(in which we double dip some nuggets)

Alright…

In summary: I've upgraded my cast iron hanger, and renamed it! It is now… Swift Brand. It can make little gusts of wind, dude. But, not like the Vortex Hanger could; it's not on-swing, I have to like… channel mana into it, or some shit.

"A~nd… focus!" Sanae thrusts her gohei forward!

I thrust Swift Brand forward-

Woosh. I make… a tiny wind gust-

WOO~SH! Leaves roar around in the air, 'cause Sanae made a mini-tornado.

After a few moments, the leaves die down again, and she turns to me. "...Yours was good too!" Aw.

"Ye." So, anyway…

I gave the stone hanger an upgrade right after buying it! It's called Stone Mason now. Yeah. I can jackhammer boys wit' it, my dude.

Flamehanger is now Fire Dispenser, because calling it Flamethrower is too cool for school, dude. As in, it has a like, nozzle which can dispense flames now.

The H2O Hanger is now Hydraulic! It has a valve, so it doesn't just leak everywhere and get supremely messy. Now it only does that when I want it to do that!

That dark edgy hanger is now Darker than Dark, because it's dark. Darkie dark, son.

...Pattin' my bag after being idle like a special man for a moment, I glance over at Sanae.

She started fencing with the air using her gohei while I was zoning out. "...Nn!" She thrusts!

"I think I'm ready!" I exclaim! "Sou~nd off, when you're ready!"

"I am ready!" Sanae whirls to face me!

I think we're ready, man!

Skipping along side by side, me and Sanae prance together towards the shrine's entrance…!

Inside the door once again, we approach Kanako…

"I've gone on a weapon master's journey." I inform goddess Yasaka. "My weapons are now very oddly specific and only fill very certain niches, and not well, either…!"

...Kanako gives me a polite nod. "Good for you. Are you all ready, Sanae?"

"Yeah!" Sanae does a little leap!

...Oh, god, here comes the spinning again!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Fiwoo~sh- woo~sh…

We teleported! Spinning to a stop, I prop myself up on the nearest thing-

"He- hey…" Oh, and that nearest thing is Sanae. Thankfully, I didn't grab her big boobie, just her side and shoulder…

"Oh, hey." Oh, Reimu's out here, having tea on the porch.

Sanae semi-turns to her while I lean on her, fidgeting slightly awkwardly. "Ah, hey Reimu!"

"Yo~." Marisa's here, too!

Behind us, the goddesses drift down to the shrine's front yard, and stand vigil. That's gonna be fun to explain!

"Did ya come for a big brawl!?" Marisa springs into standing! "'Cause I could go for a big brawl!"

"Well- no, I think." Sanae doesn't want a big brawl, though, yo… "There's some outsider trying to get into Gensokyo, or something. He broke my screen."

"Again…?" Looking tired, Reimu leaned back on the porch… "Why's the outside suddenly want a piece of us, all of a sudden? We didn't do anything to them…"

Ho ho. "They wanna do stuff to you, though…!" I need to ask Sanae if she found the petabytes of porn about herself.

"Is he causin' the rain incident?" Marisa tilted her head at 'er, looking poised ta sit down again…

Sanae blinked. "Ah. I don't know." Hoh. I only just recently learned about it from Kanako, so-

"...There was a rain incident?" Reimu herself didn't know anything…!

…There's no answer, dude. Everyone's broad and quite loafsome.

Reimu sipped her tea. "Mmm…" Aw.

...Sanae turns to me- oof. She pushed me away…! I am oriented now, so hoh.

"Aw." Marisa smiles at us, dude. "Snapped up that outsider as yer boyfriend, huh?"

"I'm gonna destroy you." Sanae marches towards her, getting partially onto the porch to imply she's really goin' after her!

Correcting her posture, Marisa stands tall, stepping back onto the porch! "Aw, let's go, Sanae-ze! I wanna try pipe bombs this time!"

Fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish…! A rectangle of light unevenly opens in the air, down in the midst of the Torii gate.

We all begin to gaze at the emerald and white rectangle, which unevenly shimmers and glimmers in the air before the two goddesses.

"So… it's nothing we have to worry about, then?" Reimu tilted her head…

"The guy's anotha' homicidal maniac." I promise 'er! "He shot Mokou's brains out through the internet."

...Reimu furrows her brows at me! "I thought that wasn't possible…"

"I thought it was, too!" Sanae holds her arms out! "How do you think I feel!? Nnn~. That's the last time I download MP3s from MegaShare…" Gasp! Sanae's an illegal girl! Dude- you wouldn't steal a car, why would you copy files. Awh...

Fwoash! Thu- thud. "Ngh…" Rolling out from the uneven, rectangular portal in the air, this dude looked around, whipping his head about…

He had a big black hat, his guy fawkes mask, black clothes- which may've been armored- and black boots. Black, son. He means business…!

An' after a moment, he stood. "O- oh..." His voice is not nearly as imposing in person as it was over voice chat!

He looks around, taking in the wide, green-foliaged rural world of Gensokyo through his shitty guy fawkes mask, before gazing at the gods before him. This is his final boss fight, dude.

...The gods're just staring him down. Not a sentence I contemplate often, nor one I thought I'd ever seriously consider!

Since he says nothin', the gods do eventually! "Heyo~!" Suwako stands, waving a sleeve at him! "Hello, hi, mister!"

"...Yes." Fully standing, he holds out his arms… "He- hello, little girl. I… I- I hadn't expected such a… welcoming reception."

"You t- too, goddess Yasaka." He addressed Kanako! "I apologize for my transaction earlier. I was merely… testing you." Testin' to see how well her blood splats against the wall! Actually, wouldn't Kanako have ichor…?

"You're dishonest." Kanako calls bullshit! "Your desire dismisses the possibility of curiosity. You quite eagerly want us to go away."

He holds out his arms. "Well… hah. Can I be blamed? I'm afraid, you see! Scared!"

There's not any reply from the gods, yo.

He begins to walk forward, moving to pass them-

Woo~sh. ...Eventually, he realizes he's stopped making progress. "What-... is this?" His clothes billow as he tries to run ahead, but the wind keeps 'em running in place!

"What do you desire?" Kanako asks of him! "And be honest."

"Honesty's the best policy!" Crouching down, Suwako does a little leap!

...Slowing, holding out his arms again, he has his arms out more in a 'what the fuck' kinda posture than the dramatic one he had before. "...You can't interrogate me like this, girls. It is not- as I'd design this encounter!" What.

"I am a god." Kanako dismisses his logic and replaces it with her own! "My request is quite humble, if you haven't realized. Do not test me."

"What would the Hakurei say?" He counters! "I am a human, and you are a youkai. It is not your place to put bearing on my freedom, if I've well-read."

...Kanako twists back to face Reimu!

...Looking up from her tea peacefully, Reimu shrugs. "...Outsiders are kind of a 'finders keepers' thing. And, gods are different from youkai, really."

Steppin' to the side some, guy fakes ova' here held his arms up, trying to flag Reimu's attention. "Oh, oh Hakurei! I cannot hear you from over here! Please- come closer!"

Kanako glares down at him again. "You're not making an argument."

He pauses! "...Come, no~w." Shaking his head, he sighs. "You're making this messier than it needs to be."

Kanako holds out a hand. "Do not fight us, outsider. Your intent is obvious. If you draw your blades, or fire a single shot, your life will be forfeit."

Cli- click. Two clunky pistols are drawn from his belt. "You underestimate me, goddess." Oh, boy. "I'd never want to hurt a beautiful women… but in this case, exceptions will have to be made."

Woo~sh. Kanako's Shimenawa and Onbashira float into existence behind her, initializing with visible, powerful gales.

"I've seen more honest kids on the back of cereal boxes…" Suwako stands up correctly…! "And lemme tell ya, cereal boxes are dishonest."

