(in which we enter doom)

We passed the Misty Lake, and I saw Nitori's steampunk ship in the faint mist that settled this morning…

"Friends, I have business on that craft!" I exclaim. "...Help!"

Ha-chan begins to lift me by the waist, and weakly carries me over to the ship. The other three just follow behind us. I said I needed help, dangit!

Regardless, we make it to the ship and land. Ha-chan feels out her arms a bit, aching. I coulda flown myself, but… fairy power!

"Hello, friend!" It's Nitori, and she's waving at me!

"Hello, friend!" I respond back, waving similarly. Friendly days, yo…

She pulls out the water blaster, which is now all cleaned up and shiny, revealing it to be comprised of blue and silver metal, like the majority of water-based weapons.

"I cleaned it up and added new straps to it. It's kinda hard to wield, though…" She demonstrates by trying to mount it on her shoulder. She aims it, and shoots a gush of water out of it. It wasn't as strong as Stormy's pillars of water, but…

"Let me try, yo!" I held out my arms, and Nitori gave it to me.

Mounting it on my shoulder, I aimed it off the ship, and pulled the trigger…!

A singular bubble came out, drifting gently through the air before popping.

"...You kinda need mana to make it work…" Nitori adds.

Right! "I, uh… I knew that!" I added. "Just seeing what would happen without it!"

She rolled her eyes, and I prepared to fire it again. I channeled mana into the water blaster, focused a bit on wet things, and then fired!

Blop-bloop-blohp-bloop…

A surge of bubbles flew out, more than before at any rate. I'd say about five… and in any case, they eventually popped into sploshes of water, which fell into the lake below.

"Ah… Are you sure you're fit to wield that?" Nitori asked, awkwardly smiling at the mediocre display.

Nope! "Yep!"

She begins to recede into the depths of her ship. "A-alright, then… Don't hurt yourself, friend… Also, you don't need to repay me for that. I-I don't think you could anyway, at any uh…" she trailed off, before slamming the hatch shut.

I grin at the prospect of dodging expenses! "Alright, friends, let's go!"

"R-right…" Ha-chan tries lifting me again… only for the water blaster to be too much of an addition for her to be able to.

"Hey, you guys with the hair! We need assistance!" I wave my arms!

"Alright, alright, you perverted pig." Komi scowled as she moved to help Ha-chan lift me, and we actually managed liftoff!

"Who're you calling perverted…?" Koi smirked wryly as she whispered into Komi's ear.

"Hwah!?" Komi jumps, before glaring at Koi.

She's losing her grip…! "Hey, yo yo yo, keep your arms on the insane man, we need to get me there without me being a block of ice!"

Her grip tightens. There we go… "What nonsense are you speaking? I have the strength of ten fairies I'll have you know…"

...Well, she was certainly stronger than Ha-chan, but that's not saying much. I think she was about as strong as a regular human, actually…

In any case, we closed in on the gate to the manor ahead as we reached the shore.

"We're nearly there, fellows!" I exclaimed before being abruptly dropped to the shore. "Hwaauuu!"

Thud! I landed on the sand. Oof!

"S-sorry, Brad-kun!" Ha-chan yelled from above. It's a freakin' good thing they didn't drop me from up high or I woulda gone splat, sand or no sand!

"That was your fault! I woulda been fine if your arms didn't practically snap off! What good are you, anyway!?" Komi roars from above.

I dizzily raise myself from my indentation in the sand, and dust myself off. "Alright, I guess uh… I guess I'll just roll with that!"

A fluffle sticks his head out of the sand next to me. "hi friend"

I pluck it out of the sand. "Hey."

"Waaal!" It began squirming, not expecting to be plucked out of its home!

"You're soft." I add, and toss it upward.

"Waaal!"

Ha-chan is shivering in the air as Komi continues roaring at her, before a fluffle flies up between them, flailing. The flailing gets sand all over them, and they're forced to shield their eyes. They then start flying around aimlessly.

"What the hell!?" Komi starts shooting danmaku wildly.

"A-aaahhhh!" Ha-chan screams, flying erratically.

The fluffle touches down on the sand again, and starts desperately digging at it with its fins. "help, friends! i seek a home and a better place!"

Komi, having finally expelled the sand from her eyes, rocketed down towards the fluffle. "Come here, you little shit!"

"Waaal!" The fluffle threw its fins up, alarmed.

With a flying kick from the sky, Komi stomped the fluffle back into its basic dusty components.

Thumbs up! "Good job!"

She jerks her head up to me. "Ah? You're okay, huh…"

The other fairies float down to meet us. Ha-chan finally gets the rest of the sand out of her eyes.

I get glomped again! "B-Brad-kun, you're alright!"

"Yo, you guys dropped me from like ten feet over some sand. I'd probably only hurt myself if I landed directly on my head or awkwardly or something…" I argue, trying to quell Ha-chan's worry…

Before long, we reached the gate. It was sealed, and Meiling was sleeping outside on a mattress, blanket curled up over her. I walk up to Meiling…

"Hey… Hey, wake up… Hey…" I nudge her multiple times to little avail…

I lift her head, and move my face near her ear… "Wake up, goldilocks!"

Meiling mutters something intangible in reply, but remains relatively asleep. Freakin… we could try flying over the gate, but if those fairy friends drop me over it, and you know they will, I might be freakin' skewered…

Oh, yeah, that fluffle stand was still nearby. "hi friend" Not even gonna reply! That'd just be giving it what it wants!

I mount the water blaster upon my shoulder… but I knew nothing I did with it could do anything to this locked gate. "Alright, guys. I need you to channel some mana into this cannon!" I aim it at the gate…

"A-alright!" Ha-chan agrees, hands grasping the handle with mine.

"Just what do you have planned…?" Komi agrees, sticking her hand on the cannon's stock.

Koi giggles, resting her hands on the side of the cannon. "We're about to blow up the gate, that's what! Don't tell me you're getting dull, Komi!"

Namori, who I could hardly tell was present, also laid her hands down on the top of the cannon. "I-If this is what it takes…!"

I wait a good ten seconds… and then I pull the trigger.

Tick… Fwoooaaahh!

A huge quad-elemental laser slams into the gate, blowing it open with ease and continuing to the front door of the manor, drilling into it. Speaking of which, the manor was noticeably more than just a foyer, but it still had a ways to go…

"Achievement get: Gatecrashers!" I exclaimed, smirking as the beam died out.

Meiling was still asleep!... which is essentially how I'm like on school nights!

"...I think they heard us." Komi blanched.

I turn to her, still smirking. "Ya think?"

I turn back to the front yard, seeing Sakuya in it now.

Time to fight the big mean boss, bro! Oough! By boogity!

"...Just what is-"

I interrupt Sakuya. "Boogity hoogity!"

Her brow twitches, but she starts again. "...Just what is going on out here?... A-aren't you that lunar princess? You sound strange..."

I give her a cocky grin. "No maids shall be our masters, lad. We come sailing to the halls of doom, with a black flag raised to the sky… to plunder your Kool-Aid! G'fahahaha!"

I quickly use my free hand to rip out those time wards and stuff them into my pretty pink shirt. Pretty sure they still work there.

"...Brad!? T-the hell are you even wearing…" Sakuya double-takes once she fully realizes who is donning Kaguya's outfit. I suppose she wasn't close enough to see my face, either. Good thing I'm white as a sheet!

"I am Cap'n Kool-Aid, and yours is as good as mine!" I yell. "Fairies, into formation!"

I probably confused them by saying that, but they got into some sort of line around me, which worked.

"How's them marbles, maid?" I finish. I let my water cannon drop to my back- I'm calling it a cannon from now on because it's not a puny wee wittle blaster- and ready Swift Brand to kick things off.

"...Hmph." Sakuya gets a smirk of her own. "We've been itching for some target practice…"

Sakuya clacks her heels against the concrete walkway audibly.

Stomps reverberate even to here as a towering figure emerges from the blasted manor doors…

"What, there's only five of them!?" It's the bulldozer!

"Holy shit! Bulldozer!" I point at it as it emerges.

