(in which we snort fairy dust)

Home.

Where would I find information for Remilia, anyway? Hmm~...

Leaving Remilia's room, I proceed down the halls…

"That was retarded." Ganpeki mumbles loudly, stomping down the hall ahead of me. "...Stupid midget."

Don't think too hard, yo. You might get a concussion!

'Marblecolumn' sprints down the hall, past us, freakin' booking it. "Ah, aah, aah, ah…!"

Alright, yo, I know Remilia can be scary, but I don't think that justifies hyperventilating!

...One thing I always noticed about the hallway prior to Remilia's room is that no one really wants to be in it. It's usually empty. That, or Remilia just hacked the hallways to spit out as few fairies as possible in front of her door.

I'm placin' my bets on that last one!

Strutting casually through the halls, after a few turns I quickly find myself back in crowded halls, numerous rainbow-haired fairy friends being fluffy, as usual.

"...So what was that about?"

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turn and see a freakin' bird person.

Aya smiles at me. "Heya!"

...I point at her. "How."

Before I realize it, she's standing before me, instead of next to me. She salutes. "Honest and true reporter, Aya Shameimaru!"

Yeah, I think we knew that…

"And you have something I want!" She leans in towards me, pressing her finger into my chest.

Mental alarm bells ringing! "Such a~s…?"

"Information!" She grins. "Remilia seemed really upset about something! Is it related to you?"

...I narrow my eyes. "I could use some information, too, friend."

"Why don't we help each other out, then?" She props her arms on her hips. "I could tell you what you want, and you could tell me what I want!" ...Then, she smirks. "...Prices may vary, of course."

Cheeky bugga. "Alright, yo."

"First!" Raising a finger, she asks her first question. "What did you do to piss her off this time?"

Hmm… "Firstly, it wasn't me, yo." I press my arms to my chest in a heartfelt way! "I'm just a hapless hobo tryin'a make ends meet."

Flipping out her notebook, she nods. "Mmm, you look the part…"

Noob. "So anyway, the meetin' was about the mansion's fluffle problem."

Aya rolls her eyes. "Old news. Besides, the fluffles around the manor are docile. If you really wanna see fluffle action, you should go to Eientei sometime! There was this big, blue wireframe thing with blizzard magic!" Aya gushes. "...Everyone thought I made it up, but you can't make that kinda crap up!"

I point at her. "You made it up, friend."

A paper slaps me in the face, causing me to flinch. I grab it and read the front article…

'Mysterious Flying Flurry Machine! A Fluffle At The Helm!?'

"...This doesn't prove things." I argue. "Pics or it didn't happen." I believe her, but it's fun seeing her scramble.

She groans. "Uu~gh! There was too much snow!" ...Then, she slouches. "I'm still beating myself up over it…"

Instantly perking up, she continues to interrogate me. "So, did Remilia try dating a fluffle yet, or what?"

I jerk my head back. "...Where'd that one come from?"

Her momentum slowed again, Aya stares at me dryly. "I was making a joke about her being short."

…I wobble my hand back and forth. "Good try."

"Give me the news, or ya lose." Aya disinterestedly flips a page in her notebook.

"So Remilia found fluffles with modern handguns from the outside world." I inform her.

...Aya grins. "I see, I see… And?"

"She's placin' orders to execute 'em, yo." I grip the air with my hands, and pull on it! "Ungh."

"Oh." Rolling her eyes, Aya sighs. "I was hoping for a declaration of war, or something…"

...I grin. "I mean, I could declare war on 'em, yo…"

"No one cares about you." Aya dismissively jabs at me.

Yohoho~! Were I one of the bums from my school back home, I'd dare to call that 'savage'!

I'm too impressed by the insult to be angry about it, grinning at Aya instead.

"...What?" She's confused by my mirth.

Slowly and gleefully, I make my case. "I'm gonna get some information from you, son."

She snorts at my statement. "Su~re. What do ya wanna know?"

...Oh. I was hoping for a grocery list of topics.

"Do fluffles do stoutness exercises?" I ask her.

...Pausing, she looks up from her notebook at me. "Sometimes."

Awwh. "Cool."

"...Does Remilia do stoutness exercises?" She asks back, slowly grinning.

"Yes." I nod. "Without any doubt."

"I'll hold you to that." She adds. "I'll even include you in the article."

I gots this feeling that nobody cares about her paper! "Alright, yo."

She scribbles that down…

"So all Remilia was upset about was a bunch of fluffles with guns?" She tilts her head.

I nod. "Yeah, basically."

"Boring." She turns, getting ready to leave. "Tell shorty good luck on her stoutness exercises."

And then there was a Sakuya, her knife to Aya's throat. "You'll be needing stoutness exercises, crow. Once I cut you down to size."

Unintimidated, Aya giggles. "Oh, no~! You wouldn't capture a fair and honest journalist, would you…?"

"I've yet to look up good recipes for crow." Sakuya states. "I've simply not had the time, though it looks like I'll have to make some…"

…Sensing the sparks, I backpedal to a couch, and sit on it.

Fwoosh!

In an instant, I'm violently pressed against the couch by a typhoon of wind. Knives create a spiral pattern down the hallway as Sakuya bolts after her, but the only thing I get even a glimpse of is the aftermath.

It entails paintings on the floor, broken vases, and disheveled furniture. Fairies were strewn about the halls, in various states of disarray.

"M-my dress… it needs recalculations!"

"Monora- no!"

"I~ can't feel my legs…"

A certain red-haired fairy maid scowls at her. "You're lucky. My legs're gone!"

...If what Aya said was correct, though, I should probably pay a visit to Eientei, soon… Ho ho!

...I notice an ascending thumping noise in the halls. Turning, I see Ha-chan bounding towards me. She looks happy.

"Hello~!" She freakin' leaps at me!

Oof!

Thud.

I've been floored, yo. It's a good thing I've gotten used to that, since I've been in Gensokyo.

That, and the carpeted floor helps.

"Koishi-chan went home!" She exclaims. "I think…!"

Who? Some fairy maid, probably… except they all live in the same manor! Where is 'home'!?

"Flan-chan went with her, too." Ha-chan provides. "They're such cute friends!"

Flan-chan? What's her element, pastries? She sounds cuddly…

Bang!

Hoh, shit! What the fuck was that!?

...Around a corner further ahead, I notice a brown-haired fairy maid floating by, holding a pistol.

Bang, bang!

Whelp…! This may be a good time to leave!

"So loud…!" I hear a nearby fairy maid display her awe.

"Ma-make it stop…"

Turning to Ha-chan, I smile. "Let's get the fuck outta here."

She beams at me. "Oka~y!"

I begin sprinting down the halls, quickly. Eventually, however-

BANG

Pi~chun!

A fairy flew ahead of me, and was instantly shot in the back. Her pistol dropped to the floor, and a purple-haired maid flew past, grinning widely.

...Eheh.

Pistol on the floor, huh…

Don't mind if I do!

I kneel to yoink it, but as I do, a gap opens under it, whisking it away.

Mothafucka. "Can you at least give it ta me until I get outta this hell hole?" I crouch, talking into the gap.

Yukari stares out at me, and winks, before closing the gap. She does not, infact, give me back the pistol.

"Friend, please, friend!" I begin clawing at the carpet. "Me love you long time! Slovakian king! Slovakian king!"

God dammit, Yukari. Why's she even here?

From above, a weapon falls onto my head.

Bang, bang!

Rushing to grab it, I find…

It's a wooden bow. Taped to it, there's a little plastic package.

'Three NERF Play Arrows! Get In The Game!'

Good.

Ha-chan pouts. "So noisy… My ears hurt."