"This can end only two ways!" The masked man exclaimed! "...And in both of them, you die." Yeah, sure pal.

Woo- woo- woosh, woosh woosh! He twirls his dumb pistols around, showing off…

…Yeah, uh, it takes a good while, he's no Dante!

Cli- click. His pistols ready again, he takes aim. "Sayonara."

BLAM- BLAM, BLAM- BLAM, BLAM- BLAM! He unloads both his pistols, strafing about as he unloads directly on Kanako! God, fuck, guns are loud. As always, but…!

She's got a single hand held outward. I can't see her taking any damage, so she's probably stopping them in the air before herself…

"Hrrm…!" Once my ears have stopped being angry at his guns, and he's stopped firing, he slips them away-

Shi~ng, shi~ng! He draws two fancy fencing swords from his two sheathes!

He begins to run towards Kanako-

Woo~sh

A soft wind pushes him back, denying him melee range entirely. "Ergh…!" Oh, man. This is gonna be one-sided.

"Let's see~, let's see~..." Suwako held a finger to her lips. "Mmm. It's been awhile since we've played with people like this…"

"Let's keep this quick…" Floating higher into the air-

Cli- cli- clink. Kanako let the spent bullets drop to the ground beneath her.

"How's about that real cool one!?" Suwako beams up at her fellow goddess! "Y'know, with the big explosion!?"

...Kanako exhaled. "I suppose we have little other context to test something such, unless we were to duel oni."

"Ha~h!" The man threw one of his rapiers forward-

Fvhir! It accelerated magically, with sudden velocity-

Kanako caught it between two fingers.

Woosh. She discarded it into the aether, letting it sail away from the shrine grounds.

...After a moment, the man started to step back- "Ngh…!?"

Small, ivy-like tendrils had emerged from the grassy cracks in the shrine path's stonework, working their way over his boots, locking his feet firmly in place.

"Haa~h…!" Crouching down, Suwako leaps into the air, soaring over the rising Kanako…!

After a moment, she touches down again-

KROO- KROO- KROO- KROOM! To her left of where she came down, huge, brass and stone cannons erected from the soil, quickly snapping down to aim at the man.

KROO- KROO- KROO- KROOM! The same process repeated to her right, forming a half circle of cannons around the guy.

Above the battlefield, Kanako thrust her arms down, spirals of wind flowing off of them-

Woo- woo- woosh. Wind traveled into every cannon barrel's shaft, also gathering at the exposed backs of each…

"Do not move, or we'll be shooting ourselves!" Suwako calls out to the masked figure!

...Cli- clink. He drops his remaining sword…!

Slowly, Suwako almost seems to sink-

Ooh! She falls into the floor entirely, her hat the only thing remaining.

...After a moment, her hand comes up from the stone floor and retrieves the hat, taking it into the stone with her! Like, she didn't burrow, she just phased into the floor.

Guy fawkes evil man whips his head around, before snapping his gaze to Kanako. "Goddess…! Goddess, I can explain! We can talk!"

Reimu comments next to me. "This better not be loud…" Son.

Kanako spreads both arms out-

WOO- WOOSH- WOOSH- WOOSH! Every cannon begins rattling, leaves flaring away and forming an autumn storm around the battlefield, shockwaves of whirling air splashing off each device…

The man desperately bent down, drawing a sword from the floor and bringing it to the ivy coiling up towards his thighs...

And then-

BOOM. I shut my eyes and turn away, a spike of amber from the man's position overloading my vision.

...I can't hear anything, now! Everything's ringing!

After a moment, I open my eyes again.

Surprisingly, the Torii gate is still standing! Untouched, even!

...There's a crater in the stonework where the guy used to be. Just gone. They deleted that man, son.

Smoke billowed in the air through the Torii gate, indicating the blast radius was a huge cone, starting from the gone dude all the way out. Oof…

Kroo- kroo- kroom. The cannons sink back into the earth, the soil and grass moving to perfectly reposition themselves once the heavy artillery fully gone…

Cra- cra- crack. The stone where the guy was almost seems to grow to fill in the crater. Literally just nullified his existence.

Reimu runs out to survey the damage! "Hey, hey!"

...After a moment, she's at the scene, and looking around!

Kanako appears next to her, and Suwako leaps from the earth below to be before her.

"Do you know how many curious idiots are gonna come here to check out that loud noise…?" Reimu's more concerned about the attention! "And, if we're going to be holding demonstrations here, I'd rather them be the ones where I beat you up."

Kanako gives her a smile and a wave. "Fret not, Hakurei. We've done what we came to do."

Suwako leaps! "Yeah! We got to test out our… um, cannon thing!" She gains a focused expression… "What should we call it…?"

"If you're going to make it a spell card, make it not kill people." Reimu gave her a hard grin…! "And don't bind people, either. That's cheap."

"Aww~..." Despite making a pouting noise, Suwako doesn't pout…!

Snap! ...Aya's on the scene!

"Moriya Gods demonstrating Power Exhibition at Hakurei Shrine!" Aya waves her new photo around…! "Could this be a new relationship between shrines…!?"

Reimu pointed her gohei at her. "I'm gonna find where you live. Actually- I've said that before. I know where you live, even."

"If you're going to publish something…" Kanako gave 'er a flat stare… "Say something more like, 'Hakurei Miko Gives Up, Allows Moriya Gods to Use Shrine'. That sounds good."

...Reimu starts to approach her! "And you."

"Sorry, that costs extra." Aya grins at the goddess. "I know you're goddess Yasaka and everything, but the truth is the truth! Unless, ya know... there's some undiscovered truths about Sanae-chan over there. She's full of surprises!"

I glance over at Sanae…

She looks conflicted! Halfway between running over and thrashing Aya and not.

"...I think we're good." Kanako gives up on trying to further bias the newspaper…!

"I could do that…" Suwako stands, and begins to gingerly approach the tengu. "Ya know-"

Kanako covers her mouth! "We're good."

...Slowly, Aya begins to drift back-

"Hey, I'm not done with you!" Reimu begins to drift after her-

Woo~sh! Aw. The one that got away, dude. Aya is, indeed, too fast to even think of catching up with her.

"...Darn." Landing again, Reimu stomps the stone path fluffily. Unh, unh, unh.

...Woosh. Since we're all idle, Kanako just vanishes behind her. I can't believe Kanako Yasaka passed away, man.

Reimu whips her head back, to see Suwako still standing there.

"See you back at the shri~ne!" She calls out to Sanae!

"...Ah, yeah!" Once she realizes she's being waved at, Sanae waves back!

Abruptly, Suwako just descends into the earth. She's returning to Hell, son.

…With a sigh, Reimu shook her head, before moving towards the shrine again.

"Um…!" Sanae moves to meet her, dude. "Hey, Reimu. I can help- mmh!"

Reimu shoves a talisman into her mouth. "Later."

"Mph- mm." Sanae… Sanae's. She doesn't seem surprised by this development!

Reimu steps by me and Marisa, movin' into the shrine.

…Aw! She quickly runs back out to lift her tea, before retreating!

"Ha~h." Stretching her arms out, Marisa steps in after her… "Wait fer me~, Reimu…"

...A moment later, Sanae removes the seal in her mouth. "Pftoo." Ho ho! "Freaking…"

While I'm still just idle at the steps here, she steps up to me. "So, um… you look lost." Wahaha!

I nod. "Yeah, pretty much." What the hell was I doing again. Oh, right! I was questing for Patchy's prescription! Man. I got so lost on the way that I forgot all about that shit!

...And, you know, it's just barely past noon.

Giving Sanae a wave, I begin to mobilize, yo! "Yeah, I am, pretty much! Thank you for, um…" Hmm. "Teleporting me to the shrine!" I guess!

"Ah… you're welcome!" Sanae accepts this!

