(nuggets . w .) (by that i mean MATT ATTACK MAN)

A table behind me is alive with the clinking of beer mugs, and a cheer of merriment. To my right, the giant gaping hole that once exposed the bar's interior is now simply half of a giant gaping hole.

The bar's amber atmosphere was pretty much back to normal.

Komachi was a few seats away from me, but she didn't look like she wanted to be bothered. The other patrons of the bar seemed to respect this…

"Dude, I scared for this cart." Except for this one guy, who refused to use contractions. "I bought it, but like they got stolen."

...Komachi gave him a blank stare, before sipping from her oversized beer mug.

I haven't done much, after the rainstorm. The human village is surprisingly droll, when it's not going completely insane.

"Dude, help, please!" The guy brought his hands together, begging Komachi.

...Komachi rolled her eyes. "Go talk to~..." She spun around on the bar stool. Running her finger through the air, as if selecting which unfortunate soul would have to converse with her grammarless peon.

She points at the table behind me. "Them." She pats him on the back.

In the next instant, he's over there, in the same position, looking around in confusion.

...I feel like making molotovs. However, there is a barkeeper, and patrons. Either I sneak some alcohol out, or I make the above cease to be.

Considering Komachi, I think I would have better luck with the former.

...One board of the bar counter shakes, before it smoothly folds open, as if designed to open. A fluffle sticks its head out. "hi friends."

Shi~ng!

I don't see exactly what happens, but it's dead now. Komachi brings her mug up to her lips, and starts chugging it.

The plank smoothly closes.

...There's a back door along the right side of the bar, and the counter doesn't particularly block it. If I distract Komachi and the barkeeper, I should be able to take at least one bottle of alcohol without trouble.

The sound of wind blowing was heard from the half of a hole in the wall.

It's quite troublesome how I only have the fire scissors to-...

...Right. I have magic. Template magic, yes, but magic. This should be easy enough, then.

Saw blades.

Komachi turns to me, staring at me blankly.

...Well, that's annoying.

"Hello." I greet her.

She just stares, except her expression relaxes slightly, betraying fatigue.

How discreetly could I cast gravity?

She looks away, staring into her mug instead.

I wonder if the barkeeper is vulnerable to saw blades…

Komachi's staring at me again.

...I think I see how it is.

I feel like making my saw blade not kill someone.

...Komachi stares into her mug again.

Someone yells in the background. "Dude, I dropped my tendies!" There's the audible, soft thudding of the presumed tendies hitting the floor.

And now I want to kill again.

Komachi stares at me, again.

"What, do you see something you like?" It's not polite to stare.

She rolls her eyes, but doesn't comment.

...I feel like I'm going to go with gravity, though. There should be some good chaos to cause with that.

Again, Komachi no longer focuses on me. She sighs, staring ahead at the wines and such on the rack before us.

My eyes dart around the bar. They settle on the wine rack away from where I plan to steal, which is near the back door.

I place my hands on the counter. "Gravity." The bar's too loud for anyone to really care that I said anything.

Fwooaa~m…!

An orb of darkness expands down from the ceiling, a half of it visible as it casts itself down on the wall immediately behind the wine rack I wished to target. The orb expands to include the wine rack, and once it finalizes itself-

Ba-ba-bam! The racks give-

Sha~tter! A myriad of fine wines and beers are destroyed.

"Wha- oh, damn it…!" The barkeeper grabs his head.

Startled, Komachi springs into action, quickly using her hands and distance manipulation to rapidly save other drinks that continue to fall. Faster than one could blink, she stops entire shelves of drinkery from sliding to their doom, even if-

Shatter!

-she misses a few, here or there. Even so, I had mere seconds before the event ended.

Taking this opportunity, I walk briskly around the right end of the counter, pluck three bottles- as many as my arms could reasonably fit on short notice- and jankily open the back door, before marching off into the back alley.

/ / / / IN THE DARK OF THE FLUFF, FLUFFLES WILL FIND YOU / / / /

Now I need cloth. I am not entirely certain where I'm going to get that…

There was that one clothing store, but it doesn't seem easy to locate, considering the last time I found it was by bumbling about.

Alice would likely require payment. I may have money, but I wouldn't wish to dump it on expendables…

I slip one of the bottles of booze into my bag, only to find it too full of crap to stuff the rest in, and instead hold them in my free arm.

There's a fancy suit in the bag, but I don't feel like ruining that when some basic towels might do. I could, however, ask somebody for some cloth. One of these houses has to be wealthy enough to have a basic necessity like a towel.

I think I'll ask around.

Walking along the side of the road, I stop before a house with lit up windows, and walk up to the door…

Knock knock. It's the United States. And we brought a hundred pounds of ballistic freedom.

The door swings open. "He~y!" A young girl with tan skin and pale hair swings the door open smoothly, and leans against the frame. "...You're not Kaneie."

Quite. "Indeed, I am not. I have simply come to ask-"

"Sho-chan, who's that?" A guy leans out from a door frame inside.

"S'that Kaneie!?" Another guy leans out from over the other guy.

"Oh, fuck, Kaine-whoever-the-hell!?" A third guy leans out from the other end of the doorframe.

The tan girl turns around, takes off a sandal, and chucks it at the door, causing the three men to retreat. Then, she turns back around. "Sorry about that. What was it you wanted…?" She grins at me.

"Towels." I request. "I am in need of a good towel."

She nodded exaggeratedly, thrusting her chest out each time. "No~ problem. We've got a lot of towels, over here…"

Turning around, she calls out inside. "Hide-ku~n! We need a towel up here!"

"Ye-yes!" A guy stammers from inside, and then there's fumbling.

Patiently, I stand outside as a towel is retrieved from the house's interior. Noises come from inside as the woman also steps inside, likely to allow 'Hide-kun' to hand me the towel himself.

"Oi, Junji, let 'em through, would you?"

"Nobuatsu, don't-!"

Thwack!

"Geheh!" The scraggly voice of 'Hide-kun' squeaked from somewhere inside.

"Death shall come swiftly!" A deeper voice exclaimed.

Bam! "Knock it o~ff!"

Smash! "Oh shit!"

What's going on in there.

"If you boys don't knock it off, you won't get the pri~ze…" The girl from before teases them.

...Everything is quiet except for the frantic footsteps of others. Eventually, the person who I could only assume was 'Hide-kun' was pushed to the door with a towel.

"A-ah…!" He almost fell over from being pushed. Hastily, he ran up to me, and held up the towel. "He-here…!"

I take the bunched up, oddly tan, red, and brown towel from the relatively plain individual. "...Thanks."

"Ye-yes!" He gives me a not-so-confident variant of a confident smile, before swinging the door shut.

Well, that happened.

/ / / / TOUHOU: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL / / / /

Parking in a nearby alleyway, I begin to put down my booze and the towel. I am ready to create the molotovs.

"Hey."

Someone is here, it seems.

Turning to the right, I see a ragged-looking individual slowly stepping up to me. He moves slowly, smiling, but also looks rather tired.

"Some nice booze there." He begins grinning. "Mind sharing?"

"No." I do not trust back alley hobos.

His expression immediately drops. "C'mo~n, buddy…" His hand slides for his pocket on his baggy, brown cloth pants. "I'm thirsty, here."

Lifting my arm into the air and focusing, I nod. "You know what? Sure thing." I focus on the shape of what I want to cast…

He blinked. "...Really, now?"

Then, the saw blade was created. It launched at its typical diagonal angle towards the floor, the man's eyes widening as it fell.

"No."

He tried to throw himself out of the way-

Vrrrr~! It connected with the floor.

Shink! "Aaa~gh!"

