Today is my birthday so as a present to you all, here's the final chapter in this story! Who says writing angst isn't the best way to celebrate?
TW! The conversation between Gwen and Kevin is heavy and filled with emotion. There is mention of death (but only in reference to Ben having wanted to kill Kevin when he was mutated).
Disclaimer: I don't own Ben 10 and characters.
She should be sleeping. Gwen is exhausted and her body greatly protested when her alarm had gone off just before 8 o'clock this morning. As much as she knew that it would do her some good to peacefully sleep after the last couple of hectic and stressful days, she couldn't afford to do so. Gwen hasn't done any homework since trying to save Kevin. There would be time to sleep later, for now, she wants to catch up on everything she's missed at school. She knows that doing so will help bring down her stress levels.
The Yamamoto's have been kind enough to let her stay with them ever since her home was damaged during the fight with Kevin. Even if they have a guest room, she opted to sleep on a little air mattress on the floor of Julie's room. She doesn't want to be alone right now and prefers spending time with her friend.
Luckily for her, Julie is also an early riser. This morning, they woke up at the same time and ate breakfast together. It was a nice change of pace compared to her hectic lifestyle. Afterward, Gwen had gone to take a quick shower while Julie went outside to train for an upcoming tennis match. It is now just past 9 am and Gwen is sitting at Julie's desk in her bedroom, getting ready to start her trigonometry homework.
She opens her textbook and finds the page she needs when she hears someone open the door to the bedroom.
"Gwen?" Julie asks as she walks into the room, closing the door behind her. "I need to talk to you before you start your homework."
"Of course," Gwen replies, gently spinning her chair around to better see her friend. "What's up Julie?"
"I just got a call from Ben," she explains as she sits down on the edge of her bed.
"Is Ben okay? Please tell me he hasn't already taken on another mission," she asks, unable to mask her concern. As much as she enjoys helping her cousin, she's exhausted and she needs the weekend off from fighting aliens and saving the world.
"No, don't worry," Julie reassures her, giving her a soft smile. She knows just how tired her friend is. "Ben called to tell me that Kevin is at his house right now."
"Are they fighting again?" Gwen asks out of concern. She thought they had made up when they had ditched her to go get smoothies.
"No, Ben says Kevin is looking for you. He wants to know if it's okay if he lets him know you're here and if you're up to talking to Kevin today?" Julie elaborates.
"Yeah, Ben can let him know. I'm not hiding from Kevin," Gwen tells her friend as she grabs her pencil from the desk and starts playing with it. She's suddenly feeling a tad anxious.
"Oh, I don't doubt that. You don't hide from much" Julie lightly jokes. She can immediately tell from Gwen's actions that she's worried about something. Or maybe Julie is overanalyzing things and it's just the lack of sleep. She wishes she could do more to help, Gwen has always been there to support and help her when she's needed it. "But are you okay with talking to Kevin? It's okay to need a bit more time."
Does Gwen need more time? The night Kevin transformed back to his normal self, she was overjoyed and didn't allow herself to think about anything else. She had been so focused on saving her boyfriend that she hadn't taken the time to properly analyze and realize how many emotions and grudges he'd been hiding from her. She didn't think Kevin had done it on purpose, but she knew it was dangerous for him to continue ignoring them.
"I don't know if I can help him," Gwen suddenly admits. Julie almost misses Gwen's statement because her voice is barely above a whisper as if she's afraid to admit what she's just said.
"What do you mean?" Julie asks her friend, hoping to make sense of what she's just heard.
"I don't know if I can fix Kevin. I was so wrapped up in curing him these past few days I didn't stop to think about all the emotions and grudges he's been bottling up that made his mutation even worse. I know he's changed and I'm so proud of who he's become, but I don't know how to make him believe it anymore," Gwen rambles, unable to stop herself as her own worries and insecurities suddenly rise to the surface.
"It's okay Gwen," Julie consoles her friend. She gets off the bed and moves to hug Gwen. She holds the redhead as she cries, most likely finally releasing the stress, fear, and every other emotion she's been feeling over the past couple of days. After a minute or so, Gwen's breathing slows down and she pulls away from Julie's embrace, giving her friend a grateful smile.
