(in which we feed flandre fluffles)
Flandre's snug as all get-out, as she points at me. "You gotta visit my room! Remi's been telling me a lot about you!"
Kaguya now has a plainish white sundress on, which Sakuya apparently gave her when she fully regenerated. She says nothing, just kinda zoning out on this sunny rooftop. She's totally outta her element here!
"Daah." I dunno what ta tell Flandre! Flandle! ...Candle! "I might!"
"Flandre." Remi speaks up, kinda chastisingly.
Flandre pouts, staring her down. "...Whah."
Remi shook her head.
"What?" Flandre speaks a little more seriously. "You've told me stories about him. He's cool. ...Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Flandre." Remi spoke firmer. "He's not Marisa."
Flandre's expression flares a little. "I-... I didn't say he was."
Remi takes a breath, and plays with her own hair a little. "Marisa was something else. He's-"
"Stop assuming the worst of me." Flandre gets really firm all of a sudden…! "This is so like you. I'm not stupid."
Remilia cringed some. "I didn't say you were. I-... I'm just- looking out for-"
Flandre held a hand up. "You don't know jack, Remi. We only even started talking as much again just recently!"
Ha-chan interjects! "No~!"
...We all just kinda stare at her, as she sits half-waterlogged next ta me. How has she not super hypothermiated.
"You've-... been talking for- for awhile…" She slowly shrinks back under the vampire's gazes…!
"Half a year isn't recent!" Flandre counters! "...To, um, vampires, anyway. That kinda is like forever to fairies, huh…"
"Yeah!" Ha-chan nods! "I don't even know what I ate yesterday!" ...Wait, what did we eat yesterday. Did we eat yesterday? Oh fuck.
"It hasn't been just the recent half-year." Remi countered. "Ever since the red-white and black-white-"
"Reimu and Marisa." Flandre interjected flatly!
Remi shook her head! "Ever since those two showed up, you became far more sociable and pleasant, yes."
"I know I had kind of a sad phase before we came to Gensokyo- but I'm happier now!" Flandre propped her arms on 'er hips! "The only person I'm mad at is you."
Focusing her gaze, Remilia met Flandre's directly. "Even in years past, it is not like I've kept you no company. I've not completely locked you up. It was only when we just came to Gensokyo that I-"
"It was only after Reimu and Marisa that you really stopped getting in my way." Flandre put her arms on the table. "You said you were keeping me safe, but-"
"On the outside, I was." Remilia's voice raised a little, solid and firm. "...I hadn't realized the freedom you could be allotted here in Gensokyo, until we lived here for some time."
Flandre pouted her cheeks. "...Even if the outside was uninteresting… you still could have-..."
"Flandre-" Remilia leaned back some. "I don't think you exactly realize-... how far you've come. You have always been intelligent, but until recently, your ambitions were always… very much your own. You recognize good will, but your biting cynicism was a double-edged sword. Especially on the outside."
"Don't talk like you're above me." Things're, uh, heating up a little…! "Sister. You bound my freedom. You still bind my freedom in moderation. You haven't learned a single thing, have you?"
Remilia folds her arms. Hoh…
"You think I'm gonna treat this outsider like Marisa?" Flandre's crystal wings flare up as she stands. "I'm insulted."
"I can't take chances." Remilia looked away.
Flandre's wings glow brighter, and she fluffs up further, the wings expanding…!
Then, she meets my gaze. An' holy shit, those eyes. Full, red eyes intricate with hard-to-define patterns and full of contained rage.
"Can't take chances, huh…" Flandre let her wings droop, and her expression became softer.
Remilia closed her own eyes.
As they just kinda brewed over their little sibling argument, Remilia eventually spoke up again. "It's unbecoming of us to bicker like this before a guest, besides."
"Yeah." Flandre agreed. "I'm sorry, Brad." She took a fluffle from under the table, and gave it to me…!
I take the fluffle, and look it in its decal-like eyes…! "It's-... good…? Yeah- s'good!" The fluffle's givin' me some kinda look…!
...Flandre gave me a big smile. "I still wanna talk to you. Um-"
Remilia speaks up. "Flandre."
Flandre looks like she just wants ta go 'fuck off'...! "It's gonna be his choice. Right?"
...Remi looks extremely jaded! "Very well. He can decide."
Kaguya reminds us all that she's here! "And what the hell am- I mean- uhm-... and- and what about me?"
Remilia gives her a jaded look! "That-... is a very good question. I- don't believe we've ever acquainted ourselves outside of parties, lady… Houraisan, was it?"
"Probably… not." Kaguya really has no business here! "Thank you, for your… patronage." Her suddenly trying to look formal and adorable is really jarring…!
"Hey, Kaguya." I hold the fluffle closer! "This fulaffel is goin' down your dress!"
"I'm going to fucking kill you." Oh shit!
Flandre giggled! "Pft- hehehe!"
Remilia twitched some! "...Pardon our disrespectful showing, lady Houraisan. And, do let it be known… you needn't throw up a facade around us. If anyone can see through when someone is pretending to be someone they aren't, it is a vampire."
Kaguya tilted her gaze back up. "How very bold of you, after all of that. You're not entirely wrong. Though, I suggest, my facade is because I don't seek ill-tiding. I'm sure something as shrewd as a vampire could understand the tact behind such a sentiment."
Remilia tilts her head. "Are you calling us liars?"
Kaguya shook her head. "No, I'm calling you strategic. Unless you'd prefer to see that as an insult."
"...Mmn." Remilia just kinda lets the train of thought go. "I see. Yet, you still wear your own shrewd face."
Kaguya smiled. "You don't?"
I speak up before Remilia can continue. "I gotta take a shit."
Kaguya gives me a done look. Remilia raises her brows at me…!
Flandre exhales a bunch, tryin' not to laugh…! "Nn- nn…"
"Brad." Remilia says my name in the chastising tone instead…! "I don't believe that was appropriate."
"What's a propriate." I grin at 'er…! "I'll tell ya what ain't 'propriate, these freakin' fluffles!" I hold up the fluffle Flandre gave me like it's a lump!
An' then I rap my knuckles on the table! "How about instead a' playin' freakin' 3D-4D super future chess, y'both like, play a game, or somethin'!?"
Remilia interjects! "With- a royal figurehead?"
Kaguya has a drained look! "With-... wh- what she said?"
I hold my arms out! "Who gives a shit…!? Hey- Remi, you ever seen a-..." Wait, idea. "Kaguya, take out a 3DS."
Kaguya blinks at me!
"Pull that shit out yo!" I tap on the table! "Y'both got ten trillion years to sort out yer differences- but I don't!"
Slowly, Kaguya draws it, and places it down on the table…
Man, the awkwardness between these two is freakin' palpable! "Now- share it wit' her…! Like- hand, up, towards small vampire…!"
"Sh- shut the fuck up." Kaguya's royal facade cracks a little…! "Fine, fine…"
Reaching awkwardly across the table, Kaguya hands 'er the 3DS.
"...And-... this is…?" Remilia blinks at it owlishly!
Movin' up to her side, I freakin'- fold it open, an' hit the power button. The black 3DS flashes to life in her hands, protected from the sun by the table-mounted parasol overhead.
"Games from the future." I beam at her…! "Actual 4D chess! Well- maybe more like 3D. Either way, s'a less freakin' stupid way of killing time!"
Remilia gives me a plain gaze. "...Political matters aren't stupid."
I give her a plainer gaze. No, a disappointed gaze.
...She actually folds a bit! "Aa- alright, valid point, but-" she fluffs up too! "We just disgraced ourselves. We're not allowing the leader of a different Gensokyian faction behold such and think lowly of us."
My brain hurts thinking about the relevance of that, but eventually I come to a conclusion. "What- she gonna freakin' pirate your tea with gossip? We- we gonna have another Boston tea party…!? Dude-" Idea. "We should dump all the tea in the Misty Lake…!"
Flandre bounces in place! "Yeah yeah yeah!"
"Wh- we aren't dumping our tea anywhere!" Remi shuts the idea down! "The spread of partial misinformation- it-"
"Remi." Suddenly, Flandre interjects. "Shush."
...Glaring, Remi looks really flustered now! "Nn- no! If- if I-"
"C'mon." Flandre tilted her head back, smiling gently. "You're supposed to be the smooth-talker, Remi. You can do better than that."
Remi glares harder at her. "You..."
Kaguya's finally had enough of this shit…! "You know what? I don't fucking care. D'you guys got any snacks?"
...The parasol shielding us ruffles some in the wind. The fluff loaf I placed on the table is carried away by the stronger than average gust...
Ha-chan has a small expression as she watches it fly away. Goodbye, loaf.
"Yes, actually." Remilia shrugged a little, and nodded. "What would you prefer?"
...Kaguya smiled some! "Those little baked gold velvet cookies. The ones with the chess pieces baked into the velvet glazing."
Remilia raised her brows! "...A woman of culture as well, I see."
Click. With the snap of her fingers, the cookies were there before us! Yeah Sakuya!
Flandre shrugged more exaggeratedly. "See? It's this easy."
Remilia gave her a big forced smile! "If all you're going to do is torment me with sass, perhaps you should be venting your energy elsewhere."
Flandre grins! "You're- probably right, actually…"
Looking fluffy and lost for a moment, she looks around at me, then at Kaguya, before stealing like a whole third of the cookies and running off!
As she runs off, a pinkish parasol just spawns above her to shield her from the sun as she goes. Wh- how the fuck's that work. I'm not sure if I blame Sakuya, Patchy, or both.
I wonder. "If that parasol wasn't there, would she just explode?"
Remilia snorted. "Pft. If she were nearly dead, as in badly damaged, perhaps. No, it simply irritates the flesh, and may cause us to ignite. It's extremely inconvenient. We do have sunscreen for that sort of thing, however… but constantly applying it is cumbersome."
Question answered! The sun is not extremely lethal to the vampire folk, just punch-tier lethal.
"Though, I am not as powerful as her." Remilia noted. Ooh. "She could shrug off the sunlight, but I still find it, at least, plenty painful. Enough to incentivize staying out of it. Even when it's not, it's… draining. You know? Like a bad social situation."
Kaguya nodded some, dude. "Even if I'm not as durable as you, at least I'm not allergic to the sun."
"Are you sure about that?" I have to ask!
"Fuck you." Wahaha!
Wit' that, I give the big nods! "When I die I am killed, which is more than slightly inconvenient…!"
"It would be, wouldn't it." Remilia supposed! "Regardless…"
Wit' that, we eat our cookies.
thud. Ha-chan finally hypothermiates, faceplanting on the table, shivering and cold as ice. Uh oh.
Sakuya suddenly appears with a blunt look on 'er face, an' casts a blanket over her, and then they're both gone. Fairy friend, don't go extinct!
Withholdin' some chuckles, Kaguya speaks up. "So, what's the deal with you and your sister?"
Remilia gives her a suspect stare.
Kaguya rolls her eyes. "Oh, forgive me for prying, your majesty, but I'm genuinely curious."
"...Well." Remilia's wings flap a little, as she braces herself. "When I think about it, it's a very simple tale. Or rather, a simple reason… that she's so passive-aggressive towards me."
Let's take guesses, dude. "Was it 'cause you locked her in a broom closet for a couple hundred years…!?"
"You sound like you want your virginity to be taken by the fairy maid staff." Wh- uh oh. "I could very easily have that arranged."
I put my hands up! "Sorry~…!"
Kaguya furrowed her brows. "That's- a punishment?"
Remilia blinked. "...Well, to this man, apparently. He seems to be actively going out of his way to not mingle with the fairy staff like that."
...Kaguya leers at me! "What a fucking virgin. Are you saving yourself for marriage?"
"We- well-" I don't like ta talk about it son! "Something similar, maybe…"
Remilia had a flat look herself! "In his defense, it's not like one can hold a proper romance with a fairy. Not in the typical sense. They'd mostly be good for general comradery and sex, and their immortal nature."
"Even more reason for him to let loose!" Kaguya's a horny person fer some reason! "Hey. What's stopping you from fucking that cyan-haired stalker of yours?"
"The fact I'm 'bouta toss fluffles at you!" First I gotta find some- but when I do…!
Remilia changes topics back to her own problems literally just so we stop talkin' about humping her fairy staff! "Where were we. Oh, right."
Clearing her throat, she really changes the topic's gears!
"My sister is displeased that I've been at the helm of our mutual existence for… well, as long as we can remember.
"When we hit one hundred years of age, I promised her that we'd never be as endangered thereafter, as we were when we were youths. With that promise, came… a sort of exchange. While I'd learned to, at least, communicate with the common human by that point, she was still… well, she didn't care.
"But, she trusted me more than anything else, even herself. So I did what was most convenient, and kept her protected from the world. For, if she lived out her fantasies amidst Europe, the attention we garnered would surely be… at the very least, extremely dangerous.
"The more the mansion rooted itself, gathered people and power, connections and wealth, I feared her failing to appreciate any of it. She would do as she pleased, and we would easily become huge beacons for, if not vampire hunters, the general military of the nation.
"Say what you will of the common human, there's more of them than ants, and it's truly a project to disassociate yourself from societies you've menaced. More annoying than it's worth, and very limiting. Fear was, for us, a double-edged sword."
Remilia held her arms out some, shrugging. "And, at the time? She didn't care. She took my word, shook her head at the empty void of dark and forestry that composed the European countryside, and was happy in her own world."
She gazed away from us, at the Misty Lake past the hem of the mansion's rooftop.
"But… this relocation of ours. It certainly changed more than I anticipated. Even I have taken… more than a little time to adjust, relative to how long we've stayed here.
"With Gensokyo came a land of phantasmal interest. One which even I couldn't so easily step in and conquer."
She looked towards the door Flandre had used ta leave. "That's when Flandre became curious again. That's when she became jealous of me. That's when she began doubting me, and doubting the control I had over our shared world. Doubting the confines of her personal room, and yearning for the sparkling Gensokyo fauna."
Kaguya muttered. "Nice poetic." She meant it sarcastically, but...
"Thank you." Remilia took it as a compliment offhandedly! "It wasn't until the shrine maidens- and that witch- spoke with her that she became less… uppity about the whole thing. But, I still cannot let her go."
"Why's that?" I ask.
Remilia meets my gaze neutrally. "I'm still afraid she'll throw away our place here. I don't know what to expect from her. Sisters we may be, I've… perhaps, made a mistake, keeping us so distant, for so long. Working around her, instead of working with her."
Kaguya smiled. "Well, she's free to walk around now, right?"
Remilia cringes. "...Partially."
