(in which we get grabbed by the ghoulies, yo!)

Slowly rising from the floor with Patchouli in my arms, I look around the library.

"...Aa~h…" I stretch as best I can while holding her. She's not particularly heavy!

...Still uncomfortably heavy, but not as implausible as me holding most people!

"...Y-you…" Patchouli wheezes out, glaring at me.

I smile back. "Hey, I broke your fall, fluffy. Gimme a hug." I hold Patchouli close and snuggle up against her. "...Ooo~! You're so so~ft!"

She smelled nice, too!

...

I pull away from her, and if looks could kill, I think she would have inflicted instant death on me. Now I'm guilty, even if she was going to force me into a life of being a succubus' cattle!

"...Let's get you patched up, yo… no pun intended." I look around. "...Maybe Sakuya'd be helpful, wherever the hell she is. Sakuya! Sakuya~!"

There's no response. Sad face.

Patchouli's eyes widen and she looks somewhere behind me.

"...Well, I'm sure I can find you something. Are there any healing-elemental fairies? How the hell do healing spells work, anyway? Is healing an element?" I'm confused.

Patchouli lethargically turns her head at me to glare again.

I've got no idea what healing potions or mana potions are in my sack, but the author's going to assume there's none and thus there is none. The author should have really kept track of that sort of thing!

A mailbox falls in from above and lands on my head.

Bo~ng!

"Auh- shit!" I wanna clutch my head! I wanna clutch my head!...

… but I couldn't 'cause I was holding the cuddle mage!

Patchouli smiles at my miniature catastrophe. Freakin'...

"...B-behind…" Patchouli breathes out.

...I could make a joke about how her behind is, but to be honest these robes pretty much leave everything to the imagination. They're like walking around with blankets on. Freakin' fluffy.

...Oh, yeah. Patchouli wanted me to look behind.

I turned around and saw nothing.

I look at her expectantly.

"...I-idiot…" Cue glare!

"Look-" I begin, shaking my head. "You're cuddly."

Her glare doesn't falter.

Patchouli begins looking around hastily.

I start looking around too, kinda weirded out by how Patchy's acting. "So, uhm… what's uh, what's the big deal here? Spooky scary skeletons?"

A chair is flung from Patchouli's desk and slides across the room.

I jump exaggeratedly. "Oh, shit! Gooses on the looses, son!" I jerk my head towards Patchouli. "We gotta get outta here! We gotta go, yo! Go on the down low!"

I run behind a bookshelf and crouch, propping the magi up against said bookshelf. I examine Patchouli's tired face. If she could talk well at the moment, I'm sure she'd be saying 'I'm done with this shit' or something similar.

"Look, Patchy… we gotta start a new life, gotta change our names-"

The door to the library shoots open. "I'm back, ze~!"

My eyes widen and I grab Patchouli by the shoulders. "Doncha get it!? The bounty hunters are coming yo! We. Are. Screwed!"

Patchouli's arms slowly raise towards my face.

"...You goin' for a kiss, or uh-"

Her hands weakly clamp around my neck.

"Hey, hey- no, yo! Everything else in the library will gladly do that free of charge! I don't need you to impose the tax upon me!" I twist my neck around, breaking the grip her weak hands had.

I stand up and step around a little, walking back into the central area where Patchy's study desk was.

"The death tax…" I smugly clarify, grinning at nothing in particular.

Looking at Patchouli's desk again, some random crap was floating for no reason, encased in telekinetic auras.

Patchouli's eyes shot open at them. "W-what…"

I tilted my head. "We're not alone, yo…!"

Marisa caught up to us. "Hehee~y, Pat...chy…?"

She does a double take, looking at the magician held in my arms.

"P-Patchy!?" Marisa's jaw drops.

"...Hi, friend." I admit, I forgot Marisa just barged in while I was in the midst of being a weirdo.

"...W-what're you doing to Patchy!?" Marisa points her Mini-Hakkero at me. Damn, she assumed I was an assaulter instead of a lover! This went from awkward for her to awkward for me!

"She was injured in the line of duty!" I argue. "I was bringing her to the field medic for operating!"

"O-operating!?" Marisa's jaw dropped, again. "What the hell did you do!?"

That, again, was the opposite of what I intended. Charging at me, she quickly swept Patchouli from my arms.

"There! You're safe, now, Patchy. He won't hurt you any more…" She looked down at Patchouli…

...and Patchouli just glared at her, still pissed.

"...Hey, look, I-I woulda came sooner if-if…"

Laughter that belongs to neither me nor Marisa emanates in the room. I look around, but I can't quite place where it's coming from…

"...What the blazes is that?" I question aloud, looking dumbfounded, looking around.

Marisa glares down at me. "I bet you know!" She aims her mini-hakkero at me, again.

I hold my arms up. "Quit lookin' for excuses to beat the shit outta me!"

"No! You touched Patchy inappropriately!" Marisa's glare deepens.

I sigh. "Look- you're half right, but-"

"Wha~t!?" Marisa didn't expect that! "Y-You… pervert!"

The mini-hakkero is pointed at me again. "That's it! Die!"

Jesus, Marisa! Take a chill pill!

Shit- what do I do? My recent spell!

I start generating blocks at light speed… which end up giving me a stack of blocks.

"Jesus- fuck!" I exclaim, clattering produced as the blocks all fall down on me, some hitting me in the face.

"Love Sign! Master Spa~rk!"

...That's gonna knock me into next week. I'm gonna wake up, look at the calendar, and it's gonna be literally a week from this second. Shit.

I brace myself and close my eyes as the laser begins to fire!

"PSI Magnega!"

Vrrrrr~!

...I'm protected by a magnetic shield!

I open my eyes to see Mima in front of me, grinning as the spark is absorbed by the shield.

~rrrrrr-r-r…

The spark begins to die down, because Marisa realized she was slowly getting pulled towards the magnet shield.

The magnet shield cuts out, and Marisa is once again shocked.

"M-Mima!?"

Mima smirked up at her. "What the hell was that? If some homebrew absorption spell of mine can completely overwhelm a spark, you're just not doing it right!"

Patchouli looks rattled by the spark. She needs a hug…!

Marisa quickly hovers down and hops off her broom, making her way towards Mima. "W-what are you doing here!? I-I thought Reimu sealed you for good, ze…"

Mima laughs. "You honestly think any sort of seal can keep me away? Hahaha~h!"

Stepping back a bit, Marisa blinks. "No way…!"

Floating into the air, Mima folds her arms and stares down at Marisa. "How about a go? Just to see how far you've come, hmm?"

Marisa looks down into her arms; she's still holding Patchy. "...Uhh…"

Mima rolls her eyes. "Just give her to that guy, or something."

"What?" Marisa jerks her head back, "No." and then shakes it vehemently.

I hold open my arms. "Give me the magical friend."

"No!"

I try to walk towards Marisa, but she surprises me with a very dexterous kick to my torso, forcing me to fall on my bum.

"Oof!" Where the hell did that come from!? "I thought you were a magician, not a gymnast…!" I shout from the floor, as I begin standing again.

"Back off, ze…" Marisa glares at me, slowly strafing around me.

"I don't have all day!" Mima yells down at us. "Just put the purple potato down and let's go!"

Marisa looks conflicted. "B-but…"

"Uugh!" Frustrated, Mima quickly hovers down to Marisa and rips Patchouli from her arms.

"W-wait!" Marisa tries to grapple Mima, only for her arms to go through her 'cause she's a fookin' ghostie.

