(in which-... oh? oh right, right NEVERMIND YO IT'S A MATT CHAPTER)

...Brad and his fellow maniacs proceeded to leave me to presumably be raped and enslaved by this particularly horny honey bee. That wouldn't be such a bad life if I didn't have other things to do.

"Oh, shit, they're coming! C'mon!" Brad beckons the lunatics to follow him away.

"Fuck! Mike! Run!" Fred also draws the team behemoth away from the action.

"Blast it all!" Mike blasts it all, apparently. He gives us one last glance, though. "I'll remember this! I will assemble a team!"

...With that, the three bumbling bastards and their fairy companion were out of range of us.

"...How unbecoming." The honey bee dryly stared off in the direction they fled. "I wouldn't have been able to convert him to food, either. You see, I've got plenty…" She pats the huge honeycomb-like appendage on her rear.

...Then she makes eye contact with me- or tries to, not knowing where my eyes are exactly wandering behind this mask- and smiles warmly. "Would you like to try some?"

"Sure. Why not?" As long as it's not a sedative. I doubt that, however...

Stepping up to me, she reaches for my face. "Fi~rst, let's get that clunky mask off of you…"

Sure. Standing still, I let her go through with her motions…

I feel her grasp it and pull it back, my face being revealed once again.

She's leaning a little closer than she was before. "...My~. You don't look half ba~d."

"Why, of course." I was half expecting some kind of dismissive comment, but she seems to be in it to win it, here. "Why are you chasing around men like this, if it's not to eat them?"

...She shied away, a bit. "Well... I haven't been finding much luck among the youkai recently, and some friends of mine said that humans work fine, too, but the chances of getting with one are pretty low…" With that, she smiled. "Of course, if it doesn't work out, I just eat them anyway. My spider friend can cacoon them, and this yuki-onna I know does really good cryo-freezing work."

"...Ahh. I see." I nod at her explanation.

"No-not that I'd do that to you!" She backtracked a little. "I'd never do that to you."

...This must be the reverse tsundere.

"Why don't we head back to my place?" She got even closer, putting her hands on my shoulders. "...Oh, I almost forgot. You wanted to try some, didn't you…?"

This quest is getting weird.

Reaching behind herself, she uses her bare hand to scoop some cyan honey from her honeycomb-shaped rear. Her other arm is used to tilt it so the other arm can access it. "Alright…" With her hand now smeared in honey, she brings it up to my face. "Say, 'aa~h', honey…"

"...Maybe there's another way of going about this." I would really rather not.

She pauses. "...Oh, alright. Help yourself." Turning around, she exposes the cyan honeycomb to me. Then, she puts her hands on her hips, taking on a smug posture as she looked back at me.

...This isn't much better.

...Maybe I can get by with only getting a little on my finger.

Looking down at the honeycomb shaped rear, I note that neon cyan is an awfully weird color. Honey glimmered in every hexagon along her backside, and every hexagon was almost big enough to fit a fist in.

...I reach my finger forward, and dab it in one of the hexagons of honey. I let my finger brush the wall of the hexagon, and it feels… hard. Probably akin to how a hive's surface might feel.

"Don't be shy, now…" She encourages me to do more, but I'd rather not.

Taking my finger out, I stare at the glob of sticky, cyan honey, and bring it to my lips.

I take a sniff. It smells curiously dull for honey, even if it still does smell like it. There's something… airy to it, despite the obvious elemental affinity at play, here.

With that, I bring it into my mouth and taste it.

...There's only a hint of honey, and otherwise it tastes… well, it's sweet, for one thing, but it's also somewhat simple. It's like sugar cookie, except liquid, and with a hint of honey… and no cookie. Liquid sugar.

...This is like really bad erotic fanfiction.

"Well?" She grins at me, turning slightly towards me. "Do you like it?"

"...Needs more sweetener." I decide. Maybe then I could name what it actually tastes like if not just more sugar.

She snorts. "Well, we can work on that…" Turning to me, she winks and pats the side of her honeycomb-hive thing. "You can eat from me anytime you want."

"Wonderful." I probably don't sound terribly enthused. I want off the horny wind elemental honey bee's wild ride.

With that, she begins walking behind me…

"I'm taking you home." She informs me, slipping her arms under mine, and lifting me up. She's got actual wings, but she doesn't seem to bother to use them to fly, the wind naturally carrying her instead.

I feel myself begin to lift off the ground. Alright, playtime's over; I refuse to be kidnapped by a horny honey bee.

"Can we not?" I say this as I reach into my pocket to draw Chaos Oath. I'm probably going to need it, all things considered.

"Just relax." She's not taking 'no' for an answer. "You'll like it there."

However, she's getting 'no' whether she likes it or not.

Twirling out Chaos Oath, I consider how to best hinder her with precision. Her wind magic is very bothersome, even if I could potentially grapple her…

From this position, it'll be dicey at best to land a clean stab on her, and I don't very much wish to unleash the beast inside this thing.

"This position is uncomfortable." Let's see how this goes…

"Rela~x." Not very well, apparently.

Since I'm at this posture… I could try to stab it into her side. These blades produce those tendrils on stab, which should serve to leech her life from her.

"How high do you want me to fly?" She speaks softly. "I can take you above the clouds, if you'd like…"

"Beneath the tree tops." Breaking my everything is not a priority. "It's more romantic that way."

"Fufufu!" She likes that. I take this moment to swing my legs to the left. "Wo-woah, easy now…"

I swing them to the right, my body rocking her own slightly. "He-hey! Cut it out-"

As I swing, I bring the scissors in my left hand into her fleshy, soft stomach.

Shink!

"Hu-waauu~h!" Her voice becomes a violent hiss near the end, and she launches me away with a thrust. "Ho~w dare you!" Her voice comes out as airy and hollow.

Time to curl up into a ball-

Bam! ...My arms and back take the brunt of it as I roll up a tree trunk, the wind pushing me along the entire way.

"I'll rip you apart!" The hollow voice seems to come from all around me, giving me great uncertainty on whether or not she was already near me or not.

Scrambling, I find myself-

Thud. On my side, awkwardly enough…

I look up at her slowly advancing form. She drifts towards me, holding onto the scissors caught within her stomach. "Ee-eehn…" She tries to pull it out, but the tendrils that have spread across her skin make that very difficult, apparently. "What have you done!? I'll swallow your soul!"

Her previously teal eyes were now a bright, illuminant cyan.

Quickly reacting, I begin throttling my limbs to throw myself out of the danger of her approaching form-

"Wind Jaw! Snapping Gale!" The wind elemental honey bee announced a spell card. Weren't these meant for nonlethal combat?

Four person-sized orbs spread out from her form, and slowly rotate outward…

I manage to duck behind a tree, for better or worse.

"Hahaha~!" She sees me, too, but she doesn't move to jeopardize the spell at hand.

I'm forced to back up as I notice one of the orbs slowly moving towards me. It wasn't deliberate; it was just trying to get into orbit around the bee.

"What!? What!?" She yells out for me. "I want to rip out your soul, and drink all your blood! Come back and finish the jo~b!"

When'd she turn into an edgelord?

Then, the orbs, which circled around her in a forty foot radius, began shooting danmaku. All of it was within the self-contained circle she made, but made that circle very defined.

Small teal pellets circled and flowered around inside, and very quickly the ones from the opposite orbs began to spill out of the disaster zone. They also fired at upward angles, leading to there being a literal hurricane of bright bullets in the air above, blending in with the blue of the sky.

...I slowly back away from it, until very quickly not only do the pellets pass my convenient tree, she herself begins moving, making the whole hurricane of bullets move with her.

It is now time to run really quickly!

I dart forward-

"Aero!"

The tree trunk next to me is slammed by a powerful gale, leaves from the floor becoming firmly matted against it.

...I think in an actual danmaku match that'd count as cheating.

"Aero!"

"Hnh!?" Quickly accelerating forward, I curl up again-

Thud. That's going to scuff my suit…

...I have difficulty with fighting the lashing gale to move my way around the tree's side, but when I do I find myself free of the wind's influence-

"Aero!"

Not again…!

I leap forward this time, and manage to only be clipped by the gust, which drags me around but lets me stay on my feet.

Some stray pellets strike me, forcing me to grit my teeth and push myself to move harder.

"Aero!"

I stop short of one that ripped right by me. She aimed a little too far ahead.