Kaguya smiles harder. "How partially is partially?"
"She still must be let out of her room, but I decide when she is free to request so, and when she may not." Remilia revealed. "...That said, she may request leave most times of the day. More often than not. But, sometimes… there cannot be any chances taken."
"...I see." Kaguya kinda relaxed back, and took some more cookies from the central plate.
Wait, so that's why Flandre mighta wanted me to come to her. 'Cause if she went back to her room fer any reason, she might just be locked there. Big oof, chief…!
Man, this sunny rooftop is nice. It's just warm enough… which is good, 'cause after gettin' freakin' frozen alive down in the lake, it feels good to not be half-dead!
These cookies are pretty good too. Just what I needed after gettin' my ass kicked. If only we had milk…
Standing up, I start to stretch. "Hnn~..."
The mansion's bigness and all this sun… it fills me with excited energy, dude. "Whelp! I think it's 'bout time I hit the 'ol… dusty trail."
Remilia watches me get up idly, and reaches for a cookie herself. "Take some cookies with you." Aw, yeah! "You're going to go see Flandre now, aren't you?"
"Huh?" Holy shit how'd she- well, whatever! "Who, me? Nah- I'mma just- corral fluffles." Honh, honh, honh honh…
...Remi really doesn't buy that, but doesn't stop me!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Naturally, the exact first thing I did was try to look for Flandre's room because I am now invested in this sidequest. Questline? Wait- was there a main plot…!?
I'm sure I'll remember later, yo. Anyway…
In order to not face the perils of instant death, I have constructed myself armor.
"honh honh" I now have… tougher fluffles.
From raiding random bedrooms around the nearby block of hallways, I now have armor constructed of panties and fluffles.
Their fins and legs are interlocked and woven into different pairs of panties, and they shuffle about all snuggly-like against me as I march down the hallway. All of my except my face is enshrouded by the loaf nugget loaf people loaves.
"we are the shore" Aw, yes dude.
Like the gentle sands and shells of the sea, I slowly, encumbered-ly waddle down the hall, clad in all my fluffs and stuffs.
Wait-... there! I found it!
Every now and then, around the mansion, you'll randomly see a sloped cellar door leaned into one of the walls. Looks like I got lucky, and proc'd the cellar door spawn on my thirtieth minute of wandering!
Except, standin' around it were all of these freakin'... fairy maids.
Instead of colorful hair, they've all got the same hairdo. Short, black, bobby hair, and black eyes.
Sighting me, they advance. Oh god it's a fairy gang oh shit.
I hold up a hand. "Halt." I am the tubby fluffle now son.
"woosh" The fluffles all emit a seashore-like noise, somehow. Um…!
"You're Brad, aren't you?" One of them speaks up. Her voice is deepish, despite her appearance. They ain't too short either, like five-foot-something, I dunno. Not fully a head shorter than me!
"What do you think?" A different maid criticizes her! "Of course that's Brad. There's no other normal human wandering the mansion today…"
Slowly, the gang of like eight identical fairies spreads out, to surround me.
I move to snug past them, fluffle style, but two get in my way. "Where're you going?"
"Home." I give her a genuine smile. All the fluffles attached to me smile bigger too…!
She looks down at the fluffles, then back up at me!
The other black-haired maid smiles big too, leaning forward. "If you don't have anything to do…"
"We'd like-" a voice comes from my right, getting closer-
"-to spend some time-" an' then from my left, oh shit I'm 'bouta get jumped.
"-with you." Someone tries to assault me from behind!
But, like this, it's difficult for me to be grappled! When the maids behind me lay their hands on my fluffles, they start to stir and wiggle!
Emitting dust, I push forward! "Ohp- nah, that's cool-"
The two in my way get even more in my way! "We have drinks…"
"Whatever food you prefer." Get away from my ears…!
"We could play games…"
"Sorry- I'm full!" I try an' push the two fairies before me outta the way! "Games are gay! I'm gay! Freakin'- get-"
My fluffles get really uppity as they all lay their hands on me and try ta pull an' push me around, and I lash out back!
"honh honh HONH HONH" Yeah yeah yeah- it's a fluffle tussle!
"Achoo!" One of 'em sneezes-
"Aa- chkh- fuck!" I sneeze!
"Wh- ow…!" Oh- shit! My snot went off shotgun style into the fairy girl before me's face, and she doubled away from me!
"Tsst- achoo!"
"Achoo!" Oh god- we're all dying!
Pushin' away from the girls as their sinuses fall apart, I move for a table with a vase on it next to the cellar door!
"Now's when things get really crazy!" Carefully placing the vase aside the table… I freakin'- ooh shit-
When the fairy girls move for me, I get on top of it- and intentionally tip it over by standing on one edge!
"Aaaa~h!" Yelling, I dive into them crowd-surfin' style!
"Shade-chan- anh-"
"Ho- hold on- tsst- nhk-"
"My headdress- hey-"
Oh- shit- they're falling over- wohohah! "Aaaa~h!" I yell louder as we suffer from the domino effect, and me an' the fairies all slowly become a puddle of dust and shit on the floor! "Achk- ooo~! Aa- ahah- aah-"
Thu- thu- thud- thud, thud!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Yeah, uh, long story short, I won. I think.
Anyway- I got into the cellar! This place is dark.
After descending through some fuckass, dank-ass stairs, I came down into… a four-way intersection.
Backwards is the staircase. Every other direction? Black. Too dark to see, and the torches hung up on the walls intentionally refuse to light them. This is fuckin' whack…!
All my equipped fluffles look forlorn and distant in the darkness, facing out and taking in the dark world. How very nuzzleable of them. I'd sniff one, but they smell like attic and brain damage, so I'll hafta refrain…
"Do you know the way." I ask them directly.
"no" Oh, well, fuck me, alright.
"it me"
"im you"
"tall and small"
None of these answers help.
That's when Sakuya appears before me in the black- and I jump!
"HONH" Oh my god when the fluffles all 'honh' at once it's so fucking loud.
Sakuya flinches in place, in response to the fluffles honh'ing at her!
"i am french bread"
"one, two, one… two"
"autoplay" … "next track"
"You know…" Sakuya interjects over the murmur of completely unhelpful commentary. "Do you really wish to meet the little mistress this badly?"
"Yeah!" I admit! "I didn't feel like killin' time with the undyin' aristocrats on the roof!" Even if Kaguya is really pretty in that white sun dress, and Remilia's really cute too!
"And why is that?" Sakuya folded her arms.
Well. "...'Cause I wanted ta hear Flandre's whole take on the whole big-bang shabungle. An' I haven't really met her yet myself."
"You haven't met every fairy here, either." Sakuya- c'mon that ain't a good counter-argument.
"Ah, yes, Flandre's totally equatable to a random fairy!" I point a finger at 'er! "Son, Flandre invitamated me, so I'm gonna accept the invimatation...!"
"mutation" What, no.
"im munted." Pft-...
Sakuya twitches in place awkwardly, after hearing the fluff loafs speak. "I-... I cannot in good faith recommend you do that. But…"
"Dude. I'm good." I pat my chest. "I got tougher fluffles."
...When nothing new happens, I speak up again! "These aren't muscles, I just have a big chest…!"
"Alright, fine." Sakuya caves to my torment! "I don't think you have even that. A big chest, that is."
I pat my fluffles again! "What- the fluffles don't count…?"
...She blinks. "No." Awh… "If you really have so much confidence, then I'll lead you there."
She turns around. There's a doorway behind her. I just see it appear there. What.
"We're here." What the fuck did you do. No we're not!
Ohp- oh, an' with that, she's gone.
The central hall is now lit up instead of just black, leading up to a fancy purple-ish door.
As I stand here, ginger and fluffy, my fluffles start getting uppity! "Yo- yo, stop- wigglin'...!" Why're they so broad and dusty…
Since they're gettin' restless, I hurry up ta the door, and knock!
Knock, knock! Hello Flandre- I am here!
...Knock, knock. Wait- uh oh. The fluffles I've got tethered around me- their shell noses open, and they echo my freakin'... door knocking!
Knock- knock- knock knock- knockknockknock-
Creak. Flandre opens the door, expression small.
knockknockknock- knock, knock. I knock at her passively.
"I am the man who knocks." ...I grin big! "I'm like a wind-chime, but worse!"
Flandre smiles bigger! "Come on in!"
As she romps inside, I adventure in 'er trail, and just then realize I'm entering a smaller girl's personal sleepspace. Keyword: smaller, not younger!
"Remi's told me all about you!" Flandre announced! "And you really live up to it, too!" What's 'it'...!?
"I ain't sure what I live up to- but I'm glad I do!"
In the middle of her room, she u-turns on a heel ta face me. "You're the protector of the wibbles."
...Hell yeah! "Sounds 'bout right, yeah!"
"The funny man with the plant hanger, who goes around beating up bad guys…"
Flandre's room is small and easy to describe! Checkerboard-style floor, a big round double bed just fer her, and a pile of plush stuff in the corner. There's a corkboard at the room's front, fer some reason.
Said corkboard has shit on it written in French. Why. I don't think the Scarlets are even french. Well, there's some other languages here too…
"Remi told me she met you the other day- and you were kinda stupid, but also kinda nice!" Aw, yeah. Wait, uh oh.
At least my reputation kinda precedes me! "Were there any stories ta go with that, or did she just throw that out there…!?"
"Uu~m…" Flandre focused. Is this actually hard for ya to remember- or are ya actin' like it is to look more snuggly? "You're sort of like a wizard… but you use plant hangers to cast spells instead. And you're really funny! You always mess things up, but you like, fix 'em all by the end."
That makes me sound more like a cartoon than I already am…!
"Oh!" Flandre perked up! "There was that time you sold your family to the wibble horde." Wh- ah. "But you flooded their village overnight- by filling up a lot of buckets with your water hanger. And then you made a machine out of furniture, to dump them all at once!"
...Wait- how's that make me the protector of wibbles!? Didn't I just genocide them? The hell've you been telling yer little sister, Remi!?
Flandre smiled bigger. "I totally thought she was making you up. But then you rode in on that table, like a comet of stars, then landed real hard! You even had your fairy maid sidekick!"
A comet of stars, huh. "...What was my fairy sidekick called?" Out of morbid curiosity…!
"Remi didn't say." Flandre had a small look. "...Koakuma called her 'miss handjob'. Wait!" She pointed at me! "Is miss Houraisan princess handjob!?"
...I grin big! "That information's classified! I- I also have no idea what the hell yer talkin' about!"
"Dang." Flandre grinned back! "I had a feeling Koakuma was lying."
Plainly, Flandre approaches her bed-
whu- whu- whump. Wow. A fluffle flew out from under it, met her in the face, did two circles around her head somehow, and then flung itself off at a far off wall.
"Alright, that does it." Hair now slightly ruffled, Flandre went off to attack it!
Picking it up by its fins, she clutched it tightly, pressing her forehead against its! "I'm gonna explode it with my mind…!"
Taking a stance, she beamed hard as she shook it in her hands, focusing her mental energy on it…!
"Can't you, uh…" Doesn't she have an instant death ability? "Kyuu?"
"Kyuu…" Flandre's focus dropped for a moment, and she stared into the distance. "Well- I would, but fluffles are immune to it."
Whah. "Wh- how are fluffles immune to it."
"Well!" Flandre looks baffled too! "They're not- but they are. I'll show you."
She puts the fluffle down, and it backs away from her specifically so she can demonstrate what she wants to by using it. How considerate…!
Holding her hand out, she lines up her hand with her eye, and crushes the air between her and the fluffle. "Kyuu~!"
The actual noise of the technique's kinda indescribable.
BOOM- KRIKRACKRUNCHKRK. It's- kinda like if you fuck with a stereo's jack too much and it makes a bunch of evil maxed out noises.
The fluffle is now charred some, and its hair is blown back. Wait- it's not dead. The small plume of flame that came with Flandre trying to destroy it forever did more damage than the 'kyuu' thing itself…!
"WHUOAH" ...That- was the fluffle exclaiming its surprise, apparently…!
"They're immune to magical instant death." Flandre pouted her lips. "Which is super bogus- 'cause I didn't know if my dimensional crushing thing counted, but it does. Somehow."
...She looks at my suit of fluffles! "You probably thought as much, so that's why you came prepared!" Oh shit…! "But…"
Her crystal wings gently expand out, and she flaps them towards me.
fwoof. A slightly strong gale comes from her, and- wha- awh, damn. All my fluffles come loose from their panties, and flutter away in the wind. Weightless and free, they tumble towards the wall, before stopping there…
"Man." I slouch, as the panty harnesses all just fall around me in rings. "That took longer than it shoulda to put together, too…!"
"...So." Arms now behind her back, Flandre gave me a sunny smile. "What're you gonna do next?"
That's a good question! "...I got no idea!" Y'see- my schedule's a work in progress. I guess I'm a-... a vagabond. A rag-a-muffin…!
Flandre pursed her lips. "Didn't you come here for a reason…? Or were you just following your whims?"
She continues before I can answer though. "I think-... oh! Was it 'cause of me and Remi's li'l argument?"
"Yeah- in part!" I nod! "I kinda wanted yer take. But also, I've been frequentin' this place and haven't seen you, so I thought I'd fix that."
Flandre smiled wider. "How did you know I existed?"
...Shakin' my head, I hold my arms out. "I read the newspaper. I don't freakin' know, don't a buncha people know about you?"
"Oo- oh, was I in the newspaper?" Flandre looks surprised! "For-... um, why?"
Wait. "I can't read Japanese!"
"How would you know if I was in the newspaper…!?" Flandre held her own head!
"You weren't in the newspaper!" I confess! "I dunno where I heard ya from, but I did!"
Shakin' her head, Flandre stepped back some. "Well… anyway. Um. That argume~nt…" She put on her thinkin' cap, dude. Aw- that's what the mob caps are for. They enable their brains to think…!
"I wanna do my own things." Flandre decided. "Remi can't see that. She's so scared I'll take her dream away from her. But, the price for that…"
She shook her head. "I thought the price would be my own dreams- and it almost was. But, I think she's finding a better way… just, really slowly."
I don't know what all this 'dream' shit is, but I agree with you, I think!
Looking at the floor, she looks restless. "But, in Gensokyo, I can't stand this."
"In this land of fantasy and color-... why aren't I allowed to dream the way I want to?"
Ho~h. Man.
She steps closer to me. "I wanna be free to get to know people. I want to leave this mansion's walls. I don't just want to read, play instruments, write or sing. I want to see Genskoyo for what it is. Good and bad, where each border reaches…"
"Even if it burns me- I wanna know more. I wanna see more."
