(in which we do the incident things you know the ones)
"I awaken…!" I stand, clambering out of the bed 'n' stretching…!
Still in a scarlet bedroom. Still in Gensokyo. A~nd still a virgin, ho ho ho~!
Lookin' over at the floatin' London doll, I give her a smile. "Good morning, London! The weather's forty-ninety five east on the eleven right now, with Chaz and AJ in the morning! Hohoho!"
Freakin'... radio. Now, to just take this moment to throw my clothes from the previous day o~n. I like to sleep au natural, when the situation permits! Well, I stay in my underwear typically…
Blue sweatpants, blue shirt! Probably really stands out in these scarlet halls...
I look to the wide open door, the same cyan fairy maid from before collapsed on the floor, slightly differently this time.
"Ya fookin' idiot." I tell 'er once more, giggling to myself. "Hehehe~..."
Oh, also Reimu's in the doorway, watching me.
...
"Wo-hoah! Where'd you come from!?" Time to flail my limbs!
Reimu didn't bother to answer that question. "Listen, those fairy maids the other night. What exactly were they like?" Straight to the business, huh? Alright yo alright...
I take London's operating cross off the end table I sat it in the previous evening, and put it in my bag of holding. "Condescending, various shades of perverted, and mean. Very mean."
With that done, I also walk towards her! "They repeatedly attempted to steal me and take me somewhere else, yo. With their vaginas."
...After givin' me a dry stare, Reimu nods. "Sounds about right. Those three light fairies I usually see were suddenly trying to jump some villagers, earlier. Marisa said she had an unpleasant encounter with Cirno involving the lake water, too."
Putting a hand to her chin, she held her gohei over her shoulder… "This sounds like an incident."
"Aww~. Sounds like fun!" I am fully ready for the day! I lift my plant hanger to the sky…
"...You might need more than a chunk of metal like that, though." Reimu was not impressed by my weapon of choice.
Pfft. I jerk my head back a little. "Yo, this thing's served me great as a primary. I haven't even been able to keep track of how many heads I've batted in!"
Rolling her eyes, Reimu idly backs into the hall outside the room... "Suit yourself. Be sure to spend this day getting ready, though. We're going to investigate tomorrow once Patchouli's analysis of the situation comes with a good direction for us to go. I'm bringing you with me since you might have leads or something, and we're just fighting fairies for now."
I nod. "A'ight."
With that, Reimu walks away.
I walk out into the hallway and see no one. Reimu vapormarized, dude...
"Cool. Bye Reimu." Yeah, just come up to me and ask me to come with you. It's a Gensokyian life for me, yo.
A bat flies up to me while I'm standing in the hall idly...
"Hey again, Remilia." He~y, it's the vampire loli, except not. How's it goin'?
It rests on my shoulder. Freakin' excuse for a security camera is what it is...
Lookin' around the halls, I speak to Remilia's bat as I start mobilizin'. "First thing's first, I've gotta locate Patchouli and get a handle on my options."
What way was it again, right left right left? Left right left right? Didn't I have to go backwards a few times, too…?
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Freakin' halls, yo. I ended up just following Remilia's bat proxy to the library. We come to the locked double doors, with a hole in the wall still next to it.
"Y'know this is probably a health and safety hazard in some way…" I talk to the bat, climbing through the hole again. Luckily no maids were here to stop me this time! How much you wanna bet Remi's gonna patch that up the moment I'm into the library proper?
I end up in the dead center of some bookshelves.
"Help, friend." I turn to Remilia's batling. I do not have the loadout for exploring rogue-like dungeons. Freakin'...
====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====
"I highly doubt that has anything to do with anything." Patchouli bickers at Marisa, who seems to be making a scene.
Marisa beams gloriously. Hoh…! "Nonsense, ze! It's obvious that that one funny faced villager from the eastern edge of the village is behi-"
Wham. Shanghai slammed a book on Marisa's head, forcing her to shut up. "Oowaa~h…" The witch rubs where the book struck...
"Please…" Alice stares blankly at Marisa, offput. "Be a little serious, would you?"
"Hello, magic friends!" I call out, approaching the three magic practitioners.
"Yo!" Marisa calls out as she raises an arm at me, her other arm still on her head. "How's about a rematch?"
Totally. "Nope!" I decline swiftly!
"Greetings." Patchouli actually bothered to glance at me since she hadn't a text in her grasp this moment.
"Morning." Alice quietly calls to me. Shanghai waved a hand. If only London had social emotes!
"I came with questions and the things!" I stand before them.
Alice interrogates me immediately. "How did you reconstruct London? That's not something I worked on at all."
"I guess I just... broke some limits." I shrugged at her cheekily…! Heyonk, heyonk, heyonk!
...Alice is giving me the most jaded of stares. "That… doesn't actually answer my question. At all."
"I don't freakin' know." I let my arms ragdoll… "I ain't no smart man person thing. I hit stuff and die for a living."
...Patchouli's giving me a dubious, examining stare. "In any case, I would like to proposition examination of those lights that occurred about you. How might we trigger it again? I'll have this-" Patchouli summoned a magic circle under me, "-track your status when it occurs."
Yeah, just up and throw that scan magic on me, fluffy. "I think I have to beat up lots of weak foes or some powerful people. It triggers when I do things I should be gaining experience from, I'd figure." Translating RPG mechanics into real mechanics, yo.
"I've got an idea, ze!" Marisa raises her hand!
"Yes?" Patchouli turns to her.
"Have Alice make some dolls for him to beat up, ze!" Marisa smirks at her, before turning to Alice. "You can do that, right?"
Shifting her arms behind her back, Alice scowls at Marisa. "I don't make them to just be destroyed, you know…"
Slouching, Marisa looks over at her, stepping around me to get to the puppeteer with her hands on her hips. "Aha yeah, okay. Dude, you can make like a river of expendables if you feel like it. And what about them easy cards, huh? Them ones with the red dresses ain't expendable either?"
...At the human's beratement, Alice gives in. "Well if you're really this insistent that I waste mana, then so be it. If this human gets hurt, I expect you to contribute a potion to him."
With that, the puppeteer raises her arms into the air. "Scarlet Sign. Red-Haired Dutch Dolls, easy."
Oo~h, shit yo! I ready my plant hanger as numerous red clad, orange-haired dutch dolls materialize around Alice, and move to surround me.
Drawing my operating cross, I point it at the floor before me. "London! Cover me!"
There's nothing around me to hide behind or anything, so the dutch dolls are free to fire on me. Despite this, the red and orange haired dolls fire these barely torso-sized walls of red diamonds. Since this card's on easy, there's like… no bullets, and what bullets are here are slow as molasses.
Ti-tink- thunk- clank! London takes numerous hits as she stands still and fires bursts of yellow diamond danmaku like a sentry-
Clack- thud- clank clank! Three slow, strafing dutch dolls are torn down by the danmaku, falling to the floor and shattering-
Bam! A full on wall of red diamond danmaku from a nearer doll strikes London-
Clang, clang, clang. London drops to the floor, bouncing against the carpet uselessly as she falls apart...
...Noticing Remilia's bat still on my shoulder, I get an idea.
To cancel a spell, I need to beat up the caster, right?
Tearing the bat off 'a my shoulder, I toss it in the air, and it flaps erratically before me-
Crack! A strike of my hanger sends it roaring towards Alice-
Woosh. She dodges it with ease, despite seemingly having been reading a book at that moment. "...This is practice, not a serious spell card battle. Do you want me to hurt you?"
"Yes." I inform her, raisin' my hanger like a war hero. "Hurt me plenty!" I'll fight like hell!
Narrowing her eyes, Alice gives me a single nod. "Okay." She casts her arm forward-
Shanghai roars out towards me, lance ready. Oh shit oh shit-
Cla~ng! Reacting on impulse, I take a girly super close swing at her and somehow bat her aside-
I hear the roar of a red dutch doll firing behind me-
Fwam! A wall of red diamonds become one with my back. "Fu~ack!" Oow~! Ow! What the fu- aagh!
Stumbling forward, I run as more dolls move with surprising aggression to flank me.
The hair on the back of my neck stands as I bob and weave through the fucking swarm of red diamond chunks that come my way. The beautiful waves of red accent how much fucking pain's throbbing through me just from that one wall of easy danmaku.
"Dance, ze, dance!" Marisa, you fucking sadist…
Twirling my operating cross in my offhand, I channel my energy into it. "London please for the love of fuck I need you…"
Ow- shit! I grazed a danmaku wall and- wow. Just wow... that was like a bee sting. Fff~...
Eventually, London re-emerges from behind a bookshelf, despite her broken parts still resting on the floor.
Alice blinks owlishly. "There it is…!"
Oh fuck no please no I'm cornered. Fuck.
Despite London being on the field, I seem fucked. Crouching, I shield myself with my arms as the danmaku from the dolls closes in on me, ready to accept my fate. Good night, world.
…
A moment later, the dolls and danmaku are all gone.
"That was what I wanted to see." Alice floats up to where I summoned London, which was some random point in the air uselessly over the battlefield. "How… baffling. Genuinely."
Right after she says this, the orbs of light thing happens again, my body glowing warmly as things happen. Once they fade, I feel a rush of energy, which is slightly offset by my immense danmaku pain. Oo~f...
Patchouli floats up to me next! "Interesting. It seems to be some sort of… power augmentation magic. It seems offensively weak, however. Whoever cast it on you must have been new to the art."
Huh. That's… curious. Someone gave me with level up bullshit? How many bucks you wanna bet it was Yukari?
...Then, Patchouli floats a tome over to herself, and grasps it. "It seems you've also learned to utilize enchanted items. Did Alice teach you?"
"No." Alice immediately glances down at us from above. "I taught him nothing. Considering that impossible task you sent him on, I figured he was competent."
Marisa's on her broom, doing slow cuddly circles in the background. "You still owe me for that, Patchy. Shit wasn't cool."
Patchouli snorts, yo. "Ahah. He is a simple outsider, and here he figured out how to read enchantments within a day. Goes to show how backwards that surly village is."
...Looking over at Marisa, Patchy shakes her head. "Also, no, I owe you nothing. Do not speak with such arrogance, lest I revoke this session's ceasefire."
"...Alright. Sorry." Marisa backs down, yo. "Still… at least have the balls ta come get 'em yourself. Next time ya send a stupid kid, he ain't comin' back."
Smirking, Patchouli starts to float back towards her desk. "One day I may make good on that. But for now, such a chore is too troublesome."
...Marisa exhales, before grinning. "I dunno why ya don't just wait 'till I'm dead."
"Why wait when I can make that happen now?" Patchy jests as she sits back down…
"I didn't come here to listen to you two make love." Alice suddenly inserts herself into the conversation, drifting back down with London in her arms.
"I'm sure you'd know about that." Patchouli smiles at her, actually ignoring her freakin' tome. "You are right, however. That's enough of that…"
...Is the magi love triangle a thing here? Actually, yeah, I should ask that. "Do you all fuck eachother?"
…
Patchouli just gives me a tired stare.
Marisa grins, shaking her head. "Aw, yeah. Smoochie smoochie in the coochie, Patchy-chan."
"Call me that again and there will be an inferno." Patchouli gets irritated…!
"You're really trying us, aren't you?" Alice stares at me disdainfully. "Although I suppose such a jeer was well timed..."
And then there's someone new!
A yellow-haired fairy runs out from the shelves, arms raised as she wordlessly bounds towards me.
"Yo man what the fuck…" I start backing up, but she keeps running towards me…!
Arching my arm back, I let it reel for a moment as I envision fire and channel this energy within me to the arm… then I cast it forward-
The fireball hits the yellow maid! "Ahn!? A-aah… aah! Aa~h!" Yelling, she starts stumbling back whilst ablaze, feeling at herself. "N-nnn~...! Nnn-"
Pi~chun! She died after a large stone block fell from above, crushing both her and the blaze. What the fuck.
...I turn to Patchy.
"Do refrain from starting fires in the library." She wags a finger at me fluffily. "Or else that block will go on you."
...Ooo~!
"That said, good on you for mastering that fire prefab." Patchouli looks back down into her tome. "It's probably without a doubt the weakest of its kind. Your adaptation to it was remarkably fast, however." Aww… got some Patchy points, yo.
…
With little else to do, and the mages freakin' bickering quietly amongst one another, I start to turn away-
Remilia lands on my shoulder again, flapping wildly. Wahaha! Sorry, yo, I had to find out!
"Say, about that London doll." Alice suddenly speaks up from the airspace above Patchy's desk.
...I turn to her. "Yo~."
Quickly drifting down before me, she takes a few steps closer. "I noticed how London performed in the previous fight… and it was curiously inept. I would like to revise her, and see what… changes you may have somehow made inadvertently to cause her to revive as she does. As such, I will need that cross back for now."
Alright, yo. "How long'll it take?" I start takin' out the London cross...
Alice tilts her head side to side a few times. "About… a day or two, give or take."
"No problem." I give her a thumbs up. Quick enough turn around, if I don't die or get raped by then.
Alice smiles. "Good. I'll be off then."
She starts floating up and away, before stopping in the air and turning towards the clearing again. "Don't make a mess of yourself, Marisa."
Marisa smirks at her, calling back just as snugly. "Don't worry, Alice-ze. I'll try."
Thunk. Patchouli lightly brought down a tome on Marisa's head via levitation magic. "Ow~..."
"I'll be off aswell..." I tell the two, opting to walk out myself.
"See ya later, ze!" Marisa calls out, a hand in the air and upon her head once more.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Aa~h… freakin'... that danmaku that hit me earlier left me all stiff. Jeez. I feel so weak...
