(in which I question if this fic should still be rated T)

Oo~h…

Did I have to sleep on the… floor? Wait, where the fuck…

U~gh. Still… so tired. What did I do.

...I blink my eyes open.

Hana's lying on me, her cheek to mine. Well, she's nice and warm, so… aw, there's even a blanket over us. We're still on the floor, so what the fuck.

There's… a pillow under my head, though. And… I'm pretty comfy, despite getting crushed into place by this fairy.

Yeah, nevermind. I think I'll just… give up… and feel good.

...Having someone soft lying on you is the best, really. Fairy's smell good, too. Hnngh.

...Too lazy to bother to hug 'er, though. I'll just, stare up, at the white ceiling. Ahaha…

"Ugh…" Mokou steps past us, just on the side of my vision as she moves by. "Fuck me…" No, that's not seduction, that's just her being angry at morning too.

Oh, right! We were up gaming all night. What was one gambling game turned into a multi-game multiplayer spree! We fell asleep here, yo. It was a good time. We got all high on energy drinks and fucking died.

...Wha- what's that-... oh. Drool. Hana's drooling on me. Ahaa~nh…

Whelp, Mokou being angry and existing- still can't fuckin' believe I'm in Gensokyo- has roused me outta slumber.

...Rolling my head to the left-

Why did I even do that. Now Hana's face is in mine… before my face was just in her hair.

"Mnh…" She shifts a little, and, Christ…

Y'know, I rail on Jesus a lot, but I don't actually believe in any gods. Well, that might change in this world, but still. I just like using his name in vain. Wahaha!

...Moving my head to the left more, using my arms to keep Hana's head still-ish, I see…

Kaguya's smooth, pale foot, fitted with neat pink nails. She's splayed on the couch right next to us, her leg dangling off the side and close.

...Well, this is a hell of a way to wake up.

"Maauu~..." My shifting makes Hana yawn! Chemical breath; vape breath! Aaa~h!

Tha~t's it, get offa me, fluffy. I might wanna… start my day.

Pressing against the floor wit' my elbow, I start sliding out from beneath her, bringing her with me a little-

I press against Kaguya's leg as I start to get up-

Hana wraps her arms around me! "Bra~d… kun." Why~...!?

...Well, now we're half-propped up against the couch, and she's huggin' onto me. I think… I'm in a good enough position to just…

I start to rise a little-

Hana's arm's also on Kaguya's leg, which rises with us, tuggin' 'er. Whelp.

"E- eeh…" Kaguya's awoken! "Wha- what the hell…"

As I stand, I take Kaguya's… leg with me…!

Hana's weight's too much, I'm not that badass…!

While she holds on-

I flop back on the couch, onto Kaguya's legs-

She's got some maroon shorts on! "What the fuck! Hey- hey!"

"Nnh…" I give up again. If it's this hard to wake up, I think I'm just gonna go back to bed. Kaguya's smooth thighs'll make a nice pillow…

Ow!

"Get your filthy fairy shit offa' me!" Kaguya starts hitting me with her free foot! "Perverted piece 'a shit!"

Wohohoa~h! Man, she's so violent with her insults, I don' even take it close ta personal- Ow! Them legs though!

"Aa~h!" I yell as her other leg snakes free of my back and Hana's arm-

Pap. She kicks me off her couch-

Thu- thud. I fall onto Hana-

"Enh…" She goes oof, dude.

And- aah- ahaa~h…

Oh, I see what Hana means now. Yeah, people are a better bed than the floor. She's so fucking soft.

"Ooo~!" She grins as I press into her…! "...That feels good!" Holy fuck monkeys.

"What the fuck are you doing." Mokou's sitting at Kaguya's computer chair, across the room a little.

"I don't fuckin' know, dude…" Ho ho ho!

"Being a bunch of fucks, that's what." Bouncing on her cushion, Kaguya maneuvers to get her ass in gear!

...I get up offa' Hana-

She tries to pull me back down. No, friend.

I pull back up! "We gotta freakin'... get-"

Click.

Skirt-chan drops her skirt next to us, her belt unclipping.

"I wanna press up against you." Hana, oh my god.

"Buy me dinner, first…!" Du~de!

...Last night, yo. We played some Soul Calibur 2, some Smash Melee, on the television. We pretty much blew the whole day!

...Standing up from Hana, freed from her grasp 'cause 'a Skirt-chan, I look around…

Oh, hey. Kaguya's room… is clean now.

Janitor-chan's dusting a small pyramid of Monster cans, at the ornate table in the back. "Messy, messy, messy…"

...Kaguya realizes it, herself! "Woah. You guys see Reisen come in here…?"

"...Who?" Janitor-chan turns back to her.

"Nevermind, I guess…" Holding her head, Kaguya starts walking to the fridge against the wall, near the entrance. "I need a drink…"

"Getting drunk, this early?" With a flat expression, Mokou rose a brow. "Are you some kind of... bottom feeding, scum-sucking algae eater?"

...Kaguya just gives her a tired stare. "S'too early for your bullshit. An', no, I mean water, you fuckingretard."

"God damn bitch." Mokou turns away stoically.

...Almost popping a smile, Kaguya swings the fridge open, plucking a mass-produced water bottle out. "Uu~gh…"

Well, while they wake up…

Let's see, where are our other friends, today?

Skirt-chan is- oh yeah, that's right, she's right there, with her skirt down. Her panties are on again, though. I would've noticed if they weren't, trust me.

Panty-cha~n… is-

She's still got the panties from the other night, except she's wearing Kaguya's on her face now. Uh…

Well, good! Anyway…

"I'mma need a water, too…" I prefer to wake up with one! These days, I don't always get one...!

Stumbling up to the fridge past Kaguya, I swing the door open, and take a water. Ain't no Poland Spring, but I'll take it!

Mmgh- glug- gulp…

Alright, cool. Oh, fuck yeah. It's a~ll comin' back to me… here on Boomerang! On Cartoon Network! Ma~n.

I look over at Kaguya. "You ever watch Boomera~ng, yo!?"

...She gives me a vaguely furrow-browed stare. "If that was an attempt at hitting on me, you were literally the first person… to ever fuck up that badly, in that short of a time."

"It was not." I clarify. Yeah- no twenty million impossible asswipes for me, dude.

"Eeh, now and then." She shrugs, actually answering the question. Wait- really? "If I feel like having crap on in the background, which I usually don't. Cable sucks ass." That's tru~e. The last time I watched anything on TV like, of my own inhibitions, was like… four years ago. Not counting news or whatever bullshit happens ta be on when my parents're in the living room.

Hmm hmm.

Why'd I come here again?

Oh, wait, fuck! I forgot all about that prescription! Aa~h…! Ah, well, it's probably still waiting…

I look over at Kaguya. "Yo, I need ten grand."

"Fuck off. Why?" She frowns at me. "If it's drugs, I'll just let you overdose so we can both be through with it." Freakin'...

"I need ta fill someone's prescription and I blew the money like a retard." Honesty's the best policy! "On this!"

I draw the Vortex Hanger! Ooo~...

...Kaguya nods serenely, dude. "So you're, like… a retard, then."

"S'what I said." Mokou agreed!

"No one fucking cares!" Kaguya snaps back at her…!

"Help, friend." Putting away the Vortex Hanger, I look hopeful…!

She sighs. "Alright, fine. Hell, I'll just make the cost free for today. Same difference."

...Moving up to a receiver on the wall near the fridge, Kaguya pressed a button on it. "He~y. Reisen there?"

"Yes, I'm here." Reisen's voice transmits through it! "What do you need?"

"Do you got a prescription fo~r…" She turns back to me, taking her finger off the push to talk. "Who?"

"Patchouli Knowledge." I nod at 'er!

...Kaguya presses down the knob to speak again. "Patchouli Knowledge."

"...Yes, I have her prescription here. Why?"

"Make it free, and that's an order."

With that, the princess drew her finger back from the receiver and trotted off, stretching and yawning. "Hooa~h…"

"Um…" Reisen wasn't sure what ta do about that! "Okay, Princess. It will be done. I guess."

"Yo, thank yo~u." I give 'er a thumbs up! "Yer a life saver, dude."

"Mmm." She flashes me back a smile. "Another happy customer."

...I see Mokou flashin' me a frown!

...Raisin' a hand diplomatically, I speak! "You are both… fun people, yo." I fucked it up, son.

Kaguya eats it up anyway, though. Well, almost. "You mean me, right? There's nothing fun about this bitch, except maybe her mouth, when she gives succ." She twirls around, gesturing to Mokou-

Mokou stands up! "I'm gonna ram a boot up your ass!" Can't we all just get along…!?

"You want a boot up your ass?" Kaguya brings a hand to her face, eyes mirthful. "Why, certainly! I'll-"

Bolting from her chair, Mokou's hands meet Kaguya's neck-

"Ngh- bitch…!" Kaguya fights back-

FWAM! A blast of danmaku blams Mokou in the face-

FWOOM! Flames start licking Kaguya! "Aaa~h!"

"He- hey! Hey!" ...Who the fuck's that?

...The girls stop trying to gib each other, looking around. Kaguya's partially seared, and Mokou's crackling with danmaku electricity, jolts dancing around her clothes…

"Is this thing on?"

We look over at her computer, the monitor on.

On the other side 'a the monitor, there's this guy. Dude's some boy with an Anonymous mask. What the fuck, yo.

...Kaguya pushes away from Mokou, walking up to the screen. "He- hey- ow…" Pausing, she lets her skin regenerate from the fire...

"...Who the fuck is this? Kaguya?" The guy fawkes mask dude speaks in deep! "...Kaguya Houraisan!?"

"Stop yelli~ng." Kaguya chastises him idly, rubbing her hands across her eyes. "Ugh."