"Can I be completely honest with you?" Julie asks. She wants to help Gwen and hopes her opinion can be helpful.
"Of course, Julie, I always value your opinion."
"As do I," Julie replies, giving Gwen's hand a gentle squeeze. "I know how much you care about Kevin, but it's not up to you to "fix" him. He has to want to fix himself. You can only be there to support him along the way, which I'm sure he'll appreciate. But it's not healthy for you or your relationship if you give yourself the job of fixing everything."
Julie hopes Gwen understands her point of view and where she's coming from. She doesn't think their relationship is unhealthy, they've both been happier since finding each other. But Julie worries the relationship will turn sour if Gwen tries to change someone who isn't ready for it. She only hopes Kevin realizes this as well. She doubts she can say these kinds of things to Kevin. They're friends, but only through the extension of their significant others. And she knows for a fact that Ben won't be able to have this kind of conversation with his friend.
"You're right," Gwen replies softly. "But I don't want to lose him."
"I don't think you will, I have faith in Kevin, he's just as in love with you as you are with him. I think this ordeal has been a wake-up call for him, I mean he's the one looking to talk and it's normally the other way around."
"That's true," Gwen chuckles gently, her sniffles finally coming to an end. She takes a deep breath. "Thank you, Julie."
"Of course, I'll always be here for you, whatever happens, we'll get through it together."
Gwen smiles, grateful to have a friend like Julie. The two hug again, this time more briefly, but just as passionately.
"Should I text Ben back?" Julie asks as they pull away from their hug.
"Yeah. I'll just get dressed while I wait for him to get here," Gwen replies, getting up from the chair she's been sitting on. She took a shower earlier this morning but had put on a fresh pair of pajamas afterward to be comfortable while doing her homework. She's going to need to change because she doesn't feel like meeting Kevin in her pajamas.
"I'll be waiting in the living room then, I'll let you know if Kevin arrives," the black-haired teen says as she makes her way out of the room. Julie closes the door behind her.
Gwen shuts the blinds to the window in Julie's bedroom and searches the contents of the small bag she brought with her. She doesn't have a lot of clothes with her, but she decides to wear some sweatpants and a shirt with long sleeves. She still has quite a couple of bruises and cuts from all the fights she's been in the last few days. She doesn't want Kevin to see them and feel even more guilty than he's probably already feeling.
She quickly walks to the adjoining bathroom in Julie's room to check her reflection in the mirror. She decides to forgo her signature ponytail and leaves her hair down. Once she's ready, she makes her way to the living room and sits beside Julie on the couch.
It isn't long before she hears the familiar honk of Kevin's car as he pulls up and parks in front of Julie's home. She doesn't blame him for not coming to the door. She would rather talk to him in private as well. The Yamamoto's have been nice enough to let her stay with them for a bit but she doesn't want to burden them with having more guests.
"Good luck," Julie says as Gwen gets up from the couch and walks toward the front door.
"Thanks," Gwen replies.
"Oh!" Julie suddenly exclaims. "Catch," she says, tossing her cell phone in Gwen's direction.
Luckily, Gwen has incredible reflexes and manages to catch the object in time before it hits her or falls on the floor.
"Take it with you in case you need it, both Ben's number and my home phone number are on speed dial," Julie explains.
"Thanks," Gwen answers as she pockets the phone. Her cell phone was destroyed when she fought Ben the other day and she hasn't gotten a new one yet. Her parents have bigger concerns right now so she will go buy herself a new one later on in the week. She doesn't think she needs the cellphone, but she knows Julie means well and it never hurts to be prepared.
Gwen gives Julie a small wave as she walks out the front door, gently closing it behind her. It doesn't take her long to cross the driveway and arrive at Kevin's car. She knows the door will be unlocked so she doesn't hesitate to open it and sit down in her usual spot.
As soon as she sits down and closes the car door behind her, she can tell from Kevin's body language that he hasn't slept much, and his emotions are running high.