"Fuck, bulldozer!" Komi points at it.

"Motherfucking bulldozer!" Koi points at it too.

"...It's a fucking bulldozer!" I yell again, pointing at it… again.

"Bulldozer!" Komi yells, pointing at it again.

"Bu-" Thwack!

Ha-chan hit Koi on the back of the head. "W-we get it! Bulldozer's here! Stop shouting already, you're making me nervous!"

I point at the- Thwack!

Pain! "Yeeoo~w!"

"S-sorry!" Ha-chan replies.

"I've got them in my sights…!" The taser yelled from the door, running out behind the bulldozer.

I point at that one, too! "It's-"

Thwack! "Brad-kun, please!"

Namori points at it for awhile, before letting out a delayed shout moments later. "...Shit!"

We all give Namori a funny look, before another special operations fairy rolls out.

"Better late than- oh, I'm on time. Well… hello!" Keep it classy, cloaker…

Sakuya floats into the air. "I'm not even going to fight right now. Do you five even know how… doomed you are right now?"

I turn to my mates, and mutter a strategy to them. "...When that bastard starts shooting, we duck behind the right wall, alright? Ha-chan, I want you to take the left- and when the taser rolls around, I want you to engage the taser and the taser alone. Namori, cover Ha-chan."

Sakuya's grin becomes maniacal. "Don't even bother responding. The mistress will never even know you five were here… and if you try running, I will end you. Give up, and ma~ybe we won't stomp you into the dirt, Brad. The fairies we can just kill, but you… I might have a special punishment in store for your disturbances."

We make for the walls, and that triggers the action!

"Elite 'Dozer's here, and ready for action!" She brings her light machine musket out. "Death penalty in three… two…"

Ratatatatatata!

Large scarlet bullets slam against the wall and the open gate, but little is achieved.

"You made a very... Bad... Mistake!" I hear the bulldozer roar from behind the wall. "You're gonna wish you stayed home!"

We stayed behind the walls for a good minute, and not much progress happened. The bulldozer was slowly closing in on the gate while firing like a maniac, though…

I ready the water cannon, and pocket Swift Brand. "If she comes around, the two of you channel your magic. Another hyper beam should end that wall of scrap metal."

We hear scuffling behind us. I turn to see the cloaker climbing back up the wall. When the hell…?

She also expertly maneuvers herself over the spiked top of the wall, and jumps back down on the other side.

...and quickly the bulldozer ceases its advances, my cannon plan being rendered ineffective. Freakin'...

"Elite Taser, make way!" the taser yells to his comrades, moving up towards the left side of the wall. The dozer stops targeting that edge of the wall, and eyes me. I grin sheepishly and hug the wall a bit tighter…

"Perp spotted!" The taser readies her electric gloves, walking towards me, when a rock pings off her helmet.

"Y-you leave him alone!" Ha-chan yells, and the taser's gloves crackle louder.

"Hahahaha!" The taser begins laughing as she runs at Ha-chan, and grasps her by the shoulders with her gloves.

Za-zap-zazazzz…

Ha-chan crackles with energy and electricity sizzles around her, but she wears an euphoric expression as it all takes place. Perks of being electricity elemental!

I hear a rustle of bushes behind us…

"Koi, check the bushes." I request.

"Wha-why?" Koi asks, surprised.

I hear the rustling cease.

"Fucking… cloaker!" I yell. I don't turn to the bushes though, I keep my eyes on the distance from the bushes to Ha-chan instead, just incase. Besides, if she kicked me, I think the fairies could easily help me back up. I don't remember cloakers fighting groups that well; they were into isolated targets…

Wulululululu…!

The cloaker dashed from the bushes behind us, running for Ha-chan.

The other fairies are too surprised to help fuel the cannon…! I fill it with mana anyway, nothing else really on hand, and desperately slam it into the earth, knowing my bubbles wouldn't make it. I feel the mana leave the cannon, surprisingly. Did I…?

Fwuuush!

A tiny geyser erupts in the distance between the cloaker and Ha-chan. The cloaker ends up running into it, and gets propelled into the air. From there, she falls back down flat on her toosh.

"Fuagh!"

I smirk… but I couldn't really reach the cloaker. "Komi, do something!" I randomly yelled out a name!

I said that, but Namori- who was guarding Ha-chan as I asked of her earlier- had already sent a beam towards the cloaker. The cloaker had her gaze locked on me, expecting me to be the one to do the attacking, but the laser surprised her, piercing her.

"Huuaaagh!"

Pi~chun!

"I-I gots me a cloaker!" Namori clumsily yells, delighted. The cloaker's gear was left behind as well… not like we had time to scavenge it, though.

"Oohhh… I'm gonna drop on them like a fuckin' piano!" The bulldozer was marching pretty quickly towards the gate…!

Komi was in no position to react, but Koi was near me. "S-should I charge the cannon, or…?"

I shake my head, and take it off my shoulders, casting it to the floor. "Nah, I've got other plans…"

I pulled out Quake Bloomer, itching to use my newest spell. I turn to Komi, who was already fairly ahead of us. "Komi, I want you to run out there and surprise the bulldozer. Fly around her, piss her off, the works. I've got a plan."

She looked cross with me at first, but sighed. "If this doesn't work, I'm breaking you when I revive, got it?"

The bulldozer begins to emerge, ready to blast Ha-chan and Namori to fairy dust, when Komi comes out and flanks her.

"Prepare to be toyed with, you childish toy!" Komi taunts the bulldozer, her danmaku orbiting around it.

"You can't hurt me!" The bulldozer starts turning, still firing, trying to hit Komi. Her slow walk speed made it impossible for any of Komi's danmaku to actually hit, but…

I slam Quake Bloomer's shaft into the earth, focusing my mana.

Fwoo…

I was gonna need to chug a potion at this rate… I pulled one out, and began drinking it. I had one left after this one, I believe…

Gulp...Gulp…

"Kicking asses never felt so relaxing!" roared the Bulldozer as its movements slowed. She didn't wobble, though; just turned a bit slower, making it a complete stalemate between the two fairies.

Gulp… Gulp…

Hahh…

I readied Quake Bloomer and buffed myself once more. I then ran up through Komi's danmaku, and got close and personal with the bulldozer while it faced away from me. Like that, I neared its front, taking care not to run into the stream of scarlet danmaku like a dumbass.

She notices me! "Got you, asshole!" She begins turning slowly…

I spin around, and strike her skull-graffitied visor with the hanger hammer.

Claaang… Chink!

...clatter clatter…

"My visor!"

I broke the metal part of the visor… but on the inside was a fiberglass one. Why even…!?

Inside was a very angry fairy maid with green hair. "I'll kick your ass, visor or no visor!"

I back away, and slam the hilt into the floor again.

Fwoo…

"...But first, I think I'll just keep firing my gun. It'll probably hit you!" The bulldozer wasn't totally shouting that last sentence! She must be super freakin' tired!

I run through Komi's danmaku again and tank a bullet. I see the taser, and for whatever reason Namori didn't think to attack it, and just watched the entire spectacle… which was still going on.

"Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a~" Ha-chan looked simply euphoric.

"Haubagagagaga!" The taser probably would have too, if she weren't wearing that helmet…

I turn to Namori. "Just shoot the bad guy already…"

She turns to me, tilting her head. "But… she looks like she's enjoying it."

I fold my arms. "Well, I need her now!"

Relenting, she sighs. "Okay, okay…"

She points her fingers…

Vzooo!

"Ha-haaaahhhh!" The taser roars in pain as the danmaku laser pierces her.

Pi~chun!

Once a fairy, always a fairy…

"Taser, taken care of." I state dramatically. Not like anyone needed that info! The taser's gear was also left behind, but the electricity faded. I bet most of it was from the fairy itself, so the gear'd be no good to us, I think...

Ha-chan kneels against the floor, corners of her mouth twitching. I grab her by the shoulders and pull her up.

"Ha-chan, you're needed on the battlefield!" I begin shaking her, but she just dreamily stares at me.

"B-Brad-kun… I feel so happy…" She hugs me.

