(in which we build a combat ship and sail it)
Goo~d morning, Gensokyo! After eating my breakfast waffles, I feel like a whole person again!
"Did you guys spend the whole night fighting?" I just now thought to ask about it, 'cause Ha-chan.
She shifts on my lap. "...Um." She twists, looking at me. Oh, hey, fairy boobs. "Why's your lap so bumpy? It's hard." Wh- stop shifting your butt on my lap…! Aa- ow! Ow…!
Ignoring my brain death, Flandre nods. "Yeah! We did! And then we napped…"
"In bloody piles, more or less." Remilia finished her sister's thought. "We heal rather quickly, so against one another, we don't hold back. It's brutish, but-"
"Fun!" Flandre finishes Remi's thought in turn!
Sakuya's just there all of a sudden! "Akin to cats fighting."
Remilia gives her a look. "...Did- you just compare us to-"
"Remi would make a cute kitten." Flandre smirked at her. "You even act like a cat. You're as cute as one, too!"
"Please do not flirt with your sister." Remilia half-glares back at her! "Lest billy-bob Brad over here get the wrong idea. Actually…" She gave me a grin! "How much inbreeding goes on in North America, these days?"
"I have no idea, but probably too much…!" Any amount is too much!
"Why can't I flirt with you?" Flandre latches onto this for the sake of being contrarian but in a fluffy way! "Y'know, Brad made that joke about being gay, but…"
"I will draw Gungnir and throw it at you."
"Should I keep myself covered, next time we bathe together?" Flandre holds herself, looking compromised! "Never did I expect my sister would think of me, in this way…"
"Next time we bathe together, you will be drowned." Remilia starts to fluff up!
Following that, Ha-chan's eyes widen in realization. "Me and Brad should bathe together!" Uuh…!
Flandre beams! "Brad should bathe!" Ow…!
Remilia snorts! "I'll admit it, I am genuinely surprised you have not had sex with any of my fairy maid staff."
Well, y'know-... yeah. While I could see resonating with them, I don't really feel like going that far! Also- it'd be weird.
"He somehow resisted Koakuma, and she like, pretty much had him, too…" Flandre brought up. "I dunno how he even did it. I thought for sure he was ruined for marriage." Oh, yee of little faith...
...Remilia looks at Flandre, then at me! "Are you actually-...?" Actually what…!?
"He's not…!" Flandre interjects! "You wouldn't believe how close he was to just giving up and being Koakuma's girl- ehm, boyfriend."
"Ah, yes, Koakuma's girlfriend." Remilia takes this moment to harass her sister…! "Brad was a girl all along."
Flandre makes a sad expression. "She's kind of ugly, for a girl…" What'd I do…!?
Remilia chuckles! "...He- he's not that bad. For a young adult, he's actually decent. Especially if he can hold his own against harlotry."
"He's not bad for a guy, but for a girl?" Flandre clarified!
"...True." Remilia nods! "The wiles of men are few and far between, and the pristine beauty of the female figure eludes them even more so."
I guess this means I do not have a feminine penis. Also, outside porn has apparently desensitized me to the point of being able to actually resist succubi! Albeit, freakin'... barely. Well, actually, if it weren't fer Flandre, I'd have bit the big one.
Brief silence. This dining room has some rich energy to it...
Under the clean light of the sunny morning cast by the window behind us, Flandre blinks slightly drowsily, before refocusing her gaze.
Ah, y'know what? I bet the window's treated so that the sun isn't evil to them. Otherwise they'd probably be getting hurt right now.
"honh honh" A fluffle walks across the dining table, coming up to her. She gains an offended look as she gazes at the fluffle, before becoming neutral again...
"i am onomatopoeia"
"I am far from the future." I explain my aptitude for not having sex with fairies. "Where pornographic material is at everyone's fingertips- and human touch has been outlawed!"
Remilia snorts. "It is like that, isn't it…?"
"Oh!" Flandre tilts her head back! "...Wait. If human touch has been outlawed, why don't you explode when someone touches you?" She must mean in the hormonal way…!
"I do, but I'm a weirdo who's good at avoiding being decisive!"
Now, I hate sharing anything with the common shitty anime protagonist, but I got this gut feeling I really don't wanna just get molested by a succubus. There's just something in the back of my head saying I really shouldn't.
Same goes for fairies! I dunno. Maybe I actually care about being ruined for marriage or something…!
Remilia shrugs. "If you ask me, it's more decisive to settle on a real partner, rather than sleep around with the~... walking vaginas." Pfft.
"Eeh." Flandre shrugs too. "I would've understood. I think Brad just wants someone he loves before he settles down to have sex. He just doesn't know it himself, 'cause he's still so young."
Daily reminder that these two are vampires with hundreds of years of life experience, and I am eighteen. "Y'know-..." Also, shit, I think she could be right…
"But I don't think it'd be that big of a deal. I don't know…" Flandre pouts. "I've never thought about sex much…"
"If a woman slept around even once, she'd lose her cherry." Remilia looks oddly smug about that statement! "If a guy sleeps around, among other humans, he could simply lie about his virginity. Someone like us could tell, bu~t…"
Sakuya looks extremely displaced, as she gives the two a really flat look!
I will help. "I lost my cherry."
Remilia gives me a dry look. "No you haven't, cherry boy." I can't believe I got fucked up, but verbally!
...Flandre notices too. "Hey, Sakuya. Women don't only lose their cherry through sex, right? If I remember right, enough physical exertion or exercise can just pop it too."
"When did we start talking about this?" Sakuya has to put a stop to this…!
"We're young aristocrats, Sakuya." Remilia smirks at 'er! "You should be used to moments like these, by now. It's not like we have anything better to do, half the time."
"Maybe you both should find a group activity, then." Sakuya recommends. "One where you both don't gore one another violently. After all… it is said idle hands are the devil's workshop."
"I don't typically take 'workshop' to mean 'masturbation'." Remilia criticizes the saying…! "Though, it's not like humans to actually think about what they say." Oof!
"herd immunity" The fluffle speaks again, reminding us it is there.
"home-baked" Remilia turns, and there's a fluffle near her now too. "thirty minutes"
"...And, what the hell are you?" Remilia outright glares down a fluffle! "Get out of here."
Slowly, very ominously, a small gallery's worth of fluffs slowly raised their heads from past the edge of the table, all around Remilia's side.
Remilia slowly panned her gaze around, at their smileless, ominous stares…!
"im comfort food" The fluffle before Flandre gets on its limbs and goes quadrupedal!
It approaches Remilia, an' she looks weirded out! "Wh- nn… what…? Sa- Sakuya…"
"Perhaps you and the little mistress should do something." Sakuya suggested, ignoring the small loafpocalypse that has spawned.
"comfort food" The fluffle insisted it was comfort food.
whump. Then, it thrust its tub at Remi, bumping its flank against her closed mouth…!
Remi grabs it, and it flops around in her arms, 'causing a small ruckus…! "fluffle love" Uh oh. It called itself a fluffle, too. They're learning.
"The actual fuh- nn…" Remilia almost lets loose an F-bomb! "Sakuya- where are these coming from…?"
When she looks up at Sakuya again, Sakuya has like five in 'er arms, all together.
"They seem to come from dust." Sakuya gave them all a gentle stare. The fluffles began to smile, and shifted to smile back up at her. "Any sufficient pile of settled dust seems to… have the potential to shift into these things."
"scientist"
"stalemate"
"coolhole"
After giving them a plain look, Sakuya let go of all the fluffles.
fwoof. They all died. Becoming a cloud of dust, they spread out, and begin coating our edge of the long dining table…
Remilia stared at her mostly-finished plate of pancakes, which quickly became a dusty-syrup mess.
"Oh! Remi!" Flandre perks up! "We should go camping! Awh- we haven't done that in forever! Literally!"
Becoming stand-offish, Remi looked slightly more tired. "Flandre, the last time I took you camping, we had to fight a militia."
Flandre pouts. "Yeah- and I was also going through my teen phase."
"You were at least forty." Remi shook her head! "...Maybe. It's been too long."
"No~. I'd just turned fifteen." Flandre pouted. "You were twenty."
"God." Remilia stared into the distance. "I remember how much shorter you were…"
Uuh. I must interject! "Considerin' how short she is right now, I can't imagine…!"
...They both gimme a look, before smirkin' at me fer some reason!
"Anyway~..." Remi shook her head. "Flan-... dre. Flandre. Planning a camping trip… it would take time. I don't believe we could simply do it today, especially."
"Wha- nuh uh." Flandre pouted at her again. "We didn't plan then. We just went."
"And blew up a small town, cementing our need to hide away for another few decades, yes." Remi rolled her eyes! "Look-"
"No- lookit." Flandre spoke over her! "You should just relax, Remi. Rem-rem. Remjam. Remaram."
"You're making it awfully hard to." Remi gave 'er a lost look. "Where would we even go camping? All of Gensokyo is simply a hop and a skip from the mansion. We can't even get out of the horizon of the darn-"
"Shhh~." Flandre reaches out- and takes a fluffle!
whump. She tosses at Remi's face. Remi looks absolutely stupefied after the impact…!
"Shh, Remadim." Flandre holds a finger to her own lips. "Lemme worry about everything."
"But- that's what I'm worried about!" Remi counters! "You can't just-"
"I'm not." Flandre affirmed.
...Remilia's gaze lit up, with realization.
Slowly, she panned to Sakuya. "Oh. Oh. I see what you mean. Then, Sakuya-..."
Sakuya smirked, standing tall, chin held high. Holy fuck is she smug.
Flandre nodded. "Exactly. Brad will lead us!"
Sakuya actually slouches slightly, for just a few frames, before her form jitters unnaturally and she hides her disappointment…!
Remilia beamed! "Brilliant-... brilliantly bad. Bad." Then, she glared! "Flan- that's a bad idea."
"It's a good idea!" Flandre looks rambunctious!
"It's no~t." Remi insists!
"It's a Brad idea!" I like how Flandre's basically teasin' her at this point.
Remi gives me a suspicious look fer a moment, before shaking her head! "I- don't think so. It's a Flan idea."
"Exactly!" Flandre nods bigtime! "Wait- hey. It's not me. So wherever Brad takes us, you can't complain."
Remi narrows her eyes. "I'll complain as I please. I will not settle for a tent or a tarp."
Flandre shakes her head rapidly. "No! No stupid hoighty toighty cottage! We're roughin' it!"
"Hoighty toighty?" Remi jerks her head back. "Rich, coming from you."
"Besides." Flandre looked more gentle and snuggly. "Brad's saved his parents from the toenail bandits on more than one occasion. I'm sure he'll keep us safe, too!" What, who.
"You can't- honestly believe-..." Remi has a vacant look on her face, before shakin' her head. "Well, whatever. Fine. It's, if nothing else, something to do. I must admit, I'm likely more than a little stir-crazy…"
Flandre snorted. "You can say that again."
Crea~k. The door to the dining room slowly panned open. When I look, I see-... oh!
Reisen marched on inside, her red-eyed gaze plain.
"Oh?" Remi fluffs up, and looks more official. "Um? ...Inaba. Welcome to my home."
"Yeah." Reisen casually dismissed the welcome. "You seen-... lady Houraisan? We got a tip that she was hanging out here…"
"Ah." Remi's head tilted back some. "Yes, actually. She's in one of the VIP rooms. And-" faltering for a moment, Remi looks to the side in slight pause, "is perhaps sleeping in, because of last night's racket. Ren-... renovations, you see."
Reisen nodded. "Oh. That's why there was a crater instead of a front porch, then. I'm glad it was nothing bad. Are you digging a moat, then?"
Remi gave her a dry look. "Yes, perhaps, certainly. Don't you have one of those radars or whatever? Shouldn't you be finding that princess of yours?"
"Remi-vations…" Flandre echoed for no reason. Remi gives her a look fer just half a second!
Sakuya appears next to Reisen in the next frame. After blinking twice, Reisen focuses on her slowly…
"I will show you to where lady Houraisan has awoken." Sakuya spends entirely too many vowels expressing a very simple scenario…! "Follow me."
"Ah, cool…"
...When Sakuya and Reisen quietly meander off, Patchy emerges from past the big double-doors, slowly, gently making her way across the dining room. She's actually walking, dude.
We all take pause, watching her go. She rubs her eyes, occasionally stumbling a little.
"...Why are you all looking at me?" She notices! She's so cute, dude!
"lumbar" A fluffle on the table exclaims!
Patchy frowns.
CLAP- KITHOOM! Oh- holy fuck! That's loud!
I'm not even sure what happened, but all the fluffles got clapped by gravity itself, crushed into completely flat discs of grey-cream colored matter. That shit was so loud it echoed!
Ha-chan's snuggled up to me, spooked by the noise. I'm going to die with Ha-chan half-draped all over me.
...Lips pursed, Flandre picks up one of the dust discs. "Wh- woah…"
"That- reminds me." Remi shakes her head, dismissing the nugget violence. "We're going out in the wild today, Patchy. Do you have any spells for sun-based reinforcement? Water too, while you're at it, perhaps…"
Patchy drowsily waved an arm as she meandered by, towards the kitchen.
Fwii~sh. Big, ruby-amber colored polygons formed in the air around Remi and Flandre, light shimmering along them in a way that made my vision feel unfocused and weird.
SHOO~F! Slowly, the polygons closed in on their forms, becoming brighter, before finalizing in a shell just around each of their limbs.
KliKliKliKlick. Shimmering dimmer now, the two polygons fade out and become invisible to the naked eye. Those 'click' sounds they made reminded me of… ice, in a weird way.
"Thanks, Patchy~." Flandre nods, satisfied.
...Oh my fucking god. One of the fluffles survived.
"im cubert" It's a fucking box with fins now. It somehow looks extremely done with life for a fluffle, even though its expression is identical to all the other fluffles. Seeing it on a cube, though…!
Remi suddenly looks extremely encumbered.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"...Huh." Meiling looks mixed as we set outta the gate!
"Aw, yeah!" Flandre leaps into the air behind me! "Remjam…" An' then she boogie, dude.
"Stop that." Remi waves at her idly…!
...Takin' pause, I turn to Ha-chan!
"Rhombus." Pfh- Ha- Ha-chan, the fuck… how'd'you even know that word?
Stoppin' in place, I raise my eyebrows at Remi! "Rimmy, Jimmy."
"Rem 'n' M's." Flandre continues to boogie, steppin' back and forth…
"I will hurt all of you." Remi looks departed, dude.
Even though it's sunny, I can kinda-sorta see the tightly-fit polygonal barriers shimmer around the sisters now and then. Just an occasional flare of ruby-orange color that passes up their form, reminding me of their magical resistance to the sun.
Bright, blue sky day. It gives me the morale status.
Oh, right, we're going camping!
...Where should we go? Y'know what: t'make it easier for everyone, we're gonna go get lost in the Forest a' Magic. I can't quite just explore that place myself, but with Remjam an' Flancake? Should be easy street!
After an idle moment, Remi an' Flan both focus on me, and I smile idly back at them!
"You pick where we set up camp, Brad!" Flandre is full of energy! "Don't just give me a lost expression…"
Aw, yeah! "This is somehow really surreal…!" I also feel like we're forgetting something…
"Surreal?" Remi wondered. "In what way?"
...I give 'er a blunt look. "I've gotta help two immortal- European- vampire girls who never physically age to go camping in the wilds of Japan." I'm also an American from a different era! Like, me, Gensokyo and the Scarlet sisters are all from different entire eras…!
...After plainly processing my input, Remi comes up with a retort! "Well, when you put it in that tone, incredulity comes easy. I'd ideally describe it as... 'well-to-do hooligan helps two sisters go camping by obligation'."
Y'know, she kinda has a point, don't she. Wait, when was I obligated…!? Also- we're kinda ignoring all the other parts that actually make it weird!
When she sees realization dawn on me, she grins. "Don't think about it too hard." Aaa~!
"industrialization" The fluffle stand nearby reminds us it's there. Woah no.
I clap my hands together! "Alright, yo! We're gonna go~... super camping! I guess!"
