(MATT TIME AND STUFF)
Sitting outside, under the overhang that hung from the side of a quaint village house, I took the moment to catch my breath…
It's quite fortunate that whoever owns this home left their chairs outside. No table, unfortunately, but I'm sure that can be amended.
The orange-haired fairy maid sat in the opposite seat. "...So~, where the hell're the other strippers? Or are ya just taking a piss break?"
"...Who's the one stripping, here?" I question.
She looks me up and down… "...Well, obviously not you. Unless Komi hired you for like, candies. You're not a fairy dude, though…" Pouting, she seems contemplative. "What's a small amount of money?"
"A small loan of a million dollars." I tell her.
...She nods. "Then I guess good strippers would need a big loan of like…" She furrows her brows. "The hell's a dollar?"
"Slang for money." To make things easier.
She nods. "Oh. Then, like, twenty million dollars. That sounds about right."
When did we start discussing the payroll of male strippers?
Impatient, the fairy maid stands up. "Oka~y, enough chatter. Take me to the stripper party."
Well, that's a tough one.
…
"We~ll?" She props her arms on her hips. "Are you- eep!"
Abruptly lifting her up, I begin looking for that tavern I saw earlier. "To the stripper land we go."
The villagers of the midday streets were greeted to the sight of a wizard-hatted magician running down the road with a fairy maid in his or her arms. In this case 'his', but they don't necessarily need to know that.
It took a few moments, but the bar was closer than I thought it was. I even managed to pass Sekibanki's house on the way, but she didn't seem to be outside.
Entering the bar, I take in the sights and smells…
Booze.
Inside, I can see someone with their head down on a bar counter. On the far sides of the room, unassuming men are playing with cards.
I walk up to the counter, sitting at the space between the passed out, purple-haired woman and some fat guy.
"What is up, in the neighborhood?" I introduce myself with an appropriate level of street asshole.
The purple-haired woman turns out to not be passed out. "Go~ne. Enti~re H.Q. Shmithereens."
Thud. Her head hits the counter again.
"...Y'can put me down now." The fairy in my arms addresses me.
...Next to us, the fat guy smiles. "Hi~. My name's Shmith! Wha's yoh's?"
…
"Xavier Bloodworth." I stare into his eyes.
He smiles wider. "Awwh, coo' name! I li~ke yoh witch hat."
...Good. "You're drunk off your ass, I take it?"
He jerks his head back, as if offended. "Whaht? Noo~. I don't dwink. It's ba~d for you."
Pfft. "What do they call that, then? Just being born totally braindead?"
…
I receive a blank stare in return. "I have a fweeling we wown't be friends."
"All gone!" Wailing, the purple-haired girl reels her head back to face the ceiling. "Go~ne!"
...The fairy begins wiggling in my arms. "Le-let me go!"
She's soft.
The fat bastard stands up. "Hea~, let me get that foh you…"
Taking a look at him, the fairy's eyes widen. "Woa~h, no no no, buddy!"
He moves closer, but she slaps him.
…
He tries again, and receives another slap.
With two red marks on his face, he sits back down. "Awight! Damn! Stupid fawies…"
I have no idea what I wanted to do here. This fairy's soft, though.
Gazing down at her, I do so just in time to notice her slap me.
Slap!
...
Slap!
…
They kinda sting.
Rising from her seat, the purple-haired girl sloppily wraps a hand around my shoulder. "Yoo~u! Leh her go~!"
"No." I nudge her away.
As if struck by a freight train, she leaps backwards, clipping the counter and bar stool with her legs. "Vi-vile villain! I'll shlash you!" She fumbles for her sheathed blade- a katana- only to miss numerous times. She seems to back into the counter while attempting to grab it, but once she manages-
Shi~ng!
She pulls it out with too much force and it flies into the shelf of drinks past the bar counter. They shatter, beer and wine flowing out onto the floor.
"What the hell!?" The barkeeper is not pleased.
Next to me, the fat guy gets upset. "Stawp it! Stawp fighting! Th-this isn't wight!"
...The fairy in my arms floats up, and out of them.
I forgot they could do that.
Then, the fat guy grabs my shoulders. "Yoh did this! Yoh made everyone sad!"
How.
"Oh- o~h my god!" The girl behind me seems to have sobered up from shock. "I'm so, so sorry!"
The barkeeper walks up to the counter. "You're gonna have to pay for this, you hear me?"
"N-no problem…"
"No, sir!" The fat guy slams his arm on the counter. "Swir!"
The barkeeper sighs. "...The hell do you want, Smith?"
"Well, I'm thoisty…" He grins, and laughs exaggeratedly. "Hahaha! But serwiously, if yoh should chawge anyone, chawge this guy!" He tries to hold up my arm, but I move it out of his reach.
The barkeeper nods idly. "Yeah, whatever, Smith."
"No! I'm sewious!" Smith stands up. "He did it! I'm telling yoh!"
"Okay, okay, Smith." The barkeeper looks him in the eyes. "Just calm down."
I give Smith a dry stare. "Can you just shut up and go away?"
He jerks his head back as if offended, again. "...Excuw~se me, swir! I- I know yoh can't twell, but I'm a yohkai huwnter!"
Very intriguing. "Do I look like I care? You're annoying."
...Smith rolls his eyes. "Gawd. Ruwde."
What a tiring individual.
...The fairy takes the unoccupied seat next to me, now that the purple-haired girl is gone. She taps the counter. "Hey, keep!"
Answering to her call, the barkeeper stepped up to the counter. "What'll it be?"
"Booze." She grinned.
...Shrugging, the barkeeper grabbed a random bottle off the shelf and plopped it down. His eyes note the fairy wings. "You got the money, right?"
She gestures to me offhandedly, "Him," before taking to the bottle.
With that, the barkeeper is satisfied, leaving her to her alcohol.
"Oh, oh! Baisho! Baisho~!"
...The barkeeper sighs, facepalming. "Don't call me that, Smith."
Smith pouts. "Sowwy." Then, he perks up. "Cayn yoh get this guy the bwig bwottle?" He points to me.
...Staring at him blankly, the barkeeper tests him. "If he wanted it, he'd ask me for it."
"No, no, I'm pwetty sure he wawnts it." Smith insists.
"I'm pretty sure I don't, thank you very much." I confirm.
Smith jerks his head back. As if offended. Again. "Whawt!? Bwut… you tow~ld me!"
Shaking his head, the barkeeper turns away and tends to a different guy.
It is now time to contemplate life. I lean on the bar counter.
...Turning to me, Smith pushes me idly with his right arm. "Yoh made Baisho angwy at me. Stawp it."
"Your fault." I go back to leaning on the counter.
"My fauwt!?" His eyes widen. "Yoh the one who made me angwy! At yoh!"
"Let me sulk in peace, friend." I defuse the situation.
...Smith narrows his eyes. "...I don't wike yoh."
Too bad.
…
A girl I didn't get a good glance at enters the bar, sitting next to Smith. "He~y! Keepie!"
I lean towards the counter, but with a quick glance I can tell it's Komachi.
Smith turns to her. "...Oo~h! Kwomawchi!"
...Komachi sighs. "Oh, fuck. It's the manchild."
Smith is instantly offended. "Oh, wo~wt!? Yoh a slut, Kwomawchi!"
Getting up, Komachi changes seats without comment, shaking her head.
…
"Hey, Kwomawchi!" He calls to her from across the entire bar, yelling. "This guy nwext to me! He's weiwd!"
Slap!
He's sent flying off of his seat from a long distance slap.
"Ko-Kwowmawchi hit me!" He whines.
"Get out of here, Smith!" The barkeeper tells him.
"Why!?" Smith looks devastated.
"I told you to be on your best behavior, Smith!" The barkeeper barks at him. "But you weren't! Now you got to get out!"
…
"Nwo." Smith's face slowly becomes angrier. "...No~!"
Getting up, he charges at the counter, and ends up being intercepted by the counter. "Oo~f!"
"Smith! What the fuck, Smith!?" The barkeeper's eyes widen, and he steps back. "Get ahold of yourself!"
I feel incredibly awkward being here.
