(in which we make byootiful music)

Mo~rning time. I can tell, because I'm still soggy. Warm, but soggy. Eugh…

Light shone in through the windows. Apparently I'm in a room that has windows! Good start! At least it's not, like, a freakin' cell.

...

And now I remember why I'm here. Kinda easy with this pain-in-the-ass water ruining my bedtime experience.

Shifting around, I only make it worse.

Whelp, time to get out of be-

"Hello~!" The green-haired girl with many, many ribbons from earlier beamed at me from my bedside.

Jesus! Where'd you come from!?

Moving across the room, she went for a counter, lifting a plate with food on it. "Did you sleep well?"

...Hina, that's what her name was. Oof. "Ye-yeah…" I need to freakin' dry off!

Quickly, she lays down a plate on my lap. Pancakes in bed, yo…

Maybe I can wait, then. This'll be the best meal I've eaten this entire freakin' fanfic. I mean, look at that butter- I know you can't see it- but dude…

"...You eat pancakes, right?" She looks slightly nervous.

"Ye, ye. Ye." Yes.

"Good…" She sighs in relief. "I'm glad."

Time to eat those pancakes, yo.

They fell into a gap.

Yukari, when I find you, I'm going to extract my pancakes from your fluffy stomach with plant hangers. Or use you as a pillow.

I'd be questioning the meal, but since I woke up not dead, I think ribbon girl doesn't plan on livin' la vida loca and bludgeoning me with an oversized fork.

Midway through mourning my pancakes, I realize something! "What was that bedtime snuggling all about, yo?"

...She blushes. "I-I, you weren't supposed to see that!"

Freakin, too bad! "I did. Get owned."

Sighing again, she concedes defeat. "...We-well, I had to do it to get your misfortune. You… you were soo~ full of it. I can't- well, I shouldn't say that- but you're amazing."

...Wat.

"...Whaddaya mean?" I'd like specifics!

She blinks. "U-uh~m… How hard is it to live day to day, for you?"

...Hmm. "Aa~h. Not… too… hard?" Kinda?" I mean, I nearly get blown the fuck up every day, but this is Gensokyo, so that's probably normal.

Eyes widening, she stares at me. "...Wo~w."

...I dunno what's so good about me, but sure!

Hina moves back towards the counter. From there, she turns on a sink.

Wait, does this place have plumbing, then? That's rather sophistimacated for a youkai hut!

...I move to get out of bed- Bi~g mistake. Bihihi~g mistake. Cold as shit.

Hina shivered ahead of me. "O-oo~h…" Guess she's cold, too!

She lazily plopped her plate into the sink, and took the moment to rest her arms on the counter.

With that, I stand up out of the bed.

She pivots on her heel to face me. "Are-are you getting ready to go, already!?"

Daa~h!? "I don't think so~!?"

Yet another sigh emanates from her lips. "...Ok-okay. I'm glad."

What a freakin' awkward way to wake up. Yo.

Standing up… wow. Well, my overalls 'n' undershirt's not too far from dry. My robe that I dropped earlier is like, dry-ish now.

Donning Kaguya's wig and robe again, I feel more comfortable about still being soggy.

"Why, um… are you wearing that?" She inquires, having the opportunity to do so.

"It's fluffy." I might not get stabbed as fast if I look like Kaguya, yo. Or maybe faster. Hnngh.

...I told her I'd be stayin', but I'm kinda done here!

Hina continues to converse, stepping towards me. "...Earlier, when I said…" She looks unsure.

I tilt my head, letting her speak.

"Your misfortune," She begins solidly, "you should have died a long time ago."

"I-I'm sorry…" She clammed up. "Wa-was th-that… did I-I offend you?"

I shake my head. "Y'know, I'm not entirely surprised." I should be, but I'm not!

Hina jerks her head back. "Yo-you're not?"

Honh.

"...Come back, some time." She holds up a ribbon, concealing her face with it a bit. "Your misfortune… if-if you want, you could be my priest."

O~kay. "As fun as that sounds, I think I'm gonna go…!"

"O-oh…" After appearing crestfallen, she reaches into her pocket. "He-here!"

She hands me a smaller version of one of her insane ribbons. "Take it."

Oo~h! "What's it do, yo?"

"If-if you put it onto a gohei, you can spread misfortune…" Suddenly, she throws her arms up. "I-I mean, I'm not telling you to curse people! Just… you can use it to spread your misfortune harmlessly. Use it on grass and stuff…"

...Oo~h. "What if I put it on a sword?"

...Hina winces. "Uhm… you-you could curse people. But, if you do that… I'd have to stop you. I don't want you to hurt anybody."

I tilt my head. "What about a plant hanger?"

...She shrugs. "Okay?"

Woo~! No promises about the hurting people part! It's self-defense, I assure ya.

I accept her gracious offer, takin' it into one of my own pockets.

"I'm serious, come back again." She smiles. "If you come back with as much misfortune as last night… I think I'd fall in love with you."

...I dunno how to respond to that. Like, at all!

...She notices my mild embarrassment. "I-I'm only kidding. But, you fed me enough for about half a year. If you ever pledge yourself to a god… I'd be willing to accept you."

Wait you're a what?

Everything makes sense now. No wonder she didn't have Brad for brunch, yo! She's one of them goddesses of stuff! I guess she's luck oriented. Or, in this case… bad luck oriented? Misfortune? Hmm.

"I'll think about it, yo." I regard her offer with indecision! I'm not normally religious, but meeting flesh-and-blood gods is kinda different from religious nuttery on the outside.

"...Okay."

With that, Hina moves towards the door. "...Your luck may be better than normal, for awhile. But, most people's luck defaults to certain levels. Don't spend it all in one place, okay? Luck… luck runs out. For most people."

Ooo~. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Moving for her door, I wave. "See ya later, friend."

She smiles, waving at me. "Bye. Wa-wait, before you go…"

Who what now?

"What's your name?" She asks of me.

Ah. "Brad, yo."

"...Bradyo?" She tilts her head.

Freakin'...! "Just Brad."

"...O-oh, right. Hehehe…" She giggled awkwardly, before turning to face her counter of ribbons and kitchen appliances again. "B-bye, Brad. Come back soon."

I close the door.

Wowie zowie, that was a different kinda experience. First person I met that didn't kick me out for being a loon! Then again, I didn't really get a chance to be a loon. She was also debatably more or less looney than me, so~...

That, and I nearly died like uhmpteen times in the past day. I think a little down time with a cute goddess would be warranted. You know, in the not-being-dead way.

Actually, if I died under her care, would she have her own heaven? How the frik does that work?

The sun is shining as I walk through the woods past her house. I wanna find my way to Sanae's place, because I'm in the neighborhood, and I'd like to know what the fuck that storm was about the other day. Kanako will rue the day she nearly gave me pneumonia!

Actually, if she gave me pneumonia, then Hina coulda nursed me back to health…

Kanako will rue the day she tried and failed to give me pneumonia!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

As kinda expected, I somehow find my way to the Moriya Shrine by moving straight up the mountain with no sense of direction, or even an attempt to stay on any sort of right path. I wonder how much luck was expended just then…?

I met nothin' on the way, no tengu, no youkai, no nothin'. Which is how you know there was some mumbo jumbo stretchin' stuff behind the scenes; no way the tengu would just be like 'oh whelp we missed the random asshole practically walking in circles on the side of the mountain'.

"Get back here with tha~t!"

I hear Sanae's voice from outside the shrine!

...Then, I hear thumping. There is mischief afoot!

Walking up to the shrine's door, I slide it open…

Inside, a fluffle runs by with a bag of chips. "honh honh honh"

"Hraa~h!" Sanae leaps after it, wind propelling her as she soars towards it.

Crunch! She gets the bag!

Bam!

...Her head hit the wall.

"Ou-...ouch…"

Slowly, she backed away from the wall, the pain exemplified by her hesitancy. Oof…

...The fluffle came up, and swiped the chip bag while she was nursing her forehead. "He-hey!"