I feel very strange because both of these girls are both parts extremely smart and extremely capable, and I~... woud like to think I'm not retarded! But I am also not even like, a tenth as old as they are.
Ha-chan advances before I do! "Let's camp!" Yeah! "How do you camp…?" Oh.
"You get campy." I'm helpful. "We should probably get going, first!" I feel like we've seriously forgot something, but I'm completely spacing what…!
"Mmh. Have fu~n." Meiling gives us a plain wave. "An' tell me if Brad-guy and the fairy fuck!"
Flandre purses her lips, before smiling intensely, and Remilia twists an' gives Meiling a look…!
Meiling is too relaxed to care. "I said 'funk'."
"So you did." Remi doesn't care enough to molest her over it…!
"Fuck." I curse.
Remilia just gives me a look in return…!
"Remi~." Flandre pesters her next… "What's sex, Remi?"
"You can't fool me like that." Remi shook her head. "You know exactly what sex is."
"Square peg into round hole?"
"Round peg into square hole."
"Dang it." Flandre huffs, an' kicks a rock! "I always walk into that one!" I have only a vague idea what just happened.
Ha-chan interjects…! "What- is- sex? No one's told me…"
...Remilia and Flandre are intimidated by their greatest challenge yet, both looking almost identically oppressed by the event.
An' then there was no reply. Nope.
After looking around, Ha-chan looks frightened, for some reason! "Why's no one kno~w!?"
"Ask Patchouli." I- I like how Remi just outright dodged the question. "Will we move already? I don't think it counts as camping if we sleep on the front lawn."
Flandre's eyes lower slightly, and she smirks. "That was the only kinda camping I could ever go on…"
Remi looks exasperated. "You don't even like camping."
Flandre looks opposed, but also confused! "How do-... either of us know that…!? Wait- what do we even consider camping, in this context…?"
"Eating marshmallows." I suggest things similar to camping, but not quite the entire whole. "Eating fire."
...Remilia slowly grins! "That-... I don't think that last one checks out."
Flandre beams! "Aw. I've gone camping a whole lot then, actually. Not sure if I like it, though…"
I start walking experimentally. Eventually though, after enough a' checkin' over my shoulder, it seems like the sisters will indeed follow me as they continue their seemingly never-ending banter.
"As integral as eating fire is to camping, I don't believe it's the core essence." Remilia freakin'... snarks.
"He- hehe…" Flandre giggles! "I can't believe we went camping last night. Or, specifically, you went camping."
"If camping is eating fire, I think I'm glad we've never gone camping that often."
"But that means we go camping all the time!"
"...I'm glad we've never decided to go camping, even if it happens anyway."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Alright, when you put Flandre and Remi next to each other they apparently never freakin' shut up, holy shit…! I'm not sure what I expected, but the fact they're sisters really shows…!
We're now at the edge of the Misty Lake. We've hardly crossed much of it, but we're taking a break to admire the sun on the water, and stuff.
"Man." Flandre shook her head. "If Sakuya was here, there wouldn't be sand to get in our shoes. There wouldn't be dirt."
...Remilia gives 'er a jaded look, before also staring at the shimmering blue. "You know, I am morbidly curious, what cleaning the world of dirt in its entirety would look like."
...Y'know. "I think that's called diggin' a big hole!" Wouldn't you just hit bedrock? "Also, bedrock is a thing, I think."
"Oh, right." Remi stares into the sky for a moment. "Well, what if she cleaned up the bedrock too?"
"Planetary annihilation." This is the final conclusion. Sakuya cleans all of the planet Earth. Once and for all, at that…!
Man. It was just yesterday that I almost fucking drowned and froze into a headless Bradsicle in this lake.
"We should build a combat ship and sail it." I suggest an early activity!
Remilia gives me a vague look…!
"Oh, yeah!" Flandre's all for it, though! "We gotta go sailing!"
"I-" Ha-chan swallows. "I- I don't like the lake…" Understandable have a nice day.
"You know, our water shielding is only so potent." Remi brought up an important detail! "While it should defend us from total submersion for a set time, it surely won't defend us for more than a few minutes of focused contact. Also, our clothes."
...Flandre shrugs. "If we get soaked and hafta go naked, we'll just go naked." Uh oh.
Remi looks aggressive! "I~ think not."
"Can't we just use your hats as boats." I think this whole sailing shit's a lost cause…! "We- well, whatever…!" I stammered 'cause I was chuckling!
Remilia looks ironically amused by the suggestion! "Wh-... no? No, that isn't how that works…" Oh…! Flandre thinks otherwise, though!
Takin' her hat off, Flandre nears the water, staring in.
"Don't you dare." Remilia warns her…! "If you get soaked, it's your fault."
Flandre gives her a neutral look, before taking a few more paces towards the water.
"I- I warn you- ugh…" Remilia holds a hand out, before cringing! "You do not want to do that…!"
...Flandre gives her a look. An' then she beams!
Woosh! Doing a forward flip in the air, she places her feet in her hat! "Yeehaw!" Aw, hell yeah!
Remilia darts forward to catch her outta the air! "You- little blonde moron-"
Whump! Flandre turned to her in surprise, not actually expecting her to 'attack'- and uh…
SPLASH! Remilia accidentally tackles her into the deeper lake water…!
...Me an' Ha-chan turn to each other, as the water settles…!
"Um…" Ha-chan's holding her hands over her mouth, dude. "Oh no."
"Oh no." I echo, in monotone!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Flandre and Remi have been reset to the previous checkpoint, now with the hexadecimal color of their outfits shifted by like, ten pixels.
"We're keeping ten meters from the water at all times." Remilia decides!
"Awh. Why, though?" Flandre gives 'er a grin…! "I bet the water looks nice, at noon…"
"You know exactly why." Remi gives her a weak glare. "Fate will not be tempted again." That phrase had weird energy to it, despite the context being completely mundane…
"Fate will be tempted." Flandre looked broadly into the distance.
"Fate, a concept, is not so easily tempted. I'm not sure if it is truly temptable."
"Fate, historically, was tempted."
"...Not if I have anything to say about it."
We're now halfway across the lake! We're doin' it! We're going camping! We're doin' it man…!
"I can't believe you guys are gonna run out of lives before we even begin camping." Flan and Remi game over, dude.
"Lives…?" Remi took pause. "Oh, right. One of those 'video game' concept things. ...Don't look at me like I'm not at least vaguely familiar with modern technology. I'm well-educated, I'll have you know."
I- I can't believe knowing basic NES Mario Bros terminology is something only well-educated people would know.
"You know…" Remi speaks up! "When Houraisan showed me her portable console… it reminded me. We did actually, for a time, experiment with a... Nintendo Entertainment System."
Holy shit. "Yo- really? How come this's the first I've heard of that…!?"
"I neglected its existence, because for what it was, it didn't hold my interest." Remi shrugged. "...That smaller device Houraisan showed me was… far different, by comparison."
Hoh. Yeah- admittedly, the NES's library is… while expansive, not something I'd go nuts over this day and age. Or, really, if I grew up in the NES era I probably wouldn't have been a big computer man.
When I think about it, the NES was like a vague gateway to some stuff, wasn't it? Like the classic era of RPGs, and some niche-ass culture like that. Hoh…
We're almost 'round the whole lake now. It's- kinda cold, but the movement has kept me strong! An' Ha-chan seems to be having one of those moments where she's just forgotten to be cold. Remi and Flan are uncaring of things like being cold.
"Nintendo Entertainment was cool." Flandre lamented the gaming console idly… "Imagine if they could replicate more realistic images. Do you think Patchy could influence something like that? I- I mean, think about it..."
"Imagine if we could replicate images from books and photo collections- but dynamically! In- in a way where we could influence them!"
Staring off into the sky, Flandre smiled. "Making your own little world, of light magic and personality given shape…"
Game designer. Flandre wants to grow up to be a video game designer. It all makes sense now.
Remilia snorted. "Do you really think such contextual influence-... hmm." She was about to say 'it can't be possible', but she literally just saw a 3DS today. She knew she couldn't say no!
"Magic's magic. A wizard did it. It's possible, Remi. Man- if I could make my own worlds and people… that'd be awesome. We could do so many cool things, and visit amazing places. If only I could realize it… 'cause I don't trust any world to illustrate my vision. Love, friends..."
Remi clicked her tongue. "Tch. You, calling me the control freak…"
Flandre took pause, before pouting at her. "What if we took turns."
"That has never, will never, and cannot work."
"Nngh."
As we reach the other end of the lake, I quickly come to a realization.
"Yaknow…" Takin' pause from leading us, I turn to the vampires! "I just realized. We forgot one like, really important thing when it comes to camping…!"
Remilia snorted. "Like what? What could we even need?"
I grin! "A tent…!?"
...She blinks twice. "...Oo- oh."
Flandre lets out a demented half-chuckle. "Kfkh. Nn-... oh. Um."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Well, Remilia's stacked in cash- so…!
Rolling up to the Human Village gates, we rumble up to the guardsman on duty like we freakin' own the place!
"Hmmh…" He's a middle-aged man, with fuckin' unreal sideburns, and long back hair. "I think not."
"Are you- daft." Remilia has a done expression…! "If I wanted to, I could-..." She stops herself from threatening him, lookin' mad.
"Lemme in." Flandre tries next!
"No."
"Lemme in."
"No."
"Memme min."
"No."
...Flandre stomps in place! "Why no~t!?"
"Don't see why I should." This man's deep voice is both parts scratchy and articulate. I get british vibes from it fer some reason, but he really doesn't look like it. "The two of you- an' that fairy- obviously not being human."
Remilia snorts. "Just what are you, then? You are no human either. You are a magician."
He let out a single laugh. "Heh. Observant of you. Too bad the village doesn't think the same. Now leave."
I hold my arms up. "Why you gotta beef with the lolis." You, being a tall and muscular man, are at the obvious disadvantage here. I'm tempted to say being a strong muscleman in Gensokyo is like, being a walking death flag.
"...Beef?" The guy didn't know my vernacular!
"I'm going in." Flandre insisted!
"Good luck." The guy smiled.
Flandre walked right past him, up to the closed gate.
CRANG- CRACKBANG! That was fucking loud. Although, I guess it would be.
Flandre walked through the thick, interwoven iron bars, leaving a Flandre-shaped hole in the village's front gate.
The burly guy just double-took, and had the most fuckin' dumbfounded look…!
He turned back to us-
Fwish. Remilia's eyes flash. Oh fuck- she's gone galaxy brain.
The middle-aged magician dude shudders, trying to flinch, before relaxing. "Aa-... ah."
"Open the gate." Remilia smiled. "Would you?"
"...Ri- right away, mistress." The dude's kinda stuck-up composure drops, and he gives her a brief informal salute before movin' for the gate's reel.
With that, she looked back at me an' Ha-chan and smiled. "I think this is the more diplomatic of the two options, don't you?"
"Do you ever use that eye hypnosis stuff for kinky fetish shit." I'm now extremely curious.
...Remilia's gaze pans up fer a moment, before she moves for the gate, ignoring my question! "Once upon a time, maybe." Holy shit an actual answer. "Wouldn't you like to know? ...My answer is not really no."
crank- crank- crank- crank. The gate slowly lifts, while we all look casual before it.
CLUNK. It gets stuck on the Flandre-shaped hole in the metal, so it only goes up halfway.
...Remi walks under it, and holds up an arm. "You two, go under. If he drops it-"
THUNK. He drops it since it was stuck, and Remi instantly tenses, holding the whole gate up with both arms now. "Nngh-... go!"
Hoh, shit. Moving, I roll under the gate- an' Ha-chan crawls under.
Once we're past, Remi slips out from under-
THOOM! The gate loudly slams the ground, and she shakes her arms around, exerted. "Phew…"
Damn. For being like, half my height, and just as thin, Remi's fuckin' strong!
"Nnnh." Patting herself off, Remi frowned at the dirt that got on her from the gate's underside. "Bloody village-... can't do anything right."
We're here to eat fluffles an' take names. Or, more exactly, we need a tent. We did not bring a tent, so we need to buy one!
"So…" Remi looks around.
Flandre is hanging upside-down on the gate's backside architecture over us, waiting to be noticed.
woosh. The moment we bother to observe her, she swoops down! Ha-chan leaps in place, spooked!
"It's time to find a tent!" I start ta run off! "C'mon, yo! We're gonna build Civilization Seven…!" I don't think Civilization Six exists yet because it's 2015, but I don't care…!
I start sprintin' down the road!
Wait.
I stop abruptly and U-turn.
Remi and Flan are behind me as if I never even started running, both the same distance away from me that they were before.
...I sprint like, ten meters up the road, then turn around.
They're still a couple meters behind me each, starin' at me fluffy-style! Ha-chan's taking a moment to catch up, still ten meters away-
Turning and sprinting again, this time I make it all the way over to the village square!
"Hold- on…!" Ha-chan calls out for me, sprinting behind me!
I stop and wait for her. Remi and Flan are still precisely behind me, as if they never went into motion at all.
"I just had to touch that dirty gate…" Remi's still sad about being dirty.
Flandre scoffs. "Aw, c'mon. What's a little dirt?"
"...It's dirty."
"I'm gonna make you eat a worm."
"I will kill you."
I turn to them! "Where's the furniture store…?"
"How the heck should we know." Flandre gave me a confused smile! "Oh! Maybe if I fly really high- I can see it!"
Gently, Flan takes off. "Wh- hold on-..." Remi reaches out for her, but Flandre drifts off like a balloon, eluding her.
We watch her drift off gently, twirling through the air.
Ha-chan hugs me for no reason. "I love you~." My heart...
"Wha- why…" Fairy boobs- help. Oof.
Remi gives us a flat look. "...Kamishirasawa. Does that name ring any bells, to you?"
Oh, right! "Yeah! Maybe we can ask her!" ...Once, uh, Ha-chan stops molesting me… "Help. Ha-chan, why."
"I'm not lettin' go." Ha-chan holds on with a red face. "I wanna cuddle."
...I look at Remi helplessly!
Remi cast her red eyes up again. "Must I do everything, for you? Be a man and carry her."
Oh shit. Her words are like an order from high command, and the idea drives me…!
Kneeling down, I sweep my arms under Ha-chan, one on her back and one on her thighs, and-
thud. I slip onto my ass when I try to carry her! "Oof!"
She hugs onto me as I hold her bridal-style while seated! "Ya~y!"
"Pft- hmm…" Remi gives me a pitying look! "I see why you didn't do that to begin with."
God. Ha-chan's fuckin'- pretty, smooth face, and her wide cyan eyes… and this petite body of hers-...
Shakin' my head- I try to stand again- ohp bad idea-
thud. My ass claps the dirt road. Help.
"This is fun!" I'm glad Ha-chan's having a good time…!
Remi exhaled. "Hana."
Ha-chan freezes up, smiling fiercely!
"Your hu-... Brad, here, will give you love and attention when we settle down for the evening." Remilia gives me a tall order…! "Until then, it would be beneficial to allow him to move, so that can happen quicker. No?"
Ha-chan gets off of me! "Lo- love- and attention…?" Holy shit, the phrase made her go super red. "Wow…"
Remilia smirks. "Indeed. Now…" She focuses her attention on me! "Come on."
Gettin' on up, I rub my neck a little, and uh…
Aw, yeah. We gotta find Keine.
"If we go to the school, we gotta get you and Flandre those kindergartener hard hat things." Those things are so fucking tiny.
Remilia looks encumbered, fer some reason…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Fortunately, it being like noon, the school day is… apparently already over!
Keine stands outside her office, arms folded, giving us a look. Y'know- I'm actually surprised how school-y this school is.
I feel weird standing in a somewhat organized school building again- with Flandre and Remi just there. Also, Ha-chan.
"...Did you really think bringing them here was a good idea?" Keine frowns, fer some reason! "The village will be talking about this for weeks. Her, too?" She centered her gaze on Flandre…
Remi interjects because of the obvious implication! "I'm sorry you're on your period, Kamishirasawa, but we're here on business, not principle." Hohoholy shit…!
