… 4 months since my last update. I SUCK at keeping my resolution. Gah! Anyway!
This scene/scenario has been in my head for a while now. I think I hinted in the last chapter of TM that while Sam and Scam were engaged for almost two years did not sleep together till their wedding night. As Scam usually doesn't come across as the kind of guy to be so…conservative lol let's just say, there was a reason for it. So this monstrously long "snippet" is about that.
I hope it fills in another gap in the TM/TM2 story-line for you guys. And while you read this I will be busy working on those updates I promised back on New Year's (please don't hate me ;_;)
Enjoy I hope!
Disclaimer: Kindly go to hell disclaimer! ... I mean TS isn't mine. ;_;
.:.6.:.
How Much I Love You
Her ears perked up at the sound of his laughter in the near distance and she found herself looking up at the man that endlessly invaded her dreams and thoughts day after day, night after night.
Tim was standing there talking about something with Jerry, what it was she couldn't tell and couldn't find it in herself to care because it wasn't the conversation that had caught her attention.
It had been him.
...Again.
Letting out a small, dreamy sigh her gaze attached itself to his face as she stared at it, taking in how handsome it was; the way his dark hair splayed across his smooth forehead, how the lovely colour of his eyes played hide and seek with the sun sometimes revealing the light blue within which tinged their edges and sometimes disappeared entirely behind the dark green, how his tanned skin gave off that healthy glow as if he was the sun and others simply borrowed from his radiance, before slowly moving it down his figure.
Biting her lip softly Sam's eyes, spellbound travelled down his form taking in every detail front and back of his tall, broad, muscular form before repeating the process all over again from start.
And because she was too caught up in her fiancée, she didn't notice her best friend Clover sneakily watching her from the corner of her eye the whole, entire time.
Sipping her smoothie through her straw, Clover's blue eyes remained on Sam in interest as she watched the redhead staring unblinkingly at Tim Scam. It didn't take her any time at all to tell that Sam was outlining him with a look of, what could only be described as insatiable hunger and unquenchable thirst.
And every time he turned his head and smiled in her direction, the expression on her face seemed to get even more longing especially with how she bit her lip harder and tapped her foot impatiently in her heel. It looked as if, literally, she was just waiting to jump on him.
Amused now, Clover withdraw her straw from her mouth and tapped Sam on the shoulder, drawing her attention to her before she smirked and asked the question that she was now itching to ask.
"So…when was the last time you had sex with him?" she stated calmly.
The moment she said that, Sam's face turned as red as the remnants of the cherry smoothie in her glass and her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets. "C-CLOVER?!" she squeaked in shock, trying not to scream even though she so badly wanted to.
In a panic, she glanced at Tim hoping like mad that he hadn't heard Clover's inappropriate question before addressing the blonde. "Jeez, nosy much!" she muttered disapprovingly.
But Clover only held up her hand coolly. "Oh puh-lease Sam, we're BFFs. We have always talked about everything."
"As if that justifies talking about just anything," Sam thought to herself in annoyance at Clover's lack of boundaries.
Smirk widening across her lips, Clover leaned in closer to Sam. "So…when did you?" she asked, repeating her question with no regard for how Sam was squirming in her seat, clearly uncomfortable.
Suddenly her eyebrow raised inquisitively and her voice got even more sly. "Or have you not you know…" she shrugged a shoulder suggestively. "Done it yet?"
Sam could only stare back at Clover with wide eyes as her mouth remained closed and a blush of a horridly dark shade stayed on her face. It was an understatement to say that she didn't like to be put on the spot like this. Especially when it came to something of this nature. This was an intimate issue about her and her fiancée and she was sure Tim wouldn't be pleased if he learned Clover was poking her nose into it.
She found herself looking up again nervously to see if he'd caught wind of what she was being interrogated about and would come to save her but it seemed that wasn't going to happen. Whatever Jerry was talking to him about was overriding his sharp hearing. At the moment anyway.
Finding Sam silent, Clover pressed her lips together for a long moment and said nothing, as if making her mind up about something before she finally spoke again. "I'm going to have to go ahead and say no," she announced ceremoniously as she looked at her with knowing eyes. "I don't think you have. You haven't, have you?"
Looking away from her peering gaze, Sam bowed her head and mumbled, "Why…why would you think that?"
