(in which we chillax and max and relax all koo)

It's the beach episode, dude! Fifty miles under the Earth's crust, under the dim light of freakin', Old Hell's amber 'sky'.

Despite the gloom, Satori's poolside is accented by some fluorescent lights… which kinda only emphasized how dark it is. It's like it's always night down here, except a little brighter. Maybe a little more orange, too!

The pool's basically in this little indent to the right of the palace proper, shielded by a hedge maze. Little bus stop-esque stations supply the pool area with clean light…

"Is it always so dark down here?" Renko notices how the lights don't even cover the whole pool, the inner reaches of the water dark.

Smirking at her friend, Maribel adds to that. "I thought you liked dark things, Renko-chan…"

Rolling her eyes, Renko starts to proceed around the poolside. "There's a difference between dark themes and not being able to see, Merry…"

"The pool's ten feet deep." Satori commentates idly next to me. Then, she turns to me. "So you'll die if you go in there." Hoh, shit…!

Maribel jerks her head back. "What? Why?"

...Satori points at me with her thumb. "He can't swim."

...Maribel just blinks at me owlishly. "Really?"

I shake my head. "Can't swim, yo." Can't fly, can't swim, can't walk… can't breathe…!

"Of all the people…" Is it really that hard for her to wrap her head around…? "It's not that hard, you know."

Oh ho ho ho… "Last time I tried swimming, yo, I sank." I inform Maribel. "It was sink or swim, and I sank, and I died. Lost to the waves, dude."

...She just shakes her head. "Like- really..." You chose your best words, yo. "Satori, do you think we could teach him how to swim?"

"In the thousand years I've been alive," Satori reveals her age! "I've seldom had the need to teach someone how to swim."

Satori, what would happen if I just pushed you into the pool right now?

...She just slowly rotates to face me, smirking.

Alright, yo.

Bolting forward, I slam my arms into- holy shit!

...Satori's currently holding me by my arms, my legs propped precariously against the edge of the pool, preventing me from falling into the water and eating shit. All it took was a quick second for her to slip around me, rotate me, and freakin' nearly toss me into the pool.

"...Even if you caught me unaware," Satori critiques my strategy, "I'd have simply floated and never gotten wet in the first place."

Awh…

"I'm not sure what just happened." Yeah, that'd look pretty freakin' weird without context, wouldn't it, Merry?

Darting backwards, Satori pulls me back onto the concrete beside the pool. You wouldn't think she was athletic- being a magely youkai and all- but I dunno. One probably needs a certain level of strength minimum to freakin' live underground…

Finally making her way through the hedge maze, Ha-chan caught up with us! "Hello~!"

That reminds me, we don't have swim gear, do we? I have a freakin space suit, if that counts…!

"We do have spare swimwear…" Satori considers, furrowing her brows. "...None are fit for a male, however."

"I will be fine with a thong and a bra." Yeheha~h! Bikini man!

Maribel gives me a dry look. "You will not be fine with a thong and a bra. I will not be fine with you being fine with a thong and a bra."

"Seconded." Satori refuses my request. Aaa~h!

...Finishing her walk around the pool, Renko comes up next to us. "Does this pool use chlorine?"

Satori blinks. "...I'm not sure why chlorine would be used as a cleaning agent, but the water is replaced daily, and the walls are cleaned routinely."

...This response surprises Renko!

Reading the surprise, Satori clarifies. "We can make water magically, down here. Filling a pool is a trivial task."

Realization setting in, Renko nods. "Oo~h. Yeah, I see now…"

Ha-chan steps forward, and just falls into the pool.

Splash!

We all just kinda stare at her as she sinks…

Splash! She re-emerges, soaked to the bone. "The water's great!" She gives up a thumbs up! "It's pretty warm, too!"

"Where's the kitten pool?" I wanna sit in some lukewarm shallows…

"Follow me." Satori begins to move back into the hedge maze. Freakin'- can't we just walk through the hedges…!?

Noticing my thoughts, Satori gestures to the hedge wall to her right. "Try."

...To my surprise, Maribel ends up moving before I do to stumble through the hedge wall ahead.

...After getting in a little, she finds herself stopped before she can get her whole body in. "He~y…"

"Invisible walls." Satori smirks, continuing deeper into the hedge maze.

What the fuck. Like- straight up invisible walls. Just… yeah. Okay.

"They're actually magical barriers, of a sort. That's why the plants can thrive within them. They're not actual walls." Satori responds to probably me. Hoh.

I follow behind Satori, sweating my ass off the whole way. The other girls follow behind us, with the soaked Ha-chan just drifting over the maze to follow us...

You'd think this would be a magical hedge maze with weird misdirection things, traps, or tricks. Nope! It's just a hedge maze with asshole walls placed in the hedges. Good and clean, yo.

There's lamp posts darted along the way, fortunately, or else we'd really be in for it in these dark corridors…!

Eventually, we come to the 'kitty' pool…

There's a pale-skinned, blue-haired cat girl in a bikini in it. It's a pretty shallow pool, probably one to three feet deep depending on where you choose to stand… and the very edges are just like, ankle deep.

Since it's so hot, I don't give a shit. I start walking into it, yo…

"Uhm…" Maribel watches me walk off. "Brad, aren't you going to… change?"

"I must go." I walk into the sea. "My planet needs me."

After a few seconds, I reach the middle, submerged up to my waist. The water feels weird, but cools me back to normal temperatures…

"...Hi." The cat girl, despite not being very buxom, seems to start trying to shield herself with her limbs…

"Hi." I greet her. "If I started drowning right now, would you save me?"

She blinks. "Wh-why would you drown…?"

...Dazza good point! Shit!

Splash! Ha-chan somehow springs out of the three feet of water behind me. "Hello~!"

"Ho-hoa~h!" Flinching from the sudden noise, I stumble to the side-

Splash! A~nd, now I'm submerged, 'cause I tripped. Fuck, fuck…! It's only three feet but- it's on my face! Aaa~h!

Splash! ...A moment later, and I'm being held up firmly by my right arm.

Turning, I see that the cat girl with short blue hair did indeed save me!

I give her a thumbs up. "Th-thanks, yo..."

She lets go of me- oh fuck!

Splash! Damn it, she just dropped me back in!? Fuck! Aaa~h!

…Everything's wavey and shit. Being underwater's fucking weird!

Splash! The cat girl once again pulls me from the water. My eyes are shut from the water, freakin'...

"Pu-put me on my fe-feet this time…" I request!

"So-sorry…" Awkwardly, the stout cat girl starts to set me on my feet. Or, at least, helps me get my footing.

The other girls watch the scene dryly from the shore. Ha-chan's somehow almost completely submerged, poking her head out of the water next to me.

Once I'm back up, I begin to trudge towards the more shallow shallows…

Ma~n. Water's on my face, and all over my everythings, so I can't even wipe it o~ff… aaa~h!

"You're really not a fan of water, I take it…?" Satori commentates on my freakin'... disposition.

I shake my head. I mean, I like water magic 'cause it fucks people's shit up, and I like how water looks, but… keep my face away from freakin'- large pools of it!

"You'd be more acclimated to water if you knew how to swim." Maribel goes for the jugular…!

...Folding my arms, I accept this. "Haha~h… yeah."

Speakin' of swimmin', though, those swimsuits…

"They're over there. The swimsuits, that is." Satori points to an unilluminated shack in the corner of the current sector we're in.

Ho ho. I've got some plans, yo…

I strut towards the bikini shack first!

"Brad, no." Maribel walks faster, moving ahead of me! "I don't know about you… but I don't think you'll be needing any bikini bras or panties."

Aha! That's where you're wrong, son! I hold up a finger. "But, you see-"

"No." Maribel shuts me down, moving for the bikini shack ahead of me.

"Son…!" I move faster to try and outpace her!

We end up reaching the Nutsha- I mean- Bikini shack at the same time. I let Maribel open 'er up, though…

Inside is… boxes! Boxes filled with bikini components. More specifically, the walls are like blue and white wood panels with sloppy paint jobs.

I move to the box full of red bikini bits, and grab a handful. I'm gonna make a freakin' person strainer or something…

...After shaking her head at me, Maribel just moves to grab some normally colored purple and black garments, probably for herself and Renko.

We begin to walk outside with our stuffs!

Renko just glances over my armful of ruby red garments, before looking over at Satori. "How do you deal with seeing people's perverted thoughts?" Where'd the conversation go in the thirty seconds we were gone!?

Satori snorts. "Oh, I don't. Deal with it, I mean. It just comes and goes, really… although you can track just how aroused someone is by the frequency."