Mima floats over to me, and plants Patchouli in my arms. "Here. Keep it for all I care."

Patchouli glares at Mima, apparently not caring for that comment.

...Soft and cuddly like mashed potatoes, yo. Must resist urge to hug…!

Marisa looked conflicted. "...W-well, alright… If Brad harasses her even once, though-..."

She glances at me again, and I'm already holding Patchouli as if she were a lovable fluffle. "Hug."

"Alright, come here." Marisa marches towards me.

"Holy shit…" Mima holds her forehead. "Was Gensokyo always this inconvenient?"

I begin advancing in the opposite direction as Marisa slowly gains steam. "...Calm down, magical friend!"

"Make me." Marisa stubbornly continues marching.

"Alright, look, whatever, this'll just be a free for all or something, then. Ready? Go!"

Mima vanished.

Marisa glanced at her, but once she was gone she broke in a full sprint towards me.

"Oh, shit!"

I began sprinting, too!

...but low and behold, I wasn't very good at it, especially not while holding a cuddle mage.

Marisa nears me and begins grabbing the back of my robes.

"Yo, no! Bad touch!" I flail one of my arms back to little avail.

Mima appears from the floor ahead of us. "How-"

She shoots an orb into the air above us, and a small jolt strikes Marisa. "Ah!"

"-about-"

A small magical ball nears me, and explodes into sparkles, nearly knocking me over. "Woah!"

"-this!?"

Finally, a dark orb appears above us, and it slowly expands as it moves downward. Once it's fully realized, Marisa and I are pinned to the floor by gravity.

"This one may leave a mark…!"

Marisa's eyes widened, and she called her broom over to aid her off the floor.

I pull out Swift Brand and try clawing the floor. Yeah, that's not goin' so well!

Mima claps her hands, and they begin glowing.

Marisa's broom sweeps her off the floor, and then it doubles back. Is it coming for me?

As it swoops down, Marisa uses her somewhat wonky, gravity mangled arm to latch onto Patchouli's robes and pull her to safety.

...Nah, it was just coming for Patchy.

Mima gives a half smirk as she aims her hands towards the mobile target.

Vrrrrr~!

A bright yellow spark trails after Marisa, the walls of the library eating the laser's impact. Unfortunately, it didn't catch up with Marisa.

"H-hah…!" Patchouli was sad.

"Not bad… I figured you could worm your way out of that one. Besides, the spells I threw were just firecrackers."

She closes and opens her hands, and a barrage of homing fireballs bloom from then and rocket towards Marisa.

"H-holy…"

Marisa does aerial gymnastics to avoid the hazardous flame barrage. One does strike the bottom of her broom, lighting it on fire.

"U-uh oh…"

Raising from the floor as the gravity spell wore off, I brandished Flame Salvo and slowly made my way towards Mima, who was near enough to the floor for me to get an idea…

She snaps her fingers. "Thundaga Rain!"

Sounds like fun.

Thwaaa~sh!

A mighty lightning bolt struck to the right of Marisa. When it struck the bookshelf below, it exploded.

"..." Patchouli was fuming.

Thwaaaa~sh!

While this was going on, I was getting pretty close to Mima, approaching her from the side…

Thwaaa~sh!

"Here we go, yo! The big 'ol crash, boom, bang attack!"

I toss the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber at her in the event explosions actually do anything. Then, I point Flame Salvo at her and let loose.

Fwooom…!

Flames lick Mima's clothing, and she actually starts burning…!

She turns to me, unamused. She's burning, but while the fire's spreading, it's not actually damaging her or her clothes, it's just uh… there.

"...This tickles."

I snort.

Boom!...

...I may have missed Mima by like, miles when I tossed that hanger at her. I kinda forgot about the 'incorporeal' thing and threw it through her...

"...Was that the intended effect, or are you just a crappy mage?" Mima asks me.

Thwaaa~sh! Marisa was still dodging lightning bolts.

I shrug. "I dunno, yo. I figured indirect or magical attacks were the way to go."

Mima grins. "...But I'm a mage."

I point at her. "You're also a ghost."

She rolls her eyes. "Use holy spells then. Come on, this isn't rocket science."

I pull out the holy hanger.

"...Nevermind, you're screwed." Mima shakes her head. "Well, nice knowing you."

Putting away the holy hanger, I begin running. Mima quickly extinguishes the flames on her with magic. Not only that, but she then creates a shield of wind around herself and slowly floats towards me.

Thwaaa~sh! Marisa was still doing figure eights around the library, now properly riding her broom because the gravity spell's effects are long gone.

Running between shelves, I look behind me as Mima slowly approaches me, slowly gaining speed as the aero shield around her throws books off the shelves.

I weave towards different shelves, and begin to double back to where I threw the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber. That hanger was too useful to just leave there!

...After awhile, I had thought I got pretty far ahead of Mima, only to see her pass me; she was going the opposite direction down a path I previously took.

"...Hello, friend!" I resumed my jog run.

Mima laughs. "You can't run forever, you know. If you were smarter, I'm sure you would have found a way to at least affect me by now."

Status aliments don't work, and you're fluffy. I dunno 'bout you, but I don't think there is much I can do here.

After a brief jog accompanied by the wind I felt behind me again, I reached the Bawmber.

Thwaaa~sh!

I look overhead as a lightning bolt strikes a nearby book shelf, pages flying everywhere. Marisa zooms by, Patchouli now on the back of her broom.

"Hold on tight, ze! Forecasts predict scattered lighting strikes!"

I wonder…

...I don't really have time to wonder!

Mima rounds a corner nearby, surprising me. She wasn't coming from that direction!

"He~y!" Mima smirks, knowing I was surprised.

Quick, knee-jerk reaction time! I tossed the Bawmber at her wind shield.

Boom!

Mima blinked as her shield wobbled, but reformed. The hanger flew back towards me, so I caught it on the rebound and tossed it again.

Boom!

She grimaced as the shield took another blast.

Blam!

The hanger hit the floor.

"...Really? Alright, I guess I gotta spice this up, then… Aero Seekers!"

Orbs of wind shot out from her, and started traveling along the floor. As useless as that sounds, I can't fly, so it's actually effective against me!

"Hey, hey-heyhey!" I shout at the homing wind orbs as they home in on me.

Mima shakes her head. "Now I'm satisfied."

Picking up my hanger from the floor, I look at Marisa as she soars overhead.

Thwaaa~sh!

Hoooh, shit! That was too close for comfort here, too!

"Can't hit me, ze! This is starting to get boring!"

This battle was going freakin' nowhere fast. Mima refused to outright curbstomp me and was instead just playing with me, and Marisa was given a tricky passive spell to keep her busy, which I assume… was to let Mima fuck with me for some reason. I dunno.

I wonder how Mima'd react if I shot Marisa out of the sky, though?

I grin.

Mima's still half-heartedly launching seeking wind orbs, grinning at me back. "Got an idea, boy? Let me tell you now, that this shield of mine is practically invincible to you!"

"But not to me!" Marisa exclaims. "Love Sign-"

Thwaaa~sh!

"Oh, shit!" Marisa barrel rolls out of the way. Patchy hangs on, but glares at Marisa after the maneuver.

"Don't do that again…" Patchouli quietly demands of Marisa, her voice returning.

"S-sorry, ze…"

Sorry about this, magical friends, but I'm gonna have to bust up your broom!

