Disclaimer: I do not, nor will ever, own the Twilight Saga, or any of its characters and plots.
Chapter II
I have lived countless lifetimes, in many different forms. I've been a servant girl, lowest of the low, with rags for clothes and indebted to wealthy patrons due to my parents' mistakes. I've been the queen of the castle, overseeing hundreds of thousands of people beside men far too willing to give up the reigns for… greener pastures. I've been in thousands of relationships, some loving, others not so much. I have loved, and I have lost.
With all my past lives' experiences, however, I can honestly say that only one other made me feel as deeply as Isabella Marie Swan did. The girl in front of me was beautiful in every way, even though I doubted she knew as much. She was clumsy, and careless, and so very human. Her upper lip was slightly bigger than the lower, and she had streaks of red in her hair that only revealed themselves in direct sunlight. Her various blemishes from her klutziness only added to her appeal, in a strange, imperfect sort of way.
Her pale, almost translucent skin gave her a fragile appearance, but I knew she was stronger than she looked. Her eyes, a soft chocolate brown, shimmered with life. A tinge of red brushed against her pale cheeks the longer I remained silent, and Edward shifted slightly at her side, making me all too aware of how I was staring. I cleared my throat, looking away with a flush of my own.
"Will you… sit down?" She asked hesitantly and motioned to the bed next to her.
That was a very horrible idea, but I couldn't resist being close to her, even with her vampire boyfriend watching me closely. I settled into the end of her bed, fidgeting with the hem of my shorts. The habit was a bit of a giveaway towards my nervousness, but it was somehow soothing. I found doing strange things like that were a sort of a comfort to me. I was also reminded that I needed to find new clothes before the ones I wore became too soiled to wear.
"Lilith…"
Bella bit her lip, meeting my gaze before she looked away. I kept quiet, allowing her space to gather her thoughts. When she finally did, she drew in a breath and looked at me again.
"What we had in the past was amazing. You were my first love, and I wouldn't give away those memories for anything in the world."
There was an unspoken 'but' at the end of her statement, and I found myself smiling bittersweetly.
"But you're with Edward now." I finished for her, and she drew back, glancing at him.
He remained looking at me, his face impassive.
"Yeah." She agreed weakly, meeting my stare.
I really shouldn't have been surprised. She was a mere sixteen when I'd vanished from her life, and I was thirteen. No matter what we shared together in the few years we had, she was in the prime of her human life. Humans tended to move along faster when the subject of their affections was no longer in sight.
"I get it." I whispered, trying, and failing, to keep the tremble from my voice.
When I reached out my hands, she took them in hers.
"I'm not going to lie to you. I love you so much, my heart feels like it'll burst every time I look at you. You are like the sun, and I'm the planet forever trapped in your gravity. You're the best thing that's happened to me in the last millennia."
Her hands tightened around mine, her eyes filling with tears.
"I think, if we were in another place in another time, I would've searched for a way to keep you forever, just because I'd know it'd kill me to lose you. Death would've been infinite without you. I-I'm so sorry, for this, for hurting you, for showing up and making you choose between me and-"
She broke me off, darting forward and pressing her lips against mine. Every ounce of self-control was thrown out the window as I reached up, cupping her face. My eyelids fluttered closed, my lips nearly tingling with her kiss. If Edward hadn't been watching us, I might've pushed her back and climbed over her, taking control the best way I knew how.
She pulled back a long moment later, remorse in her eyes. It took everything I had not to follow her back, letting my hand fall uselessly between us. I recognized the act as it was – a goodbye. She was giving our relationship the closure that it desperately needed. Even though I felt as though she'd ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it, I forced myself to smile.
"Just friends, right?" I teased, but I was unable to put quite enough lightness in it, if her solemn look was any indication.
"Yeah…"
She took Edward's hand, looking away from me. The act was quite dismissive, even though I doubted she meant it like that, and I stood, walking to her bedroom door.
"Lilith?" She called after me, and I paused, my hand on the doorknob. "You're not going to leave again, are you?"
There was an underlying note of fear in her voice that commanded that I turn around, soothing away all of it until she was happy again.
But… no.
"I have nowhere to go, Bella."
My tone was perhaps a bit too harsh, and I knew I'd regret it later, but my mind was swirling with indifference. I knew I had to get away from her before I hurt her further. She didn't say anything, and I took that opportunity to leave. I hadn't expected to be leaving so soon, or else I would've requested the taxi to remain stationed. Ah, well. There was nothing to be done about that now, and I'd be damned if I was going to wait for another.
I returned to the forest, not at all comforted by the heady scents of nature. I felt like a stranger inside my body, like I was an imposter in my own skin. Branches and thorns tore at my clothes and skin until I looked as messy as I felt inside. At some point, it began to rain, and the wetness on my face was no longer inexcusable. Not that I really cared what I looked like, anymore. I was utterly lost, alone… abandoned. I wondered in a moment of lucidity if this was what Bella had felt like when I left her.
