(give me that funky fluff) (it's MATT TIME AGAIN FOLKS) (don't worry; it's just another two-times matt update; this happened once before and it only happens like once every three-four batches or something)
It is currently the dead of evening. It's pretty chilly in here, actually… though I'm not sure if that's the fault of the weather, or the situation at hand.
...Actually, I'm curious, now. How did the shrine's interior stay lit in the evening, sometimes? Probably some kind of magic.
Yuyuko and I sat kneeled before Reimu's kotatsu, denied access of its warmth as we sat probably about five feet away from it instead. I still have all my stuff, because we only just got here after Reimu both beat Yuyuko into submission, and whisked me away from the village.
Reimu sat atop her kotatsu with her legs crossed, probably half-floating to make it not tip over or collapse.
"Don't send me to the sex dungeon, Reimu," I humbly request, "I have friends and family."
Reimu's expression did not change. It wasn't a happy one.
"...What, exactly…" Reimu gradually brought a hand up to her face. "...were you trying to do in the village? The both of you."
…
Yuyuko fidgets. "U-uhm… Reimu-chan, I can explain-"
"Don't call me that." Reimu interrupts her.
Yuyuko rolls her eyes. "Well, Reimu, I… sensed something wrong."
Reimu snorts, giving a flat laugh. "Ah, haha. Yeah. I sensed something wrong, too. You, summoning death columns down the middle of the road."
Ignoring the vigorous amounts of sass being exuded by Reimu, Yuyuko simply continues. "In this man," she gestures to me, "I felt great death. And… a familiar darkness."
...Reimu just stares at her flatly. "If this ends in a pun about being hungry, I'm sealing you in a crystal for a week."
Yuyuko dropped her sheepish smile, taking on a solemn expression. "He carries a piece of the Saigyou Ayakashi. Not only that, but… he may be using it to his own ends."
"Because a piece of wood can do anything." I interject.
Reimu points her gohei at me. "Shush. Not your turn."
"You must destroy this fragment." Yuyuko states. "It will only lead to more people dying."
...Curious towards Yuyuko's serious demeanor, Reimu rose a brow. "...You're serious, aren't you?"
Yuyuko nodded.
"...You really need to work on coming off more serious, then." Reimu sighed.
"I'm finding it slightly difficult to compose myself." Yuyuko also has well over fifty different seals slapped all over her form. She's also actually got legs, now. "These seals are uncomfortable."
Reimu stood up, floating off of her kotatsu and landing on the floor before us. "You should've thought about that before you beat up the villagers."
Yuyuko pouted at that. "I-it wasn't my intention to-"
"Collateral counts." Reimu cut her off. "You can't just… you get the point."
…
Yuyuko speaks up, again. "So, will you-"
"Yeah, yeah…" Reimu waves her off, before moving towards the kitchen. "Hold on. Oh, and…"
She drew three ofuda from her sleeves, and chucked them at all the doors with one toss.
Thu-thu-thunk. Shi~ng!
Reflective barriers encapsulated the doors.
"There. If you break a wall, I'll at least hear it." She proceeded into the kitchen to get a refreshment for herself, presumably. She also left the door open.
Thu-thunk. I hear ofuda slap against things in the kitchen. Following her would probably only end badly.
'...Just a piece of wood, huh. Fancy phraseology from the ignoramus lodged in this quandary...'
Well, I've not got all day to sit here. If I take too long, Reimu will probably shove multiple gohei up my ass.
Yuyuko stared at me, her eyes wide.
…
"That is an uncomfortably long time to stare." Thirty seconds are thirty seconds too many.
"It's… conscious." Yuyuko looks down at my pocket, where Chaos Oath is.
Oh no. Yuyuko is being delusional, now. She thinks wood can talk.
...I think about rifling through my bag for those gun parts I bought the other day-
Reimu is back with a tray of tea, holding three cups. She casually walks over to the kotatsu, and sets it down.
Pleasantly surprised, Yuyuko smiles. "Oh, my… is that for us, Reimu?"
Standing upright, Reimu shook her head. "No. I'm going to need all of it to deal with you two."
...The ghost's smile becomes lopsided. "Ahah… you're so mea~n, Reimu~."
Reimu ignores her Youmu-treatment, sipping some of the tea as she sits down at the kotatsu.
…
After staring at me for a few moments, she spoke. "So, what's with this aura of evil you've got going on?"
"Probably touched a few too many cursed shit." I confess.
"No, no, you've got something dark on you. Powerful, too." She casually dismisses my claim.
"...Probably touched a few too many cursed shit." I reinforce the premise.
Reimu rolls her eyes. "Yuyuko literally just told me you've got some kind of cursed tree twig on you."
"Cursed tree twigs aren't known for being very dangerous." I shake my head.
"Lemme see." She requests.
…
Reaching into my pocket, I take out Chaos Oath. I begin to step towards the kotatsu-
Reimu slides out from under it on a dime and stands up. "Woah, woah, woah. Where's that dark aura?"
I slouch. "I lost it."
...Reimu narrows her eyes, but doesn't say anything.
"It's hiding its power." Yuyuko pipes up from the floor, reminding us she did in fact exist. "Take the scissors, Reimu."
...Giving Yuyuko's weird behavior a curious stare, Reimu looks over me, then at my scissors.
…
"Give me a moment." She walks back to the kitchen door. Okay.
She proceeds through it, and makes a turn, going out of sight.
…
I look over at Yuyuko. "So, how's your day been?"
Yuyuko sighs. "Nn~gh."
Sounds good.
…
I am at an impasse. Should I do the smart thing, and get a head start on making something with the crap I bought… or should I try and see if the blessed scissors would let me screw with Yuyuko?
Being smart makes too much sense.
Taking out the blessed scissors, I begin to approach Yuyuko…
She looks up at me. "Those are holy, aren't they?"
"No." I deny adamantly. "...No. They're blessed."
Yuyuko stares up at the ceiling, actually exasperated to some extent. I feel like I just achieved something.
Crouching next to Yuyuko, I begin looking where to give her a test poke with them…
She focuses on me again. "What… are you doing?"
"Science." I reach forward to poke her shoulder with the blessed scissors-
One of her hands clamps onto my arm within the blink of an eye. Her face is also closer, and she's smiling widely. "Just because I'm sealed… doesn't mean I'm as powerless as you think I am."
Kinky.
I try to move my arm, to little avail. Oh.
Thu-thud. She promptly pulls on it, and sends me sprawling besides her, all while she's still kneeling. That was an experience.
With that, Yuyuko returns to sitting on her legs normally, letting go of my arm.
…
Readjusting myself on the floor, I try to poke her back with the blessed scissors…
fwoom.
A small beam of dark blue energy juts up from the floor, piercing me. The only thing it does is send me rolling away from her, however.
Thu-thud. My limbs have a fierce one-on-one with the wooden floor.
Footsteps are heard from another room, and some door further into the shrine opens. "What's going on out there!?" Reimu shouts out at us.
"I'm being molested!" I yell back.
...Within moments Reimu is at the doorframe to the main room, a few portions of her dress covered in curious-looking seals.
…
After seeing that I was not becoming one with the walls, Reimu stormed off to presumably apply more of those seals.
"You should be more gentle." I give Yuyuko a suggestion.
Yuyuko doesn't bother to look at me, still sitting on her legs before the kotatsu and staring forward.
I'm having way more fun with this than I should be.
Alright, it's time to go through my bags…
Moving up to that kotatsu, I took Reimu's tea and put it on the floor, to make room for my crap. Then, I put my backpack on the table.
"Do you think you need a haircut yet?" I take out the hedge cutters and snip them at the air.
Snip snip.
...Yuyuko furrows her brows. "Aren't those Youmu's? I thought she threw those out the other day…"
"Yeah. Tried to kill me wit'em." I set them aside.
...Yuyuko just stares at them, not commenting on what I said Youmu did. She either doesn't believe me, or thinks Youmu was justified.
"Do you want 'em back?" I dig through my backpack for parts… "They might still have blood on them, though."
"Na~h." Yuyuko replied promptly, smiling carefree again. "I had Yukari get Youmu a new one. She's been trying to adjust to it, but I think she's got the hang of it."
Hmmm…
Suddenly, Reimu steps in through the kitchen doorframe, despite me not hearing her footsteps this time. A series of white and black charms were adorned to the hems of her skirt, arm sleeves, and on her legs. Large, yellow sheets of ofuda were slapped onto her back, and her shoulders.
"Oka~y…" She surveyed the room. She immediately looked down at the backpack, then at the hedge cutters. "...Why."
...I blink. "Why not?"
…
Taking a deep breath, she walks up to me. "The aura around you suddenly diminished, again. Who do you think you're fooling?"
"All this talk about auras… and I don't have a damn clue what it's about." Really, now.