In spite of the probable impending doom or rape or what have you, I walk down the hallway to the kitchen. "I don't even know where the kitchen is, but I'm gonna find it!" I was in the dining room prior, so it couldn't be far!
As I navigate through a hallway intersection, I suddenly notice Reimu walking beside me. Where'd she come from…!?
"What the frik…" I grin at her. "Hi, Reimu. Can we cuddle?"
"No." Aww. But you're cute. "While I'm still in the neighborhood, I wanted to talk about your… self defense. Since you're human and all, I can't necessarily just leave you here to become a fairy toy, even after this incident is said and done."
Aw, good. Hakurei insurance, yo.
"Basically: can you defend yourself?" Reimu quizzes me! Stopping in place, she props her arms on her hips.
...I hold up my plant hanger. "I can hit stuff."
...Reimu seems to deflate. "Didn't you have that doll…?"
"Alice took it for maintenance." I grin back at her.
Reimu almost looks like she pities me. Freakin'...
"I also got this bat!" I gesture to Remilia's spy cam bat!
"Yeah. Remilia totally won't just sit and watch you get taken captive or eaten." Reimu dryly critiques my company. "How long have you been here?"
"A day or two. Or three." I nod enthusiastically. Wahaha!
Reimu gives the dreaded feedback. "Your luck's gonna run out."
"Yeah, I know." I slouch a bit and sigh. There doesn't seem to be a lot I can do, though...
"For the time being, here." Reimu raises a yin yang orb from her pocket, and expands it. "I can make as many of these as I want, so…"
She pushes it forward, at first softly, but then it accelerates, glowing more blue as it gains speed-
Bam! It ended up lodged in the wall.
"Uhm… whoops." Reimu blankly stared at her mistake.
Remilia's batling flew from my shoulder and began batting itself against Reimu, which the miko dissuaded with some waves of her hand...
Gingerly, she walks up and plucks it out of the wall, an indentation left where it hit. Dusting it off, Reimu looks over at me… "This whole situation's Remilia's fault, anyway."
The bat is angrier!
Reimu tosses the orb to me oh shit-
Oo~f! I got it! I~ caught the torso-sized orb-
Thud. I fell onto my back, Reimu's yin yang orb rolling off of me...
"Take it. If you kick it or hit it really hard it should fly around and hit stuff, and it hurts." Reimu provides! "You don't really have to be a Hakurei just to hit the orb around. It does holy and danmaku damage, so it should be a good defense against anything that moves."
This gives me a glorious idea. "I may not need to have to kick it around…!"
Reimu tilts her head. "Oh? Throwing it outright doesn't work well… and you don't seem to be in condition to lift anything heavier than a pillow."
Son. I shake my head. "I've got a better idea…"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Movin' on out of my room again, I display the new device to Reimu!
"Gaze at it and be amazed!" I had two bra cups latched to some more panties, and it was all tied onto the end of the panty rope. "It's like a sling flail!"
Reimu double takes. "You what."
Wohehehe~!. "I know, right? Yo~. This is my weapon, dude."
...Reimu closes her eyes, pressing a hand against the bridge of her nose. "You're going to get killed out there, I just know it."
"Aa~h, relax, this thing's dynamic enough. Also," I start swinging the sling around! "If I do this-"
Bam. I swing it with enough force that the knot around the cups unfurls and the yin-yang orb flies out and smashes into the wall again. "...Oh."
Reimu just facepalms, cringing so hard it looked like I landed a body blow on her. "Nn~h…"
Eheh. "Let's try this again…" Time to go fix it!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Walkin' back out, with the yin-yang orb held onto the panty-rope by the bra-sling again. This time, care has been taken to make like ten knots where the sling is!
"It should hold this time!" I start swinging it around again. Clunky but is at least partially a weapon!
Cautiously, Reimu backs away as I spin it around. "You're going to behead someone with that."
Wahaha! "That's the idea, yo!"
...Letting it slow down, I let it-
Thud. -land beside me. If I'm not careful, I'm 'onna hit myself with this thing…!
"Don't bash your skull in with it." Reimu dryly advises, staring at the flail with an unsure expression.
The bat upon my shoulder's just been unresponsive this whole time, staring at the flail in probable disbelief…
...Stomping starts to make itself known down the hall. It's light, but it's loud.
Oh. It's that yellow fairy maid again, comin' to get me, dude.
Reimu glances at it. She brings up a hand, ofuda slipping into it...
"Hold on, yo! I've got this!" I yell out! Test fire time again!
Taking pause, she just looks back at me blankly. "You sure?"
The yellow fairy maid runs towards me, looking wordlessly determined…!
I swing the rather clunky yin-yang flail around, and back away so that the fairy maid would run into the orb when approaching me…
The orb begins glowing brighter and brighter blue the faster it spins...
It almost appears as if she gets lucky enough to just bound between period she could be struck, but-
Pi~chun! The yin yang orb nailed her in the torso, the glow and velocity it had quickly fading after it freakin' blew away that fairy.
...At that, Reimu nodded. "It looks like you've got things under control for now. I've got somewhere I need to be, so I can't stick around. Do think about an actual weapon like… I don't know, a sword. Something. I don't wanna come back and find you buried in a pile of naked fairies with your brains screwed out."
I make an 'okay' sign with my hand. "A'right, yo. S'all goo~d, Reimu~. Hoo hoo~!"
...Raising her eyebrows, Reimu turns and starts romping away. Hoh…
...
Remilia's batling darted off my shoulders again and flew in front of me, flapping up and down. It then took off into the hallway.
"Hey, wait up!" I run after it 'cause I've got nothing better to do!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We're in Remilia's private bedroom, which for some reason has a mirror on a vanity and a window leading to the upper roof of the manor.
The room has a similar scarlet design to it, with an elegant overhung bed in one corner of the room. There's also a coffin against the wall- I suppose she likes to keep her options open, but I don't imagine coffins being comfortable.
We sat at a table in the middle of the room, existing...
Does Remilia ever get tired of drinking tea? She's gonna drown herself in the stuff one day.
"So, how was your day?" She asks, grinning at me with her hands interlocked.
'Cause you wouldn't already know. "You were there. No." Freakin'...
She snorts, "Quite, I'd suppose."
We sit together for a few moments, and Remilia stretches her neck a bit. "Aa~h..."
I yawn. Relaxing moments are nice…
"I'm thirsty." Oo~hp, ohp, there we go. That's why I'm here!
"Why, Remilia, you're drinking tea as we speak." I point out, grinning somewhat warily. Time to pray this follows the material where she's a light eater!
...Calmly, she rises from her chair and slowly walks over to me. "I think you know what I mean." She puts a hand on my shoulder.
Looking over at her, I find her red, slightly luminous eyes peering into mine. "You wouldn't mind, though. That I am sure of."
Ooh- ooh. There's something… really weird about those red eyes of hers. I can't help but stare into them, transfixed by the light and the dim red glow they exude.
"So if I were to propose that I may…" Leaning closer to me- even if we're about the same height 'cause I'm seated- her face hovers above my neck. "Drink. If I wished to drink, you wouldn't find it within you to deny me. There's no reason I shouldn't, of course. It's just something so easy."
Yeah, she's totally right. That, and… "If my sources are correct, you're a light drinker, right?" I question. I mean, she most totally definitely is because she said so, but for my peace of mind...
Remilia blinks, her eyes flickering back to normal. "...How did you learn that after being here for three days?"
Suddenly I feel the sensations of not being zonked rush over me. "Woah! Freakin'... Gensokyian jet lag!" Was I in trance? Did Remilia just freakin' hypnomatize me!? How freakin' weird...
...Remilia's staring at me expectantly. Oh, right. "Internet, yo."
...She tilted her head. "Speak sense."
Freakin' ancient europeans. "I knew a guy who knows a guy."
...She just blinks.
"People, from places and things. You know… the ones." I elaborate!
...Shaking her head, she exhales. "Yes. The ones. In any case, you would be correct…"
Leaning in again, she nears my neck, breathing on it. "Therefore, you cannot refuse. It's a simple, arbitrary fee, really. Hardly even a tax."
She smells faintly of a sorta really elegant flower scent. Like, it's very fair but noticeable…
Then, her lips and mouth met my neck. "Nnn…"
Oo~h. On entry, I feel myself relax, leaning back into my seat and looking into the air. The sensation makes me feel tingly-
Ow ow- why is there a delay on the pain!? It's like getting vaccines! It's not terrible but fuck! Why~ was there a delay!?
I clench my teeth and fists, managing the pain, as it gradually fades...
Bringing her head away somewhat hastily, Remilia licked her lips and- for some reason- rubbed a fang with her hand. "Eugh. What the hell do you eat?"
"Highly processed junk foods!" I reply cheerfully!
Snorting, she scrunches her face a little as she licks her fangs. "You just described the taste to a T. It makes for a snack, but I would be lying were I not to say… it is an acquired taste, one I'd rather not get used to."
With that, she sips her tea to rid her mouth of the taste, before smiling down at it. "There…"
Wahaha! "Yeah, I'd probably say that if I were a vampire, too." I do not have good eating habits!
Remilia doesn't respond, still looking down at her teacup.
...
I stand up and yawn. Kinda tired for some reason... "I should probably go become one with the bed now- actually hold on. I don't have London for now and that fairy maid'd probably destroy me in my sleep. Oh shit."
Remilia raises a brow. "That so?"
Whelp. I sit down again. "Every night she's sprawled out on the floor in front of my bed. S'cause she gets wiped out by London's danmaku. I leave her there and she's gone due come the next night, but by morning she's back."
Remilia chuckles. "Determined scamp, if I do say so myself. Cowardly, but determined."
Good, good, except my virginity is on the line here. "I'm kinda in need of a defensive sentry, yo..."
...Remilia grins. "I've got an idea, actually…"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We look at the mannequin stationed in my bed. "I think I'm rubbing off on you." I add, grinnin' at Remilia.
"I'd rather you didn't. I don't want my dress stained." Remilia dryly rebukes.
"Pffft- wahaha! Alright, you got me there. Dayum." Yo~! On the spot improv, man! The true charisma of a vampire…!
...Anyway, the mannequin was comprised of a soccer ball for a head and pillows for the body. The doll was rigged with explosives, because fuck fairy maids. Dunno where Remi found bombs, but she was apparently bored enough to rig up a room for shits and giggles.
A fake London doll was casted by a plushie of Remilia. Why did she have a plushie of herself anyway…?
In any case, if this hooligan was sleeping in my bed, I dunno where else I'd be for the night.
…
Looking over at her, I question things. "Where do me sleep do?"
"I was half hoping you'd sleep with the bombs." Remilia jeered. Yeah okay. "Oh, well. Come sleep in my bed with me." Wait what.
Oh boy. "You's a pervert too?"
She furrows her brows at me. "Not like that. It's a big bed, and you're curious enough to warrant a little benevolence from me."
Ooh. Curious enough for attention, huh…? "What was that about rubbing off on you?"
Remilia scowls, turning away and walking off. "Nevermind. You can sleep on the floor."
"I've slept on worse! Like jagged rocks! Those suck!" Wahaha!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I lied down on the floor; the carpet was fluffy. "It's better than those old hardwood floors from my old house!" I provided. Those things were cold!
Remilia shakes her head. "Where the hell did you sleep?"
I give Remilia my best fake expression of confusion. "I slept? Yo, the only rest I got was two hour power naps. I plowed through the next twenty hours in a haze of kool-aid and assorted inconveniences."
Remilia was only more befuddled by my elaboration. "How... apt."
Boom! The mansion vibrated!
I pumped my arm up from my position on the floor! "Boom! Shake shake shake the room!" That musta been the bomb going off in my old room!
Remilia chuckled. "Fufufu~..."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The sun was high in the air as I stepped outta the Scarlet Devil Mansion's front gate, free for the first time in a freakin' millennium, yo...
Marisa bursts out laughing at the sight of my new armament. "Whah-... what the hell is that supposed to be, ze!? Is that wa- one of Reimu's yin-yang orbs!? Weh- where- wahahaha~!"
Reimu glares at me. "If that thing doesn't get you killed, I will." Hoh, shit…!
Sheepishly, I jest with her anyway! "...Do ya mean you'll get me killed and then kill me, or that you'll just kill me?"
"Yes." Reimu held her cuddly glower.
"Oh." Aaaa~h, aaaa~h!
"See you guys later!" Meiling waves goodbye to us from the gate, closing it after we're all outside of it. I've still yet to hold an actual conversation with her!
After she gives us that brief parting, we all walk forward down the path away from the mansion. Marisa's floatin' though… on her broom!
"So~..." Marisa makes some discussifications! "You from the outside, ah?"
"Yeah, yo." I nod back at her as I walk at her side. "Went from a life of nothing important to a life of nothing important! Except now with rapists!"
Grinnin' at me, Marisa adds onto that. "Heheh. Pro'lly better to get loved on by fairies than ta get gobbled up by big mean youkai out here, though."
This is true...
"That's not to say that's a good idea." Reimu annotates on the idea of getting raped by fairy folk. "I don't recall it ever happening, but I… don't really wanna see it happen."
"Aaw." Marisa looks over at her, grinning. "It'd be an interesting experiment, though."
"You know fairies, though." Reimu counters. "They'd just toss him away after a few days, once they get bored."
"Y'could say that…" Marisa seems to doubt this for some reason!
...Momentary silence, yo. Hoh.
After a few moments, we come up to the lake! S'not that far from the mansion proper...