Not missing a beat, Clover let out a small "huff." "Come on Sammie, -I- can tell. I'm Clover remember?" she said, a strong note of pride in her tone as she said this as if it was something she was extremely proud of.
Waving a hand airily she grinned. "I'm like THE expert when it comes to this kind of thing. So…am I wrong?"
Watching Sam look down at her feet in a desperate attempt to avoid her gaze, Clover realized that she was right.
"I knew it," she nodded to herself before her voice lowered down a little. "If you don't mind me asking…what's stopping you? I mean…" she bit her lip in thought for a second before continuing. "You're engaged to marry soon, you're both insanely in love with each other," she whispered, counting off her fingers. "And you've both been through HELL and back to be together."
Smiling now, she pointed to herself for example. "I mean if I had gone through so much to be with a guy, I'd totally…wait-"
Suddenly Clover's eyes went wide and she leaned in even closer to Sam making her fidget even more in her presence.
"This doesn't by any chance have anything to do with your being conservative does it?"
Confused by what that had to do with anything, Sam cast Clover a lost look. But Clover seemed to ignore it as her eyes widened even more and soon she was almost screeching. Well, screeching as much as she could while still keeping her voice down.
"Oh my God…is that why?! You…you wanna wait until marriage?!"
Closing her eyes for a moment, Sam shook her head to herself. She loved Clover, she really did and saw her as the sister she never had but did privacy seriously mean nothing to her? Annoyed, she opened her mouth to stop this conversation which had already gone too far.
"Clover-"
But Clover cut her off before she could even get one word in.
"Because seriously like I said you're ENGAGED so it's pretty much a done deal that you're getting married to him."
"Clov-"
"…Unless you're having second thoughts."
"Clover!" Sam gasped in disbelief.
Hearing her gasp, Clover held up her hand to keep Sam quiet a little longer while she worked through this issue for her. "Okay so no second thoughts, but then what else could it be? Hmm…"
Holding her chin in thought she narrowed her eyes in deep thought. "Maybe you don't want to…or you don't feel ready," she said, knowing Sam was a virgin. She was only really the experienced one in their trio (Alex a little more than Sam and Sam being the most clueless), something she was again, proud of being.
After all, it made her the perfect person to help Sam with this delicate problem.
"I do and I am!" Sam finally snapped, sick of the accusations being laid on her. The nerve of Clover sometimes, really.
But Clover seemed unphased in any way by Sam's little outburst and the glare which she was greeting her with, as of trying to make her back off. Too bad for her though, she wasn't going to be doing that. What kind of friend would she be if she let this go so easily? Clearly Sam was no good at tackling this on her own.
Going back to Sam's last words, Clover smiled a little. So Sam apparently did want Tim, not that, that was news or anything. She had already figured out that much by the way she had been looking at him. That had been what had set this entire discussion in motion. Which brought her back to the issue at hand.
"So then…what's the problem?"
Sighing heavily Sam once again mumbled to herself under her breath about Clover's curiosity and severe lack of boundaries. But as much as she wanted her to stop, she could tell that Clover wouldn't leave her alone until she caved and spilled out the reason.
And besides, she thought, blushing a little again and biting her cheek as her eyes slightly glazed over. She'd be lying if she claimed she wasn't bothered by the reason because deep down…she kind of was. But talking to Clover about it…Was that the best plan?
"Look Sammie," Clover said, reaching out and grasping her shoulder and giving her a kind smile. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I'm your friend and I just want to help."
Finding Sam looking at her wordlessly, Clover sighed. "Look…the way you were looking at him," she started carefully. "It's almost painfully clear how much you want him and for whatever reason it's not happening...and I think I might be able to help."
Noticing Sam still quiet, Clover rolled her eyes. "Or am I totally off base here and you're okay with this?"
Feeling the burden of Clover's expectant state too much to bear, Sam finally gave in.
"Look it's not me, okay? I didn't tell him not to…touch me or something," she said awkwardly, her words coming out slowly. "And it's not like we don't you know…" she trailed off before mustering up her courage and talking again. "It's not like we never kiss or anything but whenever it gets to …or looks like it might lead to…" she sighed. "He just-"
"What Sammie?" Clover pressed on, trying to get the words out of her.
"He stops it from happening."