The man's lower left ankle- from his view, that is- was removed. Red mist was cast into the air by the blade, which continued forward indiscriminately… until it connected with the back of a house, continuing into it through its wooden wall.

Not my problem, anymore.

"Yo-you motherfucker…!" The man hopped along on one foot, before nearly falling onto the nearest wall, his now-useless left leg bleeding from the angled slice along the bottom. He pulled out a sharp, rusty dagger with his left hand, but there wasn't much he could do with a single leg.

"Ma-mage!" He barked at me. "Fucking good for nothing mage!"

"Poor choice of words for your death throes."

However, I doubt he'll be able to injure me as he is. Although…

"My-my death what!? Say that to my face, magi-bastard!"

I just did.

I turn to the booze bottles, careful to keep an eye on his movements. I have a feeling he's got a death wish, by this point.

Running my hands over them, I don't actually do anything. Just run my hands over them, maybe rattle my knuckles on them.

I hear the panting, pained man next to me heave as he hopped along on one foot. "Hua~h!"

He loudly landed on it, a foot ahead where he was before. I turn to him.

What was his plan?

"Fuck you." He snarls at me.

That, apparently. I have to commend him for its intricacy and detail.

Brandishing my cursed wooden scissors, I twirl them into a position that's easy to stab with.

'di~e.'

...Well, someone seems to be angry.

"...Fucking scissors!? No!" The guy seems to want to hop away, before ceasing, choosing to glare at me instead.

And I don't mean him, either.

'di~e.'

It's almost a whisper.

'di~e.'

Maybe a bit louder.

'di~e.'

This is gonna get annoying.

"...The fuck're you staring for!?" The hobo waves his dagger around uselessly. "Never seen a guy you fucking mutilated before!? This magic man's first human eating season, huh!?"

He's also annoying. Time to put him out of his misery.

Stepping towards him, he holds his dagger high as I slowly move around him.

"Hey- hey, fucker… I'll stab you!" He grits his teeth. "I'll fucking kill you! You're not better than me!"

I mean, I have two legs that work… and you don't. That might be an objective difference.

Eventually, I manage to get behind him. He tries to readjust himself to simply lean on the wall, but I move quicker to make sure he can't turtle up against it.

Knowing I wasn't going to waste time, he desperately tries to use his ruined leg to run. He steps on it-

"Aaa-aaa~h!" He manages one step before he recoils the foot violently, probably not expecting it to hurt as gruesomely as it did. He scrapes the open wound on the dirt floor of the village alley, before dropping onto his stomach, his balance destroyed by the pain.

He could potentially also turtle by rolling over, but-

"Aa~h, fuck! Fuu~ck…"

-I don't think he's really thinking about self-defense at the moment.

Quickly, I drop down onto his back with my knees-

"Gehah!?" He starts flailing-

Shink! I slip the scissors into the back of his neck, putting as much power as I could into it to make sure the stab actually worked. I am uncertain how sharp wooden scissors actually are.

"Guuaa~h!" He pushed against the ground ineffectively, before his arms slowly gave.

The scissors briefly glowed, the unholy light softly burning in the shady dark alley.

Then, I saw tendrils, of some form. They were similar to the ones I saw on the Saigyou Ayakashi, if smaller, and less expansive. They stretched down the man's neck, seemingly following above the veins, before stopping, and solidifying.

...Standing and leaning over, I reached for the wooden scissors, then drew them from the man's neck. It detached from the tendrils, which were now wooden, left on and possibly inside the man's body.

Interesting. These deserve a name better than 'cursed wooden scissors', at this point… and so I don't have to say 'cursed wooden scissors' over and over. I think I shall call it…

Chaos Oath.

Now, to make those molotovs, at last!

Dusting myself off, I put away Chaos Oath and pick up the towel. Unfurling it, I spread it out to get a good look at the size of it…

There's an image on it- an anime-esque design of Reimu in a red bikini.

Okay.

...Taking out Chaos Oath again-

'di~e.'

Be quiet.

-I try to cut the towel with it. I~t's… hmm. Not excellent at towel cutting, comparably.

Putting it away, the thought to use flame scissors briefly crosses my mind, before I dismiss it as incredibly stupid.

So I got one choice…

The pink scissors, obviously.

Taking those out, I try to snip with them.

These things probably couldn't cut Play-doh.

I exchange them for the steel scissors, and go to work.

Snip, snip, snip…

After a few minutes of what was probably over-precise and unnecessarily accurate cutting, I had three even pieces of cloth.

I could stick the cloths in now, or wait for when the time is right. I'd rather the latter, so there's no chance for the alcohol to spill. Cloth is not a waterproof sort of substance.

The need for a bigger bag to hold things is dire. The only thing that I'll attract carrying around two big bottles of booze is more hobos. If I stay in the alleys, anyway. I don't think I'd get harassed in broad daylight in the midst of the city's streets.

Fortunately, it's day.

I place the cloths in my left pocket. Taking the bottles in my free arm and putting away my scissors, I progress to the main street…

Cool autumn air offset the somewhat dirty hustle and bustle of the village's populace. I never typically see colorful characters walk the street normally, for some reason…

As I step onto the street side, I hear gasps from the parted bystanders, who've moved to the edges of the road to examine two oncoming individuals…

Two individuals dressed in red and orange clothing stepped down the street, taking their sweet time as they did so. The shorter one was barefoot, though her legs unstained by dirt. She was nuzzling a leaf-swept fluffle, that had no limbs.

"Honestly…" The taller one spoke. "Why do you insist on hanging onto that dust rag? We're in public, you know."

"But it smells nice." She insists. "...They're easy harvest."

"Sure they are." I assume the scoffing girl is the elder sister.

The bystanders exchange in kind and unkind words.

"It's the autumn gods…!"

"I-I have to talk to them…!"

"Filthy garden variety gods." ...I never thought I'd hear someone say that.

"When was the last time we've even grown crops?" I am fairly confident this village is without farms. That is probably more than somewhat worrying, but everyone seems to be fine, by some strange miracle.

Goddesses, huh? Apparently of Thanksgiving, or something. Who gives a crap about Thanksgiving?

"...I feel a lot more… animosity, than last year." The taller one narrowed her eyes. "Things are never quite the way they seem around here, are they?"

"...Yeah." The smaller one lowered the crippled fluffle. "Something feels like it's missing."

With that, they continued down the road.

...Slowly.

I continued myself, taking care not to step too far into the midst of the street, lest I attract unwanted attention.

Where could I find a bigger bag? Hmm.

I believe the school could have some handy bags around. Hopefully. I'm assuming kids use books, here.

Keine might also not like me, when she sees me. So she won't.

...I'll also need to find somewhere safe near the school to set these bottles down, for the time being.

I step into the village square, and-

Despite the cleared out road that preceded it, the village square was packed today. Hair of many colors, some impossible, filled the village square.

"Dude- that's my cart!" Some guy runs after another guy toting a cart, before leaping onto the cart. "Give it back! Give it back!"

"What the...!?"

...I think I'll take the long way around.

Looking to the sides, I see a path from the fronts of the stands that should be sensible enough to navigate. I move towards the first, unmanned stand, which has no people commuting to or from it, intent on passing it-

Crack! Crack! Crack!

In front of it, three thorny vines shoot out, obstructing my progress. They wiggle in place, doing nothing eventful, except for being obstructive. They were about as tall as me.

...Alright, then. I could either go behind the stand, or wade through a small amount of people to get to the other side of it.

I turn to the left to go around the stand-

Crack! Crack! Crack!

The side and interior of the stand has similar vines shoot up from the floor.

This might become a problem.

I wait for the people to disperse around the first three vines. Once they do, I move around them, and they make no moves to stop me.

