(in which we get kunai shoved into our retinas)

The four of us are now moving around the misty lakeside! It's cool and cold… maybe a little too cold, but I got my toasty robe on, yo.

Up ahead, I think I see Cirno and someone else doing their daily things. How boring would it be to be a wild youkai, anyway? Do they just socialize all day when they're not eating the flesh of humans?

"It is the maids from Scarlet!" Mike observes with his keen youkai exterminator eyes.

A~nd he was totally wrong. Cirno's not even in a maid outfit, and that other girl doesn't even have wings, just these like, swoosh things around her. She's not in a maid outfit either!

"Must be some raggedy ass maids, then…" Yeah, Fred's not buyin' it either. "Have you ever heard a' glasses, Mike?"

He scoffs. "Just another weak point. I must be without weak points. Even the stupidest youkai are smart, and the smartest youkai are stupid." He pats his chest. "Lessons to live by."

...What is this dude on!?

...I look behind us to make sure Ha-chan and Matt are still there, and they are. Matt's just taking in the scenery, and Ha-chan got really close to me when I didn't notice!

"...Hi." I greet her.

"I'm smart!" She took Mike's advice on youkai to heart, her grin intensifying.

"...Ye." Not gonna interfere with that, yo. She's cuddly.

Eventually, we march straight towards the youkai and Cirno like the chucklefucks we are. I'm sure you're just an endless hole full of recovery items, Mike. Why don't we waste some more fighting freakin'... Cirno.

"Shh!" Mike brings his sword to his lips. "We must conduct espionage before we make our presence loud and clear."

If you say so, son.

"Just- okay… look here." The black-and-red-haired youkai held two arms out. "If you rob this bank… you can use the money I allow you to buy candy."

Cirno had a focused look… "Wait… how do you allow me the money? Do you have it?"

"No- I claim it. You steal it, I get seventy-five percent." She nods. "Understand this time?"

"Eye steal it from you?" Cirno was even more lost. "Do Eye only take fifty-seven percent? Wait- how do Eye know…?"

The youkai puts her arms on her head. "You fucking idiot!"

"By all that is holy!" Mike suddenly yells at them. "I will scribe your names upon my blade… with my sword?" He pauses. "...I will scribe your… names in the soil? With my- it doesn't matter- your deeds are through, scoundrels!"

Mike, dude… there's a limit to these things. Yer pushin' that limit!

The girl scrunches her face. "Fuck, the guard… what the fuck're you doing out this far? Lost your crappy map?"

Mike jerks his head back. "Lost? Hah! If only I were so stupid… you see, we are on a quest to slay an elite youkai. We will dirty our blades with your soil if need be."

...Y'know, that kinda implies we're gonna die. Good threat.

Fred sighs, raising his staff as he walks up aside Mike. "Look- just… just go. We don't want any trouble, but we got trouble to give if ya try ta give us some."

The black-haired girl grins, running her eyes across the party, locking eyes with almost all of us once. "Fine. Don't feel like wasting my time with you losers anyway. Actually… now that I think'a it, there's no way you're the town guard."

Mike grins. "What gives you that impression? I don only the finest holy armor."

"You've got a fairy, a mage, that totally-a-human with the mask on, and…" She eyes over me. "...A fucking male yuki-onna."

Hyonk. "It's a funny story, yo. Y'see, it all started when-"

"Don't wanna hear it. Busy." With that, she begins to float off. She pauses to look over at Cirno. "Also, ice fairy? Go suck a dick." She flips off the fairy before drifting off.

Cirno blinks. "...Suck a what, now?"

...Mike marches closer to her. "I ask that you scatter, too, fairy! Or else, I will have to slay you."

...Turning to him, she props her hands on her hips, sporting a very smug grin. "Oh, yeah? Eye'm the strongest!"

A gasp! "You dare!?" Looking to reclaim his lost pride, Mike brings his blade up, holding it solidly with two hands. "I will make you eat your boasts, youkai!"

Then-

Fwoom!

Pi~chun!

...Fred lowered his hand, the fireball that consumed Cirno dissipating.

"What black magic is this!?" Mike looked around, his eyes wide as he searched for the fairy.

"Mine, you bloody 'tard." Continuing ahead, Fred began to lead instead. "Look, next time y'see some youkai twats… don't just walk up t' them!"

"But they must be slain!" Mike objects loudly, his eyes flaring. "Are you a sympathizer!?"

"I'm a realist!" With that, Fred looks ahead to the path, cutting the conversation. "Now c'mon."

I don't say anything because I'd rather not have to knock anyone out with my array of blunt objects to diffuse the inevitable heated brawl.

"...You guys're somethin' else, yo." Alright, I had ta say somethin'!

It doesn't take long for us to make it to the path that leads to the mansion. Despite the cold, it's really turning out to be a nice day, today! This kimono helps- I know I keep sayin' this- but dayum!

Also… "We should take a left into the woods." I announce abruptly.

"And wank off?" Fred does not yet see the sense in this plan.

"Yes." There's no flaws with that plan.

...Furrowing his brows, Fred glances at me. "I, uh, was jokin', mate."

"I was not." I slowly grin as I nod.

He notices my grin. "Ah, fuck off…"

But seriously. "I'm sayin' this, 'cause the gate guard sits at the front of the gate every day-"

"-and sleeps her ass off." Fred finishes my sentence. "I know already."

"Did you know?" I turn to the holy Mike.

Nodding thoughtfully, he disagrees. "I was not aware. In that case, we can definitely kill her in her sleep."

Goddamn it, Mike.

"I second this idea." Matt, no.

"Sons." I'm not gonna let these noobs get wiped that fast! "...Lemme tell ya that Meiling is not easy to kill."

"Neither are we." Fred grins at me.

Oo~h yeah we are. Meiling's a fucking Dragonborn.

I suppose I'll bullshit this! "Dude- seriously. Like… I don't wanna talk about this, but-"

"You gots the hots for her?" Holding his grin, Fred continues. "We can capture her jus' fer you, then."

Son…!

Matt casually nods in the back. "She does have nice legs."

Ignoring his problematic prodding, I keep edging my story along. "I tried fighting her once, with a group of, uh, assholes. Kinda like you assholes!"

"You must have me mistaken." Mike doesn't look back at me to dismiss my jab.

...Nope, yo, I checked. On the back'a yer head yo- it'sa sticker. 'Certified Grade-A Asshole'.

Anyway… "For real- two dudes with bows, and a sword guy. I was just around 'cause one of them was my friend- and man did we get fucked."

...Fred's not buyin' it. "Oh, yeah. They just took you along."

O~h boy, we're coming up on the gate…!

"Can we go beat up the quest objective yet?" Matt protests at what is probably the last moment. "She'd slaughter us one by one. Let's not."

...Mike sighs. "I suppose it would prolong this quest, and I hadn't brought a tent. Very well, we shall leave her for another day."

Whatever day that is, it's gonna be your last, son.

"Aw, really…" Fred's not happy about that, either. "Whatever."

Freakin' noobs, yo… I gotta buy them an official strategy guide for this freakin' land.

Diverting, we instead walk away from the gate and towards the side walls around the exterior of the mansion. Once we quickly make it to the corner, we turn the side and keep our eyes peeled…

"This is the area where our enemies await." Mike announces with finality, yo. "Keep all eyes open, men. Being unprepared is no excuse for dying."

...Oka~y!

Then, from over the wall and from over the treetops, some small, black things float out. When they closed in, I could see that…

Oh. Oh, boy.

They were more pot things, except smaller. Fluffles sat inside with tinier pot lids on their heads like little hats.

Three of them hovered from above, and I could see black rims on the tops and bottoms of the little pots.

Well, that's kinda an imposing color scheme! If these things cast Revenge or something equally stupid, I'm out, yo.

"Fluffles from the skies!" Pointing his sword up, Mike yells. "The mansion has sicced their watchdogs on us!"

Not all inhuman things are one big human-munching family, y'know.

Once the pot things were low enough- probably for us to jump and whack- they began glowing a faint orange.

"O~h, fuck…" I brace myself by takin' out Deep Blue. "Look out for fire, yo!"

And then-

Fwam, fwam, fwam!

Three orange fireballs were shot from the black pots. They fell to the floor like rocks, before bouncing off the floor like rubber balls as they moved towards us.

That's the most unorthodox way to cast a fireball ever. That's even sillier than mine!

"Flaming balls of frankenstein fire!" Astonished, Mike quickly does this awkward hobbling run to the side to get out of the way, looking like he just saw fire for the first time.

Frankenstein fire.

"Wh-what the…?" Strafing to the side, Fred was thrown off by how the projectiles worked.

As the fireballs bounced along, they left patches of fire in their wake. Matt and I moved out of the way sluggishly, 'cause they really weren't bouncing very fast…!

Once they ran their course, bouncing some ways behind us-

Fwoom! They broke into flames, burning up some remaining leaves behind us.

Mike ran towards them because that's what you do with things that shoot projectiles. "Begone!" Bringing his sword down-

Clack!

The pot thing he struck spun in the air, not terribly affected by his attack. "Waa~l!"

Taking Deep Blue, I slam it into the floor! "Unh!"

Fwuush! A tiny geyser shoots up under one of the pot things, not quite hitting it. Curse you, aerial opponents!

"Here!" Ha-chan puts her arm up in the air!

Thwa~sh!

Woah! That was almost a thunderbolt!

The pot she struck spun in the air, too, but had electricity crackling on its form for some good time after she struck it.

Mike swung wide towards the one Ha-chan struck, for whatever reason, and whiffed completely.

The pot things began glowing again! I think these are like, the lesser cousins of the Blazing Bastards.

"Deep freeze!" Fred holds his staff up.

An ice shard generates, encapsulating one of the pot fluffle people, and shatters. As it shatters, the pot breaks, and the fluffle vaporizes.

Fwam! Fwam!

The two remaining ones immediately target Mike, and-

Boom! Boom!

