(STAND TALL FOR MATT FALL) (by the by son it's MATT chapter; player two start etc)

...Brad pauses abruptly, and crouches, bending his knees so that he may pick up the broadsword Akihito dropped.

"Oo~f…" He grins as he lifts it. "Freakin' glorified toothpick." ...Idly, he begins to wiggle it into his hammerspace bag.

Turning around, I make a start towards Sekibanki's house. Brad quickly hobbles to follow me along, still stuffing the sword in his bag. "Hey- son, hold up…!"

/ / / / HONHESUS CHRIST / / / /

The sky is a dim blue as we approach the dullahan's house, the sun's light gone in all but spirit. Considering how little light pollution there is in Gensokyo, even now stars are visible.

In my right hand, I still hold the lightning scissors, keeping them balled up so as to not cause myself a trail of tears. My gun is still in my backpack.

"It's a nice night, son…" Brad does a casual, jazzy strut towards Sekibanki's door.

"That is yet to be determined." I decide, stepping up as well. Considering I made thirty-five thousand yen, things are going well enough.

Brad knocks on the door.

He knocks again.

"I should put that sword to freakin' use…" He begins to reach into his bag-

The door swings open.

"Oh- he~he~he~y!" Brad quickly brings his hand out of his sack and scratches the back of his racecar helmet with it. "Nice night, innit?"

...Sekibanki just stares at us dryly from inside. "One of these days, I'm just not going to be here to answer the door."

...Brad grins at her. "Can we sleep over, yo? I promise not to gluttonize your candy ensemble."

Sekibanki slowly looks between the two of us, still looking bored.

"Come on in." She moves to the side a little to allow passage.

Brad nods enthusiastically as he strides inside. "Ho ho…"

I move to enter the house behind him-

"Except you." Sekibanki gets in my way, blocking me. "Last time was because of that girl, and I wanted to know more."

Oh.

I try to move forward again, but Sekibanki pushes me back when I get too close. "No. One lunatic at a time."

"You know that's not an accurate description." I counter. "Brad's not a lunatic."

She seems to consider this. "...By your definition, that's probably true. He's still a handful, though."

Clack! One of the wooden chairs inside falls over. "Oh, shit…!"

"I need to get in to watch over him." I assert. "Two negatives equal a positive."

"...I think the only one that needs watching is you." Sekibanki admits. "That, and I'd rather not let you two do whatever it is you do. Last time I only slept a few hours that night."

"Oh, but if you don't, who will?" I question, tilting my head slightly.

"Me." Sekibanki retorts dryly.

"Good thing we got that covered." I try to walk in again, only for Sekibanki to push me back again.

"Look- no." She begins to look annoyed. "Go away." With that, she finally pushes me out of the doorframe entirely, and shuts the door.

...

I cup my hands, and half-yell inside. "Do you want another new door?"

"If you break it again, I'll beat you up!" Sekibanki yells back from the other side of the door.

...Well, shit. I guess I'll sleep in the back alley, then. Or find a house.

...Idly, I begin to meander away from the house. Immediately progressing into the alley right next to the house, I eventually find myself in the network of alleys that lie in whatever quarter of the village this is.

Once or twice, I pass a hobo-looking person. They usually pay me a glance, but little else. There are actually well-kept people back here as well, and occasionally guards. The population as a whole is far less dense than the four main roads, however.

As I continue down the roads, looking for a decent house to assault, duck into, so forth, I look around…

In the midst of the back alleys, I'm eventually halted when I come to a crowd of four people standing essentially side by side, blocking the path. Two of them were facing me while the other two were facing away.

One with a doofy brown hat and brown overcoat grins at me, and slightly turns to the guy next to him. "He~y, Senzo. We've got one."

"Oh- oh? Oh, oh! O~h, hehehe!" A skinny guy in a grey jacket next to him turns around to face me and grins.

A tubbier guy in a similarly grey overcoat turns around. "...Yooh sure he's not one of them there youkais?"

The last guy- who was one of the two facing me- is just in hobo-like robes. "Looks like one 'a them rat bastard masks."

The hatted individual begins to smirk. "Wha~t, does it matter? There's four 'a us."

I begin to back up a bit.

The tubby guy draws a disproportionately small bow, while the skinny guy and the hatted guy draw daggers from their pockets. The hobo backs away, moving behind the group with his hands in his pockets.

"Ho~h heh heh!" The skinny guy is having the time of his soon to be over life, apparently. "Heheheh!"

"Cool it, Senzo." The hatted fellow with him grabs him by the shoulder. "Watch his steps. We wanna make sure when we go in, it's for the kill. We don't kill this guy in one swoop, he kills one 'a us, understand?"

"O-oh, heheh- oh." Senzo seems to vaguely understand that, despite jabbing uselessly at the air before me as I backpedal.

...It has been awhile since I've done normal fighting-

Woosh!

...An arrow was launched by the tubby archer, high above the rooftops and somewhere into the air. It was a very tiny arrow, too.

'Ooh- agh, darn- gh…" The archer stretches his tiny bow in an attempt to readjust it-

Twa~ng! He breaks the string-

Crack. He broke the bow part, too.

...He stares at the broken bow in disbelief.

Great job.

Now, I begin to walk towards them.

The hatted mugger's eyes widen, and he uses both arms to pull Senzo back. "Hold it- hold it! This guy means trouble!"

"Let- hehehe- lemme!" Senzo flails his arms forward, rapidly slashing and jabbing at the air. "Hehehe!"

...Looking around the alley, I search for an inanimate object to throw at them. My eyes eventually stop at an uneven wedge of wood, which I quickly take a moment to pick up. While the two are preoccupied, I toss it at them.

Clonk. it bounces off of the hatted guy's head, de-hatting him. "Ah- damn it…!" In doing so, it lets Senzo slip from his arms. Flailing both arms and his dagger wildly, Senzo sprints towards me at full speed.

Bringing up the hand with the lightning scissors equipped- my gloved hand- I watch his hand movements as he nears. Once he gets near me, instead of completely flailing he just slashes wildly in an attempt to look threatening.

Looking at the predictable arc he's swinging the blade in, I hold the lightning scissors out. Noticing them, he actually intentionally swings for them, grinning as he does so-

Cling-Zap!

"Eeauagh!" His arm shoots up into the air, and electricity visibly runs up the dagger and into his arm. He immediately lets go of it, sending it flying somewhere behind him, as he jitters in place. "Egh-ugh… heh…"

...Awkwardly stumbling back, he falls onto his rear, a grin frozen on his face. "He-heh… heh…"

"Ho~ly…" The hatted individual gapes at this. "Damn it- Senzo, you no-good dumbass!"

Let's see… electric glory kill, or do I feed him to Chaos Oath?

"Se~nzo!" The tubby guy roars out. "Kensaku, do something! He's gonna kill us all! And then me!"

Kensaku, the guy in the hat, looks over at him, before looking back at me. Putting away his dagger, he reaches into his pocket, and draws a flintlock. "Alright, hands up, ya bastard…"

Slipping the electric scissors deeper into my gloved hand, I quickly move to pick up Senzo by the shoulders. Slowly, Kensaku walks towards me with the gun raised as I lift his comrade up to use as a meat shield.

Kensaku grins at me. "Really? Well…" Jiggling his flintlock, he holds it up and takes aim. "Sorry, Senzo. I never liked ya anyway."

"He-heh…" Senzo weakly wiggles in my arms, limbs still jittery.

Oh, good. I had better not get shot.

I backpedal with Senzo still grappled, moving horizontally to make hitting me harder…

Bang! Smoke billows from his flintlock-

"Augh!" Senzo writhes in pain. I'm forced to stumble back from the force of his convulsing, but the bullet thankfully doesn't travel through. I suppose vintage flintlocks weren't known for their multi-kill potential.

If he's going to die anyway, I may as well feed him to Chaos Oath. Quickly, I slip out the aforementioned cursed scissors, and jam it into Senzo's neck-

Shink. Immediately, tendrils bloom out and I do my best to rip myself from the soon-to-be corpse before the tendrils can get excessively attached to me. The scissors are left embedded in his neck.

...One sticks to my arm, but I give Senzo's body a kick to detach it. He stumbles forward, shambling forward with his arms hung before himself.

"Fucking- shit…!" Kensaku's expression flares at the whirling mass of black, malevolent tendrils. As he backpedals, he flips open his flintlock and starts reloading…

"Youka~i!" Tubby guy begins to wail, jogging backwards. "Youka~i!"

The hobo behind them gapes in disbelief, pulling some small firearm from his pocket. He aims it into the air-

Po~w!

Schwe~w! A bright blue flare shoots into the night sky, creating a really loud howl as it does so.

Turning around, Kensaku looks at the hobo, then at the flare. "Oh- crap, crap- look, Koji, we gotta like, bolt."

The hobo, Koji, nods vigorously. "Yeah, man- that damn mask…"

Whirling and expanding, the mass of tendrils doesn't seem to calm down at all as it rapidly overtakes Senzo's corpse, wrapping around it completely.

"Egh- ehah…" His eyes fluctuate slightly before his face is rapidly covered up by tendrils.

Within seconds, the entire guy is mummified with an faint purple glow pulsing outward from the tendril mass. Every few seconds, the tendrils twitch, and sometimes shift, changing positions, re-adjusting.

"What the he~ll…" Kensaku fumbles with his flintlock, still here for some reason.

The tubby guy seems to hide behind him. "Kensaku~! Shoot it! Shoot the shi~t outta it!"

"I-I'm reloading, fucker!" Kensaku barks back. "You shoulda brought your gun! Y'fat fuck!"

...The tubby guy seems to flinch away from him, as if offended.

The hobo turns away, and just darts off.

...The cocoon of tendrils begins to rise into the air- tendrils flowering out from beneath it to support it. This is… new.

Two new robed guys come around the corner of the alley where the hobo retreated. They've both got daggers out, their eyes wide and scanning the alley ahead. As they dash up, they slow down behind Kensaku to take in what's going on.

"...The fuck're we watching?" one of them questions.

"Ken, what the hell's going on here?" The other one turns to Kensaku with furrowed brows.

"Fuck if I knew!" Kensaku barks back, looking feverish. "You bastards brought guns? We need guns!"

...They both shrug.

"Ga~h!" Kensaku goes back to tediously reloading the flintlock.

...Eventually, the person-shaped mass of tendrils is stood upright by the tendrils beneath it. Purple miasma is flowing out from it visibly now, along with black smog of some kind.

Kri-kri-krack-krack. Tendrils lash out from the mass, which rapidly bloom what look like cherry blossoms. The tendrils dissipate just as quick, scattering the blossoms to the wind.

"Al-alright…!" Kensaku aims the flintlock at the mass. "...Fuck- where do I shoot!?"

The guy next to him grabs his arm and tries directing it. "The heart- try the heart!"

"What heart!?" Kensaku tugs back, expression flaring. "Run up and stab the shit outta it, why doncha?"

Kri-kra-kri-kra-kra-kri-...

Tendrils lash out from the mass more rapidly. They form structures that resemble branches, rapidly blooming cherry blossoms and vanishing all within a few moments. A small sea of cherry blossoms was under the mass by this point…

Kra-krack.

Soft, pink energy shined from inside the mass of black, gradually greying tendrils.

Kra~ck…

Seams split down the messy humanoid figure, the glowing cherry blossoms beneath it wilting.

fwoom.

The cocoon slowly flourished open, the dead tendrils being pushed outward by a flush of glowing cherry blossoms from inside.

Once the huge surge of cherry blossoms had spread outward, making the alley glow with pink light, I was able to make out a figure in the midst of the petal storm. It was hunched over, expression unreadable as I was behind it and to the back.

...To get a better look, I moved around the side. At the moment, the figure seems to have her eyes closed. Quite distinctly a her, too.

Bang!