...Nodding, Renko accepts that answer. "I guess it doesn't bother you, then?"

"Not really. I can confirm that in the past hour, you've all had at least one dirty thought about everyone here." Satori exposes our shit, dude!

Maribel fluffs up! "Wh-whuh…!?"

Renko grimaces, replying on a delay. "...Eeh?"

I give a thumbs up! "Ten out of ten, would lewd the Merry again." ...Try sayin' that ten times fast!

Maribel just slowly turns to me, eyes narrow. "I'm gonna dunk you."

"Please, no." I back up, yo…! "I'm soft, and warm to the touch." Actually- does this imply Merry and Renko want to lewd each other? Does this imply they'd want to lewd Satori?

...Satori doesn't give me any tangible response, gazing at the other girls instead. Wait- what about Ha-chan?

At that, Satori does reply. "That fairy, Hana, has indeed thought dirty things about all of us… and with perhaps more frequency than of... mostly everyone else here. Except for Masae, over there." Satori points to the blue-haired cat girl.

Masae seems to be staring into the distance, not really paying attention. U~h…!? She was hornier than me this whole time!? Then again, I've just been kinda playin'. No wonder she's been quiet!

...Oh, yeah. Ha-chan's submerged up to just below her eyes again, looking extremely smug for some reason.

If Ha-chan used her electric abilities, that would be fun for the whole family, yo. Ho ho…!

...While Renko and Maribel approach one another, I turn to Satori. "What about you, yo? What kinda pervy shenanigans do you get up to?"

...Satori actually furrows her brows at me. "I do not… think that is any of your business." Woahohoh! I thought she was gonna be totally indifferent, but that actually fazed her! Yo~, you know what that means…!?

"I will help Maribel dunk you." Satori stares me down. Get owned, son…!

Also, my kimono's not really drying off, but it sure as hell is becoming warmer. The water's actually getting all freakin' warm and shit! This underground cavern's freakin'... warm as hell! Maybe that's why it's called 'Old Hell'...!

In an effort to cool off, I walk into the water again…

Renko and Maribel just watch me wade off into the super shallow freakin' water. Then, they begin moving to the bikini shack again, probably to get changed…

Unlike the square ten feet deep pool, this pool is more like a round enclave in the floor.

That reminds me. I look over at Satori. "Are you~... gettin' in?"

She shakes her head. "No. Although, if I do take a dip, I'll be able to dry myself off readily enough."

Honh.

...Slowly moving through the water so I don't slip and freak myself out again, I approach Masae.

Masae turns to me! "O-oh…" Then, she starts to scoot away.

Hoh. With my bundle of bikinis I took from Satori's shack, I start pondering what the hell I'm gonna do with them…

They do got some tiny frilly-not-frilly strings. Let's see~...

Idly, I drop all the bikinis into the water.

...Oh, they're sinking. What the fuck do you mean they don't float!?

"Good job." Satori critiques me. He~y, now…!

Reaching into my sack, I take out Deep Blue to help me wrangle some shit back in-

"Brad-kun!" Ha-chan- fuck, no!

Splash! ...She glomped me in the water. Faa~h!

Submerged again. Shutting my mouth, I find myself already running out of air 'cause I wasn't ready yet! Aaa~h, aaa~h! I-I think I need help-

Splash!

I am quickly and promptly pulled above the water by Masae, again. She got to me pretty quick!

"...Yo-you don't know how to swim, do you?" Masae is easily able to tell my ineptitude in the water.

I shake my head. "I'm a rock, yo."

...Looking away, Masae almost lets me go, but stops to put me in a standing position again. Ha-chan's still hanging onto me like a freakin' monkey, though…

Surprisingly, Masae manages it! I'm… just standing half-crouched in three feet of water, with Ha-chan wrapped around my back. All these clothes are super clunky- we're still both fully dressed- but it keeps me from freaking out too much about the contact!

I guess the buoyancy makes this possible. Ha-chan's still freakin'... she's not heavy exactly, being a fairy and all, but I'm not very strong!

Renko and Maribel walk out of the shack- oo~h…! Their skin is so pale, yo! Yo~...

...Renko frowns at me. "It's impolite to stare."

I grin. "I was never really considered polite to begin with…!"

"Did-... did you really just drop all those bikinis in the water…?" Maribel notices the slowly spreading cloud of freakin' abandoned red bikinis. "Seriously?"

Eheh… I shrug innocently. "Where else was I supposed ta put 'em…?" Actually- better idea.

"Not in the pool?" Maribel grins back at me. "It's not rocket science."

Slipping my hand into my sack- a little hard 'cause Ha-chan is freakin'... a monkey- I start to pull…

Ahah!

Quickly, I begin to draw a coffee table from my bag! "Hn~h…" It's not an easy time on its own, though. Actually…

Putting the bag underwater, I freakin'... ho ho! The water helps!

Precariously, I slide the coffee table out of the sack- woah! It nearly nails me in the stomach as it floats to the surface!

"Behold!" I display my floating workstation!

With varied levels of veiled amusement, the girls start to progress into the water…

...Reaching forward, I grab onto the table. Since the water's only like three feet, I barely touch it 'cause of my hunched over posture. It should maybe help me not eat shit the next time someone tries to tip me over.

Also, I won't say it aloud, but the girls are lookin' freakin' fine, yo. The sexual tension is rea~l…! Thank you world for allowing me to have this kimono that covers me well! It does its job especially well when the water makes it flow and stuff.

Maribel's idle gaze slowly becomes sardonic. "Are you just going to stare at us like a creep the whole time?"

"No~." I shake my head, grinning. "...If you don't keep reminding me, probably."

Maribel snorts. "You're hopeless…"

How the hell am I going to collect all these bikini things!? Deep Blue is too short!

Hoping it does something, I twist the valve on Deep Blue-

Spri~tz! Aw, dude! Water for the water god!

Renko blinks at my plant hanger. "A super soaker hanger...?"

"Yeah, yo!" I wave it around, water spraying into my face but whatever! "Yer gonna get soaked!"

...After holding it idly for a few moments, I turn to Masae. She seems to have gotten closer, for some reason.

Turning to her with a warm smile, I slowly bring the spritzing hanger towards her, and hold it in her face.

...A delayed moment later, she starts slowly retreating, her ears folded back like an offended cat. Aww~h!

She holds her arm up-

A bubble generates over me, in the air. Uh oh.

Spla~sh! A moment later, it pops, raining water down onto me, and forcing me to shut my eyes. "Ho ho~!"

...Once I open them again, it seems Masae is back to being neutral and quiet, except at a respectable distance from me. Apparently she's a freakin' water elemental kitty.

Maribel and Renko arrive at the table I placed in the water a moment later. It basically reaches their waist since the water's three feet deep…

"This has been the first moment we've really had to just mill about, isn't it?" Maribel laments.

"Aside from when we first got here, pretty much." Agreeing with that, Renko nods… "It's just been one thing to another."

I'm in a flux of wanting things to be relaxing and wanting to do a ton of crazy shit at once. I'm like a freakin' cat; I don't know whether or not I want in or out of Gensokyo's everyday events…!

Y'know, I'm starting to realize how much I internalize my banter. Hmm~...!

I still need to gather these freakin' bikinis…

Bringing Deep Blue under the water, I twist its valve back shut, and pocket it. Hmm~...

Ha-chan finally lets go of me, and lets herself sink into the water behind me. Ho ho!

I'm free!

Now that I'm free, I use my left leg to lift a single bikini part off the pool floor, and bring it up high enough for myself to lift…

"The collectathon begins." I comment on my plight as I put the bikini bra on the coffee table.

Also- after giving the girls a glance because they're cute- I noticed Renko still has her hat on. Merry's dish cloth is off, though...

Satori walks across the surface of the water, likely using floating magic to do so.

Renko stares at her dryly. "Cool trick."

Looking back and forth between us, Satori expresses dull surprise. "...Usually humans are impressed when I do this."

Aw. "Have you ever drowned a man?" I generate a question on impulse!

Satori snorts. "I can't say I have."

"What kinda..." Maribel almost pokes fun at my random question, but decides not to. "Anyway, do you need some help with these bikinis?"

I nod. "Yeah, yo."

...With that, Maribel dips beneath the water, curling up into a ball briefly, before she unfolds and swims forward. She moves her arms about to collect a few of the garments while she's down there, before quickly moving to surface again.

"Ha~h…" She takes a deep breath once she's above the water! "Wo~w. I'm realizing how warm it is down here, again…"

Then, she plops about five or so bikini parts onto the table.

