Ok, this one is my favorite chapter so far! And I wrote it so quickly…
Wilde306: Thanks so much for reviewing and saying that my story was so good! I'm always self-conscious about that, so thanks for the love. You're so excited for the next chapter and well, you were the only one that reviewed the last chapter so I'M DEDICATING THIS NEWEST CHAPTER AND MY FAVORITE ONE TO YOU, WILDE306, thanks for reviewing, it made my day and helped me keep going since I have no idea why no one else reviewed TT-TT
LOVE YOU and all my OTHER READERS that may have read but didn't review.
Well, we're nearing the end of this arc. It's been fun, and I'm happy you all joined me through it. Yup, I think I'm pretty much done with notes up here. Bai!
(reminder, most of these song suggestions are from ao3 if you can't find who suggested these in ff reviews.)
Featured Songs:
Next to You- Chris Brown ft. Justin Beiber
Indiana Rose- Daniela Kadewatha [indie pop] suggested by Happinessxhunter
King of Anything- Sara Bareilles
Human- Christina Perri suggested by hahayourenotfunnyatall
Lalala- Naughty Boy
Sundial- Who cares? Suggested by Sockbootoo
Thanks to my Editor: canzie-gumm/ whats-wrong-aniki (check her out on tumblr, she's great)
Chapter 11: Hummingbird Wings
Killua did not even change out of his clothes when he returned home from the Night of the Stars Fall dance before he marched straight to Milluki's room. His palms were clammy and he felt like he couldn't take in a proper full breath, but Killua just thought of what Gon had told him before to gather the strength to go through with this.
"Call me if you need anything..." Gon said, brushing Killua's bangs out of his face. Killua bit his lip, nodding and looking over every part of Gon's face. "You can do it, ok? I believe in you. Everything will work out fine."
He knows that Gon was being overly optimistic and there was no saying everything will turn out great when he finishes his plan, but he needed optimism right now. So he'll foolishly believe Gon's words. He reached Milluki's door and stopped in front of it, knocking on the broad wood door.
"Oi, you awake piggy?" He called out. He checked the time to see if there was a chance he was asleep. It was only 11, Milluki would be up playing video games since tomorrow is Saturday. There was a pause, then a "What do you want?" sounding completely exasperated and annoyed.
"Open up, I need to talk to you." Killua said. He looked left and right to make sure Illumi wouldn't pop around the corner.
"Why should I talk to you? I'm having a perfectly good night!"
"It's about the next concert. I need your help with something..." He lowered his voice as not to broadcast it into the walls. "I'd really prefer this conversation inside." He muttered impatiently. There was debating grumbling inside and Killua sighed.
"I'll owe you another favor."
There was maybe another 2 second pause before Milluki's frame filled the opened doorway, making a smug squinted face.
"Great, welcome, valued customer." He snickered. Killua rolled his eyes but pushed past him into the room. He stood by Milluki's swivel chair, waiting for him to return to the seat before he started.
"You're in charge of the concert composition and arrangement in a couple weeks, right?" Killua asked. Milluki let out a tired sigh at the thought of it, but nodded.
"Yea, and?"
"I need your help... I need the last hour of the concert to myself."
"What? What for?" He asked. "What if I want the last hour?" He snorted indignant.
"Except you don't. Can you stop being difficult for, like, a second? I'm trying to get this thing done." Killua crossed his arms at Milluki. Milluki blinked with wide eyes at seeing his little brother so serious when he's usually so childish and annoying. He decided to stop being so flippant and listened to Killua seriously.
"Alright, fine. What the heck do you need the last hour for?" He asked.
"I... I want to use it to show Illumi how I feel. I need to tell him what everything he's done to me and is still doing is not ok, and it makes me feel terrible." Killua said. Milluki lowered his head in regret, remembering all that Killua had to grow up with, and how Milluki even partook in it. But he knew Illumi had it the hardest, he probably loved- loves Killua the most but put him through the most suffering. Milluki's sure Illumi hated doing it to Killua more than anyone. He hated it so much that he convinced and brainwashed himself into thinking that Killua likes it, and even if Killua didn't, it was best for him and he'll thank Illumi one day. It was sort of like he was disassociating his feelings from his actions so that he can still say he loves Killua honestly while still doing nothing to accommodate Killua during training.
"Why don't you just tell him like this, like you told me?" Milluki asked, but he pretty much knew the answer before the question fully left his mouth.
"If I did that, he wouldn't believe me. He'd brush me off as being childish or not being able to take my training. I need to express myself properly."
"And we both know you can't do that with words." Milluki couldn't help but slip that tease in. Killua rolled his eyes, but Milluki was relieved to see the corners of Killua's lips twitch up. It was unnerving to see his little brother so serious and upset for so long. It made him uncomfortable to be confronted by that when he didn't know how to deal with it besides teases and taunts.
"Right. So I'm going to do it through song. I'm good at that, making lyrics and singing well. So I can at least get up and sing my thoughts after I put it down." He nodded. And I'll add emotion behind it, like Gon taught me. He added as a thought. Milluki sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning in his chair to pull up his constructed schedule for the night of the concert on one of his monitors.
"And what do you need the hour for? How many songs are you singing?" Milluki asked, checking what he had originally planned for that last hour.
"I don't know how many songs I'll sing... but I know I'll have a lot to say, it'll just be better to have the whole hour blocked." Killua said, leaning on the computer counter to look over at the computer screen.
"So demanding, brat..." Milluki muttered under his breath as he cleared up the schedule. "I can't believe you'll be singing your feelings. I guess your boyfriend finally got to you." He teased. Even Milluki knew what that brush head did to the school about expressing and passion, even if he doesn't completely agree. It was obvious if you went to school even for just one day the past couple months. Killua couldn't help the smile at that word 'boyfriend.'
"Yea, he did." He grinned. Milluki looked up at him for a second.
"I can't believe you admitted it." Milluki huffed before going back to his schedule. He figured his little brother liked Gon, but didn't think he'd admit it anytime soon.
"Also... will you help me compose them? If we work together, it'll be faster." He asked.
Milluki remembered when they were younger, Killua used to compose songs with Milluki all the time, sitting right in this room on his floor. The songs were terrible and easily forgotten, but the memories always stayed with him. He agreed before he even knew it, a light blush on his cheeks.
"Thanks." Killua sighed, relieved. He was happy he wouldn't have to try and sort his thoughts himself; that sounded like a panic attack. He was happy he had a confidant in Milluki.
"Alright, so you'll have the last hour, but I'm not removing you from any previously arranged songs. You'll still be doing your regulars on top of this." He said.
"That's fine. I can do it." Killua said, standing up to his full height. "Um... one more thing?" He asked.
"UGH, What?!" He heaved, overdramatically exasperated. Killua winced a bit.
"Can you... not let Illumi find out about the last hour?" He asked. Milluki's eyes bugged out.
"What!? What am I gonna do when I give out the schedule, and it's an hour short?"
"I don't know? Make it up, I just can't have him catching wind of any of it. He might try to do something to counter it if he finds out, please?" Killua begged, putting his hands together. Milluki looked away from his puppy dog pout.
"Geez! No need to beg! I'll try, but there's no saying he won't find out some other way. Geez, now get out of my room!"
"Yes! Thanks piggy! Night!" Killua called, running out the room.
"Whatever!" He called back, turning back to his chair. He stared down at the keyboard for a moment before powering it down to go to bed. Hopefully it'll work and Killua really will get through to Illumi. This house hasn't felt like home in a long time because they couldn't be normal brothers, being raised up as bred idols. Maybe this way, they'll get a little more semblance of home again.
Gon shrugged his jacket further up his shoulders to keep the biting fall wind out this early in the morning as he stood outside the Zoldyck house. He was excited to see Killua again after last night. Killua had already planned for the two of them to go see the Fall Showcase earlier in the week to see the general format, examples of winners, and the grading system of the Showcase. And now, they were going to go as a couple. Gon shivered with excitement and happiness at just remembering that Killua was his now.
His cheeks flushed a bit at remembering what he was planning on doing this morning. He already texted Killua to come down, so he was expecting him at any moment, Gon being their ride this Saturday morning. But they hadn't actually shared any kisses, lips or otherwise, since the one at the dance. Gon was overjoyed when Killua initiated the first kiss between them, it was more than he could have ever hoped for, because it meant Killua wanted him too. Gon didn't push himself onto Killua, Killua came to him willingly, and that meant the world to Gon.
And because of that reason, Gon didn't want to make any further moves on Killua that night during or after the dance. He didn't want to push onto Killua if Killua was still uncomfortable, or feeling like he just kissed Gon out of the rush of emotions he felt after their dance. Gon was actually worried at any point from after they kissed to right now, that Killua would text him that he made a mistake. But he didn't! So Gon will just assume Killua really does feel the same way, and they can progress with their relationship!
So Gon decided he would make the first move today and give Killua a good morning kiss. On the lips.
Gon's cheeks flushed further.
Or the cheek.
Gon rubbed his hands together nervously.
Or the hand... maybe he'll just go for the hug-
Gon nearly jumped out of his skin when the front door swung open, revealing Killua, all white fluffy halo and fashionable fall wear as always. Gon couldn't keep the wow from his lips, and had to remind himself he was dating him. How did Gon get so lucky to get someone like Killua to like him back?
"Hey Gon, ready to go?" Killua smiled brightly at him and Gon snapped out of it, shaking his head to focus.
"O-oh, yea! Yes, ready, c'mon!" He took Killua's hand to lead down the steps to his car, trying to ignore the awkwardness in his movements and the loud voices in his head that were telling him he didn't do any of the options he thought of. Killua's breezy laughter helped Gon ease out of his nerves.
"Where's the rush? C'mere Gon." Killua hummed, pulling on their joined hands slightly to stop Gon's movements. Gon turned, feeling a bit bashful, but was then embraced in a hug by Killua. Gon was slightly surprised, but Killua was too happy at seeing Gon again, all the memories from last night flooding back, he had to do something. As Killua pulled back from the hug, he gave a light kiss to Gon's cheek.
"Morning." He blushed, not able to bring himself to do more than that. Gon looked at him with saucer eyes for a moment before flashing a blinding smile at Killua.
"Good morning, Killua!" He bellowed, wrapping an arm around Killua's lower back and pressing him up against his body to give him a deep kiss. Killua let out a surprised squeak against Gon's lips before he melted into it, landing his hands on Gon's shoulders and fluttering his eyes shut.
"I can't believe this." Killua huffed angrily, standing from his seat in the back of the auditorium. He gestured widely at the stage that held the three Amori brothers.
They weren't sure exactly the reason, but there wasn't many student here at the Fall Showcase as there usually are at Showcases, leaving the audience looking like one at a low budget elementary talent show. People were scattered in the seats, some showing little interest in being there or on their phones. Killua told Gon that at least half the auditorium is usually filled at these things, but less than 1/3 was filled.
The only ones that seemed intent on paying attention to the performers are those in the very front and the judges at the judges' table right up by the stage- Netero, Bisky, and a Musica Academy alumni Killua didn't know; he wasn't famous enough. Even Netero looked like he'd rather be doing school paperwork, and that was saying something since he's always trying to avoid it.
Killua guessed that since everyone was so excited for the Winter Showcase, the Fall Showcase was of little interest in comparison. The line-up wasn't even that impressive for this Fall Showcase. It was usually really entertaining and well rehearsed, because those that signed up had all summer and then some to practice, but seniors weren't even in this Showcase and no one had confidence in lowerclassmen to put on a good show. Gon said that was mean to say, but Killua shrugged it off, not really caring especially when it seemed like the most likely case.
The Showcase was going fine when it started, everyone on the production team taking it seriously even if there wasn't an audience as big as they were used to. The host announced everyone as rehearsed, and the performers gave it their all to impress the judges if no one else. Killua talked Gon through the processes as it happened; where you would wait for the cue to come on stage, how everyone has original music accompaniment pre-recorded, the types of music being played that was going to lose, or in the running to win. Gon tried to keep up with everything Killua was saying, but Killua also looked gorgeous in the dim light coming from the stage lights, and Gon kept getting lost in his sharp features softened in the glow and ended up smiling like an idiot at his boyfriend.
It was around the 5th performance that the Amori brothers were then announced as the next performance they'd see.
"What is this? Really? I can't believe this!" Killua snapped as loudly as he could while trying to be quiet.
"Calm down, Killua." Gon muttered, not really trying to get him back in his seat. "What are you even upset about?" Gon asked as the Amori's three piece harmony started up on stage.