"What did you do with Tom!?" What, who.

I march towards the screen! "Tom from Hellfirecomms!?"

...He shakes his head. "Who? Tom Barker! Where is he!?"

Aw, damn it. Oh well. "...Wha's he look like?" I probably don't, but uh… "Maybe- maybe I can phone ya through!"

He leans forward! "What do you mean?"

Alright, I guess I'll guess, then! "Brown hair, suit, um…" That outsidey man, right? Is he in contact wit' this anon?

"Probably him." He nods! "Has he started his factory project yet? Who are you?"

"Well…" I, eheheh. "For starters, he's dead!"

...Maskie just tilts his face!

"I'm the dude that saw his brains get blown out, up close!" I pat my upper chest! "Hi."

The guy- I assume- nodded. "Excellent. I won't have to kill him, then." Oh, huh, small world.

I point at 'em. "Who're you?"

"I don't answer questions." He shook his head. Reaching down, he pulled up a black pistol from his desk behind the monitor. What, s'he gonna shoot the camera? Freakin'-

BAM

Holy fucking shit-

BAM BAM BAM

...He could've fucking killed me!

The wall Kaguya's monitor was facing's now got bullet holes in it! Jesus Christ! I'm crouched down now, so he can't fucking blow me up...

"Alright…" Mokou makes for the monitor. "What the fuck is-"

BAM

Splat!

Oh- oh my god! Mokou…!

...Red stains Kaguya's white couch, the innards of Mokou's head splashing out the back.

"Gh- ngh…" Dropping to her knees, she convulses pitifully, her limbs locking up in a rigid manner. "Gnnh- nn~h- aackh- juh…"

Thud. Resting on her side, her head partially open and brain exposed, she slowly came to rest on the ground before me. What the fu~ck

Kaguya's totally indifferent. "God damn it. I can't believe I pissed off someone, only to have them actually try to shoot me through the internet."

She shuffled behind me, before getting on her knees, and reaching under the couch…

"I'm sorry about that." Yeah, fuck you! "Who was that man?" You just shot Mokou's fucking brains out!

Hana's still on the ground from earlier, rolling up to me as I'm crouched down. "Nnh…" She looks afraid. Aww…

"Wh- whats…" Janitor-chan walks over, before freezing, seeing the blood. "Mmp…!" She covers her mouth with one hand. "Mmm~!" She lets out a muffled scream into it!

...Skirt-chan just stares down at Mokou's corpse, unwilling to drop her pants.

...Kaguya stands back up from behind the counter, holding up a smooth, white rifle! "Hehehe~!" Oh, shit, man. Kaguya's bringing out the techno-AKs, man…!

After getting close to the screen, she stops at the border as if it was a corridor wall…

"Who was that man?" The guy keeps talking! "Kaguya-chan, are you there?"

...She jerks her head back at the addressal, before rounding the corner-

Chu- chu- chu- chu- chu- chu! She unloads into the computer, yo!

Crack- Fzzt!

The screen collapses into a smouldering heap.

"Fuu~ck!" Kaguya roars!

Bam! She slams the gun against the floor so hard it bounces! Pft- hahaha~! "Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!"

She knelt before her monitor, and grabbed the parts. "My baby~...!"

Whelp. Tha~t just happened. Cyberterrorism, yo.

Taking a sponge and a cloth, Janitor-chan slowly, mournfully begins to wipe Mokou's blood from the white leather couch. "Oo~h…"

Fwi~sh. Warm, amber light glows from Mokou's corpse…

I look down at her, an' see her head stuff is back! There's a red puddle under her, but her stuff is back!

"Ngh…" Holding her head, she begins to get back up. "Holy fuck. Did... you hide a fuckin' hammer up your ass again…?"

Kaguya shook her head. "No~. Some motherfucker shot your brains out through my scree~n…"

She rested her face on the desk the screen was on. "Kill me no~w…"

"...You feelin' alright?" Mokou was skeptical of the opportunity!

I guess Kaguya dunno the anon, then.

Hana slowly rises from the floor right next to Mokou. Then, she speaks in her ear! "How are you alive get up move just like befo~re…?" Alive get up move just like before, dude.

...Mokou smiles at 'er. "Dyin' just ain't my style, sweetie."

"She's such a slut, death won't take her…" Despite mourning her screen, Kaguya wouldn't relent!

"Guess that makes two of us." Mokou looms over her…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Alright, yo…" Stepping out of the front door of Eientei, I wave back. "Thanks for the pills, Reese!"

"...Please stop calling me that." Reisen gave me a smile, and a wave! "Tell Patchouli I said hi."

Can do, dude. Oh, yeah, and… "Y'know how I can get outta the woods, yo?" I need help!

...Reisen looked around idly. "What happened to Mokou?"

Hana interjects for me! "She died."

...Giving her a flat stare, Reisen nodded. "Okay. Well…"

Click. Skirt-chan dropped her skirt again, next to her.

"That girl needs therapy." Reisen looks perturbed…!

"She's a nut!" Yo~! There's anotha' girl!

Tewi drops from the roof over us, landing flawlessly! "She's crazy in the coconut!"

Hana smiles wider, bringing her arms up! "Now, what does that mean?"

"That girl needs therapy." Reisen reiterates herself…!

"I'm gonna kill yo~u!" Mokou's yell is heard from somewhere over the clinic…!

Tewi holds out her arms! "That girl needs therapy!"

Here at the front, the bamboo canopy looks as thick and oppressive as ever…!

I turn to Reisen. "Do ya got any things that help with gettin' the hell outta here? Reese?" Reeses peeses, du~de!

...She smiles at me. You know, she never even really uses her eye thi-

Fwish. Her eyes flashed as I stared into them, red overwhelming my vision.

Oh. Oo~h… woah.

...I- I wanna cry. And, laugh. Awa- waa~h…

"Come with me." Tewi's voice echoes, the only thing in this world of color her, the blurry blue forms of my fairies…

And…

I fall.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Thud. Oh…

I'm on my limbs, somewhere sunny. Scrambling back up…

Oh, I'm outside the bamboo! Bright sunshine, and shiny grass meets my gaze...

"There ya go, old pal dude!" Tewi patted my back! "I'd nick your change, but y'don't have any!" Woohoo!

"Aw, thanks, fluffy!" I didn't know Tewi did nice things for people! Well, almost nice things!

Woosh. Woah- what.

...Tewi's in the air, spinning around.

Panty-chan is under her, arms outstretched, clutching the air.

"Y'may've taken everyone else's panties…" Tewi beams down at 'er! "But'cher not gettin' mine! Fuhehe~!"

With that, Tewi flies off.

"Aw…" Hana watches her accelerate off. "I wanted to touch her ears."

...Reisen's eye magic was fucking weird. I guess she just overloaded my senses and wrote to them, or some shit. Wow.

"Mister…" Janitor-chan looks worried! "Are- are you okay now? You… weren't okay."

"Nope." I shake my head. "She killed me, dude."

...Janitor-chan just frowns. "That's… not really funny." Wha~t. How. I think it's funny!

Oh, well. I mean, yeah, seeing Mokou get brained made me kinda squeamish for a moment, too. Like… again, violent video games don't really help. And unlike that other boy… that was Mokou! A girl I respected got shot so hard she fell down and had a seizure and died, mind ruined by a bloody iron pellet.

...Thankfully, she's freakin' immortal, and a headshot's probably not unfamiliar to her, considering the staff here. There's a lot more funny bunny people than just Reisen!

That was a pretty good game night, though! I wouldn't mind stopping back here anotha' time. Who else in Gensokyo'd have computers…

Kappa? Eeh. Probably not our computers…

Also, holy shit Panty-chan. She's got like a stack of four now. I think she got a second pair from Reisen. Tewi was too slick, unfortunately. I don't know what the hell we're even going to do with heroine panties.

"Let's go~!" Hana starts walking! Where're we goin', yo…!?

...Man. I had a nickname for Reisen, but it's- ohp, yep, it's gone. Fuck, what was it…? It began with 're'. Well… yeah. Reeee~!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Please?" So this is where Hana wanted to go…

"No." This guard had long black hair, his expression tired.

"Plea~se…" Hana marches in place! "I'm cute!"

"No." This dude's dead inside, yo.

Thu- thu- thu- thump! She marches at hyper speed…! "Mmrr~m!"

...He blinks lazily.

"Solomon and sons." I nod at him. "Nuggetcorps."

...No response. Freakin'...

Also, we're at the gate that leads to Eientei. Pre~tty sure the Hakurei Shrine gate'd just turn us away, like last time. The village's walls are like, eighteen feet tall about, it seems.

Janitor-chan steps forward! "Um…"

…He gives 'er a dead look.

"Mister…" She shifts about in a cuddly manner. "I- we, I mean-... we signed up for a janitor position. Mm- Mistress wanted us to… learn how to work."

"Alright." Oh. Wow.

The guard turns to open the gate. "Be goo~d, kids…"

...So, we got inside the village, it seems!

Skirt-chan and Panty-chan rumble in ahead of us. Hana moves to fly in behind them-

"Do- don't fly!" Janitor-chan yells at her! "Just… walk!"

"...Whah? Oka~y…" Landing, Hana looks around awkwardly, suddenly displaced. Aw.

Anyway, I got Patchy's meds now. I dunno why we're even in the village, but we might as well take a meander about.

There's a buncha people out, today! Also, these buildings are still ultra crap. Plywood huts. Man, they live in serious poverty over here…!

...People see us, they move to the other side of the road or scrunch up like we're gonna shit on 'em. Which, y'know, we won't. It'd be weird…! I don't even know if fairies can, like…

Back on track! Yeah- we don't look normal, do we. We got a fairy with panties on her face, and a collection. We got a janitor. We got me, and I probably look like a freakin'... I dunno, something not healthy! Maybe a mage. My appearance fits it, even if I'm a box of rocks when it comes to magic.