By 'mobilizing', I mean I begin to move for the shrine steps! I'm gonna try to round up my fairies and maybe dick around in the human village some more.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

After the thirty minute walk to the village…

"No." The guard shakes his head at me~...!

"Why even." I hold out my arms…! "Why eve~n, son."

"I'm not your son." Like hell you aren't, boy…!

Once again, I am at the village gates! It's about as hardassy and freakin' stupid as ever. Tall wood barriers, metal gate- yeah you get the picture already…

...Actually. Idea! "Ma~n. Akyuu's gonna be so~ pissed I didn't manage to get her those flower specimens she wanted…" Folding my arms, I stare off into space. "Shit. Wonder what she's gonna do, now. Guess I'll find out…"

As I start to turn away- the guy bites dude. "You know lady Hieda?" Kachi~ng!

"What?" Let's pretend we didn't hear him first time.

"...Do you know lady Hieda?" He rephrases himself!

"...Yeah." I nod as if this was obvious! "Do you?"

"We all do." He grins a little! "She sent you an errand? What's your name?"

"Stahl." The one and the only, dude. Actually- I shoulda said Edward Bloom. Oh well. Wait, I need a last name… "Stahl Nanashi."

...He furrows his brows at me.

I just shrug at 'em. "Momma was proud, yo."

...Indifferent, he continues to start reelin' the gate up…

Cla- cla- cla- clank! Ho ho!

"Thanks, ma~n!" I wave at 'em as I run inside!

Alright! Now…

Basically, I came here to look around as Keine suggested, and where'd those fairies 'a mine go, anyway…?

Let's look at this map!

...Hoh. Some diners, places to eat, the school, town hall… which is not near the center, for some reason. Oo~h, a sword shop! If it doesn't sell plant hangers, yo, it's not for me.

Kirisame Magic Shop? Ooo~. That sounds interesting

...Village folk! They're friendly looking, dude. I'm alone and I'm still receiving some sideways stares, but not nearly as many. What, navy blue not in season…!?

There's a clothes store on the map, too. Who cares about clothes, yo. And-

"Brad-kun!" Holy sweet Jesus! Wah-

Oof. Hana comes out of an alley and glomps me…! Holy shit! "Hello~!" Yeah, hello! Freakin'...

"There you are!" Janitor-chan runs up to us!

"Hi." I wave at her-

"We couldn't find you!" She lets out cuddly yells! "The- the contract things, they couldn't tell us where you went off too- I thought you died! And if you die- Mistress would…!" Hohoho~ly shit…!

"Calm do~wn yo!" Let's just think this over…!

"I thought you died, too." Hana states bluntly. "I was sad."

...I raise a brow. "How sad?"

Janitor-chan holds up a bucket. "This sad."

...It's full of glimmery, bright water, for some reason. Ooo~, there's yen at the bottom…!

"They're her tears." Janitor-chan lampshades. Oh, fuck. Wha- how. "...Not the coins and bills, those were donations… 'ca- 'cause we looked sad- but…" Still, how.

"Well." I accept this, I think. "Sorry for makin' you worry, yo. I had to go be IT for a flower field, and a holy place's computer stuffs. And then we killed a guy, again." Man, Gensokyo has a lot more killing boys than I remember. It did happen in some fics, but still. Shieut.

...I touch the glittery water-

Zap! Ow~ fuck, fuck…! Shake hand, shake ha~nd…!

Shaking the water off my hand, I look up at Janitor-chan incredulously!

"...Tha- that's why no one's… stealed it." She has an uneven smile. "You- you still have the medicine, right…? Please tell me-"

"Yes." I promise her that! "It's good for you stuff, dude…" Also, it's stolen, not stealed…! Stealt? I'm gonna stealt ya, son…!

…Oh, yeah, where's the other goons?

Click. There's one of them. Freakin, Panty-chan.

...Oh. Panty-chan's up on an adjacent roof, for some reason. Wha- well, okay.

I make a suggestionification. "Let's go get breakfast." Let us start our day, dude.

"I like breakfast!" See? Hana likes breakfast, dude.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I told a lie, dude. We actually stopped by the Kirisame Magic Shop…!

Di- di~ng! Aw, it has a bell too, dude!

Stepping inside, I gaze around the place…

The store's basic front is like, a big window, and a nice door that you can see into yo. Inside, it's kinda cluttered, but that's to be expected of stores out here, really. Good inventory!

An old guy's at the counter! He must be Kirisame, dude…!

"Yo ho ho~!" I call out to him as we enter!

"Hello~!" He waves! "...Who're ya!?"

"It's me, dude." We go way back. "J.K. Stalin, dude." Famous author of Harry Potter and the Soviet Economic Crisis…!

Not one to question the customer too much, he nods! "Okay! Ya here ta buy anything…?"

Goo~d question! "...Do you sell magic?"

"What kinda magic store would it be without magic to store?" He grins back at me! "In short, yes… you'll just hafta be a little more specific than that."

Hoh. Hmm~...

"I like magic!" Hi, Hana.

Clink. Janitor-chan sets the bucket on the table-

Fwzip. Marcus pokes his finger near it, and some of the electricity arcs out for a moment, before the water stops being faintly luminescent. Oh, that's why it looked like water from the fountain 'a youth. It was the electricity. He looks kinda puzzled about it, though!

You know… "Are there like, magic potions in this land, yo?"

He smiles! "Certainly! We got health potions, mana potions, good potions, bad potions…"

Gimme some cool, bad potions, man. "How much was it fer health potions, now…?"

"Five hundred yen!' Ho ho! "...Basic mana variants're a thousand, 'cause mana." Ho ho ho…

And, I have no money. Except for those donations the fairies collected…

"I- I thought…" Janitor-chan looks over at me, and furrows her brows. "I thought we were gonna have breakfast."

Hmm. "...I'll save some money for that, yo." I was about to just blow all their donation money, but… I mean, they earned it with their freakin' tears- which I still don't understand- so it'd be wrong of me to just kinda piddle it all away on utility stuff.

How much do we even have is the bigger question…

I reach into the bucket…!

Spla~sh. Some of it flows out onto Kirisame's counter…!

"Sorry- lemme just, reach into my wallet…" I scour for the funds at the bottom of my wallet…!

"Say- 're those fairy tears…?" Kirisame leans over the bucket…! "Get ya hand out."

"Ah, shit…" I take my hand out…!

He holds it hand over it-

All the money floats out, and he places it on the counter nearby. "I'll tell ya what. I'll take these fairy tears off ya hands… and I'll give ya a bundle 'a real simple health potions and mana potions. Sound good?"

I have no idea how much fairy tears are supposed to be worth, but I can always make more, I'm sure! "Yeah, yo!"

Janitor-chan holds up a hand…! "But… that's my bucket."

Kirisame looks up at her. "...Ah, I'll transport the tears over ta 'a new bucket, then." Hoh.

"S'not every day someone actually gives a shit about buying potions!" As he floats a new bucket out from under the counter, he speaks! "Even less so the young'uns like you, fer whatever reason. People get all antsy at the idea of healin' their wounds so easy, and I tell 'em 'yes it's easy'! But they don't listen!"

Sploo~sh. He deposits the fairy tears into the other bucket… "Only now and again, some youkai hunters stop by 'n' top up on potions. I mean, they don't always replace surgery yeah, but they sure help a sword 'er bullet to the gut! Or, y'know. Fangs, magic, danmaku… bombs. If you're not dead, it can probably fix it!"

Cla- cla- clack! Some potions are floated over onto the counter before us…!

Bending down, he lifts the now empty blue bucket, and sets it on the counter before me. "Here's yer bucket."

Janitor-chan retakes it. "Thank you…"

He gestures to the potions. "An, there's yer potions fer the tears, thank ya very much!"

...Six health potions, two mana potions! I assume red's health and blue's mana, like it always is. It's good value, dude, good value.