I gotta get the hell outta here!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Panting as I pass Meiling, she turns to me…

"...You look a little winded." She grins. "Playin' with…" She froze. "...Playin wi~th…"

...Her eyes widen. "What the hell…"

I grin back. "Who are you, friend? Where did you come from, and where did you go?"

She snorts. "It's just… something's wrong. I feel like I've forgotten someone."

Ha-chan sighs, and puts a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, friend. I feel like that all the time, too."

...Meiling looks horrified.

Shrugging, I offer her my advice! "How often didja meet her?" I assume not a lot!

"Why would I reference her, then?" Meiling brings a hand to her chin. "...I feel like she was a good friend of mine, but…" She leans back against the wall. "I guess it'll come to me."

"That's how I usually do it." Freakin' just let it come back. "Let the subconscious do it for ya."

She snorts again. "Mmm. You heading out?"

Nodding, I inform her of my quest. "I am off to gather information for the federation of the poofy hat. I will travel thousands of miles, and overcome the most perilous of trials!"

"...Buy yourself a scarf." Meiling advises me, before tugging on her own. "It's windy."

Sound advice! "Thanks, yo. See ya."

"See ya." She echoes my farewell, as Ha-chan and I depart from the manor's gates.

...I take a moment to glance at the lavender-haired fairy maid who now stood at the fluffle stand, apparently having claimed it as her own. She looks happy.

...Arching back the wooden bow, I aim one of the arrows into the aether, and fire.

BANG

Woah! Holy shit!

Meiling tenses up. "What!?"

Ha-chan flinches. "Ah!?"

The bow makes a gunshot noise. Freakin'... I stuff it into my sack. This item I wanna forget about!

"The hell was that…?" Meiling scratches the back of her head, before readjusting herself to lie against the wall again.

Fluffy days…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

On the roa~d from the mansion! It's also gettin' a little dark. I dunno if I should just press on and book it, or go to Reimu's shrine and cry my eyes out about the spooky shadows.

...I think I'll just camp it out, this night. At the shrine, I mean. Fuck usin' tents in the spooky woods with all the flesh eating school girls and generic wolfmen!

Ahead of me, a gap opens in the air. Slowly expanding, Yukari holds onto the side as she leans out lazily to greet me.

"Hello~..."

Yeah, speakin' 'a spooky shadows…

"Oh, don't give me that look…" She pouts. "Can I not have a friendly chat with our local outsider in charge?"

"...There's a sorta strained element here, but I dunno how to express it!" I counter.

She snorts, unfolding a fan in front of her face before she can curve it into a smile.

"...Also, define 'in charge'." The most I'm in charge of is myself and my belongings, most of the time!

"I just thought you'd like some ego stroking." Yukari shrugs. "I mean, if it's such a big deal, I could always be honest, instead."

I nod. "Transparency is the best kind of parency, friend."

Yukari's face doesn't change. "You're a worthless waste of space who simply leeches off of others for your own gain. Nobody really likes you, all you do is cause problems, and this behavior would leave you dead on the outside world."

...I shrug. "Y'know, that woulda meant more if I didn't see it comin'." She's not wrong, either, but it's the fine details that make it all worthwhile! Though, some of the things she said yo, they's to be debated. I know better than to yell back at the angry gap god woman, though.

"...Fufufu! As expected." She nods in approval, smiling. "If you really must know, I did come to chat."

If you really wanna know, I'm still not buyin' that fully! Grains of salt, everywhere!

"How are you finding Gensokyo, so far?" A question is posed!

Fluffy. "The forest of magic did not have enough outhouses. Three out of ten, IGN."

She jerks her head back. "What? Are two not enough?"

Pfffft.

"...In all seriousness, however, I hope you've been enjoying yourself." She stares me in the eyes.

Something's off about this, dude…!

...She blinks once, before waving her fan away, revealing the neutral expression she hid.

A table drops from a gap ahead of us, thunking in the dirt lightly. Two canisters of Kool-Aid drop in from above, and some glasses full of water, accompanied by spoons, slide in from smaller gaps.

I gots this sinking feeling, for some reason.

Seats are generated for Ha-chan and myself, but I just kinda stare…

Ha-chan breaks her momentary silence. "What do you want with Brad-kun?"

...Focusing on her, Yukari narrows her eyes, before blinking it off. "Nothing. Just a friendly exchange."

Whatever was transferred over Yukari's gaze, it made Ha-chan lock up. She began shaking violently, backing away… "A-a-aah…"

Alright, seriously, the fuck is this shit? I give Yukari a judgemental stare.

"You shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth." Yukari advises me politely, with a small smile. "It is rude."

Eat glower power, gap girl!

"Take a load off." Yukari looks care free, fanning herself.

"Please sit." She focuses on me, still looking lazy.

"Stay awhile." All pretenses are dropped as she glares at me, an unknown light in her eyes forcing all my senses to flair at once.

I don't have a choice in the matter, it seems!

It is not by my own hand that I will sit down and brew this Kool-Aid, yo…

A complete tea set slides in from gap land for Yukari's pleasure. Then, she speaks as if she didn't threaten me, just now. "...Tell me about your adventures."

...She's doing her best to look interested, too.

Ha-chan sits down next to me. When I look at her, I feel a sliver of shock pierce me. She looks like she's about to freakin' cry, and she's desperately trying not to maintain eye contact with Yukari, finding extreme interest in the table right before her.

Yukari notices my wandering gaze towards my fairy companion, pretending nothing is wrong with the scene before her.

Freakin' poofy hatted politician. "Well, I, uh, did things! Hit fluffles!"

"...I expected as much." She sighed. "...Fluffles. Do you know where they come from?"

Not a freakin' clue. "Home."

...She nods. "...Apparently."

Honh.

"...Was dear Matthew always like he was?" Yukari inquires.

Yep, this is an interrogation. "Da~h, if you mean the killing, not quite."

She raises a brow. "Did you think he had the capacity?"

Hmm… "A bit? Maybe?" It was a freakin' while ago!

"Do you know why he kills?" She folds her fan in front of her face again.

I shrug. "Fun. Fluffs. Fucks."

"...How difficult." She shakes her head. "What would you do, were he to try to kill you?"

That's a fancy 'what if' question, friend. "Woop 'em 'n' boop 'em, dude. In the gook'em."

In the silence, I pour a cup of Kool-Aid for Ha-chan, and mix it. I pass it to her…

It falls into a gap-

Shatter!

As the glass broke on her head, Ha-chan began crying. "Aa-aawaaa~h!"

Wincing, Yukari hastily waved her fan at her.

Blue light enveloped her head, and became pale, resting there. Her sobs were no longer audible, but she still cried.

"...How unbecoming." Yukari gives Ha-chan, like… It's that one douchey look with the eyebrows raised as if you were concerned, but yer really not. Faux-concern?

Alright, I'm done with this. I give Yukari my best 'y'fookin' stoopid?' expression.

"I feel as though you should care for yourself better. Were you to leave yourself exposed to a killer like him, why, it'd simply break some hearts, were you to die!"

I snort. "Friend, you just said no one likes me."

"I was right, too. It would break the hearts of those obligated to humans, you see." She argues, smirking. "Nothing personal."

She's good at words!

"In any case," She floats away from the table. "I wish you a good evening, Brad. Do think on this. Were I you, I would."

Her gap closes.

The table falls into the gap, taking the Kool-Aid and things with it. A gap opens before me, and Yukari's hand comes out, tearing the glass from my hands.

Splash!

The contents end up on Ha-chan's head. She's also unmuted, now. "Waaa~h! Aah, aah, aaa~h!"

