(in which we have a snow day)

I get up from the kotatsu.

"Where're you goin'?" Marisa asks me.

"To fix myself up some tea, friend." I tell her. No one's gonna fix it for me, it seems!

Marisa grinned awkwardly. "She was probably just joking, ya know…"

I shrug. I shall make my own tea anyway!

Entering the kitchen room, I see Reimu shivering as she stands near a teapot, watching it slowly burn over what I only can suppose is some kind of tea-burning flame thing. I've never brewed tea before, actually!

"Hello, friend." I greet her. "I have come to brew tea."

She stares at me. "Sure you have. Tea bags are in the counter under the sink."

Define sink, please. I walk up to the sink, and crouch repeatedly.

"...What the hell are you doing?"

I grin. "Nothing, nothing…" Just teabagging the sink, yo. That's how it works, right? I just realized 'brewing tea' could be turned into a much more raunchy term. Unfortunately, I don't think the online gaming community has such a comment in mind, otherwise I'd've seen it already. A pity, truly.

I take out some tea bags, but I put 'em back. "Screw that, yo, screw that. Where's the water?"

Reimu narrows her eyes at me. "How do you plan to brew tea without the tea part?"

"Very carefully." I grin at her.

"...Water's also under the sink. Jugs in the big cabinet."

Jugs. Jugs'a water. Takes me back to simpler times, back when we freakin' stored water in uncooled jugs in wooden cupboards.

Yes, lack of technology still surprises me. I grew up in a world where all you had to do was lift a faucet to get endless water at a small fee!

Lifting the metal jug from under the counter, I near the table…

"Spare teapot?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Wait until I'm done here, at least. Perhaps gather your ingredients, or something. Whatever you're making, it's not tea, though."

I turn to her. "...What is it, then? I'm usin' a teapot, eventually!"

Reimu stares at me, her expression dry.

I stare back.

"The abyss stares back, friend." I comment.

"It's too cold for this." Reimu mutters, rubbing her hands together. "How are you so warm?"

Denim suspenders combined with undershirt. It's pretty comfy, actually, when the suspender straps don't fall down all the time, that is. Can't have a wardrobe without those little nuances that drive you off the walls insane!

"Clothes." I tell her. "Also, lack of exposed armpits."

Reimu pauses, glaring at me.

"...For serial, friend. Like, how often do you catch colds in that? One time I caught a cold- or sped up one I was catching- because my shirt under my coat was up slightly too high. I mean-"

"Shut up." Reimu silences me.

Well. Pain.

"...Don't talk to me about catching colds when you have that… hanger that makes you damp all the time. How you survived with that thing this late in the fall, I'll never know."

Okay, good, I didn't completely piss her off!

"I tend to not leave flesh exposed." I add. "Both because yeah, cold, and I am not a rockin' anime babe like the majority of the notable cast here in Gensokyo."

Reimu raises a brow at my comment, but doesn't think on it. Finishing the tea, she walks off with the teapot. This leaves me without a teapot!

Nooo~!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I re-enter the main room. Reimu had somehow already slipped under the kotatsu on me. Freakin', yo.

Marisa and Reimu were drinking tea of some description.

...I sit down slowly.

"I thought you were gonna make yer own tea." Marisa questions.

"There is only one teapot, friend." I explain.

She nods. "Oh."

Reimu sips her tea. "I didn't want you wasting water, anyway."

Son. "I can just make more water. Water is my most renewable resource!"

She raises a brow. "Why did you ask me for some, then?"

Oof. "...It slipped my mind a few moments ago."

She shakes her head. "Tsk. Such carelessness, and you considered yourself my rival at one point?"

Daah… "Mostly because the context fit. Honestly, I dunno how I could keep up with you without flying ever. I mean, I can now, but I have other stuff and things to do." Priorities!

"Mmm." Reimu just nods.

Marisa grinned. "You'd have to butt heads with me, too, ze! How good'a magician're ya?"

I stand up.

Reimu sighed. "Marisa, why?"

I crack my knuckles.

Marisa held her hands together. "Show me some magic!"

"Oh, I'll show ya some magic, yo!" I grinned. What spells do I know…?

I channel mana to my hand, and hold it in the air. "Behold, friends…!"

Throwing my hand forward, I summon forth…!

A crusty pillow.

It lands softly on the kotatsu. It's cuddly, dude.

Reimu blinks, and pokes it. "...Yuck. Why-" Her face curls in disgust, and she suddenly retreats from the kotatsu. "W-what the hell!?"

Marisa grins at her reaction. "What're you all worked up about R-..." She catches a passing smell of the pillow. "...The fuck?"

Marisa slowly stands up and backs away from the kotatsu.

I grin brightly, but inside I'm a mix of 'I hope this goes well' and 'please don't inflict war on me'.

Reimu frowned from across the room. "Why. Why even."

"Well, that's some magic… I'll give it that." Marisa adds with a lopsided grin. "That's a new one for the books. I don't even know how you'd replicate that. Good job."

"Don't encourage him." Reimu added. "Gensokyo doesn't need this. This is an incident in and of itself. Where did you…"

"I was taught by a succubus." I tell her. "It's a very strategic sort of spell."

"Definitely." Reimu agreed. "You know what would be more strategic? Never using it in my shrine again, least my gohei become one with your bones."

Ahah… "I'll remember that, friend."

"I never saw Koakuma use this." Marisa tilted her head. "She taught you, right?"

I nod. "It's apparently archaic yet lame introductory succubus magic, or something. Males aren't supposed to use it. It's like, worthless, so you'll never see it get used, but y'know, it is now part of my spell repertoire!"

"That's not something to be proud of." Reimu jabs.

Marisa grins at that. "Everyone's gotta start somewhere, Reimu."

"Not like that, and not in my shrine." Reimu glares at me. "If it wasn't snowing, you would be at the bottom of the staircase by now."

I nod. "Yeah, yeah, yo. I know. That's why I'm doing it."

"Could you… get rid of it?" Reimu asks after a few quiet moments. "It's cold, and I'd like the kotatsu to not smell like… bad."

I nod. "Yeah, I'll do that."

I approach the rank ass pillow, and lift it with two fingers delicately, and I walk towards one of the shrine doors.

"Biohazard coming through!" I exclaim. "Disposing of nuclear waste!"

Opening the shrine door, I see a friendly face!

"I've found you, human!" Yasumi the violent yuki-onna has found me! "Now die!"

I toss the crusty pillow at her.

Poof.

"Uck- ack!" She begins coughing, and throws it off her face. "W-what… D-disgusting…"

I slide the shrine door shut as she mutters something unintelligible. Something like 'I think I'm gonna be sick'.

Reimu and Marisa were back at the kotatsu, a small yin-yang orb spinning on the table, creating a tiny wind storm, presumably to freshen up the air.

"Someone you know?" Reimu inquired.

I shrug. "Kinda. Wanted to enslave me for a generic sapphire, so I used fire on her and now she's sad. And mad."

Marisa nodded. "Yuki-onna?"

I nod. "Yuki-onna."

"Weird. Usually they're all aloof and stuff. You must be her worst enemy!" Marisa looks down at her tea. The pillow didn't land on it, but she looked uninterested in it anyway.