The leaves on the nearby trees gently flow as the breeze caresses the lakeside. The morning's light rays wash over the land, giving light and innocent, almost nostalgia inducing illumination. What can I say, yo? The glow of the land's pretty enchanting!
"We'd be going so much faster if he could fly…" Marisa pouts as she begins hovering in cuddly circles around us…
"We'll need him." Reimu outright states.
"Pfft…" Marisa stops doin' circles and just looks at her doubtfully. "How?"
Reimu shrugs. "Got a feeling. More the merrier, anyway. Just a fairy incident."
Shaking her head, Marisa grins knowingly. "Of course you do, ze. What if they beat us, and we all end up as fairy play things?"
Reimu grins back at her. "Oh well. Life is rough."
…
"Look! Down there!" Voices!
I look up at the voices!
Overhead, there are three sunflower fairies, all descending down towards us. They've all got blonde hair and green dresses, yo...
Reimu throws an arm outward-
Pi-Pi~chun! Two fairies die instantly to a salvo of three ofuda that whirl upwards. That was fast…!
"Waah!?" The last fairy friend darts to the side.
Marisa nimbly slides out her mini-hakkero, aiming it up at the fairy. A wimpy, translucent beam lights up out of it, almost like a flash light-
Pi~chun! It kills the fairy quickly anyway. The battle was over in a few simple attacks!
"...I say we ski across across the water." I slowly turn to the bat still on my shoulder…!
"Aw..." Glancing at me, Marisa then turns to her friend. "Can we, Reimu? It'll help us solve the incident!"
"Yeah." Reimu agrees- "No." Oh. Nevermind...
"Why~?" Whining, Marisa drifts closer to her friend. "It's a fun idea~..."
The miko's stare is unassuming. "Freezing to death in the lake isn't one of my high priorities."
"No fun, ze…" Marisa folds her arms, drifting back between me and her. "Winter's almost here, y'know. Like, s'not like-"
Patatatat! Woah, shit!
I'm nearly nailed by some colorful mixed bullets that pass by us! Reimu and Marisa end up grazing the oncoming waves as if they saw them coming all along, but freakin'... they came outta literally nowhere! The air wants me dead now…!
"'Fraid I can't let you past here, mates!" A rather british fairy's voice resounds overhead.
"I think you can, noob!" I yell back!
"Nnn...!" Luna Child- the yellow fairy- grunts audibly as she starts diverting from their fairy formation to home in on Reimu.
"We're gonna have fun fun fu~n when we're done here, guys!" Sunny Milk boasts!
Marisa suddenly accelerates away from me and Reimu and breakneck speed, Sunny Milk lagging behind her and firing big orange stars in her wake…
Reimu flies straight up, causing the charging Luna to almost faceplant in the lakeside grass in her attempts to veer up and after the miko.
That means…
Star Sapphire's got bullets 'wit my name on 'em!
"Waa~haha~h!" Time to dance! With my plant hanger wielded, I start running to the side…!
A line of blue, star shaped bullets roar past my back as I move.
Like this, I keep turning right until I go in a complete circle!
"Whah…?" Star herself ends up missing me, apparently having gone for a grapple but my circular movement throwing her off. "Bloody…"
Pulling my plant hanger from my hammerspace bag, I hold it up defensively! "I'm gonna feed you ten inches 'a steel, son!"
Pivoting back around, she leers at me. "Hehehe~h. I'm'onna feed you ten pints of me, yeah? Why don't you just give up?" Ten pints of you? The fuck's that mean…!?
Fwam! A magical impact happens somewhere in the background...
"Aau~h…!" I see Luna spiral out of the air, crackling with danmaku energy-
Pi~chun! She explodes on impact with the ground.
"Scratch one down, ze!" Marisa does a wide circle in the air as she pumps an arm up victoriously!
Sunny's still roaring after her, this time shooting huge, slow moving red orbs in her wake. "Slow do~wn! Who the hell let ya move so fast!?"
Reimu appears in the air before the fairy, seemingly phasing into existence from freakin' nowhere.
Sunny's eyes widen. "Oh- no no no-"
Thwa-thwack! Reimu stops the fairy in the air with two strokes of her gohei, a downward blow followed by a horizontal one.
"Oww~!" Sunny reels back, wincing-
Thwack! Reimu unleashed a spinning combo finisher in the fairy, sending her soaring off. "Wooa~h!?"
...Slowly, the fairy began to descend, until-
Splash! Sunny landed somewhere in the middle of the lake. Get owned, noob, get owned.
"Pay attention!" Oh, fuck!
Thud! I wince as Star soars into me and tackles me to the floor. "I- I don't know how my idiot friends lost, but… I'm not going down without getting somewhere!"
I whack her in the side with my hanger, but she just ignores it and tries to lean down towards my face-
I grab her face with my free arm! "Bad touch! Bad tou~ch!"
"Nnh…!" Star struggles as I begin to push her off me. Star's like… half my height as opposed to the more tall fairies from the manor, and naturally this lends to me having a far easier time breaking binds and grapples!
Sitting up, I start pushing her off me easily enough with jabs from my plant hanger and my hand in her face- "Omf!"
Ouch! Motherfucker bit my hand! Aaa~h!
Reeling my other arm back, I gave her a good stomach jab-
Thunk Ooo~, I heard that.
"Nnn~..." Star's face tears up as she backs off of me, releasing my hand from her mouth. "Fu- fuck…"
She stands easily enough since she's short, but I take a little more deliberation getting back up…
Once she's a few feet back from me, she glares at me with teary eyes. "Fucking wanker! Here!" She aims both arms forward-
Patatatat! A huge gush of randomly fired blue projectiles of varying shapes slams me in the face.
"Aaa~h!" I yell because ouch! Ho~ly shit! Aaagh…!
I fall back, body crackling with danmaku energy… oww~...
Thud. Star loudly plops down on my waist, and rips the hanger from my hands. "Hahaha~! Yes! Yea-"
Thunk. Marisa casually brings her broom against the back of the fairy's head, her swipe so slow and prompt that it looked effortless.
…Star flops onto me peacefully, unconscious.
...Marisa just shakes her head at me, smirking. "Wow. You're even worse at this than I thought, dude."
I sigh at her words. "Freakin'... ahaa~h…" Still in agony…!
"Look…" Taking off her hat, the witch digs into it. "I ain't gonna do this every time ya fall down and get a booboo, so play yer cards more carefully next time."
She takes out a red potions, and kneels next to me. "Open up or I'll pour it all over yer face."
I comply, and she uncorks the potion and freakin' jams it into my mouth.
Almost choking 'cause of how abruptly it began, I somehow nimbly guzzle down all the red liquid that was in the round bottle…
Oh my god that tastes like… eeu~gh. It's like perfume but worse. It's like cold medicine! Freakin'-...
Oh, hey. Woah!
I begin to stand, dusting myself off and putting my hanger away. "Woa~h…"
Holy crap. Dude-... I feel things heal that I didn't even know I had a problem with!
Cr-crack! I crack my back. "Ho~ly shit…"
Marisa giggles. "Wow. Ya sound like a corpse!"
Sitting at a computer for eighteen years does that to you…! Wait, I'm eighteen now. More like… ten years! A decade of shitposting and wasting my life away on crappy flash game sites!
Reimu lands near us. Hoh…
Pushing the loli fairy off 'a me, I get back up…
"It's only gonna be harder from here in." Reimu instructs me. "You can go back to the mansion now, if you really want. You don't seem cut out for this."
"Nah, fuck that, yo." I grin back at her! "I'm seein' this shit through. These're the greatest fights of my life!"
Marisa chuckles. "O~h, man. You're so fucked." Wahaha!
...Shaking her head, the miko turns and continues forward. "Suit yourself."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After roaming around the lake with our eyes open, we see the Forest of Magic on the horizon. It's alight with danmaku particles and fairies bum rushing each other in the skies over the forest...
Around the edge of the woods, our team stood on the path outside the Hakurei Shrine… which I'll probably just refer to as Hakurei path or something like that. S'an apt name!
...For some reason, the huge maelstrom of fairies stops fighting one another, and they begin beelining for us!
"...Good fight." I smile at the incoming fuckfest. "We gonna run, o~r…?" I know Marisa and Reimu are badasses, but a few hundred fairies seems a bit u~h...
Marisa adjusts her hat. "Run? Pussy~. Watch 'n' learn."
Bringing up her mini-hakkero, Marisa aimed at the cloud ahead. "Love Sign…" Oh, boy! I get to see the big kaboom spell!
"Spirit Sign…" Oo~h, Reimu too? Just gonna freakin' nuke 'em outta existence…!
...The fairy horde started to get closer, a rainbow of hair colors, dresses, and flowers wielded by the innumerable numbers-
"Master Spaa~rk!"
"Fantasy Seal!"
VRRRRRRRR~
The undeniable laser of arguable love went off right next to me, deafening me. Despite expecting it, I still flinched like freakin' crazy…!
A column of stunningly vibrant rainbow colors roared off into the distance, colliding with the cloud of fairies and tearing through their ranks. Despite this, all it kinda did was poke a needle into the crowd-
Reimu floats into the air over the spark, her yin yang orbs not only around her and maximized, but glowing with vibrant, rainbow energy.
After doing a revolution around her form, they all roar outward one by one to assault the incoming fairies-
Fwam! Fwam! Fwa-fwam! Fwam, fwam, fwam! The seven orbs create massive rainbow shockwaves in the air where they impact, noticeable ripples pulsing among the ranks of the fairies that weren't immediately blown away.
"Spirit Sign…" Ooo. Again? "Hakurei Illusion." ...That's not one of her trademark spells!
Fwam. A single wave of small white pellets revolves out from her.
…
Was… that it?
Oh, woah. From the air behind her, yin yang orbs that I didn't see her toss all expand and enlarge to be the size of her.
These maximized orbs didn't glow or even begin to glow as they began roaring out to bombard the fairies wildly, as if they were a giant shotgun spread...
Fwam. Reimu fired one small, aimed spread of danmaku ofuda in their wake, before drifting to the side-
Fwam. -and creating a spherical shield from talismans.
...I watch as some mixed retaliating danmaku from the fairies ahead whirled into the interlocking, revolving talisman shield. The glowing danmaku papers ate them up no problem, yo.
After the shotgun spread of people-sized ofuda orbs tore into the fairy cloud, they all began to dissipate, moving in any direction that clearly meant 'getting away from the miko'. This also included freakin'... straight up. They must go now, their planet needs them…!
"Haven't seen ya break that one out in a lo~ng time." Marisa comments on Reimu's second spell!
"For good reason. It's pretty effective on big crowds, though." Reimu drifts back down to meet with us…
Wow. Guess these girls are some real deals, then! Geez. They're supposed to be humans like me…!?
With that, Marisa 'n' Reimu continue moving forward into the woods, traversing down a not-so trodden path rife with overgrowth and freakin'... plants. I stumbled down it last time I went this way so the tangled ass situation's nothing new to navigate!
I move to follow the friends...
"Hehehe~!" Oh shit. That sounded like fairy friends, except really close somewhere. Freakin'...
"We got friends!" I exclaim, reachin' into my bag for a weapon…!
"And?" Marisa doesn't really care, still drifting ahead. "They know not ta move, ze. An' if they do, Reimu'll clobber 'em."
As we continue deeper into the woods, the ambient lighting dims and deepens, everything becoming a pale blue as the sun's light fades and the forest's glowing atmosphere becomes more prominent.
"He~y!" I hear a fairy shout something in the distance. Like, not at us, just somewhere.
Reimu yawns. "Haau~h…"
"Hehe~." Marisa is smug towards that, for some reason.
The foliage all around us starts to shift! Oh boy…
A salvo of fairies dart out from behind a thick tree ahead of us, taking to the sky.
"Yea~h!" Eager to take out some pent up aggression, Marisa rockets after them.
Out of boredom, Reimu seems to rocket after her, the both of them leaving me on the ground here with the rustling foliage. Good.
"Hehehe~!" I hear giggling around me!
Reaching into my bag, I start to draw my flail… "Yo. Uu~h, hey. Fairy people. How's it goin'?"
I start to hear whispers, which gradually grow louder as the fairies act less subtle about existing. "He's kinda cute…"
"You're stupid, Bubble-chan."
"More like Boobie-chan! Hahaha!"
"Hey, Lightflower. What's your favorite flavor of flower?"
"...I swear Neon, if you-"
"Mine's chocolate! Hehehe~!"
There's an audible sigh from somewhere in the brush. Jesus Christ, I'm surrounded!
They've all got various colored dresses, though they're not ornate or intricately detailed. Just frilly...
My heart jumps a little as I realize I'm probably fucked. What'm I supposed to- what can I do? Wait. Actually…
Fairies with hair of various colors and heights begin to stand from the brush, some flushed, some indifferent, and others just happy to be alive.
"Noobs!" No holds barred! Let's go! "Come 'n' get me, sluts! Bo~nk! Bohoho~nk!" Wahaha! I start spinning the flail in anticipation!
"Whaa~!?" I got someone's attention!
"Hehehe. He's afraid…" This fairy be psychic! Or maybe just observant…
A stout, blonde-haired sunflower fairy speaks up. "...He-hey, Bubble-chan, don't just run at him! Bubble-chan, no-"
'Bubble-chan', this tall blue-haired fairy with a huge rack, runs at me-
Whack! She's smacked aside by the flail! "Whaa~h!"
This action prompts most of the other fairies to just run at me, to the disdain of the stout blonde one…!
Wha-wha-whack! My arms begin to burn from exertion, both arms clung tightly to the base of the rope as I kneeled and swung the flail with the most power I could muster, the yin yang orb glowing brightly as it spun faster and faster. "Wooaa~h!"
