(MATT THE PLATT IS ON THE FLATT, YEAH...TT.
...it's MATT'S PERSPECTIVE)
Well, that excursion was largely a disappointment. The only things I derived were these edgy robes, and that was about it.
The flying person overhead snapping pictures of me ceased to do so, flying away after the school teacher and that other deranged asshole, who were quickly escaping.
This just left me upon a pile of rubble.
…
I begin combing the rubble for a fairy friend to call my own.
It's not an easy structure to comb, however.
Nearing the bottom of the pile, I'm greeted by some villagers who were working to clear the rubble.
A generic-looking man in a chestplate greeted me. "Hey, y'purple robed bastard! Help us out here! These're your men!"
I think not. They aren't my problem at all.
...After I look around in the area we first entered from, I sight an orange-haired fairy maid lying upon some wooden beams, among other wooden fragments.
Climbing the pile, I claim my friendly maid friend.
"Aaauuh…?" She slurs, still unconscious.
She is now mine.
With my loot, I begin bounding away with her in my arms, as fast as a man in robes can do any movement akin to bounding.
"Hey, hey!" The chestplated individual calls out to me. "What- where are you going!?"
Home.
Ignoring him, I blend into the alleys away from the scene.
"Hey! He~y!" He calls out to me, but doesn't pursue. "...Damn."
/ / / / WARNING! WARNING! ORNAMENTAL SU~N / / / /
I reach Sekibanki's house, and kick the door.
…
I kick it again.
Steps are heard inside…
…
The door swings open. "Wha~t…?" She drawls. "First that explosion… did you do that?"
"Nope." I shake my head. "Not my fault. This time."
She rolls her eyes. "If you say so…" She looks down at the fairy in my arms. "...What is that?"
"A stray asshole cat." I quip.
I receive a dry look. "I see. Not that my living room has anything in it, anyway. If she makes noise, though, she's getting popped."
With that, Sekibanki walks back inside, still clad in pajamas, and enters her bedroom.
Proceeding inside, I plop the fairy maid on the table. I forget her name, but she's fun.
...Time to sleep, I suppose.
This room has a grand total of six pieces of furniture: a table, four chairs, and this large display case with nothing in it.
Naturally, the display case would make the perfect sleeping spot.
Moving up to it, I search the side for a way to open it, only to find it swings open after undoing a simple latch. Then, I moved the shelves out of the way, and…
Hmm. This might be problematic.
...Precariously, I slide myself into a very scrunched vertical position inside, trying to get the display case as closed as possible. Which, I can't, because the display case doesn't seem to be willing to fit an entire humanoid being.
Hmph. Well, I'm not falling, so…
...
/ / / / S'PROBABLY ACTUALLY 'ELEMENTAL SUN' BUT THE OTHER WORD IS FUN / / / /
Thud.
Hgh… I should've expected that.
...Peeling myself from the floor, I look around the room.
…
Having no windows doesn't make it easy to discern whether or not it's daytime, Sekibanki.
I move to the door, and open it…
The bright sun assaults me violently, and I am forced to close the door.
...The orange fairy maid and Sekibanki are sitting at the table, a bowl of peppermints between them.
Even though I went shopping for peppermints, and ate all of them.
The fairy maid was stuffing a few into her mouth. "Oh, hey. He's up."
...I stumble to the table, and sit down.
"Good morning." Sekibanki greets me, whilst consuming a peppermint herself.
I reach for the peppermint bowl, only for Sekibanki to deny me. "No. I know you ate all the ones you went out to buy. That's why I bought my own."
Crafty she-devil.
The fairy maid grinned through a mouth full of peppermints. "S'good!"
I feel swindled, for some reason.
Resting my arms on the table, Sekibanki continues. "I got the paper this morning."
...They had papers, in this land? Do they even have printing presses?
She slid the paper across the table…
Let's see what we have, here…
Bunbunmaru: Human Edition. Fitting.
'Thirty-Six Killed in Bad Technology Accident. Foul Play Expected?'
I decide to read the article myself, a bit…
'Yesterday, at the Guard Headquarters, a tragic accident left thirty six armed guards dead. Fifteen of those who were inside the complex made it out without any injuries, while two were only minorly injured.'
Curious statistics.
'Though a local outsider claims the massive electrical blast that wiped out the facility to be an accident, a different source claims that there was no way it could have happened without explicit youkai involvement.'
A different source...?
'The school teacher, Keine Kamishirasawa, was being held captive inside, against her will, and for no lawful reason. The machines that had exploded were created with the intent of repurposing youkai to serve humans, through the application of 'faith' and 'fear' settings on the machine. The machine also had means to keep youkai captive. Youmu Konpaku, who was on site earlier in the day, had this to say:
"There was a village elder. He threatened us, and I escaped. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I'm worried enough as it is."
The outsider, Brad Pantystealer, had this to say:
"I dunno how they initially did it, but they kept her under control with this machine… It had a touchpad, and a ton of tubes that pumped various things into people. Faith, fear, anesthetic…"
Brad Pantystealer, Keine Kamishirasawa, and an unknown anti-Hakurei conspiratist were among those who escaped from this disaster, seen on the cover image above.'
...I check the large, black and white image, and sure enough, I can clearly make out two fairy maids, Keine, Brad, and myself. Troublesome.
'It seems like the village's security has been making big changes in how it treats youkai, and how it plans to combat them. When questioned, Samuru Saito, the village chieftain, had declared this an "overwhelming embarrassment" and "severe example of deficiency in the management of village security".
He states, "we will be working to get to the bottom of just what caused this crushing failure in our security branch. Paul Chikamatsu will be fired and tried for misuse of village funding, along with unauthorized warmongering. We deeply apologize to those we have offended."
It is confirmed that all guardsmen who still wear purple robes are anti-Hakurei conspiracists, to which Reimu Hakurei herself declared unjust.
Reimu Hakurei is expected to make a visit to the village later today.
Honest and True Reporter, Aya Shameimaru.'
...That's troublesome. I was looking forward to wearing these purple robes more often.
"Turn the page." Sekibanki monotones.
Hmm?
Flipping it over, I see another headline…
'Unexplained Murders Explained! It's Not a Youkai?'
Oh, wow. Humans kill each other. How surprising.
'Before we get into the details, for those who just want the info, the killer is a human named Matt, with brown hair, and pale skin. His weapon of choice is scissors, and he has been declared dangerous.'
What the hell? How.
'Yesterday, at the Hakurei Shrine, Youmu Konpaku was seeking a certain shrine maiden to help her bring a criminal to justice. While the shrine maiden was out presumably partying it up, Youmu patiently waited at the shrine. When approached, she was glad to comment and share what she knew regarding the mysterious crimes.'
…
Youmu.
'"His name is Matt." Youmu informed us. "His weapon of choice is scissors. If you see him, please, restrain him. He's dangerous."'
To go so far, for something that is genuinely not her problem. How utterly inconvenient...
'To confirm her other report of him having broken into the Scarlet Devil Mansion, I went to Remilia Scarlet herself for details.
"Just go away." Remilia stated, this very morning. "No one's broken in, as far as I'm… You mean outsiders? They're harmless, so I usually let them in. I can't say any of them who've, as you say, 'broken in', have done anything wrong. I usually don't keep an eye on them. Let me go back to sleep."
Needless to say, she wasn't very helpful. Looking for further information, I contacted the families of the deceased. Unfortunately, Mark didn't have a family to question, but his deceased girlfriend, Sally Yamada, had a daughter eligible for questioning.'
