(in which we become a world roller)
Ho~h, shit, yo!
Clap! I clap my hands together! ...For, uh, no real reason!
It's an afternoon at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, yo.
"I'm not letting you get your hands on Brad-kun!" Ha-chan is on the defense, dude!
It's the Punch-Out: Minor Circuit dude. Ha-chan stands with her fists up before me, looking absolutely unprepared for any sort of actual combat.
Komi, this tall-ish, black-haired fairy maid stands across from her, fists up similarly! "I'll knock you out, bitch…"
"Yay!" Koi, this orange-haired shortie of a fairy maid, bounces boobily and breasts in the air. I- I mean she does a little jump into the air! "Go Komi-chan! Knock her out!"
Komi narrows her eyes. Ha-chan looks more intent…!
...Both the fairy maids in question throw little punches at the air, neither actually coming close to striking one another.
What a fluffle company, dude.
While I've been idly wandering the mansion halls, I've been idly wonderin' how to make things up with Patchy! She seemed really bothered, uh… a few hours ago!
What would she like? I… have absolutely nothing I could offer her!
boof. Ha-chan smacks Komi with a fluffle. "honhonhonhonh" The fluffle makes a loafsome sound, as dust freakin' billows into the air…!
But… wait. I think I got an idea.
"Kaugh- kauff- ugh…!" Komi's freakin' dusted now, dude. "Fuck…"
"Ha-chan baby, yer a genius." I point at 'er! "Yo-" How the fuck do I reward her. Aw, let's see!
...Since Ha-chan's almost as tall as me, somehow, maybe half a head shorter, I pet her on the head awkwardly.
"Oo-" She takes pause. Then, she starts to blush, and props her arms up. "Brad…"
Oo- oh! Then, she hugs me! If she was a real girl and not a fairy, that would've been a slap, not a hug…!
Komi glares! "You-... what the fuck! You're so disgusting with her- but not with anyone else!?" I mean- petting someone like they're a cat is low-key weird, but I don't think you should be indignant that I'm not petting you…! That's even weirder!
"Pet me too!" Koi bounces up to us! "I'll pet your dick for you too!" Wait, no.
"Let's go! We gotta leave!" I break from Ha-chan's arms, and start to jog off!
"Hey- wait up!" Koi starts to fly after me- and I break into a full-on sprint! "Hey! Cutie! Cutie~!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
shoof. shoof. shoof.
"Ho- holy… shit…" I pant, all sweaty, as I try to push an entire fluffle stand through the doors of the Voile Library.
shoof. I got help, too. Ha-chan gives it a fluffy push! "Enh!" I'm not sure how hard she's tryin', but it sounds like she's tryin'!
The only reason this's possible's 'cause of this other nice lady here! "Yo." Meiling walks away from the fluffle stand, and moves for the sealed door. "Lemme open it."
...Thunk- crea~k! She gave a relaxed kick to the double doors, and they swung open gently. "Awright!" She gives me a big thumbs-up!
"Nngh…" I keep pushing the fluffle stand. God, it-... it's so much wood, it weighs almost too much to move! It's like moving a medium-scale computer desk workstation around! "Y'know-... ya could help me out!"
"Wha~t." Meiling shook her head! "Naw, kid. Y'gotta train your strength some way."
Y'see- we had this conversation 'bout fighting, an' one thing lead to another, and here we are!
"They say fightin's strength backed by technique, and not bein' mean, ya got neither." She shook her head at me! "And if you can't even push a big pile a' wood around, what good are ya…!?"
"Yeah- fair point…" Admittedly, pain. I wish there was a smarter way…!
Ha-chan's also here, helpin' me push! "Don't- say tha~t…! Nnh-... Brad-kun- nnh- he's good for-... lots of things…!"
Y'know- maybe the answer I'm lookin' for is a gun. We pretty much invented guns so that we didn't have to be oni to fight on the battlefield. ...An' then guns got rid of the conventional melee battlefield almost entirely!
"What 'bout Patchy…!?" I question! "She's got no strength."
"Yeah- an' magic's like technique but multiplied, and is also kinda cheating, same way guns are!" Meiling shuts me down! "Stop belly-achin' and start pushin'!" I gotta push the cart, man…!
shoof. shoof. shoof. An' so, I keep on pushin' that cart deeper into the library…
Meiling seems ta lead the way, so that I don't get freakin' lost and hurt.
"Brad-kun's good for sewing." Ha-chan declares with confidence.
I speak to her quietly! "No I'm not…!"
"He's good for sueing!" Son…!
"I- I ain't any good at that either!" ...Wait. "Unless I'm the one being sued- I'm good at gettin' sued!"
The fluffle at the stand gives both me and Ha-chan a forlorn look, as we push it deeper into the library. It's been looking at us like this ever since we got it like three meters from where it started…!
"you made me distant" It keeps trying to tell us ginger yet also unfortunate omens.
Man, why are its cheeks so chubby. I mean- they're not even chubby, they're this weird… fluff pudge, dude.
Its smile is obscured, 'cause it's forlorn, dude. Where in the fuck did I learn how to use the word 'forlorn'. "eon" Oh. "distant roost"
shoof. shoof. shoof. The day slowly progresses as we push the small schizophrenic nugget person deeper into the book labyrinth.
"displacement" Yeah, that's… accurate.
...I turn ta Ha-chan as she pushes, and she looks endeared!
It's a weirdly iconic moment- or I suppose one a' those moments that really settles into my own mind. S'iconic to me! Us, pushin' a stall through the library under the warm light, amidst the weirdly stuffy yet cold nature of the Victorian halls and shelf aisles.
Maybe the word I was lookin' for was 'memorable'. Anyways- the main reason this sorta thing'd be so memorable is because it's both long and mundane! Well, not entirely mundane- but it's repetitive!
We've been doing this for the past forty minutes, maybe an hour. We have committed to getting this freakin' potato-headed fluffle ta Patchy…!
"im shelter" No you're not!
shoof. shoof. shoof. "virtue" The fluffle turns to us, and I kinda wanna nuzzle it. "virtu~e"
"Hey, Meiling." I wonder. "Do ya know anything about fluffles."
"No, I don't." Yeehaw! "...If I remember right, they kinda resemble mythological kappa… except they're kinda…"
"Retarded?" I grin!
"Yeah, retarded." Meiling agrees! "Which is simultaneously kinda cute- but also really weird…!"
Well, they got little shell noses dude, and that's cute.
I look back at the fluffle. Its shell nose folds open, revealing the dust inside its face. It has no throat, or anything; there's just stuffing and dust inside.
As it repeatedly opens and closes its shell nose, I watch Meiling take a turn. Oh, god.
"Alright-" I put a hand on Ha-chan's girl shoulder. "We gotta make a left turn…!"
"Oh!" She perks up! "Yeah!"
whump. Then- we walk into each other, 'cause she begins making a right turn instead freakin'- "Aw…" Wh- ah…
While she hugs me, I grin! "Ha-chan, ya went the wrong way."
"I went the right way!" Son…
"The right way was the wrong way! We were supposed ta turn left- which ain't that way!"
Ha-chan smiles wider at me! "I made the right turn!"
Meiling freakin' comes back, and-
SHOOF! She abruptly adjusts the entire stand into correct orientation with just one hand!
"honh" The fluffle is jostled!
"Yer both almost done!" Meiling announces! "We're right there…!"
"Hoh- shit!" Aw, yeah! Ohp-
Thud! I try ta move- but Ha-chan doesn't think of letting go- and- oof…
She hugs me harder while we're on the floor! "Me- Mei-... Memeling, help…!"
Meiling rounds the stand, and stares down at us with dry vexation…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Slowly, Patchy pans her gaze up from her tome, looking daringly snuggleable, as well as gentle. Also, very done with life!
"We did it." I salute her. "We found… the pudge."
"Tada~!" Ha-chan presents the fluffle stand!
"mexican standoff" Uh oh…!
We have oriented the stall right in front of her desk. It's powerful.
"im cultured" The fluffle informs her…!
She lazily traces her gaze up ta me. "This was your idea of repaying me?"
I slouch, and gain a gentle look. "Dude- fluffles are fun to sniff."
"Fun for you." Patchy nodded. "And 'fun' as in the same way licking windows might be fun. But, not for me." Wahohoho!
"He~y!" Meiling is dangerously rowdy! "Merry Christmas, Lady Patchouli~!"
Patchy doesn't falter. "It's October." Oof…!
Meiling looks smug. "I know, but I was thinkin'-"
"I'll exercise as I please, Meiling. We have this talk every other week, it seems like."
...At that, Meiling pouts. "Well- ya don't get up an' exercise! I know yer a mage an' everything, but ya still got a body! What- d'ya plan to be a floatin' brain in a jar someday…!?"
"Mmh…" Patchy doesn't like the mental visual! "Well, if I had it my way, perhaps something to do with computers or engineering…"
Meiling shook her head. "Oh, now y'don't wanna go doin' that. I know mosta' the exercise regimes we've done before haven't necessarily been stuff ya could maintain- so I was thinkin', uh… walks might suit you?"
"I get winded walking around the library too fast." Patchy provides…! "That's why I float everywhere."
"Tha- that's bad…!" Meiling beams back! "Also- don't do that! Let yerself get winded- that means yer makin' progress!"
"I don't like sweating. I don't like the exhaustion either."
Meiling winked an eye shut, an' gave 'er the ol' stink-eye. "I'll have ya know, there was that one study 'bout IQ development bein' linked in proportion ta physical activity…"
"Yes. For humans." Patchy tilted her gaze up. "You are a dragon, Meiling. I am a mage. It really doesn't apply to either of us. Both of us are well past the point our brains should have rotted into mush. Our cells would have ceased replicating, our bodies allowing themselves to permanently shut down."
Meiling folds her arms. "Nnh…"
I make a suggestion. "What if, she sniffed fluffles instead."
Patchy snorts! "I'd die." Oh no!
...Then, she brushes some a' her purple bangs aside. "On that note… what is this." She gestures to the fluffle stand!
After internalizing her monotone 'cause it was so good, I gesture to it! "It's a vendor of the street folk."
"street folk" The fluffle likes that so much it repeats it apparently!
"Yeah, dude!" I nod! "It's snuggly!"
"snug" Aw, yes dude!
"As a bug!" Aw…
"bug" Yeah! Almost there-
"In a rug!" I finish!
"rug" Hell yeah! "in a" Huh… ";',';.,';';.',;.',;." What the fuck.
Patchy blinks strangely! Meiling purses her lips, staring down at the fluffle…
"Anyway…" I pat on the wood of the fluff's stand. "Show me your goods, son."
thunk, thunk. Aw. There's two plant hangers for sale.
One is my regular plant hanger I stole off the wall in Remi's throne room- except it's all glowy rainbows and shit holy shit it's a rainbow hanger-
An' the second one is like… a handle.
The rainbow hanger's like a freakin' gif. It's actually really cool in person!
I point at it! "How much's this!?" I want this!
"five hundred thousand yen" My dreams, dashed. Why. That ain't balanced…!
...An' I ain't even gonna ask about that freakin' purple handle thing yet. It looks distinctly halloweeny, but I don't care!
Patchy looks unimpressed. "It sells a single plant hanger."
...I purse my lips! "S'cause my main weapon is plant hangers!"
"That's-..." Patchy takes pause! "That's really what you're going with…"
Reachin' into my bag, I take out that-... fuckin' bomb hanger thing I got from the Kourindou!
An' then, it strikes me.
I make an incredibly focused face. "Bee~sheventeen, bawmber!" The new name has been decided. There will be no consensus on this, I am the consensus!
Ha-chan tries to repeat after me! "Bee~shevie bammy!"
...I grin at Patchy! "Now you try!"
"No." Wh- ghfh- but you gotta try…!
"But thou must!" I affirm!
"...No?" Son…!
Meiling smiles. "I bet'cha can't say it."
"Come now." Patchy scoffs. "You'll have to try harder than that."
So let's try harder than that! "She can't." I beam very intentionally obnoxiously! "She can't…!"
"She- she can't?" Ha-chan- may or may not take me at face value! "I thought Lady Patchouli was smart…" Wow!
Meiling snorts too! "Aah-... sellin' it a little hard- but…!"
Now pressured, if only slightly, Patchy huffs! "Fine." Wahoo! "Bee-... bee- sh- shev-... sheva-..."
"Bee~sheventeen, bawmber!" I repeat for her convenience... and to taunt her!
"Nnm- bee- sh- sheventeen… balmer."
I shake my head, expression intense! "Bee~sheventeen, bawmber!"
"Bee-" Patchy gets cross! "This is stupid. This is absolutely stupid."
Meiling looks slightly shook, in the funny way! "...I- I, huh."
"No. I will have none of it." Patchy stuffs her face in her tome! "You can all leave now."
"Yo- hold up!" I hold my hands up! "Y'should ask the fluffle about its wares, dude!"
...thump. Patchy lets the tome flop onto the desk, and gives the fluffle a very level expression!
"i'll be close" The fluffle informs her.
"I'd rather you weren't." Patchy returns! "Show your wares."
thump. Actualizing from actually nowhere, Patchy-centered tomes flop onto the fluffle stand's counter…
There's a purple one, wit' a purple diamond embedded in the front cover, and a bright cyan one with a gorgeous, perfectly round pearl slotted into its own cover.
"...Huh." She gives the books a very tired, very drained kinda look. "And I don't suppose you wrote these?"
The fluffle pans its head up and smiles dude! "i did"
"...Did you, now." Patchy really doesn't believe it!
She floats the pearl book closer, and once it's in her hands, she pans it open.
...Oh, oh no. The pearl on the front's actually an entire round gem- and since it's pretty big, it means every page halfway into the book had to have a round cut-out made in it to accommodate the gem.
Patchy blinks in slight awe, before looking up at the fluffle. "While cute, this design is going to get very old, very quickly. And…"
She began ta skim the text. "...Japanese, Heaven dialects and writing tendencies. It reads like an ancient Heaven text." What the fuck.
She flips back to the very disjointed-lookin' index, and scans it. "...This lay-out… it doesn't make any sense, either. The information is here, but outside of each chapter… it's just a dump of spell manipulation techniques and knowledge."
"it is the Pearl Guardian EOX tome" The fluffle provides, somehow knowing. "it facilitates the thinking of light and purification magic"
...Patchy's brows raise plainly! I can't believe this fluffle invented the Equinox printer series. Or- however that series of printers was named, s'been awhile since I've dealt with printer technology. Freakin', Graphic Design class…!
"Oka~y." Patchy blinked slowly. "What of the other tome?"
"the Eternia Chronicle allows you to redistribute your spatial coordinates and convert them to money" The fluffle, uh… "however it only subtracts from the origin of the room"
"...What." Patchy is slightly horrified!
I take the book. I place it on Patchy's desk! "Aw! How d'ya use it!?"
"use it" Understandable have a nice day. "it does not work outdoors" Uh oh.
...Patchy puts her hand on the book! "How do you mean? Redistribute my spatial… coordinates?"
Is it about as easy ta use as a plant hanger's magic? Putting my hand on it, I kinda try and channel my magic in that vague way I kinda half-assed for that one wimpy fireball-...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We are in a corner of the library, in the air. You can tell it's a super corner of the library, because the walls give this impression of being like two textures without intricate modelling!
"Who- aah!" Patchy just falls-
"Shit!" -an' so do I…!
She stops herself, and- oh, this isn't good. I'm still fallin'! Uuh. Wh-... huh. I'm caught by a cloud of purplish, lavender magic from below.
Wait, I coulda just double-jumped when I was gonna hit the floor. S'a good thing Patchy thought of keepin' me from gettin' insta-gibbed on the floor, though…!
She floats down to her cloud a' weird magic that caught me, and frowns! "You just sold our spatial coordinates." Wahahaha!
"I did…!" Yeah, dude! Wha-
thump. The book falls and lands in my hands! "Yo- Patchy- c'mere!"
fwish. The magic goes away- but I jump again in mid-air and-
"You- abso- fucking-" Patchy tenses up when I wrap my legs 'round her, and-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We did it! We're back at the room's origin dude!
...We very slowly creep downward while in the air, 'cause Patchy isn't strong enough to hold onto the both a' us with her flight while I'm clinging to her! "You-... idiot."
"Dude- we telemaported!" Let's cause a ruckus, dude! "Aw…!"
