(HEY before we begin- i hate pre-story author notes- but this is a big one! freakin gensokyo now has its own WEBSITE YO- just google "FREAKIN GENSOKYO" without quotations, and it should be the one with the garbage .comuf extension. okay shameless self-plugging over)

(in which we overcome a fluffy palooza)

Springti~me in the morning!

Except not! It's as cold as a dead rat on the side of the road.

And the kotatsu blankets have mysteriously sprouted legs and walked away.

Tilting my head downward, I see that Marisa has, infact, taken the entire kotatsu blanket, leaving me with nothing but my worn clothes.

Sitting up, I move to put away that 3DS, which I was smart enough to at least close before I freakin' dropped dead.

A quick glance at Fred revealed he was also awake, observing me.

"Hey look," I quietly, casually stated. "It's Fred Fuckstone."

Fred glowered, as hard as a little shota mage could glower.

...I move up to Marisa, and tug at her blankets a little. Hnngh, she's all wrapped up in them. I was gonna steal them back, but if I did that right now, she'd just become an unstoppable force of violence.

...After a few moments of silence, Fred speaks up.

"Wh...what did you do to Albus?"

I look over at him. "Hmm… I think he's over at Eientei, that clinic place, in a room. To keep him from teleporting out like a freakin' maniac."

This is assuming his teleportation is strictly eyesight oriented. Otherwise, him and Reisen were probably gonna have a series of deathmatches all night.

That, or he's roaming Gensokyo shooting people in the face as we speak.

Fred blinked. "...Eientei? ...I-I never trusted those rabbit types."

I don't think you ever trusted anyone.

...I also told him where Albus was, didn't I? That'd normally be pretty stupid, but if Fred hasn't escaped by now, I don't think he's going to. He looks like he didn't get much sleep later into the night.

The kitchen door slides open. I see Reimu is up early, too.

...She walks up to the snug Marisa, and rips the blankets from her, forcing her to twirl about before landing on her stomach.

"Wha-waah!?" Marisa flailed her limbs, before looking up at Reimu. "...I was sleeping!"

"And I'm sitting."

Reimu sat the kotatsu back up, and sat at it.

...I join her at it, as does Marisa.

"...Later today I'll go interrogate that guy." Reimu speaks.

...She notices Fred staring at her.

"Oh, right. You." Reimu stares back. "You were a friend of his, right?"

"I don't have to answer to you, Hakurei." Fred scowled. "You do nothing for the village."

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Because I don't check in to report how many youkai I keep in line? Mmm… I don't roughhouse them often, but when I do, they're usually not very active in the first place."

Fred shook his head vigorously. "Lies! All lies! Do you know how many villagers have died this year!?"

Reimu shrugged. "The biggest thing was that mech… which wasn't a conventional youkai, and I did fight it. There was also that horseman, but he seems to have bitten off more than he could chew."

Yo~! That last one was me!

"What about the murders?" Fred continued. "The unexplained deaths!?"

...Reimu furrowed her brows. "Youkai don't operate like that. Even when they have the opportunity to do such, they'd likely make a grandstand out of it, and not simply let it fester. The only reason I can think of for that is if someone really pissed off one really bad, but even then, stealth is not really a priority for anyone who'd get that bothered, I'm sure."

Fred sighed. "You don't know nothing…"

"...Maybe if the village actually reached out about those things-"

"It's your job to protect us! Surely you should be the one checking in!" Fred yelled.

"I do. Not inside the village, however. I had no way of knowing." Reimu shrugged. "Before you tell me to go in there often, I'd like to ask how well that'd go, considering what you and your friend just tried yesterday."

...Fred had nothing smart to say about that.

...Marisa yawned. "It's too early for this shit, ze…"

At that, Reimu leans onto the kotatsu top, relaxing. She seems to be in agreeance.

Fred's eyes lit up. "Oh, yeah! That oni! She wrecked that hobo's house, she did!"

I shook my head. "Nope."

Fred glared at me. "...What?"

"You guys jumped to conclusions. I don't even own a house in the village. If there was a broken house, it was because of the snow, and your shitty, boxy roofs." Seriously, that's probably not good for rain, even.

"The-the hell do the roofs have to do with anything!?" He snaps. "Fucking…"

There we go, yo. The village has no architects.

That, or it's the fact they're almost purely wood and made by not-architects and it's not the fact that they're boxy. I'm not an architect, either!

"...So you lied to us, then?" Fred accused me.

I sigh. "I just- freakin'... No."

"How?"

I shake my head. "Nope. This discussion ends, friend."

He pouts. "Seriously, how?"

Nope. I'm out, yo.

I think I'll head to the temple. I don't have to fly far, and they have heating, I hope. Buddhists better believe in heating, or I'm making them believe in heating.

"See you guys 'round, yo. I'm gonna go be vermin in a bigger building. More food and heat."

Reimu raised her hand. "Oi. If you're stopping in the village, could you do shopping for me? Gives me less to do when I get back from the clinic…"

Marisa looked at her, as if offended.

I shake my head. "Nope. Not unless I'm stopping there, yo… and I ain't, even if the temple's close. I've had enough of youkai genocidalists for awhile."

Fred still wants to beat me up, from that scowl on his face. Hyonk.

Reimu nods. "Alright. Marisa, it's up to you."

Marisa goes from offended to disinterested. "Aah, I'm afraid I'll have to, uh, talk with Patchy, yeah…?" Then, she realizes something. "Oh, shit, I forgot to talk to Patchy, for reals! She knows where Mima is!"

Reimu groans. "Another thing to do? I'm sorry I asked, then…"

"I gotta go like, right now!" Marisa instantly pulls her broom from parts unknown, drifts to the shrine door to open it, and then rockets outside.

Reimu sighed. "I'm going to deal with that gunman first. Patchouli can withstand Marisa for a few hours, I'm sure."

With that, she floated out of the shrine.

Fred uselessly fought his ropes. "H-hey! I'm hungry, here! I could use a drink…"

He looks at me. "...You better be lying to them. Please tell me you're still on our side. Please!"

I shake my head. "No, son. I'm fluffy."

Leaving the shrine, I hear Fred's displeasure. "No! You fucker! Let me go!"

Poor Fred. it just occured to me that I should have been calling Albus 'Barney' the entire time.

Oh, well.

Walking away from the shrine, I still hear the young-looking mage yell obnoxiously. That dude's really going at it.

I begin spinning my flail-o-copter, and set off.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: FRED'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I'm 'onna fucking die here, aren't I? That lousy fucking miko just took the piss and split, there was that witch for whatever fucking reason, that hobo was a fucking double agent, fuck!

"Heee~lp!" Someone's oughta hear me, damn it! I'll scream until my voice box's shot!

"Heee~lp! Youkai! I've been trapped by youkai!" Worth a shot, right?

"Someone! Help me!"

"Heee~lp!"

"Hee-"

The shrine door slides open. Already!? About fucking time! Maybe the guards followed us! Maybe Albus finally killed that bunny bitch! Maybe-

A figure walks through the door, entirely covered in those little dust devil things.