-the fireballs explode on his armor, lighting him on fire.

"Aah! Aaaaa~h!" He begins yelling! "I-I am ablaze! Their deadly touch fire magic! It has claimed me!"

"Jesus!" Running towards him as smoke comes from his armor, I turn on Deep Blue to max!

Fwuu~sh! Water sprays out like a powerful hose, and I find it hard to keep it stable as it freakin' soaks me. Getting near Mike, I nail the fluffles a little-

"Waa~l…" They 'wal' ominously at me, annoyed by my shenaniganry, or something.

-then I douse Mike.

"Co-co~ld!" He doesn't have a toasty kimono, yo.

"I know!" I yell at him because I'm wet and cold, too… which kinda offsets my kimono. Dammit, Mike. "Stand still!"

"I-I cannot!" He swings his sword at one of the pot things again, which makes it spin, again. "The pa-pain and... cold! This is horrible!"

Fred is somewhere between amused and disgusted. "Maybe y'shouldn't 'a fuckin' ran at them and ate their fireballs like a twat!"

Ha-chan shoots her arm into the air, and electricity travels off it and into the air.

Thwash! Another deficient bolt struck the one Mike targeted-

Cra~ck! The pot fell apart, and a fluffle was left to scurry away.

"Yea~h!" How in the hell is Ha-chan one of our most reliable sources of damage!?

There is only one lonely pot thing left, but it feels brave, yo, it's still hoverin' around us menacingly!

"Sto-stop!" Mike puts his arms up, stepping back as I continue to spray him. "I-I would ra-rather burn th-than be- egh- afflicted by such co-cold…!"

Fortunately, I think he's almost totally out… "There, yo. Now stop running at them in a straight line."

"Someone kill that last one!" Fred beckons us, pointing at it with his staff. "I don't feel like wastin' my mana on one lil' git."

I turn to it. The little frik's not even charging a fireball, it's literally just floating around.

Mike runs towards it. "I-I will bring justice!"

Then, it began glowing a faint orange again.

Mike took my advice, this time. "After I advance in the opposite direction!"

...Once he was out of range, the pot thing turned towards me. In preparation, I undid the valve on Deep Blue again and let myself get doused. "No-now, yo… let's see who has the elemental advantage!"

Fwam! It fires its fireball-

Fwoom. It explodes prematurely after I hose it down, the explosion weaker than normal.

"Get owned, noob!" I run at it! "Get owned!"

It gets hosed down by the water, and floats out of range. Then-

Thwash! One of Ha-chan's weak thunderbolts strikes it-

Cra~ck! The pot explodes, the electricity darting across the fragments. The fluffle exploded into dust, too!

"Elemental combo!" I pump my arm into the air… and twist Deep Blue shut, because oof. Whelp, now I'm cold as shit again…

"Yea~h!" Ha-chan floated into the air, kicking her legs excitedly. "I'm awesome!"

Fred snorted, eying her. "...Y'know, fer a fairy, y'don't look half bad."

Fred, you don't need to die today, yo. If you actually hit on my fairy friend, though, I'm gonna hit on you, wit' a cast-iron hanger!

Ha-chan glances at him, before floating ahead, totally oblivious to his intent. "What're we gonna fight next?"

"Noobs." I decide.

"Wh-whatever youkai causes this accursed cold…" Mike shivers in his armor.

Winter is not a youkai creation, you freaking neanderthal.

"Woo. Go team." Matt ceases to lean against a tree in the background, rejoining us.

"Where the hell were you in tha' last fight?" Fred turns to Matt inquisitively.

"Over there." Nonchalantly, Matt gives the tree a wave.

Fred was even more inquisitive. "Yeah, but why?"

"Why not?" Matt stared at him casually.

...After giving him a dry stare, Fred moved forward. "Alright, wh'ever. The bloody hell could this doppelganger be?"

"Home." Smiling warmly, I put a hand on Fred's shoulder.

"...Don't-... don't do that." He wiggles his shoulder a bit to get my hand off. "Weirdo. Look- put less energy inta bein' weird and more energy into kicking youkai ass."

Matt comments. "I didn't know you swung that way, son."

Son.

I give him an enthused expression, before shaking my head.

"Look alive!" Mike suddenly shouts, getting closer to us. "A Scarlet elite! They've come to deal with us!"

A who?

I look ahead into the brush Mike ran out of…

Then, Patchouli walks out.

Wat.

...Her eyes aren't as tired as they usually are, and she's actually walking.

"...Hello." She waves at us. "I… I got lost in these woods, here. I don't know where I am…"

...Gee. That's not even Patchouli's voice.

Fred grins. "Oh, yeah…?" Please, for the love of god, Fred, don't be this fucking stupid. "We can- y'know- take you back to the village, let you wind down, and-"

"We must not!" Mike doesn't give a shit who she is. "She is dressed like a youkai, and youkai are to be purged! Sympathy will allow their actions to continue!"

"O-oh, please…!" 'Patchouli' gets on her knees. "I-I'd do anything!"

Fred is putty. "Dude- fuck's sake, she'll do anything! C'mo~n!"

The real boss fight here is my party's sheer stupidity.

Looking over at Ha-chan, I see her brows furrowed. "...You're not Patchouli-sama."

…'Patchouli' blinks. "I-... I don't remember who I am. Was that my name?"

Ha-chan looks very focused.

"Let's kill it." Matt bluntly declares.

"Wh-what!? No!" 'Patchouli' cowers, putting her arms over her head. "Do-don't…!"

"God- we can bring her back alive!" Fred declares. "Alive!"

"She is a formidable Scarlet gangster!" Mike, where the fuck did you get your terminology from? "If we let her live, she might install frankenstein radio controls within the village!" Okay, dude, this quest's gettin' weird…!

"Can we just take her head and turn it in, already?" Matt's gettin' impatient, yo.

"Engarde!" Raising his blade, Mike runs at the obviously-not-Patchouli.

"No!" Fred reaches out for him and grabs his shoulder plate, but ends up just getting dragged along a little instead. "Stop!"

"N-no…" Patchouli brings her arms over her head, and begins crying.

"Die!" Mike brings his blade down-

Woosh.

The form of Patchouli dissolved. Some black mist spread out, before a long shadow ran across the floor, to somewhere deeper in the brush. The mist traveled back along the path of the long shadow…

"She's getting away!" Mike runs after the mist.

"Wh-what…?" Fred doesn't even know what the hell just happened.

I run after Mike to make sure he doesn't get his tubby knight ass lost in the first twenty feet of brush, only to find him starin' slack-jawed at some broad.

"Ma-Marianne!?" He steps back a bit. "...Wh-what are you doing here!? This is no place for a damsel such as yourself!"

You guys are like, the personification of bricks.

"I-I don't know!" The obviously fake woman appears terrified. "I'm scared!"

"It's… it's okay." Mike steps towards her… "Come here, Marianne."

I run up to the girl, and bring Deep Blue back. Then, I try ta wham her!

Woosh! My plant hanger goes straight through her head like it doesn't exist.

Once again, the form breaks into black mist, and this time travels towards where the other party members are.

"Wh-what in blazes…!?" Mike is taken aback. "...The foulest trickery!"

Ignorin' him, I run towards the mist, since it's close to the other noobs. Fred still looks like he doesn't know what the fuck is going on, Ha-chan seems to be hovering idly in my path, and Matt's doin' Matt, yo. Matt's just freakin' chilling out by the manor wall.

...Freakin', where'd that shadow thing go?

The brush shifts again…

Oh, hey, it's Yuuka Kazami, just walking out of the bushes.

...She casually just walks towards where the other party members are. Fred stumbles back. "Yu-Yuuka Kazami!? Oh, shit!"

Matt looks up at 'her'. He seems to pause for a moment, before relaxing. Breaking from the wall, he casually walks towards the 'Yuuka'.

"...Ho-how did I get here?" 'Yuuka' is a very innocent person, yo.

Matt moves to touch her face, and the faux-girl slightly recoils. His hand seems to brush her flesh, indicating it was really there.

...He retracts his arm and tries to punch.

Woosh. His arm went through the shadow clone's stomach, causing it to dissipate. This time, the long shadow was really solid, going behind a tree I could distinctly see.

Ha-chan was staring at me, puzzled. "What's going on…? All these people keep coming and dying..."

"There's this thing in many religions called reincarnation. Asshole to asshole." Matt jests.

"...Huh." Ha-chan nods. "Is that what happens to me when I die?"

He finally looks at her. "No, you're a freak of nature."

"Oo~h!" Something about that description appeals to her. I dunno what, though.

Anyway- tree!

I march for the tree, and look around it.

"Nnh…!" A girl with black bangs covering her eyes quickly turns away, and tries to run.

"Get back here, noob!" I run after her! "Masks won't hide you from my fists!"

"N-no!" She yells back at me. "Le-leave me… alone…!" Even when yelling, her voice is very meek and tame.

Once we're far enough away, she turns around… causing me to turn around!

"Leave me alone!" She practically screams it, and-

Woosh! Oh, shit! Kitty got claws, yo, kitty got claws!

I decide to awkwardly run around the side of a tree, and check for her-

She drifts through the air on the straight line I was previously going in, drifting towards where the party was. Her hands are outstretched, long black nails protruding from her fingers like claws.

Ha-chan sees her as she drifts in my line, too! "Aah! Spooky lady!"

As she drifts out of the lady's way, she casts a bolt!

Thwash! It missed… 'cause it lagged too far behind her.

Once she was isolated enough, she dove into the floor. A round shadow traveled along the brush and towards the party again.

"Get back here, son!" I run after her. The tiny circle moves freakin' fast!

Ha-chan and I get back to the wallside. Mike and Fred are back there again, looking stupefied.

"Oi." Fred greets me. "You see that lousy doppelganger?"

I open my mouth-

"Yeah! She's a freakin' noob!"

Another me walks out from behind a tree a little ways away from where I came out!

...I point at it. "Ho ho. You's a tricky one, yo."

