(WAHOHOHO oh man yo it's MATT TIME; he is TUROK SON OF STONE SON) (YOUKAI HUNTER)

We are now in Old Hell. Shikome still has Rumia, and I'm only vaguely winded.

Standing in the doorway, Brad sighs, giving his hair a brush. "Freakin'... the frik do ya want, anyway? Why are you here, yo~...?"

I guess I didn't answer his question. "We tried to jump over a gap in the forest floor, and fell in, and died."

...Brad just lets his arms ragdoll. "Son, I'm gonna shove fluffles down your shirt."

I suppose everyone's wondering how my life got flipped, turned upside down. Well, a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood…

/ / / / FIRST CLASS YO THIS IS BAD; DRINKIN' ORANGE JUICE OUTTA A CHAMPAGNE GLASS / / / /

Sitting in the midst of the bamboo forest, the sun was pretty much down, and we were both pretty winded. We had just escaped from a homicidal orbital laser-toting nun, and proceeded to take a moment to collect ourselves…

...Licking her lips, Shikome looked down at the harpy she still held from the previous fight. It seems chicken is on the menu, tonight.

I've still got Rumia. "Hwa~h…" She's cuddly.

I'm not sure where we should be going from here. Preferably Eientei, even though I haven't visited it that much. Hopefully we don't make as bad of enemies out of them as we just did the Buddhists.

...Looking back at Shikome, I see she's got her form newly soaked from digging into the unconscious harpy girl's side.

Crunch! ...Something she bites crunches.

All things considered, we should probably get moving after this short rest. I don't think Byakuren will give us time to patch up and buy health potions before she jumps us again.

"Let us move." I stand and begin to move, still holding Rumia, who has grown heavy by this point, but I can live.

Shikome has her face full of harpy flank, turning to me idly.

...I look down at the Rumia in my arms.

"I~ would like some bread loafs…" Rumia drunkenly requests loaves.

Like this, we progress aimlessly into the dark bamboo forest. I forget, but it's probably called Bamboo Forest of the Lost for a distinct reason.

After a moment, we come to a creek of some sort in the midst of a clearing. There's nothing around it, at the moment. It's slightly brighter than the near complete darkness we've had to wallow through to get to it.

I could either continue past it, or follow the river in one direction. Since Eientei has little in terms of rivers near it to my limited memory, following it period will probably get me bumfuck lost in the middle of nowhere.

So that's what I begin to do, because I doubt Byakuren will be able to locate me if I can't even find myself.

Shikome eyes the creek curiously as we continue past it. She seems to have gathered her breath far faster than I have… that, and she's also walking and eating at the same time.

Crunch! ...Furrowing her brows, she starts to jerk her head to tear something from the harpy's ribcage-

Crack! That's interesting, I would suppose.

As we continue along the creek, there's a whole lot of darkness and nothing for a little while.

Eventually, however, we reach another clearing, where the creek mysteriously tapers off for some reason, despite the water flowing from...

After giving it a glance, the water on this end is still, as if the creek were a pool, despite the other end rippling vaguely. I don't think that's how water is supposed to work. It's like the water's flowing in from nowhere.

At the edge of the creek's end, there's some kind of stand…

Shikome and I strut up to it, unsure of what to expect at first.

There's a sniffing sound. Oh, no.

After a moment, a fluffle emerges from under the stand, suddenly stationing it. "its a secret to everybody"

No. Why.

The fluffle climbs onto the desk, and suddenly starts bobbing as if it has a really jazzy idle animation. "im casual"

...I hold up Rumia. "How much for this?"

...The fluffle stops animating, its head tilting forward and obscuring its smile.

I guess it doesn't take lolis.

"Aww~..." Rumia idly swings an arm out in an attempt to grab the fluffle. "Kitty…"

...The fluffle jerks its head back, yet remains inexpressive.

"Show me your wares." Let's see if there's still nothing to buy.

Cli-cli-clink. The scissors drop from the fluffle as it stands there, somehow.

There's those black scissors, again. I'm probably never going to get those.

Those horseman scissors are there, whatever. There's also the kunai scissors… and those ice ones, which are also whatever.

There's a few new pairs, however.

The first of which is what looks like a pair of plastic, blue scissors of some kind. The handles have some curious, rounded protrusions…

I point at them. "Explain."

The fluffle smiles. Please, no. "Danger Scissors!" It also raises its fins. "when wielded, scales enemy encounters to ability of entire party. increases defense in critical situations. increases enemy spawn rate. five percent silencing resistance!"

