"Yea. I'm fine. Just... want to sit." He said, and moved towards the table again. Gon winced himself when he only tightened his grip on Killua. He can't let him run just yet.
"Killua, please. I want to be there for you, but you have to let me in... you have to tell me what you're thinking. Remember? We have each other's back? That night in your room?" Gon asked. He knew he finally broke through with something when Killua's eyes widened, his eyes shining like shattered stars.
"I... I-I, Gon, please, just..." He said, trying to move backwards again. Gon hated how cornered Killua looked, so he finally him go. Killua kept his gaze on Gon for a couple more seconds while walking backwards before finally moving to the tables on the other side of the dance floor. Gon sighed and looked down, feeling defeated... Then he thought that maybe Killua wasn't actually asking him to let go but never let go. Gon looked up determined, remembering what Kurapika told him. Killua likes him too, and he won't let Killua go, not tonight. He went after him.
"Ponzu, wait!" Pokkle said. He was chasing her retreating figure onto the dance floor.
"No! You care about your career way more than me. I have been trying to be supportive, but at this point, why am I here? You can play your band and ignore me without me having to be here." She said, turning to him.
"No, no, that's not true! you know it's not true, Ponz. You mean so much to me, and... this is all my fault. I haven't been giving you nearly as much attention as I should have been. I've been taking you for granted, I want to make it up to you..." He said, stepping closer, taking her hands. She regarded him with distrusting eyes.
"How are you going to do that?" She asked. His eyes darted about the ground as his mind raced of ways to make it up. The music changed to a slower song and it clicked in his head.
"I'll be your date, starting now. Ponzu, may I have this dance?" He asked. Others on the dance floor were already clearing for them. She gasped lightly, looking around at the lighting changing to fit the mood and they were the center of attention like they were the stars that night. She smiled with little restrained happiness and nodded. He pulled her close as he sang with the music playing.
" Take my hand, take a breath, " He sang to her personally. " Pull me close and take one step. Keep your eyes locked on mine, And let the music be your guide." He began swaying with her into ballroom motions. she kept her eyes closed in happiness and being the center of attention. She joined in his song as they continued,
"Won't you promise me " He started, and she joined, " Now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget ~"
"We'll keep dancing (to keep dancing) Wherever we go next!"
Their ballroom steps grew larger as they glided along the dancefloor, keeping their eyes on each other. She felt so much affection for the boy in her arms, and she felt beautiful, like a shooting star in the night. Everything else faded away as they sang to each other.
" It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you! It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do! And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance?) Can I have this dance…? "
"Killua, wait!" Gon cried, catch Killua's arm on the edge of the dance floor cleared out as Pokkle and Ponzu dance. "Please, I'm right here."
"But will you always be?" Killua finally said, turning to Gon, ice cold blue. Gon felt hurt Killua even had to ask.
"Of course." He said with conviction and no hesitation. Killua's eyes widened, the blue splashing back to that brilliant hue. He pulled Killua closer. "I am always going to be here for you Killua. I don't think there's a thing on this Earth that could part me from you. I just want you to believe me. I want you to understand just how much you mean to me..." He pulled one of Killua's hands up to plant a kiss on it. Killua blushed, his mouth opening and closing uselessly.
"You can push me away, but I'll always be here waiting for you..." Gon said. Killua's eyes lidded slightly, looking over Gon.
"...Do you see me pushing?" He asked softly. A corner of Gon's lips raised into a smile and he pulled him onto the dance floor.
" Take my hand, I'll take the lead…! And every turn we'll be safe with me ." Gon sang, bringing Killua into proper ballroom position. Killua looked pleasantly surprised at Gon's knowledge.
" Don't be afraid, afraid to fall… " Gon dipped Killua but he only smiled up at Gon. " You know I'll catch you through it all… " Gon took a step back and Killua matched it without hesitation.
" And you can't keep us apart (even a thousand miles can't keep us apart) " Killua with Gon, their harmony a beautiful thing to hear. " Cause my heart is (cause my heart is) wherever you are…! "
" It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you! It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do! And with every step together, we just keep on getting better! So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance?) Can I have this dance? " They sang, looking at each other like it was the first time they saw each other. They had their bodies pressed together with no indication of parting any time soon.
"Oh no mountains too high and no oceans too wide Cause together or not, our dance won't stop! " The only four on the dance floor entered a four part harmony, singing as they danced with their partner. They twirled in mesmerizing circles, dancing beautifully with each other while singing beautiful harmony.
