Title: Shrouded In Darkness

Author: Meissa6

Summary: "I don't know how or why this keeps happening, but every time I close my eyes to embrace death, I am thrust into another life. Over and over again, ever since the first thread of consciousness amongst humans. I have seen and experienced the very beginnings of civilization. I have lived many lives, and I've never met anyone like me."

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will ever, own the Twilight Saga, or any of its characters and plots.


Chapter I

Eternity was a vast, cold expanse that seemed intimidating at first glance, and utterly lonely at the second. Humans had an average of a century to live before their souls expelled themselves from the fleshy containers they'd taken up. It was for the best. Perhaps, in some sort of way, the souls recognized the horrific reality of living forever that, after a measly hundred or so years, they sought something more than this life could give them. I longed for that opportunity.

I was the quiet kid that sat at the back of the class. I was the high-strung mother of three that would take her life shortly after her youngest turned eighteen. I was the solemn girl on the bus; I was the slumped shoulders of bullied teenagers on the way to yet another hellish day. I was the fading smiles of proud grandparents as they watched their children's children play in the yard. I was pain. I was sorrow. I was love. I was giggling schoolgirls staying up past their bedtimes. I was everything and nothing all wrapped into one.

Life was cyclical. One day, I was giving birth to a beautiful baby, and the next, I was smiling up at that baby fully grown as she ticked my infant belly. I was the murderer, and my victim's unborn child inside his wife's swollen belly. I lived an infinite amount of lifetimes and would continue to live far after my current body was ash inside of a coffin. It was my inevitability. I was inevitable.

The sounds of a battle had drawn my attention. Everything inside of me begged me to run, my instincts practically ripping themselves from my body as I approached the sounds. I'd never been the best at following directions. I stepped through the brush, and suddenly was all too aware of why I had the sudden urge to flee. Vampires and shapeshifters darted through the clearing, and at first, I assumed they were fighting each other. However, as I watched, a large russet wolf tore one of the red-eyed vampires off of a golden-eyed vampire.

Interesting. The shapeshifters were actually helping the golden-eyed vampires, their sworn enemies since they were first created. "Blood!" One of the red-eyed vampires snarled, and the battle seemed to pause as, in unison, all of them turned to me. Horror filled the eyes of every single golden-eyed vampire and shapeshifter. A shiver ran down my spine, and then, the red-eyed vampires lunged at me. To their credit, the shapeshifters acted fast, tearing down most of the red-eyes before they ever reached me.

Only one managed to get close enough to bite me, but the golden-eyed blonde boy instantly stepped in, tearing the head off of the girl before she touched me.

"Thanks, Jasper." I absently said, and he drew back like I'd slapped him.

The small, black-haired girl gasped sharply, and she was suddenly in front of me, pain in her eyes.

"Cynthia?" She demanded.

I recognized her immediately, though it was a little difficult to put the sister I'd once loved into this woman standing in front of me.

Her hair was much shorter, her skin paler, and there was an edge of sorrow in her eyes that made my heart ache.

"Mary Alice." I whispered, lifting my hand to her cheek.

If she could cry, I knew she would be, by the glimmer of venom in her eyes. My eyes moved from hers, dancing over the rest of the clearing. Now that my curiosity was sated, I found myself recognizing more of them than I thought I would. This was a very dangerous game. As pleasant as it was to see my previous lives' ancestors and descendants, I was terrified of what that would mean.

I was no longer their sister, or their aunt, or their daughter… I was Lilith Marilyn Johnson, self-proclaimed outcast among her peers, a lover of sci-fi books, and far too interested in magick to be considered mentally stable. I was fully prepared to put on my best show, feigning confusion and fear that I knew was proper in this situation, but then, she walked into the clearing.

To be fair, she wasn't actually walking. Her legs were wrapped tightly around her vampire's waist, her face hidden in his shoulder, and her arms tight around his neck. If he'd been human, surely she would've been choking him. I knew who she was before she even lifted her head, but the moment our eyes met, I knew that she knew who I was.

"Lilith?!" She blurted out.