Whack! "Ow- ow, ow!"
Whack! "Oou~gh…"
Woosh! A green-haired fairy flew over it, and shot a spread of green, round orbs at me. "Hahaha~!"
The blonde fairy aimed her sunflower at me-
Chu- Chu- Chu- Chu! Thin, yellow lasers slide into my form in spurts, causing me to shut my eyes as pulsing, stinging sensations wash through my body. "Wouu~ooh…!" Ho~ly crap! Aaa~h!
"Aah!" A brunette fairy's legs are swept under her as she tries to half ass flying over the flail.
Pi~chun! Someone freakin' exploded, but I dunno who!
Fwam! A thick, magenta orb from somewhere explodes next to me, causing me to yell. "Hnra~h! I am king of the pira~tes!" Fuck yo~u!
Wha-wha-whack! More melee attempts are usurped by the spinning flail, but a growing layer of smart fairies overhead of me start to make getting out of this a more and more impossible prospect-
Pi~chun!
Reimu is suddenly in the midst of the swarm, the yellow fairy annihilated with one downward stroke.
This fairy with hot pink hair and dress turns to her, eyes widening. "Oh…!?"
Pi~chun! Reimu cleaves her back into mana with one horizontal blow.
Grinning, the green haired fairy claps her hands. "Bye!"
A sudden wall of green danmaku rockets out towards Reimu-
The miko vanishes. The danmaku slows as it passes her, either as a defensive thing or something. I dunno why the fairy made it do that!
"Hi." Reimu reappears behind the fairy-
Pi~chun! Reimu clobbers her with a spinning strike, the blow shattering the fairy's form.
Immediately, the remaining fairies begin to stumble back or fly away, not entirely eager to take on the Hakurei shrine maiden in combat…
'Bubble-chan' stands up, her fists clenched. "You! I'm gonna hurt yo~u…!" She starts running at Reimu windmill style!
...Reimu dryly watches the fairy, drifting back leisurely as the fairy slowly flails towards her. Once she had her fill of watching the fairy, she kicked forward-
Wham! The fairy's legs buckled at the kick to her gut, and she collapsed. "Oo~ww…"
...
Thud. I bring my flail to a stop in the dirt, the fatigue from spinning it pulsing in my arms. "Holy shit…"
Marisa slowly descends near us. "Oh, hey. See, Reimu? Didn't die in the ten seconds we left 'em here!"
"Barely." Reimu landed on the ground, apparently not even winded by all that… teleporting and swinging she did. I didn't even know Reimu had warps.
"That flail actually came in handy, too." Marisa grinned at me. "Color me surprised, ze. Then again, fairies ain't all that hard to beat to death, even with stupid shit."
Yeah thanks. You try freakin'... fighting a horde with nothing but a flail made of panties and a plant hanger.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We step into Marisa's battered-ass house.
"Oh, man." I looked at the exterior which was in shambles from both what the fairies did after I left, and what I did to it earlier by making Marisa blast a hole in her own wall.
"Yeah. 'Oh man'." Marisa gives me a half glare. "This is your fault, y'know."
"Yo, didn't know the fairies were rabid at the time." I put my hands up peacefully. "Please forgive the honest man, yo."
"You invaded my house 'n' took my shit." Marisa's expression sours further. "Now since ya got nothin' it's not like I can get compensated, but… just 'member, next time ya get a few yen, think 'a me, yeah?"
...She's probably justified, but I'm still going to try and weasel outta it! "You can have it back when I'm dead, yo. What's the big deal, son?" Wahaha!
Marisa slides out her mini-hakkero, and jams it into my chest. "Yeah? S'that an offer?" She grins into my face, matching my own grin.
Bonk. Reimu brings down her gohei on the mage's head lightly. "Slow down, you. I'm gonna go nap in your bed." Wat.
Marisa double took. "We're 'a what now? S'that why we came back here!?"
"Mhm." Reimu nodded, moving for the back room. "Thanks for letting me sta~y."
...
Marisa ran after Reimu. "I'll be taking the bed, too!"
Bam. The door shut on Marisa. "No, you won't." Reimu was heard walking towards the bed on the other side.
Marisa began banging on the bedroom door! "Reimu? Reimu~!"
...I opted to take a cushion off the couch and go sit in the corner opposite the big ass hole in the wall, just incase any unwelcome visitors try their luck.
...Hmm. One cushion is too few cushions.
Marisa stops assaulting the door, and starts looking about her counters and stuff. "Now, for why I really came here…" Mumbles to herself!
Taking all of Marisa's couch cushions, I make a mini bed next to this pile of tomes. It looks rigid enough to not fucking kill me in my sleep…
I plop onto it!
…
"At least it's snug." Smiling, I cozy up against the tome pile, feeling kinda relaxed. There's something secure and homey about the corners of rooms, yo…
Snorting, Marisa looks over at me. "Oh? Pfft. Why didn'cha just crash on the couch?" She seems to be shoving potions into her hat...
"It's near the hole into the great beyond." I state aptly, looking at the giant ass hole in her house. "I'd like to be as far from it as possible, yo…"
...She nods at that. "Shit, s'true. Aah, I could always cast mines on the outside or somethin'. Don't think we'll be seein' much more than horny fairies today, an' I'd be alright wakin' up with a cutie patootie. Hehehe- y'know, ze!?"
Freakin'... "Yeah, yo." All too well! Them fairies are out for me!
Thu-thu-thud. The book pile I'm up against gives in a bit, some books flowing out onto me. At first they dig into me and freakin' destroy me, but when they stop I realize they've kinda formed a favorable configuration!
I mean, yo, think about it. They're a blanket, they're thick so they make good defense, they're… booky, so… that…
Woah. More tired… than I realized. Probably for good reason…
I doze off as Marisa gives the cushionless couch a hard stare...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...
Immediately, I realize the cushions under me are gone as I wake up. Ow~.
Marisa took the cushions and crashed on the couch! Right now I'm just… sleeping atop books whilst under books. I've become one with her pile of tomes! It's not unlike sleeping on a pile of jagged rocks…!
I clamber out of the pile- ow, ow! These books are kicking my ass!
"Yeowch owch- oochies- oo~h that smarts!" Back, back I say! No- my leg is not your leg! Freakin'...!
Thu-thu-thud. I roll onto my back as I thrust myself from the tome pile. Oof...
...Reimu was already awake, sitting at the hole in the wall and staring out into the midday gloom. She was sitting upon a cyan-haired fairy maid, whose eyes were once again swirling.
Crunch. She bit into an apple she got from somewhere, nodding in satisfaction.
"...Huh." I stared at the familiar fairy maid. Mansion fairies are coming out here to rape me, my boy...
Reimu jumps a little at my noise, before turning to me. "Oh, you're up. Now…" Reimu gets up, crouches to take a jar of water from the wiped out fairy maid, and walks over to Marisa...
With one quick motion, she opens it up and tips it onto the witch's face-
Splash! "Holy fuck!" Marisa sat up straight, and then leaped off the couch. "I'm up! Where's the enemy at? Who are you?" She turns to Reimu, eyes wide! "...What are you~!?" Marisa began shaking Reimu by her shoulders!
Slap! Reimu knocks some sense into her friend.
"Oo~h…!" Marisa staggers to the side, clutching the cheek she got slapped on. "Damn..."
I smile and wave at her. "Good morning, sleepy one. The world is out to kill you. Goodbye, friend." I shift my smile to be somewhat sad, yet still wave cheerfully.
"Pfft…" Marisa looks over at me, brow raised and grinning. "The fuck, ze…"
Crunch. Reimu bites from her apple… "Let's go." Then, she just up and begins walking out of the side of the shack...
Marisa calls upon her broom, and hops onto it! "Yeah! Let's go, let's go!"
Time to move, yo!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We walk on the path to the human village slowly. The village wasn't too far ahead, well in sight.
From here, it looked like a freakin'... big, circular wall. Best defense, yo. I'd make a political joke, but considering the year I'm from, I have no business even caring about politics!
"I'm pretty sure Patchy said the fairies were holed up in this factory place to the left 'a the manor..." Marisa actually brings up the fact we have leads. We had leads!?
"I wanna see how the village handles itself during incidents." Reimu states plainly. "This guy existing got me thinking." She gestures to me idly.
...Marisa looks over at me. "The hell's your name again?"
"I am Brad!" Brad I am!
"Huh." Marisa nods at that name, before looking ahead. "Yeah, I can see that. I haven't kept many tabs on the village fer awhile now. Last time I checked the town guard was changin' hands… again."
Again? Hoh. Speaking of politics…!
Reimu shakes her head. "It just gets worse every year."
"Right?" Marisa chuckles. "Glad I don't hang around anymore. Shit's so deep I'd have ta freaking beat up everyone to do anything, and you know Yukari likes it this way."
Yukari? Hoh, shit. Big names already…
I'm in Gensokyo, huh. Speakin' of jet lag...
We came up to the village. There's a guy at the gate…
He's got fancy silver armor on, and a doofy looking helmet that doesn't actually look like a practical helmet.
"Halt. Who goes there?" A particularly tall but not so burly looking man with a spear stood ahead 'a the gate, glaring us down.
Reimu stares at him, a dull expression remaining on her face. "Who do you think?"
...The guard bends down and looks her in the eyes. "...I'll have you know I'm the captain's son... and you'd best be showing some respect to those with power, little lady. Who am I to know whether you're a youkai or not? Especially when you act as you do."
...Reimu just stared at him blankly.
Marisa exhaled. "Shut the fuck up, Kotaro. Ya shouldn't even be mannin' the gate, ya sack 'a feathers."
Kotaro snorted. "Oh? Are you really in a position to be mocking me? I am not he who deserted the village for… youkai-like ambitions." Smiling widely, he glared at Marisa. "You are but a villain, and a disgrace to us all. Take your youkai miko from these walls, Kirisame."
...Marisa just looks over at me and Reimu, grinning widely, although I could tell it was one of those 'this fuckin' dude' grins.
I nod. "Hey, hey, guard person."
"Kotaro Aonuma." Kotaro gives me his full name. "And you?"
"Hey." I dodge the question! "Wha's the K… in 'Kotaro' stand for?"
…
Kotaro furrows his brows. "That's… a character of my name, it doesn't stand for-"
"S'it K fer y'fookin' stoopid!?" I lean forward and yell at him!
"Aah- I ah- nnn!?" Flinching violently, he brings his spear up high and tries to bring it down on me-
Clunk. Reimu stops it with her gohei. "That's not how you solve a problem."
Wahaha! I back up, distancing myself from the frik!
...Scowling at the miko, he nods. "Hah. I'll fight you, then. Shrine maidens should know their place within these walls."
Reimu blinked. "Okay."
…
Bringing his spear away, he tried to reposition it-
Clunk. Reimu pinned it against the gate behind the guard with a two-armed motion of her gohei.
…
Letting go of the spear, he moves to grapple Reimu-
Thwack! Reimu brings the gohei across his face with a very restrained looking strike...
"Aagh…!" He's sent spinning by the blow, somehow-
Thud. He lands on his side, grimacing dourly. "Blast… youkai magic…"
"...Nice guy." I nod at the totally competent guard.
"Town's either on high alert, or the guy's just high." Marisa speculates, as she moves to crank the gate open…
"I won't forget this…" The guard acts like it's the end of the world!
"Yeah. I won't forget this." Reimu counters!
...Hoh. Gave that guard some food for thought!
Once the gate was cranked open, Marisa drifted inside...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The town square's empty! Well, mostly empty. Some guards're about, but they ain't about to try to play games with Reimu or Marisa here.
...Things're pretty rustic here. The buildings look like crap! Like, not even by unreasonable outside standards, I mean we got plywood huts goin' on over here! Some of the buildings look curiously developed, though...
I look around at the absence of friendly folks. "So u~h... I don't think it's normally this quiet…"
Reimu narrows her eyes. "Something's wrong."
Idly, Marisa slowly drifts ahead of her. "S'it how the guards in this town all suck? Or did that guy really bother ya?"
"What? Who?" Reimu has apparently already forgotten that. "Whatever. I mean-"
"Hehehe~!" The giggling of fairies echoes throughout the village.
The sword wielding guards around us begin to look around wildly, ready for fairy combat.
Marisa grins. "I think we've got our somethings! Wherever the hell they're hiding..."
Thoom. Oh… okay. Something's coming to get us, dude.
"Say uh…" I begin to point out that noise-
"Vibrations." Reimu noticed, too.
Thoom. It's getting closer, son...
Oh no. "They're bringin' the big guns, dude." Yo ho ho~...
Marisa stretched as her broom idly floated in place. "Ee~nh. No gun's as big as mine, ze."
...I don't think she realized what she just said!
Reimu exhales, the wind taken out of her by the statement. Wahaha!
Thoom. Big boy comin' through, yo!
Reimu stretches, too. "This sounds like it'll be annoying…"
Marisa scratched the back of her head. "Don't say things like tha~t…"
Thoom. Thoom. Thoom. It's coming from a nearby structure…! It's a sort of house, but it has a stall in front of it so it's more like a big storehouse.
I held my plant hanger up defensively, like it'd do anything. Giants beware, I have a hunk of metal.
Nearing the wall, Marisa cautiously drifts even closer towards it. "The hell even is that? You'd think someone woulda broiled it were it so big 'n' mean..."
…
Well-
Boom!
"Waa~h!?" Marisa yells!
Clank! A large, metal claw limb grabbed onto her broom, and began pulling her to the side. "Woah, waoh, woah…!"