A few stray bullets strike me again- What!?

I find myself suspended in the air by a few feet, which may have been a side effect of the stray pellets.

"Aero!"

...I don't know where that one was going. Somewhere into the air, apparently.

Up here, I'm safe from the stray bullets for a few moments, until I'm slowly left to float towards the ground. The stray bullets are all horizontal to the ground, while all of the upward bullets are aimed to stay within the hurricane-esque cone above the bee girl.

...Once I spiral to the soil softly-

Ugh… I find myself suspended once more as the result of a stray bullet.

Then, the bullets all dissipate.

...Hmm. Not much I can do but ride this wind out, then…

It's slightly disorienting, too, but not enough to be crippling. What kind of status is this, anyway?

Eventually, I'm let onto my feet by the gentle spinning gale.

...Moving forward, I steal a glance of the bee girl.

She's on the floor now, stomping forward, the tendrils now halfway across her body. "Da-damn it…"

...She tries to tug on the scissors again. "Wh-what… what is this…?" Her voice is back to normal, now.

Stepping towards her, I make sure to be quiet…

"I know you're there." It immediately fails to work as she turns to glare at me. "Wh-whuh…" Then, she looks at the scissors again. "You-you… you poisoned me…"

Raising her arm again, she barks out a spell. "Aero!"

Fwoosh! Wind whips towards me, and I'm left with little time to react before-

Bam! I'm thrown back into a tree trunk, taking care that my head at least didn't strike it hard. "...Ouch."

"Wh-why...?" She continues to stomp towards me, both of her hands on the scissors. "Why wo-would you do this to me…?"

Gritting her teeth, she continued towards me. "Wh-what did I do wrong…?"

Putting her arm up, she tries a new idea. "Ae-Aeroga…!"

A whirlwind whips around her, but not as violent as I had expected she'd do. It's clearly aggressive, but it doesn't do much but throw some leaves around.

"Wh-what…" Her eyes widened. "No…!"

Putting her hand over the scissors, she tried something else. "Get out of me!"

A small, contained instance of wind manipulation occurred, the chunk of flesh where the scissors were getting rotated violently.

When it did little, she tried to tug on it again. "Wh-what I'd give to be born with fucking claws! I-I'm..."

"Pl-please…" She begged for the strategy to work, now completely ignoring me. "It hurts…"

The tendrils seem to have spread across most of her body.

"I'm going to die…" She dropped to her knees stiffly, seemingly losing the ability to articulate her limbs. "Th-this can't… be…."

...Looking up at me again, I saw tears streaming down her face. "Wh-what… made you hate me? Why don't you like me…?"

"You're annoying."

...She frowned. "An-annoying, huh…" She sniffed. "Ye-yeah… I-I guess I can see that."

"Hurry up and die, I have things to do." This has honestly gone on long enough.

"So-sorry…" She smiled. "...Thi-this is… what you wanted… right? To-Tomo-kun?"

She closed her eyes-

Fwoo- Fwoo- Fwoo~sh!

Similar to the fairy of unknown element, the death of the bee resulted in her body dissipating entirely, for reasons beyond my understanding. On death, a violent gust of wind surged outward, the remaining tendrils from Chaos Oath's life sapping ripping away.

A shiny teal stone dropped from where she was, landing on the forest floor.

I stepped up to retrieve my things: Chaos Oath and the teal stone.

The teal stone I slip into my backpack, because I'll probably never need that on the spot. Then, I pick up Chaos Oath-

'yo~u… o~ne…'

Instantly, a headache. Really, now…

'embra~ce… us...'

A rush of noise assaults my ears as I look down at the scissors, focusing on them intently...

'no~w'

Tendrils lash out from the scissors, and onto my arm. Oh hell no.

I jerk my head back, two more tendrils darting out to try and meet my face, but retracting towards the scissors when they fail to connect.

Letting go of the scissors, I expect them to drop, but they stay stuck to my arm by the tendrils that are latched on. They've not solidified like the type on-stab… yet.

...Even so, they slowly progress up my arm. Using my hand, I try to sever the connections, which doesn't really do much of anything.

Pulling out my steel scissors, I try to use those to snip the dark tendrils that grow on my arm. It works… temporarily. The incisions reconnect within a second. Good.

...Flame scissors? Na~h. I don't feel like dying today.

...There's my pink scissors, but I think I'd be dead before I figured out some bullshit way to pull the thing off of me with it.

Then, there's those holy scissors.

...That probably should have come to mind sooner. Well, I'm not dead yet.

Reaching into my bag, I take out the blessed scissors, and they shimmer unnaturally in the forest's speckled light.

...Looking down at the tendrils, I bring the scissors up, and snip-

The incision sizzles. 'Eee~!' The tendrils all snap back to Chaos Oath, causing it to be flung a foot or so away from myself.

The remaining section of tendil starts to dissipate into black smog, which becomes nothing in the air even quicker. Red marks are left on my skin where the tendrils were.

...Huh.

...Kneeling, I try to pick up Chaos Oath with the same hand that still has the holy scissors-

...I can't. As in, physically. It's like trying to connect the wrong ends of two magnets. When I try from the side, it actually pushes the scissors along the floor, a little. I make my hand descend from directly above, and try my hardest to connect the two…

Sparks of light and dark energy lash out between the two, and begin to hurt my hand, forcing me to stop.

...Well, then.

"Neat, huh?"

I tense at the voice.

...Turning, I see a green-haired ghost floating in a lying position, looking at the two scissors with me. "...Yeah, holy and dark objects are like water and oil."

Hello. "...How long were you there for?" She's the one I saw outside the shrine, decorated in blue robes.

"Enough to see you brutally murder that honey bee." She smirked. "Fancy cursed object you've got there."

...Taking Chaos Oath, which was now pleasantly unresponsive albeit… absent, I pocket it.

"...Like water and oil, huh?" I express a little more marvel than I would normally for reasons.

"Yeah." She floats into an upright position as I stand. "...Unless- well, there's tons of ways to circumvent that, but it takes a lot of effort. I don't really care for that kinda crap, even if dark magic is fun, sometimes."

Taking the blessed scissors, I hold them so that they're flat against the palm of my open hand, using the open blades to splay them out a bit.

I extend my hand towards her chest, and… though my fingers at first go through her skin, when the scissors connect her breast acts suddenly like my hand was pressing on it the entire time.

The ghost tenses up, for a moment, before giving me a dry stare. "...I mean, I half expected that, but I didn't think you had the balls to do it. I was also pretty sure you didn't like women, either."

...What?

...She grins. "Oh, don't look at me like that. You had a nice 'honey'moon at your fingertips, and you chose to kill the poor bitch instead. I kinda figured that breasts weren't your priority."

With that, she floated back to alleviate her breast of my hand. "Next time you try that, though, you die. So don't."

Oh, good.

"...So, why are you here?" I am curious.

She shrugs. "Saw the danmaku. Came to watch, found murder instead. Kinda disappointed, really. Youkai are too buddy buddy these days. I hardly see anyone eat each other up here."

...Taking a moment to look away, she promptly jerked her head back to look at me. "...Oo~h, right! You were that one guy I saw with all the killing intent! Ri~ght. I thought I recognized you."

Well, then. This is awkward.

...I'm also without my mask, which might be a problem. It should be lying around nearby somewhere…

"Guess I'll let you do your things." She began drifting off. "I could never get you people who, like… nevermind."

Good. "Let's have some kinky sex sometime."

...She pauses, chuckling. "Yeah, okay! See you around, Killgore! Don't let Reimu kill ya for breakin' the spell card rules!" She stops, turning around for a moment. "Yeah, she does that. I think. Anyway, see ya."

She drifts off.

...Even now, we still do not know who the frik the other person is.

Oh, there's my mask. Over there in the bushes, apparently.

I move over to the bush, and move to pluck my mask from it-

"Ooga booga booga~!" A cyan-haired girl pops from the bush, holding the mask over her face, and an umbrella in her other hand.

She slowly lowers the mask, reading my unamused expression.

"...I dunno if I got you or not." She admitted.

Reaching out, I take my mask back from her, and put it on. "No, you did not." I will now proceed to ignore her completely.

"Aww~, c'mon!" She pouts, yelling at me as I walk away. "Be a little surprised!"

Lazily, I throw my arms up into the air. "Ahh, don't hurt me."