Reimu notices Marisa's disinterest, and shares it, grimacing at her tea, before looking to the pot itself hopefully, as it was covered up. "Mmm. That's kinda a problem. If she comes in here, she's getting sealed. It's cold enough as it is."

The shrine door slides open. "Vile human male!" Yasumi points at me, her arm encased in a large ice chunk with spikes at the hand part. "I've come to reclaim my pride, and your life!"

I shake my head. "This is a safety zone, friend."

Yasumi glares at me. "W-what? Die!"

"Cautionary Barrier!"

A barrier forms in front of me, Yasumi's ice arm striking it.

"Stupid…!" She keeps attacking the barrier. "Die! Die! Die!"

Whack!

Reimu teleported behind her and whacked her upside the head.

"U-ugh…"

She turns-

Bam! Bam!

Two yin-yang orbs struck her head at opposing sides, causing the yuki-onna to stumble a bit.

"H-holy…"

I step out of the way of the action, because eheh...

Reimu teleported behind her barrier, and dropped to a slide, dispelling it. She then slid up to the yuki-onna and kicked her in the torso, flying up and over her as she did so.

"Guua~h!"

Thud.

The yuki-onna fell over on the shrine floor, her ice arm rapidly melting…

"W-what…"

Reimu stepped up to her. "No fighting in the shrine. Idiot."

She went back to the kotatsu, and sat down.

Marisa whistled. "That had to be, like, twelve seconds."

"Mmm…" Reimu lifts her cold tea cup of debatable germination. She gets up, and moves towards the yuki-onna…

"Have some tea." She pours the cold tea on the yuki-onna's face, then moves back towards the kotatsu.

"A-ah!" Yasumi sits up rapidly, flailing her arms. "No!"

...Reimu grants her a curious glance before moving back to the teapot, pouring herself more warm tea. She takes a sip. "There we go…"

Yasumi looks at me again. "You…"

I wave at her. "Hi."

"Shut up." Yasumi grunts. "You… you defied me."

"...I did." I nod slowly.

"You injured me."

"That I did, yo." I nod faster.

"You swindled me!" Yasumi yelled.

I tilt my head. "Tha~t one I'm not so sure 'bout…"

"You burned me alive!" She clutched herself.

"I did, I did, yo! Yo~!" I nod faster, now jerking my torso up and down as I did so overenthusiastically.

"What's wrong with you?" Reimu incredulously comments on my enthusiasm, grinning slightly.

"Everything." The obvious answer, yo.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Yeah, it's still snowing. Pain.

"Snow is fluffy." I repeat.

Reimu shakes her head as she lies on the floor, bored. "Yes. I know already…"

"You a broken record or somethin'?" Marisa stares at me dryly.

"Mmrph…" Yasumi mutters, head lying on the kotatsu top.

I do gotta say, though, them winter winds sound relaxing.

"Snow is fluffy." I repeat.

"Uu~gh…" Reimu groans.

"Can I kill him now?" Yasumi asks.

"Later." Reimu tells her.

"Why~..."

Alright, time to get this show on the road. "I shall be off, I think!"

Reimu yawned. "Good… I wanna nap."

Marisa got up, too. "I think I'll be off, too, ze. Thanks for the tea, Reimu."

"Mmm." Reimu gave her hum of acknowledgement.

I open the shrine door and snow.

"He-"

Oof!

It slid inside and onto me! Help, friends!

I flail my limbs until I get out of the snow, then I scramble about on the floor for a bit, getting my bearings.

"H-holy…" I have gone from uncomfortably warm to nearly frozen in a few moments. Freakin'...

Marisa snickered. "Well, that was pretty, uh…"

Reimu sat up. "...Oh."

In a moment, she bolted up and navigated towards the door. "How high is the snow?"

Marisa blinked. "Uhh… high."

Giving her a dry glance, Reimu moved towards the snow. "...There's no way to tell from here."

I stand up. "Oh, I'll tell you a way to tell!"

Brandishing Flame Salvo, I aim it at the snow. "Stand out of the way, Reimu! I'm gonna drill into it with raw rage!"

...She slowly meanders out of the way, and Marisa stands back a bit.

Fwoo~m!

The stream of flames goes into the snow a bit, and more falls on it. Thus, I just keep pouring mana into the flames, constantly melting the snow. A puddle quickly spreads under my shoes…

Reimu sighs. "That water's going to stain…"

That's what you're worried about!?

After a few minutes that exhausted my mana pool, not much happened.

"...Psuedo-mage needs mana badly." I add.

Marisa pushes me aside, and aims out the door. "Love Sign…"

Oh, yeah. That works, too.

"Master Spaa~rk!"

It's a huge fuckin' anime laser of doom! Whaddaya want from me!?

Vrrrr~!

It shoots into the snow and continues for a good minute, I'd say. Freakin' loud.

-rrrr…

Once it ends, there's a clear ravine in the snow. I step up around the side of the door and examine it…

"Wow." I observe extravagantly.

Marisa pats me on the back. "Nothing personal. You just suck, ze."

Son. You're not wrong, but… yo.

Reimu floats outside and up into the air. After a few moments, she comes back down into the ravine with us.

"Most of the shrine is buried, but the snow's stopped." She explained. "...Things'll be fine once it all thaws. I think."

You think. Well.

...Also, it's cold! Very cold, infact!

I retreat back inside the shrine!

Reimu's the one to shut the door once we get inside. Well, by we I mean Reimu and I, because Marisa split, apparently. Probably freakin' used to the snow, or somethin'.

The door opens again, and Yasumi walks back in. "...You irk me." She points at me.

"I'm an irker." I agree.

Reimu points at me. "You. It's too cold."

It is! I nod in agreeance…

"Do something about it."

Please, no. I shake my head…

"If you don't do anything, I'll let that yuki-onna eat you."

I could probably beat her up with my new holy magic, whatever it is. I know one part was the flashlight, but I dunno what else.

As such, I shrug!

"...If you don't do anything, I'll eat you." Reimu threatened.

I waltz towards her casually. "Is this how you get things done, yo? Shakin' sticks at people?"

"When it's this cold, yes." She nods. "...Look, you do something, and I keep that yuki-onna off your back. Deal?"

Now we're talkin', yo. "Sure."

"Alright. If it starts snowing again, I will personally go with the yuki-onna to beat you up."

Wot. "How am I supposed ta stop it from snowin'!?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's an incident, but I guess I'll find out later, if it is. Otherwise, just… go. Do things. Fix the problem." To accent her point, she waves her arm at me to shoo me.

Reimu, honey, there's some impossible shit I can do… but stopping the weather cycles ain't one of 'em!

"But-"

"Go. Repair the world." Reimu shoos me. "Or something. You'll be hailed as a hero, or whatever."

"Alright, alright, fine. I'll, uh, do things." I guess! I doubt Reimu's gonna even bother finding me herself. If that yuki-onna ever shows up again, though, she's gonna catch a beatin'!

I could use this as an excuse to go play video games at Sanae's shrine place. Only issue: cold as balls, and she's on a mountain. Combine the two, and you've got 'everyone's dead in the northeast' kind of weather. Suitable for youkai and Sanae's presumed heating systems, yes, but for my freakin' suspenders, no.

...Y'know, I wonder how Yuuka deals with- I'm getting off topic here!

