(in which we defend a shrine from being placed under a TACK)

There we are, fresh chapter!...

I'm still lying on the floor uselessly, by the way. Go look at someone else's perspective or something, because I don't think I'll get anything interesting done for awhile!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SANAE KOCHIYA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Aahh…"

I lied down in bed after a long night of online gaming...

I'll never understand how some of Gensokyo's residents use futons. Western beds are the best…

...

==== FREAKIN GENOSKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I mean switch to the perspective of someone actually relevant! Like- freakin'... Patchy! Switch to Patchy's! She's gotta be doing something magicy at the moment!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ====

A crystal orb sat on the dining room table at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, being observed by Remi, Sakuya, and me. The scrying blocks left in Brad's hammerspace pouch allowed us to observe what was currently happening.

For whatever reason, he appeared to be on a fairy-killing mania inside the Hakurei Shrine.

"...That was abrupt." I didn't expect things to get violent that quickly. It seems like fairies simply raided the shrine. I wasn't paying attention to whenever Reimu left, so I have no idea how the situation escalated so.

Remi sipped her wine. "He seems like he's done for now, though, if there are any left. He doesn't seem to even be able to move much."

He was lying against the edge of the kitchen counter and the floor, appearing to be shouting at some invisible presence. He's probably gone insane… or has been insane.

Remi looked to the door. "...Sakuya, could you escort our guests here?"

"As you wish, Mistress."

Sakuya disappears.

We continue staring at the orb.

"...Are you not going to do anything?" Remi asks me.

Hmm. "What could I do?"

"I dunno. Try healing him from here?"

I roll my eyes. "Remi, scrying doesn't work like that."

"Teleportation?" Remi jests again.

"I'm not teleporting there to get thrown into a fairy skirmish." Far, far too inconvenient. I'd have to waste time flying back in the dead of night, too.

"...So it's possible?" Remi grins, looking away.

"...Theoretically." I'm not teleporting valuable mansion guards on a whim. Especially not after I heard that one outsider apparently breached our walls all the way to the harvesting and brewing facility without being detected. By the time he was, he had already reached the brewery of all places.

The door swings open, Sakuya walking in with Reimu and Marisa.

"What is up, my mage!?" Marisa smiles as she shouts to Patchouli. She waltzes up to the table. "How you doin', ze?"

Honestly… "I'd be better if you didn't shout like a fool."

Marisa giggles. "I'm just being boisterous!"

Indeed.

Reimu walks up to us. "I heard you knew something about Mima."

So that's what this is about… "Unfortunately, we've not seen her. If we did, you would have been contacted."

Reimu sighed. "Seriously?... Alright, any leads at all?"

"No." No means no, Hakurei.

"Well, this was a waste of time." Reimu looks annoyed.

Remi glares at her. "You come here in the dead of night and say that?"

"You act as if that's not the preferred time." Reimu folds her arms. "I'm sure your gate guard would deny me access, were it day. Not that it would matter anyway."

The implication is clear.

Remi grits her teeth. I still don't know how she does that with fangs. "You could at the very least be respectful of your host."

Reimu rolls her eyes. "I didn't come to visit, I just came to get information."

"Then leave. We do not have information for you." Remi decrees.

Reimu takes it as a challenge. "Maybe you do."

"What?"

"I said you might."

Remi grins. "...I don't think you realize what Patchy- Patchouli, I mean… what Patchouli said was the fact of the matter."

Good job, Remi. Calling me by my nickname while trying to intimidate guests.

Reimu floats into the air. "Five cards each."

Remi sighed, but I could tell she was amused. "Very well. Today, I shall taste victory, Hakurei."

They leave.

"So, whatcha seein'?" Marisa leans over me to look at the orb.

"Brad fighting the fairy horde at the shrine." It makes for good meal entertainment. Well, while it lasted, anyway.

"Huh?"

"Wait…" Marisa stared at the orb closer. "..."

She seems surprised.

"I was just there, too!" Marisa becomes irritated. "I would've loved to fend off a fairy horde! This blows, ze…"

She would.

Marisa turns to me. "Hey, Patchy, don't you have that teleportation spell you've been cookin' up?"

Why must everyone bring that up? "Distance depends on the object, I'll have you know. The farthest something humanoid can be teleported is to the lake or so. In short, no, I cannot teleport you to the shrine just to let you fight fairies on a whim."

I'm lying. I don't know exactly how far I can teleport things or people, but with proper preparation mana is a non-issue. The only time mana is brought into question is if preparation is not practiced. To instantaneously teleport objects or people on a whim probably would deplete my mana something fierce.

I was a large part in getting this manor to Gensokyo, I'd like to mention.

Marisa pouts at me.

She holds the pout. Is she expecting that to make a difference?

"...Even if that worked, it wouldn't change the facts."

"You're no fun…" Marisa folds her arms. "How about like, a brick or something?"

A brick.

"Well… I could. Something of that size would require far less mana to transport, thus it wouldn't reach a limit as quickly. I'm not about to waste all my mana finding that limit, though." I'm quite thankful that Marisa knows next to nothing on teleportation magic. It would likely be the end of my library if she found out how to whisk entire shelves away with proper planning.

Marisa takes a purple potion from her hat, placing it down on the dining table before me.

"Looks like he'll be needin' this… and it looks like you're about to find out whether or not you can transport small objects as far as the shrine!"

Typical. "What makes you think I will?"

"Well, why not?" Marisa shrugs with a grin.

"Why should I?" I really shouldn't.

"Why not?"

Oh, no. "Why."

"Why not?"

"Why."

"Why not?"

"Just do it, Patchy. I'll lend you a mana potion if it conks you out!"

Please, don't. Mana potions have a tendency of rendering me out of commission for multiple days.

"Alright…" I don't even know why I'm agreeing. Maybe she'll stop pondering teleportation if I do...

"Yeaa~h!" Marisa cheers. "I knew it! You're not a total killjoy, Patchy!"

"Be quiet. I'm focusing." Nosey human mage. I know I'm a hypocrite when it comes to being nosey, but I'd like to think I can allow myself such liberties. I'm responsible.

"Wooo~!"

Now to try and make the setup steps discreet…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

After much stacking with blocks, I find out that Reimu's sink does not have plumbing. It's just a drainable hole in the counter, basically; the drain has a plug in it.

"What the fuck…" Stupid fairy construction workers.

I slide off the block mountain and onto the floor.

"Shit."

Today is no longer good day…

I feel something brush my back. The clacking of a glass bottle rolling into the floor is heard.

Looking to the source, I find it to be a purple potion of some description. It was a round bottle with a thin top.

I grasp it. Dubious substance appears out of nowhere! Time to take a swig. "Better be a fuckin' elixir or something…"

Common sense kinda dies when you feel like complete shit.

Uncorking the bottle, I chug the purple potion.