"honhonhonhonhonhonhonhonh"

They produce a constant murmur of unholy noise.

"Bra~d-ku~n…" A woman's voice moans from inside. "Where are~ you…?"

The dust creatures writhe around, but still posture their mass into a humanoid form. It's… it's uncanny.

What the fuck.

She waddles through the shrine, passing me.

I don't want to talk to that thing. Whatever it is, I'm 'bout to fucking piss myself. Is it their hive? Do they come from this youkai?

I keep myself very, very still. For what seems like an eternity, she passes through the shrine, before sliding the other door open, and leaving.

I-I'm gonna wait before I call again. I wouldn't want to draw that thing back…

Albus told the guards they were just pussies for not coming up here to flush out the miko. Aside from the fact I knew them not as zealous as he… I didn't think the rumors about all-powerful youkai stomping around Hakurei grounds to be true.

I mean… what even goes on up here? I've honestly not a fucking clue, now!

Bloody hell.

It's been ten minutes. I think I'll start again…

"Heee~lp!"

…I really do have to piss myself! "Heeeheheee~lp!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

These guys bothered to snow shovel!

I touch down atop the steps!

The ice is even gone, yo~...!

Kyouko notices me. "Welcome back…"

The temple as a whole looks rather like an ancient fort, in all the snow, for some reason. Or maybe it's just me. Either way, I like that.

Her eyes scan over my clothes.

...I shrug. "I'm a freakin' hillbilly princess, yo."

She sighed. "You should probably take that wig off, before you see Byakuren…"

That's right, actually. She might get frisky, again.

I remove the wig!

"..." She gives my normal hair a good stare as well, but looks away when she can tell I've noticed.

Despite how freakin' weird it looks, I pride myself in it.

"...Anyway, go on inside." Kyouko resumes sweeping the stone path.

Wait…

My eyebrow raises. "What the frik is there to sweep? It just snowed a few days ago."

...Kyouko blinks. "O-oh, right… Well…" She fidgets. "...Force of habit?" She grins sheepishly.

She even has a scarf on, so she knew.

I shrug. "Whatever you do for fun, yo."

She sighs in relief.

I walk up to the temple, and enter it. I have to question how the first room is a hallway that immediately greets you with a wall, and two choices: left or right. Couldn't there've been a freakin' lobby?

I eventually find the kitchen!

Stormy McAngryEyes is sitting at the table, glaring down at a plate of crackers, as he angrily munches on one…

He's sad, friends.

I walk up Stormy. "Heyo~, you freakin' oaf! How goes the nuggetmania?"

A glance at me shifts his face into a scowl. "...What, you're a farmer, now?"

"I'm a plumber." I tell him. "The Clutch Plumber, yo."

He snorts. "...I've never heard that term used to describe a plumber before. Why would that be…?"

I take a seat at the kitchen table… "Well, son, it was way back in the great war."

"...I don't think you were alive long enough for any wars." Stormy observes.

"I had nothing but my wrench, and my wits..." I tell him. "I was repairing a faucet, in a home down in North Yorkinorkinyorkinshire, when suddenly, a fuckin' soccer ball came out of the drainage pipe!"

Stormy nods. "...I see."

"It leapt onto me, and strangled me, dude!" I accentuate by putting my arms around my neck, and writhing around. "I was all like 'goddamn it, get off me!', and then I like, stuck my wrench in it, and turned! And I turned, and I turned, and like… it just wouldn't come off!" I throw my arms to the sides, as if bamboozled.

"...Alright, what the fuck are you going on about?" Stormy was confused.

"So then I died." I slouch, crestfallen. "That's the legend of the clutch plumber, yo. Snuffed out by sport ball. I never heard the end of it."

Stormy looks somewhere behind me. I turn, and see big girl Hijiri herself.

"...I see."

She calmly approaches the table, and takes a seat.

I nod. "So how was your day, Byakuren? Got any funny stories to tell?"

She puts a finger to her lips. "...There was this time Murasa attempted to sail a bucket in the sink."

Pfft…!

"Let it be known, that I do not advocate drinking in the temple." Her smile grows slightly more intense, focusing her gaze on Stormy…

"Oh, come off it." He grimaces. "Everyone had a good time. Even you."

"...I do not advocate drinking in the temple." Her smiled tightened further!

Alri~ght, damage control, comin' right up! "Yo yo yo, who's in the know, yo?"

No one bothers to glance at me.

"Tch…" Stormy shakes his head. "Can't have any fun around here."

"Why don't you just leave, then?" Byakuren suggests, still all 'smiles'. "Surely you wouldn't mind. It is only what you want, after all."

Stormy, how bad of an original character are you? It sounds like you're about to get a bad end!

He stands up. "Maybe I-"

I stand up, too! "Downy soft owls!"

He begins to work around the table, coming towards me.

I raise my hands defensively. "Now, son-"

He grabs me by the neck of my undershirt. "Listen here, you dipshit. I don't need you, coming in here, and acting like a clown case right now. The best thing you can do, right now, is to simply screw off and let me handle my business."

I'm slightly shaken, and surprised, but not stirred, you see.

He lets go of me, and steps back, folding his arms.

Byakuren frowns. "He only means well. It is not just to lash out to those who-"

I raise a hand. "Yo, yo, yo… Byakuren, please. Lemme show this friend… what's good… in the proverbial hood, yo!" I do a little spin!

Stormy blinks.

...I readjust myself and notice his confusion. "I mean I'm going to beat some sense into you."

He grins, and glows with faint energy. "...After all the new shit I've learned here? Oh, I've been waiting for this!"

Oh, boy, yo!

Byakuren steps between us. "Please, compose yourselves! Conflict does not-"

A weak energy bolt strikes Byakuren's face, launched from Stormy's fist. She doesn't flinch… but she steps out of the way.

Frowning, she telekinetically moves the kitchen table aside, and simply observes.

Alright, yo! Time for ass to be kicked… and hopefully not mine!

I draw Swift Brand to play the indecisive neutral grounds…

He punches his fists together. "Simply hitting me isn't going work this time, boy! I've got profound magical powers!"

I simply stare at him. "I will shit in places that will leave you confused for the rest of your life."

"I-I'm sorry?" He looks utterly baffled.

I chuck Swift Brand at him, and he raises his arm to deflect it.

"...Hah! You're now unarmed!"

...I pull Flame Salvo from the sack.

"...Oh, right, that bag of tricks. Go ahead, keep tossing them!" He puts up a shield in front of himself. "Toss all of them!"

...I slowly crouch down, and put Flame Salvo on the floor.

He grins. "...Is that surrender?"

I take out the Youkai Inconveniencer.

"...I guess not." His joy falters. "Hurry it up, then."

I focus mana to the hanger, and cast Shine with it!

Fwash!

The orb of light generates at Stormy's point, and launches him into some cabinets. That shield in front of him fell, which I assume was focus powered.

Thud!

"Augh!"

He lands on his knees, and quickly stands again. "Wh-what the blazes was that…? Holy magic?"

I nod. "It's a formality for all clutch plumbers, yo. It's for when you have to deal with holy shit in the septic system."