"These idiots..." Killua snarled, nudging his head in the stage's direction. He was pacing now. "Made you join the Winter Showcase with your career on the line, and they're not even performing in it!" Killua complained.
"Well, maybe they still are...?" Gon said cautiously.
"No! It takes too much preparation for one concert to do 2 in a row. If they're in this one, they're not in the next one."
"What's so wrong with that?" Gon asked again, propping his chin on his palm, staring unashamedly at the starlit teen slowing down by his seat again. He couldn't help it, Killua was pretty even when he was mad. His anger made his face flush and Gon could see his pale freckles better this way.
"Pathetic!" Killua snapped in a quiet voice, not to bring too much attention to them in the back. "Cowards, they won't even bring themselves to touch the same stage you'll be performing on the same night. If they were gonna force this deal on you, they could have at least been there as a contestant." Killua sat on the edge of his seat, leaning forward as though he could laser eye the Amori brother's as their number reached the climax. "They could all go suck on a lemon." He muttered at last. He noticed Gon's lack of response after a beat and looked over at him with a slightly sharper glare than he meant. But he stuttered over the wide affection filled smile beaming over in his direction.
"W-what?" He asked, self consciously pulling his coat further up his shoulder.
"You're so pretty when you're angry." Gon answered honestly. Killua's mouth opened in what was suppose to be a response, but his brain had shut down momentarily as it processed what Gon said. His body reacted before his mind did, a blush washing over his features, and Gon's smile only widened.
"I-Wh-" He stuttered as his brain caught up to the present. "Gon! You can't say embarrassing things like that!" He cried.
"But we're dating now! I get to admire you openly when I couldn't before." He said, reaching out and taking Killua's hand. Killua's blush deepened, his heart pounding wildly in his chest and he hoped Gon couldn't feel it in his hand.
"Geez, I was an idiot if I thought your embarrassing comments would die down or at least stay the same after we started dating..." Killua muttered, his past anger completely forgotten as the Amori brothers stepped off stage. Gon tried to squash his smile down into puckered lips as he leaned forward and gave a big smacking kiss to Killua's reddened cheek.
"I can't believe it's finally Fall Break!" Gon hummed in approval as he drove him and Killua back to his apartment. "We'll get to do so much during our time off from school! We can go to amusement parks, or get with our friends and catch a movie, or I'll bring you out to a proper date, I can see this is gonna be the best week ever!" Gon said, smacking the driving wheel for emphasis. Killua rolled his eyes, although there was a slight smile there. Who let this excitable idiot drive?
"Um, I don't know where you'll find any time to do all that between our training." Killua said. Gon pouted.
"More training? C'mon, it's Fall Break, we should be on break! We should be doing relaxing things like having a picnic in the park with our friends-"
"Our friends will be just as busy. Anyone that goes to Musica Academy knows the time off from school is the best promotion time. They're all gonna be working on resume building, concerts, interviews, and special guest appearances. And we have a song to make."
Gon sunk a little lower in his seat, an uneasy feelings settling in his gut from being reminded of his tight timeline again. Everyday was just another day closer to when he has to make it or break it.
"When the day finally comes, you'll end up wishing you spent more time practicing or preparing." Killua insisted, seeing Gon's dejected state from the passenger seat. "We'll need to make the song, compose the score of everything you want in there- orchestra, EDM, harmony- and get into a studio to record your accompanying music. You can go up there a cappella, but I think that's not something you want to do..." Killua bit the tip of his thumb nail as he looked off a bit in thought. Gon raised an eyebrow at the pause in Killua's voice. Killua shook his head to come out of it and then looked back at Gon. "And after we record everything, we'll need to copyright the song, people there won't be above stealing good pieces from the showcases- they're all original, and smart performers will copyright it before they perform it. And the dance and everything? We got 9 weeks, Freeccs. We're making the most out of this break." Killua crossed his arms. Gon pouted.
"Yessir..." They reached the parking lot for the apartment and disembarked the vehicle.
-o0o0o0o-
Killua slept over at Gon's place as it was already late and Gon wanted Killua out of his own house as often as he could get him. Gon hadn't told Mito of Killua's and Illumi's relationship because he doesn't want her to worry and Killua assures Gon it's fine, he's got it under control.
The next day, Sunday, they woke up and had breakfast and pleasant conversation with Mito and then it was back to Gon's room for practice. Gon sat on the bed, one leg up and the other dangling over the edge as he faced Killua and tuned his guitar. Killua sat next to Gon, both legs folded under him, facing out from the bed, a notebook and pen in his hands. He chewed the tip of the pen as he looked down at the blank page in thought. Gon pouted as he tuned the last of his guitar and strummed a perfect stroke over the strings. Killua's dazing out again. Killua's been doing that often since they came back from the Fall Showcase. He seems more concerned with getting this song done than Gon does sometimes, and Gon's concerned for how stressed he really is about it. He doesn't want Killua to feel this is his burden to carry, it'll only add to his list of problems that stresses him out.
"Alright, so we'll start with... lyrics... yea." He muttered to himself. "At least the theme." He took the pen out from between his teeth and looked down on the page to start writing. Gon leaned over, only half interested in what he was writing when a smile started to grow on his lips. He began strumming away on his guitar before he started singing.
"You've got that smile ..." Gon's smile widened when he saw Killua's writing stop, and he knew he caught his attention. "That only heaven can make. I'll pray to God everyday, you keep that sm- errh" Killua's notebook fell out of his hands in shock as a fierce blush covered his features and he slapped his hands over Gon's mouth to quiet him.
"We're not singing that!" He cried out, face red and voices raised a couple octaves. Gon smiled against his hand, his eyes turning into joyful crescents. He kissed the hand over his mouth and Killua removed them.
"I know, originals only..." I just wanted you to relax... "But how about love for a theme? There was plenty of love songs sung at the Showcase?" Gon asked, plucking at dreamy sounding chords. Killua scoffed, brushing his hair away from his face as his blush subsided.
"Did any of those songs win?" Killua asked, facing Gon with a raised eyebrow. Gon squished his mouth up to a point as he thought back to yesterday evening. A junior had won with...
"Err... Well, technically it was about his love of music." Gon nodded. Killua rolled his eyes.
"Everyone does love songs, love songs don't stick out." Gon's eyebrows scrunched a bit, although his smile never faded.
"But none of them were about you. There are a million and one love songs, but mine would be different and special, because it's about you." Gon smiled, tilting his head to one side. Killua lit up, as Gon predicted, and sputtered a very weak argument.
"Gon!" He finally was able to get out. "You're trying to win the Showcase, not make me burst into flames!" Killua shouted. Gon tried really hard not to break out into a wide smile or laughter as he said with a innocent yet serious face, "Why can't I do both?"
Killua let out a cry as he jumped on Gon and Gon finally let out his deep laughter.
"M-my guitar!" He laughed out. Now it's gonna be all out of tune again!
-o0o0o0o0o-
Killua's head hit the pillow, a frustrated and sad feeling growing in his chest. He felt like it could crush him. He needs Gon to win this... he doesn't think he'd be able to handle one day at that stupid school without Gon. Gon practically remade that school to his image, and it's way better than it once was. Killua doesn't want to think about what it will look like if their leader isn't there to keep the wheel moving. Not to mention without Gon there, Killua will feel such a vacuum next to him where Gon usually is, he thinks he'll just fall into the void without him. Not saying Killua wouldn't follow wherever Gon went afterwards willingly, but that would be hard to do while living under his parent's roof... well, that's solved by moving in with Gon... his face heated up at the thought of that. But then, even after all that, Gon wouldn't be able to pursue music at all. Killua wouldn't be concerned about that usually, but after knowing Gon for this long, Killua knows Gon will keep that promise even if it kills him. Killua doesn't even know what Gon would be like without music in his life...
But this was difficult, trying to make a song while keeping in mind how skilled Illumi was, while trying to keep intact what Gon wants in the song, while trying to keep it simple enough to finish within the weeks they've got left. Killua's head spun and Gon didn't seem to be that worried about it, which made Killua stress more, because doesn't Gon want to stay with him too? Killua shook his head, he already knew the answer to that. He's just... stressed.
They've already got some possible themes down, some lyrics that hit both of them that could fit within those themes... some chords they like in succession. But the oranging sky wasn't encouraging their progress, especially when it took them this long to get this small amount done. It wasn't commendable. Killua closed his eyes slowly, and breathed out once through his nose.
He technically knew what to do to give Gon a higher chance of winning... and he doesn't know why he hasn't suggested it yet. He already knew at this point, he'd do anything for Gon... and anything for a greater chance of beating illumi.
"Hey... Gon." Killua muttered, letting his eyes slide open.
"Hmm?" Came his tired, humming reponse. Killua's lips twitched a bit, happy just to hear him even if he couldn't see him.
"I've got an idea." He said, sitting up, taking in the view of Gon laying down by the foot of the bed, his arm thrown over his eyes in exhaustion. Gon moved his arm away from his face to peek at Killua from under his arm. "I know that it might be hard to beat Illumi, because as a Zoldyck he's got popularity and elite training under his belt. So, it may increase your chances if you perform with another Zoldyck... I could sing with you-"
"Killua..." Gon started with a huff as he pushed himself into a sitting position.
"In the Showcase, you can sing with as many people as you want or can get to sing with you, it's not too late to compose a duet-" Killua said, scooting closer to Gon.
"Killua." Gon said seriously, taking Killua's shoulders in his hands. Killua's mouth was left open as the rest of his words died on his lips. "I want... I need to do this myself. I said this before but if I can't defeat Illumi with my own power, I'll never be able to become the World Star I dream of being. I can't depend on you to win, because then I won't feel like I won anything. And you need to think of yourself a little more. I don't want you to do something you don't want to, like use your own abilities for someone else..." Killua had to let out a soft scoff at that. It wasn't that a big a deal! Not anymore, not for Gon.
"I really appreciate your help. And you admitting this showed me just how anxious you are for me to win, and I'm happy you trusted me with that much of your insecurities. I'll work harder, we'll get more progress done, and you won't have anything to worry about anymore. Alright, baby?" Gon asked, caressing Killua's cheek with his thumb. Killua blushed at the pet name, but tried to seem put-off. He leaned into the touch and looked down at the space on the bed between them instead.
"You're an idiot if you think you'll be able to stop me from worrying. You are the epitome of worrisome." He muttered. Gon laughed harder than Killua was expecting him to, and he watched with a half smile as Gon finally stopped laughing enough to talk.
"And you stay with me anyway!" Gon laughed, taking his hand. "You make me happy, Killua!" He beamed and Killua couldn't breath. He opened his mouth uselessly before just smiling back like an idiot.
You make me happy too. Gon.
-o0o0o0o-
Mito worked to mash the potatoes in the bowl in front of her before her eyes wandered over to Gon's closed door. She felt proud, surprised and concerned for Gon as she blew a strand of orange hair out of her face, turning her attention back to the food.
She's been hearing Gon and Killua work on their music all through this Fall break. She still had work herself, but it was nice coming home and hearing her son's voice flow through from behind closed doors into the living room, lightening the atmosphere with the song he sang. And when Killua's voice joined, it was like something was right with the world. They really did sound great together, but Mito figured they weren't making the song together because Killua doesn't sing along with Gon often, mostly some notes for Gon to repeat. She knows they're working hard, so she makes dinner for them before she makes herself known, so they can eat all together and catch up on how their day went over dinner.
However, she's been surprised and concerned because as many times as she's come home, Gon's been home as well. He's never come home after her. And whenever they speak of their day during dinner, based on Gon and Killua's compiled story, it doesn't sound like they went out much, if at all.
"A whole week spent indoors, huh...?" Mito muttered, adding the butter to the mash. She knows Gon isn't the type to stay indoors. He loves the outdoors, and going out, and doing activities. Even if it's just going to the park to do something he could easily do in the living room. He must be showing a large amount of restraint. It was Friday, their Fall break was almost over, and if Gon doesn't go out at all... Mito will be really surprised. Was pushing down such a large part of him really healthy?