...That's a bad weapon, and you should feel bad.

"it costs five hundred yen" The fluffle also tacks on the price.

...A hard maybe. That still sounds like a terrible idea, even if it's only five bucks.

I point at the next pair of scissors. They've got a dull green handle, and a neon pink set of blades, for some reason. "...Why."

"Flower's Thorn!" The fluffle is excited about this. "increases cloth crafting affinity for every party member. increases sewing machine affinity for every party member. allows the user to spend Affection Points to upgrade equipment! one hundred percent magical binding and dispel resistance."

...No, fuck you. I give the fluffle a middle finger.

Its shell nose opens as if surprised.

I won't even bother with the price on that one.

...Finally, I gesture to the last new pair of scissors on the table.

Instead of a typical handle, it has two big rings with ornate, shiny yellow triangles molded into black metal. The actual blades are awkwardly shaped in comparison to the two huge ring handles, looking more like brass spikes…

"What the fuck." I shake my head at it.

"Sunrise!" The fluffle names the scissors. "fifty percent sun resistance. allows the user to finish casting magic even when hit by medium or lesser attacks! boosts the last cast of magic when mana runs out. melee combo finishers chill enemies!"

That sounds… pretty useless.

Well, then. Taking out five hundred yen, I place them on the counter. "I'll take those danger scissors."

"thank you for your fluff meal purchase" The fluffle scoots the scissors towards me with its face, bending at a well over ninety degree angle to do so. "by the way say hi to my friend"

To the left, Shikome and I turn to a large fluffle that suddenly progressed towards the stand from the darkness. It's eight feet tall, and for some reason has humanoid arms fixated artificially onto its sides. One can see where the fins it had used to attach to it…

"hi im mister fluffdown" It introduces itself, smiling at us. "gimme your lunch money nerd"

...I see. Picking up my new scissors, I quickly pocket them, and back up from the large fluffle.

Shikome looks up at the fluffle, her face coated with the harpy's blood, her kimono dusted with feathers.

Lumbering up to Shikome, the fluffle moves to smack the harpy from her hands-

Fwish. Shikome darts back, still looking up at it.

"roar" Almost stumbling over, the fluffle reels its burly human arms back, and violently swings them wide with great speed-

Fwish. Shikome darts back further, her brows furrowed.

"hurah" In an attempt to close the distance, the fluffle kicks one stubby leg into the air, almost falling onto its back as it does so.

...Shikome steps back to avoid it, not even needing to dodge properly that time.

As the tall fluffle tries to correct its posture, Shikome lunges, swinging the half-eaten, unconscious harpy like a club-

Whack! The harpy's limbs crack unhealthily, and the impact sends the fluffle stumbling to the side, somehow not launched or displaced completely.

Bringing the harpy over her head with both arms, Shikome brings it down on the fluffle-

Bam! The fluffle is sent rolling onto its side from the impact. The harpy girl looks fairly mangled, to the point I'm pretty sure she's dead now.

Landing on its stomach, the fluffle slams its human arms against the floor, and almost entirely launches itself back up onto its feet-

Shi-shi-shink! Three tendrils drive into its back, piercing it completely.

"hey thats not nice" The fluffle starts squirming to try and escape them…

Lifting it into the air, Shikome retracts two of the tendrils, and uses the last one to whip the fluffle around-

Bam! It comes loose and slams into the floor hard, producing a greater impact than I thought possible from a tub of fluff.

...Thrusting itself into a standing position again, the half-torn up fluffle stumbles to the side. "help friend help. help!"

The fluffle at the stand seems to panic all of a sudden, before leaping from the desk and darting over to the creek.

Seeing this, the tubbiest fluffle bolts from its place in front of Shikome, and runs into the water.

Splash! The big one body slams in.

...The fluffles are now both wet.

...Propping itself up and marching out of the water, the eight foot tall fluffle was now completely soaked. Good.

"horaah" Pumping itself up, the fluffle charges at Shikome with both arms raised, its legs pounding against the forest floor-

Fwish. Shikome darts to the side, and she sends three tendrils to pierce the fluffle's tubby torso-

Shi-shi-shink. They pierce the fluff, but only marginally slow it down. Even so, it gradually slows down after missing Shikome anyway…

Shi-shi-shink. Now behind it, Shikome interlocks three more tendrils into its legs from behind, keeping it held in place.