...She doesn't reply, but she's probably glaring daggers at the back of my head.

/ / / / A REAL ODD JOB YO / / / /

As I approach the front of the manor's gate, I see a very curious exchange take place.

One moment, I see Meiling snoozing. The next, a single body- that of Mike's, apparently- in front of the gate. Then, Fred's, and Sakuya… stabs Meiling in the forehead.

...Meiling slowly retracts the knife with two hands. They talk, Sakuya opens the gate herself- somehow- and-

They blink out, all four of them.

Then, the gate is closed again, and Meiling seems to be stretching at her post.

That was an adventure.

Casually, I strut up to Meiling, making sure my mask is on just right…

Alright, time to make another first impression.

Stepping ahead, I approach the 'dragonborn', as the village seems to have dubbed her.

...Since she's not asleep yet, she turns to face me, expression neutral.

"Hello, there!" I try to put a little more 'oomph' into my voice than normal, make it a bit more sing-songy. Also, slightly higher. "I came to admire the scenery!"

...Her expression became dry. "Is this about the two… 'guests' we just took in?"

"Oh, you brought guests over?" I have the urge to faux-smirk, even if that's entirely pointless. "Are you having a party?"

...Meiling sighed. "I suppose I'll get Sakuya down here."

...Looking around, she moved for the gate. "Ah… hmm. Sakuya~!"

This wasn't quite what I had in mind.

...

"Sakuya~!" She tried again after a few moments of nothing.

"Apologies." Sakuya was behind the gate, all of a sudden. "I had business to attend to. What do you need?"

Meiling gestures to me with her thumb. "Guy wants a tour. Smells like he just walked out of a meat grinder. Well-... not quite, but I can't really count it."

"...Understood." Sakuya nods. "I believe that could be arranged, for now."

"Splendid." I'm somewhat surprised I was not butchered where I stand. Meiling seemed pretty suspect, for a moment there.

With that, Meiling pushed the gate open, allowing me inside.

"Right this way." Sakuya began stepping forward towards the front door, her back to me.

Following behind her, I quickly find myself bored of the pace, even if she was moving a little faster than she probably needed to.

The gate closes behind us as we come up to the front door, and Sakuya manages to open that, as well. Despite its size, she doesn't have any trouble.

...Should I have offered to hold the door open for her? I'm not sure being gentleman-like would fool her… or if she would particularly care. That, and the tour's responsibility is hers, after all.

I follow her inside, pushing the not-so-light door aside on my way in. It's not as light as she made it look…

/ / / / CHICAGO / / / /

The foyer is relatively quiet. There seems to be a table next to the staircase, though, where a fairy is stationed behind it. Before her are three mugs, flipped upside down.

Fairies are gathered around the stand, causing a commotion.

"I bet seven yen!" A yellow-haired fairy puts her coins down on the counter.

"I bet a septim." A brown-haired fairy sets a doorknob down on the counter.

"...U-uhm, do you… take credits?" A peculiar fairy with pastel-red hair and bunny ears holds up a brown card.

"Yeah, yeah." I believe the fairy running the stand is Komi. She takes the card, and sets it on the table. "If it's worth something, it's good."

"Bu-but...!" The rabbit fairy seems to object to her taking the entire credit card, but quickly stifles her objections. "Mrm…"

...Sakuya seems to have paused in the midst of the lobby, watching the scene play out. Then, she begins to move at her dreadfully slow pace down the left hall. "I suppose I will show you the dining area and library first."

...I continue to stare at the fairy gambling parlor as I slowly follow Sakuya.

Komi promptly brushes all the money off the table and into a crate on the floor.

"He-hey!" The rabbit fairy calls out. "You can't just do that!"

Komi rolls her eyes. "What, you ever gamble before?"

"You put the money under the cup." The bunny-fairy tried to explain. "Not just… scoop it away."

"Oh, yeah?" Komi rose a brow. "Look, I use a ball, and the ball's already under a mug. You get the mug, you get the money."

Could Sakuya move any slower? While she walks down the hallway, I think I'll just observe this…

"Bu-but…" The rabbit-fairy was conflicted. "Which mug has the ball?"

"It doesn't fucking matter." Komi grins. "Look. I'll shift the mugs around, and you pick the right one. Okay?"

"...Okay." The rabbit-fairy sighed.

With that, Komi shifted the mugs around. It took only a couple seconds, and she only moved them about three times.

"Okay, go." Komi folded her arms.

The yellow-haired fairy picked up the leftmost mug, revealing nothing under it. "Awwh…"

The brown-haired fairy picked up the center mug, revealing nothing under it. "Rotten."

...Finally, the rabbit-fairy picked up the rightmost mug, and nothing was under that either.

"Yo-you thief!" She was also the only one who knew that she just got swindled. "Give me back my allowance card!" Attempting to push the table aside, she pretty much outright bowled into it.

"Koi! Namori! Grab the shit!" Komi yelled for her friends.

They ran out from under the foyer staircase, grabbed the crate, and began floating away…

"Ho-how darest you!?" Realizing she was tricked, the brown-haired fairy threw an arm outward.

The table floated into the air, and began gently assaulting Komi. "Cr-crap…! Get your shitty table off of me…!"

And then-

Shi-shi-shi-shink.

Pi-pi-pi-pi~chun!

Komi, her goons, and two of the participating fairies were wiped out in an instant, silver knives clattering to the floor where their forms were.

The rabbit-eared one stumbled back, an orange, wire-like shield rippling around her form as the knife that was meant for her forehead bounced off. "Wha-whahah!?"

...Another knife went for her forehead, the shield shining brightly again to reflect it.

"Mi-mission compromised…!" The rabbit-fairy began running for the door, holding a hand to her ear. "Abort! Abo-"

Three knives went for her head from different directions-

Fwi~sh. After they bounced off, orange mist was expelled from the fairy's ankles and wrists, the wireframe net around her dissipating within a second.

Shink. With her shield down, the knife finally met her forehead.

She slowly crouched, hissing. "F-...fwaa~h…!"

"Let's go." Sakuya appeared before me for a moment, before disappearing again.

...I turned down the hallway, only to see she made about the progress I expected when I was looking away.

...Huh. I didn't even participate in any of that. It just happened.

Walking after Sakuya, some of the fairies that were crowded around the table earlier run past me, running for the doors of various rooms to take shelter. It seems they expect Sakuya's wrath to be indiscriminate. I wonder if it is, sometimes.

Within moments, we find ourselves at the distinctly bulky doors of the dining room.

"This is the dining area." Sakuya explains to me.

She pushes the door open with ease, and I follow suit.

Inside, there are not many fairies in it, at this hour. There's a fairy with navy blue hair sitting along the left of the table, tiredly staring into what looks like a bowl of oatmeal as she eats it.

...As Sakuya moves into the room, I follow behind her. Since we move along the right side, I get a good view of the fairy…

Oh, she's not eating the oatmeal. She's… lifting a ball and dropping it in, repeatedly.

Splap. Some of the oatmeal flies out once she drops the ball inside. She doesn't look very entertained, but she continues this process anyway.

...Sakuya slows to a stop, looking at her from across the table.

Splap.

Splap.

Bam!

Suddenly, I turn to the bowl, only to see the fairy was now face down in it. Sakuya continues forward business as usual, likely having something to do with it.

Then, we arrive at the kitchen.

"This is the kitchen." Thank you, Sakuya. I would have never guessed. Don't all living rooms and bedrooms typically have stoves? And-... a modern dishwasher, it seems. Whoever got the kitchen appliances for this place must have put in cheat codes, since modern dishwashers are distinctly non-Victorian.

In this room, there was a single, stout blonde fairy with a chef outfit on, feverishly going at a blob of dough with a rolling pin.

Before Sakuya could progress to the door at the other end, she paused abruptly.

You know what? "I wish to bake a cake."

"No." Sakuya decided, saving us twenty-five pages and six thousand words of attempted cooking. "We do not let guests do as they please with the cooking supplies. Most of the time."

Oh, well. I would have scuffed my suit up anyway. That, and gotten bored halfway in.

She progresses to the back door, and I follow along behind her. Once we go through it, we're in another generic hallway.

"This way." She sharply turns to the left, and begins walking… slowly. If I moved at my regular pace, I'd probably walk into her many times over.