Gulp…-

Gahk! It tastes like fucking perfume! Aaagh…

...Gulp… Gulp…

I stop with a quarter of the stuff left, making numerous faces of terror.

"Ho-holy shit…" Essentially what it tasted like!

I get on my knees, and rise to a standing position.

"Damn, that stuff works, at least. What a bloody macguffin…" Seriously, yo. Why the hell did Reimu just have an elixir in the rafters? Wait, if the fairies made the house… I don't even fucking know. For all I know they stuffed an entire arsenal of plant hangers in one of the walls.

I take Swift Brand and smash into one of Reimu's paper-thin walls, only to find the other room on the other side.

Shieut.

...I hear the pattering of danmaku against the entire shrine.

"Friends." I take out the elixir and consider whether or not it'd be worth chugging the rest…

"Eye'm the strongest!" I hear the voice of destruction in the distance.

I chug the rest of the elixir.

Feeling my fatigue fade and my mana regenerate, I can only help but wonder how many organs I'd have to expel in a few days time.

...I near the door. It's boss fight time, yo!

"Freakin'..." I equip Flame Salvo. Cirno's about to get vaporized, son.

The thunks and thwacks against the shrine's side intensify as Cirno nears.

Then they stop.

Crunch!

A large blade of ice pieres one of the shrine's walls.

"Yeaaa~h!"

It retracts, and Cirno floats in. "Where's the bad guy? Lemme at 'em, eye'm the strongest!"

I walk towards her in an aggressive manner.

She notices me. "...Oh, hey, it's you! Did they send you to stop the guy too?"

They didn't tell her who to shoot!?

I nod. "Yeah. Uhh…" Who do I declare the sidekick? Her, or myself?

"You can be my sidekick!" She declares for me.

I shake my head. "No, no, no. You can be my sidekick."

Snowflakes whirl around Cirno. "Eye'll show you why you're supposed to be the sidekick!"

Guess I'm getting that boss anyway…

I aim Flame Salvo at her.

Fwoo~m!

Cirno dodges to the side of the stream of flames, and it hits part of the shrine's roof.

"Shit, put that out! Cirno, do hero things!" I exclaim as the roof begins burning.

Cirno smirks. "Hah! That won't work on me!"

"Seriously, Reimu will destroy you for forever and ever and ever!" Please, you fairy son of a bitch!

She lowers an eyelid and sticks out her tongue. "I'd like to see her try!"

Graah!

I'm forced to pocket Flame Salvo and take out Deep Blue, which is probably the least useful hanger for this situation's combat.

Hastily, I turn the valve, releasing the water.

Fwuuuush!

It splashes around, and I near the fire with it. Double jumping into the air, I put it right near the fire…

Fwuuuush!

It actually worked, for the most part!

Cirno shot a barrage of icicles to finish the rest of the fire. It was actually intended to strike me, but fortunate collateral is fortunate.

"Hey! Don't try to get cheap hits in!" Cirno protests my acrobatics, thinking I was trying to attack her.

The irony is that this thing's water elemental, so she could probably freeze the shit out of me now since I'm all wet again.

I keep running around the room, desperately trying to turn the valve back while being assaulted from behind by a steady stream of icicles.

"Stand still already!"

Freakin'...

After finally sealing the faucet, I toss Deep Blue aside, and take Flame Salvo back out. This time, I should just go for melee hits, or something.

Clattering was heard as Cirno kept shooting her machine gun style streams at me.

She wisened up eventually, to my dismay.

"Hail Sign! Hailstorm!"

An~d she didn't use Icicle Fall either. The gods are not with me today!

I run for the door out of the shrine with haste, my back getting pelted with biting cold pangs produced by the ice danmaku that struck my spine.

"Eheheh…" I anxiously giggle to myself, partly on reflex because holy shit that's cold.

Getting outside, I slide the door shut.

Holy ice fairies, Batman.

...The door thunks violently from the hailstorm on the other side.

I position myself next to the door!

The violence gets louder…

"C'mon…"

The door start breaking down, some particles breaking through. The same could be said for the walls.

I wince as a few hit me…

"Come on…!"

Bam!

"You can run, but you can't-"

I swing Flame Salvo into her stomach, eating a face full of ice as I did so.

"Oof…"

Flames run up Cirno's clothing.

"A-aah~! Fire, fire! Hot, hot, hot!" Cirno runs around, flailing her limbs.

I stumble around, before half-assedly making my way back inside, dropping to a crawl. I crawl to the remains of the kotatsu, and wrap the blanket bit around myself, since the top of it was gone.

"Hah!" Cirno floats back inside extinguished. "Eye've put… myself… out?"

I wave at her. "Nap time, friend. Sleepy sleeps."

She blinks. "...Oh. Sorry. Eye'll come back later, then. Hope you sleep well, mister!"

See, fairies get it. Nap time is not to be trifled with.

...I am kinda pissed I downed an entire elixir and still got my ass handed to me by a spell card, but I'm just too tired to give a crap right now.

All I can hope now… is that no more freakin' noobs come to assault me in the night. Tomorrow I'll get to work on the rocket thingamajig…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I'm awakened to violent shoving!

"What the hell happened here!?"

Looking around in alarm, I realize Reimu's the one brutalizing me in my sleep. "A-ah!?"

"Why is the ceiling burnt? Why are there holes in the walls!?" Reimu glares at me furiously.

"W-what? Huh?" Mornings are not kind, friend…

"Answer me!" Reimu lifts me and pushes me to the floor again, and I land on the soft kotatsu blankets.

I stick my arms up to defend myself from the next assault. "H-hey, easy now!"

Marisa is heard laughing nearby. "Hahaha~!"

Reimu flails her gohei at me wildly, thwacking it against my arms. "Yo, yo, yo…!"

She relents eventually, though. "...Look, clean it up."

Son. "The fairies-"

"Clean. It. Up." Reimu holds her gohei at my throat, as if it were a sword. "I don't care. Someone has to fix this."

Freakin'... "Just get the fairies-"

"They're too riled up right now." Reimu states. "You do it."

Marisa was grinning at me from the sidelines.

I stre~tch! "Alright, yo, alright…"

I stand, and get ready to go access the outside duct tape. Reimu grabs me by the back of my hillbilly-whatchamacallit… Suspenders? I forget.

"Where are you going?" She narrows her eyes.

"Grabbing the duct tape, friend."

She nods. "...I'll watch you do it."

Sure, friend.

I get outside, and-

It's freakin' cold!

"Sweet Jesus, fuck." I hug myself. "Freakin' freezing!"

It was overcast, looking like it could snow any moment, actually.

...Reimu watches me from the door, sliding it nearly shut to keep the heat in the shrine. "Hurry up out there."

"Nah, I'm just gonna stand out here and freeze." Freakin'...