...That was a douchebag thing for Yukari to do. All of that. She's obviously got some mumbo jumbo stretchin' shit in store for me, and when it comes to someone that infinitely powerful, I dunno, yo…

There's something about her power that I just marvel at. I dunno if it's the enigma of her herself, or if it's her origin… She's one of the characters I read up a freakin' lot about before I landed in Gensokyo, and that didn't help me shit when it came to negotiating with her!

There's a sort of elegant magnificence to being able to hold all that power, and being able to properly use it to control so many subsections of the world.

It's also freakin' annoying when you're involved! What'd I do!?

...Standing from my chair, I move to put my arm around my fairy friend. "...It's, uh, gonna be alright. C'mon, let's go to Reimu's…"

Ha-chan latches to me like a freakin' pair of pliers. I wobble around, trying to balance our weights, only to find it impossible. I don't fall over, though, so there's that!

"Waaaa~h!" Jesus, she's loud, too! There's something cute about this, though…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Midway up the stairs, we pass some girl with hair buns!

"Ahuhaaa~h!" Ha-chan wails.

"Oh?" The pink-haired girl pauses, turning to us. "What seems to be the matter? Are you hurt?"

The girl recieves a stare… "Waaa~h!" Ha-chan replies.

"There, there…" The girl moves up to Ha-chan, and gives her a hug. As she does, I examine the bandaged arm she has. Ne~at.

...She turns to me. "Were you bringing her to Reimu's?" Home of the Reimu-burger.

"Ye-yeah…" I stammer, strained from climbing stairs with an entire fairy person in one arm and stairs in the other.

Reimu, your stairs do not make you an accessible person!

"...Come with me." She begins walking down the stairs, helping Ha-chan down with her.

...Reachin' into my sack for the safeties, I follow the pink girl down the steps. I'm a bit winded to object, but this situation is objectionable!

"What happened?" The lady questions, staring at Ha-chan with concern.

"Yukari." I summarize.

She snorts. "...Truly?"

"Seriously, she had a whole one-sided conversation with me." I inform her. "We talked about this guy called Matt, and fluffles."

...The woman nods slowly. "This fairy was hurt… how?"

"Yukari dropped glasses of juice on her head, because she was annoyed." It was not nice!

She sighed. "...I'm sorry, I believe I forgot to ask for your names." A patient smile crossed the woman's face.

"Brad, yo." I hold out my hand for her to shake it.

She does! Yo ho- holy crap she's got a grip.

"Kasen."

...Kasen turns to Ha-chan, who was now sobbing quietly.

"...Ha-Hana…" She mumbled.

When we got to the bottom of the steps, Kasen pulled Ha-chan into a hug.

...

"We all need a hug, in the morning…" She softly states in a sing-song way.

Can I…. can I get a hug too? Yo~.

"And one at the end of the day…"

Above the two of them, a magical circle forms, appearing to be adorned with images of pink flowers. Ethereal petals softly rain down on the two.

Du~de...

"And as many as possible, squeezed in between. To keep life's troubles, at bay…"

A high pitched chime plays, the two becoming wrapped by gold thorns, for only a moment.

"It's my belief, for instant relief… a hug is the best cure of all."

The magic dissipates, a set of golden bells above the two being the last bit of magic that fades.

Ha-chan seems to have calmed down, eyes wide.

Did this bitch just cast curaga!? Teach me! Teach me! I'll pay you in the blood of my first born, just teach me!

"You are safe." Kasen reassures her. "Yakumo was simply scaring you."

"I-I, she…" At the mention of Yukari's last name, something Ha-chan's never heard before as far as I'm aware, Ha-chan flinches, fidgeting as she backs away. "Po-powerful…"

"You are safe." Kasen reassures. "...Take deep breaths. Repeat after me: I am safe."

...Ha-chan inhales. "...I-I am safe…"

"I am safe." Kasen repeats.

"...I am safe."

Ha-chan quickly glomps me, burying her face in my chest. "Brad-kun!"

Oof! Was not prepared, about to flop on-

Kasen quickly moves to keep me from falling onto the stairs, giggling. "...I take it you're someone special, to this fairy?"

Waau. "Y-ya could say that…!"

...I am propped back into an upright position. Ha-chan's hugs are an experience, yo.

...Also, I point at Kasen. "Are you Jesus?"

The healer girl giggles. "...If the Yakumo paid you a visit, you must have something she wants, or had wanted."

Ha-chan flinched at the mention of 'Yakumo'.

...I grin. "She said she just wanted to chat, yo."

"...As unfortunate as it is, seldom does she chat with those whom she is not already in immediate connection with. She was likely deceiving you." Kasen sighed, shaking her head. "I, myself, would appreciate if she were more diplomatic about things. That is simply my opinion."

"Could I get a hug with the magic and the stuff?" Man, that's awkward to request.

She smiles patiently. "Unfortunately, the spell eats an immense amount of mana. You may have a normal hug, though."

Balls. That looked heavenly.

Good enough, though. I spread my arms, approaching her…

Hug.

We break from the hug. "Woo." Yeah, I'm bummed. I wanted the bestest hug, dude…!

"It is getting late." Kasen notes. "...Would you like me to escort you back to the village, or will you be camping out at the shrine?"

Fuck the village. Bu~t… "Could ya guide us to Eientei, yo?"

Her brow raises. "...What might you need there?"

"Bee's wax, dude." Information scrounging! Also, Kaguya has a computer, so that'd be fun. "They gots stoof that I wanna know."

"...Very well." Walking, she gestures for me to follow. "Come along."

With that, Ha-chan and I follow along behind her, progressing down the path leisurely…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

It's freakin' dark out by the time we arrive at Eientei.

"Here you are." She smiles as she gestures to the front door. "This door is automatic, by the way. Just think of it as magic."

I ain't that simple, but okay!

"Thanks, Ka-chan!" Ha-chan sees her off, as she turns away from us, heading back into the bamboo woods.

"No problem." We receive a wave in return.

...Turning to the door again, I progress inside.

White, sterile hospital light greets us as we go inside. Aa~h… those good ol' bar-shaped lights that made you feel freakin' alone. I've almost got a sort of nostalgia for them.

Reisen notices me at her desk. "...Oh, hey! It's… you?" She makes a pensive face.

I don't remember giving her my name, so fair enough. "Brad."

"Right, Brad." She looks at her clipboard. "...You don't have an appointment. What're you here for?" Swiftly taking out a pen, she gets ready to write things down...

"I'm here to consume all the drugs." I make my intentions clear.

"Here to purchase, then…?" Rabbit girl is not amused.

"Actually I'm just here to visit Kaguya." Basically. "...Though I would like to ask about your fluffle problems."

Reisen furrows her brows. "...Look, let me tell you something about Kaguya…"

Hmm?

Sighing, she begins moving around the counter, to talk to me more directly, or something. "Kaguya probably won't marry you. If she's been asking for gifts, I can arrange refunds, but…"

Wat.

"We just play freakin' video games together." Reisen, please. "I am well aware of Kaguya's status as a man eater, yo. Treasure island, and all that."

"Oh, thank goodness…" Reisen giggles. "Sorry. It's just… yeah. Sorry… You asked about the fluffles, right? I could tell you about that."

Neat! "Koo! Alright, so, have they been destroying things, recently?"

She nods outright. "Lady Yagokoro was infuriated the other day. She found one of her medicinal archives busted into, and the fluffles had ruined most of the samples. She's also having difficulty keeping her subjects in one place… She even had me guard the room, but they drilled through the wall. They've…" Blushing, she looks down at the table. "They've got these snipers, too. We've never seen anything like them."

