(MATT'S PERSPECTIVE, yo)
I tapped my fingers on the kitchen table.
"What was the 'max cool' setting supposed to be set to?" Youmu asked, turning from the brand new electric refrigerator to glance at Yuyuko.
"Uhm…" Yuyuko paused. "...All the way?"
Youmu shrugged, and did so.
"Yukari didn't include the instruction manual. It doesn't seem terribly complicated, though." Yuyuko smiled. "Now we can just keep making cakes!"
"You say that as if we still had the materials to keep making cakes…" Youmu sighed.
While I sit and boredly watch this exchange, a small hole opens in the wall, on the counter. The walling falls inward with a soft thud.
Youmu glances at it, and then Yuyuko does as well.
...Fluffles attempt to march out of it, moving at a stinted pace, for whatever reason. They march towards the fridge, where Youmu sticks her hands out and begins to push them.
"No." She denies them. "Just… no."
She moves across the counter, using her arm to sweep them to the far edge of it. The fluffles get the hint, and begin scurrying up the wall and behind the shelves.
"They're part of the reason we don't have many materials, anymore." Youmu props her arms on her hips. "Did you find a new exterminator yet, Yuyuko-sama?"
Yuyuko shakes her head. "No~... I might ask Yukari to find us one, 'cause I'm kinda out of ideas."
You'd think Yukari would be able to just be the exterminator. Or Youmu.
...Speaking of Youmu, she's staring at me, now.
"Well, we'd probably have a proper exterminator, if somebody didn't mysteriously turn him against us…" She slowly begins to frown.
I raise my arms defensively. "I would like to state that I did not participate in that. Further, why aren't you able to do the exterminating?"
She shakes her head. "No matter how many I cut down, and no matter how many I toss out of here, it's… it's just never enough. I need someone to help me take care of this. There's probably something more to it that I'm missing."
...She narrows her eyes at me, but Yuyuko interrupts before she can make an attempt at my previous words. "Don't worry! I know Yukari'll find you someone, Youmu. He'll be everything you dream of and more!"
Youmu stared at her dryly. "You make it sound like I'm getting a date, Yuyuko-sama…"
Yuyuko smiled. "If that's what you want, Youmu-chan."
...As fun as watching Youmu get verbally molested by her superior is, I think I need to stretch my legs.
Standing from the table, I begin to leave the kitchen. "I am going to locate the bathrooms and things."
Yuyuko blinked. "...I thought you knew, already."
"The bathrooms moved." I inform her, leaving the room and sliding the door shut behind me.
I might actually make a stop to the bathroom. It'd be the first time someone's gone this entire fanwork.
A short trek through the halls, and I'm there. I slide open the door…
All the fixtures are gone. In the corner of the room, there's a fluffle shoving a block of wood into a small hole in the wall. The floor is all dusty.
I walk inside, and near the fluffle. It pushes the block through successfully, then, when it notices me, it begins to… to…
I don't know how to describe it. It's basically looking around wildly, with its main focus being either the floor immediately below it, or me. It's also jumping in place a few times.
What the fuck is this.
I pick it up with both hands, and its shell nose opens.
"I'll rip off your head, and shit down your neck." I inform it.
...It begins looking around again, and my hands get all dusty.
This thing deserves only death.
I twist my hands, and contort the torso of the fluffy being. Then, I-
It dissipates into dust.
…
Moving outside, I shut the door. It seems the bathrooms have indeed been relocated.
Youmu might be right about that whole 'needing an exterminator' thing. I'm just a bit too lazy, though… and woefully ill equipped. Scissors are tasteful, I'd say, but I cannot throw holy nukes around like a certain miko, and I certainly couldn't block bullets, even if I did have a katana.
Which, I do. It's just at home.
Not doing a lot of good there, is it?
I make my way to the backyard, of sorts, during my aimless wandering. That giant, dead cherry tree is still a thing, for some reason.
Previously asked questions of mine revealed it to be something called the Saigyou Ayakashi. That's… about all I know about it. Further questions resulted in Yuyuko just being bubbly, and Youmu glaring at me. By which, I mean, they told me nothing I wanted to know.
I guess this tree's important, then. Maybe.
Above that, it's nigh indestructible, or something.
Approaching it, I work my way around the roots. The many, thick roots.
You know, for a dead tree, it has a lot of roots. I'm forced to fall back from approaching the bark proper, because there's just too much root.
...I glance back at the shrine, and then at the tree. Surely they won't mind me… pruning these roots a little.
I hold my arm up into the air, and imagine a whirling saw blade. Throwing it forward, the saw blade manifests itself, whirling towards the end bit of one of the more immediate, small roots.
Vrrr-ShShShSh-
Thunk.
I instinctively reach for my ears, the loud noise of the saw blade's edges getting brutally dulled filling the garden. It tried its best, but in the end, the saw blade was only a fraction into the root, the sharp edges now dulled or outright shattered.
...I carefully grab the center hole, and wheel it away from the root, and let it clatter to the ground. I didn't think the roots would be equally indestructible.
The blade made progress, however, so…
I repeat the casting procedure.
Vrrr-ShShShShh~...
Thunk.
It was halfway through, now. It takes a few tugs, but I pull the saw blade out of the root, and wheel it off to be sad with its friend.
Once more, I repeat the casting motions…
Vrrr-ShShShSh-Vrrr…
The third saw blade finally separates the root from the tree- or, at least, the other section of the root. The saw blade continues forward, until it meets another root. This time, however, it doesn't even have the power to begin sawing at it, and just gives up.
Admittedly, I'm slightly fatigued after that. Saw blades are not easy on the mana pool.
...I move up to the root, and grab it. It's fairly light. I pull it away from the base root, and tendrils of darkness stretch out from the two separated sections, reaching towards one another.
Yeah, no.
I quickly backpedal to keep the dark tendrils from meeting one another, and they begin to stretch faster in response.
I turn and run in the opposite direction.
Dashing into the shrine, I shut the door behind me. The dark tendrils were interrupted, but then carried on, phasing through the door itself, it seemed.
Further frantic sprinting through the shrine revealed that the dark tendrils obey walls, but not doors. Eventually, I come up to the kitchen, where the two girls still seem to be.
I slam the sliding door shut behind me, and power walk through the room.
Youmu's eyes widen at the dark tendrils, and she draws Hakurouken. "Wh-what? What did you do!?"
"Don't mind me." I wave at her. "Just bringing in some denizen of darkness."
Youmu quickly lashes out at the dark tendrils, landing a quick slice straight through them.
Swish.
The tendrils separate. The bits still connected to the root slowly, jerkily retract. The bits further out, unconnected to anything, simply become black smoke.
Once the tendrils fully retract into the small root piece, the portion where it was cut itself emits black smoke.
...I nod in satisfaction. "I had no idea that dead trees were this lively."
Yuyuko tilts her head. "He~y. Don't bully the trees."
Youmu glared at me. "Were you randomly cutting up the garden? Genuinely…?"
I raise the root piece. "Considering this root was infested with evil spirits, I don't think the tree I got it from was particularly happy."
"Evil spirits?" Youmu furrowed her brows. "There shouldn't be such a thing in any of the trees, mostly because there's not many of them left, but still."
"Have you examined the single biggest tree in the entire garden?" I jab.
...Suddenly, it all makes sense to Youmu. "Oo~h. You somehow got a part from that tree. Huh."
Yuyuko appears indifferent towards my bullying of trees, now, in any case.
…
Youmu narrows her eyes. "Why'd you take a piece of that tree, anyway?"
"I hate nature." I tell her. "The tree's resistance proved a challenge."
...Youmu relaxed. "I guess."
…
Yuyuko suddenly speaks. "You~mu! All the cake materials are gone and stuff!"
Cake materials. Not ingredients, apparently.
Youmu sighed. "We can just make-"
"Cake. Materials." Yuyuko stressed, pouting. "Plea~se?"
"Would it not be 'ingredients'?" I hazard.
Yuyuko turns to me, and bops me on the nose with her finger. "Materials."
Vainly, Youmu continued. "I suppose you want me to go out and buy them, again…?"