"Hey," she says gently, not quite sure how to start the conversation. A situation of this magnitude has never happened in their relationship and she's suddenly feeling nervous.
"Hey," Kevin awkwardly replies, his fingers fidgeting on his steering wheel. The car instantly fades back into silence, both of them unsure what to do next.
"Should we–" Gwen starts but stops herself when she hears Kevin speak at the same time as her.
"Do you mind–" Kevin has also stopped mid-sentence when he registers Gwen's voice.
"Sorry, what were you going to say?" Gwen asks, trying to ignore her rising nervousness. Why is it so awkward?
"No, it's okay. I was just going to suggest we drive somewhere a bit more private to talk. I don't know if Julie's parents are okay with me staying here."
"Yeah, I don't mind," Gwen replies honestly.
"Thanks."
Gwen watches the man who normally hides behind his bravado, exhales nervously, and grips his steering wheel before driving off. She's never seen him like this, and she can't help but worry about him and the conversation they're about to have. Although she's preoccupied with her concerns, she immediately recognizes the route Kevin is taking. He's driving her to his garage. It is, after all, one of the only safe spaces they share where the chances of being interrupted are slim. She also notices how he continuously keeps sneaking guilty glances at her.
After a silent drive, Kevin arrives and parks his car in the garage. As he turns off the engine and removes the keys from the ignition, Gwen unbuckles her seatbelt in anticipation of getting out of the car. As she goes to open the door with the idea of making her way to the couch, she can't help but notice how Kevin is no longer moving.
"Kev?" she questions, even more worried by his behavior.
Gwen's voice seems to bring him back to reality as he slowly turns his head to look at her. The silence is eerie and heavy as he pitifully stares at her. His eyes glance over her entire body and she can tell he's looking to see if he can find proof that he hurt her. She anticipated this and the only thing he finds are the dark circles, caused by stress and lack of sleep, under her eyes. They're a matching pair to the ones under his eyes.
"Are you okay?" Kevin finally asks her when he's unable to see if he's hurt her.
"For the most part, yeah" she answers honestly. There's no point in sugar-coating the situation and saying everything is back to normal.
Kevin sighs, but he sounds discouraged, not mad. "You know I'm not good at expressing my feelings, but I need to do this. Do you mind if you let me speak before joining?"
"Yeah, of course," Gwen replies, nodding her head.
Gwen listens attentively as Kevin explains to her how he owes her several apologies and that the only reason he hasn't done so yet is because, truthfully, he doesn't know where to begin. The only thing he knows for certain is that she deserves the first apology.
"So, I'm sorry I ended up apologizing to your grandpa first," Kevin says, somewhat shamefully.
"You don't need to apologize for that Kevin," Gwen reassures him.
"Yeah, I guess," he replies. He seems lost in his own thoughts. The faraway look in his eyes tells her he's fighting an internal war against himself. "I guess I'm just not sure if apologizing could ever be enough to make up for everything I did."
Gwen remains silent despite the part of her that desperately wants to reassure him.
"I could easily say that that wasn't me. That the power made me crazy cause I'm an Osmosian. I know that's kinda true, but I only became so evil because of my insecurities and my hatred for people who wronged me."
He pauses for a second, thinking about everything that has happened. And finally, what Kevin has been struggling to admit over the past couple of days comes pouring out of him like an avalanche.
"Because I can't forgive myself and other people, I put one of the only people I care about in danger. I don't understand how you could stick by me through all that. After everything I said and did to you. I even hurt people you care about. Absorbing the Ultimatrix didn't make me a monster, it just released the monster that's been hiding in me all these years." Kevin's voice keeps rising as he expels all his pent-up frustration. Tears were now falling down his solemn face, something Gwen rarely witnesses.
Gwen inhales sharply, struck by the way Kevin is talking about himself. She knows he has insecurities, but she didn't realize how bad they were until he admitted them. Still, Gwen doesn't say anything, she can sense that he isn't done, he needs to get this off his chest.