Leaving the shrine, I enter the blasted snow lands outside the Hakurei Shrine's doors.

"J-jeez…" I say to myself. You ever have that 'invisible audience' sort of feeling? I hear it's common among teenagers. I mean, in this case it's justified because, uh… hello friends.

As I bring out my Flail-o-copter, a gap opens next to me!

I shake my head. "Yukari, friend, it's too cold for this. It's too cold!"

She shakes her head at me. "There's a fine, fine line between four walls and no walls." She tells me. "You are sitting right on no walls."

"No waals…" I stare into the snow gingerly. No waals…

Waal.

Waa~l street…

Waa-

Whap!

I recoil slightly from Yukari's fan smack. The cold does fun things, such as numbing your everythings!

"...Don't think stupid things, either." She tells me.

Can she see my mind…!?

She didn't react. Is that a no, or is she pretending…? I'm confused.

She vanishes into her gap. Well, good riddance to that, then.

I spin up my flail-o-copter, and depart for the mansion, because where the hell else would I be going? The temple? Maybe, actually… but I'm already inbound for the manor, so~...

Oh, yeah, there's Meiling, too. Gotta deal with her shieut, unless she's relenting for snow related reasons. Patchouli might know somethin' 'bout the weather.

Blue lights whirl across the cloudy sky. S'that a fuckin' UFO!? Dude!

That wasn't no cotton-pickin' danmaku, son! That had to have been a craft of some kind. Shieut...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I'd'ave touched down on the path near the manor, except it is now all snow. The only part that's not covered is Meiling's post… so I land there-ish.

I land on the snow next to it. The snow's about half as high as the walls…

Woah!

"Hello, friend." I greet Meiling, who I slid in next to.

She sighed, clad in mittens, a coat, and a scarf. "You would be out here…"

I hear sliding, and someone slides into my back, pushing me closer to Meiling.

"Hi, Brad-kun!"

Ha-chan? Where the frik…

I turn to her. "Where'd you come from?"

She smiles. "Home."

Oh god, I'm rubbing off on her! In a figurative way, mind you!

"...Tenshi and that fluffy cloth person went looking for you, too. They got lost in the snow, though, so I dunno where they went!"

Oh, boy.

Meiling snorted. "...I assume that water spiral I saw was you?"

I nod. "Yo. Gettin' some rep already!"

Meiling stares at me. "...Right. I shouldn't be letting you in… but you technically have an employee escorting you, so~..." Meiling leans closer to my ear and whispers. "If anyone asks, Hana opened the gate for you and let you in while I was shoveling snow."

I blink. "Shoveling snow?"

...Meiling breaks away from us and moves towards the snow wall.

"Three Lights! Colorful Ultimate Mountain Breaker!"

Her arms glow green, and she punches the snow.

BAM

A huge, translucent aura of green expands where Meiling punches, the snow getting obliteraetd.

She punches with her right arm, this time.

BAM

More snow is gone.

She spins and does a thrusting sorta kick.

BOOM

A triangle was drilled into the snow, and another huge boulder of snow was launched away. Overall, she cleared like, fifty feet.

"...I wish I could just punch all the snow until it stopped existing." I comment. "That would make life a lot easier."

Meiling turned to me, grinning. "Snow shoveling."

Right. Snow shoveling. With your bare damn fists.

Ha-chan claps. "Wo~w!"

Meiling turns around, and pushes the gate open.

"...I didn't actually lock it, yet. I just got out here." She told us. "Go in before anyone sees us."

Ha-chan and I do as instructed, following the thin path leading to the manor, which was mostly properly constructed now. The clock tower was still in progress, but everything else seemed kinda done!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Inside, fairy maids were fluttering around, not-so-busy as they were previously when reconstructions were happening.

Ha-chan looked around, and moved to mingle with some friends of hers, it seemed. Seven and some other bum…

You know what just occurred to me? This place needs some tubby cats that like, waddle. And jazz. That'd be perfect.

I should go find that library!

I pass some fairy maids down the now-busy hallway towards what I thought was the library…

"Did you hear? Marble-chan got assigned on snow cleaning duty!"

"Wow! She's such a loser, now!"

All the cruelty of a high school hallway! This stuff even exists in Gensokyo, people! Maybe mass-social settings just breed dicks...

A third fairy maid ran up to them, frazzled. "Guys! My legs disappeared!"

I turned, and her legs… were still there. She was gesturing to them rapidly, flustered.

"L-like, my legs disappeared! What do I do now!?"

The two who were talking previously just stared at her dryly.

Never a dull moment, yo.

I eventually found the dining room instead. There was one fairy eating a single waffle at the table. Well, more like staring at it.

Walking up to her, she didn't notice me approach.

I poke the waffle. It's cold. Oh no.

She also still didn't notice me.

I take the waffle and flee the dining room.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I approach Patchy's desk!

She looks up from her book. "There you are. I'd ask you to melt the snow outside, but knowing you, you'd burn the mansion down. Again."

Hyonk.

"...Why did you come here, anyway?" She stares back at her book. "You surely don't have anything to do here."

I don't have anything to do, period, but that's beside the point… "Do you know what's causin' the snow, yo?"

She pauses. "...Weather."

Friend, please.

"It is called a 'season'. Temperatures change." Patchouli further talks down to me.

I guess that's a no, then…

"...In that case, I wish to learn more magics!"

"Then I shall teach you a prestigious spell…" Patchouli begins.

Wait, legit?

"It is called 'using the exit'. It was an amazingly useful spell used in the fifteenth century by fools to leave those who had actual work to be doing alone. All you have to do is find a door, and use it."

Well, someone's salty today! I grin and fold my arms. "Let me guess, yo, you want another favor or somethin'?"

"I would if I had a favor to ask." She tells me. "I do not at this moment, so you get no magic."

Daw.

"You'd have better luck asking that rat. You and her are very alike, except you know even less than her."

The insults keep rolling!

A light on Patchouli's desk blinks on. "Oh. Speaking of…"

She stands up, and sighs.

The doors fly open, and Marisa flies up above the shelves.

"Pa~tchy!"

"There we are." Patchouli folds her arms. "Distract her for me."

Easier said than done…

I walk up to Patchouli and hand her the cold waffle. "Here."

"W-what…?" She examines it, and drops it on the floor. "No."

Friend, no.

Marisa lands next to us. "Heya, Patchy! I got a super important question for ya!"

"Spit it out, then." Patchouli demands.

Marisa blinks. "Uh, right, do ya know what's goin' on with the weather…?"

She sighs. "...This is going to be a trend, isn't it?"

Looks like it!

"Marisa. It is called precipitation." Patchouli slowly brings up her hands for gesticulation. "When it gets cold, instead of raining… it snows."

Marisa pouts. "I'm not that dumb, Patchy… I think there might be an incident going on."

Patchouli snorts. "Heavens forbid Gensokyo have a tornado, then, or Reimu might just start a nuclear war."

Marisa chuckles.

"...I am very busy right now. Between blanket snow removal spells, large-scale anti-fire spells, and other endeavors, I have very much to do at the moment." Patchouli explained. "The two of you may leave… or, at the very least, stay here without disturbing me."

Marisa grinned. "Or wha~t?"