With the six tendrils interlocking through the fluffle's form, Shikome slowly starts to lift it. "Hn~gh…" As she lifts it, the fluffle's form drips with brown, dusty water...

...Then, she starts trying to make her tendrils spread out in different directions. Slowly, the fluffle starts to expand, becoming undone...

"what no" The fluffle looks disappointed. "i thought i was extra tubby"

Ri~p!

"no my money" The fluffle begins flailing its arms as its seams come undone-

Ri~p!

Fwoof. The fluffle fell apart into a pile of dust. Glimmering yen coins and bills floated out of the dust, fluttering in the low wind as they fell.

Idly, I move to pick up the money as Shikome continues chowing down on that harpy girl she held the entire time. In the end, the fluffle dropped five thousand yen, for some reason. I suppose that makes up for the price of those worthless Danger Scissors…

Taking the scissors back out, I focus on them.

Walking over to the fluffle stand- which now had the soggy, tinier fluffle behind it again- I consider actually using one of my upgrade items.

Since I'm using one arm to keep Rumia steady, I place the Danger Scissors on the counter, and begin fumbling through my backpack awkwardly…

Taking out that grey stone I acquired awhile back from that one monochrome fairy I beat up with a bunch of hooligans, I slap it onto the Danger Scissors.

Fwi~sh. It seems to lock onto the side. Not that I'd be using this thing as a weapon, anyway…

Looking up at the fluffle, I point at the scissors again. "Details."

"Danger Scissors Plus!" The fluffle reveals my item's new stats. "when wielded, scales enemy spawns to party ability. spawned enemies can come from anywhere, regardless of where you are! increases chance of enemy encounters. five percent silence resistance! ten percent resistance to nil. increases defense when in critical situations"

Spawned enemies can come from anywhere. How anywhere is anywhere?

...I'll hold them for the time being out of curiosity, then.

Crunch! Shikome's still eating her unfried chicken.

/ / / / JOCKER CLASS YO / / / /

After abandoning the creek path and wandering aimlessly, we eventually came to the front door of Eientei. In the night's darkness, it was lit with sterile lights reminiscent of a supermarket.

Shikome had finished her bird by this point, but at the moment was idly carrying around the eaten out corpse. I'm not sure if I should tell her to put it down or not.

I'm not sure what those danger scissors are supposed to do yet, since we haven't actually encountered anything since then.

Stepping up to the door, I see the glass door slide open. That almost caught me off guard, considering how technologically inept the rest of Gensokyo is. Shikome doesn't seem fazed, though.

Walking inside, we look at the desk ahead…

A short, cream-haired lunar rabbit seems to be making herself scarce behind the counter ahead. "...Uhm…"

Then, she notices who Shikome's carrying. "O- oh, my… are- are you- do you need- uhm...!?" She slowly fluffs up, panicking as she realizes how bad the harpy looks.

...After an idle moment of us staring at one another, Shikome tilts her head back and forth, and plops the harpy onto the desk. "Take care of this for me."

...Looking rattled, the bunny girl salutes. "O- oh- okay! We'll work on her right away, do-don't worry!"

Acting quickly, the bunny girl slides her arms under the bloodstained, deceased harpy girl and starts carrying her away herself. "I-I'll, um, be back! Don't go…!"

With that, she jogs out of the room, down one of the deviating hallways.

...She must be pretty green if she couldn't tell it was already dead. I'm pretty sure most people would have assumed it was dead with a glance.

After Shikome and I stand in the lobby for a moment, a new girl moves in from down the hallway the rabbit girl left.

...She's walking backwards atop a crystal ball, rolling it forward. The girl has long ears, tan skin, and grey hair, as well as pastel green, earth green robes. Red dots are painted onto her cheeks under her eyes.

Slowing to a stop, she looks around, resting atop her orb with one leg. "...What?"

I turn to her idly. "Who are you?"

She blinks. "...I should be asking you, sir. Where in the desert am I?"

Okay. "No idea."

...She pouts. "You are not telling me the full truth, sir."

Thoom. Thoom.

...I look to the hallway behind us, on the other side of the lobby.

Some kind of large, tubby mass is advancing towards us. At the very top, it seems to have a fluffle head.

"honh honh honh"

...Oh. The entire mass is composed of fluffles, making one large, round body. The round mass has cloth and robes bundled up all around it to hold the fluffles in and protect itself. The fluffle on the top has a tiny life-preserver around its head as a hat.