Now I just have to complete the set, and bring a bloodline to extinction.
'Maria Yamada was upset. "He… he killed my mom. He killed Mark. I… I lost my entire family. I'm living with my... grand- whoever. I don't even know these people! I want my family back! I want my life back..."
This crushing loss dealt a serious, traumatic blow to Yamada. I then went to grand uncle Kirisame for more comment.
"I'm gonna kill him." He grinned. "When I see him, that is."
Shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei responded to this situation, by saying she would "confront the one responsible".
Matt is an outsider, who arrived in Gensokyo a while ago.
Honest and True Reporter, Aya Shameimaru.'
Great. That's just great. Well, it seems that's the end of the Exposition Newspaper. Although…
'Communal Fluff Dust Bath'
Yeah, that's the end now.
"...I'd like some answers." Sekibanki had her arms folded.
I shrug. "A job well done, if I say so myself. Although, it seems I may have had a few… errors in my judgment."
Sekibanki frowns. "I told you not to kill anymore people. After that first one."
Oh. "Did you? I… may have forgotten. It was only two people. Who cares?"
Sekibanki furrows her brows, and sighs. "...Let's see you tell that to Reimu."
...The fairy maid looked around. "So what kinda situation did I land myself in? This like a… murder mystery?" She held a hand to her chin. "I'm not really into those…"
I'm pointed at by Sekibanki. "He's the killer."
"Oh." The fairy grins. "That was a shitty mystery."
...It was never reported that I stay at Sekibanki's house, though. Reimu'd never be able to find me-
Knock, knock, knock.
-here.
Sekibanki stands…
"Well, if she ever manages to find me, I will make sure to." I inform her.
She turns to me, expression dry. "This is probably her right now."
Sure it is.
...I hide under the table anyway. This chair better be a stealth bonus.
Sekibanki swings the door open, and Reimu's standing there.
I'd really like to know how she managed to find me first thing in the morning.
"Hi." Reimu casually waves at Sekibanki.
"Hey." She greets back.
"Matt lives here, ri...ght?" She looks past Sekibanki, and notices me under the table.
...I roll over onto my side, and close my eyes.
...Sekibanki walks out of the way.
Casually, Reimu struts up to the table, and lifts it up. She stares down at me. "Get up."
…
She punts me. Which hurts. "No, I'm dead." I inform her.
"No, that's what you'll be if you don't get up." Reimu threatens.
...Reluctantly, I get up, standing before her.
"Come with me." Reimu gestures for me to follow her.
"What seems to be the problem, Miss Hakurei?" I smile casually as I greet her.
"Just come with me." She moves to the door, and waits for me.
...I glance around the room.
The fairy maid is grinning, and Sekibanki has a half-smile on her face.
...I take my sack, and place my scissors in them, but I hold onto the steel and dash scissors. Chances are, this encounter's going to instantly go to shit, so I'd rather not have the Gensokyo Police instantly whisk all my equipment away for being a bad boy.
I move to the display case, and place the arms inside.
"Well. If you insist." Turning, I follow her.
We go around the back of the house. At the side of the house, in the very first alley, Reimu turns to talk to me.
"You killed people." Reimu states outright. "Two people."
"Not thirty-six." I provide immediately.
…
"You killed two people." Reimu stresses again. "I'd like some explanation. Because, you know. Just going around killing people's not exactly ethical."
"Brad killed thirty-six. Might want to talk to him first." I grin.
Reimu frowns. "It wasn't his fault. You were there, weren't you?" She scans my robes. "He gave his account."
"Brad ignorantly attempted to overload the system to free Keine, and it exploded." I inform her.
...Reimu pauses, and shrugs. "If it wasn't him, I'm sure some other guard would've made the same mistake, then. He wouldn't have known they would be as they were, either." With that, she nods. "...I can see why he would lie, though. I don't entirely blame him."
I fold my arms. "If you unintentionally kill people, are you not charged for manslaughter?"
...Reimu tilts her head.
"...That's how it is in our world anyway." She seems to be unfamiliar.
"The human village does that, too. As do the tengu." Reimu recognizes it. "...I don't. At least, when the accident was a true accident, and not actual stupidity. If anyone, I'd blame whoever made such stupid computers."
"He tried hitting the machine to free her." I explain further.
Reimu's face hardened. "...I don't think he would've known that would happen. I don't think he would have known. Besides, if the machines were that bad, I feel like they would have blown up a lot sooner..."
"They were pretty secluded from everything else." I mention. "Only specific people were allowed near them."
Reimu nods. "Like Brad. And you. And the bunch of dead guards next to them."
I shrug. "What can I say? We wanted to find Keine and destroy the purple KKK. We don't care about such stupid details."
...Reimu nods. "You're also completely avoiding anything relating to the other two murders, and you're trying pretty hard to make it seem like Brad was responsible for faulty machinery." She huffs. "I'm kind of busy today. If you're really going to give me the roundabout…"
"He was throwing caution to the wind, and getting people hurt!" I exclaim. "And, what if I said they weren't actually my fault?"
Reimu sighs, stretching her neck a bit. "...Okay. How were they not your fault?"
"Pure accident. The same reason as Brad, really." I lean against the wall of Sekibanki's house with my arm.
"...Precise stabs into the backs of people's necks were complete accident." Reimu nods. "Though I'm willing to believe you about the fire in that one girl's house."
"I was actually…" I pause for effect. "I was trying to save them."
...Reimu gives me a narrow-eyed stare.
"The Anti-Hakurei conspiracy runs deeper than anyone may think." I stand up straight again.
"If they have a problem with me, they can come to me for it." Reimu folds her arms.
"But they didn't." I look her in the eyes, not that I wasn't already. "And that's how we got this whole situation." I spread out my arms for effect.
…
"I'm just gonna beat you up now." Reimu's yin-yang orbs begin spinning around her, as she floats into the air…
"Now wait just a moment!" I hold my arms up. "You might wanna listen to this! It's quite important!"
"Five cards." Reimu declares.
God dammit bitch! "And this is why these incidents happen, Reimu!"
Reimu's expression sours. "Five cards it is, then."
"You know why people hate you? Because you won't listen to them. I don't even have any spells!"
"Nonspells, then." Reimu decides, her face contorted in a deep scowl.
Amulets fly towards me in a linear pattern, while larger ones home in on me.
I turn, and begin running.
Danmaku riddles my back as I run away, and I begin using my sliding maneuver to evade the homing bolts.
I slide into the main road, but Reimu continues to pursue me as I dash through the citizens. The citizens all move to the side of the road, or simply stand at the side, and Reimu holds her fire until they clear the way.
...I have the purple robes on, don't I?
I use the dash scissors to slide under Reimu, evading her general sight for only a moment, as I move towards Seki's house, again.
Dashing into the door-
Bam!
Which hurt, by the way.
-I try to open it, but it's locked.
…
"Hey, Seki~!" I call, banging on the door. "I'm fine now."
Danmaku, yin-yang orbs, and amulets begin raining down on the side of the house.
"Can you open it?" I request, holding my face close to the door holy shit does danmaku burn!
"Open it you bitch!" I wail on the door with my arm.
A larger yin-yang orb blindsides me, knocking me to the ground. My consciousness fades as the danmaku continues to slam into me…
…
/ / / / OOMPHLYMPICS / / / /
...I slowly come to. Whoever needed to invent danmaku needs to burn in hell.
Oh, right. Reimu did, didn't she?
...Looking around, I realize I'm in the Hakurei Shrine.