"Give me that-" Wh- Patchy tries to snatch the tome from me- but I- nnh- fight her- "Give me that- you complete child-"
Ooh- we spin around in the air- and- oh god-
Clack! Upon just my shoes, we touch down on the top of a way high-up catwalk, and even up here, there're fuckin' bookshelves everywhere. Although up here, they're as sparing as like, an actual library, and not absolutely everything you can see.
There's a really aesthetic view of the lower floors here- but I can hardly think about that!
Instead of us both landing, I landed first.
Patchy succeeds in ripping the tome from my hands-
"Wh- ugh…" Patchy grunts, as I succeed in rippin' her right off the floor! "Let go of me…!"
Aw- dude! There's a hallway entrance nearby!
Carryin' the really light Patchy in my arms, I heave and freakin'... slowly power-walk to the door. Look- even if she's as light as me, I can hardly carry myself…!
"I will shoot you in the face." Patchy growls up at me…! "I swear it-... if you do not let me go-"
When we're in the hall, I place my hand on the tome in her arms- and her eyes widen- and-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Well. You've done it."
Patchy nods, now that I have released her.
We're somewhere black. I-... are we still in the mansion? I think we are!
There's a single fluffle here in the void with us. It's got its rear up in the air, which looks more like the end of a loaf of bread than it does a butt. To that end, its waving its loaf around.
"You've really done it." Patchy's immeasurable disappointment just makes me beam harder…! "You-... you've really done it. This is awful." An' that's terrible…!
We're in a black void, with nothing else in sight as far as I can even see. I dunno what we're standing on. Somehow, the lighting here is static. What a creepy location...
I hold my arms out! "I- ah, I 'unno dude! S'this, uh…" Is this where the hallways begin…!? Dude. "We're at the neutron star of the mansion's halls!"
Wh- uh oh. The fluffle suddenly stops dancing, leaps at me, and steals that one book we didn't pay for from my hands, before scampering off.
"Mmm." Sakuya hums, suddenly between us! "Not quite."
"Sakuya- where are we?" Patchy asks completely for the sake of being exasperated. "Where even is this? You know what- don't answer that. Just, take us back. This is terrible."
...Sakuya just has her lips pursed!
"This has all gone entirely wrong." Patchy faces me, mildly upset! "You-... don't grin at me. Wipe that grin off your face."
I shrug! "What'd I do…!? I mean- I may have spatially displaced the both of us- but I didn't kill-... I didn't kill yer pet succubus or anything!"
"I've lost my place in my book." Oh. Oh shit. I killed her mental RAM is what I did…! "It's back at the library. At my desk. Quite far away, at any rate. That's all your fault."
Well. ...I nod. It is, but…! "You're really snuggly, though."
"That-" Patchy fluffs up! "That has nothing to do with it…"
"I'll get the both of you out of here." Sakuya decided to be helpful, an' not just leave us in the freakin'... black void here.
Suddenly, in a blink, we're somewhere not out of bounds. We're back in the actual hallways, and-... aw!
It's the table fort! Aw. Good ol' Fort Fuck-You!
...Patchy puts her hands on her own hips. "This is not my desk, Sakuya. ...Sakuya? This- isn't time for your sass…"
"Dude." I gesture to it! "I named it."
"Oh. Oh. This is your doing." Patchy scoffs down at the table fort… "I thought the fairies were in for it again. You do act quite fairy-like, when I think about it…"
Patchy is testy today, dude. ...Y'know, I just realized, I have completely failed to make up for our last awkward encounter!
"This is Fort Fuck-... fuck." I do not dare finish the name! "I sleep in it, dude."
Climbing over the outer wall of tables, I get down on my arms and legs! And-
"honhonh honh honh" What. A fluffle scuttles up to me, freakin' flops its tub against my face and my upper chest, and scuttles off. Dude- fluffles're taking over the fort!
I draw my freakin' bomb hanger! "Lady Patchouli! We gotta save the fort! S'being stormed by fluffles!"
Click! I hit the table ceiling-
KABOOM! I- I've made a mistake-
"Christ!" Patchy catches a table that rolled out towards her! "What-..."
Oh- oh no-
THUNK! As the tables all collapsed down, the ceiling of the fort collapsing, I just get fuckin' crushed into the floor…
"Oo-... ow…" Ow~...!
Thunk- thunk. Patchy telekinetically discards the table that almost assaulted her. "That-... huh."
That- hurt more than I bargained for! Wow…!
"Nngh-" Pain. "I-..." Uh oh. "I'm trapped…!" Trapped under tables! I could just explode them again, maybe, but uh… oh, shit, where's that hanger? I can't move! "I'm trapped…!"
"Yh- you're trapped." Patchy confirms…!
"Ye- yeah! And- fuck…" Ow~. "Help…?"
"Help you?" Patchy drifts over, and just freakin'... stands before me, amidst the table pile. "After everything you've done? You can have your pet fairy help you."
"Aa- awh…" That's sad. "Y'know-... I know the road ta hell's paved with good intentions- but all I wanted ta do was-... cheer ya up somehow- after, uh, a couple hours ago…"
...Patchy folds her arms. "You failed." Uh oh…! "I-..."
"This may be kind of crazy, coming from me." Sakuya's suddenly next to her, drying a plate with a towel. "But, perhaps, you are overreacting?"
"...Why'd you put me here, Sakuya?" Patchy immediately accosts her! "I have studies, which have been interrupted. At this point, you know what… I'll go back on my own. What's done is done."
"I think the fresh air is good for you." Sakuya returned. "As fresh as the manor's air gets. Is this no different from your antics with the black-white?"
"And if she were crushed by a mountain of tables she herself jostled, I'd leave her for dead too." Patchy's stone cold…!
...Nodding, Sakuya tilts her own head back. "I still believe a break in format is healthy, once in a while."
Patchy snorts. "That is crazy, coming from you. Let's see your format break. Will you be so pleased then?"
...Sakuya shrugged. "Depends what mood I'm in. It just sounds, dare I say… slightly juvenile? For you to be so upset, no matter how mildly."
Patchy frowned harder. Then, she sighed. "Must we all be the bigger people, all of the time…?"
Sakuya smiled! Which is great 'cause I still feel like I got punched in the spine, by a table…! "It's healthier to be happy, Lady Patchouli."
"Don't-..." Then, Patchy exhaled. "You know… I suppose you're right. I'm just tired of all these recent interruptions…"
"Admittedly, I don't get bothered when I'm reading." Sakuya has the ghost of a smirk…! "So, I wouldn't know your trouble."
Patchy snorts. "Hah. Show off."
With that, Sakuya was gone, as if knowin'. Patchy pans around to me, and lifts a hand-
clunk, clunk, clunk. Oo- ooh… all the tables over me start ta move, and float into the air!
I crawl out from my table endeavor, an' Patchy sets 'em down in my trail, rebuilding my demented table fort that was there before.
Carefully, gently, she hovered the Bee-sheventeen Bawmber up to me! "Put this thing away. Silly boy." Oo- oh. Feels weird ta be called that, in the good way!
So I do! "Hoh…" I'm still sightly hurt- but y'know I'll walk it off, yo. Blunt trauma is-... b'not trauma! Yeah! That sequence of thoughts was both fluent and clever, definitely!
"I suppose I should apologize for being so snippy." ...Huh. Patchy apologizes. "Brad, were you? I must admit… breaking from format, it is fun. But I resent it too. I try diligently to keep focused. Though everyone says I should take more breaks- if I took more breaks, I would be at a crawl."
...Y'know, I kinda get that! "Some people kinda want ya to chill out and party it up wit' 'em… but they don't really understand how much you wanna study and improve, nor in what time frame, do they?"
Patchy just kinda blinks.
"...We- well…" She swallows, furrowing her brows. "Ye- yes, actually. I~..." She gave me a strange look! "If you understand that much, why bother me like so to begin with?"
I shrug! "I mean- I didn't realize it ten seconds ago! But after ya announced yer feelings outright, I kinda, y'know… recognized it! That, and sometimes stuff just kinda happens, yaknow?"
Smiling, I state some words I really live by! "I just kinda ride the waves, sometimes…!"
...Patchy slouches some, and looks down the hall, over my table fort.
"I'm not always so testy." She admits. "...Regardless. This conversation is over. If you return to the library today, I'll feed you to Koakuma, so don't."
"Alright, yo!" I dunno why I'd hafta to go back that soon anyway- so I just give 'er a salute! "Also- off topic, but what do ya use to smell like lavender stuffs." I mean, let's be real, I'm gonna need some body-freshening scents at some point…!
Patchy exhales. "Cease your flirting." Oh. ...Wait- what!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I… think I mildly succeeded at uh, at least, jostling Patchy's mood? I'm not sure if to consider that a 'win' in my book, or a defeat…!
Regardless, the moment has passed without me being murdered. Just mildly assaulted by tables.
Me and Ha-chan are amidst the halls, gingerly staring both at one another and at the space around ourselves.
An' then Ha-chan connects to the internet again! "I'll show you the perfume I use!" She announces, and immediately bolts! "C'mon!"
"Woah- yo!" I gotta run after her!
Her long, cyan hair freakin' kicks around while she guns it! I realize the fairies don't necessarily wear heels, they got these sorta mary-jane shoes that go with the maid outfits.
It's still jarring to watch fairy maids do their fairy maid things while all dressed-up!
Suddenly, Ha-chan pauses amidst the hall before me, and faces me. "Do you need panties…?"
I freeze entirely, my sprint halted on a dime…!
"Do guys wear bras?" Ha-chan comes up to me, and freakin'- holds open the unbuttoned part of my blue shirt's kinda wide collar…! "Oh! You don't!" Then, she pouts at me. "What if someone sees your boobs, though…?" I- I don't have boobs, I'm a guy!
Wait. "But guys're always flat!" ...Not always, but she don't need ta know the 'fringe cases'-
"Oh." Ha-chan tilts her head back. "That's right…" Yeah!
"Guys don't wear panties, either." I correct her logics…
Ha-chan's eyes widen, an' she looks back at me again. "What…? Wow. That's bold." Wh- freakin'...!
"We wear a different kinda underwear!"
Ha-chan blinks, before smiling! "Oh, yeah! Boxer briefs! I know some fairies who wear those!" An' then she-
"Son," get yer hands off my pants son- "What're ya doin' son-"
"I wanna see!" I fight Ha-chan as she tries to pants me! "Come o~n… I wanna know what kinda underwear we have to find!"
"Why do we need underwear…!?" When'd we get on this train of thought…!?
Ha-chan takes pause. "Did you bring more pairs…?"
I purse my lips. The answer is 'no' but if I say yes, this'll just be over!
But I don't even get to reply 'cause she just kinda knows my answer! "Just let me see! Aa- don't-" She makes an intense face back at my own- as I press my palms against hers and fight her…!
"...What're you doing." Uh oh.
Sakuya's right there again, looking slightly mortified!
I pause, and beam at her!
Ha-chan succeeds, pulling my pants down. "Yeah!" ...Then, she blinks. "They're blue too…"
I fold my arms, an' just stare Sakuya in the eyes.
...Sakuya just plainly stares into my eyes, but she steals at least a couple glances at my underwear.
"Help." I hold my arms out! "Ha-chan-" sayin' the -chan honorific's still weird- "pull them back up…!"
Ha-chan looks over at the chief maid. "Oh- hey, Chief! Do we have any of these in stock!?" Ha-chan points at my underwear- she touched me…!
Sakuya's expression gets increasingly done…! "No." Uh oh. "I came here because the mistress has requested Brad." Not the principal's office…!
...Ha-chan smiles! "Mistress wants to see Brad's underwear?"
thunk. A knife sails past Ha-chan's face, blowing past her hair, slicing up just a strand or two of cyan.
It's so fast that Ha-chan's still smiling. Her eyes widen, the knife having sailed past her head in one frame.
"You know how facetious you're being." Sakuya accuses her! "There'll be time to tease your boyfriend later. Mistress expects the both of you today, and without the day progressing into late evening."
"But- seeing Brad-kun get all mixed up is cute…" Hol' up. Hol' up. Did- did I just get teased by a fairy.
"Yes, yes." Sakuya waves her off. "The both of you can find a random bedroom and have sex later. If, of course, you know what sex is."
...Makin' an adorably aggressive face, Ha-chan begins rapidly poking my- alright that's enough! "Son- I'm gonna unleash on you…!"
thump. I push Ha-chan onto her butt, since she's already crouched down. "Unh! Ehehe- hehe!" Then, she looks up at me. "Why do you got tissues in your underwear…!?"
Tissues? I uh- she doesn't know what the apparatus is does she. Oh my god Sakuya wasn't lying, she might not actually know what sex is.
Suddenly, my pants are back up. Sakuya's right in front of me! "Come on." Uh oh-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Ha-chan's all relaxed, as she snacks on a bowl of reduced-sugar gummy worms. Reduced sugar 'cause according to Sakuya, fairies go sicko mode if they get too much…!
We follow Sakuya through the halls, until we're in uh… the clocktower, I think.
Creak. Pushing through a door, we enter the very base of the clocktower.
TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK. The noises of the Scarlet clocktower ticking overheard are fuckin' booming- but eventually just become white noise. They vibrate through my body, and it starts to feel like my heart beats along to the steady pace…
"Wow." I nod in appreciation. "This is a cool boss arena!"
It's even like a boss arena! There's a big fancy pattern in the floor's midst- and all the pertinent clock tower bullshit is like, a story or two above us into the clocktower, rather than anywhere where we are. Hell, we might not even be in the actual clocktower, just maybe like, an in-built floor beneath it.
It's connected, though. When I look up, I see the cogs and metal guff, amidst the darkness and dim lights above.
Sakuya takes pause. "Who told you?"
"Whah." She say what now.
"Nothing." Sakuya shook her head. "Regardless…"
"Mistress?"
woosh. Like a spooky bat, Remilia drops from above like a drop of black, before her wings flourish.
WOOSH! They flare out bigger, which looks really fancy, and scarlet lights up all along 'em!
...Then, the absolutely huge scarlet wings fade out as she just casually zoops down to us.
"How was that?" She looks smug.
"Dashing, mistress." Sakuya monotones…!
I give her a thumbs-up! "That was rad!"
"Ra- rad…?" Remilia looks displaced by the lingo from an era technically ahead of her's but also still really old!
Ha-chan gets close to me. "Rad Brad!"She puts her face right next to my left cheek! "Rad Brad…" She- talked into my ear…
An' when I squirmed from her speakin' into my ear, she just hugs me. Oof… "Hehehehe…"
...Remilia's mouth is just open. "How daringly sweet. Intoxicating, even. Considering your earlier deduction, I believe you have an idea what we're going to do here today?"
...Aw! "We're gonna spar!"
Remilia snorts. "No, fool. We're going to be testing something. Something which myself and dear Patchouli have been experimenting with. And, I figured you would be one of the safest and simultaneously most interesting candidates."
Whah. "Who- me?"
"No, your fairy. Yes, you." Remilia grinned at me! "If we used this on one of us, why… well, I don't actually know what would happen, and I'm not privy to finding out, considering the prospective property damage."
Wal. Prop- property damage? What're we testing, a wrecking ball…!?
"We're not testing a pile of TNT are we?" I must ask! "I like being alive, if only for a little while longer…!"
Remilia grins at me! "Well- it shouldn't kill you. That'd be slightly depressing, and I'm not in such a mood. At least, I don't think it should kill you…" Um. Not- not promising words…!
Sakuya's just gone. Remilia slides across the room in the air, before comin' up to something with a beige curtain over it…
"Behold." Remilia seems really proud! "Mirror, mirror, on the wall!"
Woosh! She casts the beige cloth off of it, and- ooh…
The mirror's crystalline, almost like a pane of diamond on the wall before us. It's clean as fuck, glittering with light from the nearby, torchlit sources around the square shaft of the clocktower's lower regions.
It emanates a strange sort of feeling. Like… I dunno. It just feels wrong to look at!
She keeps outta the way of it, leerin' at me. "It shall tell you-... well, it won't actually tell you anything. However…"
wooshwooshwooshwoosh. Oh, shit. Four different mirrors glide out from behind it.
"As you may know…" Remilia reclines in the air, dangerously smug. "I command fate. I figured it was time to put it to use for some party and parlor tricks."
Ha-chan is amazed, as she rubs her cheek against mine- "Wo~w! You command fate…!?" Wait, you didn't know? You- you live here…!
Remilia has a really vague look now! "...Yes."
All the mirrors sparkle, their frames all designed differently. "Take a gaze into each of them. Tell me what you see. ...In honesty, Patchouli and I only know what one of them even does. The rest are plain experiments."
fwish. Fer the moment, Remilia cast the beige cloth somewhat amateurishly over the center mirror. "...Survey the other four first. Those will be… less involved."