...The flintlock was fired, but the bullet doesn't seem to be anywhere.

"Fu~ck!" Kensaku roars. Suddenly, his anger dissipates. "Oh- we gotta go guys. We gotta go. Let's go."

"Yeah- uhm- yeah…!" The guy at his side nods feverishly. "Let's uhm-..."

"Aaa~h!" The tubby guy moved faster than I thought physics could reasonably allow.

Behind them, a patrol of three guards walked out from around the corner.

...From my sideways viewpoint, I was able to make out that two particularly burly-looking thugs walked in from behind.

...Really tubby fluffles began peering off the roof tops, heads somehow bigger than the average human's.

Suddenly a lot of people. This was more than I bargained for when I wanted to go to bed.

While the crooks scramble and stop in front of the guards, and the two unrealistically burly thugs slowly approach behind us, the figure in the midst of the cherry blossoms begins to stand…

Her pink eyes slowly open. She takes a few glances around the alley, taking in her surroundings.

"...I'm hungry."

Instantly, all the cherry blossoms that were spread around turn black, and die.

This causes the burly guys behind us to pause.

The crooks look back, and the guard freeze before drawing their blades…

The fluffles hide behind the roof's edges again.

She walks forward a few steps, towards the gaggle of fools and guards. Then, she sprints-

Kensaku tosses his flintlock at her. "Oh- shit!"

It brushes off her shoulder as she sprints towards them unnaturally fast-

Crack! Her hand smoothly drives itself straight into the formerly hatted individual's chest.

Thin tendrils lash out from her form, and start jabbing themselves straight into people's chests, similar to how she drove her arm into Kensaku.

"Oh- God- get backup!" One of the guards turns to move away, but is forced to stop when a tendril wraps around his ankle. "Gah! Back- back...!" He raises his blade, and slices at the tendril-

Crack. A different tendril slid into his chest- through the meager iron plate that guarded it- forcing him to drop his blade. "Auh…"

Thu-thu-thu-thud. Before I could process what happened, the majority of the hoodlums and guards fall over unceremoniously as the tendrils retract.

Ri~p! She rips something out of Kensaku's chest, creating quite a show with such a simple action, and begins walking over to the guard who'd tried to escape.

He stumbles back, the now bloody, dripping tendril still in his chest. "Gh-ngh…"

She brings what is likely one of Kensaku's organs- or heart- to her mouth, and takes a big, wet bite as she kicks forward at the guard.

Whack! He falls onto his back from the force. "Hwu~h…"

...Once she's done with that, she sits in the midst of the bodies with her legs crossed, munching on the flesh she took from Kensaku.

The two burly thugs exchanged looks. The one on the left spoke, "Uu~h… wanna call the youkai hunters?"

"It's like, ten." His friend replied. "Let's go see what discount ones we got in the bars, ey?"

"Yeah, sure."

Shaking their heads, the two burly thugs turned around and walked away.

Well. My scissors have just turned into a loli. An indiscriminately murderous loli. Do I just go up and say hi, or something?

...From here, I see her prop herself up with an arm to reach towards one of the bodies of the guardsmen. Once she grabs on, she pulls it closer and sits back upright. Then, she places one hand on the torso, and one on the arm-

"...Ngh." After some tugging- along with some rather unfortunate sounding noises from the corpse- tentacles spread from her arms, taking a firm hold of the torso and joint she was trying to disconnect…

Ri~p!

She severs the arm from the body. After an initial, gooey splash, blood flows freely from both severed joint holes, and the flesh itself still off rather stringy.

...Eying the arm, she rotates it like one would a piece of corn, the blood from the previously attached end pouring out like a half-twisted faucet, for a few seconds.

As a result, she's at least splattered with red already. Her legs and the ground beneath her is stained crimson with leaking blood.

"Omf…" The pink-eyed loli sinks her teeth into the flesh of the arm. "...Pftoo." She spits it out, then promptly begins ripping the clothing off of it. Once the cloth and armored parts are gone, she sinks her teeth in again.

Should I sit here and wait? Or just book it?

...She crunches when she munches, it seems. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

"Mmh…" She swallows her bite greedily. "...Much better." Her face is now a dull red, her glowing eyes contrasting with the liquid she smeared all over her face unintentionally. Her kimono was even more soaked, now.

Well, have fun with that. I turn, and begin to walk away-

"You." She raises her voice, looking up at me. "Come here."

If only I had Chaos Oath to use on her if she jumped me. The irony would be palpable. In any case, going there is a horrible idea.

...She'll probably stab me if I don't, anyway, so I might as well make the most of this.

Turning back around, I casually walk towards the young teen-looking girl...

She sinks her teeth into another chunk of arm flesh, once she's pushed the cloth that surrounded it back. She rips it free, and begins chewing.

...I'd like to know what part of human flesh crunches, or if that guy's flesh has become some kind of fruit. That, or she's ripped out bone… and considering the depth of the bites, that's probably likely.

...Looking up at me, she tilts the partially eaten arm towards me with one hand. "Want some?"

"...No." I decide. That would probably not be within my best interests.

She shrugs, rips some cloth back, and takes another big bite. Shink.

Whenever she pulls back, there's no ripping noise. It's more similar to taking a bite out of an apple…

"Does it taste good?" I ask curiously.

...She swallows the flesh. "Yeah."

Pleasant conversation.

...I look over at her. "Why am I not dead?"

She takes a glance at me, before looking back over the arm. "I'm not hungry now."

Okay.

"Omf…" She sinks her teeth into the arm's flesh again.

...Mmm. Guardflakes. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

"I'm kinda busy, so-" Turning around, I begin to leave-

A tendril wraps tightly around my leg, stretching from one of her kimono sleeves.

"Mmh." She hums something briefly while she chews.

...Well, there's a lot of stars outside, tonight. Maybe I'll become one of them. This alleyway has become a mess.

After she swallows, she looks over at me, still positively drenched in blood.

I look over at her, eying said blood. I wasn't aware a human arm had that much. Then again, she pretty much demolished the arm in rending it…

"What was your name again, human?" Her eyes narrow slightly as she looks up at me. I can't imagine that kimono is very comfortable when it's that wet.

I shall simply not comply. That would be the best thing to do. "...Matthew." I am not stupid, however, so I comply anyway...

...With that, she sinks her teeth into the arm again.

This is what I get for trying to go to bed in the back alleys. I end up jumped by a hoodlum organization, and I've apparently summoned some archdemon loli from the depths.

"Mgh-" She swallows the arm chunk. "Aah. I'm going with you, Matthew."

Good. "And if I say no?"

She stares at me blankly. "Then I'll just eat you."

I may have made some poor life decisions, which may have led up to this moment. Maybe.

/ / / / WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE LIKE ME / / / /

After she took her sweet time consuming the numerous corpses, we began moving through the alleys…

The excitement wore off about around the moment I realized it was going to take her about twenty minutes to eat what she wanted per corpse. As such, I am now a husk of my former self.

...As in, I'm bored and tired. She told me she wasn't hungry, yet still proceeded to have a feast. Considering she didn't even eat all of them clean, I'll have to assume she knew she created too big of a meal.

Taking a good glance at the loli archdemon from hell, I evaluate her appearance, minus the coat of red paint she seems to have spilt all over herself.

She's short, with purplish black hair. Somehow, she's spawned with done-up pigtails, and a vaguely decorative kimono. Well… now it's a very decorative kimono.

...Likely sensing my gaze, she looks over at me. Her pupils are slits, like that of a cat or a snake.

"What?" she replies after some staring in return.

"...Why did you appear?" Where the fuck did you come from.

Looking at the alleys around us, she takes the question in stride. "I don't know."

…Good.

We've also gone in a complete circle, considering we're just now passing by the very same bloodbath we left behind. Good exploration.

"Would you happen to know of a good home?" I ask her idly.

"No." She gives me a dry glance in return. That's unfortunate. You'd think kids these days would be born with the knowledge of where to find a good hotel.

As we walk forward through the alleys, she abruptly stops, causing me to stop as well.

"...Mmm." Turning ninety degrees, she steps up to a rather unassuming-looking door. She continues up to it, and reaches out to touch it.

...After a moment, tentacles flourish out from her hand, running along the door's surface. Then-

Cr-crack! They jerk inward, revealing a mesh of tentacles that spread across the entire door by crumbling it into a pile of wooden fragments.

Stepping into the one-story house, her form is obscured by the darkness inside. Slowly, I follow her inside…

I can't see shit.

"I cannot see." I state outright, after moments of awkward silence.

"Okay." The loli accepts this fact.

"I need to see to do anything." I stress to her the importance of human visibility.

"The room is empty." She informs me. "It doesn't matter."

"I would like to at least find out if this house has a bed." I argue. "So I can sleep on it."

"No. I said it's empty." If she emoted or did anything, I wouldn't see it anyway.

Walking blindly in the darkness, holding my arms out, I navigate the room. Eventually I come to a wall, and sooner than I expected.

"...I want a bed." I make another request of her. If she can find me an unoccupied- likely abandoned- house, surely-

She sighs. "All you humans do is complain."

...I suppose the floor will have to do. My backpack might help.

Sitting down- I really should be mindful of these electric scissors, especially now that I cannot see them.

...Carefully setting the electric scissors far from myself, I nudge and crawl away from them. A container for them would be really useful. That should be my wish to the loli for tomorrow…

Normally, sleeping on a hard, dusty wooden floor would be unthinkable. But, right now? I-...

/ / / / BENCHED TEN Q TIPS; I RAN FIVE FEET / / / /

Alright. I am now awake. At least, I'm pretty sure I'm awake.

The room is now well-lit, because the ceiling is gone. Okay.

...I see the loli walk out from an adjacent room. The door that was supposed to be in her way was instead neatly positioned to the right of the door frame, leaning against the wall.

For some reason, she looks rather smug.

...Before questioning anything, I begin to get up. She gazes at me as I do so, but doesn't say anything. Taking this moment, I retrieve the electric scissors…

Once I've retrieved the scissors with my gloved hand, I get to business. "What, exactly, happened here?"

"Turning it into a place fit for me." She nods with some sort of satisfaction.

No roof, and neatly dismantled doors. It's a great house. This would really suck if we ever had to hide from an angry youkai exterminator patrol. Such as magicians, maids, or angry shrine maidens… or gardeners.

Now that I am up again, I should get a move on with my daily activities. Like finding a rubber ball or wooden box to stick these annoying scissors in…

Moving through the wooden house- past the neatly displaced doors- I eventually reach the front door, and step outside...

...Sunny. There are people about.

Turning back to the door, I see the loli about to follow me outside. Her skin is curiously cleaner than before, although her kimono itself is now a dark brownish color.

"Don't murder people haphazardly here." I instruct her bluntly.

She tilts her head. "Why?"

"We would be viciously slaughtered by no end of maid battalions, arrows from guardsmen, scattered yin-yang orbs, various holy spells, a wide variety of non-elemental spells…" I pause for a moment, thinking about what else could penetrate us. "Time-defying knife barrages, doll armies, whatever sexual instruments the religious factions carry, and if we make a big enough splash, likely run over by a train."

The loli considers this. "What's a train?"

"A very large metal box that carries people, moves very fast, and can also annihilate whatever is in its path." I explain what a train is to her.

"...Okay." Skeptically, she follows me outside. Half the battle has been accomplished. With any luck, no one will take a look at her and instantly shit themselves before impaling the both of us.

Setting out into the road, I take a quick glance back at the loli to ensure she's still following me. From there, we progress towards the village square at our leisure…

At the village square, there seems to be a large gathering of guards in a circle around something. None of them are panicked or active, so it's not a battle of any sort… it looks more like an assembly.

In the midst, there's a tall podium. Instead of a stage with a backdrop, the setting is more like a series of round platforms stacked on top of one another, the podium placed on the very top.