Across from me, Reimu sat at her kotatsu, drinking tea. Next to her was Youmu, and Keine was still dressed in those cultist robes.
...I attempt to move, but seem to be tied up. Magnificent.
Youmu seemed to be glaring intently at me the whole time.
Keine just looked bored.
Reimu, too, looked bored.
"...That was fast." Keine gave Reimu a glance.
"Mmm." Reimu hums.
Youmu nods, but doesn't take her eyes off of me.
"...How did you find him?" Keine wonders aloud.
Reimu shrugs. "Asked around this morning. Beat up about ten other robed guys. Just looked for everyone with robes, basically. I didn't actually count on finding him first thing, but he was the guy in the picture wearing the robe, for some reason."
Keine nods… "I see."
"I eventually heard Sekibanki was housing an outsider, so that narrowed things down." Reimu nods. "It would have been a bigger problem if he weren't in the human village itself. But, after last night, I guess he couldn't have gone far. I didn't know that at the time, though.
I simply stare.
"...I'm impressed." Keine expresses satisfaction.
"Yeah." Reimu gives her a stare.
…
"He's awake." Youmu finally declares.
Reimu turns to me. "...Ah. You wanna talk to him, first?"
Youmu takes a deep breath. "...Su-sure."
She stood up, and walked towards me. I take my stare off of Reimu, focusing on Youmu as she approaches…
"...He-hello." Youmu greets me.
"What do you want."
At first she flinches, but her face hardens. "Why did you kill those people?"
"I have nothing to say to you."
Youmu frowns. "I-I want to know. Why did you kill those people?"
"I thought I said I have nothing to say to you."
"Why can't you tell me!?" Youmu shouts.
Reimu stands up, and walks towards us. Keine stares over with a stoic expression.
I continue to stare at her.
Reimu puts a hand on her shoulder… "Youmu-"
"No!" She tears Reimu's arm from herself, then freezes. "...I-I…"
She glares back down at me. "I-I want to know why."
I stare back. "Why should you care."
She pauses, her expression shifting to a few different places, before simply settling on a deeper frown. "...Wh-what do you mean?"
Reimu steps back, for the moment.
"None of it is your business. And neither is it your responsibility."
…
Youmu furrows her brows. "Wh-what…? Y-you killed people…"
Reimu looks at me, remaining still.
"So?"
…
"...So." Youmu echoes. "So?... So~!?"
Her arms begin shaking. "You killed people! With lives! Families! Po-potential! Th-things to live for…" She trailed off. "People to care for… Hopes, dreams…"
Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Because they were... in your way…"
Reimu grimaces, moving towards Youmu cautiously.
…
Silence reigned in the Hakurei Shrine, as Youmu quietly sobbed in front of me. Reimu awkwardly stood next to her, as Keine looked over with a bewildered expression.
…
"I-I'm…" Youmu turned back to Reimu. "I'm going home…"
Reimu nods, huffing in disatisfaction. "Alright…"
Youmu looks up at her. "Whatever you do… I want you to keep him from killing more people. I-I know people die, but… It's just rotten that a person like him…" She glances back at me, then shakes her head, looking away and back at Reimu. "I-... Please."
Reimu nods, forcing a confident smile. "I'll make sure of it."
"Th-thank you…" Youmu slowly walks out of the shrine. She slides the door shut behind herself.
…
After all of this…
I lower my head. "...Heh… heh heh… heh…"
I'd like to remind you that danmaku sucks, because I just remembered that fact.
"Ha~ah. What the hell was that…" I grin.
Reimu turns to me. "...I don't really know where to start with you."
Keine stands up, and begins to approach us. She doesn't say anything, even as Reimu turns to her curiously.
I glance between the two of them. "...I was already told to stop… and I followed... yet this happens. Hah."
Reimu furrows her brows. "...There's a lot, lot, wronger with you, than simply…" She trails off, not finding the words to continue.
...Keine's brow twitches. "...Worse, you mean."
Reimu rose a brow, turning to her.
"Wronger's, um, not a word…" Keine awkwardly adds.
…
"So, can I leave now, or will this place be my grave?" I narrow my eyes while smiling at the Hakurei miko.
Reimu sighs. "...I don't know what to do with you yet. For now, though, you can just sit there." She begins walking back to the kotatsu. "I was thinking of teaching you danmaku… but at this point, I feel like you're gonna need a lot more than that…"
Keine follows Reimu back to the kotatsu, seemingly unsure what to make of me.
Well. This is going to be an uneventful stay.
…
The shrine door slides open.
"He~y, Keine! I got your crack, cocaine!"
Brad walks in, holding clothes. "I almost got turned into a freakin' ribbon factory trying to get it."
Keine blinks. "...Ah."
He looks around the room, and sees me in the corner, tied up. "And- ooh ho ho, mister angry eyes all the time! What's the occasion?"
"Hello, son." I greet him. "Are you going to help me?"
He looks over at Reimu, who gives him a steely glare, causing him to pause. "...Ho~h, shit. That's probably a hard no. Reimu looks like she wants to go through with that whole 'turn me into a ribbon factory' idea."
"Oh well." I sigh. "Seems I must remain as Reimu's sex slave. A fate worse than death."
Brad chuckles. "Son, now I wish I was you, except not."
He moves to the kotatsu, handing Keine's clothes to her. "There you go, yo. Now go teach the village not to suck, 'cause it does."
Keine furrows her brows at him, but drops the blunt insult of the village. "...Is it okay if I use your room to change, Reimu?"
Reimu nods, and Keine recedes deeper into the shrine.
...Brad nods confidently, looking between Reimu and myself. "So, what's the story? He kill somebody's mother?"
"I got caught going over the speed limit." I explain. "Now I got the death sentence…"
Reimu gives him a dry look. "Yes, actually. And her boyfriend."
...Brad makes a small 'o' shape with his mouth. "...Oh. Shieut."
"They're probably happily eating peaches up in heaven now." I state. "If we ever invent cell phones, she can just call them."
...Brad puts a hand to his chin. "Y'know, I think you're onto somethin'..."
"Was he always like this?" Reimu addresses Brad.
Brad turns to her. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Basically. 'Cept with a whole lot less of the killing people. Then again, back in our world, finding a killer's like," He snaps his fingers in a Z shape in the air. "Y'know?"
...Reimu shakes her head casually.
"...Ah." Brad nods. "Well, it's really easy, and you get like, killed and raped in a complex by fellow criminals for basically any crime."
...He tilts his head. "...Our prisons are kinda fucked up!"
Reimu shakes her head. "I've had enough of morally bankrupt things for one day."
...Brad's expression drops. "Oof. What's gotcha down?"
Reimu points at me.
...Brad nods. "Sounds about right! Can't help ya there!"
He begins to leave. "I'm gonna go… do things!"
With his avid planning, he slides the shrine door shut behind himself.
…
"So which of us is the lesser evil?" I ask Reimu, grinning.
She just ignores me, resuming her tea, keeping an eye on me.
...The absolute worst response is no response.
…
/ / / / KNEE DEEP IN MUD / / / /
The shrine door slides open.
"Hello, Reimu."
Reimu tiredly lifts her gaze from the kotatsu, and perks up. "Kasen! Where've you been?"
"Oh, around." Kasen smiles as she walks inside. Then, she turns to face me.
"Hey, how ya doin'." I greet her.
...She turns to face Reimu. "...I didn't know you've adopted this strategy to sealing youkai…"
Reimu sighs. "Did you read the Bunbunmaru?"
Kasen blinks. "You read the Bunbunmaru?"