"Just hand those scissor things over." Reimu holds her hand out before me, her other hand held hard around her gohei.
"No." I shake my head.
…
She just blinks. "...Yes."
"Okay." I nod.
…
…
"Well?" She stares at me dryly, now opening and closing her hand. "Do I have to beat it out of you?"
"That's too kinky for my tastes." I counter.
"Too bad." Reimu's glaring at me, now.
Well, I have no idea what to do here now. Taking out Chaos Oath, I hold it out for Reimu to hold.
...She brings her hand near it, but doesn't grab it fully. Instead, she rotates her hand around it, like one might the flames of a fireplace.
"It doesn't bite." I inform her.
Reimu just rolls her eyes.
Taking out a single ofuda, she began to slowly bring it closer to the scissors…
Once they got close enough, a curious, purple energy burned up the length of the ofuda, making it stop glowing after a moment.
...Reimu dropped the useless sheet of paper to the floor. "Aura or no aura, that's a pretty potent cursed item. Or object youkai. Those sometimes overlap…"
Drawing another ofuda, this time quicker, she tosses it at the scissors-
Zazap!
Light and dark electricity crackles in the air, the ofuda being ripped to shreds by the dark energy. My hand also hurts, now.
'Is she going to keep doing this?...'
Probably.
Dryly, Reimu turns to Yuyuko…
Yuyuko's giving her a smarmy-yet-still-carefree smile.
"I guess this is more serious than I thought…" Backing away from me, Reimu drew three more ofuda. "Whatever it is, it'll run out of mana at some point. Wait..."
Quickly, Reimu ducks back into the kitchen. She returns not a second later with a second gohei. "Alright…"
Approaching me, she proceeds to use the two gohei as tongs to grab the scissors without handling them directly. Then, she sets them down on the kotatsu.
"Okay." She smiles. "Go wait in the kitchen. Don't think about using any doors, or you won't have fun. Also- don't touch the chairs, or the cabinets. Try to float over the low surfaces of cabinets and walls."
Ah, yes, floating, the skill I clearly possess.
"Well, if you teach me how to float." I smirk.
...Reimu rolls her eyes. "You don't know? Ah… whatever. Take big careful steps."
...I'm not sure that's how you float.
Grabbing my backpack, I begin to head towards the kitchen…
Reimu looks over at Yuyuko, and points a gohei at her. "You."
"Me." Yuyuko smiles.
"You can either join him in the kitchen, or get out. I'll yell at you more later; this might be a project." Reimu smacks Chaos Oath off the kotatsu with her other gohei, and watches it skid across the floor.
...Yuyuko stands up awkwardly, finding her footing as the seals on her body begin to glow brighter. "...I~'ll… watch over him. For your sake."
...Reimu blinks at her as she moves to follow me towards the kitchen.
Well, then.
I step into the kitchen's doorframe. Big steps, was it? I don't think that should matter; there's not even anything on the interior walls.
Taking a step inside, I-
An ofuda blinks out of invisibility, under my shoe. Fuck.
Fwam!
A small blast of holy energy erupts under me, making me do a quaint backflip. I land on my stomach surprisingly softly, but it was still slightly disorienting… "Mmgh…"
Yuyuko giggles. "Fufufu…!"
...I take a moment to get back onto my feet, and trudge over to the table.
Once Yuyuko's through the doorframe, the door slams shut on its own. Good.
...Time to make something before Chaos Oath gets tortured to boredom.
Plopping my backpack onto the table, I open it and splay some of the items inside across said table.
"Ooo~..." Yuyuko pulled a chair from the table, and sat down at it. "Stuff!"
Yes, stuff.
There was a knock at one of the doors that led outside.
Ignoring that- since the doors are probably booby trapped- I begin to consider my tools…
A rubber grip, twenty-six feet of wire, the barrel of an AK-47, a shrub, water scissors, and a single rubber glove. I also draw the bang gun from my bag.
There's another knock at the exterior door.
Yuyuko stares at my items, perplexed. "...I'm gonna guess what you wanna make."
"Sure." Gah, I need duct tape, still. Maybe Reimu has some crap in her cupboards, or some kind of paste. How else would these paper walls still stand?
I open a cupboard-
Fwam!
A raw blast of holy energy is launched from inside it, sending me sprawling onto my back.
Thu-thud. Ouch. That actually hurt.
There's another knock at the exterior door.
Bam bam bam!
Someone really wants in.
Eventually, the door opens anyway. "Really, could no one answer the door…?" Yukari steps inside, pouting.
Yuyuko looks over at her, surprised. "Ooh! Shouldn't you be at the concert…?"
Grinning, Yukari nodded. "Mmm. I came to pick you up, since you should also be at the concert. Is Reimu done with you, for now?"
"Yeah." Yuyuko nods casually. "Let's go, go~!"
A gap opens under Yuyuko, and she falls inside. Reimu's chair is abducted along with her.
As the gap closes, a complex magical circle begins to form under Yukari…
She looks down, frowning. "...Now who taught Reimu how to do that?"
Fwoas~h!
A pillar of light erupts under her, enveloping her entirely. Once it's gone, she blinks a few times. "So that's what she did. Ne~vermi~nd…" It should be noted the light pillar never so much as marked the ceiling, despite its flashiness.
I get up from the floor, only to find my limbs aching more than they normally would from taking a tumble. This… annoys me, somewhat. Not that I need to feel comfortable, anyway.
"So~..." Yukari claps her hands together. "How are things?"
"Could be better." I give her the flattest of expressions.
She snorts. "...You're going to encounter someone interesting, soon."
"Does she want me dead?" If it's Yuuka, I'm just going to run. And probably die.
Smirking at me, Yukari clarifies. "Not that I know of, no. For now. You will find her interesting."
With that, dipped into a gap, which closed almost immediately after.
…
The kitchen door slid shut, Yukari's arm stretching from a tiny gap to close it.
Fwam! A random cupboard slams open, a blast of holy energy firing out at nothing. Good.
Ugh, why do my arms and legs feel even worse…?
I look over my arm-... oh. It seems that it has a faint, white aura to it. Same for some other spots along my body, and they're not necessarily persistent all of the time. These splotches of holy energy just seem to come and go…
It'll wear off eventually. Probably.
Anyway…
It is now time to construct the device.
...There has to be some sort of adhesive in these cupboards, tho-...
…
There are rolls of duct tape inside that cupboard that was blown open by Yukari slamming the door. Not one, not two, but what looks like thirty or so rolls of duct tape. Okay.
...I'll just take two, then.
Returning to the table, I look over my items once more…
This is gonna be such a hackjob.
First thing's first: I've got to modify the bang gun.
To do so, I fire it away from myself, letting the flag shoot out. Then, I grab onto the flag, and rip it from the shaft that juts out upon firing.
Ri~p.
Picking up my hedge cutters, I use it to gnaw at the plastic shaft… hmm. Actually, hold on…
Situating the hedge cutters at a ninety degree angle from the table's surface, I separate the blades, and stick the shaft between them. Like this, it gives me really good leverage to-
Clack!
The flag shaft came right off with a good press.
...I press the base of the shaft back into the fake gun.
Now, I have to make the gun a real ejection slot. Well… 'real' 'ejection' slot. I'm actually thinking of using that for loading ammo…
First- since it's on my mind- I roll up the flag I ripped off, and stuff it inside the barrel, so that it lines the inner walls.
Alright, now…
…
Picking up the hedge clippers… hmm. I need something for smashing. I place the hedge clippers back down; too bulky, for now.
Oh, I know…
...Taking one of Reimu's chairs, I slide it back against the counters. Then, I take the fake gun, and start smashing it against the corner of the chair's back. I strike the chair's edge with the surface of the gun I want the slot to be…
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Doing it caveman style, son. Spiders can spin webs…
Bam, bam, bam!
Frogs can leap great heights, fairies can fly and revive…
Bam, bam, bam!
Gap youkai… do whatever gap youkai do. Ghosts are dead.
Bam, bam, bam…!
And humans? We do this.
Ba-crack!
After abusing one of Reimu's kitchen chair thoroughly, I've managed to smash in the slot I wanted. Kinda. Actually…
Bam! Ba-crack! Ba-crack!
There. Now it's… big enough, I guess.
I shake the gun around to get the broken parts out. Good.
The flag inside was probably ripped a bit, but now I can cut the parts that aren't needed off. With the steel scissors, I snip the flag to be more precise.
...Alright, this bang gun is now how I want it, I think.
Picking up the AK-47 barrel, I bring it over to the bang gun's barrel. Unfortunately, the AK-47 barrel will not fit… I don't think, anyway.
