(in which we transmogrify winter into a home)

"Aauuuh…" I groan.

I am currently sitting under a mountain of chairs. Thankfully, only a few are actually digging into me, like a giant freakin' jigsaw. Except I'm one of the pieces!

To escape, I crawl from the chair pile to the table's underside, taking care to not get my flesh ripped off by the chair legs and assorted bits.

"...As I was saying, I expect you at my study." Patchouli rises from her seat, and floats off.

Friends, please, don't worry about me.

"...I believe I'll be to bed." Remilia rose. "I wish to be my best tomorrow evening."

...You shouldn't've been eatin' a fookin' cake before bed, then, fluffy!

She clapped her hands. "Sakuya~, clean up."

Sakuya appeared. "...Do I want to know?"

"No, you don't." Remilia monotoned.

"...Very well."

In a flash, all the chairs were back in place and all the food was cleaned up. A few fairies ended up missing plates they were actively eating, including their utensils, and pouted.

I was also suddenly beside Remilia.

"I found him under the table."

Remilia grinned. "He was just trying to make off with scraps. Nothing more."

"I see."

Freakin' fluff nuggets.

Remilia begins wandering off, and Sakuya disappears.

I suppose I'll go see what Patchy wants from me…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I walk up to Patchy's study desk…

"Hi, friend." I greet her. "You're magical."

"I'm well aware." She comments offhandedly. "In any case, I have two requests of you."

I nod. "Sure."

"Tell Marisa I've located the whereabouts of Mima." Patchouli begins.

Oh, hey, that's actually somewhat relevant!

"Furthermore, I'd like it if you returned the book you stole the previous evening."

Balls.

I sigh, slouching. "I need that book, yo."

Patchouli snorts. "I'm sure you need a book on the history of engineering in the fifteenth century."

Wait, what?

...She notices my confusion. "Precisely. I have reason to believe you simply took that book on impulse."

"Koakuma told me it was a book on perma-freezing ice magically." I folded my arms.

"...Koakuma told me you took the book." Patchouli tiredly looked up from her book. "I know she tends to lie most of the time… but right now, I'm fairly confident you simply stole a book on impulse and hoped for the best."

"Well, yo, Koakuma's a freakin' dirty liar." I tell her. "Besides, I genuinely did need an ice freezing book. I was building an igloo, and I dunno 'bout you, but the sun and igloos don't agree."

"As if you had the materials to produce ice blocks." Patchouli observed. "You should have stolen a book on that, too."

I grin. "You know who I have as a witness?"

"Enlighten me."

"Flandre." Pulling rank, go~!

"...Attempts to sully the name of the mistresses aren't taken lightly, I hope you realize?" Patchouli stares at me in vague surprise. "I'll confirm this with Flandre, later. For now, I would like my book back."

I take it out, and plant it on the counter. "Take it, yo. I don't even need it."

"Then why did you take it?" Patchouli pressed.

"Friend, I literally just explained to you." Aaargh! "Get owned."

"I'd rather not." Page flip! "...In any case, do not let me delay you."

Mmm. "Alright, yo. I didn't steal that freakin' book- at least, it wasn't the book I was told I was stealing."

"...Very well, very well." Patchouli waved her hand. "My apologies."

...My conscience is sated! With that, I leave the li- wait a second…

"I still need that freakin' ice book!" I run back to Patchy's desk and announce!

"I still need peace and quiet." Patchouli counters.

"...More like 'fleece' and 'fly-it'." I bastardize her request. "Flyable fleece!"

She chuckles. "I-I suppose you want a fire book, then?"

All my actual subtle-humor just irks her, but my terrible puns actually incited a visibly amused response. This world wants to gut me.

I throw my arms in the air. "Sure. I wanna make a house outta obsidian and volcanos."

"An even more improbable effort." Patchouli annotates. "...A book on permanent-esque frost, you said?"

I nod. "Ye, ye, ye. Ye."

"...I'll have Koakuma look for it." Patchouli tells me. "Come back later, I'm afraid. I cannot afford to tear myself from these studies."

...You could afford it when we were talking waffles. Freakin' magi.

I suppose I'll hang around the mansion, until then.

"...Well, then." I take a seat. "...I have to find some fun!"

"You do that."

Where to look…?

It is time to wander aimlessly for a few hours. I get up and start walking off…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

In the midst of the manor's halls, I casually walk up to some familiar fairy friends.

"Hello, nugget people." I begin.

"No." Komi shakes her head. "We're trying to do something."

They have a small stand set up, constructed from wood boards, apparently. Are they hosting scams like Ed Edd N Eddy, now?

"I can see that." I observe. "Will you sell nuggets?"

Komi glared at me. "It's a love advice booth, dumbass. Can't you read the sign?" She points up.

I look up, and see no sign.

"...I can't even see the sign." I inform her. "I'm probably going blind, friend. Goodbye cruel world."

After a moment of blankly processing my monotone farewell, Komi looked up.

"Oh. Damn it, Koi."

Koi lifted her head from under the desk- Thud! "Auugh…" She clutched her head, having struck the corner of the desk with it.

"Good job." I compliment her. "You're even more coordinated than I am!" That's not saying much!

"S-shut it…" Koi groaned at me.

Namori was standing aside the desk, pressing her fingers together nervously.

"I'd like a double whooper." I begin. "From Bigger King."

"You're scaring everyone away!" Komi abruptly yelled at me. "I'm gonna double whoop you!"

I step back from the counter! "Yo, yo, yo! The only one scarin' people here's you!" I gesture to the…

No one's even here to scare!

Komi begins trying to climb over the desk, and ends up tipping it over, spilling onto the floor in front of it. The desk itself-

"Yeeaaoouch!"

-crushed Koi. Namori covered her eyes.

I give a thumbs up. "You might need some advice yourselves, friends. Just don't take it from me, 'cause I'm not a craftsman. I'm a fluffsman."

...I'm cuddly, dude.

"Uurgh…" Komi groaned from the floor.

...I cautiously step up to the stand, and lift it back into its proper position. Komi fully slides off onto the floor, and Koi… is probably down for the count, sadly.

"O-ooh…" Koi groaned. "...B-Brad-kun? Is… is that you?"

I kneel next to her. "Yeah, yo. Hi."

"A-ah… P-please…"

I get closer. She respawns, but I wanna see where this is goin'...

"...G-give me a massage." She grins.

I move over to Komi, lift her- woah, she's a lot heavier than the stalker night fairy- and then drop her on Koi.

"...Gee, thanks." Koi pouts.

"Fuck." Komi elegantly expresses anger.

I walk up to Namori. "Ey, it's Nananamori!" Nanamori? Bananamori!

"H-hello…" She begins timidly.

I need, like, an assembly of timid people. It'd go either one of two ways: we all become great friends, or they all stay quiet and I lead them around on a parade of violence and property damage. Either way, it'd be a great time!

"Welcome." I greet her. "Let's mingle."

"...O-okay."

Huh. That worked.

...I do a little dance in place.

"What… are you doing?" Namori is befuddled.

"Mingling." I helpfully provide.

"I'm bored out of my mind." I come clean! "Help."