"Nyagh!" He attempts to swim over the counter. "Huaa~h!"
He manages to roll over onto the other side.
...I turn to my fairy friend. "What's your name, anyway?"
"Koi." She grins at me, holding a bottle.
Standing up, Smith leers at the barkeeper. "Bo-Boishi! I'll shoh yoh why I'm the best yohkai hunter!"
He runs at the barkeeper-
"Guard!"
Ti~ng!
A large mirror shield appears before the barkeeper. It rips apart the shelf, counter, and walling it generates in. Smith runs into it-
Shri~ng!
"Guaafugh!"
Smith is flung with such intensity that he bounces off the ceiling, before landing behind the counter again with a large thud.
The entire bar watched the scene with bated breath.
…
Looking around feverishly, the barkeeper held his arms up. "Self-defense. You all saw right? Self-defense."
A slurred murmur of agreement came from the patrons.
"Aye'll vouch fer ya." Komachi held up her mug.
"...Good." He nods slowly. "...Good."
…
The bar's speech almost returns to normal.
Smith slowly raises his arms onto the counter, and stands up. Saying nothing, he limps along the bar's length, trying to approach the barkeeper. He stops when he reaches my segment, and glares down at me.
"..." He says nothing.
I didn't even interact in this situation. It just kinda happened.
…
Smith looks around at the bar crowd. After noticing people talking about him- or so he thought- he charged towards the back door, and left the bar.
…Well then. Guess no one's going to have to die, today.
"What a loser." Koi giggles. "Hehaha~!"
Now the bar returns to normal.
Koi resumes sipping from her unidentified booze.
I tune into the random conversations happening in the background.
"Dammit- Jack, how the hell d'ya keep getting all the aces? That's like the seventh one!"
"Ya see that pretty Freddie's been runnin' around with? Ain't they cute?"
"Guuwaa~h!" Someone yells randomly.
People walk into the bar. I turn to glance at them…
"Aho~y!" A woman in a sailor suit raises a cheer.
"Aho~y!" Komachi and the rest of the bar greet her with matched vigor.
Trotting with vigor towards the counter, she takes the seat that's both two spaces away from myself, and two spaces away from Komachi.
"What's goin' on, Komachi?" She greets the shinigami. "Playin' hooky as usual?"
"You know it!" Komachi winks. "Hahaha~!"
Nodding in satisfaction, the sailor turns to me. "...Yer a new face 'round here. What they call ya?"
"Captain Bloodworth." I assure her.
…
"Pffft…" She slowly grins. "Whatever y'say, cap'n!"
...Koi sets her empty bottle on the counter. "Mo~re!"
A bottle is slid smoothly across the counter, and she grabs it.
That's when the wall exploded.
Kaboo~m!
The rightmost wall of the tavern blew inward, fragments crumbling to the floor as drunk men went flying from the blast.
"Thew they aw!"
In from the blown-out wall charged Smith, clad in what looked to be armor fragments tied to his limbs and chest. Behind him, similarly ill-equipped 'guards' with armaments of questionable quality and type bravely charged in behind him.
Smith himself had a spear that was too large to be useful.
"Yep. Yohkai." Smith pointed in the general direction of the entire bar. "Seize 'em up, mwen!"
The sailor girl leapt from her seat. "Wh-what the hell!?"
Komachi leapt into action similarly. "Wha~t!?"
The barkeeper was outraged. "Smi~th!?"
"This is awl yoh fauwt!" Smith pointed at the barkeeper! "I thouwght yoh liked mwe!"
Stepping forward, the sailor girl scowled. "...The hell is this? You lookin' to take the bar?"
Smith nodded eagerly. "Well! Why, yes, actuwally."
...Reaching behind herself, the sailor erected an anchor larger than herself from what seemed like thin air. "Over my already dead body, y'landlubbers!"
Smith beamed. "Chaa~wge!"
Ill-equipped men ran straight at the obviously powerful magical girl, swords, hammers, and what looked like an umbrella raised high.
"Hraa~gh!" The sailor girl spun around, swinging her anchor. Rapidly spinning, she flung herself towards the opposing force.
"Guua~h!"
"Hurk…"
"Aaaugh!"
Men, armaments, and armor pieces went flying.
Smith looked as if he was doing something, standing just out of her radius and poking at the air. "Enh! Yeah! Twake that!"
When she stopped spinning, she looked at him-
Shink!
...The spear went into her shoulder.
She grinned. "...That all ye wrote?"
Smith's eyes widen. "...Wh-whaht!?"
Latching her hand onto the spear, she jerked it out of her shoulder and towards him, bowling him over.
"No! Noo~!" He objected, falling backwards.
Reeling her arm back, the sailor tossed the spear outside and into infinity. "...Gods dammit, Smith. Ya losin' your damned doubloons, here!?"
"I-I, but… Moowasa..." Smith quivered.
"No, Smith. Yer a disgrace to us drunks!" She barked. "Ya ain't even a drunk! Why do ya hang out at a bar if yer not gonna drink anything!?"
"I-I thawt yoh all liked me…" He squeaked.
"...No, Smith." She sighed. "We letcha hang out here, 'cause we don't have it in us ta just kick ya out. We thought ya coulda used the company!"
"...Do-dowes that mean we're still friends?" He looked hopeful.
Shaking her head, the sailor girl turned away. "Don't wanna look at yer sorry mug again."
…
With that, Smith quickly bolted, running out the hole he came in.
Still looks like no one's going to die today. What am I even doing here?
Sitting down in the same seat as before, the sailor slapped her arm on the counter. "Bit'a the rum, thanks."
The barkeeper nodded. "Sure thing."
From there, the bar's sounds didn't return to normal, because half of them were unconscious. The rest were quiet.
Komachi didn't seemed bothered, though. "Ya kicked ass, Murasa!"
Murasa grinned. "T'was nothing. Buncha human scoundrels couldn't match me in a million years."
...I wonder what kind of loot those unconscious bodies might have. Standing up, I begin moving towards them.
...Murasa watches me as I crouch down and inspect one of the bodies. "Pffft. Dresses like the witch, even acts like the witch. Komachi, that Marisa, or what?"
Shaking her head, Komachi debunks the idea. "No~pe. Just a fan, I guess."
...This sword he carried is dull. Testing this theory, I run my fingers along the edge. Nothing.
Pressing harder, I try to slice them…
Nothing. It's as good as a club.
Casting it aside, I take to the next body- he wielded an umbrella, nevermind.
The next body… Crouching down, I take his sword…
Looks dull. Running my hand across the edge… feels dull. Pressing hard…
I know I described them as 'ill-equipped', but I hadn't thought they were completely unprepared for fighting anything that wasn't a fluffle.
Making due with the dull sword, which I keep in my hands, I begin scouring through the pockets of the downed men...
After about ten minutes of scavenging, I come across an amount of yen I'm unsure about.
For this reason, I take it to the counter for clarification. Koi seems to have drowned herself in three more bottles, giving herself a grand total of four empty bottles.
"Hea~..." She slurred, calling for the barkeeper.
Komachi hands her a bottle from the space between herself and the fairy, because she can. Koi takes it. "Tha~nk you!"
"How much yen is this?" I ask her.
...She looks down at it, and squints. "...Mo~ney."
...Yes. Why, yes it is.
The barkeep meanders over, and looks at the bottles, then at the money. "Let's see…" He stares at the bottles… then he stares at my money. "...Ten thousand looks about right. One'll be on the house, whatever."
He took the appropriate amount from my hand, leaving me with a still unknown amount.
"Pleasure doing business." He walked off.
...This makes it easier to count it the hard way, at least. Taking a moment, I note that I have five thousand, five hundred yen left in my hand.
I pocket it before any more bad things happen to it.
...Guess I'll take in the sights, for no-
There's a rap on the bar door.
The loud knocking convinces Murasa, Komachi, and me to turn to it.
A guard with actual armor stands there. "We've received reports of a man dressed in witch clothing in the area."
His eyes meet mine. "...I have reason to believe he's here."
Lifting my arm, I take off the fluffy hat, and cast it behind the counter. "I don't see a witch here."
Drawing his sword, the guard steps towards me. "You're coming with me, sir."