Holding the Bawmber and negotiating my way around the wind orbs, I make my way towards Marisa, who was now less mobile than before. Marisa had stopped actively evading the thunder strikes since they seemed to mostly just strike randomly around her, and was now trying to find a moment to cast a Master Spark.

I adjust myself, position myself along the floor, and…

Blam!

Hoohooho~ly shit!

Soaring through the air, I totally missed Marisa. Like, not even close. I don't know where the hell that jump was going, but uh…

I flop over on a shelf. "A-aaaahh…!"

Fucking ouch. Shit, man. Geez!

...Okay, I'm cool now. If you think I'm swearing excessively, you try jumping on explosions. Actually, don't. I don't wanna be responsible for all the gibbings that would ensue.

Forcing myself to stand up, Marisa's still-

Thwaaa~sh!

...Now she's in a slightly different spot, but still.

I even forgot to pull out the Market Gardener last time, so even if I did get close, I'd be screwed. That'd be even more frustrating.

As such, I actually pull it out now.

Oka~y… Second verse, same as the first!

Blam!

Ouuu~ch! Aaugh!

I struggle to keep my vision on Marisa as my eyes tear up a little, but as I pass her…

Smaaa~sh!

I jab her in the side with the Market Gardener, taking great care not to hit Patchy.

One hundred and ninety five points worth of plant hanger-induced de~struction!

"A-aaaaa~h!" Marisa lets out a shrill scream, before being blown right off her broom, spiraling towards the floor.

"M-mukyuu~!" Patchouli flails wildly as the broom twirls away, leaving her to fall for a moment, before she stops herself magically.

Marisa ends up falling into one of those wind orbs that were coming for me.

Woo-woo-woo-woosh!

"Hyaah!" Marisa yelped in surprise, now spiraling upward into the air…

...before reaching the apex of her ascent, still stuck in the 'falling hopelessly' posture.

Thud! Marisa hit the floor hard, but not that hard. I mean, that wind orb pretty much changed that fall from 'lethal' to 'debatably not lethal'

"...O-ouch…" Marisa shut her eyes, and shut her fists tightly.

Patchouli floated down to the floor to meet with her. "...Know my pain."

Marisa's eyes began watering. "I-it hurts…"

While this was happening, I tried to hijack her broom. It didn't go well, and I ended up slipping off, so uh…

I've been doing wa~y too much falling for one lifetime… I was now falling at an angle, and I'm pretty sure I'd break something if I hit the floor.

I had an idea, though…

Nearing the side of a shelf, I struck it with the Bawmber.

Kaboom!

Books and wood parts flew from the shelf, pages ripped and charred. I slid into the floor, my energy now diverted in a different way. I wasn't going to die, for one thing, but now I had rea~lly bad carpet rash…

By the time I actually focused on my eyes, I realized I had been crying from the pain, but that was kinda the least of my worries.

"Ho-hoh, shit, man…" I hoarsely stated. Man, I hate when crying does that to your voice.

I looked around for Mima, but couldn't see her from this position in the shelves. Please, no.

...Call it fridge logic, but where the hell was Koakuma? Wasn't she looking for Patchouli? Surely she heard the shitstorm going on down here. She probably just doesn't want any part of it.

Thwaaa~sh!

The lightning's still tracking Marisa, apparently, which is unfortunate because I'm pretty sure I neutralized her. Regardless, I can track her location based on the lightning strikes.

I move towards the strikes, and eventually find Marisa lying on the floor. She looks sad.

"..." Marisa's staring at the ceiling.

I walk up to her, and she looks at me, not moving her head.

"...Fucker."

I wave my hand at her. "Hi."

I look in her hands and see nothing. Looking around, I spot the mini-hakkero. "...Fun."

Casually walking towards it, I pick it up.

Marisa watches me pick up her weapon of choice. "H-hey! Don't you…"

I look over to her, and put my finger to my lips.

"Shhh…" I loudly shush her. "I'm huntin' memes, yo."

Marisa glares at me, but nothing more.

I hear the wind whip around a bit as those orbs still circulate around the library. Mima had to be somewhere nearby, because it seems like those orbs didn't travel too far from her…

Tensely staying positioned near the irritated Marisa, I look around. I notice Patchouli seems to have made herself scarce for the moment, 'cause she wasn't anywhere around the fallen witch.

...I'm forced to start tap dancing 'cause the orbs are all finding me.

"This is mildly inconvenient!" I complain, dancing around as the orbs of wind follow me as I run in a circle around Marisa. The orbs seem to be ignoring her for now. Hmm.

...Freakin' wind, yo.

A Mima popped out! Waugh! "...I had this funny feeling you'd still be standing after that. Running won't do you much good, though, you know. I'm going easy right now." I know that, yo!

Alright, I had Marisa's mini-hakkero, and nowhere near the amount of mana required to properly use it.

Keyword: properly use it. Screw the rules!... I have… a disinterest in rules…?

I don't have money, mana, luck, or much physical prowess, but at least I'm original!

Aiming the mini-hakkero at Mima, I begin channeling my mana into it. Oh, yes. I'm gonna try to Master Spark Mima myself. Try saying that five times fast!

"Lovable Sign…" I'm saying this for effect. I don't actually have any spell cards. Hyonk.

Mima's face lights up. "Ooo~h? Ohh, ho ho ho! This ought to be good…!"

"...Huggable Spa~rk!"

Mana drain, goo~!

…!

…!

I feel like shi~t!

…!

"...Pff-pfftt…!" Mima can hardly contain her amusement at my attempt.

Auuugh! C'mon, dammit! Work! Mana, do not fail me now! I know I have enough by now to do something! Anything!

…!

"A~hahahah!" Mima reels back in laughter. "A~hhh...hahahah!"

Hnnnngh…!

…!

Maximum… o~verdri~ve!

Cho~!

"Hahaha-ooh!?" Mima quickly moved to the right, her wind shield being pierced by a thin, cyan laser. It was pretty much a regular danmaku laser, for all intents and purposes.

All systems go, doc! All systems go~!

I dropped to my knees as the laser ended as quickly as it began, my energy reserves depleted for the day. The mini-hakkero made a dull thunking noise as it fell onto the carpet, and I fell onto my stomach.

"Guh…"

...At the very least... I broke Mima's wind shield. Now her insurance rates... will skyrocket…!

...H-hey, my vision's going black. Is this a mana-induced… black out? I don't faint often… so this experience… is new to me…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARISA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Lovable Sign…"

Did that asshole just do what I think he did!?

"Huggable Spa~rk!"

"...Pff-pfftt…!" Oh. Mima seems happy.

"A~hahahah!" Mima reels back in laughter. "A~hhh...hahahah!"

He… never really was a magician, was he? He was just some guy, after all. Look at me, getting all worked up over this kid, ze.

I still want it back soon, thou-

Cho~!

What.

"Hahaha-ooh!?" Mima quickly moved to the right, her shield of wind broken by a cyan danmaku laser.

I mean, on the upside, it wasn't a spark but…

Whatever. I guess any old villager could do something like that if they had the mini-hakkero, too.

Brad dropped to his knees, and the mini-hakkero fell to the floor. I heard it, even if I couldn't really move. I still don't know what the hell he did, but he did a number on me, ze.

Yeah, my monologue has my verbal tic, too. Deal with it, da ze.

"Guh…" Brad groaned as he hit the floor.

...I'm already reminded of my old sessions with teach. The only difference between then and now is that some random asshole was the one to render me immobile and in pain instead… and here I thought I had the skills to finally be on par.

Damn it.