"...Ha-chan, this isn't the time to rejoice in the afterglow!... Alright, you just uh… sit here…" I let go of her, and she falls onto her back, sighing happily.

I look over to Namori, then to the water blaster. "Follow me, you."

She nods. "W-what about Hana-chan?"

I wave my hand dismissively. "Not like the bulldozer's gonna be leaving that gate any time soon."

With that, I dash across when the coast is free of bullets, and Namori does the same.

I lift the water blaster. "We might not be able to make a hyper beam necessarily… but I've got plans!" I exclaim. I look at Koi, who's just pumping her arms as she watches Komi rotate around the bulldozer.

She cups her hands in front of her mouth. "Yeah, go Komi! Kick her sorry metal ass!"

I tap her on the shoulder. "Friend, we need you."

She twitches in realization. "Ah, right! What for?"

"Put your hands on the water cannon, both of you. Do the mana thing." I also channel some mana into it, for reasons… and I think I knew what to do, too!

"A-alright…" Namori cooperates.

"Can do!" Koi slaps her hands onto the cannon.

"Alright, on three, we slam it into the floor together, alright?" I propose.

They nod.

"One, two…"

We dive forward and slam it hard enough to dig into the earth a bit. I feel my channeled mana leave into the earth below…

"...What happened?" Namori asked, staring ahead.

I grin. "Progress."

Fwooo-uuuush!...Splaaash!

A large torrent of water rocketed out of the floor, albeit not entirely striking the bulldozer, only grazing it. The water falls back down, soaking Komi and the bulldozer. A rainbow hangs in the air where the large geyser was, before fading.

"I've been soaked in more blood than this!" roars the bulldozer, now annoyed, still tracking Komi.

Komi was surprised by the water, but the bulldozer's lethargic behavior compensated for her error, so she didn't get put into too much trouble.

I run over to Ha-chan, and take the taser's gloves from nearby. "Here, Ha-chan, today, you become the elite ops!" I slip the gloves on her, and immediately they start crackling with energy, making me jump away.

"Oooh~!" Ha-chan looks at the gloves delighted, and then hugs herself. "Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a~!"

Freakin'... "Yo, Ha-chan, that feels alot better if you hug someone who's wet! Like that tall person over there!" I point at the bulldozer.

Her eyes light up. "Yes, yes yes yes!" She raises from the floor, and dashes towards it. She leaps through Komi's danmaku smoothly, and glomps the bulldozer.

Za-zaaa~p...zazazz~aap!

"I feel so alive!" Ha-chan's voice echoes out of the bulldozer's speakers.

Pi~chun!

The fairy inside the armor is killed by the electricity, but the armor still stands, electricity crackling through it.

Thus, all three of the special operative fairies… were dead and gone. Well, they'd revive without their stuff, at any rate.

"Tch. Pitiful performance by them. They're all relieved of duty, as of right now." Sakuya clicks something on her watch. "Minutes was all it took. Pathetic. Unfit to serve the mistress."

I glare at her. "What is this, a nazi boot camp? You've gotta lighten up a little, miss missy!"

She sighs. "I guess… I have to fight you myself."

Oh, crap.

I immediately drop my water cannon, pocket Quake Bloomer, and pull out Swift Brand again.

She stops time, and everything goes grey… but while she's still faster than normal, I can move freely!

...I didn't want her to know, though. She calmly flew down, and started positioning and tossing knives at Komi and Ha-chan, pausing them mid-toss. She came towards me, and I stayed paused as if glaring up at her still. She walked by me, and stared at me, before passing me to move onto the other fairies, but…

I whirl around and try to smack her with Swift Brand, but she whirls around even quicker and blocks it.

"Oh, crap!" I yell. Her knives press against Swift Brand, and I buckle back a bit from the force.

Sakuya talks fast and kinda funny because of her speed advantage over me… guess I wasn't totally immune to time stop! "Curious how you gained a resistance to my time stop. But it doesn't matter because you still cannot beat me even in here."

...Her sentences had less pauses and I couldn't tell where commas were supposed to be! It was like a VCR set on fast forward, or a youtube poop!... and frik only knows how slow I sounded while talking slowly.

She quickly leapt back, and time resumed.

Pi~chun!

Pi~chun!

Komi and Ha-chan are dead!

I reach into my bag and start dragging out Quake Bloomer, letting the sack fall around it. I aim Swift Brand defensively and pre-emptively.

Pi~chun!

She spun, and Namori became a pin-cushion.

Pi~chun!

With one more twirl, Koi shared the same fate.

...And so all my comrades died without even getting a single line of dialogue out! Shiieeeuut!

"And now, you see…" Her knives glow… "...the difference between you and I." She sends a small barrage of danmaku knives forward, and I reflexively flinch my hand, and charge the hanger with mana.

Fwoosh!

A gust of air deflects the danmaku, and it barely misses me. I tossed Swift Brand to the floor as I slammed the floor with Quake Bloomer.

Fwoo…

Sakuya stood and let the earth symbol engulf her, and the comfy magic washed over her. Her eyes flickered, but in moments she looked just as determined as before.

"Hmph… I've had far, far tougher from Lady Patchouli and that thieving witch." Maybe this wasn't a good idea afterall!

She does smile warmly, though. "...It feels good, too. You're supposed to be fighting me, not giving me a magical massage."

I scratch the back of my head sheepishly. "Well, you see…" I kneel and reach into the sack; I had to have something that would save my ass!

I pulled out the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber. "I'm gonna nuke ya, yo!"

Sakuya eyes it curiously. "The hanger of explosions, was it? That's no good if I don't engage, is it?"

Egh… "W-well, no, actually!"

Raising a brow, Sakuya prepares to toss knives. "You better dodge this."

Whish! They flew towards me, and I blocked what I could.

Boom!

I flew into the air from the blast, landing down approximately near where I was before, at least.

"Hahahah! I expected you to try, at the very least…" Sakuya laughs to herself.

I reach for the sack near me, and stick my hand in. Casting aside the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber, I pull out Deep Blue, with Sharper Than Darkness linked onto it.

I clumsily untangle them and stand again, Sakuya patiently waiting for me to ready myself.

"Are you done yet?" she asks.

My speed and strength are boosted by the vengeful enchantments resonating in Sharper Than Darkness. I strike a pose… "Nah, give me a few more moments, I'd like to have a last meal… the last meal you'd be making, to be specific!"

She grins, and flips out her watch. "You mean the last meal I'd make for a certain dead man."

Time stops now, but I'm still moving. Sakuya flips into the air and sends a volley of danmaku knives down towards me which travel alarmingly fast. I spin around with Sharper than Darkness, parrying them all off.

Shing-Clang-Clack-Clang-Shing!

The knives shoot off my hanger, dissipating either on contact or after flying away for a moment or two. The maid lands a distance away, brushing her hair from her eyes.

I dive to the floor and slam Deep Blue into it, funneling mana into the floor.

"...Hmm, are you giv-"

Fwuuush!

A small geyser shoots up under Sakuya, propelling her into the air… where she stayed, using flight to keep herself up there.

"Tsk… you got me all wet. Unacceptable."

Lines of danmaku knives soared towards me, and I did what I could to stream them. A few struck my arms, forcing me to clench my teeth and keep myself from yelling.

"Hghh…"

I ran faster as a result, trying to close the distance between Sakuya and myself.

"Time's up." Sakuya clicks her watch, and at a moment's glance I notice the gleaming in the light all around myself. I start spinning like an asshole on the spot as time resumed.

Clink!...Cla-Kli-Shi-Cla-Cli-Kli-!

I spun around and around, a red circle forming around me as I spun, the knives being deflected mostly successfully. A good twenty or so still got in, but being danmaku it just beat me the fuck up instead of killing me on the spot.

"Holy… shit…" I gasp out, slouching.

"...I haven't used a single spellcard yet." Sakuya plainly stated.

...Dayum.

"Illusion Sign, Killer Doll." Uh-oh…

Time stopped again, and I saw her precariously position a circle of danmaku knives all around me. Um…

I raise my hand. "Can I get my things first?"