Just when I was getting cosy. "No, I don't think I will."
The guard stands before me. "Don't make me use force, sir. Just come with me."
Murasa and Komachi stare at me curiously.
...Quickly, I take my blunt sword and swing it at his armor.
Clink!
The guard stands strong before it, frowning. "...If that's how it has to be."
I navigate away from the bar counter as he raises his longsword offensively.
…
Moving towards me, he brings his sword across the opposite side he held it at, and engages me with a horizontal slash.
I back away, letting it whiff.
Clutching his sword tightly, he tries to intercept any potential slash I may have been dealing by bringing his blade up at an angle.
He steps back. I hold my blade up, and stand ready.
We standoff for a few moments, the guard holding his blade high.
…
After a moment of inactivity, he reels the sword inward, and steps toward me for a one-handed lunge.
I sidestep the lunge and grab the blade forcefully, taking care not to grab it in a way that would maim myself, and pull.
The guard holds on tightly, his eyes widening.
Using my pommel, I pommel him in the head.
"Gahk!" Cringing, he uses his free hand to try and grab my sword.
We play tug of war for a bit, but I break my sword from the awkward grapple, and back off.
"Dishonest…" He glares at me. "Your head can be tried for this!"
This place has trials?
I put one hand on my dull blade, and the other on the handle.
The guard raises his sword overhead, but backs up. If he swung now, it'd hit nothing. He seems to be waiting for me.
…
After I refuse to act, he lowers it into a stance for a horizontal slash, again. Moving towards me, he comes out strong with an angled horizontal slash instead.
I try to block it with the blade, but it goes down the blade and grazes my hand as I try to pull it away. "Sh~…"
Stings like shit.
The guard grins. "Slipping, thief?"
Hmph.
Backing up, he readies for a massive overhead slash. "Ha~h!"
His stomps are like thunder as he pours his strength into the mighty overhead slash. I step back and let it strike the floor-
Thunk!
All this because he grazed my hand.
I tightly grab my blade by both hands, and swing the handle downwards upon him with all my strength.
His brows furrow, as he attempts to lift his blade-
The crossguard smashes into his helmet.
"Guua~h…!?" He's knocked off his feet, falling onto his back.
Taking out those grey wooden scissors, I move to finish the job.
"Oi!"
I feel someone grab my off hand, which wasn't holding the scissor pair.
"S'over, mate. Leave 'em." Murasa tries to defuse the situation.
No.
...I pocket Chaos Oath, and Murasa lets go, seeming to back off.
…
She leans against the counter, watching me. The guard gets into a kneeling position…
Acting quickly, I strike him in the head with my pommel.
Clang!
"Hugh…" He falls back again, and I push his helmet aside with the pommel.
"Hey! Stop!" Murasa flings herself at me.
Taking the wooden scissors from my pocket, I jab them into his neck right before Murasa pushes me off.
"Hngh…" I stare intently at the wound as Murasa displaces me…
The scissors light up, a glowing sheen of light traveling up the smooth wood.
Bam! I'm pressed against the floor a small distance away, my sword clattering to the floor a short distance away with Murasa atop me. "Ye bastard! What did I just tell you!?"
"He was going to come after me again if I didn't." I grunt back from the floor.
"Then-..." She sighs. "Fuck's sake, lad. The hell'd ya do to get the guard's attention, anyway? Rob a little old granny?"
...I recall the time when I kicked Sekibanki's door open.
"It was probably that." I add.
"He's dead." Komachi clarifies from across the room.
...Murasa stands from me. "What?"
"That guy." She points to the guard. "Dead."
...Murasa sighed. "Fuck. And you did nothing."
"I did nothing because it was better than the other way he was going to go." Komachi stared blankly from her bar stool.
...Murasa furrowed her brows. "What're ya sayin'?"
Sighing, Komachi stood. "Looks like the bar's closed, for today."
Koi looked over to her, on her tenth bottle. "...Re-reaa~lly?"
With that, Komachi vanished.
...Murasa cursed. "Fuck!"
I got into a position to stand again, and she glares down at me.
"...Might wanna lessen on the f-bombs." I suggest.
"Y'just killed someone." Murasa states. "Y'can't tell me anything, ya shitfaced bootlegger."
Creative. "She said he was gonna die anyway. Just doing him a favor."
…
"Got my eye on you." Murasa moved for the door. "If I see you again, I'll send ya straight ta Davy Jones, kid. Watery grave and all."
I don't think even Davy Jones wants me. What's in his locker, anyway…?
With that, Murasa departs.
…
The bar is almost completely empty. Only that one quiet crowd is in the back, now, and they're giving me glares.
Getting up, I stare at the wooden scissors…
They're without notable feature again. Bending down, I pick them up, noting the-...
No blood. Well, almost.
I stare down at the gash in the man's neck. There was little in terms of oozing blood, the stain not even flowing down the sides of his neck. The open hole was dark, but clean.
...Well, it makes cleanup easier.
My eyes lay on the unconscious bodies on the other end of the room.
...This lit up earlier, didn't it? When it stabbed into his neck.
...Time to test a theory.
I begin walking towards the bodies near the hole again…
"Hey, man!" One of the guys on the other end of the bar stands up. "...What you did was, like, not cool!"
He was a skinny man, with a red beanie. Which was rather curious, considering the time period most of these clothes hail from…
In any case, I bend over, and begin dragging a guy, intent on dragging him out the hole…
The drunks on the other side seem to object, but watch.
A new figure steps in through the bar doors.
I turn to the person. It's the purple-haired girl from earlier.
"...Wh-what happened here?" She brought a hand to her mouth.
I continue dragging the body…
"You." She instantly finds the action suspicious. "...Did you-"
"Smith." I state.
…
"Ye-yeah, that's about what I heard… " She nods.
I keep dragging-
"Where are you taking that?" She is again suspicious.
"Just… helping him come back to life!" I smile.
…
She reaches for her katana.
"Just… getting them medical treatment." I amend.
"Meira." She introduces herself. "Chief youkai exterminator."
"Satanslaughter McKillgore." I grin. "Common villager."
"..." Her grip on her katana tightens.
"Whatever the case…" She took a deep breath. "I'll need to take you in for questioning."
Time to book it!
Letting go of the body and pocketing the now dry wooden scissors, I twirl out the sleek, dash scissors, and book it.
Moving out of the hole, I round the side of the tavern-
"Zantetsuken!"
Shi~ng!
She's right behind me. I felt the wind from that slash.
I sloppily slide ahead as my adrenaline flares, my legs pounding as I do my best to not trip and fall on my face from the awkward sliding motion. I reach the tavern's other side, and round the corner-
"Zantetsuken!"
Shi~ng!
She's behind me, again. Not as close, because I heard only the slash-
Krii~ng!
-and the dumpsters, probably becoming two.
Luckily, this side of the tavern is shorter. I round it far quicker, and make my way towards the tavern's front. I take a shortcut by moving inside, and sliding towards the hole again-
"Zantetsuken!"
Shi~ng!
Nowhere near me, that time.
I run up and grab Koi-
"Hehehe~!" She giggles.
-and continue sliding, my balance whacky as shit.
Meira runs in the bar, barely missing me as I leave through the hole.
Like this, I continue to run. I stop at the intersection between the tavern and the alleys, and hold my arm up. This stop is to both regain my balance, a~nd…
Envisioning a saw blade, I cast it forth.
Vrrrr~!
Meira runs outside to see it, and her eyes widen. Taking her katana, she crouches and guards it.
TingTingTingTingTingTingTing!
Sparks fly between the katana and the saw blade.
"Lethal Frame!"
Time stops.
Standing, she twirls her blade around like a wand rather than a sword, a single fluent motion where her blade traveled through the saw blade.
…
She slid her katana back into its sheath.
Krii~ng!
The saw blade fell into multiple pieces.
However, since her katana is now sheathed, that means no more Zantetsuken spam!
With that in mind, I slide away, taking sharp turns into alleyways.
She runs after me, unable to keep up. "Da-darn it…!"
…
After many minutes of sliding to the point I practically fell over after each one, I stopped, allowing myself to breathe.