...Reimu just stares at the emerging mech with slack-jawed surprise. Wahaha!
Thoom, thoom, thoom. "There you a~re!" It's that one mech fairy maid from before! "You can't hide from me! My network of fairies is all-knowing, darling!"
Bam! Marisa is thrown against the floor, rolling away as she's separated from her broom. "Augh…!"
"Marisa…" Reimu looks over at her friend with slight worry, before bringing her gohei up. "What do you know!?"
The towering, eleven foot tall fairy construct hobbled forward as it dropped Marisa's broom beside itself. "That you're in the way, girl. As it happens, I've grown bored of the feminine body for the time being… and I'd like to experience something new."
Reimu raises her eyebrows at this. "Couldn't you just abduct someone else?" Good heroic negotiations, yo. Let us throw someone else under the rape train!
"No. I'm picky like that." Oh.
The maid no longer had her glasses on, but one eye was replaced by a red augmentation, which produced a barely luminescent laser sight, noticeable as she panned her head about.
Thoom. Thoom. She steps forward more. Her mech was more or less the same as before, except now it had bright yellow and orange metal comprising it, as well as abstract shoulder pads.
"Ahaha~h…" Marisa stumbles to her feet, apparently well off enough after that last attack.
…
Thoo- thoo- thoom! The bot power walked towards Reimu!
"Hoh…" Reimu slid way back- past even me- and threw her arm outward. "Youkai Buster!"
Thwa- thwa- thwash! The three ofuda roared through the mech, but didn't puncture it or create incisions. Still, it was staggered by the impacts.
"Hrrm…" Focusing, the cyborg fairy scanned the battlefield…
Marisa aimed her mini-hakkero at the machine-
FwiChoo~m! A thick, blue laser stretched out towards it.
Bam! Thoom thoom. The impact caused the robot to stagger again, this time taking a few steps back.
"This power…!" The fairy maid scanned my party members! "Hahahaha~!"
"We broke her." Reimu shakes her head… "Stupid fairies."
"No you idiot!" The fairy barks back at her! "You gave me great inspiration!"
"How's this for great perspiration?" Grinning, Marisa drew a canteen of some kind from her hat, and began reeling her arm back…
Thoom, thoom. The mech turned towards her, and began stomping forward.
Marisa tossed her arm forward-
Fwa- fwa- fwam! The canteen was apparently a bomb, which exploded into a persistent danmaku orb. Hoh…!
"Hnn~..." The cyborg was not terribly deterred!
Reimu begins flying up towards it!
As she does, the cyborg raises its vice-tipped limbs to grab her. "How tactically erroneous!" Beaming, the fairy tries to navigate the robot to grab her-
Woosh. She whiffed, yo.
Woosh. Mi~ss…
Finished positioning herself, Reimu brings her gohei down-
Bwoomp. A jiggly, ill-defined energy barrier forms before the maid's head, the gohei strike bouncing off of it. "Nice try~."
"Really…" Furrowing her brows, Reimu skirted back into the air as yin yang orbs began to materialize around her-
Clamp! The vice clamped, but grabbed only air as Reimu retreated.
I got out my flail, but didn't spin it up yet…
The four yin yang orbs all behind Reimu roared forward once they became person-sized, and bombarded the mech!
Bam- clang- clank- bang! Each impact caused the mech to fall back even further, denting the bright armor. "Really, now…" The cyborg fairy was actually becoming intimidated! That, or aggravated…
I start spinning my flail… discreetly, yo!
Reimu lands on the ground ahead of the cyborg, which is more like off and to the right of me. "I hate fighting robots."
Cyborg fairy seethes! "Robots hate fighting you!" She jerks her controls-
Vrrr~! The cyborg whines as it tilts back on one leg, reeling an arm back.
In a rush, it leaps forward onto the unused leg and slams its vice into the town square-
Thoo-Boo~m! The impact created a huge shockwave that almost tipped me over!
Reimu leaps into the air to avoid the shockwave, narrowly grazing the downward strike that caused it.
Before she could escape, the mech spun forward in the air, swatting Reimu with a diagonal swipe of its two arm limbs-
Cla~ng! Oh, shit! Reimu's flung by the blow-
Thud! She loudly rolls to a stop on the other side of the square. Oo~h. Ow. Is she… okay? She's Reimu, she'll probably be okay...
"Reimu!" Eyes wide, Marisa quickly draws a potion from her hat, and tosses it into the air-
Di- di~ng! It glows and fades out, before a drop of liquid came down over Reimu's form, splashing onto her and fading into her.
"Nn~gh…" Drowsily, she starts to raise off of the floor, before grabbing her head and shaking it-
Kri-krik. Her neck cracks and stuff as she recovers! "Ow. Now I really hate fighting robots."
"Recovery items…" The fairy maid scowls with her one eye that could emote. "At least you're strategians, this I can respect…"
Vrrr~. Vrrr! The right arm of the machine begins to shift-...
Uhm. Oh.
Fuck me, that's a gatling gun.
"He~y friends!" Yelling at the top of my lungs! "Get cover, now!" Time to ru~n!
Where do I go where do I go- actually yeah, I'll duck in the hole the robot came outta, that ruined tall store place thing. S'a good start!
Taking my word for it, Reimu floats up off the ground and flies over to a nearby rooftop, before ducking on it.
At first doubtful, Marisa complies readily upon seeing Reimu follow, summoning her broom back with a snap of her fingers. Once it arrived, she grabbed onto it and began flying off to a different rooftop…
"What's wro~ng…!?" Gleefully, the robot aimed at the roof Reimu took cover behind! "Come out and pla~y!"
Patatatatatat! The sound of gatling gun fire filled the air, the robot opening fire on the shop Reimu hid in, the wall cracking and breaking from the bullets. Speaking of which, those were real bullets!
...Also, freakin'... my ears! Considering where I chose to hide, this gunfire is not goin' easy on my ears right now!
KAPow- Clang!
Goodbye, ears. I knew you well.
...Across the clearing, Reisen Udongein Inaba had a small, stick like sniper rifle held up.
I looked back to my other side, only to find someone was behind my cover with me!
"Christ on a bike! Where'd you come from?" It's... Keine Kamish... ra? Kamisawa? Kami...sawashira?
Keine Kamiwhatsherface didn't respond, instead moving out and dashing towards the robot.
The fairy robot pilot noticed, and slowly began turning around, but was too late to stop Keine. With a simple leap, she climbed atop the robot, reeled her head back, and-
Bwamp! The mighty headbutt causes the head shield to lose focus slightly. Eyes widening, cyborg fairy gazes at the school teacher with wide eyes. "Where are you people coming-"
Fwa- fwa- fwam! Marisa sniped the cyborg with a well tossed magic bomb from the roof!
Patatatatatat! Slowly, the cyborg began to bring her cannon arm around, forgetting about Reimu and choosing to aim it towards Reisen for the time being…
Reisen noticed the trail of bullets destroy scenery as it panned towards herself. I looked into her eyes as she looked into the fairy's eyes-
Fwash. Her eyes very noticeably flashed red. Ooo~...!
...Seemingly, Reisen seemed to drop her rifle, put up her arms, and kneel on the spot.
The gatling gun's fire centered on her-
Patatatatat!
Fwa-fwap-fwip-fwip-fwap! "Nngh…!" Reisen was torn into by the bullets, her body immediately flung by the stream, before it was seemingly torn apart and mangled by the unending torrent of bullets, leaving the lunar rabbit broken.
Her corpse was thrown down the road ahead, blood trailing all along the dirt path as she was eviscerated…
..Seemingly, anyway. I gotta admit, that's some shit ta just see, even if I got a hunch it's Reisen's eye shit at play…
"Hehehe~!" The fairy cyborg giggled at this. "Stupid, stu~pid! Why- why would you think I'd just stop shooting!? Hehaha~!"
KAPow! A sniper shot echoed…!
...Reisen was now atop a nearby roof, and the corpse that me and the fairy had previously seen was now nowhere... as if it never existed. Aww~ shit, du~de…!
Bwamp! The shield atop the mech rippled violently, the fairy's face almost exposed by the shot from the rabbit's sniper rifle.
Keine was still on it too, so she gave it another headbutt-
Bwamp! That shield's probably not gonna last much longer!
Patatatatatat! The gatling gun's still firing, just not at anything in particular right now…
Patat- tat-... tat… Oh, hey, she actually stops shooting!
...After a moment, another person joins me behind my hiding place.
Oh. It's Kotaro, the captain's son. I don't even know who this captain guy is!
"Excuse me, what the hell's going on?" He gestures to the square in disbelief, eyebrows raised.
"You got beat the fuck up." I remind him bluntly.
He rolled his eyes. "Well- that's great, I already knew that- but whose responsibility is this? Has the school teacher finally sieged the village? Are- did the shrine maiden and witch do this?... Did you do this?"
I point at the big robot fairy, smiling. "Big damn robot dude, that's the name."
...With a loud sigh, he nods. "Excellent, excellent- who sent it?"
"Me. I did!" I am out of patience with this guy, yo. He's gonna blow my freakin' cover if he doesn't crouch…!
"Seems my first guess was right after all…" Frowning, he feels around himself. "...Oh, my spear is gone. Today's just perfect."
Shaking his head, he gets out of the cover to walk up to the robot. Oh alright dude. Guy's either got balls of solid brass… or a brain of solid brass!
The mech's spinning around one-eighty degrees repeatedly in both directions in an attempt to dissuade the bombardment from the surrounding girls! Keine's also freakin' bashing her head into it, and Reisen's trying to line up the next shot…
"Hold it! Ho~ld it!"
Guard man walks out onto the scene, son. He's ready to cruise for a brusin', yo…!
...Everyone looks over at him. Reimu and Marisa stop shooting ambient support danmaku and bombs, Reisen lowers her rifle, and the mech 'n' Keine just turn to him.
"Ahem…" He finds his voice! "Kamishirasawa, if you'd kindly?"
...Keine tilted her head. "What…?"
"Get off of our… 'guest'." Kotaro requested.
...She blinked. "Are… you serious?"
"When am I not?" He rose a brow pseudo-charismatically. "Off of it. You are no beast, unless you wish to be treated like one."
...Rolling her eyes, the school teacher leapt off of the mech.
The captain's son looked up at the eleven foot tall mecha maid. "Excuse me… creature." He addresses her! "I am going to take you into custody, and place you on trial. Any resistance will be met swiftly with only maximum reprimand. However… I will say that-"
Clonk. After some slow and gradual articulation, the mech jerks its arm forward and just beans him in the head with its vice. Ou~ch… is he even still alive after that? It like, half crushed his head!
…
The guy stumbles back almost like he's just walking, but once he reaches my hole in the wall-
Thud. He falls back inside. Oh- hey looks alright. Fucked up, but his neck's not lodged into his collar bone or anything hilariously gruesome.
Blam! Fwa-fwa-fwam! Fwap, fwap! Blam! Bwa-bwa-bwamp!
Noises of violence continue outside my hidey hole!
"Uu~rh…" Kotaro's out of it, dude. They got him, man.
...After a moment, he sits back up, eyes uneven and face sorta weird. "Aaa~h… whah happen?"
"Hi."I greet him.
He instantly snarls at me. "You! You- and the youkai- you…!"
O~kay! "How ya doin', son…"
Flopping around until he sloppily stands, he looms over me before trying to grab me by the collar. "Who the he~ll youkai!?"
"Son…!" I raise my arms! "Ya wanna know what happened? I'll tell ya, yo! You got your ass kicked!" I remind him of the premise!
"Whoo~!?" He tries to shake my color, but considering he can't even get me into a standing position this ain't that intimidating…
"Let me show ya…" Getting up, I get into a standing position…
Standing next to the exposed bits of the hole I'm hidin' in, I gesture outside and at the freakin' robot. "There he is dude. Big Nuts Ned."
"Woaa~h…" He's awed. "I~ can fight tha~h…?"
"Yeah, dude." I grin at him! "You explored seven fun filled worlds, and fought- ya fought the dragons, dude! Now get out there and do it again!"
"Yeah!" He's pumped! He feels around his armor for a bit… "My- my spear… s'gone…"
Aw. I shake my head… "You jammed it in its mechanical thigh, and it broke. Ya tried to fist fight it an' a single punch nearly eviscerated ya. You're freakin' lucky you only took blunt damage, man." I re-explain the sequence of events!
...He tried to hold me up by the collar, again. "I'~m not a… forest youkai!"
Holy shit, this guy's gone… "Who even freakin'- you know what, yo? Don't answer that. You're the captain's son, good job. Now go kick that robot's ass." I point at the robot just incase he freakin' forgot again...
His eyes widen. "I'm… the captain's son? Yeah… yeah that's right! I'm- I'm the captain's son! I'm gonna go kick some asses!" He runs out at the robot…
Patatatatat! Oo~h, that is not a good time for the gatling guns to come back online.
Keine's safe, keeping a cautious stance behind the robot at all times as it spun around and got slowly sniped to death by the other girls.
Eventually, the sounds of bullets meeting wood begin to near my cover, and I drop to the floor. She don't aim low, so all I'm gonna get is a sprinkling of sawdust down here...
"Prepa~re!" Oh, boy. Still, I'm sure someone'll save him. I doubt anyone really dies in this Genso- "I'm the capta~in's-
Fwip- fwap- crack- pat- fwoomp- pap- crack-
"Agh- fugh- ngh- ouha- ooh..."
Thud. Oh. Oh boy.
Splat. Blood splashed in through the hole in the wall, and I'm pretty sure I saw the guy's arm and some armor bits.