The moment those words left Sam's mouth, Clover sat there motionless in shock. Try as she might, she couldn't wrap her head around that. Tim, not Sam was the one with the problem here? Who would have ever thought?
"So what you're saying is…" Clover said slowly, still stunned to her core. "He's the one who has a problem with it happening?"
"I…I dunno," Sam breathed out, now playing with her fingers tensely as if seeking an outlet for her frustration. "I've noticed it many times now, he doesn't make it obvious but he does pull away from me and I can't figure out why."
A moment of silence passed between them before Clover spoke shyly. "Okay can I ask a personal question?"
"You're going to ask for permission to do that now?" Sam said, looking at Clover with a pointed look and a small smirk on her face.
A sheepish smile formed on Clover's face. "Just trying to help here Sammie," she reminded the redhead before turning back to what she wanted to ask. "Anyway…so who is generally the one who, you know, gets things going. Tim or you?"
"…I guess Tim," Sam said timidly.
Clover nodded her head again having expected as much. But it didn't really make sense to her and she found herself voicing her thoughts. "Well then it makes no sense for him to pull away when he initiated it."
Sam nodded in agreement knowing it didn't. Why else was she so aggravated by this? It didn't make any sense.
"Unless…" Clover suddenly said pulling Sam's attention back to her.
"Unless what, Clover?"
Clover sucked in a breath before speaking quietly. "Unless he thinks you're not ready."
"…What?" Sam said, lost all over again.
Clover attempted to make sense to Sam. "Well it's no secret that you're more um…innocent than some women in our age group and…" she paused, thinking of how to say this so that Sam would understand. "Sammie, I've dated many, many guys and every once in a while you get a guy who would be…should we say chivalrous, especially with someone like you."
Seeing Sam's blank look at her attempt to explain, Clover sighed knowing this proved how naïve Sam was when it came to this. No wonder she needed help. Well she was lucky enough to be best friends with someone who could solve this mystery for her. She now knew just what the problem was.
"Okay, let me explain. Taking in a deep breath she began to shed light on the problem to her dear, best friend. "This guy could be any type. He may come across as the ultimate alpha male so you'd thinkkkk he wouldn't hesitate in taking what he wants BUT when it comes to women he feels he needs…permission to cross that line especially with someone who…" Pausing for a second Clover bit her lip wondering if she should but deciding she had to say it, the actual word because she could not dodge it anymore and they needed to be frank.
"Sex is a big deal to."
Watching Sam's blush darken at her simple mention of the word, Clover smiled knowing this was exactly why Sam needed a friend like her in this situation.
Putting her hand on the redhead's shoulder she smiled, looking at her with empathetic eyes. "You've been waiting all your life for "the guy" and it's a big deal to you or else you wouldn't care about waiting… and when that's the case he wouldn't want to push you and would rather be patient until you make it clear he's the one you want so he doesn't hurt you." Her smile widened on her lips. "Maybe that is what he's waiting for. For you to say it," she said, knowing it made perfect sense.
Tim treated Sam like she was the most important thing in the world to him and everyone knew it. He would not then, want to mess something this huge up.
After a long moment passed, Sam started fidgeting in her chair and cleared her throat awkwardly. "So…" she started slightly chewing on her lower lip, a nervous habit of hers. "So…I have to…." she gulped deeply. "I have to…tell him that I want…I want." She stopped short, her face burning up at the thought. She wasn't even sure how to think up that conversation let alone actually have it with him.
Clover let out a soft giggle. "Oh Sammie!" She shook hear head, looking amused. "You don' have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Hearing that, Sam let out a loud breath of relief. "That's great," she said, smiling widely at the thought of not having to actually do what Clover had been suggesting she may have to. "So I should just wait for him to-"
Putting up her hand, Clover cut her off. "No, no, no! No waiting!" she said, shaking her head furiously. "It's obvious you've already been waiting FOREVER for the wait to be over and you DO want this so it's not something you should ignore anymore."
"Then what do I do?" Sam asked, looking at the blonde with lost, clueless eyes. She started squirming in her seat again as her voice lowered down to a quiet mutter. "I can't just demand him to…you know…"
Clover stayed quiet for a moment and then another one as she thought of how to help her frustrated bestie. Suddenly her eyes lit up as the perfect solution came to mind. And she knew exactly what Sam had to do to get what she wanted from her fiancée.