I wade over to the table, and start working, yo. "It is time to create something good. Satori, is there anything I could use in the general vicinity?"

...After staring down at me for a moment, Satori replies. "I actually did stash a treasure chest in the hedge maze for those curious enough. There's nothing amazing inside, though; it's just a regular Mega Potion." Huh. "None of the bikinis have elemental properties, if you were wondering." Awwh! No water resistance!?

I might be interested in that Mega Potion at some point, but that can come later.

...Taking some of the thongs and bras, I start tying some strings into knots! A knot wa~s… like, loop de loop and pull and shit, right? Cross the thing, and that other thing, and you do- uh… oh.

Nevermind, that's not how you tie a knot. Actually...

Renko makes some idle conversation as she crouches down lower into the water… "Why's the underground so warm, anyway?"

Satori speaks out, yo! "Thermal shafts, hot air pockets, so forth. There's also an inactive mini volcano down here, somewhere, along with various fire pits… and a nuclear reactor."

I try again, crossing the two strings twice- making a loop. Then, I put the string through the loop, around the deviating string, and then back through the loop…

Holy shit, I just made an actual knot purely from luck. Yea~h! Today, the gods of fortune smile upon me~!

It takes a few moments, but Renko catches something off about Satori's previous statements. "A nuclear reactor!?"

"I'm surprised they're common enough on the outside for you to almost shrug off the presence of one." Satori seems vaguely surprised by Renko's initial lack of surprise…

"What's a nuclear reactor doing down here?" Renko's not gonna let that go for awhile! "I mean… modern appliances, sure, but-"

"I've only a hand in its setup." Satori was indifferent about it. "It does supply electricity to the palace, though."

"...Huh." Renko nods thoughtfully… "Does the city down a ways from here use it, too?"

"Oni aren't big fans of electricity." Satori confirms that oni do not use electricity. "Mostly because, with their habits, it takes too long to set up for too little payoff."

By this point, I've tied all of the bras and thongs I've had together. "Yo, Marimarimaribel, I need more underwear."

Maribel turns away from Ha-chan, whom she seems to have been having a silent exchange with. "Whah?" Seems she didn't hear what I said much…!

"Boob and vagina holding devices." I pat my torso and my crotch.

"...I'm sorry?" Maribel looks at me like I'm dead in the head, dude, dead in the head.

I rephrase myself. "I need more panties and bras, yo."

"Ah." Looking back down into the water, Maribel readies to dive summore… "Hey, Hana? Do you wanna help me collect them?"

Ha-chan blinks. "Sure!" With that, she starts pulling up her uniform top…

Realizing what she was doing, Maribel throws her hands up. "Wa-wait, stop! I didn't mean yours!"

Letting her top lower again, Ha-chan starts to reach towards Maribel. "Why not yours?"

"I-I'm wearing them!" Maribel does a mini-jump in the water, letting the water accent it a bit! "I mean the red ones floating around, not the ones anyone's wearing…"

"Oo~h." Ha-chan acknowledges this. "Okay!"

Bloop. She dips below the water swiftly. Maribel follows her in a moment later…

Splash! Ha-chan dips above the water with a small clump. "Here…"

"Thanks, yo." I watch her place 'em on the table…

Maribel dips out of the water a moment later, shaking to dry herself a little. That tiny jiggle…!

She places another clump on the table. Time to get to work!

Cracking my fingers, I get to work at tying more stuff together!

Masae steps up to the table, reminding me she exists. "Wh-what… are you making?" ...Hoh!

I don't know yet, actually, but rope things are always good things. "A person strainer, dude."

...Masae clams up, looking down at the 'person strainer'. She's freakin' cuddly, dude.

After a few moments, I now have… a longer rope of thongs and bras! Now it's composed of like, fifteen to twenty, and like six feet long. Ho ho!

"I think I'll be getting out." Renko decides. "...I just wanted a dip, really, and there's not a lot to do once you're in the pool."

"Sa~me." Maribel agrees with this.

Hoh. If we're gonna split, I'ma start packing up this coffee table… and this freakin' bikini rope I just made.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Masae stuck around the pool, for some reason. Water cats, yo…

We're now back in the main lobby, and I'm still wet! Cold resistance is fun though, yo…!

Ha-chan's also still wet, but the air's warm enough for her to not care at all.

Merry and Renko are back in their normal clothes, standing around fluffily.

Oh, yeah, we also stopped for that Mega Potion along the way. It wasn't even that well hidden. It was like… around a couple weird turns, but that was it.

Satori gives me a dry look… though that's her resting face most of the time anyway! "I didn't know you were a hedge maze expert. I'll plan accordingly, next time." Ho ho!

"Well…" Maribel speaks up! "...Admittedly, yeah, whatever he was thinking about your hedge maze was probably true."

"I will add, though…" I raise a finger. "That was a pretty snazzy looking chest." I tried to steal the chest, too, but it was stuck to the floor. It was also pretty big, so if someone didn't know it only held a freakin' Mega Potion they'd be thinking they found like ancient pirate doubloons or some shit.

"...Thanks." Satori doesn't look very thankful, yo…

Then, she reaches into her pocket. "I know the three of you are only departing tomorrow, but I suppose now would be the best time to give you these…"

She pulls out three pin things, and holds them up! "Mana prize badges."

I clap my hands together! "Oh boy, oh boy…!"

"Oh…" Renko blinks. "That's nice of you. Their name... means what I think it means, doesn't it."

"Mhm." Satori nods. "These badges will let you generate mana prizes when you impact enemies with physical attacks, which you may then pick up. You have priority over your enemies, for a while, but if you spend too long, they'll get them instead. It also increases your pickup range for mana prizes by a few feet."

Oo~h…! It'sa mana thing! Probably useful as fuck for me because my mana's super low to begin with.

Renko has a question, yo… "How does it generate the mana, though? Is it from our target's pool?"

"Indeed." Satori nods. "...Don't even think about trying to drain their mana by hitting them a lot, though. Mana prizes are typically a negligible amount of mana for anyone above a human. Therefore, if you're fighting anyone above human level, you're literally shaving off danmaku-tier mana."

"...Well, it's better than nothing." Renko starts to put her badge onto her uniform…

"Wo~w." Maribel smiles as she starts to equip hers. "I never would've thought to ask that."

"Mana has to come from somewhere." Renko argues. "I think. I'm a physics person, so I'd like to think that magic at least tries to obey the conservation of mass, if only begrudgingly and half-heartedly."

Aptly, the mana prize badges are in the shape of those transparent bubbles, except they're flat. They are transparent too, though, which makes them a rather neat souvenir, actually…!

I press mine to my kimono!

"I'm glad you like them." Satori seems to prefer not to emote…

Donning a playful expression, I march over to Satori…!

...She stares back as I raise my dukes!

The girls watch me vainly…

I throw a punch-

It hits Satori's shoulder rather uneventfully. She flinches a little, but doesn't seem to really mind.

Some bubbles exit her form, and bounce around on the floor around herself before coming to quick halts.

...I meander towards one-

It gravitates towards my form once I'm a couple steps away, and becomes one with me.

"Prizes." Satori enthusiastically advocates the pins.

All enemies are now mana pinatas, yo. It's like a third rate mana potion!

...I'm surprised we haven't stopped and wondered why Satori's being all buddy-buddy with us. She's probably just a cool cat like that, though. It's about time one of the big fortress owner people didn't want to kick my shit in…! That, and she doesn't give off the 'I'm gonna rip out your asshole' kinda vibe the other big boss people give me. Among other nice things she's done…

I just noticed Ha-chan didn't get a badge or pin. Probably for the best, considering how often she blows up.

"So~..." Merry stretches, yo. Aw. "Nn~h. A who~le day to waste. How much day is there, anyway?"

"I need a watch." Renko needs a watch, apparently. "Then again, becoming stranded in a massive underground biome is a new experience for me."

"It's one in the afternoon." Satori informs us. Hoh, shit. Later than I thought it'd be… though that might be 'cause we were up later last night than normal.

Does Satori know what nukes are, my boy!?

Looking over at me, she furrows her brows. "Where'd that come from?"

Nuclear fission, that's where…! Also, nukes exist, and countries have them. Can Satori gleam all the miscellaneous details through my mental summary, though…?

Satori shakes her head. "I'd rather not, at the rate things are going. It's not the first time I've heard that the outside is less than an ideal place to live, though."

Since Maribel and Renko are looking lost, I raise a finger and speak! "Every big country has hundreds to thousands of nuclear missiles!"