As we move down the village road, we pass by shoddy storefronts, droll lookin' places, alleys large and small…

Man. Kinda glad I didn't go here first thing, even if I spent my first few days getting batted around.

We're in the center of the villa~ge!

...Stalls! This part of the village's got produce stalls, and fun stuff.

The villagers don't move out of our way here 'cause there's a lot. So, we just… sort of move along the edges of the square, so we don't get gotten.

We are forced to clump up, though!

Hana rams herself into me, becoming unnecessarily close…! "Hi…" Yeah, hi.

"S- so…" Janitor-chan's close behind us, the two noobs covering the rear behind her. "Dirty…" Don't gas the place, now, yo…!

Suddenly, Keine wades through the crowd, reachin' us! "Hey."

"Wohoa~h!" Where'd you come from!?

"What're you doing here…?" She looks my fairy party over! "Were you sent on errand?"

"Ye." I nod. "These're fairy folk, I'mma human."

...For now, Keine accepts that. "I can see that. Did you come for anything?"

"Just ta look around, for now…" I speak to her as I kinda try to continue past her… 'n' lead the fairy party through the place. The layout of the main roads is not hard. Two long roads that intersect in the middle.

"...As long as you don't cause any trouble." She sighs, moving to walk along our side "The village has been… uppity, as of late."

Uppity, huh. "I'll keep it in, uh…"

There's a tall building down the road we're about ta head down. Like, a proper outside world building, except a little short. It's like five or six stories tall, which is three or more four stories than every other building I've seen so far.

Bright sunlight plainly splays the village, but an imposin' shadow's cast by the big place…!

"...Don't go in there, by the way." Keine advises us! "If you were sent to buy anything. That's Golden Grin, a casino." Somebody played Payday 2!

I look at Keine! "Say, yo-"

"Bye, mom!"

A short girl with bobby, light blond hair exits a one-and-a-half story house next to the Golden Grin, holding a cute little basket. "Love you~!"

...She starts to trot out into the village road, giving us a brief glance as she continues into the crowd.

Hoh. Friendly people live here, dude.

To the left of the house she left is a blank lookin' building! "Yo. Let's go there, yo!" The door's one of them saloon-type doors, making it look inviting. Plus, I got friends, so if it's a proper bar full of thugs we can just toss a fairy in and panic and run away.

"Hmm…?" Keine's got no idea what I'm doin'!

We move towards the proper two story place thing, and I advance inside…!

Crea~k. The bar's saloon doors creak as I swing 'em open…

Oh. There's nothing in here except for a bar counter, some tables, and some shelves in the back.

"Ooo~..." Hana steps further inside. "It's spooky in here."

"Wh- why did we come here…" Janitor-chan approaches one of the dusty, unused tables. "Eeh…"

Aw, stuffs. I start to press inward-

"Um, guys." Keine's puttin' on her teacher voice, dude…! "I think it's a little early for you to start invading rundown properties..."

"But is it really, yo." I start to advance towards the counter…!

As I round it, Keine speaks more. "Yes, it is, really. You could get hurt for trespassing like this, you know. And, this isn't really… legal. Squatting isn't, anyway. I guess if you're just checking it out, that's excusable."

Yeah, chill Keine, I'm just exploring. Don't have a freakin' cow, yo…

"Ah…" Keine gasps, for some reason!

Rounding the counter, I crouch and look under it!

...There's a fluffle down here, with some yen on the floor before it, and a steel block. It looks up at me. "youre early" Aw.

...It bends down from its seated position, and nuzzles the steel block towards me. "here here"

Fwoof. The fluffle died, collapsing into dust before me. What the fuck.

Oh, well. Guess I'll just… take this four thousand yen, and the block. Did I just find like, a freakin' secret or some shit?

I stand up, pocketing the stuff! "I guess… we've got no business here."

"Come on. I'll give you a tour, perhaps." Keine gestures for us to get outta this spooky decrepit bar. Actually, where's the stairs to the other floor? Oh well. "I haven't seen… well, any of you around, before."

Panty-chan's got a new pair of panties. Aw, rip Keine.

"I'm actually an outsider." I make a serious statement, for once in my life! "Except, well, I know a little more about-"

"Oh, really…!?" Keine looks surprised! "...I suppose, in that instance, I should show you some essentials, and places to eat. Did, um…" She gains a focused expression. "Did Sakuya send you?"

I shake my head. "Nope! Just passin' through, yo."

"Huh." She nods in consideration! "Well. You should consider scouting the place, I suppose... I thought you'd simply come here to do something illicit for the manor, so… sorry." Aw.

I wave 'er off! "S'all good, yo. I'm fluffy."

Hana gets close to me… "He's fluffy." Yeah, dude. One of four fairies says so, dude.

...Janitor-chan's fully dusted off one of the tables to our side… "There. Bette~r…"

"Let's get goin', yo." I gesture for her to-

Click.

Skirt-chan drops her skirt in front of Keine, now that we have the moment.

Keine furrows her brows at me. "On second thought, I have some questions." Wahaha!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Well, we've reached the other entire end of the village from where we started!

"So…" Keine gave me a small sheet, as we reached the gate across the village from the Eientei gate. "Here's a map. I know you're kind of in a hurry to… do whatever it is you're doing, but give it a glance at some point. It'll help you, I think."

Yeah, I didn't get a tour, but I did get this sweet map. It should show me some things I need to know for a little while…

...Um. It's- lemme just…

"Yo, Keine?" I give her a grin…! "...I can't read Japanese."

...She blinks. "...Oh. Um… okay. I'll… annotate it in..."

"English." I hand her the map back! "Ye."

...Slipping a modern pen from her pocket, she clicks it open, and moves for a nearby wall. "Here, hold on…"

"Really." Janitor-chan gives me a disappointed stare…!

...I grin at 'er! "Hey, yo. I'm Americano, not Japanacano." Ho ho!

"I'm Americano!" No you're not, Hana.

Cli- cli- clink! The gate to the village clanks open before us, despite us not talking to the bored looking guard there! Hoh. Maybe someone's coming in…

...Man, the clouds in the sky look fluffy today. Today's just great weather, really. Lemme just inhale some 'a this day time air!

Man. Back at home, I spent all day being entertained at a computer! Now I can be bored in a really pretty environment!

Also- I dunno why we went to this gate. I just kinda followed along with Keine's walking momentum. We're gonna have to backtrack a little, but maybe I can get something with that four grand 'a yen I scooped up…

"Here." Keine turned to me, and gave over the map. "I've listed everything in English, this time." Woo.

I pocket it. "Thanks, friend. You're fluffy."

"...You're welcome, I think." She gives me a smile!

...Looking over at Panty-chan, she sees that pair of light blue panties in her hands, amongst others.

"...Tho- those are mine!" Keine points at her! She starts runnin'-

When I look back, Panty-chan's gone. Ooo~!

Keine whips her head around. "Wh- what…!?" ...Then, she faces us! "What was that!?"

I hold my arms out! "S'her way 'a sayin' hello!"

"It- it really is…" Janitor-chan looks depleted. "I'm sorry if- if, you know, it caused you any trouble…"

...Keine sighs, before focusing on me. "You'll have to keep a leash on her. Metaphorically, I mean. She can't just go around doing that."

"I'll look into it." I vow to her. No I won't…!

"...Alright." With that, Keine turns around, ready to go. "Do you need me for anything else, or…?"

"Pro~bably not." I decide. "We're gonna go back down that road anyway." I point to that road, yo.

"Ah, alright." She nods…

So we continue down 'that road'! The only road, yo. All the diverting building paths are more like… not really roads, although I guess some of them are. Pretty much every road's a glorified dirt path, except some are alleyways and some look to be… bigger alleyways, with lanterns. Cool.

Anyway, as we move down the road…

Di- di~ng! A shop's little bell rings nearby! Aw…

It's a tiny looking place. Out of the sort of shoddy glass door-

Yuuka Kazami. Green hair, red eyes, plaid vest thing and skirt, white undershirt…

She sniffs a blue flower, kept in a tiny flowerpot, as she steps outside…

...Next to me, Keine coasts towards her a little, but doesn't immediately make conversation, as we pass by-

"Good morning." Tha~t's directed at us, innit…!? I think me staring's not helping!

Keine instantly snaps away from us! "Good morning to you too, Kazami. Buying flowers, again?"

"Mmm." Yuuka glances down at it, before glancing at me. "...Quite."

Snapping her gaze to me, Keine's eyes widen a little, and she gestures for me to come closer behind her back…!

"Yeah, hello!" Alright yo, let's just act simple! "Good morning, world!"

"I see we have another outsider, here…" Yuuka gave me a gentle smile. "Good morning."

Truly the greatest of mornings. Not sure what kind of Yuuka this is, but if Keine's franticness earlier was anything to go by…

"Tell me…" Yuuka's gaze is relaxed, but kinda… "How do the plants outside fare?"

...Do I lie, or do I tell the truth? Does she shoot the messenger? I'm gonna assume… probably not. "Well, okay, I think!" In some cases! "They're not doin' bad, but we're not doin' em any favors."

"...I see." She blinks once.

Click. Oh, shit.

Skirt-chan drops her skirt next to Yuuka…!

...Yuuka slowly peers down at her.

I look over at Janitor-chan. She doesn't wanna say nothin'.

...I look over at Panty-chan. Wait- didn't she flee when Keine was pissed at her? Why's she back!? Maybe she was just… somewhere.

She's got a pair of flannel panties in her hand. Whelp.

"...I was going to pay you." Yuuka declared. "However, it seems you've already chosen your payment."