Stopping in place, the giant tubby fluffle raises its long, stubby arms- also composed of fluffles- and shakes them in the air, allowing its entire mass to jiggle.

Bambam!

Suddenly, the filing cabinet behind the desk tips over, revealing a crawlway behind it. From inside, fluffles hiding inside of tiny green pots float out, two of them drifting into the air playfully.

...I turn to the genie-looking girl. "I have a wish. Take me the fuck away from here."

She giggles. "Ahuhuhu~! Sorry, sir. You were not the one unfortunate enough to rub my lamp, you see. In fact…" She furrows her brows. "Who did let me out?"

Thoom. Thoom. The tubby fluffle thing began stomping towards us, its whole body articulating as it does so…

Di-di~ng!

One of the green pots floats over the tubby fluff, sprinkling some kind of dust, and they both glow green for a moment.

"What… are those?" The genie girl is intrigued, shifting forward on her crystal ball, changing legs to do so. "In all my years…"

Thoom. Thoom. Taking a few more steps forward, the tubby fluffle thing reeled its entire body back… then it bent forward-

Fwooahm!

Shikome, the genie girl, and I all had to leap out of the way, a deep red swath of flames pouring out from the fluffle's shell nose and encompassing a good span from where it began...

"My, oh my!" The genie girl holds a hand to her mouth, as the crystal orb she's balancing on gently ascends to the air, taking her with it. "Whatever it is, it is not friendly…!"

Shikome's tendrils come out, and she begins to strafe towards the fat fluffle thing.

...Once the fire swath ends, the fluffle starts to stand back up straight-

Fwam! -only to abruptly lunge its head forward again, and spit out a fireball.

Shikome darts to the side, allowing the fireball to hit the tiled floor of the lobby-

Fwam! Another fireball comes out, heading for the genie girl-

Ti~ng! She drifts up to let it hit her orb, and the fireball is reflected back at the tubby fluff thing.

Bam! On impact, the tubby fluff is tipped onto its back, and its cloth rides up, exposing the stomach… which was just a shifting mass of fluffles.

"honh honh"

"hi son"

"im soft"

Shikome and the genie girl capitalize on this moment at the same time, both shifting towards the mass at inhuman speeds-

Shi-shi-shink! Three tendrils stab into the mass.

The genie girl seemingly dances around on her orb as she nears, only for the orb to come out from under her entirely. Despite the surface gone, she remains in the air, twirling around-

Fwi-fwi-fwish! With three nimble swipes of her hands, sudden incisions impact the fluffle mess. Blades of wind, perhaps…?

Flipping upside down, the genie girl allows her crystal orb to pass over herself-

Bam! It smashes against the fluff, smooshing it, before returning to the genie girl, orbiting around her side.

Distancing herself, the genie girl snaps her fingers-

Fwoa~h! A sudden, tiny wind storm lifts the fat fluffstuff, causing it to spiral into the air, before landing again. Shikome is forced to withdraw her tendrils and leap back-

Boom. The fluffle's impact with the floor caused a myriad of them to splay outward, flowing away from the main mass…

Then, it began to stand again. The two green pots floated over it-

Di-di~ng! Di-di~ng!

Despite the fluffles that were knocked from its being, the mass grew in size due to the aid of the green floating things. They must be casting healing spells…

"Oh, no no no~." Shaking her head, the genie girl's orb positions itself beneath her feet once again as she rights herself. "This will not do."

Once again, the fluffle mass begins to slowly lean back, as if building up energy for its next attack…

Shikome suddenly darts forward, and pierces the stomach with three tendrils-

Shi-shi-shink! Despite the audible damage, all the incisions seem to do is make the mass jiggle.

Fwooa~hm! Another impressive display of fire breath is unleashed from the fluffle menace, this one targeted at the slowly approaching genie girl.

"Hehehe~!" Dodging around it, the genie girl's orb begins glowing. "Unwise!" Rotating around her back, the orb travels all the way around the genie before striking the fluffle-

Bam! The orb hits it on the head, causing the top fluffle to be pushed back inside the body, and for another mess of fluffles to get pushed out…

...Setting Rumia down on one of the waiting chairs, I dig through my backpack for the water scissors and brandish those. I wonder how this thing will like getting wet, if it's fire-based…

Also, someone needs to do something about those stupid healers.

Despite me thinking that, they seem to just drift to the side of the room and out of everyone's way like the annoying things they are. They'll probably make themselves visible when they come to heal the tubby thing again.