"Oh, tha~t." Maribel waves off the discussion as mundane. "Yeah. War's gotten pretty crazy, hasn't it?"

"I miss the older wars." Renko's a war mongerer, yo. "...Not that I like war or anything, but the old wars at least had a sense of purpose and action. Nowadays nothing like that really happens; it's all about snipers and terrorism and bombs..."

Satori seems to have this look of like, worldly revelation. "What happened in the past thousand years?"

Everything, and also nothing. Nothing was never anywhere, but it was also everywhere. Actually- that's more like the beginning of time…

...Now Satori's dry again. Hohoh!

"Oh, you know…" Maribel half-smiles. "People being people."

That remi~nds me…!

I look over at Renko! "Yo~...!"

...Renko blinks at me. "Hi?"

"You know what math equations do, son?" I'm already grinning before the payoff…!

...After a moment, Renko replies. "So~lve…?" Good guess, but wrong answer!

"They kill each other!" Ooh! "Aah!"

...Renko doesn't look like she knew what to expect from that joke. "Sure."

We've just been standing in this lobby and talking for awhile. I mean, what else're we gonna do? Platform through the temple?

That reminds me… I turn to Satori. "Do you have any sandy fluffs?"

"...Yes." After a moment's hesitation, Satori confirms. "There are some fluffles here or there. I try to keep their numbers low, but they keep spawning in the stonework from time to time." Hoh.

Oh, speaking of…! "We should check out that fluffle stand outside!" I try to rile my party up to visit the fluffle arms dealer!

"The what?" Renko doesn't seem to know what nugget people are. Oh, boy…!

"Oh, boy…" Maribel starts walking towards the door before even I do. "I saw it on the way in, but didn't wanna say anything at the time." But… it was small, and soft…

Satori drifts after her. "Those beings are curiously devoid of thought, despite their actions. Their magical signatures are also curiously well hidden, as well as insignificant."

After some moments of moving, the four of us- where the hell did Ha-chan go? Anyway- the four of us proceed outside to the nugget stand…

"im a mother and a child" It's a sandy nugget.

"I doubt that greatly." Satori rebukes its claim.

...Giving Satori a glance, I gesture to the tiny friend. "What's it sell you, yo?"

"Contact lenses." Satori replies aptly. "...They seem to primarily modify how I copy abilities and what I can gauge from foes. Certain lenses disable my mind reading but grant me different abilities, such as the ability to mirror various stats of my opponent's. Not very worth it, in my opinion…"

If you had something that mirrors your health, you'd be unkillable. It'd probably have stupid drawbacks, though...

I place my hands on the little desk the fluffle has here. "Show me some gea~rs!"

...Softly, the fluffle spreads a fin out, silently splaying some plant hangers across the table.

We've got our usual offenders, namely that horseman hanger thing and that rainbow one I'll never buy in a zillion billion years. But, we've also got some new ones…?

They've got kinda flowery color schemes. There's three new ones, and they all look like basic variants of plant hanger. I don't think they're elemental?

There's this tooty fruity looking cyan and yellow one, with what looks like ornate, rose-like folds in the midst of it. Otherwise, it looks like a basic albeit painted Scarlet Devil Mansion hanger.

I point to it. "What's that, yo, what's that?"

The fluffle looks down at it, before looking up at me. "Fragile Flower! it provides one hundred percent resistance to magical binding and syphoning. allows the user to cast Cleanse, which removes most status effects! when equipped, decreases user's defense and attack drastically. doubles the effect of healing items! doubles the effect of healing spells!"

Fragile Flower. Drastically reduces strength and defense. Yeah, cool weapon.

The next hanger's really freakin' weird looking. It's got a long handle, but not as long as Hard Winter by far. The handle's this cheap looking green color, but the top has this huge, pink metal chunk that faces forward, and the actual hanger lookin' part is just some yellow curves and such on the back of the metal chunk.

I point at it. "What is this alien technology?"

"Faithless Digitalis!" The fluffle claims. The fuck's that supposed to mean? "increases defense when health is low! increases knockback resistance threefold. when at full health, the user only takes one third the damage they normally would. triples user's strength! user is unable to use magic. combo length decreased by ninety-nine. provides one hundred percent resistance to magical binding!"

...That's some shonky business, right there! Basically a freakin' berserker hanger. Unable to use magic is kinda scary, though. Not that I have a lot…! Also, combo length decreased by ninety-nine. What, would I hit my opponent negative ninety-eight times!?

The final hanger looks like it's entirely made of brass, and is mostly just a handle and one long, almost blade-like extension that ends in a huge ass, dull axe shape.

I point at it! "What hot mess is this gonna be…?"

"Solemn Magnolia!" Why do these all have freakin'... flowery names!? "provides one hundred percent resistance to magical binding and syphoning." Also, why do these all have binding resistance? I've never even been magically bound yet! No one asked for that…! "increases combo length by three! increases combo by one for every party member! provides a balanced boost in strength and magic. deflects small projectiles when blocking! may bind targets on impact. increases the power of non-elemental magic!"

Hoh. That one doesn't sound too bad… "How much's it cost, yo?"

The fluffle smiles. "six Scarlet Tokens, and eight Affection Points."

...We playin' a fuckin' game here? Are we playing the same game here!? Affection Points!? Scarlet Tokens!? Who are you!?

...Taking a deep breath, I shake my head. "Alright, yo…"

...I glance over at Maribel and Renko, and they seem intrigued!

Prepared for disappointment, I point at Faithless Digitalis. "How much does that cost?"

"fifty-five thousand yen and two Scarlet Tokens!" The fluffle smiles at me. Again with that Scarlet Token shit…

Numbly, I point at Fragile Flower. "Yo."

"five thousand yen" The fluffle requests.

Yeah, it would be. I dunno, Cleanse could be useful, but being marked for death every time I equip it feels like some shit. Feels bad, man…!

Ah, whatever, I got the money. "Sure." Shelling out the five grand in yen, I plop it on the counter before the fluffle.

It claps its fins together, shoveling the money away. I claim my new hanger-

Oo~h, shit. Man, I can feel myself getting weaker when I pick this up. That's bad.

...The hanger itself feels a little heavy now! Sweet Jesus!

Maribel stares at me. "I'm not sure that was an informed purchase…"

Freakin'... I hold my hanger out towards her. "Grab it, yo."

...Hesitantly, Maribel reaches out and takes the hanger from my hand.

...Once she has it, she stumbles back a little. "Oh-oh, wow, this is…"

Seemingly clamming up, she holds it back out for me to take. "Ta-take it back. It's making me feel weird…"

Dazza curious reaction. I take the hanger back- "Freakin'..." -and immediately pocket it, because screw that!

"How to lose five thousand yen in two minutes." Renko idly comments on my plight.

You know what, yo? I look over at Maribel. "Friend, I want you to use that fluffle to three-D print a brain."

Satori snorts in the background. "...I don't recall printers working like that." Aw, she musta picked up on my mental image. Well, yo, I did recall them workin' like that! You can make guns from Play-Doh now, dude!

...She can probably tell what was a lie and what wasn't!

Maribel's just staring at me with a jaded expression…

I walk over to the fluffle, and lift it. "Give it the bad touch, yo."

Maribel still looks unsure…!

"Mindfuck it." Aaaa~h…!

It seems to click! "Oh- oh, you mean- oh. Well..." Reluctantly, Maribel takes the fluffle from my hands, and holds it in hers…

"Border manipulation…?" Satori is intrigued! "How am I just now learning about this?"

Maribel looks over at Satori in surprise for a moment, before relaxing. "Yeah." She focuses on the nugget person again…

...Satori is still surprised. Like, uncharacteristically surprised. Is the Yukari resemblance really that uncanny?

She looks over at me, then at Renko, then at me again, seeming perturbed for some reason.

Maribel presses her hand to the fluffle's face.

"',.;,;.',;.',;.',.';" Oh, cool. Freakin'... nugget noises, dude.

"Ow~." Satori doesn't seem to enjoy that.

"Sorry…" Maribel takes notice, giving the mind reader an apologetic glance.

...A moment later, she takes her hand off the fluffle's face. "I changed a big thing to see what would happen." We're informed of something that we don't really know the mechanics of!

...We wait for a few moments. The fluffle ragdolls, limp and unresponsive in Maribel's arms.

"Aw." Maribel gives it a sad stare.

Then, it speaks! "im different" It folds its limbs behind its back, becoming a loaf. It also stops squirming around, and becomes idle.

I lean forward, and give it a sniff.