"I didn't know crying was worth money!" Hana does a little leap! "I'll cry more!"

...She makes a really focused expression…! Is- is she just trying now? Um!

"Aah, don't you worry your pretty little head." Marcus kept her from hurting herself…! "Come back any time now, ya hear? Especially if you happen to bring magical stuff with ya every time!"

Ho ho! "Alright, yo!" Lemme just… put some of this stuff away.

Click. Skirt-chan unbuckles her skirt, standing on the desk all of a sudden.

He looks over her briefly, before looking back at me! "I'd give ya points if she was mature." Aaa~h, aaa~h!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We stopped in this rather hoighty toighty place down the village fer some breakfast to break the fast, dude. The walls have these chocolate bar-like beams going up and across the ceiling….

There's some well-dressed people here, and booths and stuff. Seems like a diner…

"Let's find a seat, yo." I direct us towards one of the booths, since we've got a big party.

We find one with those curvy bench seats near the window. Oddly, it kinda blocks out the interior of the diner bar thing with a like, curtain, but it gives us our own little roomie room, yo.

Hana sits next to me, trapping me into my side…!

Janitor-chan and the midget sisters sit across from us. Do we wait to be served, or…? I mean, this looks like a standard restaurant, so I think that's how it works.

…Hana hugs me, all of a sudden! Well, okay. Hug, friend…

"Mrrm…" Janitor-chan starts dusting the table, 'cause there's old particles on it.

Man, it's only now I realize how perfect fairies look by comparison to normal people. Probably because they're like… not biological. They respawn when they die! And, apparently their tears are worth something…

They made like, thirteen thousand yen. If one thousand is about ten dollars, we have more than enough for some grub unless we buy the entire damn restaurant.

Panty-chan has some additional panties for some reason. I don't even know whose. She's got Yuuka's pair on her face, probably out of sheer pride that she managed to escape with them.

...After a moment, a waitress comes up! "He-... hey." She's got bobby, navy-blue hair, and looks dead inside. I suppose that's a bit redundant, innit- being a waiter and all. Short, too!

"Hi, friend." I look over at her. "Do you serve chocolate chip pancakes, yo?" Fluffcakes…

"...I- yeah, we do." She scribbles it down. Aw, cool.

"I gotta have a good meal." Just gonna put that out there, without context!

...She gives me a small smile, before looking at Hana. "And-"

"I want fruit!" Hana wants fruits of the earth!

"I- I'll… take some blueberry waffles." Janitor-chan likes blueberries, dude.

"Alright. And… to drink?" The waitress waves her primitive looking pencil about… "Also, um…"

She looks over at Skirt-chan and Panty-chan.

"They'll have buttermilk." Janitor-chan interjects! "They like those, I think." Ya think.

"Me 'n' Hana'll have orange juice." She likes oranges, so~...!

"Yeah!" See? She agrees! Yo ho ho!

"Milk would be fine." Janitor-chan requests milk stuffs. "For these two, too." She gestures back to the undergarment sisters...

"Alright…" The navy-haired waitress nods. "...I- I'll be back, with your... drinks."

With that-

Click. Skirt-chan stands up in her seat, and drops her skirt.

...The waitress just hardens her gaze for a moment, before turning away as if she didn't see that.

Panty-chan was now behind her! ...Curiously, she didn't have a new pair, though. I think. She has so many it's getting hard to tell…!

The waitress slips out through the earth green curtain, moving further into the deep green-themed diner.

...When I look back at the table, Panty-chan's seated again…!

"Didja get a new pair, yo?" I ask her a question!

She shook her head. Holy shit she can answer yes and no questions!

...Well, anyway. Waiting for foods, dude…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Hana's snuggled me against the wall… send help!

"Hmhmhm~!" She hums happily as she freakin' smooshes me against the side of our booth, into the wall. "You're warm…" Awa~h…!

It's been awhile. The girl's not even back with our drinks yet…? Freakin'... what is this place, yo. A waiting room? Ahaha. Haha. Hoh.

"Mmn!" Hana, this is not publicly decent. Thankfully, these booths are freakin' private as fuck.

"Ha- Hana…" Janitor-chan tries to save me! "I know you… like him, and all, but…"

"Our food's not here yet." Hana nuzzles her head into my neck…! I have not felt such things before in my life…! "I wanna snuggle."

...Well. Could be worse, yo.

I take in the oranges of the place's lights, the speckled sorta-stone counter, and the cold window near us as Hana familiarizes my left arm with her soft fairy boobs.

Alright, seriously, where's our stuff. S'a good thing you don't pay upfront at restaurants! Geesh.

I don't mind getting freakin' smooshed into the wall by Hana, though. She's soft, and affection is a foreign concept for me, and I'm always up to try new things! Unless it's dying- I think I can sit that one out for, like, awhile.

And then-

"Nnh…" The waittress is back with our drinks! "You- your… fo- food, it's ready- I'm so sorry- just wa- wait…"

She randomly disperses our drinks to our table members, before hurrying off. Why was she all disheveled? Freakin'...

Anyway. Everyone starts sippin' from their glasses.

Aw, orange juice. Boost to the immune system, dude! Now I'm Captain Planet…

Hana scoots away from me, a little- "Mgh, mgh, mgh…!" She guzzles her juice…!

A quiet moment of drinkage later, our food was all placed down! "Sorry- sorry- sorry…" Alright, yeah, something looks off about her. Blushing, disheveled- did she have sex in the back or something? Ah, well. Stuff happens, I suppose. "En- enjoy…" With that, she marches off like the wind. Well, not quite- considering the wind I've seen today- but yeah!

Well anyway, food. And it's good food, too, dude. That's like, the best part…

Wait, now that I think about it…

"Y'know…" I look up at Panty-chan. "Yo, Panty-chan. Why couldn't ya steal 'er panties?"

...She looks up at me, appearing fluffy. Aw. And then-

She stands on her seat, and lifts her skirt.

Oh… no panties either, huh. Okay. Well then. S'what I get for not making it a yes or no question…! Can't steal any if there aren't any to steal!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

After a million years, I decided to just get up and freakin'... get the bill myself, since it was pretty obvious that waittress ain't comin' back!

Hana blocks my way. "I'm cuddly." She tries to cuddle me…!

"Hi, cuddly." Freakin'... "Lemme out, cuddly…!"

...After some shuffling, I get outta the booth past her! We've all been finished for awhile now, so...

Marching up to the front counter, where no one was sittin', I try to get this dude guy's attention. "Yo, yo~."

...After a moment, he stops lookin' at the back shelves, and looks at me. "Hi- hey, what can I do for you today, sir?" ...He's got short brown hair and doofy glasses.

"I'd like my bill yo." Freakin'...

"Oh, right!" Snapping to attention he reaches into his pocket, and takes out a notepad and a modern pen. "Let's see~. That'll be~ four thousand yen, about…"

Sure. I hand over the funds…

"You're all set!" He gives me a nod before immediately turning away, looking at the back bottles again. Well then!

...I move over to my booth, and swing the curtain open! "Let's go, yo. We're goin' on the road again!"

Freakin'... according to the map, this place was Lovely Lagoon. Note to self: don't expect timely service here! It took like a zillion years to get served, and even more to realize we gotta pay at the desk.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're on the village roa~d! We're movin' for the gate that leads down the Hakurei path…

After getting through the square, it's just a matter of moving forward!

...Hana bumps into me, like a clumsy fairy, except she fully intended to do it. "Bra~d-ku~n…"

"Hi." I'm being harassed, dude. "You're a nugget."

"Hehe~!" She likes that, apparently…!

If she's going to call me something ulta-cringe, I might as well do it, too, yo. "...Ha-chan." They sometimes shorten the names, right? Hana-chan, Ha-chan? Ha-chan rolls off the tongue a bit better… and it's cute.