...Reimu faceplants on the kotatsu. "Uu~gh… C'mere. It's a long story. The guy's human, by the way-"
"Human?" Kasen jerks her head back, surprised.
"She's quite kinky." I insist.
"Basically, he kills other humans. Two others, so far. He seems like he'd do it again, so…" Reimu trailed off. "I'm not sure what to do with him."
Genuinely? "Hey, I was told to stop, and I did. In fact, they're pretty old deaths."
…
"I see." Kasen nods to Reimu. "Yes, that is quite problematic…"
Reimu sighs. "I know, right?"
Kasen moves to the kotatsu to sit down with her. Unfortunately, the discussion doesn't stay on me, for long.
"Are you still practicing your seals?" Kasen asks.
Reimu sighs. "I don't need to practice them. I even performed a Human Sealing Circle the other day by memory."
Kasen hums in pleasure. "Hmm… Impressive. I'm trying to think of something to teach you…"
She learns from this woman?
"Not that you've taught me a terrible amount, anyway…" Reimu tilted her head, smiling. "Using the ofuda directly like that was kinda~ basic. So was the yin-yang pinball thing. I knew that for a long time."
"...I'm thirsty." I announce.
...Reimu glances over in annoyance, while Kasen simply glances at me.
"...Hold on." Reimu gets up. "I have to feed him."
I distinctly asked for water.
She moves towards the shrine's interior.
…
Kasen gets up, and walks over to me. "Hello."
"Greetings." I greet her.
For a while, she just stares at me.
…
"So how has your day been?" I smile up at her.
"Good." She smiles back. "How was yours?"
"As you can see… the best day of my life." Certainly.
She snorts, nodding. "Aa~h."
…
"Come here often?" I grin.
"No."
Well.
...Reimu stumbles in with an entire jug of water.
Kasen giggles. "Do you need help with that…?"
"I've got it…" Reimu gets a hold of it, and approaches me with it.
I blink at her as she nears me with the entire jug of water.
She holds it up over me, and I stare at it. "...Can I get a free hand and a cup, instead? I don't like getting wet. That's the role of the girl."
Reimu pours the water on me slowly, forcing me to open my mouth to drink it instead. I decide to drink up, because I might be here awhile.
...Eventually, she turns the jar completely upside down, pouring the rest on me, soaking me.
Kasen grins. "...Was that really necessary?"
"Yes." Reimu states, before walking away to the kotatsu, again.
Kasen turns from me, and continues to the kotatsu. They start discussing boring things, again…
"Have you seen those dust devils?" Kasen inquires. "They're mischievous little things. They're also neither animals, nor youkai. It's the strangest thing."
Reimu sighs. "Yeah, I've had it up to here with them. I've got absolutely no leads on where they came from, though."
I yawn…
/ / / / TRAPPED IN A TRENCH WITH NO WAY OUT / / / /
It was now Suika's turn to stumble inside.
"Haa~h!" She poses, surprisingly having averted smashing the shrine door on the way in. "Rei~mu! A new bar opened in town!"
Reimu sighed. "Can't go. I have to watch this guy." She points to me.
...Suika wobbles around, facing me.
"Reimu is using me as a sex slave!" I cry out! "Help!"
...Suika reels over. "Aaa~hahahahaha~! Yea~h, Reimu! Go get'em, girl! Tha's the oni way!"
About what I expected.
Reimu snorts. "Mmm."
...With that, Suika begins to make the long and calculated process of making it back outside without clipping the door with her horns.
Bam!
Reimu facepalms.
Suika took out a chunk of the door on the way out. How unfortunate.
The shrine maiden returns to drinking her tea, with a captive audience in the corner. I am witness to the world's most boring infomercial ever.
…
"...Actually, I probably coulda gone with her. Oh well…" She yawns. "I'm going to bed. If you sneak out, I'll find you again."
Liberating. "Don't let the Gensokyian bed bugs bite."
"Mmm." She ignores me as she moves for the shrine's interior.
…
Sleeping like this isn't gonna be easy.
…
/ / / / WHAT'S THE PRICE OF A MILE / / / /
Scratch that, sleeping's impossible. I think this counts as one of my worst days ever.
The dark shrine is silent, and the sounds of wind accent how immensely mind-numbing this experience is.
Complete darkness. Inability to move.
…
…
…
One of the shrine's doors slide open. If it's something coming to eat me, they're getting a severe headbutting.
A figure walks in the darkness, holding a lantern. She looks around the room, and her face lights up upon seeing me.
Her hair was black, with red and white highlights. She had a largely white dress, and some crazy arrow pattern for her skirt.
"Fred Fuckstone?" She questions. "That you?"
Fred Fuckstone.
"Yes." I declare. "I am indeed Fred Fuckstone."
She nods. "...Good family name. You're a mage, right?"
"Sure." Definitely.
"Alright, they didn't lie to me, then. That's good, I need a mage." She smirks, moving to undo my ropes with some sort of piece of jagged metal.
...Who is 'they'?
…
In moments, my ropes are undone.
She grins at me. "Seija Kijin. You're coming with me."
Before we do that… "I would like to retrieve a few implements from the shrine's interior."
"...Oh, right, yeah, your staff." Seija nods. "Hurry up. If that shrine maiden wakes up, you're the hostage."
I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind that.
Moving to the kitchen, I look around…
The sink's still full of blood. It's all dried up, now.
...I find my dash scissors, and my steel scissors on the counter next to the sink, though. I wonder if she put two and two together…
Unfortunately, I never got to see her reaction.
I move back into the shrine room…
Seija looked down at my hands… "...Where's the staff?"
"I cast with scissors." I inform her. "You see, I am an edge mage. No one expects it."
…
Seija sighs. "Whatever, come on. Stick close to me, or something'll eat you."
That, I'm sure of.
We advance out of the shrine in the cloudy cover of the night.
/ / / / IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT / / / /
"Fuck you…" Seija points into some bushes.
"...Woah, woah, wooaaa~h!" A cream-haired fairy girl starts floating up, up, and away, falling into the sky.
"Fuck yo~u…" Seija points at a tree.
"Hey, hey, hey! Damn it!" A wolfman flies from the tree, falling into the sky, too. "Rooaaa~gh!"
"A~nd, fuck you." Seija points her middle finger at another tree.
A bird youkai falls up into the sky, before she begins flapping her wings, flying upside down. "Woaa~h, ooaa~h… I-I'm gonna be sick…"
This is highly amusing.
...Seija turns to me, frowning. "You like that, don't you?"
I snort. "What, and you don't?"
She flips me the bird. How rude.
...I begin falling upward.
This is most unfortunate.
"...Aaaaaah!" I casually yell as I begin falling above the treetops, and into the sky…
Then, gravity shifts again, and I begin soaring back down into the woods…
Even though the youkai catches me in her arms, the impact's still a son of a bitch. "Ghh…"
Seija grins down at me. "There we go."
I'm having a hard time deciding whether this youkai makes a good companion, or an irritating enemy.
We continue into the woods, Seija now having a skip to her step.
"I assume those youkai were going to eat me?" I make idle banter.
"Oh, no. They probably thought I was going to eat you." Seija shrugs. "I sent them flying because fuck them."
As good of a reason as any.
"...Actually, I sent them flying because they hurt my family, and bullied me, and killed my friend." Seija suddenly declares.
Still as good a reason as any.
...She sighs. "I sent them flying because…"
…
"You know what? You wanna go for a ride, again?" She glares down at me.
Maybe. She's just gonna pull me back down. The only bad part is the landing…
Before I know it, I'm above the trees again. This sucks.