"Hahh… hahh… hahh…"
I plop Koi on the floor.
"No~rth to Alaska, here I come!" She cheers.
...How does she know what Alaska is?
…
It is now probably the time to find something else to wear.
Glancing around in the largely deserted alleyway, I continue to catch my breath.
…
"Hello~, hello~!"
A gap peels open in front of me, Yukari holding up her hands in an attempt to be cutesy. "How goes things?"
This is a completely unsolicited and complimentary visit, I'm sure. "Been having a pleasurable time. Constantly on the run, and all that."
Yukari giggled. "I see, I see. I'm sure you've been rather busy during your stay, here."
Surprisingly more pleasant than I expected. "...You're here about that Youmu thing, aren't you?"
Smirking, Yukari spoke. "Oh, that? Water under the bri~dge. After all, it was only two, right?"
…
"Since you're not here for pleasantries…" I address her. "What are you doing here?"
"Fufufu…" She unfurled a fan, holding it before her face. "I'm simply here to tell you that what we had is behind us, now. That, and I'm genuinely curious about a few things."
"What may those be?" I inquire.
"You do not intend to… intercept anyone of value to me, or of significant note, do you?" Her expression is unreadable.
"Ask me again when I actually can." I counter.
She snorts. "Good enough, I suppose." With that, she closes her fan again. "What is your opinion of Gensokyo?"
"...Interesting." Survey time. "Full of excitement, and opportunity." ...Oh, right. "And cute girls."
"Fufufu…" Yukari is amused. "Quite."
I stare up at her satisfied expression.
"...Matthew." She speaks my name.
Serious time, apparently.
"Are you certain, that you can trust Brad?" Her face is neutral.
"I don't." I reply bluntly.
…Yukari blinked.
"...What if I told you," she slowly blinked again, "that Brad was plotting against you?"
"He's not." I shake my head. "Even if he was, it wouldn't be that easy."
...Yukari grins widely. "Fufufu~! Such confidence!"
With that, she slowly recedes into her gap. "Very well, Matthew. Do, at least, keep what I said in mind…"
Before it closes, however, she stops. "...Oh, right. I almost forgot."
...A ticket flutters from above into my lap.
"Stop by some time." She mirthfully commented.
The gap closed.
Staring at the ticket closely, I see that it's a lifetime pass to the Golden Grin casino. Huh.
…
"Komi~..." Koi reached out to where Yukari was. "...I-I thought you shent me to a shtrip club… but it wash a bar! Wi'h a fat dude! Yoo shuck!"
The cuddliness intensifies.
In any case, I should probably get going. Alleyways are not great places to sit in for an extended period of time, typically.
I'm still not sure why I'm hauling this fairy everywhere.
Lifting her up, I begin moving to find a good place to rest before the sun sets…
/ / / / FIRST SCENE BREAK THE ENTIRE CHAPTER / / / /
The store's bell rings as we step inside.
In here, is crap. Multi-colored hats line the shelves, trench coats of numerous, neon colors hang off of a rack, and at the counter of this shoddy store is a girl dressed in neon pink, chewing bubblegum.
"...Whadda you lookin' at?" She sneers at me.
"Nothing, because my eyes are bleeding." Too many bright colors…
She scoffs. "Get real. Someday, this place is going to be a kickass fashion boutique!"
Sure it is. My question is why all this garbage is in the village in the first place…
"Look, all the outsiders buy from me, but they all use this stupid fucking… dollar cash thing." She furrows her brows. "Like, what the hell's going on outside!?"
O~h, boy. That'd be the story that never ended.
…
"That fairy." She comments. "You here to pawn her off?"
How. "I mean… I could take her clothes off and pawn tho-" Actually…
She furrows her brows. "Too bland."
I point to my witch clothes. "These?"
...She nods slowly. "...I could make it work, actually. Yeah, those'd work nice. Strip."
...I wanted to have a way to bring these back to Alice, but it seems like that won't be happening. Unfortunately, money is more important than Alice. I'll tell her they were stolen or something.
I strip.
"...I didn't mean in front of me, dumbass, but okay." She seemed perturbed.
Taking my old clothes from the bag, I re-equip them. "...Here. Witch clothes."
The second I place them on the counter, she looks at them closely…
…
"Looks good." She nods. "How's ten thousand yen sound?"
Better than my current income. "Sure."
She takes out the money, and hands it to me.
With that, she stashes the clothes. "Cool."
I still need some other stuff from here, though. Like a suit, and a mask…
Although… if I could stay the night before burning the inevitable 'theft' bridge, that'd be great.
"Sleep here?" I point at the floor.
"Whatever, dude. One night's fine, but if I see you here again, you're paying rent." She waves me off. "Just find a closet or something. Can't have your ugly ass lying on the floor."
...Charming. Not much better yourself, when people can't even see you from all the bright colors. It's probably better that way.
Taking Koi, I move to the corner of the shop. There's no closets, by the way. As far as I can tell, this place has just this one room. The only door is behind that girl, and at the front of the shop.
...I move over towards the section labeled 'ultimate vengeful clothes', and I find a ton of blacks and whites.
I think the blacks would make a good place to sleep. I'm not sure who'd wear a pitch black anything, but that's just me.
Like pitch black trench coats. Not even just a black trench coat, this is like… neon black, if such a thing were possible.
Regardless, the ones that fell off the shelves look like they'd make decent blankets.
/ / / / SLEEPY SLEEP NOOB HUHUHAHA / / / /
I awaken to a loud banging noise.
Bam! Bam!
"Get the fuck out of my shop!"
...Curiously gazing from my neon black trench coat rack, I gaze out…
Krakoo~m. Thunder is happening outside.
Clonk!
A metal pipe strikes… something.
What the hell is that.
It's a large, floating ball. It has three points, which end in the fin appendages of fluffles. Then, in the center it has a large, gaping maw composed of shell noses. The creature has no eyes and ragged cloth composing its skin.
It makes a snapping sound as it spazzes out in the air, bashing the girl out of the way. "Hua~h!"
...Great.
Standing up, I observe the large ball of fluff.
The ball jerks around in the air, as if being influenced by multiple stimuli at once.
"...Damn you!" The girl swings at it again.
It vanishes, a beige light slowly fading out as it travels through the girl…
…
SnapSnapSnap!
It materializes suddenly, throwing the girl across the room as it enlarges and shrinks again.
"Haa~h!" She flies into a rack of clothes.
The creature turns its maw towards me.
"...Why can't I go around without having shit like you bothering me all the time?" I take out the wooden scissors…
...SnapSnapSnap!
It quickly begins snapping towards me.
I channel my mana into the scissors…
The subtle howl that I almost forgot was there flared loudly, the scissors sporting a purple tint as I felt the adrenaline rush through my veins like flicking a light switch.
My muscles pumped at once, like the thumping of a drum beat, exertion on them increasing manyfold.
Jerkily, I cast my arm forwards to summon the saw blade…
SnapSnap-
Its maw clamps down on my arm, doing little but providing a fluffy sensation. It seems pleased with this collision, going back to jerking around mindlessly.
Vrrrr~!
The saw blade soars into it.
Vrrrrr~...
The fluffle-esque creature was bisected. The dust that resulted poured out onto the floor, creating a small cloud.
"Why... why won't you motherfuckers just leave me alone!?" I put a hand over my face while panting somewhat...
Then, I cut my mana to the scissors and calm down with deep breaths.
Krakoo~m. Thunder. So scary.
...Ow. Now I feel as crappy as I did yesterday.
...Curiously, I move up to the front door and open it, staggering a bit as I did so.
There is rain. Even scarier.
Fwoosh!
A large, purple broadsword too big for any human whirls down the road ahead.
"Haa~h!" Meira runs after it, before stopping to guard-
Cling!
The blade comes back, and she blocks it, sparks flying from her katana as it brushed past her blade and away from her.
Green flames formed a circle around her. A large, humanoid, cloth being formed above her, the sword re-materializing in its three-fingered grasp.
She looked at the flames, and tensed up.
The cloth humanoid readied itself for a downward slash, but as it did so, the green flames moved towards Meira, and she leapt out of their range.