Now, I'm between the empty stand, and a stand that sells…

"Concert ticke~ts!" A girl with lilac hair held up some neon blue tickets, of some kind. "Grand instrument palooza, three days!"

...Some people came to the front of the stand.

She sighed. "Hopefully Yatsuhashi's doing better than I am…"

Easy enough to go around. I move behind the line at the stand-

Cra~ck!

A surge of five vines erupts from the floor, getting in my way. A few bystanders stop, and gawk at the sudden disruption, a few wisely moving away from whatever's happening here.

Fwo-Shi~ng!

Bright light flashes up from the edges of the town square, a shimmering surface of some kind encapsulating the square.

"What…?" The girl at the stand blinks. "...Huh."

Other people aren't as collected. "Dude- no! This is because you took my cart!"

"This isn't your damn cart, kid!"

Moving faster, I began navigating towards the midst of the crowd, curious to see what would happen.

More vines erected from the ground around me, some allowing paths through, some blocking convenient ways-

"A-aaa~h!" Some girls screamed, their footing displaced by the vines. A few people were trapped inside the segments I was, and began running like maniacs. For some reason.

The vines weren't even doing anything. If anything, they're clearing the way for me.

I progress towards the center of the square, seeing as they like to push me near the people before immediately scaring off all the people-

...Then the vines were in front of me, blocking the immediate center of the square, and scaring off people.

...In the distance, I saw a stall's sign flip, its blue design changing to a green one. "Get Xavier's anti-weed device here! For only two hundred thousand yen!" He rose an actual, modern weed whacker into the sky. It was one of the cheap kinds you'd see on television infomercials.

The scary part is that people were actually moving to the stand.

The vines that I was no longer near retracted into the earth, leaving behind disrupted dirt.

If this is just going to be random vines getting in my way, then I suppose I don't have too much of a problem.

Marching around, attempting to look somewhat panicked for the sake of people not thinking I was making the vines, I progressed. It was simple trial and error to move around the town square, and the sections between the middle and the rim usually let you walk through without issue.

People got increasingly frantic, however, because vines are apparently deathly terrifying.

"These fair people are under assault!" The girl with the tower hat who offered blessings leaps from her stand. Floating into the air, plates began whirling around her. "Worry not, for I shall protect thee from Mother Nature's cruelest wills!"

People, at that point, tried their luck with the barrier that surrounded the square. As they walked into it, it shimmered, simply stopping them from leaving.

As I watched the barrier shimmer in the sky around me, my eyes rested on the balcony of the Golden Grin casino, which was a good few hundred feet away from the town square.

From the top balcony, someone with green hair was sipping tea, looking directly upon the town square.

When I rest my eyes on the glimmer of green hair and plaid clothing in the distance, the vine before me sprouts a flower.

I immediately feel worse about this.

"Aero!" The flying dish girl casts a wind shield upon herself, before hovering down towards my position, as it's the only position with-

Bam! Bam!

Immense, thick vines shoot out to impede her progress. Her wind shield shimmers as a vine directly jabs at her. "Ehn!?" She's sent hurtling through the air, the plates revolving around her shattering… or falling and then shattering.

I briskly move away from the red flower, as it slowly begins glowing. I keep my eyes on it-

Fwam! A brief, thick spread shot of danmaku fires out, but dissipates mere feet away from where the flower fired.

| Everyday Gensokyo: Yuuka Kazami's Perspective |

...How boring. The tea's fine, though, so at least that wasn't a lie.

She's next to me.

"Having fun?"

"Hardly." When I was told I would get to toy with the human village… I knew Yukari was hiding something. "The last time I held back this much, I was shaking a snow globe."

That's really all this is. It's boring.

Yukari made an irritatingly smarmy face. "Well, if it's really that tedious for you, you may exercise a little less discipline."

Please. "And the flying dishwasher?"

"Oh, you can just destroy her. She's asking for it." Yukari folded a fan before her face, to hide her smile.

...

"Who are you to tell me how to play with my toys?" I grin back at her. "What would you do were I to break them, hmm?"

"Find out." Yukari dared me.

Over some phony deal.

"Look, if it's really that bad…" Yukari was looking for reasons not to piss me off. She was doing a pretty bad job at it. "Make them dance, then, or something. Be creative."

...I guess. Actually…

...Oh. I've been spotted. How unfortunate.

She's gone.

/ / / / FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MATT'S PERSPECTIVE / / / /

Power walking down the middle of the vine maze, flowers of varying worrying colors begin spawning atop some of the vines that get in my way.

A yellow flower blooms on a vine ahead of me. As I walk by it-

Zap.

...Ouch. It stung me, a little.

I stare at it, giving it a slightly mean stare before I start walking a-

Zap.

Annoying thing.

Quickly hurrying away from it, I see blue flowers bloom as I walk by them…

If these things are all elementally balanced, I'd really rather not stick around to find out what water and electricity do together.

In the distance, a huge, bulbous, yellow flower blooms in the town square, tearing dirt from the ground as it rises.

The floating girl glared down at it. "Begone, vile plant!" She threw her arm out, plates rushing to meet it-

Shatter!

-before breaking on its side. Then-

THWASH THWASH THWASH

The girl's juggled so high by the electrical blasts that she soars into the sky, somewhere. The barrier shimmers really high up, stretching far into the sky, apparently.

I attempt to get on track for the road towards the school-

Crack, crack, crack. A whole line of vines, in the way. Atop each of them, a red flower blooms…

Backing up, letting them fire their wall of short-range danmaku, I continue to the left, intent on going around them, somehow.

Bam!

"Xavier's stand!"

Xavier, the raving lunatic, gapes before his stand, the wind girl lying in the crashed ruins of it. I say 'lying', but it's more like 'swirling around helplessly inside her wind bubble'.

"What have you done to Xavier's discount prices!?" Xavier bellows. He removes his shoe, and tosses it at the wind shield-

Vrrrr~. The wind shield destroys it.

...Xavier looks like he doesn't know what to make of that.

Zap. Zap.

Two more mildly annoying bolts jolt me, keeping me on the move.

Zap. One erects near Xavier, and zaps him.

"Enough!" Revving up the discount weed whacker, Xavier holds it to the sky. "Xavier will have his revenge!"

And so, he attacks the electric flower with it.

Vrrr~!

...It got a few petals.

Vrrr~, vrrr~!

It's worse at its job than I thought.

I was being pushed towards his position by the vine maze's structure.

The girl floated into the air, again. "Th-this time… I-I'll…"

FWOOSH

A massive geyser erupted from under her, sending her soaring again.

It was at that moment, four fire flowers spawn around me, and fire danmaku without bothering to glow. "Guh…"

At least be consistent. That was rather blatantly assault.

However, from here, I see a white flower bloom across the square, lighting up unnaturally bright once its petals fully extend.

"Xavier punishes you!" Xavier was still working on that one lightning flower. A blue flower bloomed behind him, and began shooting bubbles of water at him-

Pop Pop Pop!

He was soaked. He turned to the flower. "Who dares wet the dealer of dis-"

Zap.

"Egegeh!" He jitters violently. Once he stops, he turns to the lightning flower, charred and glaring. "A thousand curses upon your house!"

I begin jogging towards the white flower, even if it's not exactly in the direction of the street I want.

Zap. Zap.

Fwam! I harrowingly avoid another unexpected burst of danmaku.

Xavier gets similar treatment, but the flower stops to actually glow for him to signal that it will fire. Xavier unfortunately takes the time to mock it, instead. "Glowing flower mocks Xavier! It will feel my machine!"

Fwam!

"Oo~h, wa~h!" Xavier wails, sent flying from the larger spread of danmaku.

He soars out ahead of me, and rolls off the top of a few electric flowers.

Zazazazap! They strike him multiple times during their brief contact.