I intercept, the fluffle luckily running straight into my- it wriggled out of my hands and escaped. With the chip bag, too.

Luck is such bullshit.

Oh, yeah, these things are homicidal maniacs, aren't they?

Maybe I should smash it…!

Taking out Fairy Brand, I run after the little murderous maniac. Sanae comes out of freakin' nowhere while I run at it, and we run into one another.

Thud!

...Not in the awesome anime way where you somehow end up with a hand on the other's boobie. Nah, this was the kind where you butted heads and shouted expletives at each other.

"Yeo~w!" Sanae held her forehead. "Ho-how…!?"

I hold my own forehead. "Fua~h..."

What was that about good luck, Hina!? Did… did I use it all up already, or am I just having bad luck with my good luck!?

Recovering from her head trauma, Sanae looks up at me. "What are you doing here…? I thought you were at Kaguya's…" Sanae stared at me inquisitively.

"...Funny story about that." Yeah, u~h…

The fluffle nuzzles up against the chip bag, and we hear it crackling.

Sanae is livid, "My chips!" ...like one would be at their cat after it just turned off their GameCube.

Da~mn her voice can go high...

She sprints towards the fluffle.

"i gotta have a good meal" The fluffle tries to scurry off, but Sanae manages to blindside it with her gohei.

Bam!

The fluffle is dust.

"And stay dead!" ...Sanae reclaims her bag of chips, and hugs it.

...I walk up to her. Now that I can get a good look at the bag, it looks like Doritos!

She turns to me, noticing me leering at her bag. Recoiling away from me, she clutches it tightly. "No!"

Oi! I raise my hands, backin' up! "No, yo. I respect one's snackage as their own!"

...Sanae relaxes. "Good."

Honh.

"...So, anything happen at Kaguya's after I left?" She smiled. "I still didn't find Kanako-sama…"

Hmm. "Well, Eientei got besieged by assassin fluffles, and a bunch of the lunar rabbits died. Eirin cried over almost losing Kaguya, I somehow accidentally stopped Kaguya from leaping back in time, and I ran to almost-here in the mud, ending up in the house of a curse goddess who may or may not wanted to get into my pants. I also almost died, a lot, and Reisen had to fight a trench war against lasers in the rain."

"Wh-wha~..." Sanae slowly processed this information.

"Whaaa~t!?" There we go!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I sip from my tea. It was either tea, or soda. I might not like tea, but I hate soda more. Freakin'... where's the juice!? C'mo~n, Sanae!

"S-so a ton of rabbits just died!?" Sanae's mouth was agape as she almost stood over the kotatsu, her arms pushing down on it and tilting it.

"...Yeah." I nod. Might not 'a explained this ta her in the most eloquent way…!

With wide eyes, she continued. "An-and the place nearly got destroyed!?"

"Well, n-..." On second thought, I dunno. I shrug.

...Sanae turns away, grimacing. "...I-I'm so sorry about the rain. If it hadn't rained, maybe… maybe Reisen could've done something…"

Eeh. Probably. "I dunno. Them lasers were kinda painful no matter how good the weather was." I'll try 'n' cheer her up a bit, though. Don't wanna make it look like she coulda done somethin' to avert this- 'cause honestly she really couldn't given the circumstances- but also kinda wanna make it not seem like Kanako contributed.

The shrine door slid open, again.

Frazzled and defeated, Kanako treaded in, missing a sandal and hair unkempt.

Sanae gasped. "Ka-Kanako-sama!? What happened!?"

...Kanako scowled. "Machines. In the sky."

That statement gave Sanae little to work with, so she didn't say much. She did, however, tilt her head.

...Kanako continued. "Rain machines. Piloted by dusty heretics. In the sky!"

Sanae blinked. "Ra-rain… machines?"

Kanako slid under the kotatsu, and- whelp. She stole my teacup using the force. Doncha hate it, when that happens?

She sips from it. I'd make a pun about indirect kissing, but does that apply to gods? Hmm~...

The explanation begins! "Yes. Rain machines. These 'fluffles' have been hanging around in the skies with them for some time, but it was only when I actually made it rain that they activated. The only way I got them to stop was by trashing every other one to break the cycle they had going. One would reinitiate the other. It would have been another flooding incident."

Huh. So~...

I take this moment to mention Eientei. "So-"

But Sanae speaks over me, so scratch that. "Oh, my god…"

Kanako's annoyed demeanor becomes dry instead.

"I-I can't believe… these little things would be so awful." Sanae appeared crestfallen, staring into her own tea… which I just realized did not spill earlier, even though she tilted the table. "Th-they're so cute, too~..."

...Kanako furrowed her brows. "I do not believe they are all awful."

I raise a hand. "Yo."

...They both look at me. I have the floor!

"So, Eientei got blown the fuck up." I begin.

Kanako snorts. "Mokou?"

I shake my head. "Fluffles."

...Kanako's expression darkens. "You're joking, right?"

Nope, nope. Shaking my head, I elaborate. "Tons of lunar bunnies freakin' died, I almost freakin' died, Kaguya almost got lost to time, and Eirin cried."

Retrospect: don't go around tellin' people Eirin cried. I thought it was worthy of note, though…!

Kanako shook her head. "I believe this is proper grounds for an offensive. Sanae, didn't the Hakurei do something similar with the oni?"

Scratching her head, Sanae was unsure. "Uh~m, I don't really remember… I think?"

"Regardless, this is proper grounds for an incident resolution to be initiated." Kanako declares.

…Slowly grinning, Sanae stands up, saluting. "I won't let you down, Kanako-sama!"

"Mmh." Kanako sips from her tea. "...Start now, if you don't want that miko beating you to the punch."

"A-ah! Right!" She scrambles, moving deeper into the shrine to get her things, presumably.

Kanako stares at me. "...You look like you had a hell of a time."

Is it proper for gods to swear? Anyway, I nod. "Yeah. Yesterday was shit."

"Tell me about it…" She huffed, gulping down over half of her tea in one go. "I spent the whole day in the sky getting soaked. Not that it matters to me, that much, but these clothes…" She holds up her arm, allowing the frayed and waterlogged fabric to be displayed. "Annoying. I'll have to have that goddess down the mountain sew me a new one."

Honh. "...Wait, do ya not have changes of clothing?"

...Kanako raises a brow. "Not particularly? The clothing of a god does not dirty by conventional means, and small damages can be mended magically. Even so, the aging process can be accelerated by intense magical exposure. Like the atmosphere. Inconvenient, but I manage."

...I'm gonna assume she doesn't produce bodily odors, then. Goddess and all. "Fluffy."

"...Fluffy." Kanako echoes, staring at her tea cup. She proceeds to inhale the rest. "...Mmm."

A door slides open, and Sanae bolts back into the main room. "I'm heading out, Kanako-sama! What should I look for?"

"Find fluffles, and exterminate them." Kanako ordered, haughtily smirking. "Preferably the giant ones, if you can. Only find help if you need it."

Giant ones. But they're extra tubby…

"Alright, Kanako-sama!" She runs for the door.

Passing me, she latches onto my arm. "Yo, yo, yo~! I wanted ta relax today!"

"Too bad!" Sanae retorts. "We gotta stop the fluffles from killing the nice rabbit people!"

You're a bit late!

...Realizing that herself, Sanae amends her statement. "I-I mean, avenge the rabbit people…!"

Rushing outside, Sanae drags me along and pulls me into the air. By the way holy shit wind.

Sanae nearly drops me, but moves to hold me by my underarms. Her face ends up in my poofy hair. "...Gau~h. You sme~ll…"

Yeah, no shit. "Kinda happens after spending an entire day running for your life!"

Awkwardly, Sanae carried me off into the distance…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I see that Sanae decided to ignore Kanako partially, taking me straight to the Hakurei Shrine.

Sanae slammed the door open, and ran inside. "Reimu~! Reimu~!"