-o0o0o0o-
Gon scrunched his nose, and his leg bounced ceaselessly against the bed. He felt super restless and chanced a glance over at Killua for the 27th time in the past 15 minutes. Killua had moved to the floor instead of sitting next to Gon on the bed once he realized Gon couldn't keep his leg from bouncing. He held a notebook with scrambled and quick jotted lyrics down in front of him, the words blurring in Gon's vision from how his leg was shaking all of him. He was supposed to be thinking of lyrics to put down, to go along with the skeleton of a melody they created throughout the week, but he couldn't focus. He had all this pent up energy he didn't know what to do with- and another glance at Killua- and he couldn't focus when his body wanted to move, wanted to react. This thinking stuff wasn't what he wanted to do right now, he wanted to be acting on reflex, impulse. Push off the ground, fly through the air to land with a thump. Try a hand spring even though he's never did one successfully. Strain his arms to pull his body up on a ledge or something- another glance at Killua.
He just needed something to tire him out... a longer glance at Killua.
Where his mind kept trying to wander wasn't the best of ideas right now. They've been moving slowly with showing affection for Killua's sake. Gon didn't want to scare Killua with moving in on him just because he's restless. He usually does push-ups when he's this restless, but he does them when he's alone. Plus, he just wanted to go out! He couldn't believe the Fall Break was over and they haven't done anything that remotely resembles a break... Maybe Killua can concentrate for weeks on end like this, but Gon's at the end of his rope. He can't take much more. He jumped up, and Killua dragged his eyes up to Gon's as though expecting this for a while.
"What's up, Gon?" He asked.
"We've been working super hard all week, and I think we should do something fun now!" He said, fists gripped in determination. Killua's eyes darted over to the notebook on the ground that fell off Gon's lap when he stood so fast. The generally empty page.
"That's working hard, Gon?" Killua asked with a raised eyebrow. Gon blushed a bit out of embarrassment.
"You can't shame me that easily, Killua! I can't concentrate like this! I need to go out and move to get ideas! This isn't how I write music. Besides, there's no way I'm letting the weekend pass without taking you out on at least one proper date!" He cried. Killua's face flushed at that.
"Wh-Gon, we don't-!"
"I want to have at least one date with you! If I lose the showcase, and I can't see you again-" Gon's chest squeezed impossibly tight, making talking impossible. He swallowed once to push it down, "If that somehow happens, I want to remember the amazing moments I made and spent with you, not how we stayed couped up in my room to try and make a song." Gon said, his fists clenched again. Killua's eyebrows drew together, his eyes softening like the clear afternoon sky. Expansive and absorbing. He looked down at his own notebook, filled with many lines of lyrics, but Gon could tell he was as unhappy with them as Gon was with the lyrics that never even made it to the page.
Gon took it as a good sign when Killua put the notebook down and stood up.
"You're right, Gon. Let's go somewhere." He smiled lopsidedly and Gon's heart started pounding with excitement. "Maybe some movement will help our thought process."
"Yea! C'mon!" He said, taking Killua's hand in one hand and both of their jackets with the other hand. He ran out his room, dragging Killua behind him. Killua struggled to keep his feet beneath him with how fast Gon was moving him.
"Woah- Gon, cool it-!" He cried.
"Sorry, Mito we're going out, we might be a little late for dinner!" He smiled, his cheeks like round plums. He stopped at the front door, Killua nearly tripping over Gon's knelt figure that was putting on his boots. Mito blinked, less in surprise than in knowing.
"Ah, of course. I'll keep dinner warm for you."
"Thanks, Mito. But don't feel like you have to wait up!" Gon said, jogging in one place as he waited for Killua to put on his shoes. "Don't know when we're coming back!"
"Mh. Be careful on the roads." Mito said, not feeling any rush to finish dinner anymore.
"Mh! C'mon Killua!" Gon said once Killua stood up to his full height. He took his arm and yanked him out the door and Killua let out a yelp.
Gon was so amazing. Killua's never met anyone more amazing then Gon. When Gon talked about the probability of not winning the showcase, Killua's mouth went dry and he didn't know what to say. How could he? The possibility that Gon would fail was mind boggling to Killua. Improbable and impossible. How could anyone who shakes the earth and moves the currents whenever and wherever he wants lose something as simple as an over-glorified talent show? It wasn't a possibility in Killua's mind.
Killua looked over at Gon from the passenger side of the car that Gon was driving much too quickly to be comfortable for normal people. He let his foot go and drove with as much freedom as he liked. Like everything else he does.
He was smiling at the open road they were on. Killua's never been this way before, seemed a lot more rural and sparse, like they were heading away from the city, but Killua didn't mind. He didn't care, he would follow Gon anywhere he allowed him. The song on the radio hummed quietly, barely audible above the engine,
~Lost in the sight of you alone
here I stay till dawn
the breeze in the sky sings me a song
here I stay till dawn
Stay till dawn
As Killua looked on at Gon's profile, Killua could see in his honey eyes, ablaze like a blossoming ember with determination and focus, darting over the road as he obviously thought of the steps he would take next when they got to wherever they were going. Gon could be so simple yet so difficult to read sometimes. Just by looking, Killua couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he knew he was thinking hard about it.
Gon's ease as he handled the wheel with a reclined posture made Killua feel as relaxed and off guard as Gon looked. When he was with someone who seemed so capable, how could anyone be worried and strung? Well, ok, sometimes Gon made Killua monumentally worried, but not on down times like these. Not when Gon was oozing leisure and good times in waves.
Killua let his eyes roam up to the open sky, the roof of the convertible maneuvered down. Gon started putting the roof down for him before they hit the road whenever they drove together. The billowing clouds were painted a raging red orange like something out of a watercolor painting as the sun was barely visible over the rolling hills and pastures they were driving by. He closed his eyes to remember the feel of the window rolling over his skin and through his hair as he felt Gon's constant presence at his side. Gon was right, back in the room.
In Killua's mind, there was no chance in hell of Gon's losing. But when he thinks back on these times when he was with Gon, he didn't want to remember walls, and music scores, and practice. He has enough of those memories that comes from his childhood to last a lifetime. He wants to remember things like this, the touch and feel, the music barely audible on the radio... he wants to remember how Gon breathes at night, how he smiles at the stupidest things. Or the way the light reflects in his eyes and make them look like they were on fire from the inside out. Killua's eyes opened and he looked over at Gon. His face heated up when he saw Gon look away with a caught smile on his face.
"Gon!"
"What?" He replied with a laugh chiming his tone. Killua's eyebrows relaxed and his own smile returned. He didn't mind. He settled back into his seat, the tension leaving his muscles.
"Stupid..." He mumbled under his breath instead.
The clouds rolled in as the sun set further and they finally got to their destination. Gon brought them to a plain with emerald green grass rolling in the breeze the storm clouds brought in, and a thin forest on the east side. Killua was a bit concerned about the color of the clouds, a light grey mixing with dark grey like colored cotton balls. But his worries were soon forgotten as Gon took his hand and brought his attention to the trees they were approaching. They took a small nature walk with Gon showing Killua all the amazing plants or animals found in the cut of forest. The moss that only grows in the best air quality, or the plant that curls when you touch it. Bright flowers that looked like they were glowing in the overwashing grey light and insects that glowed from the inside out. Killua was captivated by it all, only seeing these kinds of things on nature documentaries. To see them in real life was amazing. And it was so like Gon for their first date to be an awe experience. As they stepped out of the forest and onto the plain, Killua became more concerned about the color of the sky, looking like the sea billowing above them in reverse waves. Then a bolt of purple striked through the different layers of gray and black and the two teens gasped.
"That was gorgeous!" Gon exclaimed. Killua found a smile worked its way on his face.
"Y-!" Killua began.
"It looked as beautiful as you!" Gon expressed, turning to Killua with an honest smile. Killua's breath caught in his throat as his face became red hot and- what was he supposed to say to stuff like that?!
"Stupid! Don't compare me to natural phenomenon!"
"Why not!? Now that I think about it, you're much prettier than it!" Gon said, having to talk a bit louder when the thunder rang out after it. Killua looked at Gon like he was crazy then rubbed his face frustrated. There was no way that was true. Before he could form an argument in his head, Gno cried out for his attention again.
"Killua!" Killua peaked from behind his fingers. He saw an excited smile on Gon's face. "Let's race the lightning!" Gon cried out, pointing up at the lightening storm as another one bolted across the sky.
Killua's mouth opened faster than words could come out. Alot of thoughts ran through his head. Why? That didn't make any sense? There was no way they could be faster than lightning.
But looking at Gon's face, he realized that didn't matter. His smile matched Gon's and he nodded.
"Yea!" Killua cried out. "Even if I don't beat the lightning, I could definitely beat you!" He laughed as he ran back towards the forest to start.
"Nu-uh!" Gon protested, happiness tinting his words. "We start when we see the lightning!" Gon said. Killua rolled his eyes, not even bothering to ask how they would know if they beat the lightning. They ran when they saw flashes in the air, startled into a sprint. They jumped and ran circles in the large spread of green, laughing up into the darkening sky. As it got darker, the purple, blue, and white hot lightning strikes only grew more sharper and brighter in contrast and they had to stop to gape up in wonder and awe more times than they remembered to chase it. Then the misting rains started, less raindrops and more like a fog was settling in heavily. Killua gasped in surprise but looked at Gon for his next move. His smile grew as he saw Gon look up with happiness in his eyes and tilted his head backwards, then opened his mouth to try and catch some rain. Killua laughed, pushing his bangs away from his face that were starting to become saturated with water. They spun and jumped in the rain, and danced. The lightning their spotlight and the thunder their music, their laughter ringing out over the empty place. Killua came out of a spin, and looked over at Gon who was attempting a cartwheel on the wet slippery grass. He burst out laughing when Gon indeed slipped but only looked up at Killua laughing, embarrassed. Something bubbled up in Killua's chest, and he didn't know what it was until it was spilling out his mouth.
"Gon, you're so amazing!" He cried to be heard over the rustling forest by their side. He blushed as he realized what he said but he didn't regret it, and his smile didn't die down. Gon blinked in surprise, caught off guard as he stood from the ground.
"W-wha..." He gasped, not expecting to hear that from Killua at the moment, but he was filled with great happiness hearing it. He didn't think anyone's opinion on him would influence him as much as Killua's did. He smiled brightly in return, flopping his hair away from his face that fell to his shoulders, damp with water.
"You're amazing!" He called back! "You're the most amazing person I know!" He called out, running to grab Killua's hands and circle him around in a wide waltz. Killua laughed, trying to keep up with Gon. Killua didn't know how anyone could be more amazing than Gon, but he's already used his bravery card to say something as embarrassing as 'you're amazing'. He'll just take Gon's compliment for now.
Gon felt amazing, this was the best day ever. Spending it with Killua. Gon wanted to try to keep this memory with him forever. If he could, he wanted to make his song about it. That's right, Gon doesn't want to just try and win the showcase, he wants to make memories while he still has the chance. He wants his song to be about his journey and his way up, and everyone he met and who helped him along the way. And tonight. He looked at Killua in his arms, his wet silver hair clinging to the side of his face and his cheeks flushed from exertion. Gon pulled him in without second thought and pressed their bodies together and their lips followed. Killua let out a small squeak in surprised but then his body relaxed in the embrace, wrapping his arms around Gon's neck.
This was what he wanted to capture in his song too.
The lightning when he kisses Killua.
"The break wasn't long enough..." Zushi complained. "And it wasn't much of a break when your dad is a teacher here and wants to make sure you don't slack..." Zushi muttered the last part. Killua laughed freely and ruffled the younger kid's hair.
"I don't think you get to complain about working on break to a Zoldyck." He smirked. Zushi's mouth formed an 'o' and gave an apologetic smile. Before he could verbally apologize, Gon spoke up, hand firmly in Killua's.
"No, Zushi's right. But I can bet my break was more busy! I was with a Zoldyck for my break. We almost did nothing but song work!" Gon said. Killua yanked downward on Gon's arm.
"Ungrateful..." He muttered with a playful smile on his face while Gon rubbed his shoulder.
"Oh right!" Zushi brightened up. "How has your song development been going? Did you get alot done during the Fall break?" Zushi asked. Gon brightened.
"Yes! After Friday, and I got my blood pumping, lyrics were able to come to me alot easier than just sitting in one place and waiting for it to hit me. I think I've got half the song written." Gon nodded.
"And we have a couple melodies we've cranked out that we could possibly use. If Gon would just pick one." Killua gave a side glance to him. Gon smiled sheepishly.
"They all sound so good! How am I supposed to pick?" He chuckled.
"Anyway, today's the Monday after Fall Break. We can now go sign up for the Winter Showcase. You ready for this?" Killua asked. Gon exhaled and nodded.