"No." she calmly replies, spinning around me, tossing storms of knives that froze in time when they reached the circle around me.

"...Will my stuff at least be kept tidily in a lost and found in the manor somewhere?" I really wanted this stuff!

"...Sure." Sakuya sighed, still positioning the knives.

"...What if I just walk-"

"Then they all go off." she answered immediately, still placing knives.

"...What's the difference?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

"None, really. You get more time if you let me place them, though." she explains.

I shrug, sitting down. "Works for me. You have any snacks?"

She shakes her head. "I'm already mid-time stop. How did you do that anyway?" She was referring to my ability to move in her time stops...

I gesture to my clothes. "Kaguya's clothes are time resistant, Reimu can make time wards. I guess at least around sixty-seventy percent resistance. If I had one hundred, your time stopping would literally be useless against me… although I couldn't do much about your crazy knife throwing skills."

Sakuya hums, barely audible over the swooshes of knives flying into position.

"How'd you get so good at knives, anyway?" I propose a question!

She responded rather reluctantly. "...Let's just say I had time to practice."

Pfft. "Yeah, time. And you criticise me for making bad puns…"

"...I suppose I've been a bit harsh lately." she admits.

I grin. "...Did the scarlet moon rise recently?"

I receive a glare in response. "No. Stupid pervert."

Shrug. "I tried."

She's finished positioning her knives. "This is gonna hurt. Lots."

With the spare time left from placing her knives, she tosses my sack to me, having placed all my plant hangers in it out of courtesy.

I kneel and stick my arms out. "Gott Mitt Uns, as we all stand united! All together…" I pull out a fluffle from the sack, and press it against my cheek.

"Gott Mitt Uns!"

Time resumes.

FAAAAAA-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I sit around a little picnic table with a variety of fluffles, and we all looked at a big cake with like three candles on it. Well, two and a half candles, to be precise. One of them had a bite taken out of it.

"...!" The fluffles made indescribably excited grunts and wails as they waved their fins excitedly. One pushed the plate towards me.

I made a delighted face, and blew out the candles, and then the sun went out.

"Waaaal!"

The fluffles weren't having any of that!

We all tried to bolt from the table, but I heard numerous fluffles fall over and go 'oof' in their many attempts to escape the table. I thought it'd be different for me… it wasn't.

"Oof." I lied with my chin down on the grass floor. I looked to my right and saw a fluffle somehow fully lit despite the pitch-black darkness around me… and then it did a lunging headbutt at me!

Fwoof!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I'm awake, I'm awake! Enough with the fucking fluffles!

I look around the room to find it freakin' dark. Well, that helps. I'm in a poofy bed of sorts, fully clothed.

...I then proceed to bounce the bed up and down, basking in its poofy nature.

"Yeeeheehaaahh!"

Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!

...and now I'm tired again…

A door opens, and in walks Patchouli.

"...I heard that racket from the other room. Just checking in to make sure Koakuma wasn't having her way with you, or something." With that, she closes the door before I could ask any questions.

My wig was taken off, but it's by the bedside anyway, interestingly. I'm also still dressed in the rest of Kaguya's stuffs.

I clamber out of the bed in the pitch black darkness and start feeling around like a maniac, looking for anything solid. I find solid things, but I don't know what kind of solid things! Suddenly, I feel the pressure leave my hand as I keep pushing.

Shatter!

...I broke something fragile. Their fault for leaving me in the literal dark!

The door opens again, and Remilia walks in. She looks to the shattered vase on the floor, as do I. My gaze shifts to her and I grin sheepishly.

"...It's dark!"

She facepalms. "Yes, I can see that…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The room now fully illuminated, I had gathered all my stuffs.

Remilia had her arms folded. "So, that's what happened…"

I lazily stretched, having finished generally explaining things to Remilia. Sakuya stood next to me, standing in a rather formal position with her hands together at her waist.

"...It was a long day." Sakuya decided, closing her eyes.

Remilia sighed. "I understand that, Sakuya, but sometimes… I feel like you need to have more fun, you know? How would I look as a mistress if my maid were moody and angry all the time…?"

Sakuya opened her eyes, looking away. "Well…"

"I've come to a decision." Remilia's eyes locked with her maid's. "You're going on a vacation."

Eyes widening, Sakuya stepped back. "B-but, mistress, the mansion still needs-"

"But nothing. This is an order, Sakuya." Resolutely, Remilia finalizes her command.

"...Yes, mistress." Sakuya reluctantly replies, bowing in acknowledgement.

Remilia turns to me. "And you're going to help her."

I nod… "Wait, wha~t!?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sakuya and I sat outside the manor's gate, lying flat on our asses. It was night now!

"Don't come back until you fulfilled your fun quota, you two!" Remilia cheerfully called from the gate, as it closed automatically. I assume magic did that…

"...Shieeeuut!" I yell out suddenly.

Sakuya looks at me curiously, before looking to the gate and trying to follow my example. "...S-sheeeet!" Good try, Sakuya…

We hear Meiling's snoring from her bed beside the gate, and Sakuya sighed. "...She had to take the day off. Building for awhile, now, you know."

I nod. "I wish I had a portable bed…" It'd be comfy! Sadly, beds don't fit in the sack; too big, and all… however…

I walk up to her bed, and pull the blanket off her, finding her sleeping in her normal clothes. Sleep-guarding!

I stuff the blanket into my sack, and Sakuya looks cross for a second. "That blanket belongs to the-"

"Quiet, Sakuya! I can't hear you over the sound of fun!" I exclaim, stuffing the rest of the blanket into my sack. I liked calling it a sack… even if bag, napsack, paddywhack, and jumpinjahoosawhatsits woulda fit aswell. Oh, and purse, maybe. Additionally, it was freakin' difficult to stuff a blanket into something that was always like plain cloth- the sack was always 'empty' on the outside.

Sakuya sighs, forcing a smile. "Right. Fun. I'm supposed to be having fun, aren't I?"

I shrug. "I dunno how to do that, yo. It just kinda happens to me." I get up and make my way towards the fluffle stand.

"hoh hoh hoh hoh… hoh! Waaal!" The fluffle was playing some kind of weird game with rocks and little block things, making these monkey-like noises before wailing, raising its fins into the air. What.

"...Hi, friend. Where were you in that last battle?" I asked. The fluffle was probably just passively observing!

"i was friendly" Yeah, okay.

"That's it, we're outta here!" I begin walking towards the lake, throwing my arms into the air.

Wordlessly, Sakuya follows behind me.

Coming upon the shore, I devise a plan!

"That's it yo, I shall show you how the fun is done!" I pull out that very same end table the wig was rested on earlier. I swiped it while Remilia was fetching Sakuya for our little discussion, which somehow took longer than instantly! I blame my time resistant clothing…

"...That looks like-"

"Nothing at all!" I exclaim, and I started pulling out plant hangers with which to turn this into a rocket table. Quake Bloomer, Flame Dispenser, Swift Brand…

"...Now it looks like a disaster." Sakuya decides, scowling at it.

"Oh, nonsense. It's perfectly safe." I state, straightening out my wig and walking onto the end table, which was more like a tiny table than one of those blocky ones. You all know the ones… I hope!

"...Define 'safe'." Sakuya shot back, folding her arms as I carefully positioned my plant hangers on the table.

"...Well, it gets us across the lake, for one thing!" I argue. "And… it will probably be in one piece by the time we reach the other side!

Sakuya's eyes widen. "Probably?"

I grin. "Probably. Hop on, friend."

Sakuya steps onto the end table and crouches on it with me, and I bang Quake Bloomer with my fist a few times.

"...Quick adjustments, yo…" I explain, and then I channel mana to the hangers…

She nods her head skeptically, and then we're off!

"W-waah!" Sakuya clings onto the central post of the table as we rocket off across the lake, ice cold water splashing us as the table's top thankfully tilted so that it rocketed against the water and not into the water, because if it did that we probably would have gotten freakin' owned… and possibly instantly wiped.