Yuyuko nodded eagerly. "Mmhmm! Last time I went to get cakes and stuff, the store closed down. It was horrible!"
I think it did a little more than 'close down'...
I hold up a hand. "I would like to come along. I am an expert in the art of cake design." Or, at least, I'd like to be.
Youmu shakes her head. "No. No way, not after last time. I'm sure you did something."
"Again, I insist that such is not the case." I argue. "You are simply jumping to conclusions."
"You ran off!" Youmu yells. "You were tied to my hip, and you still found a way to get away!"
I shrug. "That was just lucky random number generation. The man went mad, I tell you. Mad!"
Youmu folds her arms, and sighs again.
…
"I mean, it's not like I wanted to leave your hip." I smirk.
"Don't even." Youmu looks angry. "Don't. Even."
Yuyuko had her head tilted for some time, now. She choses the resulting silence to act.
"You know what we should do?"
We both turn to her.
"We should all go!" She beams, raising her arms to her sides. "It'll be great!"
I'm not appealed by the idea of having two babysitters. Especially Yuyuko, who is marginally more impossible to avoid than Youmu.
Youmu was uncertain. "Yuyuko-sama, are you sure about-"
Yuyuko cups her hands around her mouth to amplify her voice. "Let's go! Yukari~!"
A gap opens up in the middle of the room, and Yuyuko floats down into it.
…
Youmu marches up to me, and grabs my arm. "Come on."
"I can walk without assistance, you know…" I attempt to jerk my arm free, but Youmu happens to be quite physically capable.
Saying nothing further, Youmu pushes me into the gap, and then leaps in after us.
/ / / / fluffle nuzzle saga / / / /
We found ourselves in the midst of the human village, at mid-day.
"We need to find a good cake store…" Yuyuko mutters. She turns to Youmu, "Youmu-chan. Don't you know some cake stores?"
Youmu shakes her head. "Uhm... are we talking ingredients, or actual cakes?"
Yuyuko paused. "...Well, can't we buy cake materials at a cake store?"
"I don't think that's how it works…" Youmu gave an ironic smile. "Usually, I get ingredients from the market…"
We enter the center of the village, where many vendors are selling goods, again, and generic people wander to and fro.
"The market, huh…" Yuyuko looks around. She was walking with normal, human legs as well. It didn't do much to save us from the inevitable stares, because we were all fairly peculiarly dressed.
Now, the big question: how am I going to escape from them, this time?
Youmu wanders up to a stall, and we follow. We stand for a few moments, and then the stall keeper arrives.
"Hello." He rests his hands on the counter. "Welcome to our stall. Here, we offer fine, fresh fish."
Youmu shook her head. "Sorry… I'm- we're not interested in any fish…"
He frowns back. "We offer fine, fresh fish! What more could you want?"
Yuyuko smiled. "Uhm… cake materials?"
The man leans down, and pulls out an oversized fish. "Look! Fine, fresh fish! You come, you look, you don't buy! Nobody buys!"
We always get the weirdos.
...Youmu backs away from the stall, as does Yuyuko. I near it to exchange words. "So… You sell-"
He cuts me off. "Fine!" He reels the fish over his shoulder, and I begin to back away from the stall.
"Fresh!"
He swings it around, and it takes out one of the twig-esque poles holding the roof of the stand up. The roof falls inward, and knocks him over.
From the floor, he shouts at us. "Fi~sh!"
We all proceeded to power walk away from the stall.
…
Youmu turns to us. "Some of them are like that. They're nice people, though…"
Yuyuko smiles. "He seemed like a nice guy. He really likes his fine, fresh fish!"
Scratch that. I get the weirdos.
"Shopping usually takes awhile." Youmu states. "If you wanna go do something else for the time being, Yuyuko-sama…"
"No." Yuyuko puts on a determined face. "I'm gonna see this through to the end!"
"We must go gambling at the Golden Grin." I state. "It is the fastest way to make the cakes."
Youmu glances at me disdainfully. "Not letting you out of our sight."
We move up to the next stall, which had no one manning it, again. You'd think it was a poor idea to just leave your wares unattended…
The vendor arrives soon enough. "We~lcome! To Xavier's new and old sales emporium!"
New and old sales emporium…? That doesn't tell me anything…
"My name is Xavier! Xavier welcomes you!" Xavier welcomed me. In third person.
I wave. "Yup. I'm out. Bye."
I begin walking away. "See ya later."
Before I can make any real progress, Youmu grabs me by the back of the collar and drags me back. "Sorry about that…"
"Xavier sees no fault!" Xavier smiles. "What would you like to buy from Xavier?"
"Do you have any cake materials…?" Yuyuko smiles innocently.
Xavier tilts his head. "Xavier is unsure. Xavier must check with investors…"
Now, just how does that work…?
"Xavier can, however, offer you limited edition outsider trinkets and wares!" He bends over, and reaches under the stand. "Behold!"
He holds out a sheet of postage stamps. "Seals from prestigious outside gods!"
Sure.
Youmu blinked. "...I'm sorry, but that's not really-"
"Xavier is good person! Xavier give fifty percent discount as good person!" He waves the postage stamps in the air.
"If Xavier doesn't stop talking in third person, Xavier will soon be a non-person." I inform him.
He freezes, and then leans close to the desk. "You dare insult the man of many deals…?"
Youmu turns to me. "You- ugh… Apologize. Now."
"Nope." I fold my arms. I turn, and see Yuyuko pouting at me.
"That was mean…" She quietly states. "Don't be mean to the nice villagers. They make cakes."
"This guy doesn't make cakes." I argue. "He's a cake heretic!"
"You do not dare to insult the man of many deals in front of his shop!" Xavier snarls, practically leaping onto his desk. "Taste Xavier's shoe!"
The desk promptly gives away underneath him, and he slides back into the stall, landing on his ass.
"...You're right, that was a nice deal." I mock the man of many deals. Self-proclaimed man of many deals.
Xavier gets back up. "The mighty shoe will end-"
Shi~ng!
...That wasn't Youmu's katana, either.
A blade had soared past us, and stuck in the walling behind Xavier. He froze on the spot.
The woman who threw it pushed past me and Yuyuko, proceeding to approach Xavier. "Is there any trouble, here?"
Xavier slowly raised his arms. "N-no, miss exterminator lady! Xavier was just selling wares to the good folks of the village! Xavier sw-swears it!"
"Selling goods does not entail violence." She scoffed at him.
…
"Xavier is not youkai! Xavier swears it on the mothers and forefathers of the man of many deals!" He bows before the woman, and interlocks his hands.
She sighed. "Your species matters not. The problem is your conduct."
Xavier pauses, and stares up at her.
"...That will be all." The woman shook her head, and began walking away.
The three of us turned back to Xavier, only to find he was gone. It is time to see if he left one of his many deals behind…!
"That was your fault, you know…" Youmu scowled at me.
I begin to go around the desk. "We are to partake in his many deals."
When I round the desk, I see a bunch of completely random crap. Glasses of water, what appears to be super soakers, ropes, greeting cards, and bottle caps.
Great deals.
"No stealing." Yuyuko begins to pull me out- telekinetically, might I add.
I shrug. "There was nothing even remotely worth taking back there."
Eventually, this sort of situation became a sort of formula for the next many stalls…
/ / / / time travel / / / /
It is now sunset, and we only have a fraction of the goods needed to make cakes.
"...I'm starting to feel guilty about sending you shopping." Yuyuko crestfallenly admits.
"This would be going a lot quicker, if somebody wasn't constantly angering the vendors." Youmu glares at me, again.
"I did not anger the vendors." I state flatly. "The vendors angered me. They should act like normal human beings, once in a while."
Youmu rolled her eyes. "You should act like a normal human being once in a while."
"I'm as normal as normal can get, compared to all these bozos." I counter.
Yuyuko fidgets. "Awwhh… The market stuffs are closing up, and we only have half the materials for cakes…"
Youmu sighs.
I shall propose ideas, then. "Our best bet, now, would be to blow all our money at the Golden Grin casino."
Youmu turns to me with a very 'done' sort of expression.
I grin. "We could jump in the lake, too."
Her expression doesn't change.