On the lower levels, I can see Keine, Byakuren, and that one headphone-toting girl from earlier. Desire to cause a commotion has quickly gone from around eighty percent to a flat zero.

At the podium is some kid who has to stand on a stool to use it properly. Or at least, he looks like a kid.

"The time for action is now!" He slams his arm on the podium. "If we stand- if we do nothing- these, these vampires… these monsters! They will continue the slaughter! The indiscriminate, uncaring slaughter of our people. And we just let it happen!"

The guards, along with a few villagers, produce a low murmur.

"He's annoying." My loli friend states. "Can I eat him?"

"No." I reply instantly so that we do not die instantly. "...Maybe later." Attacking that beehive could only end badly.

"Just yesterday…" The kid resumes speaking again. "Just yesterday, we had around four villagers kidnapped, and we had two slaughters of both villagers and guardsmen. One was conducted by vampires, ones that have shown their face in this village before, and are not welcome here. The other was no doubt also a result of their influence, or actions."

There was more murmuring by the guards and villagers…

"Really…"

"You hear that? I was right."

"Aah… it's not like we're gonna do anything."

...Once the crowd quiets down, the official-looking kid on the podium holds up an arm to call order. A little late, but it's the thought that counts.

"...This is why we are going to launch an all-out attack on the Scarlet Devil Mansion." He gives his order with finality.

Byakuren jerks her head back, as if surprised.

Keine just sighs.

The stylish woman with the headphones smiles sheepishly.

The guards slowly begin to cheer, while the villagers just wander away.

"Holy shit! We're- we're actually doing something!"

"Du~de, swee~t- du~de…!"

"It's about damn time!"

That… is not going to end well. It will be entertaining to watch, however.

"We cannot give them any time to prepare!" The kid starts to march off of the podium, revealing that he has some form of heavy boots on. "We will attack now."

Now.

"Yea~h!" The guards raise their swords, bows, and other armaments into the air.

Moving off of the podium, the kid steps down each level of his platform, and begins to move through the square. Guards move out of the way to allow him passage, before quickly following behind him.

That's a lightning fast war declaration if I've ever saw one. Not only that, but this war will likely be over before the day's even done.

As the guards file out, the three bigshot women at the lower tiers of the deckered platform stay behind, refusing to follow them.

I'm just going to get moving before they see us and start asking questions. That, and one of them will probably know this loli here has a decaying coat of crimson gatorade on her kimono.

...Walking forward-

"Hehehe~y, son!"

O~h. Good. Him.

I stare at Brad as he struts up to me casually. "How ya doin', son. Freakin'..." He eyes my loli friend, before running his eyes down the kimono.

"Didja like…" Staring at it with a mixture of incredulousness and amusement, Brad grins. "Dye it in blood? Talk about a kimono…" He looks down at his own kimono briefly in reference. Just in case it disappeared, of course.

I should probably not let him provoke her, for everyone's sake.

"She just got done killing five people." I give him the straight news.

He nods generously. "Aa~h, I see, yo. It's the manslaughter edition."

Before he can say much else- I have no idea how the loli might react- I begin to move away. "I have business to attend to." My gaze pans to the loli. "Very important business."

...He trades looks between us, and makes an 'okay' gesture with his fingers. "A'right, son. I see how it is, yo.

"Yeah, we're gonna fuck." I clarify. "See ya."

"Wha-what?" I catch the otherwise stoic loli off-guard. "You overstep your bou-..."

I begin to move away as Brad starts chuckling incredulously. It takes a moment, but the loli eventually stops gazing between me and him, following me as well. We also seem to avoid attention from the bigwigs, which is good.

Now that we're away, the delightful edge-loli positions herself to walk next to me.

"State the purpose of your actions, human." She gives me an intent stare. I don't know what kind of intent, but it has intent.

"It was just a foolproof plan to get the hell away from him." I reveal. "Sacrifices had to be made. Also my name's still Matthew."

...We continue down the road a little, before she replied again. "I could have just eaten him."

Such is exactly why I got you the hell away from him. "You are not going to eat anyone until we leave town and change names."

"I don't have a name." The loli informs me bluntly.

Well, that just won't do, will it?... I don't really want to call her Chaos Oath, since that's rather unfortunate as an actual name. Time to think of random Japanese bullshit…

Sakura? No, no… too generic, and also too obvious.

Elizabeth? ...No. That's not even Japanese.

Shi~... tosee? Shino…ko..

Shikome. That sounds… right. It's also actually Japanese.

"Shikome." I speak it aloud.

"...Huh?" As we continue towards the village gate, well behind the leaving guard armada, Shikome looks over at me.

"Shikome, that shall be your name." I affirm to her a new identity.

...She tilts her head. "If that is what you want."

Good. Now we just have to leave town so we can change her name.

As we follow the guards, we slow to a stop because it seems they made an abrupt halt. Adjusting myself, I try to see what's happening…

"Stop shoving- fuck! Stop shoving!"

"I gotta pihihi~ss!"

"Dude- dude, this sucks dude, like dude…"

Oh. They're having trouble filing out of the village gate in an organized manner. If they can't get out of this gate, how do they think they'll infiltrate the manor's gate…? Where they'll be inevitably bombarded by no end of magical hellstorms, knives, and confused fairies.

"Single file!" The boy-wonder commander yells, too short to be seen in the crowd of guards. "Single file you delinquents!"

"Shut up!" Someone yells at him.

...We're probably going to have to climb the wall, or something. Looking around-

Blam!

Okay. Now they're literally killing each other to get out. With guns.

The guards quiet down at the noise of the gunfire.

"Does anyone else have any recommendations!?" The kid yells over the silence- and occasional coughs- of the guards.

I cup my hands, and yell into the guards. "Yes! Stop being a fucking asshole!"

...The guards nearest turn to me and grin, some nodding.

The kid's voice comes from within the crowd of guards. "You are lucky that I am height impaired, so that I cannot see who said that!"

The woes of the vertically challenged, I suppose.

Adequately entertained, I begin to move for the back alleys. "We shall go around them." I relay to my vertically challenged loli.

She gives me a dry stare, but complies, following me.

We basically just travel ten feet into a side road, take a ninety-degree turn towards the wall, and pause once we reach it…

There's a ladder pretty much right here, and no one seems to be at the top. I suppose the focus is not to keep people from getting out, but to keep people from getting in.

...Taking a moment to get onto the rickety ladder- and to get used to climbing a ladder, something I'd never done before- I climb up…

"Hup…" Shikome leaps, and cleanly lands atop the wall outside of my vision. This wall was fifteen or twenty feet tall, too…

...It takes thirty seconds or so, but I eventually get on top of the wall with her. "Well." I turn to her. "Can you teach me to do that, too?"

"I just jump." She doesn't even look at me to tell me that.

...If she can jump that high, I wonder what good the gates of the village even do. Probably none.

"Hey- hey…" A guard on the wall over the gate proper looks over at us, furrowing his brows. "Who the hell're you two!?"

Took him long enough to notice us. Shikome stood up here for a good thirty seconds before I even got here.

I look down. There's some bushes, but jumping off the side of the wall would still hurt. The exterior's not necessarily smooth, but it's steep, so sliding down is not an option, either.

Looking at Shikome, I request assistance. "I need you to get me down quickly."

...She turns to look at me, bringing her gaze away from the guard. She reaches an arm out behind me-

With one abrupt movement, she pushed me forward, sending me awkwardly tumbling down the side of the wall and into the rough dirt just outside-

Thud.

...Shit. That hurt.

The lightning scissors clatter into the dirt at my side, crackling lightly. The jagged things in my backpack do not help.

...Looking up into the sky, I politely ask my loli a question. "What the fuck!?"

...A moment later, she lands beside me, on her feet. "It was the quickest way down."

"Holy crap…!" The guard finally got himself out of the booth atop the gate, his bow drawn as he marched along the wall. Seeing Shikome from atop the wall, he paused.

...We both look up at him.

He tries to adjust his bow, but the awkward downward angle we're at makes it impossible for him, since his bow seems to be some kind of longbow, meant for ranged, linear engagements. "You two!"

...We don't reply.

"Stay- uhm… stay there!" Awkwardly, he sets his bow down, and begins looking around. "If you have any honor, you'll stay! Stay there, I mean!"

With that, he retreats back into the guard booth atop the gate to get things. From here we can see the slow trickle of guards filing out of the main gate, but they're too far away to notice or care about what's going on.

"Whatever. Let's just go now…" I slowly begin to sit up, brushing dirt off my suit. This is a new suit, too…

/ / / / NO ORDINARY A.I. IN THIS BALL / / / /

Taking the main path away from the village and towards the manor would be a bad idea, at the moment, if only because the path is currently getting flooded with guards because of the impending pitiful invasion.

Shikome and I walked through the bushes to the right of the main path, casually navigating the brush. My intent is currently to show her around the Scarlet Devil manor, or at least smuggle her in and see what I can do from there. It should be entertaining. That gatekeeper should be busy with the guard army, too…

That reminds me.

I look back at where Shikome steps. I noticed this earlier, too…

Everywhere she steps, the grass beneath and near her sandals dies. Instead of turning straw yellow, it turns a dark brown and curls up, receding into slumber. As much slumber as grass can have, anyway.

"Huah!" A wolfman leaps out from the bushes before us, grinning widely as he looks us over. Oh, good.

...However, before I can react to his presence, he runs past us both, towards the guards on the main path. "They're makin' this too easy!"

...I guess we don't make convincing humans.

As the wolfman runs onto the path, he managed to clothesline a single armored swordsman with his broad arm.

"Holy hell!"

"Aah!"

"They're real!?"

...There's a guard here who didn't know wolfmen existed.

At the moment, the guards were all dispersed about in a line down the Hakurei path. As such, the five uninjured guards simply filed around into a circle around the wolfman, bows and swords drawn. One of the guards had some sort of tubular device, and it didn't seem to be a musket.

The injured guard was just crawling along on the floor. The wolfman reached for him to grab him, but ceased once he noticed just how many guards there really were. "...I'm gonna kill every last one of you." The wolfman grinned widely at his fortune, finding so many guards in one place.

Aiming the tubular device at the wolfman, the guard fired it-

Bwoosh! A broad hook fired from it, missing the wolfman-

Chink! He slides a slot back on the hook, and it retracts. He moves to the side so that it retracts into the wolfman's side, the hook becoming embedded in his torso.

"Guh…?" The wolfman stumbles back from the force, and grabs onto the hook with his muscular arms. "The hell is-"

Bang!

A shot whirls into the wolfman from nearby, from just over the guards' heads.

As the guards recoil in fear, the kid commander lowers his pistol. He seems to be… getting a piggyback ride from what looks like a shrine maiden. She's got black hair, is dressed like Reimu, but is obviously not Reimu.

On closer inspection, there are a few more of these fake shrine maidens among their ranks, along with one or two priest-looking people.

"Loose your fire, men!" The kid commander yells from not-Reimu's shoulders. "Annihilate our foes!"

"Hoo-rah!" The guards cheer at that.

...From here, I can see their line of lemmings actually ends. They seem to be fifty guards strong, and have ten of the supportly people, like not-Reimus and priests.

Well, more like forty-nine guards strong, after that last one got clocked in the face by that wolfman.

Speaking of the wolfman, guards were now filing around his bleeding corpse as they continued forward. I didn't pay attention to what happened after he got shot so much, but it seems the swordsmen finally stepped in and did the deed only after the youkai was vehemently crippled.

...I almost want to see how they fare against a wolfman pack.

For now, Shikome and I continue to move alongside them, far enough to remain out of sight of them.

"Charms!" I hear one of the not-Reimus yell out. "Selling anti-youkai charms for five hundred yen!"

One of the priests begins to talk to the commander. "Young commander, aa~h, do you think…"

Their conversation is drowned out by the ambient chatter that begins now that the wolfman is dead.