"W-when I'm bored…" Namori begins, "I-I like to read a good book, sometimes…"

Komi looks up from the floor at her, surprised. "You can read?"

Namori frowns at her. "I told you before… I-I think."

"...So you did." Komi finally remembered. "You shoulda wrote the stupid sign, then."

Not that there was a sign!

Namori didn't comment, looking away.

Hmm. I wonder… "What languages can you read, yo?"

"...Only French." Namori admits.

Oh. Well, in Patchy's library of fookin' ten million dead languages, that might not help much. I'm willing to bet Namori has a french copy of Fifty Shades somewhere…

"Is it in here!?" I turn to the stand, and rip off the side of it!

Inside is nothing. In fact, that board was structurally integral to the stand!

It falls over, again, though this time Koi is spared, her half having been in the right place to not get stricken by anything.

"...We didn't need a flashy stand, anyway." Komi submits to misfortune. "I think."

That's awfully unlike her, innit?

"...We'll make you the stand!" She then promptly lashes out towards my legs, and grabs my ankles! "Ugh…"

I awkwardly hobble along, dragging her with me.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Patchouli looks up from her book as I slowly limp up to her.

"...By 'come back later', I meant a few hours." That disinterest, yo.

"I bring a gift." I gesture to Komi!

Patchouli wasn't having any of that, however. "You can keep it."

"And sell it?" I venture.

She raises an eyebrow. "Sure."

Mmm…

Koakuma walks up with some books. "Here you are, Patchouli-sama."

"Many thanks." Patchouli greets her familiar. "Now, I'd like you to locate a book."

Koakuma scoffs. "Great. Just what I wanted. Another task."

"Section four-hundred twenty one-B, C. Upper left shelf. Thirty-second junction." Patchouli rattles off some coordinates. "Take your time."

"Mmm…" Koakuma hums in acknowledgement as she sets off.

Patchouli notices me just staring at her. "I sent her to fetch the book you were looking for, by the way."

Well, in truth, I was half-ogling you, but that works too. "Oh, cool. Thanks, magical friend."

"Magical friend." Patchouli echoes, returning to her book.

Komi slowly gets off my ankle, and stands up.

"Welcome back." I greet her. "Let us play Go Fish."

...Komi shrugs. "Sure."

I turn to Patchouli. "Go Fish."

"Research." She counters. "Have you short-term memory loss?"

"Complete memory loss." I correct her. "I'm fucked."

She returns to her book. "Good for you."

"Should we get the girls?" Komi questions.

I shake my head. "One vee one me I.R.L, noob."

Komi furrows her brows.

"...I mean freakin' one on one!" I translate for her!

"Oh. Why the hell didn't you just say so?" Komi glared at me. "You makin' a statement or some shit?"

I nod. "Yes. I will prove to you I am better at a simple card game!"

"You're on." Komi moves right up next to Patchy's desk. "We'll play it here. Fuck chairs."

Ho ho. "Alright yo. We need cards-"

"Fuck cards." Komi declares.

"...We might need cards." Komi finally realizes.

A pack floats out from Patchy's desk! "Here. Just don't play-"

Komi opens the box and pours them all over the desk. Patchouli sighs.

"...here." She finishes.

Komi picks up six random cards. "Pick up your cards. Come on. Let's go."

Jesus! Slow down, you fairy maniac! "Alright, yo, alright!"

I lift my six cards…

"Six." Komi aggresses immediately.

I got one. "Alright, friend."

I hand it over to her…

"Seven." She tries.

"Nope. Fish sticks." No sevens today, noob! Aside from that one fairy earlier, but y'know, I don't think she counts.

If she was here, I'd definitely push her into Komi, though.

She draws a card!

Alright, my turn… "You got any twos?"

She hands me a two. "Damn it."

Yo ho ho! Alright… "You got any twos?"

Komi glared at me. "You just asked that."

I just stare back.

"My turn, then." Wait, wait, wait, don't I get to draw a card!?

"Five." She tries!

No cigar. "Sorry, friend. I'm half-baked, today."

"Screw you." She draws a card.

"You have any twos?" I grin.

Komi glares at me silently, and draws a card- wait, what?

"Four." Uhm…

"No fours." I shake my head.

She gets up, staring me down. "You're lying."

"Would these overalls lie to you?" I gesture to my crappy winter attire.

"Yes." Well, then.

"Got any twos?" Shit-eating grin is go.

"Yes, actually."

Oh?

I flail my arms wildly as she begins trying to punch me!

"I got two right fucking here!" Komi roars, casting her cards aside. "I am a card game god!"

I don't think this is a card game, anymore!

I take out Swift Brand, and start parrying blows!

Clink! Clink! ...Clink!

"A-agh…" She clutches her hands. Punching metal's probably pretty hard on the knuckles.

"Relax, friend." I comfort her with words. "Pain is just weakness leaving the body."

Patchouli briefly adds to the discussion. "Not when you're ill, it isn't."

Help, no.

Koakuma arrives! She glumly floats out from around a shelf, holding a maroon book. "Here you are, Patchouli-sama…"

Patchouli takes the book, and flips it open. After a bit of flipping, she nods. "This book should do."

She places it on the counter. "Good luck reading it."

Good thing I got Marisa for that!

She holds up a finger. "Remember, tell Marisa that I know of Mima. You'd best not forget that, as I wouldn't wish to send Sakuya simply to inflict violence upon you."

What if I wanted her to inflict violence upon me, yo? What then?

Not that I do, mind you!

I salute her. "Aye aye, magical friend. I'll return upon a later date, with this book, and with music, videos, and extras!"

"I haven't a clue of the latter two, though you actually vowing to return the book is a surprise to me. I'll hold you to it."

I stuff it into the sack, and begin journeying!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

At the lobby, Ha-chan notices me about to bolt it.

"He~y, Brad-kun! Are you ready to leave yet?" She asks me.

...Ha-chan, you've just finished a, like, two day long conversation. I'm not the one getting waited on!

Komi followed me, too, apparently. "I'm angry about that Go Fish game." She expresses herself directly!

I nod. "Well… go fish, then, friend."

...She stomps towards me menacingly. I think it's time to go!

I open the door, and just run out into the cold air. It's not that bad compared to the mansion. Patchy's pajamamania is gonna come in real handy these next couple months!

I begin spinning the flail-o-copter as Komi latches onto me. Then, Ha-chan latches on, too. "Wait, Brad-kun! Don't go! I was gonna ask my friends if they could come, too!"

No. Your two friends cannot come to loiter outside of Marisa's house for the next ten years. I mean, they'd probably scare away any trespassers, but still.

I feel more weight add onto the chain of fairies hanging onto me, and then… there's less weight. Then there's more! Then there's less.

What's goin' on…?

Well, I can still fly, and looking down yields no results, so~ I'll just have to find out later. Hopefully Marisa doesn't shoot me in the face for being out a day.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

After a flight, of which I assume included more than just Ha-chan and Komi, I once again descend on the broken-ass house in the midst of the Forest of Magic.

Suddenly, I feel my flail jerk in the air, and I fall!

Before I can yell out, I hit the floor. I happened to descend close enough to get my flail stuck on the chimney again, and I just didn't realize it.