She folds her arms, and leans against her bed's support beam- the lower left one of like, four. "This room's a prison cell. Almost literally."
...Y'know, in fanfiction, I've seen a whole lotta different Flandre interpretations.
Sometimes she is the evil big evil bad that murders, an' sometimes she's just a big moeblob.
But seldom have I come across a like… sibling sibling-ness like this. It's even freakin' extreme, on the scale of things, but makes sense for vampires, kinda. Flandre's been locked in this freakin' room for like, multiple centuries, and is apparently only slightly peeved at the moment about the whole thing.
"What about the outside?" I kinda wonder…
She shook her head. "Well… when we were on the outside, I thought, 'it's all so boring and mean anyway. If Remi wants it all so bad, she can have it. I'm not missing anything. My world of the halls and this room is greater'. I might not've been fully right… but, before we got the mansion, I was convinced. And I stayed convinced for a long time after we moved in, too."
"Now, I'm not so sure." She looked away, along the floor.
Y'know. Now I got a question…
I hold my arms out. "Why not just, like, go? Aren't ya really freakin' strong?"
Flandre shook her head. "I care too much about the people here. Patchouli, big sister, Sakuya, Meiling… they've been my world for the past however-long-we've-known-eachother. And they know me really well, and there's more of them.
"Every time I try to leave by force, they stop me almost effortlessly, and without much force on their end. Patchy's wise. Sakuya's street smart. Meiling's strong on her own merit, and sister…" She shook her head again. "If we're not on even ground, it's not fair. I don't want to be mean to her, either."
Then, she perks up! "My last failed attempt- I like… um, so, the halls outside this room. The cellar halls, you know? You need an enchanted artifact to take the right path, and then you need to know the path to take too. The actual path is easy to memorize. Getting the artifact you need is the hard part."
"So…" She sat on her bed, smiling. "Patchy's always had me practice magics and stuff. So, behind her back, I prepared an artifact while in the library, one which would just let me walk out whenever I wanted."
"But, there's nothing hidden from Sakuya." Flandre shrugged. "The artifact was gone before I knew it. Man…"
She flopped back on her bed. "If I bound it to me so that I could summon it whenever I wanted to- it would've just been destroyed, or de-enchanted."
"Hoh…" Man, this shit's complicated! "Sheesh. When was this?"
...Flandre gives me a big smile! "Um. Yesterday?"
Oh. Wait, what! "I was here yesterday…!"
"Yesterday evening." Flandre clarified! "That's actually why me and Remi were on the roof. She wanted to appease my restlessness. By, you know… showing me the Gensokyo I couldn't explore. She's very smart, but sometimes, she's not."
I wonder… "Where would this uh, artifact, be located?"
Flandre took pause, lookin' at my thinkin' face. "...Koakuma. It's in Koakuma's possession. They thought it'd be too predictable to leave it in Patchy's care. Not like it matters. Just running up and ripping it out of the library's a dumb thing for me to do."
Wait. "An' Koakuma has her own room, does she?"
...Flandre nods! "Well, uh, yeah. I think everyone does. Wait…"
Sitting up, she gives me a firm look! "You're not thinking of going and getting it yourself, are you?"
I stratch the back of my neck! "An' what if I am…!?" Must-... sidequest…!
Flandre shook her head! "There's no way. Not even the plant hanger wizard can do it. I'm sorry, but Patchy's, like-..."
Grinnin', I counter her! "I wouldn't be tusslin' wit' Patchy over the thing, would I? Or even Koakuma potentially, fer that matter. All I'd hafta do is slip in while she's busy and yank the thing out of a pile, right?"
Flandre shook her head. "You think the doors wouldn't scan you for weird stuff? You think Sakuya wouldn't just poof it out of your hands?"
...I hold up my hammerspace bag! "Not if it ain't in my hands, yo. Y'think a hammerspace bag would keep it concealed?"
Flandre's eyes go wide! "Remi's old bag thing…! They- just gave it to you!?" Wh- oh! She ran up to me and took it from my hands, and- uh…
Sticking her head inside, Flandre looks around inside the bag. Takin' her head out, she smiled. "Aa- ah. They sealed the crusading relics…" The fuckin' who what now. "That's really weird, though… but I guess it's not like Remi would go adventuring here, or with the mansion like it is. She's already got her ideal world."
Givin' it to me again, she nods. "That-... would totally work, actually! Probably!" Yeah- probably! "Um…"
Taking pause, she slips a hand behind herself…
She takes out an ace a' spades. The playing card. "If you get in trouble, though, use this. You're saving yourself for marriage, right?" What the- why'd that come up again.
"How are either of those thoughts tangential?" I gotta know!
Flandre smiles! "'Cause if you lose to Koakuma, you're not gonna be saving for marriage anymore!" Uuh…! "So you're gonna use this if you do get caught!"
"...Gee, thanks." I eye the card warily, and kinda pocket it slowly…!
"Not like you'll die if she gets you, anyway. Koakuma's actually kinda lonely…" Flandre drops somethin' that kinda surprises me…! "But, um, yeah. Oh! Did I tell you what the artifact was?"
Wait, that's actually kinda important! "Ya didn't!"
Grinning, she comes up- ooh, and she reaches into my bag…
She draws my cast-iron plant hanger! "Like this, except a dusty green."
"What." Your artifact's a plant hanger. Why'm I surprised- I made my main weapons plant hangers. But I never thought I'd come up on that joke again…!
Flandre beams! "Hey- when Remi told me about you, I was kinda inspired! ...And, um, it's green 'cause I decided to recolor it, and the dusty green was cool." Good…!
Alright, so…
I think over what I plan ta do. Infiltrate the library, break into Koakuma's sleep den, tear the plant hanger out of a pile of vibrators, jet the fuck outta there and roll back down here. Wait.
"What's the path into the cellar?" I need the details…!
"It's etched on the plant hanger." Flandre explains. Aah… "And it's kinda simple too. But without the plant hanger out and in your hands- you won't ever find your way here."
Flandre puts a fist under her own chin, thinking. "Um… I'll hold up Sakuya while you're busy, so she doesn't get you on the way here. We need to both be outta the basement before she's fully active and on routine again. Just don't let Koakuma get you, or nothing's gonna go right."
Don't get gotten, son. I got it! I mean- I won't get getten!
"Alright…" I take a deep breath, an' walk up to the door. "...Uh. How'm I gettin' out of here…!?"
Flandre snorts. "Sakuya's made an exception for you this time, 'cause you came specifically to visit me, and there's currently nothing you can do to get me outta here, just being in here yourself."
"Ah." I see! "Alright…!"
It's time ta take the plunge, son. We're gonna make the big leap. The big stink…!
Get the plant hanger. Don't get raped. Don't take more than like ten years, and… yeah.
"Koakuma's room is on the second floor of the library, along the left wall. You'll know it when ya see it." Flandre assures me! "You'll know. Probably smell it, too." Good…! "Um. It smells like perfume, not bad stuff. Unless you think perfume is bad stuff, which you probably should, considering hers…"
"Alright!" This is gonna be some shit…! "I think I'm ready!"
"Oh, right…" Flandre speaks up one last time 'fore I begin the war. "Why're you helping me?"
Oh. "...I'm bored!" That's one! And two: "I also kinda resonate with ya!" Man, if I had to be shacked up in a room and without a computer, for like, forever, I'd freakin' shit myself.
...Flandre smiles bigger! "That's cool!" Aw, yeah!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The big mission begins now, son.
Marching from the cellar, I note the table I tipped over's back in its place, and the fairy maid gang is freakin' gone.
First, uh, I gotta get to the library.
"What do you plan on doing now?" Oh- shit, it's Sakuya! Uuh.
New question: when will Flandre stall her…?
The hell do I say- wait, yeah. "Uuh. Hittin' up the library…?"
"And why's that?" Sakuya tilted her head some.
"I wanted ta see if there were any English books!" Yeah! "Like, at all."
...Sakuya considered that. "Ah. Well… you could ask about those, I suppose. As long as you don't annoy the lady there more than you already have. I'm sure she's forgiven you, but her temper can be easily tested when people fool around in her space."
Yea~h, dude. "She won't even know I'm there, yo. I'll be as quiet as a fluffle."
Sakuya snorted. "Those aren't very quiet."
...When I'm quiet, she turns to me, an' I got a small but excited expression!
Then, Sakuya takes pause. "We should hurry. I'm being called upon, you see." Oh, shit, that's Flandre.
Sakuya power-walks ahead. I follow close behind her, and-
Yep. Library doors. Just after like one turn.
Creak. The doors swing open for me, and-
Wow. Sakuya's already just gone.
...Crackin' my knuckles, which are somehow quite crackly, 'prolly 'cause of how much I typed on keyboards 'fore comin' here, I move on up to the door and saunter through.
We ain't gonna wait until night, son. We're gonna get this shit done right now!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Most of wanderin' the library is just, y'know, wandering.
The first step through this big, dimly lit place to where I wanna go is finding the stairs. Difficulty: ...not actually very hard!
Seems like the library's got a spiral staircase in every corner. An' since I need to get along the left wall anyway, that's actually pretty neat.
Up on the second floor, I move through doors composed entirely of freakin'... big stacked shelves. Literally, the arch above each 'door' is just more shelves! Jesus…!
I dunno how far I have to travel up here. But, if I can smell her room, I oughta keep my nose open. Sniff, sniff. Ah, yes. Inhale that dusty, book-y air…!
Although, eventually, I smell it. Boy do I smell it.
A mix of vanilla, and something else. It's so much more striking than every other scent. That, or the book scent's just gettin' so stale it's become the neutral state of this room…
Just walkin' on forward, I keep going. The scenery doesn't vary much, aside from sometimes the clearing to the right of the shelves havin' like… a table sometimes, or something.
Ooh. I pass one of Patchy's desks positioned up here, but thankfully, she seems to not be here. Seems like some kinda scenic reading study… thing.
Keeping along this left wall walkway, eventually…
Oh. Yeah, that's probably Koakuma's room.
The doorway is big and angular, with a rich red wood door fit into place. S'like a triangle got cut out of the top to make room for the wall. Of course, such a design also demands the weird aesthetic parts like, raise far higher than they need to, so no one tall gets their skull clipped by the jagged inward triangle of wood…! Particularly, me, 'cause I'm six feet tall!
Well, at least the carpentry's nice. I move up to the door- you know, it's probably locked.
Click. Oh. It's… not locked. Huh. That's almost too easy!
As the doors pans open some- the heavy flush of vanilla scent meets me, and- not gonna lie, I feel kind of weak. Like, holy shit. It smells so-... uh.
A pale hand rests against the wood trim of the doorway to my left, and I feel breath down my left ear. The scent of vanilla intensifies.
"Looking…" Oh, shit. "For someone?" It's Koakuma.
"...No?" I grin hard, not turning around…!
"You don't have to be shy." Koakuma hugs onto me from behind, and her boobs press against my back. My arms prop up at my sides, and I lock up in her warm embrace.
Her voice is deep in my left ear. "If you were looking for me- just say so."
Well. Shit. Since she's here, uh, there's no way around interacting with her.
"I- did actually have something to ask you." I swallow.
Eh- eah oh fuck. Koakuma gently bites my left ear-...! "Oh? Did you~?"
...I turn around- and Koakuma lets me, before clamping her arms around me again.
Click. The door shuts behind us automatically seemingly, and she presses me against it, forehead against mine.
"If you're looking for a girlfriend who isn't a fairy-..." Koakuma beamed at me. "Well…" Why's even her breath smell good!? It's like bubblegum…! Wait- that's probably because she's been chewing bubblegum at some point. Observation: one hundred. We did it, dude.
"I'm single." Koakuma delivers the obvious. "You're single." Um… "It couldn't hurt. Right?"
"No~." I stare her down evenly, even though we're way too fuckin' close…! "I-... I came fer that thing of Flandre's. The plant hanger."
...Koakuma's smile falls some, and becomes more venomous. "Nnn. Of course you are."
"An' I ain't leavin' without it…!" I shall stand my ground!
Koakuma's face nears mine, and our foreheads touch. She's- fucking beautiful, almost especially when she's got a deadpan expression.
"Whatever. I'm sure I can… change your mind." Her chest presses hard against mine- and I feel how tightly her breasts squish into me. "You're handsome, when you're not running your mouth."
Resisting is fucking hard. But- I have an objective.
"Mmm~." Koakuma lays a deep kiss on my left cheek. "Mwah."
"I'm- not gonna give up this easy." I argue. "Aa- also, I'm not single!"
"Pft…" Koakuma grins at me. "You think that fairy counts? Oh, boy. You haven't seen anything."
Wh- ah. She gropes me there. "I'll blow your fucking mind. All you have to do is say the words. 'I'll be your boyfriend, Koa-chan.' It's just so easy."
...I half want to stay in this situation, and I half don't. It's really, really hard. In- in more ways than one…!
"Why be tense about this?" Koakuma whispers into one of my ears. "Breathe in. Like this."
Koakuma takes a deep breath. I kinda do too. It's… yeah. It's really, really good.
I hold my breath for like, five seconds. Koakuma exhales. Her breath smells like bubblegum and fresh fruit.
Wait- succubus pheromones. I'm retarded! Oh well- just tech it…! Just tank it!
I exhale too. I expect my breath to stink, but Koakuma probably has passive resistance to all bodily odor checks.
"That's good, isn't it?" Koakuma- caresses my right cheek with a hand, tracing my jaw with it. "...You're eighteen. I see." Her voice is so quiet…
I swallow. I feel so-... dizzy.
Koakuma hugs her arms around me, forehead against mine again, our noses practically touching. Her eyes- are… really good. "Just relax. Listen to my voice. Feel yourself breathe easily…"
Wait. I know. All them ASMR videos have prepared me for this shit.
"Are- are you hypnotizing me?" She's totally trying to hypno-tripmo me an' shit.
Koakuma's smile is brilliant. "Do you think you're being hypnotized? ...Am I that pretty?"
Her eyes are glowing. A faint, luminescent red, and-
"Mmn~." She tries to kiss me on the lips, but I turn the other cheek! Ah, yes, now I got dual kiss marks to match. "Mwah."
When she releases me, I cross my eyes!
...Her gaze becomes plain. "What are you doing?"
"If I cross my eyes- y'can't hypnotize me!" I grin back! "If I ain't focusing, it don't work!"
Koakuma's mouth is ajar. "...It- it doesn't even work like that. See, this is what I meant. If you could keep that brain of yours turned off for just an hour-..."