Boom!
A shockwave was let loose by the downward slash.
"Guh…" Meira was staggered by it, but she turned to the humanoid.
"Lethal Frame!"
Once again, time seemed to stop within a certain radius, as she smoothly brought her blade through the being.
…
She sheathed her katana.
The being became dust. The dark blade vanished, a ring of green flames moving outward and dissipating.
…
Meira wiped her forehead and parted her wet hair, before running down the road.
SnapSnapSnapSnap!
Three large fluff ball things snapped down towards her from the opposite direction.
I closed the door.
...The weather looks frightful.
"...God damn…" The girl steps from the clothes she was launched into, now sporting an oversized, neon green top hat. Pushing it off, she rubs her head… "What the fuck…"
Suppose I'll have to hold the fort in this store, for the time being.
Stepping past me, the girl drags her metal pipe behind her as she makes for the counter again. "You. Cover my ass."
I'd rather not.
...I begin looking around the shop as the rude girl begins digging through some things under her counter…
Neon top hats. Wonderful.
I've never seen anyone in the village wear these neon blue trench coats ever.
There are also neon-pink headdresses on a rack. Good.
A pair of tan cat ears-
...
Yes.
Taking the cat ears from the rack, I move directly to Koi, displacing shelves and wheeled racks on the way.
I place them on her sleepy head.
...
This is where I would perform the cliche anime nosebleed.
...Looking away from her, I move to scan the shop further.
"Oo~h, hehehe!"
I look over to the girl, who seems to have pulled out a large crossbow of some description.
"I knew this'd come in handy!" She grinned widely, before running towards the front door with it.
Coming across a section of masks, I begin skimming through them…
There's a few, here. Some boring, pitch white one, a gorilla mask, some mask with big, yellow eyes and spikes…
...Then, I come across a white and red mask, reminiscent of a fox. This will do.
Kicking the door open, the girl aims her crossbow-thing outside. "Yea~h! Suck it!"
I notice a rotating barrel, which begins spinning…
Fwoosh sounds repeatedly fill the air, as the crossbow rapidly fires arrows into the storm. "Wahaha~!"
Violence is audible outside.
Scanning the clothing racks, my eyes run across numerous distasteful pieces of apparel.
I'd like to wonder why there's at least twelve neon shades of many different articles of clothing. Including, but not limited to, overalls, rain coats, suits of what seems to be cloth armor, and tuxedos.
Hot pink tuxedo. Perfect.
…
I take one of the black ones. The regular black one, not the blacker than black one.
Taking the tuxedo into my arms, I approach the clerk at the door…
"Fuck you! Fuck yo~u!"
I watch over her shoulder as a large, pastel humanoid flies towards the door, only for five to ten crossbow bolts to rip it apart.
She stuck up her middle finger at it. "Suck it!"
...I tap her on the shoulder.
She flings her elbow back at me, but stops assaulting me once she notices it's me. "...Oh. What is it?"
...I rub my chest where she struck me. "This tuxedo. What's the price."
She blinks. "Six hundred thousand yen."
Hell no.
"I'll handle it later!" She yells back at me, turning to the door with her gun. "Do something!"
"I'll just put it back." I tell her.
Walking away, I decide to not put it back because I want it.
...Stuffing the tuxedo and mask into my bag, I kneel down next to the sleepy fairy.
"Wake up." I request, nudging her.
…
I continue to nudge her.
...
"Maa~f." She gives out a mumbled groan of some description, but doesn't wake up.
Slinging the soft fairy over my shoulder, I move for the back door that was previously inaccessible.
I swing the door open, and rain greets me.
Lots of rain.
Loudly, the ground outside is pounded by the thundering downpour. It doesn't look like a good time, if I'm going to be honest.
At the very least, it doesn't seem like there are any fluffy abominations out this way.
Running outside, I do my best to ignore the heavy rain drops. I take a quick glance to the sky-
A giant, glowing, orange ball sits menacingly above the human village. From the edges of the village, smaller glowing orange balls float into the air in the darkness of the night, barely luminescent in the rain.
Holy hell is it cold.
From the muddy reaches of the alleyways before me, fluffles begin wiggling from the dirt, exposing their faces to air for the first time.
"friends"
"happy birthday"
"hello brave new world"
…
Moving towards as many as I can, I begin eagerly stomping on their faces.
Splosh!
Into mud.
"friend no" It doesn't even kill them, no matter how hard I press.
A low humming sounds begins emitting from somewhere behind me…
Turning around, I see a dim orange ball of light slowly moving towards me…
Moving away from it, I dash into the alley, away from it-
SnapSnap!
Another one of those fluff ball things expanded out from it, almost filling the alley with its size as it expanded, before hitting the wall and shrinking again.
...Small fluffles begin trying to headbutt my legs as I watch it reduce in size. I idly kick at them, before running again, moving quickly in the dead of the… night? Day?
"Kraa~h!"
I look to the skies.
Up above, the silhouette of a large, winged form can be made out in the large orange glow. Whatever it is, it seems to be getting pelted by danmaku.
It spins in the air with sudden, great velocity. Large, yellow masses of cloudy substances fly from it, and glow brightly. They fall to the ground, a few houses down from me-
Bam! Boom! Thwa~m!
Large shockwaves are sent out from the impacts. Electricity cackled, water froze, and wood lit on fire. While some house fragments were sent flying, others were slammed and crushed into the mud. Pillars of water then rose from the spots of impact, before stopping, frozen in time.
Then, everything in the impact zone vanished completely. Round plots of sand were left where there were once houses.
"Kraaa~h!" It roared again, turning to face its assailant…
From the side, rainbow-colored orbs of energy slammed into it.
Bam! Boom! Blam! Boom!
Thwaa~sh!
The winged creature exploded into a cloud of dust, which was quickly demolished by the rain.
There is this distinct feeling that I should not be out here.
Running quickly down the intact alleyway, I move towards the first open window I see. Because you'd leave a window open in this weather.
Climbing up onto it, I look inside.
In the candle light, I see a man. "...Hello, wet boy! Have you come to refuge with Xavier?"
…No.
Reversing my climb, I stumble away from the window, and dash over to the next house in the rain.
The window is open. The door is, too.
What can go wrong?
I walk right in, noting the water flowing in through the open door…
Inside, a man sat in the water. Fish splashed around in the muddy water, and he seemed to be helping splash water onto them.
He looks up at me, covered in mud with snot running down his nose. "Hello…" He sniffed. "I sell fine, fresh fish."
…
I walk out of the house and close the door.
"Wait!" He calls out to me.
I walk faster right as he kicks the door open.
SnapSnapSnap!
A fluffball comes from nowhere, charging at the man-
Slap!
He bashes it aside with the muddy fish. "Wai~t!"
Nope!
I power walk away, as he slips around in the mud. "Wo-woah!"
Let's see~... I think I'll try the next house-
"Fresh fish!" His war cry rings out nearby.
SnapSnapSnap!
"Ha~h!"
Spinning through the air, the fresh fish man flails the fish wildly, gaining air as he spins rapidly in place, batting away incoming fluffballs.
...After it ended, he fell back into the mud, slipping onto his side. "Wooaaa~h!"
I think I've seen enough.
I swing open the- the door is locked. Nevermind.
Sprinting forward, I keep progressing further into the alleyway. I look to the left where the main road should be-
Houses.
...Looking to the right, I see the main road.
Something curious just happened. Aside from the fact the main road is full of flying clothy mechanizations with dark swords. If they don't bother me, I don't bother them.
Ahead, I see a two-story house. Running up to it, I approach the back door, which seems to be unlocked. I swing it open, and prepare to move inside-
Click. "Don't move."
In the darkness, I make out the figure of a short girl with what appears to be a flintlock.
...On second thought, I don't prepare to move inside. Getting shot usually never ends well.
Slowly, I swing the door closed again courteously.
Three houses, three failures. I feel like I just got lucky those first two times I found willing, charitable people- that weren't batshit insane, anyway.
After enough forward trudging, I came to the back of a large structure. It appears to be the Golden Grin, which is fortunate, because it's the only place that seems within reason at the moment.