Me is dumbass. Help, no.

Marisa opens up her bedroom door. "...I see you brought friends, ze."

I get up, and examine the friends.

Komi, Koi, some lime-haired asshole, and Ha-chan. Ha-chan waves. "Hello~!"

"They'll be our construction crew." I decide. "I'd like to make it perfectly clear that they weren't my decision."

"Duly noted…" Marisa gave a lopsided grin. "So uh, 'bout that book…"

I grin back. "I got it, yo!"

Marisa nods slowly. "...So do I." She holds up a maroon book.

I hold out mine, and furrow my brows. Looking between the two… are they identical? What the fuck!?

"They're fucking identical." I curse. "Why even? Patchy, baby, why even!?"

Marisa giggles. "W-well, I guess she keeps spares, then…"

That entire trip was freakin' pointless! Aaauuugh!

"I'm still angry." Komi expresses herself. "Can I punch you now?"

Koi puts her hands on her shoulders. "Angry sex is yes?"

...Komi turns to her. "Nevermind."

Whack!

"Gfuh… I-I guess that's a no…" Koi wipes her lip after Komi had punched her in the jaw.

The lime-haired fairy pouts. "...These people are mea~n, Ha-chan! Let's ditch them!"

Ha-chan shakes her head. "Rela~x. These people are my friends!"

"I thought I was your friend…" Lime-haired twat glares at her.

"I am! I'm their friends, and your friends! Friend, I mean… Friends? Friend?" Ha-chan mixed up her plurals and her singulars!

Lime twat stomps the floor. "You can't be their friend and my friend at the same time! I don't like them!"

I take out Swift Brand again. "You can be dead and dead at the same time, if you'd like, friend."

"I-I'll be your friend." Lime-friend meekly submits.

Marisa nods approvingly. "I see you've become a fairy whisperer, ze."

It happens when you're forced to interact with them because they're the only things that can't totally insert lasers into your ass!

"Yeah. Comes with the territory, yo."

Marisa grins. "Of what? Bein' a mage?"

I roll my eyes. "Of bein' fookin stoopid, that's what."

We both laugh, because we both have terrible humor! Good times. We koo, yo, we koo.

"We gonna fuck now, or what?" Koi breaks the merry silence.

"Yes. Koi, get on your knees." I comply.

Koi double-takes, a naughty grin slowly forming. "Wait- really!?"

I shake my head. "No, you freakin' bimbo. We're doing labor!"

She visibly deflates. "Why would you do that to me…?"

I'm not a nice person, yo. Just a fluffy one.

Let's see, how to get this show on the road…

I take out Deep Blue. "Alright, guys, you see that production line?"

With a gesture, I indicate the~... partially disassembled production line. Shieut.

Marisa giggled sheepishly. "Aah, had to kinda dig through it for that book, y'know?"

Oh, well. "Well- lemme just, uh... " I enter it and begin restacking some of the books. In a minute or so, I get it back together, but the fairies're already not paying attention to me.

"Oi, oi, lads, ladies, lords and lunatics!" I clap my hands together. I get one fairy for each word that began with L! "Here's the dealio. You fill a square doohickey with water, then you push it along. Then you do it again. You keep doin' it until you receive a bucket of ice. When ya get ice… you remove it, and set it aside, and fill the bucket again. Yeah?"

...Komi narrows her eyes. "What do we get out of it?"

I jerk my head back, as if it was stupid question. "Hah! What you get out of it…"

The fairies begin glaring at me.

Quick, think fast! "Uh- free room and board!"

Marisa turns to me, shocked. "H-hey, that's kinda-"

"Because this will be an ice castle!" I declare.

Marisa whacks me with a large book. Aaugh! "No, it won't. Excuse me, ladies…"

She grabs me by the ear, and pulls me into the bedroom. Sadly, it is not for M-rated fun times, rather, it is for T-rated bickering. Unhappy days…

She closes the door.

"The hell was that about, ze?" Yell-whispering!

"I-I dunno, yo! I was thinkin' on the spot, and-"

"Well, too bad." She props her arms on her hips. "This ain't gonna be a castle. The enchantments'd be a real bitch to keep up, y'know, and the fairies wouldn't make nearly enough bricks before they'd freeze themselves in the buckets or something."

Oh, shit, I didn't even think about that. They're going to royally screw this up, aren't they?

"If it was made outta stone, then we'd be talkin'... but we'd need, like, oni construction workers. Ya don't just hire oni construction workers…" Marisa nods slowly, as if recollecting a painful experience.

If only this were Terraria, and we could build a literal one-by-one block tower to the top of the barrier like doofs. I wonder what Yukari'd have to say about that…

"...What'll we tell the fairies, then?" I ask her. "They'll explode if we don't give 'em incentive."

"Candy." Marisa decides.

"...You think that'd work on manor fairies?" I ponder.

"...On the lime and cyan ones, yes." Marisa shrugs. "The other two'll hopefully be peer pressured or somethin'. Worst comes to worst, I can just fry 'em, ze."

I mean, I could fry them myself, and I'm a freakin' noob. I'd like to avoid that, though.

"We'll see how it goes, yo." I compromise.

A knock is heard at the door!

"Hey!" It's Koi. "You better not be leaving me out!"

I cup my hands around my mouth. "Oh my God, Marisa! That's the world's biggest strapon I've ever seen!"

Yeah, I butchered the grammar. Koi's still gonna get the picture.

...The door slowly vibrates.

Marisa chuckles. "She's, uh… a real go-getter, huh?"

I nod. "She's cuddly."

...I open the door, and Koi flies in, "Yes!"

She slowly turns to me. "You know, I'm starting get the feeling that you're, like, gay or something."

I shake my head. "No, friend, I just happen to have self-control."

She glares at me, but doesn't say anything back. I'm quite proud of myself for that one, actually.

Walking from the bedroom. I clap my hands together. "A long and trying session of Congress has been adjourned."

Blank stares. Yea~h…

"...Who wants candy!?"

Ha-chan and lime-friend clap their hands together! "Yeaa~h!"

Komi frowns. "Is this a joke?"

I almost nod, but that'd probably crush Ha-chan and make problems. "Nope."

"I'm out, then."

"Nope." I affirm.

...She turns to me. "What're you gonna do, make me?"

"Nope."

"...Then how're you going to-"

"Nope."

"Rematch of Go Fish." I declare. "Only after the work is done."

Komi throws her hands up. "You got me. Fine."

Ey~.

Koi floats out of the bedroom lazily. "Candy. Woo. Yay."

I turn to her. "Alright, yo, what do you want outta life?"

"Sex." She monotones.

"...A~nd…?" I gesture for her to continue…

"Perverse love." She grins.

Da~h. "...A~nd?"

"...I could show you." She blushes, floating closer to me.

"Please, no." I shake my head, sticking my arm out. "I'd like to remain a virgin for the rest of today, thank you."

...Wow. I never thought I'd be saying that in Gensokyo. In fact, why am I saying no, anyway? Well, there's Ha-chan- meh- but also the fact there's people here. People being Marisa, because fairy rabble is likely irrelevant.