"...Well, good on you, mate." I grimace. Whelp, I got a boy fucked up, yo. I did not foresee those circumstances…!
Couldn't Reimu like, protected him or something? Or- oh. I just realized that everyone probably let him die because he was an asshole. That's… pretty sound reasoning, but at the same time freaks me out.
Patatat- tat- tatat… tat…
Oh, yeah, pick now to stop.
"Where… do you all… keep coming from!?" Cyborg fairy was overwhelmed!
And then-
KAPow~!
Pi~chun! The fight… is over.
Reisen had fired another sniper round, this one causing the shield to become some abstract shape rather than a sphere. Like this, the bullet was able to pierce straight through the energy and kill the fairy inside…
…
Thoom. The craft fell onto its back, shutting down.
...Oh right, Remilia's bat thing is still on my shoulder. I didn't even notice because she didn't do anything for so long, but she looked quite pleased by the ordeal. "Hi, friend." I give it some pokes, to which it recoils at...
I raise from the hole in the wall, and- oo~h yeah, that's one dead lookin' dude on the ground. If you googled 'what would it look like to put a dude through a cheese grater', you'd probably get this dude right here. Freakin'...
...The girls all seem to convene around the side of the robot, so I move to join that.
"Who wants to go back to bed?" Reimu poses a fluffy question.
Everyone raises their hands, and I do too! Freakin'... guns.
"I'm sor- sorry I didn't take this more seriously…" Reisen bows to us. "If I did, he wouldn't have, uhm…" She looks over at the cheese-grated guy.
"Don't think anything of it." Keine waves it off, but looks away. "...It was coming. It was just a matter of when." Dayum, Keine. Stone cold…! I can't really blame her, though… "Today's just been one bad event after another…"
Then, she turns to Reimu. "Do you have any leads so far? The fairies over here are gaining technology at an increasingly alarming rate, as you might have imagined. You should've seen the fairies clad in mirror armor earlier..."
...Reimu looks to her, before blinking. "Mirror armor, huh…? Anyway, yeah, we've got some leads. A factory in the plains or something. Dunno how it got there."
"Ah, I see, I see…" Keine nods at this. "Why aren't you there right now?"
Reimu blinks twice. "Reasons." Wahaha. "We're napping first, though." Again? Jeez, Reimu, if getting suppressed by gatling gun fire doesn't flare your danger senses, what the hell kinda show do you run here?
...Looking around, Reimu spotted one of the town's inns, and marched towards it casually. "That'll do."
…
Reisen sighs. "Sorry again. It's just-... it's too early for this sort of thing, you know? I've still gotta set up my stall…"
Y'know… "Wouldn't Eientei be gettin' attacked right now, too?"
…
Reisen lets the backpack on her back flop off, as she raises her sniper rifle and begins walking in one direction. "Watch my stuff, Keine." Pfft…
Pausing, the bunny girl glances back at me, than at Marisa who had stuck around for the conversationings. "Hey, Marisa. Do you think you and Reimu could come by? If not to help, only to get a gauge on what you're fighting better…"
Marisa smirks at her. "Ya just want some backup, don'cha?"
...Reisen sighs. "Yes. I know it's selfish, but it'd make my work load lighter…"
"Some sidequestin'll be alright. I wanna nail the next one 'a those big mechs I see wit' a Master Spark anyway." Marisa waves it off. "I'll just tell Reimu ya need some help and might have some tips."
"Thank you so much." Reisen bows towards her, before turning back around. "I gotta go defend like I should've been doing…"
How'd she not notice in the first place? Then again, she did seem kinda tired...
Marisa takes towards the inn where Reimu ducked into. "C'mo~n, ze. We got some leisure time ta spend!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Night time's pretty fun, I suppose! Good evening, world! The inn's fulla bullet holes, and there's no one here, but that just means we don't gotta pay or respect others! All's well ends well…
I didn't sleep, and neither did Marisa, but I mostly just spent time asking her things I already knew about Gensokyo just to make sure stuff was on the up 'n' up. That, and post-revision, this chapter's like nearly twenty thousand words, so I'm on thin ice here…!
Wh- ow. Freakin'... what the hell? I just got hit in the head with a… wooden block. What, s'this place falling apart? I didn't even hear that come from anywhere...
I walk out of my room, instantly face to face with a cyan-haired fairy maid.
"Kyaa~h!" She leaps away from me and runs away, running down the stairs and presumably exiting the inn.
"...Cool." Yeah, that happened. Freakin'... stalkers, yo. At least she's not the 'kidnap you and lock you in my basement once you're in grapple range' type.
I walk downstairs to the trashed main room of the inn, to see Reimu and Marisa sitting at a snug wooden table.
Reimu took a sip of beer from her mug, staring at the dying, dim lights that hung around the bar bit. It was more of a tavern than an inn…
"...You know, I don't think that was even a fairy anymore." Marisa swirled her mug about,
"I'm inclined to agree…" Reimu sat down her mug and rubbed her temples.
I bring a wooden crate up to the table and sit down…
...Reimu looks around. "I don't see the innkeeper anywhere…"
Marisa snorts. "Means we keep our money, and the booze's free!"
Reimu nods. "Mmm. I'm just gonna call this stop an incident royalty fee or something. Investigation fee, whatever. As long as you didn't take any bottles Marisa."
"Ah- yeah, no." Marisa looks away. "That's just dishonorable."
…
Reimu held out her hand. "Gimme your hat."
"Fuck." Marisa deflated. "You cheat."
"I don't have to cheat. I know." Reimu rebukes, swiping the hat from her friend's head and digging through it. A moment later, she pulled out a huge wine bottle. "...Oh. Woah."
Marisa grinned. "See? I ain't just robbin' 'em blind. Well, I am, but only a few 'a the good stuff. Incident tax, yeah?"
...Reimu nods, sliding the bottle back into the hat. "I saw nothing. You're a master thief." Pfft…
...
Remilia's batling flew off my shoulder, and flew up in down in front of me. Aw, yo...
I ask it some patronizing questions! "Huh? What's that, lassie? Did little timmy fall down the well?"
The batling bashed against my head.
"Yo, no!" I swat at it, defending myself!
The batling lands on the table and starts emphasizing downward movement via stomping.
"You what, mate?" I ask it, faking slight offense to the action. Freakin', what's Remilia on about?
The bat paused, then pointed a wing towards the door-
"There you are…" Heya, Alice! Aw, her outfit's all kerfluffled. "Those fairies certainly know how to try..." She reached into her bag…
"That bad, huh?" Reimu sighed.
I grin at her. "Aw. Gave it their good 'ol college try, did they? Y'know, that's what I'd do if I was in college, yo. Shoot rainbows at my assignments, then die."
...Alice takes her vain stare away from me and towards the girls. "He doesn't sound drunk, but you seem to have given him a good buzz. Are you robbing him, or have you two finally become desperate to the point of stealing virginities?"
"Ow~." Marisa playfully pouts at the teasing. "It ain't my fault this dude's runnin' on half a brain, ze." Son.
Taking out the new and improved operating cross, Alice handed it over. "Here you are. You can command her to have either sentry or all-range mode. In sentry mode she'll stand still similar to before, but in all-range mode she'll be dedicated to tracking specific targets."
I tilt my head. "She did kinda similar things before…"
"But were you able to tell her which was which?" Alice questioned me bluntly.
Oof. "Good point…"
"Furthermore, I've also installed orbital rotation mode." Alice says plainly, not explaining anything.
Cool. That's great. "...It'd be a lot better if I knew what that was." What 'a what now?
"Oh, right," Alice pressed on the operating cross, and the gem turned blue.
London began to revolve around her like the dolls of her 'Darkness Sign, Foggy London Dolls' card, or however it went.
"Now it's similar to its namesake…" I remark on the doll's capabilities...
"It's the minimum I could do. Report back to me your findings with it; It'd like to try and improve it further in the future." Alice tosses me the operating cross, and I fumble to catch it. It's a big cross so it's not hard…!
I give her a thumbs-up. "Will do!"
...Looking away, the puppeteer exhales. "Now, I'm going to go make sure the fairies didn't wreak too much havoc on the notable stores carrying my clothing…"
"See ya, Ali~ce." Marisa gives her a lazy wave. "Don't get forced to lick fairy feet!"
"...Okay." Alice just gives her a stare, before floating out the door…!
…
I look to Reimu and Marisa-
"Should we get a roll on?" Standing up, Marisa twirls her broom around. "I think we killed enough time as is…!"
"Su~re." Reimu floats out of her own chair, moving ahead. Wait for me, yo…!
====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====
Leaving through one of the village gates, we proceeded to move towards the bamboo forest, on the careful lookout for burly, angry fairy girls.
The plains between here and the forest were… pretty plain. Wahaha! But, seriously, just a lot of tall grass and a linear dirt path up to the bamboo…
...The path diverts to the right a little, and there's a stand there.
"Someone out here?" Reimu tilted her head at it…
It was a peculiar little stand. Made 'a wood and stuff!
At the stand was a peculiar little thing! It was fluffy.
The size of it musta been from the ball 'a my elbow to the tips of my fingers; it was freakin' tiny! It had blue, cartoony pastel eyes, and a pink shell nose between them. It had freckles around them dude…
Also, fins for hands, no arms! And legs, but fins for feet. It was finny.
As for coloration… it was sort of tan, sort of brown. No flesh; just… cloth. It's a dust person, or maybe one of the sand people. Aww. It had no neck, the head connected directly to the torso, and had sorta… white and faded pastel 'hair', thick strands of fluffy stuff sitting comfortably on the back of it.
"hello friends" It speaks human language, dude…!
"...Aww!" Marisa put her hands to her cheeks.
"would you like to buy some wares" It offered us its wares! Aw, we're BFFs now, dude…!
"...Sure." Reimu was sort of putoff, but indifferent about it.
It splayed its fin across the counter, laying down items…
A blue mini-hakkero, a bag of red and purple yin-yang orbs, a silver-blue plant hanger with a puddle leakin' out from it…
"theyre friendly" The fluffle promises us.
"What…" Reimu looked at the familiar wares skeptically. "Where'd you get these?"
"i made them" The fluffle made a proud smile, which was the same as its eternal normal smile, except it did it gingerly, dude.
...Picking up the pastel blue mini-hakkero, Marisa held out her regular one next to it. "...What's u~h… what's this one do?"
"aegis phaser" The fluffle rattled off a name, I think? "boosts the power of ice skills. adds ice element to non-elemental danmaku. replaces danmaku status effect with freeze!"
...Setting it down, Marisa sort of nodded. "How… much?"
"five hundred thousand yen" You know, that sounds like a lotta money…
"Woah, no." Marisa jerks her head back! "That the same for all 'a these?"
The fluffle shook its head softly.
…
I point at the plant hanger myself! "How much's this?"
"five thousand yen" ...How much was that again? Five bucks or fifty bucks?
"Where'd you get these?" Reimu held up the yin-yang orbs, brows furrowed. "You didn't make them."
"no i made them friend" The fluffle tilted its head forward, its smile obscured, somehow.
...She just shakes her head at it. Hmm…
"Plant hanger, what's it do?" I'd like to know these things! Maybe this thing can peddle me equips.
"H2O hanger" Cool name. Might as well just called it 'water hanger'. Liquid ice hanger…! "constantly leaks! boosts the power of water skills. may wet targets."
Oh, good. Well, it's a step up from cast iron. Freakin', go super-soaker on people.
"Why do you sell weapons almost identical to ours?" Reimu looms over the fluff bag! "Seriously."
...It gave her a wayward stare, before sniffing the air and smiling again. "sniff sniff"
…Reimu seems at a loss. Aw...
"I say we buy the plant hanger…!" I propose to the girls! "So I have more than just a hunk 'a metal!"
"'Cause two hunks 'a metal's a lot better." Marisa casts me a dry stare. "Y'know what…"
She sets down her regular mini-hakkero. "Gimme the properties 'a this!" She makes a demand!
…After realizing it exists, the fluffle looks back up at her. "boosts the power of non-elemental skills."
…
"Ah." Marisa accepts this. "That's… it?"
...Idly, the fluffle starts climbing onto the desk, pecking at the wood with its shell nose.
I set down my cast iron plant hanger! "What do do? How bad me be?"
"plant hanger" The best weapon name. "physical damage. no special properties." Wow. The most fearsome of weapons…!
…
"I'm not buying that new one for you, if that's what you're thinking." Reimu turns her pockets inside-out. "...I left my snack money at home, and I wouldn't spend it on you." Ow.
...Marisa picks the hanger up, before the water from it begins to run down her arm. "Ah- whah woah woah…!"
"You hold it…!" She shoves it into my arms, and- wet! I'm wet now!
"How's this work!?" I juggle it for a moment, before stopping 'cause I was splashing myself! Jesus…!
"Five thousand yen…" Reaching into her pouch, Marisa takes out the money. "I'd just take all this crap and run, but I can do that later."
"When I'm not here to watch you do it." Reimu gives her a tilted grin… "Not that I'll blame you, because… this is weird."
Laying the yen down on the counter, Marisa grinned at the fluffle. "You gonna eat it, or what? What could ya need money for, ze?"
...Turning around, the fluffle scooped the money onto the ground behind itself, before smiling at us summore. "come back soon"
Fwoom…
What the hell's that…? There's smoke coming from under the stand…!
"thank you friends" It holds its fins up…!
Fwroa~r! The roar of a jet engine makes us all back away from it-
The wood stand slowly raises into the sky, a big flat thruster beneath it pushing it upward…
Fwoo~m! With that, it gains a little speed as it continues, leaving the freakin' planet. Goodbye, fluffy friend!