/ / / / ULTRA-VIOLENCE DIFFICULTY / / / /

We're not at the Misty Lake yet, first of all. We've passed Reimu's shrine, though, so it's not far off. Shikome and I had to go around the hill the long way to avoid getting in the guards' way, but when we returned to the path's side…

"Aaa~h!"

"Akuya~!" One of the fake shrine maidens yells out. "Akuya~!"

"No, no, no- aagh!"

"I'm losing control of the situation!"

I'm not sure how to describe the situation before me.

Two wolfmen are currently swinging two swordsmen around like clubs, but have failed to hit anyone except each other.

Above the path, there's a bunch of zippy fairies zooming around, and I'm not entirely sure how many there are. A myriad of orange ones fly overhead, lobbing slow orange orbs downward…

Fwam, fwam, fwam! The orbs explode into spreads of round bullets, pelting the guards below with orange-flavored danmaku.

"Hehehe~!" What looks like a lamia is here, too. She's firing lasers from a tiara.

Three bowmen run up beside her, and hastily aim their longbows at the neon pink-haired lamia.

Fwi-fwi-fwish! Only one of their arrows hit her, becoming embedded in her side.

"Ahn…" She grimaces, and turns to them. "Die!" Holding her hands up, she locks them onto her tiara…

Vrr~m. The tiara charges up with red energy…

"Sunny-chan!" I hear fairies yell overhead. "When we get close, we get stabbed and stuff! Help!"

"You guys…!" Sunny yells back from somewhere I can't see. "Fine! Get the blue ones, I need magic stuff!"

...A bunch of blue fairies I didn't even know were there darted up from inside the barren trees. They somehow hid perfectly despite there being no foliage.

Finally, I locked my eyes on Sunny. She was floating far above the battlefield, the blue fairies all zipping up to meet her.

"Oka~y!" Sunny claps her hands. "Gimme your magic!"

...Blue streams flow from the fairies, and into Sunny.

I should probably do something about that. I'd like to see these guards die at the manor gates, not literally a hundred feet from the human village.

Taking my makeshift rifle from my backpack, I load the lightning scissors into it-

Sss~... The electricity sizzles to life. Okay...

First, I'm going to have to fill the chamber of the gun with water…

"Guraa~h!" One of the wolfmen falls over, somehow bested by the efforts of five swordsmen, their swords all jabbed inside of his flesh.

The remaining one snarls. "Cheating bastards!"

Fwam! An orange orb drops from a fairy from above, exploding in the wolfman's face. "Gra~h!"

"Hehehe~!"

I look to my side, and see a pink goo girl pass us, making her way towards the battlefield. "So~ many humans…!"

Shi-shink! The lamia eats two more arrows, trying to navigate around the archers. "You…!"

Fwash! One of the priests is randomly frozen solid.

Alright. I've got the gun's chamber filled with water, and have managed to not electrocute myself in doing so. I place one of the nails from Reimu's floorboard in, as well.

"Mo~re… mo~re…!" Sunny is still accumulating mana.

More archers from further back in the line arrange themselves, firing arrows up at the fairies-

Pi-pi-chun! They hit some?

Bang! A shot from the kid commander's flintlock rings out.

"Gngh…" The wolfman falls over, blood pooling spattering behind him as he drops to his side.

"Make sure it's dead!" The kid barks, fiddling with his flintlock. "I need to adjust my firearm!"

...A guard moves up to jab the seemingly dead wolfman, only for the youkai to scramble away from him at the last second.

What the hell do I shoot? I'd like to make it count.

"Fai~ries!"

...I look to the right, and see that a myriad of brown-haired fairies are drifting in from the lake.

"Cha~rge!"

The brown-haired fairies are all clad in small suits of stone armor, and have big slabs of rock for weapons. They seem encumbered by them, stumbling around and tripping over each other as they sprint forward and half-float at full speed.

...I take the moment to glance at Shikome. She actually looks pretty excited, which is a rather stark contrast to her established stoic demeanor…

I should probably… shoot at the fairy that's charging up. Worst-case scenario would probably be that she drops a danmaku nuke on the guard and instantly wipes everyone.

Taking my aim- slightly awkward because of the aerial position- I focus on the glowing fairy amassing mana…

…I pull the trigger-

KRAKOOM

Ho~ly… my ears, they bleed. I think that actually made me jump. That sound was my gun firing?

The recoil was surprisingly pleasant. There's also a steam stack coming from my barrel, making it pretty obvious that I was the one who shot it.

...There's no more Sunny Milk in the air, so I guess I hit her. The blue fairies seemed to all disperse, retreating from the battle entirely.

"Woa~h…" The earthen, brown-haired fairies just looked around in bewilderment.

"Ah…?" The lamia looked around, confused and startled.

The guards had all stopped firing arrows or swinging their swords, instead all tense. The fortunate part was that the youkai were all as awed as they were.

The goo girl looked back at me, surprised. "Wo~w…"

...I look over at Shikome, and see her eying the rifle.

Bang!

"Gahk…" One of the swordsmen fell over, his head's contents splattering on the shrine maiden before him.

"Aaa~h!" She screamed.

"Do not all stop fighting at once!" The kid commander barked, still perched atop his preferred shrine maiden's shoulders. She was marginally more wary than before, however…

I begin the tedious reloading process for my rifle again. Slipping the lightning scissors out to prevent electrocution, I take a moment to draw more ammo and load it…

...From here, the goo girl begins to retreat from the path's edge. "Mmm~... I'll wait for more people to arrive." ...She stops next to us. "You guys waiting too?"

I give her a dry stare. "Sure."

Behind her, I see a yuki-onna drift out from behind one of the trees, and accelerate down the path. Eventually, she goes fast enough to completely abandon the front, or so it seemed. She stops a good distance into the path ahead, pretty much before the Misty Lake itself.

The lamia aimed her tiara at a battalion of ten archers before herself. "No-not another move!"

The archers aimed their arrows, but didn't fire yet.

"I can kill you all!" The lamia barks at them, her violet eyes wide. "Shoot me! Go ahead!"

Sure. I aim my makeshift rifle at her. This is an exceedingly easy shot, as she's just at ground level… and now I know this gun doesn't have a huge amount of recoil.

...I pull the trigger-

KRAKOOM

I need earplugs, legitimately.

"O-oh…!" The goo girl jumps in place, jiggling wildly.

The lamia gets violently thrown back by the bullet, knocked onto her side and off of her snake-like bottom.

Flopping onto her side- the arrows embedded in her snapping- she lets out a final moan. "Aa-aauh…"

Thu-thu-thu-thu-thunk! Five of the archers fired into her corpse. Good job.

"What the hell is that noise…?" The kid commander looks around, bewildered. "Has the Hakurei unleashed the demons of Hell?"

...We are right next to the Hakurei Shrine. I suppose Reimu's out on errands, today, or else she would have probably wiped everyone, no questions asked.

The carpet-bombing fairies seemed to be gone, too. They might've fled when I shot Sunny into oblivion.

...In conclusion, the fight ended with about thirty-five guards remaining combat-ready. Five were injured, six were dead, and four were unconscious and crackling with danmaku energy. Basically, they were dead too.

Most of the ten support were fine, except for that one priest who was now a priestcicle. That, and that not-Reimu who got spattered in her friend's brain matter probably won't be the same.

...The casualties of the youkai were far less grand. To the guard's sixteen or so, there were only two dead wolfmen, one dead lamia, and some fairies. The fairies didn't really even count, since they respawn.

Sixteen humans to three meager youkai. They're supposed to raid the Scarlet Devil Mansion and they're getting mowed down by whatever youkai decides to look at them funny.

Looking down at the grass under us, I see that a small circle around Shikome is dead now. She also seems really hyped now, if still not vocal about it-

"Can I join now?" Shikome requests.

"...Not at the moment." I inform her. "Maybe later."

"Mmm…" She's slightly subdued by the answer, but still eager. I'd rather she didn't massacre the guards just yet.

"What is that weapon…?" The pink goo girl turns to me. "It's like something the kappa would make…"

"You can eat all the youkai you want, by the way." I remind Shikome, and point at the goo girl. "Like her."

Shikome seems apprehensive. "...She looks disgusting."

The goo girl recoils. "Wha~t?" ...Then, she smirks. "I feel quite good, you know…"

Right. Before she molests one of us, "You can still absorb her energy or whatever it is you do."

...Shikome hesitantly stepped towards her-

The goo girl moved forward to glomp her. "Gotcha!"

She let the goo girl wrap around her, keeping her arms and legs firmly together.

...The grass beneath Shikome, turned blackish, almost purple, before growing up into the slime that was wrapped around her.

A moment of this, and the goo girl began panicking. "He-hey, what is-..." She tried to move away, only for the grass to rapidly grow up into her goo further. Tendrils grew from Shikome, rooting in the rest of the goo girl's form, to keep her in place. "A-ah, no…! Sto-stop, I wasn't- I wasn't-..."

Like the other goo girl I killed during my questing, the color of the pink goo girl's slime began fluctuating wildly, before settling for a dull grey, which soon became a clear liquid that sploshed to the floor.

...The clear liquid seemed to just be water, although there were curious pink chunks left behind.

Shikome's kimono now had a coat of pink stains over the brown, coagulated blood.

The grass crumbled, and Shikome retracted her tendrils. "Mrm… icky..."

I guess everyone stopped caring about the ear-piercing gunshots.

...It also seems like the guards are doing what they can with their wounded, the one priest going around healing who he can, while all the guards just bundled up in a big mass at the bottom of the Hakurei Shrine steps.

We should just go ahead and bother Meiling. I can already tell they're going to take sundown to get to the mansion.

"Let us move." I begin moving for the lake…

"But…" Shikome looks back at the guards. "Fine."

...As we move forward, we pass some of the earth fairies, who had taken refuge in the nearby bushes. They seem to have discarded their stone armor and big rocks, exhausted.

"Aa~h… what a cho~re…"

"Pebble-chan… wanna go grow some flowers?"

"I wanna grow some rocks!"

Grow rocks.

/ / / / FLUFFLES ARE SUPER ASTUTE / / / /

We are now rounding the lake, well ahead of the guards. They've not even reached the rim of it, yet, still dawdling back at the Hakurei Shrine.

I took Shikome and myself along the rightmost edge of the lake. This was mostly because there was something interesting on the left, which looked perhaps a bit too interesting.

From here, it looked like some sort of bulky machine was being built, made with white and grey, futuristic looking parts. Rabbit girls in white outfits- the details of which I couldn't see from here, I'm pretty much blind- worked on this large, Apple product-esque machine. Even in the daylight, I could see brightly luminescent blue lights glow from their technology…

I know how the rabbits are, with their laser weaponry and such, so I'd rather not fight a battle like that.

The machine they were working on currently stood two-thirds as tall as the trees around it, and they were moderately tall trees. Though, I suppose a better comparison would be 'about as large as the village wall', which was three-four people tall. It was about as wide as at least six people, though.

Whatever it is, it can do what it wants. We're just passing through.

Shikome gives it a stare from our side of the lake, but largely ignores it.

As we continue to round the lake, however, a Cirno meanders into our way leisurely.

"Hey, hey, look at me!" She's instantly annoying. Her arms have curious plates and wires attached along them, along with her legs. She's got some kind of metal band around the top of her head, too. "Eye got cool stuff from the bunny people!"

Bunny people. "That's nice." I continue forward, ignoring the Cirno as she hovers over our heads…

"You bet it's nice!" She drifts down next to us for some unholy reason, and floats just above the ground as she follows us. "Hey, where're we going?"

"Home." I casually ignore her.

"Oh." She accepts this answer. "Hey- did you see Sunny? She stole my rock. Eye was gonna do rock things with it..."