Stormy groans. "You idiot." Then, his aura glows a white color. "Let's see you try that holy spell again."

I toss the holy hanger to the floor 'cause screw it, and daintily pick up Flame Salvo. If I manhandle that hanger, I'm gonna have a raging inferno on my hands!

...I casually strut towards him, and activate the flamethrower ability!

Fwoo~m!

"Wh-whoah!" He flails wildly. "A-a fire's started! Ah, hooh, hot, hot!"

...His aura changes to red, and the fire slowly goes out while he thrashes about…

"...Wh-what the hell…" He clutches his charred robes, and some patches of his skin.

Is that fear in his eyes? He looks genuinely terrified by the burns. I suppose I would be, too. They probably hurt like hell, too…

Now I feel like an asshole.

"Friends." I casually add, feeling a little awkward.

Byakuren steps forward, noticing how distraught Stormy is about his burns. "This is enough."

Stormy looks ready to protest. "But, I-"

"Was nearly burnt alive." Byakuren finishes. "...I would like to speak with Brad. Alone."

Oh, boy.

Stormy grits his teeth. "...Fine."

With that, he leaves the room.

Byakuren's gaze washes over me. "...What exactly made you think that level of lethality would be a good idea?"

I shrug. "I never had to worry about that sorta thing! I always just flailed my limbs until things stopped bothering me, and I always did scratch damage. I never had to worry about hurting things that weren't fairies or super asses or, uh…"

...She nodded. "...I believe I have a solution for you, then."

Ooh?

"...It is time for you to learn how to shoot danmaku." Byakuren declares.

Whaaa-!?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

It's not as great as I thought.

I swipe my arm forward, and a single blue orb is generated. It drifts forward slowly, and blinks out as it floats into Byakuren's shirt.

"...You know, with that display of fire earlier…" Byakuren was neutral. "I would have thought you were capable of more."

"Help, no." This is not remotely helpful, even if I wanted to be non-lethal about it. This is too non-lethal!

Byakuren shrugs. "Perhaps, with practice, you may shoot simple streams. I'm sure the Hakurei miko could get you shooting small spreadshots and streams in no time, but, for myself, teaching danmaku's base concepts is not entirely within my ability."

Now that sounds more like it…

"The only problem is that your mana pool would only allow you to create a small sum of bullets, without any spell cards of your own. Even then, your mana pool can likely only sustain one spell card." She smiles sagely. "As such, it might be too inconvenient to use in nearly any setting."

Well. S'not as easy as I thought it would be…! Just goes to show I can't take things for granted, I guess.

It took me five hundred fucking thousand words just to safely go 'yeah I can reliably make a mad dash in the dead of night from the village to the Hakurei Shrine and not get gibbed by wolfmen, spider ladies, and fairies'.

It also took me five hundred thousand words to shoot my first, clinically crippled danmaku pellet.

I nod slowly. "...I wouldn't expect anything less, yo."

...A sheet of paper lands on my face.

I take it off, and read it.

'Five hundred thousand words, and you're still breaking the fourth wall.'

Probably Yukari.

"Well, if you're pleased with that, then I suppose we'll end it there." Byakuren decides. We've been out here for like an hour, and it took Byakuren about ten different explanations for me to finally find one that worked. I dunno how Reimu could do anything very different…

"Warmth." I declare.

"...Go warm up." Byakuren adds with a warm smile of her own as I retreat inside the temple.

I pass some monks who give me a very curious glance as I seek out the room with the most heat. There happens to be many rooms without any heat, which is disconcerting.

I pass a tiger lady I forget the name of!

"You, there! Person!" I call her out.

She glances at me.

"I need heat. Bring me to the heat." I request.

"Excuse me?" She looks vaguely offended, for some reason.

"He~lp!" I begin jumping in place.

"...Oh." She blinks, shaking her head. "Right. This way…"

Woo.

I'm lead to a cozy little fireplace, with some friends around it…

Ichirin is sitting near it, rubbing her hands together to keep warm.

There's also some fluffles here, also holding their hands out to catch the heat, even though they have absolutely no need for heating.

...I grab the fluffles, and put them inside my suspenders.

...They begin to wiggle around curiously. "im snug"

Ichirin stares at me, disturbed. "What are you doing to them…?"

"Cuddling." I argue. "It's a living, yo."

She shakes her head. "I don't think they like it…"

They're dust mites, friend.

She stands up. "Get them out, now."

I fold my arms. "Dude- they're warm. They like it, too. Right guys?"

A fluffle pokes its little head out from the denim, and looks around.

"im being smooshed"

No, you're not! These suspenders aren't even tight, and I'm as skinny as a rail!

It hid back inside. Tufts of fluff…

Ichirin pouts, and moves towards me. "I said get them out! They're getting hurt!"

No, they're not, you crazy woman! I raise my dukes! "Friend, no, I didn't come to inflict violence!"

Then, Unzan appears... and I'm reminded just how fucking big he is.

Unzan glares at me.

...I drop my suspenders, and the fluffles scurry out.

Ichirin moves to grab them, and hugs them. "Are you okay…?"

...One fluffle headbutts her, and she gushes. "Aawwh!"

Unzan folds his arms, as I put my suspenders back on… "So, uh… fluff nuggets, huh?"

Ichirin turns away from me. "You're not getting your hands on them again!"

Tiger girl sits down on a nearby chair. "Ichirin, they're not pets, they're dust mites."

Thank you! Finally!

Ichirin pouts at her. "You're just jealous you don't get to cuddle with them."

I shrug. "They are pretty snug… but they're also like, mega rats."

Ichirin gasps. "What!? How dare you!"

"Dude- it's true!" I spread my arms. "Yo~. Ding dong, man, ding dong."

She shakes her head, and nuzzles the fluffles closer. "Don't listen to him, he's just being mean…"

"rhino rampage" One of them exclaim.

...Ichirin pauses to give it a weird look, but hugs it tightly anyway.

Tiger lady sighs.

After I bake myself in front of the fireplace, I move to engage her in conversation!

"Freshly baked fluff loaf." I nod gingerly…

"I don't get her affiliation with them." She stares at Ichirin vainly. "They're just so… dusty. They make me sneeze."

Is that really the first thing on your mind!?

...I hear someone else approach the room. I turn and look at them…

"Bra~d-ku~n!"

Sweet Jesus, she's still covered in fluffles. How'd she get through the snow!?... Actually, with that fluffle armor, she probably just plowed through it all like a freakin' cuddly tank.

The writhing, humanoid mass of fluffles waddles towards me, pushing towards me by walking into the table.

"Freakin'- yo, yo, yo!" I climb onto said table to avoid being squashed by it. The tiger lady just jumps out of the way and stares at the fluffy abomination with wide eyes.

Ichirin turns, and beams. "Ya~y!"

...I sit on the table as Ha-chan pushes it along. Eventually it reaches a wall, and goes through the wall.

"Oh, balls…" I jump from the table.

Ha-chan continues to stumble towards me! If she can push a table through the wall, that fluffy mass is gonna scrunch me!

I begin running into the halls, as she bounds through the wall itself after me, not bothering to go around it.