Oo~h! "Snoipahs!"

"...Yeah." She continues. "They have rapid fire, and the shots stop in mid-air, before readjusting to aim at targets. They're deadly. I lost a few rabbits to them, when we were taken by surprise." At that, she looks mournful. "...B-but, it's not that terrible otherwise! Nothing like it was a week or two ago..."

I nod. "Thanks for the info, yo. Yer a big help."

"...You're welcome." She smiles at me.

...I turn to make sure Ha-chan's still with me. She seems to have began playing with those hospital waiting room toys.

"...Enh!" She smashes two blocks together. "Yea~h…"

Friend. "C'mon, Ha-chan. We're gonna play the video games!"

She lights up! "The video games!?"

"The video games!" I reassure her!

With that, we bound together into the open halls!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Only to get hopelessly lost.

"Why~ are the halls freakin' a maze!?" Seriously! What is it with mansion building place owners and unnavigable clusterfuck labyrinths that rely on magic and shit!? I think it's just an excuse for endless danmaku fights, at this point. You can keep going and going, and the hall just doesn't run out.

The only problem with that theory of mine is the fact the hallways have furniture.

How do you supply an entire endless hallway with furniture.

...This might be one of those things ya just gotta take for granted!

"Bra~d-kun…" Ha-chan whines. "My feet are getting tired…"

…"You can fly." I remind her.

"...Oh, yeah!" Smiling, she takes to the air.

Freakin'...

A door slides open, blue- and red-haired rabbit girls stepping out. "Seriously, Kase-chan. That's messed up."

'Kase-chan', the blue-haired one, turns to her friend, grinning. "It is not. 'Sides, it ain't like she's gonna feel it in the morning! Hehehe~!"

...I wave at them. "Hello, folks."

"Uwa~h!?" Kase-chan whirls to me. "...What didja see, dude!?"

I shrink back, replying meekly. "Me, you… ooo~!"

...The red-haired hare turns to her cynically. "You're scaring the patient."

Kase-chan rolls her eyes. "Please. I'm sure he'd do the exact same thing in my situation. That's just how men work."

Dunno if you noticed, yo, but I am not a bunny man!

Ha-chan floats down to converse! "Brad-kun's a boy!"

Friend, why.

Kase-chan snorts, grinning widely. "Oh, is he? Gee. I thought he had a hole down there. Never would've guessed."

...After that, the red-haired bunny grins, too, shaking her head. "Fuck's sake, Kase-chan…"

They have a brief giggle, staring at Ha-chan. Kase-chan regards her, "You're cool, fairy. What're you called, Hallway? Blue?"

"Hana!" She gleefully exclaims. "I'm an ice fairy!"

Since when!?

Kase-chan looks surprised. "...Huh. She's got an actual name."

Red-hair person shrugs. "Well, not all of them are named after things. Night fairies, for example."

...Smirking, Kase-chan examines me. "Yeah. I still remember Rosariobangle, and Artinfafnir. They were such dickheads."

I raise a finger. "Kaguya person's room. How to find?"

Kase-chan jerks her head back. "...Why~?"

"Video games." I summarize.

She nods. "Oh, okay. C'mon."

I should clarify that these are the shorter, Earthen rabbit girls. One could probably infer that, but y'know.

Ha-chan and I follow the short girls, moving through the labyrinth. A few times we cut through some hospital-y rooms, with beeping machines and bleak lights. The hallways are very dreary naturally, the majority of the light in them coming from the room 'n' stuff.

"Shit, hide!" Kase-chan darts back into the room we were just about to exit. We get addressed in a hushed tone, "I said hide! Get under something!"

Under the hospital bed I go!

I approach the bed, and notice a sleeping rabbit girl on it. She's got a gown on, which is a deep red around the torso area…

Oh, that's not a fancy design. She's bleeding.

...Well, then.

I hide under the bed. This hospital is scary.

The door opens, a taller lunarian rabbit marching in. "Kasegawa! Show yourself!"

"Kasegawa~!" She begins rifling through the room's furniture. She goes up to a closet-sized cabinet, and opens it.

Inside is Ha-chan, doing her best coat hanger impression.

The taller rabbit stares for a moment, before slowly closing the closet.

...She turns to the bed, narrowing her eyes. Moving up to it, she calmly slides her wounded comrade out of the way, and gazes down at me.

"There's a skoolatoon inside me." I tell her. "Right now. I need help."

She looked aghast at our unexpected guesthood! "...Did, uhm… either of you see where Kasegawa went? Blue hair?"

I nod. "She died."

...The lunarian rabbit slouched. "Please be serious."

"She got better, though." I amend my previous error. "So she got away."

"Okay," She smiles, looking hopeful. "Where?"

"Far." ...I turn away from her, staring towards the wall.

"Fine." She reluctantly goes into the room's midst. "They're not supposed to be here. Clearance permits the honor guard and Lady Yagokoro, only. And patients."

The honor guard, oo~h! Real scary! "I'm patient." I inform her.

"For mental reasons, I assume?" The tall bunny jeers at me. "...You are a patient, right…?"

I nod. "Mental health ward, yo. I got placed here 'cause they ran outta beds. And rooms. And air…!"

"...Okay." She turns away from me, dismissive. "Just don't leave this room, okay?"

No promises! "I promise, yo."

With that, she continues moving beds and furniture for a few minutes more, before moving for the room's other door. "Stupid, bloody…"

...I crawl up to the closet cabinet thing. "Ha-chan. Let's get snug."

...Standing up, I pluck Ha-chan from her hanger- nevermind, I take both her and the hanger- and then we begin to skedaddle!

LonglegsMcBunnyears turns to me. "...You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

Turning to her, I look like I was put on the spot. "...I'm not."

With that, I walk backwards out the door.

She gets angry! "Hey hey hey, get back here!"

Hyonk! Hyo~nk! "Noob! Noo~b! Get owned!"

Hehehe~! Run, run, run, yo!

I run towards a lime-haired lunar rabbit. "You! Stop!"

...Shitstains!

...Within moments, Ha-chan and I are surrounded by two- oh, three. Three lunar rabbits, ah, ah, ah!

The one in a red suit holds up this grey sci-fi rifle. "Hands in the air."

Please no energy bolts to the anything. I hold my arms up. "Yo~..."

...After I do so, she turns to Ha-chan. "You. Hands in the air."

...Ha-chan flips upside down, holding her arms downward, and legs upward. Her panties are also visible, but yeah.

...Red-suit with grey hair sighs. "...Good enough."

Slowly, she walks up to me, rifle prone the entire time. "...What is your business here, villager?"

Villager? She's got a brain!

"I wanted to play video games with Kaguya." I state calmly, staring at her like she's makin' a big deal outta nothing.

"Oh…" Furrowing her brows, she blinks a bit. "...O~h! That hair." She moves next to her lime-haired cohort, and points at me. "Mornar. Look."

What the fuck kinda name is Mornar!?

Mornar furrows her brows. "...Wait, is this that guy?"

The tall, blue-haired rabbit steps around me, looking at me closer…

"No shit." She gapes. "...Hahaha~!"

...Friends!

They begin walking off, whispering to each other, stealing glances at me as they laugh. After a moment, red-suit doubles back, and walks up to me. "Hey. If you wanna get into Kaguya's pants, lemme just tell you, you're gonna need this."

From her pocket, she pulls out one of those birthday cards.

She hands it to me…

'Sorry I Can't Find All Four Treasures, But I Brought You Fluffles'

Opening it, I find an anime-esque drawing of myself, looking absolutely terrified as a dragon breathes fire at me. I appear to be holding the Branch of Whatever-It-Was in one hand, and a steel sword in the other.