Moving around the side doors, I look up at the ladder on the side. The steep, steep wet ladder…
I'd rather not enter directly, if I can help it; that would make too much sense. Tracing the wall with my hands, I eventually come to that one door Yuyuko and I spawned in when we went to go fetch cakes.
Pushing it open, I carried Koi-
"Wh-who the hell turned on the shower…" She groaned.
-inside with me, into the dead-end hallway segment that comprised the entire entryway.
…
At least it's dry in here.
Then, we fell through the floor.
/ / / / FLOORWAYS AND DOORWAYS / / / /
To be more specific, we fell through a gap.
Cold and wet, I landed in a chair.
Across from me was Yukari, who was sipping a cup of some liquid. I'll assume tea.
"...Oh, hello, there." She idly glanced at me.
...I plop Koi on the table. The pitcher on the table spills over, but a gap opens to capture it. Then, the pitcher slowly lowers out of another gap, held by a third gloved hand.
"I bring fairies." I inform her.
Koi begins wiggling, before sliding off the table, floating into the air.
"So that's what that is." Yukari doesn't bother to look at her, staring into her tea. "...Today's one of those lazy, rainy kind of days, you know?"
I'm soaked to the bone, woman. I had no idea it was raining.
…
"How's the weather." I state rather than ask.
"Mmm." She just hums in response.
…
"Why the hell do you have a business in the middle of nowhere?" I question her logic.
She blinks. "...It's entertaining."
Straightforward.
"...Why? Don't you just love seeing your fellow man waste his life away on the slots?" She smirked. "Fufufu… I'm kind of hoping for a slot machine youkai, myself. If only because it'd spice up my card games."
"I couldn't care less about their lives." I state bluntly. "...It probably produces absurd wealth, though. You probably wouldn't mind being a bit charitable, would you?"
"Fufufu!" She laughs. "...Depends on what you're willing to trade."
"My soul." I jest.
...Tilting her head forward, she smirks. "You say that as if it holds value. And, as if you hadn't compromised it already. If I wanted a complete soul, I could simply gap in another unfortunate outsider."
"...You're right. I got a better deal for you, then."
I glance into my soaked sack. Reaching inside, I pull out that rebomb fluffle. It has a gag around its mouth to prevent it from blowing everything up.
...Yukari stares at it, and sighs. "Oh. How timely."
"But wait!" I raise a finger. "There's more…!"
Reaching in, I take out the other fluffle, and set it down next to the rebomb fluffle.
"im a fluffernickle" It assures us.
...Yukari nods. "I might have something you could do for me."
"Oh, pray tell. What sort of ridiculous quest do you need me for, now?" I stare at her levelly.
She smiles. "Spread hatred for fluffles. Preferably to places that such belief is not already prevalent."
I see.
…
Standing up and grabbing the rebomb fluffle, I navigate to the balcony door behind Yukari, and proceed through it.
In the rain, I rip the gag off the rebomb fluffle's mouth, and toss it into the plush clusterfuck in the streets below.
"Re-bomb! Re-bomb! Re-bomb!"
BOOM
The street exploded. Gazing upon the impending dust storm, I retreated back inside, and closed the glass door.
The glass was soon blotted out by the dust.
…
Boom!
Muffled explosions were still audible.
"Is that enough?" I turn to Yukari.
She held a fan in front of her face, expression unreadable. "I see believing you an asset of any sort was a mistake."
Gulp, gulp, gulp…
Koi gulped down the tea from the pitcher while Yukari's back was turned. "...Aa~h. Did shit for my hangover. Tastes good, though…"
…
We fell through the floor.
/ / / / COLD AND WET AND SAD / / / /
Koi and myself landed in the rain outside.
"Re-bomb! Re-bomb! Re-bomb!"
BOOM
Planks of wood flew out ahead of us.
"Oh, shit!" She flailed her arms. Looking up, rain assaulted her. "Wo-woah! Woah woah woah!" She saw the giant orange ball of light in the sky. "Woaaa~h!"
Someone's having fun.
...Turning back from the-
"Re-bomb! Re-bomb! Re-bomb!"
BOOM
-that, I take Koi's arm and lead her further into the alleys. We've eventually got to find some form of shelter. This rain is beginning to become irritating…
Suddenly, my own wrist is pulled aside in the alley.
"Fucking- there you are! It's sundown, asshole!"
Seija. "Hello."
"Don't you fucking hello me- we've got a bank to rob!" She snarls.
I'm pretty sure the bank is everyone's last concern at the moment.
We become a conga line of wrist-pulling action as she drags me along down many narrow alley ways, fluffballs and other fluffy nonsense spawning in the way.
"Wh-where the hell…!?" Koi is confused, and wet.
"C'mon, move, move, move!" Seija barks at the fluffy obstacles, flashing her middle finger at them.
The floating ones with broadswords flip upside down, but don't go anywhere. The fluffballs suffer similarly.
Seija has met enemies she cannot give one-way trips to outer space. "Dammit…!"
Well. It seems we have reached an obstacle.
...Turning to me, she grins. "How much do you like flying?"
Help.
Without waiting for a response, Seija takes to the air without warning, pulling my arm along with her. Between Koi dangling from my grip on her, and me dangling from Seija's grip on me, there is pain to be experienced.
Eventually, we land on the floor again, past the fluffy nuisances. My legs object to the landing Seija graces me with, mud splashing violently upon our landing. Koi floats a little bit to avoid a similar fate.
Skidding along in the mud as Seija pulls me along, I'm eventually brought to the outside of a large, wooden complex.
"Here we are." Seija stares up at the sign.
'Human Village Treasury'.
Sounds like fun. I hope it has heating.
Outside, the green-haired fop is shivering, soaked to the bone with some kind of blanket wrapped around himself.
Kyouko is pouting, underneath an umbrella held by a cyan-haired girl. The cyan-haired fellow stands under it with her.
The night fairies are glaring at Seija, dripping with water.
"Alright!" Seija shouts at everyone. "We're robbin' the Human Village Treasury!"
"No-no shit…" The fop shivers.
...Seija scowls at him.
He shuts up.
"...Right. This's happenin' at o-eight hundred hours, Gensokyo Standard Time."
This place has its own time zone?
She points at the place. "As you all can see, it's not very well guarded!"
Probably because there's nothing in there.
"We'll be takin' the front door…" Seija grins widely. "Yer gettin' code names and shit. Here're your names..."
She points at me. "Fucker."
She points at the fop. "Douchebag."
Then at Kyouko. "...Girl."
Finally, she points at the night fai- "Wait, wait…"
Focusing her eyes on the umbrella-toting bluenette, she scowls. "Who the hell invited you?"
"Me!" She grins widely. "Aren't you surprised!?"
...Seija sighed. "You're 'bout to be surprised in a minute here. Alright, your name's 'Intrusive Asshole'."
The girl pouted. "No~ way! My name's Kogasa! Kogasa Tatara!"
"And you're an intrusive asshole." Seija finishes.
"I'm a karakasa!" Kogasa glares at her.
"Who's an intrusive asshole." Seija adds.
Slouching over, Kogasa let her umbrella tilt to the side.
This allowed Kyouko to begin getting soaked. "Aa-aahn…!"
...With that, Seija nodded. "Alright. Get the fuck in there, and get me my money. S'every idiot for themselves."
The loud night fairy objected. "What's our names!?"
"Ye-yeah… our na-names…" The quiet one could barely be heard over the rain.
"...Fairy one, and fairy two." Seija settled with.
Propping her arms at her sides, the loud one yelled back. "I refuse! Such a simple name is totally unbefitting of one such as-"
"Okay!" Seija snaps. "How about Cuntbag McFucksalot? That any better!?"
"No!" The fairy's arms shook. "...Let me teach you a lesson in respect!"
She charged at Seija, only to find herself floating away.
Seija had her middle finger held up. "Goo~dbye."
"Wh-what…!?" Her eyes widened. "You can't do this to me! I- aaa~h!" She soared off into the orange orb above.
...Fairy two, for a lack of a better name for her, turned to the door to the treasury without further discussion.
…
"The hell're you all still standing out here for!?" Seija roared. "Go, go, go~!"