"...Pardon my rudeness," I begin, "but might we be able to move a little faster?"

"You wish to see the sights." Sakuya replies promptly. "We will take our time."

...Walls. Doors. Walls.

/ / / / AND I'VE HAD A BELLY FULL OF IT / / / /

Eventually, we arrive at the double doors of the library. Sakuya steps up to the door, and opens it casually. I remember that being a lot harder…

"This is the library." Ah, perfect. She knew I was blind and could not see the sea of bookshelves before me. Quality service.

...She steps towards the shelves a bit, before seemingly hesitating. "...I happen to be pressed for time, myself. I will find you a suitable guide for the library while I take care of urgent matters."

...With that, Sakuya disappears, and is replaced by Koakuma.

She's got her arms folded, glaring at me.

I seem to have been put on hold.

"Hello." I greet the succubus.

"I was in the middle of something." She makes her discontent known. "But now I have to babysit you."

There is an easy solution. "You don't have to supervise me. I can handle myself."

She snorts. "Yeah, okay. Look, if I left you alone, Sakuya'd punch me in the tits."

...Hmm. "Did she instruct you to keep me in the library?"

"Only to show you around." Koakuma turned away. "Should we get started? I'm pretty sure the, uhm…" Turning around, she looked up at a nearby bookshelf. "...I got no fuckin' idea what section this is, but the books look like they're about rocks and shit." With that, she turns to me, looking questioning. "You like rocks and shit?""

I'd really rather not. "No."

I move for the door out of the library. While I could talk with Patchouli like this, I've got other matters to attend to…

"Where the hell are you going?" The succubus follows behind me. "Look, if you're trying to steal shit, you can forget it. We hide the vaults in the walls and crap… and the ones we leave in plain view are booby trapped."

Did she just reveal all their secrets… in one sentence?

"No, no, nothing like that." I have never seen anything that looked like a vault inside this mansion, so far. I look back at Koakuma, "I simply wish to explore at my own pace. Can I be faulted for that?"

She shrugged. "We~ll, you class act youkai always tend to do some weird shit sometimes. Except when you don't… which happens more often than not, but the few that do go ballistic leave a bad taste in our mouths. At the end of the day, you all somehow have pretty dresses and suits but usually don't do much of anything but steal or just… exist."

Huh. Apparently I'm not the first person to go totally anonymous.

We continue through the hall outside the library. I'm looking for Remilia's room…

"About half of you wear those cheesy masks, too." Koakuma adds. "...And none of you ever want to have sex. Except for that one dude who asked Remilia to suck his dick. He's dead now."

"Just not with you." Keep your dick out of the succubus at all times, please enjoy the ride.

"Hey, fuck you." She was only vaguely offended. "Do you things even, like, get horny? What the fuck even are you?"

I have come to the conclusion that I am hopelessly lost in the halls. Thankfully, the fairies don't seem to acknowledge our existence, as usual. Some glance at us, though.

"You know what?" I turn towards her for a moment. "I don't think I have."

...She smiles. "You know, I could show you what it's like…"

"Especially not with you around." Turning ahead again, I keep walking.

"Alright, you blew it." She folded her arms. "If I wasn't supposed to be babysitting you, I'd gouge your chest out."

Too kinky for me.

"Do you know the way to Remilia's room?" These hallways are unkind.

"...Why~?" She is somewhat suspect. "You gonna throw your life away challenging her or some shit?"

"Gonna ask her to suck your dick?" She guessed again.

"Yes." That is the only option.

"Oh, cool." She replied casually. "Can I watch?"

"Sure." Why not.

"Alright, follow me." Koakuma turns around. "We're going the wrong way."

There was a right way?

With that, I follow her into the long, sparsely populated manor halls.

/ / / / EVERYONE'S ON THE TAKE / / / /

It's not terribly long before we reach the immense door to Remilia's room. It only took Koakuma about six turns, and two very long straightaways.

"Here we are." Koakuma grinned at me. "I'd give you a condom, but I never carry any."

...In what circumstance would a succubus require a condom?

Moving up to the door, I knock on it. Just being polite.

The door swings open after a few moments. Remilia's not at it though, instead inside and seated at her tea table.

...I find it interesting both her regular room and throne room have huge doors largely inoperable by those with human strength.

After a few moments of us gazing at one another, I speak. "Ah, greetings, Scarlet of the Night."

...Her gaze turns dry. "I was not informed of any visitors, today… especially not to my personal quarters."

"Me neither." ...I'm tempted to see if Koakuma is still behind me, but I maintain eye contact with Remilia since she's significantly more aware of her surroundings than her mooks.

She snorts. "...Mmm. Well, take a seat, then. Surely you came here for a reason."

...Koakuma doesn't follow me in, likely staying outside-

Remilia raises her voice. "You, too, little devil. You were the one who guided him here."

...Playing it off as smooth as possible, Koakuma steps in behind me.

We both take seats around the tea table. Remilia's actually got a book before herself, though she seems too distracted by our presence to continue reading.

...Once we're settled, she looks between the both of us. "...So. Why are you here, today?" She looks me over.

"Ah, I was only partaking in a tour of the mansion." I give her my casual explanation.

...She nodded. "Right. Which is why you had the succubus escort you here." Turning to Koakuma, she readied to interrogate her…

Before she got off of me, I pop in my input. "Well you see, it didn't seem like a bad idea at the time."

She gave me a glance. "Yes, I'm sure..."

Then, she focused on Koakuma again. "Why did you bring him here?"

...Smiling, Koakuma looked back and forth between us. "Oh, I thought it would be fun."

Remilia smiled. "Oh, yes, fun."

"Why certainly." Koakuma put forth her best friendly smile.

"You know what would also be fun?" Remilia gave her voice a little pep.

Koakuma didn't drop her polite tone. "What's that, Mistress?"

"If I put you into a tiny box, and kicked you down the foyer stairs." Remilia allowed her expression to drop.

...Awkwardly, Koakuma looked over at me, and mouthed to me to cut in and do something.

Quickly, I look over at Remilia, and pretend to not notice.

"...And I'm sure you thought he was one of those stupid fancy youkai who bum out in the woods away from everyone else," Remilia slowly looked at me, "but the man who sits before us is not a youkai."

...Koakuma blinked. "Wha~t?"

How? "...Eh?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't be able to tell?" Remilia grins. "Vampires are smarter than that, boy. I knew who you were within moments of you walking in that door."

...Koakuma looked like she didn't know what to think.

"Then there is no need for introductions, is there?" I voice.

She snorts. "If you came here to trick me, I'll make good on that public stoning. You're lucky Sakuya has to run interrogations, or else I'd have her be interrogating you."

"As fun as that would be, that was not my intention." I begin. "I simply found a quite dashing outfit to wear. It's nice, isn't it?"

...Remilia tilts her head back and forth. "A little scuffed, and it looks unironed. Which, I have to say, is attention to detail when it comes to formal creeps. If that's not what you're going for, you just look like a hobo."

"Oh, my. You sure know your formal attire, don't you?"

"Mmm." She slowly dons a smug smile. "It's a simple necessity."

...I might as well take this mask off. It's been on awhile, and it's pretty stuffy in here.

...Koakuma double takes once I take it off. "Oh, fuck you!"

Remilia turns to her, grinning.

"No fucking way." Pushing away from the table, Koakuma gets up from her chair. "I thought I was gonna see a youkai get ripped apart. Screw this."

The door slammed shut before she could reach it.

"Sit down." Remilia commanded her.

She froze on the spot.

Stiffly, Koakuma pivoted and marched towards the seat again, looking annoyed. "...As-as you wish… Mistress."

...With that, Remilia focused on me as the succubus sat back down. "You've collected a… variety of new scents since you were gone."

"One must always stay alert here." I spoke diligently. "Or else consequences may ensue."

...

Remilia's stare turned dry. "...Yes. Consequences. Such as death and dismemberment, among other things."

Koakuma slouched on the table, cutting to the point Remilia only vaguely alluded to. "Damn that was needlessly wordy. You sure he's not one of those class act youkai?"

"Maybe in time." Remilia gave her book a glance. "If he doesn't do away with himself before then."

"I only choose battles accordingly."

Remilia nods at that. "Mmm. Which is why, if you're wise, you will leave this mansion, and not come back."

I shrug. "Don't feel like it."

She giggles. "Oh, you don't? What a shame."