Moving to the box full of duct tape, I take out about five rolls and scurry back to the door. Reimu looks reluctant to let me in, so I open the door for her and quickly slide in, shutting it behind myself in an attempt at a fluid motion.

Reimu folds her arms. "...So what're those rolls of cloth going to do?"

Marisa is still grinning. "He's gonna tape some ducks with it, ze!"

You've yet to experience the miracles of duct tape!

With the iconic tear of adhesive, I struggle to separate a piece from the roll.

"...I don't think cloth works like-"

Rip!

"...that." Reimu facepalms, while Marisa giggles.

I take the tape, and place it over one of the holes I struck in the wall earlier. It sticks in place!

Reimu stares curiously as I rip another piece of duct tape from the roll and continue patching up the hole…

Before long, the patching is finished.

"There ya go, friend. An unsightly, grey patch." I nod, satisfied.

"...I guess it works." Reimu sighed. "...You'll have to give me some of that magic cloth, though. That seems pretty handy."

I nod, and drop the five rolls on the floor. "Didn't need 'em anyway! I still have a whole box to build with!"

...She scratched her cheek idly. "What were you building again?"

"A rocket to the sun. I'm trying to put it out, friend."

"...Okay." Shaking her head, Reimu looks down at the kotatsu top and blanket, both separated. She moves to put it back together, and after having some difficulty, reaches for the duct tape I left her.

She examines it, and after rotating it a bit, tries to peel the duct tape from the roll. Her nails scrape at the roll for a few moments, but she eventually peels enough to grab onto, severing the adhesive from the inner surface.

She tries to rip it, and somehow does it with ease. ...How!?

Rip!

...She places the piece so that it connects the kotatsu blanket and the tabletop bit, and smiles at her work.

Marisa raises a brow at it. "Huh…"

I go outside into the brisk air, ready to get to work on the rocket base again. Thankfully it wasn't damaged in the great siege of the Hakurei Shrine, by some miracle.

Reaching into the box for more duct tape, I ready myself to get down to business.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"It's getting there…" I tell myself.

I was starting to fashion some kind of system to hold the hangers I was gonna attach at the bottom. I still dunno how I'm gonna keep the thing stable in the air, but y'know…

The door into it is basically a flap on the top that I can seal shut with some tape and things on the inside.

Now…

I flip it onto its side and examine the bottom. I'm pretty sure straps made from duct tape can't properly handle much more than the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber itself. I might need a metal pad on the bottom or something…

"See ya later, Reimu!"

Marisa slides the door shut, then turns to me.

"...I see you've been busy, ze.."

I wave to her. "Box, friend."

She walks over, examining it.

"...This the rocket you talkin' about?"

I nod.

"It sucks."

Marisa, please.

"How you plannin' to make it go up?"

"Boobs." I answer.

Marisa snorts.

"...By that, I mean bombs."

"It'll blow up."

You'd be surprised when it's whacky cartoon explosion physics, but y'know… she's not wrong.

"I need a freakin' metal plate to stop fire and stuff from happening." I tell her.

"You might need a bit more than that, ze…" She stares at it skeptically.

Su~re. "How do metal plate do?"

She shrugs. "I dunno. Ask Patchy, she can do metal things."

...She's not wrong, is she? Patchouli did know some metal spells and things…!

...But, y'know, she's uh, pretty far away.

"...You expect me to go ask her?" I tilt my head.

"Yeah. Actually, you could probably ask her from here if she's payin' attention at the moment, ze."

...Say what now?

Marisa blinks. "...Wait, do you… Oh, shit, ze."

Wa~t.

"...Patchy's been spyin' on you." Marisa admits. "Eheh… She's probably not gonna be happy I letcha find out."

I am happy, though! Maybe this means I'm that much closer to obtaining my dream waifu!... or uh, that much farther...

Anyway…!

I look around. "Patchy! Can you hear me!?"

Marisa shrugs. "Can't help ya from here. See ya!"

She takes off on her broom.

Hmmm… "Patchy! Yo ho ho!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Nothing like a cup of tea to give one's self that important mid-day boost, as they say.

...There's that feeling of forgetting something again.

I sit at my desk. So much time was wasted trying to reason with that insufferable Marisa... I really should get to studying right away.

Time to resume those studies on pentacasting...

Opening the tome, I give the crystal ball a quick glance.

I also realize what was forgotten.

It was the crystal ball itself.

How troublesome.

Closing my tome, I sigh. I suppose I should go get that. It should still be in the dining room.

Raising from my chair, I float into the air. I hope the orb's not in some fairy's lair. The inconvenience caused would be without compare.

...Sometimes I amuse myself.

Koakuma floats up next to me as I progress out of the library.

"What's the occasion?"

"Nothing of your concern." She needn't know of any opportunities for spying, be it on the outsider or otherwise. She has proved herself troublesome on numerous occasions with intel-related endeavors.

"Awwh, that must mean you just don't want me to know!"

As such, you should stand down. Simple.

"Don't worry, Patchouli-sama. I've got ways of finding out…"

"If you show signs of knowing, you will be treated with explosives." I can do it nonlethally, if need be. "Leave me be. This is an order."

Koakuma sighs. "What a drag…"

With that, she floats back down beneath the shelves. Annoying succubus. Why could she not have been a shy and timid servant? Though, I suppose it'd be unfitting for a succubus…

Exiting the library, I find myself at the dining room halls in moments.

Swinging it open, I see the crystal ball is still on the table.

However, it doesn't stay that way for long.

"Oooh~!"

Hana, the annoying cyan-haired fairy maid, grabs it. "Brad-kun! Hello, Brad-kun!"

"He can't hear you." I tell her.

"...Awwh…" She's crestfallen. "...Well, can you make him hear me?"

Probably not. Scrying doesn't work like that.

"No."

She shakes her head, "Well… okay." and then pockets the orb.

Great.

"...Fairy maid. I need that orb." I float towards her.

She instantly looks defensive. "Why?"

"It is an order."

"Why?"

Frustration rising. "It is needed to scry on behalf of the manor. To withhold such info is to endanger the entire manor. Give it back, or face punishment." No other way than to be harsh, I suppose.

She clamps a hand to her pocket protectively. "Whatever you said, it's not! It's a moving picture thingy of Brad-kun!"

Even when he's not here, his existence is both bothersome and chaotic. Such is a statement he's fulfilled time and time again.

I suppose I'll just have to take it back by force.

She seems to be electric elemental. Troublesome element, but most of the fairy maids in this manner have very little proficiency in their respective elements, it seems. I'm not entirely certain why that is, but it keeps the place from getting blown away by the creative and destructive forces of nature, so I'm not keen to complain in this situation.

Earth spells seem to be the go-to in this situation. I can't afford any rampant manipulation of stone in this room, since it'd probably scuff up the dining table and then some, so I'll just have to make due with the more curious of the Earth-elemental spells.