Keine snorts too! "Ho- how- forthright of you. I thought you were smarter- than to do something like this."
"And, from what I'd heard about you, I figured you'd be more down to earth." Remilia folds her arms too! "Though I am not opposed to arguing with a self-righteous moron."
"Why're we all angry." I step between them 'cause really…! "Keine, you aren't you, when you're hungry…!"
She furrows her brows at me! "Why have you-... they said you brought them here. I know you wouldn't have known- but I really don't think that was a good idea."
"You imply I think." I grin at her…! "Son- all we need's a tent and some furniture. We'll be outta your hair. Also, we need some kindergartener hard hats." What the fuck're they even called again…?
"It's just-" Keine shakes her head! "After all I've heard about your sister- I'm not sure if I can trust her being here, around the villagers. You even said so yourself before. You've explicitly told me, to tell you, if she is free and in the village, and-..."
...Remilia shrugs, waving a hand dismissively. "Nnh. Things changed. She seems to be minding herself."
Keine frowns harder! "And- if she doesn't, will we find out after someone has already died?"
Flandre interjects! "I'm not that stupid…"
At Flan's ginger look, Keine falters some.
"Fluffle commune." Keine needs to sniff a fluffle. Or maybe she's sniffed too many…! "Look, yo, they're fine."
Keine frowns harder at me! "Forgive me if I don't trust you. I don't think you can say that for all of us."
...Remilia takes pause, and suddenly looks off in a random direction in the air.
"Did you find a fluffle." I get unnecessarily close to her. "I am ready to send it flying with my fists."
Flandre gives me a big grin! "Aw…"
"I saw something… strange." Remi takes note. "Something that should not be there."
"Green eggs and ham." ...Slowly, I twist to leer at Keine! "I'm gonna make ya eat a worm, son."
She says nothing to that, because it was inscrutable!
Then, suddenly-
fwish. Remi swipes her hand through the air- and obtains a crystal orb.
"Oh my fucking god she's a geomancer." I monotone! "Keine you were right, we're boned."
...Oh- Keine? Oh, fuck.
thud. Keine slid onto her knees, spacing out.
"Uh oh." I give the sisters an intimidated look…!
"Remi- what'd you do." Flandre has no idea what happened either! "What's that?"
Remi smirks, lookin' at her. "If you were paying as close of attention as I, you'd have spotted it. In fact, I do believe Patchouli plays with similar orbs, even if she has little interest in psychology."
Flandre blinked at the orb. "That's-... uuh…"
"It's an azure electrically-attuned elemental balancer." Remi droned out in a way that kinda conveyed she didn't really know what it was either! "...I don't know how it works, exactly, but… something, um, elements. The elements- in a person's body are… something. Balancing. The orb screws with how you feel, I don't know."
za- zap, zap. As Remi holds onto it, ethereal charges and volts jolt from it to Keine, as she sits zoned-out on the floor.
Oh. This thing was… changing how Keine felt, or something. Strange shit!
"So what you're sayin' is it's fookin' stoopid." I raise my fists! "I'm gonna send it flying with my fists."
Remi gives it to Flandre! "Flan. Play ball."
"Aw... aw, yeah!" Flandre takes it, and reels back a real slug ball!
Facing away from us, reeling her arm back like ten times, she braces herself on one leg, and-
KROOM! -lobs it so fucking hard it blinks out, and the wall on the other side of the hall is-... just fine. She threw it so hard it phased through the wall or something, instead of breaking it.
Thud! Ha-chan falls over from the volume, frozen in fear. I like- lock up, but keep my balance…!
"Aaaa~h!" We hear people yell across the entire school!
"You- you didn't have to be that extra…" Remi mutters, slightly intimidated herself!
...Pursing her lips, Flandre raises a finger. "Maybe we shoulda brought it back to Patchy so she could use it?"
...Remilia licks her own lips. "Well, probably. No use crying over it now. Um…"
Keine is just zoned out, unconscious now, laying against the door to her office.
...Remilia looks at me! "We never found out where the furniture stores are."
"Shit." I can't believe we're all freakin' retarded. What even happened. I feel like I wasn't paying enough attention…!
"We should buy catnip." Flandre arbitrarily decides! "We might meet a kitty…"
"My- my ears hurt…" Ha-chan holds her ears!
I must interject! "We still have yet to purchase Kool-Aid, I have just realized…!"
Remilia sighs.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We put Keine in her strangely messy office and kinda just left after that. But not without raiding a couple supplies…!
Should we have looked into whatever was going on more? Maybe, probably? But like- we really wanted to go camping, and we may or may not have solved whatever that problem was!
I like how not only did I not have enough brain cells on me to actually question what just happened further, but Remi and Flandre also did not have enough collective brain cells to care either.
Me and my pack of lolis and one distinctly not-loli fairy all immediately come up to a random village man, like adorable gangsters. This dude's got sunglasses on, he really must know what's goin' on!
"Hi." I greet him! "Do you know where the furniture stores are…!?"
"Wha- what the-..." The sunglassed, slick-haired maybe-not-Japanese dude jerked his head back at us! "The hell're you?"
"Ravioli, ravioli!" Flandre chirped at 'em! "Don't fuck- mmh-" Remilia covers her sister's mouth…!
Oh, yeah. We got kindergartener hard hats for everyone. And by that- I mean those little bowl-shaped, neon-yellow cloth hats. Even I got myself one!
"We gotta populate an entire fuckin' house an' we gotta do it today!" I inform the dude!
...Ha-chan's really close to me! She looks freakin' adorable with that stocky yellow hat on.
The dude brushes his hands off on his black leather jacket. The fuck's a greaser doing in Gensokyo!? "...The fuck're you askin' me fer!? Go find that shit yerselves!"
"Son, I'll suck your cock." I- don't think we're getting an answer-
woosh! Oh- fuck, he threw a punch, and I ducked it! "Yo! Hold up-"
Woosh! He throws a lame slow kick, and I step away from it! Oh no- the greaser's aggressive…!
"Get you's 'n' your fuckin' youkai outta my village!" The man is flippant! "Y'know what-"
He grabs onto Flandre, and pulls-
thud. -before slipping onto his side, bowled over by how much Flandre refused to move. "Rrh- ouh…"
"Wh- hehehe! What…!" Flandre's amazed he even tried! "What the heck…!"
Pushing himself off the floor, the dude balled up a fist, and wrapped his other hand over it. "Fuckin'-... fuck you! Youkai bitch!"
Wham! He hooks Flandre in the face.
"...Oo-,"stepping back, he shakes his arm around, knuckles hurt from the impact. "Ow…"
Flandre has not budged and doesn't even betray any sign that she was punched. "I didn't think the village would be this aggressive..."
Remilia thought about that. "...He looks like a hooligan, so he could very well just be one. For how few this village may actually have, at any rate."
Taking pause, he points at Remilia. "You."
"Me?" Remilia smiles in wonder…!
Woosh! Oh- shit! Sliding up to Remi, he throws a hook outta fuckin' nowhere-
Wham! He hits her in the face with it!
"Pfhu-" Remilia's head flicks to the side once, saliva flying out. Wh- uh oh, hold on- wait…!
Bending down, he wraps his arms around her waist- and picks her up!
"Pft- hehahaha~!" Flandre laughs her ass off, as the guy stands up and starts to run off with Remi…! "Oo- oh no!"
...I like how Remilia just has an extremely done look, glaring at the air, as the dude sprints off with her over his shoulder.
"They got Remi, man." Flandre shook her head…! "Wh- what the heck…"
"There has been a child abduction." I communicate…! "We must gather all the fluffles to save Remi."
...After we spend long enough standing here, Flandre starts to move! "Maybe we- should follow them…!"
"Yeah, probably!" I start ta jog after her!
When we reach the entrance of an alley, Flandre looks down it. "...I can smell him. Follow me." Aw.
Flandre becomes the main character, so I jog along behind her at a set distance as my AI is programmed to do…!
Dude, this guy fuckin' trucked it, it took me and Flandre like a minute of turns to find him amidst the alleys.
Eventually, we come to the side of a total shanty of a house, where Remi's just sitting on some plywood.
"...You- you know- that isn't going to work, right?" Remi has her eyes slightly furrowed, as the man waves a chloroform rag around her face.
"Shut the fuck up." The dude sneered at 'er! "No one cares what happens to some shitty youkai."
"Are- are you trying to rape me? Is that what's going on?" Remi looks bewildered! "...Honestly- the fact you chose me over my sister is slightly amusing." I think in actuality, Flandre was just too burly for him to pick up...
"Wh- huh…" The guy stopped trying to chloroform her for a moment! "...Really?" I- I like how that made him stop.
...I speak up from behind him! "Are you, like, an outsider too?"
"Ghk- aa-" He locks up, and twirls around! "...How the fuck!? What!?"
Dude's got like, a bike in his lawn, and-... man, how many rooms that house have? One? What the fuck…!
Reaching into his black jacket, that- that's a fucking gun the dude just drew a gun holy fuck!
"So what if I am?" He took his sunglasses off, and leered at us…! "An outsider, that is. Two of you oughta mosey on home. Me and 'Remi' here'll get ta know one another. Sound fair?"
Flandre pursed her lips. "How long've you been in Gensokyo~...?"
"I don't give a fuck." The guy apparently doesn't know either! "Neither should you. So just scram. Unless you wanna take yer sister's place?"
...Flandre plainly walked closer. The dude pointed his gun at her with more force…! An' then-
WHAM! Flandre swept her hand at his so fast he didn't think to fire, and the pistol flew off over a nearby rooftop. Like- I couldn't even see the between frames.
"Gh- aa- fuck-..." He shook his struck wrist around. "Fuck-"
Flandre unleashes a wound-up, slow and deliberate dick kick. At first, the motion looks almost gentle.
whump. Oouh- but the impact's audible. "Eghu-" Immediately cupping himself, the greaser dude shut his eyes, and slid to his knees. "Nnn…"
"Oops." Flandre monotones, definitely meaning that apology…! "Hi, Remi."
"...Hi, Flandre." Remilia monotones back.
...Wait- when'd Ha-chan get lost. Freakin'-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After ten freakin' years, we step into the furniture store in the north-east sector. Behind the eastern storefront on that north main road.
With a bucket full of fat yen stacks and gems in my hands, I start just fuckin' tossing the shit everywhere! "Yea~h! Roll the drums!"
Remilia sprints after me! "He- aa- hold on!"
"Yea~h!" Flandre's got an end-table strapped to herself, and is using Laevateinn's two ends as drumsticks…! "We win!"
Remi pulls on Flandre's end-table drum! "You- listen-"
Thunk! Flandre rams Remi in the jaw with her drum table oh shit! "Nope- not listening 'cause I win!"
I jaunt right up to the front counter, and the old dude's eyes just go wide as fuckin' plates as I toss the money around like water! "Nope- yeah let's go! Yo ho ho! Yeah man!" I toss a money stack directly at him- an' it bursts into confetti!
Flandre pauses, and kicks a table-
WHAM! Oh fuck she sent it flipping across the room-
BOOM! It hits the ceiling and snaps in fucking two. Holy fuck shit.
Climbing up onto the counter, I flip the entire bucket upside-down!
Fwii~sh! Gems and yen fuckin' bloom everywhere, and the entire's counter's coated in money!
Ooh- oh fuck! Oh fuck! I gasp exaggerattedly- as the dude behind the counter pulls out a fuckin' crossbow-
KASHUNK! He immediately shoots Remi in the shoulder- as she tries to half-heartedly pull me! off the counter...!
Remi beams in incredulity! "Wh- why me…!?"
BAMBOOMCLANKBLAMBOOMCLUNK. Oh, no. Flandre disturbed the undistilled physics properties of the various tables and chairs in here- and basically ruined everything it's all going ballistic-
I grab onto Remi and use her as a body shield-
BAM- CLUNK! BOOMBAM- CLANK! We are directly assaulted by tables- and I am crushed up against the wall!
"Ghuu- uh…!" Remi lets out a death whine as a table crushes her stomach with an unprovoked but violent impact…!
"Wha- aaaa~!" Flandre squeals in excitement as she's beat the fuck up by the furniture reaction…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
So, uh, now we're in slightly hot water- because we broke a ton of hand-crafted furniture like a bunch of assholes, and basically, we fucked up.
"That was mean." Ha-chan talks down to all of us. "You need to say sorry." How'd you survive. I think she just didn't make it into the store before Flandre accidentally'd the physics properties of the furniture gallery...
"Sorry~..." Flandre hangs her head, looking somber. "I- I didn't know they meant- that much to you. I never- thought of furniture like that…"
"...I- I'm sorry, I guess." Remi had her arms folded. "I-... may not-... have taken the moment seriously either."
"I apologize…!" I bow to the furniture-seller. "I am sorry that I am retarded- and just outright didn't think about it…!"
Arms folded, the grey-haired guy sighed. "Well… you intend to pay, so-... I can forgive this, I guess. Some of them were really good crafts though-... and-..." He shook his head at the loss of the various furniture. "Why're the two've you here anyway? Don't your staff build everything you need anyhow?"
"Well…" Remilia pressed her fingers together. "We were going camping, see. We planned to-"
I interject! "We need yer entire gallery. Or more like, I need your entire gallery."
Remilia gives me a vacant look! "...Why."
"And you plan to use it, at least?" He asks me! "For some reason, I'm reluctant to believe that."
I nod big. "Hell yeah. I mean, maybe not entirely for intended purposes- but… I really do plan to get good use out of it!"
Remilia nods. "I just want to get out of here as soon as possible, so I'll pay genuinely whatever it takes to get a tent, and however many pieces of furniture this idiot thinks we need."
...He exhales again, and gives us a nod. "Alright. You only outright broke a few things, but you damaged a lot of the rest of the stock anyway. I think triple ought to cover it."
thunk. Remi sets the pale full of money and gems down. "Done."
...Frownin' but in a satisfied way, he shrugs and takes it! "Alright. And-... um… you're going to get this all out of here… how?"
I hold up my bag, and beam!
Remilia takes a moment to look at it, before realizing! "Oh, damn. I forgot you'd gotten that, somehow." Wahaha!
"Just remember, that the things we humans put together-... we do so with care." The man gave us his piece. "Each one of these tables and such- I've spent months overall perfecting and designing. No one table, even similar in style, is the same. It ain't quite like making a hundred of everything to populate your halls, and it sure as hell isn't as expendable. You understand that?"
Man, this vendor's got some backbone. "Indeed." Remi gives him a nod. "Flandre?"
"Ye~s…" Flandre pouts some. "People take their tables really seriously, apparently…"
I am energy. "Dude, when we get into the woods, we gotta cut down a tree and be snuggly about it." We're gonna use fluffles, and it's gonna be adorable.
...Flandre beams! "What!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Clunk. Here we a~re…
Our endeavors through the village were somewhat minimized, 'cause trust me, a half-unsuccessful shopping trip's finer details are only so interesting!
We are outside the village's north gate, starin' straight at the forest of magic. S'just- literally right here. It's time to get horribly lost…!
Also, I have a hard time surprising Remilia because Flandre. ...This is only relevant 'cause I really wanna bamboozle Remilia! S'hard to do that when Flandre's already the comic relief!
"Brrr~." Running in a circle, Flandre makes airplane noises! "Brrr~!"
"We have done it." I watch her do the plane thing with her arms! "We have achieved 'generic fun-having child emote number twelve'."
...Flandre gives me a focused look! "Oh? Not enough flair?" Uh oh.
Still holding her arms out, she spreads her legs apart, hunching down.
FWOOSH- WOOSH! Her crystalline wings spread out, the brown-black branch-like wing things expanding from her back somehow. From the additional shaftage, more crystals bloom, lighting up with color.
"And…!" Bracing her teeth, she starts emitting red energy…!
"GO!"
BOOM! Emitting a blast on take-off, she roars off airplane-style into the forestry ahead- uh-
SHUNK KASHUNK SHUNK SHUNK! At first, her wings cleave through the fuckin' trees outright, carving a neon-red path into the forest, bark crumbling and snappin' like chocolate bars.