Reimu was lying under her kotatsu, asleep. She flinched as Sanae yelled.

"Rei- eep!" Quickly, Sanae covered her mouth, realizing what she'd done.

Reimu slowly sat up, tipping over the kotatsu as she did so. "Hnn~gh…"

Carefully stepping towards her, Sanae held her arms out cautiously. "So-sorry for waking you up, Reimu, but… there's fluffles!"

...Reimu gives her one of 'those' looks.

She sighed. "I know."

"Eientei got attacked and-and bunnies died- and Eirin was crying, and…" Sanae trailed off, pointing at me. "He died!"

Yeah. Wait, no, yo! "I'm still alive! I almost died! S'a difference!"

...Dryly, Reimu stretched, before giving us stares. "...Eientei? The human village was under attack, the other day."

Sanae gasped. "B-by fluffles!?"

"...By fluffles." Reimu agreed. With that, she began moving towards the kitchen.

"We have to go stop the fluffles, Reimu!" Sanae ran up to her, and tried to tug her along. "They could be attacking again, or worse! Or-"

Whack!

"Ouu~ch!" Sanae whined, clutching her head. "Why~..."

"Let me eat breakfast." Reimu tiredly trudged into the kitchen. "Then we'll- Achoo!"

Reimu wiped her nose. "Th-then we'll… we'll head out."

Oo~h boy. Someone's tryin'a truck it along, today.

Sanae blinked. "...Re-Reimu?"

There was no response from the kitchen. With a concerned look on her face, Sanae quickly followed her into the kitchen. I tagged along idly, giving the kotatsu a wistful glance.

Reimu kneels to grab a jug of water from under the sink counter-

"Achoo~! Wh-whuh…" She nearly drops it, but recovers it. "Sh-shtupid nose…"

"...Are you okay, Reimu?" Sanae worriedly stands next to the table.

"Fi~ne." Reimu's voice drawls, slightly grainy. Stumbling around, she manages to get the jug onto the table.

Sanae suddenly slides up to Reimu, and presses her hand to her forehead.

Reimu tries to resist again, but Sanae holds her hand in position…

"You've got a fever…" Sanae deduces. "You can't just fly around outside! It's cold!"

"I'll do what I have to!" Reimu snaps her retort, before resisting the Sanae.

Whack!

Sanae stumbled back, rubbing what must have been her fifth head injury today. "Owchie…"

With that, the red-clad miko simply glared at her counterpart.

"Re-Reimu~!" Sanae suddenly whines loudly. "You can't just endanger yourself!"

Saying nothing, Reimu moves towards the cupboards for snacks and stuff…

"You're staying home, today, Reimu." Pouting, Sanae asserts herself with folded arms.

Pausing in the midst of her rummaging, Reimu shoots her another glare. "I'll knock you out of my way."

With that, Sanae gives up. Sitting at the table, she stares at me hopefully. 'Cause, y'know, I got this.

...

Actually, sure! I do got this! Workin' up my courage, I strut towards Reimu…!

Before I even get to say anything, Reimu lashes out at me for approaching.

Thwack!

Luckily, my hand was up near my face to scratch it, so I grab her gohei. "...Ha! Yo-"

So instead, she sweeps her leg under mine, sending me sprawling to the floor. She rips her gohei from my grasp with ease, and brings it down on my ribs.

Thwack!

Luck did not help me there! Shit!

Reimu brings her breadstuffs to the table, and begins eating. Slowly, I sit up on the floor. "...I~ did not deserve that, yo~..."

She turns to me, but doesn't say anything, still munching on her bread.

While she's turned, Sanae begins glowing. "I'll convince you to stay, Reimu…!" After a moment, a rainbow-like energy expels itself from Sanae, flowing through the air.

Reimu's eyes widen, and she turns towards her friend. "Wh-what are you…"

The kitchen door slams open. "Reimu~!" Marisa bounds out, grinning. Then, her expression drops to one of befuddlement. "...What the hell am I doin' here!?"

Suika stands up from the floor, breaking it open. "Aho~y! I, ah…" She receded into the floor, plopping down on the dirt under the shrine.

...Kasen crawls out from under the table. "...Uhm?"

"Woa~h!" Sunny Milk falls from one of the shelves. The adjacent shelves open up, Luna and Star falling out of them as well.

Looks like a miracle happened!

Reimu looks like she's ready to disembowel the other miko. "Really."

...Nervously, Sanae smiles. "...Ok-okay, I didn't think that would happen…"

"Oo~h!" Marisa goes for the bread. "Don't mind if I-"

Thwack!

"Ee~y!" Marisa shakes her hand's pain away, grinning playfully. "How ya doin', Reimu?"

"Ngh." She grunts, quickly biting from the bread.

"...I seem to have ended up here." Kasen rubbed her non-bandaged arm. "This is… less than fortunate, for me."

"He~y! It's Reimu! Hey Reimu!" Sunny enthusiastically waves, rising from the floor and into the air.

"Wh-where… are we, even?" Star got up with the assistance of the table, helping Luna up as she did so.

Turning to her friends, Sunny tells them where they are. "Reimu!"

Star stares at her dryly. "Bloody…"

Luna locks eyes with me. "...Yo-you!"

Uh?

...Whelp, I~'m a mute, now.

...Reimu glances at me, noticing my status, apparently. She looks over at Sanae and says words.

Sanae glances at me, but Kasen steps forward instead, and claps her hands together, closing her eyes…

White fire burns around my form for a moment, and my hearing returns! "Woo."

Displeased, Luna frowns, shrinking back towards her friends... "We're outnumbered…"

Sunny moves towards Reimu. "He~y!"

Thwack!

"Aauu~gh…" Sunny clutches her head, crouching as she does so. "Go-good one, Reimu~..."

...With that, Reimu slouched at her table. "...It's too early for this."

Grinning, Marisa slapped her on the back. "Aaw, c'mon, Reimu! We probably all got randomly thrown inta yer house for a reason, right?"

"Achoo!" Reimu sneezed.

...Marisa slowly retracted her hand. "Oo~h. I… see, ze."

"Reimu's got a cold." Sanae pouts.

"I-I d- Achoo~!" ...Reimu sniffles. "...So?"

Kasen steps up to her. "A cold, is it?"

...Reimu lashes out, whacking Kasen in the head. Her head merely tilts to the side it was hit, and she moves towards Reimu. "Here, here…"

She grabs Reimu, and begins carrying her to her room.

"Le-let go…" Weakly, Reimu resists. "I-I have things I need to do…"

"Not like this, you're not." Kasen shakes her head. "To bed with you."

With that, they progressed into Reimu's bedroom. Kasen closed the door behind them, allowing Reimu privacy.

"Glad I didn't hafta talk her out of it." Scratching the back of her head, Marisa grinned, "So!" She clapped her hands together. "The hell's goin' on, ze?"

"Eientei's rabbits died." Sanae solemnly stated, staring at the table.

"Wh-wait, really?" Taken aback by the sudden sullen demeanor Sanae had, Marisa adjusted her hat awkwardly. "...How?"

Sanae points at me. Freakin'...

"Fluffles." I state.

...Marisa seems skeptical. "Wo~w. They suffocate 'em with their tubby fluff, or what?"

"Giant rubbery blade gimp suits and laser bullets." I try to describe the nightmare! "Like, not danmaku lasers. Laser lasers."

…She blinks. "...Seriously? From fluffles?"

I nod. "Ye."

Sanae helped me explain as she moved to the outdoor exit. "Kanako-sama said they made it rain all of yesterday, too. She made them stop, but it took her all day…"

Marisa furrowed her brows, following her. "Since when'd the fluffles suddenly get all this kappa-like stuff? I keep seein' more and more of it, myself. Like, the dust muffins finally incident material, or what?"

"Kanako-sama said so. I took…" She furrows her brows at me. "...Hi~m? I took him to help, because he probably knows fluffles the best."