That, and I'd rather not catch fairy-AIDS or something. Do fairies get STDs? I assume no, because this is fantasy wonderland and all that jazz, but still. Actually…!

"I don't want fairy-AIDS, friend." I tell Koi.

Koi tilts her head. "Fairy what?"

I catch Marisa smirking at my joke. Okay, Marisa knows what AIDS is, but Koi doesn't? Yeah, okay…

In this case, I've got a dare for her. "Look, yo, I'll do something lewd with you if you actually manage to get Marisa's house constructed from ice without royally screwing up the process." Just a foreword that if anything actually does happen, it's not going to be anything I share with the freakin' peanut gallery. Yeah, that means you! I know your game!

I'm also hoping to find a way out of it. Kinda.

She looks unamused. "You're lying."

I shrug. "Look, yo, I'll make a pinky swear. A pretty pinky swear, even!"

She looks at me hopefully. "...I'll hold you to that, Brad."

Egh. Hearing my name out loud is always awkward. You know what's even more awkward? Typing it in that context!

A gap opens over my head, and a box softly lands on my head. I remove it from my head and examine it…

Ah. Trojans. Y'know, my buddy told me of a better brand. Some UK brand. Though, I dunno if it's 'cause they were legit, or if it was just because he was a wannabe Englishman.

"Here." I toss it to Koi.

...She furrows her brows. "What're these?"

"Have fun." If you don't even know, I will make sure you never know.

"W-what're these!?"

Anyway…

I clap my hands! "We all incentivized now?"

The fairies stop talking amongst one another and look towards me.

"...I mean, we all getting stuff we want now?" Fairies are not good word persons, it seems.

There was a general murmur of agreement.

"Alright, yo, we're gonna be gettin' to work, then!"

"Doing what?" Komi folds her arms. "You never told us anything."

But… I just…

Aaaauugh!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

After a rebriefing, reincentivizing, and further propulsion of this vicious cycle, the fairies finally got it through their thick skulls that they're to be doing a job for a reward.

To my delight, they're doing the job… for now. Using Deep Blue, they're filling the things with water. Some of them screw up, like, half the time, and end up pushing their tray too early or getting water all over themselves, but things are going generally okay.

As in, they've not all died yet. Yet.

Marisa nodded in satisfaction. "Wow. You actually got 'em to do it."

I smile. "Yeah. It only took about an hour of talking to them like they were retarded high schoolers with Iphones to express it to them, but I managed."

"...Pfft. High schoolers." Marisa comments.

I turn to her. "Curious experiences yourself?"

She shakes her head. "Nah. I don't think Keine allows mushrooms in her classrooms, ze. But now that you've given me the idea…"

Oh. Oh, that's right. Gensokyo doesn't have any actual high schools, does it? So when I said 'high schoolers'...

...Marisa thought I meant schoolers that are high!

Not a very big difference, probably, so I think my point got across regardless.

"I'm bored." Komi announces.

I walk up to the production line. "Nice to meet you."

Komi glares at me like she's going to jump over the line and strangulate me.

"Look on the bright side, Komi-chan." Ha-chan spoke up. "We'll get to sunbathe later. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Two things." Komi growled. "First… don't call me 'chan'. Second… there's fucking snow on the ground."

...Ha-chan tilts her head in confusion.

"...That means it's too cold to sunbathe!" Komi explains to her.

"Oh." Ha-chan looks back to her tray thing as she gets handed Deep Blue, filling it with water. As she hands it over to lime-friend, she looks back at Komi. "What if we wear coats?"

"Then… we wouldn't be sunbathing then, would we…?" Komi looks like she's about to blast a gasket, yo!

"...I guess not." Ha-chan realizes. "Darn."

"Yeah. Darn." Komi grins in that 'fed up with this shit' sort of way. "Darn. Damn! Dammit, darn it, damn it all!"

Ha-chan recoils a bit. "K-Komi-chan? What's wrong?"

Komi gets up, moves over to the lime-friend, and rips Deep Blue from her hands. "Give me that!"

Lime-friend grabs it and tries to pull it back. "No! I'm not done yet!" Somehow. "Stuff it, idiot!"

Komi slaps her, then rips it from her hands once more. "Yeah- fuck you."

"Awwh…" Lime-friend pouts in response, slowly kneeling back to the production line again.

...Komi marches up to Ha-chan.

Clonk!

"A-aaa~h!" Ha-chan begins screaming!

I move to intervene, because the line is under attack! I point at Komi. "Oi, you, back to the work and things! Chop chop, yes?"

"Chop chop!" Komi grins maniacally, floating over the production line, towards me. "Look who has the hanger now!"

I draw Swift Brand! "En garde, ya freakin' noob!"

We duel with the hangers!

Clink! Clank!

She has the advantage of hers constantly spurting water everywhere, but I have something she doesn't!

I kick her in the gut.

"Oough…" Komi crumples up, clutching her stomach. "M-motherfucker…"

I then whack her across the head with Swift Brand.

Thwack!

She twirls around, and falls to the floor.

Yeah, I coulda just pulled different hangers and pretended to be a boss fight, but I decided to end it the easy way and sucker-kick her.

I toss Deep Blue to Ha-chan, who catches it perfectly, somehow. Everyone in Gensokyo who isn't me is a perfectly coordinated fucking wizard at that sort of thing.

"Alright, fairy friends, resume the ice and the things!" I announce. By now they've produced about ten blocks. It'll go a lot faster now that all the buckets are filled, so~... engh. "And let it be known that if anyone rebels, they'll become her." I gesture to the unconscious, black-haired vixen of a fairy.

Lime-friend stares warily, but the other two fairies are completely unfazed.

...I finally look back at Marisa, and she seems to have pulled up a chair.

"...Don't mind me, ze. Just relaxin'."

Where the hell did she find a chair in this wreckage?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

It is now evening.

The navy blue night sky nearly shimmers in contrast to the surroundings of debatably kempt snow, disturbed by snow removal processes and natural fairy life.

"How am I supposed play Go Fish when I can't feel my hands?" Komi ponders aloud.

"Very carefully." I tell her. I actually have a little pair of mittens, now! Well, technically. More like pads of cloth you use when you deal with ovens, but, y'know, a man can dream.

Why Marisa had these and no actual oven to speak of, I'll leave you to ponder.

Ha-chan smiled. "It's easy!" She then sticks her hands in her mouth. She then attempts speaking. "Ike ish!"

Komi scoffed. "Yeah… no."

Dim, magically lit candles give us light as we work at plopping the blocks down. I'm the only one trusted with Flame Salvo, for obvious reasons. Marisa's house doesn't need to have what little's left of it freakin' go up in smoke.

By now, we've actually got about half the wall up of the rightmost side, from the perspective of one walking in through the front door.

Koi clocked out earlier, freakin' falling asleep on a patch of snow. Do fairies die of hypothermia? Do they just explode when their body hits that critical state of 'oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely no heat, we're boned'?

Marisa enchants small segments at a time with the spell she picked up from the book.

Despite the slow pace Marisa is forced to use, she's still able to relax quite readily. Planting and merging blocks takes freakin' time, yo!