Patchouli glared at her. "Or I will be upset. Very upset."

...Marisa's grin faltered. "Oh." She probably wanted a duel, or something, and instead got angry faces.

I turned to her. "I am seeking spell help, tips, tricks, cheats and codes, freakin' Game Genies! Guides! All at IGN!"

She steps back from me a bit, and I step towards her. "Marisa Kirisame's Birthday Blowout got two out of ten on IGN, friend. Not enough nuggets…"

"The hell're you goin' on about…?" She narrows her eyes. "I heard my name in there somewhere. You makin' fun of me?"

I nod. "Yes."

She glares at me. "Buddy, I could kick your ass."

I nod. "Yes."

"You wanna try me?" She draws her mini-hakkero, and Patchouli grimaces.

I nod. "Ye- no. No, actually. Why're you so aggressive, yo!?"

She frowns. "Because. Yer bein' annoying."

Tsk, tsk, tsk… "Friend, I must show you the ways of being annoying." She does not know true irritation until she takes some pointers from me!

"No thanks, ze. I got an incident to solve, y'know." She props her arms at her hips. "You can be annoying on your own."

I frown myself. "Daa~w, c'mon, now. I'm sure the freakin' stagnant snow can wait."

She glared at me. "Dude, Reimu's probably halfway done with this already!"

I shake my head. "No she ain't, yo."

"How do you know?" She scowls at me.

"She told me to solve it myself. If I didn't, she would go do it and kick my ass for not doing it. I don't think she'll make good on the last part, but y'know, if she sent me, odds are it's not actually imperative that things be done at this moment."

I don't think she even, like, meant to send me, either. Probably was just an afterthought to get me out of the shrine so she could sleep. We both know I'm not getting anything done.

Marisa nods. "...I guess if Reimu's bein' like that, I could kill some time, then."

Patchouli contributes, "Please, do follow him. I know that if you don't, you will come back here, and I will be angry. Do not make me angry, Marisa."

She salutes. "Aye, Patchy!"

I begin to move out of the library, Marisa loosely following me as I did so…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"...What do you do in your spare time, anyway?"

Marisa makes idle conversation with me as I navigate back to the cafeteria.

"Hunt for magic, hunt for power-boosting things… annoy people." I summarize. "That's, uh, about everything."

She nods. "...You don't do much, do you?"

Wait…

I point at her. "You. Tell me what you do in your spare time."

She darts her head to look at me, a little surprised by such a question. "Well… I, uh, hang out with Reimu. Sometimes solve incidents… work on spells, hunt for magic mushrooms. Stuff."

"Do you hunt for magic?" I ask.

"Well, yeah." She agrees. "Obviously."

"Do you hunt for power-boosting things?" These are some suspicious similarities, du~de…!

"...I'm not- well, I guess I'm a little power hungry. Can you blame me?" She stares at me as if I'd accuse her of being a tyrant, or something.

"Do you annoy people?" The final question…!

She smiles, shaking her head. "No way, ze!"

I stare at her.

Scratching her cheek, she relents. "...Yeah, I do, but, like… it's all in good fun, y'know? I got kicked outta here a few times, but they always let me back in!"

"Find your way back in." I correct.

She puts a hand up defensively. "Hey, hey. I'm not stabbed down on the spot when I enter."

That's true, I suppose.

"Compare your answers to mine." I argue.

We enter the dining room. That one fairy is gone, but there's a new waffle there. This place is weird…

"...What were your answers, again?" Marisa grins.

Freakin'... "I hunt for magic, power boosters, and I annoy people in good jest."

"What're you sayin'...?" Marisa begins reaching for her mini-hakkero, for some reason.

Friend, no! "I'm sayin' we should be friends, yo!"

Man, asking for friendship is just awkward. That's totally not my style, but being obvious seems like the only way to get her out of her paranoia.

She blinks. "W-what…?"

"If we join forces, at least partially, the land shall know no end to the tomfoolery!" I tell her. "It is clearly the only choosable option."

She seems to have been expecting a more passive-aggressive sort of approach, and is now thrown off her game. "...I-I'll have to think about it."

Indecisive twat!

"...Well, I'm bored." Marisa folds her arms. "I doubt you do anything interesting, either…"

...She's not wrong! "Well, look, yo. We're here to investigate this mysterious waffle."

We end up stopping next to it, and I poke it. It's still warm…

"Hug it." I instruct Marisa.

She stares at me like I'm an idiot. Hehehe~!

The orange-haired maid returns! She steps towards the dining table slowly, and sits down, staring at the single waffle again.

I wave my hand infront of her face. Nothin'.

"Hey, uh, you try waking her up." I instruct Marisa.

Stepping up to the plate, Marisa winds her leg back, and gives the chair a good kick.

Bam!

"Aaa~h!" The fairy maid wailed, flying into the air. "Not the snow! Anything but the sno~w!"

"Hands up and put your freeze in the air!" Yes, put your freeze in the air! I did not typo! The sentence sounds the same, anyway…

"Noo~!" She flies down to me and grabs me by the collar.

Woah!

"...They. Got. Me." She exclaims.

Oh, no.

"...Aaau~!" She lets go of me and stumbles back, bumping into Marisa, and falls onto the floor.

"You, uh, gonna eat that?" I point towards the plate.

The maid looks up from the floor, and notices the direction I point. "...No. I mean yes. No…" Her face lowers to the carpeted floor again, and she mumbles into it. "I don't know…"

I get up from the floor lazily, as Marisa grins at me.

"...What just happened?" She asks.

"We just got our first clue to solving the incident, son." I announce.

She jerks her head back. "W-what!? Really…?"

"No." I add quietly, shaking my head. "We… we don't."

She shakes her head. "Why…"

"Reasons." I tell her, approaching the kitchen.

Silently, we proceed to the kitchen.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sakuya was here!

"No, no! The left! Go to the left and pull the purple lever!" Sakuya waved two batons around like a flight conductor, outfit slightly disheveled from flailing her arms around.

Also, what even happened here!?

There were two large conveyor belts at the top of one of the walls, which had cartons upon carts, slowly dropping some sort of yellow batter into large containers. Komi, Koi, and Namori seemed to be running around among the three lower catwalks, pulling levers to advance batter to lower levels of containers. The top containers just held stuff, the middle ones cooked it, and the bottom ones put them in little gift boxes.

It was a cake factory! Except, there were six catwalks, and while there seemed to be seven fairies-

Pi~chun!

Six fairies, sorry; most were playing on the weird elevators that moved up and down. It was literally just platforms that went up and down. They retracted at the bottom, where there were spikes for some indiscernible reason. There were spikes at the top, too.

That seems a little-

Pi~chun!

...counterintuitive.

"N-no…!" Sakuya sighed loudly. "Why would you sit on it until it lowered all the way…?"

"They were curious, friend." I add, strutting towards her casually.

She turned towards me, surprised. "Where'd you come from?"

"A tiny place." I tell her.

She turns to the fairies. "Look- I'm a little busy right now. If you came to steal silverware with that mouse again, go ahead. This-"

Pi~chun!