"Gaa~h!" Xavier was having fun.

Eventually, with much moving in a linear direction and ignoring the mean flowers out to maul me, I reach the holy looking flower.

It's glowing irritatingly bright.

Then, I hear a chime of some kind. Green light spreads in a circle around the flower, and it appears as if golden, purely mana-constructed vines spread around the flower and me, for only a moment.

Then they were gone, but I felt better about living. The aching pain the danmaku left me with was gone, and I felt re-energized.

The path I came from was blocked off by a line of vines, which began sprouting water flowers. Then, lightning flowers began blooming all around the holy flower. There was a 'convenient' path that opened, the vines receding. There was another holy flower at the end, but it was back where I started, essentially.

Nope. Not happening.

I turn back to the direction I came-

Splash!

A torrent of bubbles breeze past me, soaking me. Oh, well.

...And then there was the lightning flowers.

Zap, zap, zap!

"Egugegugh!?" Ouch.

My muscles spasm, and I stumble for a moment-

Then there's that chime again. More green light stumbles outward, and the golden ivy spawns for a moment, again.

Like that, I was healed from my electric shock therapy.

Of course, she must realize, this means war.

Taking my fire scissors, I approached the water flowers, which delighted my face with bubbles, again.

I brought the blade across their midsections, and let fires start. Unfortunately, most of them burned out quickly, due to their wet nature, but I kept at one. If it's immune to fire, it's at least not immune to stabbing and cutting.

Zap, zap zap!

"Egeguhgugh!?"

That chime was becoming deafeningly irritating.

As I healed again, I stabbed through the middle water flower vine-

Shink!

-and wiggled through the two other ones. They continued to shoot bubbles in the wrong direction, and ended up wetting the holy flower.

Zap, zap, zap!

It exploded after being electrocuted, casting one last healing spell that missed me entirely. Thankfully, I wasn't there to be electrocuted or soaked, either.

I marched ahead, until another wall of vines appeared before me. These ones were electric-based, it seemed…

Kneeling, I put down one of the bottles of booze, and cork it open-

ZaZaZaZaZap!

"Gh…" They hurt a lot less when you're not wet, let me tell you.

I pull a piece of the Reimu bikini towel from my pocket, and pour some booze on it. I stuff the alcohol-laden rag into the bottle, and ready my fire scissors again.

I swiped it across the rag.

Fwoosh. It was alight.

Holding it up high, I tossed it at the wall of electric vines.

Shatter!

Fwoo~m.

Flaming alcohol covered the electric vines. They lashed around, writhing violently, jerking and spasming, before flopping over, practically disintegrating under the brief flame's wrath. The vines that acted as walls around them lit alive too, crinkling into awkward angles before they became ash. Embers were thrown into the air from the vines that burned.

...Slowly, they went out, the ashes still smouldering. The vines in the torture circle that I escaped stopped casting repeatedly. The vines attacking Xavier suddenly paused, allowing him to take out a sweat rag to wipe himself with.

...Bam! That wind girl fell from the sky, bouncing off the floor within her wind bubble.

I looked around. Everything seemed to halt for a moment.

In the distance, upon the balcony of the Golden Grin casino, a red light shone brightly, for only a moment. It was enough to catch my attention.

Bam, bam, bam, bam!

The barrier around the town square began cracking, the entire infinitely stretching cylinder breaking into a spider web pattern, but still holding in place, for now.

Four large, red flowers, twenty feet tall, stuck up from the earth. They aimed their petals straight up into the air…

Fwoom, fwoom, fwoom, fwoom!

They each fired a spread of three fireballs into the air, all the size of houses, flying straight up.

"Woaa~h!" Xavier was flung by a large, maroon red vine. After it erected, it began to hang in the air in my direction, as it slowly accelerated, tearing through the dirt flooring as it seemed to glide near me, in a way.

Quickly, I gathered my things, and began moving. It had little control over where it went after it accelerated, but I could see drops of lava and embers drip from the hanging portion of the vine. After it clearly missed me, it retracted into the earth.

The fireballs fired into the air exploded. The sky was orange, inside the barrier. The firestorm overhead began to rain down embers, much to the discontent of the bystanders who were hugging the walls…

"A-ah!" The wind girl stabilized herself, at last. "The good towns people! No!"

Whirling towards the people, she began sending out plates to redirect the embers that fell, trying to protect the lemmings.

"Xavier will die for town and nation!" Xavier lets out his war cry as he bolts for one of the huge fire flowers.

I look at the torture circle of vines, which is still 'alive', but very, very idle. It'll probably burn soon, but…

I dash towards the fire flower-

Crack! The lava vine erupts before me, and slowly tilts towards me. I navigate past it, and run towards the fire flower. As I get close to it, the petals tilt towards me, and a shower of flames forces me to stay back.

Holding up my arm, and strafing in case that one vine got any funny ideas, I begin to cast a saw blade. Throwing my arm forward, it existed.

Vrrrr~!

The saw blade landed in the floor, rolling forward.

Shi-shi-shink!

It tore into the plant's base, ripping up the bulby bottom of it. The plant stopped spewing fire momentarily, jittering as it was disrupted by the saw blade.

Sliding out my dash scissors with my free hand, I close the distance between myself and the fire flower with a few quick slides.

Now I'm under the petals.

Under here, I continue strafing. That lava vine eventually cracks up from the floor again, and it tracks me. I lead it into the plant…

...All it does is displace and tilt it a bit. The roots are apparently pretty hardy.

I slip out Chaos Oath.

'di~e.'

I'm explicitly trying not to.

I channel my mana into it…

My arm's blood begins to pound, and the pounding sensation spreads throughout my body. As my body and muscles twitch and ache from the sudden intensity, I quickly stab the scissors into the plant, and hold the scissors there.

fwwooa~h

A loud hum is heard as it glows brightly, the unholy light offsetting the deep amber glow of the burning battlefield.

Tendrils spike out, rapidly binding the entire large flower. The green color of the plant's chlorophyll begins to fade to a dull brown, which slowly gives way to an even unhealthier blackish grey.

The tendrils extend over the petals, the plant jerking and shimmering unnaturally as they spread.

Once they unite in a mesh over the plant, they stop. I tear the scissors from the plant, and pocket them, cutting my mana to it. I stumble backwards as the tendrils turn from black into a grey wood.

I'm not bad enough to fall over, fortunately. Just enough to feel like I should be, because that thing makes you dizzy. Hmm~...

...The black petals of the dead fire flower begin to turn a pale grey, before pink color slowly fades into them.

I don't think a certain someone is going to be happy with that.

The mesh seemed to hold the withered and wrinkled bulb base in place, as the flower's petals lazily tipped at an awkward angle.

Fwam. A pink, awkwardly shaped mass of energy shot out. It left blurs in the air as it fell to the floor, falling short of anywhere useful-

Fwoaa~m. It expanded into a black circle, with a pink rim. Cherry blossom petals seemed to float out of the hole, propelled by an undefined wind. After a few moments, the hole closed up.

Well. That was interesting.

...The three other fire flowers all tilt their petals towards the now alien one.

Uh oh.

The red flowers begin glowing, so I run to the side to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

Then, all three of them fired vibrant, orange beams. They collided with the corrupted flower, and went out after a few seconds.

The corrupted flower was an inferno for one moment, and gone the next.

That's unfortunate.

The embers from above began to stop, the fire storm overhead ending.

"Thy prayers have been answered!" The wind girl soared towards the one Xavier was working on, plates whirling around her. "I shall vanquish these youkai!"

Xavier had beaten his weed whacker against the flower to the point that the blades snapped off entirely, leaving him with a cheap plastic stick. "Xavier can handle youkai Xavier's self!"