Honh. "Name's Brad, by the way." I may or may not have told her before. Neither of us remember!

Sunny awkwardly clambers onto the table, looking fluffy as she does so. Once she's onto it, she stands on it. "...Where's Reimu?"

"In her bloody room." Star went for the other door, the one that lead to the shrine's main room. "Let's just go sleep under her kotatsu."

...Cautiously staring me down, Luna hurries after Star.

...Sunny smiles widely, charging off the table and after her fluffy friends. "Sounds like fu~n!"

Star makes some other quip that I don't hear well as I hurry after Marisa and Sanae, who escaped the room while I was staring at Sunny and her table antics.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The air is co~ld. Winter would be a lot more bearable if I was in like, America still… holy shit. Like, I could buy coats!

I sat on the back of Marisa's broom as the result of a begrudging negotiation.

Also Kasen was here. Apparently she left Reimu to rest for now, or something. "My home is likely being flooded as we speak. I hope my displeasure is understandable…"

Marisa turned to her. "What happened ta yer house?"

...Kasen smiled ironically. "We~ll… the way in which I hid it suspended the water. I was working to drain it, when I ended up in the shrine."

Sanae innocently looks in the other direction.

"I think ya have Sanae ta blame fer that, ze." Marisa grinned.

"We-well, no!" Sanae denied suddenly.

Drifting towards her, Marisa grinned. "So we just happened ta mysteriously end up in Reimu's shrine while ya wanted her ta go to bed."

...Giving in, Sanae whines. "I-I didn't mean to ruin Kasen's ho~use…"

"Think nothing of it. The rooms themselves should be reinforced anyway." ...Then, her face faltered. "Most… of them."

Woah no.

We hover over the Misty Lake, Kasen leading the way.

She briefed us. "Reimu wanted us to see if the Scarlet Devil Mansion was under siege recently."

"Sounds great!" Marisa has no complaints.

Curious, Sanae made an inquiry. "Shouldn't we check out the places that were attacked, first…?"

Shaking her head, Kasen rejected the idea. "I'm thinking Reimu thought they would have wanted some down time."

...At that, Sanae nods. "I guess so."

We float along the right side of the lake- from our perspective anyway.

The sun's getting bright, and it hurts. Oof…

As we hover over the woods to the right of the lake-

Shi~Fwoo~Ti~ng!

"Wh-what!?" Marisa's eyes widen, as we collide with a reflective barrier.

Oof!

I fly through the side of it, and fall onto the tree. Luckily, I land on a large limb and only feel like I got the shit beat out of me instead of plummeting to my death.

Oof! "Guh- Huckh!"

Ouch.

Thud.

Fu~ck me. Sittin' up, I stumble out of the barren bush I landed in, brushing twigs and tree dirt off of my Kaguya robe…

Looking behind me, I see the reflective barrier. Giant, tree-like pegs raise into the sky, thrice as tall as the tallest tree of this forest.

I'm on the outside of the barrier, alone.

Whelp, guess I'll just go, then! Wait…

Taking out Tundra Bloomer, I engage the barrier!

Ti~ng…

Buffing myself, I try again. Using Tundra Bloomer like a battering ram, I take to it-

Ti~ng…

Whelp. Now I'll go…

Thud.

Hold the phone, what was that last noise?

Looking around the clearing, I move towards it. Pushin' past some bushes…

Aya stood, dusting herself off, looking annoyed.

"I found you." I declare, strutting towards her casually.

She flinches from my suprise guest appearance! "Wh-... oh. You know anything about this? Like, who'd put up a stupid clear barrier around the lake?" She uses her thumb to gesture to the barrier that spawned.

I shrug. "Dunno. Marisa, Sanae, 'n' Kasen are stuck inside, I think."

...Aya huffed. "Guess I'm gonna have to interview them later. Thanks for the info! See ya!"

Aya flew away. Woosh. Like a freakin' bird, yo...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Eventually, I happen upon a mansion in the woods. Not the Scarlet Devil Mansion; this one was comparatively more run down, and it didn't have the great wall of China outside, either.

Moving up to the kooky spooky manor, I knock on the door. "Who's home, yo~!?"

...I mean, s'better than breaking in if some demented vampire mistress lives here, too.

No~ response? No~ response.

I knock again after a minute, just incase someone was taking a dump and couldn't get to the door.

Whelp, I'm busting in, then! Moving around the left side- a window's already broken open. Freakin', yo, I'll take it. Must be the luck!

Climbing inside, I- partially slice my hand on the broken glass. Shieut.

...I also find it equally cold as the outside, somehow. What a rip for a cut hand!

From here I can hear some kinda music. It's comin' from deeper in the mansion, and it's not the creepy music box kind. It's like… what is that!? I dunno what it's like, I guess. It ain't the music your grandfather listened to, though…!

Moving further into the debatably abandoned manor, I pass shattered vases and tilted paintings, going after the source of the noise.

Hopefully I don't get the shit spooked outta me by ghastly sound ghouls. With any luck, they'll be friendly, yo.

Moving through the black-and-white tiled halls, I find myself unable to locate the noise I hear. I'm warm- to the noise, not in general- but u~h...

Freakin'... I can't find it! Like, it's this one section of walling, like a square of wall, but there's no door to the room. Unless it's some Castlevania nonsense where the stairs into it is on a different level entirely.

Time to do this the easy way! Takin' out Tundra Bloomer again, I start banging on the walls!

"Aaa~h, aaaa~h!" Wake me up! Wake me up insi~de!"

Bam! Bam!

The music stops.

...Bam!

Can't wake up, yo. Dead and go-...

"Hey, hey, hey!"

...Oo~h! I know these touhous…!

The red Prismriver ghostie- I know their names, but not which color is which- floats out of the wall I suspected they were campin' out in.

We gaze at one another. I smile. "Hello, friend."

"...So you're not some random feral youkai." She sighs. "What were you doing?"

"Waking up." I stare at the floor solemnly. "...can't wake up."

"...Well, go wake up somewhere else." She waves me off. "My sisters and I are practicing for our next show."

Oo~h! "Ya next show!? When is it, yo!?"

...Smiling, she complies. "It should be in the human village, during the music festival. It's not an annual thing… yet. We just kinda got it working with a few other musically talented youkai, you know?"

...S'it gonna be musical ghosts versus destructive townspeople? Or are they cool with ghosts?

"Considering you look like a dirtier, rattier, male Kaguya, I take it that you're not a villager, though…" She evaluates my appearance.

Suddenly, one of the marble pillars behind me began shaking violently. The ghostie's eyes widen. "Mo-move!"

Didn't hafta tell me!

Moving away, the pillar falls and veers towards me as it falls.

Bam!

It's knocked aside by a large, ethereal keyboard. Afterward, it veers back towards me, but it's too close to the ground to do any real crushin'. Instead, it just pushes me a bit.

"Woa~h, sparky!" I pet the pillar. "Calm your hormones!"

Whatever that was, it wasn't luck. That was like, the polar opposite. That woulda been like the deus ex machina of bad ends!

...Red ghostie gal sighs, glancing at her keyboard worriedly, using magic to flip it over. "...No damage. Good…"

Then, she gazes at me. "What was that?"

"My lucky day." I grin.

...Nodding slowly, she begins floating back into the wall. "Right. Well, I'm gonna get one of my sisters out here to help you. You're lost, right?"

...I nod. "Yeah, pretty much."

With that, the red ghost floated inside the wall. I'm gonna say she's Lyrica, because she looks like a Lyrica. I could be wrong, though.

Sifting through my Kaguya pockets, I look at that red ribbon Hina gave- holy crap.

Similar to Hina earlier, it's burning with glowing, green flames.

Maybe I shoulda put it in the sack, earlier. How freakin' unlucky, yo. Does this mean I have, like, a super luck down?

Well, I take this moment to stow it away in the sack. Freakin'... didn't think it'd curse me!

From the wall, a ghost clad in black floated out, a violin trailing behind her.

