(in which we go with the flows, yo)

We come up to the gates of the Scarlet Devil Manor once more, which were fully submerged. Progress seemed to have halted, the remains of the upstart being abused by the waves. The library was once again protected by a barrier, which shimmered as waves slammed into it. I assumed everyone found shelter inside the library, which was going to become an undersea dome at some point…

Sanae and I were still locked in a clumsy embrace, warmer than before. Woohoo!... this was still really awkward!

The fluffle stand was now a little boat, with the fluffle standing upon it with a little umbrella hat.

"hi friends" Even when the entire world's flooded, these things find ways to persevere!

I stick up my middle finger. "Eat it, fluffy!"

"Waaaal!" it wails back, offended.

"See? Everything's flooded. Fuck." Reimu provided, pissed.

I jerk my head back. "Come now, not everything. Let's see, Eientei might be flooded, but Youkai Mountain was fine-ish, and the human, uhm…. the hu~man…" It was on the tip of my tongue, but…

"...What about humans, again?" Reimu glanced at me. "You were doing fine until you got to that part. I don't even know what that is, and if I don't know what you're talking about, then you're probably talking about nonsense."

Huh, I coulda sworn… "No, for realsies, there was this human place… with uh… human qualities, I guess. I think it started with an H, like the word 'human' but…"

How the hell did I forget a whole location!?

Reimu shakes her head. "Don't think too hard- you might hurt yourself."

I shrug. "Well, regardless... "

I look around the sea, thinking of where to go next…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

We waded through the Forest of Magic's half-submerged forestry, various fairies whirling around for violent meet-'n'-greets with their friends and whatnot, in all the flood excitement.

Magic particles whirled about in the water, giving it some strange properties in this part of the sea…

"L-look out!" Sanae blurted out, as a completely vertical incline of water, making a cube, drifts past us.

"...That's probably not healthy for anything or anyone involved." I deadpan, staring at the literal cube of liquid water slowly drifting through the trees. Magic is weird…

Near us, a geyser erupts from the water, pushing us into the side of a tree. Water rains down from the sky, the water rippling from the blast.

"Jesus fuck." I flatly state, observing the current status of the forest.

We drift by Alice's house, but it was half-submerged, no one home. That's right, Alice was probably with the Scarlets somewhere, she collapsed earlier and I kinda neglected her… eheh…

I assumed Sakuya took care of her, at any rate. She and Marisa should be in the undersea library, which uh… I couldn't access. I'm pretty sure I'm out of mana potions, too! I wonder…

I break from Sanae to begin paddling with Quake Maker again, making for Alice's abode.

"Ahoy, me mateys! Thar she blows!" I yell, pointing at the house once it's a few feet from us, as if no one noticed it before.

"I think we have eyes, thank you." Reimu retorts, still stubbornly seated on the raft. Her clothing no longer flailed wildly in the wind, since the trees took much of the wind for us.

I set Quake Maker down once we get near the house. "Sanae, make sure I'm not stranded here!"

Sanae salutes. "Aye aye, cap-e-tan!"

I carefully dip into the water and drift through Alice's front door, holding onto the walling to keep me from sinking. Inside some dolls and stuff floated around…

I made for her bedroom, which I hadn't entered before. Hnnngh, the door was closed, and there was no way I could open it with all the water pressure! Why does her door not have cracks for the water to leak in from!?

In any case, I made for the guest bedrooms instead, carefully ducking into the water to get under a door's overhang, and low and behold, some green and blue potions were floating on the surface, some leaves having apparently also invaded the room. The water in the room whirled around, and a back wall was taken down by a fallen tree branch, allowing the leaves to invade.

Speaking of, leaves began falling again! I don't know how the fuck the gods are going around making them fall during the great flood of twenty-fifteen, but good on them, I guess!

I precariously grab the blue potions by reaching my hand out into the middle of the room as they slowly whirled around, and got two or so. I eyed the green ones; I couldn't really spare time to grab those…

I made my way carefully back outside, to see Sanae struggling to paddle the raft to keep it up against the house. I make a leap of faith, grabbing onto the edge of the raft and allowing myself temporary submersion to climb aboard and roll onto deck.

"Hoohhh… water's fucking scary." I conclude, gasping for air.

"A-are you alright…?" Sanae asks, looking down at me with concern.

Reimu looks at her. "If he wasn't fine, he wouldn't be acting like a hooligan." Well put!... I think.

I sit up. "F-freakin' soggy…" I shiver a little; being submerged in cold fall water's not very good for the homeostasis, as it were!

Sanae kneels next to me and hugs me tightly. "...D-don't take this the wrong way!"

Reimu stared at us blankly. "He'll take it the wrong way. Infact, I think you're taking it the wrong way."

"S-shut up!" Sanae weakly protested, blushing. Really not helping your case, here…!

We come to Marisa's house, which was just freakin' leveled by this point. It was missing a wall, it was battered and beaten by danmaku, and now it was flooded.

Reimu looked to the wreckage with mild worry. "Marisa…?"

I quickly defuse her worry. "She's in the library, the freakin' one at the bottom of the sea."

She nods. "Ah, right…"

The raft idly nears the wrecked shack, as I slowly paddled towards it. I look around at the tree tops, somewhat admiring the grainy atmosphere…

My eyes freeze when they run across a tree top. In the mist, I can see one of those creepy-ass swirly fluffles, unmoving, staring dead into my eyes.

I point. "Any of you guys see that?"

Reimu and Sanae look to the treetops.

"...It's a fluffle. We've seen them already." Reimu observes, turning to me.

Sanae stares at it. "...It's a little creepy. It's not even blinking…"

I turn to Sanae, and she turns to me. My vision goes black, and I hear Sanae scream. I blink rapidly, hands to my eyes, and my vision's back, and I am literally drenched- it was like water just materialized all around me. Sanae and Reimu suffered similar conditions.

I looked to the fluffle, only to see it gone. What the hell…

"A-aaahhhh!" Sanae continues screaming, for some reason.

"W-what the fuck!" Reimu rubs her eyes, looking around alarmed.

The water splashed to the floor of the raft, flowing off it. We were all soaked to the bone even more than before, somehow- even more than the rain had inflicted upon us in this timeframe. It was weird… like we were wetter than wet.

Reimu hugged herself, shivering. "...Dammit…"

I grin. "...Want a hug, friend?"

Reimu glares at me. "Pervert."

Sanae moves up to Reimu and hugs her. "Don't be shy, Reimu! We're all friends here…"

Reimu tries to struggle out of Sanae's grasp, but gives up. "Y-you... aahhh…"

We finally bump into Marisa's little half-submerged pavilion. I stand up, wiggling my fingers. "Time to see what magical macguffins we can find today…!"

I steer the raft into the open wall, to find some waterproof books floating around. A few were beyond repair, but some were only slightly damp.

"Save the books!" I exclaim, scooping some up, tossing them on the raft. With any luck we could use these as LEGO blocks or something!

The others join me, and we save a small pile. I couldn't really read any of them, though… but I'm sure I might be able to trade them in for something later! I think!

Clunk-unk! Clunk! Clunk-unk!

A really weird clunking noise came from the water, and when we turned outside, we saw what looked like a plastic trash can hopping around. Inside it was apparently a plethora of fluffles. It floated lightly in the waves, but seemed mostly grounded. It refused to totally submerge no matter what aswell.

...Oh yeah, it didn't fit inside either. It was huge, for some reason.

"...What the hell is that supposed to be?" Reimu's brow twitched.

Clunk!... Clank!

The top flipped open, and angry fluffles rushed out and into the waves… only to get instantly lost amongst the waves despite their valiant efforts to reach our raft, sinking in the water.

"Good job." I complimented them.

Clunk-unk! Clunk!

The thing hopped around in place, unable to enter the house

"Get out of my way." Reimu sent a Bloodbath Yin-yang orb forward, striking the trash can.

"Waaal!" The fluffles flew out, along with a neon green substance, the trash can folding from the pressure of the strike. It then drifted away uselessly, a horde of fluffles lost to the waves and green toxins oozing out into the water.

Sanae stared at the green liquid, wincing as it bubbled in the waves and whirled around, dissipating. Some of it turned to mist on the water, evaporating on contact. "Eeeww… what is that stuff?"

I furrowed my brows. "Waste of some kind, presumably. My question is why a gaggle of fluffles was freakin' having a community snugglefest in the stuff. They seemed pissed, too."