"Can't you take your name off the Showcase even if you sign up now?" Zushi asked, sensing the nerves and finality of their words.
"Well, yea, if you remove your name from the list before the first rehearsal about 3 weeks before the actual Showcase, you can back out fine. But Gon won't have any reason to back out. If he doesn't perform, that's the same as losing to those dumb Amori brothers, who aren't even performing- which is stupid in my opinion, it's their stupid bet, they should at least be-!"
"Killua! Killua, it's ok!" Gon laughed, rubbing his thumb on Killua's hand. Killua blushed briefly before he saw people in the hall looking at them and their clasped hand and he let get of Gon's hand, embarrassed. Gon didn't mind, he knew Killua wasn't good at public displays of affection. He just put his hand in his pocket so that he didn't lose the warmth he got from holding Killua's hand.
"Anyway, yea, I'm ready to sign up and follow through. I know I'm gonna win! I have to!" Gon gripped his fist. "My whole career is resting on this!" He said. Zushi nodded.
"Alot of people became your fans in a short amount of time. They'd hate if you lost and had to leave the music industry so early before you could show your true potential." Zushi nodded. "Plus you're so entertaining, this school would be alot more boring without you."
"What? Gon isn't some drama for the school to watch." Killua sneered.
"Well... I guess it's mean to put it like that, but technically it's what's happening. Gon has a couple fan clubs and stuff, and they gather sometimes in the week to talk about the new things Gon has done. The biggest thing that happened was that you two finally got together, which everyone has been debating for weeks." Zushi said.
"Finally? " Killua muttered to himself with a blush. Gon tilted his head to one side curiously.
"Zushi, how would you know this without going to the meetings?" Gon asked. Zushi blushed a bit and looked off.
"W-well, I have this friend that goes and they tell me about it..." He said.
"Uh-huh." Killua smirked knowingly. They walked up to the announcement board in the hallway and posted there with snowflake decals was a poster with sign-ups available. Winter Showcase in loopy cursive writing was right at the top and Illumi Zoldyck was already written in the first slot. Gon let out a brief breath and picked up the pen to sign his name.
"Yea, this chord came to me while I was showering after gym the other day..." Gon said, pointing at the notes on his sheet of paper as Killua looked over his shoulder, leaning on Gon's desk. Killua nodded looking at the notes, a smile on his face growing as he figured where those notes could go effectively.
"That's good, Gon, after school, we can-" He said before Bisky came over.
"Hello, boys. How has been your Wednesday so far?" She asked pleasantly, looking between the two of them. Before Killua could respond, Gon did.
"It's been great, although it makes me sad knowing I don't have every class with Killua, because then we have to be apart when I much rather have him by my side the whole day. And now, I'm in math, which, no offense, I rather not be in right now." Gon rubbed his head with woe and Killua stifled a laugh.
"I think she was just looking for a 'pretty good,' Gon." Killua told his boyfriend with a cat grin.
"Oh." Gon said without much regret in the tone. Bisky smiled at the exchange.
"Well, that's ok. I'm happy you feel open to sharing your thoughts. Some things make more sense now. But I came over to tell you that Netero wants to see you in his office now."
"Now? What about class? It hasn't even started yet?" Gon asked as Killua straightened at the news. Gon was being called to the principal's office? That didn't sound good.
"Oh, don't fret so much. Killua will catch you up on anything you need." Bisky said, looking over at the lean teen by Gon.
"What? No, I'm going to with Gon." Killua said.
"Only Gon was called. If you go, you'd technically be skipping." Bisky shook her head.
"You think I care? You think I haven't skipped classes before? I can do one more." Killua sneered, but Gon formed an 'o' with his mouth.
"No, Killua, I don't want you to get in trouble. I'll tell you everything that happens when I get back, ok?" Gon reassured, taking Killua's hand and rubbing circles on the back of his hand. Killua didn't like having to stay, but it seemed neither of them was intent on letting him go, so there wasn't much he could do.
"Fine." He said grumpily.
"Ok." Gon said, getting out the seat which Killua immediately took. "Um, do I need my things?" Gon asked Bisky.
"Sure. Whatever he needs, it might take several class periods." She granted.
"Ok..." He said, packing his stuff and slinging his bookbag over his shoulder. "Alright, I'll see you later, Killua. I'll tell you everything." He bent over and kissed Killua on a cheek with a smacking noise. Killua's whole face went red as he flicked his eyes over at the rest of the class, some of which were watching.
"G-Gon!" He squeaked a bit before he fit his face between his folded arms to hide his embarrassment. Gon just let out a hearty laugh. The only thing Gon really got Killua ok with doing in public so far was holding hands, and sometimes if people were looking too long, he wouldn't even want to do that. So, Gon will just have to get him used to it the hard way. He can't keep getting embarrassed forever, right? Well, even if he did, it was cute on Killua.
"I'm heading out." Gon said. As he left, he heard Bisky start class with saying she'll be passing back math exams.
-o0o0o0o-
"What!?" Killua gasped at Gon, sitting across from him cross legged on the roof. They both had their lunches by their side but neither wanted to open it without talking first, since Gon seemed so urgent to tell Killua what happened with Netero. Now with this news, Killua really didn't feel like eating.
"Yea..." Gon muttered rubbing his head. He felt his anxiety, stress, frustration pushing down on him and mounting to a breaking point. What can he do? "The Showcase is in 8 weeks. 7, not counting the rest of this one." Gon said.
"That's..." Killua's eyes scanned the sky above them for a second, seeming to calculate something. "That's plenty of time. We just need to change our training schedule a bit. Gon! Why didn't you tell me you were having this much trouble with academia?" Killua asked, smacking Gon's knees.
"Ow! I didn't know if I failed my classes I couldn't do the showcase!" Gon pouted, rubbing his knee.
"I could have told you that if you told me you weren't doing so hot in classes! You could have at least told me you thought you failed that last math exam!" Killua scolded. Gon turned his eyes downcasted and Killua felt his heart waver a bit. Killua softened his tone a bit, putting his hand on Gon's knee.
"It's fine, Gon. We'll get through this together like everything else we do. Ok?" He asked, with a smile. Gon met his eyes and Gon couldn't help but smile widely at his assurance.
"Ok. What's the plan? I can't just study, I need to bring my academia grades up." Gon said. Killua nodded.
"Which were the classes below a D?" Killua asked with a small wince. He hated having Gon tell him his failing grades, they should be personal only for the student, but this was an emergency. Plus, he was technically a tutor for the school, and he learned people's grades all the time. He's just not suppose to go around and tell other people's confidential grades.
"Math and History, but I should probably brush up on Science, since I only really passed that test because of the biology sections." Gon rubbed the back of his head.
"Brush up on Science on your own time. You technically passed it, so you don't need to focus on it. You bring up the other two grades and you win the showcase, then you'll have all the time to improve your science since you'll still be coming here." Killua said. Gon nodded, listening seriously.
"Alright," Killua sighed. "So first of all, you're coming to the tutoring sessions after school today." Killua said. "You'll need tutoring more often than just on Wednesday, so luckily for us, I'm the tutor for Math and Kurapika's the tutor for History. You know both of us, so you can get instructing from either of us any time you're free." Killua said. Gon nodded.
"Then, we need you to retake those exams." Killua said, and Gon groaned.
"Again? I already failed it, can't I just take the next?" He asked.
"Don't worry, you'll take the next too. But you need to raise the average. If you ace the next one, but you past exams suck, your grade average is not gonna raise by much. We need you to pass both." Killua said.
"Oh, is that how averaging works…?" Gon muttered to himself.
"Focus!" Killua clapped, gaining Gon's attention again. "You pass the retake with at least a C and pass the next one with something higher, you should be able to partake in the Showcase again." Killua nodded. He sighed and shook his head, it was just unbelievable; Gon almost had any chance of him winning at all ripped from him over something as stupid as this. "I'm saying you'll need to pass the retake with at least a C because you won't have much time to study for that, so you might not be able to do as well as you could for the next exam." Killua nodded.
"Mhh..." Gon nodded, looking at Killua with a thoughtful expression and Killua could almost swear he wasn't listening to a word he was saying. "You're so cool, Killua!" He exclaimed. Killua sputtered, his face getting hot and prickly.
"S-shut up, stupid!" Killua barked. "Did you hear a word I said?!"
"Of course, Killua!" Gon smiled. "I'm always hanging on your every word!" Killua gave him a deadpan look, the sentence too flattering to be true.
"Then what did I say?" He asked. Gon hesitated a bit before a wider smile graced his face.
"It doesn't matter, I'm amazed and I feel so lucky all over again that I have someone like you in my life working so hard with me... I don't think I'd have been able to do anything like this with anyone else..." He hummed. "You'll take care of it for me, and I don't even have to worry anymore. You take away all my worries, Killua, you're amazing!"
Killua blushed and shoved his hand in his hair to have something to do.
"G-geez, you're so hopeless...?" Gon let out a carefree laugh before lunging forward to hug Killua.
"His retakes are next week?" Kurapika asked with surprise in his voice. Killua shrugged.
"I wanted it to be a bit later, but they were worried about him cheating or getting too much extra time when no one else is being offered a retake or something." Killua shrugged again.
"It's fine, guys! I'll work really hard to be ready for the tests!" Gon said. "It's not like I'm learning from scratch! I just need to build what I already know."
"That's true." Kurapika hummed. "Alright, I'll start you with History. Major world events first." He turned to his small whiteboard in the library and Gon turned, attentive.
The next couple days was a little overwhelming for Gon, between school assignments, studying for the exams, and preparing for the showcase.
"We're gonna have to start preparing the dance at this stage in training. You'll need to develop and rehearse it in time for dress rehearsal in case you need to change some moves to accommodate for the larger performing space." Killua had said on the following Saturday. He instructed Gon that the dance moves didn't have to be interpretive of the words directly, and it didn't have to be as mindless as simple crowd-pumping jumps.
"Really listen to the music and the beat. They'll lend ideas to how your body should move." He said as they laid on the ground of the Zoldyck dance room, a light sheen of sweat on their bodies from warm-up. Learning new dance options from the pro was fun for Gon, almost turning into a game during their dance practice with Killua showing simple generic dance movements for Gon to copy as close as he can. Killua found it fun too as Gon was a quick study that was ready to make his own spin on it all the time and incorporate it into his song.
Kurapika's history lessons started to make more sense, or at least Gon could remember them easier when Kurapika told it more like an adventure story than some old history Gon didn't care about. But with math, it was harder for Gon. And it didn't really seem like Killua had the patience for it and other times he just bulldozed through the bulk of the information like it should've be known already.
"Alright…" Killua let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair, and Gon felt like that sigh was the embodiment of his own feelings. "Let's try it another way, you like music, and you can read notes now or whatever." He got up to stand behind Gon and they both looked down at the formula sheet in front of Gon. It wasn't looking good as the retake was in 2 days from that Monday.
"Music is a bunch of counting, and the notes are a visible representation of that." Killua drew a bunch of notes on the paper. "What's this one?" Killua asked.
"Half note." Gon answered, trying to simultaneous not piss off Killua and keep from getting frustrated himself from not understanding.
"Ok, and what's this one?"
"Whole note."
"And this one?"
"Quarter note."
"Ok, what's 1 half note plus 1 half note?"
"A… whole note!" Gon answered, a smile breaking out on his face at knowing he was already correct before Killua even said anything.
"Good! 2 quarter notes plus… a half note?"
"Another whole note!" Gon beamed up at Killua.
"Great! A whole note plus a half note?"
"That's equivalent to a dotted whole note." Gon nodded.
"Awesome, Gon!" Killua cheered. "Alright, so taking that information, we have a quarter note squared plus a half note squared, that can equal-"
"Woah, woah- Killuuuaaa!" Gon whined. How'd that simple math escalate that quickly?! Killua threw his hands up in the air, turning around in frustration. Gon rubbed his head, the notes just made it more confusing!
But something must have sunk in during their lessons, or maybe Bisky had mercy on Gon and changed the questions so that they were easier, but Gon got a solid 'C minus' for the exam retake in math and a 'B' in History. Killua and Kurapika was so happy for Gon.
"But the work isn't over. Exam 3 is in a couple weeks. We gotta keep you studied until then to pass with even better grades, ok? We'll know if your grades are good enough to actually perform in the Showcase 4 weeks before it, a week before rehearsal." Killua said, walking home with Gon. "But for now, we can slow it down and work more on the song! You'll need to record your song if you want music accompaniment while you perform. Remember, other performers in the crowd could try to rip you off. So now we need… a studio." Killua huffed, running a hand through his hair. Gon pouted a bit, he didn't like Killua getting so stressed, especially with so many things on his own plate. Gon took his hand.