"Don't you worry Sammie…I know just what to do." Sam watched Clover stand up as if she was going to lead her somewhere. And it became obvious that she was when she reached down, grabbed her wrist and pulled her up onto her feet as well.
"And with what I have in mind…you won't have to ask him at all. He'll just…know," she grinned.
Sam felt her throat go dry as she tried to apply logic to this situation. But it wasn't like her brain was working when it came to this anyway. If it had been, well, she probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
"Clover…" she said, breathing deeply before letting out another sigh. "I don't know about this-"
"Trust me," Clover said, again cutting her off.
"But Clover-"
"Sshh! Just trust me okay!" was the last thing she said before moving to go and expecting Sam to follow after her.
Nervous and not fully on the plan, Sam wondered if she should trust Clover or not. Her better judgement told her this was a bad idea but one glance in Tim's direction told her she had no other choice. As much as she didn't want to confront the issue she also knew that if she couldn't have him soon, she'd probably lose her mind.
His doorbell ringing unexpectedly was what woke him up in the middle of the night.
Rubbing his eyes, Tim sat up in bed groggily. Glancing at the clock on his wall, his eyebrows rose when he saw that was indeed the middle of the night. Who was ringing his doorbell at THIS time?
"4:00 am…" he muttered, confused as he sat there trying to figure it out. But the incessant noise forced him to his feet. He glanced around trying to locate his shirt before proceeding to march downstairs shirtless, too curious now to stop himself.
Reaching the door a few moments later and opening it, he was stunned to find none other than his fiancée standing at his doorstep smiling at him.
"…Sam?" he said slowly, confusion apparent in his tone as he stared back at her. What was she doing here this late? Was everything okay? Did something happen?
Opening his mouth to ask that, he stopped short as he noticed how she was smiling at him. Well that and one more thing. She was heavily made up. He could only stare quietly at her heavy black eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick. Sure Sam wore make-up…but not like this. Not that she didn't look beautiful, she obviously did…but this wasn't like her. This look practically screamed for someone to take notice, which was nothing like his shy, innocent Samantha even at her wildest.
His eyes trailed over the rest of her body and he noticed she was wearing black stilettos and a dark trench coat that was unbuttoned to reveal an ample amount of her chest and ended mid thigh revealing her long, bare legs to him. And he couldn't help but wonder why she was here looking like this, at this time.
"Hey," he heard her say quietly, her smile never leaving her face. But was it just him…or did she look like she was squirming a bit? Regardless, he had to find out what this was about.
"Hey," he said simply in response.
Taking in a deep breath discreetly, Sam tried to stick to the plan but she was already starting to lose it. Her eyes, fascinated, moved from his handsome face that was framed by the darkness and the soft light coming from his hallway, making him look like some kind of god bathed in his own aura, down to his bare chest, dancing all over the muscular planes she found there before settling on his glorious abs.
Sam, she heard him say and she sucked in a breath as she shook her head to herself. Why did this have to be so hard? Remembering that Clover had promised her this would work if she followed what she'd said exactly, Sam decided that was what she was going to do. No matter how out of character this was for her nor how weird it made her feel. She needed Tim, and she needed him right now.
"Mom and dad are out tonight…" she started, slowly meeting his gaze again and trying her best to look innocent. "And I didn't want to bother Clover and Alex but I didn't want to be alone tonight…so."
Hearing her reason, Tim nodded his head in understanding. Of course that made perfect sense but he still couldn't get over the feeling that there was more to this than Sam was letting on. Brushing that feeling aside, he gave her a smile holding out his hand to her. "Well, come on in."
Blushing softly Sam took his hand and walked inside. Her eyes never left him as he turned to lock the door. Quietly she studied his body with needful eyes. She was so busy doing that in fact that she jumped when he spoke to her.
"You hungry? Want something to eat? Or drink?" he asked smiling at her with the same charming smile she had fallen head over heels in love with.
"No," she said quickly leaving him to smile harder at her and ask her again if she was sure because he'd be happy to get her something.
"No, I'm okay," she repeated, trying her best to not sound ungrateful. "I'd just really like to get right to bed," she said, eyes never once leaving his form.
"Alright then," was all he said before turning and leading her to where she knew his bedroom was. And as she followed him she quietly hoped that, that was all she had to do, follow him into his bedroom and from there on he'd figure out why she had come to him tonight. Especially when he saw what she was wearing under her coat.