"wa-wal-algh-ahuh" The fluffle makes super cuddly noises. "honh honh"

"I guess it's different, now." Maribel watches it curiously…

Folding her arms, Satori reveals a discovery! "I can read its thoughts, now."

Oo~h!? Fluffles think!?

"...Well." Unfolding her arms, Satori makes air quotes. "'Thoughts'".

Oh. Nugget noises in stereo, then…

Hugging the fluffle, Maribel starts meandering away from the stand. We freakin' broke the stand, son. Although, once we all look away, I'm sure another fluffle will instantly freakin' materialize to fill the void.

"Are we just going to abduct it…?" Renko is confused, son. "What did you do to it, Merry?"

Freezing, Maribel turns to Renko as we all begin skedaddling back into the temple. "...Well, hmm. You see, fluffles… aren't really people."

...Renko blinks, unsure of how to interpret that.

This got very inopportune for Maribel really quickly.

...What, Satori ain't gonna save the day!? Who the frik lets me save the day!?

"Fluffles…!" I raise a finger as we pass through the big door into the palace! "...Fluffles are like nuggets. They're soft, they're thuddable, and they're bakeable."

No one's happy with these statements, but no one's opposed, either. Now's my chance, yo…!

Looking at Renko in particular, I speak. "...Fluffles are like fairies."

Renko's eyes raise in realization. "Oo~h. Pfft…" Grinning, she looks over at Maribel. "You had me thinking you just had a thing against fluffles, Merry. For all the effort you put into articulating yourself, you still drop the ball sometimes."

Maribel semi-awkwardly laughs it off. "Eheheh, yeah… well- nnh." She wanted to say something but went back on it. Man, that's like, a me moment right there. Provided, I've been pretty good at committing to my decisions since arriving in Gensokyo, be they good or bad decisions!

"You are a bunch of awkward teenagers." Satori breaks the ice before it even settles. Wham, yo..!

"I know." Maribel hugs the fluffle closer.

"Wahohoho…!" My mannerisms are either really bold or really stupid! Or both!

Inside the palace, Ha-chan's met up with some kitten people…!

One's Ashes, one's a freakin' short little blonde kitty, and the last one's a freakin' harpy. It's about time one of these showed up!

"I'm the best super star!" Ha-chan jabs a thumb into her chest! "I've got fairy power!"

Ashes scoffs at her. "Na~h, girl. A super star's gotta be strong, yeah?"

The short blonde kitten girl speaks up. "They've got to be kind…!"

The brown-haired harpy flaps her wings. "They've gotta have wings!"

"I have wings!" Ha-chan floats into the air and spins around, showing off her wings.

"Not for long…!" Ashes starts cracking her knuckles!

...Satori walks ahead of us and into the crowd of pets and Ha-chan to diplomatize.

The pets all instantly turn to her. Ashes moves towards her first! "Hey, Satori-sama~! Which one of us do you think is the strongest?"

...Satori raises a brow. "Does it matter?"

"Hell yeah!" Quickly, Ashe grabs onto Ha-chan by the shoulder, and pulls her closer to herself. "We've got this fairy in here talkin' crap about us!"

...The smaller cat girl spoke up. "Well- you, uhm, kind of started it."

"...Did we ask you, Ellen?" Ashes lets go of Ha-chan, leering down at the smaller cat girl.

"No..." Ellen looks down for a moment… but then she looks back up with a glare! "But maybe you should've!"

"Oh, yeah?" Smirking at her, Ashes gets in her face. "Kindness, huh? What's kindness gonna do to me, huh? You gonna bake me a cake, huh?"

"Ye-yeah, huh!" Ellen's claws come out! "I~'m not scared of yo~u…!"

Promptly, Ashes does that cat thing where they just like, do a tiny leap into the air onto a rival cat. Bowling Ellen over, the two get into a literal cat fight on the floor…!

"Rr-rer-rr~...!" Ellen makes angry kitty noises!

The two cats slap their arms at each other about as fast as you'd expect from a cat, but it's ten times as surreal 'cause they're humanoid. It's like watching a freakin'... small scale anime-ass fist fight!

Maybe I'm in an anime setting, yo. Who'da thunk that…?

...Letting the cat girls duke it out, Satori looks over at her pet harpy.

The harpy grins back at her smugly.

"Oh…!" Ha-chan notices me! "Hello, Brad-kun!"

"Hello, friend…" I strut up to her. "Causin' trouble, yo?"

"Mhm!" Guilt by admission, yo! "The kitties in here are really fun!"

Kitten company, dude...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

So, yeah, that was pretty much the entire day! Just freakin'... milling about.

It's now night, but none of us are really all that tired 'cause we woke up late. Technically night, anyway. Four of five clocks say so, yo. Not that it matters, since the underground's forecast is 'five hundred feet of rock and air' for the next quadrillion years until the sun explodes or the island of Japan sinks into the Pacific.

We are once again in that lobby from earlier. Ashes and Ellen are here, too, and they've made up their differences! Ha-chan and that harpy girl went somewhere but I dunno where...

Despite both the cat girls coming out of their fight looking like they fucking skinned each other, their skin is pristine now, even if the majority of their clothes have been eviscerated.

Ellen drank from her mug of milk slowly….

"Nn~h…" Stretching, Ashes looked over at us. "...So, how're you kids liking it? The palace."

"It's pretty big, but really pretty." Maribel does a good job at conveying our overall feelings towards the place!

"Heh. If you wanna see big, you should check the catacombs under this place!" Ashes brags about the palace's size! "You could get lost for days down there."

"Which is why I would recommend against it." Satori strongly advises us not to get lost for days at a time. "Perhaps if you come back well prepared, but for now I see no reason to do you harm by letting you go there." Aw, backtracking incentive, dude.

"...That almost sounds like a challenge." Aw, see? Renko knows what's up, yo.

...Satori smirks. "Maybe it is."

I turn to Maribel. "Yo. Have ya ever plowed a pillow before?"

"Why would you just ask me that." Maribel monotones at me with a dry expression…! "What thought process leads you to these questions." Wohehehe…!

"He likes to hear your reactions." Satori exposes me in particular! Aa~h!

"I don't think that took a mind reading to figure out." Maribel retorts. Ho ho~. "You know what, Brad? Have you ever plowed a pillow, before?"

...I nod. "Yeah, yo." No one in Gensokyo knows… of the pillow mechanization! It is pillow perversion to the 'nth degree! Like, all you guys out there with lube are living in two thousand fifteen… and I'm living in three thousand fifteen! "Every week, yo, every week. I've developed techniques! Strategies! I invented pillow-related mastur-"

"I'm… not sure if that's something to be proud of." Satori gives me a distilled grin. Oh- I guess she knows about the pillow mania now, too. O~h ho ho shit…!

"Remind me not to parrot your own questions back at you ever again." Maribel has an expression not too different from Satori's. Oo~h, don't give me that, fluffy hat. You're only twenty something, I know you've probably been just as bad as me!

...I glance over at Satori, only for her to give me a brief nod. Yo~!

"But 'cha haven't had sex, have ya?" Ashes inserts herself into everything!

I look over at her, and begin smugly... "As a matter of fa~ct… no, no I haven't." Honh.

...Ashes blinks. "Bothers ya, doesn't it?"

I shake my head. "No~pe. It'll happens when it happens, yo." Besides, back at home, I was a fiend at finding ways to entertain myself. Hell, if I ever needed to settle down in Gensokyo, I'd literally be happy with just a food and water supply, a bed and some pillows, and a computer. That's all I need to bunker down for a good few years.

...Hell, maybe minus the bed! Sleep on the pillows and fuck 'em, too!

Ashes furrows her brows. "Why not?"

"Maybe he's saving himself for a girl…" Ellen theorizes in my defense.

"La~me." With that, Ashes sinks back into the couch she's on… "I mean, I'm not one for sleeping around either, but…"

You may never know the tools I have at my disposal…! Unfortunately, you will have to not be informed, because actually justifying my stance would take a freakin' monolithic effort.

"He's not really wrong, though." Maribel defends my point? "I-... don't think so, anyway." Is she defending my actual point, or the one Ellen brought up? Oh, god, I'm losing track of the conversation that's supposed to be about myself! Aaa~h!

Sensing that things were getting freakin' derailed into oblivion, Satori changes the topic entirely. "You three are all outsiders, correct?"

...We all give idle nods. I'm pretty sure you already knew this.

"I assume the youkai presence on the outside is still non-existent?" ...Good enough throwaway topic!

Maribel nods. "Yeah, pretty much…"

Ho ho. I know just the people, yo…! "Do angry politicians and news reporters count?"