"Everything will be fine."
Killua smiled at Gon. He was starting to believe it, especially with Milluki helping him with the concert at home. It takes off some workload he would have had to do on top of Gon's stuff. Also, Illumi's seen some suspicious behavior around, but the piggy wasn't squealing.
-o0o0o0o-
"What's that?" Illumi inquired Milluki as he walked past the younger Zoldyck who was sitting at the table in the kitchen, eating while coming up with a harmony composition for one of Killua's songs for the concert.
"What? What's what?" Milluki asked, putting some chips over the work. Illumi looked Milluki in the eye and the chubby male started to sweat a bit at the pressure Illumi was exuding.
"I gotta go!" He cried, pulling everything up with him and running to go to his room. That was the last time he worked on secret stuff outside his room. Illumi found him suspicious and decided to take extra notice of what he was doing. He ended up finding out that Milluki and Killua were spending alot more time together, exchanging pieces of papers, going in and out of the recording room, and exchanging hushed words. Illumi wondered what was going on between them, especially seeing as Illumi was Killua's favorite brother. It was weird that he was hanging with Milluki so much more instead.
-o0o0o0o-
But Killua was generally leaving the compilation of the music to Milluki. Killua had the words he wanted to say, the emotions he wanted to convey, and often gave Milluki the skeleton and planning for the rest of the music concept. Killua knew he could rely on Milluki, as he is the family's composer and is the fastest at busting out songs ready for recording. Killua would often go to Milluki's room to discuss music topics and concepts so Milluki knows which direction to go, he'd leave for 2 days, come back, and Milluki has melody and 1 harmony ready for Killua to review and clean up. It was amazing, and really helped the process move along since the day of the concert was coming up quick. The Sunday after the next exams Gon needed to pass, actually.
The two teens were working extremely hard within their own lives to get what they needed to under the time constraints, Gon with his studies, and Killua trying to compose his mini concert to express himself. But they were also working hard together to get ready for the Showcase at the same time.
Gon liked it, it gave him the feeling as though he really were a highly booked, busy World Star. Between the dance practice that they now have daily, ranging from 5 minutes to an hour depending on how busy they are, finishing up the composition of the song, and sneaking into the Zoldyck recording booths nearly in the middle of the night just to use it undetected by the family. It was wild and exciting and out of control and Gon loved it. He gave Killua a thumbs up from behind the plexiglass, positioned ready in front of the microphone and stand in the freezing cold booth, having to pull his hand out of his hoodie sleeve, telling Killua he was ready to record the last music accompaniment of the song. Killua nodded and counted him off through the booth headphones to start recording. They had been to both Kurapika and Milluki to get his orchestra piece in his song, and Milluki for the electronic music aspect. Gon even wanted a different language in his song, but Killua wasn't having it.
"Won't you teach me a different language?" Gon asked one afternoon, trying to distract Killua from tutoring him. His mind was drifting form the lesson and it had wandered onto the fact that Killua knew so many languages!
"What? What for?" Killua said, looking up from the textbook, completely puzzled, but (luckily for Gon) curious.
"Well, what if I wanted to put another language in my song?"
Killua squinted at the tan teen in disbelief. Gon sure was going gung ho for this one song.
"You know, Gon, sometimes less is more." He said, looking back down at the book. Gon panicked a bit, not wanting to go back to studying yet.
"W-well, is that a no?" He asked.
"No, not for your song. If you need another language or phrase in mind for your song, just tell me what you want to say and I'll teach you how to say it." He said. Gon tried to hold down his smile. That's sweet.
"So you'll teach me one day without this time crunch? I really want to learn another language." Gon smiled. Gon counted it as a success to see the red on Killua's cheeks.
"...Yea." How could Killua say no?
-o0o0o0o0o-
Soon, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving break came, and it was time for the 3rd exams and the exams Gon needed to pass to be able to partake in the Winter Showcase.
Killua exhaled sharply as he walked next to Gon on their way to math class. Gon's hand in his helped him calm him down and he hoped he did the same for Gon. Geez, it was Gon's test and Killua felt he was more nervous than Gon. Gon squeezed their hands and Killua looked up to him.
"Unclench your jaw..." Gon smiled softly, touching Killua's cheek. Killua blushed but complied, feeling the tension in his body leak out of him. Gon was always trying to keep Killua from feeling too wound and anxious. And Gon did a fabulous job, he felt the most like himself and the most relaxed whenever he was around Gon anyways. They stopped before the door, and the only way Killua could finally see Gon's nerves was the way his mouth pressed into a thin line.
"Gon... we prepared well for this... I know you'll do good." He said. He reached back into his bookbag as he faced Gon.
"But... Kitto katsu." Killua said with a blush, handing a Kit Kat to Gon. Gon blinked and smiled widely at him.
"Wow! Thank you, Killua!" Gon swooped him into his arms and gave him a deep kiss. Killua made a small surprised moan. Gon separated and looked into Killua's eyes.
"But why did you get me a Kitkat?"
"Wh- Gon! You don't even know that? That ruins my whole gesture." Killua complained, balling Gon's shirt into his fists where his hands rested.
"Mooah, Killua, I'm sorry, but you're giving me more credit than I'm due. Please explain it to me?" Gon asked sweetly, tilting his head. Killua blushed. As if he could say no to Gon.
"In Japan, they say Kitkat like Kitto-katto, which sounds like kitto katsu which means 'win without fail' in japanese. So the Japanese students will often give these to each other right before a major test or exam for good luck." Killua said. Gon's smile grew as Killua explained, feeling more touched as the gesture made more sense.
"Thanks Killua, I'll surely do well now." He said, taking the Kitkat, snapping it open and biting the corner off. He gave a wink to Killua before going into the gloomy testing room, his bright smile making everyone's mood better easily.
-o0o0o0o-
"How do you think you did?" Killua asked. It was their last class of their Wednesday, free period. Gon and Killua sat on the stone circular table outside the cafeteria as they usually do every Wednesday. It was a relaxing atmosphere they both enjoyed after a full day of academic classes, and now they couldn't think of a better place to keep calm as they waited for teachers to grade Gon's test. The teachers knew they need to grade Gon's first so that they can determine if he can participate in the Showcase and so he doesn't continue to waste his time preparing for the Showcase if not. The two teens sat with their hands interlocked, their eyes on the bond, squeezing the other every so often. It was something that helped both of them stay anchored and not go off in their own head to overthink one thing or another.
Gon's eyebrows furrowed as he thought back to the tests and he squeezed Killua's hands in response, to which the silver haired teen squeezed back.
"I… definitely understood more this time when I took the test. I had to keep myself from laughing a couple of times, because when I remembered how to do something, it was connected to one of your funny freakouts from trying to help me sometimes."
They both shared a chuckle, feeling the tension seep out of them. Well, Gon felt a bit good about it, right? So it couldn't be too bad.
"How about you? How's your concert going?" Gon said, lifting his eyes from their hands to connect their eye contact. Killua looked up as well and rolled his lips into his mouth.
"Um…" He mumbled, his eyes darting up. He gave a squeeze to Gon's hands and Gon squeezed back readily, wanting to give Killua strength. A small smile graced his face and it made Gon feel happy to see maybe he was helping afterall.
"I think… it's going well." Killua said, picking his words carefully. "It's actually all prepared to be performed this Sunday. The start of Thanksgiving break."
"Wow, that's amazing! You created how many songs in the same time I was trying to prepare one?" Gon asked, in awe of his amazing boyfriend. Killua blushed but did look a bit proud of his experience and professionalism.
"About 5. More or less, I don't remember. But it was really thanks to piggy, he really took on most of the composing. He can make 10 sample songs in a week, and 8 of them will go on to be big hits." Killua practically bragged.
"Mmmh! That's amazing! He makes most of the original songs for the Zoldycks, right?" Gon asked. Killua nodded, a cat smile on his face.
"Our own family composer. If he doesn't inherit the Zoldyck Records, he could go on and create his own record company that will be a big hit and top competitor!"
"Wow, you really admire him…" Gon idly observed. Killua's face flushed as his mouth opened in a shock gasp.
"W-what? Not true, I hate that guy, he's the most annoying brother ever, and he would tell you the same thing about me!" Killua turned his head away in a huff. Gon chuckled under his breath and shook his head. Why was Killua so bad with emotions and portraying them? It wasn't terrible to like your big brother.
"Oook! So you think you're ready to stick it to Illumi and tell him to back off?" Gon said, a bit more somber. Killua looked back to Gon, giving another squeeze to their bound hands. "He can't keep trying to control you and telling you what to do. It's not healthy for your mental state and he's not you. Only you know how to make your life the best, ok? Don't let him keep doing it, cause I was serious about taking you out of that house-"
"I get it, Gon." Killua let his head fall back slightly in a laugh, and Gon's sure it was the most beautiful thing ever, seeing him laugh freely under the streaming sunlight coming in from the trees and leaves. He brought his head forward to look at Gon with a smile. "I get it, and thank you, really. But I can't leave yet… I have to do this. Thank you…" Killua let his eyes drop back down to their hands. Gon took one of his hands from the bind and caressed Killua's cheek to make him look at him again.
"You'll do great, baby…" Gon hummed softly. "You're more amazing than you think, and you have more power over him than you know. Just.. keep that in mind and power through, ok?"
Killua swallowed once before nodding. Gon didn't like to see his cutie so stressed, so he scoured his mind for another, lighter topic.
"So, what foreign language can you teach me right now? You said you'd teach me another language outside of the showcase prep... " Gon hummed, tilting his head cutely. Killua's eyes seem to snap back to focus on Gon before snorting a small laugh.
"That's true..." Killua hummed happily and looked about in thought. "Let's try French, oui?" Killua asked, turning to Gon. Gon's mouth opened in surprise as Killua looked like he transformed before him into a native french speaker. How could be so cool, and amazing, and... sexy?
"U-uh, yea!" Gon blinked, remembering to reply. His chest squeezed uncomfortably in a familiarly unknown way watching Killua flip his hair out of his eyes, both hands still arrested in Gon's.
"Mh... let's see... oh, this could be a verb to use in some future songs if you like." Killua said, sitting a bit straighter and looking at Gon. Gon bit his lip in anticipation, watching Killua.
"Ronronner..." Killua purred out the r's in a french accent, keeping eye contact with Gon. Heat washed over him and Gon's mouth slacked open uselessly. Killua's amused, slow growing smile just had Gon's face heating up further.
"R-r-road run-runner..." Gon stuttered an attempt. Killua laughed freely and Gon would have been embarrassed if he didn't love Killua's laugh so much.
"Non, no." Killua coughed out when he finished laughing. "Not roadrunner. It's not english, Gon. Ronronner ." Killua repeated slower, which didn't help Gon's brain process the word. Gon's eyes zeroed in on Killua's lips slowly forming around the syllables, a pout on his cute pink lips that looked so kissable...
"R-ronronner..." Gon muttered with no rolled rs. "What does it mean?" He asked, managing to look back up at Killua's eyes.
"The way you said it, nothing." Killua chuckled. "It means 'to purr.'" Killua explained. "Sounds like it, right? When you do it right. You need to roll your r's from the back of your throat, and keep your lips in an 'o'..." Killua said, taking one hand from their held hands and pressing Gon's cheeks together. "Now, ronronner... " He purred again, leaning in closer. Gon felt his body heat up more, blinking and failing to keep his gaze off Killua's lips. His body felt warmer than it usually did when he wants to kiss Killua. He wanted to kiss Killua on more than just his lips, he wanted to kiss Killua all over, he wanted...
"Ronronner..." Gon said with a better accent. Killua started noticing Gon's incessant gaze on his lips with a dark look in his eyes.
"Ronronner.." Killua repeated the purr a bit distracted, letting go of Gon's face and leaning closer, looking at Gon's lips himself. Gon shivered at Killua's purr. It was so sexy. How did Gon not know French was this sexy? He wanted... wanted...
"Ki-killua..." Gon breathed, leaning towards Killua himself. Gon wound his hands around Killua's waist, pulling to bring him closer. Killua brought his hand up to rest on Gon's shoulder, willingly following Gon's motions, their lips coming together-
"Gon! Killua!" A voice called out from across the green. They both jumped apart, their faces a deep red. Gon scratched the back of his head a moment before it registered he should acknowledge the voice that called them. He turned to see Kurapika running over with multiple pieces of papers in his hands.