"Let it rain, let it pour What we have is worth fighting for! You know I believe, that we were meant to be… Oh! "
Their emotions fueling their moves and voices, raising it with no abandon. Gon has never met anyone as amazing as his lightening, ice cold, soft, beautiful kitten Killua. He wants to let him know how much he cares.
Pokkle would never want to make Ponzu thinks he put her lower than anything else in his life. He's only been treating her this way because he thought she was his most constant rock in his life. That he wouldn't have to worry because she'd always be right there, but he'd fall apart without her. Never again, he'll never leave her guessing.
"It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding
Someone like you (like you)
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do (way we do)
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance?)
Can I have this dance?
Can I have this dance?
Can I have this dance?"
They slowed to a stop, holding their partner in their arms. The audience around them applauded their appreciation. However, the four on the dance floor could care less, it was for the other they were singing and dancing. To show their appreciation for their date.
"No one knows you as well as I do… No one knows you better. You don't have to be scared…" Gon muttered, keeping his eyes locked on Killua's. "You don't have to be scared about that fact. I'm not here to hurt you with what I find out. I only ever want to use it to take care of you… and make you happy. I just want you to let me… I'm ready… Killua."
"G-Gon.." Killua gasped softly, his eyes pooling as he gazed up at Gon like he was his light. He must have been a fool to wait this long to give in to Gon.
And then he was pushing forward, his hands caressing the back of Gon's neck and in his hair, and his lips - oh god, Gon's been dreaming of how those lips feel on his own for too long and now- they formed onto Gon's, opening slightly to slot his lips with Gon's. Gon did not hesitate to bring his arms around Killua, letting his hands roam his back, leaving trails of fire down his arms and resting on the small of Killua's back. Gon's chest clenched and released almost painfully- this felt so right, Killua fit perfectly in his arms and on his lips.
Much too soon for Gon's liking, Killua separate, letting in a deep breath and resting his forehead in the crook of Gon's neck.
"Why are you laughing?" Killua asked, slightly muffled from the angle. Gon didn't even realize he was laughing until Killua asked.
"I'm just really happy!"
And then Killua was laughing along with him. Killua's chest has never felt so light and he hasn't been this happy in a long time. He just hoped he would be able to keep it that way; he'll fight for this, and he knows Gon would fight right by him. Killua put him through so much just to get him tonight, he knows almost nothing will turn him away now.
"Will you tell me what's been bothering you all week? That it even bothered you tonight?" Gon asked.
"I'm... I'm really sorry about this, Gon. It's just... Monday afternoon, Illumi-" Killua started, not removing his head from Gon's neck.
"Illumi." Gon growled out, tightening his hold protectively around Killua. Killua let out a small happy chuckle. What an idiot.
"I know, I'm sorry, he just got into my head again, and I..."
"Killua." Gon said, seriously, pulling at him so Killua looked at him in the eyes. "This can't keep going on like this. You need to tell Illumi about what this is doing to you." Gon said. Killua's eyes widened at that, and Gon could see the fear in his eyes.
"I understand that might be terrifying to you, to try to stand up to someone who's taught you how to break, but... you can do it. You don't even have to do it directly. We can work on it together, through song or something. To tell him how you feel. I don't think this is healthy, the next step is that I take you out that house and away from him. He's your brother, he shouldn't be treating you this way." Gon ranted. Killua looked on, taking in all of Gon's features as he spoke, and Killua felt so much affection for him, he was absolutely thankful someone like Gon in his life. Such a positive, bright presence. How did he ever believe Illumi?
"You're right... I'll... work on it. I'll do it. I've got a plan. But that's for later. We need to enjoy the rest of the night while we can... I want to show you a good time." He smirked playfully, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and Gon shivered in excitement.
"Yea!" He beamed, squeezing his hand.
Tell me what you thought of Writing Style number 2!
Honorable Mentions:
I Can't Help Falling in Love with You by A-Teens- just... c'mon! [suggested by ao3 commenter Dragonbooks249]
Shine by RWBY- when Killua realizes he's in love with Gon [suggested by ao3 commenter anotherguestbleh]
Hand Over Feet by Alanis Morissette- Killua in love with Gon of course
-o0o0o0o-
Gon: Wait! Killua, I keep forgetting to ask you questions about you and your established idol career!
Killua: I don't think it's that big of a deal…
Gon: No! What if the readers want to know something too?
Killua: Then they can ask themselves! And I'll do my best to answer it…
Gon: Ok! If you guys have any questions for Killua or myself, please ask it in the comments or reviews and we'll try to get back to you! Thanks! Have a great day and remember to sing with heart!