Shi-shi-shi-shi-shink! With simple movements, Shikome stabs tendrils into crawling fluffles as they try to escape the mass.

...Once the fluffy mass recollects itself, it's a size smaller than it was before, and the cloth that held it together more baggy.

The healers start to move-

Abruptly lunging to the side, the genie girl grabbed onto one, hugging it. "Ahuhuhu~!" With it in grasp, she started dancing around in the air with it, her orb rotating around herself as she does so…

Once the brief, momentum-based dance ends, she casts the pot beneath herself, and starts orbiting alongside it, as if falling with it-

Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwish! The air makes a bunch of violent noises as she whirls around the pot, visible slashes bombarding the fluffle's vehicle-

Positioning itself above the pot, the crystal orb slams down-

Cra~ck! The fluffle pot was destroyed, as well as the fluffle inside it.

Reeling its arm back, the tubby fluffle creation begins to wind up a big punch, its arm lighting up with amber flames as it tilts back onto one stubby leg…

Cautiously, I start to position myself back, while Shikome distances herself from the thing as well-

The fat fluffy menace brings its arm out over its head, and slams it into the floor.

BAM

Amber energy and skirting flames spread out across the floor, a shockwave rocking the room.

"Ngh…!?" Shikome is flung into the air by it, flames briefly licking her body as she drifts up slowly…

Chairs, binders, cabinets, and other such fixtures tip over and get thrown onto the floor.

At this point, I'm positive a security team is going to come fuck everyone's day up for making the lobby explode. Also- I'm not getting near something that can do that.

...Shikome lands on her feet softly, looking perturbed.

Reeling its head back, the fluffle readies to barf fire again.

Crack! With one punch, the genie broke the other green fluff pot. "...Not as strong as I thought, actually."

The fluffle from it fell onto the floor, and began scurrying away on all fours…

"U-uhm…" The cream-haired bunny girl came back without the harpy corpse, carefully stepping into the room. "I- wh- what's going on!?"

...I'm not sure if I should put away these Danger Scissors yet.

All of a sudden, I hear the loud roar of an engine increase in volume from the doorway…

The fluffy menace pumps its arms in the air again, jiggling merrily as if the fight was going well for it.

"I have no idea what's going on!" Looking around, the genie girl takes in the sense of impending people...

"I- I need to get someone…!" The cream-haired rabbit begins to run away from the scene…

Putting away the water scissors, and the Danger Scissors while I'm at it, I pick up Rumia and begin moving. "We should go, like now."

"Fine…" Shikome doesn't seem too opposed.

Moving, we begin to get into the hallway the cream-haired bunny girl went down-

I hear the doors to the clinic slide open, one by one, the roaring of an engine getting louder with each glass door.

Peeking around the corner, I see-...

Byakuren has arrived, and she's riding a motorcycle through the glass doors.

...I thought the whole Buddhist gangster thing I had going was a joke, but now I'm not so sure.

Slowly riding her bike in, Byakuren gave the tubby fluffle a patient smile…

The genie girl looked amazed. "Oo~h? What is that technology!?"

Fwooahm! The fluffle monstrosity releases another jet of flames in the direction of Byakuren.

She simply stops just shy of the flame's farthest point, smiling into it like it were a stoplight.

After it runs out, the big tubby fluffle begins to correct its posture-

Nimbly, Byakuren leaps off of her bike, lifts it with both arms, and runs towards the giant fluff ball.

Fwam! Jerking its head forward, the top fluff spits a fireball at Byakuren.

Ducking under it, Byakuren lunges forward, and swipes with her entire motorcycle-

Cla-bang! The horizontal blow cleaved into the fluffle mass's tub, pushing out fluffles and sending the mass wobbling.

Inhaling, Byakuren lifted the motorcycle over her head, and slammed it down on the fluffle menace-

Cla-Bam!

"Waaa~l!"

...Fluffles uselessly and helplessly scurried out from under the bike, the tubby fluff thing ruined by the blow and forced to become a puddle-esque shape.

We might wanna… run.

With the giant fluff tub out of the way, I see a team of five lunarian rabbit girls in suits running down the hall it occupied. The laser sights of their rifles make it pretty clear they're not just here for a patrol and some pastries.

Turning around, I begin jogging in the opposite direction, Shikome promptly passing me and leading the way.

/ / / / EIENTEI COMBAT SON / / / /

...I think we're a good distance from whatever the hell was going on back there. Of course, that's what I thought before, but then Byakuren pulled up to the clinic on a fucking motorcycle.