Wait. Wa~it… they're almost able to fit. Almost. Maybe if I just… push it in. Holding the two ends to each other, I- hrm, I've got to hold them steady…
...Flipping around the barrel, I note that it gets smaller near the part that would likely be the outermost portion of the AK. I try to slide that into the bang gun's barrel… and it works. Somewhat. Now I just need to… force it a little more.
Hn~gh. After a bit of exerting my weak arms- which that great considering this holy magic running through my body- I see some of the barrel inside the gun's pseudo-ejection slot.
...I play with the flag padding a bit to try and make things even between both barrels. Actually, there are those pieces I cut off. I place those in, and apply some duct tape to keep it in place.
Just to be safe, I tear loose some duct tape and wrap it around where the two barrels meet. Just in case…
No~w… to wrap wire around the gun. First, I wrap it around the bang gun's barrel, and let some of the wire sag at the side, so that I could use it for something else later. Once that's done, I wrap the rest of the wire in coils around the AK barrel that I've attached.
...Setting down my in-progress weapon and scanning the kitchen, I see that the shrine maiden has a primitive stovetop. I don't imagine she uses it much, but one cannot survive solely on village pre-made meals. Especially in this era, when most sold meals are simply ingredients for better recipes.
Time to check the cupboards near the stove. O~h, boy.
...I open the one to the right-
Fwam! I'm sent bowling to the floor on my back again, a blast of holy magic knocking me away.
My muscles are so weak that I feel like I'm recovering from a cold. Holy magic sucks.
...Inside the cupboard are various pots and things, small ones. Also, some glass bottles…
Getting back up, I take a bottle of what looks like vegetable oil, and take it back to the gun. I need a cloth to spread it…
Hmm. It looks like Reimu has a bread box.
Walking over to the rather ornate-looking bread box in the corner of the kitchen, I slide the door open…
Instead of bread, there is a single fluffle with no limbs, lying on its back. "im a loaf"
...I seem to have acquired fluff loaf. Ech.
Popping open the vegetable oil, I pour some of it onto the fluffle's body.
"honhonhonh" It makes horrible noises.
Back at my weapon, I begin smearing the vegetable oil soaked fluffle across the weapon's barrel. "honhonhonh- honhonhonhonh" The fluffle makes demented noises, chuckling with increased frequency as I smear its loaf-like body across the weapon's barrel.
Now, I must apply the duct tape. These wires will not hold themselves in place. I place it in various places along the barrel's length. Additionally, I cut off any extra wire that will get in the way.
I run the wire back to the origin point that was near the gun's base, and tape the two loose ends together with a square piece of duct tape. Finally, I apply more tape to the wire I just ran back across the gun.
Oh, yeah, my rubber grip's still here. Not like it'd run away. I duct tape that to the bottom of the barrel, so that I have somewhere to hold that isn't live wire.
...I think this is finished. Yes. I only need ammo, now… and to extract the lightning scissors from their hell. It needs to be iron ammo, too, or this thing will explode in my face and I will not have a fun time.
That's when a gap opens in the middle of the kitchen.
"Merry! You idiot- Merry!"
A girl dashes though the gap, which promptly shuts the moment she's through.
"What…!?" She looks baffled by the shrine interior. "...Merry?"
She's got a round, rather quaint black hat and black dress on. Brown hair. I have no idea who she is.
...She looks around, her brows furrowing. "Me-Merry? Where…"
…
Eventually, she focuses on me, falling silent.
"Hey little girl." I greet her with the most serious of expressions. "Want some candy?"
…
Backing up, she frantically runs her hands through her pockets, before pulling out a pair of… iron scissors. "Wh-who are you!?"
"Xavier Abaddon Bloodworth." I smirk. "At your service."
…
…
The girl's fear changed to confusion. "...O~kay."
…
"Is this…" She hesitates, looking around some more. "Gensokyo?"
"Yes." I give her a prompt reply, telling the truth for once.
Now, ammo, ammo…
"gimme a snuggle friend" The fluffle reminds me that it is a nuisance.
...Taking the oil-soaked fluffbag, I walk over to a open cabinet, place it inside, and shut it.
The girl just watched, fascinated, but she didn't say anything.
Small, iron bits. Where exactly will I find small iron bits here?
...I phone a friend. "Would you happen to know where I might find small iron bits?"
…
The girl shakes her head. "No~...?"
Good.
…
Doesn't this shrine use nails?
Crouching down, I examine the floor…
Ah, yes, it does. I must literally rip up the floorboards to fuel my gun.
The shrine shakes, for some reason. I should probably hurry up.
...I don't feel quite as weak as shit anymore, but I still feel like I'm recovering from a cold, or something. The holy energy seems to be wearing off…
Taking the hedge cutters… I begin to use them to pry at any loose-looking nails available.
Hn~gh… hn- oh, shit. It's tricky to keep the blade under the nail. It ended up slipping out on me.
Attempt two. Hn~gh… hn~gh-
Clack! The nail clattered onto the wood floor, now free from the board.
"What… are you doing?" The girl was somewhere between awed by her surroundings, and baffled by my actions.
"Stealing nails." I explain.
…
Nail number two...
"Why~?" She questions my purpose.
Hn~gh… hn~gh, this one's in here good. Hn-
Clack! There we go. Two nails. Going for a third for now, since I need to hurry up, I'm sure.
"I need 'em." I elaborate robustly.
...Clack! That's enough nails, I'm not sure if this thing I made will even fire. I place the nails into my backpack idly...
"Have you seen someone with a purple dress?" The girl tries to gently interrogate me.
"Is she also tall and busty? With a horrible personality?" Hardly paying attention to her, I take that shrub out of my backpack, the water scissors, and the single rubber glove. It's a pretty thick glove.
"...Nevermind." She seems to deflate.
"Able to make gaps?" I guess idly. Drawing my flame scissors, I bring them near the shrub…
"Ye-yes, that's her!" The girl yells out.
"I just described her, then." I finish. There's no one else she could be talking about.
...She just sighs. "Okay, thanks…"
I scratch the tiny shrub with the fire scissors, and it quietly begins to burn. Setting it down, I wait for it to become a tiny blaze before I hold the water scissors over it, letting it drizzle down onto the fire.
...The fire's not going out, but it hasn't spread onto the table, much.
Putting on the glove, I lift the burning shrub- quickly tossing it into the sink, which was thankfully some kind of marble.
Making sure the table is not burning- if only to stop Reimu from barging in here- I return to the sink.
The girl stands next to me, also looking into the sink. "I have no idea what's going on."
...I begin to see the violently crackling form of the electric scissors within the flames, as the wood burns away.
...Hesitating slightly, I reach down to grab the scissors with my gloved hand. Well, I suppose I'll find out if this kills me.
…
With an abrupt motion, I lift the scissors. Their crackling dies quickly, for some reason. Electricity is fun.
The girl backs away from me cautiously. Probably not a bad idea.
Briskly, I move back to my gun on the main table, and stick the scissors into the gun's slot-
Krakrack!
Bright orange particles flared out when I tried to insert the scissors, forcing me to flick my hand away and let the scissors clatter a foot aside the gun. The wires sparked and crackled slightly, glowing for a moment.
"Fuck- shit…!" I dart away from the gun, shaking my arm despite the minimal damage. This is a good glove.
The girl winced. "...That's… are those scissors electric?"
...I just give her a stare. "No."
"...That might also not be how you wire something." She added. "You really shouldn't play with electricity."
I should add some water, so that the next discharge doesn't fuck me up as hard. Here's hoping the water's pure.
Moving back to my water scissors, I take them and douse the barrel.
Okay…
This time, I use my gloved hand to pick the scissors up-
"Hey hey, the water's just going to make it worse…" The girl stands at a good distance. "I didn't come here to see a guy die tonight."
"You know what, here's an idea…" Both to save her eyes, maybe, and to get something out of her. "Why don't you look outside while I do this?"
...She begins to move for the door to the shrine's main room. "Fine."
As she opens the door, I put the scissors back into the gun-
Krack!
...Not as bad this time, for some reason. The wires are still humming and sparking… which is probably a terrible sign of things to come.
In conclusion, my new weapon is a pseudo-realistic toy gun with an AK-47 barrel jammed into its barrel. It's decorated in wires and duct tape to keep it from falling apart pathetically, and it hopefully will work with the active electricity flowing through it. If it didn't explode, that'd be even better.
I take a glance out the door the black-hatted girl opened.
Chaos Oath sat in the middle of the room, Reimu looking down at it with a hand over her chin. She looked over at the girl who opened the door.
"...Hi." Reimu narrowed her eyes. "Who're you?"
"U-uhm…" The girl clammed up, a little. "Renko. Renko Usami."
This causes Reimu to pause. "...Hu~h. You sure I haven't met you before?"
"I don't think I know you?" Renko slowly tilted her head.
...After a quiet moment, Reimu shook off her contemplation. "How'd you get in here? I've had the place under lockdown, tonight."