"Yeah. She was over there somewhere." I point back at the Hakurei path side of the lake. Keyword being 'was'.

Cirno does a one-eighty in the air as she drifts along with us, using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she looks back…

Then, she does another one-eighty and keeps up with us. "Oh, well. When the bunny people make me the computer machine, Eye'll get her!"

I don't know what she's doing, but I don't care, either.

We are now two-thirds around the lake.

"You guys ever had candy before?" Cirno makes idle conversation. "It's awesome!"

Shikome seems to be ignoring her, too. Great.

...Noticing our non-responses, she gets annoyed. "Okay- hey, what. Alright, Eye get it, you guys don't like candy. Eye bet you're all the really boring stuffy people type…"

She knows a lot about people.

Cirno drifts closer to Shikome. "...You smell like one of my friends! Really like… Eye dunno. Tinge-y? Like- like when Eye lick a spoon without food on it. A metal spoon."

Shikome gives her a droll glance.

...Cirno snaps her fingers. "Eye got it! You smell like… hrm." She deflates. "Mi...thril? Co~balt? A metal. You- you smell like metal, yeah."

Good conversation.

Abruptly, Shikome lunges forward, and grabs Cirno by the face.

...Cirno blinks. "Hey, hey. Hey."

"Choose your words wisely, young one, or you will suffer in the grave." Shikome spells out her fate.

Cirno furrows her brows. "Don't call me an idiot! Eye'm- Eye'm… super good at seeing things! Eye'm the strongest!"

Shikome immediately slams Cirno's head into the ground.

Pi~chun! The fairy explodes into a blast of mana. Some of the technological parts that were on her now lie on the ground.

Briefly crouching down, I take the parts. No reason to just leave'em around. Someone might trip on them. The parts comprise of four limb pad-wire combo things, and the technological headband.

With that settled, we continue towards the mansion.

/ / / / FLUFFLES ARE SO FREAKIN' SOFT DUDE / / / /

Shikome and I approach the manor gate…

Meiling is both awake, and keeping a watchful eye on us.

Before we even bother with her, however, I wish to confer with the fluffy abomination stand next to the gate.

Strutting up to it, I gesture to it, showing it to Shikome. "Dust merchant."

The fluffle waves its fins. "hi friends"

"Ask it for wares." I instruct her. "It's very… picky about customers."

...Shikome stares at it dryly. "Show me your wares."

...The fluffle simply stares into the space between us, its smile obscured.

Shikome looks at me.

"Ask it again?" I suggest.

Looking at it again, she retries. "Show me your wares."

"undefined" The fluffle states, before smiling. ";',.;',';,.';,. here, friend"

It spreads a fin across nearly none of the counter, yet manages to lay some objects.

...I don't know what these are. It has literally laid out abstract geometry.

One looks like a club, made of bright yellow, blue, and red surfaces that seem to not be affected by lighting.

There's some kind of metal machine with many springs, bolts, and plated surfaces. I can't tell what it does, or if it does anything.

...There's also a something here. Three lilac surfaces seemingly not connected to anything, as if they were two-dimensional images. Between them there was a dark aura of some kind, rippling unevenly.

Finally, there was some kind of jagged shard, which seemed to have blurry, low resolution pixels running up the surfaces of it.

Well, then.

I point at the club. "What."

The fluffle looks at me. "H-one-zero-one-one-C-E-underscore-H-N-H. costs seventy-seventy-seventy-seventy-seventy…" The fluffle pauses. ";,'.;,'.,'.; octodecillion yen. one million five hundred. seven hundred percent resistance to water! nine hundred percent resistance to stunning dealt by fire magic! negative three hundred seventeen bomb resistance. randomly casts Ars Arcanum when equipped! randomly spawns Atlach-Nacha youkai! casts Dark Spiral on impact. randomly debuffs the user's accuracy"

...Shikome reaches for it-

I grab her arm. "I… don't think we should bother with it."

...She retracts her arm.

...Ignoring the block of a metal machine, I point at the suspended lilac textures with the uneven dark aura. "How?"

The fluffle doesn't necessarily answer the question. "saigyou-underscore-ability six-five-one. costs ;,'.;',.;,.';,;,'.; renminbi! gives nine hundred ninety-nine instant death resistance to the user! may instantly kill the user. randomly dooms the user. casts Annihilate randomly! randomly casts Sacrifice! gives the user nine hundred ninety-nine healing resistance! gives the user one hundred percent auto-life immunity."

...Okay, then. That is likely the worst weapon to exist in any fictional universe ever.

I think… we should just go.

Shikome looks at the jagged, low resolution shard, her head tilted. "...What's that?" She points at it.

The fluffle smiles at her. "A-J-U-underscore-eleven-seven-eight. costs eighty-eighty-eighty quattuordecillion Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination coins! randomly replaces the coordinates of the wielder! can be used as a crafting material! eight hundred percent earth resistance! grants one thousand two hundred fire resistance. grants immunity to asphyxiation! randomly syphons the wielder. one hundred percent ice resistance! sixty-five percent freezing resistance! five thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine sun resistance! randomly spawns ;,.';',.;,.;,';. when equipped. randomly spawns skeletons! ignites objects on impact."

...Okay. Randomly replaces your coordinates. Considering how large space is… the chances of being teleported somewhere on Earth's surface are nonexistent.

I look over my shoulder, to see Meiling just sort of standing there, awed.

...She looks at me, then back at the fluffle. "...I'm vaguely worried."

"Does your mistress have enough to pay for any of them?" I ask, for a friend.

"No." She replies instantly.

Darn. I wanted to travel into space with skeleton friends.

Oh, by the way, "Can we go inside?" I ask Meiling.

"...No." She promptly denies us.

Good. "Why not?" I question her.

She begins to back towards the wall beside the gate. "It's not visiting hours, yet. That, and a certain masked individual caused some rather bad things to happen the last time he was here."

"Do you mean… this masked individual?" I slide my mask up.

...Meiling sighs. "Yeah, I figured. Just go away. You won't like it even if you do get in."

Nah, we're still getting in. We'll probably just go around the back… once those lunatics reach the gate, here. I don't know how Shikome would fare against Meiling.

"If it's bad for me to go in," I argue, "isn't that a reason for you to let me in?"

Meiling smirks. "...Nah." Folding her arms, she rests against the wall. "Just doing my job, y'know?"

"Okay. We'll leave, then." Let us… walk back, from whence we came.

Turning around, I waltz down the path, away from the manor. Shikome follows me, somewhat perplexed.

Meiling smiles at us as we meander down the path…

"Can I still eat her?" Shikome uses her thumb to gesture back at the gatekeeper.

...You know what? I don't really know. If I say yes, there will be hard conflict that could end either way. If I say no, we'll have to wait for the dumbass brigade to create a distraction and hope they aren't all already dead.

...Better safe than sorry. I suppose.

"I don't think you're ready as of now." ...Personally? I feel as though she might be. However, kicking Meiling's ass might have dire, dire consequences. Causing her to fall back, too, would have dire consequences. Namely a certain maid.

Shikome frowns. "How about I just eat you?"

"Nah. I'm too rotten at the core." I shake my head.

...We should play Go Fish in front of Meiling, without asking her to play. That would show her.

/ / / / OMITTED AN ENTIRE MEILING FIGHT SCENE, SON. FEELS BAD MAN / / / /

It is now sundown.

As it turns out, the fluffle had a pack of cards on hand. The only condition was that we allowed it to play. Sacrifices had to be made.

"whats it gonna be huh" The fluffle held out two cards to Shikome, jutting them both back and forth in the air. "you wanna be a saint" It holds out one card, "or a grinch" It holds out the other.

She just stares down at the cards with a vain expression on her face. "Are you mocking me, dustbag?"

...The fluffle starts sniffing the air, slowly standing up as it does so.

"You're mocking me, aren't you?" Shikome's pretty sure, now.

We're also playing in front of Meiling. We have not invited her to join, by simple virtue of the fact she refused to offer us her pack of cards when we initially asked her.

"if i said yes would you no longer love me" The fluffle's smile became obscured.

Shikome grabs it by its torso, and lifts it into the air. "I would never love your kind."

She squeezes it, and it collapses into dust in her hand.

Poof. The cards we had all collapsed into dust, too.

...

I hear noises in the distance.

"Fucking finally!"

"We made it! Time to breach the gates 'a hell!"

"Do not falter, men! We serve mankind!"

I turn to Meiling, and stand up… "Oh yea~h. I forgot to tell you something."

She leans past me to see the incoming horde. "Yea~h?"

"There's an army coming your way." I spread the news. "You might want to do something about it."

"What?" Meiling looks between me and the horde. "How? Why?"

I begin to strut away. "Bye." Shikome gets up and begins following me, too.

...Meiling looks bamboozled.

Looking away, me and my loli eventually progress to the corner of the front exterior wall…

Pausing there, I look back at the gate.

Some swordsmen were already running at Meiling, five of them side by side with large broadswords raised into the air.

Meiling brought her arms back, as if she were preparing a Hadouken. "Extreme Light…"

...Like before, the swordsmen decelerated to a stop before her, looking for moments to get a good jab in rather than just throwing themselves at her. They probably should have strategized a bit earlier than that.

"Glorious Morning Star!"

She brought her arms forward-

Fwoam! Before her, an immensely bright white orb of energy generates, and slowly accelerates from her form. Shockwaves of rainbow energy unevenly pulsate and expand from the orb's wake, making everything behind it shine rapid, fruity colors.

The swordsmen stood no chance. Even still, they brought their broad blades down into the orb-

Fwam-Fwam-Fwam! The orb fluctuates over their forms, and explodes into rainbow energy.

"Guaa~h!" All five fall down, crackling with rainbow danmaku energy. Their swords lay beside them, completely and utterly useless.

Arrows whirl towards Meiling-

Woosh! She throws herself to the side, the arrows passing her form-

Thunk! One sticks in her torso, the otherwise totally off shot actually connecting because of her dodge.

Five more swordsmen run up from the horde to replace the ones that were lost, although they're so skittish that they don't actually advance meaningfully.

Bang!

One of the skittish swordsmen falls forwards, his head's contents now splayed out before him.

"Engage her! It is one youkai! One!" The kid barks from atop a miko's shoulders.

Donning a primal yet fearful look on their faces, the four swordsmen bolt for Meiling, their swords held high.

Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwish! Another of volley arrows is already unleashed on the front, towards Meiling. This is rather unfortunate, because the swordsmen are there, too.

Sticking low to the ground, Meiling runs forward. A swordsmen raises his blade, but she's way too fast for a broadsword engagement-

She grapples the swordsman by the waist, sticking towards the ground. Her tackle pushes him forward about five feet, although it looks like she's keeping him held up-

Thu-thu-thu-thunk!

Two guards fall to the arrows their allies fired, pierced through the torso. The man Meiling held onto was also pierced, expression fluctuating in agony as his friends bombarded him.

Thu-thu-thu-thunk! Another barrage of arrows? Already? That doesn't seem humanly possible.

The other guard that was standing is nailed by three of them, and falls.

Meiling's body shield is filled with five more arrows.

Thu-thu-thu-thunk!

Meiling's body shield is now a porcupine. She's distanced himself from grappling him proper, instead propping herself under him with one arm on the ground, and one arm on his collar, her legs under his.

Thu-thu-thu-thunk!

I think they're going to run out of arrows, at this rate.

The not-Reimu mikos skirt around the gate's clearing, keeping out of the archer fire but also trying to surround Meiling…

"Holy Sign!" A blue-haired miko holds up an ofuda, flanking Meiling. "Youkai Killing Spell!"

...She tosses the ofuda forward, and it becomes a random shotgun spread of danmaku ofuda. Good.

By the time the ofuda neared Meiling, only two of the twelve shot spread actually hit her, and she didn't seem to react to them at all.

"God Sign!" A miko with long, black hair raises three ofuda. "Punishment Rondo!"