"I think, therefore I am!" 'Boutta go Aris-throttle on your ass, son…! But- not in the sexy way! Oh- fuck, don't think about that. Taking Koakuma from behind is- a dangerous thought-
Koakuma sighs. "So much for the moment. You obviously don't want to be hypnotized, so I won't waste my breath." ...This is a good thing, but internally I am slightly disappointed.
Leaning away from me some, she questions me. "I have to ask… why fixate on the little mistress? Are you some sick fucking lolicon?"
Son. "Wh- to the surprise of many, I'm not actually!"
"Is that why you're so turned off by me?" Koakuma actually looks offended! "If that's actually the reason, I'm not going to rape you, I'm just going to beat you up."
"That is, in fact, not the reason!" I assure her! "...She told me 'bout why she wanted it, and I wasn't 'bouta say no, now."
"Ah." Koakuma considered that. "...You weren't scared of her? You do know what her idea of fun is, right?"
"I ain't 'bouta take gossip from you." I hold your words with a grain of salt…!
Koakuma's eyes brightly flare red and purple. Then, after just staring at me for a moment-
"Mmh-" she just fuckin' kisses me.
I twist my head to try and break it, feeling her tongue against my lips-
Oh god oh god a succubus is kissing me I just realized how bad this is.
With one arm around my back, and one around my head, she keeps me in place, her tongue getting between my lips. I try and bite down-
But- I can't. I don't know if it's magic- it's definitely magic. It's magic. I can't- chomp…
"Mm- hmhmhm…" Koakuma giggles into my mouth, as my lips fully part.
thump. I- I slide onto my ass on the ground, as Koakuma's legs wrap around me, and she sits in my lap.
Her red hair shrouds my face as she makes out with me, and I just-...
"Mwh- ah…" Koakuma breaks the kiss, a brilliant line of saliva between her tongue and mine. "Hehe- ehehe…" She's blushing furiously, leering at me. "Fu~ck you're so cu~te… "
I'd make a jest about that emoji she put at the end of her sentence- but I'm really in no position to!
I raise my hands to try and push her off of me- but they just end up in her breasts instead.
"Give up." Koakuma beamed at me. "It's over. Your virgin dick is mine."
My eyes are still crossed in resistance…! "It's- not over yet…"
What'm I-... oh. Koakuma's black tail creeps up along my back, tickling me accidentally as it does so.
Her spade-tipped tail wiggles out before my face, out of my shirt.
"You're, my, boyfriend." Koakuma enunciates, a finger on my lips. "Boy. Friend." She presses her fingertip against either kiss mark on my cheeks.
As nice as it is to have the bluest balls in the history of blue balls, I'd rather not iterate through ten thousand more health bars worth of will power damage than those I've already bumblefucked away…!
My bag. She's not got my arms bound, and her tail ain't going for them either.
"Brad's such a fucking hot name, too…" Koakuma says something that surprises me! "Fucking… Brad. If only you worked out at all. Not that I can't appreciate a skinny boy, especially a young one, but it'd do you good to keep in shape."
I feel so tired. Koakuma's body against mine is so fucking warm.
Alright. Strategy meeting. This is very, very important…!
There ain't no time ta look around or wait. Koakuma's boobs can smash in buildings, and without any warning.
Can you imagine? Flandre's freedom getting almost literally cucked from her by a succubus? ...Yeah. I think I can imagine, actually. It is my job to defend us from the danger of the atomic bomb…!
Also, Ha-chan. She's got a whole toolbox missing upstairs, but she's wholesome and sweet- and I'm not 'boutta turn around on that just because Koakuma's a- a-... stupid, sexy succubus!
"You're pretty hot…" Diggin' through my bag, I distract her with a compliment.
Koakuma snorts. "Oh? Am I finally getting to your head?" Ah, yes, haha, dicks have heads too, funny, we have achieved comedy.
"But I've got somethin' hotter!"
Flame Salvo drawn, I make its nozzle kiss against her suit-guarded stomach.
Fwoom! Channeling magic into it- I light it up!
Koakuma's eyes widen.
"Nngh-" She leaps off of me- her tail slipping from my shirt like a measuring tape back to its holster- and slides back on her heels stupid fast!
"Fucking really." Gesturing to the blaze on her suit, she sneers, and just-... huh.
She extinguishes the inferno immediately with like two pats of her hands.
Slowly, I climb off the floor…
"I'm protectin' somethin' worth more than my virginity." I grin big! "I'm- protecting fluffles." I- I forgot what I was gonna say.
"Hnn. I'll tell you what..." Huffing, still in touchy-feely mode from the looks of it, Koakuma propped her arms on her hips. Fuck, the way she talks is sexy. "If it's come down to being this direct, then… an offer, for you."
"Creampie me, and I'll let you just take the artifact." Wait- except for that. That was some doujin-speak right there!
I mean- I know she's a succubus, so a cream- a that- is probably another Tuesday to her, but it's still so jarring to hear!
"Sorry- I dunno how to bake." I shrug back exaggeratedly! "How 'bout a fluffle instead."
Koakuma groans! "Uugh. Come on. You can't mock the idea without ever having engaged in it. Sex is-..." She sighed again. "To try and describe it would be like describing colors to a blind man."
I hold my arms out. "I mean- I think I got an idea."
"As if you've studied the theory beyond masturbating over it." Koakuma propped her arms on her hips again. "Alright. Describe to me the neuro-chemical pleasures centered around the dichotomies of submission and domination. Of holding your head against a woman's chest, and feeling that switch in your head flip. Having her ass in your hands, and giving it a good smack."
"Not even hardcore S 'n' M- I mean pampering versus assertation. The essences of being milked by an all-too cuddly wife- versus cumming deep inside a woman you've made yours, mind flushed with ecstasy by your aggressive and own all-too friendly will.
"Can you describe to me a scenario like that?"
Oh. Huh. "Do I sound like I speak fuckin' gay?"
"Pft- hk-" Koakuma has to stop herself from chuckling! "Moron. Indeed you couldn't- because you've never fucked nor been fucked. Fu- fucker."
I like turned eighteen two or three months ago, chill the fuck out…! I can think about the philosophy behind the two sides of the sexual coin when I've actually found an identity! Which- I've found, basically, but nevermind that!
Anyway… "Yer never gonna fuck me. 'Cause-..." I wipe some of her red lipstick from my lips. God- kiss marks are a huge turn-on… "'Cause I already masturbated today!"
Gaining a huge, wry smile, Koakuma laughs! "He- hehehe… no you haven't." Fuck!
Then, she feels at her hips. "Then…" Turning around, she faced her ass to me, her black tail drawing a heart in the air. "Fine. What, ever. If you don't wanna get laid…"
"Kiss my ass." She requests. "Kiss my ass, and I'll give you the artifact."
Eeh. "What, on the cheeks?"
"And the center." Koakuma leered. "...I keep myself clean, see."
"No deal!" I wave my arms outward. Wait- "No way, fag."
Koakuma blinked. "...How's that make me a fag."
"Girls are gay because they have sex with men, which is gay." I nod. "You have been destroyed by hard facts and logic."
...Koakuma has an actually kinda cute neutral stare for a moment, before glaring at me!
"I see you'd like to bottom today." Koakuma cracks her knuckles! "Not like I couldn't tell you were a bottom just by looking at you."
"Can I be middle." I wanna know!
Koakuma smiles! "Shut the fuck up." Woohoo~!
Readying Flame Salvo, I stare 'er down! "How 'bout I… don't do any a' that. How 'bout I club ya with a plant hanger…!?"
Cr- crack. She cracks her neck. "I'm fine having a snuggle with a struggle." Pft- oo- oh fuck.
She flares her arms to either side.
Fwash- fwash- fwash- fwash. Um. Oh. Four emerald green tomes appear in the air at either side of her, earthy pentagrams slowly lighting up beside them.
Purple-pink magic rolls up her body. It flows up her in an ever-alternating gradient. Just- uuh… um. Oh shit. Oh, fuck.
With the four tomes rotating around her, she begins to saunter towards me, her tail doing loops in the air.
She aims a palm at me, and a purple pentagram flares in the air before it. "I'll be gentle." Yeahah oh fuck-
FWAFWAFWAFWAFWAM! A huge, absolutely fuck off purple laser of huge purple-white orbs shot out at where I was, shooting out at mach fuckin' ten. Oh, I am so fucked.
The tomes lit up too-
FWAFWAFWAFWAFWAM! They all fire the same laser what the fuck-
BAM- BOOM! When I'm hit by a couple- they fucking detonate into electrical storms- and I go fucking flying! "Hrh- uu-..." They're danmaku, so I don't fucking die super hard, but god- damn…
BAM! I hit the upper part of a door, with my back. It was like, the bottom of a stacked shelf.
THUD! Landing on my arms, I use my forearm to stop from faceplanting.
Yeah, I'm dead. That sucked. Fuck.
"Nngh-" pushing off the floor, gasping, I try and get up-
Koakuma slides onto her butt, slipping under me as I stand, and I end up falling onto her.
It's like I collapse onto a vanilla-scented pillow. Sweet air pushes out from Koakuma as she cushions my landing.
"Aah…" She clamps her legs tightly around me when my face ends up in her bust. "You're so heavy, already. Are you that weak? After all that talk…?"
"Fh- fhuckin'-..." My voice is muffled by her soft boobs, bound by her black dress thing. When I try to push off of her, her legs squeeze tighter, and she ruffles my hair, forcing my head back into her chest.
"Oh, well." She exhales, and I feel myself sink deeper into her embrace.
I have to inhale from between her breasts- and…
It's almost like-... everything's getting really distant, somehow. Which, y'know, makes me really fucking afraid because this is the first time I've felt this sort of thing!
Like- the just-... fleeting feeling. You can totally feel when your consciousness begins to slip away- and, man…
"Fh- fuck-" I try to push against her again, all fuckin' sweaty from all this shit.
She presses her palms against my face. "All that talk- and here you are." That freakin'- condescending smirk… "The little mistress can't be that important, can she?"
There's-... so much of her-...
Flame Salvo is on the floor nearby. I-... huh. My arms still aren't bound. Probably 'cause all of her grapples- are both parts stylish and lewd, meaning they aren't totally efficient…
"Lie down." Koakuma suggests a different plan. "You can hardly keep your eyes open." Fu- fuck… "You can relax. I won't hurt you."
As I reach behind my back for my bag, I let my face rest in her chest.
She squishes her breasts against my face. She wraps an arm around my head, trapping me there. "That's it. Just lay there. Don't I smell so good?"
I draw the Bawmber from my bag. Alright, son…
"Bnn-" I am muffled by boobs. "Bnn- hn- nn… bh- hr."
Koakuma giggles. "He- hehehe."
Wh- oh. Then, she pulls me from her chest. "Wanna make out?"
She looks so fucking good. Wait- no she doesn't, shut up. I mean, she does, but shut the fuck up.
My heart beating hard, I blink at her. Then, I find my voice. "...Bee-Sheventeen, Bawmber!"
Koakuma's gaze becomes more flat than it is aroused. "...I thi- I think you need a few more minutes." She tries ta push me back down-
I take the hanger, and slap it against the ground next to us-
KABOOM! Yeehaw!
"Eha-" Koakuma squeaks and jumps! "Wh- fuh- aa-"
We roll over awkwardly, and now-
Oh, fuck, I'm on the bottom…! But, she's all tangled- partially around me- so I roll over, and start crawlin' out…!
"What- the fuck-" Koakuma- oh shit she tries to pounce on me-
Drawing the Hydraulic, I am it at her face, and twist the valve-
SPRITZ~! Water explodes between us, soaking us both!
"Kyaa~! Hehe- hehehe~!" Um. I- I don't think- this is havin' the effect I wanted...
Her thighs clamp around my sides, trapping me under her.
Gaining a focused, kinda turned-on look, Koakuma reaches along her black dress, and uh…
She removes her soaked black dress shirt, revealing a white, partially transparent undershirt. Her bra's black and lacy. "Nnn…" Noticing my stare, she brings her arms behind her head. "How about this?" My god she's fucking hot.
"No…!" I hold Hydraulic up further!
"Yes."
Now that her shirt is off- her power level has skyrocketed! Jesus.
SPRITZ~! I undo the valve on Hydraulic again-
Koakuma has ceased to give a shit anymore. "Eee! Hehehe-" Giggling, she pounces.
She wraps her arms around me- this time around my own arms. Well- around my upper arms, anyway.
Even though we're all messy an' her make-up's kinda runny from the water, she smashes her lips against mine. "Mmm…"
When in doubt, crawl it out! Letting my legs go, I abruptly apply my entire bodyweight to gravity to try and stop the oncoming grapple-
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Oh. Those four huge tomes that laser'd me. They came down and walled us in here...
"Mm- nnh-" I struggle, trying to shift, flail or- anything, but it's-... useless.
Her gaze focuses, and she gets into the make-out session. "Nn- nnn…" Grunting a little, she diligently focuses on mingling with me, and- I shut my eyes...
"Nn- nnn!" I grunt back uselessly. "Mmh!"
"Nhnhnhn…" Stop giggling…! Fuck…
"Mwah…" Releasing the kiss, panting, Koakuma leers.
Saying nothing, she snakes her head aside mine, and- "Om." Eh- fuck-... ow. She makes a hickey mark on the left of my neck.
Pressing her forehead against mine, she brushes her breasts back and forth across my upper chest. "So much for that resistance."
"My body- and my mind, do not agree!" I tell her!
Koakuma exhales, leering as she kept herself nose to nose with me. "So it's rape. Not like you'll care later, I'm sure." Uuuh!
My elbows push against the floor- as much as they can, which isn't much.
Koakuma sighs against my face, and the sweet scent of bubblegum washes over me again. "Isn't this perfect? Me, you, on the floor… after a valiant but unsuccessful struggle? You, overpowered by the magician's charming assistant? Even if it has to be rape… it doesn't have to be unpleasant. I want you to relax."
Hugging onto me, her tail curling around me, Koakuma lets out a breath. I'm- so fucking dizzy. My pants hurt. Nngh…
She speaks into my left ear. "I just wanna love you. It'll only be an hour or two. Anything you want."
I almost mouth 'yes'- but wince an eye shut and just-... fuck. Fuck succubi. Succubusses. Busses. Fuck transportation.
I've literally not landed like, a single clean hit on her. It's just been me getting grappled and molested repeatedly.