This was all my fault. I was the one who left her first; why was I so heartbroken now that she had moved on? Human souls were fickle, always dancing from one obsession to the next. In her life, I was nothing more than a passing fad. I was a brief moment in the lifetime of moments she had. Staying here only prolonged the inevitable. I didn't think I could bear to watch her move on… knowing that she was happy with someone else.
Guilt prickled at the back of my mind; shouldn't I just be happy if she's happy? My obsession with her was entirely unhealthy, even I could admit that, but wasn't it just as unhealthy to damn her to a life with me purely out of selfishness? Did I truly love her, or was it just an imitation of what I once felt for another similar to her? Her brown hair, his brown hair… her dark eyes, his dark eyes… her selflessness to the point of self-destruction, his…
The tears that pooled in my eyes, combined with the incessant rain, blurred my vision, making it difficult to see the thick root protruding from the ground. Thus, I tripped, and would've smacked my head into the tree trunk if a pair of overly warm arms hadn't caught me.
"Hey!" A distinctively male voice exclaimed, breaking through my haze of rejection and self-pity. "Aren't you that girl who the Cullens took with them?"
"Cullens… don't tell…" I mumbled out, and he laughed.
"Don't worry, the leeches have no authority on our lands." He promised, and I tilted my head back to look at my savior.
He was tall, taller than any of the Cullens except for Emmett, with black hair and almost as dark eyes. His skin was the color of wet sand, like he'd been lying out in the sun for hours with little to no protection. His arms flexed almost instinctively, and I silently mused that his one bicep was about the size of both of mine combined.
"Wolves…" I muttered, and he grinned roguishly, bending down, and sweeping my legs out from beneath me.
With a single movement, I was cradled in his arms like a small child.
"Y'know, I do have a name. Although, I can't blame you for being star-struck at the sight of my more feral form." He teased, and then began jogging through the forest, looking far too much at ease. "You look like death, by the way. Even worse than the Swan girl did when we found her."
I frowned in confusion, but he merely shrugged.
"Not quite my story to tell, sweetheart."
The pet name was unexpected, so much so that I couldn't help the flush that came over my face. He chuckled quietly but didn't comment.
"The name's Embry Call, and you are…?"
"Lilith Johnson." I whispered, my mind still focused on his previous words.
He nodded with another grin just as we exited the forest.
I turned my head as a door slammed open. Five boys, each looking similarly to Embry, and a woman came from the modest house. The girl stayed on the porch, while the boys ran towards us.
"What's the meaning of this, Embry?" The tallest of the guys asked, his eyes focused on me.
"That girl is no better than the Swan one." The boy with cruel eyes remarked, glaring at me.
The moment our eyes met, however, the cruelness seemed to ebb from his face.
He openly stared at me, his lips parting just slightly.
"Hey, let's get her out of the rain, yes? She looks like she's about to catch her death!" The woman on the porch called out.
Embry must've agreed, because he immediately moved past the boys, setting me down at the top of the stairs, and out of the rain. I took one step and nearly fell flat on my face.
"Sorry…" I whispered, shame rushing through me as the woman wrapped her arm around me to keep me upright.
"It's all good. My name is Emily." She said brightly before she led me inside.
The house was just as modest on the inside as it was on the outside. It was nothing like the Cullens' house; it was more homey, more comfortable. I didn't feel as though I was about to break something every step I took. Emily supported me all the way to her bedroom, shooing the others away when they tried to follow.
"Privacy!" She chided. "Go raid the kitchen, or something."
At the mention of food, my stomach rumbled, and I was reminded that I hadn't eaten in a while. That probably didn't help my dizziness.
I kept apologizing as Emily helped me pull my soaked, destroyed clothes off. She just smiled at me, handing me a change of clothes and a towel, and telling me to clean up myself.
"Meet me in the kitchen afterwards, and we'll get some food in you."
"Thanks…" I whispered, and she gave me another smile before she left, closing the door behind her.
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to get most of the sticks out before, on shaky legs, I got into the shower.
The warm water felt amazing against my skin, and before I could resist, I allowed myself to sink to the bottom of the tub, wrapping my arms around my legs and pulling my knees up to my chest. There, under the warm spray of the showerhead, I allowed myself to relax, closing my eyes, and lifting my face into the water. I could've stayed there for centuries, but after a few minutes, I pulled myself up and begin to wash.
By the time I returned to the kitchen, clean and dressed, only three of the boys remained. The tallest, the cruel one, and the one I vaguely recognized, though I had no idea where. Emily glanced up at me, subtly announcing my presence to the others, who were currently shoving down food faster than I could see what they were eating.
"You look better." She said kindly, which I took to mean that I no longer looked half-dead.
I fidgeted with the end of my damp hair, smiling weakly.
"The Swan girl called while you were in the shower. She seemed a bit concerned." The tallest man said, studying me intently.
Emily sighed, rolling her eyes at him.
"Sam, let the girl breathe. She's in no state to endure an interrogation."
Sam scoffed, but surprisingly listened, turning back to his food. Emily motioned to the fourth seat at the counter, next to the cruel boy who was refusing to look at me.
"Here, sit next to Paul."