"Holy shit!" I yell, looking back at the shattered wall. Tiger lady seems to be attacking the mass, but I dunno if she's even getting anywhere!

"Halt! Trespasser!"

Lady, I don't think those sword slashes are doin' nothin'...!

I pass Stormy, who stops to glare at me.

"Son," I stop in front of him. "You'd better get yer fat ass out of town, son!"

His frown deepens. "Is that how it is?"

Freakin'... "No, dude, look!"

I point at the mass of fluffy terror coming towards us!

His eyes widen. "Oh, what the fuck!?"

"We gotta get out of here before the dust mites eat our souls!" I begin running.

Stormy catches up with me, and we turn a few corners and cut a few rooms, the sound of halls getting blown through adding to our ever increasing dread.

"We need to find Byakuren." Stormy decides. "She's the only one who can stop this thing's insatiable hunger..."

"Bra~d-ku~n!"

Ha-chan's haunting voice, yo! She was a good fairy while she lasted…!

We eventually come to the kitchen again, where Murasa was managing some pots.

"...Oi, it's the junior captain!" Murasa grins at Stormy. "How goes things?"

"Fluffle horde!" He declares, moving to the room's exit.

"No, son, we gotta stop it here!" I boldly declare, standing my ground.

He stared at me like I was insane. "Wha-how!? Unless you plan on burning it, which'll burn the temple-"

"No, son, we just gotta beat the crap out of it!" I declare, pulling out Tundra Bloomer.

Murasa was confused. "The hell're you both blabbering about?"

The door frame bursts open as Ha-chan crashes through it. "Braaa~d!"

"Sweet sinking sailboats!" Murasa quickly tosses the pot she was carrying onto the counter, and pulls out a freaking giant anchor from what I can only assume is her ass, because it couldn't fit anywhere else. Actually, it wouldn't even fit up there, now that I think about it…

"Anchors awa~y!"

She tossed it at the fluffy menace.

Poof!

Oh, man, that dust storm. Fluffles flew off of the mass, but then the mass itself proceeded to assimilate the anchor.

"...Back to dinner, then." Murasa moped, going to pick up the pot again. "Stupid, dusty Leviathan…"

...Tiger woman was back there, still hacking away. She was getting tired, though. "Why…" Shwing! "Won't…" Shwing! "You…" Shwing! "Die…?"

Shwing!

Her sword got stuck. Fluffles began crawling up it, and onto her. "What!? No, no- achoo! Noo~! A-achoo!"

"Shou~!" Stormy yelled.

Oh, right, that's her name. I freakin' forgot.

"That's it…" Stormy cracked his knuckles. "It's time to kick their asses."

He held up his fists, and formed some sort of grey aura around himself. "I'm unstoppable!"

He punched the mass, and his arm got stuck.

"...Huh. I might have underestimated them."

He slowly got pulled into the fluffy mass. "Let me know when you find a solution! I don't have all day to waste in here!"

"Alright, yo!" I call out to him.

For some reason, I don't think hitting it's gonna work…!

I run into the halls again. I'll have to improvise, yo!

Using Tundra Bloomer, I ram a door with it until it flies open. "Doodoodoo~! Hero service!"

A monk of some sort, sitting on his bed, gets up. "U-uh!? Who are you!?"

I walk up to his nightstand, and begin ramming it, bashing parts off of it. "Aaaa~h, aaaa~h!"

He leaped from his bed and started to wrestle with me. "That's mine! State your name or die, trespasser!"

What buddhist says that!?

The wall bursts open, Ha-chan bounding through in her giant katamari of fluff. "Waaaa~l!"

The monk's jaw drops. "Whaaa~t!?"

I grab his collar. "You did this! You coulda prevented this! You fuck!"

The fluffles flow into us.

"Aaaaa~h!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Byakuren pulled me from the dusty menace, and Ha-chan came out with me, latched to my arm.

"That was fu~n!" She bounced in place, hugging my arm the whole while. "There was snow- lots of snow- and I got rid of it all- and then I found Brad- and then- and- walls…"

Byakuren giggled softly. "I see… If this was your doing,"

She pulled Ha-chan closer, and stared into her eyes.

"I assume you'll be helping with repairs?"

Ha-chan froze. "U-...Uhm, I…"

"Good." Byakuren smiled. "Otherwise, you would be punished. Harshly."

...Ha-chan slouched. "Auuuu…"

...Byakuren reached into the broken mass of fluffles, again, and pulled out Stormy.

He takes a deep breath, "Hoo~h…!" and looks around. "...It's about bloody time! How long was that, thirty minutes? I was starting to sweat!..."

He hugs himself. "Actually, it's cold out here. Can I have half those dust devils?"

Byakuren flings him aside. "Woa~h!"

She reaches in, and pulls out Shou.

"A-achoo! Achoo!" She rubs her nose. "A-ah, B-Byakuren, I…"

Byakuren sets her down on a nearby table.

"...Th-thanks."

...She reaches in again, and pulls out-

...S'dat Koishi!?

The green-haired girl was hugging a fluffle, petting it absentmindedly. She looked around once exposed.

"A-ah!"

She jerked herself from Byakuren's grasp, somehow, and-

"You might have missed, Byakuren!" Stormy calls out, now seated on the edge of the table Shou is on. "You didn't pull up anyone that time!"

Byakuren grasps the air with her hand a few times. "...I seem to have not. That's… peculiar."

Wow. A freakin' blunder from Byakuren Hijiri, yo! "Now you know how I feel with those claw machines, yo."

Stormy snorts. "Oh, those things. Damn, that brings me back…"

You know what a temple that encourages buddhism needs? A claw machine. You spend money for material possessions? Well, now you have no money, and no possessions. Tough.

...Or maybe that's gambling, which is also discouraged. Hnnngh…

Byakuren scans the fluff pile, but seems to see no one else of importance. Wait…

She reaches in again, and pulls out that monk I barged into the room of.

...He wipes his mouth. "Disgusting. What is the meaning of this…?"

Byakuren smiles. "A simple intrusion by local wildlife."

"...Hmph." He fidgets under Byakuren's smile. "W-well… do better."

Byakuren drops him back into the fluffs, and they scurry about in surprise.

"honh honh honh honh"

Yeah, that noise has been like, a constant for the past hour or so. That, and 'waal'.

Stormy punts a few who near him. "I take it these are all the crappy common toys, then?"

I nod. "Speaking of common, these guys spawn like rabbits." Where exactly do they come from? Do they… do they just spawn from dust? Freakin' eldritchian nightmare nuggets!

Byakuren begins to leave the room. "I'll have someone come down to clean it up momentarily."

"You do that, Byakuren. I have no idea what I could have done without your standby janitorial team." I smile, and prop my arms at my side. "Thanks, Byakuren."

Byakuren, unsure of what to make from my comment, gives me a stare before leaving the room.

Stormy snorts. "Standby janitorial team…"

Shou stares at the fluffles, who are now pooling up at the bottom of the room. "...A-achoo! Ughh… That's another bad thing about them. They're everywhere…"

"Honestly, I can't stand the sight of them." Stormy admits. "After that one failure aboard my precious vessel, I've had it up to here with the little mongrels."