She crossed her arms, and did a sassy pose. "Heaven Sign! Rainy Iwafune!"

Hovering through the air, raindrop shaped objects began to appear everywhere she flew. Then, each shatters into thick drops of water danmaku as she leaves. Like this, she cycles over all three of the fire flowers.

Thwa-thwa-thwack! Loud noises came from Xavier's head, as danmaku raindrops bombarded it. "A thousand curses, Taoist nincompoop! Xavier mocks you!"

I stand back, and watch the rain. Blue light washes over the battlefield.

After a few moments, however, it ends. The flowers are in sad shape, very much wilted. They aim up at the wind girl, but all they can manage are dinky fireballs that succumb to gravity.

Shatter!

The grand barrier explodes into many, many large and small fragments. They fade into the air, unlike glass might, and cease to exist.

The pedestrians promptly run like hell. "Holy shit!"

"I-I'm alive! I'm alive!"

"God damn! What a bar story!"

"...I'm sure Yatsuhashi is having a better time, right now."

...I look back at the balcony.

It's empty.

...Hmph. I had plans to pay her a visit, too.

...Where was I? Oh, right. Bigger bag.

I begin walking off towards the direction of the school, now unobstructed by either a crowd, or vines.

/ / / / THE BOY WHOSE SKULL WAS CRUSHING HIS BRAIN / / / /

Outside, along the side of the school, I sat down the booze on the floor, carefully hidden by a broken desk that was left back here. That way, no hobos should see it. Not that hobos should be around the school, unless they feel like educating themselves with discarded textbooks and worksheets.

I begin walking along the side of the building, looking to see if there was an easy backpack to snag or something, if they have backpacks in the ancient-as-hell era.

I round the corner, and find a friend.

Yuuka stands there, her arms folded. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Yeah, maybe. "Oh, of course not. Is there a problem, madam?"

"Not particularly." Yuuka idly tilted her head. "You seem to have been busy."

Hmm. "Busy? I'm not sure I follow."

She snorts. "...You imply one of us is an idiot."

I blink. "An idiot? Oh, I would never. Whatever do you mean?"

She grabs me by my collar in one fluid motion. In the next instant, we're at the brick wall around the school, which was at least twenty feet away.

Bam!

Not… that it matters… when you're in pain…

"Don't waste words." Her eyes are narrow as she holds me against the wall. "Playing diplomat here will only get you killed."

...I'd ask her how I'm not dead yet, but I'm pretty sure I would then promptly die.

She lets go of me. "Infants should be honest. It's not good to tell fibs." Then, she backs away towards where she was.

Maybe that's the reason I lie a lot.

"Now, where was I…?" She brings a hand to her chin. "Oh, right. Since one of us is an idiot, I'll make my questions blunt."

I think she's butthurt.

"How many lives have you taken?" She questions.

"Didn't keep count."

For awhile, she just stares.

"...How many youkai?" She has a half-smile, of sorts.

"Only two."

She snorts, nodding.

"Have you pissed anyone off yet?" She folds her arms again. "Besides me."

"Plenty, don't even get me started." It's a pretty long list.

"Tell me…" She looks to the side, not fully paying attention to me. "Do you know what a 'perspective' is?"

I… am not sure what she means. Genuinely so. "Don't have a clue. Might have heard of it before."

"Who?" It's more of a command than a question.

"Brad." Obviously. I'm sure this is his fault in some way, too.

"Those are some interesting scissors you're carrying." Yuuka's eyes lock on my bag.

Oh, boy. "I have plenty of interesting scissors." You know. All two, three pairs, discounting the blatantly steel ones.

"And I take it you think you're its chosen wielder." She states.

"Not really." I admit. "It really seems to hate me."

Yuuka grins. "...Oh. Then I suppose it wouldn't mind if I killed you?"

"You know, I don't think it would." I reflected. "It might even appreciate it."

She sighs. "Ho~w unfortunate. I suppose it will have to suffer."

Called it.

"Yukari made it quite clear," she began, "that 'perspective holders' such as herself are not to be disturbed… which basically amounts to 'slain'." She nods. "She is no problem. However, as of current, she sees the death of two weak mortals as something of such importance as to threaten battle with me."

She leans against the wall, and yawns. "You're not worth a few hundred years, kid. But…" Then, she grinned widely. "Keep killing. You'd do it no matter who tells you not to."

She begins walking away, breaking from the wall. "Someday, I will find you, and I will kill you. And what is yours, will become mine."

She's many feet away before she speaks again. "If you're not dead by then."

Oo~h, don't worry. Us humans only live to one hundred… at a stretch.

After a few moments, she hovered down from above. "Oh, yeah. Yukari wanted me to give you some crap. It's a gift from Youmu."

Run.

I turn, and run in the opposite direction-

Shi~ng!

...I turn as the ground vibrates softly. Yuuka is nowhere in sight.

A pair of rusty hedge cutters sit where I was moments ago, embedded in the dirt.

Now I really need a new bag.

/ / / / BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING / / / /

The windows of the school fail to show me anything more than desks, tables, and chairs. There were some cubby holes along the walls inside, however. If those don't hold bags, they do not deserve to exist.

The only problem was that it was midday, and class seemed to be in session. It also seems that more people teach at this school than just Keine.

Keine would probably annihilate me on sight. Which means…

I take my new suit from my bag, as well as the fox mask that I had acquired earlier, and don them. It takes a few moments of adjusting, struggling, and furious tugging, but I manage to secure the suit on myself.

The mask isn't terribly comfortable, but I expected as much. I'll probably get used to it.

It was white, reminiscent of a fox, with long red stripes running up the nose and along the eyes.

With my new outfit equipped, I adjust my spiffy bow tie.

Now… if I want to keep things neutral, I should probably use the front door.

Moving around the school's side, I walk in through the front door without much notice. There's no one at the front reception desk, even if I can hear the sounds of class commence down the halls.

Good security.

...I heard rapid footsteps coming from behind. Quickly, I stepped into one of the halls, and moved behind the doorframe.

Whoever was running inside didn't have the mind to think what I did was suspicious. They ran through the same hall I entered, and I saw the frantic person.

Baggy red pants. Long, white hair. This seems to be Fujiwara no Mokou. At least, I know that much.

"Damn, where the hell…" She looks around at each door hastily. "Not at her house, and not in her office…"

She sprinted forward, skidding to a halt before a closed door. Then, she swung it open, moving inside the room and shutting the door.

...Well. That was interesting.

I tried to move, but found my foot impeded by something fluffy.

Looking down, I saw a fluffle. "i came to get an education!"

No.

I move my foot over it, and bring it down. A soft brushing sound is made as the fluffle collapses into dust, my sneaker crushing it.

These halls have no lockers. I don't think high school is a thing, here.

Walking forward, I keep my eyes open for a classroom with open doors. I eventually pass the room Mokou went into, and stop before it. Standing next to the door, I listen in…

"-you not see what just happened!?" I probably didn't need to eavesdrop to hear that.

Someone else sighed. "...Yes, I did see it." Sounds like Keine. "There was a barrier, though. I couldn't do anything about it."

Mokou growled. "Well, we at least have to find who the hell did that… We're lucky the flying dishwasher was there to soak up glory, or the entire village square would've been toast."

"...Where do we begin?" Keine questioned, sounding unenthused. "I'm not sure if I can help, Mokou. I am in desperate need of getting this school back in order, after my extended absence."

...Mokou huffed. "Damn."

I heard footsteps towards the door. "Alright. Thanks, Keine."

"Sorry I can't be of more assistance…"

I begin walking away from the door, minding my own business.

The door swung open, followed by Mokou exiting the room.

I meander away in a casual manner. Mokou turns, eying me idly for a moment, before briskly walking off.