Renko stepped back. "Well… I'm not sure if you'd believe me, but uhm…" She looks around awkwardly. "I kinda got transported here by a gap. You- you deal with spirits and stuff, right?"
Reimu just slouches. "...Yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about, actually." Looking back at Chaos Oath- and the kotatsu she apparently moved to the corner of the room- she began to move for the kitchen. "Let me… find somewhere safe to sit you down. I need to get my exorcism equipment, too."
Oh, boy.
Renko moves aside, to allow Reimu move to room. However, the shrine maiden stops abruptly, draws a spread of ofuda, and casts it into the main room.
Fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwap. The room is now a minefield.
She draws another series of ofuda, and casts them onto the floor. Fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwap.
...The ofuda all shine brightly, and suddenly, it appears as if the entire floor is evenly covered with precisely placed ofuda, all of them having sizable squares of room between one another.
She has literally made her main room into minesweeper.
Moving into the kitchen, she holds her two gohei up defensively as she passes me, only sparing the weapon I made a brief glance.
"Come with me." She beckons Renko to follow her, which she does, quickly taking steps out of the mine-laden main room.
Within moments, Reimu and Renko are obscured by the door in the back of the kitchen.
I take this moment to load up my backpack with things, and put it on. It's a useful thing to keep around.
…
Little does she know, I am no slouch at minesweeper.
Moving into the main room, I hold out my new, deadly rifle like a stick. Time to do some minesweeping.
Moving into the room, I poke the first ofuda I see on the floor.
It dissolves, leaving a six behind. Apparently it really is minesweeper...
...There are only six tiles around this ofuda, since it's along the wall. Good minesweeper.
Leaning forward, I poke the next ofuda with my rifle…
It flares up, and I back away from it-
Fwam! It unleashed a point blank holy blast, vaporizing into a four. Oo~h, so… detonating one mine doesn't just make the whole room go up in smoke. To compensate, most tiles seem to be either impossible or next to impossible. What fun.
…
I sprint inside, holding my rifle by the barrel grip and main grip. I begin to sprint along the length of the room-
Fwam! Fwa-fwam! Fwam! A bunch of tiles I stepped on begin exploding-
Woowoowoosh! One of the tiles turns into a big shuriken of light, which begins slowly following me.
Fwoa~sh! A few of the mines are those light pillar-esque attacks, but they take even more time to go off than the normal ones.
Random ofuda from the floor begin just outright floating up and flying at me, forcing me to try and duck through the oncoming barrages.
Fwa-fwap, fwap. I'm only marginally successful. The seals that do land on me don't do much, but I feel myself getting weaker again. Great.
After circling the room, unleashing multiple homing shurikens of doom, some randomly moving orbs of light, and homing ofuda barrages, I eventually contemplate getting Chaos Oath from the floor…
Coming up to it, I crouch and use my non-gloved hand to grab it, and stuff it into my pocket…
"Hey, hey!" Reimu has returned, with just one gohei this time, her other arm filled with unlit candles and paper. Acting quickly, she crouches and drops the supplies on the floor, before standing and holding her gohei with both arms like a sword. "Put that down!"
I aim my rifle at her. "Stop!"
She looks down at it. "...What's that even supposed to be? A gun?"
...I nod, slightly curving my lips. "Preferably, if it doesn't turn out to be a bomb."
Reimu snorts, scowling at it, then at me. "Shoot me, then. I dare you."
...That sounds like good reason to not shoot at you. If I had loaded ammo into this, anyway. Despite her display back in Hakugyokurou, I'm not really sure what to expect of her. I've got my sleek black scissors, so if I get outside, running should be easy…
I strafe in a circle, the mines nearest me all gone. Only half of the projectiles mauled me, although the shurikens were my main fear. Fortunately, both they and the mysteriously inactive light orbs faded.
Reimu steps forward, and all the remaining mines disappear. That's probably not as good of a thing as it seems.
"...There's really not much helping you, is there?" Reimu continues to scowl at me. "At this rate, you're just going to become a youkai. Since you're an outsider, that'd be fine and dandy if I felt I couldn't prevent it…" Then, she grins. "But… honestly. You can't just go around, killing people just because you feel like it."
"Why not?"
...She seems to resist the urge to give me a dry expression. "It hurts people."
"Not really." I correct. "Not if they're already dead."
She continues, her face neutral again. "I mean the people they know- and afterlife is a thing here, you know."
…
"So? Get a taxi and see them, or something."
"Why do you hurt people?" Reimu begins strafing with her gohei raised… "Is this just your way of having fun? Do you not see what's wrong with it? Talk to me."
How redundant. "Why not?"
She sighs. "...You're never going to tell me."
I begin backing towards the front door…
"That's fine." Her face hardens. "I'll just beat it out of you, then."
…
…
Should I shoot at the door… or shoot near her? Killing her would not mean good things, surely. That, and I'm not sure if she can just go super saiyan on me or something. She's still clad in those charms, too.
Reimu begins by simply marching towards me. I aim the gun at her in response, but she doesn't fear it, still moving to attack me.
Since that's the case, I simply use my free hand to draw Chaos Oath. "Don't move." I try intimidation, again, pointing the scissors at her.
She draws a triple spread of ofuda, and flings them at me.
Fwa-fwa-fwap. Holy shit that hurts more than any of her other ofuda attacks…
The burning holy sensation makes me writhe in place. Reimu raises her gohei over her head, but I stick my electrically charged gun out to gently poke her in retribution. These sizzling wires better fucking do something.
The rifle pokes Reimu-
Zazap! "Aah!" She leaps back, jittering slightly. "Wh-what…!?"
I begin moving for the kitchen door, instead, since that room's a little more concise, and the doors are open. I'd rather not waste my only shot I may have with this thing- if any- on a door.
Stepping back, Reimu's eyes flare. Throwing her free arm out, she generates a huge spread of about eight or ten blue, translucent amulets. Upon seeing them, I break my defensive walk and outright sprint towards the kitchen door.
Fortunately, they're not fast. I make it inside and out of harm's way. Renko's just casually standing inside. "What's going on…?"
"The shrine maiden has gone berserk." I inform her. "We must move."
She just blinks. "...What?"
Not saying anything, I move for the door out of the kitchen-
Reimu whirls inside.
Before I can see her do anything, I run for the kitchen's exterior door, slam it open, and bolt.
/ / / / a SCENE BREAK so we have ONE this chapter / / / /
In the darkness of the evening, the stars let me make out the shrine yard vaguely.
Reimu roars out of the door behind me, darting past me entirely and into the air over the shrine yard.
Glowering down at me from above, she huffs. "If you can't bring yourself to see the good in people… then I'll bring you there myself!"
...I stare up at her. Also- I make sure my black scissors are in the same hand as Chaos Oath, because this is about to get crazy.
Immediately, she floats down from above, and lands before me. Instead of waiting, she runs towards me full sprint, and drops to a slide along the floor.
I use the black scissors to slide to the side as she nears, when she unleashes an upward kick that sends her soaring well into the air.
In an attempt to capitalize on her new momentum, I move forward towards her, only for her form to vanish entirely. She'll probably attack from behind, because people like to do that.
Turning around, I see her running at me with her gohei. I try to poke her stomach with the gun again, but she leaps into the air instead. Again, I use my sleek scissors to slide out of the way before her attack does any real damage.
"Cheap." She mutters. Then, she runs towards me again… something I sadly don't have a lot of tools to work with.
...She stops, reconsidering her options. Leaping back, she lands at the top of the shrine stairs, which are pretty far away. The leap she did was well over twenty feet in length.
"Permanent Barrier!" She holds her arms out. A small column of yellow light appears where she stands, glowing faintly in the evening.
...I need to do that thing I did with Yuyuko here. Turning around, I run for the kitchen.
Renko is standing in the door, but backs up as I near. Once I get inside, I manually start shoving her towards the door with my shoulders. "He-hey- what do you think you're- ah!"
...After a moment, however, I notice Reimu's not coming from the door I'm shoving Renko into.
Turning around, I see Reimu emerge from the shrine's main room, sprinting towards me with great speed.
"Hra~h!" Doing a spin as she closes the distance between us, she stops before me with a broad swing of her gohei.
Thwack!
The little wooden stick sends me sliding into the opposite wall, my fall stopped by the wall itself. I'm still near the kitchen door, but I've gone from the left corner to the right corner after getting hit once. Yet another thing I will feel tomorrow morning…
I think I'll have to activate Chaos Oath… and it also seems Renko already ran outside of the shrine.
Bringing up Chaos Oath, I start channeling mana into it...
Reimu uses this moment to try and beat me to a pulp. Sliding up to me, she brings her gohei down overhead-
Thwack! Fuck! My head!