Not-Brad sees me. "...Dude- guys! It's the doppelganger!" He points at me. "That's her!"

...Mike looks confused. "Which one of you is the real one?"

"Obviously the one that came from bumfuck nowhere." Fred was not as stupid, thankfully. "Obviously."

"There is a simple solution for this." Matt looked back and forth between us. "If we don't know the real one, we must simply kill both."

Son.

The fake me overreacts to that. "What!? Dude- I thought we were friends. What the fuck?"

Matt turns to that one, staring at it.

"You're not Brad-kun." Ha-chan just knows. She puts her arm into the air-

Thwash! Electricity strikes down the shadow clone. The shadow this time traces back to like, the very tree the fake me came from.

Putting away Deep Blue, I slip out Million Bucks and begin jogging towards the frik. "Get back here, you slippery snakester!"

"A-ah…!" The shy-looking girl begins running in the opposite direction again. Okay, this time, I need a plan for when she turns around…

I reconsider Million Bucks, and pull out my janky freakin' Youkai Inconveniencer.

Turning on her heel, the doppelganger girl runs at me, her claws extended. "Ju-just die!"

Holding my whip-esque plant hanger by the cross of the cross necklace that makes it a whip, I lash it out-

Thunk!

"Aah!" She stumbles back after it hit her in the face, yo. Then- "Raa~h!"

Oh, shit! All it did was piss her off!

"Oh, fuck, oh-" Swish!

Ow. That better not've… okay, that totally cut my back and my kimono. Now I'm pissed, yo. Also that fucking stings.

Woosh! She swings for me again as I progress back towards the party.

"The doppelnoob's here, dudes!" Aaaaa~h, aaaa~h!

Mike runs out to engage it head-on. "Finally! Revenge for your foul ways!"

The girl turns to him as he nears, her eyes wide and desperate. "N-no! Go away! Go away!"

He brings up his sword-

Cli~ng!

"Gah!?" He falls back onto his ass, big scrapes left in his armor. She just like unloaded on him.

With that, the girl takes into the air, and floats above us a little. "Leave me alone!"

"I'm sure that's what alotta men toldja!" Fred waves his staff at her. "And I bet ya fancied it!"

Twash! A thunderbolt from Ha-chan strikes her, and she drifts to the ground. "A-ahn…"

"A chance!" Mike runs towards her, eager to bring down his sword-

Her pupils contract. "Leave me alo~ne!"

Fwoa~m! An orb of darkness expands around her form, stretching outward like five feet or so.

"Uwa~h!?" Mike gets launched back by it, dark residual hovering over his eyes as he buttslides away from the doppelganger.

Once it fades, she's standing in the center with her arms up at her sides, shaking. "I-I…"

I'm startin' ta get the impression she might not be a bad guy. E~nh.

Raising his staff, Fred casts a spell! "Freeze!"

An ice shard generates around her torso. "A-ah…?"

Kra~ck! It exploded into a barrage of tiny icicles which quickly dissolve once they go out of range.

"Ahn!" She's knocked into the air by the attack. Deciding not to change that, she floats up higher. Why doesn't she just fly away?

Spreading out her arms and legs, she slowly glides overhead, dark particles left in the air behind her as she moves. Solid, purple orbs of danmaku steadily flutter to the ground from the bottom of her form…

I get away from 'em, because danmaku that moves that slowly usually becomes more danmaku.

Mike tries to run under her form to a T incase she lands… which she doesn't. So he runs into the danmaku orbs-

Fwam! Fwam! The two he hit explode into purple energy. "My- my eyes! She's overwritten control of my vision! Help!" His head was almost completely engulfed with darkness that clouded his vision. His holy armor was spotless, though, making me think he should've invested in a holy helmet, too.

Too bad, son. Maybe you should have tried to avoid any of the attacks.

Thwash! "Take that!" Ha-chan grins victoriously.

"Auh…!" The doppelganger is cast to the ground again, electricity bouncing around on her form. "O-ow~..."

Fred grins, and runs towards her. "You're mine, sweetie!"

...Fred, what are you doing? Fred, you're a mage! You don't run at the enemy, Fred!

When he nears her, he tries to reach out at her arms with his hand, as if to pull her along or something, when-

She swings one claw. "Raa~h!"

"Gaugh!" Fred buckles, his robe ripped open and blood flying from his figure.

"Ruh!" She swings another claw, this one sending him flying on impact.

Crack! She broke something with that second swipe!

"Aauu~gh!" Fred wails like a banshee as he's send sliding along the ground.

"Oh, no!" Ha-chan watches him slide away.

The doppelganger brings both claws back, before lunging forward. "Die!"

Swoosh! She didn't close enough distance to hit anything.

Since Fred may or may not be dead, I think I'll stun everyone for the time being! Holding up Youkai Inconveniencer, I pour mana into it… and then-

Fwa~sh! A bright flash blinds everyone, and me.

"Ee~p!" The doppelganger squees.

"...I can see again!" Mike seems amazed. "God has blessed me with a miracle!"

Yeah, sure he did. "Mike, heal Fred or something!" I'm still rubbing my eyes back into freakin' existence… "He's probably dead, but do your best!"

"I-I'm not dead!" Fred's strained voice meets me from the floor. "Ju-just- agh… hurts so fuckingbad!"

"What!? Fear not!" Mike bounds towards him loudly, his steps known to me even when I'm freakin' blind 'cause he like stomps constantly. "I have restoration items!"

When my eyes finally come back from the dead, I see Mike kneeling over Fred, firmly shoving a potion into Fred's mouth.

"Ggh!" Fred makes noises that aren't drinking noises. "Ahk! Mm-kh!"

"Drink swiftly!" Mike yells at him. "...Yuki-onna, cover me!"

The doppelganger whirls back towards the forestry, going far faster than I can do anything about.

"...Yer covered, yo." I give an idle thumbs up.

"Aa~h…" Ha-chan finishes rubbing her own eyes. "...Where'd she go?"

Home.

...Then, the form of the girl runs out of the woods again, her claws outstretched and heading for me!

"Oh, fuck!" I swing Youkai Inconveniencer at her half-assedly, reacting on reflex.

Woosh…

The clone dissipated into mist at the slightly violent contact.

Alright, that was just mean, yo. She's in the right, though…

"Fu-fu~ck…" Fred whines from the floor, his eyes teary as he stares up into the sky. His wounds look like they're healing, though!

"Alright…" Mike tosses the empty potion bottle to the side. "Come out, you swine! This is why we must kill you!"

...He stomps towards the woods, and when he gets near the brush-

"Raa~h!" She lunges outward with both claws.

Cla~ng!

"Gaa~h!" Mike's thrown away again, this time sliding on his back, the mighty tear throwing him to the floor. "Vi-vile…"

...Jankily, the doppelganger brings up her two hands, which are bloodied from all the smashing into people they had to do. This moment of stillness allows me to see the tears running down her face. "Nnh…"

"There!" Ha-chan notices she exists, and casts!

Thwash! "A-ahn…" The doppelganger jitters in place, cringing a bit.

I glance at Fred as he gets up off the floor, using his staff to support himself. "Fuck me…"

I glance at Matt, only to see him not where he normally is against the wall in the background. Did he just get bored and leave?

Looking back at the girl, I see Matt coming up behind her. He's got his mask off, and he's quietly stepping towards her…

"O-ow…" She flexes her hands in front of her own face, probably examining the blood.

Then, he brings his hands around her face, smacking the mask on-

"A-aaaa~h!" -and quickly doing the strap on the back. She yells like a banshee, but freezing up allows Matt to fall back.

"Calm down!" He announces. "Stop trying to kill us for a moment."

...She pauses, her back arched and her hand still close to her face. I notice the mask is on upside down.

Mike's just standing there, not sure what to make of what's going on.

Fred's- "Kaugh! Kauff! Kauff! U-ugh…" -slowly dying, apparently.

"I want to ask you something." Matt makes his intentions known.

...The girl twitches a little. "Wh-...why?"

He follows up. "'Cause I'm curious. Why don't you just run away?" His expression looks dry. "We're trying to slay you, you know."

"Be-because…" She sobs. "My home… a-and my friends-..." She freezes. "...If-if I run away… you'll hurt them, too. Th-thats… how humans are..."

"Then you would be correct." Matt nods, even if she can't see anything right now. She's not even facin' him. "Although not in this case, since we don't give a shit."

Mike turns to us. "See this? Our peer is teaching us an important lesson."

Fred rolls his eyes. "Li-like what?" His voice was still strained from half the potion going down his windpipe. "How to-.. ho-how to pick up youkai girls?" He clears his throat. "Ngh…"

Matt continues. "What kinds of friends?"

...She seems genuinely thoughtful, for a moment. "Uh-uhm… good ones. The kind… that like you."

"Good." Matt nods again. "...Where did you learn to do space attacks?"

…Say what now?

"...A-a kind…" She shakes her head. "No… yo-you'll try to hurt her."

Mike continues. "You see, he is educating us on youkai trickery. These are the kinds of gangster radio control tactics they employ."

...Okay, okay- where… the frik… did gangster radio control come from? And it just slipped in like a totally normal thing to say, too!

Fred huffs. "Okay, mate…"

"We aren't savages." Matt scans us as he says this, his eyes lingering on Mike. "Most of us, anyway."

Stepping around her, he takes care to lift… some freakin' hedge cutters from his backpack, moving around her front. He awkwardly jabs them into the dirt next to himself, doing so slowly enough that I can't hear it from over here. She probably did, but I don't think she has a clue.

Then, he reaches forward, and begins to lift the mask. "We would just like to have a conversation with her."

Once the mask is lifted enough, he stares into her eyes… or tries to. Her bangs like, hardly let her nose show, yo.

He pauses at this. "...So yeah, would you please tell us." The mask is taken off of her fully, his movements slightly less delicate.

...She pouts. "N-no. I can't…"

I can't see Matt's face, so engh. "I see."