Hoh. I can't believe I'm a guinea pig. I guess this is what I signed up for, tryin'a live at the SDM and everything.
Plainly, I walk across the whole boss arena floor, and come up to the various mirrors.
First, there's this mirror with black rims. It's round, kinda weirdly angular, but… cool.
For some reason, the picture's fractionated. It looks like the same room on the other side, but…
S'that me? There's three weird blob things around me… are they people? Yeah, they're people.
I can hardly make out what they're wearing. One's got brown hair, the other's got black hair, an' the other's… aw, I think that's Ha-chan.
Then, I see the other me touch the mirror, as if tryin'a stick his hand through it.
"The fuck." I press my hand against his, before givin' him the middle finger!
He gives me two! Hey- fak you!
"I'd take off my shoe and give you three, but that'd be weird!" I shake my fist at other-me! What a freakin' boob! A baboon, dude. A buffoo~n…!
Anyway… yeah, I dunno, it looks really cool, and makes me feel this weird feeling in my chest, but I can't actually do anything with that. Really cool, though…
"Wow…" Ha-chan marvels, too. "That's-..." Then, she gets weirdly fidgety. "I feel funny."
The next mirror's got purple rims! It's a fuckin' triangle. How tacky and useless for decorating purposes!
...Who's that inside it? That isn't even me.
She's a woman with long, black hair and a hard face. S'that Reimu, actually? Looks like Reimu, but bigger! Reimu's mom…!?
We're not synced obviously, 'cause all these mirrors are busted. She comes close, and says somethin' but I can't hear her.
"My name is Brad!" I wave! "Hello Brad! Dude- I can't believe I'm gonna grow boobs in two years…!"
...Her brows shift, and she smiles a little!
"Wh- what?" Somehow, even Ha-chan took exception ta that! "Wow…! I didn't know guys could grow boobs!" Uuh, I mean they technically can, but y'don't wanna know how. I already made a moobs joke earlier, don't do this to me…!
Ohp. The pretty black-haired not-Reimu lady walked away.
...Let's see what the third mirror's about. Goin' across the covered-up mirror, I come up to this one with fuckin' greek written into the rims, with blue-white trims. Another thing that does not fit the mansion's color scheme.
Ooh? ...What looks like a fairy maid stares back at me. She's got long blond hair, blue eyes, and a long, somewhat drained face. Also, a big black kiss mark on her right cheek!
Ha-chan creeps up behind me, and smiles wider. "I should get lipstick…" Ho~h, shit… "I never really liked lipstick- 'cause it's not tasty to eat." What the fuck. What…?
The blonde chick on the other side suddenly becomes perplexed! Leaning closer to the mirror, she licks her lips, and knocks on the 'glass'.
Ooh. Aw, shit. That one Komi fairy chick walks up behind her, and starts tugging on her arm. Komi's got a unique black fairy maid outfit now though, as opposed to the kinda stock-ish one all fairy maids mostly wear.
"I can't believe I really am growing boobs." I say this, but the blonde chick's as flat as I am.
"What the hell are you seeing." Remilia's still floating over us, arms folded together! "If you lie at the end of this, I'll make good on having you raped by the entirety of my fairy staff, mark my words." Oh god…!
"I- I won't!" I'll try not to, at least!
...Oh, blonde chick's gone. There's a black kiss mark on the mirror's surface now, though. Oh- there's writing in Japanese too!
"Yo- Ha-chan, what's that say." I'm fuckin' illiterate, dude. Ho~h…
Wait- oh no. Ha-chan gives me an adorably confused look! "I- I can't read either…" What the fuck…!
"Oh, fine." Remilia drifts down, and stares at the mirror from an angle! "...Whoever wrote that-... ah. It'd be best translated as: …'I- I love you, bitch'...?"
How freakin' peculiar!
There's one last mirror that isn't the big main one. It's a fuckin' hourglass shape. What is this funhouse bullshit…!
Inside this mirror is a picturesque, blue-tinted cabin interior. It's old, moss and green stuff creeping up the aged logs used to build it.
It reminds me of summer mornings, when it's gonna be sunny all-day. Really early or maybe even late day, when everything's cast in blue rays. Almost ambiguous enough that you might wonder if it's overcast, if you look at the walls or floor from the right angles. The shitty windows on the cabin's walls aren't good enough for me to tell if it's a fiercely sunny noon, or the crack of dawn.
Reminds me of days where y'don't think too far ahead, live in the moment, and everything's good 'cause you don't gotta do much more than that.
What an emotion to be evoked from such a simple picture. What am I lookin' at?
I put my hands on the mirror, and try to see as far in as possible. There's something-... just, emotional 'bout whatever energy this is emanating. Maybe I just really like how high-definition it is.
Now that I think 'bout it, that's the emotion being in Gensokyo sorta emanates, don't it?
I don't gotta go to school no more. Although maybe I should- 'cause I just made a double-negative!
Feeding myself is just kinda something that occasionally happens- and I was never a big eater! Well, I could be, my appetite is large but my capacity to survive without the meals is pretty good.
Except, Gensokyo does have that feeling of 'shit's gonna murder ya' sometimes! That might be a little inherent in adventure and exciting exploration.
The essence of exploration… I might say it's pursuit of those little, airy things. Pursuit a' basic pleasures, maybe? Well, not entirely. Pleasures within a certain threshold of reason, maybe.
Freedom ta do what you want, explore, and realize shit.
Realization…
There's something on the table inside the mirror.
fwish. I reach my arm in- as if it's natural- and-
Remilia pulls me out. "Ah, ah, ah."
"Wh- ah-" I'm kinda shaken, surprised by her, and-
The mirror's blank now. Awh.
"...Interesting." Remilia gave a few nods. "Awfully interesting. What did you think you would find, in there?"
I almost went Super Mario 64 on it! But…!
"I- I dunno…" It feels weird to talk about. "Realization." That's the word that popped out ta me. "Also- why the fuck's the surface lucid…!? I almost fell in!"
Remilia snorts. "Don't ask me. I'm not the one who almost leapt in." What the fuck is this…!? "Though perhaps it was more healthy for you to not."
"Yeah- pro'lly!" Whatever the case… y'know what, I'm just gonna- shake it from my mind. Gives me the heebie jeebies, weirdly! Freakin'... mirror realms.
"Between you and me, we needed a tester-zero because, you know…" Remi grinned bigger at me. "Vampires. Mirrors."
I tilt my head back. "Aw, shit. That's true." Wau. "Wait- haven't you ever invented like, vampire-friendly mirrors?"
"Yes, actually." Remilia notes. "That sort of enchantment's got a lot of overhead however." Oh. Good. "As in, it's quite predominant. Wouldn't have been conducive to the experiments."
With that, Remi twists around in the air, floating before the covered-up mirror. "On a different note... what did you see? Overall."
Oh, god. Uuh. What was the first thing…? Oh, right. "A mosaic of myself an' some people I didn't know! An' also my fairy pal."
"That's me!" Ha-chan pipes up!
"The second was this chick that looked like Reimu's mom!" Didn't know what that was all about. "An' the third was a lesbian relationship between a blonde fairy maid and this black-haired fairy maid."
Remilia's stare became less than impressed! "How strange. And, the last one?"
I don't even know what to call that. "The raw embodiment of fleeting want and wonder…!"
...Remilia snorts! "How strange."
I look over at Ha-chan. Man- for how oblivious she is, she's so fuckin' cute…! Her face is right in mine again! "You were gonna climb into that storm cloud…" You saw what in the mirror.
...When I lean away from her- she hugs onto me! "Mmh…" Don't- grunt into me…! It makes me aroused!
Remilia makes a vague expression down at us. "Do I need to give you both a moment? Especially you, mister Brad." Mister Brad. "Are you sure you haven't any loose-ends to tie up with your fairy girl?"
"Loose-ends…" Ha-chan hugs me tighter. Her cyan hair's in my face- and why's she smell so good, damn-... "Nnn."
"Fr- freakin'-" Stop cloudin' my mind…! "I- I don't think so! Lemme just-"
"I wanna go cuddle…" Ha-chan- you freakin'... why's she blushing?
...I try and pry her off me- and I have trouble until-
"Wh- ah…" I poke Ha-chan in the boob, and she squeaks, before loosening her hold on me. "Hey-"
Duckin' down, I try and slip out of her arms- nngh. She hugs onto me, and I end up in her clothed fairy boobage instead.
...I let my arms just kinda sag as we both awkwardly stand there, and Remilia just watches me take in the view.
After a brief but intense new surge of resistance, I pull myself from Ha-chan's realistic amount of cleavage! "Ho~h, shit…! Alright- we're gonna survive!" She hugs onto me from behind- but I can still move, so whatever!
"Lucky for you, what you'll probably see will keep you from spiralling into a fervent mating frenzy." Remilia- it's more than slightly embarrassing when ya put it like- that... uh… what're we gonna be lookin' at again?
Fwish. Remilia casts off the curtain on the final mirror. Ho~h…
...Me an' Ha-chan mosey on up to the mirror, gazing plainly into it.
Within it, there was the clocktower, but it was different. There were no lights on, and the walls seemed to be damaged. All the sorta rich woodsy colors of the mansion were gone, now a sorta sickly, mossy color.
creak. A combination of rain and thin snow flecked across the 'arena' area on the other side. The sky through some a' the broken walling was a grey gradient, and quite dark. Densely stormy, huh.
Then, pushing off the floor, a dude was there.
Aah. There's my reflection! Well… uh, alright, this mirror's kinda busted too.
Through the other me's dead, ratty blonde-black bangs, I could make out their grey, faintly luminescent eyes. His Danny Sexbang-esque curly hair had a disposition that didn't look healthy, and his face…
His droopy, solid-grey eyes were like paste in their sockets, runny and textured. His maw was stitched together by its own flesh. S'like a big rip, as if he had no mouth before, but the jaw parted all the skin, leaving strings of flesh between each 'lip'- or rather, where each lip should have been.
"Uuh." I blink at it. Yeah, that's- a boner killer! A pretty good one, too!
"Th- that… um…" Ha-chan stands next to me, looking blunt and snuggly as she gives the mirror a slightly putoff look… "Brad-… -kun?"
"hhk-" Ooh. Aw- so I wasn't imagining the howlin' of the wind on the other side. We have audio! "CakkhHk" Oh.
"Uuh." I smile cluelessly…! "Yo! What's shakin'?"
"Kakhh~..."The other me hacks. I take a moment ta confirm it's me- but it has the same outfit an' everything. Blue sweatpants… blue shirt! "Kaa- aagh."
creak. creak. The clock tower on the other side groaned, as the other me limped closer to the mirror.
Wind and rain fleck across the other Brad- and the paste-like goo that makes up his eyes bleeds out some. Jesus…
"hhk- kak- Kakakak…" I can see its throat like gurgle as it tries to make noises from its stringy maw. It's like fuckin'- the moment ya rip up a messy slice of pizza from the other slices. Except- kinda rotten, and way more disgusting!
Fortunately, there is no blood. Just black, and green, maybe. Tar-like colors. It's somehow less morbid than red- but seeing it in motion, I dunno… maybe red'd have been better!
"Ah-ha!" Woah- uh oh!
Komi- the one in our dimension- found us! She wraps grabs onto one of my arms- and starts to pull! "You're coming with me- loser!" Woah no!
"Yo- hol' up- look there!" I point at the mirror!
Komi pauses, and gazes in. "Wh-... yes, I know I'm-... beautiful-..."
Like us, she kinda morbidly just stares down the shambling thing as it comes closer ta the mirror itself.
"What- the fuck is that?" Komi questions the premise!
"Not Brad…" Ha-chan starts to step back. "It-... it's not Brad."
Not me, huh. Yeah- my eyes aren't bleedin' outta their sockets! Maybe they will be if I keep starin' at this thing for long enough!
I look up- but Remi ain't floatin' overhead.
Clack. Clack. Wh- oh. Oh.
From the full, round mirror, the shambling thing stepped through.
"Hhghh-" Gargling on a mouth full of black, tar-like blood, freakin'... nega-Brad over here fails to form a coherent sentence! "Khak- kaugh- khhk-"
"Freakin'...!" I step back, and so do the fairies! "Hey- Mumbles! Ya can keep standin' over there! Aa- actually, maybe y'oughta turn right back around- and go back inta that-... uh…"
creak. The destroyed-lookin' mansion clocktower walls in the mirror's background creak to emphasize my point…!
Komi steps forward, the brave fairy she is! "Did you-... no. You came from there." She points at it. "You're ugly. Go back home." Pft…!
...Mumbles leans its head forward a little- and something black drips from its stringy maw. It's tar-like, but it's as fluid as ink.
Then-
CR- CRACK- CRACK. Its left arm does three three-sixty rotations, and-
CRACK! Mumbles' hand snaps from the wrist, a long, stringy bone tracing its path to a black bag at its waist.
fwish! In a motion that left the whole thing blurry- it drew a plant hanger of some description…! Uh.
I can't-... even begin ta describe what the fuck it looks like. It looks like my cast-iron one, but times ten! It's really long, needlessly complicated, has a lot of flaps and hinges that twist and turn on their own, and-
A barrel, with a scope, an' a red laser attachment.
CRA- CRACK! Mumbles twists three-sixty on its pelvis, leaning that left arm back.
A shaky, violent red dot was drawn on Komi's forehead, and her mouth went ajar as she stared into the red light.
BOOM. I jump like a meter in the air- holy shit that was fuckin' loud…!
When I look left, I uh, see the damage.
Komi's head was blown off so hard, a line of black and red was drawn from her jaw to the entire fucking back of the room behind us.
Pi~chun! And then Komi died, after like, a solid two seconds of hitlag. Holy fucking Christ.
"Aa-..." Ha-chan is, perhaps rightfully, horrified beyond all get-out! "Waaa~h!" She starts bawling immediately!
Reachin' into my bag- I take out that bomb hanger! Freakin'- the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber better be able to save my ass from this! Re- Remilia…? Where are yo~u…!?
cr- cra- crack. Mumbles is reeling from the recoil of his own sniper shot he fired. He- it-... I dunno- I'll call it both! 'He' is just a more natural gender addressal than freakin' 'it'! Can't believe I'm assuming this eldritch nightmare's gender!
"He- hey!" I might as well taunt the horror before it murders me. "What gender are ya!? ...I'm a bagel!"
KRIKAK. The head of it twists to leer at me, despite the rest of it still bein' blown back.
As I get near-
krikrakak. Its pelvis re-aligns, then the rest of it does. Not gonna lie- kinda creeped out that it can just do sudden movements for no biologically explainable reason! It's one thing to y'know, hear about it, but seeing it in person is actually kinda fucked up y'know…! It just, should not be.
Ooh- it's reeling its hanger back- and I duck-
CRAKAKAKAK- WOOSHWOOSHWOOSH! It unleashes an unholy spinning 'slash' at me, twisting its own torso like eight times as it clobbers the air above me.
"Hghk-" Then, it reels over- and- "Kghuuah!"
Splash- szzt! It barfs fuckin' black shit all before me- and some of it gets on my leg-
Yeahahah! Ow! Fu~ck! Fuckfuckfuck- that burns…!
The black doesn't melt my clothes at all- but it seeps through- and-... is- is that blood? It's erasing my skin underneath- fuck!
"Leave him alone!" Ha-chan yells- and pokes a hand into the air!
za- zap! Two little bolts of electricity touch down from sparks above Mumbles. But, it doesn't seem to do anything…
WOOSH! A powerful gale rips through the alternate mansion on the other side-
Fwash! When the icy air meets her, Ha-chan's frozen solid immediately. Literally left in a block of ice. Where'd all that water come from. What-
Oh- god! Nghk- the wind hits me like an actual wall-
Thu- thud! I bounce along the floor some meters back, before fighting back up. I can feel my eyes and nose begin to run- as if I'd been runnin' a mile on a winter day…
The ominous wind pierces all my clothes- and leaves me shivering right away. Why's it so strong…!?
CRA- CRACK. Mumbles aimed the long not-a-hanger at me, and a red dot aligned with my forehead.
Woosh! I throw my bomb hanger at the floor before it, my adrenaline spiking.
BOOM! The Bawmber blows up the ground before Mumbles, and its arm flicks up-
BOOM. I feel my heart jump- the sniper shot landing on the wall somewhere over my head.