Tentacles flare out from Chaos Oath, as I feel my muscles painfully begin to pound again. The pain is somewhat offset by- ow ow, nevermind. Pain does not offset more pain, it simply fluctuated…
The tentacles latch onto Reimu's gohei as she tries to swing it wide at me. She bares her teeth at the appendages. "So it was a youkai!"
Unlike last time, the tentacles don't try to molest me as much, even if they still begin to run up my arm. The rest flare out at Reimu-
Thwa-thwack! She did a spin attack which vaporized two of the tentacles with simple physical damage.
Turning around, I begin running. With Chaos Oath active, I can slide without much fear of my balance getting absolutely destroyed, so I just start doing that-
"Divine Arts!" Reimu yells. "Sky-Conquering Wind God Kick!"
I whirl around as I slide backwards. Reimu slides along the floor after me, and kicks up again-
Thunk! Her sandalled foot slams into my torso, propelling me into the air.
She continues to slide up into the air after me, almost entirely upside down-
Thunk! Her legs glow as she delivers another kick to my ribs.
Thu-thu-thu-thunk!
There are enough kicks that her legs eventually glow bright enough to become a blur of white and red, sending me rocketing into the air over the hillside.
Bam!
With her final kick, Reimu simply forward-flips upright, and lands on the grass atop the shrine's hill.
Houston… we have liftoff. I'm currently at the apex of my launch, well over the hillside, now. Below me is the Hakurei path, at the bottom of the hill.
...I'm also still high enough to see over the top of the shrine.
'Abscond in the next minute. Or you'll die.'
Yeah, I know.
...Within moments, I plummet to the forestry past the path-
Bam.
I ended up with my shoes embedded in the dirt. Also ouch.
Cutting power to Chaos Oath, cutting power to Chaos Oath…
There.
...Unceremoniously, I flop forward out of the tiny indent I made, collapsing into the leaves.
The lightning scissors thud onto the dirt near me, having fallen out of my hackjob rifle.
…
…
"Get out here!" I hear Reimu yell into the woods.
…
Leaves rustle as she drifts somewhere overhead.
…
…
…
After a long while of inactivity, I start getting my ass off the floor… additionally, I use my gloved hand to grab onto the lightning scissors before they start an electrical fire. I'll just… hmm. I'll hold onto them, for now, if only because I don't want to flare up my gun and get instantly blown away for making light.
As such, my gun goes in my backpack, for now. If only I had three arms to hold everything.
Shambling back towards the main path, I eventually limp onto it…
Renko's standing there, looking awkward.
"He-hey…" I'm more tired than I thought.
Renko looked tired, herself. "...Gensokyo's a lot more violent than I expected it to be. I mean, I expected murder, but I didn't expect brawls. I'm not sure if that's a cool thing or a bad thing."
"It's cool until it involves you…" I begin limping towards the human village. This will take awhile.
She chuckles. "Wo~w. Rude."
"Well, let's go." I beckon her. "We still didn't get to my white van yet."
...How was what I said rude?
/ / / / FAST TRAVEL / / / /
So… tired…
At first, the smashed village gate convinced me I was suffering sleep-deprived hallucinations. On closer inspection, the village gate was indeed gone altogether.
...Shambling up to the guards, I request access. "Need sleep."
The two frontmost guards look over at me. Renko's standing behind me, so they look her over, too.
"...No." One guard is pretty blunt about things.
The other nods after a moment. "...We~ll. No~."
"What happened to the gate…?" Renko could recognize the gate was absent despite not seeing the wall before. I'm sure the rubble clued her in.
"Blew up." I'm sure he's lying. What actually happened was that the gate was consumed by fluffles.
...Renko stared at him dryly. "How bad at your job can you be? I mean-... how did this even happen?"
...The guard shrugged. "Laser."
His friend brought a hand to his own chin. "I~ wa~s… off duty~." Good.
Well. Four guards is a little too much to outright brutalize.
Despite my consideration, Renko tries to persuade them anyway. "We-well… we're friends of the… town."
...The two guards exchange glances.
"Like, we're on the council." Renko gives them a smile. "For wall control and maintenance."
The guard who was dead inside just stared at her.
"O~h, it's you~ guys…" His friend wistfully nodded… "Can you help me get fired? I~'m kinda just here… 'cause my pa~rents were like-"
Renko stares back dryly. "Can we go inside?"
"Su~re…" He moves out of the way. After a moment's hesitation, his friend does, too, and so do the guards behind them.
...They'll probably get fired, alright. I'm too tired to really care, though…
I shamble behind Renko as she moves inside, giving the guards a wave.
…
After we're well enough inside, she slows down to meet my pace, and looks at me. "What was that?"
"Stupidity and negligence." Essentially.
Where to sleep? I don't really know. Knock on doors until we find an empty house. Actually… I should pay my favorite dullahan a visit. She's probably forgotten everything by now, and it's not like she'd turn down Renko.
"...Yeah." Renko nodded. "But- this village…"
We were walking in the middle of the road. It was a bit awkward, because there was a huge indent down the middle, as well.
Looking around at the dinky houses around us, Renko looked conflicted. "It's like we're in a third world country… and this is supposed to be the land of fantasy?"
Are you saying a third world country is not a typical fantasy?
She looked up at the starry sky. "...We're still in Japan, though. The sky… it looks pretty nice, too. I guess I should reserve judgment for when the sun rises."
If you say so.
...We pass a house which has much shouting. Yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku flies out from the front door as robed men fall over each other trying to charge through it.
Renko and I look at it, but just pass by it. No comment.
…
After awhile, we reach the abandoned stages in the midst of the village. The concert seems to be over, but it looks like the village is saving the cleanup for the morning. There's only one stage left, though, so their cleanup time should be halved… discounting the huge laser-shaped indent in the floor, of course.
"What happened here…?" Renko just shakes her head at the ruins of the other stage. "This is actually a little creepy…"
...I just give her a glance, continuing on. I take the road to my left of the square, where Sekibanki should be.
We make it to the house in question.
"You know where you're taking us, right…?" Renko seems to doubt my direction.
"Yes. No. I think so." Tired.
Moving up to the door, I flail my limbs against it. Thu-thud-thud.
…
Oh, I just realized my mask isn't on. Or, rather, should be on… since Sekibanki probably isn't going to be happy to see me either way.
Setting my rifle down, and reaching into my backpack, I dig for it. It takes awhile, but Sekibanki's also taking awhile.
Here we are. I quickly slip it on with one hand, and then lift the rifle.
…
Backing up, I give the door a weak kick. Bam.
…
"I don't think they'll appreciate that." Renko stated the obvious.
"You're right. They didn't the last time." Didn't I assault the back door, as well? That one at least is connected to her room…
Well, I'll just beat up this door a bit more…
Renko steps up besides me, and knocks. "Hello~!?"
That's actually good, she can yell louder than I can.
I begin throwing myself against the door. Thu-thu-thud.
"Hello~!?" Renko continues to yell. We're making a good band.
...After a few moments of door-related violence, I hear thudding on the other side.
I back up from the door, and make myself look proper. As proper as one can be when their suit is frayed and ripped into oblivion.
The door swings open. Sekibanki looks about as tired as I do, which is saying something. "Whahahaa~t…? What could you people even want?"
"Love and nourishment." I monotone.
...Renko gives me a glance, before providing her own answer. "We, uhm, need a place to stay. You… know him, right?"
"No." Sekibanki sighs, hunching over in the doorway. "...The one time my earmuffs fell off tonight. The one time."
"It's better than beating your door open again." I state.
"Aah- mrmh…" Sekibanki makes unintelligible noises as she retreats back into the house, leaving the door open.
…
Click. Her bedroom door, however, shuts moments later.
"See that?" I smirk at Renko, which she can definitely see when I have my mask on. "This town is friendly."
"What's with the mask?" She immediately questions me. "...Also, what did you mean by 'again'?"
...I just walk inside.
"Hey…" She follows me in. "Hey."
The interior of the house is dark. The candy bowl is empty. Life is sad.
I find a comfy spot in the corner of the room.
Renko grins for some reason. "Answer me..."
Well, if she really wants to know… "Health insurance."
…
She takes a seat at the table holding the candy bowl, folding her arms.
…
Sleep comes quickly, because I am tired and half dead. Farewell, cruel world.
/ / / / DONT WORRY GOTCHU FAM / / / /
Sleeping in a corner sucks.
"N~gh…" Ow.
Ti~me to rise and shine…
My bones crack a bit as I get out of my ball in the corner. Yeah, that was good for me. Perfect, even.
Sekibanki and Renko are sitting at the table in the middle of the room.
"...I see." She nods in understanding of something I didn't hear.
Looking over at me, Sekibanki remarks. "Oh, he's awake."
Yeah, I'm awake.