"We could ask the wild youkai for help baking a cake." I jest.
…
"Oo~h!" Yuyuko beams, having gotten a new idea. "We could ask our friends, and stuff!"
Youmu rose a brow. "Who?"
"The ones who bake things!" Yuyuko declares. "Like, uhm… Sakuya, Alice, Reimu…"
Youmu snorted. "I'm not sure about that last one…"
Yuyuko continues listing names. "The Prismrivers, uhhm… The ghosts that hang around outside the shrine…"
"...You're just listing random names now, aren't you?" Youmu shook her head.
"Yea-well-no!" Yuyuko shook her head vigorously. "...Yes." She slouched.
…
"Alice is at least nearby." Youmu considered. "I could ask her, while you two head back."
"I shall go with you." I declare. "It is the only way."
…
"No." Youmu shakes her head.
"It's night, and in the middle of the woods." I try to persuade her. "Where could I possibly go?"
…
"I guess." Youmu looks conflicted. "But. If we do that, we need safety precautions."
Naturally, I would suppose.
/ / / / BANGING ON BONGOES / / / /
Night had just begun, and I was luckily not tethered to Youmu by the hip, again.
Instead, she was given a sound-based radar. It would apparently start beeping and point an arrow in the direction of where I was, if I wandered off. Something that Yukari apparently had made specifically for her. Go figure.
We were in front of Alice's house. Youmu knocked on the door.
Crea~k…
"...Youmu?" Alice rose a brow. "What could you possibly be doing here this late? It's nearly ten…"
Youmu stared at her tiredly. "Baking a cake."
"At ten in the evening…?" Alice sought confirmation.
"Because I've lost control of my life." Youmu monotoned. "Can we come in?"
"...Sure." Alice shrugged.
We moved inside, and I once again ran my gaze across the doll-laden walls of this house.
We sit down at the table.
…
Youmu rested her head on the table.
"Youmu, I didn't let you in, just so you could drool on my coffee table."
"S-sorry…" Youmu sat up, again. "It's just been a rough week…"
"Do tell." Alice folded her legs. "I've got time."
…
We sat in silence.
"...Hello?" Alice leaned forward. "...Are you feeling alright, Youmu?"
Youmu gives her a conflicted expression, apparently indecisive about continuing.
She eventually continues, but not about her problems. "Do you have any cake supplies we could borrow, Alice?"
Alice gave her a concerned stare, but played along anyway. "...I should have some in here. Give me a moment…"
She gets up, and moves to her counters. To my surprise, the shelves underneath are not, in fact, lined with dolls.
"Speaking of cake ingredients…" I begin. I reach into my bag, and bring out the root piece. "I would like to know how a cake would turn out with this added to it."
Alice paused, and turned around. She looked at the root briefly, before turning back to her counters. "Bad."
...That would be a given, I suppose.
A moment later, and a bag of flour is plopped onto the table. "Here."
"Thanks." Youmu reaches for it.
"I would like an opinion on this piece of wood." I speak up.
Alice gives me an annoyed glance, and reaches for the piece.
…
"Huh." Alice raises a brow. "Saigyou Ayakashi root. I'm pretty sure the cake would come to life and start attacking people. Or, at least, something equally absurd. A reagent with this much darkness has little application other than as a power source."
Hmm. That's interesting…
"It's also hard as a rock." Alice sets it back down. "So unless you took magic and kappa hacksaws to it, you're not going to be able to do much with it."
I raise a brow… "Would it be able to be shaped… into a pair of scissors?"
...Alice nods. "Yeah, there's enough wood for that."
I nod… "...Could you make it?"
"Yeah, I could." Alice didn't even stop to think about it.
...Huh. "...When can I expect it, then?"
...She furrows her brows. "Uhhm… I never said anything about doing it at all, let alone for free."
I smile sheepishly. "A favor?"
Alice lets out a sigh. "Yeah, I know how that road goes. As long as you get it done, I suppose…" She stands. "I require materials for alchemy."
It better be stupid crap like butterflies and common flowers, and not something like Remilia's tea table. Even if that last one is a personal mission of mine…
"I need ten shades of Daybloom." Alice requests of me. "They grow around Gensokyo's overworld. Most of it can be found in this very forest, though. The only one I think you'll have trouble with is the kind only the mansion grows. You'll have to ask for that one."
Or swindle it.
"That, I think I can do." I tell her. "How common are they?"
Alice shrugs. "You'll find them, trust me. The shades are distinct, too. They all appear as yellow flowers, but the shade is in the center. I'll even take them dead, as long as they've not become dust."
Sounds simple enough.
She takes the wood, and pockets it. "I'll begin work on it tomorrow."
It may or may not take me some time to find all of these flowers.
We look over to Youmu, who had begun using the bag of flour as a pillow.
"...Youmu." Alice speaks.
…
"Youmu!"
"Ah-wha!?" She sits up abruptly, looking around. "O-oh…"
"...You're worrying me." Alice states outright. "Something's wrong. Tell me."
Youmu just stares at her.
"...Okay, that may've been a bit harsh…" Alice winces at her own directness. "But, still…"
I bring my arms behind my head. "It seems she is feeling half-dead. Not that that's any different from how she usually is." I grin.
…
Youmu stands up, and grabs me by the collar. "Y-you…"
Holding me up, she marches over to the door, and swings it open.
"You...you wanna run off, and murder people so bad? Fine. Fine! Go ahead! Have fun with the youkai! I'm sure you'll be able to kill a lot of those!" Her expression flares, and she smiles widely.
She pushes me outside forcefully, and I struggle to keep my balance.
"Have fun!"
She slams the door.
…
I hope she realizes that's not her house.
Stepping towards the door, I put my ear up against it-
"I-I hope he dies!"
-not that I needed to, apparently.
From the other end of the door, I can hear Youmu begin sobbing loudly.
"...Wh-where did this come from?" Alice is taken aback by the outburst.
"A-auh…Why does Yu-Yuyuko-sama let him live? Why…?"
What did I even do to you? Aside from harmlessly pester you relentlessly.
"All-all he does is… is kill people 'c-cause it's fu-...fun to him, or something…"
...What does it matter to you? You didn't know any of them.
Alice's footsteps are heard. "There, there…"
"Ahuh…" Youmu sniffs. "I-I feel… I feel so wrong. I'm so sorry, Alice..."
"It's okay…" Alice does comforting things that I can't see because doors.
I assume we're pretty much done here...
"...Al-Alice, I… I want your op-opinion on something…"
Or not.
"Hmm?" Alice would probably tilt her head, if I could see her.
"Would… would I be a b-bad person, if I… if I wanted to kill him?"
I'm quite sure a lot of people wish death upon me, at this point. It's pretty much the default reaction.
Alice takes a moment to consider this. "...Hmm. Everyone feels that way about people sometimes. How serious are you about this?"
Youmu takes a moment, herself. "...I-I want nothing more, than for Yuyuko-sama to give me the go-ahead. He-he'll… he'll kill more. He might kill someone I care about… I-I'm going to prevent that, if I can he-help it." She sniffed.
Everyone you care about is a super-powerful god or deity I can't even touch.
"...I see."
Alice lets Youmu cry for a moment, before she continues. "If he's someone you'd get in trouble for killing, I'd suggest just waiting it out. Otherwise… accidents happen, right? I'm sure Reimu wouldn't get on you, if you weren't technically the one who, you know…"
We~ll. She basically gave the go-ahead for Youmu to kill me, if she wanted.
"...Yo-you're right…" Youmu admitted. "It-it makes me feel so, so rotten, but… this is part of why I took up the sword, in the first place."
Great. Now I have to not only escape from her, but I have to avoid being literally killed by her. That's going to be really annoying.
"If it's what you feel is right." Alice moves away from her. "...Do you want to stay the night?"
"Ye-yes, please. Th-thank you."
...With that, all was silent, except the movement of footsteps.
I'm bored, now.
I turn around, and begin to walk off into the darkness. I don't think I'll find many flowers in the dark, like this…
I think I'll find my way back to the path, and work from there.