...Turning over to Koakuma, she looks back at me. "Well… I'll let you do what you feel is best, then. However…" She leans back in her chair. "You have a few options, if you plan on staying."

...I have ears that are used for listening.

"The first is simple. A daily payment of fifty thousand yen." She leans to the side, resting her head on an arm. "As for the other option… hmm. There are a few things we could do. We could play a game, or, perhaps, you'd prefer to keep my sister company."

"Are you sure you can trust me with your sister?" I give her a smirk.

...She focuses on me, again, slightly less relaxed than before. "If you do anything to upset her, you will die. Be it by my hand or hers."

"Are you sure you cannot just… suck my blood, instead?" I offer.

"How bold of you." ...She sat up. "I will sample it. If I like it, we might be able to come to an agreement."

Standing from her chair, she progressed around the tea table towards me…

Koakuma speaks up, smirking. "What if he gives you a disease, Mistress?"

"You're a disease." Remilia dismisses her.

Once she's next to me, Remilia uses her hands to locate an appropriate place along my neck… "Don't freak out."

Opening her mouth, she brought her two fangs down in the long of my neck, leaning in to do so.

Immediately, it feels I was pricked by two really tiny blades. After a moment, however, the pain subsides, and I feel the pull of her mouth against my skin. There's also the sensation of something being sucked out, but that is likely placebo-

She tears her fangs out abruptly. "Ahk…" Making a curious expression, she licks her fangs. "To-too sweet… it's like I just drank a bag of sugar…"

Huh. "It's just I'm too sweet of an individual."

She glares at me. "Wh-what the hell do you even eat? Do you live on sweets and confectionaries?"

"...Maybe." I resist the urge to grin at her.

"Ugh. You can forget any blood donations, then." With that, she stands up. "...I need to spit. Why did I have Sakuya take the tea cups away earlier…? Blast…"

Koakuma stands up. "Mistre~ss! I can clean your mouth out for you!"

"Not now, you flying obscenity!" Looking around, Remilia sights the tissue box next to her bed. She drifts over to it, takes a few tissues, and- "Pftoo." -spits into it.

...She still looks sour. "I need a drink. Sakuya~!"

The maid appears. "Yes, Mistress?"

"I need some water." Remilia announces.

Sakuya raises a brow. "Mistress…?"

Oh, right, Sakuya's here. Mask back on, mask back on...

"...I mean drinkable water." Remilia clarified. "Why would I harm myself?"

"Right…" Sakuya nodded curtly. "Apologies, Mistress. My mind is occupied, at the moment."

I raise my hand from the table. "Excuse me!"

Sakuya turns around. "When did the both of you get here?"

Koakuma bounds towards the maid-

Shink. A silver knife ended up in her forehead.

"Sh-shi~t…!" Stumbling back, Koakuma flops onto the tea table. "It- it bu~rns! Titty fucking fuck! Da~mmit!"

...I make my request. "I would like some water, please."

"Why are you here?" Sakuya is immediately before me.

"Just a quick detour." No big deal.

Sakuya turns to Remilia, brow raised.

Remilia shakes her head. "He lives, today. Maybe. We'll see."

In the next moment, Sakuya is next to Remilia, handing her the water.

"Thank you, Sakuya." The vampire nods.

Then, Sakuya sets down a wooden pail full of water before me. Koakuma's now on the floor next to the table, feeling the knife with her hands. "Ow, ow, ow, ow~..."

...The rim is about five sizes too big for my lips.

Remilia takes her time with her glass, giving it a long, continuous sip…

"Ha~h…" She finishes the water.

"May I use your glass?" It will be easier that way.

She stares at me dryly. "...No."

I suppose this pail will have to rot, then.

"You are back to your two choices." Remilia holds her glass out to her side, and Sakuya takes it automatically. "Keep my sister company, or… play a 'game'."

"Become Flandre's chew toy? Why, of course! I'm quite the masochist myself, you see." Reverse psychology is the best psychology.

Remilia blinks, before smiling. "That was easier than I expected. Alright, then. Sakuya will show you the way."

"Follow me. I have some time, now." Sakuya begins to slowly step from the room again…

...It takes a good ten seconds for her to get out the door to Remilia's room. The vampire herself moves to her tea table again, reclaiming her previous seat and opening up that book.

...Since Sakuya's going to be outside awhile, I step towards Remilia a bit to take a sneak peek at the book. It has no discernable cover… just colors.

"Come." Sakuya begins pulling me by the back of my suit. Well, then.

/ / / / THE DA, THE CITY HALL, EVEN THE COPS ON THE BEAT / / / /

We progress through the basement maze in one fell swoop, Sakuya getting to bypass the maze entirely by walking straight forward.

Eventually, we arrive at Flandre's door…

Sakuya knocks on it.

"Mistress?" Sakuya knocks again-

The door swings open. "Hello~!" Flandre greets her cheerfully. "I was just playing pop-up pirate. Do you wanna join?"

"Sorry, Mistress, but I'm afraid I have other matters to attend to." Sakuya raises a hand mechanically, in an attempt to look less calculating about her dismissal.

...Flandre blinks. "Doing what?"

"Interrogating suspected intruders." Sakuya decided to be honest. "...On interrogation, it seemed they only killed some youkai in the area, and that one fairy must have tagged along with them while looking for that hooligan. They also had seemingly captured a yuki-onna, but it fled when I apprehended them."

"Oh." Flandre slightly looked away, before focusing on Sakuya again. "Interrogations are boring."

"Indeed." With that, Sakuya steps back a bit, gesturing to me. "He is to be your new playmate, for some time."

Flandre looks at me, and beams. "It's that guy who said thank you to me! Hello polite guy!"

But I'm wearing my mask!

...Sakuya tilted her head.

"Come on in!" Flandre energetically stomped off into her room.

"...Well, play nice." Turning to me, Sakuya held up three knives to my chin. "If you upset her, I will end you."

"You can count on me not doing that." I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to… because I'd already be dead.

With that, Sakuya was gone.

...I walk into the room, and look around. The floors have black and white tiles, and the walls are neon green, for some reason.

"Aho~y!"

...There was a fairy with an eyepatch sitting in a barrel, numerous pointy cutlasses poking inside the barrel. She seemed to be fine, somehow, however.

Flandre fluffs up. "You're supposed to stay inside the barrel…!"

"O-oh, right!" The pirate fairy ducks back inside. "Sorry!"

...Turning to me, Flandre smiles. "You should put the next sword in!"

"Sure." I am okay with this.

She moves over to a pile of worn-looking cutlasses, and picks one up seamlessly. "Here!" She walks over and hands it to me.

...With it, I step up and around the barrel…

There are no holes to insert blades other than the ones Flandre has taken. "...There seems to be no more room."

...Flandre tilts her head. "Wha~t? There's plenty of room!"

If she says so.

"Look," sensing my doubt, she picks up a cutlass, "lemme show you…"

Moving around my side, she brings the cutlass underhand, like it were a knife, and-

Cra~ck!

-jams it directly into the wood, making a hole.

Pi~chun!

...Flandre raised her arms in the air. "I did it! I won!"

Well. "Fun game."

...She turned to me, and her smile became a half smile. "Awwh, you didn't get a turn… how about we play a different game? 'Cause Rose takes a while to respawn, and only comes down once a couple days."

...I would say no, but that might go over poorly. "Perhaps." Indecision is the superior option, in this scenario.

"Alright!" Flandre smiles widely again. "How about tag?"

Preferably not. "No."

...She blinks. "Danmaku?"

Even worse. "Let's not."

"Danmaku tag?" She tries again.

"Combining the two doesn't make it better." If I didn't like danmaku or tag… why would I like danmaku tag?

"Croquet?" Flandre suggests that game about hitting balls with mallets.

...I tilt my head. "Only if we have to." I've never actually played that.

"Good! 'Cause I dunno how to play!" She beams.

Oh, good.

She continues suggesting games. "Croque?"

"...You literally just suggested that." Really, now.

She shook her head. "Nope, nope. I was asking if you wanted to eat some, but I guess that's a no."

Can you even make any.

...Suddenly, she looks awed. "Laser tag…!"

That is not, in fact, different from danmaku tag.

...She reads my expression. "Aw. c'mon. Laser tag's actually pretty fun."

"No." I refuse.