"Rest, now."

I cast Gaia Seed. Should be enough to quell a fairy.

Fwoooo...

The magical circle generates around Hana, and she's promptly thrown to the ground, rendered immobile, and unconscious.

As expected.

I float over to her…

"H-hah!"

She's not unconscious, apparently.

Backing away from me, she crawls back towards the door.

She is not getting away. I've had enough of this nonsense.

"Cease."

Holding up my hand, I push at the air, generating a small magic circle.

Gaia Blossom.

A larger magical circle forms around Hana. It expands slightly, then flourishes in a blast of raw Earth power.

Fwooosh!

Pi~chun!

In my defense, I didn't expect it to be that potent.

The crystal ball lays on the floor. Picking it up, I see…

Brad on the floor of the Hakurei Shrine, with a piece of plywood lying next to him. A message was carved into it...

...that Brad has written, in English. It read…

Something. That handwriting is truly quite illegible…

Alright. It goes similarly to…

"PaTChy,

PleaSe MaKe Me a 4 fOOT by 4 fOOT MeTal PlaTe

Pls

~ Brad" …

The last name is completely illegible. It looks like he went back to fix it but gave up.

Apparently he's learned that I've been scrying on him. Furthermore, he doesn't seem particularly worried, which shows that he's at least self-aware that everything he's doing is frankly very inconsequential and unimportant, and above that, none of my concern.

It's marginally entertaining if I'm bored sometimes, however. Someone needs to invent a device like this for plays. Now that would be something…

Well, that 'laptop' as they call it is somewhat like that, but the 'internet' aspect doesn't seem to do much at the moment.

I still don't know what a Google is, for one thing, or how to use it. Maybe that's what they call the internet on the outside? Curious…

I see Reimu come up to Brad and lightly kick him in the side. He flails his limbs around.

That metal plate can come his way, I suppose. I don't know how thick he wants it, so I'll just give him a random size and see if he's amused or not.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Reimu, please, just for the afternoon! Until Patchy gets me my metal plate!"

The miko glares down at me. "No. You existing here is enough to raise this shrine's insurance."

Wait… "...You get insurance out here?"

She shakes her head. "Well, no- but that's not the point!"

Daw. I was wondering if fairies could insure their trees or something… Maybe Yuuka could start a business tycoon, then.

I move to get up-

Oof!

Thud.

Reimu stares down at me, shaking her head. "See? Bad stuff just happens around you."

I look across myself, and see a large, diamond-plated metal sheet on me.

"She got the message!" I grin. "Yo ho ho!"

I give outer space a thumbs-up, and lift the metal sheet clumsily, standing at the same time.

"I'm gonna go work on my rocket ship, Reimu!"

"Good. Get out." Reimu folds her arms as I run for the door and slide it open.

With meticulous duct taping, there was now a metal plate slathered onto the bottom of the hull box thing. I created the straps to hold my hangers; I'd have to find a way to rapid-activate them, or something. I haven't put the hangers in yet, though; I kinda need them for important combat situations.

I've also got an idea for the stabilization… but I'll need to pay an actual visit to Patchy.

I take one of the glowing green scrying blocks from my bag and drop it next to the rocket base. I slide the shrine's door open…

"Watch my rocket for me! I'm gonna go ask Patchy some questions!"

Reimu doesn't reply, staring at me from her duct-taped kotatsu.

Sliding the door shut, I depart on my endeavor to ask her for parts and things!

Walking to the hillside next to the stairs-

I slip, and slide down the hill.

"Fucking de~w!"

It's not actually that bad of a slide, to be honest. Wee~!

I reach the bottom in no time, but my trousers are all soaked… which doesn't pair well with the temperature to be honest.

Standing up, I immediately charge for the lake.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Th-there he is!" Daiyousei points to me frantically.

Cirno is hovering next to her. "He woke up! We gotta continue our game!"

I raise a hand. "Yo. I gotta go do the things and stuff. I'm not in a fairy bashing mood!"

Lightly jogging along the lakeside, I'm trailed by the two fairy friks.

"Are you mocking me!?" Cirno yells at me.

"Friend, I'm trying to make a rocket to Mars!" I yell back.

"Ooh~!" Cirno's mood does a one-eighty. "Can I come!?"

"I-I think he's mocking-"

"Shut up, Daiyousei." I interrupt her.

She glares at me. "But-"

"Hey." I interrupt her again.

"But-!"

"Hey." I stress it this time, yo.

I stop running, and they slow down behind me.

"...Whaz the D… in Daiyousei stand for?" I turn to her.

She furrows her brows. "...It doesn't stand for-"

"Y'Fookin' stoopid!?" I shove my face towards hers, widening my eyes.

"A-ah!" She jumps back, shielding herself.

I'm slightly guilty for that, but if she was planning on sicking Cirno on me just for scaring her even earlier, she can suck it.

I begin running while Cirno giggles at the exchange.

…Pale green danmaku bolts are trailing me now! Daiyousei has been sufficiently pissed off!

I dunno if she's really trying or not, 'cause only a few bullets and beams seem to even come close, and Cirno's just kinda casually following me.

It's not long before we reach the manor gates!

Meiling is standing there, sleeping against the wall. The gate is locked, which I could just fly over, but I wanna do this all proper.

A few of Daiyousei's bullets hit her, but she doesn't even change her snoring.

I reach the gate and flail my limbs against it!

It clatters a little.

Meiling's eyes open instantly and she looks to the gate. She relaxes when she sees it's me.

"Oh. Just you…"

A few more bullets hit her.

"What…"

Daiyousei floats slightly menacingly in the air, slowing down the closer she got.

"I-I know I'm not a good fighter… but I can still stop you!" Daiyousei stared bravely down at me.

Meiling punches the air, a shotgun spread of rainbow bullets heading for Daiyousei.

Pi~chun!

...But could you stop Meiling, is the real question here!

Meiling proceeds to do the same to Cirno, even though she was just kinda there.

Pi~chun!

"There we go…"

She turns to me.

"You're not going in. Sorry."

...Say what now?

"Yo, Patchy probably knows I'm-"

"You're not going in. Sorry." Meiling gets herself into sleeping posture again. "Mistress' orders."

"But-"

"You're not going in. Sorry."

Meiling closes her eyes, and her breathing softens.

...I turn to the fluffle, and its shell nose opens up for no specific reason.

"honh" It's fluffy.

"This is your fault, you know that?" I point at the little fluffy menace. "You did this."

"im sorry friend" It shakes its head. "im sterile"

You're anything but sterile, you freakin' living bag of dirt.

I've got a plan, though…

...I push the fluffle stand. The fluffle is standing on nothing behind it, so it falls to the floor, its defiance of gravity getting destroyed, or something.

"why friend"

The plan: Stack it on Meiling… and climb on her!