Now that looks like a Lunasa. Merlin'd be the blue one, then. Unless I completely screwed that up.

"You're lost?" Lunasa stares at me, curious.

I point at her. "Are you a Lunasa!?"

"...Yes?" She is adequately weirded out!

"Woohoo!" I pump my arm into the air! "I got the high score!"

With that, Lunasa smiles. "...I see. Do you have a home?"

I shake my head. "Nope. Burnt down by aborigines." I had ta look that last word up. It basically means the real OGs of a country. But, it also includes animals and plants, and not just people. My house was burnt down by prehistoric plants!

Lunasa is unsure where to take that comment. "...Follow me. For now, you can watch us practice. I don't know if the storm let up, since we've been going for a while, but everything seems fine, doesn't it?"

Nope, still stormin'. Mansion's just floatin' along like a log, yo.

"Come." Casually, she floats ahead.

I follow behind her, my eyes open for falling and/or magnetic shit, but nothing else unlucky happens on the way.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"It's another weirdo!" Merlin, I think, greets me. I was right in thinking this room had inconvenient access from other floors. It's also a freakin' tall room, so I guess it's justified.

Merlin's clothes are more white than they are blue… but they're still blue-ish!

"Merli~n…" Lyrica proves my hypothesisisis correct! "We need to focus. Lunasa, why'd you bring another oaf in?"

"He seems well off enough." Lunasa figured. "Challenged, but well enough."

Special in my own, mentally demented way yo.

Lyrica blinks. "...Sure. Can we get going, again?"

A trumpet blares in her ear. Voo~!

Flinching, Lyrica turns to her sister. "Me-Merlin!? Knock it off!"

"Hehehe~!"

Ghostie whosties, dude…

Turning back to her sisters, Lunasa acknowledged the lack of music. "Very well, very well. From the top?"

"Aa~h… I feel like we should put our song in at this part." Lyrica pouted. "It'd fit, wouldn't it?"

Lunasa made a focused face… "...Wouldn't it be a bit… egotistical, to put our song at both the start and end of the concert?"

"Who else can play music? I'd like to see them play it, then." Folding her arms, Lyrica floated back until she landed on a crapped out reclining chair.

Lunasa smiled. "All those musical youkai we organized the concert with."

Lyrica blinked. "...Ah. Right."

Honh.

"We should play that one song!" Merlin beamed. "The one that went like… beep, boop, boop boop, bop!"

"How about a serenade?" Lunasa made her own suggestion.

"Sapphire Elegy!" Merlin blurted.

Furrowing her brows, Lyrica shot back. "Red Concerto!"

Lunasa sighed.

"Blue Rhapsody!"

"We'll start with our song, and work from there…" Lunasa negotiates, raising her violin again. "Alright?"

Reluctantly, Merlin agrees. "Alri~ght…"

Without further discussion, a pleased Lyrica raises her keyboard while Merlin raises her trumpet.

Music plays! I can't really describe it, 'cause music is complex, yo. S'the Prismriver's theme, though. Not that I've-

Woah.

I dunno how to describe it. Dizziness struck me at first, but after a moment or so, the music they played balanced out. Afterward, it felt like I was wearin' headphones, without the headphones. Duhuhu~de!

...Nodding my head, I casually strut in tune towards the instruments around the practice room. There's a grand piano in here, some flute things- recorders I think- drums, interestingly, chairs, and a triangle!

An electric freakin' triangle, minus the electric part! A triangle!

Moving up to it, I grab the large metal rod for it. The triangle was three feet tall, half as tall as me. Reeling my arm back, I gave it hell!

Ti~ng!

The Prismriver sisters all immediately cringed, as the triangle's tone rang out across the room.

My skin crawled as the music abruptly halted. Oof.

...Lunasa gave me a patient, weary smile.

Her sisters were less patient! "I told you he was a bad idea." Lyrica snidely commented.

...With a sigh, Lunasa floated towards me.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Just stand out here, okay?" Lunasa stopped me just outside of the door to their practice room. "I'll come get you when practice is over, and then I can help you."

...I held up the triangle rod stick thing, and she took it. Awwh.

With that, she closed the door.

Screw that noise. I'm gonna wander around like a freakin' loon.

Now, out in this wooden hallway, I'll note that this entire mansion is freakin' old. Like, the wooden floor is dull grey, with mossy green colors mixed in. Faded paintings hang off the walls of generic crap like flowers, and old dudes.

"huhuhuhuhu"

Yeah, they would be here, wouldn't they?

Fluffles scurry across the floor ahead of me, looking snug and stuff about the fact they're crawling on the mouldy floor.

...To each their own, yo.

At least they're not in the gimp suits of death.

...I crouch down and knock on the wood floor, hopefully not jinxing myself with that last sentence. Hey- you never know! That shit only takes five seconds! Better to prevent jinxes than it would be to get sliced open by gimp fluffles.

Bam!

Practically jumpin' out of my skin, I flail my arms. "Holy- Jesus!"

"Waaa~l!"

"here we go friends!"

A floating bathtub progressed out of the wall ahead, fluffle fins visible on the sides, keeping it propelled slowly.

Pullin' out Tundra Bloomer, I ready myself! Action time, yo!

I watch as they slowly hover near me, half praying that they don't have any freakin' crazy October surprises in store for me. Fluffles leap towards me from the tub, but I've not gotten in range, so it's not like it matters.

Running up to the tub, I engage by buffin' myself up, and attacking the front of it!

Bam!

That noise is satisfying. My arms hurt, but still...

Drifting backwards, the cracked tub vibrates gently. Fluffles with little wizard hats stand up. "friend no dont do that we need shelter"

Nope, nope. After I saw them turn a rabbit girl into five different bloody pieces, I held no more respect for fluffles. Even if they're adorable little things.

I engage the front again!

Bam!

The Prismriver's music loudly blares in the background as I assault the flying, fluffle-manned bathtub.

Porcelain chips rain to the floor, my melee attack fragmenting the front of the old, cheap tub.

...I look down as fluffles begin scaling my leg!

"Nope, nope, nope…!" I slam Tundra Bloomer into the floor, rattling the old floorboards. Channeling mana into it, I cast Gaia Seed…

Fwooo~...

The magical circle forms around myself. Sayonara, fluffle horde!

Activating, the misty magic makes me stagger, and my vision wane. The fluffles are peeled off by the weak downward force applied, and I distance myself from them by staggering forward.

With that done, I stomp forward towards the tub, and smack it with Tundra Bloomer-

Boom!

Shattering in two, the tub fell apart, and the fluffles all squirmed out.

"Yo, yo, yo~!" I desperately swung the clunky hammer hanger at them, in an attempt at clubbing them all! It was only marginally successful!

After a few moments, the fluffle tub's contents dispersed, fleeing into other parts of the mansion. Behind them was the stranded, broken remains of a tub.

Well, then!

...Jogging across the hall, I move into the room the fluffles burst out of.

The wall lead to what was not a room, but another hall. There was another hole they cleaved through here, but it seems to lead to a bathroom. Ho ho!

I progress into the bathroom. It was small and simple. Unknown, aged jars and bottles sat on the sink, and a broken mirror reflected dereliction. And me, which may or may not also qualify as dereliction.

...Leaving the bathroom, I took a look around the hall.

The hallway itself had a green tone to it. Not 'cause of the moss, but because there was this torn up ass faded rug. At one point, it may have been a darker green. It's faded, now…

Similar drapery and banners hung on the walls, bearing some swooshy symbol I don't recognize.

At the far end of the short hall, a door sits unopened. Flowing, ethereal chains slowly run across it, surrounding a luminescent keyhole in the center.

...Wait…

Leaving the hallway by going into the main hallway outside of the practice room, I go around it and take a left turn.

I find the other side of the door. Only when I get close to it-

Ting!

Oof. Barriers, yo.

...Honh.

So that means I bypassed that barrier. I dunno if I coulda broken it before, but there's no use in doing so now, especially now that the wall's already smashed for me.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I re-enter the room!