...Both the girls give me a stare, before returning their gazes to the candy bowl in the middle of the table.
"Anyway." Sekibanki looks back up at Renko. "Thanks for helping with the groceries."
"Aah… thank you, for actually telling me some things." Renko smiled at her. "He's been… less than helpful, but he took me to the village."
I could have slit your throat at any time, if you weren't Yukari's pet.
...Getting the edge on helps to alleviate my aching everything.
"Yeah." Sekibanki gets up. "That's one way to describe him."
I smirk under my mask- which is not on at the moment. Someone unmasked me in my slumber. I've been violated.
"Don't give me that look." Sekibanki moves over to the door, and opens it up. "I have things to do, so I'll be kicking you both out. Sorry, Renko."
"It's no problem, really." Renko stands up, herself.
...I notice the candy bowl is full. "Yeah… I guess I'll just go."
As I begin to walk across the room, I near the table…
My hand darts into the bowl-
-and I bring it back to see orange danmaku whiz past where my hand was.
"...Thought you were going to take the whole bowl again." Sekibanki's glaring at me.
I smile. "Don't worry, I've changed my ways."
…
Slowly, I bring my hand to the bowl and try to lift it with just one hand.
/ / / / WAHAHA / / / /
Renko and I are now out on the road. At least we have some candy.
"Really, now…" Renko was giving me a chiding stare. "You don't really get along with people, do you?"
"They don't get along with me." I rebuke.
...She doesn't respond, instead taking the moment to look around a little.
I am going to need a new mask, and a new suit. I'm sure my last one will no longer work for hiding my identity, and this suit… we don't talk about this suit.
Also, I've long since stuffed my gun into my backpack, for the time being. I'm still holding the lightning scissors with my gloved hand, which could have been unfortunate last night. Well, I'm not dead, so it doesn't matter.
"We will visit the clothing store." I make my intent known. The sun is high in the sky, which means free deals.
"...Alright." Renko casually agrees to tag along with me.
With that, we begin our quest to find me a new suit. The village road is semi-populated, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The sky is clear, the temperature is only slightly chilly, and… the day is overwhelmingly average. Weather's fun like that.
Is there even anyone here today who'd want to molest me? Hmm.
Quickly, we close in on the unassuming storefront…
I swing open the door, and a little bell rings. So many shelves of unholy, neon-colored everything.
"Woa~h…" Renko looks equally overwhelmed on entry. "You do your shopping here? And you still found something in black?"
"I don't shop." I inform her. Also, this place does have things in neon black, ironically enough.
The pink-haired clerk looks up from her desk at us. Between the desk at the back of the shop, and the door at the front of the shop, there's only a thin aisle with which we can see one another. "Oh, he~y. What's up?"
"Peaches." I state. "Too many peaches."
Renko and I step deeper into the rainbow-themed nightmare.
As I survey the rows of clothes, and cluttered racks, I see other people in this store. One's someone particularly chunky, and the other person is particularly tall… and looks fairly inhuman.
"How much dust does this place collect?" Renko wonders aloud.
"Wh- hey." The woman at the counter snaps her fingers. "Bitch. Just 'cuz you're wearing some hip shit, doesn't mean you get to talk shit. 'Kay?"
...Renko just stares at her, her eyebrows raised.
There are people worse than me in this world… and we're standing right in front of one of them.
A throaty cackle comes from the tall thing to our right. From here, it looks like a lamp with lilac hair and a really long, black tube around it.
The tubby person turns around, revealing itself to just be a really big woman. "Eeh- hey, I thought you said you stocked extra large…" She began moving towards the counter, which looked like quite a project...
The pink-haired clerk shook her head. "Well, we do… just not your size."
...After a moment, the tubby girl slammed her arms on the counter-
Thud. By tubby, we're talking the width of about five men. I'm not sure how she got into the shop, to be honest.
"Wh- uuh… I'm gonna talk t'your manager!"
The girl just rolled her eyes. "I am the manager, honey."
"Whaht!?" She slammed her arms on the counter again-
Thud. The good thing about being a big person is that you could probably punch out a wolfman by flailing wildly.
"Please…" The thing with lilac hair spoke. It had the voice of a girl, but it was considerably raspy. "Calm yourself."
As it turned around, I saw that the short lilac hair did indeed have an actual head beneath it. Her face was locked in a very smarmy smirk, her equally lilac eyes narrow.
I should find my new suit in the confusion. Maybe I'll go for navy blue this time… to change things up a bit.
As I move into the shelves to sort through the technicolor nonsense, Renko follows behind me…
"Geez." She dryly takes a glance back in the direction of the noisy freakshow.
Let's see… I should take a new mask, while I'm here, too.
It doesn't take too long to find the suits. Aah, yes, lime green. Only the best suit color. Or, how about neon red? Hot pink's pretty good, too. Shine like the north star in the night. No youkai would want to bother you.
There's a neon black suit here, which still looks like it outright eats the light around it. As fun as that would be, I'm pretty sure youkai hunters would firebomb me from above. Like Marisa or Reimu.
The black one is gone, because I'm wearing it. I happened to have ruined it, too.
There is a decent navy blue one, though.
…
I start taking off my black suit on the spot.
Renko blinks. "...U~hm. Can't you find a changing room?"
In this store? Well, there might be one, but with racks these big, every aisle might as well be one. "Turn around, close your eyes, and pray to the god you prefer."
She snorts. "Yeah, no thanks."
After pulling off everything, I hang the torn up, mud-stained, grass-stained suit on the wall with the others.
"Debt repaid." I have returned it in mint condition.
Renko grins. "Really…"
Taking the navy blue suit off the wall- and setting my lightning scissors on a nearby rack- I take my time putting it on, to make sure everything's right. Suits aren't particularly easy to just throw on and off. They've got a myriad of inconvenient components to them.
I make sure to remember the tie, too. I took a nice, blue one from nearby and put it on with a windsor knot.
Nearby, there are also fedoras. Ignoring the neon rainbow ones, I take a black one, and throw it on.
Renko snorts, and grins again. "A fedora? Really?"
...I don't want to hear that from someone with that hat on.
I tip it towards her. "M'lady."
She just chuckles. "Pffft…"
Now, for a new mask, if only for the sake of giving myself a new midlife identity crisis.
The masks seem to be… on the other side of the store. Preparing to move, I pick up my lightning scissors again.
I begin to stroll over there, passing through the middle aisle. As I do, I catch a glimpse of the circus.
There was the light clattering of clothing racks falling over, as the tubby person had apparently engaged the walking almost-lamp in a duel.
"Eungh!" The tubby person loudly fell backwards into a rack of trenchcoats. "Aagh…"
The lamp person was no longer in lamp form. With her cloak spread, she revealed regal attire within, and a long, seven foot tall yet slender frame.
"Hehehe~!" As she let out a raspy giggle, I could see the long fangs in her mouth. Huh. Apparently Gensokyo has more vampires than just the two lolis. Her eyes were also glowing brightly in the dim shop.
"Hey, hey, no fighting!" The shopkeeper held out her gatling crossbow. "Cool it, bitch!"
"Huahehehe~..." The vampiress giggled, floating into the air, before she bumped her head on the ceiling. "Engh…"
...This shop doesn't have a very high ceiling. She's also seven feet tall, so there's not much room to do funky vampire nonsense.
Well, if she's not gonna be a problem, I'll just go get that mask…
Renko doesn't comment on the madness, but glances at is as she follows behind me.
We reach the rack of masks…
Hmm. There is a yukkuri Reimu mask here. For what reason?
My eyes stop when I see a white mask. It has the appearance of the happy one of the two masks commonly used to represent drama, or theater, except completely smooth with no nose. And with sharp, curved eyes and mouth.
...I slip off my hat for a moment to don my new mask, before placing it back on top.
"...Really gearing up, aren't you?" Renko just gives me a vain stare.
"I'm switching from Obamacare to Trumpcare." I informed her.
...She furrowed her brows. "What?"
"New health insurance." I clarified.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh."
Well, that's all we came for, and Renko doesn't seem interested in anything. Time to ditch this lemonade stand.
Moving into the middle aisle, we're promptly spotted by the vampire.
She holds up a gloved hand. "You two! You have seen nothing of this endeavor!"
"Look- we don't want trouble…" Renko reached into one of her pockets, slipping behind me as if I were a meatshield. "We don't care."
The vampire girl's eyes flare. "Fuh…!? No care? Does my mere presence not disturb those of mortal flesh!?"
I give her the middle finger.
She recoils as if shot. "Mortal!"
Promptly, she hover forward, holding her two gloved hands high in the air and her mouth open as she approaches. Before I can slip my gun out with my free arm, Renko slips out a pair of scissors, and bangs it against the metal protrusion of one of the clothes racks.
fwua~sh…
A soft noise is made as light fills the entire shop, blinding me. "Ngh…" I shut my eyes, but the light doesn't fade, my retinas slightly burning from the constant intensity.