"Would you… if I gave you…"

Quickly, he bends his legs, and rips the hedge cutters from the floor. Bringing them up with both arms, he jabs them into the base of her neck.

Shink.

"A-ahk…!?" Her eyes widen, and her claws slowly extend again, but she hasn't done more than jitter her hands awkwardly.

Matt tries to open the hedge cutters.

As he struggles to fold them open, the hole he made in her neck begins to expand, and he begins to shove it in deeper, the blades traveling deeper below and up her throat.

"Hhh~!" An airy hiss comes from her throat, sounding more like air being let out of a balloon than a cry for pain. Her arms try to grab the hedge cutters, her clawed hands interfering with one another, shaking violently.

"Wh-what the fuck…" Fred brought his hand up to his mouth. "O~h, gods… the hell is he doing t' her? That's in her neck!"

Mike just has his eyebrows raised, again unsure of where this is going.

"Uhm…" Ha-chan slowly floated to the floor beside me, before stepping closer to me.

So… this is how he does it. He just does it.

Matt shifts, putting more gravity onto his back leg with his posture. Like this, he's able to force the upper blade of the hedgecutters at an upward, deep angle-

Kr-krik! "Hhh~..." Her body jerks and spasms, her legs moving under her like she was being held up, even if it didn't really look like it from this angle…

Then, he tried to shut the hedge cutters.

"Hh-hhh~..." Her jaw is firmly locked as the awkward noise came from the hole in her throat like the last few.

"Hngh…" Matt really tries to get it in there good.

"Bloody hell…" Fred looks away. "My gods, mate… I-I'm gonna be sick- this is fucking ridiculous..."

Then, he manages to bend her head back at an awkward angle.

"Ghh…" The inexperienced doppelganger made her final airy breath, her body ceasing to struggle.

"Well." Mike nods slowly. "...That may have been just a little excessive."

Ha-chan gets behind me, not saying anything.

Pulling back the hedge cutters, Matt lets the corpse of the doppelganger fall forwards as he tries to remove them, which looks like it takes a few tugs. He manages it by shaking them a bit, until they become loose from her corpse. Then she falls forwards.

Thud.

"Well, that worked better than I expected." He looks over his bloodied hands, and the bloodied hedge cutters. "...Okay, so who's going to cut off the head?"

...Mike shrugs. "I'll… do that."

"Y'feel proud of y'self?" Fred almost cautiously walks towards the corpse, staring down at the angle the neck is bent at. "Gods…" He looks away.

"I feel less bored, if that's what you mean." Matt takes a moment to awkwardly look at his bloodied hands and the cutters again. Looking back at the corpse, he moves around it and crouches. Grabbing for the fabric of her black dress, he uses it to wipe at the blood on his hands before anything else, then begins to use it to wipe down the rusty hedge cutters.

"Yo-you're really doing that?" Fred chuckles incredulously. "You're really fucking doing that? Just… alright. Alright, mate."

"What else am I gonna use." He phrases it more like a statement than a question. "I'm not going to dirty my suit."

...Fred shakes his head. "Whatever…"

...Slowly, I meander towards them, feeling slightly apprehensive about participating in the brutal murder of what was probably an innocent girl. "So~...! You kill people…!"

"When necessary." He clarifies.

...Wait. "Was this really necessary, son?"

"We were supposed to kill her, right?" He raises a brow at me, before going back to cleaning his stuffs.

...I think we were. I was kinda hoping we'd cross that bridge when we got to it and maybe brought her back alive, but y'know…! S'a bit late for that!

I shake my head. "I hope we don't get some pissed off bigger youkai tracking us down for murdering her friend or something."

"They probably won't even know she's gone." Matt dismisses the idea.

"Or that." I snort. "...If anybody asks, yo, I didn't see a freakin' thing."

Something about this leaves a bad taste in my stomach, but I don't think there'd be much use caring about it beyond this point. What happened happened, yo.

"...Is she dead?" Ha-chan finally catches up to us, and questions the well-being of the doppelganger.

O~h, Ha-chan.

...I turn to Fred, and he's just facepalming.

I look over at Mike, who's busy awkwardly looking busy while Matt finishes up with his hands and the blades of his hedge cutters.

Looking between Ha-chan and Matt, I see him waiting for his freakin' moment to shine, yo. Well, I'm not gonna let him, yo!

"...Well, yeah." I nod. "She was just brutally murdered by one of our teammates." No way am I gonna be able to spin this shit! That, and I have a feeling Ha-chan knows what dead people look like. She probably asked that question more out of disbelief that things got so real so fast.

"...Why?" She frowned, looking more sad than distraught.

"It was part of the quest." Matt adds, finally standing from the corpse. "We're getting paid for this." With that, he moves over towards his backpack, to put away the hedge cutters.

"..." She sighs. "...Okay."

Me and her are probably gonna need a talk about life later. Now I'm feelin' for her, yo…

Taking a deep breath, Fred sighs. "I dunno what I expected, t'be perfectly honest, but, y'know… couldn't we 'a killed her in a more humane way?"

Mike actually speaks out against that. "Humane? She's a youkai, Fred."

Fred scrunches his face. "Oh, piss off! Don't give me that shit now, you bloody zealot. You were put off, too!"

Mike furrows his brows. "It may have been excessive, but your comrade here is a shining example of what we must do when we encounter youkai. If you treat them like people, you are only worsening things for everyone. What the village really needs is to expand its borders and hunt single species at a time. We might actually get somewhere!"

I have a feeling if they ever actually got their shit together that good, Yukari would immediately un-get their shit together for them.

"But- ugh…" Fred looks very unhappy. "Givin' me a headache, y'bastard."

"Well, good." He finally sits down next to the dead doppelganger. "Maybe you'll realize that it is humanity's duty to purge this world of youkai."

"What's the point of arguing." Matt's leaning against a tree in the back, again. "Isn't this what we signed up for?"

...Fred sighed. "I guess. I've never really been out on these hunts before..." Aa~h, that explains it. "I've fought youkai around 'n' outside the village, but…" He looks back down at the corpse. "Shit. Never killed the bastards."

Mike nods knowingly. "Look. Just because they look human, doesn't mean they are human. Let me tell you, when I killed my first youkai, I was almost as moved as you! It gets easier, trust me. Think of them like..." He ponders. "Rocks. Really mean rocks."

"Or ants." Matt nods in the background.

I do not like the things I am hearing!

"...Mmm." Fred looks away, still displeased with this outcome.

...Sympathy for the human village is dropping rapidly, yo. I only excuse ignorance to a certain point!

With that, Mike gets to cutting the head with his holy blade. He has a bit of trouble with it, but, uh, eventually manages to get it off.

He ties her hair one of a couple rings around the bottom hem of his chestplate. "There we go. Now, we just need to find this wind elemental bee…"

"Oh, joy." Fred rolls his eyes. "We gonna brutally murder that one, too? How about we rip her tits off and put 'em on backwards? That do anything for ya?"

...Mike stares at him blankly. "Not particularly, no. We should value efficiency. Not all of us here are as experienced of..." He searches for a word to tactfully sugarcoat what Matt did. "Diplomatic assassins."

"That would be pretty kinky." Matt slips his mask back on.

"..." Fred really looks like he wants to retort, but decides not to.

Moving along the manor's wall, we make our way to the edge again. If we took a left from here, we'd be back in front of Meiling.

"Let us not meet the gatekeeper with a head." I declare. "We're goin' through the woods."

"We can take her." Mike announces.

"Son, no." I shake my head at him. "We'd get our asses removed."

"She's probably asleep." Mike, no.

"We only got so many hours in the day, son!" We're goin' through the woods, and that's that! "We can't fight the Dragonborn and a wind bee in one day!"

"I'm sure he-" Mike gestures to Matt, "-has an excellent plan by now to deal with that gatekeeper."

"Yeah. Go in the opposite direction." Thank you.

...Mike seems thrown off by the answer, but goes along with it anyway. "Well, alright, then…"

With that, Fred and I walk ahead while Matt and Mike tail behind us. Ha-chan's lagging behind us, not as enthused as when she began following along.

As we move through the side of the woods, I notice more of those fluff pot things float by overhead. They don't stop for us, though, and they seem to be getting tailed by water fairies. Honh, honh…

Five of the pot things float from a far section of the woods, and out into the forestry before us.

"They're trying to intimidate us with hybrid youkai dust people." Mike narrows his eyes.

You live on a different planet, dude.

The pot things didn't focus on us, though.

Fwam, Fwam, Fwam, Fwam, Fwam! They all fired in one direction, to like the north-west… if we were facing north.

"Wind!"

Fwowowoo~sh!

All of the fireballs were pulled abruptly towards somewhere deeper in the woods.

O~h, boy.

...The pot-fluffs float around, centered around their target a bit, when-

"Aeroga!"

A whirlwind generates under them, pulling all of the pot things together.

"Waaaa~l!" The fluffles wail!

From the forestry ahead, a woman spirals out, moving for the floating fluffs. When she nears-

"Fufufu~!" She shakes the huge hive-like honeycomb butt she has. Five large, windy beams spiral out, and home for the fluffles.

Once they all strike their targets-

Cra~ck! All the pots shatter, and the fluffles float up, up, and away. They wiggle their fins helplessly as the wind carries them above the trees…

"Hehehe~!" The wind elemental bee girl giggles, her huge breasts jiggling. "Hunting those is so much fu~n!"

Unlike normal bees, instead of yellow she had pastel blues lining her body, and the huge honeycomb on her butt was the same color. Cyan honey leaked from it as she moved.

I gotta say, she looks more like a queen than a normal honey bee…!

Mike demonstrates once again that he's a freakin' loon with even less self-preservation than me. "You there!"

Fred slouches, looking away from the bee. "What're- ngh…"

She turns her head, looking over at us. "Oo~h? I thought I smelled some delicious humans roaming around here…"

"And I smelled a youkai!" Mike raises his blade into the air. "Surrender yourself! It will make things easier!" Don't you intend to kill her, too?