"Get to know you." Koakuma speaks in the core of my ear. "To get in your mind…"
I grin, an' meet her gaze dead-on. Her stare's so intent as she does this-
"Breathe in." Koakuma asks me, our gazes level, eyes connecting.
I'm already so drugged up on her scent. So, I do it…
"Out." Koakuma exhales into my face.
I exhale back. I'm-... so tired.
Her eyes begin to glow reddish-purple, as I gaze deep into them.
"In." She inhales, her gaze so easy.
I-...
She presses her chest into my face.
"Sleep." Her- eyes...
my head- her chest-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Ha~h.
Good sleep. I have the 'freshly woken up' energy, and I am not enticed to return to sleep.
I wake up huggin' my pillows. As is usual. Dunno why I'm suddenly narrating it in my head. Eeuh…
Sitting up in bed, I stare out my green room's like, one window. It's a fiercely sunny day outside. S'always nice to see, even if I go out on a like, bi-monthly basis when it ain't for school…
Something's off. I can't put my finger on it, but something is… very off.
What time is it? I look for my alarm clock-... oh, shit. Seven on the dot. Neat.
I'll explain my bed's freakin'... earthquake-zone state later! I think it's Saturday. If it wasn't a Saturday, I'd be in school already.
Well, whatever. Man- Saturday always has me partially bummed, for some reason. That means tomorrow's Sunday, and that means the weekend's that much closer to being over. Friday's the hype climax, and it's all downhill from there.
I should probably get a drink before I get on the computer all freakin' day. My throat's dry, and water turns on the brain and things.
Fer some reason, I got this one song I found on Youtube stuck in my head. Freakin'... Battle Hymn.
Strange losses… men die~d. We crossed, a starlit sky~...
Mornings. Simultaneously fun, but also fucked, because work and school. Nothing is like the morning where you are free, and not not-free.
Pushin' out of my crisis zone of a room, I head on out in the hall and down the stairs.
Well, at least-... actually, fuck, what homework do I have. Whatever, it's Saturday. I'll be worried on Sunday.
For some reason, this routine-... it feels more weird than usual.
Down here in the living room, I see just my mom. Guess dad had weekend work.
Her long, red hair- and-...
Actually, no. Lemme stop the train of thought right there! Wha- long red hair? Hol' up!
"Good morning." Totally-my-mom gives me a heartfelt smile.
...I point at her. "I'm not sure who you are, but-..." Wait, why'd I think she was standing in for my mom? They're nothing alike! ...At all! "Who the hell're you!?"
The red-haired woman has uneven, long bangs that stop just shy of her intelligent red eyes. Red eyes? Pretty metal contacts, I gotta say.
Also, fluffy breasts. Wait- don't stare. Shit, too late. Whatever…!
The red-haired woman runs a hand through her long locks. "Mmm? Oh. I'm from the school."
...I narrow my eyes. "I've never seen you there…" You'd think I'd like, remember an absolute bombshell. Like, holy shit.
"I'm a counselor from the state." Oh. That'd… sort of explain it. "Your mother's out with your father. I told them I could watch you."
What, and my dad trusted you? Well… it kind of is like him to just kind of blindly trust someone every once in awhile when he normally doesn't. He's paranoid like three-fourths of the time, but-...
I guess I am eighteen now. Still, you think he'd be skeptical about some stranger being in the house. He's yelled at me for leaving the door open while I was outside for too long, in the midst of Summer. He thought someone ran in, took specifically his credit card from the dining room, and left.
And he just let this chick sit in our house unattended, with me asleep. Yeah, nice goin'.
Also, why the hell's my mom out too? In the morning? She's fuckin' sleeping until twelve on the couch usually.
And wouldn't they have woken me up for a school counselor? What the hell's she doing here at seven too? The school doesn't do anything regarding anything until at least past noon.
"You got my mom out of the house?" I question what I can, at least...
She pursed her lips. "...What do you mean?" Oh- well, of course. Well, whatever… "I'm part of a new program for troubled students. A sort of… life advisor, and friend, if you will."
Oh, wait. Are you fuckin' kidding me. "...Is this because we were eating lunch in the halls at school." Freakin' excu~se me for not wanting to eat in that tiny fuckin' cafeteria with the monkey people.
"I wouldn't know anything about that." Yeah- 'course you don't. "The guidance counselors at the school recommended me to you, and some of my peers to your others."
I wanna say I don't believe they have the budget for this, but it's also fully in the realm of feasibility to believe they'd spend the most funding possible on the most retarded- over-the-top retarded at that- system possible.
Then again, I can't tell the exact numbers, so I can't say for certain. Eeuh…
"Come." The red-haired woman patted the seat next to her. "Sit next to me."
Well, she's pretty hot actually, so… I'll give her that much.
Oh, right, I've got my blue pants and shirt on. General house-wear. A little fucky to be seen by a public person with but y'know, whatever.
She smells heavily of vanilla when I sit down next to her. That's-... so good, actually. Damn.
The moment I sit down next to her, she wraps an arm around me. What.
Is- is this legal? I think we just broke twenty million different sexual harassment laws at once. Don't ya know son, human touch has been outlawed…!
"So…" She pulls me closer, and- why's her chest so big. I bet every dude who gets this chick as a counselor is fuckin' dying from the sexual tension. But, knowing how this state goes, I'm the only person degenerate enough to have actually thought about her like this like, immediately.
"What are your plans for today, Brad?" She even knows to call me Brad, and not-... y'know nevermind.
Anyway, here comes the parade of retarded questions that no one cares about. "Use-... the-... computer?" I don't mind so much. She's-... so hot.
"And what else?" Son. Ah yes- because it's totally not feasible to only use the computer today. Using the computer is totally one activity and not several. Just like reading a book and driving a car are one fuckin' activity too, surely.
Man, I'm so much more cynical out here than in-... in, uh… wait, fuck, what? Where am I thinking of? Hol' up, this is fucky-
"Brad?" Quiet, good-smelling lady, I'm having a schizophrenic episode.
"Well, just use the computer, mostly…" What else do I tell you…?
She raised her brows some. "What do you plan to do on the computer?" You know- this is totally an expected question, but every time it comes up I hate it.
Why? Because explaining all of this shit is ass! 'Oh, I'm just planning to binge anime today', no one knows what anime fuckin' is in Connecticut. And if you say 'cartoons but better', that's getting equivocated to just 'cartoons' because you are a child, shut the fuck up, and etcetera.
Yeah- even though I'm eighteen, I'm still in high school, and as a high school student, you are a child and your inputs and interests are invalid as far as context goes. Your opinions and hobbies can and will be cross-examined with the List Of What Good Children Should Be Doing™️, and if shit don't line up, you're cancelled.
No answer is a good answer. Fuck. "...Play games?" Well, whatever, luck'll probably have it that this is the last time I'll ever see this chick again.
She smiled wider. "Do you… watch porn?"
What. What kinda-... well. Uh. Shit. Wasn't expecting that one. Also- your arm's still around me, and you ask me that. Huh?
Three options. Reluctant middle-ground, outright denial, or brass-balls?
You know what. I'm curious about all this, and I honestly don't give a shit. I just woke up, it's too early to give a shit about the state. "Yeah."
The red-haired woman purses her lips. Why's her hair scarlet red anyway, maybe even a bit brighter. Is it dyed? "...How often?" What was with the reluctance there…
"Often." Let it be said…! S'often, just leavin' it at that!
She nodded. "Oh. I see. Umh… one of our objectives… is to conduct a survey, of male school-age student's… interests."
I see. The state needs our info for the machine. Uh oh, dude.
"As such, since your parents are out, I find it to be a good time to ask you these more personal questions." She held up her clipboard with her off-arm. Ah, yes. Paperwork. I feel even a state worker's pain when I see the worksheets. Life is sheets.
With that arm she had around me, she awkwardly dug into her dress for a pen. Her right breast presses into my face, and-
"Oh-" She curses. Uh. "Crap..."
A pink, wrapped condom came from her suit pocket. She quickly picked it up, and held it, before giving me a look.
"Uu- um." She gave me an awkward smile, and looked over my features. "...You- weren't supposed to see this-... yet."
Yet? Wait.
Hiding it in her hand, she slid it back into her suit's breast pocket. ...Noticing my stare, she sighed.
"Look…" She leaned closer to me. With that arm around me, she pulled me in further- and outrighted wedged my left arm between her breasts. "Si- since your parents are out… wanna- do it, real quick?"
...Is- is this really happening?
"Or- at least, don't tell anyone I had that." She grabbed onto one of my hands with both of hers. "You help me… I help you. Yeah?" She's- speaking into my left ear.
I mean, we hardly know each other, but…
"Su- sure."
She gained a huge smile. "Cool. The bedrooms are all upstairs, right?"
"...Yeah."
Setting the clipboard down on the common table, she got up and made for the stairs across the room. "I'll go get undressed."
What the fuck is happening. I mean, I'm not complaining, but…
I watch her walk up the stairs in her heels. Freakin'... heels. She's definitely not dressed for social work- she's dressed to entice me. But, she also hits that middleground of just being fairly enticing, and not an outright whore.
Damn. The fuck did I do? This is extraordinarily lucky for no reason…!
But, also, I can't help but wonder why she's doing it like this. Maybe I hit like, a one-in-a-million horny girl encounter in a totally not-horny context. But, something seems too good to be true…
I should get that drink first, at least.
Moving to my fridge, across the house, I swing it open…
I, uh. Huh. Wow.
I do not recognize a single fuckin' drink in here. Except for the milk, and the water.
Where's mom's beer? Not like I drink it; it's a welcome exclusion. Holy shit, when'd we get raspberries? Do people even eat those raw? I mean, probably, but I've never freakin'... given them a single thought.
Also, wait…
My kool-aid ain't here. That's whack.
Whatever. Milk it is. I'm about to rail a super redhead, I ought to live a little.
Pouring myself a cup… hmm. Should I get her a cup? ...Yeah, why not.
With both cups of milk, I make fer the stairs.
...Wonder where the hell my parents even got off to. Did they go on an entire freakin' date while they had a state worker over. What the hell's that about.
As I enter my room-... holy shit.
The red-haired woman is there amidst my blankets and pillows, her clothing scattered around. Seeing me, she gives me a big smile, her chest bound by a black bra. "There you are…"
Holy shit. She's fucking gorgeous.
...thu- thu- thunk. Oh. My PC chugs to life, because our existence stirred it. Its sleep mode state is very shitty. It's also not off, because I fucking died last night and forgot to shut it down.
I briefly look at the screen. Aw, right!
On it is my fanfic thing that I just began writing. Aw, yes, 'personal fiction'. Dunno why I didn't just also name them Freakin G-
Gensokyo…? Wait. Gensokyo. That's where I was thinking of. Gensokyo.
Wait. Wait. Hold on.
Carefully sitting down the milks- I point at Koakuma! "You fucking little devil."
Koakuma's black winglet things bloom from her hair, and she gives me a wink. "Ehe- hehe… not the most elegant setup, huh?"
She felt around at my bed. "But- I gotta say… your room might be a fucking pigsty- but I love it. There's something about getting fucked in a mess that just turns me on."
On a shelf nearby is my cast iron plant hanger I made in school! "'Bouta give myself brain damage, hol' up."
She snorted. "I expected you'd break free sooner or later. If only it was mid-climax…"
"Yeah…!?" I hold the plant hanger before my own head…! "Well- that's too freakin' bad!" I gotta admit, this was really cool though! The whole dream setup-... thing, I mean.
"And, I have to admit…" Bouncing off my bed, Koakuma began to saunter towards me, just in her panties and bra. "You think a lot more than I gave you credit for. So many tangents, so many worries..."
She held her arms open. "I really just... want to help you relax."
Actually, "if I bludgeon myself here, will this dream end?"
Koakuma shook her head. "Well- no. Or… hmm. Go ahead." Uh. "I'll watch."
...Woosh! Instead, I chuck the plant hanger at her!
Fwish. Sliding forward, she seemingly phases through it.
"Ha~h…" Exhaling- she mounts her arms on my shoulders. "Fine. Come here."
Freakin'-... isn't this my dream!?
"Aa- mmh-" Before I can say anything- Koakuma kisses me again.
Her red eyes become more sedate as she starts to work her lips into mine again, her tongue coiling around mine. "Mm- shk- nn-" She- she's sucking on my tongue, damn…
This- this should be some kinda shared space- so-
Her left hand has my right as it goes for the bag I suddenly had around my waist.
My left hand goes for the bag-
Her right hand grips it, and she starts to push me back out of my room…
I- uh-... breathe fire! Yeah- I wish I could breathe fire!
Fwoom! Flames roll out from my mouth!
...When they stop, Koakuma's a mater back from me. Her face is slightly charred cartoon-style, her hair blown back.
"Well…" Koakuma adjusts her hair some, and wrinkles her nose a little. "I didn't want to poke around so much, but I suppose you've forced my hand."
Shink. Ooh- oh. Her nails extend like claws.
Fwoosh- fwoosh! Huge, black wings expand from her back…!
"Just let your mind sink back." She leered down at me. "And submit already!"
WOOSH! Hoh- shit. Her wings jostle the air- and all the shit in my room starts tipping the fuck over. I- I carefully arranged all that random shit! Wait- this isn't my real room...
From my waist, I draw the ace of spades Flandre gave me. Yeah- if there was any time to use it, it'd be right freakin' no~w…!
fwish. It flares when I channel magic into it.
Ting! When Koakuma tries to glomp me, she pings off an iframe barrier or something. "Wh- ah…"
...I stare down at the glowing card. Uh…
"Hi!" Ooh- oh, shit!
There's a translucent Flandre behind me! She wraps an arm around my shoulder, and waves at Koakuma.
Koakuma's eyes widen. "Um… are- you-...?"
Fwish. Holo-Flandre slips into my form or something- and-
I snap my left arm up, reeling it back.
WOOSH! In an instant, it connects with Koakuma's face.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
WHAM! "Ehk- aah-" Koakuma's blown out of the soft, red blanket-clad bed.
I-... what- the fuck. I just punched her out of the dream and into real life!
On autopilot, an amber-yellow explosive aura booming from my body, I feel my body eject itself from the bed. Like- my elbows hit it so hard I'm just thrown out of it.
I'm still in my skivvies- and so is Koakuma. This is her room. Everything smells hellishly like vanilla.
My eyes blink shut, trying to summon me back to sleep, but I'm kept awake by Flandre's motions with my body.
"You-" Koakuma extends her nails but in real life this time-
Making my body turn, Flandre sees the dusty green plant hanger on a pile of random magic metal and shit.
Cli- click! The pile shifts when my body claims it in an instant.