Wandering into the woods, I make my way through the snow tracks Youmu and I followed in. Alice seems to have been considerate enough to half-ass a sizable-enough path through the woods.
The snow's beginning to melt a bit, anyway. I don't need to constantly mine at it with my scissors like I'm possessed.
As I trudge through the somewhat cleared snow, I jump as a figure suddenly drops down from the trees in front of me.
"Hehehe~!"
I jump back, and avoid getting grappled by way too many limbs. I end up slipping into the snow, unfortunately, but that's better that getting grabbed by a giant female spider.
She drops to the floor in front of me. "I thought I smelled human blood…!"
I get back up, and see a green-haired… spider girl, apparently. She grins at me, exposing fangs.
I raise a brow at her. "What are you? Some bottom-feeding, scum-sucking algae eater?"
…
"Ru-rude…!" She flinches back, as if offended. "Just because you're scared doesn't mean you can be a total asshole…"
I don't think that was from being scared.
She licks her lips… "You're in no place to talk back to me, human. I'm gonna eat you!"
...That's rather blunt.
She begins strafing around me. After a moment, she begins slowly approaching me, so I backpedal.
She pouts. "...You're supposed to attack me."
Oh.
…
"Ugh…" She shakes her head. "Alright, fine…"
With that, she leapt into the air, and soared over me. As she did so, web shot from her spider behind, which began wrapping around me.
I drew my fire scissors. Ability to be comfortable around flames, go!
I slash at the web building up on my other arm. It lights brightly, but in under a second goes out. A huge chunk of the surrounding web begins to crack and break off, undoing most of her progress. Some of it melts, though, so now I'm covered in white goo...
She turns around, and blinks. "Wh-wha~t? The hell'd you do to my web?"
"Chemistry, bitch." I stomp towards her, but pause when she grins at the action.
"...Oh, no. Please. Don't come closer…"
Her facial expression completely contradicts that statement.
…
I could always dash around, or something. I've got those dash scissors, now…
I draw them in my other hand. Do I need them equipped? I'm going to assume so, for now.
Pretending the gullible fool, I step towards her…
Once I get close enough, she both lunges for me and moves to bite with her fangs. I dash backwards to get out of the way.
"Haompf!" She chomps at the air.
You know what they say about spiders…
I run up to her while she's open, and stab the fire scissors between her breasts. Then, I dash backwards again.
Dashing still feels very weird.
"A-aah…" She looks down at her chest, which was now burning. "O-oh, shit! Fi-fire!? Fire!"
She begins skittering about wildly, before shoving herself into a snow mound nearby.
"A-aa~h… Fu-fucking stings..."
I dash up to her, and capitalize on her moment of weakness by stabbing her in the back.
Fwoom.
"Aa-aaagh!"
She launched herself backwards, knocking me over. She didn't focus on me, however, and began running around again.
"Ma-make it stop! Make it st-sto~p!" She begins grasping for her back, where the flames traveled to her spider half, igniting the furry bits. "No, no, no~! Th-this can't- shit…!"
She ran into a snow mound repeatedly, desperately attempting to rub and smash snow onto herself. "No, no, no… C-c'mon, plea~se- fuck!..."
At this point, she was starting to become a bonfire.
"Fuck! Goddamnit it hurts!"
"Fuck! St-stop! Fuck! I'm not gonna fucking burn!"
Finally, she manages to half-lodge herself into the snow in a way that she buries herself.
…
Well, then.
I step towards the snow mound. After a few moments, she climbs out, her torso half-charred.
She notices me immediately. "St-stay back! Fucking human, I'm wa-warning you…"
"Why should I? We're not done yet, are we?"
Her face contorts to one of rage, and she lashes out at me. I hold up the flame scissors, and flail at her face. She makes attempts to scratch me with her hands- weak but marginally successful- and attempts to bite me, which isn't so successful.
After a few near hits of her face, I finally lodge the scissors in…
Into her eye.
Shink.
The reaction is instantaneous.
"Aauh-uaaaa~gh!"
She pulls away from me, the flames running across her face, as her hands go up to pull the scissors out.
Shink…
She tosses them to the ground, as blood flows from her open eye socket, and flames flow freely from it.
"Haauuuaa~h!"
She cups her hands around her eye as the rest of her face burns. After a moment, she shoves her head into the snow mound.
…
She became an ostrich. Hah!
From there, she pulls her head out of the snow, and turns to me, lips quivering.
"I-I… Y-y…"
Tears are flowing from her good eye, and char marks run across her face.
Unfortunately, I will be needing her head for that bounty I heard about.
I exchange my flame scissors for my bloodied, steel scissors.
She eyes my new pair. I switch it and the dash scissors around, so that the steel pair was on the side where her bad eye was.
Then, I dash towards her, and attack the right side of her face. She raises an arm vaguely in the direction of my attack, but I manage to connect with her throat.
Shink.
"Grhk…" Her eyes widen, and she starts to flail her arms at me. She pushes me away with unreal force for someone who should be very well half dead, sending me into the snow again. Her good eye winces as she clutches her new neck wound.
I get back up, and she begins attempting to scurry away. Running after her, she turns to me, and I ready to jab towards her, again. This time, I change it up by dashing past the right side of her face, past her bad eye. She's forced to try to turn completely to see what I'm doing.
From back here, I throw myself at her and jab straight into her neck.
Shink.
"Gu-hhhuuuu~ck!"
A horribly scratchy cough escapes her throat, and I feel the scissors twitch before I pull them out. Blood flows from the new hole in her neck, and she quivers from the new sensation of pain flowing from her neck.
She's more focused on the wound than me, so I move around and try from another side.
Shink!
"Ghk…"
She's clutching her throat with two arms, her remaining eye rolling up into her head…
I stab again.
Shink.
"Ghkaugh! Kauf-kauh-kauh… Hrr-ghghghle…"
After a final series of thrashes and intense spasms from the spider girl, her legs give out, and she limply falls to the ground. Blood bubbles from her neck, and flows from her mouth. She slowly begins slumping over.
…
And now, I've got to behead it.
I kneel, and shove the steel scissors in. I begin carving along the neck, getting rid of the flesh first. The youkai's blood flows from the open neck wounds, getting my hands and the scissors all wet.
Then, I get to work on the tricky spinal bit, which is even tougher because youkai shenanigans. I'm forced to hammer away at it with my steel scissors…
Thump… Thump…
Crack!
After a series of increasingly annoyed strikes, I eventually sever the spinal bit, leaving me with the severed, charred, one-eyed head of a spider girl youkai. Much of her short, bright green hair was now burned.
How to carry this is my next concern… mostly because the thing's dripping everywhere.
Putting away my steel scissors, I simply hold the head by the hair in my other hand. There's not a lot else I can do about it, unless I wish to bloody my sack.
I'm willing to bet Yukari and her cronies might have a problem with this, but to be honest? If humans can protect themselves from youkai, then that right should extend to me. This was all in self-defense.
I assure you.
I continue to walk down the forest trail, bloody head in one hand, and dash scissors in the other.
You know what would've been great? If I was able to drag the beheaded body back to Alice's abode, and leave it at the front door step. Youmu would freak out. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'd get jumped multiple times. Slow moving people are slow moving targets.
As I walk down the forest path, I hear footsteps fall into synch with mine behind me. I think I'll just ignore those, unless they get closer…
Purple lights hang dimly in the sky ahead, before going out as I approach. I hear faint whispering above me as I walk under them. Just another reason to keep walking.
Walking past a small pond, I pay it little mind-
Splash!
Until some sort of sleek-skinned girl leaps from it. I dash ahead as she grapples towards my previous position.
"Huma~n! You're- hey! Come back!"
I hear a whole series of voices behind me. "Dammit! I was stalking him, you toad's ass!" A gruff man spoke.
"Wha~h? You and your army of stupid fairies?" The frog girl tilted her head.
The fairies suddenly glowed brightly. "Stupid froggi- I mean… ahem, 'toad's ass'." A rather accentuated fairy spoke.
"I-I wanted…" The other purple fairy mumbled.
The gruff youkai looked around. "The fuck… This was my kill! I saw him!"
"Is that so~?"
That might be a few too many faces to deal with. Just maybe.