...I soar back to the forest floor, landing in Seija's arms, again.
And it hurts. Not terribly, but it does.
She smiles down at me. "Did it feel good?"
"You make no sense." I decide.
Eventually, we come to a clearing in the woods. There are logs around a bonfire, meant for sitting.
Seija floats up to them, and plops me down on one log.
Let's see my company, here…
Across from me, there is a humongous, tall fluffle looming over the bonfire, taking up the entire log. For some reason, it seemed to have a constant shade of lighting around it, even though different parts of its body were exposed to light.
"honh" It booms.
Charming.
...On the left log, there's some green-haired fop with antennae, looking pumped about something.
On the right log, there's a very nervous green-haired girl with what looked like dog ears being held in place by night fairies.
"Ca~lm doo~wn, Kyouko-cha~n…" The one with an elaborate headdress filled with purple sparkles drawls. "Seija-sama's gonna make you real happy…"
The other one, whose hair covered its eyes, unenthusiastically patted Kyouko's shoulder. "Ye-yeah… Sei-Seija-sama… is good."
Fabulous fairy turns to her meek companion with annoyance, and furrowed brows.
"honh" The squished, stretched, poorly illuminated tall fluffle booms.
"Aaa~h, shut up!" Seija shouts up at it. It doesn't seem to react.
Seija sits next to me by the fire, making sure to keep her distance.
...She looks between us all, and nods. "...Alright, wise guys, here's the score…"
The other youkai nearby turn to pay attention to her.
"Rule number one," Seija begins, "It's my way, or you're a dead motherfucker way. Take your pick. There ain't no more rules."
...Kyouko and the green-haired fop tense up, to Seija's delight.
"Tomorrow, at sundown." Seija pans around to looks at everyone. "We're gonna flip the human village bank."
Tomorrow at sundown? Odd timing.
The green-haired fop speaks. "...Wh-why tomorrow at sundown?"
Seija glances at him… her…? "Because you touch yourself at night."
…
"O-oh…" The green-haired fop blushed, fidgeting in his or her seat. Their seat.
"honh" The tall fluffle boomed again, snow falling from nearby trees.
"That's it." Seija stood. "Go away."
She waves at it, and the fluffle is flipped onto its head.
The ground shakes as it slowly tips over, crushing a nearby tree.
…
"honh" It boasts.
"Okay, who's bright fucking idea was it to invite… that?" Seija begins looking around, angry. "I want names!"
"It-it just ah- showed up!" Green-haired individual of unknown gender stutters. "...I-I don't know."
Seija turned to Kyouko.
"...Pl-please, let me go…" Kyouko shook in her seat.
Seija nodded, smiling. "Oh, okay. Go ahead."
…
Kyouko tilted her head. "Re-really?"
"No." Seija sighed. "Who do you think I am?"
...Taking a moment to think, the girl responds. "...A-a nice person deep down… who's in hard times?"
…
Seija's hands begin grabbing at the air. "You're about to catch a one-way ticket to outer space."
Kyouko began shaking anew. "O-oh, no! Please! No~!"
The fabulous fairy jeers at her. "Hahaha~! You fucked up! You~ fu~cked u~p!"
"No! No, no!" Kyouko begins flailing her arms at her, and the fairy flails back.
...The other fairy idly watches them. "Ha, ha. You're… in trouble."
...Seija gives a half smirk, and begins walking away. "Meeting's over. If you're not outside the human village bank at sundown, I'll find you myself. Probably tie you to a rock, and toss you in the lake, or something."
With that, she gives us a little wave. "Peace."
The two night fairies floated up and after her. "Seija-sama!"
"Seija-sama…"
…
That just left me, Kyouko, and this guy, or girl.
"honh"
We don't speak of that one, though.
…
Seija floats back for a moment. "Oh, almost forgot…"
She points at the bonfire, and it begins floating away.
"Cool. See ya." With that, she rushes off again.
I gaze up at the bonfire as it slowly leaves us, the air carrying away not only the warmth, but the fire itself, and everything the fire stood for.
It is now dark.
…
Kyouko looks to me, I think. "I-I can take you back to the temple, if you want…"
Actually… "Do you know the house of a certain Alice Margatroid?"
She pauses. "U-uhm… yeah. Yeah. Were you staying with her?"
Sure. "Indeed. I would like an escort back, as I do not know the way."
The actual problem is night youkai.
...The green-haired fop was leering at me, so I assume he-she wasn't going to be of much use.
"No problem…" Kyouko stands up, and begins moving. "Follow-"
"Actually!" The fop makes himself known. "I-I can escort him!"
Kyouko turns. "A-ah?"
"Yeah, I can do it." His demeanor shifts to an awkward yet confident sort. "I-I mean, it's not a big deal. It's just what I do."
...Kyouko looks at me for confirmation.
...You know what? "Why not both of you?"
The fop shakes his head, and crosses his arms. "No~ way. I got things to do. I'm a busy, uhm, bug, you know."
...Kyouko frowns at him.
He fidgets. "...We~ll, I mean… maybe I'm not that busy? I-I still am, it's just…!"
Walking ahead, Kyouko beckons me to follow her with a barely visible gesture of her arm, so I begin moving towards her…
"Wait- I just!...Uugh…" The green fellow gives up on following us, remaining back at the site the bonfire used to be.
We proceed into the woods ahead, Kyouko leading the way…
"I can hardly see you move." I inform her.
She doubles back, and grabs my sleeve. "Shhh…" She shushes me.
It seems we are performing stealth.
The pace of the walk changes rapidly, from Kyouko practically running at times to us slowing to a crawl.
Eventually we stop just in the woods outside the path that lies before the Hakurei Shrine.
...I glance at Kyouko questioningly.
"...Where the hell is that human!?"
A wolfman walks out from the bushes next to us, and proceeds onto the path. "I smell 'em, but I don't see 'em!"
Skittering up to him, a spider girl reveals herself from across the path. "I kno~w, right? Case of the disappearing human, or what?"
…
"He stopped." The wolfman observes. Then, they look in our direction.
Kyouko, you'd better know some martial arts.
She tenses up, but cups her hands around her mouth. "...Smell 'em, don't see 'em!"
The wolfman's voice came out of her mouth, it seems.
On the path, the two youkai shake their heads.
"Damn. Asshole probably got a fresh kill." The wolfman began trudging off, disappointed.
Sighing, the spider girl skittered away. "Da~mn. Guy's got a snout, though. Gotta give 'em that."
Kyouko sighs in relief. "A-ah…"
It's rather unfortunate that I don't have my arsenal with me. Theoretically, I could strangle them to death, though… if I had the strength of ten men.
"C-come on…" She grabs my sleeve again, and begins weakly tugging.
Holding my arm forward, I dash across the path with the small girl, entering the outskirts of the magic forest on the other side.
"We're almost there…" Kyouko whispers to me. "You're doing good."
If I wasn't doing good at keeping quiet, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. I'm also quite glad the snow has begun to melt to reasonable levels.
As we delve deeper into the magic woods, I walk into Kyouko who had stopped abruptly before me, accidentally displacing her a little and creating rustling.
The spiders before us don't seem to notice, however.
"Damn it all!" A very happy spider exclaims, banging her arms against a tree trunk.
"...It's okay, Webs." A smaller, blue-haired spider girl pats her friend's back. "There's always next time."
"...My name's Wanasa!" She snaps at the other spider girl, before shooting web at her.
"Wha- hey!" The other spider girl gets all tied up. "...Webs! We~bs!"