"Ehh…" Marisa hissed in annoyance. "This is so tedious, doin' only a couple blocks at a time…"

I shrug. "It beats a melting house in the summer, yo."

"It's not that," she continues, "It's just that I'll have to reapply these enchantments in the future. Then it'll suck."

...I couldn't really disagree with that.

Ha-chan speaks up, as if she knew something about the situation. "Did you try casting it harder?"

Marisa nodded. "Yeah, that just made the ice more icy."

Wat. You say that, but nothing is visually different about any of the ice. How do you even know!?

"Hmmm… I dunno, then." Ha-chan helpfully expresses her loss for ideas.

"...Right." Marisa stares at her skeptically. "It's mostly my lack of experience with elements and stuff, ze. Elemental warfare was never really my thing. I prefer doin' stuff the ol' fashioned way."

Apparently giant-ass death lasers classifies as 'the old fashioned way'.

"C-cold... " Lime-friend mumbles, shivering violently as she hugs herself. "I-it's… so cold…"

Yeah, I think we're all freezing our balls off, here. Well, me, at least. Everyone else was freezing their ovaries off, to be more correct.

"...Should we make that fire, now?" Marisa proposed.

I gue~ss. "Alright. Should we call it a night, friends? We gotta pick this business up tomorrow, though, the moment we're all freakin' awake."

"I can't feel anything." Komi complains. "Help."

She tries to get up from the kneeling position she adopted for most of the block-placement spree we'd been on, only to fall over onto the snow-laden floorboards of this open bit of Marisa's shack.

Woah, no. I move up to her and begin pulling her towards Marisa's room.

"Someone get the door, yo." I ask.

"I goh ih!" Ha-chan speaks up with her hands in her mouth again, moving to the door. She takes one hand out, and places it on the handle. Pulling open the door, she moves out of the way-

Well, then. Her hand… is stuck to the handle.

"W-what?" Ha-chan stares at the handle in confusion. "Oh, no!"

I drag Komi into the bedroom, and Marisa follows behind me, followed eagerly by Lime-friend.

I move to the fire pit, and create some wooden blocks. I then tap them with Flame Salvo…

Fwoom!

Instant campfire! My mundane abilities are actually damn good survival skills! If I was back on the outside, I'd be, like, a god right now. I'd be the chieftain of a tribe, yo. I'd probably get killed and gutted for practicing crazy voodoo witchcraft.

On second thought, maybe it's better that I'm in here…

"Finally…" Marisa shudders from the heat being produced by the amber flames.

Lime-friend smiles. "Warmth…"

She leaps into the fire.

Marisa's jaw drops. "W-what the hell!?"

Uhm…!

She slowly begins to catch fire. After a few moments of her hugging the burning pile-

Pi~chun!

Well, then. Okay.

"...I hope she comes back to finish things tomorrow morning." I lament.

"Pfft. As if." Marisa grins into the fire. "We could probably get Cirno, though. Or something."

We should've gotten Cirno to begin with, but whatever, yo.

...Also, Koi is still outside, slowly slipping into eternal slumber. Not so eternal when you're a fairy, though. This makes me question why fairies need heat, but then that begs the question of why fairies even freakin' exist.

You don't ask those kinds of questions when you live in Gensokyo. No matter how well Patchouli or Eirin might explain it, there's some facet deep down in there that's just like 'it's just fuckin' magic, dude.'

"H-help!" Ha-chan cries, desperately trying to pull her frozen saliva-encased hand from the handle.

Marisa groans. "Look, buddy…"

She gets up and walks up to Ha-chan. "Sorry."

With a quick kick to Ha-chan's torso, she's knocked outside, bringing the door to a slamming shut.

Marisa then drags a dresser in front of the door.

Banging is heard, along with a jiggle of the door handle. "N-no~!"

Rest in ice, Ha-chan. You will be missed, but let's face it, you'll probably keep charging back here every time hypothermia strikes your vital life processes. Could I have easily saved her? Maybe… but she's freakin' immortal, anyway. I'm sure she'll find a way.

I'm also too cold and tired to care. Oof.

Speaking of tired… bed!

Marisa only has two- and why the hell are there two? Guest bed, I suppose. I don't think she'd think that far ahead, but okay. The weirder part is that it's in her bedroom. Would it've killed her to make a guest bedroom or something?

I approach the guest bed-

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you, ze." Marisa warns me.

I turn to her, gazing questioningly.

She walks up to it, and taps one of the bed legs. Suddenly, it folds up into itself, and then falls apart. "It was s'posed to be a trap for the fairies. Y'know, if they slunk into here and nodded off. It wasn't a real bed."

...I was wondering why I didn't notice two beds earlier. Freakin'... what even?

I hop into the pile of broken bed parts. There was still blankets, here! "Whatever, yo, I'll take it, I'll take it."

Marisa smiles. "Cool. I'm going to sleep, too. If anyone touches me, they're gonna stop living. Night."

With that, she plopped down on her bed, fully clothed.

"What about me?" Komi questions from the floor next to the fire. "I'm stiff as hell, and being laid on this wood floor doesn't help me be less stiff."

No one responds.

"...H-hey! I need help, here!"

No response. I'm too tired…

"...Whatever." Komi bitterly accepts her fate.

Sleepy times ahead, friend...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I awaken to thrashing at the door!

"Lemme i~n!" Ha-chan sounded like she was throwing all her limbs against the door.

It's so cold that bundling up in this mess of blankets is less useful than running around like a moron, I'd hazard!

So that's what I do. I get up, and begin jogging in place.

Komi looks over to me from the fire, now apparently thawed out, or something. "...What the hell are you doing?"

"Becoming one with the universe." I tell her.

She doesn't respond, just staring into the fire.

"...How the frik is that fire still going?" I wonder aloud.

"I took some bits from your bed pile." Komi explained. "You didn't need them."

Probably not…

I look over to Marisa, who was sitting up and nuzzling a fluffle.

My eyes widen, and my jaw drops!

Marisa's eyes widen!

The fluffle's shell nose opens. "dont look im not decent"

The door gets abused again. "Bra~d-ku~n! Thief-cha~n! Ko~mi-cha~n! Hehehe~lp!"

"I think we should save the fluffy fairies, now." I argue.

"...Sure." Marisa idly gives the go-ahead.

I move to the door, and slide the dresser out of the way. I open the door, and I find Ha-chan there, with a little pair of mittens and a little winter hat.

"Hello, Brad-kun!" She greets me. "I was on a quest, because I died, and had to get back!"

Hyonk.

"I met this nice lady who made me some mittens!" She held up her mittens. "See?"

They've actually got little blue lightning bolts on them. That's very curious attention to detail!

"Neat." I monotone. I mean… what else'm I gonna say?

Aaah, a bright, cold morning. Have I mentioned it's cold yet? I don't think I expressed that yet!

Koi also seems to be gone. I think she got explodinated in the middle of the night. Now we're down, like, two fairies. At least we got a good chunk of the blocks, so far.

Marisa exits the bedroom after I do. "What're we gonna do for a roof?"

Oh, shit.

"Who wants to steal plywood from the Hakurei Shrine…?" I suggest sheepishly.