I'm also glad I still have these dash scissors equipped…
Abruptly, I quickly begin dashing ahead, the scissors boosting me ahead by segments.
"He's running!" Way too many youkai exclaim at once.
Danmaku whirls past me, of many colors. I hear water sloshing around, for some reason, as well. Purple is the more common color, though.
More night fairies directly engage me from ahead on the path, and I slide past them. Not without getting pegged by some danmaku particles, of course. It stings, but that's better than dying horribly.
I see more spider youkai begin dropping from trees ahead, in an attempt to deny my further passage, but they don't fire anything, so they don't prove terribly big obstacles…
In about ten minutes, I have an angry mob of youkai behind me.
"Fucking move, you amateurs!"
"Romanazi-chan, you're stepping on my face!"
"I can't leap if you're in my leaping space!"
"Is that so~?"
"That is so, you stupid- ouch!"
Pi~chun!
I continue to slide forward with each dash, skidding along the uneven snowy flooring. Each dash is more disorienting than the last, and I find myself stumbling more and more after each one. I still keep good distance from most of the pursuing youkai…
"Slow do~wn!"
Rumia can actually fly, though. The dark fairies can, too, but-
Pi~chun!
She also happens to be tearing through whatever fairies manage to get in her way.
Fortunately, it's not long before I break the edge of the forest, and find myself in the snowy trench outside the Hakurei Shrine. Scrambling along, I make haste to the shrine's steps.
The good news? I'm right outside the Hakurei Shrine.
Bad news? Stairs.
I can't quite dash up these, I'm sure. The best I can do is shamble up them like a deranged madman, mostly because I'm exhausted. That dash scissor isn't the most forgiving instrument. Since I can't use it here, I decide to put it away...
A stream of danmaku riddles my back. "Ghh…"
"Finally!" Rumia catches up to me, and floats around nearby. She has her arms spread wide, and she's grinning. More importantly, her darkness is down. "Dinner ti~me!"
I draw my flame scissors as I scramble up the stairs. The other youkai have caught up to the bottom of the stairs, but if they couldn't deal with chasing me on a nearly flat surface, they can't follow me up an entire flight of stairs.
I'm nearly at the top…
"You!"
Rumia whirls out of the way of a purple beam.
"That individual human being was ours!" A fairy with a peculiarly fancy hairdo flew over me, focusing on Rumia. "He was to be our jester for the evening, and that would be that!"
Rumia bared her teeth. "But I'm hungry now!"
She threw herself at the fairy, grappling her. "And I can't eat stupid fairies!"
She sunk her teeth into the fairy's neck.
Pi~chun!
The top of the stairs are reached, and I move my legs as fast as I am able to reach the shrine's doors. Ignoring the burning sensation as best I could, I slide open the door, and slide it shut again once inside.
…
Danmaku began pattering against the shrine.
Glancing around the shrine, I see…
That little blonde mage kid. Fred, I think? What is he doing here? He's hanging from the ceiling, slowly twirling in place.
"O-oh, thank gods… S-someone…!" Fred notices me. "Chap! He~lp!"
Reimu must be into some kinky shit.
I hold up the head of the youkai I killed. "Hey, Fred. Want a kiss?"
Fred's eyes widen. "O-oh, gods! Who the bloody hell participates at this shrine!?"
The shrine's door receives a new hole, as Rumia's arms pierce through it.
Oh, boy. I might just go hide, or something.
"F-fuhuhu~ck!" Fred begins wiggling in an attempt to escape.
Enough thrashing from Rumia eventually creates a hole in the door. "Hehehe~! Reimu left me a sna~ck!"
Fred's struggling becomes intense, while I walk back to the other end of the room.
Then, someone stands up from out of the floor, smashing a hole in it. "Aa~h! S'pub ti~me!"
Say what?
Suika looks around… "...Ah, shit. Shorry, Reims…" Lethargically, she clambers out of the hole in the floor, and stands up.
Rumia launches from the door, and chomps down on Suika's arm.
…
"Oi, oi…" Suika lifts her arm. "Where'd y' come from? Yer that… dark youkai, yeah?"
Rumia adjusts her position, and tries again. Then, she removes her mouth from Suika's arm, and spits in a different direction. "Eeww… You taste bad…"
Suika snorts. "Wha~? S'caush I'm an oni?... Hahaha~!"
She pulls Rumia in a headlock, and starts to haul her outside. "C'mon, the ladsh a' the pub'll get a kick'a'you!"
...Rumia vainly struggles, clawing at Suika's arm as she is dragged outside. Suika waltzes through the rest of the door.
…
"Wh-wh…" Fred's left eye twitches. "...Take me with yo~u!"
Have fun, Fred.
...The surprised and fearful shouts of other youkai outside are heard for a few minutes, before everything but the sound of crickets goes quiet.
It is now time for the big snooze.
…
I move through the doors to what seems to be Reimu's room. Then, I pick up her futon and carry it back out into the main room. I plop it on the kotatsu.
It is now a futon defense unit. Now nothing can attack me in my sleep.
Except Reimu.
...I move to the kitchen, and consider where to stash the severed head for the night. Considering I want to drain out this blood…
I plop it in the sink, and remove the drain. Dry blood in a pool would just be a mess, and not the amusingly shocking kind. It'd be more like 'now I have to scrape this all off the head' kind, which is the worst kind. When I bring it back to the human village, I assume I'm gonna need it to at least be a semblance of a female youkai head.
Moving up to the kotatsu, I crawl under it…
"He-hey, you! Let me down! Lemme down!" Fred yelled obnoxiously.
I peek out from under the kotatsu. "Be quiet. I'm trying to sleep, here."
"No! I won't until you free me, yo-youkai!"
If I was little Rumia out there, I'd've gobbled him up already. Believe me.
After all of that, though, I think I don't care about the noise…
"Free me!" Fred lets out his rebellious side. "Free, me! Free, me! Free, me!"
My eyes slowly begin to drift shut…
"Fuh-ree! Me! Asshole! Free-hee, mee-hee! Free! Me free!"
Ugh… I lift the kotatsu blanket again. "Do you want me to toss you outside with the youkai!?"
…
Much better…
/ / / / FLUFFLE UNIVERSE / / / /
Haku-whatever at least has beds. Beds that I don't need to sleep in with all my clothes on.
I don't really mind, that, though. The real sticker is the fact that, even under the kotatsu, the floor happens to be wood.
Crawling out from underneath it, I see that Fred has also fallen asleep. He's managed to half-untie himself, or something, it seems.
...I make my way to the kitchen, and reclaim the head. Blood stained the metal, bowl-esque shape of the sink. Reimu won't mind, I'm sure.
Time to turn this in at the village!
The blown-out door of the shrine allows me to easily make my way out. From there, I proceed down the stairs- a far more enjoyable experience than going up them, I assure you.
The snow on the way down the stairs is far more disturbed than I remember it. I wonder how tolerant youkai are when it comes to cold weather…
Walking to the human village is refreshingly mundane.
Upon reaching the gate, I'm greeted by a guard.
"You. State your…" He trails off, staring down at the severed head I held.
"Bounty." I state. "It's part of the village's youkai bounty. The fifty thousand yen one, yes?"
He blinks. "Well… I-I guess. I don't know much about it, myself… You're a hunter, then?"
Sure. "Yes."
"Go right on in…" He steps out of the way of the already open gate. Hmm...
I walk inside, and tread through the village streets. I very quickly get numerous glances from all the nearby villagers as I make my way into the village, and past the village square…
"Is-is that…?"
"What the hell..."
"He~y! Looks like he bagged that youkai!"
Reactions are mixed, to be certain. I don't think the town treats it as an entirely peculiar event, which is probably a bad thing. Numerous other villagers don't even bother to look.
I reach the guard headquarters, and step inside…
The men at their desks pay me little mind, until I step up to the front desk and lay the head down on it.
The clerk's eyes widen. "Wh- uhh, sir…?"
"I am here for my fifty thousand yen." I tell him. "This is the head of the youkai you wanted."
...The man nods. "Hmm. Excellent. You've done well, then…" He lifts the head, and examines it himself. "...Why is it burned?"