Ha-chan hugs my arm again. "Th-that lady was scary…"

I smile at her. "Yeah. She is." Ha-chan, sometimes your juvenile mannerisms are endearing. I say this because your breasts are hugging my arm, too, and you also look incredibly cute like that.

While I'm busy being creepy, a familiar face enters the room.

"Wawawawa…!" Kyouko freezes in place, immediately shocked by the sheer density of fluffles. "Wh-what happened here…!?"

"We got bumfunkled." I sigh, deeply. " I dunno, dude. Help."

She uses her broom to try and keep some fluffles in the room, but some flow out anyway as she steps in and closes the door.

"What am I supposed to do!?" Kyouko jittered in place, as the fluffles slowly climbed onto her. "Ge-get off!"

Stormy stops sitting on the table's edge to move to help her. "Stay still, Kyouko. I've got you."

Kyouko puts on a brave face while Stormy moves up to her and begins tearing the nuggets from her.

A fluffle reaches her head, and begins slapping her with its fins.

"...A-aaah…!" She lets out a little whine…!

Stormy rips it off, and throws it across the room. "These damn things…!"

I huff, as if extremely annoyed. "That's it, dude. Time to mash some tater tots."

Breaking from Ha-chan, I climb into the table, and start jumping on it.

Shou's eyes widen. "What are you doing? You're going to-"

Bam!

The table legs break, and it falls down onto the fluffles, crushing some of them.

"Waaaa~l!"

They all start getting feisty!

"What!? No!" Shou swings her sword around as fluffles assault her anew.

Kyouko drops to her knees. "Aah-aaaa~h!"

Stormy frowns. "Oh my god! These damned dust people…!"

...I look around for the monk guy, and see him resting on his bed, ignoring the activities around him, or trying.

Ha-chan smiles. "They're nice."

...I pick up some fluffles, and toss them on him.

"Gggh…" He groans, and rolls over, then notices me. "You…"

I wiggle my fingers at him.

He tries to climb out of bed, only for the fluffles to make him trip and fall upon them while trying to get up.

"Woah!"

Knee deep in the fluffles, dude! Rip and tea~r!

I pull out the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber. "I'm gonna get mine, get outta my way, 'cause there's gonna be hell to pa~y!"

Stormy looks over, and his eyes widen. "You fucking- don't do that, no!"

I toss it down into the fluffles.

Bam!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"...I'm not sure what to think, anymore."

Byakuren neutrally stared at all of us. We all sat in some sort of empty room, again, with doors. Ha-chan went somewhere, and I dunno where.

"We need to do something about them." Shou declares. "They're simply too destructive to allow to infest temple grounds."

"I agree wholeheartedly." Byakuren nods. "The only problem is enforcing this. As they are literally as common as fleas, this proves difficult."

"Wh-why don't we get Nazrin to help?" Kyouko wonders.

"She did." Byakuren explains, "The fluffles began retaliating with odd structures of their own, and eventually overwhelmed her mice forces."

"Whaa~t!?" Stormy's jaw dropped. "The little bastard lost!? To them!?"

Byakuren nodded. "They used such strange machines, that Nazrin began to fear for her people."

Stormy brewed. "...I see their innovation is not limited to others."

He turns to me. "You. Have you encountered more of them?"

I shrug. "I saw some worrisome machines awhile ago, but it was like, a while ago. They were giant, shockwave inducing pistons that tore up the earth and could become giant whirling blocks of death."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Stormy looked skeptical. "It sounds more like you just described a sci-fi siege weapon."

...It pretty much was!

"...This is worrisome news, indeed." Byakuren nodded. "I think it best that we all maintain high vigilance."

Yeah, no shit. Nah, if we see a horde of death pistons, we're just gonna open a good book and try to ignore them.

"So, basically no plans, then?" Stormy summarizes. "Well, that's fucking great. Maybe we can let them dismantle the temple itself while we're at it."

"Hush, you." Byakuren ignored him. "I am sure that we are perfectly safe, at the moment. The creatures are little more than annoyances, thus far."

Only because they want to be. If they wanted to barrage us, I feel like they very well could.

"I got an idea, yo." I grin smugly.

All eyes are on me…!

"We hit them, repeatedly." I hold up Swift Brand to illustrate my point.

"Absolute genius." Byakuren nods sagely. "I can't believe we hadn't thought of that before."

Wait, really?

Stormy jerks his head back. "Wh-...what?"

"Really?" I ask aloud. I'm honestly-

"Fufufu..." Byakuren gets up, and begins walking away. "No. That will be all."

Oh. Freakin' noob.

"Dinner is ready, by the way." Byakuren calls to us from the other room.

Oo~h!

We navigate to the kitchen, where Murasa sat at the end of the table. Everyone got complex meals!

I pull out a chair-

"Oi, oi, lad, what're ya thinkin'?" She speaks up. "You go sit with the Stormbringer boy."

Hmm?

I look around, and see Stormy is sitting at a small table with tiny chairs. There's an open chair for me, and two adjacent chairs that seat fluffles.

"...Why do you even have a kiddy table?" What the frik.

Murasa grins. "We actually made it specially for him, 'cause he was bein' a big baby at the table."

"We don't speak of that!" Stormy yells. "...Just get your arse over here."

Alright, alright, yo!

I sit down, and notice my plate has PB&J and peanuts on it. I actually prefer that to the more extravagant meals, 'cause I'm a picky eater!

Stormy is eating freakin', what looks like bagels.

The fluffles don't have anything on their plates, 'cause they're fookin' fluffles.

...I take one of their plates and hit them over the head with it, shattering the plate.

"...Waaa~l!"

Stormy chuckles. "Yeah, fuck you."

"Hey, hey! They cost money, you know! We can't just grow plates!" Murasa calls out to us.

Others enter the room, but I don't pay them much attention.

I turn my attention to Storm meister here. "So, yo! Glows and stuff!"

He stares at me dryly. "Hmm?"

"That thing with the auras!" I inquire.

"Oh, right." He glances at the remaining fluffle. "Byakuren taught me how to treat myself against a variety of elements. It's been a few months of practice, but I can get around twenty percent resistance with each aura. It eats away at my mana like a son of a bitch, though…"

I nod. "I have assembled war machines."

"Yeah, I noticed." He looked down for his bagel, only to find a fluffle angrily crawling all over it. "Fuck."

...I see the other fluffle edging towards me. "Son, no." I push it back, only for it to get frisky and hug my hand. "Yo!"

...From under the nearby cabinets, more fluffles come!

"Oh, gods be damned!" Stormy stands up. "They're attacking!"

Throwing the other fluffle from my hand, I draw the Youkai Inconveniencer! "That's it, son! You've done incurred my wrath!"

I begin whipping it at the fluffles, since it is like a flail in a way, and they begin shattering into dust. There are, however, too many, and they eventually swarm the table and tip it over.

...The other table looks over at us vainly.

One of the large cabinets open, and a tubby fluffle prances out, about as tall as me.