She tosses the three ofuda into the air before herself. Somehow, they stick to the air a few feet into the toss.

They each fire one extremely inaccurate and rather slow green ofuda-shaped danmaku bullet.

Thu-thu-thu-thunk! The additional arrows fired just make the guard Meiling's shielded herself with spikier.

The three suspended ofuda fire more pitifully inaccurate bullets.

Bang!

Since the kid commander was atop one of the miko's shoulders, he was also positioned along Meiling's flank.

"Gh…?" Meiling flinches, a splatter of blood forming aside herself from her new bullet wound. "Shit…"

...Even so, she kept the body shield. This time, however, she got herself out of her precarious stance she held with it, and was instead dragging it back along towards the gate…

She looks over at the kid commander, before looking back over her body shield-

Thu-thu-thu-thunk! Arrows filled the body shield even further.

Taking this moment, Meiling pounded a leg into the floor, spun around, and tossed the body shield at the archers.

The dead man spun in the air as it neared the archers-

Bam!

"Holy shit!"

"My- my bow! Broke my bow…!"

"Aaaa~h!"

...The front line of archers fell apart, but the reserve archers moved to stand in front of them, taking a moment to set up their bows.

Bang!

Meiling steps back, another bullet piercing her torso. "Damn it…"

"We have her now!" The kid commander was feverishly adjusting his flintlock. "Fire, fire, fire!"

...From here, I could see large, blue tomes adjusting themselves in the air over the manor.

Sss~. A tiny fountain firework-like entity was set off next to where Meiling normally stands at the gate.

...Nodding at it, Meiling crouches-

Woosh! She leaps back, and over the gate entirely. After landing, she backpedals into the manor.

"Forward!"

Bang! The bullet goes into the air, smoke billowing from the blond child's gun.

"Yea~h!" The remaining swordsmen and bowmen all charge towards the gate.

Clink-clink! The swordsmen start hitting the lock with their swords, but it doesn't budge much.

Bang! The kid shoots it, but the gate hardly jiggles.

...They're genuinely impeded by the gate itself. This is a sad day.

Cli-clink. Clink. Bang! Cli-clink. Clank! Bang!

...Why does that kid never have to reload? I wish I had an infinite ammo flintlock.

Glancing up, I see there were now five blue tomes in the air. Large, blue magical circles began expanding from behind them...

Fwom-Fwom-Fwom! Five orbs of water were launched from the contents of their pages and high into the air, like mortar shots.

...As they fell, I determined that the orbs were around nine feet in diameter.

Spla-spla-spla-splash!

As the water mortar shots slammed down on the front, men were sent sprawling and flying. Weapons- bows, arrows, hook things- were washed away from their wielders and mixed up.

"Oh, God…!"

"You've gotta be kiddin' me…!"

"It's only water, assholes! Water!"

The kid bares his teeth, the miko he's mounted upon looking terrified. "Keep at it! The gate is no doubt soon to open! By the village's will, it will be done!"

...The tomes retracted after that. They just fired one volley, and decided to give up.

Cli-click. The gate seems to open on its own, without the guard's aid. I think Remilia just humored them.

...Staring at it for a moment, the kid aims his flintlock at the closed door ahead. "Cha~rge!"

The frontmost guards are largely uninjured, barreling through the gate without worry. The other thirty or so men, however, are waterlogged, displaced, disarmed, and disoriented… and as such, are having trouble even getting back up off the floor. Good teamwork.

After I watch them get up off the floor and meander inside, I start moving back towards the gate's front again. It should be possible to just slip in behind them once they're all inside the manor.

Shikome dryly watches the last of the waterlogged guards get up, feverishly fumble for their weapons, and run on inside.

With all of the guards out of the way, we walk up to the open gate…

Well, there's a few guards still here. Two bowmen are jogging to keep up with the rest, and there's this one last swordsmen who's still searching for his weapon…

Shikome turns to me dryly, then looks back at the guard.

...As the guard moves to pass her, a tendril is immediately wrapped around his torso, binding his arms.

"Huh- whah!?" He begins kicking his legs-

Shink!

...Shikome slides her hand out of his chest, pulling it from under the ribcage.

She takes a bite of the heart she claimed, her tendrils releasing the guy.

Thud. He fell onto his knees, then backwards, eyes fluttering.

...I scan the front of the mansion-

Remilia is sitting on the balcony overlooking the mansion's front, smiling smugly. Sakuya is standing next to her, still.

...Remilia gets up, and her form fades as she re-enters the manor. Sakuya simply vanishes.

Looks like fun.

I take a step inside the gate-

Fwam!

...Something curious happens to me, but I'm not sure what. A blue light flares up from under me-

Fwi~fwo- chink!

Three prisms float around me, glowing purple and blue.

Fwoom. Holy magic flares up my form, and I feel my strength draining slowly once again.

This must be a status ailment generator, then. Just perfect.

...Shikome walks in behind me-

Clang! The gate shuts behind us, loudly. It's almost as if we were let in intentionally.

She eyes the translucent, glowing prisms that now orbit my form. She reaches out for one, but her hand just passes through it.

I begin walking for the manor's front door. "Let us explore."

/ / / / WATER TOME MORTARS / / / /

Fwam, fwam! Thick, green bursts of non-elemental magic illuminate the normally dim scarlet lobby.

Fwoom! A jet of flames streches out from one red tome, consuming a band of guards which was simply trying to catch up with the main squad.

The kid commander-equipped squad of fake mikos is on the upper level, bolting down one of the far corridors. Archers and swordsmen struggle to run after them, only for a person-sized grey tome to get in their way and start pushing them.

Our main mission is to find the library. I'm pretty sure this annoying spell is that mage's doing.

Fwoom. Dark magic flares up under me, and my limbs are briefly covered by some sort of dark miasma, accenting the holy ripples. Yeah, this is going to be fun.

Thu-thu-thunk! A smaller, brown tome is pierced by three arrows. It turns to the archers that shot it-

Fwam! Fwam! Fwam! Thick, blue orbs of danmaku energy slam into them, knocking them out.

Kla-kla-klack! Fairy maids with danmaku muskets fire at some of the archers and swordsmen who tried defecting and covering more ground.

Pi-pi~chun! Arrows slay a few of the maids, but they counter with another volley of danmaku shots, not needing to reload their muskets.

"Augh!" Archers and swordsmen fall from the bullets, their weapons discarded.

I see they were quite well prepared.

After a few moments of getting smacked by tomes and harassed by fairies, most of the guard regiment was demolished. The five or so still conscious members drop to their knees, and hold up their arms in surrender.

"I-I give up…!"

"I don't like this anymore…!"

"Please…"

...Promptly, the more menacing tomes all file out of the room, roaring down the closet corridors to simply get out of the room. The weaker tomes floated up towards the ceiling, still keeping watch over the room.

"Yea~h!" A pink-haired fairy maid runs up to a surrendered archer, and aims her musket at him. "We won! Chief's gonna be proud!"

Klack! The headshot from the danmaku bullet knocked the guard out instantly. Satisfied, she slipped the danmaku musket onto her back and stood there casually.

...None of the other maids went for any humiliation takedowns, but they did approach and keep their muskets on the remaining guards.

A fairy with long black hair chuckles. "...Yeah, just shoot one of them. That'll show them."

If they see us, it seems they don't care. Probably because we look nothing like the guardsmen.

Having seen enough, I begin to move for the leftmost corridor. Shikome follows behind me, eying the scene curiously before properly tagging behind me.

Fwoom.

…I'm now soaked to the bone, as they say. This is very uncomfortable.

"Hey!" A fairy yells at us. "Where do you think you're going!?"

"Away." I casually shoot back. "Bye."

"Fucking…" She begins to march up behind us. Promptly, I feel a barrel pressed against the back of my head. "Turn around, jackass."

Shikome casually reaches for the musket, and grabs it.

The black-haired fairy maid's expression flares, and she tries to tug it back. "Hey- hey! That's mine!"

Shikome runs her other hand along the barrel… and applies pressure-

Crea~k. It bends.

"Oh." She seems to have realized what it was, in some sense.

The fairy maid slouches. "...You slut."

I turn around to watch the fun.

Shikome abruptly tears the musket from the fairy's grasp completely, using her right arm to push the fairy away from it a little.

Lunging forward, she clubs the fairy across the head with the stock of the musket-

Clack! It makes a fun sound as the fairy is thrown to the side, flipped almost upside down, and lands on her head-

Pi~chun!

...Shikome drops the ruined musket. "Bitch."

That was fun.

Turning back around, I proceed down the hallway. I hear Shikome continue to follow behind me…

/ / / / FLUFFLES IN THE DESERT / / / /

We are now at the library door. It's wide open. That's new.

Fwoom. The prisms at my sides flare up for a moment.

...I didn't feel anything happen in particular. Aside from the dark and holy statuses making me feel like I've become a paper bag.

Ignoring the fact the library door was open and accepting of us, I continue to lead us into the library proper. Patchouli is likely to have some sort of method of binding me with this status spell that I could learn about with a simple chat with her.

As we march into the library, everything is quiet. There are no tomes in the air, and no one seems to be flying around.

Eventually, we reach a clearing. Patchouli floats in the air far above the clearing, smiling as she jots things down into the clipboard…

I'm not sure if she knows we're here or not.

After a few moments of observing her, she allows three crystals to drift out from behind herself, all the color of the prisms binding me with statuses.

"Looking for these?" Seems she does know we're here. "These are the crystals I've used to apply a status ailment lock to you. If you break them, you will be free for some time. Or you could simply leave the manor and the spell would dismiss itself, but I doubt you've got any intention of doing that."

That's very convenient.

"You've given me a lot of data, so far." She's still smiling into her clipboard. "I'm looking forward to the coming hours, as well. Not many people voluntarily let me subject them to crippling statuses, you know. There's few people I can simply spring it on, either… and the fairies don't make terribly great subjects. Their biology is problematic, you see."

...She finally parts her gaze from the clipboard, and looks at both myself and Shikome. "...I was rather surprised to see that you've brought a friend."

Patchouli takes the moment to look around, before calling out. "Koakuma~. Did you find that book…?"

Koakuma drifted up from a shelf below. "Yeah, yeah. It kinda sucked, 'cause it wasn't where… you know."

"Quite." Patchouli held out her arm as Koakuma drifted up to her side, accepting the thick book. Allowing her clipboard to drift in the air beside herself, Patchouli began flipping the book open. "Let's see…"

Then, she looks past the book itself as she flips, to converse with me. "You, down there. Who is that friend of yours?"

"A friend." I reply.

Patchouli snorts. "Is she a youkai? Well… she appears it- even so."

"I am unsure. She could be a youkai, a demon, an angel…" I give her uncertainty as my best answer.

She blinks. "Demon? Angel? Hmm. That's more than I anticipated, actually. In which case…"

She pauses. "I remember the page, now. Right- in this case…"

The book drifts out of her hands, flipping to the page she desired immensely fast. She snapped her fingers-

A clump of tomes fell from the darkness of the ceiling, rocketing down towards the clearing…

Bam! They slammed against the floor, causing the nearby shelves to shake, and the floor to vibrate.

...It seemed to just be a pile of tomes. Red, blue, and green tomes, along with a few other curious colors like orange and brown.

"Can we go?" Shikome turns to me. "I'm bored."

The tome Patchouli was flipping floated down, surrounded by the three crystals that supposedly sealed me with statuses. Quickly, they all darted into the pile of tomes, displacing a few as they did so.

I turn to her. "Probably. It'd be good if those crystals-"

Fwoom. Purple and blue magic flared up beneath me. I have no idea what happened.

"-were shattered." I finished my sentence.

Fwoa~m…

The pile of tomes had light splash out from inside.

"Yeah, this looks annoying. Let's just leave." Let's not stick around for this.