"Egh…" Sakuya flinched at the noise, staring at the three remaining fairies who were desperately pulling levers to try and push the batter along to the lower conveyors. At the bottom, there were two conveyor belts that transported the cake-bread-things in boxes to some landings aside the conveyors. From there, some fairy maids with delivery uniforms picked them up and put them on tea carts.

This made me really nostalgic for some reason...

"Don't all die at once!" Sakuya shouted. "...P-please…?"

It was just the three stooges left.

Marisa nodded slowly… "We're uh, not here for anything like that. Honest."

Namori stayed near one lever the whole time, Koi dashed back and forth across the top four rows and sometimes got stuck on the elevator platforms, and Komi was the only one managing the bottom left lever, sometimes venturing to the other two above her.

"...Wow." I add. "This is legendarily inefficient. Like, even worse than me."

"Quiet." Sakuya glances towards me. "Koi! Stick to the top two!"

"No!" Koi shouts back. "I don't even wanna do this! Screw your levers!"

Sakuya frowns and tosses knives up at Koi, who rolls out of the way. One of them hits a container, leaving a slight crack as it bounced off.

"Stupid…" Sakuya looks to Namori, who had apparently wandered off from her lever and just sat in a ball a few feet away. The container was full of boxed pastries.

"Namori!" Sakuya yells. "Namo~ri!"

Namori looks up at her like a deer in the headlights. Koi runs to the lever overhead, and pulls it.

"Hit the lever!" Sakuya shouts.

Namori looks around, confused and frightened.

"Hit it!"

The large baked pastry falls onto the full container, and crumbles on the top packages, which all got crushed immediately.

Little red klaxon lights went off, and sirens sounded!

"No, no, no! This took so lo~ng…!" Sakuya grabbed her hair.

Namori finally leaped onto the lever, but it was too late. The vat thing was gonna blow…!

Kaboom!

Bam!

Boom!

Other containers began exploding from being overfilled with batter, baked pastries, or both, and soon the entire operation literally folded into itself. Like, literally. The inner hinges holding the catwalks up just broke, and the way they fell caused all the vats to slide inwards and towards the lower conveyors.

"Holy shi~t!" Koi screeches, diving off the catwalk system. Namori and Komi flew off normally while Koi landed against the floor with a loud thud.

Oo~h, now I know what I was thinking of! It was Mario's Cement Factory!

"So," I begin, "That one… was not my fault." She also could've time-stopped and flipped the lever herself, I'm pretty sure.

Sakuya turns to Marisa and me. "...I think… I'm going to go lie down." She quietly informs us.

A~nd she's gone!

The fairies approach us…

"He~y! Hello!" Koi walks up to me and spreads her arms out invitingly.

"No, friend." I put a hand out to try and stop her.

"No means yes." She walks into my hand and tries to squirm around it, but I back up to prevent any grappling attempts.

"Yes means no, and no means no. Get owned." I insert my foot into where she was walking, and she trips!

"Aa~h!"

Thud.

Marisa chuckles. "Fairy problems, ze?"

"You don't even know, yo." You don't even know…

Komi approaches me next, but in a non-predatory way! "I see you've managed to not die. You've also brought public enemy number one with you, apparently."

Have a little faith, friend…! "Yeah, yo. She's fluffy."

Komi looks closely at Marisa's mage hat. "...I think I agree."

"...What's that supposed to mean, ze?" She looks genuinely confused.

"You're huggable." I inform her. "C'mere."

I try and strut towards her casually, but after a quick kick just short of me, I reconsider. "Woah, no."

"Not happening, buddy." Marisa folds her arms, smug.

Komi nods. "A natural reaction. I'd react the same." Komi, you wanted to molestimate me like twenty chapters ago. You are in no place to talk!

I decide to investigate just what the hell was goin' on around here. "So, what was with the uh… spikes, and the elevators, and the kabooms…"

"Something about cakes. I wasn't really paying attention." Komi admits. "I forget why it was needlessly complex."

"I-it was, uhm…" Holy crap! Namori was here! I, uh, totally forgot. Like a freakin' pseudo ninja, and I know that game, yo. "Chief wanted to re-reformat some rooms and halls to be more… complex and hard to navigate, I guess."

Curious.

Marisa asks for me. "Why's that? Couldn't most people just fly over things, anyway?"

Namori looks conflicted. "W-well, yeah, but-but, uhm… she also plans for things like lasers, puzzles, and turrets…"

Puzzles! Auto-turrets!

I agree with all of the above.

Marisa grins. "Sounds like fun! Now, why's that?"

"...I-I think to stop intruders."

Marisa guffaws. "Aaa~h… Hahaha! S-stop intruders? Like me? I can just shoot through all those silly puzzles!"

I dunno. If all the hallways become Mario's Cement Factory, I'm pretty sure it'd only manage to kill all the fairy maids. Repeatedly, too, probably. It'd be a freakin' fairy killing factory.

"T-they were kinda more for things that cou- can't fly." Namori justifies.

"Like wha~t!?" Marisa giggles. "This is Gensokyo!"

...This was presumably Remilia's idea of 'better defenses', requested by popular demand. Well, they are indeed defenses, I suppose.

Actually, the absurdity of this setup reminds me…!

"I should get my new stuff appraised by the fluff stuffs!" I decide. "Come along, magic friend."

Marisa tilts her head. "Wha~? Really? This looks like fun, ze…"

I shrug. "We could always come back to chill with the fairy friks. I kinda wanna find out what my stuff does before that yuki-onna jumps me again."

Marisa snorts. "You don't even know what your stuff does?"

I shake my head. "Nope. Variety is the spice of life, friend."

"That's stupid." Marisa gladly takes swoops in to verbally assault me. "What if ya use somethin' real strong and, like, y'dunno how to use it right and blow yourself up?"

"Plant hangers." I argue.

"Oh." Marisa deflates. "...I guess you're right about that one. Still!"

Hyonk. Also… "This is why I'm getting them appraised right now, yo. So I know what they freakin' do!"

"Yeah, well… good!" Witty, Marisa. Very witty.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"hi friend"

You will be boiled alive with- wait, sorry, I actually need this one to not die…

"Hello, friend!" I greet the fluffle. "You're tubby today."

It raises its fins. I think I excited it!

Marisa stares at it. "These weird ass things. I tried to interrogate one the other day. It didn't go so well."

Go figure.

I sat the Youkai Inconveniencer down on the desk, proceeding to grab the chain of cross necklaces and put them on the counter alongside it, to prevent it from hanging off the counter. "Wazzit do, wazzit know, wazzit say…!?"

"Youkai Inconveniencer," The fluffle begins, "its holy and big"

"Just skip to the good parts." I demanded.

"holy flashlight enabled, deals holy damage on strike, can cast shine"

Shine? Is that, uh… different from just flashing really brightly?

"Shine." Marisa nods slowly. "Wo~w. It shines. Scary."

Freakin'... "Get owned, yo."

Meiling was nearby, punching snow at a more relaxed pace. All the snow in a fifty-or-so foot radius was annihilated, it seems.

I ready Youkai Inconveniencer. "Alright… Let's shine light at things!"

I focus mana into the hanger, and point it at Meiling. Do I need to point it? I don't even know what to expect!

Pouring mana in…!

…!

…!

Holy crap that's a lot of mana…

Any day n-

Fwoomp!