KRACK. A whole spiderweb went up the wooden wall that was struck by the sniper round. Guaranteed, one-hundred percent instant death.
"Hhh…" Mumbles hisses-
CRACK! His elbow snaps ninety degrees in the wrong direction-
WOOSH- FWAM! Holy shit! He unleashes a fuckin' ground projectile of wind by flicking his long lump of writhing steel up along the floor.
Thud! I flop over to get out of the way of it- before feverishly fightin' back onto my skinny limbs.
cricricricricrik! Pft- wahaha! Mumbles' arm is spinnin' around like one of them party klackers, an' it's makin' a similar sound!
Comin' on up to him- while he wastes time by becoming a party klacker- I take the bomb hanger off the floor-
CLICK! Oh- holy shit! Mumbles lunged his entire upper body at me, an' tried to fuckin' bite me with a wide swipe of himself…! That 'click' was his teeth that I guess he has inside that stringy maw.
Puttin' away the bomb before I freakin' lose it in the chaos- I take out Sharper than Darkness, 'cause I have no remorse using the new scythe attachment on this freakin' genetic freak…!
"Hhk- kak-" Mumbles does his fuckin' mumblin' shit, as his stomach rumbles again. An' I mean that visually- it's like he's got some shit in there!
SHUNK! Oh- god. I swung my new hanger for him- and, uuh…
The scythe went through his head.
"Ghkh- nghnghn-" Its throat engorges as backed-up bile from all its twisting builds up and unleashes all at once-
Splack- splack- spatter- spatter. Talk about projectile vomit…! Dude's practically shootin' his own guts out, Jesus Christ…!
I avoid the black hose of shit by dancin' a circle around him, my arms still on the hanger embedded through his head, which twists his head around so it's always facin' just away from me.
"Dude-" I beam in incredulity…! "Take a Tums, goddamn…!"
Shi- SHINK. I- don't think he has a skull. My scythe bladed ripped through his entire face, and the skin it went through began to string back together slowly.
Uh. God. My hanger's scythe is now all black an' shit. Gonna hafta ask Sakuya to freakin' take a can a' Aerosol to it later-
sss. Ooh. The ice Ha-chan got trapped inside was splashed with some of that black shit, and it's eating into the ice…!
CLICK! Mumbles casts his hanger arm back so far the hanger bangs the floor behind him. "Hkhaa- aagkh!" Ehehey-
BOOM- CLANG! Holy fucking shit- I tried to parry it and- I bounced off the floor on my ass from how fuckin' hard I took the impact! I bounced back into standing…!
Y'see- he like, slung it overhead! I had guarded- and it pressed my own hanger to my chest and fuckin'... floor-bounced me! I mean- I think I disrupted the impact with my attempt at guarding, so that was good, but-
tink. Pft- whuahaha!? His big metal hanger thing fuckin' broke! Oohp- there goes the business end of it!
A line of red from the laser attachment freakin' darts everywhere, 'cause the barrel end of the big metal mses went with the rest of it, sailin' through the air.
cr- crack. Aw. Ha-chan's free! Her ice gently parts, and she blooms, like a butterfly fairy- "Aaaa~h!" And she's loud as a baby, too…!
"ghk- ghk- ghk…" Mumbles swallows something, and-
Ooh. It draws a- dead bat from its pants pockets, and drops it into its stringy maw.
CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Oo- ooh, he eats bats, huh?
FWOASH- FWOASH- FWOASH! Three super fucking bright pulses of white energy run up its body, and the gash I made in its face reverses. It just healed itself by consuming…!
Ha-chan rushes up to it! "Perfect Freeze!" Wh- you're a thunder fairy. Son- now's not the time for-
ZAP- ZAP! Aw. She zapped the air before it, but not actually it. Good attack.
Wait…
Pocketing Sharper than Darkness, I draw the Hydraulic, the good ol' water hanger. Since we got thunder magic on our side…
"Hh-"Mumbles twisted without movin' his legs to face Ha-chan-
I run up ta him, and-
Boink! Spla- splash! With the hanger on full blast- gettin' us all super wet- I fuckin' club 'em in the back of the head!
The impact doesn't seem to do anything than jiggle 'em around- but now he's wet as fuck!
I run back and away, and leer! "Alright! Hana- Ha-chan, use yer Perfect Freeze!"
"It doesn't wo~rk!" Ha-chan panics, doing a circle in the air over 'em…!
I make my voice slightly lower, become incredibly smug, and demand that she: "do it again!"
WHISH. WHISH! WHISH! Mumbles flails his now broken hanger around, and-... is he trying to aim it to fire it? It's broken, dude!
BOOM....The broken upper half of it went off, somewhere. What. That's- not how technology works…!
"Perfect- freeze!" In the air- Ha-chan casts all her limbs out, towards the dude-
Kazap- ZAZAZAP- ZAZAZAP! Ooh- holy shit! He's a fuckin' light show!
"HRRGH-" Black tar boils from his white, pastry-like skin, and his blue clothes begin to rip. I can't even stare directly at 'em 'cause that'd probably permanently impair my vision- but rest assured the dude's fuckin'... fryin' tonight!
Then, as the voltage ended, Mumbles stood there, sizzling. Dude- he's on fire! Wahaha!
...Uuh, uh oh. As his entire form bled, like a mass of goo standing, he turned his sickly, long face to me, as if he was tryin'a be like, 'son…'
Then-
CRCRACK- CRACK! His entire torso twisted backwards, and he leaned towards me, face now upside-down. "HAAE~NNGH!" That's loud…!
CLICK! I can hear its jaws clench while it yells- and it's also really loud!
Its eyes now red, the freakin' yell echoes across the clocktower-
Fwish! The mirror itself flares an airy azure, and-
FWAWOO~SH! A mighty, snowcrested gale billows over me and Ha-chan-
FWASH!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: REIMU HAKUREI'S PERSPECTIVE ====
Aah…
Another lazy day.
I recline in the grass next to the Misty Lake. The sky's full blue, endless and full of life.
I'd say it almost sparks the desire to go adventuring in me, but I don't wanna tempt fate. I go on enough adventures as it is. But, it really gets my creativity flowing…
Maybe I should practice spell cards today. I need to think of more creative strategies in combat. And, make them pretty in different ways too. Yeah…
A spell card has to be exotic, intricate, and beautiful. But, also snappy and enjoyable to use in combat.
I feel like I've learned a lot… but, I still have so much more to go.
The sun's warm. It really is one of the most pleasant warmths; not too hot, and not too cold. That's gonna change come winter, where I'll be wishing it made more of a difference. And then when summer comes, I'll be cursing it.
Moments like these feel like an end, but also a beginning.
Peace is good.
...As I philosophize like a sap on the shore, Marisa dangles some plastic grapes over my face. When'd she get here.
Slowly, Marisa leans over me fully, giving me an excited look. "Say 'aa~h', Reimu-ze…"
"Nnh. You're not gonna fool me with the plastic grapes again."
"Aawh." Marisa shook her head. "I was hopin' third try'd be the charm."
"First and second were already charms. Hoping for a third's just greedy." I'm still embarrassed I was tricked the second time.
At my sturdy will, Marisa shrugs. "Aah. Fine." She plucks a grape from the vine, and eats it. "More for me, ze!"
...Wa- wait, does that mean this one wasn't fake…!?
"You-" I roll over, as Marisa saunters off with the grapes. "You jerk…!"
"Hehahahah!" Marisa…! "Aw, what's wrong, Reimu-ze!? Y'wanna fight about it!?"
Clutching my gohei tight, taking it off my chest, I get off the grass and stand. If it's a fight she wants... "I'm- I'm gonna beat you up…!"
Stashing the grapes in her hat, Marisa reclined on her broom, leering back at me. Talismans and gohei ready, I prepare for what has to be like… our thirtieth duel this month? Yeah. Something like that. Whatever- no one's counting.
Under the full blue sky, today's the perfect day to crack some skulls and take some names. And Marisa's the perfect punching bag.
We gaze one another down. I glare, and she smirks wider.
In a sudden instant, she flips over-
FWAM! While she's upside-down, a laser fired from her broom's bell-end threatens to clobber me between the eyes.
It's a close one. I feel it graze my cheek, blowing to the right of my head as I reacted the moment she moved at all.
I'm behind her in the next frame.
The Hakurei teleportation technique is one which allows me unparalleled control in battle- as long as my heart and spirit are strong, and as long as I can see my foe's weaknesses.
THUNK! My gohei meets Marisa's gut while she's upside-down. "Uhf!" Hah!
Thud! She rolls off the broom and on the bright, sunny grass, before snapping into a stand-
whap. I try and clobber her with a wide swing of my gohei, but she protects herself with a big, blue magic sigil.
Everyone typically has some technique they use to defend themselves. Marisa doesn't just use her broom and limbs; she can create magic sigils that dissipate force. Swinging into it was like I was swinging into water.
Like that, her forearm stopped my gohei effortlessly.
She's gonna counterattack. We've fought so often- moments like these are where I know I've screwed up and gone too far- but the automatic motions of battle get the better of me.
I couldn't react fast enough, between her recovery and my greedy swing.
FWAM. A mint-green flare of magic from the mini-hakkero in her left palm blows through my gut.
WHA- WHA- WHACK! Her broom spins into my back with inhuman velocity from behind- each stroke enough to blow me off my shoes-
FWAM- FWAM- FWAM! As I'm tossed forward off the broom's impacts, Marisa explodes my face whenever it crashes against her mini-hakkero. Like this, I'm juggled almost effortlessly.
Thud! "Uu- unh…" I'm left in a heap on the ground, as Marisa reclaims both her broom and her posture.
"Hee~ hehehe!" Reeling back, Marisa cackles like a witch. "You're gettin' careless, ah?"
Pushing back up, I can see the green tint of her danmaku's energy dance over my eyes, and my whole face stings. "Shit…" I- I try to make it a point not to swear, but when I'm in pain, you know…
Anyway, you see what I mean. Marisa's the kind of punching bag that punches back.
Youkai wither to my holy magic, and villagers don't like playing danmaku. There's some other people that're exciting to fight, but… it always comes back to me and Marisa, and our mutual arms-race.
"We~ll." Leering, Marisa held up her broom- and it spun impossibly fast, just off the tip of one of her fingers. "Guess since you're just in one of those moods- I'll finish ya off. You'll do the cookin' today, 'kay?"
I appear behind her.
"Sike!" Marisa leaps two meters off the floor, and her broom careens back to where I appeared-
WOOSH! I duck down under it. It leaves a blue-azure trail of danmaku in its wake.
Clickclickclickclick! Marisa runs in place atop her broom, and it spins insanely fast, creating a refreshing gale that blows through my ribbon and hair.
It's also supposed to be a shield that stops me from just hitting her from below outright.
Bracing myself, I thrust my gohei into the spinning broom, near the center.
CLACK! I stop it instantly and completely.
"Woah!" Marisa's eyes go wide, and she slips on the air, having expected turbulence but not nothing to stand on.
Slipping closer, I slip my palm up against the bottom of the broom-
THUNK. I ram the broom's midsection into the center of Marisa's crotch.
"Gha-" Marisa's jaw goes slack, and pain roars up her features. "Kha- agh-" Girls might not have the part guys do, but it still hurts, you know?
woosh. Leaping off the floor, I spin in the air-
THUNK. -and with both arms, I clobber my gohei into her ribs.
Her legs curl up to clutch the broom as she falls off the side of it- and since I know she'll actually catch it, I grab the front tip before her broom can escape.
Beaming, I hoist the broom overhead like it were my gohei, Marisa limply clutching it for life. "And-"
BOOM! I clobber it into the floor. "Gotcha!"
"Khu- nn…" Marisa's left as a black-white puddle on the floor, as I raise her broom off of her.
Casting it aside like the useless piece of wood it is, I crack my knuckles. "Those grapes are mine, Marisa. They'll make the perfect afternoon snack."
"Li- like hell-..." Grin shaky, still wracked with pain, Marisa starts to crawl back into standing. "I- I ain't-... lettin' yhou-... take my grapes…!"
These fights with Marisa always remind me of my childhood. And, well, the first time we fought, which was when I was a child.
Marisa wants me to be as brutal as I was when I was a pre-teen. That, and she wants me to bring my A-game to everything. Especially 'cause unlike her, I don't bring around anything cheap like potions or elixirs or ethers.
But, in truth, even I don't know why I'm not quite as amazing as I was when I was so young. There wasn't much conflict between that era and the first incident that I can remember vividly.
Which is to say, it's hard to remember the details of when I was twelve and thirteen. I remember my fight with Marisa clearly, yet I can't quite simply do the amazing things I did back then.
I'm almost sorta glad for it. I don't need those powers. I'm developing my skills on my own… and, well, my talent for fighting's really enough.
That, and Gensokyo's peaceful now. I guess.
Marisa holds her pelvis, where I crushed her cunt. She's faking the pain. It still hurts, yes, but at this point…
Fwish! I toss a volley of talismans at her.
Woosh! In an instant, her broom's back in her arms, and she uses it to swipe all three talismans from the air.
With them caught in her broom's bristles, she aims them back at me, the gold-red of the talismans becoming cyan and yellow. "MagiCannon! Reverse Talisman Cannon!"
CHOOM! I slide out of the way, Marisa firing a huge, spoof-ified version of a Hakurei talisman past me. It's the size of a huge boulder.
Aiming her broom like a bazooka, she sets her sights on me again-
CHOOM! The massive, luminescent fake talismans have silly scribblings on them. I don't get time to read them.
I flip over the one she shot at me- and-
CHOOM! Eghah- ow- ow- ow- ow-
WHACK! I cleave my gohei down onto her head like it were a sword- at the same time she shot another huge talisman.
We hit each other at nearly the same time; I'd simply descended through her huge danmaku particle and soaked up the damage in order to hit her.
Thud- thud! I faceplant. Marisa airily twirls on her boots, before faceplanting right in front of me. "Nnghk- nnh…"
...Except, I'm tougher. I'm the Hakurei shrine maiden-... and I take my hits like a champ. I have to.
Pushing off the floor, a red heat burns from my body as I shamble up to Marisa.
thunk. Punting her in the ribs, I roll her over.
I kill, so you know exactly how it feels.
...Yeah. That's something I said before. I was twelve, gimme a break. When I get into exciting moments like these, sayings like that just pop into my head. And, I want to cringe, but it also feels really cool.
I'll keep them in my head, though. They're a guilty pleasure. It'd be really uncool to say things like that and actually mean them. That's just asking for trouble.
Straddling Marisa's body, I press my palms together, the gohei between them. "Omnidirectional Dragon-Slaying Circle!"
Marisa's eyes widen as she lies under me. "Yo hey- oh shit!"
She feverishly whacks at me as I charge my magic, and my whole body glows white and gold. My red aura burns insatiably bright-
bam! ...My- my concentration lapses, and my magic dims, because something went bump awkwardly elsewhere…
Marisa notices too, and she looks up, at the mansion across the lake. I do too.
A huge chunk of ice sails across the sky, two figures trapped amidst it as the ice meteor hurtles out of a hole in the Scarlet clocktower.
...Me and Marisa quietly watch it rocket overhead, across the entire lake, past the shrine, and into the horizon. Looks like it'll land in the~... bamboo woods. Or, Eientei, if they're unlucky.
Clap! Cirno lands aside us, and claps her hands together. "Hah! Gaye~!"
Huh? Wh-... oh. Me straddling Marisa. Ahah, hahah. Funny, funny.
Me and Marisa give her a mutually flat expression.
SHINK- BAM! Marisa snipes Cirno's heart with her mini-hakkero- and I toss a Hakurei needle into one of her blue eyes.
Pi~chun!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
Frozen… in a time, and space… divide. Badum, bada- daba- dum, badum- ba, ba-
But how… would the universe… survi~ve!? Badum, bada- daba- dum, badum-
For lo~ng, they were ou~t of luck… but now? They're sa~ved by~ the flu~ff!
Brad Fluffle, of the twenty-fourth, and one half century~! The fighter, of- fluffle… tyranny!
Defending the pu- pa- powherless… an' the wheheheak...
Brad Fluffle-
cr- crack. Oh, hey, someone's de-thawing us! About freakin' time!
Cra~ck. The ice crumbles, and- god I am cold! Ooouh!
"Oouh!" I yell!
"Aaaa~h!" Ha-chan yells too!
Thunk- clack- thunk! As we thaw, the ice parting from our limbs, I conga out and into the fray. "Aaw yeah- nitro burn! Yeah yeah yeah!" Woohoo! I-... am in pain…!