Feeling her cheeks redden, Sam tried her best to keep control over herself as they got closer and closer to the bedroom. But soon she realized that it wasn't going to go so smoothly as she had hoped it would in her head when she saw him pull a sheet off his bed and grab a pillow, tucking it under his arm before he turned to her with a smile.
"You can sleep on the bed," he said before turning around to leave.
Heartbroken now, Sam reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him. She stayed quiet for a moment while he looked at her with questioning eyes and she wasn't sure how to say what she had to say to him without sounding as crushed as she felt right now.
And suddenly she found herself just saying that which she had been needing to say for a long time now.
"…Why are you doing this?"
Deeper confusion flashed on his face and she let out a long, deep sigh as she tightened her grip on his forearm in frustration What was she supposed to say to him? She honestly didn't know. Wasn't it obvious what her problem was here? What she meant? Why she was upset?
Did he, a man as smart as she knew he was, need her to draw him a picture for him to finally get it? They were engaged to marry here and he felt the need to go sleep somewhere else while telling her to sleep on the bed. Like they were…they were…strangers.
Words failing her, she did the only thing she could think of. Releasing his wrist, she untied her belt and slipped off her coat revealing the strapless black bra and tiny lace lingerie skirt she was wearing. And immediately she heard the sound of silence that filled the room so loudly that it didn't even seem like either of them were even breathing anymore.
And she knew he had finally figured out what she had been trying to tell him for a while now.
A moment passed and then another and as more time passed she felt complete and total rejection seize her.
She just sat there on his bed, in her lingerie feeling more unwanted than ever by the man that was her fiancée. The love of her life.
And she didn't get it? Why didn't he….why didn't he want her? Why didn't he want to make love to her? Didn't he love her?! It was ridiculous for her to think that she knew, but she couldn't think of any other reason why besides that. Had he changed his mind about her? How he felt about her?
Sam felt the beginnings of frustrated tears forming in her eyes and she only wanted to cry more when she felt him slowly wrap a blanket around her, covering her body up like he didn't want to even see it.
Taking in a shuddering breath, Sam bit her lip to stop it from quivering. To say she was embarrassed and hurt was an understatement. She had done this…all of this for him. She had gone out of her comfort zone and done this just for him. To tell him she was ready, to tell him that she wanted and needed him and it didn't even matter to him.
And quickly she found that she didn't even want to be here anymore. Here in his home. It hurt too much to look at him right now. If he wanted to break up their engagement (which could very well be the reason why he wouldn't touch her as she was now starting to fear) he could do that later on. Right now she couldn't be near him. She needed time to calm down.
Pushing the blanket that he'd placed on her aside, she moved to grab her coat and leave feeling stupid and humiliated only to have his voice stop her in his tracks.
"Sammie…won't you even give me a chance to explain?"
She didn't face him when he said that, but she didn't need to look at him to hear all the sadness in his tone. Shockingly he sounded as upset to her as she felt right now and she didn't understand why. Quietly, she mulled over his words.
He wanted her to let him explain which meant that he wasn't as clueless as he had been pretending to be all along. He knew and he had been doing this, had been avoiding her and ignoring her on purpose. Realizing that she only felt herself growing more and more upset with him.
Moving again, she took another step to leave, albeit slow and reluctant because as upset and miserable as she was she knew she still wanted him to tell her he'd been playing with her all this time and stop her from leaving.
But she knew that he knew her well enough to know that that kind of joke would hurt her deeply and so he would not go there which meant that all this, his rejection was very, very real. And she didn't want to think about what that meant for their relationship.
Dejected, she found herself taking more steps to leave until she felt him reach out and grab her by her waist and pull her back against his chest.
She didn't say anything as she felt him wrap his arms around her and place a gentle kiss on her shoulder as he buried his face into the crook of her neck and nuzzled it. She knew what he was doing right now. He was trying to calm her down but she could feel herself shaking and it wasn't the normal blissful shudder she normally felt when he took her in his arms, she was shaking out of rage and hurt.
When he turned her around in his embrace Sam was sure that her face spelled out exactly how she was feeling right now. And that became obvious when his face grew concerned as soon as he saw it.