I must look silly, crying like this.

At first it was because sweet youkai jesus this hurts

But now…

"...Well, that happened." Mima nodded at Brad's body. Snapping her fingers, the wind orbs ceased, and I assume the thunder wasn't gonna happen anymore either.

… I continued to stare at the ceiling. Eventually, Mima leaned over me.

"...That was underwhelming. Are you sure you didn't go off and write sappy poetry like I joked you would? Not only did you manage to do absolutely nothing but fly around, you also got hit- and taken down, mind you- by one of the least threatening things in this entire library. Well, outside of that succubus I sensed, but those things are malicious in their own ways."

I didn't even cast anything! "...I-I was just…"

"Getting your ass handed to you by what might aswell have been a fairy bystander. Ri~ght." Mima sighed. "...I've gotta say, I'm honestly disappointed."

Seriously?

"..." Shaking her head, Mima began drifting off.

"...I take it that the conflict has been settled?" I hear Patchy's voice not too far away.

"Yeah. You could say that." Mima replies with that 'I don't wanna be here' sort of bored tone.

"...I see."

C'mo~n, somebody do something already… If I'm gonna be paralyzed like this for awhile, at least give me a comfy bed… or something…

Guys…?

"Do you know Marisa?" Mima suddenly asks aloud.

"...I'd say more so 'begrudging acquaintance', if anything." Patchy answered.

Mima nodded. "...Alright. You ever fight her? I can tell you're a magician worth your salt, at least… I mean, you are a magi after all. It'd be a little weird if you were a youkai magician who couldn't work any magic."

Patchy hummed in contemplation. "Mmm… Yes, we've contested before."

"Good, good…" Mima looked away casually, as if this conversation were natural at this point. I means seriously, she's talking as if I wasn't even here. Not cool, ze.

If you're wondering how I'm seeing them, it's because I can still look up, which, from my perspective, is behind me. It's a little weird looking, but it works.

"So, how terrible of a magician is she? Flopped spells? Progress? What elements does she dabble in?" Mima had pretty much abandoned subtlety at this point.

Patchouli took a deep breath. "Well, to begin with, she's extraordinarily disorganized, and her work ethic is chaotic and inconsistent. She's petty at times and foolish at others, and annoying to a troublesome point on numerous occasions. Additionally, she's a thief."

Mima nodded, despite being guilty of numerous of the above herself. "I see, I see… What do you have to say of her, then? Is she even worth being called a magician?"

Patchouli rose an eyebrow. "As much as I hate to admit it, yes."

Mima smiled. "I thought as- say what now?" She took a double take.

Patchy…?

"I definitely wouldn't describe her spells as mediocre in any way. She's quite flashy in the way she does spells, which, while obnoxious, I honestly cannot fault. She doesn't seem to dabble in any particular elements, but I wouldn't say that is because she's unable… I don't know for certain why she doesn't. If she 'flopped' any spells, I wouldn't know, because I do not associate myself heavily with her personal affairs. I also don't see how failing to perform a spell is as negative as you imply. Failing is all a part of learning."

Finishing her paragraph, Patchouli took a deep breath again.

"...I didn't see any of what you said in the last fight." Mima furrowed her brows. "Also, non-elemental? Who the hell specializes in non-elemental?"

"Non-elemental magicians." Patchouli deadpans.

"...Magicians like that are more utility based than I like, and that's definitely not what I taught her." Mima huffed.

Patchouli blinks. "...Marisa? Utilitarian? I am unsure if we're talking about the same person."

Mima glares at Patchouli. "Ah, shut it. This is why I don't like other magi, especially the youkai ones…"

Patchouli pauses. "...And what is that supposed to mean?"

Mima groaned. "Okay, look- forget I said anything, sweetie. I don't really need your opinion anymore."

"...Fine. I'd like to ask you to leave, however. You've made quite a disturbance here, and I'd like to return to some form of peace and quiet." Patchouli tiredly stared down Mima.

Mima lowered her eyes at Patchouli. "...Hah. Can you even sense my mana right now? Do you know what you're getting yourself into?"

Patchy, don't!

"...If there's one thing I've learned, trivial numbers like those don't mean very much with so many other variables involved." Patchouli retorts.

She floats into the air. "I have to defend my living space, after all. I won't be the only one, however. Countless others live here, and you'd no doubt start a scene with a fight of this magnitude."

"I don't really care."

"Remilia will." Patchouli cautioned her.

"Pfft. Look, I'm a mage, not a babysitter." Mima grinned.

"...Once you defeat her, Reimu will be able to tell."

"Bullshit." Mima's grin faltered for a moment, but became confident again.

"Either from the light show you'll create or by Yakumo's actions, things will become quite troublesome for you, spirit." Patchouli's face was neutral throughout. "It's not often someone can do something big around here without someone snooping around. I'm pretty sure that man-" Patchouli points to Brad. "-is living evidence, if such a point even needed evidence to be proven."

"...Yakumo? You think she'd really give a shit?" Mima's grin held. "...I was originally just gonna stick around and see if you were a magician worth your salt, but now I think I'm gonna take this library. I could learn a lot from the books here, you know."

...This escalated quickly, ze…

"It's your loss if this goes south, then." Patchouli sighs. "Water Sign... Jellyfish Princess!"

Patchouli was shielded by a bubble of water.

Mima grinned. "Big mistake."

Raising her hands, her eyes suddenly shot sharply to the right.

Woosh!

...Mima caught a silver knife with one hand.

"...I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."

Sakuya appears from absolutely nowhere. I can't really see where she is, but she's probably near Patchy.

Mima narrowed her eyes. "Ahh~... you're that time stopper I saw earlier. I guess this means I'm getting unwanted attention already. I suppose I'll have to call this quits for now. Still, this is a nice place." With that, Mima descends into the floor of the manor, presumably retreating under the Earth just far enough for her to leave the manor entirely.

...Teach sure is an ass when she wants to be.

"...Sakuya, bring the hooligans to some beds. We'll need them in proper condition tomorrow. Infact, I might see myself to bed, too. Today has been long."

"Very well, Lady Patchouli." Sakuya bowed.

Finally.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

A~hhh… Soft, professionally prepared beds…

...I'm finding myself in them too often, but at this moment, I can't really complain!

I was still lying on my stomach, but I was under some covers now… and still in my robes. That kinda detracted from the experience. The bad part is that only some of these rooms had clocks, and outside of that I had no freakin' clue what time it was, so I couldn't judge whether sleeping in's a good idea or not.

I begin to raise from the bed, feeling something of considerable but not unbearable weight on my back.

"...Maaa~u…" I woke up Ha-chan! She apparently was alive, again!

...You know what? I don't care what time it is. I'm just gonna sleep in with Ha-chan. If anyone needs me, they can come get-

Bam! "Rise and shine, da ze!"

-me…

Shieut.

I feel Ha-chan shift on my back. Unfortunately she was using me more like a mattress than a pillow, probably because these freakin' robes got in the way.

Marisa marched over to my bedside, and looked down at me.

"...I said get up!" Marisa shook the bed, which was actually more courteous than Sakuya had been.

"Please, no." I requested.

"...Alright." Marisa relented.

Wait, really?

That's fine by-

Wha-!?

Thud.

Marisa had, infact, flipped the bed and slid Ha-chan and I off.

"...Aawwh…" Ha-chan protested, being roused into the land of the living by Marisa's shenaniganry.

"You awake yet, ze!?" Stop shouting, you freakin' loon!