"Hya~h!" I whip at it repeatedly, until it gets sad and goes back inside.

After awhile, the fluffles all retreat under the cabinets, or out of the room.

The other table resumes their focus purely on their dinner. Ichirin looks peeved, but contains herself.

Stormy sighed. "Little dirt bags…"

Ho ho…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Later that evening, we sat in the wash room! I finally took a bath in the first time since the many days ago I took a bath in the hotspring. The tubs here were tiny, but when you're a buddhist, yo, I guess a buddhist's gotta do what a buddhist's gotta do.

I still have the Youkai Inconveniencer out, too. It was fun!... That, and there were fluffles in the bath.

Ichirin kneeled next to a small tub of water, holding a fluffle as it practiced its strokes. "Alright! You're doing good!"

Those ti~ny little fins, dude.

Murasa stared vainly down at it. "...Y'know, with those materials-"

"Shut up!" Ichirin refuted.

"-it probably can't even swim without you holding it." Murasa decided.

Ichirin glared at her. "It's only 'cause they don't know how! Look…" She lets go of the fluffle, and while it keeps stroking its little fins, it sinks to the bottom of the tub.

"Wa-a-a-a-a~l!" It wails, the cry distorted by the water.

Ichirin rescues it, even though fluffles are incapable of drowning. "There, there. It's all right… Do you need air?"

"honh"

She takes it out. "You poor thing… It was all Murasa's fault. Honest."

"The thing don't care, lass." Murasa sighed.

Ichirin got up, and carried the fluffle away.

"She worries me, sometimes." Murasa decided.

I nod slowly. "Tiny fins."

"...You worry me." Murasa also decided.

Stormy walks into the room, with some other guy. "Yeah, man, the wash room's right here. Find me when you're done."

The man raises his hand appreciatively. "Thank you very much, sir."

Stormy leaves.

I get a good look at the dirt-caked man's face…

It's Albus.

He notices me.

"You." Albus begins.

"Son." I begin.

Murasa's brow raises. "You two know each other?"

I nod. "All those dead youkai around the human village, with bullet holes."

Her eyebrows raise. "No shit, huh?"

I see him begin to draw his flintlocks.

"Nope! Fu~ck that!" I exclaim. Not getting shot again, damn it! That shit hurts!

I toss the wash tub the fluffle was in at him, and it soaks him. "Grah!"

Bang!

Wherever that bullet went, it wasn't near me.

Murasa jumps away. "Woah! Put that flintlock away, lad! That ain't no toy!"

I begin running out of the room!

Out here, I see Ichirin walking away with that fluffle. I begin to run towards her.

"You can't escape."

I hear Albus teleport in behind me. "Glyph in bullet!"

With my still-drawn Youkai Inconveniencer, I point it at him. "Shine, bitch!"

The holy blast generates at his point. I see him endure it without even getting knockback, but it interrupts his glyph bullet.

I follow Ichirin into her room.

"Yo!"

Her eyes widen, and she jumps away from me. "Why-why're you in here!?"

Unzan starts to materialize!

"I'm getting chased by gunmen! Hide me!"

"Get out, get out, get out!" Ichirin starts stomping the floor.

"You can't hit me…"

Albus teleports into the door. I dive for the bed!

Bang! Bang!

He fires both his flintlocks vaguely in my direction. He's more distracted by the giant pink genie.

"Youkai! I should have known!" Albus gritted his teeth, backpedaling out of the room.

Ichirin turned to him. "And who are you!?"

"Torpor!" He shoots a yellow diamond forward from his gun, and it slowly falls to Ichirin's feet.

Cra~ck!

The crystals cracked as they materialized around Ichirin. "Wh-what!? Noo-!"

Her cries get cut short once she's imprisoned in the crystal.

Unzan goes to punch Albus.

"You can't hit me..."

Albus is gone.

Well, shit. Ichirin's frozen solid, so Unzan's not goin' anywhere!

Let's see… can I unfreeze her?

I make a flash with my hanger!

Fwaa~sh!

Nope, I only blinded myself.

Unzan folds his arms, glaring down at me.

"Yo, I'm tryin' ta help!" I call up at him. Let's see, does the flashlight work…?

I shine the flashlight on the crystal, and it slowly begins melting. Yo!

… After a while, Ichirin begins struggling and breaks herself from the rest of the crystal. "Haa~h…!"

...She glares at me. "...Thanks, I guess."

"We gotta stop a trigger happy noob!" I exclaim, dashing out of the room.

I hear gunfire elsewhere in the temple.

"Huaaa~gh!"

That wasn't Albus, and it wasn't Stormy… but it was a male. Who got shot?

I run towards the noise, Ichirin following behind me.

We eventually reach a hallway with Albus nowhere in sight, but a male monk is lying on the side of the hall, blood spattering the wall.

"Gh…" His chin quivers, and his legs writhe as he clutches his torso. I distinctly notice a tail of some sort coming from his bum…

Albus is going around and trying to kill all the youkai monks! Oh, shit!

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Code bloody red!

I begin running down the halls, only for Byakuren to whirl past me like a bullet train, sending me spinning after she clipped my arm.

Which fucking hurt, by the way!

"Waa~h!" Ichirin spun around, clipped by her too, only for Unzan to stop her spinning.

We reach the kitchen, again. That's like, one of the few landmark rooms in this place.

Fluffles were hiding under the table. Why can't you bundles of fluff actually be useful and rush the gunman, or something?

Speaking of, the entire temple was quickly devolving into chaos, monks and fluffles running around in the halls.

Nue enters the kitchen, too. "Hey, itchy! What the hell's going on?"

Ichirin pouts. "Nue, there's a guy with guns!"

Nue nodded. "Oh, okay. And that's bad how?"

"He's shooting people!" ichirin continued.

"...That's kinda a problem. Where is he?" Nue grins, cracking her knuckles.

"That's just it. He's teleporting around and shooting people…" Ichirin frowns. "He just wants to kill…"

Nue frowns, too. "Oh, shit, teleporting? No wonder. Yeah, I can see the problem, here."

We hear Albus speak! "It's hopeless…"

He appears next to me. Jesus Christ!

He's not facing me, though. He notices Nue, and fires.

Bang!

Nue dives out of the way, eyes wide.

Bang!

She leapt into the air to dodge the next one.

I swing Youkai Inconveniencer at Albus, and hit him in the arm!

"Guh…" He turns to me, and I begin retreating!

"Igniz Kick!"

Spin kick of flaming doom, except I was out of range!

...I pick up a fluffle, and chuck it at him once he lands.

"Ppfft- ugh!" He tore it from his face-

Bam!

Unzan took the opportunity to deck him, with a single flying fist.

Bam!

Albus flew through the wall, breaking it, and landing outside.

"Guwaaa~h!"

I think that's a wrap, folks.

...Byakuren crashes through the opposite wall, scowling, as she charges through the other new hole after him.

She comes back through the hole, holding Albus over her shoulder.

Other temple goers enter the room, and observe the scene.

"...Do you know anything about this?" Byakuren stares directly at me.

"A bit." I confess.