"Awh." ...Idly, she looks around a bit. "We could do some coloring."

Hmm. "That sounds okay, but I'd rather do something else."

Flandre throws her arms out. "Okay, what do you wanna do!? You're really picky, mister!"

...We hear some noises.

"honh honh honh"

...A fluffle's head slowly folds out from under the bed.

The barrel begins to vibrate. "honhonhonh!"

...Flandre blinks.

Crack! Cr-cr-cra~ck!

Four spider-like legs erupt from the cutlass-filled barrel, and it begins to stand up.

"The barrel's ali~ve!" With a yell, Flandre picks up some of the cutlasses, and begins throwing them like darts.

Crack! Crack! Crack! The barrel begins to split open from the force of the cutlasses piercing it, and it gets thrown back a few feet with each toss, until-

Crack! Bam! The barrel collapsed into two halves, and fluffles poured out of it. The spider legs were revealed to come from some sort of purple orb in the center, which ceased to operate as the barrel split open, ripping the legs off of it.

"Get out! Scram!" Flandre tossed her cutlass darts at the horde as it began scuttling towards the doors.

Many of the cutlasses got stuck in the floor, but she nailed a fluffle with every toss.

"Man…" Flandre pouted. "I was gonna use that barrel for stuff, too…"

This gives me an idea, however. "How about we play 'Fluffle Smasher'?"

Flandre perked up. "Ooh! That's a great idea! I get to use my new sword sis bought for me, too!"

New sword?

Flandre drew a hilt from her pocket. "Yeah! Sis bought it from the fluff stuffs, and it cost, uhm…" She tilted her head. "One million, three hundred thousand yen."

The hilt was grey, with a blue gem at the very bottom.

"They called it…" She spoke a little more resolutely. "Unix Epoch." ...Then, she smiled. "Whatever that means!"

Then, she powered it up.

The space about a few feet out from the sword began to dim, a blurry grey representing the magical blade's effective area. The objects seen through it seemed to warp and bend to conform to a single warped line that stretched from the hilt.

"Ooo~..." Flandre smiled at it. "It looks so cool!"

...That fluffle stuck its head out from under the bed again.

Flandre turned to it. "Hey, c'mere…" Stepping towards it, she poked the fluffle with the grey area.

The blanket draping off the side of the bed was caught within the grey blur, and began to wither and wilt, quickly decomposing into nothing. The fluffle stared straight forward into the grey, the decals on its face vaporizing but the body itself remaining. "Waa~aaa~aaa~l!" Its wail fluctuated wildly as it rang out from the time crunching space.

...Flandre turned off her sword.

...The faceless fluffle stumbled out from the small indent that had formed due to the decomposing of the rock under it. "Wa-waw… waa~l." It flopped over, and dissipated into dust.

Well, then. It seems to have been worth one-point-three million yen.

"Wo~w…" She looks down at her sword with pure awe. "Let's go find those fluffles!" She looks around excitedly… and once she slows down a little, she turns to me inquisitively. "Where would they be?"

...Turning to her, I smirk. "How about we check the rest of the cellar? There must be many fluffles down there."

...Flandre shakes her head. "I dunno. Sakuya and sis don't want me down there, and it smells, too. I see fluffles all the time in the halls!"

"What they don't know won't hurt them." I argue.

Suddenly, Flandre's expression hardens. "No. I don't wanna go there."

...Hmm. "What if we… split up?" And searched for clues?

...Flandre paused. "Hmm. Well, if you really wanna search the stinky cellar so bad, okay. I'll go beat up the ones in the halls!" With that, she dashed out of the room through the door I came in.

That was easier than I had anticipated.

Moving up to the back door of the room, I find it-... locked.

There is surely a solution to this.

First, I will back up… and then, I'll run towards the door, and kick-

Bam!

-under the knob. The door vibrates, but little else.

Second verse, same as the first…!

Bam!

Doors are not the kindest things. Backing up, I go again…

Bam!

Time to switch legs. This door…

Bam!

Finally. The door vibrated as it swung open, opening only a crack. I proceed to push it out of my way as I advance into the hall, and immediately turn to the left.

Now I am back in the dark hallway again. Soon enough, I should find the lit section…

/ / / / ALL PAID TO TURN A BLIND EYE / / / /

Here I am. The hallway led to a two-way, dimly lit by the bleak white lights overhead. To get here, I had to step past a few large rocks that were recently positioned in the way… I wouldn't know anything about why they were there now and not before, I don't think.

My shoes click against the grated sections of floor, causing me to look down, briefly.

"ho ho ho"

There are also fluffy noises, down here. I'll have to keep my eyes open.

Moving forward quickly, I scan the walls for the first blood bag…

Ah, there.

Some guy is chained to the rightmost wall of the left path. His form is covered in blood, and there's a grate directly beneath him.

...I suppose a simple stab from Chaos Oath will do the trick. He's a bit high up, but I can just stab him in the foot. I'm sure the tendrils will work their magic no matter where you insert the weapon.

Taking out the weapon-

'you~r life...'

Oh, shut up, I'm trying to feed you.

Before the headache sets in, I stab it into the blood bag's foot.

Shink.

Too late. I have a headache. Damn.

Immediately, wooden tendrils begin traveling up the man's bare leg. Everyone chained up is entirely naked, since they are animals, clearly. I wonder what their lifespan is… and how long they're kept for.

I just realized that I won't really know when these tendrils are done eating him. I suppose…

Tugging on Chaos Oath, it refuses to let me pull it out.

Ah, okay. When it's done, I'll probably be able to extract it. Until then, I'll just get to admire the scenery.

"lets be friends"

...I look around for the fluffle that said that, but don't see it. Oh, well.

It has to be done, by now.

Moving up to the scissors, I claim them from the man's foot. They disengage smoothly.

Alright. Now, onto the next one…

Choo! Choo! Choo!

"Waaa~l!"

Down the hall, I'm able to see solid blue lights flare into existence, but I don't see much else. Perhaps I'll go the other way.

I move briskly down the other section of hallway, to the right of the two-way from earlier. It's not long before I find another body… and since it's a little lower down, I'll stab it in the thigh, this time.

'gi~ve…'

Working on it.

Shink. I insert the blade directly into the man.

The tendrils begin spreading. A~h, progress.

Choo! Choo! Choo!

Boom! "Waaa~l!" Just what the hell is going on down that hallway?

Something ahead of me starts making a rolling sound on the stone floor. Then, it clicks repeatedly and loudly against the grated floor.

I get close to the wall- but not too close, it probably has numerous layers of diseased blood speckled on it- and try to stay quaint and let whatever this rolling monstrosity is pass by.

Looking ahead, I can see shimmering metal glimmer in the dim light, and I only properly see what the large object is when it begins to pass me by.

It's some kind of layered, tower-like structure. Five different layers of boxes with seams between them wheeled by, some of the boxes sporting weird viewports that had fluffles leaning out of them. As I watched it, sides of the boxes would materialize and dematerialize at seemingly random, revealing tiny mounted guns inside… but only from the side you were looking at.

I'm glad it's not attacking me, at the very least.

Footsteps thunder down the hallway I had come from.

...I remove Chaos Oath from the man's thigh-

'...mortal parasite...'

Oh, hello there.

Choo! Choo! Choo!

I look to the side, and see bright blue bolts of energy move into the fluffle tower thing.

"we're under attack!" The fluffles started getting riled up, and-

Fwoosh! A stream of flames stretches out from the tower, engaging the person firing at it.

The flames light up the hall, allowing me to see that it was a rabbit engaging it.

Her shield lit up a bright blue, looking like it had a similar wireframe pattern to that last rabbit I saw… except it was blue, now.

"Gh…!" She shielded herself with her arms, the best thing to do to combat fire with. The shield prevented her from actually catching fire, it seems.

She opened fire with more shots on it-

"reflect!" All of the sides of the tower closed.

Cli~ng! A reflective sphere generated around the tower, for a moment.

Ti-ti-ti~ng! The three bullets the rabbit fired were reflected back at her. "A-ah…!?"

Fwi~sh… Her shield fell, similarly colored mist pouring into the air. "U-ugh…"

She began to fall back, it seems. The device began wheeling after her, as I heard her run in the opposite direction.

'...why do you tempt what you do not understand...'