"For the Scarlet land!" I roared, pumping my fist into the air as we soared past various ice chunks. Up ahead, I saw a weird light in the middle of the lake…

Oh, right. Nitori's ship.

...We were heading straight for it, and Sakuya didn't realize it was a boat yet…!

"On our left we'll be seeing the sights and sounds of fluff and stuffs bay…" I mellowly stated, staring off into the not-so-dark night. Thank you, Gensokyian star palooza, for existing!

We were closing in on the boat. "...Ahead of us is a freakin' ship! We may or may not crash into it!" I yelled out, bracing myself against the pole with Sakuya.

"W-what!? I thought you said-"

Woosh!

We grazed the ship by the literal hem of the waves we ripped through, and I got to see the light-producing exterior of the ship briefly up-close as we passed it.

"...I thought you said we'd make it across without any hitches." Sakuya glared at me, upset.

"...I said in one piece, yo. Ho! Dreamin', don't give it up fluffy, dreamin! don't… give it up fluffy! And uh… dreaming, don't give it up fluffy? I forgot how that goes…" I really didn't, but I don't think she'd know who any of the characters in this reference are…

She stared at me warily. "...I'm starting to doubt my mistress' wisdom in this decision."

I put a hand to my mouth. "Oooh, don't let her hear you say that, or it's a month in the slammer yo! Dude, did you know where they imprison maids in Gensokyo, yo?"

She stares at me blankly. "...Jail, like any other prison?"

I stare at her vainly. "No, yo… they send you off to… Genie school! And then they teach you all two hundred of their… genie rules!"

Suddenly, we began skidding across land and through muddy patches left by the previous incident, but I was too busy engaging in character-building exercises to give a shit.

"...Genie school. For maids." Sakuya furrowed her brows skeptically.

"Yeah. Genie school. There's freakin two hundred genie rules, yo. Besides, isn't that how you get around, Sakuya? Don't you just hop on your magic carpet and fly around town?" I look at her with the most serious of looks on my face, struggling immensely.

"...I don't know who gave you your intel, but genies and maids are two totally different things." Sakuya stares ahead, warily eying the land we're ripping past. We begin to go up a rather steep incline…

"Well, you're a genie to me, yo, 'cause you've got…" I considered my options…

Magic eyes? Nah… Magic touch?...have I ever even felt her touch?... Magic pads? Just kidding…

"...the magic eyes of padded touching! It's like they magically touch my soul, yo!" If one doesn't seem to work, try them all!

Sakuya raises a brow, and smirks. "Should I tell Hana you said that?"

Infact… "Yes, tell her all the details! Every single one of them! Tell her we had kinky roleplay sex behind the-"

Crash!

We had slammed into the Hakurei Shrine, and soared through a wall.

"Oh, shit!" I suddenly yelled. Paper walls do not bode well for this shrine!

We soared past Reimu, and in passing, Reimu's kotatsu joined our tablecraft, and then we promptly soared out of the next incoming wall.

Reimu idly stared at nothing, before turning to the new hole in her wall. "...What the fuck."

We were then airborne, the sides of the blanket serving as makeshift wings for our new flying machine as we sailed off the ground, the steep geometry of the shrine hillside forcing us to take to the skies.

"...Are you having fun yet?" I grinned at Sakuya.

"I think we're going to die if we remain on this thing!" she yells back, arms wrapped around the post with ferocity sparked anew by our craft having achieved airborne status.

"Ahhh, nonsense. You can both stop time and fly! If this crashes, I'm probably going to explode in a fountain of flames because of ol' Flame Dispenser there!" I justified the flight!

Sakuya blinked. "...Well, you're right, but if this hits anything suddenly, mistress will be displeased with the following medical or funeral bills, depending."

I shrug, smiling into the distance as we rocket towards the human village, somehow gaining speed as we flew over trees and assorted things on our way along the side of the path to the village.

Guards stared up from the illuminated walls of the human village as an orange, flaming light flew in the distance, getting closer. Before long it had gained on the villages outer walls…

George looked up from his gateside post, before beaming with determination. "Whatever that is, I'm gonna shoot it down! I'm gonna shoot this one, this time! I'm gonna do it!"

He ran inside, opening the gate, aiming his bow towards the section of wall we'd collide with…

Smash!

Through the wall flew the kotatsu-end table combination, and George fired a rather spot-on arrow…

Thunk!

Sakuya's eyes widened as an arrow stuck through the kotatsu board, and I grinned.

"We've got aerodynamics now, yo!" I grabbed onto the arrow shaft, and starting exerting force on it. Tugging, pushing, and fiddling with it achieved results in making the craft move in subtly different directions.

Smash!

We soared through the upper section of wooden walling at the other edge of the village.

Keine stared at the exchange with slight alarm, but as it left the village, she decided it wasn't worth investigating further. She then resumed prowling the night for any suspicious persons, her paranoia acting up…

Sakuya looked back at the village behind us. "We're going to attract unwanted attention at this rate…"

I smile. "Even better!"

We quickly came towards another hillside, and our craft had lost surprisingly little altitude as we rocketed towards the side, and clung to the slope. Reaching the top, we shot through a wooden wall.

Suddenly, she glared at me. "Just what was that about roleplay se-"

Blam!

Kyouko jumped, looking up from her sweeping as the wall next to the front entrance was torn asunder by a mysterious rocketing object.

"An~d… now!"

Byakuren thrust her arms forward, demonstrating an amateurish enchantment magic technique, trying to enchant the wooden post before her. However, fate had different plans as a wooden craft soared by instead, intercepting the magic and soaring off with it.

Stormy stared at the flying hunk of junk as it passed. "...I don't know if I can cast a spell like that, Hijiri."

Suddenly, we began to gain speed as our craft glowed rainbow colors, magical particles being left behind as we jetted past the side of the temple and through the back walling of the cemetery behind it.

Crack! Wood flew from the thin walling as we rocketed through it, now arcing up into the sky...

"This is now a legendary air ride machine!" I exclaimed, as we quickly took off into an unknown outlying portion of Gensokyo. If I remember correctly, this is where the river Sanzu should be somewhere below us…

I look down, and I'm right! "Let's not do that!" I don't feel like dealing with whatever's over there right now, and if it's the river Sanzu, it probably has some kind of anti-whatever's-not-a-ferryman gimmick or something!

I take hold of the arrow, and the craft does a U-turn surprisingly well.

"...Huh." Enchantments are great!

We soar in the sky over Gensokyo, picking up speed…

"This is insane…!" Sakuya disbelievingly looks around as we sail straight over the Myouren Temple…

"We're going to win so many drag races with this baby!" I exclaim, merrily giggling as we soar over the human village…

Reimu stares at the night sky with silent fury, standing vigil for her fallen kotatsu. Suddenly, a rainbow, technicolor arrow shoots through the sky, rambunctious laughter echoing off it.

Marisa, who was on her way to Reimu's for a place to board because waterlogged pavilions do not a home make, paused as she saw the rainbow rocket soar across the sky.

"Ooh, a race it is, then!" Marisa pointed her mini-hakkero behind her…

I felt the wind slam my face as I stared over the kotatsu board, our speed gaining as we rocketed over the Misty Lake…

Cirno looked out from her little igloo home, seeing a rainbow comet rocket across the sky.

"A shooting star came for me! Thank you, sky!" Cirno saluted the night sky.

Vrrrrrrr…!

The hum of a master spark echoed across the lake, as a certain witch started to gain momentum from the hefty laser.

"This is the mighty comet of stars!" I merrily yell from the wooden air ride machine.

"What the hell's even going on…" Sakuya's arms and legs are totally tangled around the pole, as being flung from this craft's not a high priority of hers.

We flew past the Scarlet Devil Mansion, a line of light in our wake.

Flandre pointed from atop the temporary roof of the manor. "Look, Remi! A shooting star!"

Remilia furrows her brows. "That's a ridiculous shooting star. What one moves like that? It's almost as if that one was inside the barrier itself…"

At that prospect, Flandre's eyes light up. "I'm gonna go catch it, then!"

With that, Flandre takes off into the night.