I looked around; there really wasn't many magical instruments I could make use of…

"Let's go, I suppose…" I settle with, paddling us out. The wind and rain started slamming us again, but we re-adjusted quickly.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

Coming up to the bamboo forest, nothing much had changed except we were floating through it instead of walking through it.

Mokou even had a bamboo raft!

"What the hell's been going on around here?" Mokou floated alongside us, questioning Reimu.

"That's what I want to know! It's too wet!" Reimu stubbornly sat with her arms folded, despite Sanae's current embrace around her. Group hugs had become a thing by this point, because it's cold, and wet, and sad outside!

"Too wet? It's fucking flooded!" Mokou irately yelled. "I have to use a raft now, for fuck's sake…"

Reimu glared at her. "I'm trying, okay!? It's not easy when everything's fifty feet under!"

Mokou turned to her, glaring back. "Try harder, then, or else we're going to be fifty feet under!"

Tensions intensify! I've gots to dos somethings!

I stand up. "Salty sea dogs!"

Mokou glances at me. "Shut the fuck up."

I get a brief, scornful glare from Reimu. "I'm going to hurt you."

The two promptly go back to glaring at one another. Eheh…

"G-guys…" Sanae looks at the two of them, wary, but she was promptly ignored.

Reimu sighs. "...Well, I'm getting something done now. Trying, at the very least." She looks away, closing her eyes.

Mokou huffs. "Well… good."

We finally come to a half-submerged Eientei, and I paddle up to Kaguya's window. I take careful aim with Quake Maker… "We're taking the sneaky approach, guys…"

I swing!

Craack!

Kaguya's window blows open. Whoops!

I jump inside and awkwardly attempt a fancy roll. "We're here for a bottle of kool-aid and a yo ho ho!"

Kaguya's too engaged in a vigorous game of CS:GO, her headphones on and shouting audible from them.

"No, the right, the sni- Fuuck! You cunts! God, fucking… fuck!" Kaguya's hands flail wildly on the keyboard.

Sanae leaps in, landing on the floor. "Watch the raft, Reimu! We'll be right out!"

Reimu glares in incredulously from the window. "What, why me!? If anyone should be- oof!"

Mokou lifts Reimu up and tosses her inside. "I'll watch the both of them, get going you buncha fuckups!"

Mokou had the mouth of a sailor today! "Don't worry, yo! We'll make them walk the plank for this!"

Her glare fiercened. "The plank's gonna be up in your ass in a few moments, move!"

"Boom, headshot! My hands're shakin', my hands're shakin'...!" Kaguya's pupils contract, and she starts moving the mouse rapidly. "Ohhh, ho ho ho! Get rekt, son!"

I walk up to Kaguya, and carefully lift the headphones off her head.

"Huwoah shit!" Kaguya jumped in surprise, falling back off her chair.

Thud!

"...Fuu~aahh…" she groans from the floor. "...Wha~t? I'm busy…"

"The world is flooding, and it will soon include your computer! We gotta go drink all the water in Gensokyo!" I instruct her, acting frantic.

She jolts up. "Oh, fuck that! Eirin, the world's ending! Eirin~!"

Eirin slams the door open. "Princess, please, be quiet. I'm busy."

As Eirin goes to shut the door, I raise a hand. "Yo, hold up! You got a sec?"

Eirin looks out of the door just before it closes. "No." Click.

I run up to the door and rip it open moments after it closes, and then drag Reimu by the arm.

"H-hey, hold on!"

I drag Reimu into the hallway. "Yo, Eirin! Look here!"

Eirin looks at me, then her stare shifts to the miko I've got a hold on. "...Ah, right, follow me, you…"

Reimu and I follow Eirin out of the room.

...Seeing us leave, Sanae dashes for Kaguya's kotatsu, and slides under it.

"Thank Kanako-sama!" Sanae lets a sigh of relief out, the warmth of the kotatsu filling her…

Kaguya rests a hand on her shoulder, and holds a 3DS in the other hand. "...It's time to motherfuckin' smash!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

"Right, right… now, where was I?"

Eirin walks into her laboratory, quickly moving around a desk as me and Reimu look around the cluttered room, papers and vials and stuff everywhere. Organized chaos, I took it!

I see a floating Kit-Kat bar upon her desk, hovering lightly in the air.

"That's uh…" I point at it, unable to find words.

"Oh, right. Anti-gravity chocolate, and uh, dang…" Eirin eyes the table carefully, before backhanding the anti-gravity chocolate.

"Out the window with that. Looks about done, anyway." She reached under her desk, fumbling around for something...

...It looked good, too!

Eirin pulled out a de-activated water nuke, albeit riddled with bullet holes. "Udonge found this the other day, and apparently it startled her enough to make a reaction shot on it. I know that isn't an easy feat at any rate, so I'd like to know if either of you know what exactly this is. I know what it looks like; but you know, it's not quite what it appears to be."

Reisen reaction-shotted a nuke? If it were a real one, we'd be fuckin' glassed by now!

"Well, it appears to explode into geysers of water, which accents the recent heavy rainfall. It has a normal countdown of three… moments, of sorts." I elaborate.

"Hmmm… have they just been falling out of the sky as others have said? I've been surveying trajectories…"

Reimu nods. "A few landed outside my shrine when everything started flooding. I nearly jumped out of my skin the first time it happened…"

Eirin furrows her brows. "These canisters have to be getting launched from a remote location… but the weather doesn't make observation easy- remotely or by eyewitness. "

She pops it open, to reveal what looked like a round, blue orb inside. "This seems to be the primary power source of the warhead- purely magical in nature, quite ironic given the device's design."

I eye it curiously. "Is it… still functional?"

Looking up to me, her face betrays a vague pique of her curiousity. "...Yes. Why do you ask?"

I hold out my hand. "If you may… could I borrow that?"

If this worked somehow…

Reimu scowls at me. "What could you possibly do with some magical water… core… thing?"

"I'd correct you, but that's pretty much what I've been calling it…" Eirin sighed, and then handed it to me.

Hmmm… I pulled out Hydraulic and tried to fit it in somewhere, but it didn't really go anywhere… and unlike the fluffle-sold crafting materials, it can't just magically click on like blocks!

Reimu raises a brow. "...I see. You do that, then."

I shrug. "Hey, it doesn't hurt to try. Can I take this?" I turn to Eirin.

She tilts her head a bit. "Ah… I could use the core for studying how to precisely counteract the effects of-"

I cut in. "-Getting wet, yes, right. I don't think you'll be needing this if that's everything…"

Eirin looked mildly perturbed by my comment, but turned away. "Very well, then. Since you're the professional here, I'll let you handle that specimen. Don't mind me."

I nervously grin. "Right… my apologies about uh…"

"Say no more, I will leave you to your endeavors, professor plant hanger." She makes for the back of the room, and begins sorting through some metal bits and guff.

"...Well, now how the hell are we supposed to figure out where these tin cans are coming from?" Reimu stared at me, upset and ready to inflict violence upon me.

...Reisen saves the day! "I could help you with that."

Reimu jumps. "Where'd you come from?"

Reisen glances at her, before continuing. "I've been watching those… warheads of a sort. They've all come from 46 degrees from the north of my recent tower position… or, if you were to judge the front door of Eientei, northwest."

"The front door's freakin damp." I added.

"...Northwest of Kaguya's bedroom window you always use, then." Reisen rolls her eyes.

Reisen walks into the room behind us, presumably to talk to Eirin. Me and Reimu begin to walk off, when…

A warm light glows around my chest. What.

I put my hand to my chest, and orbs of light gather there. Oh, wait… that's right, I used to level up, didn't I?

...What the fuck happened to the EXP scaling!?... I hardly even felt any different!

"...What was that?" Reimu asked, brow raised.

"Remember that thing with the leveling up?" I asked her, feeling my chest. Freakin' fluffy on the inside!

She tilted her head for a moment, before jerking it back in realization. "Oh, right, that!... what happened to that, anyway?"

I shrug. "...Things, yo…"

Furrowing her brows, Reimu stared at me. "...That's really descriptive. You should write a book someday. I bet it'd be a complete disaster."

I grin. "Ohhh ho ho ho… you've got no idea."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

Reimu steps into Kaguya's room, and I trail in behind her awkwardly, trying to stuff an end table into my sack.

"Freaking… fit!" I push really hard!

Kaguya glared at Sanae, and Sanae glares back at Kaguya, the two having a smash game of epic proportions play out.