'Webs' begins skittering away, passing Kyouko and I as she flees.
…
"...Webs…" The blue-haired spider girl began working her arms to free herself of the web, slowly.
As we continue, I sight peculiar things.
Spider girls, seemingly unconscious in the snow, along with entire trees wrapped in web. Large spider webs hung from a few sizable trees, and some wide, straight webs seemed to have crudely constructed catapults in them.
We near the house in the dead of night, where there is little but highly disturbed snow, and Alice's house.
Alice's marginally battered house, in any case. Dolls floated outside with building materials, working on the roof.
"Wh-what happened, here…?" Kyouko cupped her hands around her mouth.
Conflict.
...I proceed to the door of the house, with Kyouko timidly following behind.
Knock, knock, knock.
…
The door swings open, shedding dim light on us, and Alice awaits me on the other side. "Oh. It's just you."
"Greetings." I wave at her.
...She moves to her table, sits down, and raises her cup of tea.
...Kyouko shakily steps in behind me, and we both sit at the table, as well.
Alice smiles. "Hello, Kyouko. What brings you here?"
"H-he asked me to escort him here…" Kyouko points at me. "I was just doing my duty…"
"...I see." Alice gives me an unreadable stare, before getting up. "Wait here, both of you."
She recedes into her room to retrieve our goods.
…
Moments later, she emerges, holding a large bag, and a dark grey pair of wooden scissors.
"Here." She tosses the back to Kyouko, and it thumps against the table.
"O-oh, you didn't have to…!" Kyouko tears into the bag, revealing pure sugar inside.
"Hey, hey." Alice scoffs at her. "Don't tear into it here. Take it home."
"Ye-yes!"
With that, Kyouko gets up and begins hastily navigating out of the house, leaving the door open as she power walks away with the bag of sugar.
Once she's gone, I smile at Alice. "I would like my merchandise."
Alice smiles back. "I would like my payment."
…
Ah.
The flowers. Yes. The ones I left at Sekibanki's house.
...Alice sighs. "...I'm not stupid enough just to give it to you, you know."
"I left the payment elsewhere." I state idly.
"Of course you did." Alice folded her arms. "Might I ask where?"
Home. "The abode of a Miss Sekibanki, a headless youkai person."
Alice nods. "Aa~h. I won't ask." She begins floating. "I can go get it, for you." She looks down at the scissors… "I'll even give you these… hmm." She looked outside. "...On second thought, I'll go in the morning. I'm sure Seki wouldn't appreciate me, this late."
Unfortunate, to be certain.
Alice begins heading for her room. "You may use the guest room, for the time being."
She gestured to it, and its door swung open, the glistening of a steel wire giving away what she did.
Stopping before her own door closes, she turns to me from inside.
"I lock all my doors. If you open any door that's not the front door or the guest room door, I can't ensure your life. Good night."
With that, her door closes. Two dolls fly from the shelves, and stand in front of it like guards, gazing up at me.
How cute. I'd approach them, but they hold rather pointy looking lances.
Instead, I move into my guest room. Inside, there are some very unkempt beds, one of which has a problem.
"honh honh honh"
"Waaa~l!"
A big problem.
The leftmost bed appears to have burst into fluffles, and iis a writhing mass of them under a blanket, all circulating around a bedframe.
"help im stuck"
"im sniffable friend"
"cmere"
"friend"
"sniff sniff"
Okay.
...I move towards the rightmost bed, which seems to be fine.
I clamber into it.
…
Something fluffy crawls up next to me.
"we're snug"
…
I grab it, and remove its head from its tubby torso with a strained motion. Lying down doesn't make it easy, but…
Ri~p!
Dust to dust.
…
I feel something wiggling under me.
"huhuhuhuh"
It's gonna be a long night.
/ / / / MULTI-MAN MELEE / / / /
The next morning, Alice opens up the door to the guest room…
I punt a fluffle into the wall.
"oo~f!"
The fluffle flew disproportionately fast into the wall, and exploded into a shockwave of dust.
Six other fluffles rushed to my legs, and stood there.
One of them headbutted my ankle.
...I nudge my ankle towards a few of them-
"oo~f!"
"oo~f!"
"woaa~h!"
The three fluffles I clip nearly fly into the wall at similar speeds, but they stop just before it, twirling into the floor. Then, they get up, and gingerly approach me again.
One of the fluffles at my ankles is slapping it with its fins.
I lift up my foot, and stomp on it-
"oo-woa-oo~f!"
It impacted my shoe twice, heavily, enough to somehow throw me off balance. Then, it soared into the roof.
Bam! It exploded into dust, scattering a small cloud of dust across the ceiling.
"...Just what is going on in here?" Alice disdainfully questions.
A fluffle runs towards me, doing a spinning flip off the bed, before having second thoughts and falling backwards towards the bed.
...I walk up to it and punch it.
"oo-wooa~h!"
It explodes against the wall.
I'm not sure why they've become disproportionately weak, but I don't think this is the time to question that.
Alice steps into the room, accidentally kicking a fluffle as she does so-
"oo~f!"
More sand against the wall.
"I'm going to the human village to retrieve my payment." Alice precariously glances around the fluffle-filled room as she informs me.
A fluffle tries to leap onto her, but a doll comes out from behind her back with a pointy spear.
Shi~ng!
"huwoa~h!"
Instead of being impaled, the fluffle flies at the wall at mach speed, exploding into dust.
The impact on the wall was great enough to leave a dent, and for the dust to splash back towards Alice.
"Here." Alice takes the scissors from her pocket, and tosses them at me.
I fumble to catch them, and clasp them between my hands.
She then holds up her hand, and I glow orange for a second.
The magic fades as I look down at my hands, the bright glow fading…
"Tracking spell." Alice justifies, turning around. "Nothing personal. Just have to make sure, you know."
Behind her back, there's a small cloud of armed dolls, all pointing their various weapons at me. There's also a doll stationed at the back of Alice's neck, hugging it.
I look down at the scissors.
...Pretty stylish. I slip my fingers into the rings, and snip a bit with it. I'd have to insert my magic to find out what it does.
...I do, however, hear spooky ghost noises. It seems my scissors have a guest over, today.
Looking back up, I note that Alice has already left.
Moving back into the main room, dolls are seen stationed around all the cabinets and tables, standing sentry.
I think I got the memo, by now.
Actually… even though my stuff is in the human village, I'm willing to bet that, between Keine and Reimu, the place is being locked up tight.
Against me.
...I think I'm going to need a new pair of shoes.
Alice is a tailor, isn't she? She just left, however…
Those dolls do not look friendly, either.
...A fluffle scurries from the room, and attempts to scurry up to a shelf. Upon making contact, the dolls lock their eyes on it.
Spears fly across the entire room.
Shi-shi-shink-shink!
The fluffle became a swirling cloud of dust.
All the dolls derive a new spear from parts unknown.
Tables are apparently off-limits. Duly noted.
...Progressing back into the guest room, I look to the closet door for answers.
Inside, there are shrine maiden outfits, witch outfits, and maid outfits, all of which correspond accurately to people I've seen before.
As ironically amusing as the maid and shrine maiden outfits would be, I'm going to have to go with the fluffy witch outfit…
That's a really big hat, which I assume is also good at hiding faces. It's poofy.
…
The only thing I couldn't change well was my shoes, ironically. The type of shoes Marisa wears do work, even if a very, very snug fit. They also raise the heels up, for whatever ungodly reason.
I have no idea how women walk around like this. This shoe design is unintuitive as hell.