"He~hehe!" She giggles again, looking positively delighted. "Ho~w about… no?"

...I glance over at the party, seein' Matt get comfy by the nearby tree. "Good luck."

"Then your death will be swift!" Mike is confident. Reeling his sword arm back, he prepares to toss it. "Take this!"

Fwoosh! With a powerful toss, the sword soars towards the bee girl.

"Ah!?" She quickly hops out of the way, the blade passing by her. She glances at it, and when it begins to make a return trip-

"Hehehe~..." She grabs the blade by the middle section. "Tha~nks."

"What!?" Mike is stupefied. Again.

"...I mean," I pipe up in the back! "Ya like… literally threw the sword at her."

...Huffing, Mike begins to run at her, but she just drifts into the air lazily before he can even get near her.

"O~h, let's see~..." She rotates the blade with her hands, looking it over. "...I think your sword needs an upgrade."

"Give it back!" Mike tries to jump, which goes as well as you'd expect with that huge ass holy suit on. "Ho~h!" He jumps a couple inches into the air with a few attempts, before giving up.

"Ha~h!" Putting power into his legs, he jumps again, this time making it a few feet into the air. That's still not enough, because she's floating above the trees.

"...Good effort." Fred was impressed with the jump's height.

"Here…" Taking the sword, the wind bee brought it behind her back, rubbing it on the giant honeycomb. It didn't take long for her to get cyan honey smeared all over the weapon. "There we go!" Is that even honey? 'Cause honey ain't freakin'... cyan. It's looks sticky, though, so… I'm gonna keep sayin' it's honey. That, or toothpaste.

"Stop!" Mike couldn't do much other than yell at her.

...I'm noticing that Fred's not doin' anything, just watching. Ha-chan I understand, 'cause she doesn't wanna murder people, but did Fred just forget to attack, or something?

"Fine. Here." She holds out the honey-covered blade, lazily holding it by the crossguard. "It's yours!"

Then, she drops it. Mike has to step back away from it before the blade freakin' pokes his brain out.

Shink. The blade got stuck in the floor.

Mike goes to tear it from the ground. "Wh-what!? What have you done!?" Pulling it from the floor, he examines it. "You've dirtied it!"

"Oo~ps." She giggles. "Hehehe~!"

Fred finally decides to snap out of spectator mode. Raising his staff, he unleashes a spell! "Fire!"

Fwoom!

"Wh-whawawa!?" She looks down at her body, the fireball that generated around her lighting her on fire. "Fi-fire!?"

Quickly, she spins around in the air, the bare tree branches beneath her shaking violently as the wind storm that kicks up around her extinguishes the flames.

...Once they're gone, she scowls down at us. "...Oh. You brought mages. Just for little old me."

Fred steps back. "...I-I didn't cast that!" He points at me. "He did!"

Son.

She sighs. "Oh, well. Aerora!"

Fwoosh! From her form, multiple balls of wind generate, and drop down to the ground. She seems to have generated four, and they're all slowly tracking us… except for Ha-chan, since she apparently recognized she was a fairy.

The wind orbs continue to slowly move towards us along the floor…

Mike makes no effort to avoid it. "I'll find justice for this! Do not be surpri- aah!"

Once the wind orb moves under him, he's launched into the air a few feet. While in the air, wind continues to spin him around as he slowly drifts towards the ground again.

That shit must be like, a convoluted stun. Oof.

Fred slowly backs away from his, before half-assedly running away a little. "Bloody wind magic…"

...Matt begins to slowly walk circles around the one that moved for him.

I look down at mine, and decide to experimentate! Taking out Tundra Bloomer, I slowly backpedal, finding a pace that keeps me a step ahead of the slow orb. Freakin'... up close, I realize how big it is. This thing's as big as my legs!

"Let's see~..." Would earth spells disrupt it? Channeling some mana into Tundra Bloomer, I focus on the orb. Then, I slam Tundra Bloomer into the floor like a staff, since it's sledgehammer-sized.

Fwooo~...

The magical circle generated around it, but didn't fully catch the orb since it was constantly moving, so nothing freakin' happened.

Aaaa~h, aaaa~h!

Flying somewhere where she had a good view of all four of us, the bee took a deep breath. "Let's see~... who to play with first?"

Matt goes behind a tree, and the orb moves into it-

Woosh. It died.

...Ah.

Noticing most of the orbs aren't doing much, the bee snaps her fingers-

Woo-woo-woosh. The other three die.

Fred relaxes, resting on his staff. "Phew…" Maybe you shouldn't have treated that like you were running from a pack of wolves, Fred.

The bee notices Ha-chan hover near me, and raises a brow. "...Hmm~. Then…"

She holds an arm into the air. "Aeroga!"

A whirlwind generates around her, and- woah!

All of us begin getting pulled towards her, including rocks and leaves and shit! Matt's still behind his tree, so he's probably just getting pulled against it. Honh, honh…!

Within moments, me and the buffoons pretty much pushed into her, Ha-chan included.

"Wind!" A shield of wind generates around her. "Alri~ght… how's it going, boys?"

Mike tries to swing at her. "Hah!"

Cling! It bounces off the shield, and she recoils.

"Ugh…" Frowning, she pushes him with a hand. "Go awa~y."

Woosh! A gust of wind sends him hurling into a tree. "Woaa~-"

Thwack! "Gah…" Real smooth, Mike.

"And what about you…?" Leaning forward, the bee reaches out and grabs Ha-chan by the chin. "What brings you here, little fairy?"

Ha-chan was pretty much the only person to have the fortune, or misfortune, of ending up pretty much in the bee's grasp. Fred and I are pretty much stuck to this awkward spot between the honeycomb and where a normal ass would be.

"He-hey…" Ha-chan fights her hands. "Cut it ou~t…"

"Awwh!" The bee glomps her outright. "I just wanna take you home with me!"

And then-

Thwash! Ha-chan strikes back with a bolt!

"Wah!?" The bee jumps more from surprise than harm. "...Oo~h! Is that your element…?"

Ha-chan breaks from her grasp, and tries to run in the opposite direction, only for the whirlwind to keep pushing her back. "A-ah…!"

"Le-leggo!" Fred tries to escape by poking her side repeatedly with his staff.

Yeah, this is a really good boss fight. Stuck to the awkward crevice between a bee's ass and her real ass, poking her with blunt objects while she molests a fairy.

"Oh, wait your turn…" The bee turns to him, pouting. "I can always take all… three of you? Wait…" She looks around. "I swore there were more. Aside from him." She dismisses Mike's existence with a wave.

"No!" Fred is panicked! "I won't let you eat me!"

And then-

Fwoom!

Fred, you dense fuck! Why would you cast fire when we're all right here!?

"Aah!?" The bee girl jumps again, the fire orb dissipating after it generated around us. I'm also on fire which fucking burns shit shit-

Woosh!

We're pushed against her even harder when she summons an extinguishing whirlwind. My face is pressed against the back of her hair… and lemme tell ya, I dunno what that's supposed to smell like. Is that what wind honey smells like? Freakin'... weird!

"A-ah…" Fred weakly tries to push against her.

"Go over there." She pushes him away.

Woosh. Wind rips him back away from her-

Bam! He hits a tree. "Fu-fuck…"

Hyonk, hyonk!

"Well…" With that, she pushes Ha-chan beside her, where Fred was, and- yo, yo, hands off… "That just leaves you…"

She eyes my form curiously. "...You're… a yuki-onna? A delectably flat one at that…"

"Hi, toots." I try to make my voice as deep as possible!

"Okay…" She looks baffled. "...Well… are you a man, or a woman?"

I jerk my head back. "Dude- did you just assume my gender?" O~h, man. Commentary on social issues completely irrelevant to Gensokyo!

"Alright." She pushes me-

Woosh. I'm sent back at a more leisurely pace, until my back hits a tree. Which is not comfortable, but it beats getting slammed into the tree like the other two morons did.

"I guess that just leaves you." She brings Ha-chan back into her grasp. Pulling the fairy close, she takes a sniff. "...Mmh."

"N-no!" Ha-chan weakly punches her-

Thwash!

Why does this bee have so much health!?

...Idly, Matt moves out from around the tree he was behind, watching the scene. Then, he's slowly pulled towards it…

If only I could see his face, yo. I'd be able to see his 'this was a mistake' face.

The bee turns to look at him, as he slowly slides towards her.

"...Hi, how's it going?" He greets her.

"O~h, swell." She pushes Ha-chan to her side, and waits for him to near.

Once he's close enough, she nudges him in front of her and holds him there. "Hmm~..."

"It's a nice place you have here." Matt compliments the forest. "Could do all sorts of things in here."

...She looks puzzled. "...Okay?" Then, she smirks. "Say… what's under that mask?" She brings her hand up, moving to lift it…

He grabs her hand. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that."

"Hehehe~!" She giggles. "Well, I'd appreciate it if I did do that."

Moving her hand forward in spite of his grab, she puts a hand onto his mask-

"Would you appreciate it if I did this?" Matt reaches forward, and grabs a handful of her left boob.

She wobbled her head back and forth. "Hmm~... Only if you massaged them."

Woah no, yo! Breakin' from the tree, I move towards them a little- okay too close the wind's taking me…!

"We gotta keep the T-rating, son!" I declare as I run backwards to keep myself locked in place. "No sexy times where we can see 'em!"

"Don't worry." Matt idly turns in my vague direction. "I like them smaller anyway."

The bee jerks her head back. "Wh-what…?"

Thwash! Ha-chan thwashed her, dude!

She didn't really acknowledge that. "Well, whatever…" She pushes Matt away, and-

"Oof." When he's pushed into me, we both go gliding back towards the tree.

...He shifts his head to look straight ahead. "Should probably save her for you now, right?"

I nod. "Ha-chan? Yeah, yo. I'd 'ppreciate it. However you freakin' do that."

He flexes one of his hands. "Gravity."