A nervous giggle broke from my lips, and I did the only sensible thing. I fainted.


Time is a meaningless construct of the human mind. It's the observation of change, a shift from one state of being to another. Of course, this observation can be so easily altered by mundane things, like sleep. Where does the human mind go when it sleeps? Does it merely cease to exist, or is it floating in some in-between place between reality and unreality? And, yet, when I awoke on the softest bed in all of existence, I found myself all too unaware of how much time had passed.

The curtains against the window were cracked the smallest bit, but I could see that it was now dark outside. Was it the first night after the battle had occurred, or had it been a few days? More importantly, where was I, and where were the others? I knew I was still me, Lilith, that is, since I was still fifteen, and not opening my eyes to the bright lights of a hospital room. That means they hadn't seen fit to kill me yet. How interesting.

A growing need in my lower body distracted me, and I sighed, pulling away from the softness. I was hesitant to leave the room, not exactly knowing what awaited me outside, but the need continued to grow. Before I could even touch the doorknob, the choice was taken from me. Mary Alice stood outside the door, her eyes focused unblinkingly on my face.

"Bathroom is the second door on the left."

She motioned to her right, and I nodded.

After doing my business, silently bemoaning the fact that the vampires could hear every movement I made, I found myself face-to-face with Mary Alice again.

This time, she said, "We want to speak to you downstairs."

I bit my lip, knowing that I had no way of escaping this conversation. After what I'd seen in the clearing, I doubted they'd be so willing to let me run off into the sunset. The look in Mary Alice's eyes confirmed my suspicion, so I passively followed her down the stairs.

All of the golden-eyed vampires from the clearing, including the one with Bella, were gathered in the living room on the various pieces of furniture. Bella herself was curled up against Edward, but she straightened when I entered, a hard look coming over her face. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do when it came to her, even more so than I thought I had when it came to even Mary Alice, but I really didn't want to have this conversation in front of the vampires. Bella, apparently, thought otherwise.

"I thought you died." She blurted out, my eyes dropping to her hand when she moved to grab the redhead's.

I tried not to wince, but I couldn't help the clenching of my jaw. She didn't seem to notice, closing her eyes with a huff.

"I honestly thought you were gone. You said-"

"I say a lot of things, Isabella."

My voice was sharper than I wanted it to be.

"Not enough, apparently." She retorted, opening her eyes to look at me.

Well, wasn't that just an accurate summary of my entire character? I never seemed to have the words to put what I thought, what I was feeling, into reality.

"I'm confused." The large, stocky vampire broke in, and I realized that the rest of them had been looking between Bella and I with the same confusion that he spoke of.

"Why don't you sit, Miss Johnson?" The blonde vampire, not the one who'd saved me in the clearing, took charge, motioning to the armchair almost exactly across from him.

I took it merely out of politeness, forcing myself not to look at Bella as I did. This unhealthy obsession had to be capped off before either of us got truly hurt.

"My name is Carlisle, and this is my family."

He went around the room, introducing all of the vampires with a vague descriptor like, 'my wife', or 'my son'. By the time he finished, my head was spinning with names that somewhat matched the ones I'd already known.

"I'm Lilith." I returned, keeping my tone polite. At his nod, I had the courage to add, "And I've lived many lives before this one."

It was the second time I'd confessed such a thing, and by the curious gleam in his eyes, I knew he'd only want me to go into more depth than that.

I decided to go the simpler route and motioned to Mary Alice.

"In 1910, I was born as Cynthia Brandon, the younger sister to Mary Alice Brandon."

I turned to Edward, a small smile on my face.

"Before that, I was Emmeline Masen, born in 1901, twin sister to Edward Masen."

He blinked a few times, even though he didn't have to, his eyes becoming almost as searching as Mary Alice's.

"You died when we were nine." He said, a tremble in his voice.

I nodded once, my mouth twisting in remembrance.

"I was trampled by the horse that led our family's carriage. I never listened to our Mother when she told me not to play in the road."

He nodded, a look of pain coming over his features.