Hmm… "Flaming arrow."
He nods, again. "Ah. Yes, I see… Very well. Let me get the bounty reward, for you…"
Good, good…
…
The old clerk comes back out, with a small pouch. "Fifty thousand yen. All set, and ready to go."
"Thank you very much." I take the bag, and begin leaving.
"Before you go…" The man raises his hand. "What is your name, exterminator?"
I turn to him.
"...Satanslaughter McKillgore." I smirk.
…
He blinks. "...We-well, if you say so… How might we contact you, if we need another job done?"
"A dark ritual involving the blood of the innocents, and candy." I fold my arms.
...The clerk scratches his head, confused.
Hmm. "...You'll find me, basically." Probably not.
He nods. "Oh, alright. Take care, then."
With that, I walk out of the guard headquarters…
/ / / / fluffmore and FLUFFIGAN / / / /
The grand adventure of Satanslaughter McKillgore begins.
No one has come to ransack me, yet, it seems. I did not anticipate being given this much free time.
Fifty seven thousand yen is on me, now.
I wander into the village square with my money stashed in my bag of not-so-holding. Bag of somewhat-holding?
A rather curious party passes by in front of me.
"Nuh-uh. If we're goin' to beat the shit outta teach, we need ta be just as cheap."
Marisa and Reimu pass by me, talking to each other.
Reimu looked apprehensive. "I don't know… Potions aren't really my style…"
"Everyone downs potions, Reimu! 'Cept for the ones that don't need to… which is everyone that isn't me." Marisa looks sheepish. "But, c'mon, Reimu! A little health'll do ya some good!"
"...I'll shop around, but I'm not buying health potions. My body doesn't need that stuff." Reimu shook her head. "...I've seen what it does to people, too."
Marisa grins. "Pffft… A lil pukin's got ya scared? Who're you, 'n' what've ya done with Reimu, ze?"
Reimu addresses her with disdain. "I'm not scared. It's just that the stuff's bad for you. The fact your body has to puke something back up is just proof of it."
Health potions? That's… more convenient than I had anticipated, to be honest. That last part, however, doesn't sound very convenient. I don't know how good they are, either, so I shouldn't be quick to judge.
I might tag along with them, however. Effective or otherwise, I would at least like to know more about this land's health regeneration items.
"Hello, comrades." I greet them politely as I walk up behind them. "I would like to know more about the science of health potions."
They both turn to me with dry expressions, before looking ahead again. "Sure, ze. My dad'll tell ya everything y'need to know. You won't even be able ta get 'em to shut up."
I'm not sure if that's reassuring or not.
"Be nice when you see him." Reimu scoffs at her friend. "He's getting old, you know."
Marisa snorts. "When the shinigami comes 'a' knockin', he's gonna knock them. Mark my words, ze."
Considering he fathered Marisa, I'm half expecting him to be some sort of all-powerful wizard.
/ / / / BEHOLD THE WIZARD / / / /
...I had the 'wizard' part right, at least.
"Twice in one month?" The old man at the counter smiled widely. "S'this a favor from some kinda god?"
"He~y, dad!" Marisa waves as she walks in. "I'm'onna need like, a pail of health potions!"
His smile faltered. "Aa~h… You scare me, when you ask for such things, you know?"
Marisa rolled her eyes. "I'd make 'em myself, but I just need so many, and it's like… yeah." She began to move behind the counter, kneeling to grab some items underneath it.
"Not, uh, my point, exactly…" Old man Kirisame scratches the back of his head. He then catches sight of Reimu and me. "Ah, I see she's out and about, again. You doin' better today, Reimu?"
Reimu smiled. "Ahah… A little. I'm just here to shop around, is all."
He rolled his eyes. "Right, well, considering you just barged in yesterday and used my holy supplies, I don't see why not…"
"Thanks."
With that, Reimu went to browse the shelves of the claustrophobic shop.
...I walk up to the counter, and the man turns his attention on me.
"And you are…?"
This would normally be the part where one might go 'it's rude to ask for names', but I have better plans. "Satanslaughter McKillgore."
…
Old man Kirisame breaks into a grin, and starts laughing. "Hahahahah… Alright, cowboy. Y'came for mana bombs, or somethin'? Those cost extra, y'know."
Marisa pauses beneath the desk, chuckling. "Pfft… Wh-what…?"
Mana bombs, hmm? As much as I like the sound of that, bombs typically aren't cheap. Well, unless they're the D.I.Y. kind, but those aren't usually that great… "How much is it for a mana bomb?"
"So I was right…" Old man Kirisame grins, folding his arms and resting them on the desk. "We~ll… How much d'you know 'bout mana bombs?"
"They're magical." I provide. "...They're also bombs."
…
"Okay." He takes a deep breath. "So, basically, we've got ones fer impact, one fer killin', and ones fer danmaku. In simpler terms: rocks, people, and… danmaku."
Reimu sticks her head out from above the shelves. "If anyone buys any of that second type, I'd like to have words with them!"
Hmm… "What is the price range?" I must know this.
He shrugs. "We~ll, danmaku's cheap. Stuff's like, I dunno, two to five thousand a pop? I'm workin' on cheaper ones, stuff that dispenses danmaku's becomin' a big hit among the villagers these days. I'd be a dumbass not to jump on that bandwagon."
Marisa stands from under the counter, holding a bundle of health potions between her arms. "People're actually interested in danmaku? Ge~t out, ze…"
Old man Kirisame shrugged. "Only the civilian villagers, though. The guards've never so much as set a foot in here."
"They'd better keep it that way." Marisa adds. I've noticed she can add finality to her tone quite distinctly. This is one of those statements she's serious about, then.
She walks off to the shelves. "He~y, Reimu. Carry these fer me, would ya?"
Reimu simply turned away from her. "Get a bag, you."
...Old man Kirisame and I return our attention to each other. "So, yeah. The deadlier bombs cost ten thousand for starters, and can go up to a hundred thousand if you want somethin' big. Exterminators love their bombs, 'n' that's one of the reasons I keep my prices high."
That's just a little out of my price range, I'd say. I'd also rather not blow all fifty thousand on bombs, if I could help it.
I think that's enough about bombs. Let's talk… "I heard health potions are a thing."
...He nods. "Good for you!"
"How effective are they?" The question of questions.
He pauses. "...Basically somethin' like youkai regeneration, 'cept really fast for about a minute. Lotta people knock it for not bein' instant, like in the fairy tales they grew up with." He grins, shaking his head. "So then they go 'n' lay in bed for a week! Hahaha~!"
He reaches under his counter… "...I also seem to be out of health potions, at the moment." He slowly raises back up. "Aaa~h, that daughter 'a' mine…"
Hmm. I suppose it'd be useless to ask about their price, then.
"Come back tomorrow, and I could hook ya up." He looks at the aisles, where Reimu and Marisa are currently browsing. I look over…
Reimu is behind a shelf, trying to stabilize it from falling over, while Marisa pulls it back to stability from the front. It rocks back and forth upon stabilization a bit, the boxes and sticks on it falling off. "Eheheh… Sorry, Reimu-ze!"
Reimu stomps around the shelf. "What do you think you're doing!?"
"...Lively." I comment.
"Mmm." Kirisame nods. "...Wonderful, isn't it?"
"Sure."
…
Before long, we get ready to leave the store. I had decided to stick around and browse for a while, myself, but most of what I saw was either incomprehensible, unrecognizable, or simply useless.
"Take care, you two! Keep her from blowin' herself up, Reimu!" Kirisame sees the girls off, as they move to the front of the store.
"Mmm." Reimu moves for the door…
Marisa walks up to the counter. "See ya, Dad."
He waves. "Don't lose any limbs, out there. Unless you're friends with a necromancer. Actually, even then, still don't."
She grins. "I'll keep that in mind…"
…"Actually, before you go…" He sticks his hands out, and gestures for her to come closer.
I sidle closer a little, pretending to browse wares…
"...I told you 'bout Sally, yeah?" He raises a brow.
Marisa nods. "Yeah, you told me. Couldn't believe it, myself. I'm startin' to hate this village. Like, hate hate."