At that, Renko snorts. "I don't think so…"

"...I see." Satori leans back into the couch she's on… "I had figured as much. Especially with how technology seems to have progressed."

...Honestly, with all the hysteria and stupidity in the world, you'd think it'd still be prime for youkai. I guess they need a like, medieval level of stupidity and hysteria to thrive, which is kinda detrimental when I think about it…

"Do you want me to find you three an actual room?" Satori proposes. "The other night I shelved you all into occupied rooms, as I hadn't prepared the guest rooms yet. I hope you didn't mind."

There was a big lazy cat in my room.

"It was fine." Maribel is indifferent. "We didn't really notice anyone there…"

"Probably because the occupants were out and about." Satori considered. "In any case…"

A pink light generates at the edge of the furnished clearing!

"That will take all three of you to the guest room." Satori states the little light orb's life goal, yo. "I've made sure to clean it up. It has western style beds, as well."

"Thank goodness…" Maribel shares my thoughts there! "The cat beds were kinda bad, to be honest."

Satori grins at us. "Likely because you are not cats." ...Point!

...Getting up, the three of us meander after the pink orb as it floats out of the room. Ho ho ho~.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Ha~llways! Lo~ngways!

"Stree~t lights!" I clap my hands!

"Peo~ple!" Maribel claps her hands!

"Growin' up in a loohoohoo~ny woho~rld!" Yea~h! Clap clap clap!

We're walking down the hallway to the guest room still!

"You guys…" Renko is being slowly immolated by our collective terrible singing.

"Bu~sses!" I don't think this was part of the song, but I want this energy to keep goin', yo!

"Tra~in cars!" ...Yeah, you would ad lib that in.

...Ah, shit, what do do? "Fa~lling down bottomless pi~ts…?"

Maribel deflates. "You dropped it." Oof…

Thankfully, these hallways are lit and stuff, so no getting blown the fuck up under the cover of shade or anything.

I have no idea if we're gonna be sharing a room or not. I should set up London as a sentry, again. Theoretically, London lets me freakin' set up shop anywhere. She's about on part with a level one sentry, I'd say!

The pink orb stops, and floats into a door to our right.

"Looks like we're here…" Renko moves for the door at the same time Maribel does. Getting there first, she swings the door open…

The room's already illuminated, light only coming from the right side of the room, for some reason.

We all progress in, and look around. There're four beds, and in the right corner there's a lamp. In the left corner- what the fuck is that.

"What…" Maribel starts to back towards the right of the room. "What is that?"

Light vaguely pours out from under the form of, uh… it looks like a really big, generic moth. It has brown wings with a generic pattern, two deep brown dots on the lower parts…

It seems to currently be trying to become one with the room's only other lamp. There's dust on the floor under it, too…!

Looking over at Maribel, I smile. "What if a moth was… really big?"

"Apparently!" Plopping her suitcase on a nearby bed, she begins to open it up. "Can we fight it?"

"It's just a moth, Merry…" Renko looks unsure. "I think."

Moving over to the moth, I keep a hand in my bag just in case it fucks me or eats me or something equally awkward.

"Yo." I raise my voice, approaching it. "...Yo~."

It doesn't react, 'cause it's a moth.

Going around the side of the lamp, I take a look- ooh!

It is not only a moth, it's also a girl! A moth girl! She's got a lot of brown fuzz that runs up her legs like stockings or cloth legging things, except it stops around her thighs. She's got really long brown hair that somewhat blends in with her wings if you don't realize that it's hair…

She seems to have knocked the shade off of the lamp, hugging the light bulb into her bosom. Her arms have a similar situation goin' on to her legs, and her torso seems to have lots of fluffy dust built up on it…

She doesn't have any clothes- I don't think- but the dust and fluffy stuff makes up for it.

I expected bug eyes, but she's got normal, albeit yellow eyes. She looks really satisfied, for some reason…

In terms of height, I'd also say she was like freakin'... six feet tall. That's a big ass moth!

"honh honh honh" ...There are fluffles under her wings. Some of them start to shift, climbing up her side and the wings' backsides…

Curiously, I reach out and touch the back of the moth's wing. It's soft, and fuzzy. I poke her summore-

She flaps her wings a few times! They flap as fast as you'd expect, too!

"Waaa~l!" Some fluffles are flung by how fast her wings flap.

Fwoof! Dust billows out from her form, making me realize just how much the room actually has. The floor's not as covered as the floor currently beneath her, but it's freakin'... she's been places!

"Ah- achoo!" I sneeze. Holy dust, batman… "Achoo!" S'not as- "Achoo~! Ngh…" -as fairy dust, but it's still pretty annoying…!

...That dust fell from all over her, too. I'm willing to bet that fluffy stuff covering parts of her boobs're the same dust.

"Nh- anh- nnh…" The moth girl makes womanly noises for some reason, looking around erratically and jankily.

Maribel's sitting on the rightmost bed. "What's goin o~n over there…?"

I grin. "It- it's a moth girl, yo! A moth girl!"

"Really?" Maribel blinks. "They have a monster girl for everything, don't they?"

"Seems like it, yo…" I eye the moth girl curiously. "If we leave this lamp on, she probably won't do anything."

...Man, moths becoming super sexy-looking moth girls adds a whole new level of morality to dealin' with them.

"Nn-nn~..." The moth girl lets out some kind of coo as she goes back to looking down at the lamp. She's got the bulb between her breasts…

...Looking along the wall, I see where it's plugged into an outlet. Hoo~hehehe…!

Crouching down, I unplug the light.

It goes out.

...At first, the moth girl seems at a loss, looking up from the bulb. "Hn- nnh, nn…" Her face doesn't change too much from its previous, smug expression though.

After a moment, she lets go of the lamp, and steps back. She can walk, apparently!

Turning around, she holds her arms up as he fixates her gaze on the next active lamp. She's got a very cautious, pronounced stride, but the illusion of it being deliberate is broken when she starts doing weird roundabout turns. Basically, she's beelining towards the next lamp and trying to look natural about it… while managing to look very unnatural about it.

Renko and Maribel get onto their beds and watch her. As she moves, she ends up bumping into the leftmost bed and falling onto it, before promptly crawling over it nimbly to get to the other side.

Sensing the bed's top was going to end, she did a wing-accented leap onto the floor before it, likely flapping her wings freakin' innumerably many times before landing. I say innumerably many flaps, but the whole exchange only took a second. That's how fast them wings are!

...She's also left a layer of dust on the bed through her actions. Freakin'...

After moving away from the bed on all fours, she nimbly gets onto her legs without even flapping her wings, and walks towards the still-lit lamp again…

Renko stares at it curiously as it steps by her bed…

When the moth girl walks, it reminds me of a video game character. It's like she's on an animation loop when she attempts to walk naturally.

Eventually, she ends up walking into the back wall-

Thud.

-and attempts to continue into it for a moment, before reversing and moving right again…

Maribel holds up her suitcase… "Stay ba~ck…"

...The moth girl continues into her bed, and flops onto it.

"No~!" Maribel raises the suitcase offensively!

Whack! She hits the moth girl with it!

The moth girl collapses onto the bed for a moment, before rising into the air and darting directly towards the light.

She ends up flying past it, whacking it with her wing-

The lamp shade flies off, and it tips over-

Crack! ...The bulb shatters.

Now, the room is dark. Uh oh.

"Aaa~h…!" Maribel lets out a restrained wail.

"Geez…" Sighing, Renko starts to get comfy in her bed despite there being no light except for what's coming from the cracks under the door. "...I can't see."

"Nn-nnh…" The moth girl exists in the background, somewhere.

Thu-thu-thud! It sounds like she's bashing herself against stuff.

"Ma~n…" I strut into the darkness casually. "Moths are cuddly, dude."

"I-I guess…" Maribel doesn't seem to like moths. "I'm fine with normal ones, but…"

Bam! Wahaha!

I pull Youkai Inconveniencer from my bag, and hold it up…

"Let there be light!" I declare! And then there was light. Y'see, yo? That's how it happens, son.

...The moth girl's currently on the ceiling, over Renko's bed.

Renko sees this, and jumps momentarily. "O-oh…! Really, now?"

Quickly, the moth girl's head darts around, looking at my hanger, then at the surface the light is being projected onto…

Oh, yeah. Fluffles are being silently scattered across the room by her movements. Apparently fluffles like to just spawn from the dust she makes.

Carefully, I continue towards my bed, shining the light onto the moth's face so that she hopefully doesn't leap onto me or something. Despite looking like an ultra sexy woman, I have a feeling she doesn't know any intimacy. She'd just flop onto me and get me all dusty…

I flop onto my bed.