Fwoa~m...

An orb of darkness generates above the wind elemental bee, and slowly stretched downwards to encompass the bee girl. Her form was kinda bulky, mostly 'cause of that huge honeycomb ass, so the spell only encompassed most of her.

Even so-

"Guh…!?" The bee girl's legs buckled a little, and she resteadied her footing. The wind shield around her dissipated, and Ha-chan began to move away from her… at a very slow crouching pace, 'cause I guess she got caught, too.

"Br-Brad-kun…!" She crouch-walked towards me determinedly!

I got myself out from between Matt and the tree, and moved to try to lift her- ho~h shit, she's heavy now…!

Since I've got Tundra Bloomer on hand, I buff myself up by putting mana into it!

Once I do, I try to lift her again-

O~h, there we go. Took a fight, but I can run like this! "I are big stronk man!" Now, let me just hobble away with her…

"He-hey…!" The bee huffs. "She's mine!" Instead of flying, she's forced to power walk towards me menacingly.

Matt put his arm into the air again, and cast it down.

A saw blade fell from the freakin' sky, and began moving towards the wind bee. Matt knows freakin' saw blade!? That's like, a massacre in the making!

Vrrrrr~! It travels along the floor towards her.

Gathering her strength, she heaves her entire form out of the way with a great thrust. "Ee-ee~p!" She managed to avoid the blade by a good margin, but was still intimidated by it.

Fred runs towards us, not really up to fighting this thing. "Let's jus' get the hell out a' here, guys. She's having trouble moving- we'll run!"

"No you don't!" She glares forward at us. "Aeroga!"

Woosh! The four of us get pulled into each other ahead. However, Mike is still where he was, and now he's running for the bee.

"This is it!" He grins widely as he bounds towards her. Once he nears, he leaps for a mighty blow-

She points her hand at him with an open palm.

Fwoosh! Wind just outright pushes him away.

"Blast!" He's slowly pushed back into the air. "Let me kill you!"

Her expression is dry. "Can we not?"

"No!" After he's pushed far enough, Mike lands on the ground again. "This is the way things must be!"

...She sighs. "Well, then, smart guy… I could always eat you for real, if this is how you want it."

"Eat me? Hah!" He grins widely. "I've killed over twenty youkai!"

...Albus killed like a whole community that was centered around the village, which is somethin' now that I think about it. Also- how. Are we talkin' fairies here!? All you do is run at them!

Matt comments from over here. "Is this the only way you can attract men? Because even this doesn't seem to be working."

...She gives us a pouty-glare. "Oh, shut up."

"You're open!" Slowly, Mike bounds towards her from well over forty feet away.

Baring her teeth, the bee brings her arm into the air- "Kneel." -before throwing it towards the floor.

And- bam! Mike immediately faceplants.

Five large, windy lasers shoot from her honeycomb on her bum, and curve sharply to home in on Mike.

Once they come in contact with his armor-

Fwoom! "Woaa~h!" He's sent soaring into the air.

...Well, then!

"Now…" She turns back to us. "I'll let you all go… if I get to keep one of you."

"Take Mike." Matt immediately declares.

"Ye-yeah, honestly?" Fred grins. "Take the bastard. He's yours."

I nod. "Yeah, just go ahead and take him. He'll probably be better off in your sex dungeon than out in the wild."

She furrows her brows. "Who?"

I point up. "The guy ya sent into orbit."

...She shakes her head. "No, no… I want someone more quiet." She scoffs. "I mean… I don't really judge, but…" She shakes her head. "He's too much."

Yeah, I'll say…!

"Take Fred." Matt suggests.

"Wh-whah!?" Fred's eyes widen. "No, no, no! Sh-she'd… no!"

Whelp, time to search my sack for an equip that'll maybe help us out…!

...Slowly, Mike spins down from the heavens, flailing his sword wildly as he does so. "Re-release me, foul beast…!"

...Actually, I think Tundra Bloomer might- well, no, if I put her to sleep, Mike might go through with beheading her, unless I decide to just brutalize him once and for all.

Fred huffs. "Wh-what about that fucking fairy? What about her?"

I turn to him. "Son- if we go through with that, Sarah's gonna be feedin' ya oatmeal over yer new neck brace."

"Damn- okay…" He sighs. "Fine, y'get to keep yer fuckfairy, then."

Zap! Ha-chan gets her revenge!

"O-ow…" Fred shifts uncomfortably.

"I suppose I must sacrifice myself." Matt doesn't seem too opposed to the idea. Well, he did grope her… and he can summon blades of doom, so I don't think he's in any real danger. If anything, I should be afraid for the bee, but y'know… my hide or hers!

Also, aside from those lasers, she used like no danmaku. Then again, Mike made it pretty clear we were homicidal maniacs from the start…

"Wh-... really?" Fred paused. "...No, mate, y'don't have to-"

"No. Really." He tries to step from the whirlwind that's keeping us in place, only to get pushed back.

The bee girl is smiling warmly. "Ah, sorry. Lemme~..." She snapped her fingers.

Once the wind stopped, Matt was free to walk ahead.

...Ha-chan's slowly getting lighter! I wave my free hand. "Play nice now, son!"

"I'll try to." He walks up to her, pausing as he nears her.

I get a better look at the bee girl, now that the action's kinda over. She's got pastel blue- similarly colored to her body- bobby hair, sorta. It's not terribly kempt.

Mike finally lands on the floor. "No! I won't let you take him! He's a blooming hunter!"

"Yeah, yeah." She waves her hand at him, a few gusts coming from her form and pushing him back. "Run along, boy, before I make away with you, too."

Mike is ready to object, but I yell over at him. "Let's just go! There's, uh-" I look around and try to make up a bullshit reason for him to stop being so aggro. "Reinforcements! The hive! She's the queen! Run, son, run!"

Mike freezes up, looking around. "Wh-what!? What!?"

Fred blinks. "The hell're you on about?"

I half-whisper to him. "I'm bullshitting, but Mike's not gonna fuck off any other way."

Fred rolls his eyes. "Who cares 'bout Mike?"

I point at him. "He's got the head. Y'know, the one we gotta bring back t' get paid."

...Fred makes an 'o' shape with his mouth. "Balls."

Then, I yell! "Oh, shit, they're coming! C'mon!" Hastily, I jog for the vague direction of the path away from the mansion!

"Fuck! Mike! Run!" Fred plays along, running behind me.

"Blast it all!" Mike slowly jogs after us. He steals one last look back at the two we left behind. "I'll remember this! I will assemble a team!"

With that, we quickly managed to make our way back onto the path.

Mike is now distraught. "Of-... of all the dirty darn rotten luck!"

"S'called 'running', mate." Fred jabs him, fed up with today's antics.

"No! We left a comrade to be consumed!" He turns to us with wide eyes. "Are you two really okay with this!?"

I shrug. Matt'll probably find some way out of it, knowing how freakin' slimey he can be when he has to. "Well, no."

"Dude, the guy sacrificed himself." Fred up his arms up. "Alright? Wasn't nothin' we could do."

...At that, Mike sighed. "We should have averted that situation in the first place, then. This is our fault."

"How's it…" Stopping his objection, Fred just let it go. "Y'know what? Sure. It was… our fault. Yup."

Hyonk. Well, I coulda hauled a lot more ass, but I wanted to not kill the bee. Even if she's going to die anyway, now. I mean, I don't have to see it happen, so I can just forget about it. Didn't even know her.

With that, we continued to waltz back to the lake relatively quietly.

...Ha-chan gets comfy in my arms. Awwh…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're going around the side of the lake, now!

"Maybe they won't see us, if, uh… we don't look at 'em." Fred talks of some things we've seen hovering across the lakeside.

Mike's also legitimately apprehensive about their appearance. "We pay them no trouble… they pay us no trouble. Hopefully."

The reason I'm callin' them things is 'cause they're not even freakin' humanoid… or organic looking.

Across the lake, these large red and maroon cylinders are floating through the air. They're as big as freakin' tree trunk, and at the bottom of each one… there's some kinda indent, but I dunno what it's for.

Fairies are hovering over the horde of them, firing down danmaku pellets. I dunno if they're getting anything done.

Little ball-like things shoot from the bottom slots of the towers, popping up to try and snipe one fairy, before the ball actually returns to the tower and into the indent. Freakin'... what is that!?

Oh, yeah, they also do this thing, where they all tilt back and hover into the air at once… and then-

Boom!

They hit the ground, massive shockwaves causing the entire lakeside to rumble. I can see the lake's water ripple…!

Jesus!

...From the direction of the Hakurei Shrine, I see Reimu floating out to meet them, her yin-yang orbs whirling at her sides. Ooo, yo! Marisa's there, too!

...Looking around, I see Sakuya floating overhead, as well.

Whelp, those tower things are probably dead. We'll just, uh… quietly move along the lakeside…

"The Hakurei is going to fight them?" Mike grins. "But… she's a simple shrine maiden! The witch I may understand- but the Hakurei?"

You're about to have your mind blown, son.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: REIMU'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"This like… the fluffle's idea of a party?" Marisa grinned down at the red mass of tower-like… machine things.

"Apparently." Looks like some fairies went in to engage them. They're not doing a whole lot, though…

Pi~chun! One of the water fairies dies. A fluffle ejected itself from its pilot slot at the bottom of the machine, and smashed into her. Since fluffles aren't all that tough normally, I think they just get charged with magic before they eject. That would explain why they return to their slots, too.

...Sakuya drifts up beside me. "Mistress ordered me to find the disturbance."

Marisa grinned. "Well?"

"...I think-"

Boom! The fluffle machines all smashed into the floor. Some trees that they smashed into shook, and a few even fell. The ground they've been pounding for awhile now seems to nearly be wasted away into nothing, too.

"-...I may have found it." Sakuya stared down at the things dryly. "What are these?"

"Fluffles, ze." Marisa floats ahead of us a little. "Don't shoot the bulky parts, 'cause they're made of super metal or something. Those little slot things on the bottom-"

Pi-pi-pi~chun!