"You passed!" He called out, happy for his younger friend. "You can participate in the Showcase!"
"Wha-?!" Gon cried out, hopping up out of his seat, a bit dazed for a moment.
"Gon!" Killua cried out happily, jumping up as well, already registering what Kurapika just said.
"Yeeaa!" Gon cheered, turning to Killua and swooping him in a big hug. Killua wheezed a laugh in his hold, squeezing back as well as he could. "Thank you thank you thank you! It's all thanks to both of you, wow, thank you so much! You both are amazing! I'm so lucky to have friends like you guys! Everyone! They all supported me so much! This is amazin- Waahoo!" Gon ran off, too excited and filled with energy to stay in one place, making small laps in the small green area under the tree. Killua laughed, filled with affection and happiness, watching his boyfriend run around like a pup that was let off his leash for the first time in weeks. Which was technically true.
"What'd he pass with?" Killua asked Kurapika, looking over his shoulder at the papers.
"A 'B' in Math, an 'A' in History." Kurapika smiled. "The other courses he wasn't doing too bad in to begin with." Killua smiled at that.
"That's good."
"Also... was I interrupting something important?" Kurapika asked under his breath, a knowing glint in his eyes. Killua's face heated up a bit.
"N-no! You're good." He quipped, but his high pitched voice gave him away.
-o0o0o0o-
The three of them gathered their other friends after classes were over, ready to celebrate with Gon with some pizza and milkshakes. Killua was more than happy to give Gon that day off, he's worked hard enough the past couple of weeks.
"So everything is ready?" Zushi asked Gon between bites of his pizza. Gon nodded, his own mouth stuffed with pizza.
"Almost." Gon said, and Killua's almost certain Gon swallowed everything in his mouth without chewing much. "We still need to finish up the dancing stuff, but by the time we get to dress rehearsal after Thanksgiving break, it'll be practically done." He informed. Killua nodded, satisfied with the recap on their progress. Everyone listening was happy to hear it.
"Can we get a preview of the song, Gon?" Melody asked.
"Ah, I dunno, I want it to be a surprise…" He said coyly.
"But we'll hear it anyways during rehearsal!" Zushi said. "If we come."
"Technically, he doesn't have to sing his song, it's just making sure the prepared music plays well the way you want and tech check. The most you'll hear is his music accompaniment." Killua winked. Zushi whined while the others laughed. Everyone enjoyed the mood and atmosphere a little while longer before Killua got up.
"I should go." Killua said, touching Gon's shoulder to alert him. Gon was rising up in his seat to follow Killua without hesitation.
"Ya? You need to practice for the concert this Sunday?" Gon asked. The two of them bid their friends farewell before they left. Killua nodded, his eyes on the ground. Gon could see how nervous Killua was again and Gon took his hand.
"Breathe…" he said in the low voice Gon knows Killua likes. Killua visibly relaxed, air leaving through his nose on command and he glanced over at Gon thankfully. Gon wanted to continue giving Killua his strength.
"Will I be able to come? I want to be there for you."
"No!" Killua said too quickly. "My parents still don't know about you, and they're not as lenient as Illumi in letting distractions in my life." Killua said looking over at Gon with wide eyes.
Lenient? Gon thought with a puzzled face. But he got the message through his choice of words.
"I'm not ready to introduce you yet… You'll be able to come to my things… soon, but not yet. I know you want to be there for me, but I think I'd be too distracted and worried for you off stage while I'm on stage. It's better if you're not there." Killua told Gon. Gon sighed, because he understood.
"Ok, Killua… if you need anything… you can just tell me." Gon said, placing a strand of hair behind Killua's pale ears, watching it turn red from the soft affectionate move. Gon smiled as the strand of hair didn't stay back there, joining the rest of Killua's fluffy hair in wild disobedience. Killua nodded, a shy smile on his face.
"Thanks, Gon…" he said, with a wide smile in Gon's direction. The blue of his eyes were as wide and expansive and open as the sky above them and Gon could fly in them. "For everything." Gon nodded shortly. He wished he could be as brave as Killua. Gon knows Killua will do amazing...
"You did what?" Killua gasped, clutching his sleeve that fell over his fingers.
"I had to tell mama! She wanted to know why the hell the concert ended nearly an hour earlier than usual! She was gonna flip her lid if we didn't give the guests what they paid for." Milluki said straightening his bolo tie in the mirror next to Killua.
"You…!" Killua started, but then fell silent and both the siblings acted like they weren't even talking to each other as Illumi walked across the dressing room behind them. Killua tracked him with his eyes through the mirror and waited until he was out of earshot before directing his attention back to Milluki, his voice lowered.
"You idiot. Well, what did she say about it?" Killua asked.
"I didn't tell her that much, brat. Just that you were holding a special surprise for the end that we needed to keep off the program. And since it was you, she was over the moon that you were taking such initiatives on your own." Milluki rolled his eyes at that. Killua bit his lip but it seemed this was fine.
"Ok… thanks. You'll be ready for after the last performance?" Killua asked turning his eyes up to his big brother. Milluki looked at himself in the mirror a moment longer before turning to Killua.
"Yea, I got you." He nodded and got up to be ready for his opening act. Killua exhaled through his nose, trying to keep calm and remember what Gon tells him all the time to reduce his anxiety. He looked down at his music sheets of the songs that were for the program tonight, the first songs the ones everyone sees, the last few being Killua's personal songs for Illumi. This really is Killua last chance for some semblance of sanity in his home life. He's ready to go with Gon too if this flops…
"Little brother…" The melodious voice eased into his limbs like a cold breeze and made him tense up.
"Illumi." Killua replied stiffly. He didn't even have to turn or look up into the mirror know where he was behind him.
"Let's rehearse with a speed run." Illumi said stepping back twice to give Killua space to get off his dressing room chair and in front of him. Killua did just that but Illumi's eyes rested on the music sheet behind Killua, on the counter. Killua's blood ran cold as he wondered what it was exactly that Ilumi saw, but he carefully kept his face cool and collected.
"You're not going to look at your music as you rehearse?" Illumi knew Killua would rather look at that when rehearsing to focus or something, but Killua shook his head.
"It's fine. You'll correct me if I mess up anyway." Killua said, getting ready to do a quick run through. Illumi nodded and he opened his mouth to count them down.
-o0o0o0o-
"Milluki, what is with this composition? We're ending nearly an hour earlier?" Illumi asked his little brother, catching him by the shoulder to keep him from going. He finally had a chance to look over the program for tonight only to see it was lacking in its usual length. Milluki visibly became nervous and lashed out to try and hide it.
"What? I'm tired this time, I just want to end early!" He huffed. Illumi tightened his hold on Milluki's shoulder slightly.
"That's very unprofessional of you. You always give the very best for the audience. This isn't going to go un-"
"Oh please, Illumi dear, you need to go on stage! Your number is about to go on." Kikyo said, waltzing over before either of them noticed. "Stop bothering my cutie Milky." She said, patting the shorter one's head.
"... Yes, Mother." Illumi hummed after a moment's pause. If mother was fine with the weird lapse in the program, what could Illumi do to enforce the rules? "We'll talk about this later." He said anyway and flipped his flowing waterfall of ink black hair over his shoulder.
Milluki let out a breath he was holding as Illumi went out to do the so called 'closing number.' Looks like there was an upside to letting mother know about the secret concert afterall.
"Oh! There he is, my shining star readying to take on his own mini concert all by himself!" She squealed as Killua came by. She swooped his cheeks into her fingers to pinch them adoringly.
"Urgh, mother, you're going to ruin my make-up!" He bit out, only to blush with how embarrassing and whiny that sounded. He gave a bit of a glare to Milluki. Their mother had been doing that since he stepped out of the dressing room for his first number, doting on him and pinching his cheeks ceaselessly and it was no doubt because Milluki let her in on the concert, even though she doesn't know what it is.
"Hey, I don't want any of that, you ungrateful brat! Do you know how hard it has been to balance the concert to give you the usual amounts of songs to sing even though you're taking on 4 more afterwards? Or keeping it from everyone who inquired? And the fact I had to make most of your songs-"
"Fine, fine, I get it. Thanks." He mumbled, fixing out his outfit. He wore a white collared shirt and a black sparkly vest and tight jeans for a tailor service look. "What's the opening block?"
"Illumi walks off stage right, you come on from stage left. The curtains should be lowered by the time he comes off, so I'll be raising the curtains to let the audience know of 'part 2' starting" Milluki said with his fingers curled as air quotes. Killua nodded, letting air out of his nose once again to calm himself.
"C'mon, you can't tell me you're getting stage fright over this stunt? You, of all of us, shouldn't be scared of the stage." He snorted.
"No, I'm not getting stage fright." He snapped at Milluki. Milluki looked a bit put off from Killua's seemingly unprompted shout. Killua rubbed his head.
"I'm... worried about how this will all go down. You know the message I'm saying through the songs. If this doesn't go well... well, let's just say some radical changes will come about before anything ever seems normal again." Killua said. Milluki thought about it a moment longer and understood.
"That's true... I'm sure Illumi won't be upset-"
"I'm not worried about Illumi being upset. I'm not..." Killua looked around for their mother's location. It didn't rest easy in Milluki's stomach what Killua was implying. That it wouldn't be Illumi making the drastic moves.
"Kill." Milluki called for his attention again. "Just because tonight doesn't go over well... don't do something stupid, ok?" He said. Killua pressed his lips together and shook his head stiffly.
"You don't get it, Milluki, I can't keep going like this."
They both heard the roar of applause as Illumi's performance ended and Milluki felt like he was tricked and felt frustrated.
"Whatever, do what you want." He turned and stomped off to the edge of the stage, ready to take his own position. If Killua needs this night to go well to keep everything normal, then nothing will go wrong on his end. Killua felt a bit bad, if the rest of his family was a little more normal, like Milluki, Killua wouldn't have to come to this, but they weren't and he had to. He has to do this.
Killua exhaled one more time before moving around the backstage to the other side of the stage.
Illumi came off the stage past Milluki, giving him a slight look, but Milluki didn't meet his eye. Milluki knew he'll go to the dressing room to clean and get ready to go home. But before he even sits in his dressing room chair, he'll hear the concert continuing and come back out to investigate the commotion.
Milluki walked across the stage, watching from the corner of his eye as Killua walked just a little further upstage to the center. Milluki sat at his piano bench just as the curtains raised again, managed by their mother. He poised his fingers over the ivory keys.
...
Killua didn't open his eyes until he felt the heat of the spotlight wash over every part of his body, coming like a wave because of the rising curtain. He heard the thundering applause in delay as his brain registered the high stimulus situation of the lights, crowd, and scene. He brought his shaking fingers up to hold the mic to try and keep still and calm. He waited until the crowd died into small cheers and whoops before letting a sideways smile grace his face and they erupted into cheers again. Killua ducked his head to chuckle at the gesture, kicking away all his formal stage training to keep face. The crowd kept up their cheering for a while longer at seeing the idol laugh while Killua waited for them to finish.
"You guys are surprised, right?" He asked, hearing his voice echo off the auditorium walls. The concert was inside as it was too cold outside for an outdoor concert. They cheered their response. "Sorry for tricking you all, but this part of the concert isn't on the program."
Killua closed his eyes briefly and then opened them again with a smile. "This is something I wanted to do as a surprise... it's sort of like my own personal project. But I do have to give my thanks to my big brother." Killua said, turning his body slightly to gesture to the man on the piano seat. Milluki flushed a bit, losing his composure. This wasn't part of the rehearsal! Milluki just tried his best to avoid eye contact and not look embarrassed, turning his head looking pouty, which made the audience laugh.
"So... as you can probably already tell by the unorthodox start, that this isn't going to be the usual format of our concerts. But I can tell you guys can keep up, right? I want to start off the pace a bit quick. But most importantly, I've got to let you know why I'm doing this." Killua looked over the crowd and couldn't even bring himself to look over at the wings of the stage to see if Illumi was there. He just hoped he'd receive the message from the songs.
"This is for my dear big brother Illumi," He said, a slight sarcastic bitter tang to the affectionate words. "You always did what was best for me when I was younger, but now I think you're just selfishly trying to make me something you want me to be. Something I'm not. So I hope you take the words in all of my songs to heart, and really understand what I'm saying to you. Because, Illumi..." Killua hardened his resolve, because after this, there was no turning back. "I'm done putting up with you." He said. There was a brief paused in the audience as they registered what he said and as the music started. They gave their cheers, but wondered exactly what was going on? The perfect Zoldycks? With problems?