We turn- and Koakuma's right there, tryin' to assault us.
THUNK. Flandre whips the plant hanger across Koakuma's face. "Kh- aa…"
The impact was so hard a line of blood splashed from Koakuma's mouth and onto the floor.
WHAKRACK! Ooh! Flandre throws my body at Koakuma, kneeing her in the ribs with a leaping motion! Holy fuck…!
Koakuma's back straightening as she leaned back, blood jolting from her lips. "Ghkp-"
"Hee-" Flandre squeals through my mouth. "Hyeah!"
BAM! She cleaves the plant hanger right down onto Koakuma's face at an awkward angle, sending her skidding to the floor.
"Nn-" Now lying there on her back and right side, Koakuma shakes, face all bloody. "Nnn…"
Holy shit. Those impacts-... had so much fucking force behind them.
"Sorry, Koakuma." Flandre spoke through my mouth, our voices mixed. "I know you mean well, but Brad's saving for marriage. If he wasn't, helping him de-stress probably would've been good for him." Wh- what.
Koakuma chuckled. "Hh-... he- ha- hah… fhu- fhuckin'..."
"I also need this." Flandre held up the hanger. "My Escape Plan."
Ah, I see. This hanger… is The Escape Plan!
"It's also enchanted to increase your running speed when wounded." Flandre smiled through my mouth. "The contract card's about to expire-... so- use it to hurry Brad- but don't have it out when you go through doors!"
Jesus fuck- okay…!
Whish. With that, the explosive amber aura leaves my form.
...Lookin' the hanger over, I uh, look back over at Koakuma.
She just lays there, having given up.
When I turn away, she speaks.
"Hey…" Daah. "Br-... Brad."
...I look back at 'er.
Despite her bloody face, she makes a pose on the floor. "I-... I ain't gonna- just leave it-... at this. I- I'm gettin' you laid…"
Man. "...Why do ya even wanna try so bad."
Koakuma closed her eyes.
"...You're the first cute guy I've seen come in here in a decade or two- and someone who actually thinks who isn't Patchouli. Can you blame me- for wanting to share a good time…?"
With that, she flopped onto her back.
"Uhf. But-... if you're really-... that determined, then fer today… I'll lay off…"
...Shakin' my head, I get movin'.
Man. When we're all done here, I gotta freakin'... find a bathroom.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
With that awkward episode of my life over, I arrive back at the freakin'... cellar door of destiny.
Somehow, the mansion's halls smell… stale. My body misses the scent of overwhelming, intoxicating vanilla which Koakuma exuded. Freakin'...
Slappin' my own cheeks, I begin to swing open the cellar door! I'm almost there.
As I descend down the steps, I enter the dark fourway. The door ahead's obscured by black again...
Down here, I draw the Escape Plan again. It helped me jet on over here right quick. This thing gives a serious speed boost! I must be pretty freakin' fucked to move this fast…!
Along the back of the plant hanger's cast-iron, green steel, I see the shimmering runes that define the cellar's path.
Four crosses. The runes light up as I stand in the dark fourway hall. The first one's a full cross. The second's fully filled in on the right side, the third's left, and the fourth is backward.
I assume the first one means any direction is fine. Except for backwards, 'cause that's the stairs out.
So, I go left. Then I go right… then I go left again.
In the last fourway, I freakin'- do a U-turn when I get to the middle, and-...
At the end of the way I came is the door to Flandre's room. Holy shit.
Hurrying up to the room, I knock on the door.
Knock knock.
...Creak. Flandre pushes it open, and beams at me.
Squeak! It whips open further, and she's snuggly as all get-out! "Omigod omigod- you made it!" An' then, she points at me. "And when we're done here- you should really think about getting to know Koakuma!"
"...I'll think about it!" I, uh, dunno…!
Takin' the Escape Plan from me, she starts to move! "Let's just bolt before anyone notices! Wait…" Then, she had an idea. "Brad! Idea!"
She yanks on my bag thing! "Hold your bag open…"
...So, uh, I do, and-
Flandre climbs in. "Lemme know when we're outside." Holy shit.
...Once she's fully inside, she tosses the Escape Plan back out- an' I snatch it outta the air semi-clumsily.
"Where the heck's Sakuya." I kinda gotta know…!
"I'm having her make a big cake, so she's busy." Flandre supplied from the sack, her voice seemingly coming from nowhere at all…! "But not for long. Let's go!"
So we go! Let's get the hell outta this cellar-
The moment I open the door back out, Sakuya.
She's leaning in the doorway, looking somehow tired, just kinda giving me a look. Uuh. Uh oh.
We just stand there, starin' at one another.
"This…" She yawned. "This is new."
"New Super Scarlet Sisters." I echo.
She blinks at me, but continues! "In truth, I hadn't known what Flandre had planned with you. To think she'd be so open now, as to get help from an outsider."
I nod. "Am I in trouble…!?"
Sakuya pursed her lips, and thought about it. An' thought about it. She really thought about it…!
"Hmm." Oh- "Not with me." ...Hoh.
She goes on to elaborate. "My orders are to stop the little mistress from escaping the cellar by herself. Those orders aside, and the technicality therein, I think it's healthy that she's opening up to new people over this."
With that, Sakuya turned away. "You shouldn't expect it to be as easy as simply walking out, however. The mistress is more vigilant than her casual demeanor implies."
I see. "I can't believe Remi's a vigilante…"
...Sakuya gives me a flat look, and then just leaves!
Guess we got the clearance ta-
Sakuya appears again! "Oh, here." Oh- shit! That's a huge cake…!
Flandre's head pokes outta the bag! "Woa~h!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The cake is actually beyond my carrying capacity. However, since Sakuya's not gonna jump us like the world's best security camera-and-guard two-in-one combo, Flandre's just… out here, with me.
We stroll down the mansion's freakin'... super red halls, with y'know, the dash of brown here or there.
"Did the cake need ta be quintuple decker." Like, holy shit.
"...Yeah." Flandre gives me a look like it's the most obvious thing in the world! "How else would I distract Sakuya for like, an hour?" Then, she stared into the gihugic cake. "It didn't even work. It took her like, three minutes…"
She stared up at the ceiling. "She must be getting better. Last time she made a cake like this, it actually did take like… an hour or two. She might've had a worse multi-tasking strategy that necessitated real-time cooking, or something."
Lookin' at me, Flandre smiles! "Are you good at multi-tasking, Brad?"
"...No~...!" I'd like to be, kind of! Some things just take up too much time or attention though. Y'know, I wonder if there are any wicked multitaskers in the world that can just juggle like ten things at once flawlessly. Who aren't, y'know, cheaters like Sakuya.
"Hmm…" That didn't stir as much discussion as Flandre hoped, it seems. "What do you think of Koakuma?"
"Son." I know you are a she but I will call you 'son' anyway. "It's not even like an hour ago that I was almost consumed whole. Yer askin' too soon…!"
"Oh, Koakuma wouldn't have eaten you." Flandre puffs her cheeks at me. "...I mean- she'd have eaten your virginity, but- wait." Her eyes widen! "You're saving it! I mean- you're saving it so you can get virgin blood from yourself! It all makes sense!"
I snap my fingers! "Exactly- wrong, that is actually completely not what I had in mind."
"Darn." Flandre's eagerness fades some, and she becomes more relaxed. "I thought I had it…"
"What would I do with virgin blood." I kinda wanna know!
Flandre shrugs. "Euh, I dunno. It's used for magic, sometimes. I know non-human virgin blood's no good, or at least, not as good as pure human virgin blood. It's weird how much of the occult like… deviates from humanity. It's not all entirely born of nature. And a lot is like, humanity's perceptions of nature, too. It's so weird."
She purses her lips! "Wait- was male virgin blood any good, or was it only maiden human virgin blood? I don't think I care, at that point…"
...Y'know, no fairies have been bothering us this whole time. That's- kinda-... nevermind. I was gonna say, 'kinda weird' but then I realized they probably know not ta fuck with Flandre.
"What're we gonna do with that cake." I feel full just looking at it…!
Flandre beamed! "I have no idea!" Uh oh…
So we just keep on goin'! ...Man.
Watching Flandre carry a cake that is three or four times taller than her is some shit! It looks like a complete, total catastrophe waitin' to happen, but it's not.
Bam! Aw! Suddenly, a door slams open ahead of us!
"You- fucking-" That black-haired fairy maid- oh, Komi! She springs outta the door, chasin' down someone else!
The orange-haired, short maid- Koi, yeah that was it- she freakin' flew out and away from Komi! "Ehehe-" Pausing in the air, she lifted a fluff nugget-
thump. She tossed the large, folded up fluffle into Komi, and the impact, while gentle, was enough to tip Komi back in the air and onto her ass. "Uhf…"
Pausing, Koi saw me and the walking cake. "Oo- oh! Hey- Komi, stop bein' pissed off for a sec! We found the guy!"
Komi pushed the Koi-sized fluffle off herself. "Nngh-... ah." Then, she saw me. "That's him, alright…"
"Uh oh." I nod. "Goons."
Komi takes offense to that! "You're the goon. ...My goon. And-..." She takes in the cake with legs. "What the fuck is that."
Aw. She can't tell Flandre is behind the cake…!
I point at it. "It's cake day. The entire cake day."
Scooting up behind the cake, I hunch down a li'l and whisper to Flandre! "Yo- Flan cake, do what I say…!"
She gives me a rambunctious smile! "Flan cake…?"
...What'm I gonna have her do. Wait. I know exactly what I'm gonna have her do.
Coming around the cake, I put my hand out towards the fairies, first! "Hold on- I need to talk to the cake! Gimme a second…!"
Ignorin' their strange looks, I come up ta Flandre. "Alright- so-... I need ya to hop forward about five times. Afterward- yer gonna declare that you are the cake from hell. And, uh… y'gotta do something that an evil cake would do!"
...Slowly, Flandre gains a huge smile!
Backing up, I just kinda get outta the way, and face the cake while I do so…!
Komi has her arms on her hips, just kinda giving me a judging stare.
"Namori-chan…" Koi's staring down this blue-haired fairy friend of theirs. "D'you got any candy, still…?"
"I- I'm out." Namori shook her head.
An' then, Flandre boinged a body's height into the air.
The fairies all flinched, beholding the cake move.
Thump. Flandre landed loudly, and the cake shook around in her arms, before she stabilized it with some unreal motions…!
After a quiet moment, Flandre found her balance again. The fairies give the cake an unsure stare...
thump, thump, thump. She did some shorter hops closer to the fairies, the cake jiggling in her arms meanwhile!
The fairies advance backwards! "The-..." Komi points at it! "Did- did it-... move?"
"No shit it moved…" Koi slowly hid behind her!
Namori hid behind both of them! "Mm- mmn…"
Komi gets angry! "Are- are the both of you really afraid- of a fucking cake? Just because it's alive doesn't mean it's not a-"
FWASH. Suddenly, a huge, ethereal red eye flares to life at the front of the cake!
Komi's eyes slowly widen as she beholds it! "Ca- cake…"
"Mmm-" Flandre clears her throat. "Ruah- I am the cake from hell- haha!" She does-... an absolutely unconvincing job. The voice she put on is just hers but like, ten percent more gravelly. "But I need something to become a complete cake!"
Komi's mouth is ajar…!
"It- it fucking talks…!" Koi's incredulous!
"Oh, no…" Namori crouches behind them.
"Or-... or what?" Komi stands her ground against the cake!
Flandre doesn't directly respond to her. "I need something- to become a cake I'd be proud to be…" Oo- oh? "I need something glorious- or should I say-... gore-ious, on the top of my head, to crown me."
Thump! Flandre hops a little closer! "What do you have- that I could wear as a decoration!?" Her attempt at a different voice falls apart completely by the end, so it's just her little voice comin' from the cake…!
"Or what…!?" Komi raises her fists in opposition to the cake! "Fuck you, you- cake…!?"
Koi feels at Komi's shoulder. "Komi- are we high?"
"We shouldn't be." Komi states decisively. "...But we really could be."
"You three may not pass by the cake to access me." I announce, folding my arms authority-style. "Not until you obtain the cake's missing ingredient!"
Komi looks somewhere between confused and intimidated somehow! "I-... I don't-... fucking care. I just-..."
Awkwardly, she runs at me, trying to pass the cake!
crack. In one frame, the floor beneath her cracks mid-way.
KRACK. "HRUUOAH!" The floor fuckin' belch-roars.
SPLA- SPLACK- SPLASH- SPLACK! A geyser of green, black, bone fragments and blood erupts from the carpet, devouring Komi instantly.
"Eee~!" Koi faceplants, before getting up and zipping away!
"Ee- aaa~h!" Namori gets trampled by Koi at first, before gettin' up and half-crawling, half-running after her…!
...sss~. After they're gone, the oil-like goo melts into the floor, burning a hole into some weird… void beneath the carpeted floor.
"We did it!" Flandre squeaked from behind the cake!
"Yeah!" That was an exchange! "Flandre- when'd you learn freakin'... gore geyser…!?"
"Huh…?" Flandre pauses. "Oh! Do you mean that one attack?"
"Yeah- I think so!" It left a fuckin', brown mist in the air that slowly fell down! And- holy shit, that scent. Koakuma baby, come back! That intoxicating vanilla is very superior to whatever unholy odor this is…!
"I made it!" Yeah- very descriptive! "...I don't really plan on using mean attacks like that anymore, but fairies are fair game for anything." Y'know, good point.
I hide my face in my shirt. "Holy- shit." What an absolute chonk of an attack.
Flandre gets a move-on…! "Aah-... it's stinky now here, isn't it? Let's go…"
Skirtin' past the hole of void now in the floor, I stop and pick up the short fairy-sized fluff loaf laying there, and continue to follow Flandre.
"honh" The fluffle is loaf. Its fin-like hand arm things are folded under its legs… which also end in fins-like ends, with no feet. Said legs are also folded against its back.
Thereby, fluff loaf. It's oddly snug. It's as big as my chest and then some, but as light as styrofoam.
Wait- oh. Flandre took a left turn, and the dining room doors were just right there.
Clack. They open automatically for her, and she jaunts in an' sets the cake down, before coming back out. "I had to drop the cake off. I don't want Sakuya's work to go to waste, after all…"
"Fluff cake." I give Flandre the loli-sized fluffle.
...Flandre gazes into the fluff as she holds it, before gaining a slightly aggressive look! "No."
Fwish. The fluffle eradicates itself by existing in her arms, becoming dust. Uh oh…
...Flandre looks worried! "I- I didn't even do that…"
"Uh oh." The fluffle committed liven't. "It became aliven't."