BAMBOOMBAM! "Uhu- gh…" But, she can't just murder the entire forest, so eventually her wings get stuck. The sheer impact of stopping makes her ragdoll in mid-air, suspended by her own wings.
CR- CRAAK. Lightning. The sound of the remaining wood strands and bark snapping and bending is loud as fuck, like lightning.
THOOM- THOOM- BATHOOM! Three ta five trees just snap down, like freakin' Jenga blocks. Flandre's somewhere in the middle of all of them…!
The impact's so huge, the ground like, rumbles. Seriously…!
"...The fu~ck!?" We hear the guard at the village gate some distance behind us just yell…!
Her expression somewhat tired, Remi stares plainly off at the dusty, collapsed mess of the many trees.
Me an' Ha-chan recover from flinching. Flinch-out, dude. Unh, unh, unh-
"honhonhohe" Uh oh. The fluffles got Flandre, dude… "honhehehohehonhe"
"You guys're always so loud." I like how Ha-chan's just not getting spooked by all the variable audio-violence that happens whenever Flandre gets energized. Aside from, y'know, flinching from the raw eardrum pain.
Even though I like, half-expect loud noises in these moments, it's kind of like expecting a gunshot. The gun actually fires and is like ten times louder than you braced yourself for! Just ain't acclimated to big noises.
Anyway, when we very slowly approach the pile of fucked up wood and leaves. Man… there's a lot of shit just… broken. There's something somehow disturbing about lookin' at this pile of ruined tree matter and roughage. I guess it's from how sudden it was here. This was a clear patch of sparsely-wooded forestry, and now it's a pile of shit.
Aw. Fluffles come from the rubble!
Silently, they present their fins to us. Every second, they poke one further than the other, alternating which fin was further.
"offer" Only the fluffle furthest to the back-right spoke…!
SHIFF-... SHIIFF! Flandre emerges from under one of the trees, lifting it, her outfit all scuffed and extremely dirty. "Nn- nngh…"
THOOM! She lets it roll down behind her back once she's escaped, and the ground rumbles again…!
Remilia smiles! "Don't do that again."
Flandre smiles too! "Ehe- eheh… I- I wasn't thinking about all the trees…"
"If those were magic trees, you would've concussed yourself."
Flandre huffs and pouts! "I wouldn't've flown head-first into those trees!"
"This was so foolish, you may as well have."
...Flandre's still got her arms tightly tensed at her sides, but in a fluffy way! "I'm gonna concuss you!"
"Try me."
...Slowly, Flandre walks up, making a very obvious attempt to be menacing in a cheesy way, as she raises her fist overhead.
"Fee, fi, foe, fum." Once she's in range, she widens her eyes. "Unf."
bonk. She gently bonks Remi on the head.
"Now you've done it." Remilia monotoned casually.
KAFWOOM! A pillar of hellfire envelopes Flandre…! Holy- fuck that's hot. I have to back away, like, a lot- an' so does Ha-chan…!
It's so bright. ...It also goes on for like, awhile!
Anyway, uh… yeah. Forest. Just from here, I can see past the hellfire pillar at the strange starry gloom that overlays the Magic Forest proper.
I can never decide whether or not I wanna capitalize 'Magic Forest' or not, 'cause it's a very generic name…! Or, would it be 'Forest of Magic'?
Regardless, it's right here!
It's really cool but simultaneously freakin' weird to see where the disco drug zone sky begins and where the normal sky ends. And like, it's only a night-time zone when you're in or close to the forest. From afar, you can kinda see the sky twinkle, but it's not night, or dark.
...In fact, the dark part's in the woods itself. It's part of the horizon inside of it, when you get a good look at it at the right angle from afar to notice. So weird!
"The real question's who put a photoshop filter on the sky." I wanna know!
fwoof. The hellfire pillar consuming Flandre poofs out, just going away entirely.
"A- photo filter…?" Remi really wanted to comment on my comment! "It does appear that way, doesn't it…?" Aw, yeah. Remi would know what some classic-ass photo filters were like.
Flandre's only slightly charred, cartoon-style. Good. "Pfhuh…" She coughs up a small cloud of ash, looking slightly done with life.
On that note, Remi sidles up to me! "Where'd-... where did you learn photography?"
Oh, man. "Let's just say photo-editing's a lot more mainstream, easy an' diverse on the outside, son…"
Remi gives me a strange look! "...I don't think I could ever possibly qualify as a 'son', or even your 'son'."
"You are the sun." I say with very little forethought!
Remi stops, an' blinks. "...I'm not sure if I should be offended or flattered."
Flandre pipes up! "Be offended!"
"I am the sun!" Ha-chan beams, like the sun! Aa-
flick. She begins to softly glow teal, like a lamp.
Remi and Flan are both offset by the gentle light, giving her plain stares at first.
"New idea: she leads." Remi gets behind Ha-chan! "Would you like that, Hana?"
"Yeah!" Aw! Ha-chan looks pumped, but in a discrete way!
Remi nods. "...If Brad here were more physically apt, I'd instead ask that he use you like a flashlight. Actually…" She purses her lips. "Hana. You can hover correctly, yes?"
"...Yeah?" Ha-chan's a little more confused by that inquiry. "Why's that…?"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
tick- tick- tick- tick. Ha-chan's wings tickle my freakin'... ribs, as I hold onto her very awkwardly.
She's still really heavy for me, but her one wing that actually gets to do anything really helps alleviate the weight, actually!
How'm I holding her? Well, uh…
So, my right arm's around her hips, and my left, since just holding onto her shoulder was too much, had to be wrapped around her upper chest. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure what I'm holdin' onto!
"I- I feel funny…!" Ha-chan announces this in strange excitement...!
"Remi- I think you're worse than me, sometimes…" Flandre gives us a forlorn look…!
Remilia shook her head. "I'm never one to be outdone, sister."
We're also on the move, which makes this all even more awkward! But, uh...
At some point, the starry sky above just went fully black, and now we're wallowing in actual total darkness, with only fuckin' glitter overhead to light the way.
Also, Ha-chan. She glows brighter when my hand sinks into her chest somehow. Y'know, somehow. Admittedly-... this is only half my fault, 'cause I didn't exactly object to this! "Wh- nnh…" Don't make those noises. "Nhn- nn." Don't make those noises…!
"I'm surprised he went through with it." Remilia mentions the fact I didn't object underhandedly…
Flandre snorts! "I'm not!"
So, uh, yeah. We're just going. Into the black beyond! March, march, march.
The air's cold. Wind howls through the branches, and we can hear wild fairies giggle in the distance…
It's oddly serene. So damn quiet now.
"Aa- nhah." Ha-chan gasps in my arms. "Bra- ad-... my boobs…"
"Sh- should I let you go?" Maybe this's gone on long enough…!
"No... I just-... feel funny." Yeah, yer not gonna be the only one…
Ah, well, s'not like I can really get too perverted like this. Marching and having to carry her somewhat does that, even if uh… yeah. Gonna be honest: not how I expected my first time groping anyone to go! Actually- shit, this is the first time I've done this, isn't it…?
Ohp, tree. I guide us around the gi-fuckin'-hugic magic tree. Trees here are huge.
woosh. Flandre floats up before us. "Uum. There's a big magic signature this way. It's not anyone we know, either. And I wanna be camping, not playing with strong people, so let's just turn away from there."
Remi gives two proud nods. "Indeed. I was waiting for when you'd realize."
Flandre's own wings light up like Christmas lights, and she drifts to a different direction, leading me along. The hell'd she mean…?
frrrr. Some kind of definitely non-natural noise permeates from the direction we're moving away from. "Alright- do either of you know what the hell that is…?"
"Don't worry about it." Remi…! "It'll leave us be. It'd be stupid not to."
Eventually- oh. Whu- huh? The hell's that? A small pond? It- really looks shallow.
I almost step into it and find out- but Remi fuckin' yanks me away, and twists me to imply that I should go around it.
"Go around that, idiot." Remilia commands me! "That hole's deeper than you think, and that's not water."
It's a black pit in the ground, full of… liquid, then. "What uh, is it, then?"
"Don't worry about it." Remilia's not instilling confidence in me…!
"Yeah!" Flan pipes up! "Don't worry 'bout it…!"
It doesn't emit a scent, but I don't smell water. I-
"Mgh-" I almost throw up. I caught a whiff of something truly horrible. So much iron. So fucking pungent. What is that…!?
pat, pat. Remi just pats me on the back… "Go on, keep going. The further away from it you are, the less likely you are to detect something-... that, you probably really shouldn't."
My hand being in Ha-chan's boobs fills me with the courage to continue, son. "Well, alrightie then!" Let's take her words at facevalue an' just fuck off…!
Eventually after like, what feels like ten minutes-ish of just walking in a straight line through the woods, we come to a stop.
Or rather, I come to a stop, 'cause we find a clearing, and it's a good damn place as any…! "Alright! We're gonna set up shop here, I think!"
"I- I think my bra's- falling o~ff…" Um. Ha-chan, oh no…
I let go of her, and- oh. She just-... flies around like a ragdoll fer a moment, before righting herself. "Nn- nngh…" She starts fightin' her bra inside a' her maid outfit, too!
"Aw…" Flandre gently drifts up between us. "What kinda tent did you get?"
"The best tent." I reach inta my bag, and-...
thump. Ah yeah, here we go yo. I plop down the packaged goods.
"Here we go." I nod a whole bunch. "Packaged goods."
...Flandre looks encumbered. "Remi~. Set up the te~nt."
Remilia cast her gaze into the air. "If we went camping ourselves, we wouldn't need a bloody tent."
"But a tent's, like, part of the experience…" Flandre shook her head, dude. "You gotta~..."
"You do it." Remi demands of her! "Your tent, your work."
"That's not fair…" Flandre shook her head once again! "Why can't you do some work…? At all?"
"I lead." Remi decides it is time to be high society! "The place of a leader is to use their knowhow to lead others. The leader's place is not to do it themselves, unless it is absolutely required. You are no leader."
Flandre glares her down…! "I can be too. It's just that- you're predisposed to being a leader. You're not even, like, good at it."
"You're more of a…" Remi rolled the answer around in her mouth. "Rook? I was going to say 'god', but you at least have the capacity of action, unlike the god we know. Regardless, that still places me above you in the command chain."
...Flandre beams strangely. "Ho- how's that even work…? Why's a leader above a god…!?"
Remi grinned big! "I am the leader of the church. The church of Flandre. You, the god, are at the whim of my preaching."
"That's lame…" Flan looks crestfallen. "Just set up the freaking tent, Remi."
"...No, you."
They slowly turn to me, while I just have a huge ass smile, nodding while they bicker.
"I'm autistic." I decide. "El autismo."
Remi opens her mouth-
"Maximo." I finish my joke…!
...Remi closes her mouth!
"Are we sure we want me making the tent…?" I question the unspoken request!
"Yes." Both the sisters insist!
"Yeah!" Ha-chan apparently sorted out her bra situation! And- good, she voted for me too…!
Ri~p. I start to open the plastic bag that contains the freakin'... tent parts. Oh, boy. "Yeehaw…!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I don't know how late it is. It's still pitch black. I dunno why either. Has night set in… or is it cloudy on the outside? It should still be like daytime, right?
Flandre's wings are acting as lamps because Ha-chan got tired. She's sleeping on a stump nearby, while Flandre watches me work with a hurt expression.
"Let's see~..." I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, I can't read the fucking directions. "The rib bone's connected ta the-... X-bone. The Z-bone's connected ta the-... T-bone!"
Remi's sitting on a log, chin in her hands, just watching on.
I have made like a fuckin'... S-shaped tetrimino out of the linkin' log pipes you're supposed to use to make the tent frame.
"Y'know-" I have a new question. "Would one of you guys survive if you swallowed one of these three way pipe connector doohickies?"
...Remilia starts giggling but in a pitiful way! "Mm- nn- my god… what the hell are you doing?"
"I don't freakin' know…!" I'm doomed, son!
"Have you made any progress? It's been thirty minutes!" Remi reminds me! "What the-... what is that supposed to be!?"
"...It's a statue a' Abraham!" I adjust the wobbly S-shaped tetrimino with one arm! "Whaddaya mean the tetris block ain't unlockin' yer T-spot…!?"
"...What does that- even mean." Remi's so fuckin' confounded…!
...click, click. I go back to fucking with the pipe connectors and pipes an' shit.
I step inside of the tetrimino out of boredom. "My question still stands, by the way." Oh shit- it's falling!
boing! It hits the ground, and like, rebounds!
cla- cla- clack, clack. Oh. It fell the fuck apart.
"Wh- what question…?" Flandre sounds intimidated!
Slowly, I smile like an asshole! "Would one a' you guys survive eating a pipe cleaner!?" Wait- "I mean, a three-way connector!?"
...Aw. The ensuing silence is gold, dude.
"I~ think-... some questions-..." Remi sighs. "Shut the fuck up." Pft- hehahaha!
"Pfhk- kh…" Flandre chuckles…! "Remi~. Swearing's bad."
"Sometimes, it is a necessary evil." Remi retorts! "There are very few punchy ways to tell someone that they are being-..."
"An ass?" Flandre guesses!
"Inscrutable." Remilia found words! "Incredulous, maybe. You see, simply declaring someone 'an ass' doesn't cut it. It would also be an easy and unelegant conclusion. You, my sister, are unelegant."
"I- I don't think 'unelegant's a wo~rd…" Flan drawled.
"Case in point."
...I like how Flandre just looks really done now.
I made a fuckin' triangle. "Triangles are the strongest shape…!"
Remi sighs.
Ha-chan gives Flan a fluff loaf. "Loaf…" When did she wake up? I guess stumps aren't very comfortable.
"loaf" The loaf echoed!
...Flandre gives it an unsure look, before taking it. "Cuppy cakes…" Aw, shit. Cuppy cakes...
"cup" The fluffle was small, dude. "cup cup"
...Flandre looks endeared!
"I found it on the floor." Ha-chan looks ginger and gentle.
"Um. Remi…" Flandre dismisses her own endearedness! "Should we help Brad out? Like… I know he built that really big bucket to stop the wibbles, but this tent thing seems complicated."
"I get the feeling he's not even trying." Oh shit, Remi found out. "...You- don't really believe- that thing about the wibbles, do you…?"
...Flandre took pause. "Huh? 'Course I do. I mean- when I found out Brad actually existed, that was a big surprise. I thought you were just making him up entirely!" Yeehaw. "Like-... um. No offense- but a curly-haired american who swings around plant hangers… was really far-fetched at the time!"
Remi had her red eyes cast up at the canopy. "...Point."
"I'm a wibbler." I provide, helpfully.
Flandre gives me a look! "No, you're a wibbler exterminator…" Why's she look so satisfied saying that…? "Unless that's what a wibbler is. He who wibbles the wibbles…"
"Can you even read the directions?" Remi's onto me man. "I see you squinting. It's too dark, isn't it?" Remi's onto me man!
"No." I cannot lie. "No as in I am, in fact, not reading the directions…!"
"You-" She braces her teeth! "You know what? I'll make the tent. I can see in the dark."
"I ain't readin' them- 'cause I don't need 'em!" I grin in the darkness! "Y'know what, it's alright. If you guys won't eat the pipe connectors, I will."
"Sh- shut up…" Remi actually has to withhold some giggles!
Sayin' nothing else, Remi saunters up and yanks the instruction manual out of my hands. "...Why are these outsider-style tents in circulation, anyhow? I know the villagers do not simply go camp in the wild."
Maybe that's why they're so common…! They pro'lly got dropped into the village at some point and no one actually began to use them because they were really gay compared to housing.
"Who knows…" Flandre is depressed part two. "Man. Ugh. I'm out of energy…"
"No you're not." Remi countered! "You've simply been taken by a fey mood."
"I'm gonna take you by a fey mood…"
The directions are also in Japanese, by the way. Not that it mattered too much, 'cause there were pictures. Pictures that I could hardly see…!
...Remi plainly holds up some black tent bar things. While I take in how some of them are longer than her, we hear it.
Krakroom. The roll of thunder in the distance. Remi looks gentle for a moment, her mouth hanging open.