"I hate grappling so fucking much!" Kaguya roars out, jerking to the right, taking the kotatsu with her.

"I-it's just a part of the game! The part where you lose, that is!" Sanae helpfully explains.

"...I don't wanna know." Reimu doesn't know what to think of the two!

I take notice of my shirt on Sanae, and suddenly remember I have no shirt on. It's warm enough in here that I couldn't tell! Curse heating systems!

I made for a door into Kaguya's bedroom, and enter.

"Just where are you going…?" Reimu follows me, and I look around for additional doors… I didn't find any, but I did find a dresser! That works too!

Walking up to the dresser, I rip open shelves until I find Kaguya's pink top with the many little white bows… Slipping it on, I turn to face Reimu.

"I should have time resistance with this on!" I exclaim. Pink is the color of men, and time, apparently!

"...Sure." Reimu turns to leave, shaking her head. Following her out, grinning, I saw Kaguya's head resting on the kotatsu.

"...I-I'm sorry you're so bad…" Sanae says with such sincerity you'd never had thought she was freakin' taunting you!

"...I said, shut up." Kaguya's muffled retort came from the kotatsu's surface.

I walk towards the window, and Sanae double-takes when she sees me in one of Kaguya's bow-y top thingies.

"Come along, friends! We've got leads, linens, and things!" I start to climb out the window, ready to clumsily clamber onto the raft.

"O-okay…" Sanae doesn't know what to think of my new shirt!

"...I won't rest until I have- what the…" Kaguya shot her head up to yell at Sanae, but saw my new sweet threads!

"Don't worry, I'll return it with as few mud, blood, water, and separate pieces as possible!" I yell back, stumbling onto the raft.

"Took you long… what the fuck." Mokou blankly stared at my attire, face contorting in confusion.

I put my arms up. "Don't you worry about a thing, yo! I'm just getting down with my funky self!"

Reimu and Sanae float out onto the raft, and I take Quake Maker and start paddling.

"H-hey! That's mine! I need those!" Kaguya yells out, diving into the waves to go after us before beginning to flail wildly. "Fu-gugh! I can't swi-agh!"

...I'd figure as much, but I can't either! "Sorry!" I yell back, watching Kaguya sink below the waves, sticking her middle finger up as she fell into the water. She'd be fine, I'm sure… if not a little waterlogged… or dead. She'd get better!

"...You're a lunatic." Reimu decides, her brows slightly shifted in incredulation. Yes, incredulation is a word, Google Spellcheck said so!

I smirk. "I know I am, yo."

Mokou paddles along with me, staring at me really hard, apparently. "...So, how'd you get your hands on that?"

I turn to her. "Oh, just invaded her room while she was doing other things and ripped it right from her dresser." Interesting that all the bows were already done up, too, but I figure Kaguya's just immensely lazy. I would be, too. I look back ahead at an angle, trying to gauge where Mokou's taking her raft, and where I'm half-attentively steering my raft.

Mokou nods, "Oh…" then begins to grin. "Oh! I see. You see I thought you… nevermind…"

Hold the phone!? ...I look at her incredulously. "...Did you really just-"

"Nevermind, I said!" she shouted, face hardening, her pale skin betraying the faintest of blushes.

...Two-thousand fifteen times are weird!

...Oh, right. "Mokou, think you could take us north-west of Eientei, presumably out of the north-western edge? Assuming north-west if leaving Eientei were heading north." I requested.

"What is this, one of Keine's school questions? Right…" Mokou pauses, and stares into the trees for a few moments, before continuing. "Okay, we need to go this way, then."

We begin heading northwest of where we were, and then things got crazy.

"Alright, so, if we want to get out that way… we should probably do a loop here, and then kinda-zig-zag to the right when we get to the end, understood?" Mokou plans out our path, and turns to me.

"...I'll just follow you." I settle with. I've had enough of crazy forests and hallways and frikery!

She nods, and we continue through the flooded bamboo stalks…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

By the time we were out, it was beginning to turn night…

"Take care, you three." Mokou waved to us as we drifted out into the dark night, the fog and rain actually breaking for a change, although we could hear the blasts of the mini-nukes in the distance. The water ahead was cold and featureless, and what fog there was obscured the distance enough for us to not see very far ahead.

"Salty sea dogs!" I repeated.

"I'm gonna break you." Mokou plainly stated as we drifted off, and she began paddling back into the bamboo woods.

I grinned. "Someone's salty."

Reimu glared at me. "You're salty."

Sanae decided to correct Reimu. "Uhm… by definition, you're the one being salty right now, Reimu…"

Boy, was I glad we had a child of the internet with us! Reimu turned to Sanae. "By whose definition?"

I walked up to her, causing her to jump when she turned back to me. "Me, friend." I smiled warmly.

"Get away from me, you." Reimu held her gohei menacingly, and I chuckled.

I don't know if it was from the overcast, but a fog of a different sort set upon us, created by the lack of lights in the night sky. No stars shone, or even threatened showing through the dense overcast and scattered fog of the night. Not even the moon dared to illuminate a patch of clouds; everywhere around the raft was pitch black.

It quickly developed to the point that the three of us couldn't see.

"Reimu, you have holy stuff! Does anything light up?" I shouted into the darkness.

"Hold on, hold on…" Reimu shot a stream of danmaku into the air, creating light.

I took the moment to reach for my holy hanger, and pull it out. I didn't wanna invest mana in it, but maybe… "Hey, guys, any of you able to pour mana into this thing? It lights up."

Sanae came over. "I can do things to it!"

She puts her hand on it, and a faint holy light shines through the darkness. From here, I can see one of those swirly fluffles now on the edge of the raft.

"Jesus fuck!" I shout, freezing up.

"W-whah!?" Sanae jumped, startled. "What was that for!?"

I pointed to the fluffle. "When the hell did that get onboard?"

We all turn to it, and Reimu double-takes. "...This is just getting creepy."

Sanae and I turn to her-

Splash!

Suddenly, we all got freakin' wet and chilled again, and Sanae let go of the plant hanger, the light going with her grasp. Damn it…!

"Aaaaahhh!" ...Sanae, you're not dead! Calm down!

"What the hell!?" Reimu was stumbling around in the dark.

Sanae latched her hand back on the plant hanger, and the raft was illuminated again.

"...G-group hug?" Sanae asked, shivering. Night was cold!

I nod. "Yeah, I u-uh… agree."

Reimu reluctantly came to join us. "T-those fucking things…"

We hug in the darkness, a cool breeze washes across the raft, the gentle sploshing of the waves-

Splash!

A torrent of water shot into the air, raining down on the raft.

"C-cold…" Reimu shivered harder… idea!

I let Sanae hold the holy hanger. "Keep that on hand and hold it out, I got a plan…" I reach into my sack, and fumble around for Flame Dispenser.

She holds it out, and I tap it with Flame Dispenser.

Fwoom!

A small lick of flames and heat comes from the collision. I strike again.

Fwoom!

"How's that for a campfire?" I smirk, admiring my own ingenuity.

"It sucks, but it's better than nothing." Reimu shrugs.

...I thought that idea was better than that! I'll just play it off cool…

"Yeah, it kinda does, but yo… heat!" I strike.

Fwoom!

And so we huddled around a holy hanger and its flames. I don't think any youkai would dare raid a raft with the unpleasantly holy light of two mikos and a lunatic scraping the darkness of the waves.

Thunk!

I turn around, hearing an unpleasant noise strike the raft.

A blue LED light read the number three. Oh, fuck!

I gently set down Flame Dispenser; the nuke was angled to this one edge of the raft, so if I could mark it…

I pull out Hydraulic, and wedge it in the wood; I had to remember the nuke was to the right of Hydraulic's right side.

Two.

I pulled out Quake Maker, and buffed myself, letting the power flow through me as I aimed my hammer like a golf club. Reimu, in her recently drowsy state, only just realized there was a nuke onboard, and her eyes widened.

"Oh, shit!" Reimu backed away a bit.

Sanae was already out of it, despite still powering the light. Her eyes flickered a bit in her kneeling position, but she didn't react.

"Don't worry, for I am a demolitions expert!" I exclaimed.

One.

I swung, knocking it out of the raft and into the water not too far from us. This might rock us a bit…

I take Quake Maker and jam it into the raft's flooring, and grab Sanae, looping my arm under hers.

"Reimu, get over here!" I shout, and Sanae jerks her head up.