Marisa sighs. "S'not gonna be me, 'cause you're supposed to be building it for me."

Yeah. That, and Reimu'll probably just let me take off with it. Or anyone, really.

I turn to Ha-chan. "Hi, friend."

"Hi!" She beams back at me.

"You must go to the Hakurei Shrine and theft those loose plywood boards. You might have to dig in the snow a bit, so uh…"

Marisa raises a finger. "Hold on a sec!"

She retreats back into her bedroom for a moment, then reemerges with a large shovel. "Here, ze."

She tosses it to Ha-chan, who just let it hit her.

"A-ah!" She screams in surprise.

Marisa facepalmed. "You, uh, were supposed to catch it…"

Ha-chan picks up the shovel. "I'll be back, Brad, and I'll have all the plywood with me!"

I'm half expecting her to transport the entire Hakurei Shrine over here, but I don't think she has the resources available for that. Or the firepower to deal with a disgruntled, half-frozen Reimu.

I look to the ice walling, and see that Ha-chan's added like, three blocks while we were down for the count.

Clapping my hands, I call for the last remaining worker. "Komi, get out here and help me build!"

"Fuck you!"

Oh. I see we're in fine spirits, today.

"Just get the hell out here and work!" I yell back.

"Make me!"

Alright, son.

I walk inside, and strut towards her.

She looks up at me, and sighs dramatically. "Fi~ne. Whatever. I'll do it."

I smile. "Atta girl. Get out here, yo."

And so we worked!... and worked. And worked, and worked. It was work. Placing blocks, sometimes dropping blocks on our feet, and sometimes dropping our feet on the blocks. Blocks on blocks, and feet on feet! Maybe not feet on feet, actually…

We got the entire rightmost wall done, eventually. The front door to the 'front' was still standing, so when we moved to the front wall we could just build around it, or something.

Marisa sighs. "...How long is this even going to take?"

"A while." I tell her. "Freakin', took a day just to get things started nice and proper."

"...I got more things to do than sit here and make sure my stuff doesn't get mangled, ze."

Oi, have more faith in me, friend!

She stretches. "So~... I think I'll help you guys out a bit."

Komi scoffs. "That's rich."

Marisa extends her hand, and some blocks begin floating. Quickly, she positions all the blocks with magical levitation, building half the entire front wall in literally thirty seconds.

I turn to her. "...Coulda done that to begin with?"

She grins, and nods. "Coulda done that to begin with."

"...Why?" I want to know.

"Consider it a test of willpower." Marisa mirthfully explains. "I think you did enough. Also, I'm getting sick of it, so I guess it's my will that gave in, in the end."

...I spent like, multiple days… just to undergo a 'test of willpower'.

Why the hell was I here, again!? What even led up to this moment!?

Marisa giggles. "I think I'll just let you… 'cool off', ze."

Aaaauuugh!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

After careful contemplation and re-reading the previous chapters, I have remembered that I came to Marisa to learn a spell or something! The only way to get mentored by her was to make her not tear my guts out!

...I look up, and see a noose slowly lowering from a gap.

"No, friend." I hold up one of the numerous fluffles that have made a home of Marisa's abode, and put it in the noose. It tightens, and pulls the fluffle up into the gap.

"Waaa~l!"

A~nd it's gone.

Marisa snorts. "What was that about?"

I shake my head. "I don't even know, yo. I don't even know."

I know exactly why.

We were all seated in the shitty ice-and-plywood hut half of the house, gathered around a fire. Komi and Ha-chan are here, too.

"So then shrine maiden-chan was like 'get out of my house', and I was like 'it's a shrine, not a house'! Hehehe!" Ha-chan giggled.

...I see.

"Shrine maiden?" Komi raises a brow. "Who?"

Marisa nodded casually. "Me. I'm Reimu."

Yes.

"Get the fuck out." Komi monotones, staring blankly at Marisa.

"I'm serious, ze!" Marisa tries again at convincing Komi. "I'm Reimu! I just don't like the shrine maiden attire, and stuff! It doesn't keep my armpits warm in the winter!"

Pffft.

"Just stop." Komi rolls her eyes. "Really."

Marisa's gaze grows tired. "You're awful boring for a fairy…"

"You're awful. Period." Komi counters.

I drum my legs against the floor! "Ooo~h! Shots fired, noob! Shots fired!"

"That wasn't even that good, ze…" Marisa scoffs.

Well, the house is done! I dunno if the ice end up being purely cosmetic or detrimental to the home's climate, but whatever. Also, plywood roof. That's not doing anything any favors.

At least, that business is done! "So, magical friend…" I rub my hands together in anticipation.

Marisa turns to look at me. "Yeah?"

"What magical magics could I possibly learn from you?" I present the big question! "It has to be magical, just saying."

She pauses. "Hmm… I kinda need to know what ya can cast first. Like, so I don't teach you something that makes you die when you cast it."

I hope you're talking figuratively, friend. "Well, you saw that holy blast earlier."

Marisa blinks. "...You, uh… really considering that your best?"

...Yeah. My most expensive spell is probably summoning London, but the holy spells come second.

I nod.

She gives me a half-smirk. "...You really are a wimp."

I figured!

"I guess I can teach ya to make stars fall on people's heads, or something." Marisa shrugs.

Star shower!? That sounds fuckin' awesome!

She points at Ha-chan. "Here!"

A yellow star materializes in the air, and then flies down diagonally towards Ha-chan.

"A-ah!" Ha-chan flinches, and gets struck before she can react.

Ti~ng!

"Aaa~h!" She yells, falling backwards.

Thud.

"I-I'm okay!" Ha-chan gives a thumbs-up!

So it's not a badass star shower, but uh… it's a start.

"It's very random, so don't expect much from it." Marisa tells me. "It was one of the first spells I learned myself! It brings me wa~y back…"

Komi clears her throat. "Ahem!"

I look towards her. "Hi."

"...So what was that about a Go Fish game?" Komi reminds us.

Marisa grins. "Hey, I still got my deck 'a cards. Somewhere…"

She gets up and moves towards one of the room's piles, and starts digging.

Komi looks genuinely surprised Marisa actually began looking for the cards, and we were actually progressing towards that game. So much so that she's not saying anything!

We might also need a table. Standing around a fire's probably not the best…

"I noticed a peculiar lack of tables." I state. There is still Marisa's desk.

"Ah, yeah. We'll just stack books or somethin'." Marisa calls from a pile of books.

That works, too!

In a short while, we get a 'table' all set up, nice and proper. I also take a moment to novel at the translucency of the walls. That… probably doesn't do the privacy aspect any favors, but it's the middle of the woods, anyway.

Marisa begins dealing the cards.

"Why don't I get to deal the cards?" Komi immediately complains.

"They're my cards." Marisa states.

"Oh, I get it. Trick cards." Komi frowns. "I see how it is."

Marisa counters her sass with some of her own! "You couldn't tell a trick from yer headdress, fairy. I'd shut up, if I were you."

"Hmph." Komi folds her arms. Ho ho!

"I love card games!" Ha-chan smiles. "What game are we playing?"

"Go Fish." We all simultaneously tell her.

She props her arms to her sides. "I love that one! How do you play?"