Remilia shrugs. "As long as she's back before dawn…"

Her eyes shoot to the sky as a rather flashy Master Spark sends a witch twirling across the night sky, picking up speed as it slowly gained on the arrow of rainbows above.

"...She might not be back before dawn." Remilia sighed.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sakuya stared at the ground below us, unable to make out many features due to our blazing speed. "How fast is this even going!?"

"I have no idea!" I shout back, beaming.

Suddenly, a surprise guest appearance! "Yay, I caught up to the shooting star!"

Flandre floated overhead, looking down at us.

"...Sakuya?" she blinked.

"...Hi." Sakuya waved nervously.

"Hey, Flandre! Think you can make this go any faster!?" I asked. This was just too good to not keep rolling…!

"Yeah! Let's do it!" Flandre boarded the craft and stood on the edge of the end table, and she took out Laevateinn.

Oh, boy! That gives me an idea…

"Just stack your sword on the plant hangers that are also bound to the table!" I requested. "Also, charge 'em with mana!" My mana reserves weren't that great, and you can bet that was fueling my hysteric glee at this moment!

"Can do!" Flandre beamed, putting her hands to the mass of weapons, and then…

FWOOM

"Holy shit!" We took off into the night sky at ludicrous speed!

"O-oh, dear…" Sakuya looked a little worse for wear there!

"Yay!" Flandre happily cheered, as immense flames, wind, and earthy spell circles were erected behind us, the magical effects of the hangers going wild due to the absurd amount of mana being poured in by the little vampire.

...

Marisa pouted as she started to lose distance between herself and the light… "Aww, c'mon, c'mon! I need more speed...!"

Her master spark finally fizzled out, but she didn't retract her mini-hakkero.

"Loving Heart! Double Spark!"

Vrrrrrrr~!

"Waahooo~!" Marisa gleefully shouted, soaring into the distance with double the velocity she had before.

We continued going off into the unknown lands behind the Scarlet Devil mansion, passing over a field of unknown flowers within a few moments. We then passed over more and more featureless forestry…

"...How much Gensokyo even is there!?" I question.

Quickly, the sky and features around us all blur momentarily, the world becoming distorted around us.

A gap opens next to us, and Yukari leans out lazily, wind whipping her hair. "You'll have to do better than that. The Hakurei Border is nothing like the sound barrier, you know…" With a final wink, the blur around us fades, and we find Yukari gone and the world back to normal, no more visual distortions present.

I scratch the back of my head. "...Huh."

I look down only to see trees with blood red flowers marring the greyish landscape.

"Where the hell did we end up, exactly…?" I question, bringing the craft a little lower to inspect the grounds…

Crash! The craft effortlessly smashed through a wall ahead I didn't even see coming!

We rip across a courtroom, papers and shouting coming from behind us, but I don't bother to find out what they're about as we-

Krakoom!

-smash through the wall again, exiting.

I'd stick my arms up in excitement… but I'm pretty sure if I did, something would blow 'em the hell away! "Woohoo!"

"Holy crap…" Sakuya doesn't know what to think about her day off anymore!

"Yeaaah!" Flandre's having fun, to be certain!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Marisa pouted, coming up to the Hakurei Border. "Where the hell did that thing go, ze…?"

Her dual sparks faded out, and she resolved to glare at the border. "I know it takes more than that for this thing to let people pass…" Marisa seemed to stare ahead at nothing visibly, but she could sense the immense mana output of the barrier.

"...Maybe I'll see it again." Marisa decided, heading home slowly.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We neared a boat, near a river!

"...Haaahhh, I wonder if I should hit the human village for some fine spirits after this shift…" Komachi Onozuka stretched, idly muttering to herself.

"...I wonder? I know I'll hit the human village next! Hahahah!" She then aptly laughed at her own humor. She stepped onto her boat, and put her hands up like a pretend-photographer, presumably beginning to manipulate the distance across the river Sanzu...

Suddenly, her boat was swept away by a rainbow comet. It flew right up from abso-fuckin'-lutely nowhere, into her boat, and took off with it. Her included.

"What!?" Komachi fell backwards onto the boat as we rocketed across the waves.

She looked up from the boat at me.

"Hi, friend." I waved my hand gingerly.

"...Hey." Komachi rubbed the back of her head. "...What the hell's goin' on here?"

I shrug. "Friends."

"Okay." Komachi opts to lie down on the battered floor of the boat.

...A good few minutes later, we were still on the river…

"...So how was everyone's day…?" I ask, sitting with my legs bunched on the end table.

"...Just peachy. My maids got beat up, and now I'm on… I'm on… an excursion." Sakuya rests her head against the pole of the table.

"Great!" Flandre exclaims, smiling.

"...I could go for a drink right about now…" Komachi admitted.

...Bam!

"Waah!"

We reached the other side of the river, and as we shot off the boat, we flung it over onto the shore, Komachi meeting the wooden boards of the pier as the boat was flipped onto the dirt ahead.

"Sorry!" I yelled, but by the time I got to the end of the word, we were halfway to the buddhist temple again...

Speaking of, we just passed it! The trees are normal on the not-dead land side, by the way.

"Mistress! God! Someone! Get me off this crazy thing!" Sakuya yelled, eyes wide as she registered the speed we had attained.

Passing the human village, I grinned. "I have a need for speed, Sakuya! It cannot be quenched!"

Halfway to the Hakurei Shrine, I force the craft to turn and make towards the bamboo forest instead.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Kaguya and Mokou sat around a TV, playing Smash 4 on the Wii U.

"Come the fuck on!" Mokou had nearly assembled the Dragoon parts, but Kaguya knocked one off of her.

Kaguya grinned, and made a haughty declaration. "The sacred machine belongs to me! It's simply history repeating itself, you see-"

Crash!

"Aaaah!"

Bam!

Kaguya was promptly swept away by a glowing air ride machine, controller swirling in the air from where she was abducted.

Pausing, Mokou stared at the new holes in the wall, then at the controller on the floor, and patted the minor scorches off her outfit. Looking back at the screen, she then beat up Kaguya's character, took the Dragoon parts and used them on her.

"History doesn't repeat itself… it rhymes. Which means this is my verse now, bitch!"

Mokou nodded to herself in satisfaction, even if no one heard her say it. Good on you!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Hello, friend!" I looked at the front of the rainbow craft to see Kaguya caught on it.

I ducked back beneath the blanket as we roared through the bamboo trees again.

Thik-Thak-Thwap-Thwap-Thak-Thak-Thik, fwoosh!

The leaves of the bamboo trees rustled as the legendary air ride machine exited the dense foliage, multiple trees cleaved apart by the impact of the rainbow ride, meanwhile those grazed or missed by it were ignited by the trail of violence propelling it.

Now that we were out of the forest, I grabbed a battered Kaguya from the front hood and pulled her onto the end table, which was now rather crowded.

I stare her in the eyes. "Hey, I'm you. Tough day, huh?"

She dizzily locks her gaze on me- as well as she can, anyway- and smiles. "Fun day…"

I turn to Sakuya, who's still adamantly clung to the center, not paying attention to our exchange. "Friend, keep Kaguya from flying off to a death in the great aether of Gensokyo!"

I set Kaguya down on the 'floor'- as much of a floor the underside of a table top can be anyway- and make sure she can be grabbed by Sakuya. Complying with my request, the maid latches one hand on Kaguya. Probably wouldn't save her if we made an abrupt movement, bu~t…

"W-what happened…" Kaguya regained her senses!

"You just got smashed, friend." I stated with sudden melancholy, frowning at her.

Her eyes run across my attire. "B-Brad? What the hell are you wearing!?"

I roll my eyes to myself. Right, lunar princess getup… "Brad? I'm you! Whadd're you, fookin' stoopid!?" I thrust my head forward with my exclamation, tilting it slightly for effect!

"...Why not." Kaguya opted to lie down and stare at the whirling night sky above… as well as one could lie down on a little end table anyway.

Man, this thing was crowded!

She tried to curl up around the pole instead, but Sakuya made that extremely inconvenient by existing, so she opted to cling to Sakuya instead.