...Note to self: only draw Danger Scissors when I want to be in maximum danger.

Now that we're in the midst of the clinic's halls, however, I have no idea where to go. With any luck Byakuren will get kicked out… or the inverse: I get kicked out and Byakuren is conveniently outside waiting for me.

At this time of the night, the halls are pretty dead. I remember the halls being pretty dead before, though, so… now they're double dead.

I should just randomly walk into rooms and see what's going on. I might get an idea of where the hell I am, or maybe not.

Pleased with this idea, I turn to the first door to my~... left.

Turning the knob, it creaks open…

...Ah. It's some kind of medical check-up room. The lights go on automatically when I enter, but there's nothing in here of interest, seemingly. As much fun as it would be to thumb around, I have to get the hell out of here before Byakuren unloads an uzi up my ass, or something to that effect.

Leaving the room behind, I jog to catch up with Shikome as she steps through the hall leisurely…

"A room with people might get us somewhere." I not-too subtly suggest she lead us somewhere with life forms.

...After giving me a glance, she nods, and continues walking forwards.

Stopping on a dime, she turns to a door to her right. Stepping forward, Shikome opens the basic door.

Inside this room is a myriad of bunk beds, with bodies in them. To our right, a platinum-haired lunar rabbit turns from her desk to look at us. "Wh-what? Again…? This late?"

Walking up to her, Shikome begins to reach out to grapple her.

"Hey- hey! Stop!" The rabbit tries to get up from her seat, only for Shikome to pull on her arm. "Wh- help! Someone! Girls!"

Slowly, Shikome drags the struggling rabbit from the room, tendrils lashing out to contain her once she gets the better of Shikome's arms.

"Please!" She looks towards the beds. "Wake the hell up! I'm- I'm being attacked you idiots!"

I back out of the room as the platinum-haired rabbit is dragged along by Shikome…

...Click. Shikome shuts the door with a tendril.

"Noo~!" The rabbit girl begins thrashing anew. "What the fuck!? Th-this isn't funny! Who put you to this!?"

...I stare at the scene dryly. "Why."

Shikome looks over at me. "She needs food." She tilts her head towards me, likely indicating Rumia.

Huh. Happy family.

fwish. Something happened behind us...

"We~ll, well, well…" We hear the clacking of boots against the wooden floor behind us. "What've we got here? A bunch of little girls and a mask?"

Turning around, I see a lunar rabbit with deep green, bobby hair stepping towards us. She's got her arms folded, and two bulky, white metal boots with up and down arrows printed onto their sides…

We all stare at her.

"Uchu-chan!" The platinum-haired bunny calls out for her. "Go- good… Uchu-chan, I'm-"

Cr-crack! A tendril around the rabbit's arm began to pull. "Aaa~nh! Ah- aah!"

Uchu sighs. "Umeko~, Umeko, Umeko. I can't say I didn't see this coming, but in the middle of the night is kinda sudden for even me."

"Wh- wh- nnh…" Umeko is now crying. "Uch-Uchu, you bitch- help!"

...Slowly, Uchu begins to grin. "I was itchin' for a late night fluffle run… but I guess you kids'll have to make due."

Fwi-fwish! Unfolding her arms, she suddenly summons two bulky, technological armaments that resemble futuristic crossbows.

Throwing one over her shoulder and letting one stay by her side, she continues to smile at us. "You really shouldn't have disturbed us…"

Cr-cr-crack! Umeko's arm makes unhealthy noises as it begins to visibly move out of place…

"Aaa~h!" Umeko's eyes widen, and she yells.

Raising both guns at us, Uchu just fires them at us plainly.

Ti-ti-ti~ng! Ti-ti-ti~ng!

Six diamond-shaped, red arrows of laser energy come out, and home in on Shikome.

Once they reach her, they patter against her, shattering into shards of some kind of energy, be it danmaku or otherwise. Regardless, each impact causes her to jump, and her whole body to convulse with the energy.

Ri~p! The sudden stress Shikome's tendrils exert rips Umeko's arm off entirely. "Haau~h!"

Raising a brow, Uchu holds the arrow guns at side angles, pressing the tops together. "Take this!"

Shi~ng! The arrow guns both fire a thick, white spear of energy that slowly progresses towards Shikome...

Shikome twirls around, and ducks behind Umeko-

Thwash! The bolt pierces Umeko's form-

Thwash! "Ngh…" Stumbling back, Shikome's body was now crackling with red energy again, despite the bolt not being red.