"Ooo~!" She perks up-

Oof! What're ya, a cat!? Freakin'... headbutting my flank.

"Thi- this place is so dirty…" Janitor-chan really wants to get out of here, too! I think I'm done with the village, for right now…

Something tells me this is a dicey place to like, live, but I'll probably be coming back here again. As if I have any other planned hotspots for my indefinite and probably- preferably unending stay in Gensokyo…!

Oof! Ha-chan, freakin'...!

"C'mere, yo!" I wrap an arm around 'er, 'cause counter-wrangling!

"Mmn…!" Speak a language we understand, yo…!

...As we approach the gate-

Cla- cla- cla- clank. The guard opens it to let us escape. Gettin' out's less of a project than gettin' in, that's for sure!

Guard dudes doesn't even give us any goodbyes as we transition out into the path outside…

Cla- cla- cla- bam. The gate shuts behind us once we're all out and movin' for the… path.

...Forests! The day's getting a little late, but y'know yo… issa day.

The sky's rather nice. The weather's pretty brisk, but I feel comfy. It's probably this fairy humping my side, and the fact I'm with company. I rather like this…

'Mind the fairies', Yukari said. Well, I think I'm minding them pretty well!

...So-

Sakuya appears before us, on the path!

"There you are…"

Stepping towards us, she has her arms on her hips. "...Hana, Janitoria, Skirt, Panty." ...Janitoria.

"A- ah…!" Janitor-chan snaps to attention-

Woosh. She ducks under her own bucket after almost hitting herself in the face with it, before saluting with her mop hand instead. "Chi- Chief!"

"Hi, Chief!" Hana's still marking me as her territory! Like- the way cats nuzzle you to deposit their scent, not when dogs piss everywhere.

Click. Skirt-chan drops her skirt pants, dude.

...Panty-chan is where Sakuya was. Sakuya is no longer directly before us!

...She vanishes-

The two rapidly appear and reappear all along the path and foliage around us, seemingly freakin' snapping about-

Thud. Panty-chan fell backward, a bowling ball strapped to her back.

Sakuya's properly before us again! "...Hello to you two."

"Hi." I wave at her, yo.

"...Oh, right. You left on that errand." She steps towards me! "Have you obtained lady Patchouli's medicine?"

"Ye." Reachin' into my bag, I hold it out-

Sakuya swipes it! ...She examines it too, just in case I shoved it up my ass. "Very good."

She holds out a small pouch. "Here's payment, for your service." Oo~h! I'm gettin' paid fer this!

"Aw, sweet!" I accept it! "Coinage, dude…!"

"And now…" Holding up her hand, Sakuya… reveals my fairy contract card things! Hoh, shit! "Since your operation is complete, I'll be taking these."

Oof. Well… since Ha-chan's not bound by the heart of the cards-

"Also, you're needed back at the mansion, Hana, as are all of you." Sakuya plans on stealing all of my party members…!

"Wha~t!? Why!?" Ha-chan seeks to defy the legends!

"...You've all been gone for well over a day, or two." Sakuya argues back…!

"I'm- I'm very sorry!" Hastily, Janitor-chan bows to Sakuya! "But- I got contracted- and-"

"I know, I know." Sakuya gives her a single nod. "The lot of you are simply needed."

...She focuses on me! "You may return with me if you wish, or continue exploring. I cannot guarantee your safety without bodyguards, however." Freaki~n'..

...Y'know. "I think I'll keep explorin' for a bit." I got some new weapons, and a boy in blue hasn't jumped me so soon. I think I might not die soon! Unless there's secretly a bunch of cloaking scythe-armed praying mantis people I haven't been aware about or something.

Turning around in the air, Sakuya begins to drift off. "Come."

"No~." Ha-chan refuses.

...Pausing, Sakuya looks back at her.

"Co- come on…!" Janitor-chan pulls on her arm! "We need to go! Chief needs us!"

"Make me." Determined, Ha-chan folds her arms. "Come. Take me back."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Aaa~h!" Ha-chan's dragged off kicking and screaming…! "Buh' I do' wahnna~!"

Sakuya and Janitor-chan have her by either arm, slowly pulling her down the path towards the lake ahead…

"I'll catch up with ya soon! I think!" I call out to her! Or, uh, maybe not...

Oh, yeah, Sakuya's luggin' Panty-chan off over her shoulder, and Skirt-chan's just walkin' along with them.

Very quickly, it has become only~ me…!

This is vaguely scary. I could always camp out at Reimu's shrine come nightfall… or I could quickly~...

Didn't Rinnosuke have a store!? Yo! What's this other path lead down to, anyway?

Like, on the bit between the shrine and the lake, there's a diverting path that just slowly ebbs into the woods. I wanna see where that goes.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Di- di~ng! A store bell rings, as I push into this little hubbub on the 'ubbub of the bubub. Alright- that sentence didn't make sense! I found a little store of some kind on the rim of the magical forest!

This must be the Kourindou! Or, if it's not, then it's the evil alternative, the Dourinkou. You must never get the two confused, dude.

The shop's bell's fun, yo. Inside, I see piles of stuff and or things just everywhere, except for on the tidy counter to the right, and before the doors. Well- the main floor is clean, the walls and the floor before the walls not so much.

...Oh, hey, it's Rinnosuke. He looks friendly and personable, dude. He's also very engrossed in his book!

Although, me staring like a creeper rouses his spidey senses, so he notices me in turn! "Hmm…?"

"Yo, yo... what's good in the hood… dog." I try to speak youkai to him, dude.

...He just gives me a stare! I don't even know how much money I've actually got on me right now. Well, there's the nine thousand left from the fairy money, but then there's the coinage Sakuya handed me.

Actually, wasn't Kourindou, like, the junk store where valuable outside crap ends up? Maybe I can find an infinity plus one sword here in the trash, or something. Or a bazooka.

"Can I… help you with something?" He finally addresses me after we stare one another down!

I nod. "Hello, son. Do you have any… bazookas?"

"Unfortunately, no." He shakes his head plainly. "You may look around, if you'd like."

Oh, cool. I think I'll… do that.

While he goes back to readin' his Japanese book, I'll just look for some stuffs I might like…

Gardening tools! Maybe if I give Yuuka enough hoes, I'll return to neutral with her.

Old appliances, like freakin'... there's a toaster, in here. Metal scrap craps.

...I lean towards one of the backest piles-

Cla- clank, clang. A fluffle emerges from it, and starts waving itself around, displacing stuff. Fluff scrap craps.

Pots, and pans! Pats, and pons! A microwave, dude! We could start microwave warfare!

Is that a muffler? I'm gonna muffle ya, son! My primary weapon should've been mufflers. Then again, that's like, the broadsword of blunt mundane objects. Where's the~...

Oh, there's a plant hanger! I think. It's… it's a little weird looking. It looks like it's carved of marble, or perhaps some really old, light stone. Sort of gaudy, sort of holy, but still gothic-ish like plant hangers sort of tend to be.

One man's junk is another man's treasure, dude. There's some symbols etched on the plant hanger, in what seem to be like, old ass Japanese. Maybe. I'm not an archaeologist.

...Oh, on the inside folds, there's this cool flower shape etched into the stone work, and a yin-yang orb on either side of it. Ooo~.

I pick it up-

Why's it so light? As in, it doesn't weigh much. Hmhm.

Next to it in the pile it was in, seems to be a different plant hanger. This one's a tint different, but also made of white stone. This one's got crosses madly etched into the exterior, and it looks a lot more… janky, jagged. I think I'll grab that one for now, too.

On a higher shelf nearby, is some neatly arranged and assorted trinkets. Like, this tiny fuel tank, with a yellow alert decal on the top where the valve should be. Next to it was this long orange rod…

You know, I think I could do something with those! I nab 'em off the shelf, too!

Approaching the counter-

Ho~ld up, what's this…? Wait, lemme just

Cla- cla, clank! I lay down all the crap!