She pauses, though. "...Hey. You see what went down in the square?"

I was not facing her, at the moment. I keep walking.

Mokou rolls her eyes. "He~y. You."

Maybe if I round a corner, she'll leave me alone. Continuing down the hall, keeping my pace casual, I hear her gradually pace after me.

At the end of the hall, I round the corner.

On the right, a door is open. Progressing towards it, I feel my pace tighten and slightly increase as I eagerly set inside.

It's an empty 'classroom', except with tables, and lower quality than the rest of the classrooms. No one was here, and it looked more like a shop class, of some kind. Except without the things that made it a shop class, except for a few bolted on hooks that hung from the walls.

Large windows were at the back of the room. Walking up to one of the large windows, I stood there.

It can't be opened, contrary to previous belief.

Well. Guess I'll just… stand here, then.

I hear someone step past- and into- the room.

"The least you can do is give me the time of day." Mokou seethes. "I know you class act types can't stand me, but would it kill you to give me a fucking word edgewise?"

"It is early in the evening." I stare up at the sky outside the window. "And the sun is still high."

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh." Mokou's contempt was palpable. "Alright, whatever. See ya."

With that, she walked off, displeased.

That was easier than I had anticipated.

Sadly, there is nothing in this room for me. I should try the other wing of halls. Someone has to have left their doors open, for their noisy students to project their madness onto the outside world.

Moving out into the hall, I don't see Mokou at all. I continue down the hall, but notice a new door open on the right. It was Keine's door.

"Say, Keine…" There's where Mokou was.

The teacher addressed her solemnly. "I already told you…"

"No, no, s'not about the square." Mokou quickly adjusted the topic. "...This one teach 'a yours, he-"

"Oh, I don't want to hear it." Keine sighed. "You always have a problem with the staff here. I can't keep mediating your interactions."

"Am I wrong, though?" Mokou sounds defensive.

Keine takes a moment to consider. "...Not usually, no. Although it usually doesn't matter, overall…"

"Look- it's the one with the outsider suit." Mokou described my attire. "You know, that really stuffy looking kind? All black, kinda like a coat, sorta. Except not quite as… tough, I guess."

"I don't remember hiring a teacher like that." Keine spoke flatly. "You mean a tuxedo, right?"

Mokou shrugged. "If that's what they call 'em."

I should probably move with haste. It is now the time to speedrun this.

I begin running down the hall, past the open door.

Keine tenses up as I pass. "Ah- hey!"

Drawing the sleek black scissors, I begin sliding ahead, one awkward movement at a time.

Mokou and Keine run into the hall behind me, but I'm already at the other end when they even think of chasing me. I think of taking a look back, and almost do-

Bam! I slid into the wall while moving forward. Awkwardly, I stumble away from it, before I continue through the front lobby.

"Get 'em!" I hear Mokou roar from somewhere in the previous hall.

Sliding across the lobby, I attempt to slide smoothly around the corner into the second hallway the school had to offer. My shoulder clips the wall weakly, disorienting me slightly, before I continue my slapdash haste.

There's a door open ahead, along the left wall. I try to veer towards the left, and end up crashing against the left wall multiple times. Forced to slide with my shoulder against it, I use it to instead stabilize myself somewhat, ignoring the uncomfortable brick surface that ate at my clothes.

Bam! I slid into the open door. Throwing myself into the classroom, I looked around sporadically.

Children gasped. The teacher, some woman with brown, bobby hair, stepped away from me with wide eyes. "E-eep!"

...Looking around, I laid my eyes on the cubby holes on one end of the room. As I move for them, I double back and grab the door, slamming it shut. Then I move for them...

"Is-is that a youkai!?" Kids begin speculating.

"He's got a weird mask! Of course he is!"

"I-I…" Some girl began crying immediately.

"Whatever. I'll just bully that nerd." What a hero.

The teacher kneeled behind her desk. She didn't seem to be idle, however…

I look into one of the cubby holes, and almost reach inside. I retract my hand when I see a fluffle inside, trying really hard to be scarce, for some reason. I don't have time to kick its ass, so instead I go to the next cubby hole, and reach inside…

I grab something that took up the whole width of the cubby hole. Pulling it out… I find that it was a vomit-green, worn backpack. That'll have to do.

Taking it over my shoulder, I run past the desks. A few restless kids seem to have gotten up, but they weren't doing anything remotely near me, so I ignore them.

The teacher pops back up from under her desk, holding a crossbow. "Ge-get out of my cla~ss!"

Stopping before the window, I turn to her, and make a slitting motion with my thumb against my neck.

Leaping as high as I can, I activate my slide mid-air, and-

Shatter!

Shielding my face with my arms, and keeping my legs tucked in, I manage to only clip my shoes on the bottom of the window seal. I spiral forward, my arms taking most of the impact as I roll.

Fwoosh! A crossbow bolt flies out above me.

...Somewhat surprised that I did an entire roll, having not planned it, I ignored the discomfort from the impact in my limbs, and just threw myself into a vaguely standing position. From there, I kept sliding.

The door slammed open inside the classroom. "...Keine, in here!"

I neared where I stashed the hedge cutters and the booze. Conveniently losing my balance near them, I took the moment on the floor to half-assedly stuff them in- the booze, at least. Stuffing the hedge cutters under my arm, I feel my left leg disagree with me as I use it to stand again. Fortunately, I win the argument, and keep throwing myself along.

Before I know it, I'm throwing myself down the village street, trying to find the nearest alleyway to duck into. I find a good one- by that I mean the first one I see- and slide into it, somehow ending up sliding backwards on my rear into it as my balance does a one-eighty.

From the floor, I scramble to huddle against the wall.

...Shielded by the roof's slight overhang, I look outside. I see Mokou soar off from the school grounds, taking to the air with her arms blazing, searching for me. Keine is at the school gate looking around, and the teacher's at her side with that crossbow.

...Skittishly, I slowly backwards-crawl deeper into the alley, and make no abrupt movements as I round the corner into a deeper portion of the alleyway.

Now I can relax. Exhaling, I let my crap drop to the floor beside me.

That was somehow harder than killing a person.

...I think I'll just take a moment to not be dead.

/ / / / AIR BASE: COVERT ASSAULT / / / /

...That's a bit better. That was ten minutes, for those of you not paying attention.

I stare up in the vague direction of the midday sun from the alley floor. The hobo life, indeed. Though, with this suit, I suppose I could be referenced as a professional bum.

Someone steps up to me in the alley, again. I have a feeling poverty is going up, in this town…

I turn to address them.

It's a green-haired, cat-eared fellow. She's quite slender, too.

"That insufferable school seems to be back in business." She notes, folding her arms. I also just noticed that she has eight entire katanas stuffed between each of her fingers.

Kitten.

"I, too, attempted to besiege it." She huffs. "It took me the better of two days for my arm to work the right way again."

"For what purpose did you attack it?" I'm genuinely curious.

...She rolls her eyes up. "Oh, don't tell me you feel some sort of moral obligation towards human children."

Moral obligation? Me? Haahaaaa- "No, I meant, do you just despise education? Were you beaten by books as a kitten?"

...She gives me an exasperated stare. "...It was my realm of operations within this village. Before that disgusting human sympathizer reclaimed it when I was not home."

Ah, yes. The disgusting human sympathizers. If only they weren't people who were alive. In fact… "Funny thing, that. I think I have just the thing for you…"

Reaching over for my crap, I take the one bottle of booze from my bag, and the other from the ground next to the backpack.

She narrows her eyes. "What are you suggesting? I haven't time to waste on alcoholic beverages. I am far from the common waste of life humanity exhibits."

"Is it a good idea to drink alcohol after it has been ignited?" I ask of her.