...Patchouli shrugs, somewhat disappointed. "Hmm. Perhaps I'll find someone willing later. I suppose this is as things should be."

...If the crystals are in the pile of tomes, I simply need to burn them.

Slipping out my fire scissors, I advance towards them.

"I wouldn't do that." Patchouli advises me. "I can't stop the activation sequence at this point."

That sounds too bad.

As I near the pile of tomes, they begin shifting. I expected as much.

...Planning a throw, I arc the arm holding the fire scissors back as I backpedal a little bit…

Blue tomes create some sort of box at the bottom of whatever is being created. Green tomes create a thick, pointy central mass atop the blue books, and the red tomes create a large box with an open slot at the top.

Red books slide out from the sides of the green central part, creating a left arm and a right arm. The left arm of the construct appears to be stubby, with a hole in the middle, while the rightmost one extends outward. It was almost as if it was holding a pole made of red tomes.

...The exposed space at the top darkened, and two azure eyes flashed to life in the darkness.

"Nn~gh…" A rather womanly voice came from the giant book construct. "How many years has it been…?"

"Forty-seven." Patchouli replies promptly. "I stuck you in a suit of books, by the way. Don't panic."

...The 'suit of books' rotates by moving the blue tomes beneath itself, like treads. The tomes drip and create water as they move to lubricate themselves, forcing themselves to hydroplane in order to move on the carpeted floor. "...I see. How childish."

Patchouli snorted. "...Although, at the moment, the purpose I've summoned you for seems to have resolved itself. I could get you out of that, and chat for a bit, if you're interested."

"Alright…" The book-based golem raises its two arms repeatedly. "...Wow, this is stiff. I guess this is what you get when you make book armor…"

She aims the stout arm at some of the tables in the clearing-

Boom! Bam! Boom!

Bright amber projectiles are shot by the cannon-esque arm, blowing the tables to charred pieces.

...I'm pretty sure we still shouldn't bother.

"Let's go…" Turning right around, I begin marching out of the library. Perhaps status effect hell won't be so bad after all.

Shikome dryly eyes the golem of tomes, but turns around to follow me anyway.

/ / / / VROOM VROOM / / / /

I was hoping to have introduced Shikome to some books. In the literary way, not the 'fight a giant book golem with an explosive cannon arm' way.

After leaving the library and taking a single turn, we found ourselves in front of the door to Remilia's throne room. It was also open, although in a more unorganized manner, like it was just tossed open by ruffians.

...Walking into the door, knowing Remilia felt like seeing me, I was treated to a sight.

Numerous not-Reimu mikos were currently tied to the various pillars at the sides of the throne room.

The young commander was surprisingly still up, though it seems his flintlock was long since destroyed. Blood spattered Remilia's gold and velvet throne, hinting that he did get some good shots in on her when he first saw her.

"Hra~h!" He swing his shortsword wide, which Remilia easily slid out of the way of.

"I think you'll pull a muscle before you hit me." Remilia had a smug grin on her face. "Do keep trying, however. You're a rather adorable child."

"Silence!" Running at her again, the kid brings his sword down-

Clink. It hits the floor.

Remilia was once again a few feet further away. "Such effort with every swing. It's almost as if you believed you would hit me."

...The kid grins at her. "Oh? I-I'll have you know… I am one of the most prestigious commanders of the village guard!"

"Which was all but vaporized before you had even stepped foot into my throne room." Remilia elaborated. Then, she smirked. "Why hadn't you brought the entire guard? Surely you're strong more men than a mere fifty. I do not include these sorry excuses for shrine maidens, either."

Without running at Remilia, the commander swings wide-

Woosh! His blade flies out of his hand, spinning towards Remilia-

Woosh! Remilia did an exaggerated dodge, leaping into the air and letting it barely miss the length of her back.

...She drifted back onto her feet, smug again. "See? No hope of hitting me."

"You coward!" The kid barks at her. "...If you hadn't the agility to escape my might…!"

Remilia rolls her eyes. "Please. You know what?"

...Turning around, she casually walks over to the sword, picks it up, and gives it a half-hearted toss back at him. It clatters before his legs.

...Eyes narrowed, he crouches down and accepts the sword. "I will make you regret your arrogance, vampire."

Walking up to him, Remilia props her arms on her hips.

...Taking a moment, the kid reels his blade back for a big swing. Then, he unleashes it with a wide attack-

Shink! The blade slips into Remilia's forearm.

Remilia smiles at him, looking him in the eyes. "I'm waiting."

...Shink. He tears the blade from her arm, and not a second later, her flesh regenerates to correct the slight blemish his sword inflicted.

After looking her over, and looking back at his sword, almost in disbelief, he tries again with a simpler, more sudden wide swing-

Shink. He embeds the sword farther up her arm, this time. Again, nothing happens, so he just pulls it out, and the wound heals right up.

"...You're a monster." The kid backs away from her, eyebrows raised.

"Fufufu~..." Remilia folded her arms. "It's too late for flattery. Did it take you this long to figure that out?"

...Backing away, he rapidly searched his pockets for anything useful-

Thud. In one sudden movement, Remilia pushed him to the ground. "Aa-aah!" He flailed his limbs once he made impact with the carpet.

"Sakuya~." Remilia drawled lazily. "Tie him up, please."

Without me even seeing Sakuya's presence, the blond kid before Remilia was suddenly tied up neatly, complete with a little bow.

...Smiling at her maid's handiwork, Remilia looked away from him, and at me. "Oh, hello there. My sincerest apologies, as you can see I've been slightly busy."

I see. "Hey."

Fwoom. Faded green magic flares up beneath me-

Oo~h. O~kay. I am now… really tired. It fades in intensity almost immediately, but… that's really something. That, or I'm getting acclimated to it and not realizing how tired I am.

"Fufufu~..." Remilia is amused at my plight. "Are you enjoying that little game? I had Patchy set it up for you, you know."

"Yeah, I look like an archmage now." These prisms are quite fancy, even if crippling. Such is the price of aesthetics.

Remilia snorts. "If archmages casted crippling debuffs on themselves. Speaking of annoyances…"

Remilia looked at one of the room's pillars, prompting me to glance at it.

Shikome seems to have scaled it, and removed some of the innards from one of the village shrine maidens. She looked back at us abruptly, realizing she was spotted. It seems that even the shrine maiden's vocal cords were annihilated with a tendril, so as to keep her from making noise.

"Could you keep your… friend from consuming my property?" Remilia requests of me. "I'll overlook a snack or two, but one's prey is one's own, yes? It's not every day the human village is mentally deficient enough to break Yakumo's agreement themselves to march into oblivion."

"I can't control what she does." I tell her. I'm lying, though.

...Remilia nods. "That's unfortunate."

Walking up to the pillar, she calls up to Shikome. "You. You!"

...Shikome looks back down at her, face bloody with some manner of gore. I can't really see from here, but it's probably half-eaten entrails or something.

"Yes, you. Caked in stale blood, with the life-sapping aura." Remilia makes it clear who she's looking for.

...Shikome tilts her head at her.

"Get down here, would you?" Remilia requests. "I'd like a chat."

...Shikome wraps her tendrils around the base of the leg. Letting go of the pillar, she grabs onto the leg-

Ri~p! She lets gravity help her in severing the leg. As she falls, she also rends some of the rope attached to it with a slash, and retracts the tendrils at the leg's stump.

Thud. She lands on her feet nearly evenly, now holding a disembodied leg. "...What sort of chat?"

...Remilia's staring at her dryly. "Interesting. Anyway- simple pleasantries, matters of food, the like. Perhaps some tea?"

Shikome is eying her like she's unsure what to exactly say, but isn't very appealed.

...Remilia reads this. "No tea, then?"

"Sounds gross." Shikome rejects the idea of having tea.

"...Alright, then." Remilia dryly glances away, before looking back at her. "You may request what you'd like, then. Saku-"

"You look delicious." Shikome states. "Can I have you?"

Remilia stares at her blankly. "I don't follow."

...Shikome takes a few steps towards Remilia, leans close to her, and sniffs. Then, she backs away a little bit. "Very tasty..."

Remilia's expression is still blank. "... I-... I still don't follow. What is this?"

I… am uncertain myself.

Shikome casually steps towards her again, getting close…

Remilia just eyes her as she nears.

Reaching out, Shikome caresses Remilia's chin with her free hand, and begins to lean in…

"Wh-what?" Remilia looks incredulous.

Then, Shikome's lips meet hers-

In the next instant, Remilia brings an arm up-

Bam! Bam!

After taking a punch to the gut, Shikome is launched into the pillar, her impact cracking it.

"You- you damned life stealer!" Remilia wipes her lips with her arm hastily. "You think you could tempt me!?"

...Shikome looks up from the pillar, and licks her own lips. "You were very tasty…"

"Bu- wh- you…!" Remilia is baffled. Mission success.

"As I said, I can't control her." I add my two cents.

...Remilia scowls at the both of us, before huffing. "Normally… this would be the part where-"

Fwoom. Orange magic flares up beneath me, and I stumble around for a moment. What?

...Remilia eyes me dryly. "Don't get that excited. Anyway- this would be the part where I tell you two to get the hell out and not come back until next week or something, as you typically do. However…"

Drifting back, she hovers over her throne…

"Sakuya." She calls for her maid. "Bring me… the mirror."

Sakuya appears next to the throne, and before the throne itself is a large, person-sized mirror with a curtain draped over it.

"Behold." Remilia has become incredibly smug. "Within this mirror, you will find yourself… and you will not like what you see. Why, it may be so gruesome, it could injure you. Gruesomely."

Only injure and not kill? You need to step up your game.

"Sakuya, if you would please?" Remilia instructs her maid to act.

Sakuya nods. "Right away, mistress." Standing at the mirror's side, she tilts it towards us, and pulls the curtain from it.

Shikome and I stare into it. It glimmers unnaturally, our reflections not initially shown by it. After a line of light travels across it, a figure bolts towards it from where I would be standing in the reflection…

After it aggressively sprints towards the mirror, it leaps through.

"Hrraa~nh!" Lacking a proper jaw, the no-eyed abomination shambles forward upon landing, holding a bulky pair of what has to be black scissors. They have curious blue lights gleaming from segments of the block-like blades and-

In the time I was describing it, Shikome bolted towards it.

As she neared, it slowly reeled the scissors-arm back. "Hrr~h…"

Two tendrils launch from each of Shikome's arms, and wrapped tightly around each arm socket. Bringing her leg up, she uses a few additional tendrils to grab onto the dark clone's arms proper, and straighten them out. Once she had both under control, she performs a very high kick for her size-

Ri~p!

The dark clone is sent flying into the air, straight up. Black, gooey liquid gushes out of the arm sockets, the amount of tar coming out disproportionate to my body size.

...After glancing around the room, I notice the kid commander is now propped up against one of the pillars, gazing at the scene in what was probably fascinated horror.

...Thud. "Hro~h…"

My clone lands on his feet, surprisingly. His torso was awkwardly contorted from the black goo that gushed out of him while he was airborne. Despite being disarmed- literally- and likely out of blood, it continues to shamble towards Shikome.

Looking up, Shikome darts to the side preemptively.

Vrrr-Vrrr-Vrrr~!

Three saw blades drop at a perfect diagonal angle down into the wood where she stood, and continue drilling forwards towards the other end of the room…

Darting forwards, Shikome shoots out four tendrils from her arms, which wrap around the dark clone's neck. Then, she grabs onto the head herself, putting her thumbs into the already empty eye sockets-

Cr-crack! Ri~p!

She tears the head of the dark being free, and tosses it to the side. Little more black tar was able to gush from the neck of the being, as it was already mostly empty.

Thud. The dark being dropped onto its knees.

Thud. It collapsed onto its torso.