"...This has to be the single strangest goddamn dream I've had in awhile. It feels so real, too…"

Kaguya has re-lost her senses!

...Oh, yeah. Where the hell were we, anyway…?

I look off the edge, finding a blur of colors under us. Idea! "Hey, Kaguya…"

"Hmm?" She lazily looks at me from her precarious posture around Sakuya.

"Put your hand on the plant hangers and channel your mana!" This'll be good…!

"Sure, why not." Kaguya does as asked…

BLAM

I don't even know how fast we're going anymore… but I think we broke something related to speed. All around us is a tunnel of lights and colors, features of the world around us lost to the speed. An occasional murky blur wash over the craft every couple moments, which was presumably us looping across the Hakurei Border again and again and again…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Marisa spun in place as a streak of light nearly clipped her side.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Reimu looked up from her shrine to see a streak of rainbow light illuminate the evening sky, stretching from each end of the Hakurei Border.

"What the hell…?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Remilia sighed, staring at the huge line of light forming in the sky. "Flandre, I let you out for one night. One night! You had one job!"

She threw her hat on the floor and stomped back into the manor-esque house that currently stood, numerous hallway outshoots in construction as the night transpired.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Byakuren laughed sheepishly, staring at the line of light in the sky.

"...No harm could come from such simple enchantment practice, you said. What the hell kind of 'amatuer-level' enchantment were you teaching me!?" Stormy irately turned to Byakuren.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I need more spee~d!

"Wooohooo~!" I exclaimed, giddily staring into the tunnel of blurry stuff and things.

"W-what the hell's happening!?" Sakuya pulls out her watch. "That's it, this is over! I'm stopping this!" She taps her watch repeatedly, and nothing happens. "...W-what…"

For one thing, both me and Kaguya were here, and for another, I don't think going this fast did any favors for time and space…!

Although suddenly, everything came to a stop. We weren't thrown off, time didn't stop. We just… stopped.

"...Heeey!" I banged my hands on the suddenly still blanket, which went limp and hung from the craft as it sat in midair.

I looked behind us, to see the hangers were still being fed mana; the weapon-forged engine roared as Flandre tried blowing on it to make it go, and Kaguya seemed to be asleep as she held onto it… although a huge stream of magical violence was emitted behind it.

Ahead of us, Yukari hangs upside-down out of a gap.

"Oh, my~!" She twirls out a fan, rolling it along the back of her hand before truly grasping it, and unfolding it over her face. "What might you four be doing on a fine night like this?"

I tug at the blanket. "Need speed! More speed! Speed! Speeheeheed!"

Yukari stares at me blankly for a few moments, before continuing. "A~nyway… I'm afraid you've broken the Gensokyo speed limit!"

I furrow my brows. "You're making that up."

She shrugs. "Well… yes. But!" Before I can protest, she sticks out a finger. "If you keep going as fast as you are, chances are you'll gain enough speed to break out of the Hakurei Barrier, out of Earth's atmosphere, and into space. Also, heat from the speed will apply outside, so you would probably explode in a ball of fire before you got anywhere."

Man, reality was bunk! "Shieeut."

Smiling, she tilts her head. "Glad you see things my way. I'll be sending you four back to the floor now. Tootaloo~..." Into a gap she went!

Wait…

Suddenly, we plummeted!

"Fuck yo~u!" I jumped onto the final parts of the craft as they fell, trying desperately to retain as much height as possible, but when I ran out of things to jump on, I was forced to fall!

...and then Sakuya grabbed me by the waist.

"...Good effort. I'm sure you would have gotten somewhere had you had one more platform." Sakuya sarcastically replied. I could feel her smirk…!

"Oh, sod off… Yukari's such a buzzkill…" I folded my arms, pouting.

"You want me to go away? Sure." I was dropped.

"Oh, shit!" Sakuya, you fuck! Jesus, shit! Help! Waaaaauu-

Sakuya grabbed me by the waist again. "Hi."

"Hello, friend." I replied, heart racing. Freakin'... yo!

"Should I still 'sod off', as you put it?" You win this time…

Reluctantly, I reply… "...Nah, I think I'm cool."

A friend floats up to us! "Hello!" It's Flandre!

I'm tempted to call her "flanders" but I might get beat the fuck up for doing that. Maybe sometime… "Hello, Flandre!"

I look down. "Where, uh…"

"It's that magical forest we went camping in!" Flandre beamed. "That was a fun time, even if it rained the next day…"

I looked around for Kaguya, but I assumed she fell to her death or something. She'd get better anyway…

I look down, and it does look like a forest! I see the glowy particles, so I also know it's a magic forest!... meaning it's probably the Magic Forest.

Time to go knock-knock-knockin' on some magician's doors!... after I picked up all my plant hangers from the floor, of course… and Flandre's Lavavavateava… Lavateinaina… I mean her giant explodey sword!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Oh, we found Kaguya in a blood puddle on the floor, by the way, but she seemed fine enough to carry. I mean… 'stuff' was sticking out, but I'm sure she'd be fine…

I knock on Alice's door, and she opens it.

"At this hour? Who…"

I grin, holding the mangled corpse of the real Kaguya with Flandre and Sakuya behind me.

"Hi, friend. I'm fluffy." I am ace negotiator.

"..." The door shuts in our face.

"Classy." Sakuya adds.

"I'd like to have seen you do better!" I retort.

Sakuya stands at the door this time, and knocks.

Alice responds, opening it a crack! "...Yes?"

"...Pardon my intrusion, but my company and I require shelter for the evening. May we be so inclined as to-"

"Sorry, but I don't think my water-ravaged house can take two lunatics, a vampire, and her maid. Sorry again." The door softly shuts.

"..." Sakuya sighed.

I grin. "We have a plan C… or should I say…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Flandre held Kaguya's mangled form by its shoulders, her bent head facing the door.

Sakuya held the torso, arms wrapped up by some magic vines and random shit we found on the forest floor.

I held Kaguya's legs, an easy task because her skirt made it easy to bundle them up.

"Alright, on the count of three…" I held up a hand…

"One." I call out.

"Two…" Sakuya grasps Kaguya's torso tightly.

Flandre beams. "Three!"

"Cha~rge!" I roar, and Flandre runs forward at insane speed, sending me and Sakuya skidding to the floor, and I fall on the maid. Proceeding to the door, Flandre ran straight through it with Kaguya as a battering ram, before using the rest of her own body to cleave apart the door without hesitation. She continued into Alice's house, discarding Kaguya and opting to run through the table ahead, and finally through the back wall.

"...What have you done!?" Alice screams, hands to her head.

I clumsily roll to the side as Sakuya shoots up from under me, and I push myself to abruptly rise myself.

Dolls emerge from many parts unknown! Oh, shit!

I pull out Quake Bloomer. "Sakuya, we've got company!"

She sighed. "I just seem to be getting in more trouble today… Very well…"

Time stop!... and I can move!

Sakuya spun around through the air, knives hurtling towards numerous Shanghai dolls that had emerged. I took to casually walk up behind Alice and prose myself, ready to cast that earthy spell on her.

Time resumes, and I hear violence outside the house.

"The nerve of those…"

Fwoo…

Alice twirls around, expression flaring… before it softens.

"W-what is this…"

Fwoo…

Keep casting it! Make her tired for nine turns, it'll reduce her accuracy to shit, or something!

"A-ah…" Late night plus tired equals oof!

The force effect of the circles forces Alice to her knees as her eyes flutter dreamily.

Fwoo…

"A...ah…"

Thud.

Alice is sound asleep, having collapsed onto the floor. The dolls nearby don't entirely cease attacking Sakuya, but they become far weaker in terms of strategy, and others become entirely passive or attack the air. Interesting how they operate even with Alice out of commision, albeit poorly!

I stretch. "We did it, friends!"

Flandre ran into the house, breaking another wall open. "Oh, yeah!"

I grin awkwardly. Maybe Sakuya was right about that Kool-Aid not being good for Flandre…

Sakuya walks in, smirking. "It's actually pretty amusing to watch the dolls mill about like that."