Ahahaha~h. Alright. So~... do we keep the panties, o~r…?

Holding the flower pot with one hand-

Woosh. She twirls her parasol from off her back-

Woosh! She jabbed it towards where Panty-chan was, but she's gone!

"Now, Kazami." Keine moves to mediate! "You needn't-..."

Stepping forward, Yuuka slowly progresses towards us…!

I step back, holdin' a hand up! "...Hi. What's, uh… what's up?"

Hana doesn't back up with me! "You look soft…"

...Yuuka just stops before her, looking the fairy up and down.

"What's your name?" Hana's a brave fairy, dude. "My name's Hana!"

...Yuuka holds her blue flower close to the fairy-

Fwa~sh!

With a flash of azure light, Hana was frozen solid!

"Kazami!" Keine moves to stop her! "Look-"

Bam! When Keine moves to stop her, Yuuka just stomps on her shoe.

"Ngh…!" Hopping on one foot before floating into the air, Keine falls back…!

"Kazami Yuuka." Yuuka does actually fulfill Hana's request, and tells us her name. How thoughtful, dude.

...I step back more, moving down the road as Yuuka continues towards me…!

"So~!" I clap my hands together! "What's the sco~re!?" Aa~h…

The flower pot floating beside her, she quicks her pace to a slow walk. Aaa~h!

Y'know what.

Turning around, I start runnin'! "Nice meeting yo~u! I really gotta go~!"

Alright… just gonna freakin-

Cra- cra- crack! From the villager-devoid road ahead 'a me, small vines erect, blocking my way…! Not the ankle-high vines!

...Reachin' into my bag, I draw the Vortex Hanger!

Alright…

I take a glance back at Yuuka- how do you get that far with that slow of a walk…!

Running forward-

I jump…!

The vines stretch up towards my legs-

Flailing my limbs, I feel myself ascend again…! Haha~! Evaded-

Woosh. I swing the hanger so the landing won't fuck me as hard-

Thu- thud. Agh, damn. Landing… fucked me pretty hard, not gonna lie.

...Getting back up-

Cra- cra- cra- crack! Oh- whelp, not jumping over those vines. Those ones're as tall as me…!

I steal a glance back at the youkai- she's gaining holy shit!

Turning to the side, I run towards one of the alleys…!

...She's not stopping me. Is… there a limit on the vines? Did I lose-

Cra- cra- crack! Oh, big vines form the moment I get an intersection, stopping me from going straight ahead. So instead, I go left-

Cra- cra- crack! Nevermind, vines. I go right

Rushin' down the right corridor amidst the buildings, I come to a clearing…!

Bam- bam! Huge, spiky nettles of plant matter erect at both exits to the clearing. Holy fuck what kind of plants are those!? They're like spiky cones, except with random flowery bits at the top…

...Yuuka's not even behind me yet, she's just up and boxed me in. Is she just screwing with me…!?

I reach into my bag. Come on, there's gotta be fucking something. There's no convenient boxes to jump off of to get onto roofs or something, just some trash cans and abandoned ropes and wood planks and crap.

...Inside my bags more hangers, which just aren't gonna damage Yuuka, I'm sure. Fuu~ck…

I do have… this thing.

Thud. I take out the yin-yang flail I made impulsively a few chapters ago! I don't know. Maybe it'd do something…?

Let's try hitting one of those nettles with it!

...Standing tall, my legs apart, I slowly lu~g the thing into the air, and…

Woosh… Woosh. Woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh…

I begin spinning it up! Alright, yo, time to get rid of that freakin'...

Crack- snap! I slam it down into the huge nettle plant blocking the way!

...Yeah, no. The plant just kind of takes the hit and shimmers. Sickly green bubbles start to drip and expand from the thing after I hit it…

Maybe I could burn it, but by the time I'd've started a wildfire, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. Uum.

...I look back at the alley-

Yuuka's rounding the corner I took earlier…! Oo~h shit!

...Freakin'- I swing the Vortex Hanger I've got, taking a hand off the flail rope since all the momentum's dead now anyway-

Woosh- woosh. Wind bellows off the hanger, pushing me just a little.

...Wait. If swinging this thing makes wind that pushes, and the flail is always swinging while in use…

I need to find a way to slap this shit onto the flail right the fuck now!

Stealing another glance at Yuuka- who's getting closer and closer to the alley- I hobble over to the crap along the side of the clearing, and start stealing some of that rope. Maybe a trash can lid'll help too…

Alright, I drag everything to the middle of the clearing- perhaps back a bit- and kneel down to get to work!

Rope through hanger, hanger goes, just… somewhere on the bottom of the orb. Is that the bottom? Fuck it, no time…!

Rope goes where? Panties? Just- fasten it everywhere. Fortunately, rope's pretty easy to knot 'cause it's rope, even if this is kind of crappy rope.

Alright, test one, is it fucking attached. Standing, I tug at the ropes and crap and shit-

Yes, kind of! I made at least two knots, and coiled the rest like a fuckin' coil god so I should be good for the like ten minutes to get the hell out of here.

Let's see this not work!

Woosh. I give the flail its first toss. Feels a little weird spinning it now…

Turning as I swing it up-

Yuuka's in the clearing now, slowly marching towards me! Holy shit!

Woosh. Woosh, woosh…

As the flail spins up, it accelerates faster than before. I can feel my clothes billow just a little from the wind flaring off of the hanger, as it's constantly 'swung' by the orb's momentum...

Wooshwooshwooshwooshwoosh!

As it picks up momentum, I don't even have to try to swing it so much anymore…!

Oh- oh, holy shit…!

I pick up my legs! It's fucking ascending! I'm going to heaven, dude!

"Woa~h!" Yeheha~h! We have liftoff! Up 'n' up 'n' awa~y we go! Get me the hell outta here! Brad: one, Yuuka: zero!

Slowly, I raise up, and past the rooftops…! Alright! Now… hmm… where-

A hand clasps the back of my collar.

"Why don't we have some tea?"

Holy fuck man what the fuck-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...I'm sitting at a tiny garden table, my jimmies thoroughly rustled.

Yuuka pours herself a cup of tea across the table from me.

"I'm sure you've noticed the weather's… incomplacency, lately." Also, Kanako Yasaka's here, for some unholy reason. Or, rather, some holy reason! Waha… ha?

The sunflower field's pretty big, and pretty beautiful! Sitting at the table on the middle hill here, I'm able to see a field of bright, shimmering sunflowers…

The sky is blue dude, and I'm gonna pray my ass off that Kanako gets me the hell outta here. Divine intervention when!?

"Quite." Yuuka was giving Kanako a flat stare. "Explain it to me."

"Someone's interfering with it." Kanako gave a simple explanation. "My powers are acting unpredictably, despite my influence. There's something unnatural going on."

"You are the goddess of weather." Yuuka made a statement, yo. "If you cannot manipulate weather, you are no god."

Kanako furrowed her brows. "...My specialty lies in wind, with weather being part of it."

"If it's the fault of a mortal, smite them." Yuuka's pretty insistent to solve whatever's going on! "I don't care for your excuses."

Slowly, Kanako gets more perturbed… "I'm giving context. Don't worry about your precious flowers. If the rain becomes too scant, I'll see to it that you get as much as requested."

"And if it floods?" Yuuka has not taken her eyes off Kanako or even blinked one freakin' time this whole encounter.

Kanako hasn't necessarily been blinking either. "I'll have someone see to it that you're protected, then. Do not forget that I'm one of the most influential gods of the mountain."

"Among the few who bother." Yuuka gives a… 'flat' retort. She's been pretty level this entire time! "The other couple being that pitiful misfortune goddess, and your lover."

...Kanako's brow twitched at the latter, but she didn't jump on it! "Hmhm. Even so."

Rapping her fingers on the garden table, Yuuka is still staring into Kanako's soul. "Speaking of which… my plants could use some water now."

"...I might as well." Frowning, Kanako transitions her gaze to me. "...Allow me a moment."

Yuuka smiles. "A moment? How the mighty have fallen. You should be able to whip up a rainstorm at the thought."

Kanako glares at her. "It'd be easy if the condensation didn't so simply cease. The only workaround now is working up what used to be the equal of a great flood, and pouring it all down at once. Only a trickle makes it."

"That sounds like a personal problem." Oof! Yuuka just freakin' tore into her, yo!

...Kanako just exhales. Dayum.

I shift in my chair, and drink from the little pink tea cup Yuuka put out for me. "...Hi."

They snap their heads to me…!

"...My name's Stahl." I feel doomed.

...No response. Help.

Reaching into my bag, I take out the H2O Hanger. "Here, friend…" I place it on the table, for Kanako. "It makes water. Maybe it will help you, someday."

...She gives it a stare-

Woosh. It shoots across the table, landing in her hand and briefly splashing her with water from its velocity. She doesn't react to gettin' splashed, though.

"Ah, huh." She raises a brow at it! "This will do." Ooh?

...Her chair slides back, and she drifts out of it. Then-

"Hnh!" She bends down, thrusting the hanger into the ground-

BOOM- FWUUU~SH!

Wooa~h! A tall geyser roars from the grass next to the table…!

With all the thickness of the huge tree next to Yuuka's shack some distance away, the giant geyser dims the land nearby, giving it a flowy complexion as the gush of water reaches its apex…

Kanako reels her arm back, leaping back with one leg, before thrusting forward into the midst of the geyser-

FWAAA~M!

The shaft of water explodes up and outwards. The liquid flooding up suddenly comes to an end, and everything above is blasted so far up it's like she just took all the water and pushed it somewhere else…!

…A small rush of wind is left over after all the water was thrust up.

After a moment, it began to rain, a rainbow forming over the whole sunflower field.