...Wow! People love making custom cards for me! I mean, this one's technically not for me, but...

I look back up at the grinning rabbit.

"Good luck." With that, she struts away, her friends guffawing their asses off behind her.

"Hahahaha~!" Mornar reels with laughter. "Sa-Sakura… I-I didn't know you had humor!"

Now that's a normal name. "Well, with how much you girls keep hyping him up, I had to do something…"

...With that, the three walk away.

"...That went well!" Ha-chan determines.

Better than getting shot, yo. Better than getting shot. "Yeah."

Also, why are all these bunny friks pushing the Kaguya route? My waifu's Patchy, and that ain't changin'! I've like, committed, yo…

...Ha-chan flips back into an upright position. She has to readjust her skirt to cover her panties.

I mean, a fairy's nice, too.

...I still have no idea where Kaguya's room is. Time to randomly open doors!

Door number one on the left! Sli~de…!

...Oh. More injured rabbits. Oh, no.

One of them looks at me as I hold the door, appearing drowsy. "...Re-Reisen…?"

Some doors ain't meant to be opened, son. I slide the door shut.

Door number two on the left!

Inside, there is no one. Just empty hospital beds and stuff. It looks ready to use.

How fluffy.

Door number three on the left!

Same as the last, except one of the beds is just completely smashed. Like, as if it was thrown in a car scruncher machine.

Why?

Oh, well. Ne~xt door…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Maybe I should just ask someone for directions…

Ha-chan swings one of the doors on the right of the hall open. "Hello~!? Friend-cha~n!"

"Shut u~p!" Some Earth rabbits shout back. "We're trying to sleep!"

"Friend-cha~n!?" She tries again.

"Fuck!" Tumbling is heard from the room, the rabbit landing on the floor, I think. "...Aa-aa~h…"

Ha-chan slides the door shut. "...I made them sad."

Oh no.

...The clacking of shoes is heard down the hallway.

Yo ho ho~! I turn and- oh, hello…!

Eirin passes me, sparing me a single glance as she power walks down the hallway with a clipboard.

It is time to bug the ultra-old lunarian lady. "Hey, doc! C'mon, man!"

...Pausing, she turns to me. "Oh, yes, you. Are those rumors about you and the princess true?"

I nod. "Yes. I've come for her peppermint creams."

Eirin shrugs. "Best of luck. Do you need directions?"

No~d again!

"...Mmm." Then, she pulls out a walkie-talkie. "I need a captain in E-seven-Y. Basic escort."

E~y!

A voice crackles from the walkie-talkie. "Understood."

...With that, Eirin turns to me. "...What is it you see in the princess?"

"Boobs." Yes. "Also, bombs."

...Eirin blinks.

"Bangable bongos." I shrug casually.

"...In all seriousness." Eirin restates her question.

"I don't. I'm just tryin'a find her ta play the video games." I stress.

"Ah." Eirin looks down the hallway.

She'd be a good person to ask about the nugget people, actually. "Fluffles. They exist."

The doctor's interest is sparked. "...Hmph. That's about all that I've ascertained about them, as well."

She should be a good source of the knowledges! "Whaddaya know, friend?"

"I know that they're made of common materials, ranging between dirt, dust, and sand, to other materials. They're produced in a specific manner." Eirin begins explaining. "The way in which they're produced is uniform, and enforced in Gensokyo's mana itself. Some time or another, someone began altering the mana contained within the barrier. Samples that have dated back to a month ago did not have the same properties as the mana of now."

...What the fuck?

"Fluffles seem to generate based on the parameters in this mana, and they have rules to it. I don't know what the criteria is specifically…"

Sakura, the grey-haired rabbit girl, arrives. She's got short hair, by the way. Like, fwoofy. I'm bad with hair words.

Bringing a hand to her chin, Eirin continues… "Fluffle forces have also assaulted us on numerous occasions, in an attempt to free their captured brethren, despite the irrelevance of their mortality. They've no organs, and no biological means of mobilization. I tried to trace whatever mana signatures they had, but…" She shook her head. "If there even is any link, it stretches somewhere far outside the boundary of Gensokyo."

...No shit, huh?

...Suddenly, Eirin tensed up. "I appear to have wasted too much time, here."

She power walks off…

I turn to a smirking Sakura.

Them rabbits like rumors, huh? I'll give 'em some shit ta gossip about! "...Do ya have any condoms? Kaguya likes it that way."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Holding a box of Trojans, I strut into Kaguya's room, promptly dropping them in the trash can by the door. "Yo ho ho~!"

The room is dark. The TV is on, but the game is stuck on the pause screen.

'Super Omega Bike Fuckers V: PAUSED'

Behind the pause screen, it looks like some dude with a tire iron is fighting a floating Jesus Christ, who is summoning lasers and high school principals.

What game is this?

...Approaching the couch, I notice Kaguya's asleep.

"Awwh…" Ha-chan coos. "She's sawing logs! The little dickens…"

...How cuddly.

Oh, well. I'm pretty zonked, as well. I think I'll just take Kaguya's empty futon, since she's on the couch…

Lazily shambling to her room, I make for the futon, and get comfy in it, fully dressed.

It smells like shit, by the way. Like… yo.

I get used to it, though. It's one of those smells that grows on you.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sleeping fully clothed su~cks…

I sit up- scratch that, Ha-chan.

She's peacefully dozin'. That's no problemo, 'cept she's dozin' on me. Help, no.

I'm trapped! She's got my arms snugged up tight!

Fairy friend, if there's anything I've learned from my pillow mechanizations, it's how to win a battle of domineering cuddling!

And a one, and a two…

Hnngh!

I flip us over, ending up on top of Ha-chan.

"Wh-whah…!?" She's surprised by my weight, and begins flailing her limbs.

My arms are still trapped, so I can do little but aggressively crawl on her like an enraged silk worm! "Raa~h!"

We freakin' thump about on the floor like madmen.

"Honh, honh, honh!" I accent the situation!

After some squirming, Ha-chan's wings get in my face, flapping against me, makin' tapping sounds.

Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…

Ho~ly shit fairy dust is annoying! Aa-aaa~h…

"Achoo!" I sneeze.

Y'know, I wonder if fairy dust is used in crafts. Magic weapons, here I come! I think?

...Yeah, don't quote me on that.

Reluctantly, I rise from my cocoon, and stre~tch…

"A~h…" Ha-chan yawns.

Peaceful mornings…

With that, I step into the main room. Leaning over the couch to stare at us as we enter, Kaguya, Kanako, and Sanae make themselves known-

"Why the fuck did I find the Trojans in the trash can of all places?" Kaguya scowls at me. "Goddamn it. Now I'll have to get that futon washed. For what fucking reason did you throw out the Trojans? Did you just decide you didn't need them!?"

"To be fair," Kanako Yasaka what in the name of nuggets are you doing here? "Fairies can't get pregnant."

Kaguya snaps her head towards her. "Don't they have like fairy AIDS, or something?"

...Kanako shakes her head, grinning. "Not that I know of."

"Hi, Brad!" Sanae waves at me, blushing. "...Did you and her really…?"

I nod. "This boy became a man, yo."

Kaguya sighs. "Fu~ck. Time to go on Reddit. 'Today I fucked up' by letting an outsider play 'fuck the fairy' in my bed."

Sanae shrinks behind the couch, sitting normally again. "O-oh…!"

Ha-chan exits the room. "...Friends!"

Kanako chuckles. "Come now, Sanae-chan. Don't tell me you're not interested in the details…?"