...She blinks. "Not particularly, no."

I bring both booze bottles into my left arm. Reaching into my pockets, I take out the bunched up rags and shove them into my left hand. "I share your sentiments."

...She seemed to not put two and two together. "I have no idea where you aim to go with this combination of items. You're not instilling confidence, you know."

"I know exactly where I'm going."

Spinning out the flame scissors, I ignite a rag by snipping one end slightly.

"To Hell."

...After staring at the slowly igniting rag and the booze, her face lights up. "...My word."

Sliding away my flame scissors, I use my now-free hand to hold the rags out for her.

She carefully takes them, making sure not to let her katana hands get in the way, then moves to take the bottles.

I nod at her. "Have fun."

A catlike grin is the reply I receive, before she skips away towards the school. Keine and the teacher had left the front gate by now, and Mokou was likely out searching for me.

It's good to know I made someone's day.

/ / / / LAZY AFTERNOONS / / / /

My bag is still on me, around my waist and conveniently forgettable until the plot demands it, but the backpack is a sort more clunky. It has to go around my back, and everything. It probably has a lot more storage, though.

I am now curious as to whether or not Gensokyo has any hardware stores. This does not include the Kirisame magic shop, either, which was more like a magical hardware store. There's a distinction to be made, here.

In any case, I decided to ask around in the town square, which has managed to repopulate in what had to have been thirty minutes to an hour, at most.

I walk up to the stand of the amazing flying dishwasher.

"...Oh?" She looks up from the sudoku puzzle she was working. Then, she slowly glares at me. "...A simple mask entrepreneur, art thou?"

Oh, yeah. Already forgot I was wearing this. Near-death experiences do that.

"I'll buy ten." Yes.

She jerks her head back. "...Ten of wh-"

"I'll buy ten." Definitely.

...She seems to have relaxed a bit. "I see. Well, no, I do not."

"A shame." How disappointing.

"I am unknowing of the object of thy desire." She seems frustrated, her brows slowly furrowing. "Words go far… sir." The last word comes out forced.

"Can you bless weapons, madam?" I inquire. "So that they may cause more violence?"

"A thousand blessings would never do a beast so well." She scoffs at me. "Relinquish your mask, and then we may talk."

"I'll give you a million yen." That I don't have.

...Initially, she narrows her eyes, flinching back, before slowly de-fluffing. "...Willst thou?"

"No." I shake my head.

She slouches. "Neanderthal."

"I still want a blessing, though." For shits and giggles.

"...Well, if thou art willing to pay, I suppose." She huffs. Kneeling under her desk for what I assume are the necessary materials, she continues. "One thousand yen."

Sure.

Reaching into my pocket, I take out the required yen. I also take out the steel scissors I've used to kill people, which actually has a few unfortunate stains near the tip, and along the side of it.

She eventually emerges from the desk with some stones, candles, and a few charms. "...Alright. Wouldst thou provide the object I am to bless?"

I place the blood-stained scissors on the desk. The stains were deep colors, by now.

Her eyes widened slightly upon seeing them. "...Those?"

I nod. "Yes."

"...Those stains." She leans over them. "You make me suspect."

"Found 'em." I state blandly. "Might be evil, or something."

At that, she nods. "...In that case, I believe thou mayst very well be within reason to seek my services."

She begins placing the stones around the scissors, after moving them to the midst of the desk. She makes six distinct points with these stones, and then begins placing the charms between each. Candles are lit on either side, burning dimly with white flames.

Holding her hands above the scissors, she began speaking. "...Shhh~... Steel tools, of thoughtless toil. Be again used in utility!"

Her hands flickered with a bright light, and a six-pointed star briefly flashes between the stones she placed. The candles blaze, before going out with the hush of a strong wind.

The charms stuck in place, despite the wind. Once the lights had all vanished, which only took under a couple seconds, the charms allowed themselves to be scattered.

Futo, as I think she was called, sighed. "It is done."

For a moment, a foggy pattern of white light washed over the steel scissors, before fading to little more than an occasional, mysterious shimmer.

From there, she gives me some parting advice. "...I recommend bathing them."

Good. "...What do they do now?"

...She was puzzled. "They're holy."

Oh.

/ / / / THEY'RE HOLY, SON / / / /

Walking down the village road idly, I take note of the generic, brown-clad people as I walk by. I get some funny stares from my mask, but no one gives enough of a shit to confront me.

And then there's someone that catches my eye, in a white suit. She reminds me of Yuuka, except her hair is red, and she doesn't have anywhere near the level of presence that Yuuka carries.

She seems to see me too, and surveys my black suit. Grinning, she begins floating over, apparently not being subtle about having powers.

As she slows, I feel some kind of flow…

"Hey, you know, I like that kind of suit!"

As she lands, stepping towards me, she grins.

"But, yours is dark and black and really smooth!"

I nod. "Why thank you, madam."

...Then, as if waiting for a response she didn't get, she cringes back. "Yeo~w, dude. You missed the beat."

...I tilt my head.

"Y'know, the beat?" She tilts her own head. "We all got a little groove."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." It seems insanity comes with wearing a suit.

"U~gh…" She groans. "Alright, lemme just…"

She begins clapping her hands.

Cla-clap. Cla-clap. Cla-clap. Cla-clap. Cla-clap.

"Your suit, is black, and dark, and cool, and stuff."

Simply elegant. Such ways with words. So witty.

"You just have to feel it! Words can really stick!"

Honestly, I'd really rather not.

She spun as if I struck her with an oversized club. "Wowow~ow! You tone deaf, dude!?"

I shrug. "Well, I haven't thought of myself that way." I know quite well that I am.

"You should show up at the concert, in a few days." She became relaxed again. "Maybe you can learn a thing or two about keepin' to the beat!"

Again, I'd rather not.

With that, she began floating away, to the curiosity of the passing pedestrians. "Catch ya later!"

...She may look like Yuuka, but is in fact nothing like Yuuka. And Yuuka is sexier.

I still need to know where I can find a good hardware store. There's some dude with brown hair and brown rags passing by me. I grab his shoulder-

"Ah- get off me!" His eyes widen upon focusing on my mask, and he pushes me away, before sprinting off.

That could have gone better.

...In the sky over the village, I see a smoke cloud rising from somewhere behind the many houses that stand between me and whatever the source is.

Looking around, I rose a finger as a generic woman passed in front of me. "I have a question, miss."

She reached for a pocket on her dress, keeping a distance. "Wh-what?"

"Where might I find a hardware store?" It was an important question.

...She backs away a bit. "...A-a youkai like you should just go to the Kourindou. That's the only place animals like you should be buying from!"

With that, she turns and sprints, her hand still in her dress pocket as she books it.

...Kourindou. I have no idea what or where that is.

Let's see if I can get a few more answers before the next person flees in terror at my presence.

There's another guy with black hair and a worn face walking by. I get in his way, raising a finger. "Excuse me, good sir. I would like directions to-"

He pushed past me, glaring. How rude. I'm actually being polite, here.

Some girl with long, braided brown hair but short stature begins to walk by, coming out of an alleyway.

I get in her way. "Excuse me, miss. If you would please-"

"Don't youkai like you have noses, anymore?" She gives me a disinterested stare.

"Am I supposed to already tell you're a piece of shit?" The common pedestrian is an asshole.

She grinned. "Not exactly. You were supposed to already see this coming."

Floating back and into the air, a staff generated in her right hand, and a book in her left arm. The tome floated open, and her staff began glowing. "Aerora!"

Fwoosh. A rather quaint ball of wind fell from her figure, and to the floor, slowly progressing towards me.

...I sidestep the slow windball. It slowly turns to try and move towards my new destination, but I keep stepping away, because it's just that pitiful.