The moth girl immediately leaves the ceiling, flying down into the floor and averting Renko's bed as she does so-

Bam! She smashes her face into the floor, before bringing it back up like nothing happened. Sitting up, I try to keep my light on her-

Darting up, she uses her wings to carry her onto the ceiling above my bed. Woah no…!

If I don't feed this hanger with tiny mana, it'll run outta light eventually, and she'll just fly around haphazardly. Actually, how strong is she? Maybe I can do the human thing and temporarily contain her for the evening…!

In order to find out, I need her to interact with stuff! Shining my light in her face, I await the pain train…

Thump. She darts off the ceiling, and lands on the back wall behind the head of my bed. Oh, boy…

"I'm takin' one for the team, yo!" I warn my friends! "Remember me for my courage!"

Maribel just watches the scene with bated breath. Ho ho…!

Renko looks marginally more droll about the situation, if curious.

...Getting down onto my bed all discreet like, I flash the moth girl with my hanger again.

Then-

Oof! The bed bounces violently as she flops onto it. She's facing the wrong way, so- aah, I've got a view of sorts…! It's mostly dust, though.

"Ah-achoo!" I sneeze!

"Nnn…" The moth girl looks in an arbitrary direction. Freaki~n'...

My hanger's in my left hand right now, so the light's hidden to her unless she turns around.

So she does! She rotates to the left, moving- what the frik- moving her left leg over my face as she begins rotating herself…

"Ahchoo~!" That leg fur's not doing anyone any favors…!

...She stops once her torso is basically perpendicular to mine, 'cause my hanger's in my left hand. Considering she didn't crush my guts out by slamming onto me, she's not that strong. Her wings might be, though, but she doesn't use 'em all the time...

Also- she smells like bug. That's not a very good smell, let me tell you!

"Achoo~..." Aaah, aaa~h!

I take my hanger, and like, move it up to my head. Can I channel through parts of my body that aren't my hands?

...Propping the hanger against my shoulder and the pillow, I am in fact able to make it stay lit through my shoulder. Huh…

Adjusting herself, the moth girl slowly turns around on top of me...

Then-

Woosh. She leaps off of my form, landing on one of the upper walls again.

Oh, boy. "Ah-aachoo~! Je-Jesus…"

Th-thud. Fluffles softly thud onto the bed next to me, and I move to brush them off with my arm. "help stop no"

Freakin'-

Oof! That moth freakin' landed on me aga~in…!

Except this time, we have the same orientation!

...She's looking straight down at the hanger, which almost looks like she's looking straight down at me-

Jeez…!

The bed bounces as she freakin' smashes her face into the hanger, the rest of her body relaxing despite the awkward posture that would hurt her if she was an actual girl and not a freakin' moth.

Whelp. I am now trapped… trapped, and vaguely turned on by the fact this curvy moth just flopped onto me. Now to find out if I can keep her trapped here…!

I reach my arms around her, and let the hanger go out. There's no way I can keep it active through sleep, so…

Hugging myself against her, I hold on tightly in case that's what I need to do…

Why the frik is her chest so big? She's a mo~th…!

I have no idea if this is working since she's not doing anything.

"Are you dead?" Renko calls out to me.

"Ah-achoo!" Yes, yes I am.

Then-

Holy shit! I'm not on the bed anymore-!

Bam! Th-thud, thud! Ou~ch…!

I let my legs fall down. Apparently I was thrown upside down and onto the floor next to the bed. So much for grappling her…

Thud. Now I'm on my back.

Bam! The moth girl's hitting herself into stuff again.

"Y'know what, yo…?" Once I've collected myself again, I begin to get back up! "Y'freakin' know what? This means wa~r, yo~!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Thu-thud. Thu-thu-thud!

I have… trapped the moth girl. Under two beds. It took a couple tries, but her limbs are now awkwardly caught between the bed legs, and no matter how hard she thrusts herself, both beds combined are too heavy. The one holding her body proper has both Maribel and Renko on it, and I'm sitting on the other one.

Thu-thu-thud! "Nngh-..." The moth girl struggles, her wings loudly flapping against the bottom of the shared bed as she violently thrusts herself around.

"You know…" Renko speaks up! "Maybe we should've just baited her out of the room."

...What, and ruin the plot?

"That's actually probably what we should've done to begin with." I admit.

"Aa~h…" Maribel flops back onto her bed, spent. "I'm done. G'night…"

"Me~rry…" Renko looks over at her idly.

Getting off of my bed, I light up Youkai Inconveniencer again, and crouch before the moth girl…

She stops thrashing, fixated on the light.

You know, if she wants it to be so close to herself…

I shove Youkai Inconveniencer into her face.

Thud. She immediately goes limp, relaxing everything again.

...Wow. That would've made this a lot easier. Now, how in the nine fucks am I going to get her out of this freakin' bed contraption I locked her in?

I look up. "...Can you girls switch beds? Again?"

"Noo~." Merry declines. "I sleep."

Son.

"Fi~ne…" Getting up, Renko moves to the undisturbed bed from earlier. "I'm not helping you kick her out, though.

I don't think you'll need to, yo…

With Renko out of the bed, I should be able to do some shit to it. Maybe.

Slipping my hand into my bag to harvest Hard Winter's self-buff effect, I activate it and look to see what I can do…

For now, I'll have to turn off my flashlight hanger. Oh no.

Propping my arms under the bed, I try to lift i~t…!

...Da~h. I make it shift, and maybe lift slightly, but I'm still too weak to actually do anything meaningful.

"Yo~u…" Drowsily, Maribel tosses herself out of the bed, and props her own arms under it-

Hoh! We raise it together easily, and I-

Bam! The moth girl flings herself upward, and fucking launches the bed out of our hands-

Ba-bam. The bed lands on its side next to us, the mattress flopping off of it.

"Wha~t!?" Maribel is in disbelief! "Ah- achoo~! Aaa~h!" And now she's frustrated!

"Aaa~h!" I yell too, because yelling!

As of right now the hallway door's open to allow us some light, but that's not gonna be enough, yo.

With Youkai Inconveniencer raised, I light it up again. The moth girl is now on the wall next to the door out…

She's frozen 'cause ambient light, yo.

Marching up to her, I put the hanger in her face again-

Thud. She drops from the wall, landing on her back.

Before she can freak out, I press the hanger to her face again, and crouch down. Slipping an arm under her legs, and one precariously under her back but before her wings, I begin to lift her...

Ma~n. For a moth, she's fucking hot.

...She starts to come back now that I don't have my hanger in her face!

Running, I jog outside of the room, and drop the moth-

She starts flying off into the hallway!

Bam- bam! She hits things-

Crack! -and knocks over a vase!

"Be free~!" I have unleashed her onto the palace! "You and your people have been liberated!"

I watch her clumsily roar down the hallway… and then I turn around and head back into the room.

Click. I shut the door behind myself...

Maribel's already out on the bed I thought would be mine, and Renko's getting closer to snoozin'...

I think… I'm done, too, yo…

Moving towards the ransacked bed that the mouth launched, I punt the mattress off the frame-

Fwoof. It lands on the floor, fit for just falling onto.

So that's what I do. Wahaha~... bed.

It's gonna take me some time to actually get konked. Freakin'...

Knock knock. Who the hell's at the door…?

Sighing, I start to get up…

Knock knock. Hnn~gh…

Renko and Maribel don't react to it, either. They're probably zonked.

Walking up to the door, I swing it open…

It's Masae, and she's not in a bikini! "He-hey." She notices it's me, and looks away. "Satori-sama told me ta bring ya some, uh, moth repellant."

Motherfuck. "...Gee~." I huff…! "Thanks, kitty." Reaching out, I accept the blue can of moth repellant.

...The can's featureless. Cool moth repellant.

"It's cool." Turning away, Masae waves at me. "See ya."

...She speaks more informally than I expected.

With that, Masae's gone. I shut the door, shove the moth repellant into my sack, and progress towards the bed…

Oof. Flopping down into it, I sigh again. Today's been a freakin' day, yo… got cuddled, went to the pool and played with some underwear-

Knock knock.

Son of a bitch…! What're the odds!?

"Mnn~gh…" Even Maribel doesn't like this, yo, and I'm almost certain she's asleep!

Knock knock.

Getting up, I hold up an arm, even if the person on the other side can't see. "Ho-hold on, I'm coming…!"

Knock knock. Cheeky fucking…

Stomping towards the door, I swing it open-

Ooh. "Hello, Brad-kun!" We were up late enough for Ha-chan to catch me before I snoozed!