I sit up, rubbing my eyes. "...Jesus Christ."

Time to begin another fun, life-endangering day of Gensokyian antics!

"Yeah, yeah. Come on out when you're ready- and no going back to bed, either!" Marisa instructed me, leaving the door open behind her as she scurried out of the room.

Ha-chan sat up too, blinking at me. "...What was that about…?"

I tilted my head. "Fluffstuffs."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Leaving the room, Marisa was standing right outside, talking with Sakuya.

Marisa looked over to me. "...Damn." She proceeded to hand a couple coins to a smug Sakuya.

"Hello, friends. I am ready to begin my journey." I slowly widen my eyes like some deranged lunatic as I say this.

Marisa blinks. "What? No, listen- Patchy wants us in the library to talk about what happened last night."

She's awake already? I wonder if she's having those waffles… "Alright, yo."

Marisa grins. "...Well, she's not actually awake yet, you see. Koakuma relayed that message from last night, so uh…"

Ah.

Does that mean I get her waffles, instead?

...I look around awkwardly, because the discussion kinda died there. I didn't have anything to say!

"...So, about that time you stole our silverware…" Sakuya began, looking back and forth between Marisa and I.

"...Yeah, uhm…" Marisa scratches her head nervously.

"We had to start a fairy marching band to get them to stop clapping." I explained. "And then everyone died. It was tragic."

Sakuya nodded. "About what I expected, coming from you, at this point."

Marisa did a double take. "Wh-what!? I mean…"

"Marisa. Marisa." Sakuya shut Marisa up.

She questioningly glanced at Sakuya.

"Just… roll with it."

"...I guess?" Marisa was now even more confused.

Friends.

"...What will we do in the meantime, yo?" Google says 'meantime' is one word, so I'll roll with it.

A gap opened up over my head and a white grain started to get poured over me. I shielded myself and ran out of the way of it. "Fucking- Yukari!"

...I take some of it off my clothes and examine it. No real smell, so~... I give it a taste!...

...Salt. Yukari's salty, yo.

Ha-chan leaped out of the bedroom! "Hello!"

Sakuya pointed to the sea of salt on the floor. "Clean it up."

"...Awwwh…" Ha-chan pouted, slowly shambling away to get cleaning supplies.

"A~nyway…" Marisa began. "...I dunno." Smooth thinkin' Marisa!

"...Thanks for waking me up." I folded my arms. Why'd you even wake me!?

"Perhaps you can mull it over during breakfast." Sakuya segued us towards breakfast!

I clap my hands together. "I want the waffles this time!"

"Sure."

Ye~ah! You get the chicken nugget molotov this time, Patchy!

...If only.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Marisa fiddled with her pancakes while I freakin' wolfed down my waffles.

Remilia was seated at the far end of the table, eating a freakin' cake. I wouldn't eat a cake for breakfast, personally! Then again, I'm not the biggest fan of cake, ironically.

"...So that presence I felt… it was that spirit?" Remilia inquired.

"Mmmhmm…" Marisa hummed.

"Mmm…" Remilia went back to eating her cake.

There was also a fluffle sitting immobile in the middle of the table, playing jazz from its shell nose while staring into the aether. I dunno how or why, but apparently it and Remilia reached an agreement.

"Fluffnuggets." I decided, staring at my empty plate.

"Waaaal street." I stated. Fluffles are cuddly.

"Waaa~l street!"

"Waaaaa~l street…!"

"Be quiet. It's too late for this." Remilia sighed.

I looked out the window. But it's sunny out- ooh yeah, vampires are uh… nocturnal. Normally, anyway.

…Wait, cake before bed? Remilia, that's something I'd do. I give her a funny look, but she's too busy existing to notice.

...Also, when the hell did they rebuild this dining hall!? I didn't notice this my last run around! It looks super close to the last one, too…!

I start looking around the dining hall in silent awe.

Marisa takes notice of my head flailing as I observed everything. "...What are you even doing, ze…?"

"Moving to that sweet smooth jazz, yo." I started doing a little shuffle in my seat, snapping my fingers to the beat. Freakin' fluffles, dude.

...Marisa looks back to her plate, but begins bobbing her head to the jazz too.

"...I'm done." Marisa decides, her pancakes half finished.

Sakuya pops in from freakin' outer space to grab the plate, and then she vanishes again.

Marisa sits at her seat, her arms folded.

"...How the hell did you take me down so easily yesterday, ze?" Marisa pops an unexpected question to me while she stares at the table.

I turn to her. "...Define easily, yo. One of those attempts and I freakin' flew absolutely nowhere and just ended up hurting myself. Blast jumping's a different kind of hell, but it's a fun kind of hell, in a way."

"You took me out in a single swipe." Marisa retorted, turning at me to glare.

"All because of a very specifically enchanted and situational plant hanger!" I explained. I proceeded to take out the Market Gardener. "Deals critical hits while blast jumping!"

"...Critical hits?" Marisa tilts her head.

"They're critical." I was helpful.

"...Sure." Marisa shrugged.

"...I'm going to bed." Remilia gave us her sentiments. "Tired decisions make for tiring consequences."

With that, she lethargically got up and flew away. This makes me question a vampire's tolerance for sugar. I had no idea how that worked.

Patchouli floated in through the regular entryway, her pajamas ruffled. "...Less elegant of a wake up than I'd prefer…"

She floated up to the table, and received waffles.

I glanced over to her. "You look snug today." Snug space…

"Too early." Patchouli dismisses me. "Try again later."

Daww…

I turn back to Marisa, and she's glaring at me. "...What're you trying to pull here?"

I dunno. "I dunno."

Marisa grabs my arm. "Bullshit. I-"

She pauses, noticing Patchouli staring at her curiously.

"...Look, we'll talk about this later." Marisa sighs.

That's gonna be fun!

Breakfast proceeded quietly!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Alright… about yesterday…" Patchouli began, seated at her study table.

"Pain." I started the discussion.

"Yes. Pain." Patchouli didn't have the energy to engage me right now.

"W-well… that ghost was a uh… mentor of mine, I guess…" Marisa was not comfortable. "...She's a bit of an ass."

"A bit." Patchouli nodded. "Just a little."

"Yeah. Just a little." Marisa gave a lopsided grin.

...Patchouli turns to me. "...I suppose I should apologize for that incident yesterday. I may have gotten a little carried away in venting my frustrations."

I shrugged. "It's all good, yo. I got to market garden the shit out of everyone." I even nearly accidentally'd my legs into my lungs a few times!

Patchouli nodded. "Not a becoming moment- for either of us."

"I still don't know how the hell you did that…" Marisa shook her head.

"Very carefully." I nod my head.

Marisa snorts, shaking her head more. "Haha~h…"

...A lot of my discussions have had these ginger, awkward silent moments! Why is that!?

Well, I'm gonna change that.

"...Faaa~ack." I made noise. Unfortunately, I was promptly ignored for more relevant discussion.

"...I suppose we should be keeping a watchful eye on that tutor of yours?" Patchouli let loose a yawn, which was more like a mighty mew.

I really freakin' need to hug something now.

"...Yeah, it'd be pretty bad not to." Marisa stated solemnly. She's been noticeably less hyper lately.

I looked around, a little unsatisfied. "...We gotta cheer up, yo."

Marisa scowled at me. "What now…?"

Patchouli vainly stared at me, saying nothing.

"...We gotta play some board games!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I dunno. I think it was a mistake proposing 'community Battleship' as a board game.