Flandre looks half-asleep where she stands.
"That's-... thunder." Remi notes.
Her eyes wider, she starts to look around, lips pursed. I like how she looks like she was taken off-guard for some reason.
Remi's gaze meets mine. "It's raining. Just now. It's raining."
Oh. Uh. "...S'that bad?"
"These enchantments are good for five minutes of sustained light contact with water. Maybe ten." Remilia noted. "That means we have ten minutes to get into shelter."
Flandre snaps into wakefulness! "Oh…!" Then, she looked up! "It really is raining!"
Ohp- oh shit, I feel it too. Heavy drops just hittin' my shirt in random places…! Ohp- my head! Oof!
"Appropriate." Remi nods. "Flandre… should we go home?"
Flandre shook her head! "No~. We gotta see this through, Remi. A little rain won't get in our way!"
Remi's look became more dour! "We're vampires. Rain will, quite literally, get in our way."
Ha-chan is intimidated by the rain! "I- I don't wanna get wet again…"
I know what must be done. I am flooded with energy and unfounded excitement. "It's time to play on monsoon difficulty."
Coming up to Remi, I bend down and claim some of the tent pipes. Actually, no. Tent pipes are not enough…!
"I have an idea." Grinning, I bring up my arms! "Trust me, Remi. I'm 'boutta get you and Flan outta the rain in no time."
...Remi looks forlorn, in the same way an angry cat might.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Oh fuck man." Inhaling, I stretch my arms, and just… take in what I have to work with.
I have deposited like, a tenth of the entire furniture gallery we bought out.
In the black of evening, I stare at the pile of handcrafted, random-ass tables, and some of the tent poles that I've arranged into arches. "We gotta advance to the next level, man."
I'm suddenly reminded of those really cheesy moments in media where 'gamers' are made out as the antagonists, and they use hilariously cheesy terminology to firmly define themselves as such…!
I turn to Flandre, who's providing me light! "You look like just enough EXP fer me to level up, little man…!"
Flandre, despite not knowing shit about what I just referenced, gives me a big grin! "Um…"
Coming up to her, I hold my arms way over her an' stomp in place, to intimidate her! Once I am assured she is suitably intimidated, and I am satisfied, I return to leering at the pile of tables.
I think my favorite part of that whole exchange was how I'm like twice as tall as Flandre is. I could lean so far over her I could see the upper back of her head if she wasn't looking up at me.
...To avoid the raindrops fallin' on her head, Remilia's by a tree's base nearby! "I'm worried."
"Aw, don't be!" Flandre waves her concern off! "Brad's gonna find a way to get us through in the end!"
Remilia voices her skepticism… "I think Brad is slowly losing his mind. This is also not the evening I had in mind. It's not the evening I had in mind at all."
We need a floor, first of all. But- we also need to be protected from the elements. The tent's tarp bottom is not gonna protect us from the great flood. So…
Thunk. Thunk. I start putting my LEGO-scale muscles to work, an' begin placing a buncha tables upright next to one another! Wait- no, I gotta flip 'em upside down, and put more tables on top of those tables! Two layer interlocked hull, dude!
"What kinda evening did you have in mind…?" Flandre questions...
Remilia answers! "I was expecting a quiet, slightly awkward evening. One with more banter centered on the outside world, and you likely awkwardly teasing Brad, or something."
...Flandre glares! "Aa- awkwardly teasing Brad…? I think you're thinking of yourself, sis. It's totally like you to shmooze random young dudes."
Remi fluffs her wings out- almost so quickly it's kinda comical!
Ha-chan speaks. "I want my boobs touched again."
...Remi's wings sag a little, an' she gives Ha-chan a look of mild contempt. Fr- freakin'...
Clack. Man- tables are fucking- heavy. I dunno how I'm gonna make a house outta this- but maybe the tent tarp shit will come in handy for waterproofing.
I must make this wide. With my many tables- I will see this through to an end!
"I am not licentious." Remilia counters after some deep thought!
"I- I didn't call you that…" Flandre gave her a weird look!
"Brad, you may now devour my sister for experience points." Pfht- oo- oh no…!
"Um!" Flandre beams incredulously…! "That's really perverted, Remi!"
...Oh my fucking god, that sentence had two meanings. To me, it was some video game joke; but to Flandre, 'devouring for experience' might have a whole different, dirtier meaning…!
Clack. However, I am the man who stacks the tables. I was almost raped by a succubus yesterday, I am immune to these sorts of things…!
Also, it's raining. Kinda hard to be horny when you're busy and also wet.
Some of these tables are circular. Some are square. Some are triangular.
Clack, clack. This bottom hull is misshapen as fuck. Not all tables are created equally, so when I double them up and stack them on one another like an asshole, it's just-... really, really uneven!
Fwish, fwish. Aw. Flandre flaps her wings, and big crystals spawn from the air around her, and drift around the sides of my bullshit. They're shaped like her wing crystals, and are the colors of the rainbow, shining brightly.
The way the rain water drips down the slowly spinning crystals is pretty nice. "Aw. Mana crystals…"
"I'm saving the mana for later." Flandre explains…? "They're flavored like rock-candy!" Not sure if a good or a bad thing!
Fwish, fwish! Fwish, fwish! Flandre starts making a lot of them…!
Well, that's good. I like to save fluffles for later, dude.
More realistically, they work as lights! Which is good…! More light right now is really good!
Cla- clack! Fuck- getting tables out of my bag and onto this pile is getting a lot harder…! "Hey- Ha-chan! Can ya, like-... help?" I gesture to this big square table I'm tryin'a move, it'd make a good center panel.
Ha-chan comes on over! "Is it time for love and attention?" Um!
...I tap my hands on the table! "Uh, no! It's time for movin' this table 'cause my muscles are small, but four small arms are better than two…! Also- you can fly, so yer back has an advantage, I- I think."
"Oh, yeah!" Ha-chan gives me a big nod! "Let's move it!" Aw yeah!
...Clack! With the central table in place, the 'bottom' of the house was built.
I step along the top of the platform of tables. Really- only the one in the very center is flat enough to be stable most of the time, but the others aren't so bad… at the moment!
Flandre gets up on the platform with me! "Yeah! It's like a pillow fort, but with wood!" I- feel like that could apply to a lot of structures…!
"I feel like my time is being wasted." Remi voices her concerns again!
An' y'know what?
I point at her. "You are wrong."
She blinks in vague surprise! "...I'm- wrong?"
"Yeah!" I beam! "American engineering is the best in the world, son! We invented the poptart! And fuckin'... 'take-a-tinkle' economics!"
...Her gaze is both sad and disappointed. "We probably have a few more minutes, Flandre."
"We're not going!" Flandre insisted! "Brad- build a roof!" Uh…! Oh, fuck.
An' that's when the brush parted nearby!
Remi and Flan instantly snap their gazes to behold the newcomer…
Aw, shit! It's Alice! Alice Margarita!
"Yo, Alice!" I wave at her! "Your mom is hot!"
"...S- so I've heard." Alice seems disarmed at first…! "Wh- hold on, how'd you-"
"Actually I need your help- and bad!" I call for help! "I'm-..."
Lookin' down, I see the rainwater piling up. Aw man, this ground is gonna turn to mud. There is only one solution. If a foundation for a house made outta tables won't work…
"We're tryin'a build a combat ship and sail it!" We must go even further beyond!
"Yeah!" Flandre nods! "We're-" an' then she leans in close to me! "We're whah?"
"I only came out here because you were all yelling just out of vision of my yard." Pft… "What are you doing? Building a combat ship? With...?" Her eyes slowly widen as she takes in the foundation made outta tables!
"Alright- so Remi and Flan are gonna get freakin' tipped over by the rain water if we don't make a table Tetris, an' invent a combat ship, in the next twenty or so seconds!" Probably ten, now!
fwoof, fwoof. Two dolls suddenly exist, and form umbrellas over Remi and Flan. Oh.
...Remi looks up at the umbrella dolls. "A temporary solution at best."
Alice had a jaded expression. "My house is right there. Quite literally a yard and change away. We can go inside and have cocoa."
"No!" Flandre yells back! "We're building a combat ship and sailing it!" Hell yeah!
"I- I thought we were camping…" Remi looks haunted.
Flandre points an arm out! "Screw that! We're gonna sail the seven seas! Diamonds, rubies- gold an' more!"
I clap my hands together! "Fill the kool-aid mugs, bake the loafs- an'-... and we ain't gonna fear what lies beneath the waves!"
...Alice just blinks at us, before doin' that thing where she brings an arm behind her back and holds onto her other arm with it. "Well…" Aw, yes dude. Our passing mood is possessing her…! "Fine. Then… Brad, was it?" Holy shit she remembered.
"Hi I'm Brad." I wave casually.
She snorts! "How… exactly did you want to go about… building a combat ship…? With just these tables, too?"
Aw! "Yeah- good question! But I got some good answers."
Reaching into my bag, I spill out a table!
Thunk! It'sa triangular end-table! "I got more a' these where they came from! Costed a fortune- and it's probably a waste to use 'em for this- but I don't care! My big hurdle's the fact we have no hammers, no nails, no way to tape 'em together, without just stackin' 'em so they lock- and yeah!"
...When Alice looks overwhelmed, I point at 'er! "D'ya think yer strings would do…!?"
Her expression is super vague. "You… want to hold together a ship with strings. Steel strings, provided, but-... strings."
Beaming amidst the silence, I nod intently! "...Yeah?" I whisper my confirmation like it's the most goddamn obvious thing in the world. "Also, we got outside world tent pipes, and a tarp."
Alice blinks in complete mystification.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Chicks, loaves, quests an' 'aid." I can't fucking believe this only took like thirty minutes with Alice here. "These are the things that a pirate needs!"
Dude. Alice had kool-aid. Why she had it is a question I'm not gonna worry about right now!
I stand on the rainy, tarp-clad deck of our table combat ship.
It's strung together with glimmering steel strings, and a lot of them.
At first, Alice had ta stand as the center-mass. Quickly though, she kinda just tied the bands of steel around a central pole made of a magic forest tree log. Y'know, so as to not accidentally de-finger herself from the tension and force pullin' on each wire!
An' lemme tell ya; the bark's takin' a fuckin' beating! Steel wire does a pretty good job of cutting into shit…!
Dude- the ship's got a cabin back to it, made of tables and shielded with ripped tent cloth. Careful mass-tying of steel knots on the inside has created super fuckin' tight 'welds' that'll only go if the wood itself goes. The strings're probably actually tougher than the tables…!
"Do you ever regret using steel wires fer things…?" I wonder!
Alice pursed her lips, surprised by the question. "Hmm? Mmh… not in recent memory, no. It took getting used to, but they're undoubtedly all-around superior to cloth. Far better fit for combat, too."
Remi and Flan are under the deck, amidst the ship's hull, where it is now dry. Or at least, there ain't more water just fallin' straight down into it!
...All a' Flandre's 'mana that she's saving for later' is packed down inside the hull too, so it's really bright!
Rainbow light pours from the uneven edges produced between the tables. Which is to say, the deck I'm standin' on's lit up like a disco setpiece! This is fuckin' cool…!
"Wow…" Ha-chan stares off the edge of the ship! "We made something!"
Alice stands along the deck next ta me, an umbrella-totin' doll floating over her head! "...I'm really not sure what to say. I don't regret helping, however."
Remi whines from beneath the deck, audible through the tables and rain! "I- I just wanted to go camping…"
"Remi- we are camping!" Flandre interjects! "...In a boat! In the middle of a storm!"
Lookin' down at the iron-ass mug that Alice just kinda got from somewhere- maybe her deepest cupboards- full of red 'aid, I tilt my head back and drink a buncha big gulps. "Mmgh- mm…"
Aah, yeah. Good shit. We did it, lads. We built a combat ship.
Strolling to the table-constructed cabin in the back, I place my hand on the big coffee table being used as a door, wit' a window cut-out amidst the table's surface.
Fwish. A little enchantment Alice made on it lights up, an' the table-door glides back inside.
There are fluffles inside, holding kedama amidst their fins. Dust is quickly accumulating within the ship, to give it that ol' rustic feel…!
I haven't seen many of them, but kedama are these little even less sentient whirlwinds of dust and fluffle love. If you put your face in them, you're gonna sneeze. Sometimes they shoot danmaku somehow too- but these ones don't!
fwishishwishfwish. A fluffle's pushed across the floor by its ass by a kedama, spreading a layer of dust across a table- until the fluffle is consumed by the edge between one table and the next. Oh no…
Walkin' down the table staircase- I enter the bowels of the ship! I even find that fluffle down here, laying in a puddle...
"We did it." I plant my arms on my hips. "We built a combat shit- ship. Ship."
"Pfhk- hehehe…" Flandre is immature!
"Ugh." Remilia is immaturely mature! "While I-... admire your ingenuity… I can't help but feel this effort has been misplaced."
Clack. I plant my iron kool-aid mug down on the table. Y'know, the table. It's stationed like a normal furniture table atop the big central floor panel… which is a larger table! Confusing, I know!
Flandre an' Remi are sitting at chairs inside here! "Remi, you're cute." Flandre suddenly interjects…! "You should look unsure more often."
...Remilia looks even more unsure! "Is- is that a political statement, or-"
"Don't be so paranoid, though…!"
"I'm not paranoid. I'm just-... thinking."
"Thinking paranoid!"
Remi pouts at her! Flandre smiles, and playfully pouts her cheeks back.
"Y'should drink kool-aid!" I add, helpfully!
Remilia gives me a blunt look. "I would very much rather drink a mug full of blood."
...Flandre double-takes! "Wait, we eat people's blood?"
"Flandre- I will actually destroy you."
These two are dangerously atmosphere-absorbing when they get going! "Aw. Wait…"
We don't got a name fer this ship yet. "Yo! We haven't named this shit- ship, yet!" Fuck- why's 'shit' come outta my lips so much easier than 'ship'...!?
Remilia gives me a look. "You're not even doing that intentionally, you're just that bad at talking…"
I beam! "Shit fuck ass fuck. Hey- we're sailors now, I got an excuse…!"
...Flandre gains a menacingly gentle smile! "What if Brad knew we were gonna have a cliche cuddly evening and actually tried his hardest to subvert that…?"
"Now you're the one being paranoid." Remilia counters…! "I don't think people- much less your average human- thinks like that."
She may have been right on a subconscious level- but to be honest, I just kinda did this 'cause I was getting really bored of exclusively listening to them verbally molest each other for ten years…!
"Anyway…!" I gotta find a way to name the ship! "Uuh… names." Damn it, whenever I try to focus on a name, it takes me a million hundred years to be decisive…!
Flandre has an idea! "Aw! Ooo- me, me! Pick me! Me!" Her raising her hand a bunch is somehow dangerously adorable.
"Ye ye- ye, ye! Ye!" I point at her!
"We should all take turns." Flandre decides! "We all choose one word- and the final acronym'll be a combination of all the words we picked!"
That's just retarded enough to be absolute gold. "Aw, hell yeah!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Alice has set up an actual awning on the top of the ship, for the time being.
"B." I swing my cast-iron hanger around! "Fer Blast!" And Brad! Also 'boy'...!
We're all here atop the ship's deck, by the way! Something something poop deck, ahah, shit jokes etcetera. If Flandre wants to go for a poop deck joke I'll let her, but even I'm not venturing that far into the childish territory…!
"O for Out!" Flandre claps her hands! "I was gonna say 'Orreries' but that's hard to chain with other words…" Yeah- I'll say.
"It also sounds like ovaries." I add.
...Remi looks so out of place! She opens her mouth-
"Negative!" Ha-chan exclaims! "Positive, negative! Roger, captain!"
Flandre blinks! "...Oh, like a battery? 'Cause you're an electric fairy?"
...Ha-chan blinks! "I- I thought that was just what pirates said."
Flandre stares into the distance in awe.
"Enemies." Alice pumps an arm into the air. "Or, enemy. ...Don't ask why. I feel on edge, for some reason. This is all strange and awkward to me."