"Ka-Kanako-sama…" Sanae fidgets. "Please."

I wrap my arm around Ha-chan. "Yo, tell 'em about our bedtop sports!"

Kaguya snorts. "Oh, god."

...Kanako gives her a conflicted glance, but disregards it.

"We~ll, I hit him in the face with my wings. That was cute…" Ha-chan really liked that, apparently. "And then he like, wiggled on me like a worm!"

Kaguya just gapes, while Kanako actually guffaws, reeling back. I don't even see Sanae's face, but it's probably grand.

"And then I freaked out, and went crazy." Ha-chan flailed her arms wildly to demonstrate. "...It was funny!"

...Kaguya shook her head. "New. Fuckin'. Futon."

Kanako turned to her. "Are you certain, Houraisan? Maybe you can absorb those hormones of theirs…"

"Shut it, Windy." Kaguya glares at the wind god.

We just not gonna ask what in the nine hells Kanako's doin' chillin' out, maxin' 'n' relaxin' all cool? Okay.

Idly, I approach the full couch…

"There is nowhere to sit." I am intelligent!

"No shit." Kaguya doesn't think so, though… "You're not sitting next to me."

I roll my eyes. "Your futon smelled of sweat and masturbation, friend."

"I'm gonna throw you out with those fucking Trojans." Kaguya seethes.

Hyonk!

...I stare at the space between Sanae and Kanako.

...The latter scoots a bit, but Sanae looks adamant about doing otherwise. "...I-I-... No."

"Looks like you're outta luck." Kanako shrugs.

"Can I sit in your lap?" I grin at her.

She smirks. "No."

Shieut.

Sanae glares at me. "Ho-how dare you try to entice Kanako-sama…"

Oh, no! My poofy ass hair will seduce her! Y'know, sometimes I wish I was in an ecchi game. That'd be kinda neat, until I get chained up by rapists. Then it'd be not so neat, depending.

...Must not let morning urges influence me! I must participate in the video games!

...Ha-chan kindly pulls an arm chair from nearby, moving it closer to the TV. "Here."

Awwh. "Thanks, Ha-chan. You're fluffy."

"Hehe…!" She gives me a thumbs up, yo!

I take a seat, as Ha-chan moves to sprawl onto all three of the other girls.

"Yuck, no! Off, off!" Kaguya pushes her off before she can progress to her.

Ha-chan rolls onto the floor. "Oof…"

"Fuck, no." Kaguya grimaces at her. "Dirty. Slut."

"...Don't be like that." Ha-chan pouts up at her. "I'm natural."

"You're a freak." Kaguya grins. "A fairy freak."

...Ha-chan starts waving her arms in the air. "I'm freaky! Ooo~!"

...Simply huffing, Kaguya calls it quits. She readjusts the controller in her lap.

I take a moment to stare out the window, noting the overcast nature of the day. Nice and cozy, yo…

Kaguya chucks a controller at me. "Here."

It almost hits me in the head, but I stop it with my forearm. "Freakin'... ye."

Ha-chan abruptly gets up and dives into the chair next to me. It's a good thing I'm thin…!

Oh, hey, we're still playing Biker Whatever Fuckfest IV. With… gamecube controllers? Dunno why, but that's fine with me!

It's apparently a four player beat-em-up. Kaguya's playing as this freakin' Japanese princess girl, and everyone else I have no clue because they're not as immediately obvious. The other dudes are a generic anime man with a gunblade, and some guy with a really big sword.

I get to join as a tubby dude, who the AI was controlling! Aw, dude! "Does this game have support abilities, yo?"

"No." Kaguya, please.

"Magic?" I guess.

"No." Wat.

"...Specials?"

"You literally have only an attack button." Kaguya insists. "Shut up."

Wow. She better have gotten this game off the bargain bin, because its got freakin' nothing! Like, the UI… You can see the bad bits of the UI. Undetailed font-esque text on flat colors, jagged corners… though, someone may argue that last bit is just metro design!

"What freakin' junk shop you buy this game from?" I grin…

...Kaguya gives me a steely glare. "I made it."

Oo~h. Ouuu~ch. Yea~h… Awkward!

"You tried…?" I smile at her.

As she was about to look away, she snaps her head back towards me, looking angrier than before. "...Let's see you make a game, fuckface. I bet you can't even use a computer."

Wha~t!? Them's fightin' words! "You wot, mate? I swear on me fuckin' mum, lad!"

Kaguya stands. "I'll knock you the fuck out!"

Kanako floats up to her feet, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. "Now, now, you two. I'd rather you didn't beat one another to death in my presence. It's bad for the faith, you know?"

"Ye-yeah…" Sanae still looks disgruntled about earlier. "Kanaka-sama doesn't wanna see people get hurt."

...At that, the wind god shrugs. "I mean, people would probably think I did it, if one of you died. So wait until I leave to die."

Sanae deflates. Awwh…

Frustrated, Kaguya takes a seat. "...Damn."

Ha-chan tries to playfully rip the controller from my hands, and I let her. "Oh no."

"Ya~y..." She eagerly begins mashing the buttons without rhyme or reason, but appears visibly engaged in the game on the screen. "...Woohoo~!"

At this, Sanae appears perplexed.

"Did somebody say homicidal gods?"

Aya knocks on the wood on Kaguya's window.

...Kanako turns to her, and scowls. "You've no business here, tengu."

"I've seen what I've seen!" Aya grins. "Oo~h, the possibilities…! 'Local Wind God Yasaka Elopes With Lunar Princess'!"

Kanako rises from the couch in a sitting position, the wind carrying her. "You dare challenge me, Shameimaru?"

...Aya stops to legitimately consider the consequences. "...Yeah! The score's two-to-one, so if I win this one, I win the whole set!"

At that, Aya darts from the window, leaving a small typhoon behind which rocks the raised shades, blowing the room's cords and smaller objects lightly.

Kanako's eyes glow a solid, light green as she twirls from the couch-

FwoWooWooWoo~sh!

Propelling herself off of it with an elaborate tornado which displaces Kaguya-

"Aaa~h!" Ha-chan scrambles to latch onto the chair before she gets blown off, while I'm pressed into the seat…

-Kanako kicks at the air-

FWOOM

My ea~rs! Did she break the sound barrier!?

Faster than a single frame, she's gone, and so is the room.

I'm in a corner of the room, trapped under the chair. Ha-chan is attached to the wall, and Kaguya is inside her TV. Unfortunately, not in the cool way; she has become embedded in the screen.

Sanae was ultimately unaffected, but a little windswept. I suspect wind immunity shenanigans.

...Anyway, they're gone, now. One must not forget that Kanako is a god of freakin' wind. She owns that element like I own my ability to swing plant hangers at people.

Ma~n. For some reason, I wish I was at the beach with her, just to watch her throw wind around. That, and bikinis. Even if she's probably older than my entire family line.

...Kaguya slides out of the TV, sparks flying from her robe. "Fu-fuck…"

...Grinning, I move to the trash can, and take out the Trojans. Then, I approach her…

"Shoulda used these, yo…" I softly critique, holding them towards her…

Kaguya took the box, and stared at it, looking cross.

"...Grrr~aaaa~h!"

She gripped it tightly, until-

Fwi~ng!

The condom box's after-image expanded, but after a moment, dissipated, revealing no more Trojans…

...She chuckles. "...Ye-yeah, fuck the condoms."

"What did you do to them, friend?" I'm genuinely curious…

"...I-I placed them in time…" She grinned. "They're now eternal."

Sanae just gapes. "...Wo~w."

...Yeah. Wow. What, uh… "What does that entail?"