Where are we!? ...Oh!
Kaguya's place! It'sa snazzy, apartment-like room with white walls, unassuming trims, and- surprisingly natural lighting. Wait-... uh oh. I look behind myself, and notice the new open-air window! I'm just- gonna ignore that for now!
Kaguya gives me a stand-offish, incredulous smile, as Mokou stands idly next to the ice block we were freed from…!
"Me Tarzan!" I put my arms on my chest! "You Tarzan!" I point at Kaguya! "We're all Tarzan!"
...I look down- an' my leg's still bleeding! "Yeah- I love bleeding! It's my favorite! Aw, fuck!"
"...Uh." Mokou gives us an encumbered look! "You-... you good?"
"No!" I yell back! "I got spat on- by an eldritch zombie monster!"
The stinging's intense enough- even after bein' frozen, now that I'm unfrozen, I just- drop down, pull down my sweatpants, and-
Ooh. Yeah. Yeah, my thigh's muscles are open and exposed, partially burnt into.
"Woah." Kaguya beams down at me! "Bro- what the fuck'd you do."
Mokou tilted her head back. "...Should we call someone?"
Kaguya snorts. "Fuckin'- yeah, moron. What- is he just gonna grow his muscles back the way we do?"
"Shut the fuck up- I thought you'd have medkits here or some shit." Mokou waved her off, and moved for the wall- ta get a phone or somethin'. "Fuckin'... map-memorizing nutjob."
"Why would I." Kaguya held her arms out. "I used them all up two hours ago. When you fucking killed me, you psycho."
Mokou huffed. "You started it, you slut."
Kaguya let out a single giggle! "Heh!? How'm I a slut? You sleep around!"
Mokou huffs louder! "Ooh? You wanna say that again? Like hell I fuckin' do- you're the one who fucks her own rabbits. Or should I say- gets fucked by her rabbits?"
"Hi." I reaffirm the premise! "Ow…!"
Mokou pursed her lips, and made fer the intercom on the wall. "Aah- fuck…"
Kaguya gazes up at the ceilin', then down at me. I just realized- she's not supposed to be just in a pair a' black shorts and a white t-shirt, is she?
She crouches down- and y'know now that I think of it she's pretty hot…!
"Ff- fhu~ck!" She touches my open wound and aaa~gh! "Fuck!"
"Oops." Why the fuck'd you touch it…!? "What actually happened…?"
Freakin'- "Long story short- I think I just said- a black-blood zombie vomited on me…!"
Kaguya looks down at my blood, and rubs her fingers together, spreading it across the rest of her hand. "That sucks." Yeah- tell me about it…! "Did it, you know… happen to send you hurtling across the sky as an ice meteor, too?"
Pausin', she slowly pans her gaze to this huge hole in her room's wall behind us…! Thankfully, it was that one half with basic living stuff. Y'know, the fridge, counters, and tables. Not the half with her big TV and consoles...!
"So where do we find this zombie?" When I look back at Kaguya, she's got a modern black pistol in her hands!
"...S'in the mansion clocktower!" I point out the hole in the wall- at… the… bamboo. Huh. We can see the tips of the treeptops from here- but anyway. "But, it's probably dead already…"
I flop onto my back, amidst the slush of the melting ice, all wet, sweaty, sad and wounded at the same time. And bleeding…!
"I~... am cold, and wet, and sad." I announce.
Ha-chan sits down on her knees next to me. "Brad-kun…" She takes one a' my arms as if I'm freakin' dying.
"Yo. Reisen." Mokou speaks inta the intercom… "We need a medic. Not us, that one outsider turned up- and he's hurt. Bleeding-... not so bad, but kinda bad. Quickly-... pl- please? Shut the fuck up. I'm not used ta callin' for medics. Unlike you and your-"
"Yo~!" I yell out for Reisen! "Medic! Give-... gimme the- Big Click™️, as it were...!" Remember: a trademark's not pronounced, it's a feeling…!
Kaguya starts laughin'! "Nn- sh- shut the fuck up."
Mokou gives me an extremely done look, 'fore pressin' the hang-up button on the intercom! "I don't-... you fuckin' piece of work."
...Anyway, yeah, pain. I'm just-... gonna lie here. "Ow."
Mokou walks over to me. "You able to walk? The fuck you doin' on the floor?" Uuh. Well, probably, but… "Alright- c'mon…"
Wh- oh. Mokou just picks me up, an' carries me over to the couch- an' lays me down on it.
"There." She takes a step back, smiles, an' nods. "Yeah- the fuck kinda shit're you gettin' into? The mansion? You'd be better suited livin' at the village. The hell you doin' over there?"
"Don't- ask…!" I guess I never told Mokou where I was specifyin' my focus first!
"I'm askin' 'cause you're half-dead." Mokou clarifies! "Look at you. Your thigh looks fuckin' melted. That vomit must've been some kinda acid."
"Don't talk like you know, hothead." Kaguya came around the couch's corner, gaze drained.
"...Hothead's a lame one." Mokou noted idly…! "And I ain't sayin' for certain, I just figure-"
"I figure you're a fucking hick, Mokou-chan." Kaguya reaffirms!
Mokou frowns 'er down. "Silver-spoon shitlord."
"Smelly dogfucker."
"Subby rabbitfucker."
Man. I feel like I'm gonna learn a lot of new an' creative insults if I hang around these two while they're together…!
shoof. Ooh. The door slid open-
Aw, hey! It's Reisen herself!
Mokou turned to her, and furrowed her brows. "I asked fer a medic, not you."
Reisen rolled her eyes. "It's near the end of my shift- and I'm faster than any of our emergency responders." Hoh, shit.
She came up, and stared down my wound, kneeling down in like a couple frames-
shif. Shit- Fuck! Cocksucker! Uugh- she sliced off like- a slab of my muscle meet with one stroke of her scalpel-
Holding up the long, thin cut slice of Brad meat, Reisen stared it down. "Mmh-... some kinda tar-like substance. Acid-based approach, parts erosion-corrosion, and parts dark conversion. Muddies blood, really toxic. Mutation potential if untreated. Uuh… yeah, looks about right." Then, she smiles at me. "Don't worry."
klakaklakaklaka. She draws a little can from her suit, and shakes it around. "Uuh. Bite onto something, alright?" Um. "Kaguya, Mokou, one of you, get the dude a towel to bite on."
Kaguya snorts, an' hands Reisen a pink dress she doesn't have on. "This work?"
...Reisen rolls her eyes after a brief pause. "I guess."
When Reisen don't take it, Kaguya rolls the cloth up. "Open your mou~th." Don't sing-song it…!
"Aa- nnh…" I bite down on the rolled up pink dress.
"Um." Ha-chan has her hands over her own mouth. "Is-... is Brad-kun gonna be okay?"
"Oh? Yeah." Reisen nods. "Brace yourself." She aims the can at my wound. "Ready?"
...I nod fearfully…!
szzt. Reisen sprays my WOOHUUHUHUU-
"Nngh- ghnnh- nnn~!" Clench them teeth mothafucka oooo-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...I don't even know what the fuck happened, but my thigh's good now…!
Reisen pats me on the shoulder, and- gives me a big cookie! "This should keep you going. Feel better now?"
...Kaguya yanks her dress from my mouth! "Stop drooling on my daywear, casual." Pfft…!
"Ye- yes-... yeah?" I admit shakily…! "Slightly traumatized- but not deterred…!"
Honestly? ...If Eientei can just undo wounds like that, even with the unreal amount of pain the healing process incurs, I don't think I mind!
"Cool." When I accept the cookie, Reisen stands up. "Also- actually eat that cookie, it helps with the healing process, and even gives you the day's nutrition." Oh, shit…
So, I do. ...It's a good cookie… "Mmh…"
...Wiggling her nose, Reisen takes note of the big hole in the wall, which's letting the winter air in! "Uuh…"
Kaguya's still somehow in just shorts and a t-shirt! "You uh, might wanna call maintenance at some point, too."
"I- I think they probably already know." Reisen idly strutted up ta the hole in the wall. Specifically, the table near it!
...I stand up, still in my underwear after I got my thigh biologically repaired. "...How the hell's this even work. Holy shit."
Reisen snorts, lookin' back at me. "Well, with the princess here, some special medicine actually works." What. Did she just fuckin' activate her trap card to heal me…!? "Basically, I turned back the time of your wound."
Time, huh. "...When was Kaguya a chrono-mage!?" I gotta wonder!
"Since forever. Almost literally." Kaguya clarifies! "I just don't play with time magic a lot, 'cause it's annoying."
Standin' up-... I reclaim my soggy pants from the floor, and- uuh…
"I need these pants washed. They got diabetes, and SARs, and dementia." They're soaked in my blood and black shit. And water.
Reisen panned her gaze up. "...D'you have anything else worth wearing, in the meantime?" Wait, is she just gonna do my laundry. "If you don't…"
Kaguya suddenly creeps up behind me. "Ooh, don't worry. I've got him covered."
Reisen looks drained! "Don't have sex with him."
"Hah!" Mokou claps her hands together!
"Oh- fuck you!" Kaguya yells from behind me…! "Both of you!"
Grinnin', Reisen comes up an' just takes my pants, and just starts ta leave. Well…
Shoof. She slides the door open, and exits.
...I notice Ha-chan standing idly in the background, looking sedate and fairy-like. She's living the fairy life, dude. Soft, and pliable.
Kaguya latches onta one of my arms. "C'mon, nerd. Let's get you... presentable." Uuh.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Good news: there was no rape involved! Bad news: ...there was no rape involved!
Kaguya pushes me outta her room. I'm now just, in her pink dress. It's… really roomy, actually. Also, this thing's got a fuckton of pockets on it. She actually mass-emptied like, fifty 3DS devices from it. I think all of them are loaded on 3DS consoles…!
I still got my shirt on- but it's cold in her room 'cause of the new open-air window! So, y'know, her dress is actually like a big coat.
"Y'know…" Lookin' over her dress's big pink sleeves, I nod! "I could get used ta this!"
"That's gay." Kaguya tries to make fun a' me! "Are you ga~y?"
"Yes."
...Kaguya double-takes! "Wait, really?"
"No!" I grin back at 'er! "Freakin'- who actually gets upset at that anymore…!?"
Kaguya just kinda steps back, dissatisfied. "Well- I thought you'd have a little more shame than that. Actually- you ever stop that motherfucker who popped outta my screen? And- did you thank him for shooting Mokou?"
"He's dead." I remark.
Kaguya snorts. "Oh? Where's he now, then?"
"Gone." I smile wider…! "'Cause he's dead…!"
...Kaguya blinks summore! "Wa- wait, seriously? No shit. Hold on, did you finish him off?"
I shake my head! "Na~h. Y'see- he tried ta shoot uh, Kanako Yasaka in the face."
"Ah." That explained everything ta her. "Right, the Moriya had a computer…"
Mokou was chillin' on the couch, dozing off. She really has nothin' better to do, huh.
Ha-chan's close to her, looking inquisitive yet gentle. Not- that those are mutually exclusive, but it feels cute to say it like that!
It's later in the day now, after all that shit. Past the bamboo outside, the sun's setting on a navy-blue world. S'even darker amidst the bamboo.
Kaguya's apartment-like room is lit up with sterile white lighting. No wonder Mokou's dozin'.
"Hey, Mook-ou." Kaguya rounds the couch. Fer some reason, she's still in her skivvies. Her freakin'-... I can see her- alright, so it's cold, right? I can see her nips through her freakin' shirt…! "Fuckin'..."
Wh- oh. Kaguya takes out that black pistol from her shorts, and-
WHAM! She clubs Mokou in the head!
"Fhk- ghah!" Mokou flails her limbs! "Fuck-"
"Wake up!" Kaguya beams!
BANG BANG BANG! Holy shit! Kaguya shoots holes in the ceiling- and Mokou seizes up, rolling around on the couch as if somewhere between 'attempting to evade' and 'shocked from waking up due to blunt trauma'...!
Thu- thunk! Rolling off the couch and onto her boots, Mokou darts around the side I'm standin' at-
She sees my pink dress and-
WHACRUNCH! oo- ow-
Thud! She-... ho- holy fuckin' shit… it was a blur. She spun three-sixty, and thrust a kick into my chest so fucking hard…
"Aa-" Kaguya froze up! "Dude…!"
Mokou freezes, lookin' at the actual Kaguya, then at me. I'm on the other end of the fuckin' room…! "What-... the fuck…"
I-... oh, I can't even sit up. Wow…
"Brad…!" Ha-chan runs up to me, and drops down to my side again! "Oh, no!" Yeah, 'oh no'...!
"Kaguya~!" Mokou roars! "What the fuck was tha~t!?"
"Shut the fuck up! It's you who didn't look at who you were hitting!" Kaguya hollers back! "Look what you did!"
...After a moment, Mokou shuffles up an' leans over me! "Are-... are you good?"
"I- I can't sit up." Son.
Mokou looks dead inside. "Fuck."
Leanin' over me too, Kaguya purses her lips. "...Can't imagine this was your idea of gettin' stomped on, was it?"
"You're fucking disgusting." Mokou is angry part ten.
"I'm not the whore who kicks dudes. Kangaroo-looking ass." Holy shit, dude.
Mokou clenches her fists. "And of course none of this was your fault, at all. I might've not been looking where I was shootin'- but the dress was your bright damn idea."
Kaguya rolled her eyes. "Ahah- well, it would've been fine if you weren't fucking retarded."
Mokou's scowl deepens…!
"Oh?" Kaguya tenses herself. "Are you gonna bawl? Fucking Fujiwara-"
"Kaguya~!" Stomping past me- Mokou yells really fuckin' loud-
WHAM! Ooh! She clobbers Kaguya right in the fuckin' jaw!
Thud! Kaguya stumbles back like five meters and lands on her ass! "Nngh…! Ah- hahaha! Aa- and you'd start a fight- right here!? In front of the outsider…!?"
"I don't-...!" Mokou rumbles towards her! "I don't fuckin' ca~re!"
BAM- CRUNCH! Coming up to Kaguya, Mokou rammed her knee into Kaguya's face. Her nose blew open, and the back of her head bounced against the side of the fridge Mokou plowed it against. Jehehesus…!
shoof. The door to the room slides open…!
...Reisen's back with my actual pants. Probably. I can't sit up- so I can't see!
"Nnn…" She makes a slightly desperate noise as she beholds the room! "What the hell's going on in here…"
I- I hold up an arm! "Su~per- smash brothers…! S'a fun- new-... family-... game!"
"nhk-" Kaguya snorts- and her nose ejects a glob of blood…! "Kha- aa-..."
"Um." Reisen cautiously pads up to us, as Mokou just stands there awkwardly lookin' like a school shooter, and I just lie here in my heap. "Are-... are you okay? Did you get hurt again?"
Mokou swallows. "Ye- yeah. I-... I kicked... him."
...Reisen had the vaguest expression. "Seriously? Why?"
"Well." Mokou put her hands in 'er own pockets. "He was in Kaguya's dress, and she just woke me up, so… I just, attacked the first thing that looked like her."
...Castin' her gaze to the ceiling again, Reisen lumbers towards me. "Both of you chucklefucks ought to be more careful. I don't think I need to go over-"
"We're not your fuckin' troops." Mokou returns. "Don't think we need the reminder."
Reisen looks down at me, then back at her! "...Yeah."
Mokou shuts her eyes, an' leans against the wall. "Fuck off…"
...Ooh. Reisen held out another cookie for me. "Here. Munch." Aw. Wait- uh oh. Not the spray…! "This's gonna hurt." Why the spray though-
klakaklakaklak. She shakes it up, reaches inside my pink dress, under my shirt, and-
szzt. Yeah yeah yeah YEAH-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Y'know, I still don't care that much about everything that happened…!
It's black outside now, and we're all seated at the couch. 'Cept Reisen, who took off and told me ta take it easy.
We can hear crickets an' shit outside. Mokou's seated at my right, arms folded, and Kaguya's at my left, her left arm propped onto the couch arm.
Ha-chan rests her chin on the back of the couch, standing behind us. "Mmh…" She's gettin' sleepy, but she's also spooked of these two…!
I'm still in my pink dress that Kaguya gave me. Aw, let's see, yo...
"...So!" I rub my hands together! "We playin' more Smash tonight!? I'm thinkin' a some Richter Belmont action…!"
Mokou gives me a dilapidated look…! "Awful chipper, fer a dude whose ribs fuckin' blew up."