I'm tempted to saw the bottoms off, or something, but I don't think I have any good tools for that, at the moment… and sawblades could only spell bad things in this house, and in this forest.
Clumsily, I step towards the door, and make my way outside, clad in witch gear.
...Now, to make my way to the human village, and reclaim what is mine.
/ / / / ON THE ROAD TO BEING A POKEMON CHAMPION / / / /
Wooden scissors.
Right now, I'm on the road of the… I don't think this road has a name, actually. It's just that one road outside the Hakurei Shrine that leads to the human village.
Hmm.
...I probably shouldn't be caught by Reimu in this outfit. If she sees me from afar, she'd probably guess that I was Marisa. Then there'd likely be no shaking her, which would lead to being blown away by giant yin-yang orbs again.
Not my proudest moment.
A fairy lands on the path in front of me.
It's a Cirno.
She points at me. "Stop right there, witch!"
...I wave at her.
"We've got a score to settle!" She puts her hands to her hips. "Eye'm gonna beat the fluff outta that hat of yours!"
...I suppose now would be a good time to test these wooden scissors of mine.
Cirno darts back down the path, twirling in the air. "Eye'll even defeat you with this spell! Ice Sign, Icicle Fall, Easy!"
From the back of her wings came pale blue danmaku, in the same shape as her wing's shards. They slowly flowed towards me like a calm blanket of snow…
Brandishing my dash scissors, I quickly weaved upward towards her, closing the distance she created in moments. I was a little off-balance once I got to her, but it wasn't a big deal, it seems.
The blanket of ice crystals ceased just behind me, leaving me to sit in front of Cirno.
Cirno had her arms folded, a confident expression on her face as she stared me right in the eyes.
"Hmhmhm~!" She hummed happily to herself, hyped.
…
I poked her with the wooden scissors.
"Hey, hey…" She batted my arm away with hers. "You're supposed to be in the danmaku."
"The danmaku's supposed to be in me." I counter.
…
"Maybe I shoulda used the normal card…" Cirno stroked her chin. "I thought this one was gonna surprise ya, too!..."
I was surprised until I accidentally stumbled into this huge, overbearing blind spot, anyway. Here I thought it was going to be a sloppy stabfest while I got pounded by danmaku up close, but this is fine, too.
Glancing around awkwardly ahead of me, Cirno frowns. "U-uhm… Don't shoot?"
This is as good of a time to test these new scissors as any.
I begin channeling mana into it…
…
The subtle howl from the scissors becomes audible, as the arm that holds it becomes shaky. My muscles tense throughout my entire body, as if being flooded by adrenaline in a brisk wave.
It feels so good it hurts… or maybe it just hurts.
My heartbeat pounds through my entire body, as I awkwardly jerk my arm forward a foot, and then jerk it towards Cirno.
Pi~chun!
One stab to the chest pops the fairy, and I stop channeling mana to the scissors.
…
I immediately drop to my knees, hyperventilating for a moment, before catching my breath…
...My head feels faint, but the strength in my muscles begins to return.
Standing, I wobble a bit as my balance comes back, little by little.
…
Something's still missing, but I can't put my finger on it. This is the kind of thing you have to get used to, with cursed weapons. Pleasingly, this weapon met my expectations of something that came from a big, ominus tree's bark.
I'll probably have to use it sparingly, though. It'd probably consume my soul or something if I abused it. That would be embarrassing… and fatal.
At a comfortably slower pace, I make my way to the village walls…
/ / / / FORZE DEL MALE / / / /
The guard furrows his brows at me as I approach.
…
He doesn't say anything to me, though.
…
I suppose I'll have to say something…
"Hello." I greet him. "Do you want to see some magic?"
…
…
That went well.
"Fwzoo~!" I exclaim, holding up my arms. "Zazap!"
…
The guard turns to open the gate. "Behave yourself, youkai. The miko is in the village, today."
I figured as much.
Walking forward, I take to the village streets. Then, I take to the village back roads, because Reimu and Keine would likely be a holy war which I wouldn't walk away from.
The back roads are filled with little of interest. There's an occasional, curiously nosy guard, but aside from that, there is little else present in these back alleys.
Eventually I come out in front of Sekibanki's house. I move to cross the street-
"You know not what force you reckon with!"
A dark mage in elaborate robes hustles down the road, using his giant, decorated staff as a walking cane as he shoots spreads of dark bullets backwards.
Large yin-yang orbs bowl into the bolts, and into him.
"Guh! Huagh!" He stumbles back, managing to not get totally crushed by the blows.
Bam!
The final orb snaps his staff in half, which he throws to the ground. "You have cast us into a new age of darkness, Hakurei miko!"
"Do you have to be so melodramatic about it…?" Reimu walked up to him, scratching the back of her head.
I back further into the alleyway, because being seen like this is a total no-no.
Reimu glances in my direction, and glances back at the fancy edge mage.
He shoots his arms into the air, "Behold, Hakurei! This is the power of a true magician!"
A pentagram forms around him on the dirt path, and Reimu floats back, out of it.
The pentagram turns, glowing a faint purple in the overcast light, before-
Krakoo~m!
A spider girl appeared, grinning devilishly at Reimu. "Ooo~h! Is this a girl I see? What a trea~t…!"
Reimu sighed. "Dream Sign! Evil Sealing Circle!"
A shitstorm of amulets flew from her sleeves and clothes, shooting out to surround the spider girl and the mage.
The arachnid looks around. "Wh-what…!?"
"Don't just stand there!" Magician man yells. "Show him the power! The power of the spider!"
...She grins. "Absolutely."
She attempts to skitter up to Reimu, and walks through the rivers of amulets on the way there.
Sla-sla-slap! Sla-slap-ap-ap-ap-ap…
The spider lands back in front of the mage, covered in glowing amulets.
"Foolish mortal!" He kneels over the spider girl. "You have forsaken us!"
"A-asshole…" She gasps out at the mage.
The circle fully formed around them.
Glaring at Reimu, the mage clenches his fists tightly. "The gods have forsaken you, Hakurei miko! Forsaken you!"
For a moment, the circle stands still, the loud shifting of amulets pausing.
Reimu speaks. "...Because I could use these holy powers without a god. Sure."
Then, power surges through the circle.
"Foolish! Foo~lish!" He doesn't have much else more to add to the conversation.
There was a bright flash, forcing me to shield my eyes.
...When it faded, the mage sat on his knees in the middle of the circle.
Reimu walked up to him, arms folded.
…
"Guess that's that, then." Reimu looked away, and back towards my position.
I~t's hiding time!
"Hold on… Ha-Hakurei…" Standing again, the mage spread his arms. "...I-I am deeply apologetic. Your actions cleansed me. Allow me to express my gratitude."
…
Reimu backed away from him, staring at him dryly. Behind her, a clone of ofuda started to form…
"Sure. I don't see why not."
Reimu held up her gohei, producing a momentary bright flash. When it was gone, she was behind her ofuda-generated clone. The clone stepped towards the man, and Reimu herself followed in its footsteps, hiding herself.
...When the clone went to hug the mage, he pulled a dagger.
Shink!
…
The clone fell apart, ofuda fluttering to the floor.
...Baffled, the mage looked down at the ground, then up at an impatient looking Reimu.
"...I can explain?" He grinned.
From above the rooftops, a yin-yang orb flew into him.
Bam!
...That seems to be her favorite finishing move.
I move into the back alleys, unwilling to risk myself further by watching the spectacle. Weaving in and out of various turns, I eventually make it to some stacks of plywood. I move behind the plywood, and lie in wait, moving some over myself for concealment.