"Ah-aauh…" Umeko suffers similarly, but she's not having much fun.

Frowning, Shikome focuses on the rabbit girl firing at us, and begins moving for her…

Leaping into the air, the rabbit drifts back…

Ti-ti-ti~ng! Ti-ti-ti~ng! Two more volleys of three red diamond bullets homed in on Shikome-

They all pattered against Umeko's body, which Shikome held up before herself with her tendrils.

"A-aahnh…" Umeko sounds pretty done.

Getting closer, Shikome abruptly sends a tendril out to collide with Uchu-

An energy shield flickers to life around the rabbit as she twirls to the side, as if skating on the air. Stopping on a dime, Uchu shot her bolts out at two wide angles-

Ti-ti-ti~ng! Ti-ti-ti~ng!

One volley went far to the left of Shikome, before arcing around at nearly ninety degrees and nailing her in the side. "Hrm…"

The other volley went to the far right, and ended up homing on me instead. Turning to the side, I let it hit my back-

"Hn~h…" Fu~ck that burns! Each blow somehow causes pain to flourish across my entire body, and all of my muscles convulse at once. Damn.

Shikome sends out another tendril, which whirls forward faster and from a closer starting proximity than the last one-

Fwi- Shink! The rabbit girl's energy shield shatters as she is promptly pierced. "Oah!" Jerking back, her eyes widen-

fwish. She vanishes completely, the tendril suddenly loose in the air...

"Oh, yeah…?" Her voice comes from behind us again, prompting us to start turning around.

Once we do, I'm able to get a good look of the new gash her stomach sports-

fwish. "Heads up!"

Ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti~ng!

Shikome is forced to repeatedly jerk herself back, the rabbit girl hanging upside down in the air above her and firing below. Her dodging allows her to only take a few of the hits, the proximity of Uchu being too close for the missed shots to begin homing before they patter against the floor.

...In the distance, I hear a sound. It's the slowly increasing sound of a bike engine.

"We should move!" I begin running down the hall, eagerly looking for a deviating hallway.

...A moment later, Shikome runs past me with the quivering Umeko still in her arms, and assaults another door to our right-

Bam! She breaks it open by hitting it with a myriad of tendrils at once, and runs inside. I follow inside behind her…

It seems to be a rather large lab of some sorts, though no one's in here at the moment.

Except, for some reason, Uchu. She's standing upside down on the ceiling in a far corner of the room as we pass through it. "Wha~t? You running away?"

Vuu~m. Her energy shield audibly recharges as we move through the room-

"Here!" She aims her guns side by side again at the end of the room. "Dodge this!"

Shi~ng! She fires another brightly glowing spear of light forward, far ahead of where we'll move- "And this!"

Shi~ng! She fires another actually at us- "And this!"

Shi~ng! Good projectile spam.

Ting. The first spear of light she fired ahead of us bounces off the wall, forcing me to reconsider following directly in the wake of Shikome-

Ti-ting. After the spear ahead of me bounces off the floor, I move after it, only to find I barely missed the trajectory of a spear that came after my back-

Ti-ti-ting. I've also now just realized the spears aren't even bouncing properly. When they hit a surface, they seem to bounce towards us almost no matter what, even if that wouldn't physically make sense.

Bam! Shikome stabs the door ahead of us open, and barrels through it.

As I follow her out, I make sure to kick the door behind us closed-

Bam! ...Ti-ti-ting. Crisis averted. I have trapped the bouncing spears inside.

We're now in some sort of large clearing in the midst of the halls. This large room has leisure furniture, tables, and such other rich wood fixings.

...Now that we're in here, Shikome turns to me, two of her tendrils still holding onto the disembodied arm of Umeko. She shoves the arm into my arms, which is problematic because I've also got a Rumia in these arms still. Therefore, I am now carrying Rumia along with a disembodied arm.

...At least Shikome gave me a hand.

I'm going to hell for that joke.

fwish. Uchu shows up again, this time standing atop a tall cabinet at the far end of the room.

Leering down at us, she holds up her guns… and then, she brings them together-

Fwa~sh! The two guns combine with a flash of light and become a large rifle with a pointy, crystal prism for a tip. "Gotcha now!"

Aiming it at us, she aims down the sight on the top…

Since we don't really know which way to go, Shikome simply darts for the leftmost hallway opening on the far end of the room…

Ti~ng! The rifle fires one persistent, red diamond bullet that stops in the air a few feet from where the rabbit fired it.