"I found stuff!" He's sellin' neat stuff in here!

...He looks up from his book, and his brows raise!

Stepping away from the counter, I near the pile of doom in the back again… and reach my hand in. There's something buried here, and it looks cool. Lemme just-

Cla- clank. After pulling on it, a surge protector clatters onto my hand-

BOOM! Oh fuck what th' fuck what-

Oww~ shit, son! Oof…! An explosion!? The pile exploded!

Cla- cla- clank! Crap rains around the now halved pile as I-

Nnh! Land on my ass some feet away. Fuck!

"Ah- hey!" Rinnosuke, why do you have bombs in your shit!? "Are you okay!?" No!

...Well, maybe. I feel like I got hit by a fuckin'... tonka truck, except only the broad side after it drifted into me. The fuck...

I- I try to sit up- nope, oh okay…

Rounding his counter, Rinnosuke kneels next to me! "Are you okay!?" Son…!

Potions. I bought potions…!

Reaching into my bag- why do I hurt still- I take out a potion, and…

Bringing my arm up hurts for some reason!

Taking my potion for me, Rinnosuke's gaze meets mine. "Look- I'll cast it on you. First… let me pull it out." Pull it out? Pull what-

He reaches down for my shoulder- oo~h, there's a like… Apple laptop interior shoved into my shoulder blade, just barely, red flowing through my shirt and out around it. God fucking damn it, Apple. Actually, I don't know if this is a-

Rinnosuke dug his hand into my upper chest and pulled-

Shink! Oo~h my go~d! Woaaa-

He tosses the potion in the air, and it glows-

Di- di~ng! The glowing solvent from it splashes onto my form, almost teleporting onto my head-

Oo~h. Oo~h. Bye, pain. Yes. Hell yeah… doin' some push-ups, man! We doin' push-ups now! Alright- let's stop that

Well, fuck. Guess potions were a good investment!

"I'm very sorry." Rinnosuke gives me a hard stare, nodding. "I didn't realize… in fact…"

He looks around. "I don't know what exactly blew up, but… I'll search that pile and remove it when I find it. I just…"

"Aa~h, it's… cool." I wave it off, kind of. "Why do you stock bombs in your stuff piles…!?"

"I didn't know there was one." Sighing, he stands fully. "I've gotten… sort of complacent about my stock, here. A lot of it's the same as it's always been, but… there may've been things that've slipped in with shipments that escaped me."

Ah. Looking around the floor, I see the thing I was trying to dig out before it fucking exploded. Also, my shirt's a little ripped and bloody, but my skin's fine again, somehow. Casted potions work quick, apparently! That's convenient…

Bending down, I pick up the thing. It's… it's not a plant hanger, but it's so abstractly shaped it may as well be! It's made of janky, abstractly aligned metal, connected by welded stiff axles, beams messily connected by long-dried black tar, and the broad bits have stupid, dull spikes on 'em. The very tip of it has a black ball, with other tiny silly spikes on it.

...Getting up off the floor with it, I toss it hard onto the counter-

BOOM! What the fu~ck!? Rinnosuke- you fuckin' cock gobbler! Why was this here!?

I like, duck and cover! What is that shit!? Are we being bombed!? What's going on…!?

"Oh, geez…!" Rinnosuke flinches, too!

Cla- clank! Some of the stuff I put onto the counter falls onto the floor. Freakin'...

…We good? No more NATO bombings? Good!

After a moment, Rinnosuke exhales. "Oh... oh."

"Is this, like, a normal thing…!?" I wanna know just what the hell's goin' on around here!

He points to the weird thing I placed on the counter before an explosion happened in my face. Luckily nothing lodged itself near my fuckin' heart again. Jesus Christ.

"That thing…" He focuses on it. "It explodes when you don't handle it carefully."

Are you for fuckin' real. That's… you know, that's… not actually that bad. I want that. That's pretty much a bazooka, except hand thrown! Holy fuck!

Standin' back up, I grin at the shopkeep! "That's pretty goo~d!"

He blinks at me…!

Crouching down, I pick up some of the stuff that got thrown off-

"Well, let me specify…" Taking a moment, he clears his throat. "Ahem. It's a… structural integrity verifier, designed to test the validity of replicated structural entities. I'm not entirely certain what that means, but that's its purpose. It's part of a larger machine. It boosts the power of bomb skills, akin to a bomb elemental weapon. On hard impacts, it makes a blast."

That so. "I'll be takin' that, then!"

Again, he blinks. "...Oh? Hmm. I suppose I should give it to you, for the trouble it caused. I haven't a need for it; I'd honestly rather get rid of it or lock it up somewhere, at this rate."

It's in good hands, dude. I totally won't use it to brain some youkai skulls if they try ta eat my shit.

...Spoiler alert: I probably will!

While thefting the 'bomb hanger' from him- as I will now deem it- I point at the hanger with the yin yang orbs on the inside! "Yo~. What's good wit' this?"

He focuses on it for a second, too. "Well… it's a holy plant hanger, forged by the Hakurei. To hang plants, you know." Aww~! Ancient Hakurei weapons, dude! "It deals holy damage when you hit things with it. If you channel a lot of mana into it, it will make a blinding flash."

Oh, good. You know, that's a lot better than all my other physical-only shit. Actually has some range to it, meanwhile I can just toss the bomb hanger at people for bonus points and shit. Yeah, that's actually not terrible by comparison to my old non-strategy…!

I point at the other holy-looking, crappier hanger. "What's this thing, now?"

...Furrowing his brows at it, he shakes his head. "Its utility is something along the line of 'spreading the name of the Hakurei god in structural form'. It's a… scathing sentiment, about as jagged as its appearance. There's no magic to it. It's also meant to hang plants, although it's specifically only supposed to be affixed to a cross."

Oh, so it's a piece of crap, then. I've already got a proper metal plant hanger that I've upgraded to be a piece of crap plus one, so I don't need another regular piece of crap! "...I think ya can hold onto that one."

"Very well." He takes the crappier holy hanger away, leavin' me with the Hakurei brand, yo. The good shit!

I point at the fuel canister and the shaft doodad! "What're these, yo?"

He points at the shaft. "It's a shaft. Sturdy brass, elementally attuned for durability. Earth elemental." He points at the fuel canister. "...A mini-flamethrower fuel canister, of tempered steel. Fire elemental. No fuel."

Huh. So they're about as I thought, kinda.

...I caress the goods with an open hand. "How much, yo?"

"Ten thousand yen, probably." Geesh. Guy drives a hard bargain…! Well, I guess the elemental doodads aren't necessarily common. Especially like, fire, here on the overworld. Earth I can see finding anywhere, or asking Suwako or something.

...Let's see, nine thousand from the fai~ries, and… Sakuya better've paid me more than ten bucks to run around! I open up the pouch- oh, there's folded up bills in here, too. Like… five grand? Five grand in yen. So fifty bucks! Well… that works. Sakuya probably could've just picked up the meds herself, so it's nice I got anything.

I place the ten thousand yen down. "Here you go, yo."

"Thank you." He gives me a nod! "...And, do come again, if you could. Customers around these parts are few and far between, shall we say. I promise not to blow you up next time." Wahaha!

...I might as well see if this crap fits onto any of my stuff while I'm here!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I have melded a shaft onto the Quake Maker! With some elbow-grease, it's like a freakin'... hanger hammer now dude!

I have no idea how the fuel canister will fit onto Flame Dispenser, so I'll worry about that later.

Holy Hanger-... I'm just gonna keep calling Holy Hanger 'cause I got nothin' to slap onto it. Hoh.

"You know…" Rinnosuke watches me put away my stuff. "If you could, I'd like you to check on something, for me."

Oh? "Waddaya mean?" S'not often I'm asked to do things! Aside from recently!