Kirisame sighed. "I just don't know about this place… Maria lives with her… what're they, uncles and aunts? Grand uncles?" He shakes his head, grinning. "I was never good at that sorta thing. I-"
"Marisa~!" Reimu hollers from outside.
Marisa smiles. "See ya, Dad. Stay safe."
"Y-you too…" He waves.
…
"...You've been browsin' an awful long time, there, sparky." Kirisame rose his voice. "I dunno who you work for, but if it's the town guard, ya can tell 'em to kiss my ass."
I'll keep that in mind.
...I don't really think there's many things for me, here. I begin to leave. "Have a nice day."
"Don't be a stranger." He waves half-heartedly at me as I leave.
/ / / / FLUFFY HAIR HANDLEBARS / / / /
Flower fetch quest. There's probably an easy way to half-ass it, and it probably involves fairies. Just not night fairies, because those guys are huge assholes, it seems.
...Now that I have money, maybe something to actually bribe them with would get the job done that much faster.
I take to the main street once more. I'm perplexed by how busy it is, every day.
Stalls upon stalls of people. I pick a red and black colored one. It has a very distinct sort of color scheme, one that I find to be unique in comparison to the wooden, brown stalls nearby.
A woman with dark grey hair, and a tall… tower hat thing mans the fancy stand. "U-uhm… Hast thou arrived to receive thy blessing?"
What. No.
"...Do you sell any candy?" I flatly ask.
She flinches back from my words existing. "...We-well, one could saith a blessing's sweeter than our sun's milky rays, forsooth?"
"Speak words that make sense in our current timeline." I am in no mood for the games and the memes. Also, nothing she said in that sentence seemed to be about candy, either.
She taps her fingers together, looking to the side apprehensively. "...M-my words make marvellous utmost sense." She stands up straight. "To buy for the cause is thy greatest honor! On the faith, zo!" She bows onto the desk.
...Those words made less sense. I am disappoint.
"Do you at least know where I could buy candy?" I stare at her.
"...I've only derived structures of political importance." She sighs. "I owe the utmost sorrow…"
Well, at least she's sorry.
I walk away from the stand. She raises a hand, but quickly decides not to call out for me.
Eventually, I come to a plain, brown stand. The vendor has an apron and a chef's hat on, for whatever reason.
He smiles as I approach. "Welcome! I take it you've read the sign, ye~s?"
It's in Japanese. "Nope."
…
He grins. "Hahaha~h… Right, what'll it be?"
U~h… "What's there to buy?"
The man's face twitches slightly. "...Here."
He places a few pieces of candy on the table.
"We've got lollis, peppermints, and the exclusive Yakumo-blend Fish Cracker. Basically, anyway." He folds his arms. "One pound for a thousand yen. That's the standard pricing."
He pulls a small weight scale from under the counter. "Here."
...Normally I'd say one pound of candy is sizable, but we're talking a gaggle of fairies. I don't wish to spend much either, so~... I could always go for the middle man of two to three pounds, or so. It's only ten flowers, anyway.
I'd also like to know why everyone talks fluent English despite all the writing being Japanese. Infact…
"How does everyone here speak English so well?" I ask the chef-esque young man.
He blinks. "...I wouldn't say everyone. I guess a few hobbyists and stuff know it, along with the village politicians and such. I don't know any of it, myself. I don't really care to know it, either."
...Well, that's a thing.
...I look at the candy pieces. "It'd be nice if I had some candy to weigh."
The man perks up. "Oh- terribly sorry…"
He bends over, and lifts large tubs of each of the candy he described. Well, except for the crackers, which are actually pre-packaged Goldfish crackers. They were even still in the supermarket-oriented, mass-produced bags that lined shelves.
...As interesting as those are, I think I'll buy actual candy. Dipping my hands into the candy barrels, I suddenly realized that this place doesn't have those sanitary claw-handle things. Anybody could've been touching this candy, and in a village that probably has no to little plumbing…
Yeah. I'm suddenly a little less bothered by tossing this stuff to the fairy rabble.
I get three pounds of lollipops and peppermints.
He gives me a bag for the candy, one of the brown paper kinds. "That'll be three thousand yen, sir."
I hand over the yen. I now have fifty-four thousand yen in reserve...
"Tha~nk you!" He suddenly perks up. "Come again a~ny time, sir."
He was hospitable enough.
With my new bag of candy, I begin moving to the village gates…
/ / / / THOU MUST SLAYTH A DRAGON IN SKYRIM / / / /
I wander the field of Gensokyo for fairy friends. More specifically, the fields near the Misty Lake.
The sand ahead of me is disturbed with a sudden thump, and I shield my eyes from the splash of sand…
What is this…!?
...The sand dissipates, and I see Cirno ahead of me, bent over with her head in the sand.
Oh.
"Ci-Cirno-chan!"
Daiyousei floats down, a terrified expression on her face. "Omigod Cirno-chan I didn't mean it! Are you al-ok-alrightkay!?"
...Cirno wiggles a little, but fails to pull her head from the sand.
"Oh, Cirno-cha~n!" Daiyousei hugs her.
Huh.
"...I am here on fairy business." I begin my proposal.
Daiyousei looks over to me. "He-help!" She tugs on Cirno herself, but doesn't succeed in freeing her.
...Reluctantly, I move to the other side of Cirno, and help the fairy pull…
After a small struggle, we pull Cirno free.
"Hwa~h!"
...She looks around, and wipes some sand from her face. "...What happened?" She notices Daiyousei. "...Did eye win?"
Daiyousei blinked. "Uhm… maybe?"
"Yea~h!" Cirno cheered.
Cuddly fairy friends. In any case… "I wish for the two of you to locate me some flowers." I announce. Not the most graceful, but I don't need to be, here.
...Cirno furrows her brows. "Eye'm pretty sure eye told people what to do 'round here…"
I hold up the brown paper bag. "I have candy. It's also just Daybloom I need."
Cirno grins. "Candy!? Gimme gimme- hey!"
Daiyousei grabs her shoulders. "A-ah, we can find you some Daybloom! How much do you want…?"
Hmm… "Ten shades, if you could."
...Daiyousei tilts her head. "T-ten…? That… that many don't exist, I don't think…"
Cirno looks at her. "What's Daybloom?"
"It's a common flower… But, I was pretty sure, there were only nine shades or so…" Daiyousei pouted. "...I'll bring you as many as I can."
That works, I suppose. If the last is supposedly only at the mansion, it might be natural that she doesn't know of it.
Cirno nodded enthusiastically. "Alright! Eye'll find all the Dayboom! Even the tenth shade!" Cirno puts a thumb to her chest. "Mark my words!"
Admirable enthusiasm.
With that, Cirno bolted off. "Cirno- wait! It-it's called Day… bloom..."
Daiyousei slouched, her friend soaring into the distance. "...They grow right around here, too. Wait here, mister. It'll be just a moment…"
I suppose I will, then.
...I might have to take residence in the human village for the time being, as it seems Youmu is not in the mood to hunt me down. That's fine by me.
I stick my hands in my pockets, and wait for the fairy to hunt down the flowers. Despite the cold, it's a rather nice day.
/ / / / WINDSWEPT FLUFFLES / / / /
"Here, mister…"
Daiyousei handed me a literal pile of Daybloom. "There should be at least two or three of every shade in there. There were only nine, though…"
I am unsure where I'll keep all these flowers. I suppose my bag; it's not as though I kept many things in it, anyway.
I scoop all the flowers into the sack, with the fluffy hooligan and the bomb book.
Daiyousei promptly accepts the bag of candy from me. She looks into it, and smiles. "Wo~w… Thanks, mister!"
Gotta spend money to make money, as they say.
Wait…
"Where did you find these flowers?" I ask her. There's snow absolutely everywhere.
Daiyousei shrugged. "I dug a little. Daybloom's pretty, but it grows everywhere."
Ah. That doesn't explain how she still managed to find a whole pile of them in spite of that fact. I'll just assume it's because she's a fairy, or something…
I begin walking back to the village.
"Ah… Take care, mister!"
Mmm.