I start pushing it near Meiling, and her eyes snap open.

"Don't even think about climbing it. Don't bother getting any fairies to fly you over, either."

Woah! She's still fuckin' awake!?

I see how it is. She's gonna… 'sleep', and then she'll bamboozle me when she gets the chance. I know your game, Meiling…

Stacking blocks like an insane person is out of the question, then. I also notice all my blocks are gone, too…

"How was the block cleanup?" I ask Meiling. She appears asleep, and doesn't answer me.

"...Look, I know you're bloody awake."

No answer.

"The second I try to climb over or fly over, you're just gonna bamboozle me. There's no need to play the trope straight, though."

...One of her eyes cracks open, and she replies in a quieter tone. "All the blocks actually disappeared after a day or so…"

Both open and she's back to full-on authority! "Do not attempt climbing with blocks again."

I nod. "Alright, yo."

I walk away from the mansion…

Reaching the lake, I turn back around.

"Yeah, fuck that noise." I'm just gonna go around, and fly over the wall!

I begin walking to the left, and quickly find myself trudging through snow.

Snow.

Je~sus. Snowing already? Must really be winter…

It's not snowing right now, though. It's still hella cold on the feetsies, though…

The fun part is that there's a couple trees that are still green as shit, while there's like, completely barren trees next to them. That might just be a Gensokyo thing.

...This is kinda where I started, innit? Talk about nostalgia… I can't make anything out real well due to the shifting of seasons, unfortunately.

I do recognize the patch of wall I started from, and I can even see a bit of the sticks and twigs and stuff on the side of the wall!

By now I've reached the left side of the manor's walls. The manor pretty much has a fence of large walling around it, so this'd be the left side of said box of fences… of walls.

I completely screwed up that sentence, but nevermind that!

Reaching the wall side, shivering from the bitter cold, I see my small den of sticks and twigs and things lives once more!

A pale woman in a kimono sits at a garden table, ri~ght where my old shack used to be.

...I call it a shack. It was more like a crime against nature.

Her garden table's even got a little umbrella!

She looks at me. "...Oh? A human villager? How peculiar… Are you one of the vampire brat's meals getting away again, or did you just come to say hello?"

I shake my head. "I came to invade the mansion to get supplies for rocket science."

"Well, if you strayed this far from the beaten path, you're obviously not sane." She nods, sipping some kind of tea. "I was looking for a way to infiltrate this manor myself. You see, the mistress of this manor has taken something very dear from me, yes…"

Please, give me more exposition. "Such as?"

"The sapphire of my kin." She looks up to me and smirks. "...If you are still ignorant, human, I am a yuki-onna."

Oh, wow, what a shocker. Couldn't tell from your ice-blue skin, all the snow, the fact a gentle breeze is coming from you, and the fuckin' kimono. "Really?"

"Indeed…" She sips her tea. "...You're going to help me."

Oh, this is gonna be great… "W-what?"

"You heard me. You're going to help me get it back. If you say no, I will drain you of your life energy. If you say yes, you will serve me. Do we have a deal?"

I step up to the table, reaching into my empty sack. Within it, I generate a basic block, and toss it at her.

She swats it away. "...Good attempt. I commend you for bringing a children's block in a potato sack as your only means of self defense."

I shrug. "The economy's hard, friend."

Going to sit down at the table, I find it cold as hell. Hnnn~gh…

"Tea?" She holds up her cup. "...None for you, I'm afraid. It'd likely kill you."

She's probably drinking nitrogen or something.

"So, when do we begin?" I twiddle my thumbs.

"Well, for starters, I'd like you… to do some fairy hunting for me."

Interesting…

"Afterwards, devise a way to get over this wall in a discreet manner. The vampire- this manor belongs to a vampire, by the way- has defenses in place specifically to combat myself, and the others she has wronged."

"By the way, what's yer name?" I ask her. Couldn't hurt! She also definitely wasn't Letty, so y'know…

"Yasumi. Simply elegant, is it not?" She smiles. "...I neglect the name of my kinship, but it's probably something just as elegant, I assure you."

I'm sorry? Is that fancy for 'I forgot my own bloody last name'!?

I begin slipping Flame Salvo from my sack…

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that…" I begin, as if her neglecting her 'kinship' were a tragic ordeal.

"Oh? Oh, it's nothing." She waves me off, smiling. "...I can tell you're going to be a good slave."

I point Flame Salvo at her.

Fwooo~m!

"What the fuck!?" She falls back of her chair as the torrent of flames slam into her, igniting her kimono. "Shit! No! No, no no! Fire! A fire's started!"

She rolls around in the snow, the fire being put out rapidly, but I run after her, providing sustained fire on her…

Sustained fire? Get it? Ge~t it?...

I am literally cancer, aren't I?

Fwoo~m!

"You asshole!" Yasumi barks, tearing off her burning kimono. She's got bindings underneath, unfortunately… "How dare you-"

Fwoo~m!

"Agh!"

The temperature kicks up like twenty degrees, and my shivering slows.

"F-fuck you!" She begins crying. "Fucking- damn it! I'll kill you!"

She floats off, slamming herself into the snow a few times to stop the burning.

I am simply the greatest slave, apparently. Good call.

Again, I feel like a little bit of an asshole, but y'know, gotta break some apples to uh… something. Don't know where I was going with that one!

I just hope Reimu or someone's around when that yuki-onna rolls back around. I bet she's gonna have fire retardant shit on and everything, prepping herself for the big brawl. I dunno how powerful she even is since I just slammed her with fire immediately.

I really need to upgrade the holy hanger. For serious.

Pulling out my Yin-yang flail-o-copter, I begin the process of floating over the manor walls…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Pentacasting's typically not the most viable thing, but knowing how to do so is very much an important element for future tiers of casting, just as much as the tiers before such as quadcasting, tricasting, bicasting… and casting in general.

I normally don't engage in multicasts of any sort because it can get unprofessional, messy, and very chaotic if done incorrectly, and it eats an unviable level of mana the higher you go. Tricasts of the same element are something I'd consider expert level, to be honest, and you could get much more mileage from just using more powerful spells rather than forcing more mileage from simpler spells.

Let's be honest: brute manipulation of the elements gets one farther than the fancy, pre-designed spells. The inverse is true for non-elemental manipulation of mana: pre-designed spells are very much utilitarian and effortful to produce, and it's easy to just blow things up by flailing wildly with your mana reserves. This is why most mages specialize in straightforward magical defense rather than elemental defenses; if someone tries to make your head outright explode, even a smidgen of magical defense will make that not happen unless far more mana is exerted.

Such is the way of lower level magi on magi combat, unfortunately. The victor is either the one who bothered to use elemental spells, or the one who made some unfortunate part of the other mage's body explode, implode, or become no more by other means- by sheer force of mana exertion, mana pool, or the fact the other specialized in elemental defense and not magical defense.