Remilia gave her a flat look. "Yet you contributed to this catastrophe."
...Alice leans back passively. "I facilitate nonsense daily. I may struggle with straight-forward comedy, but I really know how to fan the flames." She looks like she wants to say more, but the way sentences work won't let her.
Remilia's turn! "Revenge." Yeah naturally…!
"Yeah." Flandre looks gentle, as if she expected this.
Alice just nods. I give a big nod!
Remilia gives Flandre a snuggly but dangerous look! "...What do you mean, 'yeah'?"
"I meant 'yeah'."
An' so, our name is final. The~ S.S. uh… blow out negative enemy revenge. Wait.
My curly-ass hair fluffs up in excitement. Realization rolls over my goosebumps…!
Alice gives me a weird look!
"And so." I grin big…! "Thus marks the na-... the maiden voyage, of our faithful Blow Out Negative Enemy Revenge. Or, as I'd like ta call it…!"
I hold my arms out! "The S.S. BONER!"
"I'm walking the plank." Remi stands up!
Flandre's face flares as if she was caught in headlights!
Alice looks lost. "I'm so sorry."
Ha-chan smiles! "Yay! BONER!" An' she does a little leap to accent her exclamation…! Which is kinda surreal, 'cause unlike Flandre or Remi, she's slightly tall, so it's stranger!
"...I was going to suggest etching it into the side amidst the rain, but I think I won't." Alice shook her head!
"Can I change my word?" Remi asks…! "Not that it would help. BONEE would still be a travesty. BONEO. BONET…" She looked thoughtful. "BONET, change it to BONET."
"No." Flandre finalizes it…! "We are the BONER."
"Fuck off." Pft- hehahaha! "Da- damn it…!"
Flandre chuckles a whole bunch! "Ee- easy, Remi…!"
Remi goes deadpan! "...I'm ta- taking it easy. I still reserve the right to be upset."
"Come on! It's funny!" Flandre holds her arms out! "BONE~R!"
"I will pay Alice to stitch your lips shut."
...We all turn to Alice!
"I'm not getting in the middle of you two." Alice is neutral! "Drink some Kool-aid, or whatever the guy- Brad- said it was." Wait- is this not kool-aid? It tastes exactly like it! ...Provided, 'sugar with a cherry tint' is not mesmerizingly hard to produce, I'm sure.
Cli- click. Alice placed some mugs down, before Remi and Flan.
"Mgh- mmh- nhn." Flandre guzzles it. She consumes it.
"...Pftah." Remi gags on the first sip. "Too- sweet. Ugh…" What. You're an aristocrat…!
Flandre feels similarly! "You're too picky, Remi."
"It's called having taste. ...You're pickier than I am."
"Am no~t." ...An' then, after a moment, Flandre smiles! "I lied. I totally am… I- I think." How do you not know…?
...I point a finger at them. I know, dude. "Crackers and peanut butter."
"Yes, very observant." Remi nods at me! "Too bad we have none of that on this stupid furniture pirate ship. Also- the peanut butter- and my fangs… have a strange relationship…" Wau.
Flandre huffed. "Just retract the~m."
"No- it's peanut butter, that hardly helps."
"Keep 'em retracted!"
"...That's stupid."
"Remi~..."
"My fangs make me look cute." I- I can't believe she knows…! Who told her the forbidden knowledge…!?
Flandre also can't argue with that! She just pouts, and exudes frustrated cuddlepire energy.
"I agree with you." I have informed Remi!
She swallows her own saliva, and gives me a flat look. "Of course, this is the time you pick to flirt with me. No, I'm not in a flirty mood. I'm-..." She took pause. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I was actually irritated- but this sure-... this was not what I was expecting..."
Flandre looks sly. "You're havin' fun aren't you, Remi?"
"...I could be having more."
"You're spoiled, Remi…"
"You're a brat."
Flandre beams! "Pot kettle, pot kettle."
Remi slouches, looking dangerously snug. "Pot kettle, pot kettle."
"Pot, pot, kettle." Flandre confirms.
...Alice is just sedate. "I believe it's 'pot calling the kettle black'. Not-... that."
"Hnn." Remi nodded slowly, not really paying attention...
Oh, right, if it wasn't obvious, they transported their table and chairs up onto the top deck here. 'Cause y'know, cloth awning blockin' the rain.
Y'know what? This campin' trip be smoovin', dude. I have successfully distilled the Remi, pleased the walking flan cake, and we met Alice for basically no reason.
I blink, slightly tired. I have no idea how late it actually is, if it's late at all. Daily reminder that our illumination's just-... a mixed web of rainbow lights from below, projected by the crystals Flandre unleashed below the deck.
It's trippy, it's cool, and it makes me tired, somehow.
Alice yawns, which just makes things worse! "Nn…"
whump. That's when we hear the whumps. "Aa- oh." Alice takes pause, blinking.
whump, whump. Uh oh. We're gettin' whumped.
She moves up to the edge of the deck, ignoring the now semi-pouring rain, and peers down. By the way- god is it cold…! It's so cold!
"Oh." Alice observes. "We're being aggressively coerced by large dust mites." What, no.
When I come up ta the deck too- brrr is it cold- I peer down…
whump. Oh. Those are large fluffles. They're headbutting the flank of the hull, looking expectant and rowdy…
Also, holy fuck is it raining! Like, there's a tiny river underneath us, just about! It seems like the tubby fluffles were being carried along the water. The smaller ones just wash underneath the ship and pass away. Goodbye, fluffles.
Fwam! Fwam! Oh, shit. Wait…
Fwam- fwam- fwam! Danmaku shooting noises become audible. "Hehehe!" Also, fairy sounds!
SPLASH! Oh- fuck! I got- splashed! That was like a bucket- just tossed into my chest! Oh god!
"Hyehehe~!" This freakin' midget with two blue hair orbs atop her head pokes down from above! "Got you~! Wh- eep!"
woosh. Alice unleashed a javelin from fuckin' nowhere, and it almost skewered the fairy!
"Blubble- I mean- Bubble-chan!" Some fairy calls out from somewhere…! "I found a big thing!"
"A big, big thing…"
"I- I know already, you idiots!"
"Oh, excellent." Remilia tilts her head back. "Water fairies. Do you all now see why this was a bad idea? It's not the rain we have to worry about. It's all the water youkai who will persist during the storm."
Oh fuck. Terraria survival has never been harder. How're you supposed to waterproof a home when the water fights back…!?
"Stop- tossin' water on my boner!" I shake my fist at the sky! Oh- shit-
I duck under three huge water balls that get tossed up from past the deck's edge! Oh, wow. They got caught in the awning itself.
SPLAA~SH! On rebound, they rain down as a huge scattershot. I'm fucking hydro-satured man.
Flandre pouts at 'er. "They're just fairies, Remi…" Y'know… actually…
"Water fairies." Remi counters. "Just as a metal blade is only metal, but can still slit one's throat."
"That analogy doesn't even work." Flandre shakes her head…! "Cuts don't even work on us…"
I find courage. "You will not rain on the parade." I loom over Remi…!
Lookin' up along my stick-like poise, she gives me a smirk! "More will be raining than water, if you think holding us here is a good idea. That, and the fairies are, quite literally-"
SPLOOSH! Dude- who fired a water mortar at us…!? Ohp-
fwoof. The awning collapses onto the ship's top…!
"Eee~!" Ha-chan yells from underneath the cloth awning!
"Also, you're freezing." Remilia talks like nothing just happened, even though we can't see each other…! "You will have hypothermia in twenty minutes. It's not that cold, but the water and wind are not your friends."
"The- the parade rains on you…!" I counter as best I can…! Alright- gonna be honest, had no idea where I was goin' with that. Also- she's right as fuck, I'm freezin' my balls off here…!
Wait. Idea! I turn to Flandre- uh, wherever she is. "Yo- Flancake!"
"I'm cake!" Flandre asserts!
Ha-chan likes it! "I like cake! Also- I can't find you guys!"
"I wonder… Is it possible for you or Remi to like... lift this entire ship...!?" I don't think we can just- fight off the probably unending supply of water fairies and still call this camping!
"Ooo!" Flandre makes an interested noise!
"That is a bad idea." Remi interjects! "We'll just attract more."
Alice folds her arms. "You shouldn't have said anything. Now they have to do it."
"Yeah!" Flandre cheers! And then-
fwoof. She flares her arms up, and the soggy awning's ejected wahahay up into the air. Oh my god that- draft-
pap. Alice stops me from flying the fuck off the ship because the draft from Flandre's wings was fucking unreal…!
Spinning around, Alice plops me on my shoes- and I stumble forward!
"Aaaa~h!" The water fairies overhead get captured by the freed cloth awning, and the entire thing starts writhing in the air as if it's alive…!
"Hmmh. I don't think it'd be a good idea to just get under it and carry it." Flandre stared down at the floor. Then, she looked at her own wings, as if remembering they were there. "Wait… ooh- I think I know!"
Getting up, she starts descending into the bowels of the ship, through the cabin in the back!
I turn to Alice. "Alice-... we may soon have movement! Do you think the shi- ship can move…!?"
"I have no idea, please don't ask me." Alice looks doomed. Oh no...
SPLASH! Four green dolls armed with massive roman shields snap up to stop a volley of water from blindsiding Alice. But- since Alice made them react, I guess she was in no danger of being blindsided in the first place…
"Aaa~!" Ha-chan lands on the ship- and starts running around!
"Get back here- big fairy~!" Blubble- Bubble-chan descends after her, and starts runnin' in her trail…!
"Yeah!" Another short blue fairy with a cyan ponytail lands and runs behind 'em!
"Ou- ooh…!" Oh my god- that's a lot of water fairies. Another one lands- this one's blue bangs covering her eyes, and, uh…
Yeah, there's like, five more…!
Alice sighed. "You know…"
Ha-chan runs past, coming from behind Alice. At that moment, Alice pivots one-eighty.
SHU- SHU- SHU- SHUNK- SHUNK. She thrusts that green javelin the tossed earlier forward, and like, five dolls came outta nowhere to help her push.
It pierced straight through five of the water fairies, right through their chests.
PI~CHUN! A seismic blast of mana from their simultaneous exteriminations makes me stumble back…!
"It's been awhile since I've gotten out of the house." Alice resigns herself to helping us out!
"Kyaa~! The doll lady~!" The remaining water fairies fall back fer now, freakin' spooked by the quintuple kill Alice just made…!
"Oh no~!"
"We need more! She's no fun…!"
Remilia stands up, an' brushes off her dress, as the raindrops keep fallin' on her head. "Hah? Are you sure this isn't to help us for your own political gain?" My hormones insist that a soggy Remilia is a rather cute one. Quiet, body…!
Alice gives her a jaded look…! "We're standing on a ship made of tables, named the S.S. BONER. Are you sure either of us want to talk about this ever again? The next time I ask a favor of you, I'll remind you that I served atop the S.S. BONER. I was assisting you and your sister on their voyage atop the S.S. BONER, making sure neither of you became too wet as you rode it."
"Alright- well, fair point, well made…" Smiling firmly, Remilia gives her a nod, an' moves for the cabin in the back! "I'm... going to go- make sure my sister does not succumb to chronic dementia. Yes."
"You do that." Alice nods at 'er, an' then gives me a plain look…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The Magic Forest sky is black. Rain comes down in fuckin' sheets atop the S.S. BONER, and it makes me glad I decided the floor should be tarped…!
In an effort to not fucking freeze my arms and legs off, I hug onto one of Flandre's mana crystals, and also Ha-chan…!
"This- isn't what I had in mind- when I wanted to cuddle…!"Ha-chan, instead of using her electric magic or anything, uses a fucking chair to fend off this particularly thicc water fairy, like she's a lion…!
"Nnh…"The pudgy-ass water fairy pouts back at us…
thump. "Ow…" Ha-chan thrusts the chair's legs into her, and it makes the fairy's tub bounce slightly. On a scale of 'anorexic' to 'fatass', she's like, six or seven. Just disproportionately present for a fairy, s'all…!
That's when one of Alice's dolls makes their way up behind the fairy.
Thunk. The gentle-looking doll shoots a fucking arrow into the back of the fairy's skull.
Pi~chun! Yeah, instantaneous death. Alice's dolls have invested in stealth archery…!
Alice's dolls are like, fluffle-sized too, for the most part. Short enough not even ta come up to yer knee, just yer ankles. But the weapons they wield can be deadly as fuck still…!
"Have you been using London?" Alice reminds me of game mechanics I forgot existed.
"Oh, shit." Speaking of, I forgot she- or it- existed!
Alice exhales. "Well, naturally. Something like her would probably help out right about now."
pap- pap! That's when a water fairy with twin-tails lands behind us, and comes up to me…!
"Mmh." Wh- ah. She just- joins the big group hug. Why though…!?
Reachin' into my bag, I draw freakin'... ah- there. I draw the ruby-encrusted cross that Alice gave me.
"Alright-..." Channelin' energy into it, I focus on it, and the ruby in the center starts glowing.
woosh. Aw, there's London. She spins around in the air at first, holding her lance thing close.
"Mm- nn…" Stop- climbin' on me, y'freakin' monkey. This water fairy's actually just climbing me…!
Ha-chan turns to her, and yells! "Aaaa~h!" What's so scary…!?
Alice slowly glides up to us, and looks plain. Between you and me- Alice's more intimidating than the water fairy…!
"Wh- nnh…" The water fairy flails as Alice just kinda plucks her off. "Woah!" An' then Alice chucks her into the dark void around the ship…!
...When I de-tense, no longer being freakin' climbed, Alice leans towards me strangely!
"Y'know." I can't help but comment, "this reminds me of a really jank episode of a cartoon based on a movie. Not any particular cartoon or movie- just the format."
Alice, as I anticipate, does not understand or reciprocate the joke. "I don't know what you mean." Ouh.
...After an awkward moment, Alice actually continues! "Although, I may know what you mean about the adaptation of media overall. I would perhaps frame it as the translation of poetry into the children's play format." Not-... sure if that's similar or not…!
"Aaaa~h!" Ha-chan yells again…!
Only after she yelled, did a swarm of like eight water fairies touch down. It really is like a cartoon; they should've already been down so that she'd have had something to react to! But her reaction was pre-emptive specifically so I could see both her yell and the fairies descend in two different frames…!
"Aaaa~h!" Okay- actually, Ha-chan's just yelling for the sake of it.
"Stop yelling." Alice gets wise too…
Patatatatatatat! The moment the water fairies land, London kinda just sprays out a diamond-shaped spread… of yellow diamond-shaped bullets!
Pi- Pi- Pi~chun! "Woah! Eh- ah!" The fairies get all mixed up, an' start dying a whole lot. Either London's like, way more powerful than I give her- it- credit for, or water fairies are just freakin' goons.
"You should try to remain aware of your options." Alice gives me the good advice. An' maybe I'd listen to her better- if it were not both raining sheets, and also cold as ice out…!
"...Yeah!" I yell back over the rain…!
Pi- Pi- Pi~chun! Like, twenty hundred million thousand more water fairies get murdered by a platoon of floatin' doll archers in the background. Aw, the archers have blue plaid skirts…
An' then-
THOOM! THOOM! Oh… oh, that ain't thunder.
Flandre's wings, now really big, just erupt from the sides of the S.S. BONER, lighting up really freakin' bright…! Her wingspan is longer than some trees. Maybe not Magic Forest trees, but some trees in general.
The wings twist, the enlarged luminescent crystals now all facing downward.
KRK- SHOOF. Oh- oh fuck. I stumble around- 'cause the ship starts to take up off the ground…!
KRAK- FWOOM! Flandre's wing crystals become jets of powerful rainbow energy, thrusting against the floor. Holy shit…!
"Um…" Alice- joins the group hug fer stability, and holds onto the mana crystal with me!
"Oh fuck!" I yell! "It's the magenta apocalypse! Damn it…!"
Alice looks encumbered, squished up against me from the push force. "The- huh…?"
"Now we're all gonna starve." I give Alice a resigned stare. "A real Donkey Kong kinda game over, man."