...People quickly begin glaring at me!

"I-I didn't do anything, though!" I defend. "I just know who the dumb bastard is!"

...That puts some glares to rest. Some.

Freakin'...

"Reimu was supposed to interrogate him over at Eientei today." I begin.

"Oh? So he was theirs…" Byakuren notes.

Ehhh… "Not really. They were just holding 'em because of his teleportation thing… which, I guess didn't pan out all too well."

"Apparently." Byakuren observed. She was not in the least bit happy.

She throws Albus onto the main kitchen table, and it breaks from the force with which she did so.

Bam!

"...Whoops." Byakuren smiled ironically.

...Byakuren turns to me. "Explain."

Don't glare at me like I caused this, you freakin' nun!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"...I see, now."

It took thirty minutes of dissuading the conclusions she jumped to, but I've convinced her that me and Albus are not butt buddies of any sort. The crowd's since dispersed, not entirely interested in the details, but some people are nearby just getting snacks 'cause this is the kitchen.

"...Perhaps I should see that the miko gets her prisoner back, then." Byakuren decides.

But first… "How the hell do we keep him out?"

"Just hit him if he wakes up. Simple." Byakuren decides. How kind of you. I'm sure that's what Buddha would do.

"So, when're we going?" I wonder aloud.

Byakuren latches an arm around me, and lifts me.

Oh, okay.

"Now."

She also picks up Albus, and leaves through the hole in the wall.

Cold ai~r! Why!?

She floats up, turns in the direction of the shrine, and just flies.

She's also freakin' fast when she wants to be!

It's also night-ish, again. I spent most of the day at the temple being an asshole.

"W-woaa~h!" Too fast!

...Then she stops on a dime.

Oof! You're gonna rip me apart, woman!

She lowers to the front of the Hakurei Shrine, and floats up to the door, before sliding it open with her boot, and floating in.

...Reimu wasn't around, unfortunately. Fred was, though. He was also free of his ropes!

"...A~nd then I told 'em… Thaa~s the one…" Fred giddily breathed into Suika's face.

"Awww, that kinda love's tha best love." Suika nods, with a wide smile of her own. "Da cree~py stalkery type."

He was also drunk off his ass.

Fred looked over at us. "O-ooh! Hey, Albusssh~! Ssussh! Guessh~ what? Aye'm drunk! Hahahaha~!"

Suika shook her head. "C'you believe it? Damn village… denied thish young man a drink!"

Albus was still unconscious, by the way.

...Byakuren stared at the drunkards before her. "I see."

I guess Fred's not goin' anywhere.

Byakuren tosses the both of us inside.

Oof.

"...I take it you know where she went?" Byakuren smiles at me. You know, the totally legit 'I'm definitely not about to disembowel you' smile.

Normally, such an assumption would be stupid, but I actually do know! I begin to stand up. "I- uh…" Scratch that; if she was interrogating Albus and Albus wasn't with her, then…

Hmm. Reimu's day became kind of a mess, huh?

"...She should be out looking for him." I point at Albus.

...Byakuren's smile fades. "Oh, dear."

Well. Nuggets.

I hear clacking on the stone outside. I turn to the open door…

Reimu pauses before she reaches the door, noticing people inside.

I wave. "He~y!"

Byakuren notices her, too. "There she is."

Reimu stumbles in, looking a tad ragged. I can tell she's not having the best time!

...She notices Albus, and decides to comment, out of breath. "Where the hell… has he been… the whole day…?"

Hmm. "I dunno, but he showed up-"

Byakuren talks over me. "He appeared at our temple not an hour ago, and started indiscriminately killing my disciples. I speak for my temple, when I say you should-"

"Shut." Reimu asserted, stomping towards Albus.

"-keep better control over-"

"Up." Reimu raised her voice.

"-your-"

"Be quiet!" Reimu snapped, tiredly glaring at Byakuren. Byakuren simply frowned.

"He's out." She observes. "I'll have to wait, then."

"...Mea~n la~dy." Fred observes. "Fuaa~ck you!"

Suika begins giggling, and lies back.

Talismans fly from Reimu's left hand at blurring speed.

Th-th-thwack!

"Aa-auuaa~h!"

Thud.

Good job, Fred.

...Reimu sits at the kotatsu.

Byakuren stares. "...Is this everything?"

Reimu stares back at her, now paying attention to her again.

"Is this all you're going to do?"

Reimu kept staring back.

"...It would appear so." Byakuren nodded. "...I will take my leave, then."

She began walking out of the shrine.

"I'd like to see you do better."

Byakuren turned to face Reimu. "What was that?"

"Can you be in two places at once?" Reimu asked. "Can you predict the future?"

"...No." Byakuren turned to face Reimu fully. "However, simple precautions could have been taken to combat this."

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Su~re. How about, he woke up here, and shot me, instead? Then nobody would be interrogating him."

Byakuren shook her head. "You say this as if there was no way to restrain him."

"Hah." Reimu let out a humorless laugh.

"There is a thing called rope." Byakuren tried.

"What d'you think he got out of?" Reimu scowled. "He was in a sealed room. When Reisen opened the door, the room was empty. He was locked there."

"Perhaps you shouldn't have trusted their security." Byakuren argued.

Reimu sighed. "You try housing the idiot, then."

"I'd rather not put my disciples at any further risk. Nor should I need to." Byakuren declined.

"Exactly. So where do you store a crazed, teleporting killer, if you don't want yourself or others to get shot?" Reimu slowly stood.

Byakuren was silent.

"You lock him in a sealed room, in some mystery forest, miles away. The fact he took nightfall to reach a place as close as the temple…" Reimu trailed off, letting the argument speak for itself.

"...I...I'm sorry." Byakuren apologized. "He shot a few disciples… and-"

"Not the person to yell at over that." Reimu sat back down. The exhaustion was visible, yo.

"...I know."

You know… "...Bullet wounds aren't a complete death sentence." I speak up.

They both turn to me.

"What would you happen to know about wounds? I'd imagine someone like you hasn't a fatal wound in their life." Byakuren criticises me.

"Brad. This is something you really shouldn't get involved in." Reimu advises me. "Just shut up."

Oi! "No, seriously. They're just- well, they're actually-"

"Shut up." Reimu, please!

"Probably silver bullets!" I continue. "But-"

"Shut. Up." Reimu continues.

"They should be fine if you take 'em to a doctor!" I blurt out quickly, and cover my mouth with my hands to signal that I was done talking. I then pretend to zip my lips, lock them, and throw away the key.

"I'm reluctant to converse with the clinic, if they were the ones to let him go in the first place." Byakuren sticks to her guns.

I dance in place, and point in the direction of the bamboo forest.

...Reimu sighs, staring down at the kotatsu.

"...Very well." Byakuren begins floating away. "If you insist."

I open my mouth again. "Be quick!" Then I close it again!

Byakuren floats away, slowly at first, but rockets off once a good distance from the shrine.

"You done?" Reimu glares at me.

Eheh… "Yeah."

...She lies back. "I… I-I… I'd seal his power tonight, but…"

She abruptly sits back up. "I'm going to seal his power tonight."