I'm sorry, but those sentences contradict each other.

"You gotta get four of a type 'a card." Marisa explains. "You ask for whatcha got. If they have it, they gotta give it to you. If they don't, then you gotta go fish."

Ha-chan furrows her brows. "I-I'm sorry… I don't own a fishing rod."

Marisa sighs. "I mean you draw a card."

Ha-chan looks confused, still.

"I mean, you don't actually 'go fish', when someone tells you to 'go fish' they mean you draw a card." Marisa tiredly explains further.

"That's not true." Ha-chan states determinedly. "When me and my friends went fishing, that one time, we got rods and fished! We didn't draw cards!"

Marisa glares at her. "You know what? Just watch. You'll figure it out."

"Oka~y…" Ha-chan still looks unsure.

We all pick up our cards, except for Ha-chan, who only picks them up after realizing we all did.

I've got myself two queens; one of spades and the other of hearts, a two of hearts, a three of clubs, and an ace of spades.

I suck at holding cards, by the way. Freakin', everything's behind other things, and oof. Then I look at Marisa's hand, and for whatever reason, they're all almost evenly spaced. Komi's is… less so. Some of my cards are freakin' on their side, so she's still got me beat, there.

And Ha-chan's… are somewhat backwards. Even though Marisa gave her them all facing one direction, and face down.

Wait, did Marisa look at them when she dealt them? I guess I'll find out!

I glance down at my hand…

"Who's gonna go first?" Komi questions.

"Me, ze." Marisa grins.

She did, didn't she?

"No, I want to go first." Komi glares at her. "You got to deal them. I get to go first, then!"

Marisa rolls her eyes. "Fine, ya oversized brat."

Komi glares at her. "...Marisa. Do you have any… queens?"

"Go fish." Marisa's grin reasserts itself.

"Damn it." Komi goes fishing.

Ho ho. Komi'd be the type of person to go blast-fishing, I feel.

"Alright…" Marisa stretches. "I guess it's my turn…"

Komi glares at her. "No. We're going counter clockwise."

Marisa glares back. "What the hell's your problem? You beg for a game, and then yer panties become one with yer ass!"

"I just want a fair and balanced game." Komi smirks. "Is that so wrong?"

"What's that have to do with being fair and balanced!?" Marisa shouts back.

"Things." Komi explains herself very elaborately and eloquently.

Marisa narrows her eyes at her. "...Fine. I'll humor you. Brad, s'your turn."

It is time to employ the strategy I know best! "Marisa, d'you got any twos?"

She winces. "Fuck… really?"

I nod.

"...Can you call fer like, threes instead?"

I have threes! That's the scary part! "No, friend."

"How about queens? I got a lotta queens." Marisa assures me.

Uhh… totally. I also have two queens, for some reason. She knows what I have, I'm sure of it! "Nope, nope. I want twos, fluffy."

"E-eh…" Marisa frowns. "...Here."

I get a two of clubs! Yea~h!

I look over at Ha-chan. "...Do you got any twos, fluffy friend?"

Ha-chan nods. "Here, Brad-kun."

"Really…" Marisa stares at me bitterly.

Woo. Now… "Komi, you freakin' noob, gimme yer twos!"

Komi grins wickedly. "Go. Fish."

Ah, shit. I fish, and I get a freakin' four of diamonds.

It is now Ha-chan's turn. We shall observe the pro in action!

"U-uhm…" She looks at her cards nervously. "...I-I don't have any fish. They're just hearts and stuff."

"Ask Komi for aces." Marisa says outright.

Wait, woah, woah, woah! What the frik, dude!

"...Komi-chan. Do you have any aces?"

Komi places an ace of clubs and hearts on the table. "What the fuck."

Ha-chan looks to Marisa after taking her aces. "...What now?"

"Ask Brad for aces." Marisa instructs her.

Wat. No.

"Brad-kun-"

I toss my ace of spades at her.

"Thanks…" She re-organizes her cards.

"Ask Komi for aces, again." Marisa tells her.

Pfft.

"O-okay…" Ha-chan smiles. "Komi-chan, give me some aces!"

"I'm out of aces, you retard. You literally just took them!" Komi grits her teeth.

Ha-chan tilts her head.

"...She means go fish." Marisa translates.

"Oh." Ha-chan draws a card!

Marisa smiles. "Alri~ght…"

Here we go.

"...Ha-chan, gimme yer aces." Marisa holds her hand out.

Aw, geez.

Marisa receives three aces, and thus has all the aces.

"S'one fer me." Marisa places it down. She looks at me. "You got any threes?"

Yep. I give her my three.

"Cool… Komi, threes."

Komi gives her one. "I hate you."

"I know." Marisa smiles. "Ha-chan, gimme three."

Ha-chan almost gives her three cards, but Marisa retracts her hand. "Ahah, no, no, I mean, a card with a three on it…"

"Oh!" Ha-chan hands her the three.

She lays down the complete set of threes on the table. "That's two…"

She looks at me. "Got any nines?"

Nope. "Go fish, friend."

She does so, and grins at her card. Oh, boy…

Komi nods. "Give me your nine."

Marisa shrugs. "No biggie."

The card is exchanged!

"...Brad, nines." Komi demands of me.

"No can do, buckaroo!" I shake my head. If she was payin' attention, she'd've noticed Marisa asking me!

She shrugs, and draws a card.

My turn! "...Hey Komi, got any twos?"

"Go fish." Komi monotones.

Daw. I draw a card…

Ha-chan, will you save the day?

"...Uhm…" She looks at Marisa hopefully.

Marisa shakes her head. Freakin' cruel.

"A-ah… B-Brad, do you have any aces…?" Ha-chan, you don't even have aces, I'm sure of it! It's impossible for anyone to have aces!

"...If I said 'no', would you be surprised?" I tread carefully!

Ha-chan looks defeated. "That's okay…"

"Alright." Marisa nods. "Brad, queens."

There goes mine!

"Komi, queens."

Komi slams her cards down on the table. "This is bullshit!"

...Marisa just grins at her.

Komi heads for the door, sticking her middle finger up at us. "Nope. Scre~w this. I'm going home, and Brad, when I find Koi, I'm sending her to rape your ass. And that's a promise!"

Someone's salty, yo. I mean, for good reason, but… yo.

She storms out, and slams the door on her way out.

"Awwh." Marisa scratches the back of her head. "...I had a whole thing setup with nines and stuff, too."

I don't even wanna know. "Well, friend, if you're done cheating at Go Fish, I'd like to know if we can get started on teachin' me that freakin' spell…"

"Ah." Marisa nods. "Right, right. It's not hard, lemme show ya…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Outside, near a snowy wall, Marisa was searching for some target practice…

"What can we shoot, what can we shoot…" She had her hand to her chin, looking around. "...Maybe a bucket, or somethin', ze…"

I cast the magics. Lifting my arm into the air and channeling some of my mana, I exert it!

"Hyah!"

Poof.

A crusty pillow lands in the snow.

Marisa scoffs at it. "Oh, okay. Sure. Why not."

Hey, yo, it's expendable.

"Alright, so, did Patchy teach you the basics of manifesting mana, ze?" Marisa questions. "That, like, really helps with basic template casting 'n' things."