The door to the library swings open, even though I had locked it prior. That's what I get for using a simple lock today…

"Faaa~ck!"

Just what is he doing here? There are a few hundred reasons why he shouldn't be here right now.

...That may be hyperbole, but unless fate has frowned upon me today, there is no reason he should be here.

Brad finds his way to my study. "Hello, Patchy!"

I'd like to find who told him of my nickname so that I may vent frustration. Probably one of the fairy maids, all things considered.

I futilely continue to read my tome…

"I am in need of rocket materials and things!" Brad cheerfully lists his demands.

Oh. That still doesn't explain how he got past the gate guard…

"Also, I beat up a yuki-onna who was camping outside the walls menacingly. I lit her on fire and she got sad." He adds offhandedly.

Wait, what?

I look up from my tome at him.

"...Hello." He waves at me.

"Explain."

...He tilts his head. "What, you weren't watchin' me?"

I shake mine. "No. As it turns out, I don't spend every waking moment watching you go about your trivial day."

He nods. "...Right. I knew that."

Hah.

"...So, there was like, this yuki-onna, right?"

I nod. Pretty sure we already established that…

"She had great tits."

Excuse me?

"Like, the round knockers, yo." He places his hands in the air, pretending to squeeze them. "Like, fuckin' bazookas!"

"You're mocking me, aren't you?" I coldly state.

He shakes his head… then he nods. "Kinda. I guess. Sorry. Just teasin' ya."

"I haven't the time for your nonsense." ...Well, I technically do, but I'd rather not hear him speak needlessly.

"Alright, so there was this freakin' yuki-onna outside-"

We've established that already.

"-and she had this whole garden table setup with liquid nitrogen tea and crap."

I highly doubt that last part. Both the tea and the fecal matter.

"She tried to make me go in here and recover some stupid sapphire for her."

Oh.

O~h.

It's that yuki-onna.

Let me guess… "Was it Ya~... hmm…" I seem to have forgotten her name.

"Yasumi?" Brad guesses.

Yes, quite. "Yes, yes, I remember now. The unfortunately contradictory name."

...Brad blinks. I don't feel like explaining.

"...Nevermind that. Continue."

"She got all pushy, so I burnt her face off and stuff." He looked around, displaying nervousness. "Say, uh, could you perhaps give me a sapphire like that? She kinda wants to beat me the fuck up, so~..."

Sure. "It's not a unique sapphire she wants, anyway. I can just make one myself, and she wouldn't know the difference."

Brad smiles ironically. "...Oh. Well, good on her, then."

"So~, about them materials…"

Here we go…

"I need like, a ring thing that can have a hanger be attached to it and be detached from later, and I need a way for said hanger to spin around on it." He spins one finger around another as if that illustrated anything.

I've got no idea how that helps him in any way, shape, or form. I suppose it'll be his repayment for the intel…

That reminds me.

"How did you get in here? Meiling should have stopped you."

He shrugs. "It's called going around the back and floating in. I mean, seriously, you need some bloody sentry turrets, or some shit."

What?…

"Meiling said-"

He interrupts me. "Look. I just walked back to the Misty Lake, then went the long way around to the side."

Seriously?

Noticing my incredulous face, he grins. "I'm not jokin', yo. That freakin' security."

Wouldn't the fairy maids have picked up something wrong?

...I'll talk this over with Remi later. Although, now that we're on the topic…

"Would you happen to know anything of our previous unwelcomed guest?"

He claps his hands together, taking a guess. "Du~h… Shikieiki-who's-her-face?"

Apparently not. "Nevermind."

He shrugs.

He proceeds to take a seat. "Fluff nuggets…"

I should get started on those things.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Sitting at Patchouli's desk while she's away, I make a miniature battlefield.

"Oough!" I imitate the sound of a dying security guard as I make one paper clip viciously assault the other.

Patchouli floats onto the scene moments later. "...I won't even ask what you're doing to my things, but I would advise you to leave them alone."

...I look to my right and notice the crystal ball. It has me in it! "Aw, son! It's fluff-o-vision!"

"Please, no." Patchouli shakes her head.

I focus on the crystal ball, and it pans towards the crystal ball inside of it. That crystal ball shows the crystal ball which shows the crystal ball which… holy shit.

I shake my head to snap from my trance. "Neato!"

"...In any case, I've prepared the objects you need. Follow me." Patchouli floats off.

Does she ever have any fun? She's been strict business for like, the past few hours or so, leaving me to wonder if magi ever do anything except for bash their skulls in with large textbooks. I'm willing to bet she has a good fantasy novel around here somewhere, even if it's in a language I probably couldn't begin to comprehend.

...I should probably hurry the fuck up and follow her!

We reach a series of tables, but only one has the stuffs on it.

"Here we are…"

On the table is a generic sapphire and uh…

Astro ring!

I point at it. "Astronomical!"

It's a round metal ball, and around it is a large metal ring. The hanger could probably be attached keychain style…

How the ring was attached to the ball, though, I've got no freakin' clue!

"This is the Magnet Orbiter." Patchouli introduces it. "...I see you're intrigued. It would take far too long to explain the applications of advanced magnetic manipulation to anchor objects to one another in space. It involves metaphysical bonds, if you know anything about that."

"Fucking magnets. Now just how do they work?" I raise a brow exaggeratedly, gazing down at the magnetic device.

"...Very carefully." Patchouli grins at me.

Freakin'... stole that from me!

"The more appropriate question is: will it give me cancer?" I jest.

"Just get out." She sighs. "I have research to be doing."

"For the people who are still alive?" I grin.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I land on my ass, having been teleported just outside the gate. My stuff drops into my lap after me.

Meiling jumps at my sudden presence. "Huh!?"

...She takes a glance at me. "...Oh. Where'd you come from?"

"Hell." I tell her. "I brought gifts."

"...Okay." Meiling goes back to leaning against the wall. "You still can't go in, though."

I roll my eyes. "Friend, I just got teleported out."

"Su~re." She nods.

"...You may also wanna patrol the wall for things." I add. She probably doesn't believe me, though.

"Whatever you say. I'm not taking my eyes off you."

Hyonk. Well, I'm sure she'll find out later…

I lift the astro disc thing in one hand and uh… that's freakin wei~rd, dude! How is it attached to the ri~ng, du~de!?

Meiling blinks at it. "...How does that work?"

"Ask Patchouli." I turn to her. "Something something astrophysics. Fuckin' magnets, son."

She looks slightly put off by that statement, but relaxes against the wall again.

I pocket the sapphire and begin my trek back to the Hakurei Shrine.

Midway around the lake, I realize something…

I could use this sapphire for crafting shit! Screw that yuki-onna!