I sat at my board, which was literally filled completely with pegs of different colors, which also covered my ships. Shieut.

The way we were doing it is that each person got a color and if you fired at them, you marked that color on your radar on that spot. If you wanted to do that spot again for someone else, you'd just stack a different peg on that spot. This could get pretty ridiculous, leading to towers being formed on the radar bits.

"...Marisa, B-4." Patchouli guessed.

"Nope!" Marisa shook her head.

It was now Fluffy's turn.

"hmmm" The fluffle put a finn to its… neck? "brad b-4"

I shook my head. "I'm not even in the game anymore. Literally every slot on my board is filled. Help."

Fluffy looked crestfallen. "oh"

It was now Flufferson's turn.

"ooo ooo ooo" The fluffle got excited. "...brad b-4!"

Freakin'... "Look, if it didn't work last time, why would it work this time!?"

"...im sorry friend" The fluffle looked crestfallen.

It was now Fluffington's turn.

"...honh honh honh honh!" Fluffington got up and started hopping back and forth in place rapidly. "...brad b...3!"

I shake my head. "Dude, I just said every slot is filled. Aim for one of the other two! Or one of your fluffle friends!"

The fluffles didn't even try to hide their battleships. They're literally all lined up in the upper left corner of their boards in the same pattern for each fluffle, but the fluffles immediately targeted me and maxed out my board before I could even out one of them. The magi don't even dare to aggro the freakin' fluffle horde who seems to have this silent agreement to shit on one player at a time.

"...does that mean i missed" it asked.

I slammed my Battleship board shut. "This is bunk."

It was now yet another fluffle's turn. "...brad b-4!"

After the… I wanna say twenty… twenty or so other fluffles took their turns and aimed for the same spot on my board, it was now Patchy and Marisa's turns again.

"...Marisa, F-12." Patchouli tried.

"Go fish." Marisa added a peg.

"Alright, yo. I'm gonna go fish." I stand up, and make my way out of the library.

Marisa and Patchouli watch me go, as does the fluffle horde.

"Patchouli, A-5."

Patchouli froze.

"...Hahaha! Woo! Yeah!"

The fluffle chorus then began. "brad b-4!"

"b-56!"

"z-12!"

"Waaa~l!"

The point of the game was quickly lost, as the fluffles began converging for a large scale snugglefest, creating a dust storm as they commenced the snuggles.

"...I-I can't. I just can't." Patchouli holds up her hand, fire igniting in it.

Marisa holds up her arms. "W-woah, woah, woah! Isn't that just a little extreme, ze!? It's just a board game!"

"I mean the fluffles. They're dusty." Patchouli explains.

"Oh. Let'er rip, then."

...Marisa wouldn't have admitted it, but she wouldn't have minded taking a fluffle home. They were tiny.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I walk out to the lake, with the intention to catch fish.

How I was going to go about doing that, I didn't know.

But I was gonna do it.

"Alright, let's get crackin', Kraken!" I quip, cracking my knuckles. I look into the overcast sky.

Ahh, overcast. The most tsundere of weather patterns. You never know if it's gonna be a dry, cozy kinda day or a wet shitstorm… and if it's humid, everything just feels dirty. Either way, the weather as it was right now made me feel cozy!

...First tsundere moment in Gensokyo, and it's with the freakin' weather. That's how you know you're not a lady killer.

I look around, at the water, and at my hands, and uh…

Here I am again.

Yet another situation where I must ask 'what the fuck am I going to do with this body of water'.

I briefly consider my Yin-Yang Flail-o-copter, but I don't think it's really fit for fishing endeavors. If only I made another rope of fairy panties, then maybe… but, hmm…

...Didn't people make fishing rods out of bamboo?...I mean, I couldn't do that, but y'know, food for thought…

I rip some reeds from the side of the lake. "Screw nature!"

I dunno what I was gonna do with them. I try tying one's loose bitlets around the other, but it just breaks, so I give up and throw it against the dirt.

"...How the hell do you catch fish?" I could do this the easy way and nick a fishing rod from the village or the manor, but no, yo. I was gonna do this the asshole way.

I took out the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber. "This is what they call 'nuclear fishing' back in the home country!"

...I couldn't just slap it against the shore like a wet noodle, or else I'd become a wet noodle… and potentially a dead noodle.

Ropes, ropes, ropes, ropes…

Actually, hold the hell on, I had an idea!

I take out Remilia's mob cap hat thing. I examine the lace at the top… it was a cloth band thing! I undo the ribbon at the top, and remove it from the cap, which promptly collapsed into a tablecloth. Rest in pieces, little dude…

Also, thank fuck for anime girls having frilly ass clothing. It's a savant when you're trying to create makeshift hooliganry.

I tie one bit of the band in a bow at the curvy hilt of the Bawmber that all plant hangers shared for whatever reason.

"...Now, this band's so short…" I mean, it was better than nothing, but I couldn't do a whole lot with it.

...I had ideas, though. Walking up to a tree, I kicked it. Hah! Take that, tree!

...Brandishing Sharper Than Darkness, I looked up at one of the branches.

"You want a piece of me?" I pointed it at the branch. "You! Want a piece of me!?"

The branch shuffles lightly in a breeze I didn't feel as a response.

"Oh, that's fuckin' it, yo."

I begin climbing the tree, using Sharper Than Darkness as leverage as I stab it into the tree's trunk repeatedly to help me climb it.

Thunk… Thunk… Thunk…

"...H-hello?" I am questioned by a girl below!

I look down from my spot on the tree. "Hello, fairy friend!" It's Daiyousei!

"...Hi."

Thunk…

I've reached the base of the branch! Lifting up Sharper than Darkness, I bring it down.

Crack!

...Thud!

"H-hah!" Daiyousei jumped at the sudden impact.

I looked down, but there didn't seem to be anywhere particularly soft to land on, so…

Shoving Sharper Than Darkness into the shaft, I began sliding down the tree.

Scruu~n…

...I dunno how to do that sound, yo.

Reaching the bottom of the tree, I stand up from the base and walk towards Daiyousei.

"What brings you here, friend?" More importantly, is Cirno here? She'll scare off the freakin' fish sticks.

"I-I was just bored…" Daiyousei stammers. "...Cirno was busy doing other things, and I didn't know where she went."

Fluffy. "Alright, yo. I'm makin' fish sticks."

I lift the sizable branch from the floor, and begin tying Remilia's band thing around it.

Now I had an exploding hanger tied to a large stick!

Daiyousei looked worried. "...W-with that…?"

I nod. "Yes. With this. How else am I going to freakin' nuke the lake?"

I mean, who needs biodiversity when everything wants you dead?

Exactly.

"B-but… I-I have a fishing rod you could use!" Daiyousei reached out to stop me. "You'll hurt the fish!"

"Fuck the fish! What've the fish ever done for me, huh? Were they there when the stock market collapsed? Exactly!" With that, I tore my arm away from Daiyousei and marched towards the lake.

"A-auuu…" Daiyousei pouted.

Nearing the water, I began twirling the hanger around. "Fore! Timber! Whatever!"

I slam it into the water.

Boom!

...I got wet. Daiyousei also got wet. No fish were had that day.

Sad face.

"S-stop…" Daiyousei murmured. "The fish…"

I roll my eyes. "Look, I didn't even hit the fish with that last one, calm your fairy tits!"

"B-but you tried!"

Oh my god, Daiyousei, I'm about to use this demented fishing rod on you in a moment here.