"...I mean, I kinda fucked it up." She looked thoughtful, for a moment. "Normally we'd see it in a few hundred years at most, but… I think it's gone. Shit I do that to shouldn't just disappear, either."

She broked it. "Daw…"

Ha-chan wraps an arm around her to comfort her. "Don't worry, friend. In this castle, to find is to lose, and to lose is to find!"

"Can I kill her?" Kaguya stares at me dryly.

"Friend, no." I shake my head. "She just wants to cuddle."

"...No." She pushes Ha-chan away. "Go impale yourself on his shaft. I don't swing that way."

Ha-chan takes it as a challenge, and tries to glomp Kaguya slowly and softly, which forces the latter to slowly and lazily combat her attempts as a result.

Sanae sighs, and floats for the window. "I'm gonna go find Kanako-sama… See you, guys."

...Cuddlenuggets, dude.

...When Ha-chan successfully wraps her arms around her, the straw breaks the camel's back. "Get the fuck out."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Ha-chan floats me down to the front door of the clinic, while Kaguya throws things at us.

"Hnn… Here." She plops me down on the dirt outside.

"Woo."

Ha-chan gets hit in the head by a garbage basket. "Ow…!"

"Let's find shelter from the rain, friend…" Gingerly, I goad her to the sliding door, and hunch over. "...Hunch over with me, yo. We're gonna be cold, sad hoboes…"

Despite being mildly confused by this description, she's fine with this idea. "Okay…?"

Hunching over, we stand in between the two sliding doors that enter the hospital clinic place thing.

Reisen eventually leaves her desk. The door slides open as she walks up to us, appearing inquisitive.

"...Whaddaya sha~y…" I slowly raise my hand to my ear. "...Shunnie!?"

...Reisen shakes her head, walking back to her desk.

Hyonk.

Idea. "Ha-chan, move to that second black pad."

...She smiles obliviously. "Wha~ht!?"

I wince from the volume, but grin. "Get over there, fluffy…"

Complying, she stands on the other black pad in the intro room thing, forcing it open by being on the sensor. The lobby is now exposed to the great outdoors!

...Reisen stares at us dryly, as the lobby's warmth flows towards the door we occupy…

"Honh." S'good.

...Man, it's a really overcast kind of day!

Krakoo~m. Thunder, yo…

Suddenly, it pours cats and dogs outside! I mean, if only. Instead it just pours rain. I mean, s'alot of rain, but… yeah.

All the stuff Kaguya threw outside is gonna get soggy, dude.

I take out that weird ass bow Yukari gave me, and load another NERF dart. "Bon voyage, mon amie!" That's how you say it, right?

Aim outside…!

BANG

Ow. My ears are not having a good time, today…

I turn to the lobby, only to see Reisen holding a huge sniper rifle.

"It was this bow." I explain.

"Oh…" She exhales. "Do-don't scare me, like that… I thought the pistons were back."

The Pistons. The pissed off versions of the Jetsons. Dear God.

They're probably like, Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix Data Battle levels of edgy uber boss power!

From the dark storm outside, Mokou surprises me by sprinting right up to the door. "Yo~!"

She pauses, out of breath, turning to me. "...Oh, it's you. The fuck're you doing here?"

"Soaking up the thirst of the land…" I smile warmly. "I'm a sponge bath."

Edging past me, she notices Ha-chan. "And the fairy?"

"She's fluffy." I gesture to her casually.

"Hi!" She waves her hand eagerly.

"...Hi, fluffy." Mokou awkwardly greets her, before power walking towards Reisen's desk.

Slamming her hands down on the desk, she speaks. "Hell of a time for it to start raining, because I found 'em."

Reisen tilted her head.

"...I mean I found the snipers, you bunny fuck." Mokou growled. "They've pent up in a tower. The tower fires lasers."

"Hey." Reisen furrows her brows, proceeding to chide Mokou. "No need to be rude."

"Tower lasers." Mokou stresses.

...Reisen sighs. "They would, wouldn't they?"

Now that I think about it, couldn't Kanako have made it rain? How does that kinda crap affect the ecosystem, anyway?... I mean, considering s'all magic, irregular rainfall's probably not the biggest of deals.

"You better get a bloody army goin', pronto." Mokou demands. "They wreckin' it, out there."

...Reluctantly, Reisen nodded. "Alright. I'll get some scouts going while I round up some elites…"

"...Good." Pleased with this demonstration of effort, Mokou shambles towards one of the plastic waiting room chairs, and plops down in it. "Haa~h…"

"Close the damn door, already." Mokou scowls at us. "I've had enough water for a good few hundred more years."

Oof.

Out of consideration for Mokou, I step off of the other door pad, letting it close.

The rain's patter is audible, the bleak light of the lobby shining out into the darkness outside…

"You picked a hell of a time to come out here." Mokou huffed. "Surprised you didn't get your head blown off."

U~h…? "Why, friend?"

"They're elusive." Mokou narrows her eyes, recalling them. "They can phase through solid matter, but only to a certain level. They float through the air, but when they ready to fire, they're as heavy as rocks."

"Are they fluffles?" I raise a brow.

"Mmm." Mokou grimaces. "Stupid raggamuffins."

Krakoo~m. Thunder and lightnin'!

"Why does it have to rain now…?" Mokou glares outside.

"Kanako Yasaka." I add.

She snorts. "Good one."

"No, for real, she was here earlier." I grin myself, holding out an arm. "Hear me out, yo."

"Yeah, okay." Mokou does not, infact, believe me.

"She and Sanae and Kaguya were playin' the video games, yo! The really crappy one Kaguya made!" I insist!

Mokou grins. "Yeah, that game she made. What a heap of shit." It feels good to be agreed with, yo…

Ha-chan tries to subtly get closer to Mokou.

"What do you want?" Mokou stared up at her once she edged her way directly in front of her.

"Hehehe~!" Giddily, Ha-chan darts away.

"...Weird." Mokou isn't sure what to make of that. "Fairies."

"When would ya think it's okay for me to head out?" I question the fire lady.

"..." She acknowledges that she heard me, but chooses to say nothing.

Oh, boy.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sti~ll rainin'...

I take my miniature sailboat made out of toothpicks and recycled plastic fragments, and set it to sea!

"Oo~h…!" Ha-chan watches it float!

A wave of rain water blindsides it, smashing it to pieces quickly and violently.

...Ha-chan deflates, leaning over.

Daw.

The rabbit at the desk walks over to us. "...You know, you two can come inside…"

Both Ha-chan and myself turn to her. I point. "Engage the rabbiteer! Ha-chan, use wing attack!"

Ha-chan turns around, and slowly progresses towards the cream-haired rabbit girl as she flaps her wings rapidly.

She just pensively stares at the approaching Ha-chan, until her wings are in her face.

Tic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tic!

Ha-chan was having a great time. "Hehehe-"

"Achoo!" The cream-haired rabbit sneezed, startling Ha-chan.

"Woah!" Ha-chan looked unsure of the source of the noise...

Freakin' fairy wings, yo. That reminds me…

"Can you use fairy dust for crafting fun things?" I ask the bunny.

"I-I don't know…" She rubs her nose. "Maybe?"

...Ha-chan turns to me, flapping her wings rapidly. "Come he~re…!"

Woah no! "Ha-chan, yo-"

Tic-tic-tic!

I backpedal before her soft wings can slap me any further. Freakin', yo! "Oof, yo…" Fairy dust smells good, at least. It's a bit-

"Tsst…" I sneeze into my wrist, blocking it. "...Tsst! Tsst! Aachoo!" Dang. I couldn't stop it…

...As I was sayin', fairy dust's a little overwhelmin'.