She could see guilt start to creep across his face but that only made her feel more worthless than she already did. And she found herself thinking (irrationally maybe but she couldn't find it in herself to care at the moment) that if he was trying to find the right words to end things with them, that he'd just be straight with her about it.
That thought in mind, she glanced at the diamond ring on her finger, the one he'd placed there when he had told her he wanted to marry her. And as she looked at it she wondered if she should take it off herself, make this easier on him.
Her eyes remained on the beautiful ring a moment longer before glancing back at him as if asking him if that was what he was trying to tell her with his lack of desire for her, that he wanted to end their engagement.
He must have figured out what she was thinking because a moment later, quite incredulously he muttered, "Don't you dare think about taking off my ring. Ever."
Watching Sam's face grow even more confused and sad he realized they needed to have the conversation he had been desperately trying to avoid. He wasn't sure how she was going to take it or if she'd understand where he was coming from, but he had to tell her because he could not bear to have the only woman he had ever fallen in love with doubting how he felt about her.
It made him sad, truly sad to see her this upset. And to know he was the reason? That was not something he was okay with in the slightest.
Taking in a deep breath he took Sam's hand and slowly walked over to the bed. Making her sit down he sat next to her and stayed quiet for a moment as he tried to think of how to say this. He could feel her gaze boring holes into him with the intensity of all her frustration and anxiousness And he could only hope when he'd told her his reason that would all fade away…well most of it anyway.
Knowing there was no dancing around the issue and knowing he would be being unfair if he did that at this point the decided to get right to it. Sam needed to hear why he would not have sex with her from him instead of speculate about it and be kept in the dark.
Clearly she had noticed him pulling away from her all this time. They had been engaged for several months now and as much as he had tried, obviously he had not been as subtle about this as he'd hoped which was why his Sam was feeling this way now. And she didn't deserve that. No, she deserved an answer. And she deserved it now.
"If you want to know why I won't make love to you…" he started quietly. "It has nothing to do with my not wanting you or because I have been thinking of ending our engagement or anything ridiculous like that," he said, wanting to put that doubt to rest permanently.
But seeing doubt flicker in her eyes still he gave her hand a squeeze trying to reassure her before reaching up and stroking her cheek.
"I love you…you know that I do.". Cupping her cheek and pulling her face closer to his so that she could look right into his eyes and know he was being sincere he continued. "I would never have put that ring on your finger if I didn't."
The moment he said that he saw the hesitation on her face start to rapidly fade away. Sam stared at him quietly knowing he wasn't lying to her. This was Tim, her Tim, and she knew he did love her with all his heart but then...
She felt her heart falling all over again as she remembered why she had been having doubts in the first place. If he loved her as much as she knew he did, as much as he told her he did…then why didn't he want to-
"And it actually because I love you so much that I can't make love to you...yet."
"…What?" he heard her say after a long moment of silence passed between them. And even though she'd only said one word he could feel all her confusion and how what he'd just admitted to her had made it mount even higher.
And he wasn't sure how to say to her…it was embarrassing almost because it had to do with his own insecurities and that was it. It had nothing to do with her. She was perfect, it was him who the problem. And he never did like to admit when he had a problem.
It took him forever to finally get out the words but when he finally spoke it was in a quiet and solemn whisper.
"Let's just say the last time I thought my life was perfect…it all blew up in my face in the worst possible way. I don't want….I don't want it to happen again…"
Avoiding her gaze now, he frowned looking deeply pained as he added in a quieter whisper, "Not with us."
The moment she heard that, Sam's eyebrows rose and her mouth parted in understanding. Suddenly she got it. Suddenly she understand why he wouldn't, why he was hesitating.
He was…Tim was…scared.
He was worried that if he did cross that line it was all going to be taken away from him. That something was going to destroy it.
She knew that he was still haunted by his past and that was why he was having these thoughts. Because he was still in pain.
Feeling her heart sting in her chest at that Sam frowned. Sometimes she forgot just how much he'd been through because he was so good at being strong and because of how wonderful and peaceful things had been every since Sheila Vale had died and Michael Denev had been locked up. But Tim had an entire past, a history of being let down and hurt by those closest to him whenever he let his guard down.
It was no wonder he was feeling this way.
But…she bit her cheek in thought. But didn't he KNOW that nothing on this planet could ever take her away from him? She loved him and she was never going to leave him. Ever.