Daa~h… "Why didn't'cha do that in the first place?"

She glares at me, again. "It takes time and effort, depending on the person, and especially because he's a human, and not a youkai. I need to… I, crap…" She sighed again. "I need chalk, and papers, and… probably a new pair of scissors. Uu~gh…"

Oof.

"...You." She points at me. "Since you think you're so capable, you get to watch mister trigger-happy tonight."

Ho ho! You know, that thought gives me an idea…

I move to Albus, and open his robes. I reach my hands for his gun holsters, only to discover they're zippers of some sort. I reach for the zipper-

Fwam!

A bolt of electric energy forces my hand back. "Ooochies- that sti~ngs!"

"...Have fun." Reimu gets up, and moves her rigid legs, navigating back to her room.

I wonder if she ever saw Patchy today. Probably not.

...I take out Swift Brand, and attack the zipper pouch!

Fwzawam!

The bolt just came out and homed in on me.

"Yeouch!"

Hmmm…

"Oi, Suika."

She's been silent since that exchange with Reimu and Byakuren, pretty much. "Mmm?"

"Can you open this zipper for me?"

She grins, and stands up. "Al~right, ya big bay~by."

Stumbling over, she eventually reaches Albus, and crouches down, reaching for his zip.

Fwawawawawawa-

The zipper sent a constant stream of purple electricity up her arm, but she didn't give a shit. She pulled at it a bit, and-

Ri~p!

...She ripped the pouch itself from the jacket, but didn't open it. The jacket itself began assaulting her with more sparks and streams of electricity, lighting her up like a christmas tree that was decorated with strictly purples shades of bulbs.

"...Hmm?" She hummed in annoyance, noticing the pouch wasn't opened. She began pulling on the zipper, the electricity becoming a deafening roar as it tried harder to dissuade her. She kept tugging, until.

Boom!

She pulled the zipper itself off, which flew through the shrine's roof like a bullet in and of itself. The noise stopped immediately.

Suika snorted. "O-oo~kay!"

...The pouch still wasn't open, though. Suika began trying to tear it apart herself, and suddenly the roaring came back.

Reimu stomped into the room. "What's going on!?"

Suika turned to her, still trying to rip open the pouch. "Thi~s thi~ng!"

Ri~p!

She ripped it in half, and a flintlock fell out.

Reimu's jaw dropped.

My jaw dropped.

A powerful bolt of dark electricity struck Suika in the chest, and she shook a little. "...Boy didn't want me gettin' to hish toys!"

...She held the flintlock to her head, and sniffed it-

Bang!

...The bullet fell from her face. "...S'thish the… newh squirt gun?"

...She shook it, then dropped it on the floor.

Bang!

"La~me. Doeshn't even shoot water…" Suika stumbled back to the table, where Fred was cowering under the kotatsu, his head peeking out from under it.

...Reimu walked up, and took the gun. "Those wards…"

If Suika could do that to his other pouch… yo! "Hey, Suika, can you at least rip off his other pouch?"

"Mmph. Too lazy."

...I dragged Albus to her side.

"...A'right."

She leaned over. Slowly, the electricity's roar began again…

Ri~p!

After a half-hearted pull, Suika tore the pouch from the jacket. "Give it a few moments, Reimsh. It'sh got a lil static!"

Reimu waited until the jacket stopped being angry at the world, and took the pouch.

"...Never mind watching him, then. I'll just… put these in the floorboards. If he runs, I can find'em."

With that, Reimu leaves the room, going back to her bed.

I mean, Albus can still do that flaming kick stuff, so~...

I think I might keep an eye on him.

...Fred crawled out, and smiled at Albus, drunkenly. "Al~! Mate, how're ye?"

Albus is unconscious.

"...Aah, don' gimme tha'... Al, I missed ya… I got tied up, 'n the Hakkie Rei, they… they tied me up."

Albus isn't listening, because he's unconscious.

"I fi~nally got my booze!" Fred beamed triumphantly. "...S'great."

Albus is still unconscious!

"...Oh, Al. D'you think that… that mage'll love me?" Fred got melancholic.

Suika smiled. "No~pe!"

Fred ignored her. "I-...I dunno, Al… She…" Fred began to tear up. "She-she'sh a yoohkai, and-and… Hic! I'm… a human, an-...and…"

"Albus is fucking unconscious." I state outright.

Fred turns to me, and slowly glares.

"'Ey man… fook you."

Son.

...Fred slumped over, and began snoring.

...Suika nodded. "S'good idea."

She followed his example, falling onto her back.

Thud.

Well, yo. That was a day. It's gonna be a long ass night of watching this teleporting douchebag, so I can-

"Uuugh…" Albus began to sit up.

I take out Swift Brand.

Clo~ng!

Albus rested peacefully. He's sawing logs, friends…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

You know, this late into the night, it's kinda an experience.

I've got Youkai Inconveniencer out, and am using it as a flashlight. It also seems, like, far, far easier to cast with when I'm at Reimu's shrine. She's probably got free wifi for holy weapons, or something.

That's good, because I can make it glow when it gets dark, and not fall asleep from my depleting mana.

That said, I don't spend much time wandering around, because it's also cold as balls at night, and as it turns out, Flame Salvo does not get free wifi in holy places. Go figure.

I also tried to be a crafty bastard and channel mana through Youkai Inconveniencer and into Flame Salvo, but nope, it started eating the normal amount. That, or I did it wrong. I might just be clinically stupid like that.

Anyway!

I really like how the dark trees look against Gensokyo's dim landscape. I wanna go out and explore! And, were this not Gensokyo, and were it not all snow swept… I might!

Sadly, because it is Gensokyo, that would mean any number of malicious youkai, fairies, or other assorted mean people, might use my head as a soccer ball. Yea- no. Not happening, yo.

...The shrine door slides open. Whoever that asshole is, they're about to get a free hanger-based whipping!

...Oh, it's Ha-chan. Nevermind.

I lie my head on the side of the kotatsu, turn off the hanger, and pretend to be asleep! To do so, I lie down on my back, my head tilted, but eyes open.

...She quietly, completely silently, somehow, shifts her feet as she nears me. Her upper body doesn't twitch an inch from its rigid posture, until she nears me, form which she begins to crouch, and moves to lie on me. She slips the kotatsu blankets open, and slides under them, wrapping her arms around me.

I hear her sigh.

"Good night… Brad-kun."

I kinda need to be awake to beat up mister teleports-a-lot!

But… Ha-chan is incredibly relaxing…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 36

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Unknown ice spell acquired?

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives that I mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

Holy Talismans - Provides a holy upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

Electric Talismans - Provides an electric upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Because I forgot to list that I grabbed these a few chapters ago! Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out...

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

what is this an ACTUAL OVERARCHING PLOT that isn't just me GRABBING FOR POWER? yo ho ho…!

ho

also can someone GIVE ME FEEDBACK i'd very much appreciate it if you did please and thank you

(preferably telling me what sucks so i can make it not suck in the future!)

ah but you don't have to do anything you don't want to, nor do you have to

as always, see you next time!