Kanako sits back down, her chair scooting itself in as she crosses a leg, propping an arm under her head. She's dry again, too!

I stare up into the sky, taking in how the water glimmers as it rains down in clumps across the field and glitters in the sunlight.

Yeah, holy shit, she totally just fucking uppercutted a geyser and made it rain. I guess that's the power of a god…!

Behind her, the soil rended by the watery shaft from earlier slowly began to shift back into place, vines beginning to writhe about within.

Yuuka had her eyes on the plant hanger, giving it a blank stare.

It slid across the table again, before resting before me.

"Cute water relic." Kanako complimented it! "...I'd never thought to carry one with me. I'm sure the kappa have more than enough for me to request a few."

I'm getting soaked! "I see, yo…"

As I slip away the hanger, Kanako continues. "You look untraditional for a human, in this geology. Are you an outsider, perhaps?" Oo~h. Sharp…!

"Ye." I nod, yo. "I am from… beyond these walls!"

"Are you familiar with technology, Stahl?" Who- oh. Freakin'...! I'm Stahl, dude.

And, indeed! "Yeah, yo. And my name's not-"

"Yasaka." Yuuka interjected me, dude. "I hadn't expected you, though I appreciate what you've done here. I ask that you leave."

...Kanako darts her gaze between me and Yuuka-

"Now." Yuuka wants her gone…!

...Focusing on me again, Kanako starts to get up. "Stahl-"

Yuuka stands-

Woosh. And she leaps-

Kanako begins spinning around-

Ooh- holy shit I'm spinning too- aa~h!

Woo- woo- woo- woo-

Goodbye, chair! What the fu-

Woosh…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Fiwoo~sh! Woo- woosh…

Oo~h shit I'm dizzy…

Quickly, the ground returns under me, except it's a freakin'... wood porch. Where the hell…

Thud. I fall on my ass!

"...My apologies about the abrupt transportation." Kanako apologizes to me while I regain my bearings! "You must have done something unfortunate to incur Kazami's… interest."

Oh, good. It wasn't even me, yo…!

"I'll wait for you inside." With that, Kanako begins to pace into the shrine we're at. I think she took us to the Moriya Shrine. Y'know, as opposed to dumping me on Reimu's lap for no reason, or an undisclosed third party. I wonder if there's any other Shinto shrines…

Well, anyway. I think… I'm good!

U~p and at 'em. I proceed through the open shrine door, where Kanako's seated inside.

She takes a sip of her tea… "There. Far less rural than Kazami's blend…"

"So~, yo…" Hello, god friend. Fancy meetin' ya here. "What do me do do, do?"

She gives me a curious stare! "Excuse me?"

Alright, maybe I'm too comfortable! I mean I did just escape the clutches 'a death by divine intervention, so I kinda have a right to be freakin' weird. "What'cha bring me here for, yo?"

"Ah." She nods. "I was wondering if you could look at some of our technology. We have a computer, you see, and it became unresponsive as of this morning." This morning…? I remember what happened to Kaguya's. That was some shit…

"Where is it, yo?" I know my computers! I spent three fourths of my life hunched over one!

Kanako pointed to the rightmost door into the shrine's rear. "That way, down the hall and to the left." Yo ho ho! "But, first, what do you know? I should have asked you sooner."

...After considering this, I respond! "I'm a web developer, yo."

...She furrows her brows. "You're not an arachnid."

Do you even computers. "Freakin'- web sites. Like… pages. Browsers. FTP protocol!"

...She gives a brisk nod! "Well, you seem to know what to do. Go forth." Pfft…

"Aye aye, yo!" I give the goddess a salute, before moving to fulfill her holy quest!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sanae's room is nice, because she's a nice girl.

Well, more specifically, it's kind of neat, but her desk is about as cluttered as Kaguya's room was, while the kotatsu and her bed is curiously made. It's an only moderately messy room, dude.

"Uh…?" Sanae's cute. "Who're you…?"

"Let's get dangerous!" I am ready to computer!

I turn to Sanae. "I'm an outsidey man. Da~h, Kanako sent me to perform percussive maintenance, on your beast machine."

...She tilts her head! "Really? Wow. That's…" Then, she snapped her fingers! "It must be a miracle!"

Ho ho! "I wouldn't say that just yet…!" Let's see, what's wrong with it…

...While I size up the currently powered-on box and the blank monitor, she speaks. "I was play- using it, when the screen went dark. I tried restarting it and stuff, but after the boot screens it just, poof." Aah. Yeah, 'poof' is the worst.

...Might be a monitor problem. Man, this shrine has a colorful… color scheme. I like blue.

Also- I'm not just thinking to myself like a retard, I'm tryin' ta… get behind the monitor here, and see if it's all plugged in correctly. Them plugs can be bullshit on either side, really.

On the back end 'a the monitor, the plug seems to be… hmm, pretty tight, actually. Guess I'll check the box end, then. I should probably be doing this with the power off, but if I find 'em shakey, then I'll turn it off.

But, yeah, this shrine's got a really different aesthetic to Reimu's. It's a little more suburban, while Reimu's feels like the freakin' abandoned top of the world. They're both pretty good…

The irony is that this one's supposed to be on a mountain! Reimu's still on a hill, though.

Also, nope, the plug back here is pretty tight.

...Is the monitor on? Lemme- oh, yeah, it's on alright, 'cause I just turned it off. Lemme just…

"See?" Sanae had her arms on her hips. "I don't know what to do~... I can't just leave it be."

You could be like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, and sit in the shrine's basement and code directly into the router. That- or you could just hog Kaguya's for the time being, or start a lesbian relationship with her or something. Maybe Kaguya even has a few…! Not sure if they're all outbound connected, though.

...Sanae stomps the ground! "Don't just stare at me~! How's it look!?"

"I've got no idea!" Aaa~h!

"Da~rn…" Pouting, Sanae stumbles to her bed and sits on it. "This sucks."

Maybe I have to solve a keycard puzzle, dude. Imagine if the shrine had keycard doors.

Reaching forward, I turn the monitor on again-... hmm. Nothing.

I try Ctrl Alt Delete…

...Oh, the security screen came up! I cancel out-

A~nd there it is. Desktop and everything. Nice mecha anime background. I half wanted to see Sanae have a background of herself.

"I think this works, yo." I beckon her over!

...Moving back over here, she gapes! "Wa~h. You fixed it!"

"Ye!" I look over at 'er! "You leave this on for like, two weeks're som'n?"

...She looks away. "Well, ehehe, maybe…"

"S'not a bad thing, but your display drivers or somethin' might be gunkin' up, 'cause it's been on so long. So now whenever it idles, you gotta control alt delete to actually wakey wakey eggs and bakey it." Based on a real issue I had!

...Taking in this information, Sanae leans towards the screen. "Oka~y…" Sanae is also pretty pretty. That attire's not helping! Why do you guys wear bloomers for the cold but don't cover your armpits…!?

...Aw, that reminds me!

Taking out my 3DS, I flip it open and start to initialize the photo app! I got it charged while I was at Kaguya's, since she has a gaming shrine set up in her back room. "Yo, yo…!"

I wonder! I'd like to fuck wit' my one friend of like two that I actually have on the outside. Help me out, Sanae!

She looks over at me. "...Hey! Is that a 3DSXL!?"

"Yeah, dude!" I have already obtained all your spotpass data, noob! "I wanna take pictures and send them to the outside world like a naughty boy. Maybe even a video!"

"...If that's okay, sure!" Sanae's not sure if Yukari's level wit' that either, but we're gonna keep goin' until we get stopped!

Snap! I take a picture of Sanae, the good girl.

Snap! I get a picture of her posing, as if I'd gotten a still-frame of her doing a little dance!

Snap! What is that pose. Is that an intentionally risque one? She's got a finger to her top, as if folding it open…!

"We should try a selfie!" Bouncing up to me, she violates my personal space…! "C'mere!"

Holy shit, Sanae's got an arm around me, holy shit.

Pressing her face near mine to get in the shot- oh my god she smells good…

...She furrows her brows at me. "You smell like crap." Oof!

You killed me, boy! Put me in a coffin!

...Yeah. I nod! "Not havin' accommodations does that ta ya…!"

Correcting her face, she gives the camera a peace sign! "Take i~t…"

Snap! Aw, yeah, yo!

"Kauf- a~haha…" Stumbling away from me, Sanae waves her hand before her nose! "You need to use our wash room, dude. You smell like you went on a safari…!"

...It might be 'cause I did! Twice, even, except one time while I was high as a kite!

Cli- click! I've started the video!

"Yo ho ho!" It's action time, friend! "The video's begun, dude."

...Sanae blinks, before giving the camera a wave! "He~y! Hi, outsider guy's frie~nd!"

"I'm here with Sanae, dude!" I inform my friend! "She's a good girl!"

"How'd you even…" Shaking her head, Sanae keeps waving at the camera. "Anyway, your friend smells! Tell him to bathe more!"

"Tell the youkai to install random bath houses, and that'll be a maybe!" Freakin', ra~h! I shall not be blamed for my stench!

...Moving to the window at the back of the room, Sanae opens it. Freakin'-

Stepping back, she draws a talisman, and-

Fvhir- vhir- vhir- vhir! She draws a pentagram in the air with it, each line lighting up a homey, neon red!

Fvroar! Upon flinging her arm, the pentagram sailed out the window as a projectile. "Danmaku~!"

Turning to me-

tick- tick- tick. Ow…! She hit me in the face with translucent, pale blue talismans…!

"Oh, sorry!" She holds a hand to her face at my reaction! "I thought- I forgot you wouldn't be as used to danmaku…!"

You clumsy freakin' moe girl…! Aaa~h!