Flandre gives me a look…! "That's not how words work and you know it."
"Is it really not!?" I wonder! "Y'mean that's how words workn't."
Her face becomes broad and snuggly, yet disappointed. "Mmghnh…" Wahaha!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We arrive in the front lobby of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.
Instantly, I notice where Remilia is.
She stands in expectant wait of us… and she's upside-down! She's standing on the bottom of the chandelier, because that's cool.
Flandre takes pause. We came out of a door at the top of the central foyer stairs, specifically so that this scene was framed cinematically. Imagine if we came from the dinky hallway doors? Not as well-framed!
Gazing up at her older sister, Flandre seems ta steel herself.
"Hey, look." I point at her. "Remilia looks happyn't."
...Flandre just gives me a woesome look…!
Meanwhile, Remilia gazes straight down at us, shade shielding her form and rendering it a silhouette, even under the bright chandelier. The only thing about her that's lit is her red eyes.
"Hey, Remi!" I call out to her!
...Aw, no response. I must fuck up this scripted cutscene!
Flandre starts to walk down the stairs. Aw, yeah!
I get onto the rail, and slide down ass-first- okay this really isn't that comfy ow- oh fuck-
"Yo-" Fallin' off the side- I hold onto the rail, dangling off the wrong side with my hands as I keep sliding down! "Oh- fuck…!"
Eventually, I reach the floor without gaining the dead status.
Flandre does too soon after, and she moves to stand under her sister.
"Remi." Flandre calls up ta her. "I'm going outside."
With that, Flandre starts ta move for the front door.
Ting. When she reaches the door, a shimmering barrier stops her hand.
woosh. Remi swoops down like a black waterdrop, before landing on her shoes… somehow. Pivoting around, she stares at Flandre.
WOOSH- WOOSH! She spreads her wings out wide…!
"This barrier isn't gonna stop me." Flandre began to hold up her arm. "I can just-"
"Flandre." Remilia speaks…!
Turning around, Flandre focuses on her, lookin' sassy.
"I've told you this many times." Remilia began the big bang badoongle. "You are to stay within the mansion's confines at every hour, unless specifically allowed otherwise. It is not to spite you. It is to ensure the safety of all of us."
"Yeah?" Flandre tilts 'er head back. "Who cares?"
...When Remi says nothing, Flandre continues. "If being cooped up when the world is so colorful is safety, I'll take the alternative. You've told me it all before…
"Things like, 'it's not to protect you, it's to protect them from you'. 'Your capacity to strike fear would endanger the finer things you hold dear'."
She shook her head. "And… you're right. Gensokyo made me think of the finer things. And, I realized what I lacked.
"I lacked an appreciation of the world around me. I saw it all as my world, as my things. It was so small and beneath me. 'Cause I was so smart, and strong, and could have so much fun, creating my own worlds in my head and defending them."
Flandre smiled. "Europe wasn't colorful enough. Gensokyo is. And, Gensokyo… I think is worth protecting. Not destroying, or cannibalizing, or conquering. I wanna get to know it, not take it apart.
"I thought I could make a world better than Europe. But, I'm not sure… if I could make anything better then Gensokyo, out of Gensokyo."
Stepping forward, Flandre held out a hand.
"Remi-... big sister." Flandre smiled warmly. "Let's not fight about this."
Remilia's wings curled around herself some. "...How do you think I feel?"
Flandre's brows twitched.
"Sharing the power to undo all that I have earned- with you." Remilia exhaled as she spoke, or somethin'. "This land of fantasy, of greater power and unimaginable potential… all it will take is one grievous mishap to send us leagues back. Relative to the mishaps you're familiar with, of course."
"As if you aren't to blame." Flandre announced back. "It's taken you time to adjust. You admit as much."
"My choices, at least, are my own." Remilia countered. "My own mistakes are my own. If there's anything I would loathe-... it would be cleaning up after you. I'd never want to misplace the ability to do so in you. I-... don't want you to be able to do wrong."
Flandre tilted her head back, her smile diminishing. "I'm jealous."
"...Oh?" Remilia blinked.
Flandre glared. "I'm jealous that- you're in so much control-... that your fantasy is so developed that you can make mistakes that'd screw it up."
Holding up an arm, Flandre took in her own ruby nails. "I'm tired of this tiny mansion."
Woosh. Flandre's crystal wings spread out. Do they just- somehow have more crystals.
"I wanna live. I wanna see stuff. I wanna meet people." Flandre made fists with her hands. "And-... I'm not letting you take that from me."
Then, Flandre says something legitimately profound:
"Why should you be the only one allowed to dream?"
...Shi~t. Should I, like… be here? I feel like I'd get deleted in post if this was a movie…!
"If that's how you feel…" Remilia held her arms out, her nails extending. Ah, yes. Koakuma has shown me the art of nail-claws as well! "So be it. However, do let it be known… I will not back down."
"As the mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, I must demonstrate my resolve to you. Because, little sister… I know, at heart, the language you favor most is violence."
...An' at that, Flandre beamed.
KABOOM- BOOMBOOMBOOM! She held her arm up- and drew that fucking loud sword- that's not even a sword, it's just a line of explosions…!
"At least you understand tha~t!" Flandre has to yell over her fucking lawnmower of a sword…!
vhir. Oh- oh shit. Remilia draws Gungnir. It's fucking massive…!
"I love you, Flandre."
"I love you- Remi!"
...Then, their gazes snap to me.
I flinch. "Oo- oh, Jesus-"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
thud. "Oof…"
I have been deposited outside the mansion Super Mario 64 style.
"He- hehehe~!" Flandre's maniacal laughter from the mansion itself really completes the package. Oouh…
They booted me outside the gate, too! I got freakin' kicked out! I can't believe Remi and Flan vibe-checked me at the same time…!
It's night now. Dark, and spooky. And, somehow… really freakin' pretty. So pretty. The sky's almost a navy color, and it just makes me feel so full in the heart. Damn, man.
BOOM- BAM- BOOM! Explosions start to ring out from the mansion, and I feel each vibration from out here…!
...Aw, hey. Meiling's out here, and somehow actually awake. ...Why's she look so freakin' smug.
"Why're you smug." I hafta ask…
"Oo- oh, am I?" She takes pause, blinking. "Guess I just feel kinda cozy. ...Are the ladies at it again?"
Daah. "Again?"
"It's not too rare for the mistresses to tussle." Meiling clarified. "It's not common either. But, I think it's usually healthy for 'em."
...Huh.
I look at the fluffle stand outside here.
The fluffle in question is sitting atop the stand, holding a poptart. When I see the fluffle, the poptart crumbles, and the fluffle starts to panic.
Soon, the poptart is all gone. "raisin weather" The fluffle looks forlorn, its smile obscured by the shade made by how it tilted its face.
"Crumbly poptart…" I echo this sentiment, staring gingerly at the loafsome one…
I turn to Meiling's freakin'... smug look.
"Got anywhere ta spend the evening?" Meiling questions me!
Duuh… "No? Not unless I'm gettin' back inside, I don't!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
thoom. The mansion shakes, as violence occurs in the background. Considering how unreal the interior is, that must be a lot of violence…!
"This is my room!" Meiling gestured across this chinese-esque room. Which, notably, ain't that different from a Japanese room…
The walls are those paper-and-wood things, although I dunno what they rest against, considering how western the mansion is. The door into here was located along the outside of the mansion, built into a slightly awkward brick sidewall up against the mansion itself.
Y'know- I find it slightly strange that a chick just brought me to her room, but okay…!
Meiling reads my awkward expression. "I hardly use the place, and when I do, s'mostly fer sleepin'. So basically, I just kinda store stuff here. And…"
She's got that smug look again. "If you were curious, I didn't bring ya here to jump ya. S'just that my room's reinforced, and on the far end of the mansion, so it's unlikely the fighting would come over here."
"Good." I nod. "I almost got freakin' molested, so the clarification was in fact needed!"
Meiling snorts! "Oh. That's why you look dizzy just standin' next to me. You still smell like Koakuma, y'know. Man, she's into you, isn't she?"
"She's a succubus…!" I hold my arms out! "She's inta everybody…!"
Meiling raised a brow, folding her arms confidently. "Oh? Well, kinda. But, nothing gets her off like smart people. Or, smart-looking people. Thinky people? ...I'd say dudes, but she's totally into Patchy too, so," she shrugged vaguely, "eeh."
Strolling further into her room, she gestures to stuff. "I got some manga on that shelf over there. And- this is my dresser, so don't touch it." Good…!
She gestures to a futon. "There's my bed. I don't actually sleep that often, so… it's clean enough fer you, I'm sure." Wow, an actual bed. Maybe my spine will shift back into place from the nights I've spent on floors…!
When I look at the walls, I start ta notice… "You've got a fuckin'... lot of weapons in here, don't you?"
"Oh? Yeah." Meiling gave the walls a look. Nunchucks, crystalline polearms, dual swords, single swords, bows, clubs… "I'd say you could look at them, but ya might hurt yerself if you try to use them, so don't do that."
Then, she smiled into the air. "...Or do, I won't be policin' ya, but if ya hurt yourself, it's not my problem. Just don't bleed on any of my stuff." Pft.
She pointed at some of the doors lined up together in the back of her room. Just, three western doors lined up trim-to-trim with one another. "Rightmost door's a closet. Center is the bathroom. Left is the sparring room. S'just a big room full of more weapons." Hoh.
With that, she began to leave. "And, uuh… I think that's it! Oh, right. If you use the bathroom, flush the fucking toilet." She really means that, apparently! "Last outsider I let crash in here-... ugh. Had ta wash the futon, had to clean the toilet, was just a mess. Not that you're as much of a weirdo, but y'know… just makin' sure."
Who the hell was the last guy…? Wait, hol' up. "When was this other dude?"
"Ah." Meiling paused. "Month or two ago. Some guy called Marty. I think he died." Yeah, if I was named Marty, I'd be dead too. No offense, readers named Marty!
"How do ya figure…?" Strange that Meiling just assumes he's dead…!
"Oh? Outsider obituaries." Meiling grinned at me. "They're a unique column in the Bunbunmaru, actually. A lot of them are made up, 'cause outsiders are like… both uncommon, but also not usually that noteworthy. But a couple are totally real, 'cause outsiders are always a wicked mixed bag."
With that, I nod. Good to know! Alright, note to self: do not die breaking my spine trying to autofellate myself. That'd almost definitely go in the Bunbunmaru, and would be super embarrassing. Not that I normally autofellate myself…! Or do that at all!
When I look at Meiling's bed, there's a fluffle in it. It's really small, and it looks easy to approach.
"Hey, Meiling?" I turn to her… "When you close the refrigerator door, does the little light stay on?"
Meiling just gives me an easy smile. "Yes." Oh- uh oh. "...Y'know. Your jokes might lead Sakuya and Remi along, but I see right through ya."
With that, she began to leave. "Good night."
Shoof. Before I could say anything back, she shut the door behind herself.
...Guess I got nothin' else to do but unwind.
I look back at the bed, and at the fluffle. Why're fluffles so small, man.
Fer the sake of cleanliness, I think I'mma just sleep in my clothes! That, and-...
The moment I sit down on the futon, I just-... oof. "Hoh, shit." That's good.
Slowly, the ceiling lamp dims. Jade-white table lanterns are now what solely illuminate the room-... and somehow, the deep green is super fuckin' comfy.
This's an awesome room.
Getting under the futon's covers next to the fluffle, I scoot it aside, and sigh.
The other end of the bed opens up. Wait- who the fuck's getting in. What…!?
"Mmm." It's Hana- er, Ha-chan! She's in her maid outfit, and looks snug as she gets in next to me. "Hiya, Brad-kun!"
Brushing the fluffle aside- such that it has to flee the bed entirely, its home destroyed and demolished, Ha-chan just-
"Mm- nnh…" I close my eyes, as Ha-chan pulls me into her chest. Yeah, I'm too tired to care. And-... y'know. Feels good…
"You smell so good." Ha-chan weaves her thin legs with mine, and hugs me tighter. "We're gonna cuddle."
Y'know what? Sure. Let's cuddle.
I lay there, nuzzled into Ha-chan's chest as she restlessly hugged me, her arms running up and down my entire body.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
In the midst of sleep, I open my eyes, wide awake, somewhere black and red.
Completely black, aside from literal just-... brush strokes of red amidst the sky and beneath the floor-like surface I'm sittin' on.
...Aw. I got some kinda suit on! Aw- shit, this's snazzy! S'just a black-and-white dinner jacket kinda suit, but it is quite suity! Dude… it suits me well! Pfthaha-
Oh, so this's what this is about.
Koakuma's casually squatted down before me, as I push up off the ground.
"How." My first question!
"You kissed a succubus." Koakuma traced her fingers over her own lips. "I'm gonna be in your head for awhile, handsome."
Handsome? I got no idea how that's even qualified, so I won't think about it too hard!
"Why." My second question!
"...Well." Koakuma looked away. "First, I-... wanted to apologize." Ah? "It wasn't exactly professional of me to try and bring about something between us… like that." No foolin'!?
"Hoh?" I wonder… "So, no jumpin' me anymore?"
"Mmh?" Koakuma smiled widely. "No~. I'll keep trying."
Whah. "You make very little sense…!" An' that's comin' from me!
"I want to teach you." Koakuma stood before me, and strolled closer. "Sex can have great weight, indeed… but it doesn't always have to."
She undoes her black dress shirt, leaving herself in her white undershirt. "The very act of sex can be a positive social connection, even between two people with only… casual relations. It can tell both of you a lot about each other."
"And, to be honest?" Koakuma beamed. "You're totally my type. You were so moody on the outside… and I'm a sucker for the moody guys."
Uuh… "What'm I supposed to do with this information…!?"
Koakuma huffed. "Fuck me, you idiot. God. One day- when you're more grown up mentally, you'll be kicking yourself in the ass for not fucking me sooner."
...I stroke my chin. "Is that a challenge?"
Koakuma rolled her eyes. "I'm starting to think outsiders are just, like, actually retarded."
"You're just trying to steal my wizard powers!" I point at her! "No sex until I'm sixty and my thing's all droopy!"
Koakuma comes at me! "Oo~kay. You know what?"
Thump! Oh- fuck. I'm pushed onto my back-
Koakuma sits on my upper chest instantly. "Even if we're not gonna fuck-... women have their needs."
Oo- oh. She- folds up her skirt, and I see her black panties.