Like a dart from a blowpipe, a small orb of light shot out of one of the candles and flew towards Meiling.

Meiling froze. "Huh…?"

She whirled around to the ball of light, and punched it.

Fwish!

It enlarged and became… a large ball of light! Wind blew softly from it, and Meiling was engulfed for a moment. It was bright, but not as bright as the sun. Just, like, 'entirely white computer screen' bright.

The orb shrinks, and disappears. Meiling was left with her arms in a guarding position, stumbling back a bit.

"W-what was that…!?" Meiling looked around in alarm. "Holy magic…?"

Her eyes narrowed, and she looked around in a very paranoid manner. Then, she stopped, arms and reflexes prepared for anything.

I turn to Marisa, and mouth 'maybe we should go'.

She nods, grinning.

We look around a bit, then I glance at Marisa's broom.

I very silently do a half-whisper, half-mouthing motion. 'Let me on your broom.'

Marisa shakes her head, looking weirded out.

'Why?'

I shake my head exaggeratedly. 'You know why. Freakin' noob.'

'You have that thing.' She replies.

'Tha- the- the what?' I am confused!

'It spins. Flail.' She'd be shouting if we didn't decide dead-quiet was this conversation's tone.

She also means my flail-o-copter, yeah? But uh… 'That makes noise.'

She frowns. 'Seriously, no.'

Now is not the time to be a little miss antsy britches, Marisa. 'Bloody- come on…'

'No.'

Freakin' picky-ass human magician!

"im extra sized" The fluffle breaks the ice.

"Hyaa~h!"

Bam!

Holy shit!

"Aaa~h!" Marisa yelled, flailing her arms and falling off her broom. My arms curled up to my torso reflexively.

We looked towards the fluffle stand, which was now just splinters of wood embedded in the wall of snow at the far end of the manor's wallside.

The fluffle was nowhere to speak of. He will be missed…

Meiling looked around. "...Nothing."

I grin nervously. "Is… is combat mode over?"

"Yeah. You wouldn't happen to know what caused that spell just then, would you?" The question is presented a little accusingly…

"...Why uh, would that be?" I ask.

"Do you know?" Meiling's attention is fully on me, now. "Seriously."

"Technically…" Oh, boy- Aae!

I'm grappled by my shirt. "Where are the others, and how many?"

Oi, oi! "Who!? Hold on- oof!" Meiling tosses me, like, five feet away.

The thin layer of snow left on the floor is co~ld! Cushy, but co~ld!

"You said you knew. Where are they positioned?" Meiling walks up to me.

"The spell- it was from my damn hanger!" I lift it up. "Here, you channel some mana into it. Point it at something, too!"

She looks at the flail-hanger, and I toss it to her. She grabs it, raising a brow, and points it at Marisa.

Fwish!

Marisa tries to duck and cover, but the orb just expands immediately from her position, and she's sent flying. "Waa~h!"

Thud.

Meiling sighs, tossing the hanger back to me. "That's… some coincidence."

I assume holy magic and her have a bad history.

Clumsily catching the hanger and standing back up, I pat the snow from my bum…

Marisa did the same, basically, but she had to pat the snow from her everythings because that spell threw her around like a ragdoll.

She seethed quietly, grimacing at the cold sensation. Or the limbs-crushed-against-floor-for-a-moment sensation. I think that's called impact!

In any case, "We should still get out of here."

Marisa snorts. "Why's that? Meiling freak ya out?"

I shake my head. "Alright, yo, what're we gonna do here at the mansion that's so gutsy, then?"

Marisa furrows her brows. "...Bother Patchy?"

"She said she is to not be molested during her research!" I argue.

"And?" She grins. "What if we did it… stealthily?"

I pause. "...The hell do you know about stealth? All your spells are literally mana bombs and giant stars."

"All yours are… I don't even know. Wimpy elemental wannabe spells." She countered.

I nod. "Yeah, that sounds about right. But yo, some of it is vaguely utilitarian, and that's what counts at the lower level of Gensokyian living!"

Meiling looked over at us. "If you two wanna get in just to bother Patchouli, you're going to actually have to go through me, you know."

Ahah…

Marisa grinned. "Oh, yeah? You wanna go, China?"

One of Meiling's eyebrows twitched, but she smirked. "Are you sure you want to fight me in the dead of a cold day?"

Marisa nods. "Yes."

"But your joints are all stiff and frozen!" Meiling argues."You're not in shape!"

"I don't hafta be in shape!" Marisa counters, "When did mages need ta be in shape?"

"Since they rode brooms at breakneck speeds. Also, wind chill."

Marisa sighed. "Aah, yeah, that's right. Screw winter. Next time I come back, it'll be with a big fluffy scarf. Just you wait, China."

"Yeah, yeah. Scram." Meiling waved her hand dismissively at Marisa.

Marisa's broom raises, and she begins floating off.

"Hold on, yo!" I call out to her. "Take-a-me with you! I don't wanna swim in the snow!" Snow bad for Brad!

"No!" Marisa shouts back, continuing to float away. Hastily, I dig through my sack, and take out the Flail-o-copter, and throw it towards the back of the broom. The panties and rope bits get tangled up on the back bristles of her broom, arcing it downward.

"H-hey!" She kicks at the rope and things, but it accomplishes little. "We won't be flying for long like this…!"

The broom wobbles in the air, and we slowly lower towards the snow. Even so, Marisa begins speeding up. "Get off!"

I can't! "The thing's tangled! Slow down, Marisa!"

"No! Untangle it! I'm not slowing down!"

Stubborn freakin'...!

Eventually, we lower to the point I begin climbing up the rope to avoid imminent pain, which completely throws off Marisa's steering, forcing the broom to aim straight up.

"Aaa~h!"

She slides backwards off it, grabbing onto the upper portion of the rope and- Agh!

"Mind the head!" Freakin' booted me, nearly! Basically, anyway.

"You moron!" She berates me.

Our combined weight causes the panties and stuff to simply rip the bristles from the bottom of the broom. As such, we are subject to gravity. Not that it matters, we practically slid into the snow anyway.

We land in the sn- Aagh! Cold, cold, pressure, and pain! And cold!

Marisa ends up on top of me, and I have absolutely no feelings of admiration because I am being crushed into snow. Also, flail-o-copter bits digging into me. Jesus!

"Co~ld!" Marisa wails, leaping off me and into more snow. "W-we're stuck…!"

I sit up hastily, irritated and vaguely worried about our situation.

Yeah, we are kinda stuck… but we're still high enough for me to swing the flail around!

The snow shifts slightly.

We won't be for long, though. Fear strikes my heart a bit, but I'm a bit too pissed to care.

"You f-fucking idiot…" Marisa stutters, teeth beginning to chatter. "We-we're sinking…"

I quickly get the flail sorted; it thankfully wasn't tangled. Well, too tangled, anyway. I can still use it for its intended ghetto purpose!

"Marisa, grab my waist." I tell her.

"F-fuck off…" Marisa scowls at me, sinking deeper in the snow. "I-I gotta find a way to get out! Stupid… gah…" She grits her teeth. "C'mon…" She reaches for her pockets, but they're beneath the snow. "Stupid sn-snow! Move!"