I looked to Jasper, and I'd not even opened my mouth when he whispered, "Esther."

I smiled sadly, looking down at my lap. There was a single loose hem on the bottom of my shorts that I began fidgeting with.

"Maria didn't want anything in the human world that could draw you away from her." I admitted, and I felt a soft remorse brush against my skin.

Finally, I looked up, meeting Carlisle's eyes.

"In 1659, I was born as Dehlia…"

"Cullen." He finished, his face crumpling with sorrow.

I bit my lip, nodding slowly.

"I don't know how or why this keeps happening, but every time I close my eyes to embrace death, I am thrust into another life. Over and over again, ever since the first thread of consciousness amongst humans. I have seen and experienced the very beginnings of civilization. I have lived many lives, and I've never met anyone like me."

I shook my head, ending my slight rant with a soft sigh. It did no good to get upset over it. This was just how it was for me.

Mary Alice moved from her perch on the arm of Jasper's chair, wrapping her arms gently around me.

"No matter what has happened before," She whispered into my hair. "I'm glad you're here with us now."

I smiled into her shoulder, hugging her back. It wasn't every day that I could reunite with someone from another life. Actually, before now, I'd never managed to do so. Even those who'd been turned into vampires were destroyed by the time I was reintroduced into the world.

"This is…" Bella trailed off, and when Mary Alice pulled back, I met her gaze.

She seemed torn, now that she knew just how deep my relationships with the vampires went. I tried to imagine how it might be for her, thrust into this impossible situation where the girl who'd so carelessly torn up your heart was simultaneously tied to the very people you loved more than anything.

"A lot." She finished, lamely, lowering her eyes from mine.

She'd never known the extent of my existence. Sure, I'd told her that I believed in past-lives, and even remembered a few of mine, but she'd merely laughed at the time. She said that I'd always been more mature than the kids my age, but I guess she never connected the two. I was barely fifteen, but I knew I acted much older. It was how she'd fallen so deeply in love with me, despite being a good three years older. I wanted to believe that I loved her too, and truthfully, in some way, I did. I cherished the times I spent with her. She made me forget how horrific my existence was, at times.

"My parents died." I found myself saying, and her eyes flew up to mine. "I didn't have anyone else to… take care of me, so I ran. I would not end up in Child Services!"

I spoke the last part harshly, and she nodded once, somehow understanding despite her anger and pain. I breathed out quickly, digging my nails into my knee hard enough to feel without drawing blood.

"I'm sorry. I should've said goodbye, but I was afraid. I thought they might use you to find me."

God, I was so stupid. It didn't matter how long I'd lived, in that moment I'd acted recklessly, like the thirteen-year-old I was supposed to be.

Bella moved then, pulling away from Edward, and walking towards me. Her hands were so much warmer than Mary Alice's, and I felt a different sort of affection filling me at her closeness. She was so very beautiful, even more so now that she'd grown into herself. It seemed that being around vampires had only increased her confidence.

"We both acted like idiots." She said softly, gazing softly into my eyes.

I couldn't help the blush that spread across my cheeks like a small wildfire under my skin. She grinned a bit at the sight, her hands tightening around mine. I think that she found it intoxicating how easily she could befuddle me. My previous thoughts of stopping this were thrown out the window. How could I? She was perfect… she was mine, in some sort of twisted way. I held her firsts in the palm of my hand.

"Naturally." I agreed easily, and she laughed, and it was the prettiest song I'd ever heard.

My heartbeat was going a million miles per hour, and I wondered briefly if she could feel it pulsing through my hands. This was going to end badly, I just knew it, but I couldn't find it in myself to care all that much. It was like watching a train wreck; logically, I knew I should pull away, but the very idea of being close to her again made me illogical. My hand twitched to pull her back when she moved away, but she didn't notice. The vampires did, however, and I saw Edward tilt his head at me.

"Sorry." I muttered under my breath, but I wasn't.

Not really. She'd been mine first, after all.

"So," I looked away from Bella with some difficulty, and addressed the whole room. "How in the hell did you manage to gain the allegiance of the shapeshifters?"