"W-wha…"

Reimu wordlessly comes to my side and locks an arm to me, slightly alarmed.

Zero, I assumed.

I braced myself. "...Bo-"

Blash!

Water rocketed up from one side of the raft, threatening to tip us, but it didn't. We were thrown to the side a bit, though. Water washed over the raft briefly, soaking us.

"A-aahhhh! I'm drowning!" Sanae yells, flailing while still attached to my arm.

"Sanae, shut up and stop flailing like a maniac!" I shout back to her, struggling to keep my grip on Quake Maker.

The waves settle quickly, but now we're all cold again.

"...Fuck me…" Reimu sighed, sitting back down.

I wanted to reply to that, but I couldn't think of any non-flirty-ish retorts, so I decided not to. No need to hit on the miko, now… I'm saving that for Patchy~!

Amidst the dark waves, we began warming up again…

Click!

Fwoom!

This is gonna be a long night…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

I held out my hand as the large fluffle rushed towards me and lasers ripped past me.

"Hey, hey, hey, hold on…" The brutal-appearing fluffles halted their onslaught, and tilted their heads.

"Groah?" asked one of them.

I held my hands in a time-out motion. "I actually need a good rest tonight, so enough of this foreshadowing dream nonsense! The fuck's a God Hand, anyway?" I look at it…

It appears to be a heavily upgraded Holy Hanger. God Hand would make a good name for later upgrades… but I'd save that for later. I didn't know what half of this crap was on it, but it looked important! There was this white orb, a yin-yang orb, and then some talismans slapped around on it…

"Graaahhh…" moaned the burly fluffles, who dejectedly walked back towards their spawning chambers, which were pretty much broom closets without shelves or utilities.

I stretched, before-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

-I woke up! Wohohooaah!

Reimu yawned, sprawled out across the raft. "Hahh… Hnnnggh…" She began stretching.

Sanae was still out of it, lazily lying on her side. Also, I could see everyone without the holy hanger on, so it's probably day or something. All things considered, we probably should'ave stayed awake, but we did end up near something…

Our raft rested against the side of a ship, apparently. We were moving alongside it, being pushed along vaguely by it. Voices were heard above us, but I couldn't quite make them out…

Reimu took notice of the ship aswell, and rose to the occasion. "W-what now…"

I stood up. "I dunno, pirates. Ninja pirates. Ninja robot pirates. With monks, and magicians, and really mean scottish dogs."

Reimu looked at me, showing alarm for the briefest of moments, before my more insane suggestions calmed her back down. "Don't scare me like that… wait, how would pirates even exist? This ocean's only existed a day or two!"

I grin, shrugging. "Don't ask me, I wasn't the one who was terrified by the prospect of pirates!" I mean really, what could they do? Cut me with their technologically superior cutlasses, shoot me with bows or guns, keelhaul me…

...Actually, I think I was scaring myself now. "...I think I'm beginning to become terrified by the prospect of pirates, though." I look at the ship beside us, uncertain…

"H-huh…?" Sanae's up!

"...I told you to stop saying things like that." Reimu glared at me.

"No, like, legit. What if these guys're pirates?" I posed the question out there. It's not totally unlikely that Yukari gapped some pirates in on a whim and forgot about them…

"...I just shot down that idea! How stupid are you!?" Reimu begins yelling.

"I don't know, Reimu! The fuck're we gonna do about pirates!?" I get fearful, flailing my arms.

"P-pirates!? What!?" Sanae looks between me and Reimu with wide eyes.

"S-stop talking like that! I don't like pirates!" Reimu yells, pupils contracting.

"Waaal!" I repeat the yell of a fluffle. "We're being flanked by pirates!"

The rain began picking up again, now that it was day. I didn't know storm clouds slept too!... but no time to think about that, fucking pirates!

"What're we going to do!?" Sanae stood, turning to me and Reimu franticly.

"D-don't ask me! I-I've heard bad things about pirates, let's just go!" Reimu shouts, beginning to panic.

An anchor drops down aside us, the chain whirling as it dipped into the water. The chain in front of us stopped the progress of our raft aswell.

"Holy shit!" I yelled, jumping away from the front. "Pirates are, infact, capturing us! Aaaahhh!"

"N-no! Shit! Get the… no!" Reimu backed away from the front of the raft, scrambling.

"Aaaahhh!" Sanae began screaming.

Sliding down on the chain came a certain ghostly captain. "...The hell're all you screaming about!? We came to save ya! Shut it, already!"

I point to her. "It's a pirate deckhand! After it!" I whip out Swift Brand, rushing her.

"W-what!?" Her eyes widen, and suddenly me and my two companions charge her, ready to inflict violence.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

Byakuren put a hand to her mouth. "I hope they're alright down there… That screaming doesn't sound good…"

Captain Minamitsu Murasa smirked. "I bet they'll be glad to see me! Be back in a jiffy, lads!"

She slid down the chain, ready to greet the unfortunate sea-farers…

Nazrin stared down blankly. "Are we sure we shoulda sent her to do negotiations? I mean, you'd probably be the best at it, all things considered…"

Byakuren giggled. "True as that may be, shouldn't a captain eventually learn some people-"

Thud.

Nazrin and Byakuren blankly stared at the disheveled and scuffled body of Captain Murasa.

"...Ouch." Murasa grumbled from the floor.

"...Told ya so." Nazrin grinned at Byakuren.

Byakuren grimaced. "Oh, dear… What happened?"

"...Pirates." Murasa muttered, before shifting into unconsciousness.

Nazrin rose a brow. "Pirates? Do they even have those in Gensokyo?"

Curiously, Byakuren looked down the edge of the ship… only to catch a Bloodbath Yin-yang orb to the face, a fountain of blood shooting into the air.

"W-whaaooh~!" Nazrin jumped back, landing on the ship with her bum, surprised at the sudden violence.

I climbed up, wielding Swift Brand. "We sail to the halls of doom with a black flag raised to the sky!"

"H-holy shit… Pirates!" Nazrin's eyes widen, and she gets up, sprinting away and into the depths of the ship.

Byakuren stumbles back, wiping blood from the back of her head, and from her face, before glaring at me.

I grin back at her, letting my teeth show. "No gods shall be our master! We sail to the halls of- oh, shit!"

I duck from a sudden flying kick as Byakuren sails over me. I could feel the rain become disrupted by the force of her movement, wind ripping around her.

Sanae was up the chain, and ready to blindly attack the 'pirates' with me!

"Deathsworn! Oathbound!" I start yelling out fun, albeit cliched nouns!

"F-fuck pirates!" Sanae nervously yells, sending a burst of blue danmaku towards the angry buddhist, but all it seems to accomplish is piss her off.

"Normally, I abhor violence…" Byakuren clenches her fists. "...but when it comes to pirates, like yourselves, I know there's little you can do but plunder during times like this… and I've not the time to work on making you non-threatening to my patrons, not in this weather…"

I grin. "You put your faith in Buddha and good will… we put ours in cannons and whores!" Were we fighting pirates, or were we the pirates? I forget…

Sanae glares at her. "Your viking gods won't save you now!" When the hell were we fighting vikings!?

Reimu floats up and climbs aboard! "Take everything that's not nailed down! I want a golden sofa in the Hakurei shrine by sundown!"

Byakuren double-takes in confusion at the sight of Reimu, and only then stops to take a close look at Sanae, but I was already running up aside her by then. "Avast ye, scurvy dog!" I yelled, and I brought Swift Brand down on her head…

...only for it to bounce off.

"...Oh, right… body enhancement magic…" I forgot I was fighting superhuman youkai magician Byakuren Hijiri. That's probably a bad move on my part…

Byakuren grabbed me with one arm, smiling. "...Do you happen to know what's going on here?"

I laugh, sheepishly. "...We're putting our faith in cannons and whores?" I'm not sure if Kanako, Suwako, or whatever whackjob residing over the Hakurei shrine liked being called cannons and whores… but it fits!

Sanae runs up to her and whacks her with her gohei-esque thing. "Screw vikings! Raa~h!"

Thwack, thwap, thud.

...Sanae, yo, ya ain't helpin' the stichiation!

Reimu doesn't look as crazed, but plays along anyway, really wanting a golden sofa. "For infamy and plunder, we will ride!" She leaps towards Byakuren with a flying kick, only for Byakuren to toss me at her, and I eat the kick instead.

"Yeaaggh!" I yell out, collapsing on the floor.