Two doors! One's at the far end and decorated, other one's on the right wall, similar to the bathroom. Hmm…

I move towards the farthest door. It beckons me, yo.

Reaching for the handle-

...I stop.

The handle jitters, sparks generating on it visibly and audibly as I bring my hand near it.

...Moving my hand in different directions, I play with the brightness and volume!

Whelp, that's a no, for now!

Door number two: will you kill me?

I bring my hand to the knob, slowly and carefully…

I touch it. Yo~! The madman!

Well, I'm not dead, or maimed, so this door should be safe.

After swinging it open, bookshelves fill my vision.

To the left, a desk sits. Pens sat splayed on the top, and papers laid strewn about on shelves and on the desk.

On the desk, too, there was a large book.

I glanced at it.

It was written in some-language-I-don't-knowenese! What I could make out were these funny illustrations. Symbols I didn't recognize filled three circles on one page, with one of the symbols furiously scribbled out by black ink. The aged paper was torn in that symbol as well, a pen stabbed through it.

...Well, that's good.

Lookin' around the room, I see sloppy notes in what looks like old-ass English. They'll never be as sloppy as my notes, though, yo.

There are some metal strings and parts in the corner of the room, in a box. Picking them up, I stare at them…

Scrap metal? What, they make freakin' tinker toys, or some shieut?

I bang 'em together!

Clang!

They stick together.

Dude- I was right!

Tinker toys!

Clang!

Now it's an H shape!

Clang!

U~h…

Clang!

I turned it into abstract art. Woah no.

...Putting down the abstract piece, I dig deeper in the box, and pull out some tinier, string-esque pieces.

...I slap one onto the abstract geometry I had concocted.

Ting.

Holding it up, the string was loose, but attached to where I slapped it..

...Hmm.

Taking out Fairy Brand, I took the strings, and began attaching them across the open areas of the plant hanger. The design of it leaves a lot of negative space on the inside!

Instead of just slappin' em on, I take great care to try pressing one on.

Nope.

...I smash it on!

...It worked!

Carefully positioning and smashing the other strings into place… I don't do much but add some kinda stupid strings. Honh.

I bring my finger to one, and pluck it!

A really tiny 'twing' is produced.

Whelp. Good instrument.

"What happened here!?" Lyrica's shout was heard from the hallway.

"...He-her room!" Lunasa's alarmed voice was audible, too.

Very quickly, the two poltergeists came across me.

Lyrica was cross. "What did you do!?"

Daa~h! "No-nothing!" ...I look down at my string-adorned Fairy Brand, and hide it behind my back. "Wouldn't think 'a anything!"

...Lunasa took a moment to obsessively inspect the room, gazing intently at the book, the pens, the pens under the table that I didn't see until she checked…

Wow. Now she's going through some of the books on the shelves…

"I- you know, I don't think he touched anything." Lyrica eventually decided, noting Lunasa's surveying. "Aside from the easy instrument parts, which we've touched, too."

"You can't just assume that." Lunasa insisted, lifting a discarded spoon up and down again.

...Sighing, Lyrica turned away. "Mmh. Alright, Lunasa.

I stand around awkwardly as Lunasa finishes her inspection.

"So you didn't touch anything… except for those." She noted, looking me up and down. "Can you read English?"

In return, I point at her! "What was the latest outside calendar year ya can remember!?"

She pauses. "...Nineteen twenty-six."

Ah. "Yeah- that's the thing, yo. I'm from two thousand fifteen!"

Her eyes visibly widen. "Ha-has it been that long…?"

I nod. "Apparently! Also: English. S'a bit different. Just a bit, yo."

...She folds her arms, looking displeased. "In what way?"

Freakin'... what's she got against me? Anyway, I go up to the book. "Mind if I read- try to- read this?"

"If you did, I would have to kill you."

"Geesh. Coulda~ just told me no." I nod slowly, the awkwardness settling in.

"I-I do what I have to do." Lunasa looks away, guilty.

I hold a hand up. "S'okay, yo. Got any, like, actual books for me to read in here, then? Like… the kind you won't have to kill me for?"

...Lunasa nods. "Follow me."

Ho ho!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Here is the actual library." Lunasa declares, spreading her arms as she shows me the large library the manor has to offer.

It ain't no Voile, not by a long shot. It's still pretty cool, though. Tall shelves, a faded green aesthetic which is even more faded than the super secret hallway, and some windows.

...She notices my mild approvement of the library. "...Have you seen bigger?"

Yeah. "Voile."

She rolls her eyes. "Figures."

Hyonk.

"...All of our books are in English or French. You can read English, right?"

I smile. "Yeah, yo. Gimme a book."

With that, Lunasa slowly takes to the shelves, likely picking out a good read.

Nineteen twenty wasn't that long ago. Surely I'll be able to read whatever it is.

VooVoo!

We both jump at the sound of a freakin' trumpet blaring from the wall.

...Huffing, Lunasa drew her violin, and played a chord.

Vriiii~!

A ball of shining, silver energy formed next to the wall where Merlin likely was. It was like, light and liquid at the same time. Merlin floated out, and got caught in orbit around it. "Wo-woah, woah, woah!"

...She just casted Magnet. Freakin' Magnet.

The spell ended, and Merlin hung in the air, upside down.

"...Honestly." Lunasa grins, returning to the books.

"What's gotcha on edge, Lunasa?" Merlin apparently saw something I didn't!

"Nothing." Smiling, Lunasa idly strafes along the bookshelf. "Why would I be?"

...Merlin nods slowly, righting herself. "'Cause you're still suspicious of crossdresser man over-"

Vriii~!

Blue flames envelope Merlin for a brief moment. Her lips move, but words don't come out. Once she realizes what happened, she pouts at her sister.

"...Some things are best left unsaid, sister." Lunasa sheepishly adds.

...She turns to me, but I just smile and wave.

"Ri-right, a book…" Lunasa continues to browse, consciously this time…

...The light shining in through the windows makes this dusty ass library look really nice!

"Oh!" Perking up, Lunasa drew a book from the shelf. "Here. This is one of my favorites…"

She hands me a book with a blank cover. Good. S'great for identification.

Opening it up, I see the title!

The Great Gatsby.

Oh no.

...I open to a random page.

"Hey, at least read it in order…" Lunasa pouts.

"I did, in fact, read this." I inform her. Not gonna spoil it for you guys, but lemme tell ya: the adventure's not terribly exciting…!

She furrows her brows. "What? A book this old? Surely it'd have been retired well into that time."

I raise a finger. "Media."

...She stares back blankly. "...What do you mean, 'media'?"

You freakin' old tyme noob. "Okay, okay, look: the old sport get approved to be used to educational purposes, yo. Thing's super popular just 'cause."

At that, Lunasa smiles. "...Oh? I'm glad so many people have read it."

You don't sound very convinced. "No- for real. Themes of, like… social commentary! Daisy and her fop of a hubby! That one mexican dude- I think- got with her? Wasn't there a guy named Ted?"

...Lunasa's expression became dry. "Did we read different versions of the same book? You're… only semi-accurate in your recollection."

Good enough! I'm getting warmer! "Ted Cruz! The leaks, Dahnald! I must protect the satellite link, Dahnald!"

"You lost me." Lunasa pouted again.

Daw. "...Well, I read The Great Gootsby, yo."

"I see…" Floating up, Lunasa almost went for a new book, but looked down at me. "So you can read the English from our time…"

Suddenly, her violin was at my neck. 'Cause that's how violin's work.

"What reason do I have to believe that you didn't read the book?" She glowered down at me, expression suddenly authoritative.

Wh-which book!? "...Wh-whaddaya mean-"

"Her book."

...Oh, that book. "...Is 'no' a good enough answer?"

"No."

Hypocrite!

"C'mo~n…" Merlin stops observing and says things. "You really think this guy would be after her? He's like, from a bazillion years later!"