"See those things!?" Dipping suddenly, Marisa pointed down. "Those're fluffles. They're drivin' the things."

"...I see." Sakuya nodded. "Maybe."

"The ball things are the fluffles, 'n' they sit on the like, nearly bottom of the tower things." Marisa tried to explain it in a way that made sense. "So if ya pop 'em a quick one, they should go down without a fight."

...Sakuya grinned. "That's how it is, is it?"

I nod. "Yeah. You can use lethal force, by the way. These are just fluffles… and they're ruining things."

"Understood." Sakuya vanishes.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SAKUYA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

...Let's get started, then. This'll be a good time to test my accuracy, too.

Drifting away from Reimu and Marisa, I float down to examine the now-grey figures of these… towers. At least, they look the part.

On closer inspection, I can see that tiny spikes protrude from the edges of the cylinders, making them appear almost boxy.

At the bottom of one, there was indeed a little fluffle. It stared blankly into space as its fins were inside of two slots within its control panel, the device devoid of any other features that might help someone operate it.

Hmm. I'm sure Mistress would've liked one, too. Aside from the fact the seat is positioned in a terribly inopportune position.

I throw a knife towards the fluffle, and it freezes moments after I throw it. I found that was something that happens with things you let go normally.

Drifting leisurely through the horde of towers, I make sure to throw a single knife at each and every fluffle that catches my eye. It doesn't take much more than that, really. A few will probably escape me, but I'm going to try for complete accuracy here. I'm sure Marisa wouldn't let me live it down if one somehow got away with living, even if only for a few seconds.

To keep things organized, after just throwing the knives randomly, I decide to slow down and do it in rows. If a few get an extra knife, no one would really know or care.

After a span of about… ten minutes, I finish. Now, let me just comb over it… just incase.

There. All fluffles accounted for. For the ones already outside their machines, I just lodged one inside their pilot seat. All the ones in the middle of doing their smash attack… It took me a moment, and I just decided to fill their pilot seats with knives, the fire ones. One of them's got to scratch them.

I'm not terribly proud of that strategy, but if it works, then good.

...I drift back towards Reimu and Marisa. There seem to be some people on the other side of the lake, coming from the mansion… from a glance, they just seem to be village exterminators, escorting a yuki-onna.

The yuki-onna… is carrying a fairy. One of our fairies.

Looks like I'll have to greet them. I do want to see how Reimu and Marisa react to all the towers dying at once, though…

Floating to the other side of Marisa, which is opposite the side I was originally, I let time resume.

The world blinks back into color.

There's a collective 'thunk' as almost all of the towers drop straight into the dirt they were pounding. A few tip over onto their sides.

The towers still in the middle of slam attacks execute them, but since there's so few, they're definitely not as audible. Then, the cockpits catch fire, my theory proving true.

...Then those ones drop into the dirt.

...Marisa whistled. "Da~ng."

Reimu folded her arms, smiling. "Geez. She's such a show off..."

I make myself known. "I'm glad you are pleased by my performance."

"Wo-woah!" Marisa jerks to the side on her broom, nearly floating into Reimu. "...Don't do that, ze!"

Allowing myself to grin, I let my expression speak for itself.

...Reimu yawns. "I'm gonna go nap, again. Those things woke me up…"

"Thank me later." I remind her who probably just shut down another fluffle-related incident before it began.

"Tha~nks, Sakuya." She drifts off slowly, her yin-yang orbs dissipating.

...I don't know what I expected, really.

"Back to fortifying my house!" Marisa begins to drift off. "Catch ya later, Sakuya! Don't work too hard!"

"Do try to use the front door next time." Someone has to remind her. I can't tell if she forgets she can come peacefully, or if she prefers to do it the loud way. Come to think of it, our mansion's had a rather bad rat problem, recently…

She gives me a wave back before she's fully gone. "I always use the front door!"

Yeah. You know what I meant, though.

...

Fortifying her house?

I stop time.

The world blinks into gray.

...Slowly, I begin drifting towards those people who have one of our maids. They're nearly across the lakeside now.

What did she mean by fortifying her house? ...Well, I suppose she lives in the woods, and with these rats and these fluffles running about as they please, she might want to consider something more than a farmer's shed for her belongings.

While I think, I catch up to the two villagers and the youkai who has our fairy. Then, I resume time.

The world blinks into color.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Well. I think Sakuya just up and assassinated those tower things.

"...I don't know what's going on." Mike makes his status known.

"Jus' keep movin'." Fred doesn't really care to know. "Pro'lly some spooky shit."

Spooky shit, son.

I glance up at them as Reimu and Marisa hover off leisurely. Marisa quickly accelerates after giving Sakuya a wave.

Well, that was something.

Looking away from the lake- oh my God Sakuya's right in front of us!

...She looks down at us, floating in the air idly. She's playing with a knife, trying to look intimimadatin'

Mike's just got some kind of death wish, seriously. "You! Are you not the maid from Scarlet Devil!?"

...Sakuya blinks. "I am. Infact, I'm the chief maid."

If there's a god somewhere… just freakin' take him already. I dunno if Mike is proof God does or doesn't exist! Actually, if a god does exist, he's probably freakin' laughing his ass off.

"The chief maid!" Grinning, Mike looks back at us as if we heard a funny joke.

Fred has a very determined look on, too busy examining Sakuya to be baffled by Mike's sheer… just freakin' stupidity.

I'm grinning myself, but it's because I'm completely incredulous by this dude's existence. Like- it's like he's constantly got a freakin' doom counter over his head! The only reason he survives is because… I don't even know! It's gotta be that freakin' armor…

"Well, then, if I am to slay you, then all the maids shall go into chaos. Is that correct?" Oh my fucking God, Mike…

Sakuya's expression steels itself. "...I suppose it would be."

O~h, boy.

"Then I shall spill your blood!" Grinning widely, Mike steps ahead, even though she's fucking flying dude how in a rat's ass are you going to hit her-

"You three…" She holds her knife closer to her face, for a moment. She takes this moment to glance at Ha-chan, who freakin' fell asleep in my arms.

"Who are you?" She swiftly tosses it forward, and it becomes three.

I stumble back, the knife landing at my feetsies. "Ooo~!" I'm trying to get out of this without Sakuya knowing it's me.

"Ah shit!" Fred stumbles back, too, the knife getting lodged in the bottom of his robes… before it dissipates. She threw danmaku daggers.

And Mike… just stood and took it. Why would he even think about dodging?

The knife dissipated on his armor. He… didn't react at all. In fact, he was more surprised by the noises Fred and I made. Did he… not see the knife? Oh, man...

"That's an interesting sword you're carrying." Sakuya's eyes scanned his cyan honey-speckled holy sword.

Snapping his eyes back to her, Mike nodded. "O~h? Are you impressed?" He takes a few practice swings. "It is the sword I will drive through your mistress' heart."

...Mike... dude. Words cannot describe… just how boned you are right now.

"I suppose you wouldn't mind if I cleaned it off, and hung it in the mistress' armory?" Sakuya tilted her head. "Once I defeat you."

Knives appeared between every finger.

Whelp. I~'m… gonna go hide.

...O-oh, I still got Tundra Bloomer out under Ha-chan, here. Wait, if I run, and Sakuya thinks I'm some random asshole taking off with her fairy… actually, I'd be fine. She doesn't care that much about these fairies, I'm sure.

I'll wait for shit to kick up a few more notches, so I can leave in the confusion, and not get called out by her just for bein' weird.

"Four cards?" Sakuya rose a brow as she began to focus.

Mike snorted. "Cards? Silly girl. That shrine maiden has it all wrong, I do not play this 'danmaku' game."

...Sakuya stared at him dryly.

She pointed across the lake, at the still tower things. "Did you see what happened there?"

He nodded. "Yes, the towers all fell. What of it?"

"I did that." Sakuya revealed. I mean, it was kinda obvious if you watched it…

"Hah!" Mike nodded his head, again. "Another lie. Keep lying, vampire's maid. We'll see who has the last laugh." Buddy, you're writin' checks your body can't cash, here…

"...I'll use danmaku, anyway." She decided. "I wouldn't wish to disrespect the shrine maiden."

Well, then…

Mike jumps. "Hah!" A~nd hits fucking nothing, because Sakuya's like ten more feet above him.

Fred thrusts his staff into the air, confident he'll manage to turn around this fight. "I'll getcha!"

Fwoom! A fireball appears… where Sakuya was.

"Conjuring, Misdirection." Sakuya announces her first spell card from behind us.

A spread shot of daggers begin to shoot from her form with a single sweep of her right arm. When she sweeps her left arm, torrents of red kunai-like daggers pour out in solid streams meant to direct us, it seemed.

"A-aah!" I dipped inside one of the kunai lanes, but had to turn my back so Ha-chan didn't get nailed, 'cause I'm trying to unlock the 'Ha-chan survives an escapade' achievement!

So her thicker knives began to pour into my back. "Gh-gaa~h!"

Ho~ly shit that sti~ngs! Ho~h… damn. I'm going to feel that, dude. It doesn't help that my back is cut open, either!

Fred doesn't even bother to dodge. I mean, he looks intimidated as shit, but he's just like 'yeah fuck my shit up', and a stream of red kunai meet his face. Before he can yell, the blue daggers pound into him, sending him sprawling. "N-ngh…"

The other red kunai stream floats right into Mike's face, which I'm sure was intentional. "Guwaa~h!" He roars through it like an ape doped up on steroids. Blue knives meet his armor, and just fizzle off of it.

...I'm too fucked up to move well, by this point. I try to hobble closer to the woods, as she drifts to her right and proceeds to just do that again, because it did a fucking fantastic job on us the first time.

I get near a tree, and duck along the side of it, hyperventilating. "H-hahh, hahh, hahh…"

"Aah!" Fred yells, for some reason.

"Youka~i!" Mike roars. "Nice try!"