"...Are-" She has to catch her breath again, 'cause the ever-increasing wind force takes her air away. "Hh-... are- you actually going crazy…?"
"Yes." I'm just excited, dude! "Dude- we've developed Gensokyo's first naval program!"
Fwi- fwish- fwish- fwish! We get beat up a little by the branches on the way out, but we escape!
"Yeehaw!" We're actually- leaving the canopy!
Soon, the forest's fog-like black sky dissipates, and we ascend through fuckin' trippy miniature star fields made by the forest's magic.
Fwrrrr~. The hum of Flandre's wings dim, and they fold back some, taking a more passive role. Slowly, the table combat ship BONER glides down across the grey sky over the Forest of Magic…
...Standin' up uneasily, I see my mug a' Kool-Aid on the table ahead- and oh shit!
Clack! I clasp it 'fore it bowls over! "Yo ho ho~!" We're pirating Touhou porn games tonight, son!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Well, son, here we are. Rainy news weather, dude.
It's a fucking foggy day. Gensokyo's gettin' pounded with rain water from a surprise storm! We can't see more than like ten meters ahead, and right now we're just in the infinite grey outside the Magic Forest's trees…
"Oh my god." Alice is actually baffled by how the rain is coming down…! "Gh- go~d…"
We're soaked to the bone and beyond, son. When we said the rain was comin' down in sheets, we meant it!
"I wish the rain came down in fleece, instead 'a sheets." I shiver intensely…! "Gh- god, damn! Brr- r- r- r- r!" My jaw's chatterin' son.
Alice gasps out a single chuckle. "Hu~... an- actual attempt at a joke-... and not just- cryptic randomness."
Aw, yeah! "When I said I wanted ta be a pirate- I didn't want gangrene!"
"Sh- shush…" Alice is somewhere between vague mirth and dying. "I- I didn't want to become an icicle…"
"Nnn…" Ha-chan's dying, again. "He- help-..."
Frrr~. Flandre's wings emit thruster noises, as our table ship stabilizes in the air…
The ascent stops- and we all fly a meter up oh god-
Alice rights herself- Alice yo ca- catch me Alice yo ho ho-
Thump! Instead, I sail back into the upper lip of the cabin's doorframe, along the back of the ship! "Ugh- nhk…" Ow!
Clap! ...Oh! One of Alice's dolls catches the Kool-Aid mug before it sails off!
Standing up- I run against the slick-ass, wet-ass floor, and- nngh! Take that mug! Yeah!
"It's the curse a' Captain Kedama!" I bark…! "Captain fluffle!" 'Fluffle' does not deserve capitalization as a surname!
fwoo- fwoom, fwoom. Some dolls that've just spawned around up here draw torches an' flaming weapons.
ss- sss~. A ton of them actually just go out, and- oh, nevermind, they all went out.
"Gods-" Alice pushes back towards me! "Let's- just, get inside the cabin…!"
Wh- oah! She actually pulls me along! Wait- how? Oh, with strings.
CLACK! The table door slams on inside, and we proceed into cover.
...Honestly? It's only half as better in here! The wind, it pierces.
"I feel so fuckin' wet that I could not be any water- wetter." Wh- uh oh.
Alice snorts! "If your sense of humor was any more watered-down, I wouldn't be able to distinguish you from the rain." Man- she took like three entire seconds just ta go deep fer that one…!
"What'd I do…!?" I grin into my mug a' Kool-Aid! "How do I still have this…!?"
Ha-chan runs inside- holy shit her maid outfit practically doesn't exist anymore. Nice cyan bra. "What's going o~n!?"
"You built a combat ship and sailed it." Alice gives me a stern look…! "During a thunderstorm."
KRAKOOM! Holy shit I jump the fuck holy fuck- that lightning was loud!
Alice leapt so hard she began floating, which caused her to bounce against the ceiling and the nearby walls! "Uu- ow- nnh…"
I sip from my Kool-Aid mug-... which is now like, fifty percent water than it is Kool-Aid now, and grin. "Damn straight! We're goin' to combat!"
Alice gave me a sexy glare. It's sexy 'cause I said so. Magicians are sexy when they glare! Well- girl magicians, anyway! "With-... wha~t?"
"The last thing there is left to fight." I intentionally insert ham into my pronunciation…! "The weather!"
Movin', I stomp up to the open door, and march on out.
"Hey-" Alice stumbles after me! "You- ugh…"
Fwiiii~sh! Amidst the fierce rain, I hold my non-mug hand ta my heart, and slip-slide my way out onto the center deck…!
Oh my god the steel strings are eating that central beam alive. Dude, that tree trunk's gonna be firewood at some point! I mean, looks like it'll hold, but damn!
"Fluffbran!" I yell! "Oatmeal!"
"What the heck is this!?"
Wh- oh! Aw dude! Cirno snaps onto the scene, and she looks feisty!
She floats up onto the ship with us, arms folded, beaming brilliantly.
woo- woosh, woosh! She awkwardly leans outta the way of a green javelin, and two little doll arrows, before posing with her arms folded again. "What's all this!?"
"I'm going to die of hypothermia." I nod at her gladly.
Cirno doubletakes! "Huh…!? Don't die! I don't even know if I don't like you yet!" Wait- didn't we meet before?
...Did we meet before!? I totally forget!
Wait, actually! "Yo- do you know the way to the mansion from here?"
Cirno nods big! "Yeah! After all, if you get lost in the mist, it's 'cause of the fairies! I think!" Ya think.
Oh- wow. Alice pulls herself up to us, six dolls using strings to pull herself along. That's-... incredibly ironic! I feel like that breaks some kind of natural physical law, but you know what, I think a lot of physical laws have already been broken in the construction of the BONER.
She's having a better run of it than me though- I have to walk in place to stay in place…!
"You-..." Alice's soft voice gets drowned out by the rain- almost literally! "Ngh. Do you- actually plan- to lead us there?"
Cirno shrugs exaggeratedly! "Wh- what, do ya think I can't? You wanna fight?"
...Alice becomes evil, and glares back! "I'm not in the mood to-"
Two Flandres run up from behind us, and look gentle as they stand at Alice's side. Uh, uh oh.
Alice gives them an extremely tired look…!
"Oh!" Cirno blinks big! "It's you!"
"Hi!" Both Flandres wave their arms!
One of them slips on up ta me. "I know where we're going, I think..." Why're none of you sure.
Pi~chun. What- no. The other Flandre started dancing, but then she popped like a fairy.
Cirno's similarly spooked! "Wh-... whu- aoh no!"
...It's a bad idea in all this wind, but I start ta raise my mug a' Kool-Aid in the middle of the rain an' push-force and try to take a sip-
WOOSH! Oh god- that'sa big gale-
SPLASH! Kool-aid, meet my face. Y'know, not the worst thing in the world-
"Woah- get back here!"Flandre goes after me- where am I? Oh no.
I'm gone, man. I'm somewhere in the vague, grey airspace over the Misty Lake…!
THUD! Wh- fuck! Ow…
...Oo- oh. I landed on ice. Just-... ice. Floatin' in the water. Guess we musta not been that high up anymore, 'cause that wasn't a long fall at all. Still fuckin' hurt!
Fwish- sh. Suddenly, the sound of rain stops completely. Uh…
As I sit up, I uh-... man. Dude- this ice is covered in puddles and shit. This is the worst thing ever. It's a cool visual, but I mean- it's so fuckin' cold dude hohoho…!
"...Uh?" Yo- where'd Flandre go. "Flander?" Flounder. Fondle the Founder. "...Fluffle."
Even the whipping wind sounds have stopped. The water on the ice around me stops pitter-pattering as intensely- or at all.
"Man, this sucks." I keep talking aloud so Flandre can find me, maybe.
"I would sure say so." That- ain't Flandre's voice though…
Lookin' around as I sit in my freakin' puddle- too afraid of slipping into more water to stand- I see-... ah.
Yukari in her fluffy-ass pink dress, perfectly dry, standing over me and smiling down.
"Please-... do- do not- gap my ass- into a dishwasher." That moment when you get boned atop the S.S. BONER…!
"...I- I'm not so cruel." Yukari returns! "So I'd like to believe." Yeah haha scary Yukari things. "Take my hand."
...Her smooth, gloved hand does look like a good idea. Also- using her as an anchor'd probably be better than hugging more ice!
When I grab on- she pulls me into standing, and-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Aah- aw. We're back atop the S.S. BONER. It happened so damn fast I didn't even see it happen.
No rain falls, no wind blows, and no one that's supposed to be up here on deck is actually here. Somehow.
Also, it's warm. Sixty degrees warm. Which is to say, not warm enough, actually. Temperate temps leavin' me shakin' anyway, 'cause my body temperature is probably dangerously low…!
"Feel free to cling on for warmth." Yukari- she thinks she's bein' smart. But y'know what?
Turnin' to her, I hug on! "Wh- nnh…" Her eyes widen, and her warm body bends a little to my embrace. Yukari didn't expect me to actually take her word at face value…!
And- holy shit she's soft. She smells like good. I like how she's giving me a frown, too.
"You accepted- with less fuss than I expected." Reluctantly, she actually wraps an arm around my side.
"Didja expect fuss…!?" I beam at her! "I'm freezin' my ass off!"
"Fair enough." She looks away, then back at me. "You're just-... soaked. Regardless..." shakin' her head, she took a pause to focus, then sighed. "Ha~h…"
She twists her head to look at me as I hug onto her side tight. "You're familiar with Gensokyo, aren't you?"
"I'm friend-milier." I reveal the smirk.
"...Hmh." She nods, looking tired. "...You're hugging awfully tightly."
Yeehaw. "Too tight?"
"Nnn. No." Yukari twists to look at me again, and gives me a big smile. "Are you that attracted to me?"
"Yes."
...Silence. Yukari simply smiles into my stare, as I keep huggin' her.
She makes an admission. "I expected you… to be more flustered."
"You have misjudged me…!" Ain't gonna spare no blushes this way, Yukari. I know your game! I will flirt with you back with reckless abandon!
"Oh. Oh. I see. We have spoken all of thirty minutes in total, and yet, you know me… well. Too well." That's- a really adventurous, but likely accurate assumption!
I mean, you're like the one person I cannot hide meta-think from. Yes Yukari- I know what Touhou is from the outside world I came from!
"Mmm." Yukari hums after a few moments, not really at me. "Oh well. Now isn't the time to think about it too hard."
Turning to me, she faces me- oh.
She hugs onto me even tighter- and our chests press together. Let's just say hers beats mine...
"Oh, Bra~d?" Wait- hold up- why're you so close- "Would you be," she leans into my left ear, "my boyfriend?"
Wh-... aa-...
After an intent moment of her purple eyes staring into my own, my mouth ajar, she beams. "Oh, come on. Don't get all soft from a proposal like that. I'm joking."
"Yeah- but it still felt-...!" It still made my heart pump- even if I was like fifty percent sure it was a joke!
"Hehehe…" Yukari puts her gloved hands on my face like a creeper. "I suppose I am spoiling you. Before we never speak of this again…"
Leaning back, she runs her hands down her breasts. "Do I look seventeen to you?"
"No, ya look like, twenty something, except anime." What seventeen year old has mega boobs. "You're also as tall as me, which is weird!"
"You're the weird one…" Yukari protests! "Why are you so tall? Stupid, cute American boys…" Stop caressing my ribs as you say that. I'm not even a boy- I'm eighteen! Well- compared to her, I might be-
Wh- ah. Before I can retort, she hugs on again.
"Mwah." Yukari pecks me on the cheek, leaving a pink mark.
"Alright- I give…!" I give up the game of chicken-flirting! "I don't wanna get a boner on the BONER. That'd be weird."
"As if you don't already have one." Damn it. "Fufufu. Still… it feels good to have a boy my age compliment my looks." Pfth- your age? "Consider that kiss my thank-you."
Before we part, she hugs onto me tight from the side, and speaks into my left ear. "Want more?" Oo- oh my god- "Joking~."
"You might not believe it, but I did not come here just to flirt with you."
Yeah- you really could have fooled me. I am ready to roll over and be given a cat belly rub.
Woosh! Wh- ah. Yukari lets go of me- and I stumble back, 'cause she ejects a slight push force that sends me slidin' back a meter or two.
"I am proud of how that went." Yukari gives me a smirk. "You thought you could avoid an embarrassing conversation with me? I know less shame than even you do, mister Brad. When I want to, that is."
She did that entirely to flex on me, to show that she is the more extreme chad of being tactless. I can't believe I got bamboozled.
"Well," I swallow! "I- I mean…!"
"Although, admittedly, it couldn't go too far." Yukari shook her head. "I'm sorry, Brad. It just wouldn't work out. Don't feel bad. Feel glad." You freakin'...!
Freakin'... "That moment when we play flirt-chicken until we get married."
Yukari jerks her head back, a hand on her chest. "Oh, heavens. Marriage? If you insist…"
I- I know she's joking- but just the way she inflects her voice on the premise leaves me more aroused than I was two seconds ago. You- you at home- y'might be rollin' yer eyes, but it's different when Yukari's right here!
"That aside…" Yukari sighs, looking around. "I just had to admire this vessel's maiden voyage."
"The voyage of the boner." I have to enunciate it! "It's migrating, dude."
...Yukari fights the mirth from 'er smile! "Mi- migrating, hm? Mmh. ...You now, I'd segue that into a flirt, but the premise of an erectile voyage is inherently too cheesy for me to do anything classy with."
"Dick cheese." She has reminded me that exists. Not fer me, though! 'Cause-
Clack! Wh- ow! Yukari just bonked me with her freakin' umbrella! "The fuck…!?"
"There's some things you don't say to a lady." Yukari insists! "You young men and your variable schizophrenia…" It kinda do be like that don't it…!?
Well. "How's my BONER, Yukari? It big enough for ya?"
Yukari rolls her eyes, before holding her own cheeks, her parasol mysteriously absent for this particular emote animation. "Oh, my..."
After a moment, she lets one arm drop, holding a single finger to her left cheek. "...In terms of actual naval vessels, it is quite small. More like a yacht, or a dingey."
Ow. "It's got a big heart…!" I retort as best as I can! "I mean, it's bigger than like three cars…!"
"If you wanted me to compliment your craftsmanship, I'm afraid that isn't going to happen." Yukari shakes her head plainly. "Especially because you had to rely on Alice's help. Such a darling, isn't she?"
"Quite a darling." I insist. "Such a darling. I gave her a rutabaga."
...Yukari gives me a big nod, an' her chest jiggles once! "Rutabaga, yes. The food of your people."
"Fluffabaga." I stare into the foggy distance. I am glad we are in agreement.
Are we even moving? The ship, I mean…
"It's very like you to ask others for help." Yukari-... eeh? Is it really? "So very like you." Where'd this come from?
Dunno 'bout that. "Yeah yo." My answer lacks soul, but I am not in the mood to argue with Yukari of all people. Not seriously, anyway!
...Smiling, Yukari nods more normally. "Sorry to bother you~. I'll be going now."
Actually. "Hol' up."
Yukari takes pause when I reach out fer her. "My offers weren't serious."
"S'not that…!" Son! "I was wondering… can I have my 3DSXL? Like, from the outside world!?" I'd ask for my computer but uuuh, actually setting that up is an impossibility at the moment!
...Yukari just blinks at me.
pap. Aw. My 3DSXL ends up in my hand! "Oh- shit!"
"Consider that a thank-you as well." She gives me a nod, an' turns-
"Can we take a video!?" I ask 'er next!
"Freaking…" Yukari gets fed up! "Oh, fine. I'm soft for young men like you." I'm gonna fwoobash you. Why'm I a young man and not a boy now. When'd that happen…!?
Coming up to me- ooh! Yukari drapes her arm around my shoulders, and leans her head up against mine…!
"Hol' up- lemme start the freakin'- photo program, EXE, app game thing!" I start foolin' with the 3DS…!
"I might as well stay close." Yukari's voice vibrates through me kinda. It's got more volume than you'd expect. "Why? Are you nervous?"
More than I should be! "Not much! But-"
"Oh, don't be." Yukari- you asshole- "Fwoo~."