"Hey, yo." I shrug, yo. "Accidents happen. An' it's Gensokyo, so it ain't like I'm gonna sue!"
Kaguya suddenly leans in next to me! "You could sue. Through us!" Ah, yes. Through the mini-society Mokou is probably technically already a felon in.
This must be voiced! "I'm pretty sure Mokou's already guilty of murdering you ten bajillion times…!"
Kaguya nods. "Exactly right. What's a few charges more? We'd compensate you for your trouble and everything. Mokou-related disasters are a common insurance clause these days. I'm sure if you filed for a life insurance plan with us right now, you'd see some money back."
...I'm too tired fer this shit! "How about-... the Smash insurance clause. Where I beat you at Smash, and then-... nnn~...!?" I make a vague noise at the end 'cause my brain stops there!
"Nngh." Kaguya is sad I did not take out a life insurance plan. "Mokou's right… for once. How the fuck're you so chipper."
"Adrenaline!" I beam…! "Also, it's cold!"
...Y'know, I wonder. "Are you two bumming over the fact I nearly got slain in the crossfire?"
"Yes." Their replies are simultaneous and instant!
"Ooh. Yeah." That's right. "That would be a trope, wouldn't it…"
"I feel like anyone remotely normal would've, y'know, fucked off by now." Kaguya leans in closer to me…! "What's your game, buddy?"
...I beam back! "Smash-... brothers…!?"
"What the fuck even is a smash brother." Mokou- we played it last time! I can't believe Mokou's a boomer compared to Kaguya…!
"It's a game, retard." Kaguya takes this chance to capitalize! "You fucking played it before."
Mokou scowls in her typical degree of disgust! "I play a lot of your shitty fuckin' games- I don't remember what they're all fucking called."
Kaguya hunches over, lookin' drained again! "It- it's the one with fucking… people jump around and hit each other."
"Gonna hafta narrow that down, princess." Mokou sasses her back…! "Y'ever read this book with pages and words? Oh. Right. You haven't, because you're an illiterate fuck."
"Projecting much!?" Kaguya really reacts to that! "Me!? Illiterate!? Moky-chan…! You're really~ scraping the bottom of that- fucking- barrel you call a house!"
...Mokou smirks! "Yeah- I called your poetry shit. Stupid broad."
...Kaguya clenches at the air! "Oo~h I want to kill you."
"Likewise."
An' I'm just sittin' here…! I'm just sittin' here- grinning awkwardly at the verbal carnage…! But, I do have a question. "How the heck do you two stay mad at each other."
"Don't wanna talk about it." Their replies are, again, instant and simultaneous…!
The answer is 'very carefully' apparently. I'll be sure to write that in my notes, dude. Make sure to check the status screen, where you can read all the ultimately pointless backlogs and lore about things that probably won't ever be brought up. Cough.
"So!" I sit up! "If we're gonna kill each other…!" I inhale! "How about we do it in Super Smash Brothers!? It's a fun new family game!"
"Shut the fuck up." Mokou casually rebukes me…!
"Do you, like, not have a fear instinct." Kaguya questions me, leaning closer…! "We could break out in fighting at a~ny moment, and you're just sitting there grinning your fuckin'... gums off."
"This time, I'm prepared. Y'see…"
I fold open my pink dress, and reveal three fluffles I found underneath the couch. "I got… tougher fluffles."
They're just standing inside, packed neatly against my chest, looking forlorn and distant.
"What the fuck are you." Kaguya starts to grin back at me…!
...Mokou's staring at me, so I turn to her and display my tougher fluffles!
"Let's just start the damn game, we don't got all night." Mokou actually changes the topic to the game 'cause I was so fuckin' weird…!
But Kaguya too is a master of persuasion. "Oh? What, you got a dog to go fuck somewhere?" Ouh…! "Do-... do you hear the full moon howl- and go off to answer the mating call?"
...Mokou exhales. "Would've had more punch if you left it at the first sentence."
"Tch. Fuck." Kaguya just clicks her tongue. The fuck just happened. "Alright, whatever. Who wants a Gamecube controller, and who wants the Pro controller?"
"I want a cube!" Ha-chan- leaps over the whole couch-
thud. "honh honh honh honh" The fluffles in my dress get all stirred when Ha-chan plants her ass in my lap…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I can't believe we all died.
"Mmh- nnh…" Ha-chan snuggles into my body, trapping me against the back of the couch as I exist as a tired person.
Kaguya's just lyin' on the floor, deflated and half-naked. I dunno how she's sleepin' so easily like that in the cold, open-air room, but y'know…
Mokou's got an easier explanation! And- oh, I see what happened. Kaguya had a blanket, but Mokou took it not 'cause she needed it, but because she didn't want Kaguya to have the blanket. We're on some next-gen petty shit!
Ha-chan is a dangerously fluffy existence and I'm not sure what to do about her. I think if she knew what sex was she'd have already raped me by now…!
However, she is warm and will help me survive the winter months, so, hoh. Fairy friend…
...The room's a lot brighter now!
I try to lean up- but it's too difficult. Too much fairy.
Maybe I should wake up more. Maybe… maybe I shouldn't…
shoof- shoof. Ooh. But then, Kaguya starts ta get up…
"Mmgh…" Letting out an undead grunt, she scratches at her messy hair. "Fhuck…" She looks for her blanket, all cold-lookin', but y'know… except, she starts to grin.
She moves for the fridge in the room's back.
...When I see her reappear, steppin' up to Mokou, she has two bottles.
"Mmgh- mm-" she just inhales one entire freakin' bottle. She was thirsty, dude. "Fwa~h…"
Tossing the empty plastic bottle aside, she cranked that second one open, and-
glug, glug, glug. She just- pours it all over Mokou, a smile creepin' up her features…!
thud- thud- thud! Mokou starts flailing! "Nn- nngh- nhn…!"
...Then, Mokou just slowly sits up, as Kaguya keeps just- pourin' it all over her…!
"Drink up, bitch." Kaguya looks immeasurably smug. "...Ooh? Why the pouty face?"
Mokou lunges fer one of her legs-
"Eha- aagh- hahauh- nngh!" Kaguya flails wildly, as Mokou starts searing her leg skin, which's visually becoming brighter…! "Bitch- fuck- bitchbitch-"
Kaguya takes out that pistol she had-
Clack- clack! It slips outta her clammy hands, bouncing on the floor- and she dives for it-
thud- thud- thud! Her and Mokou freakin', become a mess on the floor trying to grab it together.
"Rrh- argh!" Kaguya bites Mokou's arm-
Fwoom! Kaguya's just straight-up on fire now…!
...Ha-chan sleepily blinks awake from all the freakin' violence in the background. Why's she so snug. I'd nuzzle her, but I don't wanna encourage her too much!
"Haauuu~..." She yawns, and, uh… wow. Why's her yawn smell like stale vape. Holy shit…
"Ha-chan- kauff-" I actually gag slightly! "Take a breath mint…!"
...Ha-chan starts to twist my nose, an' pouts! "You too…" Y'know what, she ain't even wrong.
"Aah- shit!" Half-ignited, Kaguya stands up suddenly! "Right- the outsider! Motherfucker- he's still here!"
"Wh-... fu~ck…" Mokou splays out on the floor. "I'm goin' back to bed…"
...Comin' over to us- Kaguya-
Slap! "Eep!" She spanks Ha-chan on the ass!
vrrrr~. Ha-chan's wings start flapping really fast- oh shit! She takes off from the couch- and carries me into the air slightly, before we touch down again!
"Wake the fuck up." Kaguya- who died an' made you the princess…!?
And then-
BANG! Oo- okay honey, I'm awake now, put the gun away…! Wait- that wasn't Kaguya.
thud. Kaguya collapses onto us, limp. I-... I think Mokou fuckin' capped her, from the floor.
"Brad-kun…" Ha-chan hugs me tighter! "I'm scared."
"...Me too!" Aaaa~h!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I am back in my day wear- without Kaguya's dress on! Maybe I'll come back fer my own copy later or some shit…
"Alright-..." I pat myself down. "Got my thighs. Got my ribs. Got my head. I think I'm all set!"
Mokou's giving me a casual stare, her hands in her pockets. "Get the fuck outta here. Actually…" She takes pause. "I should probably lead you back to the village."
"Yes, please, both of you, get the fuck outta my room." Kaguya's picking coagulated blood from her black locks. "I wanna do me-things. And Mokou, you're a bitch."
"I know." I like how sometimes Mokou and Kaguya don't even have the energy to actually yell at each other. "Anyway-... uuh. What was- your name again…" Mokou gives me the vaguest of expressions.
"Brad." I grin intensely…! "It's Brad…!"
"Rad Bra~d." Ha-chan echoes into one of my ears and- boner no stop, desist.
Kaguya instantly leers like a freakin' lantern. "Ooh? Mokou? Oh, of course. It's only inevitable, that a girl as simple as you would fall for a numbskull named Brad, of all things." What, help.
Mokou nods. "Mmm. Yep. I'm gonna kill you." Wahaha…!
"Do it." Kaguya dares her…!
"Later." Mokou waves her off. "Let's go." Mokou waves, and starts ta brush past me fer the door.
Aw. That reminds me. "Actually- Mokou, you seen a fuckin'... headless horseman run around? Like, killing villager out on the out-of-town roads?"
...Mokou takes pause, and gives me a weird look. "That supposed to be a joke? Wasn't funny."
"'Cause it ain't a joke!" Y'know- s'pro'lly gonna sound rich comin' from me to her, bu~t… "There's this headless dude on a horse! He chased me inta the village at one point- and like, ran into the village after me- but like… got run outta town."
...Mokou's face became… I dunno. More resolute, maybe. "And, you're not joking about this?" How's that hard to understand…!?
"Yeah, I ain't!" I reaffirm! "S'just hard for me to turn on 'serious mode' after everything…!"
Kaguya interjects. "He's saying you're too cute to take seriously, Mokou-chan."
Ha-chan clarifies, however! "No~. That's me." Hoh, shit…!
Startled by her presence, Kaguya just gives her an outlandish expression…!
Mokou gives 'er a scowl, before centerin' her gaze on me next. "Where'd you see it?" Somehow, it expresses a different entire genre of anger than the kind she shares with Kaguya. That monotone's an emotion all its own.
"Hakurei trail path thing. Does- it have a name…?" Does the road in front of the Hakurei Shrine actually have a name!?
"No." Pft- uh oh. "But, that's good enough." Yeah, I bet. There's only like, two roads in Gensokyo. Maybe three, but certainly no more than four.
Then, suddenly, Mokou gives Kaguya her best funeral expression.
...Kaguya's leer fades, an' then she scoffs. "Don't stare at me like a lost mutt."
"How about you get outta the house?" Mokou insults her…! "Take a whiff a' nature sometime?"
"I've had enough nature with my wall being blown open." Kaguya returns! "Which is-..."
Oh. She gestures to the wall in question, an' we all just kinda slouch in shocked yet subdued awe. There's a big wall-sized window there now, letting lots of sunny light in.
"Wow…!" I'm impressed! "They work fast!"
"Re- regardless, what is your angle?" Kaguya gets stuffy back at her.
"I'm sayin' you make amends to fuckin'..." Mokou waves her hand vaguely at me. "Bart, over here, by helpin' out with this youkai problem."
I nod at her. "Y'forgot my name on purpose didn't you." My inquiry is soundly ignored, leaving me somewhat curious, but still relatively sure she forgot it on purpose…!
Kaguya snorts an' rolls her eyes. "Oh, what a pretty maiden you are. How are you supposed to make amends to Brad if you can't even remember his name? Or was that some sort of pre-teenish ploy to throw me off of the idea of you crushing on him? Now I'm gonna ship you two forever, because I know you fucking hate it."
Damn…! Man- I love this shit! I need a bag of chips! These two don't give each other any elbow room!
Mokou visibly reels back like an offended cat…! But, then, she just seethes it out, steam-engine style. "Can we just get the fucking job done…?"
Kaguya purses her lips. "...Well, nor~mally, such jobs are not my problem. I'd send you some of our firepower, and let the military branches sort out the rest."
"This'd be a lot easier if we fuckin' did it ourselves." Mokou monotoned back…!
"But." Kaguya holds a pink-nailed finger out to Mokou's lips. "Mmm. I may heed your call. Give me a moment…"
She lankily strutted over to her computer desk, and took out a freakin'... s'that a tape recorder.
"Did ya just- have that on hand." I gotta ask!
"Of course." Kaguya replies as if there wasn't a question to begin with! "Now, Mokou-chan…"
She holds the tape-recorder ready. "I'm going to need you to profess your love for Brad-kun, and his belovable dick." It's really sold by her huge grin.
...Mokou smiles back! "I think I'd rather kill you, and then kill myself."
Ha-chan pouts! "No one ever told me what a dick is. You guys brought it up last-time!"
Kaguya and Mokou both appear as if a fey breeze passed through them, and their focus mutually slipped in this moment…!
"Oh, come on." Kaguya slinks up between us. "Ooh, Bra- a- ad…" Please don't make those girly noises.
...She wraps an arm around our shoulders, but Mokou actively resists, so the moment lasts like, forever…!
Slap! Eventually, Kaguya just backhand slaps her. "Fuck you."
Mokou grabs onto her arm-
CRACK! Kaguya's expression flares. "Eee- hee- hee~ng…!" I, uh, elbows don't bend like that…!
Mokou chuckles…! "I- I can't believe- you're too much of a fucking pussy to come clean up some shitty youkai. Whatever. I'll make sure to take all the glory for it. If the press shows up- I'll just tell 'em you outright refused this dude."
...CR- CRACK. Kaguya snaps her arm back into place with her other arm, and glares back. "It's none of my fucking business to begin with! I mean-..." She takes anotha' look at me, and then huffs. "Alright, it'd be kinda gay if he died 'cause of some fuckass youkai, I admit, but-"
Mokou gets in her face. "Oo~h my go~d, I can't believe you're crushing on him. What an amazing, fuckin', turn-... of events!"
...Kaguya slowly looks angrier!
"Wow- it's almost like we can help a random villager- outsider- fuck it- without tryin'a hop on his dick!" Mokou sells her point really hard…!
...Kaguya nods, an' turns to me. "Yep, I'm-... I'm angry now. Where's this shit-tier youkai? Does it have a horse? I do feel like kicking a horse."
And, uh, I don't really know how it happened, but I got Kaguya and Mokou to join my party, if only temporarily…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Aw, yes dude. The bamboo jungle…!
The sun's bright today- but it only reaches the floor of the bamboo as a sunlight storm. God rays're cast down from the immeasurably tall stalks and thickly-packed walls.
There's the thick scent of chlorophyll in the air, deep earthy air, and also somehow, water.
Now fully dressed- to the relief of my hormones- Kaguya plainly pads ahead of us, holding out her arms.
The bamboo before her glows jade, and starts to like, move out of the way. What the fuck.
"Woa~h…" Ha-chan is amazed! "You like-...!"
"Oh?" Kaguya takes genuine pause, twistin' back to us. "Oh, right. Aah… just another of the miracles I can perform."
"Fuckass." Mokou doesn't like how smug she is about it…!
"It's more elegant than burning the fucking forest down to find your way. Fucking murder hobo." The animosity is still on full-dial between these two…!
"I don't- burn the fucking forest down. Nn- not to find my way, at least." Mokou takes exception t'that, dude. "I know my way around. Unlike you. You obviously need the forest to bend to you, to actually navigate it."
Kaguya nods back at her. "Yeah, 'cause we made it the way it is, dumbass."
"Pussy."
With that, they fall silent as Kaguya freakin' pulls a Moses- except with brush and twigs instead a' waves…!
Man. This is-... really weird, actually! We cross over patches of ground that're obviously like, unseen deep brush, nothing but dirt and bamboo chips, and then we pass over open grassy clearings and shit. Sometimes we pass bamboo traps or pits or watery pitfalls that're now obvious as day to navigate past.
And… dude. There's even fluffles amidst the brush.
fwii~sh. As some of the bamboo gently parts, a fluffle is left sitting gingerly amidst what used to be the densest foliage.
"what" It looks left an' right once! "weasel mile" Oh. "my home" Uh oh.
...Why's it so tubby. It's like three times bigger than the average fluffle. It comes up to my shin.
Mokou tips it over with her boot, and it just kinda lets it happen, settling into the dirt on its side. "sniff sniff" What.
...shif- shoof, shoof. It starts rolling around in the dirt, kicking up a small dust storm…!