"I should get in a shot with you again, too…" Stepping back towards me as I stumble back, Sanae just up and swipes the 3DS from me to turn it around, before hugging me to her side as we get in a selfie position again. "Hey he~y!"

Sanae, yer too much…! Freakin'...!

...After a moment, she parts from me. "Ehaha, whoops! I made your friend uncomfortable!" Sanae parts from me, noticing my discomfort. "Sorry, guy!"

"Name's Brad!" Freakin'...!

...Taking this moment, I reach into my bag! "I've also obtained more plant hangers, here!" I wave Swift Brand- my cast iron one- about! "Ho ho!"

"Yea- what?" Sanae's offput by my weapon of choice…! Alright, cool, that took my mind off Sanae's prettiness…!

I think we've got enough footage, now… Steppin' back up to Sanae, I reach out for the 3DS. "Gimme, yo."

"Are we done?" She questions! "I kinda wanna see one of my spell cards recorded…"

Ah. That would be fun. "Maybe later, yo. I wanna get this shipped, dude. Fluff loaves, packaged to go." Didn't the goddesses want me to- well, I did 'fix' the computer… although I'm a little suspect of if that weird edgy dude tries to hack into it. And, unlike Kaguya and Mokou, Sanae's not immortal and can't take getting brained.

Sittin' down at the computer, I open up a private chrome browser, and start gettin' stuff ready!

"What're you doing…?" Sanae hovers over my shoulder, looking at the computer…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

With the steam chat open in the browser, I start typing stuff to him. I've already imported the pictures over after getting Sanae's wifi codes and stuff- why do you even need them out here- and, yeah.

TOYSIPO2: hello friend

Krocostar: oh hi there

TOYSIPO2: hello

Krocostar: took you long enough

Krocostar: what happened to you

TOYSIPO2: sorry son ai was just livin it up in GENSOKYO YO

Krocostar: AW FRIK, CAN I COME VISIT YOU

TOYSIPO2: SURE SON

TOYSIPO2: ai should ask yukari yo

Krocostar: oh okay, you do that

TOYSIPO2: ai dunno if she'd bother to comply though

TOYSIPO2: ai got the strangest feeling you think ai'm joking

TOYSIPO2: ai mean ai NORMALLY WOULD BE

Krocostar: what, are you not?

TOYSIPO2: but SON

TOYSIPO2: https SEMICOLON, TWO BACKSLASHES, imgur dot com slash randomnumbers

TOYSIPO2: YO HO HO

TOYSIPO2: ai KNEW YOU'D BE DOUBTFUL

TOYSIPO2: so ai TOOK SOME PICTURES YO

Krocostar: what is this, some sort of cosplay event?

TOYSIPO2: how

TOYSIPO2: do ya SEE THE DANMAKU YO

Krocostar: oh, didnt see that one

TOYSIPO2: there aren't even any COSPLAY EVENTS UP HERE

TOYSIPO2: you know ai dunt GO ANYWHERE YO

Krocostar: WELL YOU WERE AWAY FOR A WEEK, I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU WENT

TOYSIPO2: GENSAKEY YO

Krocostar: SO YOU SAY YOURE REALLY IN GENSOKYO

TOYSIPO2: ai'm on sanae's computer son

TOYSIPO2: she likes mecha anime dude

TOYSIPO2: freakin yo

Krocostar: uh huh, sure

TOYSIPO2: do you need a VIDEO TOO

Krocostar: so did someone help make you these pictures in a week

TOYSIPO2: hoo COULD YO

Krocostar: so did someone help you make these pictures*

Krocostar: HOW SHOULD I KNOW

Krocostar: AND SURE, GIVE ME THAT VIDEO

TOYSIPO2: AI GOTS TO TAKE IT FIRST

TOYSIPO2: wadda ya want, yukari EMERGING FROM A GAP and me freakin POINTING A PLANT HANGER AT HER?

Krocostar: THAT WOULD BE NICE

TOYSIPO2: consider it done, yo- whenever ai freakin find yukari again

TOYSIPO2: aw dood, ai should tape a danmaku battle

Krocostar: well if you want

TOYSIPO2: well son see you in liek a week or two- ai dunno when ai can get to hijack a girl's computer again and ai kinda need to split and do things before she gets here!

Krocostar: well, okay son

Krocostar: i know the nearest mental institution if you ever need it

TOYSIPO2: XD don't die yo

TOYSIPO2: haiv fun

Krocostar: SURE

TOYSIPO2: dunt let the freakin YOUKAI BITE

I'll get the video to him at some point! Uploading it in here might be weird, I dunno…

"Aa~h." She nods… "You guys type like you're demented."

"'Cause we are!" You're just now learning this, yo? Speaking of…

"It's unique…" While she comments on our typing style idly, I open up Gelbooru in a different tab! Let's see… 'kochiya_sanae, paizuri'.

...Oh. The pictures are all a picture of Yukari winking at me-

The page auto-defaulted to Gelbooru's main page.

"You tried to search what now…!?" Sanae saw that! I guess I'm not gonna get to show her the petabytes of Touhou porn. "Wh- wha- how? How'd you know my last name? Um!" Oo~h…!

...Facing her, I give her a wide, fixed grin. I really done did it this time! "...Y'see. When a mommy and a daddy… love each other-"

"That's not the right conversation!" Sanae's incredulous! "...I have half a mind to think Yukari's the one who distributes them, or something. I know there's this 'Touhou' thing, and it involves Gensokyo, for some reason." Um…

...At my awkward stoicism, she snorts. "Nn~h. It's… whatever. But- is there really porn of me on the outside?"

"Yes." I respond without hesitation. "And I have indeed masturbated to it!" Full committal, dude.

"Eeh." She seems kind of indifferent about it. "I had a feeling, I guess. It's not just me, right?"

Yes, it's just you. I shake my head! "Nah, yo, it's everyone. Except for the more generic people, and- yeah, basically." Let's not tell her about how fanfiction interpretations work!

"Okay, it's, well, whatever then." Sanae's cool with it! "...It's not like it'll actually mean anything. Only some outsiders are internet-savvy either… and even less know what Gensokyo is." You mean there were others? The fuck happened ta them? "It's like I'm the main character of an anime!" ...Hoh!

And- oh, shit, the computer screen flickered to black…!

"Hrrm?" Voice, from inside it! S'not a good voice, either. "Kaguya-chan?" Gimme outta the way!

While I get outta the chair and away from the monitor, Sanae strafes back around to her bed…!

"Don't come over here!" I hold out a hand, to caution her! "Thi~s could get ugly…!"

...She looks worried!

So, you can't just punch him through the internet, but he can blow your brains out… through the internet. That's cheap shit. Maybe if we get him to climb through the monitor, we could chop him apart. Send a boy to sleep!

"Kaguya-chan?" Why's this guy obsessed with Kaguya? "Are you there?"

"...Yhe- yee~s!" I put on my best girl voice. It's not a good one, son.

"...Who is this?" Freakin'...

"I'm Paulie Fuckin' Jones, son." Whoever this guy is, how's he got access to Gensokyo's tech whatevers? I mean, I guess that's the big question, innit…

"If you don't tell me, I'll kill you." You done blew it, son. It's dead, and you killed it!

...I dunno what to do from here. Maybe I can bait his hand out and turn off the monitor like an asshole.

But first! "Yeah, go ahead and kill me!" Wahaha! "I'd like to see you try, noo~b!"

...Whelp, I done did it, son, he stopped responding. Maybe I broke his mind…!

"How did you get into Gensokyo?" Ooo~. He asked me a personal question, dude.

"I dunno." I admit. "Like: being totally honest with ya, I dunno. If that don't work, blame Yukari." Always blame Yukari…

"I see. You must be blessed." Ooo~. I'm blessed, dude.

"...Y'know, you might not be wrong." Kanako saved me from Yuukaification!

"Haha." You're genuinely amused, I can tell. Freakin'... "Tell me, do you have any… relationships, yet?"

Yes. "I have a big fat harem, dude. We're chilling out in heaven with Harambe." The word 'harem' reminded me Harambe was a thing!

...I'd like to think this is genuinely stunned silence.

...Sanae looks like she hasn't a clue what's going on! She's amused, though…!

"Funny. Very, very funny." Mister man likes it, too! He just forgot to laugh, that's all… "You see, I'm working on a way into Gensokyo. It's been a little project of mine."

Cool, thanks for your life's story. "Lemme guess, yer gonna find me, yer gonna kill me, so forth?"

"Well, only if I happen to see you." Oh. Well, that's considerate! "I bear no grudge with you personally. I simply wish to see… something I've dedicated so much time to, finally be realized." Daa~h…

"And what's that?" I ki~nda wanna know what he's goin' on about…

...Son, why do you take forever? Is the connection laggy?

"I wish to live my desired fantasies out within Gensokyo." ...That sounds a little iffy. "I've researched magic. I was the one who ultimately sent in that… curious gentleman, to see if it was possible- and it was. All I need is a screen big enough, and I can walk through the barrier. Isn't that astounding?"

Aw. He's going where no weeb has gone before, dude.

...Y'know. "Can't ya fit through a normal monitor?"

"...Well, you see…" He's curiously reluctant. "My monitor is only ten twenty four by seven sixty eight. I can fit my head in, but nothing more." Wo~w, dude. The power to project yourself through the internet and you have a like two thousands monitor. "I'm supposed to get my four-k monitor today, by post."

"Good for you, son." I nod, even if only Sanae can see. "When's that?"

"...Today." He restated! "They're not precise about these things, I don't know. That, and I'll have to prepare a proper extraction field, so I needn't rely on the opposite monitor's size."

Good. "Where ya plannin' on poppin' in, yo? So I can y'know, stay outta your hair- one outsida' to anotha'."