"Oh (oh oh oh), Oh (oh oh oh)! Oh (oh oh oh), Oh (oh oh oh) !" Killua started with a perky beat, tapping the beat against his thigh to keep his nerves in check and to actually realize he's doing it .
"Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table While I look outside… So many things I'd say if only I were able, But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by. " Killua sang, doing a small stroll not too far from center stage, looking nostalgic.
"You've got opinions, man, we're all entitled to 'em, But I never asked… So, let me thank you for your time and try to not waste any more of mine! Get out of here fast! " He put on a fake smile to wave at the crowd before pointing off stage. He hugged himself loosely as he feigned an apologetic air. "I hate to break it to you, babe... " A small pout during the resting beat in the song, "But I'm not drowning, there's no one here to save…! " He broke out into a small fist bump dance. "Who cares if you disagree? You are not me! Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything? Oh (oh oh oh) "
Killua trotted around the stage as he vocalized into the mic. People in the audience finally understood a bit more about what this part of the concert was about as Killua sang the first part of his song. It was almost a no brainer that idols would have this problem of having to be controlled by the entertainment industry, and being told what to do for the sake of face. They understand he wants a bit of a break or at least more free reign, and many could relate to him. They sang the vocals with him as they watched with smiles on their face as he trotted around the stage. He returned to center stage to keep singing.
"You sound so innocent, all full of good intent, You swear you know best! But you expect me to jump up on board with you, And ride off into your delusional sunset? " Killua made faces and shrugged his shoulders like the notion was insane. Some people laughed and cheered.
"I'm not the one who's lost with no direction, oh! But you'll never see… You're so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps! You've got the talking down, just not the listening, " As Killua got more into it and sang with more umph to his words, his movements came alive. The crowd was drinking it up, this side of Killua that was more emotional and open gave a lot more bang for their buck.
"Who cares if you disagree? You are not me! Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything? " The music slowed suddenly, and the crowd fell into silent cheers to listen carefully. Killua stood in center stage, and closed his eyes to channel his feelings completely into his words. Not just for Illumi, but for his mother, his family, this audience in front of him, everyone at school, just to let the words out, to let them be known. To let everyone know how he's been feeling.
"All my life I've tried… To make everybody happy while I… " He sang softly, his voice smooth and silky. Everyone in the audience felt as though his feelings were injected directly into them through a shot of something. Many people let out cries of encouragement.
"Just hurt and hide… Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide…! " He opened his eyes and his striking blues were so full of life and fight and power, the audience rose up in cheers as though a gladiator got up after a beating.
"Oh (oh oh oh), Oh (oh oh oh)! Oh (oh oh oh)! "
"I'm not taking it lying down anymore, brother..." Killua said between the music, finally feeling like he has the strength to look over at the wings. He saw the shadowy inky figure in the wings. But for once, it wasn't something that urged him to keep up perfection for the stage, or frighten him till he shakes. Killua just winked at the scary figure he was breaking down in his mind to be not so big and continued with the song.
"Oh (oh oh oh), Oh (oh oh oh)! And Who cares if you disagree? You are not me! Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything? Oh Who cares if you disagree? You are not me! Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything? "
Killua went back to center stage after dancing around with empowering strides and air fists. He struck a pose to the music, letting his head hang to one side cockily.
"Let me hold your crown, babe…" He's gonna be king of his own life now. The audience let out their cheers as the song played out.
"Oh (oh oh oh) Ah ahh ah ah ah…! "
The audience cheered as Killua turned to catch his breath. They were ok with him needing a moment, they weren't going to demand perfection from this part of the concert when the whole theme was overcoming crushing weight from expectations like that. Killua went over to Milluki's piano and they whispered some things between the two of them. As Killua walked back over to the mic, the crowd let out more cheers, and Killua had to laugh a little again. This was going way better than he thought it would.
"Alright, this next song is very near and dear to me. It's real personal... um, a dear friend of mine taught me that music can be everything. He told me music is the best way to express yourself and communicate. If you sing, someone's bound to listen. That's what I want to do with my concert tonight. I want to reach out and touch someone with these words, because I think we all go through something like this... we all have that person in our life with such high expectations of us." Multiple people in the crowd let out understanding whoops. "We try to keep up, but we aren't perfect! We try with what we have, so please... don't keep pushing. We're only human." He closed his eyes to let the start of the song wash over him. The first notes started, and Killua's twinkling voice broke through the night of the auditorium. Everyone lapsed into silence as they listened, the music beautifully sad.
"I can hold my breath… I can bite my tongue… I can stay awake for days If that's what you want… Be your number one. " The audience let out whispering cheers, trying carefully not to break the atmosphere. Killua opened his eyes and they've never seen his eyes look so clear and ready.
"I can fake a smile… " Killua sang as he put on his stage smile, and most audience members were shocked to see the fake smile... it was what they were always used to seeing. They wondered just how long this went on, for how long this young one had to endure everything he's pouring out for them. "I can force a laugh… I can dance and play the part If that's what you ask… Give you all I am… " The audience didn't know what to do with this, everything got too real, too fast.
"I can do it… I can do it… I can do it…! " Killua's voice slowly and softly went up in notes, like a carefully sculpted art piece. They heard the emotion coming and bubbling up like a spring ready to break forth. The audience found itself holding it's breath for the song's release.
"But I'm only human…! " Killua sang out with raw emotion, written all over his face, his eyebrows drawn together like the pain of not being heard killed him slowly from the the inside out. "And I bleed when I fall down! I'm only human! And I crash and I break down! " He sang truthfully, crashing the feels over the audience. Goosebumps rose up over their skin, the emotion washing over everyone listening, tears pricking their eyes. They felt electrocuted to life, their emotions plucked without their command. They felt everything in the raw cry of the young idol in front of them.
"Your words in my head, knives in my heart! You build me up and then I fall apart, 'Cause I'm only human! " Killua imagined Gon and everything he's taught him and how much he believes in him... Killua sang like no one was listening, and he poured all his emotions in the song. The audience was strung along with the ride, feeling every bit of it, shivers going through their body like live wires.
"I can turn it on...Be a good machine… " He looked out at the crowd like an empty doll and it chilled them as they listened attentively. "I can hold the weight of worlds, If that's what you need… Be your everything… I can do it! I can do it…! I'll get through it…! " He took up the microphone, his first big movement since the song started, tilting his head up to hit the high note without going into falsetto, his voice rasping a bit from the volume he threw out with the words. It vibrated through the audience as tears came down their face. They let out cheers for Killua as the music crashed around them.
"But I'm only human! And I bleed when I fall down! I'm only human! And I crash and I break down! Your words in my head, knives in my heart! You build me up and then I fall apart! 'Cause I'm only human! " Killua looked defeated as he sang the next couple lyrics and the crowd cried out their cheers in support to keep him up. They know how hard it must be to carry this much for so long. They felt for him and they felt with him, tears in their eyes and on their cheeks.
"I'm only human ...
I'm only human ...
Just a little human...! " Killua's eyes shone with unshed tears as he looked out over the audience. Killua can do alot of things for his brothers. And at a time, he was willing, happy , to do them all for him. He wanted to do that again, but they needed an understanding.
"I can take so much, 'Til I've had enough… " Killua can do alot, but he can't do everything. They needed to be equals in the discussions they have, not master over slave. He wanted his brother back. A tear fell from his eye as he sang out with his heart.
"'Cause I'm only human! And I bleed when I fall down! I'm only human! And I crash and I break down! Your words in my head, knives in my heart! You build me up and then I fall apart 'Cause I'm only human…! " Killua ended on the high strung note, the story unresolved. The audience gave out sobbing cheers and Killua bowed his head and rubbed at his face. The Zoldycks have always put on this air of perfection, nothing wrong or anything to criticize. Knowing that this young Zoldyck had to courage to make this and share it with the audience present... It made them feel closer to them, like they knew these famous idols more personally. It made them more human. It made them want more stuff like this and to support them because these Zoldycks also have trying times they have to get through. They are indeed people like anyone else.
Killua looked up, looking better although his nose and eyes were a little pink. The audience cheered for Killua having so much strength. He laughed a little.
"A little heavy, right?" He chuckled. They audience cheered back, although Killua couldn't tell if it was because they agreed or was trying to assure him it was fine. "But you guys are great, you guys are real flexible, keeping up with all these crazy turns and twists. Thanks guys." He sniffed and they cheered loudly again.
"Ok, so now we're gonna bring it up a little. No need to keep you all on such a heavy note. I had fun with this next one, and I think Milluki did too, playing with his soundboard." Killua said, turning to gesture to Milluki behind him again, setting up his soundboard. He was again caught off guard and sputtered before the audience let out a small laugh. He whispered sharply at Killua but Killua just waved him off.
"Alright, the lyrics are a bit repetitive, so you guys can sing along whenever you like."
The music started, the beat smooth and cool.
"Na na, la la la la la na na na na na
La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na
La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na
La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na… !" A synthesized voice sang, sounding robotic but techno.
"Hush, don't speak…! " Killua's voice matched perfectly with the smooth tone of the song, his beautiful voice rounding the sounds and hypnotizing everyone listening. "When you spit your venom, keep it shut I hate it When you hiss and preach… About your new messiah cause your theories catch fire! " Killua danced around the stage in cool, slick, minimal moves, slowing down where his words sped up, his feet doing gliding work and arm movements were minimal while creating shapes nice to look at.
"I can't find your silver lining, I don't mean to judge! But when you read your speech, it's tiring Enough is enough! " He came back to center stage to sing and dance, one hand up to his ear, miming the words.
"I'm covering my ears like a kid! When your words mean nothing, I go la la la! " He whipped his head side to side, his hair flying about the frame of his face. " I'm turning up the volume when you speak! Cause if my heart can't stop it, I'll find a way to block it, I go Na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na (I'll found a way to block it, I go)! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! "
It was this song that made the audience realize - remember that Killua was just a child, still growing to be an adult, and he's been through this much already. The childish, tantrum-like chorus reminding them he deserves to be a kid a little while longer, and if that means at least a little more breaks instead of full schedules like adult world stars, is that too much to ask?
"If our love is running out of time… I won't count the hours, rather be a coward. When our words collide! I'm gonna drown you out before I lose my mind…! " Killua moved about like dizzy and insane, bringing a hand up to roll it by his temple, the move smooth and purposeful, reminding everyone just how skilled and talented he was in performing.
"I can't find your silver lining, I don't mean to judge! But when you read your speech, it's tiring, Enough is enough!
"I'm covering my ears like a kid, When your words mean nothing, I go la la la! " The audience sang with him.
"I'm turning up the volume when you speak! Cause if my heart can't stop it, I'll find a way to block it, I go Na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na (I'll found a way to block it, I go)!
"La la na na , la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na (I'll found a way to block it, oh)! Na na, la la la la la na na na na na La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na (I'll found a way to block it, I go)!
"La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na…! " The audience caught on to the music well enough and was able to sing the refrain with Killua.
"I'm covering my ears like a kid, When your words mean nothing, I go la la la! I'm turning up the volume when you speak! Cause if my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it, I go-! I'm covering my ears like a kid! When your words mean nothing, I go la la la…! I'm turning up the volume when you speak (when you speak)! Cause if my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it, I go Na na, la la la la la na na na na na, La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na! "
The song ended with the audience cheering for Killua, and Killua puffed out his cheeks childishly, keeping up with the deliverance for a bit before laughing out. He cleared his throat before speaking into the mic.
"Now, I know this is alot to take in. And I've kinda been leading you on in thinking that my big brother is super evil or something. There's a lot that he did that I don't agree with, but..." Killua looked over to the wings, but he couldn't see Illumi. "He's not bad." He said, feeling a bit bad that Illumi wasn't there anymore. Did he listen to his words? Did he care about how Killua was feeling? Did Illumi understand why he did all of this?
"Everything he ever did for me or to me... he was trying his best. He could only work with what he knew. I know he never tried to purposely hurt me, but I know that if I got hurt along the way, he wouldn't mind because it would be what's best for me in the long run. He never had bad intentions. But I never felt like I could talk to him about it. He was super big and intimidating, and my big brother. How do you bring something like that up? This was the only solution I could find and hope he understands. Really, really understands." Killua paused for a moment in thought, then, "Have you guys ever had someone special in your life?" He asked. They all cheered out, all understanding the feeling. Killua nodded.