"I don't care, yo, I don't care." In all seriousness, though, fish weren't sentient, and I'm pretty sure killing a few to catch is just kinda whatever.

How I'd reel them in is a bridge I'll cross when I get to it, thank you very much.

Let's try again!

Boom!

...The second splash is never as much of a shock as the first!

"..." Daiyousei sighed.

C'mon, yo… Remi needs a new pair of shoes!

Boom!

...and probably a new mob cap!

Boom!

Suddenly from the lake, a person emerges!

"What are you doing!?"

It was the mermaid girl person, Wakagasa-whatever the hell!

I shrug. "I dunno, fly fishing!?"

"Fly fishing!?"

I nod exaggeratedly. "Fly fishing! It's all the rage, lad!"

Wackygas shakes her head, "No." and points at me. "You're not doing that to the lake."

Wh~y the hell did this shallow edge of the entire lake mean anything!? "It's too late, friend. It's already been done. Bad times friend ahead."

Willy Wonka frowned. "Alright. I guess we'll have to do this the hard way."

After all, what could a mermaid person do to a landlubber, yo?

"Scale Sign! Scale Wave!"

Daiyousei flinched wildly. "Eep!"

She proceeded to flee into the nearby foliage.

Waves of that basic 'swoosh of energy' type of danmaku materialized around her, and they slowly expanded outward…

...and when I say slowly, I meant slowly.

Even I had time to dodge them, without movement buffs or anything. Yo…

...I scratched my head before tensing up, navigating a somewhat tricky portion of the swoosh waves. "So uh… 'bout them Lakers…"

Gooo~ Lakers! I'm not into sports, but I'm sure there's a team named Lakers out there, and I'm sure Waggysaggy would enjoy them!

Yabbadabbadoo grimaced. "Hmmh… I should have seen that coming…"

Moments later, the spellcard dispersed. Did I uh… capture it?

"...Say, uhhh… what happens when you capture a spellcard?" I ask her.

She blinks. "...You get a copy of it that you can conjure, mostly for memorization and collection reasons. You could use it yourself, but in my opinion that would be a little distasteful. It might be fun in certain situations, though."

There was a thing like that? "...I dunno what a danmaku is. Help."

Woolly shakes her head. "I don't think I could help you… Wait, didn't I see you during the flooding incident?"

I nod. "Yeah. I remember that. I forgot your name, but I remember you."

"Wakasagihime."

...Ohhh~, right, the one that sounds better in words than in paper. I remembered, now.

"Ah, yes. Just needed a refresher."

"Right." Wakasagihime lowers her eyes and looks away.

Believe what you want, yo. "...By the way, I need some fish to bring back home for reasons."

"Alright." Wakasagihime dives back into the lake. Moments later, she comes out with an armful of fish.

"Salmon. They're everywhere. Go ahead."

She throws them at me, and I fall backward because holy fish sticks batman.

I grab a few. "This is uh… okay?"

She nodded. "Trust me, even in the lake we eat salmon. They just don't stop breeding, ever."

Fantasy salmon. The most invasive kind of salmon.

"...Why'd you get angry before?" It's not like I was hurting anyone!

"You were disturbing the peace." Wakasagihime argued. "It was… disturbing, for lack of a better word."

Disturbing the peace. In Gensokyo.

A'ight, yo. Seems legit.

I nod. "...I see."

I begin walking back towards the mansion, and pause to wave back at Wakasagihime.

"Have a good one, yo!"

"Thanks! You too!"

Freakin' small talk.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Meiling is finally back at the gate!

I run up to the closed gate. "Hello, Meiling."

She looks down at my arms full of fish. "...Hey."

I prance in place. "Help, Meiling. I have fish."

"...I see that."

...I continue to prance in place, as if in a hurry.

"I, uh… guess I'll let you in, then." Meiling opens the gate for me, and I rush in.

"Thanks, friend! Waahoohoo~!"

"..." Meiling closed the gate silently. "...I don't know what to think about that."

The fluffle stand was still there, too. "i think it was fluffy"

"Quiet, you." Meiling scowled at the fluffle.

It opened its shell nose, as if surprised.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I walk up to the magical friends, holding the salmon in my arms.

"Hello, magical friends."

I also noticed the peculiar lack of fluffles. Help, no.

Patchouli sighs.

Marisa smirks. "...You uh, really went fishing…"

I nod. "...By the way, take them already."

I toss the fish at Marisa, and she dives back, shielding herself from them.

"They smell." I added, brushing my clothes like that would help get the stench off.

"Geh…" Marisa grimaces, fleeing from the fish and brushing her clothes off in turn. "What the hell did you expect me to do with them!?"

I threw my arms in the air. "I dunno! You told me to go fish, so I did!"

"I didn't even direct that comment to you!" Marisa yelled back.

...I turned to Patchouli. "You need to go fishing, friend."

She shakes her head. "The game is over."

"You need to go fishing, friend." I insist.

"I will not." Patchouli continues to shake her head.

Daw. I tried.

"So…" I clap my hands together. "...Fluffy days."

...Patchouli stares at me for a moment before continuing. "As I was discussing with Marisa before you barged in here, I'm pretty sure there are various ways we could go about tracking that vengeful spirit's whereabouts."

I nod. "So whadda we gonna do? Set us up the bomb?" Hyonk.

"...If what you're trying to imply is 'mangle grammar rules', then no. I have a feeling simple scrying spells would go poorly, so instead I believe if we placed specific surveillance objects around places of interest, that would best serve our purposes."

As fun as that sounds, I don't particularly want to be the one to pass them out unless I can do them as like a side quest while I roam about without purpose or reason.

I raise a finger-

"If we have these objects passed out, then yes, you will only need to place a select few. I know your type." Patchouli guesstimates my question.

...She wasn't wrong, either!

I put my finger down.

"...All we need now are mundane objects we could place anywhere. As trivial as that need sounds, I do not believe we have many things like that."

...Duu~de…

I summon a crusty pillow. Patchouli's eyes widen as she hastily leaps away from it, and pauses to catch her breath.

"N-no!..." She takes a deep breath, then ignites her hand. Moments later, the pillow is vaporized. "...No."

I nod casually. "...Friendly."

Patchouli simply glares at me. "...That's not helping matters, you know."

I hold out my hand, and begin generating basic wooden blocks.

Patchouli blinks. "...Wood magic? From you? ...You've become quite a mishmash of random spells, haven't you?"

I nod. "Wouldn't have it any other way, yo."

Marisa decides to pipe in. "Reminds me of one of those funny knives at Kourin's…"

"The only difference is that those knives are actually useful to an extent, if you know how to use them." She jumps at the chance to belittle my magical prowess.

I don't really bat an eye, because she's not wrong!

Patchouli lifted one of the wooden blocks. "...These'll do."

She continued to examine it. I wonder if this mansion has- or had- a lounge area…

"...Come back in a day or so. I'll have everything sorted then."

Marisa jerked her head back. "A day!? Do you know how much trouble teach could cause in a day?"

"...Well, if you'd like to find her by trial and error, by all means." Patchouli rolled her eyes. "...Besides, I intended for your aid to contribute to that one day deadline anyway. If you don't help, it would take too long to prove useful, I'm sure."

Marisa considered this. "...Alright, ze. I'll help."

I think I'm done here! I begin walking out-

"Hold on. Could you conjure about a hundred more of those blocks?"

I pause and turn to her. "...Couldn't you do it yourself?"