…
I wait for awhile.
…
Awhile.
Guards pass me. Those that notice give me a curious glance, but ignore me.
…
An edgy mage runs out from around the corner, trailed by an archer. It seems the robed fellows are now outlaws.
…
I feel like it's definitely been long enough, but I'm going to wait a bit longer. There's no way Reimu'd comb the same area for thirty minutes, I'm sure, but… I've got a hunch she would.
…
Alright, I'm-
"I thought I saw her…"
Reimu idly floats past me, scratching her cheek. "...Guess she took off."
With that, Reimu floated up into the sky.
…
So she did. She seems to be annoying, like that. I'm not sure whether to call that intuition, or being a psychic.
With the hope that she won't be making any return trips, I take a simple route back to the street and to Sekibanki's house. Noticeably, the mage and his spider girl companion are absent.
I move up to the door, and knock.
…
The door opens a crack, and Sekibanki gives me a good stare.
…
She closes the door. I hear it click, locking.
"...Please?" I request. "I offer my sincerest apologies for my transgressions."
"Go away." Sekibanki's voice is muffled by the door. "You're not welcomed here."
Well if that's how it's going to be...
I give the door a good look, and glance at the hinges, then at the door knob…
Time to test kicking doors open!
Positioning myself, I aim for the area below the door knob. That's where the opening mechanism is, right? So, if I shake it up with an impact…
Lifting my leg, I kick the door.
Bam!
...It did not, in fact, open.
"Wha!?" Sekibanki doesn't sound happy. "What are you doing!?"
Second verse, same as the first.
Lifting my leg, I try again.
Bam!
…
I might need a little more firepower than this. I happen to not be a video game hero. My leg's tired, too.
"Go away!" Sekibanki shouts.
...Twirling out the cursed scissors, I stare at them.
Time to take the magical steroids!
Channeling mana into it, I focus…
…
My heart begins pounding, and my blood voices the low, echoing howl of the scissors… by which I mean, my blood rushes, which hurts a bit. For a moment, my muscles spasm, before the spasming becomes subtle.
...This probably isn't good for me, but I feel great.
Focusing on the door again, I lift my leg, and plow it into the door.
Bam!
The door slams open so fast that it hits the wall on the inside, rebounding towards me, only to bounce off of me. A dent is left where I kicked.
Then, I stop channeling the mana.
"By the way…" I grin at Sekibanki, who greeted me with a bewildered expression. "I left my stuff here."
...Moving to walk, I drop straight to the floor, my muscles numb.
Thud.
Sekibanki stares down at me. "...Wh-what the hell did you do!? That was my door!"
Urging myself to begin moving, I begin scrambling onto my limbs. "We-well, you know… I-I needed to retrieve my ev-every…" Why must my lungs need air mid-sentence? "Everythings."
That fairy maid is still at the table, eating from a basket full of crackers. "...Damn. Even Komi can't kick doors that good."
I throw myself at the display case, grabbing my stuff from inside. The bag was noticeably fiddled with, which I assume was Alice's doing. It also felt a slight lighter… what did she take? Hmm.
"Get out!" Sekibanki moves to grab me, but I wobble around, before collapsing onto the table. I grab the peppermint bowl, and start raking peppermints into my mouth…
Sweet relief.
Sekibanki throws an arm towards me.
A stream of round danmaku riddles my face. Which hurts like you wouldn't believe.
"G-gaah…" I gasp through the candy in surprise, peppermints falling from my mouth. Grabbing the bowl, I wrap an arm around the fairy.
"Wha-hey, big guy!" She stares at me in slight agitation. "At least invite me to dinner, first!"
Dragging her, I trudge slowly out of the house, as Sekibanki gets an occasional potshot in on me, hesitant to go overboard. Once I leave the house, she slams the door behind me, and it loosely floats inward again.
She might need a new door.
"Hmm hmm hmm~!" I hum with my mouth full, charging off as fast as my heavily sedated legs can carry me, between the recent lifelessness and the new surge of sugar in my mouth. They're feeling pretty confused.
We eventually blend into the dark alleys, while I look for a good place to deposit my good for the time being…
…
"So~, is this one of them 'set up your friend to be kidnapped', things?" Koi grins. "Because I am all for that."
"Hmm." I hum. It's going to be awhile before this candy screws off…
/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /
CHAPTER 40.5 END
PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher
PRIMARY WEAPON: Bloodied Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point!
INVENTORY:
Steel scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.
Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.
Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.
Cursed Wooden Scissors - Forged from the bark of the Saigyou Ayakashi, and bent to shape by a masterful magician well versed in the material arts… it's a pair of wooden scissors. Produces low whistles and howls. Channeling mana into it gives user an immense physical boost, but it seems to come at a price...
Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.
A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.
A Fluffy Hooligan - Soft, and warm to the touch. Ech!
(one more empty space)
PARTY:
Rebomb Fluffle, the Fluffle - Soft, and warm to the touch. Ech! Has a gag on to keep it from casting Rebomb over and over again, which would be a very bad time.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Rebomb - Advanced bomb spell that blows up the nearby vicinity with random bombs. Very random damage.
Koi, the Explosion Elemental Fairy Maid - Perverse and playful, she's one of those who still are loyal to Komi. Still notably perverted post-incident. Speculation says she was born because Flandre made one too many things go 'kyuu', and thus the precedence of explosions caused a fairy of the corresponding setting element to appear. Orange hair… looks like Sunny Milk in a way, but taller, and a bit bubbly in a different way...
PRIMARY WEAPON: Slow streams of exploding danmaku bullets, which have scarce danmaku shrapnel. Might aswell be support due to the speed…
INVENTORY:
Finsticuffs.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
home
trade-off weapons are fun; took a BIT OF WORKING but that one's IN THE FRAY NOW
i resolved for matt to get equips a bit faster, mostly because he gets noticeably less chapters than i do o w o
also, if you noticed the fact there's two matts this update, daz because we're keeping a pattern of "one matt chapter every three me chapters", and i think that works well enough
...which means next batch is back to the good ol one matt of the five or so
yeah his escaping was a total DEUS EX MACHINA but i figured getting him on the move again and sending in a new WAVE OF TOUHOUS would be interesting; lookin' forward to some RAIKO HYPE IN THE FUTURE (CA/N basically he was too lazy to explain it. oh ho ho. i bet no one even noticed how she just came out of the blue: "HI IM HERE TO SAVE YOU AFTER YOU JUST GOT CAUGHT")
yeah it is indeed UTTER BULLSHIT ISN'T IT; i don't see what it has to do with LAZINESS; more like IGNORANCE, THOUGH, unless you wanted me to stuff ya into the SHRINE FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER… (CA/N it is what we normal people call… A JOKE… terrible jokes are jokes too) (A/N wat. HELP.)
...we~ll, i've STILL GOT A WAYS TO GO, I GUESS…
this is what i get for resolving to never plan anything . w '... though, i'm beginnin' to HATCH SOME PLOTS...
as always, see you all next time!
CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hello, this is mr matt aka satanslaughter mckillgore, your favorite/most hated edgy psychopath
we had some fun this time around, and i in particular probably had too much fun in making myself look like a total jackass, which was probably overdone somewhat
whatever the case, new equips and a fairy friend to do adventures with. woohoo
more things be in the works behind the scenes, so stay tuned if you didn't already close the page half a chapter ago!
P.S. im sorry (not sorry) to anyone who has Youmu as his or her waifu