/ / / / HEIST / / / /
"What a bi~tch." Koi announces once we're all inside, wiping water off her arms. "I, like, didn't wanna say nothin', but da~mn."
"I-I know, right!?" Kyouko suddenly pipes up. "I-I didn't want to get Byakuren-sama involved…"
Walking through the empty treasury, we continue through dim halls and dark corridors. Not a soul is seen in here.
Conversation continues, though. "Why didn't she think I was a karakasa?" Kogasa brought up. "Like… I thought the umbrella gives it away!"
"Pre~tty sure she knew, Kogasa." The fop states. "She just didn't like you."
"...Well, I don't like her!" Kogasa pouts.
"...Me-me… either." Fairy two mumbles.
...Boom!
Ahead of us, a section of hallway explodes.
"Go, go, go!"
Two bunny-eared soldiers run out, holding grey, high-tech rifles high.
"The hell're we looking for!?" One of them grunts out.
The blue-haired one with a large pigtail ahead of us turns back to address one deeper in the smoke. "There's some cash, here, but that's only the optional. We're here for the project."
Project?
"...Second thought, don't take the cash. Don't need to be blamed for any shit." She sighed.
...Then, as the smoke cleared, the blue-haired one and a white-haired friend of hers aim their rifles at us. Behind them are four more rabbits with guns.
"You! Freeze!"
...I fall back behind my 'teammates'.
Kogasa lights up. "Oo~h! You were really surprised!"
The fop steps forward to intercept. "What're you doing here!?"
Stomping forward, the tall, pigtailed one aims at him the entire time. "We're the ones who'll be asking the questions."
Offended, the fop glares up at her, despite their size difference. "Says who?"
...He flinches back as the gun's business end was shoved in his face.
"This." She glares back.
...With that, the fop conceded. "...Fine."
Koi grinned up at her. "Hehe~y, bunny mama!"
…
The blue-haired lunar rabbit looked away, sighing.
One of the rabbits in the back called out to everyone. "Contact! East flank!"
"What?" Pigtail girl turns to them. "Deadly?"
Scarlet danmaku bullets fly up the hall's length, prompting some of the lunar rabbits to return their own fire down the hall.
"What do you think!?" A redhead shouted back.
While she was turned away, the fop acted. "Gotcha!"
A large beetle flew down from the rafters, and rested gently upon the bluenette's face.
"Wh-what the hell!?" She pulled it off with one hand, and tossed it.
The golden beetle's wings buzzed, and it continued towards her after it had rebounded from the floor.
She took aim at it.
While this took place, more beetles emerged from the rafters.
The fop turned back to us, speaking quietly. "Le-let's go…"
Choo, choo~!
Teal bullets whizzed past his head. "Where do you think you're going!?"
Kyouko hid behind Kogasa, and cleared her throat. "A-ahem… Hahaha~! Fresh meat! Around corner!"
The echos she split together rang out, causing the rabbits to pause and look around.
...Another beetle landed on the bluenette's face gently.
"Gua~h!?" She fired wildly down the hall at us.
"Woah!" Kogasa pivoted around, and ran. I followed her, as Koi and the other fairy flew ahead of us. The fop seemed to move the slowest, until he remembered he could fly.
...Realizing I was now the slowest among everyone here, I took out my dash scissors to keep up, sliding along to maintain their pace.
Continuing down the hall-
Vrrrr~!
A large drill head shot from one of the walls, forcing us to navigate around it.
Let us not question it.
The rabbits apparently did not give pursuit.
Eventually, we slow down in front of a large, metal door. It rested on the left side of the hallway we ran down.
Kogasa runs up to it, and bangs on it. "Open u~p!"
...Slowly, it swings open.
The fop's jaw drops, while no one else sees a problem with this course of events, proceeding towards the large metal door with little other question.
"Ho-how did it just…?" He stammers, slowly following behind us.
Magic.
...On the inside, the rest of the room appears to be shiny steel. In the middle, there sits a large bag of money.
Cla~ng!
...The rightmost door on an adjacent wall of the room opens up.
"This better be fuckin' worth it!"
A maid with long, black hair and fairy wings runs in toting a musket of some description. Her outfit was soaked. "That bat bastard better, like, give us half her room!"
Koi lit up. "Komi~! Hey!"
Komi's brow rose. "...Koi? Where in hell's name have you been? Why are you here of all places!?"
Cla~ng!
The door on the opposite end of the room swings open.
"If we move through here, we should cut them off!"
The blue-haired bunny dashes into the rooms midst. "Put your hands in the air, and we might grace you with mercy!"
Komi holds her musket up tightly as other fairy maids move to back her up from her own door. "Fat chance, you bunny bitch! If anyone here's kissing feet, it's you!"
Jerking her head back, the bunny seems offended. "M-me!? Your feet? I'll have you know that I-"
Cla~ng!
...A fourth door slowly swung open on the left wall of the room. Everyone turned to it, brows raised.
...A fluffle walked out. "hi friends"
Again!?
Pastel humanoids with purple greatswords floated in behind it. In the light, I could properly make out their features better.
They had long, tangled strands of the faded teal and white hair that fluffles had atop their head. Orange lights lowed in cavities where the painted blue eyes would be, the rest of the facial features missing. Its torso was broad, but the midsection was lacking. Literally, there was an immense, heart-shaped hole where its midsection was.
The large purple broadsword looked generic and also impossible to wield by mortal men.
"Th-those…" The bunny woman aimed at them.
Komi aimed her musket at them. "Those fucks took like fifty fairies on the way here! We didn't even stick around to shoot at them!"
The two humanoid flufftastrophes hovered over us. One went between the rabbits and fairies, and one went between my bunch of misfits and the fairies.
...The tiny fluffle ran towards the rabbit girls.
Action commenced.
Aiming at the nearest fluffian, the rabbit girls fired at it.
Sound from their rifles flooded the vault room as they lit it up. However, it guarded with its sword, a mirror-like shield being produced around it, slowly getting bigger as more bullets flew into it.
The other humanoid preyed upon Komi's party, swinging down to reap a few maids.
A yellow-haired maid was caught in the midst of its slash.
Pi~chun!
Beetles flooded into the room from the doors, and set themselves upon the floating fluffinoids. Unfortunately, they didn't seem to do anything.
I walk towards the closest fluffinoid, putting away my sliding scissors and drawing both the wooden scissors, and my flame scissors.
Turning to me, it leered down unexpressively.
I let my mana flow into the wooden scissors…
Within moments, my blood pumps faster, and my muscles pound. Pressure spikes in my body as my power is thrown out of whack, and the precision of my movements is offset by the immense power flooding through my limbs.
Lowering down towards me, the fluffinoid raises its sword arm in the air, intent on thrusting it into the ground before me.
I don't give it the chance.
With the flame scissors in hand, I leap awkwardly, but high enough to bring the scissors to its head.
Shink!
From there, I let gravity and my arms do the work. Sliding down its form, I push away at the bottom with my legs, as the creature lights up in flames.
"Oo~h!" The fairies grin at the amber glow of the fluffinoid warrior.
Floating into the air and flailing its limbs, it seemingly tries to brush the fire off as it spreads all over its body.
I cut the mana flow as I sit on the floor, preventing the wooden scissors from taking any more out of me.
Fwaa~sh!
The fluffinoid let loose a whirlwind as it faded from existence, dissipating in a manner almost similar to a fairy.
...Fatigue washed over me like a freight train might wash over the unfortunate soul who stumbled onto the tracks. I might take a moment.
From my position on the floor, I watch the rabbits engage the remaining fluffinoid.
Dazzling blue plasma bolts pelted the shield it still had up…
Then, it swung its own sword at the shield.
Kri~ng!
Spinning around, it created a small wind vortex of its own. The glass-like shards of its shield broke off and floated around, becoming orbs of dark magic that aimlessly wandered towards the fairies and the bunnies.
On further examination, they weren't dark orbs. It may have been some trick of the light, but each 'dark orb' was a brightly glowing shard of magical glass.
Shink.
"Gugh…" A blonde rabbit soldier collapsed, red flowing down her side.