"I had Marisa go out to examine where some things of mine have been taken, recently." He prefaces the quest. "And, naturally, she won't let anyone else steal my merchandise. There was a trail of some of my smaller goods, for her to follow"

Walking around the counter, he gestures for me to follow. "Around this way." Oo~h.

Moving through his back room, he leads the way, an' I follow him. We enter a room behind the counter, go through a small inbetween room, and reach what seems like a living room-ish situation in here.

S'got a table, some chairs, and a lot of crap laying around, just like in the front room!

He points out the back door here. Oh, yeah, there's like…! There's a piece of shitty metal on the ground to the left! And, a radio to the right, in the bushes.

"As you can see, it's… pretty obvious where everything went." Rinnosuke gazed at me. Man- dude's nearly as tall as me. Kinda impressive, actually. Man- why's the one named Touhou dude gotta be taller and more filled out than me.

"Hoh." I nod! "So… where's me?" What'm I supposed ta do!? Get it back? Didn't ya send Marisa!?

"She's been out for awhile, and I don't want her doing anything rash… or breaking anything." I assume by 'she' he means Marisa. After a moment, he stepped back inside. "If you could... go check on the situation, maybe? I don't want to ask you to do anything you don't feel capable of or comfortable with."

Rinnosuke has given me my actual first RPG mission. I must go shove ten rats up my ass.

"What if the rats kill me." I let my arms ragdoll. "What if I secede from the world, and succumb to the minor dark forces."

...Rinnosuke looks worried! "I just said- I wouldn't ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable with."

Actually, wait, I have a hand bomb plant hanger thing, things should be fine-ish. "Do you want precisely ten rats killed. I can kill precisely ten- but five more and that'll run you twenty-five more EXP."

Rinnosuke blinks, and furrows his brows some. "EXP?"

"Sheer, condensed experience in qualitative, numerical form." I fold my arms. "By the sheer acquisition of it, I am become the large. The true master of combat and crafts, by virtue of existing!"

"...That sounds stupid." Rinnosuke shuts down the idea of EXP systems! "Well, if all you're going to do is sass me, I'll simply return to waiting."

I wave my hand at 'em! "Aa- alright! I'm doin' it! Don't you worry your silver-haired head!"

Might as well figure out how mean this place is! I'm sure with my crap and potions I could just run away if things got ugly…

Also, might as well get goin' right now! Especially 'cause Rinnosuke's just- awkwardly walking off to do his Rinnosuke things. Yeah- I uh, should go.

You ever get that awkward half-feeling of like, 'I shouldn't be here'? Yeah, I half-felt like I should've gone back to the mansion! But screw it, yo, screw it, I wanna see Marisa shoot people maybe. And, if not, I'll get to run away really fast!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

…The magic forest is quiet. Too quiet.

"Hehehe~!" Well, barring the giggling of fairies. And-

Splash! "Woa~h! Bubble-chan, hold on- waah!"

There's a lot of fairies doing shit, actually. They're not really caring about me all that much, either. They seem to be preoccupied with a nearby pond, or something…

But, yeah, they kinda kill the 'creepy forest' atmosphere.

Under the forest's gloom, shimmering fake starlight shakes amidst the foliage overhead. The luminescent colors of fairy girl eyes shimmer in the blue fog of darkness around me occasionally.

After continuing past them, following the abandoned furniture, I move through a channel of trees 'n' not totally bruth-obscured forestry…

I should probably stop giving a shit and just charge through the bushes, but- wait, I'd lose sight of the goods! Yeah.

Aw. Ahead, there's what looks like a stereo just embedded in a poofy, leafy bush. Y'know, as opposed to an unleafed bush. I mean it's got big leaves!

Also, the magical forest, as always, is dark. For some reason, you can see… well, I guess they're not stars. Maybe there's just magic particles in the air and it makes it looks like nighttime in here.

So I pass that stereo-

Cra- crack! Oh- whelp, so much for the 'make sure stuff doesn't break' thing! It's shattering before me…!

Crack! ...Ah.

A goo girl emerges from it, swaying about. She's blue! "Nnh…"

"...Hello?" Let's be bold! How are you, today!?

"Mmh…" She makes vaguely feminine noises, staring at me with an uneven expression. "Nnn." Oh.

"…Nh!" I make a masculine noise at her! "Unh!"

"Muoh." Alright, I haven't a clue what she's sayin'...!

I just- I just kinda walk off. Rest in peace, stereo. Now a goo girl's… thing. Yeah, I dunno. That was confusing.

Continuing forward, I just kinda… keep walking. Ho ho ho~...

After advancing through enough of the brush and walking past enough neat furniture-

"honh honh honh honh" I find a loli-sized fluffle, standing next to an upright lamp.

"Oh, hello, friend." I greet the loli-sized fluffle. "You're a tubby person."

...It just continues to prance back and forth next to the lamp, facing me. "honh ho he ho he"

I guess it's friendly, then. Walking ahead-

"honh ho ho ho he" A person-sized fluffle person wades through the brush, and prances towards me!

"Yo- hello…!" Hi, fluff person. Why're you-

"he ho honh ho he" You can stop getting closer now! Freakin'-

Taking out Flame Dispenser, I point it at it! "No, yo! Back off, noo~b…"

"he ho ho he ho" It continues to skip towards me!

Once it gets within hugging distance, I thrust!

Foof. The pudgy tub yields to my assault-

Fwoom. I also happened to have ignited it. Flame Dispenser doin' work!

"what no" It looks down the fire. "you made me an outcast" Awh.

Slowly, the entire thing began to burn-

Fwoom! It collapsed, and the fire ate all the dust instantly, before ceasing to exist. I think I accidentally killed it. But that's okay, apparently! They're not even alive things, I guess. I can't really tell, even.

...Even though I killed its friend, the remaining fluffle is still dancing next to that lamp. "honh honh ho he ho he"

...Well, ignoring that, I'm just gonna… go in the direction hinted by these stapler iron things that're embedded in the dirt, whatever they are. Rinnosuke's gonna miss his collection of staplers, dude.

After a moment, I come to, like, a big rock. Yeah, yo. It's big.

Around the sides of it, there're some uneven, crooked palisades kinda-sorta set up next to one another. Hrrm.

Aw, dude! Rumia twirls around in the air ahead of me, some fluffles hanging onto her arms…

...Not sure if I should aggro her! She's kinda like, the person who always eats outsiders at the beginning of stories! And, she has actual spell cards, I'm pretty sure. So-

"Round and round I go!" Rumia's fluffy. "I go round and round!" Like a record, baby!

...I wonder if Rinnosuke has a record player. Well, anyway…

"Love Sign!" Oh, there's a Marisa somewhere, too. "Master Spaa~rk!" And-

VRRRRRRRR

Holy shi~t…! Ground's all rumbly rumbly, dude…!

Bright light flares out from over the palisades, rainbow-tinted streaks of light shining through the jagged gaps and making our little clearing look like a disco hall…!

RRRrrr… After a moment of ear rape and funky disco good times, the spark ends, allowing us to return to our regularly scheduled indefinite darkness.

"Right 'round like a record!" Rumia actually kind of knows the lyrics I was thinking of…! "Round, round, round, round!"

...The entire palisade line starts shuffling!

"honh honh honh honhhonhhonhhonhonhnnhonhnh"

Small, ankle-sized fluffles start pouring out from around the wall. En masse! Holy fucking-

Alright, Rumia's a better option! I run towards her-

"Woah, woah!" Rumia starts flailing her limbs, as fluffles scale her instead of just hang off her!

Reaching into my bag for Quake Maker, I- holy shit! Fluffles start scurrying up my thigh son-

Swing! Swing! A~nd swing! Die, die-

Oh, boy. Back! Back, I say!

Patatatatat! Rumia starts unleashing random danmaku randomly!