...He considered this! "Hakurei Shrine, front. It's only appropriate."

Now I know where to go to touch him inappropriately! Never tell a stranger what your plans are, dude. "Yeah. That's cool."

Maybe I should get down to the Hakurei Shrine soon, then, and wait out his ass so I can put it to sleep, 'cause he doesn't sound really… actually…

"So, how is your day?" Is he just gonna make small talk.

"Good." Freakin'...! "Say- what's your desire here, yo? Ya wanna shack up wit' anyone?"

"Build a harem, of course." Well, that's pretty straight forward. "I have it all planned out. They can't say no." Ah.

"Why not, yo?" Ho ho! "They's some powerful girls! How ya… how ya gonna persuade 'em?"

"...Well, I have a gun, for one thing." Aw. "Second, once I've begun the operation, I'll see to apprehending kappa as soon as possible. If that goes wrong, then I will most probably die." Good plan. "Or, at the least, be horribly inconvenienced, but nothing I'd be unable to overcome." Like death.

"So…" He's still talkin' ta me! "How did you gain your following? I saw you with Kaguya-chan. Fair warning, if you do not let me have her, I will take her." Are you mental, son. Did you see that rabbit army? You're gonna have to go Master Chief to have a shot in hell…!

"Very carefully." I used a TAS bot, son. "Say- I got anotha' question for you."

"...I may not be inclined to answer, pardon your rudeness." He's a real gentlefellow, he is, even if the premise of his thing is rather rude.

"...How hard is it ta go outside and get'chaself a fuckin' girlfriend?" Get owned, noob. If you apparently have to hack into an alternate reality to start holding women hostage, there might be something wrong on your end.

...The door to the room slides open!

Kanako floats in with her legs crossed. "What's going on, now?"

I point at the monitor! "Demons!"

"Who's that?" The monitor guy speaks!

...Kanako floats up to the screen!

"Oh, Lady Kanako." He speaks to her! "How do you do, this fine day?"

"Are you screwing up the computer?" Kanako looked bored. "You're one of those 'hacker' people, aren't you?"

"You could say that." Ho ho ho. "I must say, you're quite beautiful. I never realized it."

"I'm flattered." She's not impressed! "Unhack it."

"Allow me to speak to your Sanae." He requests!

"I can speak for her." Kanako doesn't bend. "Go away."

"Tell me, Goddess." He addresses her…! "Do you know what guns are?"

"Mhm." Kanako drifts closer to the screen…!

"Has one ever been fired at you?" He inquired…! "Would you gamble your life on a fortunate shot?"

Kanako still looks bored. "Yes." She's a god, dude.

"Nothing more than a flintlock, I'm sure." He sounds amused! "But, you see, I- like gods- do not play with dice." You're not guy fawkes…!

BLAM

I think this boy just has a fetish for shooting women.

...Oh.

Kanako has the small, grey shell between her fingers.

"...Oh." His sentiments are similar to mine!

FWAM! She flicks the bullet back-

Crack- fzzt!

Clack. The monitor falls over, a bullet hole in it.

"Aa- aah…!" Sanae's jaw's dropped!

Exhaling, Kanako stretches. "Hrr~m. We'll get it fixed. How annoying."

...Looking over at me, she made an inquiry. "The Hakurei Shrine, correct?"

I nod. "Ye." Is she plannin' on…?

Landing on her legs, she slowly makes for the door. "This should work out, then. Suwako~!" She calls out for her fellow goddess as she paces out of the room…

"What just happened…?" Sanae looked befuddled!

...Aw. It's time to tell her, yo. "We got dudes reachin' through the internet and blowin' people's faces off!"

"...Wha-... okay." She takes it in stride! "...So, um, are you new here?"

Yeah, pretty much! "Yeah, yo. Fresh off the cargo ship, dude, ready to steal Gensokyian jobs!"

Sanae snorts! "Oh, good. Well, if you want IT, you're gonna have to compete. Y'know, with the kappa."

Aw. Well, I know my internet stuffs, so I got 'em beat there. Hardware's the complete opposite! "Ho ho."

...I move for the door out, fer now. What're those goddesses up to…?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

In the main room-

Kanako immediately thrusts a fancy greatsword into my hands. "Here. Hold-"

Clang! Oh my god that is heavy…! I drop it immediately!

...She looks unimpressed! Yo- this thing's almost as big as me! "...I'd forgotten how meek you humans have become."

...Walking out behind me, Sanae sizes up the great sword, before beaming. "Suwako-sama~! Infuse me with the unmoving power of the earth!" She thrusts an arm into the air-

Broo~m. The shrine rumbles for a moment…! Then, she kneels down-

"Hu~p…" Furrowing her brows, she lifts the big sword. "...Hehehe~!" Holy shit.

"Not like you need that thing." Grinning, Kanako waves her arm, and drifts across the shrine front, to the other end of the room-

Woosh. The sword blows out of Sanae's hands, and- it's gone. It just disappeared. "Aa~h…" Sanae looks around for it, before dismissing its great vanishing act.

...Taking a moment to dismiss it myself, I look back at the goddess-

"Hehe~y!" Suwako hops in from the leftmost door! "I'm wanted, today!"

"We've got an errand to run." Kanako informs her, adopting a casual posture next to her. "Someone has wronged me."

Suwako tilted her head up! "Oo~h. Wronged you, hu~h…?"

"Indeed." ...Kanako looks back at us. "And, I'd prefer if you were both there. To watch." Ooo~... "Additionally…"

Cli- cli- clink. Some coins and bills float down onto the kotatsu in the middle of the room…

"Some change, for coming out this far, Stahl." Fuckin'- Stahl, dude. "I appreciate your… flexibility, in this matter. Normally, outsiders- most humans, really- spend a lot of time being needlessly flabbergasted, or skeptical, or what have you."

"Kana-chan's real pushy!" Suwako leaps! "She scares people away, sometimes!"

"I'll scare you away." Kanako slowly turns to her…!

...I accept the yen coins! Oo~h, like six thousand 'a them…! I actually have all ten thousand again. Huh.

"Yeah, I've seen some things, yo." I bet people expect more flamboyant reactions from me, sometimes…!

"When you are both ready, we'll go." Folding her arms and crossing her legs, Kanako drifted into the air, and sat before us. "...Be quick."

"And she means it!" Suwako leaps again! Man, how's she do that? Tiny girl with leaps!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're outside the shrine! Getting, y'know, 'ready'.

"It's gonna be boring, waiting for that monitor to get fixed…" Sanae makes some idle chitchat with me.

I don't really have anything to get ready for, if the girls're gonna nuke the noob into freakin' giblets. However…

Stepping off the shrine porch I walk towards the edge of the plateau it's on…

Wow. What a view. Sky, and like… all of Gensokyo. This makes a pretty good mountain fortress, dunnit? S'not quite in the midst of everything as Reimu's shrine is, though.

...Also, it's windy as fuck! Oof! Getting my ass kicked out here!

"First time seeing this view, huh?" Sanae's a nice freakin' girl, dude. "Isn't it pretty?"

Nah, yo. Literally bottom tier, dude. Better view when ya make like an ostrich!

I need to tell somebody to make like a dodo and go extinct. That's a particularly brutal non-contextual insult!

Anyway, as beautiful and endless as Gensokyo's sky is, I've got shit ta do…!

Let's see…

Oh!

...I walk over to a stand across the windy clearing. A fluffle's trying desperately to hold onto it, getting tossed around by the wind…

"help help" It's in trouble… "help"

"Aw…" Sanae pouted, moving to help it. "I'll help!"

Moving around the stand, she grabs its tubbiness so it stays in place.

"i cant find my son" Oh no. "he likes walnuts" Oh. "sounds like walmart" I don't think we can help you…!

Fluffles have sons? Anyway…! "What'cha got for me, yo!?"

Cla- clank. It drops a few hangers onto the table, along with some weird part bits…

"How much for everything?" I wave my arms around the entire desk…!

"twenty thousand yen" Wha~t. What a rip! Freakin'...

"But, we're helping you…" Sanae argues with it. "Can't you give us a little discount…?"

"no" Wow. Alright, noob… "the fluff market" Fluff market your face dude…

...Closing her eyes-

Di~ng! A rainbow spread out over Sanae, for a moment!

"He~y!" She beams!

"You're happy." I appreciate her happiness, dude.

"Ask it again, I think!" Sanae insists! Alright, yo…

...I look down at the fluff nugget. "How much… for everything?"

"ten thousand yen" Fifty percent discount, dude. Not bad, I think! I guess Sanae's behind Steam sales, dude. Are you ready for a miracle~!? Ready as I can be!

Cool, yo. Ploppin' down all the money, now it's time to get it all appraised!

I point at the brownish, brass-ish, blunt hanger. "What."

"Stone Hanger. boosts the power of earth skills!" That much was as anticipated…! "allows the user to buff their physical defense and attack by twenty percent, which wears off over time. heavy."

Aw, good. It's about time I got a like, buffing maneuver, since that seems to be a good not-dying strategy. What abou~t…

I point at the edgy lookin' hanger, with the black runes. "Wha's this!?"

"Dark Hanger." Cool name. Bet it took a team ta come up with somethin' that genius. "damage increases when life is lower. allows user to cast Revenge, a physical skill that increases in power when life is lower. decreases defense."

Oh, so it's basically the tryhard weapon. Also- decreasing defense is like, not something I appreciate…! I need every little point 'a that shit I can get!

...Also, I gesture to the other weird crap the fluffle put on the desk. "What's all of this?"

"upgrades" It smiles at me. "for all your weapons"

...Hoh, boy. You know what, yo? Let's just end the chapter right now! You can see what I did with all my upgrade points in the summary…!