"Wah!?" Reimu falls back, not expecting to collide with something so soon.

Byakuren lifts Sanae up by her shoulders, flips her upside down, and drops her on us.

"Oof!" "Aah!" "Au!"

We collectively grunt at the impact, and Byakuren wipes her hands, satisfied.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

We all sat in front of Byakuren inside the Palanquin, apologetically bowing.

"...I really wanted that damn golden sofa." Reimu muttered. Did they even have a golden sofa to plunder?

"...I-I still think they're hiding vikings onboard…" Sanae, what do you have against vikings?

Now it was my turn to mutter something!... "...Hey, pirates could have happened. You never know during an incident…"

"...You three…" Byakuren starts laughing.

We take this as a sign to stop bowing, and stand up.

"...Oh, aren't you the man who I left on that platform?" Byakuren put a hand to her mouth, eyes widening.

I nod. "Thanks for that, by the way… and I mean that both legitimately and sarcastically."

She tilts her head. "How so?"

"Well, after the platform got blown off I used it as a raft to gather my crew here. On the other hand, you left me for dead." I explain.

Smiling, she scratches the back of her head. "Aaahhh… sorry about that. Things were hectic, as you might know… Come, follow me." Byakuren started out the door, and we trailed behind lazily. The door lead to the deck, water swirling around.

Ichirin franticly ran across the deck with buckets, dumping them off the side of the ship. "Unzan, hurry!"

Oooh, I get to see- that is a big ass genie.

A towering pink genie swirled around on deck, using large buckets to scoop up the water and pour it off into the ocean. Multiple buckets levitated around him, additional hands holding them, as he worked hard at disposing of as much water as possible.

Murasa was frantically scrambling around deck, and stopped to looked at me. "Y-you! What are you still doing here!?"

I put my hands up defensively. "Yo ho ho, I'm a changed man! I respect the holy spirit and the fluffles and stuff!" I replied, trying to make amends for my acts of piracy.

"... I have my eyes on you." Murasa didn't trust me!

Byakuren rose a hand. "Please extend hospitality to our guests. They've a hard lot, as you might know."

"...Fine." Reluctantly, she returned to scooping the water with buckets. "...all these years, and I'd never have imagined flooding would happen to my ship…"

Byakuren continued smiling, somewhat awkwardly staring at the deck with everyone scrambling to get the water off the ship. "As you can see, things are… difficult."

It was then that a mini-nuke struck the deck, its angle telling us we were going the opposite direction. Hnnngh…

Blue LED on it signaled three moments, as usual.

"...These things…" Byakuren walked up to it, and lifted it, examining it for a few moments.

Two.

"...They're quite troublesome." She arcs her arm back, and tosses it football-style into the waves ahead, sending it rocketing away.

...Hmm, that was taken care of neatly!

"...Have you been looking at the arc from which those things have fallen from?" I asked out of the blue.

She rose a brow, turning to me. "Oh… you might be right, actually. Do they remain consistent?"

I nod. "Yeah, they have been. They're coming from a direction behind us, you know."

"...It's not like we can turn around easily in this weather…" Pouting, Byakuren puts a finger to her chin.

I shrug. "You could let us back on our raft and on our merry way…" To be perfectly honest, I didn't wanna hang around too long aboard the S.S. Buddha!

"Hmmm… after that last display of yours, I feel like it wouldn't be safe for the three of you at sea." she decides, tilting her head a bit in contemplation.

Reimu steps up to the plate to negotiate. "No, no no no. We'll be perfectly fine, as long as we find a golden sofa!" Dammit, Reimu.

Byakuren jerks her head up. "Oh, right. We have one of those." Wait, what?

She turns to Ichirin. "Fetch the golden sofa, please."

Ichirin looks mildly surprised, but complies regardless. "A-alright! Come along, Unzan! I'll need you to lift it!"

Unzan dumps the remaining water overboard, then he sets down his oversized buckets and follows Ichirin inside. In a few moments, they come back out, and Unzan precariously slides a golden sofa outside, a tarp covering it to protect it from rain.

Reimu's eyes light up. "I-is that…!?"

...Who the hell keeps a golden sofa just lying around!?

Byakuren nodded. "Yes, a nearly pure golden sofa. We found it embedded in the floor one day, although we have no desire for such an object." I'm not even going to ask…

Murasa eyed the transaction, but shrugged, and continued talking to herself. "Thing was gaudy, anyway…"

Wait… "How the hell's that supposed to fit on the raft? It's nowhere near strong enough to carry an entire golden sofa on it…" I argue.

Bringing a hand to her face, Byakuren giggles. "Well, I think I've got a solution to this whole navigation problem of ours. Just grab onto something solid, everyone!" With that, Byakuren flew away.

Our raft landed on the boat moments later, startling Murasa and Ichirin. "Wah!?"

Moments later, we felt the ship lurch, and suddenly- wohoohooaaah!

I took out Quake Maker and slammed it into a wall, catching Reimu as she flew past, and Sanae latched onto the doorway we emerged from. The entire ship did a complete 180 in moments, remaining water splashing against the walls and even spilling out of the boat from the force of the turn.

Byakuren hovered back down, smiling. "...There we go. Now all we need to do is raise the anchor."

...After a few moments of silence, she turned to Murasa. "That means you, captain."

Murasa jumped, "Oh, right, yeah! I'll go do that!" and went to go retrieve her anchor.

...Noticing that Reimu wasn't in my grasp anymore, I turned to find that she had slinked under the tarp and was now enjoying her golden sofa. I lifted the tarp gingerly and poked my head inside.

"Is anyone home?" Smug face.

"No. Get out before I call the cops." Reimu shot back, snuggled up against the red velvet couch cushions.

"...Reimu, you are the cops." I reminded her.

"...Fuck." Etch a point for me on the board!

Sanae pushed me aside, and clambered inside.

"W-what are you doing…?" Reimu asked, being disturbed by the intrusion.

"I need heat!" Sanae exclaimed, presumably moving towards Reimu.

"T-there's a roof! That's enough, hold on! A-ah!" I assumed snuggling was going on in there…

Byakuren stared at the tarp mildly concerned, before shaking her head and opting to stare into the distance.

Splash!

A mini-nuke exploded somewhere aside the ship, but we only felt it slightly rock. I glanced between the tarp and Byakuren, not knowing what to make of the situation anymore either.

"...Jesus fuck."

Byakuren suddenly eyed me curiously, backing away slightly.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

Nazrin and I sat at a little table, playing Go-Fish. My chair was way too tiny, though, so I kinda squatted on it, my legs awkwardly cast to the sides…

Two fluffles were seated to the other sides of us, holding cards, although we didn't let them actually participate, since uh… they seemed to be perfectly happy gnawing on their cards instead of actually playing the game, so we just gave them a deck of jokers and let them go to town.

"...Got any sixes?" Nazrin guessed.

Nope, just a two and a spade and whatever the hell, club was it? "Go fish."

Nazrin furrowed her brows, flipping through her cards idly as she turned to a mouse beside her. I looked to the side of the table to notice a legion of mice eeping and yipping to one another… and the legion lead right behind me, up a shelf, and over the back of my head. They could see my cards!

"...You've gotta have a six! They say you have six-card or something!"

...I had six cards, but not a six card. Good job, you chucklefucks. No wonder Nazrin seemed like a god of go-fish, she was cheating!

"...Wadda we doin', hea, we countin' cards? We card counters, now?" I lowly began, my voice raising gradually.

Nazrin rose a brow. "Say what?"

"...I'm Nazrin, and I like card count. I like, count my cards like I'm in fuckin' Vegas!" I begin yelling.

She scoots away from the table, and the fluffles turned to me, slightly alarmed. "What does that even mean!?"

I abruptly raise from the table, my knees tipping it over, sending cards sliding to the floor. "Oh, six cards, five sixes, four fourteens, I'm gonna become a card-counting asshole!" I punt the table into a wall, a fluffle getting clotheslined by it, and then I stormed away.

Nazrin stared at me leaving, baffled, before turning to the other fluffle. "...I dunno 'bout you, but I think that guy was a card counter himself…"

Nazrin, you didn't even know what that meant just a moment ago! I still don't, either!

The fluffle just stared at Nazrin, its fins raised and looking vaguely alarmed.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

I stood at the edge of the deck, staring at the waves below, wanting to back away as I saw the boat rock and the waves splosh against the wooden hull.