Hnngh…! Swing- swing- swing- swing- arms, arms're tired…! Aaa~h, aaa~h!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 6

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Guy from IT who Weaponizes Plant Hangers

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Maker - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes due to an upgrade. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder.

INVENTORY:

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Dispenser - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Upgraded to have a nozzle with which the weapon can be utilized as a flame thrower with.

Vortex Hanger - A pastel-green and grey plant hanger, comprised of mysterious industrial metals. Is always vaguely windy, and thus floats on flat surfaces like an air-hockey. Boosts wind abilities and spells; can cast minor wind spells via swinging, although for the most part that consists of a slight height boost when jumping which can be repeated, resulting in psuedo-flying. Currently attached to the flail...

Hydraulic- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Mundane, but practical in the eyes of a few. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Darker Than Dark - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Due to a dark amulet upgrade, it may be used to cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes.

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Fancy operating cross v.2.0 - Allows control and summoning of a London doll, along with some basic commands.

PARTY:

London, the Doll - Defensive unit, able to hold positions and provide cover-fire. Command is slightly dynamic, sporting defensive and offensive modes. Able to be used for more intricate operations; although seems to be strangely absent if the operating cross is in the hammerspace sack this time…

Rumia, the Darkness Youkai - Vaguely sufficient brute strength, but dimwitted at times and not very capable in various instances. Playful and childish, she likes to devour humans in the night time, and occasionally 'play' with them, typically by means of danmaku. Marginally more docile during the day, depending on how hungry she is. Deceptively cuddly looking!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Danmaku, apparently!

Marisa Kirisame, the Ordinary Magician - Ordinary human, who happens to have spent alot of time studying magic to the point she's got a huge mana pool for unleashing heavy non-elemental magic storms.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Mini-hakkero, a power-amplifying device Marisa uses to fuel her Master Sparks; love-elemental and non-elemental moves are accented by the 25% power boost naturally provided; this percentage is based on other mini-hakkeros. The fact other mini-hakkeros exist is alarming to me. What's a full-sized hakkero like anyway?

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

finally freakin finished this! this chapter took one day too long, but i like how i wrapped it up!

received various criticisms regarding pacing and structure that i wanna keep in mind; im not sure how much in the previous chapters really warrants a once-over to fix, but i do wanna improve stuff and things so any feedback regarding what i could be doing wrong is appreciated- i wanna grow as a writer, even if this fic is mostly for myself

things i know: pacing is whack because i don't properly structure paragraphs or adjust their size quite properly in comparison to the action going on or pacing of previous events; i was told it was kinda awkward and all over the place, and that's because it IS awkward and all over the place- i didn't think it out, i just wrote what i felt like writing, and it shows. that's not entirely a bad thing though- but something to keep in mind were i to take things more seriously. in retrospect, if i wanted this story to function proper i'd have needed to make vague outlines or atleast typed in consistent moods… aka paying any attention at all to my pacing

where it concerns the dialogue execution: i like it; this is what i'd like to read when it comes to dialogue, and i personally find it smooth and not too confusing- i was told the perspectives switch alot aswell, but i'm not entirely certain where or what that really means- because as far as i'm concerned it's all from my guy's point of view unless the whole "the thoughts aren't italicized i cant tell them from the regular descriptive narrator statements raah" is a problem… which i feel like shouldn't be a big big issue- it might be a little jerky at times but i dunno i feel like both A) the reader can get used to it if they're bored enough and B) this flows far better than some other things i've seen and is in no way absolutely horrible so it's not terrible overall

i do acknowledge that, this being my first time writing first person like this and all, that there's probably some issues- feel free to beat me over the head with a plant hanger if you spot anything

oh yeah for some reason im feeling very self-conscious about the boss fight things i've made- that one rainbow armored guy was really a GIANT SPACE FLEA FROM NOWHERE essentially, and it's like "does that really fit at all", but ai dunno ai felt it worked for what it was and it set the fluffles up as antagonistic potentially

now, onto actually discussing the chapter and not my writing problems!

alot of somewhat boring moments of me going around gensokyo doing trivial activities!... but atleast i'm trying to keep power slightly consistent yet power-creepy in ways!

also more fluffles because yeah

also me finally using danmaku instead of freakin lethal measures during combat periods- it's a christmas miracle

something funky's going down at the mansion! help no!

...yeah i dont really have alot to talk about regarding the chapter itself, hahah

guess what im actually uploading this- yes your ears and eyes are not being deceived right now this'll actually be going live and probably rotting until i make the next two incidents in like fifty million years from now

see you all next time!

~Thanks,

A FREAKIN SKOOLATOON

==== ELEVENTY KAJILLION YEARS LATER ====

hello it's me again

or is it

"also me finally using danmaku instead of freakin lethal measures during combat periods- it's a christmas miracle" so saideth old me

before i replaced the psuedo-danmaku fight with the cod fanboy with a segment where the goddesses just summoned forty eight hours of cannons and literally erased his carbon footprint in gensokyo (himself included)

and also i'm just retconning the fluffle fort fight itself because it's kind of oof and my old writing style doesn't really lend justice to random acts of ineffectual violence

...such will also be my remaining contribution to chapter 7 for the next sun heat death cycle among other things; retconning that brief segment so the cringe flows a little better

before we move on let me just change the changelog yo

o beginning fight replaced with an execution

o kaguya and mokou still uninvolved but my fraternization with them later in the story makes sense because i still pal'd around with them in chapter 5

o better execution of the goddesses

- including some bare minimum sanae!

O bomb hanger obtained early; this is going to be an inconsistency for the unrevised chapter seven, where i also actually get the bomb hanger again (although it'll seem cheeky because my guy was supposed to only learn about it this chapter, and he's going to go "i already know what it does just give it to me", so it works out funnily enough for now even if it's WRONG)

o potions got this chapter, along with better marcus

o hana's ha-chan moniker obtainment's actually kind of a nice moment

o we dine somewhere particular this time

o fairy pals existing period where they didn't before

o sakuya still retrieves ha-chan, except also her pals this time, if only because it'd be kind of awkward to segway into chapter 7 with them still there or at kourindou and oh god dude suddenly they don't exist; now they get to naturally slip out and not appear again for awhile

o lots of running around mitigated

o we no longer visit alice this chapter (really no reason last time)

o we don't bum out in marisa's like an insane asylum escapee (not really any time and days don't flow that fast in revised land)

o different money totals are thrown about, potions too; kind of hard to unify without justification unless i just randomly lose shit like an idiot XD

o brad texting matt segment added to chapter 5 (although not at this moment)

o bomb hanger's scene actually meant something

o holy hanger bit criticizes regular religious things harder (rather cheeky innit)

o aya appears after the goddesses fuck up a boy and is fluffy now

not quite as overall overarching as some of the other changelogs but still substantial

this chapter too was essentially entirely rewritten

also my old-self was pretty spot on in his self-critique although he didn't necessarily know how to do it better or in as short of a time

also there is no longer something funky going on at the mansion as of this new take. oh no.

so anyway

these new chapters i feel were pretty solid 'cause i was just able to better a pre-existing concept and super-edit my own crappy writing, and the only person to get angry at that criticism was me and i'm quite receiving of myself you might find

it only took me nearly two million total words and 1.2 M in this one fic to realize how to fix this vaguely

there will still be some inconsistencies going into the next chapter so i guess i'll point those out now

INCONSISTENCIES FOR READERS GOING AHEAD:

no longer applies - chapters 7-11 have also been revised, meaning quality drop-off will occur by chapter 12 instead

if you find the writing style unbearably bad past 11 you can either wait for more revisions (gonna take awhile) or skip ahead like… ten chapters at a time until it stops sucking

i'd like some feedback too by the way! i whore myself out for criticism a lot so please mow me down trust me i don't take offense

As always, see you all next time!

~A FREAKIN SKOOLATOON