"For- what reason." She breathed into my ear. "What reason…!?"
"Fu- fufufu." Her arm clings to me tighter! "Why can't it be no reason?"
"'Cause it's weird!"
"You? Calling me weird?" Yukari's a weirdly jovial person…! "Pot kettle, pot kettle." Wh- okay.
The photo program thing is alive! After some touch-screen fumbling- man my hands are dirty- I get a video rollin'.
"Hello~, Brad's friends." Yukari holds a cheek up ta mine, and gives the 3DS a peace sign. "It's me, his girlfriend, Princess Peach."
Y'know, Yukari really could cosplay as Peach when I think about it. "Yer not Peach- yer Yukari...!"
"I'm Peach." She winks at the camera. "What do you mean?"
Mushroom Kingdom indeed…! "Freakin'..." I dunno where to point the camera. Fer a moment, I pan it at her boobs, and then I just kinda shift the focus between us…!
Alright- so! "I wanna get a shot of you like, firing danmaku and doing more than just tryin'a molest me!"
"Ah." She smiles. "Sure thing."
whish. Wh- oh. Yukari escapes from her own hold on me, just- gone.
"Look at this stuff." Yukari suddenly is at my side again. "Isn't it neat?"
Oh my fucking god. She's holding up a fluffle.
"No." I give her a smug look. "No, it isn't neat." I then vaporize into a pile of sand. "Where'd you even find that? Why's like, time stopped…!?"
Yukari smiled wider! "Time's stopped."
Son. "How's time stopped…!?" I question further!
"It's not really, actually." Yukari pouts. "We shouldn't bicker on-camera regardless." Ohp- right.
whish. She slides back further, and hides the fluffle by just placing it somewhere behind her back, as if she were a video game character who hid things in their ass. Y'know, considering Yukari, she could probably just straight up hide things in her ass.
I point the camera at her, and observe.
Fwa- fwa- fwam! Fwa- fwa- fwam! Twirling around, she summons those freakin'... purple kunai from the aether, and a myriad of colorful, green-white-pink waves that emit light and circle around her in the air.
"In truth," she speaks into both of my ears directly, despite her lips not moving, and also her being like five meters away. The fuck…! "I've simply done a couple magic tricks to obscure our presence, and obscure the presence of others from us. That magic won't last much longer."
She takes pause, the danmaku slowing. "Actually… better idea."
whish. In the next moment, she's behind me. I feel her breasts press against my back.
"Hu~p…" Yukari tugs, and with her arms, pulls my entire body along. "Come. Let me show you…"
Who- ooh. A gap opens up before me- and Yukari carries us both into it.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Over the fog, over the clouds, over all of Gensokyo.
Most of the mist seems confined to the Misty Lake area. Things're real grey, but from where we are, it's obvious the raining clouds're all actually really low.
Somehow, Yukari's grip on me is really light, both arms curled up to cup my chest in a way that's somewhat awkward…
"I'd speak aloud, but the wind up here is too loud, even with magic." I hear Yukari via the global audio instead of from an actual audio source. Ah, yes. My favorite magic: global audio sources.
Wh- ah. She lets go of me, but-... ah.
Holding onto one of my hands, she's seemingly applied some kinda weightlessness to me. Pulling me through the air, she rotates me around, showing me the grey Gensokyo below.
From up here, we can see intermittent rainbow lights from Gensokyo itself; danmaku duels of unknown purpose are ragin' on amidst the storm here or there, occasionally polluting the rainy day atmosphere with light in bursts.
...Oh. Yukari's gone full tryhard on the camera work for me. The 3DS floats outta my hands, and just follows us in the air, shielded from moisture by a tiny bubble barrier.
PATATATATATAT! Yukari splays her hand out, spreading some paper fan she apparently had on her. Cotton candy-colored bullets splay out into the aether, making light and probably doing naughty things to the 3DS's ability to focus on anything at all…
"Isn't it all so amazing?" Yukari takes this time to just marvel at the world. "This land. Full of life…"
From up here, the world beyond Gensokyo's borders seems empty, vast and vague. Gensokyo itself is in focus, and I can make out the barrier itself amidst the moisture, so high up.
"You know so little of this land's history." Yukari lamented. "Despite your… genre-savviness. You have so very much to learn. That is, if you can."
Y'know… "Is this special treatment?" I'm curious!
Yukari hums. "Hmm. Is this not our first date? What do you want to eat?"
...I give 'er a look.
"Fufu." Man, Yukari forcin' me to play the straight man. Feels so… wrong! "In seriousness, yes and no. You are among few who know Gensokyo's grand scale on a surface-level. Most outsiders come in knowing nothing. That alone is interesting."
I feel like I'm playin' Katamari Damacy. We're flyin' over Gensokyo all King Of All Cosmos style…!
"That, and you…" Yukari begins her sentence strangely! "Hmm. Nevermind."
"Hoh?" I wonder.
"I must have mentioned it earlier." Yukari supposed. "You didn't enter Gensokyo by any means I'm aware of. You just… appeared."
I wonder. "What if I was forgotten…? On the outside? They'd call me Bradley the Forgotten, dude."
Yukari gives me a flat look. "...No." Awh. "It doesn't… quite work like that. Still. It's something neither of us should think too hard about, I'm sure. Not yet. There's no reason to."
"After all… you don't want to go home, do you?"
I shake my head! "Not really, no!"
"Good boy." Yukari gives me a big smile. "If you don't get yourself killed, I'm sure you'll fit in just fine."
Yeah. If I don't get myself killed. I'm not gonna think about it too much just yet…! "Yeah- I'm workin' on that whole 'not dying' thing…"
...We return to lookin' over the danmaku-speckled Gensokyo below. It's not that it's not colorful, but overall its colors are washed-out and muted from the weather.
Yet, they're still very variant. Ponds and rivers below shine with faded fruity colors, a kaleidoscope of worn light reflected through the water, even despite all the flat greenery around it. Must be the danmaku bullets, or maybe their light pollution…
Yukari pauses, righting the both of us. "Do you think this is enough?" She spins a pink-cyan orb around upon her free hand's index finger, the 3DS slowly spinning in the air as it beholds it.
"Maybe…!" I dunno! "If the thing actually focused, it oughta look pretty impressive!"
...Yukari nods. "I think it should be good enough. I know how these things can be… but I believe the colors and the information of what is being displayed is believable enough to make this a fitting momento."
She floats the 3DS up ta me, and I take it. God- imagine if I dropped it…! Into the sky-sea it goes!
Thankfully, I do not drop it, an' slip it into my bag.
"Anyway. This is goodbye." Yukari gives me a wave. "Did you have fun?"
"I am the fun." I assert…!
"Good." Wh- ah. She lets go of me. Ass, ass, ass-
woosh. Aw. Gap space. Holy shit those eyes man holy fuck-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Thud. I land on my butt, kinda hard. "Oo- ooh…" Also- "Woah fuck!" Cold! Holy fuck! It's cold! "Woah!"
I get off the wet ass deck of the S.S. BONER and stand, and-
WOOSH! Instantly, the wind carries me away, and I become depressed. "Wh- nnn." I chuckle pitifully as I'm just carried across the deck without my intervention at all…! "Oouh…"
"Aa- ah." Alice watches me just skid by her. "There you are." Here I am, dude.
I end up stopping against the wall of the back-cabin of the BONER. Aa- are we going fast, or is the wind just fucking stupid powerful…!?
FWII~SH. The low murmur of the rain showerin' down on the land, the lake and the ship is freakin' powerful. We're gettin' boned…!
...Suddenly, a Flandre clone runs outta the cabin! "Oh! There ya are!" She looks relieved, somehow! "I thought-"
Pi~chun! The clone died, for no reason.
...A second or two later, another Flandre clone just comes outta nowhere, and blinks at me again. "I thought you got lost in the water- which would've been really bad!"
"Yeah, it woulda!" It would've led to my undetectable extermination…!
"Now we can go home…" Flandre nods peacefully, and-
FRRRR. Oh- the thrusters are adjusting. Uh oh.
FWA- ROAR! Oh god. We turn ninety degrees an' blast.
My face hugs the wet wood table wall. "Oou-"
THUNK! Oo- oh no! Alice got fuckin' clotheslined by the cabin-top! "Uuh- nn!" Saliva shoots from her mouth, as she gets freakin' annihilated.
Clack- CLACK! Dolls beat against the front a' the cabin, and fuckin' explode.
"We got a real jam goin' on down here…!" I yell over the rain, and- wahoo! I slip on a puddle!
THUD! I use my arms to stop my skull from cracking open on the table floor. Wh- ow. Dude, landing on this slightly uneven table deck is painful!
There are water fairies stuck in the fucking steel wires holding the ship together- pfthehahaha! Dude, this thing's a flyin' natural disaster! I didn't even think about how bad the wires'd be for walkin' around atop the deck itself while it's in motion!
Actually hol' up- those steel wires weren't all out over the surface of the deck before, they were tighter down on the actual tables. Uh oh.
"Yo- Alice!" I yell fer her! "It's time ta activate super flying cowboy mode…!"
"Sh- shut- caugh-" Alice coughs 'cause of the abuse she received from the table-cabin-thing. Ouh. "Shut up!"
Getting off the floor, I jump as the ship abruptly slows-
"Wahoohoohoo~!" Oh- fuck! Wow! Yeehaw! When I jumped- I cleared the entire fuckin' deck from the very back of the ship, and got flung straight off!
Oh, man. I am gonna die when I land…! Where am I!? Aa-
THUMP! Oh! Mid-air I made contact with Cirno- and we both fuckin' bounce off each other, and fall away! "Aaaaa~!" Cirno wails like it's the end of the world…!
Pap. Aw. A water fairy catches me-... and slowly starts to sink into the fog with me, 'cause I'm too heavy for her. Somehow. "Nn- nnh…" Aw man, she's snug. "No~…"
WHOOM. Oo- oh, shit. The S.S. BONER sails on overhead, and nearly fuckin' runs me over! That muddy underside, holy shit. I can't believe I conceived the idea of building that…!
...Once it's fully passed over us- some dolls dart down from over the back of the cabin atop it, and they come fer me!
Quickly, the four blue dress-clad, blonde dolls all grab one limb each, and just- pull me outta the water fairy's grasp. "Wh- ah…" The fairy reaches out to grab me fer some reason, but isn't fast enough...
How surreal. These dolls can really lift! How the hell do you do this with strings…!?
Once I'm back on the deck, Alice sets me down- ow ow ow-
"Ugh-" Alice cringes, as the rain turns into hail…! "Geez…"
Patat- patter patter- plap pap! She spawns like eight of those green dress-clad dolls with big, green-yellow roman shields. Oh my god that noise of the hail against those shields…!
"Who did we piss off…!?" This storm is really fuckin' bad…! When I met Kanako, did I do somethin' to offend her…!?
woosh. Alice spawns eight more of them roman legion shield dolls. "Sometimes- nature is just-... uncooperative…" She sounds stressed out…!
PATATAT- PITTAT PITTER PATATAT! Y'know… where does Alice hide all these dolls? Like, there's enough metal in all those little shields to make another boat. Was she just- hiding it all up her ass…!?
Anyway, this small army of shield dolls is enough to protect me- and Alice- from the hail. Freakin', Jesus Christ.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SAKUYA IZAYOI'S PERSPECTIVE ====
This weather is most decidedly abnormal.
"Don't you think?" I ask Meiling for her opinion.
I have no choice but to stand quite cautiously behind her as she holds a reinforced, storm-proofed umbrella up over us, taking on both the rain and hail.
One eye winced shut, she beams at me. "I dunno~! Might be…!"
These umbrellas really come in quite handy. I may have made light of their design before, but somehow, they're perfect for Meiling specifically.
These storm-proofed umbrellas have massive weights to keep them from being blown around, and instead of the standard unfoldable cloth, it's simply a huge, angular stainless-steel shield.
Hail comes down with intense volume over us. I can feel some impacts in my own chest, almost. It's refreshing, in a way.
Meiling, and perhaps the mistresses, and some notable fairies, are the only ones who can wield these umbrellas effectively. If I tried to, it'd fall over, or get pushed away by the wind.
Just an hour or two ago, Gensokyo's sky was at peace. Then the mist set in- something I'd thought advantageous for the mistresses- and then… rain.
Quite a lot of rain. Too much rain. The garden will be washed out some, unfortunately. It also being so cold, it's coming down as a hail mixture rather than just water.
It's unfortunate. They were looking forward to that camping trip. ...Though, perhaps it's fortunate after all. I'm not sure that Brad fellow would survive a night with those two. As in, he'd likely come back a slightly molested man. Especially because he's already recovering from what Koakuma had done to him- or tried to.
I'm more concerned whether or not this weather event may shape up to be something more extreme. I've got this… feeling.
The front lobby being open to the elements is also very unfortunate. That comment Reisen had made about it becoming a moat is now all too real.
"Man!" Meiling yells. "It's so freaking windy~!"
I know. Your hair is whipping circles over my face.
In truth, I'm just out here because the moisture and wind together feels nice. Observing the weather itself is just something I can happen to do in the meantime.
That's when the moment breaks.
WHOOF. From the foggy aether, something appears.
Meiling tosses the heavy-duty umbrella aside- and I start getting battered by the elements. "Nngh-..." Crossing my arms, digging in my heels, I brace my teeth.
"What- the…" Meiling goes agape.
Oh.
I swallow, and read the text etched into the floating craft's side.
The S.S. BONER sails slowly through the air before us, before making contact with the gate.
With a piercing crack, the central lock is burst open, the two halves of the metal gate whining open with fierce volume.
...Taking this moment, I rub my eyes. It's this fog, surely. The mansion's gate was not just pierced by the S.S. BONER while we just stood here next to the gate and watched.
"We~igh, anchor!" Brad's voice yells over the rain and hail.
The entire miniature-ship composed of furniture rams the front of the mansion, and the snapping of wood punctuates the damage. Ah- oh dear.
I lean out of the way as a giant anchor is dispensed. In doing so, I evade an explosion of mud unleashed by its impact.
"Ee- aah!" Meiling recoils, taking it head-on. "Guh…"
"Yar, har, fiddle de dee~!" Brad, despite his best efforts, is still barely audible. He sounds tired, despite his vigor.
The sounds of a metal crank are audible. A team of eight dolls work together to raise a large, car-sized fluffle up out of the mud, and onto the ship's side.
"Bein' a pirate is alright with me!" From here, I can see that Brad's slowly dancing his way down the deck. "Do what'cha want 'cause-..."
Taking pause, he runs up to the engorged fluffle. "Hang the fat fluff at the end a' the mass!"
Three of the little mistress Flandre's clones pop out of nowhere, and yell too. "We are a pirate!"
"An entire single pirate!" Brad remarks. "With our brain cells combined, we are a singular pirate…!"
...No longer shielding myself, I stand plainly in the rain.
"Oh- shit!" Meiling moves to try and hoist up the metal umbrella again. "Sakuya- you're gettin' soaked!"
"...I think I'm going to go-... take a break." The wind has been taken from my sails.
Meiling snorts. "Sa- Sakuya?"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 10
this took me way way way way way way too long to produce ultimately
although admittedly i think i wrote the upcoming sendai chapter before i actually worked on this chapter, so maybe i didn't actually practically sit on my hands for the most of the month before writing this
that and i've been getting really bad life RNG with some things, making concentrated work-time on this chapter difficult
it also had a strangely weird low amount of momentum for me as i was writing it, although i've also been working on like… a lot of tangential plot bunnies in my head in personal sandbox docs and not here
so in reality i may've written like 20k more words just off the record and not for any actual story
that and i do have some good ideas now…
anyway!
yeah i'm interested in seein' how this chapter'll go
the original chapter had variable batshit insane momentum… BUT, the looseness of touhou characterizations and the feel younger brad gave off in those scenes didn't feel believable enough to me, by like… a good margin
brad's brave about existing but i dunno, i wanted to give the touhous more general charisma so that whenever he does baffle them it's worth more and hits harder
honh
anyway yeah!
as always, see you all next time!