Moving out of the way, I invite her in. "Oh, hello, friend. C'mon in."

Ha-chan walks inside, and looks around. "...Everyone's asleep!"

"Yeah." I cringe at her volume. "...So ya better keep it down."

"Oh!" She covers her mouth, before speaking in yell-whisper. "Everyone's asleep!"

Good, I'm glad we cleared that up…

Closing the door behind Ha-chan, I sloppily drop back down onto the mattress with a quick motion.

"Oof…" I let myself sigh again, 'cause screw getting up and lying back down repeatedly. "C'mere, Ha-chan. Let's cuddle together."

...Blinking at my openness to the idea, Ha-chan promptly perks up! "Sure!"

...For some reason, she stands over me before she begins to drop down-

Knock knock knock. Oh, come the fuck o~n!

Oof! Ha-chan plopped onto my chest, sitting there.

I hold up a hand. "Ho-hold on, Ha-chan, before you-"

She starts to spread out onto my form. "Nn~h…" She does a little stretch…!

Knock knock knock. This mothafucka

"I-I gotta get the door…" I inform my fairy friend. "Keep the… mattress warm for me, yo." No blankets, no bed frame, no sheets!

"Oka~y…" Pouting, Ha-chan rolls herself off my form so I can get up.

...Rising again, I glare at the door as I near it. I'm totally complaining to Satori about this shit. Why's everyone want this room…?

Although, I guess most of these occurrences weren't her fault. I'm just tired and bitchy…

Knock knock knock. Cool your ass…!

Opening the door, I swing it open violently. "What in the hell do you-"

It's Matt. It's Matt!?

"Wha~t the fuck du~de!?" Whaa~ my god, du~de! "Whaa~h- where the-...!?"

"What are you yelling about…?" Maribel complains from her bed.

"Shut u~p…" Renko is dissatisfied.

"We must have taken a wrong turn, somewhere." Matt speaks. "Like, it's just me and Shikome, walking around in the forest… and we take a wrong turn."

So you ended up in fucking hell. And in the palace of the earth assholes. Also, who the frik's Shiko-...

After looking out of the door, I see Shikome, the loli of hyper death or some shit standing next to him, a Rumia held in her arms tightly.

"Son." I look through the eye holes in Matt's mask. "I have half a mind to shut this door, stack some fluffles in front of it, and pretend you don't exist."

"But son," he speaks diplomagically, "we need the party to start. Turn this house into a home."

"This house is already a home…!" I gesture down the hall! "We got raped by freakin'... busty moths! How the hell'd you even find us?" What're you doing here!? There was supposed to be- like, literally five hundred feet of rock between me and you. This should've been a statistical impossibility!

"We had to run from a wild motorcyclist that wanted our heads." Matt explains in great detail. "And we somehow ended up here."

Yeah, okay. Freakin'...

...This is why you always build a sentry before you go to bed.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 64

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Hard Winter - A earth/ice-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice! Allows the user to cast Ice Shard. Extends combo length by one artificially. Allows the user to jump out out of combos smoothly, and leave frost in their trail.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - A small bag that always seems to be conveniently unaffected by whatever weird crap happens to me. Never enlarges, almost always gives me what I need if I remember it's there. Infinite inventory space. I would like to know where it actually puts all my stuff though…

==o==

WEAPONS:

Swordbreaker - Dark elemental plant hanger. Boosts the power of dark skills. Has a curvy, fancy design that lets it easily counter swords! It better, with a name like 'Swordbreaker'. Provides a weak but passive boost to defense, magical defense, and evade. Lowers the attack of foes as its on-impact effect.

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! May cast Flash, an attack that blinds; works best on darkness elementals and youkai. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can cast Gust. By the addition of a steel block, its attack and magic attack increased slightly. Sparkles in the light due to fairy dust, able to reduce the accuracy of weak, biological enemies by irritating their senses with the dust. Can play beautiful, flat-tone musi~c!

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Ignites stuff on impact. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle, allowing the user to cast Flamethrower Plus! Allows the user to cast Fume.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Can produce limitless fresh water. Boosts the power of water skills. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style; physical attack increased, physical defense lowered. User bleeds out faster. Can cast Revenge, an attack that increases in power the lower the user's health is. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to let it cut!

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Lowers defense slightly. With added electric and holy charms, the hanger is slightly electric and holy elemental. Is able to fluidly chain attacks for stringing together longer aerial and ground combos. Allows the user to fluidly transition from combo to jumping. Allows forced aerial combo support. Grants the user the ability to air slide. Increased jump height when running. Gives motion sickness with avid use!

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please. Unless you're surrounded by fairies who don't know the difference- but y'know- that opportunity's a freakin' million to one.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

==o==

ARMOR:

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! Seventy-five percent time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Lets me be a Touhou, too!

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business, son. One hundred percent ice resistance, and as such renders me immune to all magical ice damage. Dunno 'bout icicles and stuff, though. Fifty percent freeze resistance… not that freezing will hurt me with this thing on. Fifty percent dark resistance. Negative fifty percent fire and burning resistance. Hopefully hides me a bit when navigating in the freakin' brush...

Yellow Racecar Helmet - It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! Fifty percent sun resistance, one hundred percent freezing and blinding resistance. Also gives immunity to electrical stunning. It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! One hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent freezing resistant. Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it. Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' helmet. Fifty percent blinding resistant! When worn with the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit, it also confers immunity to burning and poison, along with another one hundred percent electricity resistance. Yo…!

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes! Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can. Extends prize grabbing range!

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Forty six thousand, two hundred Yen - ...Yeah, just in a bag. It's about time I documented how much freakin' money I have!

Seven Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

WebDings Book about Foreign Juices - Wahaha! This better fetch a price on the market!

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

==o==

Maribel Hearn, the University Student

WEAPON: Porcelain Mirror - A plant hanger made with curiously chrome materials. Reflects small projectiles it hits. Allows the user to cast Reflect. May cast Reflect with certain skills.

INVENTORY:

[Suitcase] - Holds her stuff. Gives five inventory spaces!

Drawings - Her drawing stuff!

Writing Utensils - Crayons, pencils, pens… hoh hoh!

Dreamcatcher - A holy hanger. May cast Talisman Seal on impact. Casts Talisman Seal with certain skills. Boosts the power of holy skills. Grants fifty percent resistance to syphoning and cursing.

Cast-Iron Plant Hanger - A sturdy plant hanger made of solid metal.

Umbrella - It helps stop the dreaded sky water.

[MP Prize Pin] - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can. Extends prize grabbing range! Uses no inventory space when worn.

[no space remaining]

==o==

Renko Usami, the University Student

WEAPON: Counterweight - Black and gold scissors, with elaborate handles. Every enemy on the field increases combo length by one attack. Every enemy on the field increases jump height and defense by .3x, starting at a base of 1.0x with one enemy. Twenty five percent space resistance granted. User is immune to shoe-glue status when enemies are present. When equipped with no enemies on the field, inflicts shoe-glue status, preventing the user from jumping.

OFFHAND: Umbrella - It helps stop the dreaded sky water.

==o==

INVENTORY:

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Sunfire Scissors - Casts Sunfire Flare on impact. Boosts the power of Sun elemental attacks.

Mega Potion - Causes the whole party to regenerate life.

[MP Prize Pin] - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can. Extends prize grabbing range! Uses no inventory space when worn.

[no more space remaining]

==o==

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

the relaxation chapter - w -

despite it being rather slow paced i don't think it's bad; s'gotta lotta good variety in character actions - w -

i dunno whether me becoming more secure about my writing is a good thing or a bad thing

i also still dunno if i should bother remastering some of the earlier chapters to have better prose…

oh well maybe someone could y'know give me opinions in the reviews ehehehe

although i have indeed found that tvtropes page after some searching! needless to say i am quite humbled by its existence, yo :3 many thanks to the editors who are working on that; you are fluffy people

anyway this chapter

mana prize pins, yeah! i've wanted to incorporate the sorta prize drops from the KH series for awhile - w -

gives everything a good arcadic feel yo

also, moth girl! she's EXTRA THICC yo, except she's also still a moth

stick your face into her fluff and sneeze :3 ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

anyway

i think i'll whine and beg for reviews less from now on 'cause XD I DUNNO BOUT YOO… BUT IT DON'T SEEM TO ACHIEVE MUCH

still yo one of you out there be a hero and share some opinions; i know there's a buncha you and i can take my punches yo

it's just fanfic land wadda ya got ta lose

well anyway enough of me being pretentious and shit XD

as always, see you all next time!