Fwii~sh. After we distance ourselves from it enough, the bamboo consumes it again. What a weird existence…!
No one had anything to say about that. So, I do! "Fluffles are natural and dusty."
Mokou looks sad, somehow. "Is- is that what they're called…?"
"No they're not." Kaguya denies outright! "Natural, that is. And you said 'dusty' endearingly, so even if it's true, no."
Shi~f. As the bamboo continues to part, an' we slowly exit the freakin' infinite hell of green shit-
"im natural" A really big, quadrupedal fluffle shuffles from some of the parted brush, right up to Kaguya…! It's like, as big as a house!
"What the fuck…!" Kaguya cringes back! Aaoh- she drew her black pistol-
BANG! FWII~SH. She shot it in its shell-nose, an' it just became a compost heap instantly. Just- collapsed into a huge plume of dust…!
I hide in my shirt to not choke to death on the dust cloud! "Ho- holy… shit."
"Kauf- kah- khk- nnh-" Kaguya is not so smart, and gets beat up!
fwoom. Mokou just burns alive, and is fine.
...Ha-chan holds her breath and shuts her eyes. Aw, yes dude.
The dust cloud ends soon enough, that only Kaguya's left gasping for air on the floor. "Kh- aa- a-... nngh-..."
Mokou sighed. "Come on. I thought you were used to choking on shit."
"Fh- fhuck yhou…" Kaguya wheezes out…!
"You guys…" Ha-chan shook her head. "Be nice."
...Mokou gives her a flat look! "You- just now say that."
Gettin' back onto her legs, Kaguya adjusted her dress, an' brushed off some dirt- in a somewhat vain effort, 'cause that dirt ain't goin' nowhere. "Fucking…"
"no words can describe a mothers tears"
Another quadrupedal fluffle, this one small, appears. Of all the lines ta be said- that one had to be said by a freakin' fluffle. "something somewhere is calling for you"
fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish. From all the dust, a gallery of fluffles starts to spawn around us…!
"to what else" That's not how the lyrics go…! This is just the opening ta Tarzan…! "a family"
"Aaaa~h!" Kaguya yells as the fluffle horde descends on us, and everything gets really dusty…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Go~d, why did I agree to thi~s…"
Kaguya's been going stir crazy being outside, somehow. We're movin through some woods between the village and the Hakurei Shrine, on our way ta the path to have our big show~dow~n.
"I feel like I'm gonna get jumped." She also looks doomed, for some reason…!
Mokou snorts. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Ya brought a gun." I also note! "What's gonna jump you. You're also immortal!"
"That hasn't stopped some people…" Kaguya utters! "I- I also only brought two mags."
Mokou huffs. She opens her mouth, but then ya can see her thought process change gears. "Mind if I smoke?"
"Yes." Kaguya immediately minds! But, honestly?
"Yes." I also mind!
"Wha~t." Mokou gazes at me plainly. "What's your problem with it?"
"Cigs, eeh..." I shrug. "I kinda reacted on instinct! But, we're also outside, so I don't actually care." And, y'know, Mokou's actually immortal, so the nicotine ain't gonna do shit to her.
"Cool." Mokou slips a cigarette from a pack that was in her pockets, an' lights it up with her thumb.
Ah, yes, smokes. Ol' Smokey Mokou, dude. Now ta keep like five feet aside her from all times, and to also not walk behind her…!
Ha-chan gets close to her, and sniffs the cigarette. "Eugh- kauh- kauff…"
Mokou looks extremely weirded out! "Wh-... what the fuck."
Soon, we're out in the midst of the Hakurei road.
"You know-" Kaguya has a plain expression now! "What if we don't even see it? What if Brad's just leading us out here to jump us?"
Mokou chuckles! "Aa- ah, definitely. I'd hafta give it to him, it'd be some fuckin'... brain blast bullshit. But, if we don't see it, whatever. We'll just take the kid back to the village. An' then I'd take you out back 'n' shoot you."
"You mean I'd take you out back and shoot you." Kaguya retorts…!
We reach the base of the Hakurei Shrine's stairs, and stare up along 'em at the torii, and at the blue sky. It's fiercely sunny from this angle…!
The sun-... rises from the east, and sets in the west! So-... nnh. Perspective's tricky when thinking it out in the moment. Let it be known I didn't do a lot of exploring 'fore I came to Gensokyo! Now, uh…
I wonder. "On what side a' the shrine's the torii?"
...Mokou furrows her brows. "North. ...Weird question."
Ah. So the shrine's east of the village. How apt…!
Ha-chan looks peaceful, when I look at her. She's enjoying the sun, dude.
We keep meandering down the path some ways, basically just… baiting out an enemy encounter.
This path before the Hakurei Shrine's pretty wide. ...I guess it really oughta be, 'cause otherwise youkai could just leap out an nab ya. Like- omh. Eat'cha whole in one bite! Y'know- even with like, ten meters between the path and the woods, that's probably still fully possible.
...Getting jumped's fully possible, I mean! Not eaten in one bite! Not unless the youkai's uh, really big.
Ohp-... awh. A single cloud passes over the sun above, and everything gets a more 'intensely bright overcast' feel to it rather than sunny.
An' then-
Clip, clop. Clip, clop. Ooh. Clippity clops. They're loud and distinct, comin' along the trail behind us.
Mokou and Kaguya immediately twist around, an' so do I. Ha-chan keeps floatin' ahead, needing a moment to think about it…!
Clip, clop. Clip, clop. The black-blue-purple figure upon its big, black steed, plods along. It very obviously don't have a head.
Ooh- wait. Reaching behind itself, it draws a skull from its horse's side.
...We watch it slowly fit the skull on as its head, between its shoulders. Orange-blue flames lick up through the insides.
After a moment a pensive moment, the horseman takes the skull off-
Crunch! -and crushes it with just its hand…!
"Hey…" Mokou glances back at me. "S'this the douchebag you were talking about?"
I nod! "I- think so…!"
Snorting, Kaguya twirls her black pistol in her hands. "How'm I supposed to cap it if it's got no head."
Mokou gave 'er a look. "We talked about what it fuckin' was earlier. Are you deaf? Or just dumb?"
"At least I have a head." Kaguya grinned back at 'er! "Unlike this fuckin' cuck." Pft- wahaha!
As it approaches us, it draws a hilt from around its belt.
VUU~M. A huge, ethereal orange energy sword longer than it was began to actualize. It was composed of just diamond-like shapes, forming a grid a' sorts along the 'blade'. The fuck kinda headless horseman is this…!?
Floating into the air, Mokou and Kaguya approach the thing…
"You. Rider…" Kaguya clears her throat, an' tries ta sound more posh. "Oh- rider! Can you spare a moment, rider?" Mokou's givin' her a really drained look…!
Slowly, the horseman slows his horse down, holding its reigns with one hand.
"Ride~r?" Kaguya's voice actually sounds kinda cute when she's not being the hacker known as 4Chan. "Oh, please heed me, brave rider."
huu~. A hollow, windy noise came from the horseman…! An' then-
"you" Aw, shit! It can talk!? "you are different"
"Am I?" Kaguya tilted her head ta the side. "How am I different?"
"your HEAD" Orange and blue flare from between the thing's shoulders. "you are not mortal"
"...That's not very different." Kaguya shook her head. "Unless, you mean what I think you mean. I assume you simply mean 'inhuman', which would be correct too."
huu~. Echoey noises come from the horseman. The horse prances in place restlessly, so his rider grips the reigns tighter.
"What do you seek, rider?" Kaguya smiled. "I am a princess, you see. I may be able to give it to you."
The body leans forward on the horse some. "do you not see" Then, it leans back! "a head, a head, a HEAD. i need to get MY HEAD."
"Yeah?" Mokou interjects! "The fuck's with you takin' other people's, then?"
The armor seemed ta just now notice she was there. "IF IT'LL FIT-..."
Takin' another skull from around its horse's side, it holds it up. "they never FIT"
Arm shakin', it puts the skull between its shoulders, an' the magic from between creeps up an' into the skull.
"DO YOU NOT SEE"
CRUNCH! It reaches up an' crushes the skull in one motion…! "IT DOES NOT FIT"
Kaguya hummed. "Mmm… what kind of head do you think would fit?"
The armor took pause, an' just didn't say anything.
Kaguya pursed her lips, tryin'a be cute. "Something round? Something square? Something little, something big?" She began makin' shapes in the air…
"A HEAD" The reply back wasn't descript…!
Kaguya's face faults. "Well- yes, I know that-"
"every head- i will try" It takes the third, final saved skull from along its horses side, an' fits it into place between its shoulders.
CRUNCH! When it doesn't work either apparently- it breaks it with its hand. "EVEN IF- ALL MUST DIE!"
Kaguya clicked her tongue. "...But- sir rider, if I may-"
"ALL YOU CAN GIVE ME-" An inferno lit up between the horseman's shoulders! "IS YOUR HEAD!"
Slouchin', Kaguya's gaze becomes sardonic again. "...Yeah, this isn't working." She holds up her pistol! "Light 'em up!"
"Fuckin' with the town's villagers-..." Mokou starts to burn in the air! "-you're the one who's gonna fucking die!"
And, I mean, I ain't gonna say anything, but if Mokou ever said she wasn't actively tryin'a rhyme 'fuck' with 'fuck' I think she'd be lying…!
BANG- BANG- BANG, BANG, BANG! Kaguya unloads her entire magazine! But- uh, despite her shooting like everything, it doesn't seem like bullets work. The horse is made of armor- and so's the thing itself.
Spooked by the noise, Ha-chan immediately darts behind me, holdin' onto my arms…!
After Kaguya's bullets are done existing, Mokou thrusts herself ahead, across the air.
WHAKLA~CK! She does that rib-crushing thrusting kick into the armor's torso- an' the whole thing kinda jiggles…!
Woosh! The horseman reels its sword back, probably focusin' on Mokou-
KLA~NG! She fuckin' snaps into a dropkick! She hit the headless rider- but the force was so fuckin' strong that the horse itself stumbled back…! Also- that rider must have a fuckin' death grip on that horse!
Woosh! The horseman swung at the air, unable to catch Mokou as she just kinda rolled down off the horse's head after dropkickin' him.
Cli- click! Kaguya snaps her second mag into her gun. "Fucking- figures. Whatever…"
When Mokou starts ta stand aside the horse-
CLOP- WOOSH! Oh- shit! It fuckin' leapt back and up- like a tree's height in the air…!
"Ah-" Mokou sees the horse descend to try and just freakin' goomba-stomp her-
KAFWOO~M! She ignites into a pillar of fire- an' the updraft and force propels the horse even higher…!
Spinnin' three-sixty a bunch in the air, the horseman's now just kinda at the mercy of gravity and physics!
"Divine Treasure…" Kaguya's voice echoes some, as she holds her arms out! "Brilliant Dragon Bullet."
click- click. Dropping the mag she loaded into her pistol, she drew a crystalline, foil-colored magazine into the gun.
"A beast like thee- cannot control the hate you have learned." Her eyes now the colors of the rainbow, Kaguya aimed the pistol up in the air as the horseman spun around…
An' then-
FWAMAWAMAWAMAWAMAWAM. What the fuck. Dude.
A cone of fuckin' rainbow bullshit ame out of the gun when Kaguya shot it- a mesmerizing sea of stars splaying out, and seven strings of prism-like light flaring into the air.
Then, all seven light streams coalesced on the horseman's core, all the stars rushing to crush his core at once.
"Fufufu~!" Kaguya twirls her now rainbow-colored pistol around…! "I wish for you- to kneel!"
When all the light combines around the horseman, his form is pure white.
KRAK. Oh holy fuck-
BOOM!A fruit snack-like oort cloud of all colors exploded out from the epicenter.
In just one frame, the horseman's horse was knelt on the floor, embedded in the earth, and his armor was slumping, shaking, struggling to stay standing.
"Ha- hahahah!" Kaguya takes in how deflated it looks…! "Pony up, bitch." That was some RPG special attack bullshit…!
Mokou floats up alongside 'er. "...Your laughter's disgusting."
Kaguya beams, all merry. "Fu~ck you."
cli- click, click. Pushing from the floor, the horseman and his horse's all-metal parts start to creak and groan, click and clatter.
Standing tall again, they both 'gaze up' at Mokou and Kaguya. Or, at least, the horse does…!
Suddenly, Kaguya's next to the horseman…!? "Hey, honey."
WOOSH! The horseman beheads her- but she turns out to just be some kinda projected image, blurring into nothing after his sword passes through.
Then, Mokou's right in front of them, as the horse an' rider both face her-
THUNK! Oh- shit! Mokou like- kicked up at the horse's jaw, and made the entire thing backflip!
Twirling overhead, Kaguya aimed down at it-
FWAMAWAMAWAMAWAMAWAM. What do you mean she can just do that attack again.
Except, this time, the fuckin' like miniature universe of bullshit converges on the horseman quicker, appearing only as a flash amidst the daytime air-
KRAK. In one instant, it all closes in on them both-
BOOM! Why's the ground shakin'. That went off in the air. Holy fuck.
Ha-chan's makin' herself scarce behind me as the colors just wipe through everything, the nearby brush and forest momentarily statically lit with fruity neon stripes.
Flipping around-
BOOM! The horseman's horse bounces off the ground- and its fucking legs blow off!
FWRA~R! Oh- shit! Orange-blue thrusters light up where its legs used to be…!
WOOSH! It takes off into the air blindingly fast-
Mokou's eyes widen, and she kicks as it comes at her-
SHI~NG! Oh. Uh oh.
Mokou's head rolls through the air, a fountain of red exploding from between her shoulders as she's reduced to a limp corpse in the path of the horseman.
U-turning in the air, the dude circles around and clutches her head by its white locks.
"Oh- Mokou~...!" Kaguya whines! "Come the fuck on! I was carrying that fight! Fucking- noo~b!" Pft- I uh- even I don't use 'noob' unironically often these days…!
Whipping Mokou's head around, the horseman thrust it betweens its shoulders…
KRAK- KAFWOOM! Then, once it was there, the eyes began to focus, and flames began to lick up the horseman's features.
"Rrgh-" It growled through Mokou's ruined vocal cords, voice slightly ethereal to make up for the inability to use the neck any longer. "I-..."
Stalling in the air, it shut Mokou's eyes and held onto her head.
"All thi- this-..." Mokou's voice stumbles from her own lips. I think the horseman's talkin' through her, but… it also seems confused. "All this- hate…"
Then, the horseman with Mokou's head looked up at Kaguya.
"KA-" Her jaw snaps open really wide…! "KAGUYA!"
"Tsk." Kaguya clicks her tongue. "Truly, now…"
Woosh! Riding the jet-horse through the air, the horseman- question mark- gains on Kaguya, winding up its blade…
SWISH! When it swings, Kaguya just limbos under it. "Of course your stupidity would bleed into something so simple, Mo-chan. I guess it's up to me, to put you down-"
SWOOSH! Spinning in the air, horseman-Mokou swings their huge, fiery greatsword-
WOO- WOO- WOOSH! Oh- shit! Flamin' jack-o-lanterns roar out for Kaguya!
BANG- BANG- BANG! She shoots her now-normal pistol at them, an' they explode into orange shit, seeds and fire in the air.
Takin' aim, she seeks ta cap Mokou's head off the thing-
KRAK- FWOO~M! Then, a pillar of fire just opens from the earth, consuming Kaguya whole…!
When it's gone… pft- oo- oh no. She's left floating there, her hair all extended straight up in the air and stuck that way, and she's slightly charred. "Kauff." She coughs up a puff of smoke…!
"FUCK YOU-" The horseman roars! "KAGUYA HOURAISAN!"
Wait-... I think I just now get what happened. Mokou's hate for Kaguya overrode the horseman's head fetish. Holy shit.
WOO- WOO- WOOSH! Horseman-Mokou tosses the sword through the air, and it spins around, homin' in on Kaguya…!
She dips down under it, and moves to close distance with horsedude-Mokou. "I must say- Mo-chan- that look suits you! It's suitably monstrous- for someone born purely of fire and hate!"
Klick! Oh! The horseman just- leaves the horse!
Kaguya's eyes flare wider. "Wha-"
WHACRACK! Horseman-Mokou spins three-sixty nearly instantly in the air, and thrusts a rib-crushing kick into Kaguya's chest. That horseman has big boots, too…!
"Hfuu-" Kaguya flails away, her pistol spinning around in the air where she was…!