Moving quickly, I search for another sorry sack to drain the life of. The walls are surprisingly bare for a short stretch, until I make a familiar left turn and find myself on route to that one clearing I was at before Sakuya bamboozled me.

There's a corpse on the right, here. Well, not corpse, or so I hope. Soon to be corpse.

Lifting Chaos Oath, I prepare to stab it into his knee… or just below it, anyway.

Shink.

There we are, headache slightly alleviated. Hopefully the rabbit won't make the hall flash again, because that's annoying.

Choo! Choo! Choo!

Yep. As expected. This cellar is a terrible place to be, but I suppose that's the point.

Any day now.

I give Chaos Oath a tug, and- there we are. The corpse is half covered in wooden tendrils, now.

'...why do you eradicate these vermin in your name…'

Time to keep moving.

Eventually, I reach the large rectangular room with the wine racks. The dim lights produce a buzzing noise throughout the room. The shady wine racks stand along the walls of the room, blocking out a large amount of the already crappy lighting.

"ho… honh"

Some bottles clatter along the floor. Dust people are here.

I should get going. There are four paths to take, one being the one I came from-

Choo! Choo! Choo!

Boom! "Waaa~l!"

-which is no longer an option. I take a quick left, progressing past the dark wine racks, and into the dark tunnel ahead…

"Huwou~h…"

Before me, a dark brown apparition started to take form, a yellow light shining from non-existence in the midst of the very loose, overlay-esque form.

...A ghost, is it?

I take a moment to bring out my blessed scissors. "I would recommend that you don't do this."

"Weo~h…" A windy noise comes from the ghost, before the yellow light flickers.

Fwooo~...

A green magic circle generates around me, and before I could examine it properly-

Woah. I~nstant sugar crash. Now my headache is like the beating of drums. Marvelous.

Somewhat sloppily, I break from the circle and run at the apparition with my scissors held high, and ready to strike at the being's light with it. I swing-

"Wouaoh!" It violently cringes back, its form becoming solid for a moment. "Wrr~auh!"

...The floor begins to shake, and I find my footing unsteadied by the shifting of the rock beneath me.

Alarm racing up the back of my neck, I throw myself forward and stab the ghost-

"Huwaouh!" It whirls back, this time, before choosing to fade into the adjacent wall.

...After a few moments of inactivity, I realize it fled. A glance at the floor behind me reveals the rock cracked significantly. If that thing had caused a cave in, I would have really been pissed.

"...Who's there!?" The rabbit girl yells from the room behind me. I suppose I haven't the time to stick around. Miss plasma bolts can have the fluffles to herself.

Actually, there's a wall-mounted blood donation right here. I'll just pray she can't see me.

'...sacrifice… feed to one that will oppose...'

Stashing the blessed scissors, I stab Chaos Oath into the man's stomach.

Shink.

And now, I wait.

"Mo-more of them…!?" The rabbit shouts from down the hall. "Base! Base, do you read me!? Base!"

I assume she's one of Eirin's. It'd be fun if she got caught down here.

"...Base? You're breaking up- I can't hear you. Base!" ...She sighs. "Accursed radio communications array… I should've shelled out the bucks for the direct beam communicator. Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

You see, we are in a tunnel.

Choo! Choo! Choo! She suddenly starts firing her plasma weapon at something in the wine rack room. The light stretches out far enough to illuminate me, which is worrying.

Are these scissors done…? Ah, yes. Very go- ouch, ouch, that… hmm. Well, it's getting stronger, but holding it makes me feel empty. Emptier than usual, that is.

'...there is no motive to apprehend...'

With Chaos Oath in hand, I find myself briskly pacing across more grated flooring. This section of hall is distinctly without lighting.

Choo! Choo! "Aah!" I hear the rabbit shriek in surprise. The light of her bullets tells me I am not briskly pacing straight into a coagulated wall. Good.

There's also a body to the left, here. I'll just stab that.

Shink.

Grinding corpses for EXP is hard work. Especially when this cavern smells horrible. The iron is real down here.

"here we go~!"

"ho ho~!"

That's too close for comfort.

Doing my best to compact myself against the wall while not eating the clotted blood and assorted mysterious stains, I watch the darkness carefully…

Wheels began clattering against the grate, a fluffle tower from nowhere mobilizing before me immediately. Where did that even come from…?

The thundering of footsteps against the grated floor to my right rings out. That rabbit is getting awfully close for comfort.

Plasma shots flew out to meet the fluffle tower before me. The blood bag next to me was clearly visible with each flash of light.

Alright, that blade has to be done by now…!

Pulling it out- oh, come on, now is not the time to be difficult…!

'...no matter your purpose...'

Shut up and let me pull you.

A series of yellow plasma bolts flew out at the rabbit, causing her to dodge to the side and into the wall. "Ah…" She probably has all the STDs, now- if lunar rabbits are even vulnerable.

Well, I'll just run and leave her behind entirely. I think I've killed enough corpses to leave the few between here and the next turn alive.

Finally, got Chaos Oath out. Time to jog down this hallway…

Lights flare from behind me. "Waaaa~l!"

How long is this hallway…?

Woah!

I actually bump into one of the fluff towers, and it pushes me along a little before I navigate around it.

...Apparently they don't even care about me. Hmm.

Running forward hastily, I- "Oof…"

Again?

...I push myself past another fluff tower. The spy is not going to have a good time.

...This time, I move down the hall a little more carefully, keeping to the side to avoid any more fluff towers. The bodies can wait, since I'm sure I'll see more.

It doesn't take long before I'm at a two way, left with left or right as choices. Two more physics defying metal towers stood here, stationed haphazardly. The fluffles pretended to be restless.

...The middle cube of one of the metal towers let one of its sides open, the fluffles inside revealed to be playing cards. All they did was give cards back and forth to one another with no discussion.

Okay.

'...no matter your resolution...'

...I suppose I'll take another left to be closer to the exit-

"Rooaa-aaorr-eeoor!"

...My ears, they ring. What the hell was that?

I look down the rightmost hall, which is not at all lit.

Choo, choo, choo! Two more physics-defying fluff towers in the darkness make themselves visible, firing bright yellow pulses towards-

What is that.

From here, it only looks like a flower of arms and hands. They shift around a central point, and take up nearly the entire width of the hall.

The hands all rocket forwards, and grab one of the towers.

Kri~ng! The metal made a horrible noise.

Boom! The tower exploded, revealing the sickly gray color of the flesh that turned it into tinfoil.

Of all the times I've ever had to run away from something, I think this is near the top of my list.

I dash at full sprint down the left path. Whatever that arm flower is, it's probably friendly, and would most likely give me treats were I to encounter it. Treats being dismemberment.

Kri~ng! There goes the second fluffle tower.

Boom! The amber light showed me I was about to run into another one.

"honh honh honh" The fluffles coo at me as I pass them. Ech.

'...there is only but one thing that must be understood...'

This thing… is seriously annoying.

I pass numerous easily harvestable almost-corpses on my way to the nearest turn out of this crazy hallway.

Kri~ng! Those fluffles weren't doing very good against the arm monster, apparently.

Boom!

It doesn't take too long, though. I find myself at another lit intersection, to see that both paths are adequately lit. The left has some smouldering remains of fluffle machines sitting there… which means I might be in familiar territory.

Kri~ng! Boom! That sound makes living difficult.

Those arm monsters better not be able to make turns. Taking the left path, towards the exit, I look at the remaining bloody people along the wall, and ready to pick one to stab, just for the road.

Kri~ng! Boom! That one was rather quick, that time-

"Rooaa-aaorr-eeoor!"

The hallway vibrates as I hear the arms thunder down the hall I was just in. Looking to the side, I await their appearance with bated breath…

In the blink of an eye, the arms were there-

Bam! They slammed against the far wall, and pushed themselves back into their shaft with one quick motion, only allowing me a glance at whatever that black, brown, bulbous backside was. Slowly, it begins to retrace its steps, moving backwards into the hall…

...So they don't make turns. Good.

Time to harvest this last body.

'...you are mine...'

Shink.

I can't wait to get out of here. I am not happy about the time spent here, even if the progress is very pleasing. Too many walls caked in people-juice. It's not the principle- it's the stench. Even I can smell it, and my nose isn't known for working at the best of times. Eugh…

My scissors are also getting increasingly hellbent on consuming my soul, but right now this horrible hallway system is a more pressing matter.