Opening her mouth to tell him that and ease his worries, she stopped short realizing something else.
That wasn't it. It couldn't be it. No it wasn't that he didn't trust her not to leave his side…if he felt that way, if he doubted that, he would never have asked her to be his wife. It was not her he didn't trust….it was his own fate.
And she understood completely why that was. With everything he had been through in the past; being orphaned when he was five years old, being thrust into the care of a cruel, abusive uncle, Sheila's manipulations, his best friend turning into his enemy, WOOHP and Jerry turning their back on him when he needed them most…
No wonder he didn't have any faith for things not to mess up again. And judging by how he was going about this, it was clear to her he was less worried for himself getting hurt and more worried for her. That was why he didn't want to go there just yet. He didn't want to risk it. He didn't want to make her his only to have to leave again, only to make her feel more pain in case it did happen. He was thinking, in the event that she had to forget him, that it would be easier for her to get over him if they didn't cross that line.
He was just…he was just trying to look out for her. Just trying to keep her safe. Because he loved her. Loved her more than anything. Loved her like she loved him.
And while it hurt like hell that he thought this way about his own luck, about his own life - she could understand where he was coming from. No it wasn't like she didn't want to reach out, put her arms around him tightly and tell him that they didn't have to cross that line for her to never get over him. She'd never be getting over him anyway even if something took him away from her right this second. She had meant it entirely when she told him he was the love of her life, she would always love him no matter what but…she had to respect his decision.
She had to wait for when he felt as safe as she did right now, taking things to the next level between them. That was the only time it would be right for him and as much as she wanted him…she wanted his peace of mind more.
And if she was reading him right, the only time he would have that peace, that faith, the only time he would feel safe being with her fully, making her fully his without worrying about somehow being taken away from her, leaving her behind, leaving her alone…would be when things were completely permanent. When there was none if any question of them ever separating if either of them could help it.
When they were officially official.
"So…until the wedding…we can't…" she whispered leaving him to smile inwardly at how he hadn't even had to say it to her directly. She had figured it out because she knew him that well. He gave her a nod in response letting her know that was it.
Sam sighed but nodded back, getting his reason now. She was still bummed but couldn't help but also be really touched at how much he cared.
Hearing her sigh and easily seeing the frown she was trying to hide, Tim smiled nudging her in the shoulder to get her attention. "But I have to tell you…I'm flattered."
When she looked up at him, he gave her a small, teasing smile. "I mean to make you go this far…" he said, eyes roaming down her skimpily clad form as the smile on his face turned into his notoriously famous smirk. "I have to be good."
Sam blushed deeply at his egotistical comment (which to be honest was soooo like him) before giving him a glare. "And that just made me not want you anymore," she snapped, putting her arms around herself as if attempting to hide her body from his eyes.
Tim chuckled, amused before looking at her intently. "Really?" he drawled as he shifted in his place and leaned towards her just enough until she could feel the heat of his body on her own skin. And within just a few seconds of him doing that, just being that close to her, made her heart start to jump up and down inside her chest.
"Stop," she mumbled, annoyed as she tried to fight off his charms. Something she really was not good at.
"Stop what?" he said, daring to look innocent as he inched even closer to her and almost touched her earlobe with his lips as he whispered, "I'm not touching you."
But as hard as he was trying to hide his intentions she could practically feel his smirk in his voice. "You don't…" she blushed hard as she looked down at her knees and not his face as she mumbled shyly. "You don't need to touch me to make me want you."
"What was that?" Scam said, mockingly putting his hand up to his ear as if he hadn't heard her clearly. "You are admitting that I am in fact good?"
Annoyed, Sam pouted and said nothing as she reached out and gave him a hard shove that left him laughing.
Smiling to herself for a moment at the pleasant sound of his laugher, Sam ran a hand through her hair before speaking again and trying to sound not too bummed out when she did.
"So…I guess there is nothing else to do now except sleep….That is if you don't mind me staying?" She said looking at him seriously.
"Why would I mind?" Tim said, smiling before it turned into a small, evil-looking smirk. "I'm not the one having problems controlling myself."
"TIM!" Sam screeched, both embarrassed and exasperated.
"Okay, okay." He said, meeting her glaring face with a sheepish smile that calmed her down immediately.
"I'm sorry," he said putting his hands up in surrender and promising not to tease her anymore about this before he laid down to sleep.