"I-I don't know what it's like!" Lunasa snapped. "He-he could be from them, for all I care!"

...I raise my hand. "I'm American, yo."

At that, Lunasa's violin falls from my neck unceremoniously, flopping on the floor.

"...O-oh." Lunasa appears crestfallen. "...I-I'm so sorry. I-I thought…"

"I'm fluffy." I break the silence before it gets too awkward.

"See?" Merlin is smug as she gestures to me. "He's fluffy."

Nuggets, dude…

"...We-well, are you actually lost?" Lunasa tilts her head.

I shrug. "Kinda just wanderin' around… so yes and no."

At that, Lunasa nods. "Ah. You… made an 'instrument', did you not?"

I take out Fairy Brand again, and show off the strings!

It draws blank stares.

I give it a pluck!

twing

"Wow!" Merlin beams at it. "That's the crappiest improv instrument ever!"

"Now, Merlin…" Lunasa chides her sister. "...We could help you out, with that."

Ho ho?

Merlin nods enthusiastically. "Yeah!" ...She turns to her sister. "We can?"

"We can." Lunasa confirms. "Simply enchanting the strings should allow for amplification. Pre-programming what notes they play would be the simplest and easiest."

"Wo~w." Blinking, Merlin absorbs her sister's words. "...All went right over my head." Or not.

Lunasa snorted. "Where's our sister?"

"Lemme go get her!" Merlin took off, floating through the wall. Hmm.

"So~..." Lunasa was awkward. "Sorry for, uhm… threatening you."

I grin. "Don't worry about it, yo. S'not every day you get to tell people a poltergeist almost slit your throat with a violin." Violent violins!

Lunasa cringed.

...Eheh.

"We-well… consider this our apology." She built her composure back up. "We try to be good people, here."

Good dead people, yo.

...Wait, I almost forgot… "What's it like living in a maze-like mansion with the ability to fly through walls?"

Lunasa stared at me. "...Where did that come from?"

I point at the wall Merlin left from. "Home."

...She nods. "Well… I don't know. It's pleasant?"

Hmm. I might need some second opinions…

"What's this about enchanting…?" Lyrica floats in, looking vaguely annoyed. Merlin floats in behind her.

"Yo. Question:" I raise a finger. "What's it like livin' in a mansion and bein' able to fly through walls?"

...Lyrica went from vaguely annoyed to actually annoyed. "Good. Great. Why am I here, now?"

"We're going to enchant the strings on his instrument." Lunasa smiled casually.

...Lyrica gave an exaggerated sigh. "Really, now… Why?"

"Because I almost, in his words, 'slit his throat with a violin', and I'd rather not have a guilty conscience." Lunasa counters, still smiling casually.

Snorting, Lyrica conceded defeat. "...Good reason as any, I guess."

Woohoo! Hangers are an instrument!

With that, we prepared for the enchanting of my weapon. This preparation involved finding a table that wouldn't collapse into dust if you sneezed on it.

We sat at the third table we found.

"This time…" Lyrica cautiously pressed down on it. "...Good, I think."

Merlin jumped on it, the table producing a horrible creaking noise.

Lyrica's jaw dropped. "Merlin!"

"Wha~t?" Merlin pouted, getting off of the table. "It didn't break. Now we know it's-"

Snap!

"-fine…" Merlin stared down at the table in horror.

Lunasa facepalmed.

The fourth table seemed to be legit, though! 'Cause it was metal, and not wood. That, and we gave up and just went to the outside garden and told the library's wooden tables to sod off.

"Alright…" Lunasa cracked her ghost knuckles which didn't need cracking. "We're gonna make each string play a basic note. That's it."

...Vainly, Lyrica criticized the exercise. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Lunasa shook her head. "Heavens, no. It is all we have time for… and I'm sure all he'd know how to play." She gestures to me.

She's not wrong, either!

Nodding, Lyrica agrees. "Yea~h. Alright. Let's make it quick, then."

Lifting my hanger into the air with their magical poltergeist abilities, Lunasa and Lyrica quickly survey it, before getting to work.

"So~.." Lyrica taps along the strings I attached to Fairy Brand. "Simple ascending chords here, here, here, an~d here?"

Lunasa hummed pleasantly. "Mmm…"

"Awesome." Satisfied, Lyrica looked over the hanger. "There we go."

...That was freakin' fast!

She hands it over to me, and I take it. Standing from the metal garden table, I pluck the strings!

Twi~ng…!

There we go, yo. It's like a harp! Hanger harp! Harp hanger?

Fairy Harp. Yo~! New name, even though the upgrade was just a sorta crappy aesthetic piece! I mean, hey… it can play sound. S'pretty good technology for old.

"He looks happy." Lunasa smiles at me.

With that, Lyrica floated away, heading for the manor wall again. "Cool. C'mon, we gotta get ready!"

"What're we gonna do?" Merlin followed after Lyrica, twirling in the air.

"The same thing we do every night, Merlin. Try to take over the next concert!"

They phased through the wall.

Lunasa floats up from the table, herself. "Lively, aren't they?" You cheeky little… "Do you wish to stay, or do you think you will head out?"

I stand. "I think I'll book it, yo." Your mansion is cold, probably lacks food, and I might catch somethin' from the musty wood. As fun as it is here, I think I'll take my chances walking to the mansion!

"Alright. Visit the village, sometime. Youkai and human alike are welcome at our concerts." With that, she floated off.

...Wait, how does that even work!?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I wonder if Marisa and her goon squad reached here, yet.

Meiling stood against the gate, sleeping peacefully.

The fluffle stand was still here. "call now for your free snuggling"

...Walking up to the desk, I look the fluffle in its tiny decal eyes.

"...Wal?" It tilts its head.

"Rubber suit, blade appendages, red diamond bullets." I list off qualities of the gimp-suited fluffle things to it.

...It stares at me with that painted smile.

"Walnuts, son, do you speak them!?" If not, you will soon be destroyed!

"Waaa~l!" It raises its little fins!

That's it, son, you're gettin' fookin' caved.

Climbing onto the desk, I tip it over as I unceremoniously lunge for the fluffle. "Woaa~h!"

Thud!

"Waal~aaa~l!" The fluffle wails, as I crush it with my skinny body!

"Raa~h!" I don't have any hangers on hand so I just use the two weapons biology gave to me: fists!

I move my fists until they impact the fluffle's face. Unfortunately, this tires me out very quickly, because I'm also struggling to not collapse onto the floor from the weird angle I now share with the stand table.

"...What are you doing?" Meiling was baffled.

"Engh!" I shout from the fluffle stand.

...With that, the fluffle dissipates into dust. I did it!

Meiling helps me by tipping the stand back upright, which rights me, as well.

I stumble back from the stand. "...Yo~!"

She sighs. "...Mistress shouldn't be so hard on visitors, now. She's had some time to cool off about recent events."

Honh. "I got intel she requested!"

"O~h, that's right!" Meiling perked up. "Guess I can let you right in…!"

Before that… "Yo, you seen a certain book thief 'round here?"

Meiling blanched. "...Did she come by?"

I shake my head. "Her party probably woulda woke you up. I think." Now that I think about it… maybe not…

Meiling slouched. "I thought with the storm, I'd actually get to sleep for a bit…"

I tilt my head. "Aren't ya always sleeping?"

"...Yeah." Meiling sighs.

She totally pretends to sleep to gank people. "Cheer up, friend. There is always yester year."

...She snorts and grins. "Shut up."

With that, I walk up to the gate.

"Help." Please open sesame, friend.

"I wanna see if you can do it." Meiling smirked, not moving from her position against the wall.

I dunno whether to complain that you're being inconvenient, or be pleased by the fact you're challenging me!

Takin' out Tundra Bloomer, I boost my strength once again! "...Raa~h!"

Grappling with the gate, I begin pushing…

Hnn~gh! Harder!

Ho~ly shieut. Scarlet Devil Mansion gate is overpowered. Please nerf.