Emmett laughed boisterously, and the tension in the room was mostly broken.

"Actually, that comes back to Bella." Carlisle admitted, and she rolled her eyes as she settled back into Edward's side.

"It was far too easy to convince them to destroy some newborns." She waved her hand dismissively.

And just like that, we engaged in the classic give-and-take that every interrogation had. As the moon rose higher in the night, I found myself relaxing more and more in the vampires' presence. It wasn't that I was initially afraid of them; I was concerned more for Bella than myself. After all, I'd live again… Bella, however, would not. But my concern seemed to be for naught. They treated her as an equal, even the more reclusive Rosalie and Jasper.

As the night went on and faded into early morning, both mine and Bella's words slurring with exhaustion, I was struck by the familial sense they all had. Despite encountering many vampires over my existence, I had never once seen a coven so large have such a genuine respect and love for each other. They regaled me with tales of the previous year and a half that they'd known Bella, and I returned the favor with little snippets from my lives with the various vampires. Jasper and Mary Alice were both intently focused on me, and I had a feeling that neither of them remembered too much of that time.

By the time the sun peaked itself through the top of the trees, I was drifting in and out of consciousness, curled up on the couch between Mary Alice and Bella, who'd made an effort to stay up in order to fix her sleep schedule. I'd rejected Esme's attempt to get me back to the bedroom I'd originally woken up in. The idea of being separated from them again, even by a single story, made my heart clench. The brush of sunlight against my closed eyelids woke me from my drifting.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Mary Alice said fondly, brushing her hand against my cheek.

My skin twitched at the feel of her icy skin, and I sat up, careful not to disturb Bella too much. The act was futile; she looked far too comfortable tucked into Edward's side. He gave me a small smile, a knowing gleam in his eyes that made me fidget with the hem of my shirt. I would confront that later, though, standing and exiting quietly through the open side door.

The morning air was chilly, the scent of the woods surrounding the house making me relax. A memory floated up unbidden from the back of my mind. I remembered sitting very still in a similar forest to this, thousands of miles from here, watching as a pair of birds flitted from tree to tree. Usually, they never got close, somehow recognizing the danger I presented them, but in that moment, I was a part of the forest. I went unnoticed, unbothered. Being human was chaotic, messy, emotional… It was everything that a vampire was not.

I'd sat for days, and probably would've done so for many years to come if he hadn't found me. Even now, I dared not to speak his name, for fear that once I did, the memory of him would tarnish. He was the first I'd ever loved, and the sacredness of that was not lost, even thousands of lifetimes later. I wondered if I would see him again. Was he still alive? Would we have the same connection as we did millennia ago, or had our love been severed the moment those flames of betrayal consumed me?

I looked down at my feet, my toes dug into the dirt beneath them. The grass ticked at my ankles, and as I watched, a long, thin worm slithered over the nail of my smallest toe on my left foot. The wind picked up, carrying the forest's air to me. I had seen so much of the earth, lived so many years, but in those still moments, I felt like I was back in my first life, before I'd known the cyclical effect of life. I felt refreshed. New. Whole. I felt like I was just me, not a vast mirage of different faces, names, and experiences in one large painting.

"Lilith?"

Her voice sliced through my shield of remembrance, and I turned. Bella stood in the doorway, a concerned light in her eyes, though she kept her face carefully impassive.

"Edward's going to drive me home, and I thought later, maybe, you could come over?"

There was a strange sort of hesitation in her voice that reminded me of the moment I had left her back in Arizona. I'd hesitated then, too.

"Yeah, I will." I agreed easily and looked away from her.

I dreaded to think of what that conversation might hold, but I also knew that I couldn't keep doing this. It was unhealthy, and now that the shock of seeing her had lessened, I realized just how much I'd clung to the idea of her.

"Okay." She said, seemingly at a loss for what to say.

I met her gaze, hoping my smile wasn't as forced as I felt it was.

"Okay." I returned, and she huffed a laugh, rolling her eyes.

When she disappeared back inside, I took another glance around myself before I followed.