...I can see flashy lights in the distance. That rabbit is having fun, hopefully.

Time to extract the blade…

The corpse it was inside is now completely covered in a wire-like pattern of wooden tendrils, the skin white everywhere except around the wood's contact.

...Is this thing going to give me minor motion sickness every time I reinitiate contact with it?

'...but it's not like I like you or anything...'

What.

"Base! Ba~se!" I hear the rabbit yell before me, her form coming into view in the dim light. Her shield was down, it seemed. Yellow plasma bolts ripped behind her, as she jaunted towards the exit.

...I don't know whether to momentarily double back, or-

"Rooaa-aaorr-eeoor!"

That was somewhere behind me. Let's go go go.

I run forwards, too.

We both move at full sprint towards the door out of the maze… though, the lunar rabbit moves faster than me, for hopefully obvious reasons.

Vroo~... I get close enough to her to hear her shield recharge.

"My-my stupid pistol…!" She seems to be aiming it forward at me, pulling the trigger repeatedly. "Work!" She begins hitting it with her hand, slowing down a little.

We meet at the exit intersection at the same time. Behind her is a wall of yellow plasma bolts, and behind me-

The thumping of arms against the concrete and grated floors gets louder and louder.

Her eyes go wide, and before I can do anything, she practically becomes horizontal as she dashes out of the hall. Reacting based on her expression, I lag behind her with my somewhat stinted jog. I make it out in good time, as well. The arms weren't that-

Kri~ng!

When did they get over there.

Boom! Well, that was the fluffle's problem, now.

I run behind the rabbit in the dark hall. She slowly slows down as we pass Flandre's room, and eventually there's a point where we're both too tired to book it anymore. Especially so since nothing was audibly following us anymore.

...We both breathed deeply as we slowed to a stop. I still couldn't see shit in this darkness.

Cli-click. The rabbit holds up a white flashlight to my face.

Ouch. "Don't do that." I hold my hand to block the light.

She points her now unlit plasma pistol at me. "Don't move, and put your hands in the air." She's in what seems to be a black and blue catsuit. She's also got long, white hair, and rabbit ears.

"...Why?" I raise a brow.

"You're affiliated with the Scarlets, are you not?" Her expression is stern. "Surely you have some things worth telling me about this operation."

"I wouldn't work for them even if you paid me." I decline her notion.

She snorts. "That's why you're down in their secret corridor system, doing… whatever it is you're doing."

"It's not a secret corridor system…" I fold my arms. "It's a cellar."

The rabbit rolls her eyes. "Don't sass me or I'll shoot. This 'cellar' was listed for search and seizure under the Lunar-Genso Espionage Act, as one of a few locations that requires critical reconnaissance. There is good reason to believe the youkai harbor powerful weapons out of sight."

...Mmm. "Nearly dead people aren't powerful weapons."

She double took. "What about those… arm youkai? Their power was… well, mundane- however, there is obvious experimentation going on here…!"

"Not like anyone really cares." I cast my arms aside. "You should just go back and fuck each other like rabbits."

"I'm out of ammo." She admitted, looking sour. "I'll remember this, masked youkai."

...She stood there for a while, looking me in the eyes, She looked straight into them despite the darkness and the inconsistency of the lighting, presumably tracing my movements.

"What's your role down here?" She questioned further. She began slowly strafing to the side, getting closer to me. Her light was lowered further and further, seemingly obscuring my own form after a second…

Idea. "...I'm a weapons manufacturer."

She stops strafing, shining the light a little higher. "Oh? What do you make?"

I hold out Chaos Oath handle-end. "Here. Free sample."

...She nods, and slowly brings her hand towards it-

Her energy shield ripples once her hand gets near the handle.

"What the…" She blinks. "What's this? Your weapon's trying to hurt me."

I nod. "Is it. Maybe you're not using it right."

She seems to relax, slouching a bit. "...They're scissors. I mean- I'm not that stupid."

"Maybe the shield is interfering with it." I suggest.

She waves me off. "No… well, perhaps, but I'm not dropping it in such a filthy place. When I can help it, anyway." She hugs herself with one arm, still aiming the gun at me. "Anyway… you seem like you don't know anything else. I have to extract. By the way: make sure to tell your mistresses everything that happened here. See what happens."

With that, the rabbit spy began sprinting off, hauling it like no tomorrow.

Well, then.

Now I have a significantly more powerful Chaos Oath. Hopefully using it doesn't mean I instantly explode into a rain of gibs, now.

'...why are you letting it get away...'

Oh?

...I look down at Chaos Oath. I'm going to assume I can't think to it, because I'm not a psychic mastermind. "Because she probably knew rabbit-jitsu, or something." That, or she had a laser katana hidden in her back pocket. That surely would have been a terrible time.

...I suppose I'll cut through the mansion to make my visit less suspicious. Keeping Chaos Oath stashed the entire time, of course.

/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /

END OF CHAPTER 49.5

PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator

PRIMARY WEAPON: Chaos Oath - Forged from the bark of the Saigyou Ayakashi, and bent to shape by a masterful magician well versed in the material arts… it's a pair of wooden scissors. Produces low whistles and howls. Channeling mana into it gives user an immense physical boost, but it seems to come at a price… And it seems to be haunted by something that wants me dead.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.

Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.

Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.

Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...

Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.

A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.

Bang Gun - Bang.

(one more space remaining)

[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.

Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.

Dense Shard - A cloudy, very light grey shard. It's not a rock, however… it's too textureless. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

(seventeen more spaces remaining)

PARTY:

Still nobody.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hello friends

this chapter went through DEVELOPMENT HELL a little bit, but it's all good, because it exists

overall i liked writing this chapter, the honey bee scene was pretty fun to write because i still like making you guys sad sometimes; had her give that name drop to have it be like "even though she's a random youkai we've known for only forty lines of dialogue, she's got personality and depth that you probably didn't get to see in this brief amount of time". part of that is like, on part of the reader and how willing they are to think deeper into it, but if you don't then you can come out just as disconnected as matt and be like "honh".

the mansion wandering went through disjointed sessions but was fun; the under-mansion bits were also things that existed! a lotta TRANSIT and METHODICALNESS, and not terribly a lot of humor, but y'know, s'not always sunshine… although there is some humor!

for some reason i was obsessed with making this more humorous but just stowed that desire away as i wrote it a bit… hmm

as for why it went into development hell, around the line where matt proposed to bake a cake… well, he actually got to start trying to make that cake, but one thing led to another and it became a HORDE SURVIVAL against FERAL FAIRY MAIDS and he had to FEND THEM OFF with FISTS and BLADES and and and-

...that went on for quite some time and in the end was kinda repetitive and not worth the joke payoff at the end, so it has instead been written over entirely. that took up an entire day and was indeed 6 k words long! (this would've been like 15-17 k instead of my normal 10 k if i included it!). it was likely born from me not realizing until it was way too late that the joke matt wanted to make was too resource-intensive and wouldn't work outside of jest amongst ourselves

so, yeah!

also- if i didn't already say this, i forget- my proofreader from GENSOKYOBOUND is here to proofread and things! he's fluffy and for the context of referencing him from here on he shall be dubbed "proofreader two"

THING ONE AND THING TWO YO

also- only four more batches of FREAKIN GENSOKYO after this one. can you believe it? i'm not sure what i'll do after this is done, but i might start another general fic here or something; i'd want it to have a unique spin though, maybe… and also, freakin', have a FORESEEABLE PLOT so that i don't just go on for a MILLION WORDS

as always, see you all next time!

CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hello friends

fun chapter overall, but i'm of the opposite opinion when it comes to the bee. i thought the random name drop was kinda cheesy and made solely for a feel-bad moment

or i just got emotional dissonance. hoo cares.

i wanted to make a one-off joke in the kitchen, but it ended up being like 30 pages of just being in the kitchen. it wasn't the best of sequences, to be sure. we might find a way to stick it in later anyway

at the very least we sorted that all out, and in the end we got through quite a few ideas in one sitting

four batches until ending with only one chapter per batch doesn't allow for the best pacing in the world, but what can you do (other than extend it, but that isn't anyone but the author's decision). i gots no freakin idea what'll come after if anything at all. writing fanfiction for years isn't the best hobby to put on a job resume, but you can never know

talking cursed weapons are always fun. especially when they can "evolve".

thank you for somehow making it all this way, and good luck on the rest