"Wa- Waaoh!?"
When my vision returns, I see the vampire girl rocking her body back and forth, swinging her head around and clutching it with both hands. "Ngh- rgh- hngh- ngh- rgh…"
"I can't see! I can't see!" The tubby person breaks more racks by spinning in place inconsistently.
"Damn…" The pink-haired clerk is holding her arm over her eyes. "Stupid youkai bitch…"
Whelp, time to book it.
"Let us go." I move.
Renko nods quickly, trailing behind me as I move past her and rush out the door.
/ / / / THESE CASTLE WALLS ARE CALLING OUT MY NAME / / / /
We are now on the road, again.
"So that's what that does…" Renko looks down at her scissors.
They're clunky-looking, as if they're made from charred rock. Lines of what looks like molten energy run along the sides, but they're not burning her.
"Where'd you get those?" I slowly lean closer to look at them better…
"Village shops." Renko jerked it away from me, and pocketed it, as if I were to try to steal it. Maybe I would. "Seki wanted me to get something to protect myself with."
Is that so…
"They're called the Sunfire Scissors." Renko revealed. "They blind things. Sun elemental, whatever that means. They do more damage to naturally blind things for some reason."
"...Didn't you just say 'so that's what they do'?" I question her as we continue towards the village square…
"Well, I never actually used them. I just was told how to use them." She clarified. "I just want to know why this ability was given to a pair of scissors."
"Stranger things exist here." Like scissors that leak. Pretty sure my backpack is still leaking everywhere I go. The moment Reimu figures that out, I'm gonna end up eating shit.
There's something overhead. Looking up, I notice what it is more accurately…
Marisa, riding her broom, looking down on the village. I don't think Reimu or her know about the mask thing, so I should be fine.
...To my expectations, Marisa just hovers overhead and doesn't come down to engage.
If I see Reimu, she'll probably just know who I am on sight, because she cheats.
In any case, we close in on the village square. Guards are standing around the edges, for some reason, with bows. They don't seem to be interacting much with people, though.
"What shop did you get those scissors from, anyway…?" I ask Renko.
"I could take you to it." Renko provides.
She moves forward towards the stall she and Sekibanki shopped at earlier…
The stall is purple, violet, and yellow. The sign on top has a gear-shaped pattern, while the wood itself is colored, instead of just being decaled like most other stands.
Standing at the stand was a woman with a long cape, purple skirt, and hair that made it look like she had fluffy animal ears, almost. She also had a pair of headphones on.
Across her waist was a thin sword, the scabbard decorated with gold and black.
She's quite fashionable.
We walk up to the stand.
"Oh, hello." She smiles at Renko as she approaches. "What brings you here, again?"
Renko gestured to me with her thumb. "He wanted to take a look around."
I give the fashionable woman a once-over. "Intriguing."
...It was now her turn to give me a once-over. She pauses abruptly when she reaches my torso. "Oh, my…"
...I spend a moment staring at her, as she stares at my torso. Then, she meets my eyes again. "You like your cursed armaments, don't you?"
"Yeah. It gives extra style points." I nod.
She reinforces her smile. "I see. Has anyone else in the human village asked you about it?"
"Nope." I tell her. "Not a soul."
She raises a brow. "Also, forgive me for asking, as I can usually tell… but are you a youkai?"
"No." I shake my head.
...After a moment of hesitation, she nods. "Alright. Sorry again. In any case…" She steps to the side, revealing the wall behind herself. "What would you like to buy?"
"Are your hair-ears for sale?" I question.
"No." She answers bluntly. Oh no.
On the back wall, there are eight slots in the wall, one of which is empty.
"A friend of mine has come up short on personal funds… so I thought it fit I sell some rather unimportant treasures to help her out." She provides.
The seven objects all seem to be sun-themed, in some way… there's a bright orange ring, a yellow tower hat thing, a yellow racecar helmet, two yellow fans with an orange sun depicted on each, a small block of wood with some curvy orange knives stuck to it, a bright orange plant hanger, and finally, a sun-shaped badge.
"What is this stuff…?" I question.
The woman gestures to everything in explanation. "The sun ring provides twenty-five percent sun resistance, and slightly boosts attack and magic attack during the day." Sun resistance, good.
She gestures to the yellow tower hat thing. "Twenty-five percent sun resistance. Randomly casts Sunfire Flare when equipped." ...If it's what Renko's dagger does, that might not be a good thing.
Then, she gestures to the yellow racecar helmet. "Fifty percent sun resistance. Provides immunity to blinding, electrical stunning, and being frozen. Also gives resistance to getting sunburns."
Next up was the two yellow fans. "Fifty percent sun resistance. Allows the user to cast Solar Flare, a move which decreases accuracy. Randomly casts Sunfire Flare. Boosts the power of sun attacks." Hmm.
...The woman leans under her counter and grabs a glass of water. After she drinks some of it, she moves onto the knives stuck in the wood. "Boosts the power of sun elemental attacks. Casts Sunfire Flare on impact with surfaces." ...That's rather limited compared to the other items.
She gestures to the plant hanger. "Boosts the power of sun attacks. Casts Sunfire Flare on impact with surfaces." Another rather regular equip.
Finally, she gestures to the sun badge. "Fifteen percent sun resistance. Replaces on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare when worn. Fifty percent resistance to blinding and electrical stunning."
Wow. That was a whole lot of exposition for a whole lot of nothing.
"How much does the cheapest thing cost?" I question.
...She shrugs. "I mostly let people name their own prices, then I name mine, and then we barter."
"A hundred yen." I proceed to do the bartering.
She gestures to the sun badge, smiling. "Two thousand yen."
"I will pay…" I begin. "Twenty thousand yen, for you."
...She raises a brow. "For me?"
I nod. "For you."
"Sorry~." She waves a hand at me. "I'm not looking for a relationship, right now."
...Reaching into my pocket, I take out Chaos Oath-
One of the woman's hands immediately rests on the hilt of her sword.
-and I place it on the table. "How much for this?"
...Her smile is more forced, now. "I'm sorry. I don't accept living youkai."
"What a shame." I grab the scissors, and slowly put them away…
What did I come here for again?
"Will you be buying?" The woman asks, folding her hands together…
I shake my head. "Nah. See ya."
With that, I walk away from the stand.
Renko follows behind me, turning to the woman to give her an awkward wave. "Hey- uh, bye!"
"Farewell!" The fluffy-haired individual waved to us as we walked away.
…
Once we were away enough, Renko rushed up to my side. "What was the point of even going there, if you weren't going to buy anything?"
I shrugged. "Just wanted to see where you got those scissors from."
...At that, Renko allowed herself to lag behind a bit.
...As we pass by the Golden Grin, I look over at it. Hmm…
I point at it. "We shall go there."
Renko looked it over… "Woa~h. The tall building? Well, it's not a tall building, but it's taller than the others here…"
Walking up to the building, I note that there's not much of a line to get in, today. Well, it is midday.
The bunny girls outside get in the way of the door. The leftmost one smiles at me. "Your ca~rd?"
...Oh. Oh no.
Renko walks up beside me. "...I'm not sure if I want to go in here."
The bunny girls look at Renko, and promptly get out of the way. "Right this way, mistress!"
Renko winces. "Eu~h… okay."
...She gestures for me to follow her, and the rabbits allow us both to walk inside. I suppose Yukari gave Renko special access.
We wander inside the club…
Immediately, I'm greeted by the sound of slot machines and socialization.
Some guys in the table to our right talk. "So then I told 'em… that's not a ring 'a revival! That's a ring 'a instant death!"
"Hahaha- oh wow…"
"What happened then?"
...The first guy nods solemnly. "He died."
Good.
To our left, a myriad of maids who worked the floor were seated at an oversized booth, drinking and talking.
"Namamono~cha~n…"
"He-hey, maybe you should lay off the- kyaa~h!"
"Hehahaha~!"
Not very coherent talking.
"Wanna join, Renko?" I turn to her.
"Ahah…" She looks away. "Not really…"
...The floor beneath us- the only section of white, tiled floor in the whole casino- begins to shift, and rise…
"Wo-woah…" Renko looks around, surprised. "...Huh."
Well. This is awkward.
We slowly rise off the club floor, floating upwards. The platform passes the second floor, and begins to move at a gradual tilt.
...Looking up, I see where it's heading.
The platform rests once it secures a connection to the top floor's balcony.
Yukari sits before us at a decorated table, holding a cup of tea.
"...Spot of tea?" Yukari winks at us.
I contemplate the pros and cons of jumping off right now.
...Stepping forward, Renko gapes. "...Me-Merry?"
Yukari waves at her. "Hello~!"