"Hehehe~!" Ha-chan has too much fun doing that.

I must find Eirin and ask her about the properties of fairy dust!

"Do you-..." Aa~h… gotta snee~ze…!

"Tsst!" Freakin'... "...Do you know where to find Eirin, yo?"

The cream-haired rabbit jerks her head back. "U-uhm… no?"

Noob.

"...I can phone her for you." She fidgets.

Queen of all.

"...I-I'll do that, then." She reads my expressions, moving to the desk's phone…

...Ha-chan moves her wings into my arm.

Tic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tic!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Alright, and a one, and a two…!"

Ha-chan and I sloppily slap the arms of the chairs in the main lobby…

"Freakin'..." We messed up! "Ha-chan, yo, you gotta do the-" I tap thrice, "-when I do the..." ...I try and tap the riff I envisioned, only to tap my hands down wrong. "I mean…" ...Oh, shieut.

We're trying to play 'staking your life on a prank' on the chair arms while we wait for Eirin!

My fairy friend pouts. "I'm confused…"

I sigh. "You're always confused, friend…"

It's cuddly, though.

The cream-haired rabbit girl watches us boredly, slowly drifting off to sleep as she leaned over on the desk…

Click, click, click, click…

Them's Eirin's heels!

I perk up from the seats, staring at the hallway door.

She pushes it open. "What is it that demands my attention?"

Ooh! I wave my hand. "Me, me, me! It's me!"

Ha-chan stomps in place next to me, making noise.

...Eirin gives us a flat stare, before looking at the cream-haired fellow. "...Well?"

She perks up. "Oh- ah- aah… Th-th- him!" She points at me. "He-he wants you to talk with him."

"...I already told you what you wanted." Eirin scowled at me. "If you're here to make demands, be aware that their price is steep."

Buff them edges, moonie. "...I wanna know what I can do with fairy dust." I gesture to Ha-chan.

She smiles wider.

"See? She's cuddly." I look at Eirin casually and flatly.

"Oh." Eirin takes an awkward moment to recompose herself. "My apologies. Follow me, then, if you will."

Woo!

We begin tailing Eirin, into the bleak, at times poorly lit halls of the clinic-mansion-hospital-military-all-in-one house.

"Fairy dust…" Eirin echoes. "What do you want to know?"

"How to use, when to use, why to use…" I try to think of more… "...Is it okay to swallow, and do I need to check with my doctor?"

"...Those last two are 'yes' and 'no', if those were real questions." Eirin hesitantly begins. "If we are talking how to apply fairy dust, I must ask if this is for offensive purposes or if it is medicinal."

Offensive? "Can I make a gun out of it?"

"No." She replies flatly.

Woah no.

"You can, however, imbue weapons with it." She provides. "It allows one to lower the accuracy of their enemies, were they able to distribute fairy dust onto their foes. It's largely useless as an imbuement unless you already have a rapid ballistic firearm." With that, she shakes her head. "In that scenario, the bullets typically negate the effect of the dust. It's very unfortunate."

Hmm~...

She pushes a door open, leading us into a brightly lit check-up room.

On the bed, though, is a generic wolfman. "...Aa-aagh… doc?"

...Eirin sighs. "We are short on rooms, at the moment. Between those that were vandalized, and those that were occupied. Forgive our lacking resources."

Hoh, shit…!

...She gestures for Ha-chan to come closer, and she does.

"Adding fairy dust to melee weapons is the easiest form of imbuement possible, but also the most useless, for the dust will never make it into the opponent's eyes, blood stream, nasal passages, or mouth." Eirin leans over, taking a scapul from a nearby table, despite not even looking at it. She twirls it in her hand, and inspects Ha-chan's wings…

...Tic, tic-tic-tic-tic-tic!

...Eirin stands straight again, face covered in fairy dust. She blows a small puff off her face. "...I'd like to add that she must sit still am I to do anything."

Ha-chan pouts. "O~kay…"

...Eirin leans back over, checking her wings…

She takes the scapul, and scrapes the glossy bit of her wing a bit, a thick layer of dust falling into her hand.

It shimmers and crinkles in the sterile light, brimming with magic.

Eirin holds it close to her face. "...Seems healthy. Not that there'd be otherwise, on a fairy. Just checking."

...You worry me, Eirin.

...She turns, placing the dust onto a nearby plate. "Fairy wings typically produce dust en masse, on a daily basis. They only shed by flight or contact, but none is usually left behind, because it is the dust in and of itself that allows fairies subconscious flight. It is the one spell the fairy body simply 'knows' how to execute, above all others."

...Wait. "What about respawning?"

Eirin replies instantly. "Not a spell, not one that belongs to the fairies, at least. It is simply nature."

Huh.

"Fairy dust can, however, be collected, and removed from a wing manually. One must be careful, however. Fairies do have pain receptors on their wings. I'll put it this way: it's far kinder to outright cut their wings off than it is to take chunks. However, neither option is required for simple melee weapon imbuement."

...Ha-chan and I both relax. G'dimmit, Eirin.

Taking a plastic baggie, Eirin begins scraping off smaller chunks with her scalpul, ones that I wouldn't have even normally seen on her wings without having seen them fall from them. It's like they're almost invisible until the scalpul digs in. It's so weird.

"...Always make sure to scrape from the central portions, and not near any fancy extremities. Not only is the risk of injury to the fairy higher, but you might collect elemental residue, which would likely result in elemental backlash from the wing's nature."

Holy shit Eirin talks a lot. This is informative, but where does she find the thought process to be like, instant textbook? Yo…

...Ha-chan shivers and makes funny faces as Eirin scrapes the dust into the bag. "...You do plan on imbuing a melee weapon, right? One only knows what tragedy might befall someone's eyes were you to begin thinking of projectile arms."

I nod. "Yeah." I put zero thought into it. Actually… "I have a plant hanger that does wind attacks."

...Eirin pauses, and turns to me, offering me a questioning stare. Then, she turns back to Ha-chan's wings. "This may not be useless, after all. Be warned that most beings of any reputable magical prowess are likely immune to the effects of fairy dust, as I exemplified earlier."

Ho ho.

"...Fairy dust is also used by some women to make their hair sparkle." Eirin adds idly, as she begins taking from Ha-chan's other wing.

Yes. "I wanna do that."

...Eirin shrugs.

Du~hu~hude!

"I typically charge a high price, as many human women are afraid to approach fairies. However, this one will be free, mostly because I am aware you'd likely try it on your own and inevitably hurt the fairy." Eirin jabs at me while still giving a freakin' class on fairy dust.

Oof.

"...I could tell you more, but I believe I've said enough."

With that, Eirin stands up, two full bags of sparkly, cloudy fairy dust in each.

I nod. "Yeah, I think I know enough about fairy dust for the rest of my life."

"...How about the imbuement process?" Eirin grins. "...If only because it's indeed possible to handle the dust wrong and suffocate to death."

Well. "...I would like to know that, yo."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 42

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice!

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

Holy Talismans - Provides a holy upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

Electric Talismans - Provides an electric upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out…

A Wiffle Duster - For shoving up people's rectums.

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

baked nuggets.

some of me tryin'a break the SERIOUS FLOW of the previous chapters, but yukari bein' YUKARI and gettin' all up in my BIZ

curaga hugs :3

dunno if the serious flow just be me bein' EDGY or GROWING AS A WRITER; maybe grains of each…

anyway yeah, friendly things

progress has SLOWED because of college but by no means HALTED; i try for at least 1-2-3 k words on BAD DAYS / MOST DAYS, but more can be expected if i'm HYPED

as always, see you all next time!