The black tar all began to become smoke, along with the clone's body. Once it all fully evaporated, it drifted back into the mirror from whence it came.

"Interesting, interesting." Remilia gave a golf clap. "More tea, Sakuya." She'd apparently somehow got snuck some tea in the midst of that last fight.

"As you wish, Mistress." Sakuya pops out and in within a second, except now she has an additional teapot.

Shikome stares into the empty mirror, watching the dark smog retract back into it.

It glimmers unnaturally again, except this time a new being is revealed inside.

Due to its proximity with the mirror's surface, it drifts out immediately, causing Shikome to dart back cautiously.

The being that drifts out has no limbs. Instead of legs, there's a smooth, futuristic cap that has two smooth, white pods at the bottom. These pods generate blue waves of energy, akin to anti-gravity devices one might commonly see in video games.

The torso was human-like and fleshy, but the upper torso was completely white and featureless.

Having no arms, there were instead two illuminant blue sockets, with some kind of blue energy pouring out from them.

It had the head of a human girl, with long, brown hair, although her eyes were white and empty, as well as glowing.

All in all, it seemed to be a cyborg that resembled something akin to lunarian technology.

"Voice_protocol_zero_one_engaged:_method_activation." It spoke with a generic text-to-speech voice. "May God have mercy on man and machine, for their sins." That second soundbyte, however, sounded pre-recorded.

...Also, how and why does this exist?

...Shikome hesitantly strafes around it, before lunging at it with her arm-

Crack! Her strike fails to rend through flesh, despite hitting the seemingly fleshy part. Once the skin ripped, there was nothing organic inside. Instead, there were many smooth parts, tubes, and the occasional wire.

Rapidly floating up into the air to distance itself from Shikome, the being 'spoke'. "Minor_damage_sustained. Threat_level_assessed:_regeneration_for_nine_turns_authorized."

Fwoom! The blue lights across its body flared, as did its eyes.

Fwoa~sh. The skin on its body repaired itself, and it glowed a bright white, for only a moment.

...Then, it rapidly accelerated over to me. I stumble back somewhat- too tired and drained by my numerous debuffs to properly launch myself away.

Instead of mauling me like I expected, two translucent, blue beams arced from its metallic arm sockets, connecting with my body.

...I slowly felt myself feel a little better.

"Status_ailments_detected:_Cursed,_Weakened,_Wet,_Syphoned,_Staggered,_Tired. Cleanse_authorized."

Fwoa-shi~ng!

A bright light travels up my form. Immediately, I am no longer tired, or wet. Oh.

...I pat myself. The prisms are still there, but it seems she has removed all my debuffs.

Fwoom. Immediately, dark magic flares up from beneath me again, and dark miasma travels up my body once more. Good.

The limbless cyborg of healing zooms away from me, stopping at the kid commander who is tied up. It focuses its two healing beams on him, for a moment.

"Wh-what are you…?" He wiggles a little, and turns his head away. "...What are you doing to me!?"

Shikome darts towards the floating cyborg, and as she nears, she sends a tendril out into it-

Cra~ck! The tendril pierces its metal innards, or something.

Pulling her tendril back, Shikome pulls the cyborg along with it-

Bam! She slams the healing machine into the floor. However, when she goes to lunge for it, it rebounds and twirls into the air, likely as per its anti-gravity modules.

Righting itself, it drifts towards Remilia-

Fwoa~sh. A light travels up the robot's form, and the hole and smash marks created on it seemingly disappear entirely.

Remilia stares at it dryly, as it focuses its healing beams on her. "...What the hell are you?"

"Seikatsu_Kikai_oh_oh_oh_one." It replies promptly. "Alpha_release. Please_realize_this_is_a_test_build_and_all_details_are_subject_to_change_for_the_final-" Cli-cli~ck. It seems to pause unnaturally. "-build."

...Remilia just stares at it. "Oka~y. Who~ made you, then?"

"I_am_the_Genesis_model." It doesn't answer her question, and keeps going. "Please_log_your_feedback_in_the_datalogs_hosted_on_the_provided-" Cli-cli~ck. "-privately_hosted_webserver. The_password_is_'SeikatsuKikaiAlphaLog'."

"What?" Remilia furrows her brows. "You didn't answer my question…"

The machine drifts away from her unresponsively.

Fwoa~sh. A light travels up the robot's form again, healing it in spite of the fact it took no damage yet.

Shikome shoots another tendril up at it-

Crack! The tendril pierces the machine's soft stomach, and rends its way through the metal.

Pulling it towards herself, Shikome creates more tendrils to try and puncture the machine into oblivion.

Cr-cr-crack! Five more tendrils pierce its form, causing odd, round parts and some chip-like pieces to clatter out of it.

"Moderate_damage_sustained." The machine spoke louder than normal. "Commencing_defensive_measure."

Fwam. Shikome flinches, when an orb of light expands over her figure. "Egh…"

Fwam. It happens again, causing her to retract her tendrils. "Ngh…"

Fwam. The third orb of light that expands and dissipates over her has her fully disengaged from the machine. Holy ripples ran across her form-

Fwoom. Patchouli's debuff prisms kicked in, and gave me the holy ripples of weakness, too. Good.

Fwoa~m! The robot's energy flared, and a large spiral of white energy formed in the air over the room.

...As it spun, I begin to feel pretty good, akin to when she had the medi-beams on me.

...Shikome un-cringes, feeling better as well. That machine really just healed its opponent, it seems.

The holes in the robot's body begin to reconstruct. It seems that spiral she created simply heals everybody.

While it floats in the air idly, Shikome eyed it…

'Commencing_defensive_measure." The machine spoke again.

Shikome looks around, seeing nothing at first-

Fwi-crack, fwi-crack, fwi-crack.

Three rather quaint missile-like devices fall at a downward angle from above the machine, landing near Shikome.

Sensing that they were nothing but trouble, Shikome leaps away-

Boom! Bam! Boom!

The floor the rockets embed themselves in was annihilated once they detonated, the fragments dropping down to the room below this one.

...Slowly, the healing machine drifts downwards and into the hole in the floor.

Well, then.

Shikome stares over the hole, but didn't seem willing to chase after the machine.

"Well." Remilia huffs. "That was a disappointment."

I suppose. It seems the holy healing machine is now free to heal the entire world at its leisure, one individual at a time. Or at least this mansion, considering how often fairies get hurt.

"Now you two can get the hell out." Remilia sips from her tea.

/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /

END OF CHAPTER 58.5

PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator, Shrine Maiden Evader, Professional Youkai Developer

PRIMARY WEAPON: Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.

OFFHAND ITEMS: [A Single Rubber Glove] - For those moments one needs to touch a live power wire with one hand and fap with the other.

Electrical Scissors - Must be held by gloves at all times, lest they cause electrical fires. Can cause severe shocking and electricity-induced stunning in individuals susceptible, including myself if I'm stupid. Unable to be turned off.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.

Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.

Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with fresh blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...

Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.

A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.

(two more spaces remaining)

[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.

Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.

Dense Shard - A cloudy, very light grey shard. It's not a rock, however… it's too textureless. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Hackjob Rifle - A pseudo-railgun, made from an AK-47 barrel and a mangled toy gun. Laced with duct tape and wires to function, powered by electrical scissors, and uses small iron pellets as ammunition. Explodes violently if fed anything non-iron as ammo. Outside is coated with vegetable oil and must be wetted regularly to avoid violence upon powering up. Has yet to be fired, so power is unknown...

Water Scissors - Scissors that continuously produce water. How troublesome.

Goldfish Snack Crackers - They're smiling. They might make a good snack...

Modern-ish Surge Protector - Protects against surges. Not very useful without unified electrical practices in housing. Can still be used as a paperweight and a brick, though.

(thirteen more spaces remaining)

/ / / /

PARTY:

Shikome, the Black Scion of the Saigyou

WEAPON: Dark Tendrils - Able to create tendrils from any part of her body, she can use them for powerful physical attacks.

INVENTORY:

[Defiled Kimono] - Coated in the coagulated blood of numerous unlucky people. Grants pockets.

(two inventory spaces remaining)

/ / / /

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hello friends

and YES this chapter was ONE HELL OF A LONG ONE… there was just so much STUFF i wanted to put into it, and a lot of places matt wanted to get to that couldn't QUITE be fit in just a mere 10 k words

which is why this chapter is 16.9 k words officially, yeah (this is subtracting all the inventory guff).

oh yeah- we cut out an entire fight with meiling because we realized like… if shikome crippled her too much she'd kill her and i DIDN'T WANT THAT, but if she crippled her too little and she got awa~y… then she'd get SAKUYA, PROBABLY.

...and we DON'T WANNA FIGHT NO SAKUYA OH HO HO HO lemme tell you son

CA/N: also if shikome lost to meiling, it most likely would not end well for the MATT

this chapter was really bloody but ai don't think that's a bad thing; especially 'cause matt's got a youkai friend now who likes to eat people, this is just kinda like… what happens when you get a SUCCESSFUL YOUKAI who does the whole "eating people" thing well enough.

village guard got curbed for being noobs; don't worry, though, those 50 guards were but a fraction of their actual numbers!

and kid commissar lives! maybe not to ride again, but he lives…!

infact the gratuitous death here probably emphasizes how just no-nonsense brutal i kinda meant matt's chapters to be, although now it's more possible because shikome is quite capable and even more lacking in human qualities

...that and she's descended from the tree of life stealing death and doom so y'know KINDA COMES WITH THE HERITAGE…

however, with great power comes great responsibility l :3

aka LOTSA MORE PEOPLE WANNA FUCK YOUR SHIT UP

especially if you're a brutal killing machine but daz besides the point (or maybe it is the point)

book mecha was basically a plot bunny i went along with and it worked well enough even if there was no fight

saiketsu kikai was another thing i imagined the previous night; essentially the anti-thesis to shikome being death and nature. thus, she is LIFE and MACHINE

she's equipped with a ton 'a freakin'... HEALING and HOLY spells, along with some BOMB spells if only because shikome has an elemental weakness to bomb

she's also one of few beings that can perform REVIVAL SPELLS, and cast AUTO-LIFE on things…!

she heals indiscriminately, but will just throw random spells at stuff that beats her up enough

she's also got a LIMIT BREAK which we may ONE DAY SEE

as always, see you all next time!

CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hoh

shikome, the single biggest thing i wanted to include in the story, has finally made her appearance

ive been thinking about how to properly handle her character, but i think i got it all covered now

the death and gore may seem over the top in this manner, but it is what it is pretty much. shikome is a brand new pretty strong youkai with an insatiable hunger in order to quickly grow in power. also my tendency to initiate pure violence was probably aided from recently beating Doom on nightmare. 50 damage imp fireballs with only around 100 health at any given time is not the greatest experience ever, but it does force you to glory kill literally everything to survive

that aside, i really just WANTED TO DO A LOT OF THINGS THIS TIME, with NEW LOLI MURDERER. in fact she's so brutal that i have to hold her back at times. im holdin a kill count for her just so i can see if we're overdoing it or not. currently its 7 humans and 1 youkai, all in a single chapter. its a good thing shes on my side since im like her caregiver, huh

also one molested loli. i may have had too much fun suggesting things for that. i wanted to do other things as well, but we just didn't have the pages for'em. im still satisfied with what was already done. there is actually a reason for the molestation, but for the moment just think it was for the hell of it

i did wanna do other things in the library, but BOOK GOLEM and PATCHOULI and freakin combat takes forever to do

so ya, shikome. my demonic loli mass murdering youkai can't be this cute

sometimes i wish this were like a freakin… manga or something with pictures to better portray the situations. fanfiction has a lot of baggage associated with it and even some obligations. although at the end of the day, no one really cares that much. the question is "is it interesting, yes or no" (you might end up annoying a few people in the process though)

wahaha, 17k word chapter over… whos gonna even READ THAT MUCH58923893