Renko stumbles forward towards the tea table. "Wh-what happened to you?"
Yukari tilts her head slightly. "Oh? Whatever do you mean?"
"You're so- so…" Renko holds out her hands. "Big!"
Big, huh? "She hit puberty."
…
Renko just slowly twists her neck to look at me.
"Who is this 'Merry' you speak of?" Yukari gives a wry smile, setting her teacup down. "I can't say I've heard anyone by that name, either…"
...Renko blinks. "But… you look just like-"
I once again consider jumping off the balcony.
"Please, sit down…" Yukari gestures to the two seats before us. "Even the serial killer, he's fine too."
I tip my fedora towards her. "Many thanks, m'lady."
...Yukari just looks to her side. "...Fufu. Fedora…"
Renko snorted as she sat down at the fancy table. "I know, right…?"
...I take a seat at the table, as well. "At least it isn't a trilby."
...Yukari takes a moment to pour the both of us some tea.
"So…" She leans onto the table, propping herself up with both of her elbows. "Day one impressions of Gensokyo?"
...Renko moves her head away from Yukari's gaze, slightly, but answers. "...Okay, I guess. Like a third world country."
"Fufufu~!" Yukari's delighted by the answer. "Oo~h, at times, very much so."
...I'm not sure what world country this is. Fourth world.
"Well, I hope you do enjoy your stay herein." Yukari gives a quaint nod, before sipping her tea. "...Heaven knows cloak-and-dagger over here does."
"Yeah. I get to put patented Innocents' Blood condiments on all my meals for a nutritious, balanced meal for free." I jest.
...With that, Yukari began to yawn. "Ha~h… it's a bit late, isn't it?"
It's the middle of day.
...Renko lampshaded this as well. "It's noon?"
"No, no I mean…" She leaned back in her chair a bit. "Aa~h, how unfortunate… are any of you aware of the fourth wall?"
...Renko blinks.
I blink.
Yukari claps her hands. "Alright. So none of you will know what I mean when I say the chapter's over."
...What is this chapt-
/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /
END OF CHAPTER 55.5
PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator, Shrine Maiden Evader
PRIMARY WEAPON: Chaos Oath - Forged from the bark of the Saigyou Ayakashi, and bent to shape by a masterful magician well versed in the material arts… it's a pair of wooden scissors. Produces low whistles and howls. Channeling mana into it gives user an immense physical boost, but it seems to come at a price… And it seems to be haunted by something that wants me dead.
OFFHAND ITEMS: [A Single Rubber Glove] - For those moments one needs to touch a live power wire with one hand and fap with the other.
Electrical Scissors - Must be held by gloves at all times, lest they cause electrical fires. Can cause severe shocking and electricity-induced stunning in individuals susceptible, including myself if I'm stupid. Unable to be turned off.
INVENTORY:
[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.
Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.
Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.
Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows for horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.
Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...
Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.
A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.
(two more spaces remaining)
[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.
Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.
Dense Shard - A cloudy, very light grey shard. It's not a rock, however… it's too textureless. Perhaps usable as a reagent.
Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.
Hackjob Rifle - A pseudo-railgun, made from an AK-47 barrel and a mangled toy gun. Laced with duct tape and wires to function, powered by electrical scissors, and uses small iron pellets as ammunition. Explodes violently if fed anything non-iron as ammo. Outside is coated with vegetable oil and must be wetted regularly to avoid violence upon powering up. Has yet to be fired, so power is unknown...
Water Scissors - Scissors that continuously produce water. How troublesome.
Goldfish Snack Crackers - They're smiling. They might make a good snack...
Modern-ish Surge Protector - Protects against surges. Not very useful without unified electrical practices in housing. Can still be used as a paperweight and a brick, though.
(thirteen more spaces remaining)
/ / / /
PARTY:
Renko Usami, the University Student
WEAPON: Sunfire Scissors - Casts Sunfire Flare on impact. Boosts the power of Sun elemental attacks.
INVENTORY:
Steel Scissors - What was she doing with these? Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Unknown - She can't be holding too much else, with those pockets of hers. No inventory used, obviously; this is simply me speculating.
(two more spaces remaining)
/ / / /
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hello hello
guess what yo, i'm not DEAD, just had COLLEGE and took like a week to reproof all this stuff after the writing was said and done; just to catch up on work and life and games and things
on that note i'd like to know what you all think of this latest batch of chapters, excluding the fact there was two matt chapters (as per the 'one matt for every three brads' agreement me and matt had awhile back) this batch
100% Orange Juice is a fun game, even if it's so RNG that it plays itself almost entirely
i've also been playing TUROK 2: SEEDS OF EVIL on its steam release, since that was a fun childhood game of mine; and lemme tell ya, they -really- improved it
the only thing that'll put most people off is the level design, since level 4 is like a 3D terraria cave in terms of how confusing it is to navigate, and pretty much all of the levels are labyrinthian and kinda a project on one's first time around
the team made sure to streamline the levels a LITTLE but only in a few occasional areas or with some other basic things; the game's still really dickish if you don't go in kinda knowing where stuff is
ANYWAY enough about STEAM GAMES
i feel as though i shoulda made reimu do more here, but she really wanted to physically abuse matt for now (but probably won't spare him from orb hell next time she sees him). that, and she probably didn't anticipate chaos oath's SHENANIGANS
gun building section: how hard was it to follow? was it boring? i dunno, it's hard for me to get a consumer viewpoint on it; i tried to add some things for clarification post-build so people had a vague idea of the end result and if skimming like i do just know "oh okay that's what all that nonsense prose was about".
anyway yeah
get hype for some MARIBEL ACTION next chapter yo!
as always, see you guys next time!
CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hi. i still exist.
i cant really say much at this point about the story, since there's not much to actually SAY
i go and do things and get beat the fuck up by reimu because im an asshole. also gun thing that i suggested to the writefag like a few months ago. hope there's nothing wrong with me having a gun, because calling it a GUN is really GENEROUS. it's SHITTY and it BLOWS UP. we havent shown me loading it yet, because that's also a fun time
it's to make things more interesting overall, cause just running around murdering people cause they looked at me funny gets boring after a while (and i guess edgy/cringy? i dont really know. i liked rereading my chapters. maybe its just personal taste)
at this point im pretty sure you can guess whats goin on with chaos oath, cause that trek is almost finished
i wanna know how many people actually get this far in my chapters. general consensus seems that its just 2edgy4me. does that mean people dont read the entire thing, or do they read it all and just cringe every now and again
i dont even write this stuff, i just suggest things that i think would be interesting and writefag does his thing. i do write my own dialogue most of the time though. id honestly change many things if i were writing, but it aint my work (he'd probably let me anyway. hey son, would you)
AN: hi, CONSIDERING SOME OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS, PROBABLY NOT
fuck you (UNDERSTANDABLE. if we're talking about the BLOOD AND GUTS ones, even though most of them were just jokes \:3) i just think sometimes i seem a bit TOO SERIOUS when i do try to portray myself as totally nonchalant as brad, except slightly less hooligan and more chessmaster type
AN: you might be RIGHT ABOUT THAT; i tend to portray you very STRAIGHTMAN and DRY because i don't feel like you'd be okay with making you TOO RELAXED AT TIMES; additionally you had this one thing at one point of me being too much like you or you being too much like me or something but that was awhile ago
AN: on the note of EDGINESS aside from the probably admittedly out of place murderization concepts in an otherwise laughy jokey story i'm pretty sure it's not overall THAT cheesy even if it does seem matt carries himself more seriously as a MC than brad does; while maybe outta place... considering this story lacks real direction anyway and these sections DO still have plenty of workin' comedy, i think they serve their purpose just fine enough, even if they stray away a bit
AN STILL: ...after all, since this is a fanfiction i got a lil leeway to stray from the prim and proper targets to just dick about as i please, even if i know such wouldn't exactly be KOSHER in a sophistamacated work. i think the murder concepts can also make a good foil to the insanity that happens otherwise sometimes and kinda adds… i don't wanna say a layer of DEPTH… i dunno, take a step down and call it a layer of VOLUME? XD but basically i feel like they do some world building and- yeah i've already gone on too long haven't i
gtfo of here son this is my note
we do try to mix things up a bit by having my ass kicked cause im still a human, even if i do try to play the "magnificent bastard" trope sometimes. at the end of the day IF YOU DONT LIKE THESE CHAPTERS, DONT GOTTA READ THEM… although they may end up having some story context you won't see in brad's chapters
UNCUT UNCENSORED AND UNDRESSED: he censored things i wanted to say, oh no. ITS A COMMUNIST FASCIST COMPUTER GOD DICTATORSHIP IN HERE. the dark deep state doesnt want you to know things; gotta keep the masses ignorant
so yeah. bye. see you later.