I peek around the tree, to see what kooky shenaniganry he's about to pull…

His holy armor flairs in this most critical moment, and his blade glows a bright, holy white. "Hoo- hah- huh- hroh- hoo -hah!"

Rapidly advancing toward Sakuya, he cleaves his holy sword through the air with amazing speed, exchanging hands at times as he quickly closes the distance between himself and the maid with every cut.

But it doesn't matter, because she just vanishes and reappears at the other side of the clearing, where she first was before Fred tried to burn her.

...Stopping, Mike pats his sword arm's muscle. "Limits are meant to be broken!" Yeah, good job. That's probably how he got everything done, that broken-ass limit break of his. And I bet he still fights weak youkai!

Fred's on the ground, writhing in pain. "Aa-aauh…"

Another stream of red kunai passed Mike's head, multiple clipping it. "Gu-gugh…! Youkai scum!"

Sakuya smirks, knowing. She's a freakin' human, noob.

Stumbling forward like he had a headache, Mike reached into his pocket. "E-euh…" Bringing up the bottle, he tossed it into the air. "Mega Potion!"

Three revolving green orbs fell from just above our forms. I felt a sorta water-like sensation wash over me for a moment as mine splashed onto me, and a brief little chime.

Woah. It's like I just slept and woke up to a cup of Kool-aid! So that's how Mega Potions work...

Fred starts to scramble onto his legs, his staff resting beside him. "Wa-wait! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

"Sorry." Sakuya doesn't sound sorry. "Illusion Existence, Clock Corpse."

Into~ the woods I go! See ya, Sakuya! Wahaha~! I'm free! I'm free-...

Mike's got the head on his belt. I'll have to forage it off of him when Sakuya's finished.

...I'll just chill in these bushes for a few hours. Seriously. I'm done, yo.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SAKUYA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

That yuki-onna took off with the fairy. Knowing yuki-onna, though, the fairy is probably going to be fine. It'll probably let her go and be on its way, now that these men aren't harassing it.

Spreading out my arms, a curtain of daggers materialize to finish them off. I want to see the guy in the armor spend a Mega Elixir on this fight. If he actually does, I might just let him go out of sympathy. Might.

Then, I stop time.

The mage's eyes are wide, and I can see him trying to go around the incoming curtain. Not a smart move.

However, that guy looks like he plans to charge into it and not allow it to pass him at all. I don't think he's going to have a chance to drink anything.

I toss knives to cover the flanks of the pattern. If they were smart, they'd stay in the vague middle. Since I'm going easy on them, this card's pretty much avoidable if you were standing still. It's too bad they're not standing still.

Well, that's that. I let time resume, and fold my arms. The real trial will be bringing them to the mansion for interrogation.

Instantly, the mage is mauled by the flank's knives. "Huwoaa~h!"

Confident he could just wade through anything, the armored brute charged straight into my curtain of daggers as it slowly amassed to pass around him.

The clinking of the danmaku against his armor was audible.

He fell to his knees, eyes shut. "Uh-... ur~gh…"

He sprawled out on his chest, face in the dirt and sword lying by his side.

...There we go. I stop time.

The world turns to grey in a blink.

...Now…

Kneeling down, I-... "Hn~gh…" This brute… is heavy…

Should I get Meiling for this? No… no, I've got it.

...Barely.

Oh, right. He's also got that decapitated head of some unfortunate soul tied to a ring in his armor. I'm sure Reimu would love to hear people still do that, and out this far, too.

I hover a little, just enough to not throw off my arms, but to make sure my legs aren't totally doing the work. With each step I take, I rebound off the floor, allowing myself to drift a little with each step.

Here we go…

Ah, right. The gate. I'll just leave them outside and have Meiling help from there.

A~h… it feels nice to drop heavy things. Even with the lasting aches, now and again. I should think about carrying potions, too… Mistress likely has enough funds for elixirs.

Meiling's also asleep, still, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Now, to go back for the mage.

Here he is. Bending my legs, I scoop the stout man up…

Ah. He's a lot lighter.

It takes me a couple more minutes to float to the mansion gates, again. This time I just float normally.

Once there, I drop the mage on the pseudo-knight. I let time resume.

With a blink, the world's colors are back.

...Meiling's still asleep.

"Hey."

I walk up to the gates, and start shaking them.

Alright, then. Drawing a knife, I line up in front of her at a good distance. Then, I toss it-

Shink.

...Meiling's eyes flicker open. "A-ah…?"

"Good morning." I greet her.

...Her eyes eventually travel up to look at the dagger in her head. "...O~w." Reaching up, she pulls it out with two hands. "Ooo~..."

"I'll need some help with these… individuals." I gesture to the two I dragged here.

"...Who?" Meiling gave me a curious stare, the hole in her forehead slowly closing up.

Based on their mindset, and their company… "They may have been intruders."

"Wha~h?" Meiling looked down at them. "I didn't even see them!"

"Probably because you were asleep." Stepping towards the gate, I beckon her. "Pick them up. I'll open the gate for you."

"Alright…" Meiling moves to lift them as I begin to exert force on the gate, opening it without force…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Comin' out of the woods, now with an awake Ha-chan, I-

...The bodies are freakin' gone. Did Sakuya take them? I only waited for the action to stop, so it's not like any hungry beast girls would've just come and thefted them. It had to have been her. Why, Sakuya, why!?

"...Everyone's gone." Ha-chan looked around idly. "...I dunno what happened, but I'm happy."

Ooo. "Why's that, Ha-chan?" I am curious, yo.

"They were mean." She smiled. "I didn't like them."

"Me either." I nod slowly… "Whelp, there goes our freakin' money. Unless we feel like running around the mansion."

Ha-chan tilts her head, like a cuddlemuffin.

"Sakuya took them away." I reveal. "For some reason."

Ha-chan immediately beams. "Oo~h! Chief came to help!"

Chief also delivered a stream of glowing thousand degree kunai to my face, but considering Mike's mega potion refreshed my soul, I think I'm good not mentionin' that.

...I could go save the friks, but I could also not. Actually, I should go back later, after the friends at the mansion do what they wanna do with them. I dunno what'll happen with Fred, but Mike's probably going to get himself killed. That, and the head might just get obliterated, leaving the poor girl's death in vain…

Engh. Well, her death wasn't totally my fault. I just… contributed. Yeah, that's not that much better, is it, really?

...

I guess I'm just gonna~... stop by the Kourindou. Rinnosuke's gotta have some rockin' goods, by now, even if I can't buy anything. Maybe he has some rubber gloves, so I can head to the mansion and handle the bloody head with care. I think some youkai can smell blood of their fellows, and I don't wanna be identified as a murderer, yo.

You know what? I'll go back to the village, do some odd jobs yo, do some push ups, like engh, fight some fairies, stock up on potions... and then proceed to wander around randomly looking for cool shit.

I'm just gonna assume there's no real way to get that head, now!

"Hello~?" Ha-chan waves her hand in front of my face. "Brad-kun?"

"Yo~!" I leap into action. "Let us go visit the Rinnosuke man, man!"

"Ya~y!" She cheers!

With that, we begin to walk off- actually I might wanna look at those weird fuckin' tower things first…

"First we'll go over here!" I point over at the mess of things across the lake as we progress towards it.

"Okay!" Ha-chan marches along with me, even if she can fly. Ho ho!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 49

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Tundra Bloomer - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice!

INVENTORY:

Youkai Inconveniencer - Semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but isn't particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has. Sparkles in the light due to fairy dust, able to reduce the accuracy of weak, biological enemies by irritating their senses with the dust. Can play beautiful, flat-tone musi~c!

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle. Can cast Fume, has Flamethrower Plus!

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Can cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Slight damage vulnerability when used, which has worn over time. With added electric and holy charms, the hanger's gained the ability to deal electrical and holy damage. Is able to fluidly chain attacks for stringing together longer aerial and ground combos. Allows the user to fluidly transition from combo to jumping. Allows forced aerial combo support. Grants the user the ability to air slide. Increased jump height when running. Gives motion sickness with avid use!

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please. Unless you're surrounded by fairies who don't know the difference- but y'know- that opportunity's a freakin' million to one.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy...

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! 75% time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Remilia Scarlet Disguise - Wearing this as a tall manchild's probably not doing anyone with eyes any favors. Has resistances of sorts, but I'm not in a big fat hurry to find out what they are…

Toasty Yuki-onna Kimono - Best winter clothing twenty fifteen. Fifty percent ice and freezing resistance, but negative fifty percent fire and burning resistance!

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

Hana, the Electric Elemental Stalker Maid - She's friendly, dude. She's getting better at using thunder magic, too! Cyan hair and eyes, likes to be fluffy, so on and so forth. I don't got a whole lot ta add about her… Oh, yeah, she's weak to earth magic, I think.

PRIMARY WEAPON: A really weak zap attack!

INVENTORY:

Probably some rocks - Yeah.

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

fun chapter to write, even if the tone wasn't quite what a lot of FREAKIN GENSOKYO is like. daz partially from the combat, but it's also 'cause of the heavier tones here due to mike being an IGNORAMUS and matt being MATT

i don't think the combat here did too many terrible things to the pacing, esp. 'cause i extended the chapter length a bit to accommodate the pacing

that and the combat was mostly filled with jokes and wasn't just straight up stuff happening most of the time, just dudes STANDING AROUND being STUPID

good fun . w .

sakuya section! sakuya felt very clinical to write this time around, which is nice; i think it suits her… i also modified the sounds in her section a bit to be explained by her more passively sorta

which makes me think reimu also is like "YEAH YEAH BAM CLANG ENGH" but i think sakuya's introversion is just that PRONOUNCED that it bleeds into the thought segments… not to say reimu isn't a bit introverted herself, but she's more balanced; reimu is like the balance QUEEN

sakuya does spend a lot of time alone, you'd think, even if she's a bit rambunctious like reimu and marisa at heart

so, yeah!

as always, see you all next time!