Making for the door to the bedrooms, I open it with haste. "I call the beds! You guys get to sleep on tables and things this time! The bed's all- oh right, this place had guest beds."

Sakuya snorted. "That's a good thing, then. Otherwise, I'd have had to forcibly seize it. While you slept, even."

I grin. "Define… forci-"

Before I could make any lewd puns, I was interrupted! "I mean you'd be riddled with knives and your body would be dumped on Houraisan's."

"Dawww…" Fluffy days…

…I lifted the mangled corpse of Kaguya off the floor, and placed it on a counter. I went through one of Alice's drawers and found some paper, and an ink quill pen. "Where the frik do they keep the bottles for these…"

"Here." Sakuya stopped time, and started going through shelves.

"...I can still uh, you know…" I don't mean to burst her bubble there…

Her head jerks up. "O-oh, right. Time immunity. Somehow."

Time resumed, and she continued digging through drawers. Eventually, she found me the ink bottle and opened it.

"Thanks, Sakuya." I grabbed it, dipped the pen sloppily and took it out, some ink spilling onto the paper. I then wrote "FOR SALE" on the paper, and left it on Kaguya.

"Rest in peace, yo." Nothin' respected the dead better than when their corpse was half off at the bargain bin!

Knock, knock, knock.

There was a knock at the door!

"Ooh, friends!" I reply, making for the door.

"Who could possibly be here at this hour?" Sakuya questioned, eyebrow raised.

I grin at her. "A maid, two lunar lunatics, and a vampire."

"Fair point..." she folded her arms.

Knock! Knock!

"Yo, I'm coming! Hold yah bloody horses!" When did we even close the door!? I blame Sakuya's maid senses.

I open the door, to find Orin Kaenbyou with a hungry, cat-like expression!

Her eyes light up before she replies. "Did somebody say sale!?"

I wince at the sudden energy this late in the evening, and take my time to reply. "...You see, she revives, it's that lunar princess."

"Con artist." Orin immediately whirls her cat cart around. The stench…! How much dead shit's in that thing!? Oh, crap…

I close the door and stumble backwards.

"Who was it?" Sakuya asks.

"A freakin' door to door salesman, that's who. Wanted to buy our immortal princess corpse, and I was like 'we don't have any'."

She nods her head slowly. "Ah…" ...before turning to me again. "Really? This late?"

I shrug. "Girl scouts these days, yo. Makin' cookies outta dead immortal princesses, I'll tell ya… they don't teach them kids like they used to."

I walk into Alice's room, only to meet SUPER SMASH DOLLS, MELEEEEE~! Dolls flew back and forth through the room, randomly attacking things and each other!

"..." I close the door to Alice's room slowly. "...Can I crash with you guys for the night?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Alice, why did you only buy two guest beds!?

"...They're freakin wet and smell weird, too!" I exclaimed.

Flandre took a sniff. "...Eeew…" She backed away, flailing her arms to dispel the smell.

Hmmmm… Oi!

I take out the blanket I stole from Meiling, and hand it to Flandre. "That'll be one component to our solution!"

She tilts her head. "Whah…?"

I walk over to the thrashed bed… I have an idea!

I run into Alice's room across the house, and charge through the great doll war, mumbling a little ditty to myself like a madman. "Doot doo doo, da doo doot do do, do do do da do!"

...It was like a horrible midi version of the Olympus Coliseum theme from Kingdom Hearts!

I ducked as lances soared overhead, diamond danmaku of all colors haphazardly flying around the room without rhyme or reason. I dove for the bed, and hid under it. "I'm as snug as a cuddle bug, under a cuddle rug!"

The bed was a little seared and punctured, but otherwise fluffy, so…

I slowly edged the bed off the frame and slid it onto my back, and I used it as a shield with which to progress to the door once more. Once safely outside, I threw the mattress off me and slammed the door shut.

"Alright, phase one complete!" I pumped my fist into the air before quickly making to the mattress once more, and continuing to drag it into the guest room.

Flandre and Sakuya stare at me drag the lylat mattress in. "I found a bed! It was for sale at the Home Depot!"

Sakuya rose her brow. "The what?"

I kicked the old mattress off, and placed the new one onto the trashed frame. Hey, yo, only the cushy thing needed to be fine…

I took the blanket from Flandre and lazily threw it onto the bed, covering half of it. "Heyo."

Sakuya stares at me critically. "...You do realize that's only one of three needed beds, right?"

I blankly stare back. "Ahah… we're sharing."

"No. On the floor, you." Sakuya makes for the bed…

"No way! Yo, the floor's all dirty and stuff!" It was! Help, no!... we never did find Reimu's kotatsu blanket… I assume some forest fairies took off with it and made freakin' ribbons out of it or something…

"Mistress and I are not sleeping anywhere else, and you need your beauty sleep the least of us." Yo, no!

"Yo yo yo, you know how little sleep I get? My back's gonna like, explode if I sleep somewhere else tonight!" ...It probably would, all things considered! Just a big freakin' mushroom cloud, yo. Kaboom! Kablaahahaaam!

She sighs, folding her arms. "Fine. But I will be between you and the little mistress, so that nothing inappropriate were to befall her. Surely, your life would be forfeit if anything indecent were to happen to either of us."

I shrug. "Even a stiff sleeping posture's better than the floor!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...As I lie on the ve~ry right edge of the bed with Sakuya glaring daggers at my back, presumably having actual daggers pointed at my back, I think about totally irrelevant topics… like what if a character in a fanfic spoke as clumsily as they did in real life? Like yo, seventy-five percent more of my conversations would be like "say what again" or "could you repeat that". For beings based around communication, we can very easily suck at communication!

The room's completely dark now, and I stare into the soul-crushing, teeth-gnashing, spine-twisting, toe-crushing… wait, I already used crushing. Anyway, it was cold, and wet, and sad!

...alright I'm all tuckered out now yo…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 15

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes due to an upgrade. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. After an enchanted sunflower was tacked on, it gained the ability to allow casting of Gaia Seed.

INVENTORY:

Holy Hanger- Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Dispenser - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Upgraded to have a nozzle with which the weapon can be utilized as a flame thrower with.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Due to a dark amulet upgrade, it may be used to cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat. When highly charged with buffs, the scythe can even inflict instantaneous death upon certain enemies who are not inherently immune to dark elemental things; although it's general consensus that instant death is ineffective against anyone of any real power, as they'd probably resist the effects.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Marks the wielder for death, dropping instant death resistance to zero and forces them to take 25% increased damage from all sources, but Flandre wasn't aware of the negatives when she created it. Different from the dark-elemental hanger in that this converts missing health into pure speed and none into power, and the increased damage isn't as punishing.

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

PARTY:

Flandre Scarlet, the Sister Of the Devil - The little mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Five years the junior of Remilia, and marginally more childish. Being locked up for a number of years probably doesn't help the whole "world experience" thing… Marginally more resistant to vampiric weaknesses than her sister, and overall more powerful in general.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Laevateinn, a giant exploding sword of explosions and exploding! Pain!

Sakuya Izayoi, the Perfect and Elegant Maid - Questionably ordinary human, who happens to have a collection of silver knives from her past experiences, and just so happens to be really skilled with them. Also has the ability to halt time, thanks to a watch of hers. I wonder…

PRIMARY WEAPON: Silver knives: My stock-standard knives, especially effective against youkai and undead. Holy in nature.

INVENTORY: Crimson Jazz knives: Jagged, incendiary knives made of red and crimson. Mostly identical aside from design, but not as effective against youkai. They probably hate burning alive more than silver, though…

Blue Rhapsody knives: Blue and silver metal are the materials of these knives. They constantly drip, and get everything wet. Freakin' soggy!

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

a rather slowly written chapter… it also didn't help how i got a cold which freakin' beat me up

aside from that, just haven't felt like writing as much recently, but i am crawling along so E.

maybe when i'm bored i'll be able to channel that into writing energy

...that freakin air ride machine though yo .w.

as always, see you all next time!