Pi-pi~chun!
Fairies were claimed by some of the shards.
...From the floor, I decided to practice my magic.
Pointing at the fluffinoid, I imagined a familiar dark orb of my own to cast upon it…
…
Oh, right. Had to shout it. "Gr-gravity!"
My mana was expended.
Fwaaoo~m…!
The orb of dark energy engulfed the fluffinoid's being. It seemed to bob in the air slightly, but that was it.
...That was underwhelming. I need less crappy spells.
After the rabbits recovered from the shard storm, they overwhelmed the fluffinoid with bullets.
Fwaa~aash!
Another whirlwind spiraled out from the spot the fluffy form used to be. Its sword clattered to the floor, shattering into dust after a few bounces.
…
"Fuckin' finally…" Komi sighed, lowering her musket that she may or may not have fired once that fight. "Make it… fifty-one? Fifty-five? Fuck."
Koi bounded towards her. "Hehe~y! Komi-chan!"
She glomped her.
Komi was cross. "He-hey!? Get off me, you…!"
...Letting go, Koi slapped her.
Slap!
"Guh!?" Komi rubbed her cheek. "You wanna fuckin' go!?"
"That's for sendin' a kidnapper to send me to a bar fulla fat assholes!" Koi glared at her. "There were no strippers! None!"
Komi got in her face. "The fuck… what are you talking about!? I thought you fell off the world like a retard!"
Koi jerked her head back. "Wha~!? Weren't ya still in the village with the guys?"
...Gesturing behind her at the generic maids, Komi shook her head. "No! When we died, we didn't come back."
"Oo~h…" Koi nodded slowly. "Ya died."
"...Yeah." Komi huffed. "We died."
...
"Then…" Turning to me, Koi blinks. "Who the hell's that?" She points at me.
...Komi locks her gaze on me, too.
"A friendly neighborhood villager." I greet them. "Salutations."
...Nodding, Koi turns to her friend. "I have no idea who the hell he is."
Komi slowly raises her musket. "That so, huh…?"
"He bought me booze, though." Koi added.
...Komi lowered her musket.
"Then he carried me off somewhere, and I woke up in the rain."
Komi raised her musket again. "You want the corpse afterwards, or nah?"
Walking up to us, the pigtailed rabbit has a hard face. "Refrain from corpse discussion. We've just lost one of our own, you know."
"Hey, fuck you." Komi gives her the finger. "You mind your shit, we mind ours."
A shorter lunarian rabbit girl with an orange bowl cut approaches the taller one. "Yu-Yukira-chan's dead, Sarge. She bled out."
The sergeant grunted. "Damn."
...That reminds me, I still have to test something.
Holding up my wooden scissors again, I clumsily stumble back onto my feet, and approach the orange-haired rabbit girl…
She notices me stumbling towards her. "...U-u~hm… should we do anything about the civilian?"
Pigtails turns away. "No. I'm pretty sure he's not one, anyway."
Orange-hair turns to her questioningly as she walks away. Finding proper balance, I raise my wooden scissors and aim for the back of her neck…
...Or not. She's a bit off to the side.
Instead, I reach for her shoulders- nevermind I stumble into her shoulders, but regardless-
"A-aa~h!?" She jumps, green eyes opening widely at me.
"I'm gonna need you for something."
Ignoring her questioning, I spin her around by her shoulders. Or so I attempt, anyway, before she backpedals from my grasp quickly. Being off-balance doesn't make things easy.
"Get off of me…!" She get defensive and clams up her arms, furrowing her brows. "Lo-look, I know you want help, but, I-I can't."
Must she be so difficult?
Instead, I move towards her with more purpose.
"Private Motome?" Pigtails turned towards us.
Hastily, switching the hand that holds my scissors, I use my left hand to grab her right shoulder. Her shoulder on my right, I mean.
From there, I shove her to the side at an awkward angle, also pulling her to generally manhandle her.
"He-hey!" Pigtails shouts.
From there, I take my right hand, and jam the wooden scissors into her nape while grabbing her from the front to make sure she doesn't fall forward and reduce the momentum of the stab.
"Wha- aaa~h!?" She screams.
"Motome!" Sergeant Pigtails raises her plasma rifle.
Clutching the scissors tightly, I stare at them…
They glimmer. It's like a flash. I can feel the energy in my hand, but only for a moment.
"A-aah…" Motome's eyes glaze over, drifting shut for the last time.
Choo~, choo~, choo~!
Pivoting around, I use the corpse as a meat shield. Plasma bolts hit her chest and leg, while one grazes my head, the heat brushing against my face.
Komi looks vain. "The fuck?"
At that, I get the idea to walk over to the fairies…
"Woa~h, kay, then." Koi begins backing up. "Hahaha, no~."
Komi holds up her musket. "The hell're you coming to us for!?"
The sergeant narrows her eyes. "...Soldiers! We've got contact! Motome assassinated by rogue youkai!"
With that, the rabbit girls who were either staring at the fallen form of Yukira-chan or filing out turned back, raising their plasma rifles.
The fop facepalmed. "U~gh, let's- let's just get out of here!"
Kogasa backpedals for the door. "Yea~h, I, uh, don't like it in here…!"
Kyouko retreats for the door as well, offering no comment of her own aside from an unreadable stare.
I begin moving behind the fairy company, who just watch me approach them.
"Flank them!" Pigtails yells, before shooting at me again.
This time I make myself scarcer behind the corpse. Plasma bolts loudly splash against the body of the rabbit I'm holding, flesh sizzling.
To the right, a silver-haired rabbit and another blonde rabbit point their guns at the band of fairies I was heading for.
They seem to aim for me, but also at the fairies. Probably more at the fairies.
Choo, choo, choo~!
Pi-pi-pi~chun!
Komi aims at them. "What the fuck!?"
...Koi moves for one of the doors. "See you back home, Komi!"
Komi turns to her. "He-hey! Get back here, you-!"
Pi~chun!
A stray plasma bolt hit her in the head.
That left me, two fairies, and this corpse.
"Grena~de!" The rabbits from my flank pull out blue orbs. They begin emitting a strange blue mist, as they reel their arms back…
The corpse that's shielding me is beginning to become uglier and uglier, various parts of the flesh being burned away to nothing by sustained fire from two rabbits.
By now, however, I was almost out of the room.
Two grenades soar through the air. One of them lands on the corpse in my arms, and the other lands on the floor behind me. They produce loud, fizzling sounds.
Taking the corpse, I turn and discard it onto the other grenade, and begin running as fast as I could towards the exit.
Before I clear the exit, plasma bolts strike my backside.
Fwam, fwam!
That fucking burns.
Moving out through the side exit the fairy company came in, I quickly fumbled in my pockets for the sliding scissors.
"After him! He took one of our girls!" I hear the shout from the vault room behind us.
Sliding ahead, I deviate into an adjacent hallway quickly. My balance is therefore devastated, but I don't think it matters anymore.
I slide to the floor.
…
Considering no one's come for me in the ensuing minute, I assume there will be no chase. This is good.
Because I might need to take a moment to get back up.
==== FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU ====
CHAPTER 43.5 END
PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher
PRIMARY WEAPON: Bloodied Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point!
INVENTORY:
Steel scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.
Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.
Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.
Cursed Wooden Scissors - Forged from the bark of the Saigyou Ayakashi, and bent to shape by a masterful magician well versed in the material arts… it's a pair of wooden scissors. Produces low whistles and howls. Channeling mana into it gives user an immense physical boost, but it seems to come at a price...
Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.
A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.
Fancy Suit - It's Payday, fellas.
(one more empty space)
PARTY:
But nobody came.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this was a nice chapter
the ARBITRARY RABBIT DEATH seems kinda sloppy but matt REALLY WANTED TO TEST THOSE SCISSORS
it's also hard to write because he's kinda slowly considering himself better and better without any in-story justification of why he's better- he just gets displeased when he's given less and less liberties, when it should really be more about the story being told but whatever
also learning new knowledge IRL =/= having that knowledge in the work, daz kinda important to stress
this chapter was still good though; kinda balancing out the dark of my last chapter with more NONSENSE
as always, see you all next time!