Looking up at her, I cast my hand outward. "Gravity!"

Fwooaa~h. The orb of darkness expanded over her. "Ah…?" Once it fully engulfed her, it knocked her from the air. "Eep!"

She landed loudly before me, wincing as her legs took the impact. "Agh…"

"I just want to know where I would find the Kourindou." I ask of her. "Do not try my patience."

She glares at me, ready to sling another spell, before relenting. "...Fine. Take the Hakurei path, until you see the first- and only- left turn. If you take that path, you'll find a building at the end, off the trail."

With that, she continued to stare at me scornfully.

"Many thanks." I wait for her to depart.

"Well?" She huffs. "Go."

"You first." I'd rather not get shot in the back by anything- which reminds me…

I step out of the way of the wind ball, again. Just in time, too.

Seething, she raises her staff into the air. It glows with brown light- "Quake!" -before she slams it into the floor.

Bam! The ground shakes violently, dispelling the wind ball and throwing everyone within a ten-foot radius off their balance. Many pedestrians flew to the floor, practically thrown upside down, but I merely slid onto my hands.

With that, she soared back into the alley with speed, floating through the air.

Oh, okay. Fuck you, too. I thought she was trying her luck again.

...I suppose I should be off to find that store, then- if it's even there.

/ / / / I WAS AWFULLY GLAD TO SEE THIS BIG MARINE / / / /

I walk up to the guard at the exit gate.

He throws his hands in the air, going to reel the gate up. "I don't even know, dude. Weird people just keep coming and going…"

With that, he opens it. "Fucking… I don't even know if you're a youkai or not!" He points at me. "Last time I tried to stop a guy in overalls, I got beat the fuck up!"

Oh be quiet. "Either way, I'm leaving. Isn't that correct?"

"Yeah, yeah. When you come back, if you see me at the gate, just please don't kick my ass." He waves me off.

I walk through the gate, nonchalantly waving my hand in the air. "No guarantees."

With that, I was moving down the Hakurei path. I kept my eyes on the left side of the road, finding myself unable to remember if there was even a single left path to take.

Eventually, after ten minutes of walking, I pass the Hakurei Shrine, still not seeing a path.

I wouldn't be surprised if she sent me this way just to rumble with Reimu.

Eventually, however, as I continue towards the lake, I do see a path to the left. I walk across some grass to reach it, and it goes in a forty-five degree angle in the opposite direction of which I was heading. Good.

After taking the long winded path, I caught sight of a gas station-sized building. Stepping towards it, I eventually reached the front door. I pushed it open…

Inside, I saw some people. To the right, behind the counter, was some guy with silver hair. To the left, was a girl with long, purple hair, and a blank expression. Various masks floated around her head, all of different expressions.

A rather surprised-looking mask of some yellow-eyed abomination with a beard replaced the previous mask on her head. "A new person."

The shopkeeper looks at me, appearing tired. "...Looks like today's a mask-wearing sort of day."

...This doesn't look like a hardware store, even if it has interesting things in it. Various appliances lie in piles- real world appliances- among other things. I see a rather outdated and tiny computer monitor, the screen cracked in by a Rubix Cube that missed stickers.

Along one wall, I could see various other knickknacks on shelves. Small pieces, seemingly mystical stones and ores. There were also seemingly less remarkable things, like what looks like the half-mangled form of a cardboard McDonalds fry holder.

"Quite a collection you have here." I note.

"Mmm." He nods. "I try."

"It's interesting." The girl of many masks monotones.

We all sound very interested.

"I like to look at the things." She plainly stated, as her mask switched to one of some maniac-looking guy with a border of blue dots around the edge.

Indeed. Don't we all like to look at the things?

"...What can I help you with?" The guy questioned me.

...Now that I was in a 'hardware store', I wasn't actually sure what I wanted. "...Do you have any firearms?"

He shrugged. "I have multiple things that have accidentally become firearms, but no."

Well. "Chainsaws?"

He shrugged. "This isn't a hardware store."

Son.

"You'd have better luck with the kappa." He decided. "I'm not very good with motorized anything, to be honest."

"Where are the kappa?" If they can make me a chainsaw, they can make me anything.

"Youkai mountain." He provided casually.

Well. I suppose I haven't anything better to do.

"I like your mask." The girl monotoned. "I have one that's sort of like it. You remind me of it."

"Is that so?" No one here called me a youkai, yet… but I'm willing to assume everyone here is a youkai. Especially mask girl over here.

"Mmm." She gave a subtle nod.

Then, something catches my eye. What looks like a conventional, modern pistol is sitting on a shelf, just within reach.

...Will this really be that easy?

I take it. "How much for this?" If the price is too high, I'll just shoot him, if it has bullets.

"Five hundred yen." He has a half-smirk on his face.

...It might not have bullets. In fact… "Does this have bullets?"

"I don't know." He admits. "Try it out."

I point it at him. "Okay."

I pull the trigger.

Poof.

Turning the gun around, I see that a tiny flag has stuck out of the barrel. It says 'bang' on it, in what looks like Courier New font. It's legitimately just black type on white fabric.

Yeah, that figures.

The guy chuckles.

/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /

CHAPTER 46.5 END

PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert

PRIMARY WEAPON: Chaos Oath - Forged from the bark of the Saigyou Ayakashi, and bent to shape by a masterful magician well versed in the material arts… it's a pair of wooden scissors. Produces low whistles and howls. Channeling mana into it gives user an immense physical boost, but it seems to come at a price… And it seems to be haunted by something that wants me dead.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.

Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.

Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.

Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...

Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.

A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.

Bang Gun - Bang.

(one more space remaining)

[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.

Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.

(nineteen more spaces remaining)

PARTY:

Still nobody.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

badada BADA BUM

hi, friends!

writing this authors note like… two weeks after writing the chapter

i remember this chapter being a fun one to write; there was that segment with the ACTION and YUUKA BEING MEAN and waa~u!

also everyday gensokyo, friends, it's cuddly

...doritos: party size l :3

finally named chaos oath… chaos oath. matt wanted it named that sooner but we couldn't find a good CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME so we just up and named it so we didn't have to keep calling it cursed wooden scissors

the hedge cutters were planned since like chapter freakin'... like, AWHILE ago, back when i was planning out how i'd get the market gardener, probably well up to six months ago or something

...the molotovs thing just kinda HAPPENED (but it was fun . w .)

oh, yeah, blessed scissors!

they're holy ' w '

so yeah

as always, would appreciate your feedback!

a~nd…

as always, see you all next time!

CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:

editor x proofreader x co-author here

this chapter was pretty much unintentionally devoted to Chaos Oath, which was named right when it was created long ago, but we didn't have a good enough reason to explicitly name it until now… except we kinda decided to just shoehorn the name in instead

we finally introduced the new mechanics for the scissors, which were… also planned around the time they were made. they may seem like some op oc crap, but we (by we i mean me) devised a specific set of rules the scissors have to follow that aren't entirely obvious at the moment

these chapters don't come out often, so it's easy to make new interesting ideas. the hard part is finding a way to implement them, especially in a way that makes sense. the discrepancy between author and character perspective can be a bit jarring at times, having to decide "i wouldn't know that" and consider whether we should act in a way that wouldn't make sense from the viewpoint of us (the authors), the readers, or even the characters

yeah, the molotovs were just "you know, this would be fun to do"

the blessed scissors do have significance, but it probably won't be shown for a while. depends what happens later on

just because it's dark-ish doesn't mean it's edgy, by the way. it depends heavily on the context and the execution. this ain't no shakespearean drama, so it will have flaws

this isn't really dark though, just moderately serious with black comedy overtones

anyway, thank you for embarking on this journey into a cringy clusterfuck, see ya later!