"I wonder if Kanako-sama will buy me a new gohei…" Sanae's wondering aloud makes me look up at her! Her breasts are on the fluffle's poofy head...

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

END OF CHAPTER 5

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Guy from IT who Weaponizes Plant Hangers

PRIMARY WEAPON: Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. My most basic weapon. With its new wind grate, it can make gusts of wind! Does slightly more physical damage than other hangers because I put a steel block on it.

INVENTORY:

Flame Dispenser - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Has a nozzle now, letting it cast Flamethrower! Which is, yeah, take a guess.

Vortex Hanger - Pastel-green and grey plant hanger, of industrial metals. Boosts the power of wind skills. Constantly manipulates wind, so swinging it makes gusts. Fixture of the yin-yang flail-o-copter!

Hydraulic- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Mundane, but practical in the eyes of a few. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang Flail-O-Copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. With the Vortex Hanger added, it's a flying machine, my boy!

Stone Mason - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes due to an upgrade. Allows the user to cast Earth Guard, boosting physical defense and attack by twenty percent temporarily.

Darker than Dark - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Boosts the power of dark skills. User's strength increases as health lowers. Allows the user to cast Revenge, a skill which increases in strength when health is lower!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Fancy Operating Cross: Version Two- Allows control and summoning of a London doll, along with some basic commands.

Blue Clothes - My stock outfit! Comfortable and smelly. Negative five wind resistance, because the shirt's kind of skimpy. Composed of blue sweatpants and a blue, long-sleeved shirt. Unremarkable sneakers.

==o==

PARTY:

Sanae Kochiya, Newbie Goddess of the Mountain - A Shinto shrine maiden who was originally from the outside world. Friendly and hip! And nice. Specializes in holy, earth, and wind spells!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Alternative Gohei - A gohei, similar to Reimu's, except the paper is a single piece spliced onto the end, rather than a ribbon of paper. Stockier, but more consistent damage at the cost of range. Less combo potential, but more powerful single strikes. Non-elemental weapon.

SKILLS:

Probably holy stuff - I've yet to see her in action!

Wild Lands - Take Suwako's strength into her body for a buff! Boosts physical defense by seventy percent, and all attacks become critical hits. Can lift far greater objects. Speed is impaired. Magical ability is reduced.

Floating - I don't even know- oh wait, yeah, god powers.

Miracles - Sanae's luck suddenly spikes to ninety nine and impossible things become possible. Embodiment of bullshit RNG…!

Spell Cards - The big guns, son.

INVENTORY:

Sanae's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes! About equally as frivolous as Reimu's, really.

Frog Hair Pin - Stock hair pin. Reduces mana cost of channeling goddesses by twenty percent.

==o==

Kanako Yasaka, the Avatar of Mountains and Lakes - Goddess of wind. Probably immortal. Somewhat snappy and moody, but also reasonable! Authoritative…! Legendary, unrivaled wind capabilities. Casts wind, water, and earth spells, among others.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shimenawa and Onbashira - That big rope ring behind her, and her honored pillars. Legendary wind weapon. Boosts the power of wind skills. Physical attacks deal earth damage. Randomly casts Ominous Wind, an all-encompassing wind attack of variable power that speeds up allies and dispels enemies. Allows the user to cast Triple Tornado. Only equippable by deities. Fifty percent earth and tired resistance. Negative fifty percent bomb and stagger resistance.

SKILLS:

Wind God - Three hundred percent wind resistance inherently. Immunity to being tossed by wind, or taking any knockback from wind elemental attacks.

Floating - Duh.

Divinity - Cannot be killed by mortal means. Destruction of her body is only temporary.

Spell Cards - Can't leave bed without these!

God Stuff - I don't know…! Lots of shit!

INVENTORY:

Yasaka's Divine Apparel - God clothes. Blessed through constant proximity to Kanako. Lots of red!

==o==

Suwako Moriya, the Highest of Native Gods - Goddess of mountains. Probably immortal. Tiny and nuzzlable. Hops along! She seems friendly, dude. Legendary, unrivaled earth abilities. Casts wind, water, and earth spells, among others.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Unarmed.

SKILLS:

Mountain God - Three hundred percent earth resistance inherently. Immunity to tire and most sources of knockback.

Floating - Yeah.

Divinity - Cannot be killed by mortal means. Destruction of her body is only temporary.

Spell Cards - Fun to play with!

God Stuff - Aaaa~h!

INVENTORY:

Moriya's Divine Apparel - God clothes. Blessed through constant proximity to Suwako. Simple and traditional.

Froggie Hat - A cute straw hat… with eyes! Googly-sorta eyes! It's a fun hat, dude. Negative five hundred tired resistance, but effects of tiredness are negated and replaced with regeneration. Perfect for hiking trips!

==o==

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

yeah this incident is almost over when it was just introduced this chapter; i didn't do alot inbetween solving the incident mostly because the SDM is planning things apparently that require me not being there, and things went generally okay enough everywhere i went

this incident probably went as fast as it possibly could'ave, minus if i had gone to the shrine first and then to eientei and somehow knew about Kaguya's computer problems or something- the way I designed the incident made it really easy to set off the final fight, and that's not entirely a bad thing I don't think- plus I don't really have the connections to run around Gensokyo doing non-incident related things, right now Brad's mostly looking for something to do and he stumbled into an incident via circumstance.

anyhow this is gonna be a fun bossfight- and no the shade hanger's not gonna be integral, i don't think- that'd be too easy aswell. chances are that'll be used later, but for now it'd probably do more harm than good

flail-o-copter might seem like a BS way to get my guy around without lengthy transition periods, but it's more interesting than having london carry me everywhere I'd have to say- and even then my flying is limited to spinning the flail so i'm still at a disadvantage compared to pretty much all other Gensokyians- particuarly that i cant defend myself mid-air and my arms get tired so i cant abuse it as much

hana the generic fairy maid, yeah!... yeah OC x generic fairy maid yo, even though patchouli knowledge is my waifu. i dunno we'll see how things pan out i guess, i just kinda let stuff happen as it happens

… yeah you all thought i had it out for remilia for awhile there, didn't you? yeah i did too for a moment but the moment had passed and things happened so hyonk

two-thousand fifteen times were weird!... and that's a jontron reference i keep bringing up for anyone who's unfamiliar and wondering "why the fuck does he keep saying that"; i dunno i liked the joke alot and it stuck and i wanted to reuse it like a freakin used co- hey let's not go there this is supposed to be vaguely T isn't it

and yeah that means no lemon but honestly i think i'd either be really good or really shite at writing a lemon, and im in no hurry to find out which at the moment

if next chapter wraps up this incident, i will be publishing that along with this and the other four chapters to for the time being! yo ho ho…

as always, thanks for tuning in, and i'll see you all next time.

==== FIVE MILLION YEARS LATER ====

yeah hey hello friends

and welcome

before we get started, let me… EXASPERATED INHALE… lay down the changelog

o new eientei segment in the beginning making the visit more coherent and meaningful

- bad guy gets introduced sooner

- bad guy is also entirely different

o in more detail, bad guy went from cod player to a V from V for Vendetta rip off edgy OC

o mokou gets brained and we get to see gore

o entire walkathon between all the points has been totally replaced, ironed out, and smooshified

o adjustments for my fairy party

o i sleep less

o no horrible may-have-been implied sex between me and hana, let's save that for lemon fics and maybe the series finale or something

o we visit some places that weren't even ideas when i first wrote this chapter

o we see someone who won't be a primary cast member for some time

o i apply my fuckton of upgrades offscreen really there's no helping this plot element

o instead of prepping for a stupid fight in a rushed manner, we're just going to have the gods demonstrate the difference between a deity and a mortal

o changed noob meet in shrine

o redid flail-o-copter building to be a proper scene where yuuka 'chases' us

o kanako and yuuka aren't buddies anymore

o no more mountain climbing with momiji

o we don't meet marcus- or, 'mister kirisame' this chapter, at all, nor do we buy potions from him yet (maybe next chapter for continuity's sake)

o yuuka's less casual with us overall

o didn't meet the three fairies of light for no reason this time

o retconned a whole section where we dipped back into the mansion for some reason, really no need for that

o oh yeah last chapter removed a whole cringey build up where remilia sets the mansion up for ganking me for no good reason, which was, in the original take, half the reason they sent me out on patchy's prescription run; now it really is just a prescription run

o kaguya's no longer running around with us for no reason

o mokou's no longer running around with us for no reason

o added brad and matt steam conversation to this chapter because there's no place for it next chapter

SOOOOO

yeah here we are

this chapter was just entirely rewritten. like, yeah. not a scene left in its original state; although, for all intents and purposes… this new take fills the void like a puzzle piece (minus the potions i was supposed to have for the fight but it's not really gonna be a fight, more like a """""fight"""""

while the other chapters were done where i like just slowly line-edited every line, this one's pacing and continuity was so FAST and BAD that i just took a step back, abstracted the basic plot, and just rewrote it anew

i quite like how it turned out too; lots of good moments here

and y'know it's STILL pretty fast by comparison to the last chapters, but this demonstrates the whimsy of gensokyo a little more aptly than me running around being a dickhead because technical inhibitions and the fact the world building was zilch at the time

now it's a lot slower and smells the flowers a bit longer, which is good!

...it's also technically faster to getting to all the good bits, because all the crappy in-between bits a~re just gone!

so yeah

warning: the next chapter will probably be the last revised chapter for some time, because this, like… it's nearly taken me a week alone to get this far because i've pretty much rewrote every chapter, clocking in well over 10 k words per each, with this one being the sole exception

not counting the week alone it took on chapter 3-4 because college man fuck school and the mandation for a degree smh

...i'll give that warning again later hoh

as always, see you all next time!