…
"What." Reimu wasn't sure what to make of that. "...Marisa, we need to start hunting those kedama things. What was that even..."
"I got wet." I answer her question! Getting wetter by the moment, too-
Marisa scanned the charred earth where the fluffle took off into the sky. "...I just blew five thousand yen! Where'd it go!?"
I need a freakin'... rain coat or something! This hanger is not making life easy…! I wasted Marisa's money, dude…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The bamboo forest is neatly set up before us. As in, it's like… plains, plains, plains… and once you get to the bamboo forest, it's just a wall of bamboo. Night and day difference!
Speaking of night and day, the night sky is freakin' gorgeous. There's a nice lonesome feeling you get from the myriad of stars and the clouds of stardust visible above.
I've got my water hanger in my bag of infinity, because yeah. No real reason to just… keep getting wetter! It's cold out!
...That bamboo ahead's lookin' awful dark, too!
Marisa stomps ahead, delving straight into the woods. "Hey, Reimu-ze! Maybe we can find some reagents on the way!"
"We should really fly." Reimu contests, already drifting. "Because-"
Snap! A few steps into the woods-
"Woa~h!" Marisa gets pulled up into the trees by a rope, her hat flying off!
...Sighing, Reimu floats up into the trees to free her.
...That leaves me, the dark brush, and her hat. Oh yeah, this freakin' bat's with me, but Remilia must've forgot about it, because it's like comatose on my shoulder.
Kneeling down, I pick up the fun hat…
"Aa~h…" A voice! Who is that voice…!?
Looking to the side-
A stout rabbit girl bounds up to me. A~nd… it's not Tewi! "I thought I caught someone…" She's got dishwater blonde hair, like me!
"You caught me, friend." I hold out my arms. "I have no money, and I must scream."
"I think I'll let you go…" She didn't like to hear that, apparently. "You smell like outsider, too." We have a smell, dude…!
"Ooh. What's it smell like?" I wanna know!
"Something called 'ass fault'. She makes a hard grin…! "Probably because your ass is at fault."
Yeah, okay.
...Reimu floats back down, Marisa on her broom beside her.
"Shoo, shoo." Reimu floats towards the rabbit-
The rabbit's already gone…!
"C'mon." Reimu drifts into the woods. "I'll go slow. Stay right behind me, or you will die." Oh, shit…!
"I'll be right behind ya…" Marisa shined a light from her mini-hakkero, pluckin' her hat outta my hands. "Lightin' the way!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"The fairies've been real pricks recently…"
Fujiwara no Mokou! Fire immortal, with a fiery personality…! Yeah, we've been lost long enough to run into her. Not much else, though! Kinda weird…
"Yeah. Cirno touched my boobs!" Marisa goes over that supposed 'Cirno thing' I think I heard about…!
"Pfft." Shaking her head, Mokou continues to lead us ahead… "They haven't been too bad in the woods. There's a lotta 'em, but fire and lunar guns do a good job at takin' 'em apart." Lunar guns…? Yo~!
...Looking over at me, Mokou tilts her head. "Also, who's this asshole? Someone's intern?"
"I am a shrine boy in training, dude." I hold up my cast iron plant hanger. "This is the holy hanger."
"No, it's not, and you're not." Reimu quickly shuts me down. Awa~h. "He's some outsider who we ended up bringing along with us. It's too late to get rid of him now, but he's not totally useless. I think."
"...Y'know he's totally useless." Marisa gives her a grin! "Not like we can leave 'em anywhere, though. He's kinda weird!" Aaa~h! My existence is a detriment to the world order, dude…!
"That's nice." Mokou doesn't really care, either. So much for the Mokou route…! "The only fairies that've been keeping me up're those-"
Fwoom! Oh. The entire forest around us lit to life with fire. Oh, fuck!
"Yeah. Fire fairies." Mokou lets out a sigh. "Gotta keep putting their shit out…"
"Hahaha~!" Some other girl starts laughing in the woods, somewhere!
"Whelp, onto the broom, fella!" Marisa pats the back 'a her broom, turnin' to me! "We're gettin' the hell outta here 'fore we burn to a crisp!"
Get on her broom? Do you think I'm not a socially awkward- well, considering I fucked up your house and you by extention- aaa~h!
Hopping onto the broom, I hold onto it-
"Grab my waist, ya stupid!" Marisa yells as she ascends! "Hold on tight!"
Whelp, first time for everything! ...I was about to consider 'first time having contact with a female who isn't my mother', but I think the ass kicking bonanzas of the past few days might technically count.
And then-
Woo~sh! Holy shit we take off. Marisa sails past Reimu as she moves forward and holy cra~p…!
"Outta them flames in no time!" I can hardly hear Marisa~!
Bamboo shoots roar past us at frightening speed, and I just kinda huddle behind Marisa, getting beat up by the wind…!
It's so dark, even with her mini-hakkero lighting the way, holy shit… this is like, car speed. This is-
Fwoom! Something bright and amber catches up with us!
"Hey, hey, he~y!" Is that Mokou? Wait, no, that's-
Fwam- fwam! Marisa leaves two yellow star trails in her wake as she takes a deviating channel of empty air among the innumerable bamboo. "Shit- she's chasing, I didn't think- fuck…!" Marisa, don't say things like that…!
"Come ba~ck!" The inferno fairy calls out for us… "I just wanna~...!" Aah…?
FWOOM!
A wall of flames roars out from the fairy-
Shit shit ouch ou~ch! Fuu~ck!
"Damn i~t!" I hear Marisa yell through the roar of flames as we escape-
burning i'm burning fuck fuck
that hanger
digging my arm into that bag-
water water water-
Splash…
Marisa readjusts her hat. "Keep some buckets in my hat for that reason..."
Oh my god. We're extinguished…
Hugging tightly onto Marisa, I… fuck. "O- ow…" I'm fucked up bad… I'm not used to my flesh getting… how bad even is it? Can't see shit, 'cause it's dark over here, cap'n…!
"You good there?" Marisa jerks her head back in my direction.
"...N- no." Burns fucking suck. I don't like this anymo~re…
She snorts… "Alright, hold on, lemme…" Reaching into her hat, she draws a red bottle. "And-"
After she casts it into the air, it vanishes-
The potion reappears as a glob of glowing liquid over me-
Di- di~ng! The liquid splashes onto my form, a dim, mint light traveling through it-
Woah. It's… ow ow ow healing sucks too sometimes nngh…
Alright. It's like a potion, except you don't have to drink it. By the way, healing burns are like… ow. It's like someone took a VCR remote and did a fast rewind…!
"How about now, ze?" Marisa surveys my damage!
"Go- good…!" I try to speak over the wind…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We finally slow down…
Mokou's standing before Eientei, clapping her hands. "Finally. That bastard was hearty."
"Tell me about it…" Reimu huffed. "She was so warm, she kept burning my ofuda. That was annoying."
...I awkwardly-
Thud. -fall off of Marisa's broom. "Aa~h…"
...Reimu gives me a dry stare. "Vertigo?"
"Maybe." Marisa shrugged. "Also, we got burnt alive, but he took it hardest 'cause he was on my back there. Healed 'em up, though!"
"What? Nnh…" Making a sour face, Reimu steps towards me. "...C'mon, get up."
Ey, yo, lemme freakin'... get up before I deal wit'cha shrine maiden shenanigans!
...Once I'm up-
"Do you just want to stay here, at Eientei?" Reimu focuses on me. "You won't get hurt like that again, I don't think."
...I'm a little skeptical on how kind Eirin is, considering some fics I've read, to be honest! I also know nothing about Eientei proper other than rabbits and lunar stuff…
"No~." I decline her offer. "I'm seein' this through."
...Reimu just sighs. "Alright. I don't want you to get hurt, even if it's your own fault." Oof.
...Mokou's already pressed ahead.
The front of the clinic's a little battered, but it's lookin' nice. Rabbits stand atop the roof on perches, with goggles and rifles. Ho ho ho…
There's some of what look like sentry guns down here, too-
Patatatatatat! One fires up into the air-
Pi- pi- pi~chun! Oo~h. Took care of some fairies, it did. This place is pretty well-fortified…!
The actual doorway ahead is two sets of sliding glass doors. Reisen's on the inside, lookin' around, this slick white rifle in her arms. Mokou gives her a wave as she proceeds in…
Reimu 'n' Marisa continue ahead, and I tail along…!
"Hey guys." Reisen gives us a wave. "Thanks for coming. But… this is a little more under control than I thought it'd be. Still here about the fairies, right?"
"Nah, we're here to get high." Marisa jeered. "You know anything about them fairies?"
"I was just about to go out myself…" Reisen declared. "Maybe when you guys head back out, I'll tag along. For now, I'll just stick around here and make sure the lines are all secure."
"Sounds goo~d." With that, Marisa hopped off her broom proper and moved through the sliding glass doors. "C'mon, Reimu, dudeguy!"
"Wha- if they don't know anything, why're we- hey…!" Reimu moves to catch up with Marisa…!
Moving after them, I continue to follow awkwardly!
...With Mokou gone and pissed off somewhere, it's just the three of us, in the midst of the main lobby.
Taking a right into one of the two deviating halls- the other being to the left, naturally- she doubled back and waited for us to catch up…
The interior of the clinic was pretty sterile and hospital-like, ironically. I remember seeing more rural, natural illustrations. Bleak fluorescents, dim white, tiled floor- at least in the main lobby- plaster walls…
Once we reach Marisa, she lunges forward for a group huddle. "Alright guys, here's the scoop…!"
...Reimu looks vexed, son. "Go on…"
"Y'know how…" Marisa snaps her fingers at me. "What's yer name again?"
"Brad." I nod at her…!
"...Brett?" She tilts her head. Freakin'- how do people keep-
"Braa~d." I stress it! "Like, an 'a' sound…"
"Brad, oh. Got it!" Marisa gives me a grin! "Your sack, s'hammer space, right!?"
"Yeah." It's a hammer sack. "Ye."
At that, Marisa nods confidently. "Let's rob 'em blind…!"
"Really." Reimu looks unimpressed. "...You really-"
"He's gotta pay me back for some books." Marisa gave what I suppose would be context, as she squeezes my shoulder. "...'Sides, you think this place isn't loaded? They sell potions and medicine, dude."
"...You have a point." Reimu considered this…! "Alright. Just this once, then…"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
A one to the two, to the one, to the three! It's two thousand fifteen, so I shouldn't know this meme!
Where was I taking that? Oh, right.
"C'mon…" Reimu held the back end of a table. Marisa awkwardly held part of the front, as I moved to fit the entire thing in my freakin' sack. We're just fuckin' stealing tables! We went from Legend of Zelda-tier burglars to Skyrim-tier in like ten seconds!
"To the right…" Marisa directed Reimu, as they pushed it forward-
After a certain point, my bag like devoured it. Yo…
"Ey~." Marisa nods happily… "Ooh- this too!" Moving over to a vase, Marisa tries to grab it- "Aah- shit-"
Cra~ck! ...It shatters into a million pieces on the floor.
"Marisa, you're stupid." Reimu berates her friend.
"Yeah, I know." She starts to distance herself from the broken vase…! "C'mon, let's get the hell outta here before someone finds it…!"
Freakin'... at this point, we've stolen like an entire hallway's worth of tables, chairs, and assorted hallway decor. And, lemme tell you… these are some big ass hallways.
"Aah!" Fairies zoom down a perpendicular hall ahead-
CHIU. Woah, loud…
Pi~chun! A blonde fairy explodes for no reason, leaving two other generic fairies to rocket away.
...A rabbit in a yellow suit runs out after them, holding what looks like a freakin'... pancakeified sniper rifle. "You're mine…" Aiming down her sights, which materialize holographically-
CHIU. Oh, that loud ass high-pitched noise is her sniper rifle. Ho ho...
...I turn to Reimu. "You know what you need, yo? A sniper rifle." A pancake sniper rifle, to be specific! Not sure if it was made like that, or if that was someone's fault…!
"No I don't." She shakes her head…
"Aw, c'mon Reimu." Marisa keeps the jest alive! "You could get lessons from Reisen!"
"Aiming down sights for a million years until I get good at it sounds boring. And, potentially counterintuitive." Reimu counterintuits us, dude…!
But! I raise a finger…! "What... if you use it to stealthily deliver danmaku to people for no good reason on a boring day, yo?" New incident: Reimu plays with a sniper rifle because she's bored!
…
"You know, I could do that, actually." Reimu admits! "One with a good enough scope so I can use it from my shrine. Someone might come to beat me up over it, but at least it's something to do." Yo ho ho!
"I should get one, too!" Marisa proposes…! "Aw, that'd be the best! Why don't we just invite all the girls and hold a sniper elite party!?"
Carrying ahead since we've been just bickering for the past few moments, Reimu shakes her head. "You're thinking too much into this. Look, we should go at least ask Eirin about the incident while we're here, so it doesn't look like we just came to steal stuff and laze about."
"But we did, though…!" Grinning, Marisa follows after her…! "Hey, wait up!"
These two're pretty fun, yo. I must find ways to shoehorn myself into their conversations…! I gotta think of something fun to say, though… freakin'...!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We've been exploring the halls for some time now. Eirin… is freakin' nowhere! It's a conspiracy, man…!
Reimu huffs. "It's probably midnight by now…"
On the upside, we've gone so long that the halls have become akin to the rural kinds I'm used to in some other depictions of Eientei. Like, paper doors, wood walls and stuff, wood floor. I forget when it transitioned. Freakin'...