"Kiss me." Oh- she sidles up my chest, her crotch now- right there- and-
"Mmghk-" smells- good-
"Hey…" Whah. Who's that. Man- I miss when my dreams were just me…! Well, I also don't, but-
Koakuma pauses, and I'm able to scoot back some, away from her vanilla scent, and her panties-
She squeezes her thighs together, stopping my progress. Freakin'- her knees are against my face.
"What's going on here?" Oh. It's Ha-chan!
Koakuma gives her a plain look. Then, she looks down at me. "You'd sleep with a fairy, but you won't fuck me?"
...I put up a finger! "We only cuddle- that's why!"
"Oh, get out." Koakuma looks so done! "Eat me out already." Wh- mgh- she slid forward- and-...
Coming up to us, Ha-chan does her best to save me! "What're you guys doing? Where are we? It's dark…"
I feel Koakuma's hand in my hair, as she tries to press me deeper against that which cannot be named due to ratings. "Screw off, fairy."
"No!" Ha-chan yells back! "And stop sitting on him! I won't let you bully him!" Ha-chan runs at her!
"Wh- anh!" Koakuma puts up her limbs to defend herself when Ha-chan hug-tackles her! "You fucking-"
Wha-... aw. Aw, dude.
"I got an idea." I start to crawl out from under Koakuma, while she's busy getting assaulted. "Since this is my dream space, how about uh-..."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The scene has been reset, dude.
...Koakuma's now sitting on a log. I'm sittin' on a log across from her.
Ha-chan sits to my right, staring down at a plastic table. She looks up at us, then back down at the table!
We're in the middle of a very much real forest- and you can tell, because the trees end after forming like one ring around us, and generic forest background textures begin.
"Wh-..." Koakuma looks dead inside. "What?"
To our left, a guest joins us.
A fluffle wanders up, gets up onto the leftmost log, and sets down a board game on the blue plastic table.
On the board game was a picture… of a fluffle opening up the very same board game, and fire blasting out over the fluffle's zenned-out face. It was apparently alarmed, 'cause an exclamation mark was also depicted next to it!
The board game was titled, in yellow, official font: Oh Shit: A Game of Regret.
The fluffle moves its fins to open it just like the fluffle on the cover art-
"Waaa~l!" There's suddenly more fluffles all around us, wailing at it to not open it!
"Nn-" Koakuma gets up, and tries to grapple it! "No- don't!"
"Look out!" Ha-chan lunges forward too!
"Hol' up- hold on-" Alarm floods me as I reach for it too-
FRWOOM- FRAARR- FRAAAR-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Aa- aah-"
I wake up gasping…!
"Aaa~h!" Ha-chan wakes up yelling!
Meiling leaps, sitting cross-legged next to the futon! "Ooh- uoh- geez- what…!?
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ====
I yawn. "Hfaa~h…"
Today, I found Koakuma in a semi-brutalized heap in her bed. None of my chores of the last evening were done. I suspect it has something to do with the mistresses being at it again, so I'll let her off the hook this time.
As such, I had to prepare this morning's tea and snacks myself.
Treading through Koakuma's disaster zone of a room, I bring her morning goodies to a nearby vanity-... hrm.
woosh. With a little wind, I brush the sex implements and clothing off the vanity, and place the tea set there.
Fwish. My mana is used to replenish the air bubble around my head. A quick and dirty spell. I'm not planning to stay in this room any longer than need be. I couldn't be bothered enough to actually apply pheromone immunity to myself.
Creak! "Aaaeh! Oh fuck!" Wh- what!?
"Mm- mu-" I squeak. Koakuma leapt out of her bed and into the air, yelling so early.
Pop. The air bubble around my head pops.
Vanilla. An ocean of vanilla. I'm-... drowning- already…
"Kh- kaugh-" My- throat- as well-... "Kauff- hk- kauff-"
"Aa-" Koakuma's alarm turns to me. "La- Lady Patchouli…? Lady Patchouli!"
Serves me- right-... for bothering-... I suppose-...
I drop onto my knees, but Koakuma hurries to scoop me up and out of her hazy death trap of a room.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
"Man…" Meiling beams, lookin' down at me and Ha-chan. "Koakuma, and now a fairy? You've got a way with the ladies, huh?"
"Son…" I try and climb out of the futon- but Ha-chan keeps a hold on me! She- very thankfully doesn't smell like vanilla, but she smells nice in a different way, and- I really can't take it this early in the morning…!
"Brad-kun-..." Ha-chan begins a thought, but it falls away from her pretty fast. But then it comes back! "Brad-kun's got a way!" I'm not sure if that helps anyone's case…!
"I came to kick ya out." Meiling decided. "Yer evicted from my room. Also, breakfast is ready."
"...Get- outta my lap!" I can't move until Ha-chan stops sittin' on my legs and waist.
"No." Ha-chan refuses. "It's comfy here. You're warm." Freakin'...
I'm fucking dizzy from all sexual tension. Holy shit. Y'know- this No Nut November shit is fucking-... unrealistically hard…!
Also, it's probably not November yet- but I'm gonna use that as an excuse to be a coward and not just take Ha-chan and do lewd things to her. Also, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what sex is, and I think if I went before a court, I could make a case that fairies cannot consent under law…!
"Alright-" still, I must expend my energy somehow! "Let's- nngh…"
I lift Ha-chan bridal style. Her butt is still against my waist, and- god, fairy maids are so fucking sexy.
She brings her wrists near her cheeks, looking fucking adorable as I slowly lift her. Fucking- she's person heavy- and-... I-... am not that strong…!
"Woah…" She- shifts in my arms stop shifting oou-
thump. I slide onto my ass- and Ha-chan lands kinda hard on my lap.
"Ow." Boner: killed. I am in pain. ...Well, not that much. Can we- go-... not do this, or something!? All this physical contact's gonna destroy my awkwardness receptors!
"Ehe- ehehe!" Ha-chan giggles at my expense…! "I'm too heavy!" Most girls would not be so happy about that…!
That ain't to say she's thick, though. She's sticc. I'm just even more sticc.
...Lookin' endeared by our mutual hooliganry, Meiling comes up to us, and-
"Hup." Oh, okay. Meiling lifts me bridal style… while I'm holding Ha-chan bridal style.
Ha-chan kicks her legs out, since they're over Meiling's left shoulder. "Ya~y! We can cuddle on the way!"
"Son-" I push her- but she slips past my arms- and- ah…
My face flushed 'cause I am not ready, I twist to stare Meiling down- y'know, Meiling has big boobs too oh god-
"Don't have a heart attack, kid." She knows exactly how off-guard I am. "If a little innocent flirting does this to ya, Koakuma's gonna have you 'round her finger in a heartbeat."
Aah… "Y'say that like subtlety's even in her family tree."
Meiling chuckles. "Pft- hehehe… the- the hell'd that come from? You're not wrong…"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Ah, yes. Breakfast time.
The longer-than-it-is-wide Scarlet dining hall has a table, that too, is way, way longer than it is wide.
Remi has a fluffy band-aid on her forehead, as she sits at the head of the huge table.
Flandre's just kinda there at a seat nearest her sister, at one of the sides. She's also got a fluffy band-aid on her forehead!
Meiling, as apparently ordered, deposits me and Ha-chan in a heap on the chair across from Flandre.
"Hi, I just woke up." Ha-chan is still in my arms. I am going to die of sexual frustration. "I'm hungry…!" Food will give me the energy I need…! An' I hardly ever eat- which is how you know I'm dyin' here!
"Hi hungry!" Flandre you little freakin'-
"Hello, hungry." Remilia, you now share ankle-biter status with Flandre.
"I'm Brad!" Ha-chan-
Meiling points at me. "He wa- wants to get hairy, with the fairy..." She can't even say it with a straight face…!
Remilia's brow twitches…! "Meiling, go away."
"Pft- hnhnhn…" Flandre stifles some giggles.
I clap my hands together, and Ha-chan flinches in my lap! "Alright- so what's the score! Who won the football game!?"
"Me-" both sisters speak at the same time. Then, they point at each other. "She did-..."
I clap summore! "Well done, everyone! Well done!" Woohoo, team ball! We did it!
"Well- whoever won, it didn't matter." Remilia shook her head.
Flandre beamed. "I can go outside now!" Hoh, shit! "...I dunno what I'm gonna do outside yet- so I'm gonna wait, though…" What was the point…!?
I say that, but I kinda know. Something something Scarlet family drama, an' also the prospect of freedom. Stuff that ain't really my business, but I got the scoop anyway!
"If you truly love something…" Remilia closed her eyes. "Set it free, as they say."
"I'm not an 'it', Remi."
"You're Stephen King's It."
...Flandre looked vexed by the statement, before smiling. "I only read the summary… but I think that actually kind of works!"
Remi gains a sarcastic look! "You're not supposed to agree with me…" Then, she shook her head. "Only read the summary? Flandre-... I've read entire libraries of books I don't even like, because I've been that bored, and I haven't been locked in a cellar."
Flandre pursed her lips. "I dunno. Stephen King makes me bored… and you don't play with toys anymore, do you? That's why you're so bored."
Remi cast her gaze up. "Why would I play with toys? Maturity of the activity aside."
Flandre looked put on the spot fer a moment. "...I- I was about to say, 'you have plenty of toys, you just never do anything interesting with them', but…"
Remi clicked her tongue. "Tsk. Our residents and servants are not toys, Flandre."
"They are to you."
Remi's brows twitch…! "Rich coming from the one with a god complex."
Flandre beamed. "Rich coming from the one with a queen complex."
...After a brief pause, Flandre held up a finger all sassy-like. "And, just for the record sis- gods are cooler than queens."
"Agree to disagree?" Remilia grinned!
"Agreed!" Flandre grinned back! "Aw, man… I love when we argue."
"Eheh, yes…" Remilia looked skittish! "Certainly. Love it."
"Oh, you know you do." Flandre pouted back at her. "Even if you're somehow more introverted than I can be, sometimes…"
"That's because you have a stupidly high amount of energy." Remilia countered. "I, while also of remarkable energy, am not a total source of it like you are."
Flandre suddenly had a forlorn look. "Where's breakfast…?"
Remilia snorted. "We eat blood, Flandre. Food is luxury. You're not hungry like that."
Flandre snorts too. "I know, but I think I look cute when I make a whole lotta different expressions." She looks at me! "Right, Brad?"
Not taking part in this! "I'm gay."
"Pft- hk…" Remilia's caught off-guard…!
Flandre doesn't say anything, she just gives us both an intense grin!
...Remilia looks like she's mentally exploding. The good silent chuckle, dude.
"I can't believe Remi got gas." I reference her attempt at staying calm!
Flandre nods. "If you have to take a shit, then go take it, Remi."
"I am going to rip your wings off."
"Not if I clip yours first."
Sakuya appears with pancakes! By which I mean, Sakuya and the pancakes appear at the same time, by total coincidence!
"Ah." Remilia nods. "Thank you, Sakuya."
"...It'd be healthy for the both of you to not reignite the blood war, so early." Sakuya recommended! "Not until after breakfast, at least."
"Oh?" Remi appeared surprised. "Why ever would you think that? Why, me and Flandre were simply talking about how much we loved and would never harm one another."
"Remi's bullying me~." Flandre rests her chin on the table's edge. "Sakuya, vampire hunting, sta~rt."
Remilia tries to scoff, but just ends up grinning instead! "How- how dare you."
...I like how done Sakuya looks.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 9
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
ironically powerful chapter
still reached like 19k words despite being literally a total rewrite!
well, i say that, but i had big ambitions for the koakuma conflict (there had to be ONE this chapter) and the flandre/remi conflict
i now have a more collected and together idea of how flandre's backstory goes (which plus ultra was edited some to reflect actually, although it doesn't really go into extravagant detail like this chapter does)
and that more collected idea allowed me to make an actual conflict instead of whatever the hell brad did in the previous take of the chapter
that said the seriousness is kinda tonally dissonant with the stuff ahead, BUT it kinda fits well with the revised 1-6 chapters
i've had the idea for the dream encounter with koakuma in my head for like, a year, or maybe more, and ultimately it didn't quite play out how i thought it would, 'cause the prior koakuma "fight" itself had a lot of overhead that i may change in the final version
but yeah that was fun to finally freakin' do
that and this chapter was for some reason dangerously lewd, which is to be expected when we're dealing with my sex asshole koakuma but y'know
provided, we're probably not gonna see such a lewd chapter in some time, since koakuma is a non-permanent fixture in the happenings of things unlike-... well, brad himself, i suppose; she's not part of the party
and we got hana but she's too much fairy to be a sex person
anyway, i also didn't anticipate how kinda big the remi/flandre argument would be but it also was something that resolved sorta quickly
vampires, man…!
i think it could be said that there was some element of "what the fuck is going on" lost in this adaptation, but i think next chapter i should managed to retain some of its strangeness, 'cause it's gonna be based around an event of strange proportions
that and i'd like to think, between the dream segments and the main plot at hand, this chapter still retains a good share of "what the fuck's going on" to it
anyway…
==== unrelated life news ====
the thermal paste on my old computer fuckin' died, and i had the thing since 2016!
thankfully i still have my old hard drive and i got it wired up externally to my new computer
...also all of my fics are not stored locally, which means literally nothing was lost
except for like the one and a half grand i ultimately spent on a new, exponentially better computer
it's so good 'cause i built it and didn't buy some crappy prefab, 'cause these days, it seems like there ain't a single prefab manufacturer who isn't trying to rip you off and scam you at the same time, because most consumers just up and fuckin'... buy the shit deals 'cause they don't know better and computers are basically magic to them
it's work, it can ultimately be kinda expensive, but building your own PC nets you good results and saves you the need of future upgrades in the long run
that said i've been slowed down slightly 'cause now i can play a lot of games on super max graphics that i couldn't play at all on my old computer
it's definitely taken a bit of re-orientation
while it's work, building a PC took me like, one day once i got all the parts in one place; 6-8 hours or so
i coulda just replaced the thermal paste on my old computer but i didn't want a succession of failing parts that'd need replacing… and if i wanted to upgrade individual components i needed a new power supply anyway, and like…
at that point, might as well just go all the way and save myself the headaches
i definitely recommend building your own PC, but i had someone help me with the part selection 'cause a lot of things like part quality and price models, while kind of apparent 'cause of certain PC part websites, aren't immediately apparent if you don't have word of mouth to help you
that said youtube tutorials help a lot with construction and getting to know the parts and the process
...i should probably save this diatribe for a future blog post i might never write 'cause i don't actually have a blog of any kind
as always, see you all next time!