I gotta think of what to craft with it, though. Aren't they like, ice things? Hmmm… I wonder if I can turn Deep Blue into an ice thing. Might be a bit troublesome, since water's actually really utilitarian. Nah, I'm gonna attach an ice upgrade to my fire stuff. Would that be a downgrade…?

I dunno.

Before long, I reach the great staircase of assholery. What god sat down one day and was just like 'yeah gonna need a big fuckin' staircase right o~n… that hill over there!'?

After the fun climb, I reach my rocket friend…

Let's get this show on the road…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sticking the orb inside the hull let the ring orbit around it nicely. I have no idea how stable it'll actually be, though.

On the underside, I had the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber and Flame Salvo hooked up to beat each other the fuck up on the underside. Mostly just the Bawmber exploding, though.

I thought of adding fins, but fuck the precise woodwork needed to do that!

I'll also have my Flail-o-copter ready on the inside, just incase the thing explodes. Also to offset my weight of sitting in the corner of the craft.

I slide the door open, and see Marisa inside with Reimu again.

"Heyo, ze!" Marisa waves at me.

"Hello, friends! I shall be taking off to High Hrothgar, soon!"

Reimu yawns. "Okay…"

"...By that, I mean I shall be taking off in my freakin' rocket ship!"

Marisa stood up. "You mean that thing can fly!?"

Reimu jumped from Marisa's shouting. "W-what!?"

"Yeah, yo!" I gesture outside. "Come check 'er out!"

I race outside, and Marisa zooms out after me. Reimu lazily steps up to the door.

"Behold!" I gesture to the craft. "Six and a half rolls of duct tape, one metal sheet, an astro-fucker or whatever, a uh… things. Things! Also, wood."

Marisa claps. "It's gonna explode, ze! Yeah!"

...Thanks for the vote of confidence, Marisa!

Reimu looks at it. "...You honestly expect that to fly?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"...You're an idiot." Reimu shakes her head.

I move over to it, and cautiously step inside. If I stomp the floor, it'll probably go off…!

...I lean over to Deep Blue, which I slipped onto the astro-ring prior to take-off. Turning it on-

Fwuuu~sh!

It begins propelling itself around the ring, slowly getting faster as the jet of water picks up. As it does, the rocket begins shaking from the force of the hanger rotating on the ring.

"Wohohoah!" I exclaim, holding onto the box's edges. "This is how I shall keep the device-"

Bam!

The engine has takeoff!

"-sta~ble!" I shout down at the two girls.

Boom!

That was the sound of Flame Salvo rebounding and clanging against the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber.

Blam!

Since I had forgotten to close the lid before taking off, the force of the repeated blasts knocking the craft upward rips it off. So much for that!

Bam! Boom! Kaboom!

Holy shit! I sit down hastily, staring out horizontally from the device. The landscape nearby quickly is obscured by the walls of the box, and by the splashes of water being produced by Deep Blue.

Kaboom! Blam! Boom!

The walls ripple and shake, duct tape jiggling violently from the force of the blasts.

Bam! Boom! Blablam!

Meekly staring out the sides of the box, I noticed the ground wa~y fuckin' below me. Holy crap…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Marisa and Reimu stared up at the spiral of water, backing away as it expanded and splashed all over the shrine's lawn.

"What…" Reimu shielded her eyes with her hand, looking up at the rapidly rising water spiral.

Marisa whistled. "Huh. It uh, exploded, but uh…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Patchouli was outside the manor halls for the few times in forever once more, to address Meiling's consecutive failures in managing the entirety of the wall.

"If that had been a real intruder…" Patchouli let her words trail off, hoping it would add meaning to her sentence.

"I know..." Meiling nodded. "It's just… it's hard managing the entire box around the manor without something to manage the places I'm not lookin'. Last time I checked, I was a gate guard, not a wall patroller."

Patchouli nodded slowly. "...I wonder if I could convince Remi to allocate some fairies to patrol duties."

Meiling grinned. "More like how long they'd actually adhere to them before the whole system breaks down."

"The hell's goin' on over there?" Meiling points to the distance.

Patchouli looks over to the rising water spiral in the distance.

"...Hell." Patchouli summarizes.

Meiling looks to her. "...I see."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Hieda no Akyuu walked through her garden, a small army of butlers behind her.

"...You don't have to follow me, you know." Akyuu dismissed them.

The butlers turned and walked away, dejected.

"...Troublesome." She shook her head, and looked to the cloudy midday sky, only to see a water spiral shooting up into the air.

"...Huh."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We are now piercing the cloud layer!

Ducking into my craft, I shield my head with my arms, trying to prevent too much water from building up on me…

Holy shit it's cold up here!

Soaring through the cloud, I ended up with a small puddle inside with me. It slowly drained through the duct tape, which probably couldn't be good for the adhesive…

Fairies of some sort flew alongside the craft, giggling all the while.

...I crouched inside. Hopefully they don't decide to randomly attack the mobile craft!

I hear thunks against the side of it.

Freakin'...

Standing up, I stick out my middle finger at them.

"Fuck you~!" I curse the space dwellers!

Generating a block in my hand, I toss it…

...and gravity consumes it.

Whoever gets hit by that is practically gonna get sniped by god. Yo.

The fairies float closer to the craft. One gets really close…

"Hello, ground dweller."

Boom! Bam! Boom!

Those explosions've been going on the whole while, by the way. They're freakin' annoying. They also make it hard to hear people over!

"Hello, sky dweller!"

Kaboom! Bang! Boom!

"What business do you have up here?" She asks me.

Uhh…

"The moon will fall in three days! Everything you know is a lie!" I tell her, suddenly getting frantic.

"...I don't believe you." She folds her arms. "I'm afraid we may have to shoot you down."

Let's see…

Idea!

"Actually, I'm here to deliver… the sky candy!"

Klablam!

"...The sky candy." She stares at me blankly.

Boom!

"Yeah, yo."

...I lift the sapphire.

"It's sky candy."

She smiles. "...How kind. Is it from the human village?"

I nod. "Yes, friend. Come here…"

I slip out Sharper Than Darkness with my other hand.

"...Alright girls, I'm going in." She addresses her friends. They all relent, floating lower, some dissipating.

I hold up the sapphire for her, slowly bringing it lower so she'd get closer. She hovers down, trying to board my craft…

I slip Sharper Than Darkness into her chest.

Shink!

"A-agh!" She wails instantly, and tries to shoot away, letting the scythe edge of the hanger rip from her chest straight down to her crotch, semi-bisecting her.

Pi~chun!

Moments later, her fate is sealed.

...Up above, I see peculiar clouds at the top layer of the nearby clouds suddenly fading into view. There's a lot of them, too! They look… fake, I guess? Not like other clouds!

...The cloud fairies near the underside of my craft, and some grab for the engine.

Pi~chun!

Boom!

Pi~chun!

...Where the hell were they going with that?

I'm getting closer to those weird clouds…!