Suddenly, a hand at my back lightly pushed me!

"Oh, christ damn!" I clumsily swore, dropping to the floor and hugging the railing, even though the push wasn't that powerful.

"Hahahaha! I got you~! I got you~!" I looked to the source of the voice to see a cyan-haired girl run off. I never thought I'd get surprised by her that easily! Wohoohaahh...

I slowly rose to my feet again, making sure to scoot away from the railing…

I saw a mini-nuke fall by the ship; we were still going in the right direction, apparently.

...and then I saw a few more mini-nukes hit the deck! Was it raining the bloody things now!?

They all read three; there was about three of them where I was. Freakin'...

I slowly lifted them one by one; they were heavy! Like that, I tossed them over the deck and into the waves. Get owned!

The counters were down to two by the time I got them all off… only for like six more to hit the deck.

"Screw that!" I ran for the door, swung it open, and went inside, as I heard the entire deck get pounded by more.

Inside, Reimu and Sanae were sprawled out over the golden sofa, and Byakuren was sipping some tea calmly. "...What's going on out there?"

I grinned nervously. "... Those canisters fulla water?"

She nods. "Did another one or two land?"

I shake my head. "Nah." Thuds were heard across the ship. "Like… thirty."

Byakuren blanched. "Oh, dear…"

...Bam! Ba-bababababa~m!

We heard the sound of flowing water rush all around the ship.

Reimu and Sanae shot up from the couch, looking around in alarm.

"...Abandon ship!?" I suggested, ready to make for the door. I had to shout because of all the water...

Byakuren nodded. "I'm sure your raft will keep floating, it's on the main deck! I'll be trying some things to keep this ship afloat, but don't let that stop you three!" She also had to shout for me to hear her. She rushed outside, and slammed the door behind her, being consumed by a huge wall of water.

Oh, boy… I snapped my fingers. "Get up, you two! We're getting our arses blasted!"

"J-just a few more moments…" Sanae yawned, rolling off the couch, taking Reimu with her.

"Aach!" Reimu and Sanae were tangled on the floor, making little progress.

I lift up the tangled mess of mikos, and start dashing towards the front deck, kicking open doors. "No time for being in lesbians with each other! We gotta save the princess, and you gotta help us!"

Reimu shot awake for multiple reasons. "M-my couch! What? Help!"

Gasping, Sanae shot awake aswell. "What did you... Wah!" She yelped as I leaped over a dining table, various residents eyes widening as I ran over plates and kicked over vases and shit. The dining table was mostly empty because everyone else probably felt the blasts, but uh...

"Excuse me, it's an intergalactic emergency! Pardon this interruption by the intergalactic shitstorm broadcast system!" I yelled, desperately trying to reach the end of the table. I leaped down and kicked the door open, and as I ran forward, I was being chased by the equivalent of an angry tiger!

"Get the hell back here, you prats!" snarled the voice of an angry, hungry tiger woman!

"No can do Tony the Tiger! I'll bring you your frosted flakes another day, when the world isn't sinking!" I kicked through a door ahead, which allowed her to catch up significantly. Ohhh, boy...

"W-what did you just call me!?" incredulously shouted back the woman. What was her name again, Shou? It was short, so I could recall it better…

"I called you Tabby Tibbs, now stop tailing my ass!" She was catching up…!

I heard the thudding and sound of swipes at the air resound closely behind me! Eaaagh!

"You ruined our meal! You bastard!" Freakin'...

I knew I couldn't kick the door ahead open, so I just dove to the right, making sure to land on my back so the miko mess wouldn't get beat the fuck up by the floor. Shou ran past me and cut the door open, and it fell into pieces, water flowing in from outside- the front deck was right there!

Shou glared down at me as I rolled the miko mess off of me, and backed up to the wall behind me, standing slowly.

"...Any last words?" Shou glared down at me.

...I slowly reached for my sack. "Did you ever hear the story of Noah's Ark?"

She nodded. "Many times before. Doesn't even apply right now. I'm hungry."

I shake my head, laughing cockily. "Well, have you ever heard the tale of Super Noah's Ark 3D?"

Shou jerked her head back. "What? Does such a thing even exist?"

I slowly began to slip out Flame Dispenser… "Yeah. So, you know how Noah put two of every animal on a boat?"

Shou narrows her eyes in curiosity. "Go on…"

I twirl Flame Dispenser, with it fully extended and out of the sack. "He put two of every animal on the ark, and kicked the ass of every single one! Now, any time you put a bunch of animals in one place, it's called a zoo!"

God, I loved that quote…

"...Lady Hijiri always told me to forgive others for their mistakes, but that… that was something else…" Shou licked her lips, claws extended.

I pointed Flame Dispenser at her, and let the flames flow.

Fwooosh!

"W-what!?" Shou jumped back fearfully as the flames threatened her. Ten points to animal instincts for saving my ass!

"Back, sparky, back!" Fwoom…

"Y-you'll light the boat on fire! What are you doing!?" She carefully trotted back until her feet met the water flowing in.

I grin. "By the way, we're about to be six feet under if you don't get your ass on deck and start doing the thing with the-" Splash!

A water nuke on deck must'ave blown, because we all got slammed against the walls of the room, water gushing in, and quickly receding.

"Pain…" I moaned from the wall.

"W-w-waaahhh!" Shou began screaming, drenched.

"Aaaaahh!" Sanae, why are you screaming too!?

Shooting up from the floor, I grabbed the soggy miko mixture, and ran out of the room. I didn't see our raft, but coming up to the railing, I saw it in the water. Oh, fuck… good thing I had to have at least two health potions left, because I might feel this one in my creepy-ass dreams!

I take a leap of faith!

"W-whoaahly shit!" Reimu just realized what was going on, pupils contracting.

"I am Turok! Son of stone!" I roared, as I fell onto the raft. This is gonna fucking hurt no matter-

Thud, crack!

"W-waaah!"

"Sanae, stop screaming already and get the hell off of me!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

I slowly awoke to rain and pain. Ouch…

I rose from the deck, my back aching. "A-aahhh… shit…"

I felt a hand press against my back. "Relax, you. That was pretty stupid." Never thought I'd hear that coming from Sanae…!

Reimu looked over to me from the edge of the raft. "The hell made you think you could survive a fall like that? Idiot…"

Sanae rolled me over, and I lied on my stomach, which wasn't entirely comfortable all things considered, but hey… "It's a miracle you survived that… and it wasn't entirely up to chance that that miracle occurred, you know…"

Oh…. ooohhh! Wait… "So how exactly did I survive that, then?"

I felt hands rub my ba- oohhh ho ho ho… back massages were truly from heaven! "Let's just say your spine miraculously shifted back into place with a little nudge. Truth be told, it wasn't a hard fall, and if you landed yourself you probably would have only needed a few moments, but considering you landed with us on top of you an~d on your back, even the cushioning of the water didn't save you."

I couldn't really nod from my lying position, so I just grunted. I needed Ha-chan to give me some back massages some time… and hopefully she'd know how to do it without twisting it into a pretzel by accident. Actually, scratch that, I'll just have Sanae teach her, and then I'd ask her for one. I didn't need my back to be ground-zero for an inexperienced massager!

"...So how long was I out?" I ask, enjoying the massage.

"Like, three hours. We thought you died for awhile there."

I nodded. "Yeah, I thought I did too. Sorta." ...I really didn't, but this back massage was doing a good job of making me ignore that fact! Whatever, if I die I can just chill with the succubi in hell or something. Hell has succubi, right? Or was that the demon realm? Is there a difference? I don't freakin' know!

...I've read up about the heaven in Gensokyo, and I don't want to go there! Peaches and sake every day make a dull boy!

Reimu glared at me. "Don't talk about dying so casually, or death'll start to say 'hello' a little more casually, too."

...As if it didn't upon my entrance to Gensokyo. I bet there's at least ten different places in my misadventures I could have died horribly, or been enslaved or something.

I look at her, and unable to make a shrug, sigh, grin, smirk, head tilt, or numerous other generic expressions I've kept reusing in this fanfic, I instead opted to just fucking reply already. "...I'll keep that in mind." ...I did raise a brow, more in contemplation than anything, though.

Reimu nodded, satisfied. "...Oh, by the way, we found a friend."

Ooh, friends! Reimu gestures to my left, and I turn and see a mermaid. Holy shit, Gensokyo had mermaids!? Why the hell haven't I heard about this!?... and where does she even live? The lake? There's like, no bodies of water in Gensokyo… aside from this one made just a few days ago.