I did as she requested, merely out of politeness than anything else. I desperately wanted to leave, but I wasn't prepared to be rude to the one person who seemed to care enough to lend me clothes, a hot shower, and food. She placed a heaping plate in front of me that nearly matched the boys' plates in its intensity, and I thanked her before I dug in. Her cooking was some of the best I've ever tasted, and when I said as much, she blushed a deep red.
"Aww, you're so sweet." She practically cooed, but her eyes shone with pride.
It was evident that she enjoyed cooking, as much, if not more, than Bella had.
"She's right. You're amazing, babe." Sam teased, and Emily responded with a well-aimed smack to his arm when she passed.
Paul and the other boy laughed, and Sam got up, grabbing her around her waist and pulling her against his chest. He whispered something in her ear that I couldn't hear, but her face instantly reddened, and she smacked him again for good measure when he let her go.
"That's Sam and Emily for you, making you vomit up all that good food." Paul grumbled, though I saw a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
I looked down, suddenly feeling extremely nauseous.
"You alright, Lilith?" Emily asked gently.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinking back tears.
"I think… I should go." I said, my voice barely audible.
I didn't belong there. Not really. I didn't have anywhere that I truly belonged to anymore. The only human connection I had left was severed.
Maybe I ought to just end it all. Start over and find a new place in this world. I could have parents, or siblings, or perhaps a lover that I wouldn't screw everything up with.
I didn't hear Emily's response over the rush of blood in my ears, and I found myself escaping through the backdoor through which they'd first brought me in. I ran towards the trees, uncaring of the rain soaking my borrowed clothes, or the mud splashing against my bare feet.
My breaths came in short, uneven pants, and my eyes were blurred with tears again. I knew Emily was calling after me, but I couldn't turn back.
Shame.
Anger.
Pain.
Loss.
Fear.
All of it swirled through me, making me more and more unsteady on my feet. My head pulsed with the rising emotions, and my heart felt like it was about to race right out of my chest. There was nothing left for me to care for. Nobody was going to care if I lived or died.
I never made it to the forest. Strong arms wound around me as I slammed into a wall of warmth. If he was anyone else, he might've stumbled a bit at the force that I smacked into him. As it was, he didn't even move, holding me steady as the storm raged on around and inside of me. He whispered my name, and that was all it took for me to break. Wordless screams fell from my lips, and I doubled over in his arms, vomiting up everything that I'd just eaten.
Her name was mingled in the mix, and though I felt his arms tense, he never let me go. I clung to him desperately, stammering out incoherent sentences until he gently shushed me, one of his hands lifting to brush my hair back from my face. I felt him lift me off the ground, and I closed my eyes tightly as the movement threatened to make me throw up even more. There was nothing left in my stomach, but I refused to take that chance.
My throat burned with stomach acid and my screaming, and I knew that I looked like a drenched rat again. This time, nobody offered me a change of clothes. Instead, as I felt my back touch against a soft mattress, a thick blanket was pulled up over my shivering form. He didn't move away, settling next to the bed with his arm still clenched in my hand.
"I'm sorry…" I tried to say, but the words came out more garbled than I'd have liked.
"Don't apologize." He whispered, and his hand moved to cover my own.
I forced my eyes open, meeting his dark gaze. There was a softness in his gaze that almost reminded me of… of her, and I nearly started hyperventilating again. His hand on my cheek soothed away my panic attack, and I leaned into the warmth.
"She chose him over me."
I refused to say their names, but he seemed to know what I was talking about regardless. His eyes filled with anger, his hand on mine clenching slightly.
"That was the stupidest decision she's ever made." He said it with such fierceness that I couldn't help but to smile, even the tiniest bit.
The anger seemed to fade at the sight, and he sighed, relaxing his hand.
"The way you stood up to that vampire in the clearing – you didn't even flinch away. You are either incredibly brave, or the most naïve person I've ever met." He shook his head. "Either way, I knew then that you would be a force to be reckoned with. I'm glad to see that I wasn't wrong."
The way his mouth quirked, his eyes lighting up in amusement, was perhaps the most genuine smile I've seen in a while. Still, I couldn't help but to sigh myself.
"I know that you imprinted on me." I admitted softly, but he didn't pull back, his eyes intent on my face.
"The leeches told you-"
"No," I quickly interrupted. "I know about the legends from… an old friend."
I bit my lip, looking away from him.
"I can't… not so soon after…" I broke off, my voice trembling as tears threatened to overflow.
Paul's hand on my cheek moved to my hair, fiddling with the ends as he waited until I looked back at him.
"I'm not asking anything of you." He promised, his voice gentle. "You are mine, and I am yours. That's all that matters to me."
A new sort of feeling fluttered in my chest at his words, and I felt myself relax fully into the warmth. A tear slipped down my cheek, and his thumb caught it before it ever touched my chin.
"Thank you." I whispered, and he smiled.
"Anything for you." He vowed.
I scooted over on the bed, motioning for him to join me. When he did, I curled up into his chest, shivering as he placed his arms around me. Between his warmth and the soft mattress beneath me, I feel into a restful sleep. Although I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, or what I'd do when I eventually saw Bella again, I knew I was safe. Paul made me feel safer than I had felt in years.
He was my rock. My safe place.