Patchouli smirks. "What? I thought you would be most content thinking your ability was coveted."

Freakin'... "Well, when you put it like that, you can drop dead and give me pancakes." Fluffcakes.

Nodding smugly, Patchouli turns away and starts conjuring the blocks herself. "Be that way, inexperienced one."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Leaving the library, I find myself at an impasse…

I could do one of a few things!:

Find Ha-chan…

Find that lucky fairy and see if I can experiment with her element…

Ask Meiling if she knows draconic words of power…

That last one popped into my head just recently. Wasn't she like, part dragon? I wonder if she can speak dovahzul!

...because I can't, but it'd be cool if she could!

I make my way out to the front gate, and flip open the lock. I walk outside next to Meiling, who is currently at the fluffle stand.

"I'm not taking an ambiguous answer here. Do you or do you not scout this wall for invasion purposes?"

Meiling seemed to be up to here with the fluffles by this point.

"i need an adult" the fluffle requests.

"U~gh… this isn't going anywhere." Meiling sat her head down on the stand's counter.

I walk up beside her. Did the dragons have a greeting of some kind? Probably, but it eludes me. I wish I had a translator or something right now.

Maybe I'll just use the unrelenting force shout unsuccessfully to see if it stirs a reaction from Meiling.

"Fus… Ro Dah!" I shout, moving my hands towards the fluffle in a pushing motion.

Nothing happened!

Meiling freezes, and turns towards me. "...That's… an interesting choice of words."

...That moment when the only shout you know is Fus Ro Dah. I knew there were other shouts, but I didn't know the words for them. "...Fus! Fus Ro!" I flail my arms in the vague direction of the fluffle.

Meiling narrows her eyes. "...What are you playing at, here?"

I shrug. "...Something something dragon response. I dunno dovahzul."

"...Where did you even…" Meiling looks conflicted. "Not even the mistress or Lady Patchouli know of that language… When did you find out about it?"

I grin. "Outsider benefits, yo…! I'm like the AI in a video game, yo. I just get these things by existing!"

...More accurately, that could be said about my enemies each and every time. I just so happened to play Skyrim back in my spare time a bit. I guess the dragon language is somehow consistent across freakin' space and time.

Meiling didn't need to know, though!

"...Right." Meiling sighed. "So, what was the point in bringing it up to me?"

I shrug. "Just wanted to know if dov in Gensokyo followed the same rules as the dov from others." I did know that dov meant dragonkind. They said it enough in the Skyrim theme song…!

"Dov from others…? That's… interesting." Meiling didn't know what to make of that news.

I nod. "Show me some dragon shouts, yo!" I stance myself and make a 'come at me' gesture with my hands.

Meiling blinks. "...Eheh, I never really kept up with the language… I'm not a full dovah, you know, even though many youkai recognize me as one. I haven't spent that much time with actual dragons…"

I shrug. "Well, what do you know, yo?"

Pausing, Meiling seems to be thinking…

"...Well, I suppose I have something I learned…"

She takes a deep breath, and I kinda prepare myself…

"Brii…"

Suddenly, despite the day being overcast, the rays of light around Meiling lit up like rainbows, a plethora of colors subtly basking the front gate of the manor in fruity colors.

"Fus…"

The colors grow more intense, and the air around Meiling seems to be charged with energy, her hair whipping in the air, being manipulated by an invisible force. A small blast of force also shoots towards me, since she was facing me. I braced myself, but I was still thrown back against the brick wall effortlessly.

Was that just Fus!?

"Toor!"

Suddenly, Meiling was ignited with a blast of rainbow flames, burning brightly. The flames were like nothing I had ever seen before, cackling as if electrical, but still holding a fire-esque quality to them. They cycled randomly through the series of colors, but white was a common occurrence due to the plethora of colors.

"Haaa~h!" Meiling roars, her eyes glowing disco style.

"Waaa~l!" wails the fluffle, who begins fleeing from its stand after the third Word of Power was shouted.

Meiling hovers into the air, then leaps to the floor, stopping just in front of the fluffle stand.

"Raaa~h!"

Swinging her arms blindly, bolts of pure rainbow energy bombarded the fluffle stand.

KraKoom! KraKrack! KraBoom!

...The fluffle stand was a smoldering heap after Meiling was through with it.

I also backed up to the gate, because uh…

"Huuaaagh!"

Meiling arched back and roared, enveloping herself in a pillar of rainbow flames.

Then, just as quickly as it began, the flames vanished. The fruity colors enveloping the front of the gate turned back to the dull grey the overcast provided previously. The power vacuum being generated around Meiling ceased to be.

Meiling stood in place, still in the pose she had taken moments prior.

...then she broke her stance and fell onto her back.

"...E-eheh…"

Meiling breathed heavily on the floor. I walked up to her and looked down at her.

"...You uh… you okay there, friend?"

She took her time breathing to respond. "...Y-yeah… Just… give me a moment…"

"...Takes… a lot outta me… y'know?"

I was still kinda in awe at the scale of the effects. Meiling was a freakin' Dovahkiin.

...Wait, if she was only half dragon, what the hell was the other half? Human? Otherwise?

In any case, I couldn't call her overpowered because that single shout seemed to have wiped her out, and its effects only lasted like a minute.

...She was still kinda overpowered because it gave her insano stamina and determination, as video game characters and/or dragonkin typically develop. Strength was a virtue of her own, though; I'd know so, considering my attempt at a purely magic Skyrim run…

That, and she was a gardener. If I were the most powerful mage in the world, I'd probably still be a shite gardener.

Meiling sat up. "...Aaa~h, that kinda smarted…"

I'll say.

"...That was a thing." I added.

"Heh. That all you have to say?" Meiling grinned.

I nod. "Yeah."

"Very well, then. I'll just… rest here."

I scratch the back of my head. "...I could carry you to a room or something. I dunno."

Meiling smirked. "You sure you could manage that, boy? You don't look very… physically able, to be honest. No offense."

"None taken!" I smile. I go to lift Meiling.

I fail. I can barely move her legs, even! Jesus.

"...It's not a big deal. I sleep outside regularly anyway." Meiling adds.

I shake my head. "Nope, nope, nope. It is now my prime directive to get you to bed and freakin' smack you over the head with a bedtime story now, whether you like it or not, Dovahkiin."

Meiling sheepishly grinned. "...Could you not call me that? I mean, I'm fine with it, but… I don't particularly want to be questioned by anyone else about it, if you know what I mean."

Aaah, yeah. I feel ya, I feel ya. "Yeah, no problems, yo."

"Thanks."

"So uh…"

I take out the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber.

"...Of course." Meiling sighed.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 24

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed.

INVENTORY:

Holy Hanger- Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Due to a dark amulet upgrade, it may be used to cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat. Has a very situational instant-death dealing condition that, let's be honest, I probably couldn't fulfil; it's just there for world building. Help no.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives that I mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Because I forgot to list that I grabbed these a few chapters ago! Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out...

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hello world

i kinda wanna know if things have gotten a bit boring by now for any of you guys

i actually did research for the words of power meiling used, by the way! they should go something like "beauty force inferno", which makes sense

dragon language apparently doesn't have rainbows… or color… or light, in the sunlight sense; their version of light means 'good' or 'correct'.

if things are boring around here, i wanna know if it's 'cause there's too little action or you just don't like the scenarios or wat

also i've been trying to condense the inventory descriptions. they were getting a BIT UNWIELDY and i dont want like 50 k words to be THOSE THINGS

as always, see you all next time.