"...Hello, friend." I grin.

"Hello!" She waved to me.

"...Name's Brad. I fight dust bunnies." I extend a hand from the floor.

She smiles. "Wakasagihime, I swim in water." She crawls over precariously and shakes my hand.

Wakasagihime! Actually rolls right of the tongue, and even though it looks like a bitch to type, it really isn't! Good name!

Reimu walks up to us, and sits down. "You saw that ship, right? Not the one we came in off of, but that metal one…"

Wakasagihime was still a mouthful to read, however, but that was a different story… "Yeah, there was this big, ominous metal ship coming on the horizon. It was pretty out of place in Gensokyo, but at sea you really couldn't tell…"

I look around. "Which way'd it go?"

Clunk!

Reimu pointed behind me, and I… was in no position to turn around. "...I'll take your word for-" Crack! Goheis to the head are never fun…

"I think you've had enough aid anyway…" Sanae stops the back massage. Help no.

...I start pulling Kaguya's shirt down- this thing was freakin' small on me! I had a mid-drift, and that was the last thing I wanted!

I rolled over, and uh… how the hell did I not notice that?

Behind us stood a tall, steampunk-topped ship with a large black metal hull, multiple machines extending into the water below. There were cannons on the sides of it-

Blam! Blam! Blam!

-which fired those mini-nukes, and I could tell because I saw the blue LEDs soar across the sky.

"...How are we supposed to get up there?" I asked.

Reimu smirked. "Notice how it's not raining around the ship?"

...Holy shit, yo. This thing was the source of the rain!

I grinned. "I didn't… but now that I have, I think we found our suspect."

She shrugged. "Well, that, and we can fly without the ripping winds that accompany the water."

That too!

Wakasagihime waved at us. "Good luck, you three! I mean, all this water's nice… but there's hardly anyone or anything in it! Everyone's hiding on high ground or in some waterproof shelter… it's not really that great. Grass is always greener, you know?"

...Like you'd know; I don't think lakes have grass on the bottom of them!... they have seaweed of a sort, I think. Or mud.

Either way…! "C'mon, guys! We're boarding this vessel!" I stick my arms out. "...Haelp!"

Sanae and Reimu lift me by my arms, and we float up to the vessel, abandoning our raft. I assume Wakasagihime would watch it for us…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

Now onboard the ship, our shoes lightly clank against the metal deck as we land.

I brought a finger to my lips. "We've gotta be very quiet, yo! They could be housing freakin' nuclear warheads!"

BlamBlamBlamBlam!

The cannons roared as more mini-nukes were fired into the distance, raining across Gensokyo. How filled was everything, at this point…? I could hardly see anything past that fog, in any case.

...Well, water warheads. I called them nukes, but there was nothing nuclear about them except for their shape.

The entire ship seemed… automated. Various gears and pipes whirled and whistled, and just by walking around the three of us were treated to at least five different furnaces, all being automatically fed coal, as we walked down the singular catwalk aside the ship.

Dirty, lukewarm puddles of water swirled in every corner of the floor, a sort of unpleasant and stuffy heat being given off by the entire ship, much like the engine of a car if you pop open the hood and take a good whiff like a freakin' maniac.

Ports in the floor opened up, and what looked like large air conditioners emerged from the floor.

I chuckle. "Yeah, considering the environmental impact this thing has, it'd need air conditioners to not freakin collapse in a ball of flames."

The first air conditioner then spews out water all over us, as if we needed to be wetter.

"What gives?" Reimu rolled her eyes, staring at her soaked shrine maiden outfit.

The second air conditioner emitted a gentle breeze…

Cr-r-raack…!

"W-w-huh…" Sanae was beginning to freeze! That's some cold air…!

I briefly shield her from the cold wind to stop her from freezing. "Reimu, turn off the AC! It's too high!"

Bloodbath yin-yang orbs flew forward and hit the air-conditioning units, and torrents of water and oil flew from them, as they caught fire due to said water and oil getting all jumbled up on the inside.

Kaboom!... Blam!

The machines exploded, parts raining across the deck.

"...That was mean!" I exclaimed, dusting myself off.

Clunk-unk! Clunk! Clunk-unk!

Looking to the side of the deck, we saw another mass-produced plastic trash bin filled with really upset fluffles.

I brandished Quake Maker, and readied myself. "Reimu, Sanae, you guys go explore the deck a bit and try to find the asshole in charge, I'll be going on a dust-lusting rampage!"

They nod, and dash off past the trash can.

Clunk-unk!...Clap!

A clapping noise was produced as the top flipped open and angry, toxic fluffles rushed out to greet me.

"The Earth is not your salad bar!" I roared, spinning towards the fluffles, sending them all spiraling into the steampunk machines to my sides. I hope at least one landed in a furnace!

Clunk-unk!

The can bounced closer, and I took that moment to take a swing!

Thuunk!

It flew to the side, toxic chemicals spewing out of it, and some fluffles, too. They ran for me, and I punted some. One climbed on my leg and I had to rip it off with my hand. I could feel the green substance burn my hand a bit…!

"Whose idea was it to cuddle in green sludge? They should be fired from the cuddly committee!" I yelled. Melee-attacking this thing wasn't the best idea, because it could retaliate…

Clunk-unk!

I stuffed Quake Maker in the sack as I ran towards it, green toxins raining down behind me, as I pulled out Flame Dispenser and started going to work on the side of it.

Fwoosh…

Flames licked the plastic, heating it!

Fwish…

My flames weakened, and my head spun a little. I needed a bigger mana pool!

I took out a mana potion…

Clunk-unk!

… and began running as an assortment of fluffles chased me across the deck.

"I'm not your mother! Eat shit and die!" I yelled, running past multiple air conditioning units extending out of the deck's ports.

BlamBlamBlamBlam!

More mini-nukes fired into the sea, the fluffles freezing up from the noise, before continuing to chase me.

I took a gulp of my mana potion- what I could of it anyway, and waited for it to kick in…

...Hardly noticable, but I had something!

I turned, and lit them up. Fwooosh…!

"Waaal!" The pissed fluffles tried to run at me through the flames, but they lost direction and focus as the green substance lit them up like a firecracker, and they quickly burned away in miniature infernos.

"Come here, pop into my oven!" I taunted them, grinning as I paused to drink the rest of my potion.

Gulp...Gulp...Gulp…

Haahhh…

Woosh…

A freezing wind resounded across the deck, whatever fluffles that didn't die were now put out.

"Waaal…" They menacingly neared me, but since they weren't covered in goo anymore, I just ignored them and ran for the trash can.

"This time you'll burn!" Fwooosh!

The flames licked up the side of it, and it started bubbling, bits of poison on the inside crackling and popping, and eventually…

Fwoom!

The entire can went up in flames. "Waaal!" The yells of the fluffles inside was heard as the plastic melted, and the trash can was no more, now a pile of flaming goo.

Water flowed down from the air conditioning units mounted on the walls, trying to treat the fire… but you do not treat an oil or whatever-the-hell-toxin-that-was fire with water!

The fire started spreading as the goo spread across the surface of the deck.

Clunk-unk! Clunk-unk! Clunk-unk!

Oh, fuck me, there were more of these bastards!?

The water mixed with the goo, spreading the flames across the deck gradually.

Woosh…

Freezing wind washed across the deck, but the fuel fire was already too strong for it to really do anything anymore.

I was still grinning at the flames… but now I was backing away a little nervously too. Pipes started whistling across the deck as the flames spread, and the furnaces started going nuclear… in the metaphorical sense; if this thing really had nuclear power I think I'd be paddling halfway across Gensokyo right now…

Clunk-unk!

Oh yeah, that thing.

Clap!

Out flew angry fluffles! Please, no! I aimed my Flame Dispenser as I passed them.

Fwooosh…

Flames licked them as I ran away down the deck, trying to get somewhere that wasn't undergoing a meltdown.

"Waaal!"

I passed a certain red-haired succubus, who was staring off the left railing, into the ocean. She turned to me, having heard sounds of violence.

Her eyes widened. "What- you!? How did you get here!?"

I ran past her. "No time, I've started a war!"

Kaboom! Mother, I couldn't take out the trash because it fucking exploded!

Koakuma flew up next to me, fleeing with me as the front deck was up in melting metal and flames, explosions resounding throughout and mechanical parts whistling.