"I almost tried to kill you! I love you more than anything in the entire world and I tried to kill you!" Kevin is yelling, but not at her. "Ben was right, you should have killed me. I was a danger to you and a danger to the entire world. If the roles were reversed between Ben and me, I would have killed him."
And suddenly there is only silence. Gwen sits quietly still, watching Kevin as he breathes heavily and grips the steering wheel of his car.
"What if I had been the one to lose control of my powers? What if I had gone full Anodite and done something that you knew I'd later come to regret?" Gwen finally asks, only after Kevin hasn't spoken for quite a while.
It's Kevin's turn to inhale sharply as he listens to Gwen's question.
"I would have done anything to save you." His voice is barely above a whisper as he seems to finally realize why Gwen hadn't given up on him. Not because she's weak and too afraid to make a decision. A sacrifice Ben was ultimately willing to make. But because she's in love with Kevin and every aspect of his being. Deep down, Kevin knows Gwen truly loves him, she makes a point to tell him constantly and he regrets that he doesn't reciprocate it as much as she does. He loves her, he would do anything to show his love and to keep her in his life. What stopped him in the past and what kept him now from fully accepting it was that he still didn't think himself worthy of her love.
Kevin finally releases the steering wheel from his death grip and gently reaches over to grab Gwen's hand.
"You're right, Gwen. If I had been in your shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing you did. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you in my life because I love you. I'm sorry for what I said just now, it wasn't fair to judge you like that."
"It's okay, Kevin," Gwen reassures him, tears now running down her face.
"No, it's not, but I'm going to make it okay." Kevin sounds more confident than he did a second ago. "When I was talking with Max earlier, he told me that I needed to work on myself. I know I'm a better person than I was before, you helped me realize that and become that person. And I'll forever be grateful to you for that."
"I know that Kevin," she replies thankfully.
"But I still haven't dealt with some stuff from my past and I see now how it's affecting me and those I care about."
Kevin grips her hand more fiercely and looks into her eyes with so much strength and ferocity, it surprises her.
"Gwen, I promise that I'm going to try, for real this time. I want to change. I hate the person that I am when I become power crazy. I'm embarrassed that I acted that way and I'm mad at myself for hurting those who love and always support me. Not only you but Ben, my mom, your grandpa, and even Harvey."
"You don't deserve to be treated the way I treated you, Gwen," Kevin continues. "I'm going to change, but I know it's not going to be easy. I also know that I can't keep relying on you to fix my problems. You've done more than enough."
"But—" she starts to say but is quickly interrupted by her boyfriend.
"I'm serious, Gwen. I'm not your responsibility, but you are my motivation. I want to be the version of myself that you've seen since day one. But... But if you want to leave this relationship because I've hurt you too many times in the past and you can't move past this, I won't stop you. I just want you to be happy."
Gwen desperately wants to answer Kevin, tell him that being with him makes her happy. But Julie's words from earlier today ring through her head and she takes a second to think about everything.
She was honest earlier when she told Kevin she's forgiven him for his actions. And she can tell he wants to change. She's still in love with him and doesn't want to end their relationship. But Kevin and Julie are both right, it's not her responsibility to "fix" Kevin. A person has to want to change, she understands that. But most importantly, Gwen can't expect people to change and be molded to exactly who she wants them to be. Thinking about this makes her realize that they both have some work to do. But she thinks they are both up for the task.
Kevin is patiently waiting for her reply, but she can tell he's getting a bit nervous from her extended silence.
"I'm really proud of you Kevin, I'm sorry I might not say it enough. And you know I'll always support you," she says, having finally made her decision. "And I'm not leaving you. Being in love with you and having you in my life makes me happy."
Kevin's shoulders sag in relief as he hears these words. He would have respected Gwen's decision if she chose to break up with him, but he's glad she hasn't done that.
Gwen gently smiles at his reaction, but she's not finished.
"But I need you to hold me accountable too from now on, I need to change as well."
"What?" Kevin asks, clearly confused by her statement.