"There's someone special in mine right now, and he might leave because of something Illumi is doing. And again, it's because he thinks it's for what's best. But... I need him, he's helped me through a lot of things, and if he goes now, I don't know what I'll do. So this last one, it's for everyone who's had someone special, and wouldn't let anyone stand in their way. Because it's your life and you need to do you." The audience cheered their approval.
The music began with an EDM like beat, softer than the others. Killua began singing, the song just as in theme as the others he sang.
"I'm just tryna do me, But you don't like that. I dance to my own beat, It's not your style, yeah! I'm just tryna do me, But you always get that last laugh. Yeah, why won't you let me be, I just wanna do me!
"Why can't you see That the rules are up to me? Break down these walls, But the crown belongs to me! I'm living free, Don't owe you apologies! 'Cause I'm doing me And I like that…! " Killua's dancing on stage was free and not trying to be as controlled as the previous song. The audienced soaked in the free spirit style, and felt like their spirits were being raised after the other songs. They felt like this would be ok at the end. This story that seems dark could find the light at the end, and it'll come with a free feeling, like the bonds were released and the happy ending was coming.
"Who cares? (I just wanna do me)! Who cares? (I just wanna do me)! I'm just tryna do me, But you don't like that!
"I sing to my own key, So Imma take that solo! Do you feel less empty When you tell me I'm nobody? Well, I think your talk is cheap, 'Cause I know you wanna be like me, yeah!
"Why can't you see That the rules are up to me? Break down these walls, But the crown belongs to me! I'm living free, Don't owe you apologies! 'Cause I'm doing me, And I like that!" Killua didn't want to regret tonight, he refused to regret anything that came out of tonight. He finally felt like he was getting some semblance of control of his life. Whatever came out of this, good or bad, it was his choice.
"Who cares? (I just wanna do me)! Who cares? (I just wanna do me)! No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it, yeah… " Killua stopped going about the stage in large bounds to get back to center stage and sing at a bit of a slower pace.
"Your words don't break me, 'Cause I'm not even listening…! " He vocalized freely and the audience cheered their approval.
"No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it, yeah! Your words don't shake me, 'Cause I'm too busy dancing! No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it, yeah! Your words don't break me 'Cause I'm not even listening! No, I'm not perfect But I know I'm worth it, yeah! Your words don't shake me, Cause I'm too busy dancing… !" Killua slowly built up into another dance as he sang, and the audience sang out the next 'Who Cares' with him.
"Who cares? (I just wanna do me), I don't care, (I just wanna do me)!
Who cares? No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it,
No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it!
No, I'm not perfect, But I know I'm worth it!
No, I'm not perfect, I like that! "
Killua gave a grand performance finishing bow, and the audience stood in standing ovation. Killua waved then moved out the way to gesture to Milluki who bowed as well.
"Thank you guys for coming! And more importantly, thank you for listening! Good night! Bye!" Killua called before the curtain began falling.
The people leaving the place were very surprised with the turnout of the concert. They got an emotional rollercoaster they didn't know they needed or wanted. Killua was very good at bringing the emotion to life within anyone. His electrifying performance made them feel emotions they never asked for. They felt so much, they feel like their emotional palate was cleansed. It was a great concert and they hope for more like it.
Killua exhaled after the curtain closed and turned back to Milluki who also looked very relieved that the whole thing finished. It was their first real stunt pulled that was outside of protocol for any Zoldyck concert, but they were both willing and ready for any consequences afterward. Killua walked to stage right to get off the stage and gasped as Illumi suddenly came into view from the shadows to stand in front of him, menacing as ever.
"Ah...! Illumi..." Killua gasped.
Illumi liked the metronome ticking.
It was a sign of certainty. It never changed. There was no variability- a constant. A reliable dependent. You knew the next tick to come, it was the same time between each tick. Illumi more than liked the metronome meter, He thrived in it. It lead and influenced every aspect of his life, how he walked, the beat in which he talked, the thoughts in his head.
It was always very careful, calculated, present, persistent and constant.
Perfect.
Illumi never understood why Killua hated the noise. Illumi figured he didn't actually hate it, he just didn't know what to do with it. The anguish on his face when he hears the noise is just his fight to understand it, and it's the fight that hurts. If he would just accept and give in to the beat, it would be much easier.
It's why whenever Illumi purposely made the music loud enough for Killua to hear the beat, Killua's more inclined to listen to what he's being told. It's his strive to be perfect. Like the meter.
Illumi liked the meter.
And he loved his little brother.
Illumi watched in surprise as he saw Killua take the place on stage that he had stood not 2 minutes ago. It was some sort of conspiracy. Unplanned for.
Unexpected.
Then he heard what Killua was saying. Saying that he was hurting his dear little brother. He would never. He knows Killua is a hard one to crack, but once Killua just listen to everything Illumi says, nothing will hurt anymore. Killua's simply rebelling.
Their mother didn't take it nearly as calmly as Illumi looked like he was taking it. She screeched how she had no idea this was their planning all along and this will soil their Zoldyck reputation. She ran off to put the curtains down, but it never did for some reason. Illumi's almost... happy she didn't go through with it.
Illumi hates being told he's wrong.
Illumi prefers predictability and control.
But more than those two, he loves his little brother. He tried not to think about how Killua didn't like his training in the past, ignored the possibility that he would become a villain in his brother's eyes, to be hated by his beloved little brother, if it meant Killua became the greatest of them all. Who wouldn't wish for that?
But based on Killua's words... it was something Killua didn't want for himself?
'I've tried to make everybody happy while I hurt and hide...'
Killua worked his best to do what was asked. He tried to keep it to himself and do what they wanted. It wasn't for lack of effort, but simply that after putting his all into it, he didn't desire it.
'I'm only human...'
Still putting up with what is asked, Killua hollowed out inside. Which is what his parents, and even himself wanted. It would have even easier to get him to do what they wanted like that. But hearing what he was saying... that he was still feeling everything while trying to be their perfect doll... Illumi never wanted to hurt Killua. Thinking back to when he was first assigned to train Killua, it was the first thing he was worried about. Now Killua was out here trying to find the strength to be strong again... how can Illumi go on pretending like he doesn't know about it anymore?
'I need him, he's helped me through a lot of things...' Illumi knows Killua's talking about Gon, and Gon most likely kept him from going insane from the pressure. Illumi gets it. After everything that Illumi put Killua through, he knows he won't be a confidant anymore. But it would be ok if Killua still has someone to help him heal.
He's been making himself blind for so long. It was time to let him be.
He loves his brother very much.
And now his brother was standing before him, looking like a meek mortal awaiting judgement.
"Killu..." Illumi said after a moment. Killua gulped and nodded a bit.
"Illumi?"
"You..." He paused to keep himself from choking up. His little brother always made him so emotional. "You've been heard. Loud and clear. I understand, brother. You have a real talent at creating your emotions in others. I will try... to stop being so overbearing. I'll try to stop controlling you. But I will still always try to give you advice and good minding. I won't force them onto you though." He sighed. Killua looked completely surprised before he huffed a relieved sigh.
"Illumi...!" He sighed out with a big smile. He's happy this paid off after all. "I do want your help sometimes. But like a real big brother! Not like some crazy dictator!" He said.
"I wasn't that bad." Illumi commented, but the deadpan look from Killua made him double guess. "Was I?"
"The worst! I developed anxiety because of you!" He said. Illumi sighed, that bad?
"Alright, I understand." He said. Killua smiled. Killua knows this won't be all fixed overnight. Illumi will still have some lingering remains of overbearing Illumi, and he'll lapse back into habits, but Killua finally feels like he can talk to him about it properly. And just him admitting he'll try to change... everything will start to get better from here on out.
"But!" Illumi said suddenly, and Killua jumped with surprise. "About Gon..." He said, folding his hands together. Killua raised an eyebrow.
"I understand he's special to you... and you feel like you need him in your life... but don't expect me to go any easier on him during the Winter Showcase just so he can stay here at school with you." He said.
"What? Illu-!"
"If he can't even beat me in this one concert after everything he's done to the school and on your own personality, then he's not good enough for my little brother. Only the best for you, Killu." He said. Killua frowned and crossed his arms.
"Big brother..." He said warningly. Illumi was doing it again.
"I know. But consider this my last request to try and do something for you." Illumi ruffled his hair and Killua rolled his eyes. Killua feels confident with Gon's abilities though... he's sure he can beat him...
"Fine! But he beats you, you can't complain about Gon. About anything !" He said. Illumi mulled this over in his head. Sounded tricky... But if Gon beat him, he'd be impressive enough that Illumi would approve of just about anything Gon did and couldn't find reason to complain about.
"Alright." He said, and they shook hands. "Now, let's go clean up for real." He started to the dressing room, keeping Killua's hand in his.
"H-hey! Let go!" Killua cried, embarrassed.
"No, I want to bring you to the dressing room." Illumi said with that emotionless mask on, starting to swing their arms between them. If Illumi missed Killua's childhood while trying to shape him to be an adult, he'll enjoy Killua as he is now. He considers his job as Killua's coach over.
"Geez! It's right there!" Killua protested.
"Right, it's only right there. You won't even see anyone to embarrass you."
Killua rolled his eyes again but allowed the rest of the short trip. They both stopped in surprise when they entered, however.
"...Father." Killua gasped, squeezing Illumi's hand at the sight. Suddenly, he was happy to have Illumi's had in his. It was the comfort of his older brother.
"Hello, Killua, Illumi. That was a very interesting concert I just saw out there..." Silva said, Kikyo by him in another chair, looking quite disgruntled. "Your mother wasn't very satisfied with the display."
Killua swallowed again but didn't say anything. What could he say? What was their father doing there anyways?
"But based on what was being sung, which, great job by the way, Killua, you have a real talent," Silva off commented, and Killua felt like his attention was being redirected away from the point blank gun at his head. "It was really important to say. A great message, honest. I wish it hadn't had to be sung in front of thousands of strangers, but that's ok. What's done is done." He nodded. The two brothers didn't know what to say in the face of their father. What was the right thing to say? Especially when they haven't seen him for years. They wouldn't know how to properly diffuse the situation.
"I've come because, as your mother has probably already told you, we want to be more involved in your lives. And to make it better to the point where you don't feel like you have to make concerts like this just to function." Silva nodded in Killua's direction. Killua nodded back hesitantly. Silva stood and the mother swiftly stood afterwards.
"I'll leave you and Milluki to clean up with the rest of the Zoldyck staff, Killua. Me and your mother needs to talk to Illumi." He said, no room for argument.
"Yes father." Illumi replied, bowing slightly and moving to follow him. Kikyo made a couple more upset noises before swiftly moving out the room. Illumi followed her and Silva was the last to leave. Killua moved to one side to let them all go without much trouble, but Silva patted his shoulder on the way out and lowered his head to Killua's level. He gazed at Killua's wide eyed stare with a soft smile and affectionate eyes.
"I'm glad you found such a special friend." He smiled before he stood to his full height and moved out the room. Killua blinked once before he smiled.
He couldn't help it. It was the first thing he felt like he's been validated on that he had decided to do on his own, not decided for him.
"Mh!" He had to call Gon and tell him all about tonight! Killua moved further into the dressing room to find his phone.
Honorary mentions:
Little Me by Little Mix-For Killua's concert to Illumi, in a way? It's at least empowering in a way! [Suggested by PrincessFairytale5]
Somebody to You by The Vamps- This song has very cool lyrics that I think fit pretty well with the lightning scene during Gon and Killua's date, starting from when they leave the house. [Suggested by Chimchimugotnojamssss]
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson- For Killua's concert, just fell a little out of the range of appropriateness to be put in the chapter by a little.
Frustrated by R. LUMAR - Again for Killua's concert, but fell out of the range. But I really love this song and it's lyrics, remember to look it up on the youtube music list for Bells and Whistles or by yourself. The music list can be found on my tumblr on HunterXAU by Twila-star.
Hey, hey, maybe you guys wanna try to do a thing where you help me make a new summary? Submit what you like and I'll try to make a better one to bring more people in to read my story that you all assure me is good! Yay.
So new trivia! All the name of the chapters of Bells and Whistles were rejected names of the story. But they were so priceless, I couldn't bring myself to not use them, so they ended up being chapter names instead of the name of the story.
Last chance to suggest songs for Gon's showcase before it's too late!
Thanks for reading, and happy Valentine's day!