Marisa's got her arms behind her head, walking along. Also, that's a freakin'... poofy hat! "Man, everyone must be out on the battlements takin' potshots or somethin'. Not a lotta people-"
"Hey!" A~nd there's a people! "You three!"
We look to our side! From a nearby door, a rabbit girl wit' a grey dress and long, beige hair addresses us! "You patients?"
"I'm patient!" Marisa insists!
"Do we look like patients?" Reimu gestures to her shrine maiden outfit. "We're looking for Eirin."
"Five o'clock, fifty yards. Two rights, one left, room twenty-three A. Can't miss it." ...Where's your five!? "Get moving, they'll be here any moment!" Who's they…!?
"Who's they?" Moving to the side idly, Reimu tilted her head…
"Hehehe~!"
"Hahaha~!"
"Waa~h!"
...We look to the side-
Fairy tidal wave holy shit…!
Marisa books it. "Five's this'a way!" Alright yo, alright…!
Runnin' after her-
Chu chu chu chu! -as the rabbit just fires into the fairy tidal wave, the three of us take the first right we find away from the oncoming fairy horde.
Reimu and Marisa dash ahead of me, being freakin' more physically fit than I am…! I forgot where we're supposed to go anyway.
They both take a right, so I follow! Hoo~...
Halfway down this hall, I see them take the next left ahead, so I freakin'... I- I keep up. I'm not getting winded! It's just gas, dude…!
...After a moment, I catch up with them-
"Room twenty-three A." Reimu noted. Aw…
She swung the door open, this one a regular wood door-
...Towels. It's a broom closet, with towels and fluffy stuff.
"hi friends" Why is there a fluffle in there. It's soft looking. It's taking a dust bath on the floor, or something…
"Goddammit." Marisa shook her head, before leaning in, and stealing some of the towels. "Hey, towel boy, open your towel sack." Eeh.
...I open my bag, and accept the fluffy white towels. Good. What- what would we do with those.
"Well…" Shaking her head, Reimu closes the door, stranding the fluffle inside. "Back to square one."
...Marisa has broken a vase into my bag once or twice. How'm I gonna get those shards out!?
Actually, I reach into my bag now. I don't feel anything weird. Wood, wood… parts- ah, something glassy…
...I take out a vase shard. How did I not cut my finger doing that.
Ah, well. Time to cast it aside! Freakin'...
Walking ahead, Reimu stretches. "Alright, c'mon. Let's… keep looking."
Marisa yawns. "Aa~h…"
You know what, yo. If the hallways won't cooperate, maybe the wallways will!
"C'mon girls!" I call out to them before they step away casually! "We're going mining!"
For effect, I draw my H2O Hanger- 'cause getting wet helps, dude- and start freakin'...!
Clack! Yeah! I hit the wood, dude. Did I even do anything? Actually- I chipped a tiny sliver off. Yo!
Clack! Yeah- fuck you, wall! Swinging's hard when your weapon itself perspirates.
"...Are you devolving in real time?" Reimu, please…!
"Nah, ze! He's got the right idea!" Beaming brightly, Marisa held her mini-hakkero up at the wall…
...Reimu blinked. "Ah- Marisa, no! Hold-"
"Love Sign!" Time to get the hell outta the way! Woa~h! "Master Spaa~rk!"
VRRRRRRRR~
Waahaahaa~! There's a giant rainbow laser behind me, son! It's time for some Christmas house shows, dude!
Man. This thing's as tall as three of me- and I'm six foot. Also, I can't see shit other than lights.
RRRRRrrrr…
The spark comes to an end, my eyes adjusting to the dim of the halls once again.
"Marisaa~!" Reimu sounds cuddly when she's angry, dude!
...Leaning into the giant hole in the wall, I noticed it pierced through like, ten other spaces. Some rooms, some halls…
...Somewhere down the huge shaft, Eirin Yagokoro pokes her head out from around the rim, her nurse hat visible from the dim light of her white-ish room she's in.
"Ey~!" Marisa begins to accelerate towards her! "See!? We found 'er!"
Reimu chases after Marisa! "Get back here…!"
...I just kinda awkwardly vault over the lower rims of each wall one by one, 'cause Marisa's spark didn't cut into the floor that much.
Some of the rooms on the way are unlit, many of them generic hospital rooms with no occupants. Actually- I think we went through one of these halls! There's no furniture in this one- oo~h, there's those vase shards from earlier…
...I stop in a room two shy of Eirin's. There's no way in, or out. White painted walls, a white tiled floor, and no furniture. What the hell is this…!?
"Two-thousand fifteen times are scea~ry…!" Well, that's a thing!
...After a moment of awkwardly fumbling over ruined walling, I make it into Eirin's generic hospital chamber.
"What do you three want?" Eirin had her arms behind her back, and some kind of device on the counter before herself. She sounds a little impatient… for probably obvious reasons!
...Marisa's doing circles in the air while Reimu floats behind her, swinging her gohei. Aw, dude…
I turn to Eirin. Time to make a good first impression…!
"Fairies!" Aaa~h! "They got danmaku, wit' our name on 'em…! Danmaku, wit' our na~me!"
...Eirin gives me a stare. Whelp, now I feel like a retard. Help…!
"Right." Nodding, she glances back at her counter, before focusing on us again. "I should have figured you'd be here soon regarding this incident."
Looking up at the angry Reimu, Eirin speaks to her as if she's listening. "Eientei fares well, Hakurei. Perfectly-"
Boom! The ceiling falls in next to me-
Thunk! Holy fucking shit…!
A bathtub's now embedded in the ground next to me, a fairy with huge, beautiful teal wings and flowing neon blue hair standing up. "I'm traa~pped! Noo~!"
...Eirin sighs. "Oh, dear."
Looking down at her, Reimu gapes. "A- ah, no! No- stop her!"
Fucking- what now!?
...As the fairy slowly begins to glow, I hold up my water hanger, and-
Thunk! Hit 'er! Fuck you!
...The blow to her face just made her head kinda turn. She stopped glowing, though-
Lunging forward, she starts- is she licking the hanger…? Um…!
...Reimu exhales. "Oo~h."
...Eirin almost grins at this. "Hmm. That's a turn of events, alright." ...She reaches behind herself-
"Water…" The fairy gasps out, fellating this freakin' metal hanger. "I- I, water…"
Thunk! Pi~chun!
I didn't even see it happen, but Eirin's got a bonesaw where the fairy's head used to be.
"See?" Marisa floats down, hopping off her broom and onto her shoes. "Brad's only useless most of the time!"
"...What!?" I have questions, and would like answers!
Eirin reads my incredulity. "Tsunami fairy. She was about to release herself, you see. Would have been quite the mess."
...I blink. "She was about to blow her panties…?"
"Pfft- hahaha~!" Marisa really liked this guess!
Eirin glances away for a moment, nodding. "...I could see how you might make that mistake. No, she was going to explode into one to three hundred gallons of water and flood the room."
...Oh. So she was going to blow her panties, and our panties.
...With that, Eirin cast her bonesaw aside, looking up at Reimu. "Perfectly under control."
"Right…" Lowering to the ground, Reimu stepped up to the doctor. "Any leads as to this whole incident thing?"
"There's a factory in the field by the mansion." Eirin summarized bluntly. "You just came by to steal things and kill time."
...Reimu sighed.
"How'd you catch us…?" Marisa scratched her hat awkwardly. "Was it the vase?"
"It was the fact you had no actual reason to go here, other than perhaps to help out Reisen." Turning around, Eirin continued fiddling with that device she was fiddling with. "Although, you may as well spend the night. It's late, and I think you two could do with some preparations. The factory isn't exactly a natural fixture, you see."
"...Ah." Reimu nods at this. "...Do we have to pay you back for the furniture?"
...Holding up the device she was working on, Eirin glances back at her. "Unless you wish to work it off, no. I doubt either of you would have the money required. Not that the decor is expected to last, genuinely. You can keep it, even." Oh. Cool…!
The device seemed to be some kinda… is that a pacemaker? Ooo.
Eirin presses a button on the side-
Thu- thump. It beats like a heart…!
"S'that a pacemaker?" Actually, now that I think about it-
"Lazy replacement heart." Eirin amended. "Not for placement within natural biology, as a real heart takes far greater precision, replacement or otherwise. It's related moreso to beings akin to fairies, you see." ...Huh.
"I located the factory through audio activity over local radio networks…" Setting the heart back down, Eirin continued across the room to the opposite counter. "The better question is why the fairies would make a factory in the first place."
"...Yeah, tha's 'a good point." At that, Marisa moves towards the bed in the back of the room, which had a sheet cast over it. "...We took a nap just recent, so-"
"Do not lift that sheet." Eirin warns her. "...You're fortunate your misfire earlier did not destroy it."
...At that, Marisa furrows her brows. "The hell is it…!?"
"A fairy." Eirin concluded. "I have her comatose, for the time being."
Fairy surgery, huh. Considering they don't bleed… I don't even freakin' know.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 2
PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Generic Outsider Human
PRIMARY WEAPON: H2O Hanger - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Mundane, but practical… just perhaps not as a weapon! Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...
INVENTORY:
Cast-iron plant hanger - Cast-iron plant hanger - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. My most basic weapon.
Yin-yang Flail - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups.
NERF Dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.
NERF Longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!
Fancy Operating Cross: Version Two- Allows control and summoning of a London doll, along with some basic commands.
==o==
PARTY:
London, the Doll - Defensive unit, able to hold positions and provide cover-fire. Command is slightly dynamic, sporting defensive and offensive modes. Able to be used for more intricate operations; although seems to retreat when the operating cross is in the hammerspace sack this time...
==o==
Remilia's Batling, the Bat - Part of Remilia herself that she can split off at any time; acts as scouting for Remilia. Mostly an observer these days, apparently, choosing to not act at all. I wonder if Remilia has Sakuya make popcorn on the other side…
SKILLS:
Bash - Beat 'em up!
INVENTORY:
None.
==o==
Reimu Hakurei, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise - Human with holy affinities and gifted with the amazing Hakurei abilities, including the power to wield the Yin-yang orb.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Hakurei Yin-yang orbs: Reimu's traditional yin-yang orbs which accent her holy abilities by boosting the power of holy attacks and magic. Has a black-white color scheme. Known throughout Gensokyo as pain incarnate.
SKILLS:
Spell Cards - Lots of big, unstoppable magic spells of doom! Aaa~h!
Ofuda - Reimu slaps ofuda on enemies, dealing draining holy damage. May weaken foes. Most effective on youkai, moderately effective on humans, and less than useful on holy foes.
Floating - Including but not limited to, flying, teleportation, freakin'... barriers! Um...
INVENTORY:
Gohei - A reinforced gohei that Reimu uses when she's not crushing stuff with her orbs, or slapping ofuda on things.
Shrine maiden outfit - Her armpits are exposed, dude. Ooo~...!
==o==
Marisa Kirisame, the Ordinary Magician - Ordinary human, who happens to have spent alot of time studying magic to the point she's got a huge mana pool for unleashing heavy non-elemental magic storms.
SKILLS:
Spell Cards - Guess what, yo!? She can cast spell cards, too! Oh no~!
Telekinesis - Or, in layman's terms, broom magic.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Mini-hakkero - Power-amplifying device Marisa uses to fuel her Master Sparks! Boosts the power of non-elemental skills. What's a full-sized hakkero like…!?
INVENTORY:
Hammerspace Witch Hat - Infinite inventory, like me, actually!
Marisa's Witch Outfit - Man, that hat is poofy. Dude…
Endless Potion Repository - She's probably got ninety-nine stacks of every healing item…!
==o==
ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:
woooaaah this chapter is marginally a little bigger than chapter 1 because i really wanted to get things before closing it
the ever-wet plant hanger, seemingly useless in combat but let me riddle you this: if you were stranded in a desert, you'd be glad you had infinite water just flowing from your hands all the time; there's a time and place for everything!
fluffles are soft, and warm to the touch \ ; 3
anyhow alot happened this chapter… not much else to say right now because this was the result of multiple writing sessions, and my mind is drawing a blank!
rip captain's son; shoulda right-clicked for crits etc etc
also, things are moving along! we've actually gotten somewhere this chapter!
...also yes those fluffles will be showing up more often; expect more funky weapons to be for sale
fluffy days!
see you all next chapter… and, again, if i actually publish this before it's finished it probably means the fluffles captured me and snuggled me to death and this thing's up and died
==== A MILLION YEARS LATER ====
hello again friends
before we get started, changelog:
o revised entire gatling gun mech fight so that the party members involved actually do things, and action is properly placed; brad does less in the end because seriously four or so heroines probably got this
o revised more fighting
o removed entire tf2 spy reference bit from the latter half of the chapter, since it pushed this to like 23 k words and without it's like 19 k, and it was really a whole unnecessary latter half of the chapter since it didn't really achieve anything and i wasn't left to keep the invis watch, disguise kit or danmaku injector knife
o removed travel to beginning of chapter 3 since the next one can begin with that segment or explain why reimu has the bloodbath orbs
o removed some misc fights that really didn't entertain or do anything meaningful
o redid almost every sentence really
SO YEAH
these revisions are taking more effort than i anticipated but i'm seein' them done, dangit…! i do also like how some of the new stuff came out- but especially by comparison to the earlier bits; i've still got my raunchy insanity as i always do but now there's more respect to characters who aren't brad and they're margins more in-character and all that
fluffles are still soft, and warm to the touch \ ; 3
that and brad's actually new-gensokyian-y and doesn't just go ham on reality itself XD
as always, see you all next time!