"M-Marisa," Oh, geez, my teeth are chattering involuntarily too, now… "Grab on. We're fl-fl-...ying." Goodbye, pronunciation! I shall remember you well.

"How?" She narrows her eyes. "Y-you just want one last feel before you die! I'm not dying, here! Not now, and not because of you!"

Bloody… grab me, you idiot! "Just grab..." Words are becoming hard!

"I-I can't die…" Marisa's shouting becomes weak. "A-all this… w-what would Reimu think…?"

...Honestly, I don't think it's that cold. Sure, sinking in the snow is kinda bad, but if I'm going to be honest, it'd probably be at least ten to twenty minutes before we were in any serious danger. From the cold, that is. If we sink, we're pretty much screwed.

"Hey, M-M…" Ahah, screw the cold, sometimes. "...Marisa." I manage.

She latches onto me, and works her way up my clothes with powerful, stiff clutches. "T-this is your fault!"

She's crying now- not particularly great because it's probably gonna freeze, to be honest- and still climbing…

She's going for my sodding neck! Spin the flail! Spin it, arms!

I begin spinning it, and between the tangled bits and everything, it ends up having less general spinning diameter, rendering the business end closer to me. Marisa relents slightly from my neck, hanging onto my torso instead and glaring at me like she wants to consume my soul.

We slowly gain height, and I begin flying towards Marisa's house. I assume it's not tanked; I mean, she didn't spend all day at the shrine.

"I-I hate…" Marisa begins.

"Me?" I hazard.

"D-don't do that." She sternly declared. "...You don't know what I was gonna say."

I don't really have the energy to reply.

"...But y-yeah. I… hate you."

...We're about midway to Marisa's house. I think. The snow makes this hard in some respects; it's so bright, and freakin'... pain. It's also cold as balls.

"Hate…" I begin, finding my voice a little. "...Strong word." I meant to say 'is a strong word' but, y'know, 'is' is a hard word to pronounce with only exaggerated and imprecise effort.

"Shut it."

That went well!

"...W-we're different." Marisa began.

Well… yeah. We're similar, but not the same, obviously.

"I worked… for my magic." Marisa began. "I… t-trained! I had a t-teacher!"

Things I lacked!

"You…" She continued, "You have nothing."

I have crusty pillows, however.

I think we're near her house. I see trees, and- oh, yeah, there it is. I think that uneven and awkward lump of snow is it. Alice's house would be cleared a bit, wouldn't it? This one is just, uh… Oi, I see bits of things! This is definitely Marisa's place.

"Y-you just… appear, and start doing things. You've… been here a m-month at best…"

Have I? Time flies when days- you know, maybe I shouldn't break the fourth wall when we're in a perilous situation… I think Yukari would probably just take the opportunity to off me, or something. Or she might do it by accident.

Either way, no.

The venom in her voice is real. "I-i… S'not fair. You're not fair."

...Am I, really?

No. Well, not really, at least. Nothing's really fair, but when it comes down to it, I've worked quite a bit myself to get my garbage. And that's what it is, garbage. Marisa has this legendary freakin' catalyst, the Mini-Hakkero, and she's been in this land her whole life. Me? A month to my name, prior knowledge about the world, and some experience playing open-world games. She's got at least twice the experience I do, and actually lived through it all, making it far more substantial than mine.

Maybe I should voice these things to her. That'd probably do more good than freakin' talking to myself!

What's the real reason she hates me, though? All too often, it seems like the people who hate me the most are like, the people who are the most like me. Freakin' weird…

I near Marisa's house from above…

"I-I dug into the bedroom. See that…?" She uses her leg to weakly gesture to a dug in portion of the snow.

I can't reply to agree, but I see it! I lower us towards it… y'know, I think I'll just drop us in. The thing can afford to get stuck in the roof.

Thunk!

I let go, and we slide inside.

Marisa lets go of me, and stumbles about the room. She immediately goes for a blanket. "A-ah…"

It's a lot better in here. No wind? Yo ho ho…

I look around the room. "Anything t-to burn?" I got a fire hanger…!

"N-no. Don't touch anything." Marisa monotones.

Daw. Wait…

I generate some wooden blocks! I near the snowy patch we slid in on, and place them there. I then take out Flame Salvo and light a pile of about twenty blocks on fire.

Here's the dealio: the smoke'll go up the shaft, and the heat'll also go up the shaft, but also into the room! Ey~...!

"Home." I jest.

"Not yours." Marisa counters.

"It's tiny." I add.

"No thanks to you."

Oof. She's not wrong.

"...Well. I'm sorry." I actually apologize! I mean, I probably did before- I mean, I better have before- but whether I did or didn't, that doesn't matter now. I feel kinda bad.

"...Screw you."

Help, no.

"Seriously. I'm sorry for wrecking your pad." Speech is becoming easier. Sweet, sweet warmth…

"Yeah, okay." Marisa nods. "Whatever."

"I'll prove it to you." I announce. "I will make you a new home."

"Pffft." She shakes her head. "As if. Once the snow melts, you're outta here. I know it."

I fold my arms. "How so?"

"'Cause that's what I'd do." She quickly replies.

"But would you really?" I tilt my head.

"Nobody ever got anywhere by bein' nice to one another. Not from what I've seen." Marisa explains. "Gensokyo's beautiful, don't get me wrong, but fuck me if it isn't cruel, too."

Woah, there, Marisa. You better watch that edge, I might get a freakin' paper cut here.

Marisa's a teenager, isn't she? I think I know where part of the complaining is coming from…

Alright, so teenager problems are real problems, and you get stupid adults from people who weren't able to handle their teenage mental gymnastics. It's all part of growing up, they say, but you'd be surprised how precariously non-automatic some aspects of growing up are.

...That's the way I see it, at least.

"...Yeah, Gensokyo can be a cruel place." I agree. "...So can everything else that isn't Gensokyo."

She looks up from the fire at me. "Whaddaya mean?"

"The outside world sucks." I tell her.

"Haha. Good one." Marisa monotones. "A land of no youkai. With amazing technology. And it sucks."

I turn to her. "Imagine the human village."

That gets her attention.

"Now make it ten million times as big. No, seriously, think of all of Gensokyo, and like, multiply it fifty times. I think that's like, Japan."

She scowls at me. "I know what a globe is."

...I didn't know that, to be fair! "Alright, well, imagine that the large bulk of places on that globe are dotted with human villages, and they're all just as if not exponentially more shite than the dump here. And there's no youkai to be friends with to get away from the politics."

Marisa snorts. "You're exaggerating."

I shrug. "I like Gensokyo a lot better, to be honest." Less to think and worry about. In a few years, I might regret what I left behind, but y'know what they say, the grass is always greener. Besides, I can probably arrange something with Sanae or Kaguya to get computer access frequently, so it's not all that bad here.

"Why?" Marisa asks of me.

"Less to worry about, less things to think about." Repeating myself verbally! "Also, crazy magics to obtain." Rockin' magi waifu also a goal, but that's probably not happening anytime soon.

"...So it's 'cause you're stupid?" She jabs.

Friend, if I was, I wouldn't type four-hundred thousand words of pure, debatably coherent insanity.

"Yeah, it's 'cause I'm a fookin' stoopid." I smile.

Marisa gives a lopsided grin. "You got that right, ze."