"Kev, I've realized that I judge you a lot and set really high standards for you. Changing is good, but I shouldn't force it on you. If you want to change, you should do it because it's what's best for you, not just for me," she tells him somewhat sternly. "I also need to stop trying to control you."
Kevin is a bit stunned by Gwen's admission. It's not something he's thought about much in the past and it isn't a topic he thought would come up today. But maybe there is some truth to what she's saying.
"Okay, it's a deal," Kevin finally answers as he nods his head. "I forgive you too."
Gwen also nods in reaction to his statement.
"I love you, Gwen," he says.
"I love you too, Kevin," she repeats. Ever in sync, they close the small gap between themselves and share a kiss. Actions speak louder than words and this kiss speaks volumes. It's filled with apologies, worry, love, hope, and every other emotion they've felt since the mutation.
Reluctantly, Kevin pulls away from the kiss, but he stays near her. He gently caresses Gwen's face with his right hand. They stay like this for a couple of seconds, content in the peacefulness of it all.
Unfortunately, the tranquility inside of Kevin's car is broken when they hear the chime of a cell phone.
"Is that a new ringtone?" Kevin is unable to stop himself from asking. He's grown accustomed to the sound of Gwen's phone seeing as she's never changed it.
Gwen chuckles softly, of course, Kevin would notice a small detail like that. "It's not my phone, I borrowed Julie's" Gwen explains as she removes the device from her pocket.
"What happened to your phone?" he questions, his hand no longer on her cheek as she reads the text message.
"I broke it when I was fighting with Ben the other day," she answers a bit hesitantly. She's not sure how much Kevin knows about the intense fight she had with her cousin.
Gwen watches an unfamiliar emotion flash across Kevin's face as he absorbs this information. It's almost like a mix of concern and guilt.
"Are you and Ben going to be okay?" Kevin finally says. "I hate that you guys fought like that. Ben told me you both didn't hold back much with your powers..."
"I think we both lacked maturity in that situation," Gwen confesses sadly. "I hated fighting with him too. But you know how pig-headed and passionate we both are. I think it was inevitable that we'd one day clash because of our different views."
Gwen sees as Kevin opens his mouth to say something, but she stops him before he can interject.
"You're not the only one to blame for this Kevin," she says this knowing he's going to try and take all the blame. "But Ben and I are responsible for our own actions. I don't hate him, and I know he doesn't hate me. We've forgiven each other for the things we both did and said. It's a bit awkward right now, but things will go back to normal soon."
Kevin sighs but nods in understanding, nevertheless.
"Who's the text from?" he decides to ask instead of protesting.
"Ben," she replies, glancing back down at the phone. "He's asking Julie how our conversation is going. He clearly doesn't know I have Julie's phone."
Kevin snorts in response. "Curious and impatient, classic Ben."
Gwen laughs at Kevin's comment. It feels good to laugh after all the stress of the past couple of days.
"You know he means well. But I'll let Julie answer him when I get back to her house," Gwen explains and Kevin nods in agreement. "Speaking of home," Gwen not so subtly changes topics. "Have you gone back to your house to see your mom and Harvey?" she sounds concerned as she asks this question.
"How did you..." Kevin sputters and Gwen stares at him with raised eyebrows as she points to the extra blanket, pillow, and trash near the couch in his garage. Kevin can't help but blush. Of course, she had noticed all of that. But it may be because she knows him and his habits really well.
He should go home soon, his mom; is probably worried. "I guess I should go back today," Kevin finally admits.
"I'm sure your mom would like that," she agrees. Gwen leans over once again, leaving a brief yet gentle kiss on his lips. "I'll help you pack. Do you mind dropping me off back at Julie's before you go home?"
"Yeah, of course." Kevin can probably pack up his stuff in no time by himself, but he appreciates her offer. Together they step out of his car and efficiently clean up his couch.
As he organizes the area, the contrast of how he was feeling this morning compared to right now surprises him. He was so lost this morning; he didn't know if he was brave enough to do what needed to be done. He was also terrified at all the uncertainties that lay ahead of him when it came to his friendships, his family, and his future. Thankfully, he has a better idea of what happens now.