Panting, I concede defeat after not even managing to make the gate creak. "Freakin'... yo."

"...You can't tell me you walk around everywhere and can't at least figure this out." Meiling stares at me with a smirk. "I'll let you in on a hint: anyone can open it. You don't have to be strong."

Son, a fish can't climb trees! In this situation, I'm the fish!

I stare at the gate critically…

Grabbing onto it, I begin trying to shift it, as if it were some piece in a block puzzle, or a Rubix Cube…

Yeah, doesn't go so well.

...I try to tangle myself in the gate, but that's pretty hard to do intentionally. Hrrm.

Nearing one of the bars, I stare at it tenderly… "I want you in my life." I lick the bar.

"Wh-what the hell…" Meiling chuckles merrily. "Th-that's… I think I'm just gonna let you in."

I guess it worked, then!

Moving from the gate, I let Meiling push it open for me. "Didn't want you figuring out the way, anyway. It'd be pretty bad if it got out."

You know, what if she's just fucking with me and making this up? Then again, I don't think Meiling's that sly and jerkish.

"Happy snooze trails, friend." I wave at her as I re-enter the mansion for my uhmpteenth time in Gensokyo.

She waves back, closing the gate.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Meiling sighs, leaning against the wall next to the gate once more.

"Mayday! Mayda~y!"

She peeled one eye open, and scanned the clearing ahead of the gate.

Marisa slowly floated down, her broom smoking. On the broom were Sanae and Kasen, who were holding onto Marisa tightly.

Eventually, the broom's tip along with Marisa's heels dug into the dirt path in an almost soft manner. Slowly, the broom began to decline in speed, until the smoking broom stopped just shy of the gate.

...Meiling turned to the three. "Mistress isn't expecting anyone, today. Or Patchouli-sama. Or Sakuya. Or Flan-sama. Or Koakuma, or any of the innumerable fairy maids. That excuse will not work this time."

Marisa quickly stood up from her broom, adjusting her singed hat. "We got ambushed by fluff'n'stuffs, ze!"

Sanae slowly peeled off of Kasen's back, and onto the floor. "I-I got sand in my panties…"

Meiling stared at Sanae in horror.

...Kasen stood from the grounded broom, and sighed. "Considering you are not panicked, I take it things are fine here?"

Meiling blinked. "...Yeah? Why wouldn't-"

Boom! An explosion came from the manor's interior.

Meiling exchanged looks with Kasen and Marisa, before running up to the gate and swinging it open violently.

Cla~ng! The gate hit the inner brick wall, vibrating on its hinges.

"Oi, oi! Wait for us!" Marisa grabbed her broom from the dirt, and bolted after the gate guard.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 43

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice!

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has. Sparkles in the light due to fairy dust, able to reduce the accuracy of weak, biological enemies by irritating their senses with the dust. Can play beautiful, flat-tone musi~c!

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Has various negatives mentioned in earlier inventory summarizations…

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

Holy Talismans - Provides a holy upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

Electric Talismans - Provides an electric upgrade and elemental shift to a weapon of choice!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means!

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out…

A Wiffle Duster - For shoving up people's rectums.

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks of both the magical and physical variety. Gets a lance, and can shoot danmaku. Has a variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has a mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

today is October sixteenth, two thousand-sixteen.

this fanfic was uploaded October sixteenth, two thousand-fifteen.

holy shit

A year of FREAKIN GENSOKYO, folks. S'been a freakin' year since I started writing this unending trainwreck of plotlessness. A year to the day.

To commemorate this, I'm going to blab longer than usual in the author's note because it's this fanfic's freakin' birthday!

Now…

My intent with this fic was to do the "outsider OC" right; not only that but make it the typically horribly cringey self-insert, and try to do it right. I've discovered a few things in the past year, and what I've discovered is that that's pretty hard to do in text. My goal wasn't to make it non-cringe, but at least make the cringe comedic- it's cringe comedy! That being said, I tried to keep it minimalistic.

You can probably tell pretty easily where plot bunnies popped into my head and I followed them, and it's through this practice that I've been bettering my writing skills (or so I hope). This story's been entirely by the "seat of my pants", and while it may show, I hope it still flows well regardless.

I wanted to avoid giving my OC too much power, almost religiously including that in decision making sometimes. I always feel it sorta BS to give my guy anything, but at the same time there are opportunities to give him more. This drove my former editor / currently proofreader up the wall, since he's also the self-insert for the Matt chapters… and he's a lot more obsessed with power-oriented characters than I am (to the point of calling a character like mine uninteresting in comparison with Reimu or Marisa solely because I can't do the things they can do or fight the enemies they can).

On the note of fighting enemies: I did end up making there be a plethora of weaker enemies to fight. Fluffles weren't quite meant as such, even if they did fulfill that purpose. They were just… things. I've been told that they're Gary Stus of their own… but can you really say that of a tiny mook faction that does next to nothing (except for in this update)? 'Sides… s'kinda the point. Fairies make good cannon-fodder, by the way! I only wish I included proper Kedama, but I'll probably find a way to shoehorn them in later, somewhere.

I also wanted to avoid including too many OCs. Well, kinda failed that- but, I didn't expressively develop many of them, such as the random fairies of the SDM or the bunnies of Eientei. Screen time pretty much equaled development time, and less screen time means less display of potential personality. I let the characters speak for themselves, and I don't really give a crap about making a paragraph of what they look like. Black, long hair. Blue, short hair. Orange, with pigtails. Maybe tall, maybe short. I give vaguer descriptors because I'll be honest: if you wrote me an entire descriptive paragraph, I'd probably get the exact same info from it that I'd get from "black hair, tall, sharp eyes".

My proofreader's criticized this fanfic for not "following plot enough"- which is true- but also that that's a bad thing. My counterargument is that slice of life anime exists, but I wanna know from you guys: is the lack of plot in this fic (be it in gaining equips, dragging characters along for the sake of plot, meaningfulness of incidents) a bad thing? I probably asked something similar in a previous chapter in this update, but it's been like a month or two so y'know, bear with me, just writin' this reflection off the cuff.

My prose: dopey or on-point?

I'd ask about the comedy, but I think it's fine.

This whole fic kinda makes a point about it being more about the journey than the destination. I hope, anyway.

In the Matt chapters, I wanted to draw interesting audience reactions based on his actions. He was purposefully crafted by me and my proofreader to be generally unlikable to almost everybody, but still vaguely relatable, at least in comedic ways. I also wanted to make a point about the bluntness of murder and the potential in another human it extinguishes- and I wanted to do this by not lingering on any of the kills. Matt does them, comments on it briefly, and splits. Other youkai and humans pass judgement on his actions, but I (try to) make it clear that the story itself is not. May or may not be noted by the fact my character really doesn't care that Matt kills people. Judging by the reviews, I think I got the unlikable part down! (which isn't hard, but making them unlikable and still tolerable is the other part to consider).

My original intent was to make two different fics entirely, and have them cross over at certain intervals and having the crossover be apparent in each different fic, but I decided that'd be too much work- esp. in scenes that have both of us in them and it'd essentially be me rewording a chapter or chapter segment.

It's an interesting idea, even still…

anyway yeah

tl;dr is my story bad right now or is it good? if it's bad, please illustrate how bad and what's bad and maybe why it's bad

if it's good, please illustrate how and what and why too, friend

no obligations, not tryina be patronizing, and not fishin' for compliments; it just really helps me to get feedback on these kinds of things regardless of how you present it

...basically please review and tell me in detail what i did good/bad right/wrong etc i sell you slovakian king

thank you all so much for reading up to this point; i know i said i'm doing this for myself mostly… and I AM, but it also feels pretty great to hone the craft and better my skills, and make something generally presentable

maybe i'm just overthinking things but for serious feedback is pretty nice no matter how destructive; just be honest though yo

as always, see you all next time. here's to another year of writing!

~A FREAKIN' SKOOLATOON