/ / / / FLUFFLES IN SKYRIM / / / /
Town square. Lots of people.
Lots of uninteresting people. Uninterestingly interesting people, to be specific. You know, I thought it'd be a lot more liberating to escape Hakugyokurou, but as it turns out, it's just as boring out here.
Grass is always greener, somewhat. Except I really am glad to not be tied down, there.
...I walk up to the doors of a pub. At this point, I've just been exploring randomly in an attempt to get my bearings, here.
I step inside…
That alcohol smell. It's quite pungent…
On the inside, there are many men at the tables around the place. The bar is alive with the chatter and jeering of burly, drunk men.
Hey, with any luck, someone'll challenge me to a bar fight. It'd give me a good excuse to stab someone… or, at the very least, be something interesting.
I wonder how good this place would burn, with all the alcohol in the air? I think it's a little too early to start thinking about that, though. The last thing I'd need is for way too many things to burn down at once. This village likely has an abysmal real estate situation as it is.
...I near the bar counter, and sight a fluffle standing on it. It's kicking its little legs in place, holding two mugs of beer in each hand. Then, it pours them both on itself, and slips. It continues to slip in place, constantly rolling, yet not moving forward. It has discovered perpetual motion.
...Maybe it's not too early to burn this place…
"Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!"
To my right, there seems to be a drinking contest. Men are cheering on two peculiar individuals…
Suika is grinning, patting a certain youkai of darkness on the back. "C'mo~n! Y've gotta!"
Rumia's completely smashfaced. "Aa~hh… Hic! Yummy… loaves…" With that, she reeled back and drank from her mug, guzzling it down. The crowd gasps.
In the other corner of the table, Komachi's holding the shoulders of her completely voluntary contestant. "Y'lose this, 'n' I drown ya in ale, shortstuff."
Cirno lifts her mug abruptly, sending beer splashing out of it. This is where she went, apparently. I could even see Daybloom apparently smeared on the side of her glass, a few petals loosely hanging onto the side.
"Aa~h… E-Eyeuhm… shtrongesh!" She brought the beer glass to her face, and smashed it into her face. Literally. She broke the glass on her face.
Shatter!
Komachi jumped back in surprise, and they both fell off their seats, to the floor. The crowd laughed in a rowdy manner.
"Shtay down!" Suika grinned widely. "Y'cahn't outdrink the… the munch!"
...Cirno flung herself up, and onto the table. She began crawling across it… "Ee~ye…!"
"Oo~h!" Some members of the crowd rose from their seats.
Rumia dropped her glass on the counter, and it shattered. "Yoo~h! Yer yummy!"
Rumia launched herself at Cirno, and bit her in the face.
"Aaa-aa~h!" Cirno began thrashing, and launching ice randomly. Mugs of beer went flying, and I quickly backpedaled as the rest of the crowd began stampeding to the other ends of the bar.
"Hraagh!" Rumia growled, biting and clawing at Cirno.
Pi~chun!
A final blast of arctic air was unleashed on the bar table, and Rumia was frozen in a block of ice, suspended over the table, her mouth wide open.
...The barkeeper stood up from behind his counter, and sighed. "...You guys know tables cost extra, right?"
Suika pulled her face from the ice, which had partially generated on her. "Yea~h, bill Komachi! She losht!"
Komachi crawled out from under the table. "...Dhamn fairies… can't hold a drop 'a' booze."
The bar doors slammed open. "What's going on in here!?"
It's that swordswoman from the stands, earlier.
Suika looked around slowly, and realized the woman's gaze was on herself. "...O-oh, who, me…?"
"Yes, you." She scowled. "Why are you throwing spells around in a human pub?"
...Suika scratched her cheek. "...Wha~h?"
The swordswoman marched towards her. "Don't you play dumb with me, youkai…"
She kneeled, and tried to grab Suika by the collar, only to be unable to lift her.
Suika smiled widely, and threw an arm around her. "Aa~w, c'mon! Look, I'll even buy fer ya…"
She threw her arm across the table, and the ice block holding Rumia slid right off of it and onto the floor.
"Wh-what!?" The swordswoman began struggling. "No! Guards! Gua~rds!"
Suika blinked. "Gee~sh, yer a loud one!"
...She rose her arms to request a drink from the barkeeper, but as she did so, the swordswoman rolled out from under her arms, and leapt away. "I will be back, and when I am, you had best be absent!"
Suika grimaced. "Aa~h, shit… My conteshtahnt goh' away…"
Komachi rose to the table again. "Hah!"
As fun as sticking around would be, I don't think getting in the crossfire of a guard legion versus oni battle would be good for anybody involved.
I stand, and begin for the door…
Komachi points at me. "Oi! You!"
Nope! Nope! I like being in control!
I feel her hand on my shoulder, but I give it my all to get to the door and sprint like a madman. Outside the shop, I turn and see Komachi, somehow at the door despite her distance away from it previously.
"Get bahck here!"
I pull out my dash scissors, and begin sliding down the road in segments. With each slide, I break from an arm that attempts to grapple me. How is she keeping up!?
To escape her, I take to the alleyways, and enough complex sliding around eventually yields me the pristine hiding place of an open door. I throw myself inside, and hug the wall…
…
"Graa~h!" Komachi wails. "How'd the fhuck I loesh him…?"
…
The room's a simple indoor… segment room, or something. Indoor patio? Hmm. In any case, it holds little but a welcome mat and another door. I jiggle the handle of that one, but it's actually locked.
My question is why there's a welcome mat here, if I got into this door from an alleyway.
...Proceeding back into the alley, I make a mental note not to re-enter the pub without proper headwear, armor, and preferably, parental guidance.
/ / / / A FLUFFNUGGET KIND OF DAY / / / /
Late in the uneventful day, I knock on Sekibanki's door. At least, I think it is…
The door swings open, and a white-haired woman stares at me.
Oh. I think it was the next one over…
"Wrong house." I wave her off.
...She narrows her eyes at me, and closes the door. Everyone's a critic.
...I knock on what I hope is Sekibanki's door.
…
She opens it, and raises a brow.
"I happen to need residence for the evening." I inform her.
She sighs, and closes the door in my face.
…
I knock again.
She opens it back up. "...On second thought, sure. You'll have to do my grocery shopping tomorrow, though."
Hmph. Living involves doing a lot of things for other people, it seems.
"Su~re." I half-heartedly agree.
I assume she doesn't need much. Otherwise, that alley right next to her house looks about equally as appealing…
/ / / / FREAKIN GENSOKYO / / / /
CHAPTER 37.5 END
PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher
PRIMARY WEAPON: Bloodied Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point!
INVENTORY:
Steel scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.
Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.
Sleek Black Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing.
Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.
A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.
A Fluffy Hooligan - Soft, and warm to the touch. Ech!
Book of Rebomb - Teaches basic and advanced bomb magic. Written in some fantastical language, so I can't read it.
A Fuckton of Daybloom - Bland yellow flowers, with colored pollen in the center. Somewhat crushed by snow, and mangled from being plucked, but otherwise okay.
(no more empty space)
PARTY:
Rebomb Fluffle - Soft, and warm to the touch. Ech! Has a gag on to keep it from casting Rebomb over and over again, which would be a very bad time.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Rebomb - Advanced bomb spell that blows up the nearby vicinity with random bombs. Very random damage.
INVENTORY:
Finsticuffs.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
didn't take quite as much forever this time but still took too~ long!
stuff is in the works for matt to get more EQUIPS AND THINGS per MUCH AVID BEGGING AND BRUTEFORCING along with actual persuasion!
also first YOUKAI KILL, yo ho ho
as always, see you all next time!
CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:
^ i had two different pairs of scissors (freakin SCISSORS) and that's it. wadda ya want from me
delicious sadism and emotional scarring this time that people are gonna hate me for, that i can tell. the youkai fight mighta seemed extremely one-sided, but that's because it was. webs disintegrate from even the faintest hint of fire, and dashing is very useful for maneuverability. coulda been worse without the snow to put out the fire
it was also not a generic wolfman this time… except during the chase scene
still didn't do everything i wanted this time due to chapter length but that'll be for next time
by next time i mean likely three chapters after this one.