So why's she hate me, again? Man, I suck at these things. I should just bluntly ask her.

"So, why d'you hate my guts again?" I inquire.

Marisa pauses a moment. "I don't like your attitude, I guess."

You don't like my attitude? I'm mystified…

"What about it?"

She turns to me, furrowing her brows.

"...What about it don't you like, I mean?" Didn't mean to be offensive, there…!

Marisa turns back towards the fire. "...You should know. You said we're the same, right?"

Well, not exactly…! "Kinda, but not really."

"Just say yes." She dryly demands.

"But I didn't." Help, no.

"Honestly? Fine, whatever." She rolls her eyes.

We stare at the fire for awhile. I throw more blocks in to keep it going.

Marisa moves to her bed.

"It's day. I think." Can't really tell…!

Marisa turns to me, irritated. "Can I just relax?"

Freakin'...

A moment of silence later, and she lies down.

I have a feeling there's more than meets the eye to what she dislikes about me… but, for some reason, I can't put my finger on it. I was better at critical thinking outside the boundary. Dang it.

Maybe it'll come to me eventually, but something just strikes me as odd about her replies.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Eventually, a hole is blown in the roof.

Bam!

"Does anyone happen to still live here?"

Ee~y! It's Alice!

She floats in through the hole she blew in. "Oh. My apologies, I guess. I didn't know this house was still in service."

Marisa sits up on the bed. "Hey, Alice!"

...She notices the hole in the roof, and she shifts in discomfort a bit.

Some dolls with little snow shovels float in. "I came by to see if you were frozen solid or not. Apparently you're only a few steps away. Nice thinking with the fire pit, though." Alice took notice of the fire pit I made.

Marisa grins. "Thanks, ze."

Stole my credit, but at this point, I'm in that zen argumentative stage of mine where I don't really get frustrated by things. Yeah, I'm still thinking about what Marisa said.

"...I see Brad is here, too." Alice observes. "I take it this is a hobo shelter, now?"

I grin. "Yeah, yo."

Alice gestures to the dolls with snow shovels. "Anyway, I'm here to dig you out of the ice age."

Marisa scratches the back of her head. "Thanks again…" I can tell she's feelin' awkward!

"Mmm."

With that, Alice leaves through the hole in the roof.

...Marisa turns to me. "Taking your leave now?"

I shake my head. "Nope."

"What do you want?" She stares at me critically.

"To build you a new team fortress!" I respond. Maybe without the team part, but y'know… a new hut.

She snorts, shaking her head. The conversation ends there.

I hear the curious sound of many, many snow shovels being put to work outside. Marisa's going to probably have a tall tower of snow around her house by the time the shoveling's done. That, or the dolls will just roast all the snow.

How does Alice have the mana to support them all, anyway? I've got ideas, but… I don't freakin' know!

...I open the door to Marisa's main room, and see snow.

I leap out of the way as it flows in through the door. Great! "I may have invited the snow!"

Marisa snorts.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Thirty-ish minutes later, the snow is all gone. Alice has fabricated a more appropriate mid-room fire pit near the hole in the ceiling she made, and I did the honors of making a ton of freakin' dinky blocks.

"...How does London fare?" Alice asked me.

With a smirk, I begin the fun tale. "She's burly. She also apparently is mildly adept at fighting other Londons."

Alice blinked. "Other Londons?"

I nod. "You see, Eiki Shiki made a mirror clone of me to beat me the fuck up, and then a dark clone of me was made from some mansion mirror, and it was basically a three way brawl. It was great."

...Nodding slowly, Alice acknowledged the tale. "That's… good, I guess? Wait, does that mean there was a third London?"

I nod again. "Yeah. Dark London was a bitch. She used attacks that I assume would have fancy, edgy names like 'Bolts of Sorrow' or 'Freakin' Skullsmasher Deluxe'."

"Interesting…" Alice idly commented.

"How much of that story was made up?" Marisa inquired.

I roll my eyes. "Ask the bloody Yama herself, then. Like… you can also ask Sakuya."

She huffs.

Alice notes the tension, and sighs. "Are you still in protest of this outsider?"

"Damn right I am. He took my stuff, and broke my house!" Marisa finished with a yell.

Alice calmly countered. "...You mean you broke your house, if your own recounting means anything. I'd be more careful where I point that hakkero, if I were you."

Marisa scowls, but says no more.

Why must you be so on edge, friend?

She proceeds to try and say something to justify herself. "...I-I had to defend my house…"

"That sounds like a personal problem." Alice jabs in jest.

Personal problem…

Holy…! That's it! That's… onto something! I feel!

Marisa has… a personal problem!

"But seriously, you could have used weaker danmaku. Brad never was, and still is not, a powerhouse of any sort." Alice finishes.

Marisa grumbles. "Mmrph…"

I snap my fingers. "Marisa, are you unsure of your personal identity?"

Alice sighed. "Now where did that come from?"

Yeah, maybe I coulda worded that better.

"S'that a joke?" Marisa was all frowny faces, today. "'Cause I ain't laughin'."

I shake my head. "Nope. Legit question."

A defensive reply greets me. "Stupid question. Of course I'm sure of my identity. I'm the only Marisa, after all."

That's not what I meant, but okay!

Alice shook her head. "What even is this discussion? What are we talking about?"

"Brad is annoying." Marisa summarizes her experience.

"I'm trying to gauge how much Marisa despises me, and I think it has something to do with her character and how she sees herself." I summarize my experience.

"...Why?" Alice asks me. "Does her opinion of you really matter?"

I shrug. "It kinda grinds my gears to think someone so similar to me hates me for something so petty. Feels like a missed opportunity, y'know? Life's too short to just indiscriminately hate people."

...Alice blinked. "Cliche, but thoughtful, I suppose. Well, good luck. I don't want much part in that, though. Marisa's mind is not something to be delved into, I'm sure."

With that, Alice begins floating away. "Don't kill each other, now."

Maybe I'm thinking about what she's doing wrong too much, too. I mean, I haven't done too much myself, aside from steal her stuff and be a general pest, but it seems that hate just kinda evolved, and me being me didn't help things. I think I know how to set things right… without sacrificing too much of my dignity, at least!

Next order of operation: mining in the snow for trees to cut down to make Marisa's house, yea~h! Also, I hope Marisa is handy with a hammer, 'cause I'm not at all! And an axe. And nails.

For now, I think I'll just relax by the fire, though...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 31

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Unknown ice spell acquired?

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Yet to be discovered other spell…?

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives that I mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

Holy Talismans - Provides a holy upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

Electric Talismans - Provides an electric upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Because I forgot to list that I grabbed these a few chapters ago! Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out...

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Nuggets.

anyhow, this chapter had some curiously serious undertones but ai try and keep things REALISTICALLY WHIMSICAL while at the same time WORKABLE

...after all, comedy is the diversion of expectations; to shift the expectations is to simply grab hold of the comedic reigns once more and open new doors

just the way a "constantly-following-this-guy's-pov" story works! it ain't all SUNSHINE AND LOLIS… lollipops, i mean.

...hyonk

some people are just gonna be edgy teenagers, sometimes; such is life

but anyways, shenanigans

see you all next time, yo!

...oh, yeah, the weather up there is "sunny as hell", but the way.