"What the hell have you done, again!?" Koakuma shouts, following me.

"This is your fault for carrying explosive trash bins on deck!" I yelled back.

BlamBlamBlamBlam!

Was there even a point to firing so many water bombs!?... although from the size of those barrages, those were the ones nailing Byakuren's ship…

Wooooooo!

Oh god, the whistling of the brass pipes! Make it stop!

KATHOOOooomm…

...That wasn't a good noise. I think this ship's gonna sink… but the whistling stopped! Yo!

Koakuma turned to me, horrified. "...Oh, shit, that was the thermal engines going…"

I shook my head. "Shoulda disposed of your waste properly…" Reduce, reuse, recycle!

She turned to glare at me. "It's not my fault those dusty dumbasses liked to bathe in the stuff!"

I don't think they did, but never-the-less they still all somehow got caught in the bins like it was their freakin' life goals.

Blam! Boom!

...Instead of contemplating life goals, I think I should be contemplating running!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====

We escaped the main deck, and all the destruction that went with it. Now we stood on the side deck, quite near the back of the ship.

"...How did you get on, anyway?" Koakuma asked me again.

Bam!

Out of the metal near us, a blue laser shot out of the wall, water pooling under it.

Reimu flew out, Sanae accompanying her.

Out flew a man in a fittingly steampunk outfit, with a hat, goggles, and a large metal blaster mounted on his shoulder, apparently cooling down from that water-esque laser it fired.

He turned to me, smirking. "Oh, who might this be, my dearest Koa-chan?"

...Koa-chan? Was this man being used by a succubus?

Koakuma put a finger to her lips. "Oh, he's a bad, bad, man, Storm-kun! He tried to hurt me a long, long time ago!"

The man's gaze locked on me. Go fuck yourself, Koakuma!

I slapped her bum with Flame Dispenser, causing her to yelp and for her dress to ignite.

"You're lookin' hot today, Koakuma!" I shouted, dashing back towards the violence, because that's more preferable than facing mister dripsalot back there!

"F-fire!" Koakuma shouted, before the man's blaster unleashed a torrent of water, drenching her.

"...Thanks." Koakuma rolled her eyes, wiping her hair out of her eyes.

"Any time, Ko- Aaugh!" Blue danmaku bullets struck him from behind, and he started rocketing towards me.

He paused in the air over me, and shot strings of gushing water out of his blaster, forcing Reimu and Sanae to hang back a bit.

He landed in front of me, stomping towards me, his boots clicking against the metal.

"Well, my dear boy, if you hadn't known already, I am the Stormy Rainmaker!"

...I dunno what to say about that name; it sounds cool yet cliched at the same time… like a saturday morning cartoon villain!

"...and I am here to flood all of Gensokyo! It will feel the tears I felt when my father was slain by your kind ignorantly! The Hakurei Miko will feel wrath once her lungs are devoid of air at the bottom of the new Bay of Gensokyo! Huahahahahah!"

"...Now you just sound like Skeletor." I added. Who was his father, anyway…?

"Silence, fool!" His fist flew forward, and I blocked with Flame Dispenser, his fist igniting. He grimaced at his yellow, gloved fist, and water fell down upon it. "...You will regret your course of action, child…"

I grin. "Make me, son!"

He aims his water blaster, and water rockets out of it like a fire hose. I duck beneath it, and he shoots backwards, rocketing past an exhausted Reimu and Sanae.

"Stand still already! This is getting more annoying than difficult!" Reimu shouted, turning back to chase him down.

"Hold it, wenches!" Koakuma flew up, and shot a basic danmaku spread at the two, but they expertly weaved through it and used both of their sticks to smack Koakuma across the face.

"W-waauuh!" Koakuma spiraled to the ship, collapsing on the metallic surface.

"K-Koa-chan!" the Stormy Rainmaker yelled, his eyes widening. "You'll all pay for your ignorance!"

The fog and storminess around us began dissipating, the clouds breaking for the first time in forever since the ship began to be sieged. The fog very very quickly faded, revealing the entirety of the ocean's surface. From here, I could see the Palanquin, the tip of Youkai Mountain… with alot of angry tenants upon it, and I could see other various floating crafts…

Grinning, the Stormy Rainmaker looked around at the sea. "It will be a marriage of water and magic! It will be glorious, and then the world can be created anew once it is fully cleansed through the blissful embrace of water!"

We all ran up to meet him at his back deck of the ship. It was large, and barren, only a few lounging benches breaking the empty metal platform…

BlamBlamBlamBlam!

...that was still going on, by the way.

I grinned. "...Water's a shitty element, anyway. You need a few more tools than that, I'd think." ...Water was actually one of my favorite elements to bring into things!

Reimu glared. "...You're making a terrible mistake."

Sanae grinned herself. "This has been an awesome adventure! Let's beat the final boss together, guys!"

The Stormy Rainmaker scowled at us. "...Stupid, star-eyed brats. I'll drown you all, and the world will see my conviction! You try to save Gensokyo in vain, because it will be in flames!"

...Well, we've given our pre-battle monologues! It's time to fuck shit up!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

END OF CHAPTER 12

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Plant Hanger Master, Scarlet Liberator, Captain of the Generic Wooden Raft.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Maker - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes due to an upgrade. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder.

INVENTORY:

Holy Hanger- Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Dispenser - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Upgraded to have a nozzle with which the weapon can be utilized as a flame thrower with.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Hydraulic- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Mundane, but practical in the eyes of a few. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Due to a dark amulet upgrade, it may be used to cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat. When highly charged with buffs, the scythe can even inflict instantaneous death upon certain enemies who are not inherently immune to dark elemental things; although it's general consensus that instant death is ineffective against anyone of any real power, as they'd probably resist the effects.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Marks the wielder for death, dropping instant death resistance to zero and forces them to take 25% increased damage from all sources, but Flandre wasn't aware of the negatives when she created it. Different from the dark-elemental hanger in that this converts missing health into pure speed and none into power, and the increased damage isn't as punishing.

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Fancy operating cross v.2.0 - Allows control and summoning of a London doll, along with some basic commands.

A Blue, Water-Elemental Core - It's freakin' soggy!

PARTY:

London, the Doll - Defensive unit, able to hold positions and provide cover-fire. Command is slightly dynamic, sporting defensive and offensive modes. Able to be used for more intricate operations; although seems to be strangely absent if the operating cross is in the hammerspace sack this time…

Sanae Kochiya, the (apparently human) Newbie Goddess of the Mountain - A well-mannered girl with a fixation on gaming and mechs, and some other computer things I don't know about.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Gohei and holy magics borrowed from her goddesses, likely. I should bring her to a fluffle and see if they sell Kanakos there…

Reimu Hakurei, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise - Human with holy affinities and gifted with the amazing Hakurei abilities, including the power to wield the Hakurei Yin-yang orb.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Bloodbath Yin-yang orbs: Boosts attack power, and allows collection of blood to increase attack power up to 70% temporarily, affecting speed, power, and bullet density of danmaku. Non-elemental in nature, but has the uncanny effect of inflicting bleeding with ease, as if it had insane friction for some reason. Sports a red-purple color scheme.

INVENTORY: Hakurei Yin-yang orbs: Reimu's traditional yin-yang orbs which accent her holy abilities by boosting the power of holy attacks. Has a black-white color scheme. Known throughout Gensokyo as pain incarnate. Said to give one the ability to eat sweets, and not get fat!... I have that ability too; it's called a high metabolism!

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

time for soggy combat, friends!

now THIS feels like an important incident!

so far i'm quite pleased with how its gone, if a bit curious as to if the pacing's a little too whacky… and it probably is, but i feel like quality's boosted overall

...not alot to say at these notes, at the moment!

i might later in proof-reading though.

spooler: had more to say in proofreading

ME AND HYPHENS: ...don't agree with eachother, but you won't see that with my proofreader around - w -

...if you want to know why i haven't really "addressed" positive criticism, well… what's there to say other than "thank you"? oh, by the way, thanks, friends!

...most of it is stuff that i generally agree with as of the 24 reviews this has (and like 10 of them are some hotheaded dude(s))

...and by agree with, i mean the positive reviews; addressing the negative ones in length is just my boredom slipping in and me feeling SOME desire to react to criticism, even if invalid, though if it becomes excessive i'll just ignore it unless it's actually something i agree with / think i need to think about or address, right now it's just for funsies and to be transparent with my readers in a way

in any case, see you all next time!