The remaining fairies gather around the side of my craft, flying alongside it.

Boom!

They're fucking fast buggers, aren't they?

Bam!

One of the fairies nears my craft, and moves to ram it with her face.

Thud!

Boom!

Oh, shit! I'm at an angle now!

Thud!

I rebound off one of her misfortunately positioned friends, who takes the full force of the box's broadside to the face.

Pi~chun!

My angle is slightly corrected!... it's still an angle, though!

Boom! Bam! Bang!

The rotating of Deep Blue makes my angled ascension all wonky. I pass over the funny clouds, and on the top of them, there's… land!

Land, ho!

Bam! Boom!

The craft starts doing a complete turn towards the ground. Crap, crap, crap…!

Boom!

It slides over the land in the air, and-

Boom!

I duck inside the box.

Thunk, thunk, thunk-

Boom!

It grates against the ground, and ends up colliding with a structure.

Thud.

Bam! Boom! Kaboom!

...One of the last two cloud fairies charge for the engine.

Pi~chun!

Boom!

With one last explosion, the hangers clatter across the heavily stone-clad floor of the sky island.

...I climb from the box, pocketing my flail.

The cloud fairy grins down at me. "Not so dapper without your precious contraption, are you, human?"

...I dive for Flame Salvo, which is lying across the way on the stone a bit. She lets me do so, unsure of what I was doing at first.

"Another move, and the fairy gets the hose again." I tell her. "Fairy does not want the hose again."

She frowns. "...Silly human. Let me show you what I mean…"

She floats closer.

Fwooo~m!

"W-what!?" She flails her limbs, shocked by the sudden torrent of flames.

I move closer, enforcing said flames.

Fwooo~m!

"S-stop!" Air whirls around her, putting it out rapidly.

Fwooo~m!

This spray of fire is completely deflected by her wind shield!

...She grins triumphantly. "Hah. Brutish human. See the power of the skies?"

...I walk casually to Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber and lift it.

"Hey. Posh fairy." I get her attention.

She floats closer to me slowly, grinning maliciously. "Yee~s?"

I toss the Bawmber at her.

It strikes the wind shield.

Boom!

Pi~chun!

It spins in the air, and strikes the floor.

Bam!

After a single bounce, it rests there.

...I pocket Flame Salvo. "See the power of fuckin' explosions?"

Fluffy days…

I begin picking all my crap up, and stashing it.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Looking around the skyscape, I get to properly observe the land…

It's really quite pretty. Fucking cold, but pretty.

Upon 'clouds' rest rather serene islands of stone, patches of grass, and numerous flowers. Fancy ass buildings sit upon these islands, and they're all connected quite conveniently by equally fancy-looking stone bridges. There seems to be a 'town plaza' of some kind, too, in the center, fountain and everything.

From here, I can see the bounds of Gensokyo's skies. Guess what's there?... A whole fuckton of nothing, that's what! The endless blue is still kinda nice, though. It's a freakin' far cry from the overcast down under.

Now if someone asks me 'how's the weather up there' I can go 'eternally sunny as hell'.

All the buildings are sorta blue-ish, purple-ish. Made with bricks and stuff, but a few more official-looking buildings are made of some kinda fancy white and yellow stone color scheme.

...Strange, strange people in funny hats and super frilly dresses move about the place. Yes, even the men. Feathers and fruit galore!

Fruit. By fruit, I mean peaches. There's some trees up here… and they're all peach trees. Heaven's not known for variety in agriculture, apparently…

Freakin' ironic, since the human village is essentially farmville.

I'm given funny looks by the citizens of Heaven. Some look at me with some blend between pity and disgust.

"Oh, I see…" A man adjusts his monocle. "You're an… ahem, mortal, yes?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm freakin' fleshy."

He nods. "Yes… I can see from your... tasteless apparel."

Oh god, it's sneakerhead heaven. Someone, please toss me off the edge.

A woman walks up to him. "Should we contact the eldest daughter to handle this outsider, dear?"

He shakes his head. "Maybe it would be best if the eldest daughter were left in the unknown…"

A tubbier man walks up. "I say it would be within our best interest to contact the eldest daughter!"

...The blue-clad, monocle'd stiff turns to him. "Do you ever cease to be an amazing waste of space, Pluto?"

Pluto. Fun name.

Pluto, the green-clad frilly motherfucker, jerks his head back. "What!? But the eldest daughter must know! It is her duty!"

He'd be that guy who talks in all caps in forums, I'm sure of it.

The posh man sighs. "Oh, fine, then. Tell her, for all I care. I don't, by the way."

What a twat.

The woman fans herself with a fancy-ass decorated fan, with transparent bits and decor of roses and everything. "Valdvir, dear, give it a rest. I'm about to miss my five o'clock beautyrest because of you. We really must hurry back."

Valdvir, who I am tempted to call Voldemort, sighs. "Very well, dear. Let us go back, and leave these fools to fight with sticks and stones."

Nice guy.

The two fancy people leave me to my devices.

The tubby chump runs off, leaving me alone. He's probably getting this 'eldest daughter'. I'm not- oh, wait.

O~h. He's getting Tenshi. Daa~h, let's not yet. I still wanna plunder crap…!

I see a church. Why wouldn't heaven have a church?

I move up to enter it, swinging the double doors open…

Inside has some generic crosses on the walls, and the place is empty. Some posh dude in a yellow suit stands at the top, polishing a pair of glasses.

He glances up at me, and pauses for a moment… then goes back to his glasses.

Walking up the lane, I look at the purple benches…

What.

Oh, no. No, no, no!

I see see fluffles milling about on the flooring under them!

They're up here too!?

Sweet Jesus fuck. We're dead, yo. Gone. Game over. They've fuckin' infested heaven. Oh, shit. I'm gonna be seeing these assholes when I go to hell, too, probably!

I sit down at one of the benches. A fluffle scurries up to my leg, and I wiggle my foot at it to ward it off.

It sinks its little shell nose into my moccasin, instead…

Alright, yo. I'm gonna need a breather before I go on… freakin' take it all in.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 29

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed.

INVENTORY:

Holy Hanger- Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat. Has a very situational instant-death dealing condition that, let's be honest, I probably couldn't fulfil; it's just there for world building. Help no.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives that I mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Because I forgot to list that I grabbed these a few chapters ago! Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out...

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

well HERE WE ARE, HEAVEN.

the next freakin' chapter batch will likely be in multiple months, as usual. l :3

...who knows though, i'm on spring break, but you didn't hear it from me. i never said anything, yo.

i should get SOME accelerated work done in between relaxing, then, at least.

we're about to meet some fluffy faces, yo

getting up here at all is one of my FIRST MILESTONES, YO

btw there're probably upgrades to be had here, as well

also fluffles in heaven AHHHH~ AHHHHHH~...

as always, see you all next time!