SHINK! Oh. Then, the giant fiery greatsword swoops in from behind and cuts Kaguya's head clean off, a spiral of confetti-like blood twirling around in the air from how her head and her body were severed.
Swooshin' around in the air, now on the jet-horse again, horseboy-Mokou claims Kaguya's head by its black hair.
"A HEAD…" Ohp- I think the head fetish's takin' over again.
Woosh! Tossin' Kaguya's up and into the air, the horseman reached up-
CRUNCH! -and gripped Mokou's head tight. Ooh. There's more shit in a skull than I thought. It's a good thing I'm far away so I can't see the details…!
Then, Kaguya's head landed between its shoulders.
...After a couple seconds, Kaguya's now rainbow-colored, luminescent eyes peer down at us.
"Aaaa~h!" Ha-chan roars!
I grab onta her! "Yo- let's go!" We gotta get the hell outta here!
"Go where!?" Ha-chan twists around- forcin' me to spin with her- and, uu~h…
We gaze at the lake behind us. Y'know what? Good enough!
Ha-chan yells! "We're trapped-" I push her in! "Whua-"
As Ha-chan falls after I shoved her, I leap onto her back- but also do it really awkwardly to try and not squish her wings…!
SPLASH- SPLASH! Oh god it's cold son-
"Hye- yhaa~h!" Ha-chan roars, flails her limbs and her wings start buzzin' as she floats forward, carrying us across the lake top…! Oh- god, we're moving slow…
I look back-
Oh yeah the boy's comin' for us. Really- fucking fast too holy shit!
Using my double jump powers- I leap off Ha-chan and stand atop her, a shoe placed at her upper back, and one on her lower back, precariously in just the two places her wings don't go.
Reachin' through my bag, I claim the Quake Maker an' the Bawmber. Alright-
Kneeling down some, I-
BOOM! -spank Ha-chan in the ass with the bomb hanger!
SPLA~SH! Water parts, and her wings flutter faster as we have liftoff! "Heee~!" Yee~haw!
...Oo- oh, aw shit! There's fairies in the water ahead of us!
Splish- skrii~sh! As we skid on the water's surface, keepin' pace with the turbo hover horse behind us, I start usin' Quake Maker to paddle us along…!
Splash! Splash! We pass Cirno and Daiyousei, as we make our way across the Misty Drink…!
"Wh- huh…" Cirno jerks her head back, twistin' around to watch us as we go! "Um. Oh! Is that the wrestling you were talking about, Dai-chan?"
Daiyousei rubs her face with one palm. "I- I… euh… nnh…" Then, she twists, and sees the horseman-
SHING- Pi~chun! Daiyousei dies instantly, 'cause the horseman's been hot on our ass! She got beheaded- but fairies just poof, so y'know, oof.
Splash! Splash! Ha-chan continues to bounce off the water on her stomach as she tries and somewhat fails to support my weight- but I keep padding us along like a canoe with my other hanger…!
"Hey! Wisenheimer!" Suddenly, I hear Cirno yellin'! "That was my buddy ya just clobbered!"
WOOSH! Cirno ducks under a pass of a blade meant for her head-
WOOSH! Cirno does a flip over another slice made for her torso! "Waho- hey, hey…!"
Rollin' away in the air, Cirno arcs off- and the horseman takes a diversion to trail after her instead.
...When I stop goin' gondola-style on the lake's water, Ha-chan actually manages to get some height from the water's surface, her wings buzzing quietly as she shivers beneath me. We're goin' noticeably slower, but y'know, it's not entirely awful.
Fwash- fwash- fwash! Cirno shoots ice an' shit at the horseman in the background, and they have a fuckin' weird semi-melee dogfight in the air in the background. I dunno I'm hardly payin' attention- I'm tryin'a keep my balance…!
Ah, yes. It's fiercely sunny, the water looks good, Ha-chan's freezing her fairy tits off, and we're gettin' chased by a horseman who's bein' ransacked by an ice fairy.
And, in order to not die to the horseman… we're fleeing to a vampire's mansion, 'cause it's the lesser of two evils!
WOOSH! Oh- fuck- Cirno roars by us-
VRRRR! The horseman blows after her- and fortunately his sword's in the arm away from us…!
However- oh shit oh fuck-
Losing my balance, I just fall onto Ha-chan- and hug for dear life-
KABOOM! Fuck! Fuck that bomb hanger! Oww~! When my hand hit the water- and the hanger in it too- nnngh!
"Nnh- hnh-" Ha-chan just grunts unhealthily in my grasp as we spiral outta control in the air-
SPLASH. Oh, cool. Ice water.
woosh. We're underwater. Ha-chan's wings attack my stomach as I try and adopt this weird posture that looks like a sex position in efforts to not crush her wings.
"Mmm!" Ha-chan grunts under the water, and- "Buwa- ghuughu-" Why'd you open your mouth…!?
SPLAA~SH! Aw- when we surface- we're near the shore…!
Fwii~sh. Ha-chan faceplants in the sand of the shallows. "Mmgh- ghnn~..." Oh, no…!
Gettin' offa' her, I look at the air-
Thud- crack- crack! Cirno hits the ground really hard 'cause she doesn't look where she's going, and it sounds really bad! "Uuh-... oww~!" It took a moment for her pain to register!
"Aa- alright…" I get offa Ha-chan. I think she's dead. Alright… "New pl-... new plan!"
Takin' my bag, I tilt it upside-down-
splish- thunk. I dispense a wooden Scarlet coffee table in the lake's shallows.
Reachin' down- I- nngh… lift-... Ha-chan-... outta the lake sand-...
Thud. I dispense my waterlogged fairy onto the table's top.
Climbing onto the table with her, I uh, I put away Quake Maker an' take out Flame Salvo instead. Alright…
So- uh… we have no tape, and we have no rope, no-... no pretty much anything! We have the panty rope- but-
Pi~chun! Ohp! That was Cirno dying somewhere! The horsefuck got her…!
"Alright- Hana!" I announce! "Hang in there- just a little longer…!"
Opening her skirt- I shove Flame Salvo between the edges of her blue-white striped panties, and aim the nozzle away from us.
"I- I'm…" She speaks! "I'm-... tired…" Uh oh…
Alright-... oh- we should probably really get going oh shit-
Leaning over the stout table's side, sitting on it with Ha-chan, putting myself between her wings and the flamethrower hanger- I reach down and clip the side with the Bawmber-
KABOOM! Ow. Fuck… and- uh…
Oh, man this was a horrible idea.
WOOSH! Oh- holy shit. The horseman swung at us in passing- and fucking missed, because we're doin' fuckin'... physics prop tricks in the air…!
I get really dizzy as I hang onto Ha-chan for dear life- as she hangs onto the table itself as it spins around in the air-
"Haaaa~!" She yells- and channels energy into the hanger tied to her ass inadvertently-
fwii~sh! Aw, yes dude! The thruster has ignition!
And- I feel like I'm gonna hurl, holy shit…
Reaching into my bag with my spare arm-... uuh-... fuck, what else do I take out? I don't think that London doll summon thing'll do anything to mister-beheads-a-lot, and-
WOOSH! Alright- if it weren't for the sword glowing like rainbow colors now, I wouldn't know what the fuck that noise even came from.
"Nnh-" Kaguya's voice comes from the thing, and grunts for some reason. "Hold- still…! I can't move that fast!" What…!?
It'd be nice if we weren't spinning like five three-sixties every second, holy fu~ck…!
However, 'cause of Ha-chan's wings, we are at least-... going in different directions, I think-
BAM! Oh- fuck- we hit a tree…!
We flip upside down, Ha-chan's wings propelling us in a lightning-fast arc to the floor-
KABOOM! Half-accidentally, half-purposefully, I flick the Bawmber into the floor- and- fucking, ou~ch, this fucking magical explosion- fuck…! I- I think my fingers are fucking broken! Fuhuhuck!
Well- we flipped upright again, for what it's worth-... wait, hey. Hey, holy shit.
We're upright, not flipping around, and we're moving forward. My hand's broken- fuck that sucks- but y'know… s'not so bad!
I look back- oh. I see why the horseman's not happy with our speed.
Two of four of its thrusters are frozen, leaving its movements awkward, and one of its arms is locked up in ice. Yeah- bet'cha feel real smart crushin' Mokou's head now, huh…!?
Aw, yes. We're makin' straight for the mansion's gates.
Meiling's standing there where she always is, dozin' an' snoozin'.
"Storm the mansion!" I point my bomb hanger- and broken hand- at the mansion! And- bad idea yeahah ow. My eyes are tearing up…! "Any pe- percent speedru~n!"
Ooh- shit! Yeah- smash those gates-
Meiling snaps before the gate, just a frame or ten before we make contact.
THOOMNK. She uppercuts the underside of the table we're on.
KRACK. It snaps in fucking half.
WOOO~SH! "Yeaa- hoohoohooi~e!" Oh my fucking god we went flying. Holy-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Well dude. Here we are. Twenty meters in the air over the entire fucking Scarlet Devil Mansion. Well, except for the clocktower. We didn't go that high.
The table we rode up on flies away gloriously, split into two perfectly even pieces, sailing away from us in different directions. Last time logged onto Steam: twelve years ago…!
"Br- Brad…" Ha-chan's crying as she twists around to face me…! "I- I'm sorry-..."
I fight my own tears- at how banged up my fucking hand is…! "Fa- fer what…?"
"You're gonna die…" She hugs onto me! "Ih- I doh' wha' you to di~e…!"
Slowly, we descend for the mansion's rooftop below…!
"It's okay." I hug Ha-chan back- bad idea fuck my hand fuck- "'Ca- 'cause-..." What was the name of that one James Bond movie? "Agents never die ten times as fast…!"
Ha-chan hugs me tighter- as if I said something at all meaningful!
Here we go, dude. Stand tall for titan fall…!
As we touch down on the rooftop-
WOOSH! I use my second jump to cushion the fall, restored by my time on the tablecraft.
BAM. Holdin' Ha-chan bridal style, I land firmly on both battered legs, my ripped-up blue pants stained black from my encounter wit' Mumbles yesterday, even after drycleaning.
Atop the sunny roof, beneath an unassuming but large parasol, Remilia and Flandre quickly jerk themselves to gaze at me.
Slowly, I twist halfway towards them, starin' them down with a firm expression. ...Half a firm expression, 'cause they can only see half my face, pro'lly.
...Remilia blinks twice! "Aa-... ah."
...BAM- BAM! Elsewhere on the roof, the discarded halves of the table crash down on either side, framing my landing!
BOOM- FWOOM! An explosion goes off at one end, and my flame hanger causes a small inferno at the other!
Silence. Daylight, cold winds, and this six foot tall lanky dude strugglin' to hold a fairy while trying to look stylish in the process…!
Flandre purses her lips, and continues to hold some wood horsie over Remi's head. "Geddyup, geddyup, geddyup- up- up…" Aw, yes dude. The horsie is moving up the mountain that is Remi's fluffy cap! "Kree~."What kinda noise was that. "...Geddyup, geddyup-"
"KREE~!" Ooh! The horseman emerges, emitting a wail of some kind- and-... yeah! He leapt up over the edge of the manor's roof! Aw- man, I wonder, how'd he get past Meiling…!?
"He~y!" Oh, I hear her yelling from the ground floor. Wait- does that mean it's dedicated on gettin' me in particular!? Oh, shit!
"Ooh!" Flandre beams! "You guys got me a horsie! A real horsie…!"
"What the-" Remilia jerks her head back! "What…!?"
Standing at the edge of her umbrella's shade, Flandre beams up at it! "Ooh! You're so pretty!" It's all lit-up like a neon Christmas house light show, 'cause of Kaguya's… rainbow goodness, I guess!
Setting its sights on the Scarlet sisters, it takes pause again. "YOU."
"Me!" Flandre leaps in place, but it's a really tiny leap!
The horseman reels its rainbow sword back. "YOUR HEAD WILL DO."
WOOSH. It swings for Flandre's head.
Flandre, with one hand, gingerly grasps the magic blade. "Wo~w…" She stopped it entirely, by just… grabbing it, like it were an object on a shelf. "I got a cool sword too!"
The horseman pulls his blade- but it just happens to be at the moment Flandre lets go, so he pulls way too hard and displaces himself!
Flandre draws a hilt from her own dress-
KABOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM. What the fuck is that…!? Is-... is that-...
It's Laevateinn. The mythological sword of super explosive kabooms. Oh fuck.
BOOMBOOMBOOM. Flandre holds it to the side, and it detonates the air in the meanwhile. "Take this!"
BOOMBOOM- KAKRACK- BOOM! She strokes it across the horseman, and with an ear-piercing snap, the ice along its armor reacts poorly with the sudden heat of her annihilation sword.
The entire thing snapped into literally fuckin'... just, metal dust. Metal parts, plates, sand that dissipates in the air, and shards of quickly vaporizing ice.
thu- thud. Kaguya's severed head rolls to a stop at the foot of the garden table Flandre's still standing over.
"...Wha~t." Her jaw drops! "Normally stuff made outta metal doesn't do that! It- it was so loud…"
She looked at Remi! "Remi, what happened?"
Remilia's gaze was incredibly vague! "Don't-... don't ask me. I'm still trying to process the tea I just drank... let- let alone, whatever all that noise was."
...Then, after a moment, Remi exhaled. "Actually. You know what happened. Metallurgy, you know?"
"Aah…" Flandre took a moment ta think about it. "Oh, yeah. Hot and cold. Awh, dang. I didn't think it'd break that quickly."
...Huh.
Flandre does a fluffy stomp in place. "Dang it. I even make sure not to break dishes in the sink like that. That's annoying…"
Lookin' down along Ha-chan's soaked and zenned-out expression, I suddenly get the urge to look inside my waist band an' see if there's a miniature lake there, like in the cartoons…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Hi, friends." I come up to the table with Flandre and Remilia. "We're here from the convention."
thump. I gently set Ha-chan down on the table, and she loafs out, shivering.
Flandre gives me a wayward look! Should I be scared of her? I think my brain stopped after that whole chase began…! "Who're you?" She questions my existence.
"Water. Cold." Dead…! "Brad!" It came from beneath the sink, son.
"Oh…" Flandre blinks at me! "I remember you! You started visiting the mansion the other day."
"An' I don't remember you!" I point at her!
"I only heard about you from Remi." Flandre looks snuggly. Her smile is broad, and so are her cheeks. "You're-..." She tilts her head. "You're not afraid of me?"
"Should I be?" I dunno! "I- I think the 'fear' part a' my brain stopped while I was running for my life…!"
At that, Flandre looks marginally more amazed somehow. "Wow… so Remi wasn't fibbing. You really are different!" I can't believe I'm different. Ouuh.
"How are you alive." Remilia asks me, her tone flat! "I hadn't meant to have you almost murdered- and yet, you somehow came back."
"Riding a table!" Flandre added! "Table riders…"
Grinning, I hold up a finger. I nod gladly too.
An' I just don't say anything for awhile.
But then I have my answer. "Very carefully." I give Remilia a satisfied expression.
Remilia leans back in her chair, as if becoming a ragdoll…!
"hhk-" Uh. Oh.
Looking down, I see Kaguya's upper torso laying there, slowly like, regrowing. What.
"Ha~h…" She inhales air, somehow? Does-... does she have her lungs yet? "Damn…"
"How-" like- "how are you alive. Aren't you in pain…!?"
Kaguya blinks at me. I can see her shit like, regrowing. "Probably." Whaddaya mean probably? "It'll- nnh- it'll take awhile-... for the- the nerves... to start working properly…"
...Hoh.
That's when a fluffle climbs onto the garden table, and starts waving its tub around! "smood moods"
"Aw!" Flandre looks adoring as all get-out! "It's sma~ll!"
How loafsome. Loafsome, and floafsome. Fluffsome…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 8
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this chapter revise took a really long time for two-three reasons!
o i had to condense a lot of pre-revise chapter 7's ending into this one
o i couldn't just keep pushing this chapter's content forward, so i had to have it tank all like 20-some k words (22 k at the moment)
o i've been working on coding stuffs and unrelated life activities
that aside i do like the new directions i took some of these events
the biggest to-do was probably finding dynamic ways to transition between the events, to keep the continuity and vague format of the old chapter but keep it from being too awkward
as always, i've been trying to remove clutter and fat that just overall made the chapters awkward and nebulous
although this chapter still has a lot goin' on, notably both the mumbles and horseman encounters
i think it's fine though, the previous few chapters have been big for the sake of them surviving
as always, see you all next time!