Uhh… "Should we pretend I did?"

"Nevermind, then." Marisa slowly shook her head. "You seem to cast some spells just fine, anyway. Now, I wantcha to sorta channel your mana to yer arms…"

I do so, I think. I hold it up, too, like I was casting the crusty pillow spell.

"Good, good, like that! Just don't cast that pillow again, or you won't have an arm to cast with, ze."

That's an awfully casual way to passively threaten one's limbs.

"Now just imagine the star shape. Kinda like danmaku, except not!" Marisa nods. "...Also, if you don't get it this way, we're gonna have to hit the books, and shit. You don't wanna hit the books, or the shit."

Oh, boy.

I visualize the star shape!

"...Hope you're good with what you see. Now, throw yer arm forward. Shout if ya need to!"

With my mana channeled into my arm, I cast it forward! "Nugget sto~rm!"

A dinky little star forms above me, and crashes down on the pillow, fluffing it slightly.

Bink!

Marisa nodded. "...That sucked. But, you don't have to hit the books, 'cause you've at least got some form of that natural mojo, and stuff."

I turn to her. Channeling my mana once more, I focus on the star spell…

"Nugget sto~rm!"

I throw my arm towards her, and the dinky star is thrown towards her!

Bink!

She flinches a little, and her hat gets knocked off.

"Hey, hey, watch it, ze." She rubs her hair. "You're gonna scuff my hat!"

I'm pretty sure it's already scuffed, friend.

"...Alright, so, if you want it to not suck, you're just gonna have to practice a bit and figure out why it sucks so much." Marisa prompts me. "Until then, I'll be reorganizing my stuff. Good luck."

With that, Marisa goes back to her house, and vanishes into the front door.

Ha-chan flies out onto the front porch moments later, and the door slams behind her.

"Awwh…" She pouts.

I wonder…

This time, I visualize the non-elemental star, but I don't shout anything. I visualize it spinning and growing…

I cast my arm forward!

A larger, colorless star drifts down slowly and bounces off the pillow.

...There's not even any noise, 'cause it hardly made an impact! What the frik!?

One more time, yo…

I hold my arm up, and repeat the visualization process. Spinning star of growing magical magicness!

I cast my arm forward! "Lucky Star!"

A larger star falls down onto the pillow!

Di~nk!

The pillow explodes into stuffing on impact.

"I did it! Ungh!" I fist pump! "I won! I got the money!"

Yo ho ho~!

...Ha-chan gingerly approaches me. "Why'd you do that to that pillow…?"

Trust me, if you knew what was on that pillow, you'd be grateful. Speaking of, I think I'll take this moment to show her…!

"Do you want a free pillow, fluffy friend?" I ask her.

"But, you killed it..." Ha-chan looked crestfallen.

I channel the miniscule amount of mana, and cast forth the crusty pillow!

Poof.

...Ha-chan walks up to it. "Oo~h!" Lifting it up, she holds it close… then promptly holds it away from herself, examining it closer.

"E-eew~!" She tosses it away. "Smelly, smelly, smelly…!"

She navigates behind me. "Make it stop living. Please?"

It's alive. It's ali~ve!

I lift my arm and star shapes and yeah whatever!

"Aaa~h, aaa~h!" I shout as I throw my arm forward recklessly!

An uneven, shifting and colorless star falls down onto the pillow, before breaking into magic particles on contact, doing absolutely nothing.

Wow, that sucked! Even worse than usual! Guess the setup's actually important!

Focusing, I lift my arm. I once again imagine the even, spinning and growing star, and the luminescent yellow glow.

I cast my arm forward! "Lucky Star!"

The yellow star falls straight towards the pillow.

Di~nk!

There we go, yo! Stuffing everywhere!

Where the hell're the spell hotkeys when you need'em? Man, being a semi-competent mage is hard as nails. Then you got freakin', Patchy in her fancy library over there, makin' it look easy!

...Oh, I almost forgot.

I walk up to Marisa's door, and open it up…

Inside, I see her digging through a book. She looks up at me. "Oh, hey, ze. You give up yet?"

I shake my head. "I have found a way to cast stars that aren't clinically retarded!"

"Oh, cool." She grins. "...Well, that's all for today's lessons! Both because I'd like another favor for more… and I have no freakin' clue what else I'd teach ya that you could even do."

Next step: mana pool expansion! That'd be the bomb.

And now for the reason I walked into the house in the first place. "Patchy told me to tell you she knows some info about Mima's whereabouts."

...Marisa stands up. "Well. I assume she told ya, like, a day ago?"

I nod.

"...Why didn't'cha tell me then!?"

I throw my arms up. "It was fun night fluff night! What was I s'posed ta do!?"

She folds her arms. "A~h, I'm sure Patchy won't mind. Also, uh, no hard feelings, but I'd like you to not be in my house while I'm gone."

I stare at her dryly. "I, like, built it. Practically."

"I know, I know, it's just…"

I mean, everyone's entitled to privacy, but hnnn~gh! "I can't read a single book, and that's all that's in there, to me! But, I'll respect your wishes, yo. I won't dare to read the unreadable." I reassure her. "Don't read too deep, as they say, or the book'll freakin' become one with your head, and you'll be dead."

Marisa nodded slowly. "I dunno what you're talking about at this point, but as long as you'll keep out, I guess I'm fine with it."

Yea~h!

"Have a good one, ze." Marisa smiled, heading for the door. I went out the door with her, and it closed behind us.

She hopped on her broom. "Don't die, and all that. If you do, at least make it easy for me to find that bag of crap!"

Hahaha, no, I'll be locking it in a Zelda dungeon about fifty miles from my dead body. You'll need, like, the strategy guide to even find it.

How'd I do that? Very carefully. I bet Yukari'd do it for me, just because she'd have a similarly assholeish idea.

And Rinnosuke can sell the strategy guide. It all comes full circle…

I watch Marisa fly away. Still somewhat surreal, even after all this time…!

...I turn to her door, and aggress the handle!

It's locked, even though she didn't use a key on it, or anything. Hyonk.

I suppose I'll head over to Alice's, then, both to say hello and to see if she has anything to teach me. I'm just gonna run around as many places as possible to get as much crap as possible, yo.

As I begin walking to Alice's I notice that walking there's kinda impossible unless I have snowshoes. Guess I'll just have to fly…!

Pulling out my flail-o-copter, I take to the air, with Ha-chan scrambling to catch up behind me. I feel like a demented Mary Poppins!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 34

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Unknown ice spell acquired?

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Yet to be discovered other spell…?

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives that I mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

Holy Talismans - Provides a holy upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

Electric Talismans - Provides an electric upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Because I forgot to list that I grabbed these a few chapters ago! Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out...

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

rather slow chapter but y'know those happens from time to time, byproduct of following my nearly EVERY WAKING MOMENT

nuggetvania. l :3

one thing i find is that i write myself into lengthy situations; which isn't a bad thing by any means, but sometimes i feel like the little branchlings of things drag on

such is a necessity if someone wants to write a "good" OC fic, or at least, one worth its salt, if anything

as always, see you all next time!