After a few moments went by and she was still sitting there making no move to sleep, Scam gave her an expectant stare. Feeling his eyes on her Sam gulped. She would just lay down next to him but she felt so uncomfortable in her lingerie which was honestly meant more to be taken off than worn.
Blushing she tugged at the end of her flimsy skirt in a futile attempt to make it longer. Watching her do that, Tim smiled before locating his shirt which he'd taken off earlier before sitting up and handing it to her.
"Here. This will be a lot more comfortable to sleep in."
Smiling in response, Sam took the shirt and moved to change into it when she noticed that Tim was watching her.
Confused, Sam stared back at him.
"What?" he asked a moment later, shrugging at her as he continued to not take his eyes off of her.
Not getting why he was acting so clueless Sam frowned. "I thought you said you wanted to wait until we were married."
"To watch you change?!" Tim almost snorted as he shook his head no. "Sam…I'm not that much of a saint."
Sam felt her face turn pure red. "TURN AROUND!" she screamed leaving him to throw his head back and laugh but after he was done with that he turned his back to give her, her privacy.
Once he was no longer peeping at her Sam quickly tugged off the lacy nothings she had on and changed into the shirt, instantly feeling like herself again.
Smiling she went and joined her fiancée on the bed only to find him smirking far too much when her eyes landed on his face.
"…Did you peek?" she asked, knowing getting away with doing that when she'd told him not to would be the kind of thing to put that smirk on his face.
Tim's smirk only widened in response, not even attempting to look guiltless as he looked at her with amused eyes. "Is that an actual question?"
Feeling herself turn red again Sam said nothing and just laid down on the bed facing the other way so she wasn't looking at him. Hearing her mutter to herself Tim chuckled before reaching out and spreading the blanket over her and himself before laying down next to her.
Sam was about to close her eyes when she felt Tim wrap his arm around her waist and bury his face into the crook of her shoulder. Feeling his warm breath lingering on her skin and the warmth from his bare chest pressing into her back she wondered how on earth she was supposed to ignore how badly she wanted him when he was doing that when he suddenly whispered something in her ear.
"Just a few more months Sam. Just a few more months."
Sam said nothing but smiled because like always he seemed to know what was on her mind.
"Though I can promise you one thing, " he continued, giving her a little squeeze from under the blankets as he held her tighter to himself. "After we do get married you may find yourself wishing for more nights like this one. You know…" he trailed off, his voice lowering down to a husky whisper as she felt him smirk against her earlobe. "Nights where I'll actually let you get some sleep."
A small gasp left her as her eyes popped open. Feeling another raging blush coming on she bit her lip to contain it and buried her face into the pillow.
Tim stayed where he was for a moment longer, just watching her before he kissed her gently on her cheek and rolled over to the other side of the bed well away from her to keep her comfortable as he closed his eyes.
When she sensed he was asleep, Sam lifted her head and looked at him from over her shoulder in silent awe for a long moment before she laid back down and closed her eyes, drifting to sleep with a smile on her face.
As soon as Clover saw her next day she popped the question. "Soooooo," she started perkily, grinning from ear to ear. "A little birdy told me that youuuuuuuuu didn't come home last night! I'm guessing a little something finally happened last night, huh?"
Sam blushed before nodding her head towards Clover, telling her that yes, Tim had showed her exactly how much he loved her last night.
And saying that wasn't really a lie, she thought as she heard her blonde bestie squeal at the success at what she assumed was the total and complete success of her plan and demand for her to tell her all the juicy details from last night.
Because he had showed her just how much he loved her last night… just in a different way.
So again this was a lot longer than I meant for it to be ugh. I am a failure at writing small things ;_; Ah well, hopefully this will keep you guys reading long enough for me to write my next chapter and hopefully not take so long this time.
And because I've been so bad at keeping my resolution, I'll tell you exactly what I'll be updating next. It's gonna be Proposal :) It's long due for an update.
Anyway I hope you at least somewhat enjoyed this!
Hoping to have that Proposal update for you guys SOON (YES SOON THIS TIME OR ELSE I WILL KICK MYSELF! XD)
Oh and PLEASE REVIEW if you have a minute so I know you guys are still reading! Or else I lose total motivation to write :(
Love always,
Cresenta's Lark :D