I watch it warily, strafing to make sure I'm to the side of Shikome so that I'm not targeted first…

Suddenly, the bolt darts forward-

"Grh…" Shikome briefly stumbles before finding her footing again, the diamond-shaped bullet piercing straight through her and through the floor below.

Ti~ng! She fires another bolt, but we continue into the hallway, escaping from it.

Ahead, Shikome seems to swerve side to side-

The diamond-shaped bullet passes by her at a speed one could miss if they blinked, failing to hit her form.

Vroo~m!

Byakuren pulls out of one of the deviating halls from earlier, putting her right before the door we emerged from prior. Her motorcycle briefly drifts as she makes a sharp turn to follow us.

"Who the hell're you?" Uchu watches her speed past her position.

Noticing the gaining motorcycle, Shikome strafes toward the left wall, and kicks the nearest door in.

Bam! She used her tendrils, as well. We both rush in-

Vroo~m! The motorcycle passes the door behind us.

This doorway seems to have lead to some kind of stout hallway, which has some doors at the sides, and a door at the very end. We run straight to the other side-

Suddenly, a red diamond bullet zooms right past the space between me and Shikome, narrowly missing both of us. That's cool, just shooting us through the walls.

Reaching the other side of the room, we quickly exit into the new hall.

To the right, Byakuren seems to just be pulling around a corner, again. Good.

"You're puttin' me to sleep, bucko…" Uchu sleepily walked on the ceiling above us. "Next time I wanna go to bed, I should just ring up you two. Ya work about ten times better than those crappy relaxation tracks we got passed around."

fwish.

Vroo~m! As Byakuren speeds towards us, I look at her and notice Uchu now flying alongside her bike…

"Hey, buddy!" Uchu yells over the engine.

Byakuren looks over at her.

"You're breakin' the speed limit!" Gleefully, the rabbit reeled her arm back, and swung one of her arrow guns at Byakuren-

To avoid it, Byakuren tilted her bike to the side at a seemingly implausible angle, before righting it and-

Bam! She punches Uchu to the side, causing her energy shield to flare up.

"Orah!?" Uchu is left spinning in the air-

Thu-thud. She lands on the ground, rolling until she stops against the side wall.

Bam! Shikome abuses the door directly ahead of us with her tendrils, rushing inside. Again, I file in behind her…

Unlike the other rooms, this one seems closed, with a large pad in the middle. Various decorative brick structures and banners outlined the room's walls, and the pad in the middle sat upon a block of stone that had blue and beige coloration…

At the very back of the room, there were glass panels, revealing technology and other such useless props.

"Ah-aahn…" Umeko whined in Shikome's arms. "He-he… help…"

"No~." Rumia declines her plea for help from my arms. "Tha~t's… not my jo~b…"

...Rumia looks up at me.

...Taking a moment, I grab the arm in my arms, and hold it up to her.

...She looks down at it, but doesn't do anything yet.

I hear Byakuren's bike idle outside the door.

Running onto the pad- which prompts Shikome to follow me onto it- I look around…

Ah. There is indeed a panel next to this pad. Here's to hoping it's not a person scruncher or something equally gruesome.

...Crouching down- as this is quite a small panel for whatever reason- I press the button with my elbow.

Vuu~m. The pad begins doing something…

Suddenly, everything around us begins to glow blue-

Fwoa~om...

/ / / / SOME LIKE IT HOTTER / / / /

Fwoa~om…

The blue light dies down.

Looking around, I notice that the room is slightly different than before. Instead of being made out of wood and those paper-and-stick walls, it's made out of some kind of stone. Purple stone with cyan markings surrounds us, but the wall to our left is completely open for some reason.

In the back of the room, instead of a glassed-off section with technology, there's simply an area with tiled floor and wooden tables, which have papers messily strewn about on them. There's one big computer-like device back there, but it doesn't seem to be active. Even so, this pad seems to still have power, as it faintly illuminates light…

It's also one of our few sources of light. It's dark as shit.

Amber light pours in through the open wall, however. Very dim, hardly apparent amber light.

Stepping off the pad, I meander towards the wall…

The sky seems to be illuminated cave walls. These walls pulse with the amber, speckled presence of lava meager flows.

There's a roof in the sky above, adorned with pointy rocks and a couple clusters of glowy crystal, giving an almost night-time appearance.

I thought it was just the teleporter pad thing, but apparently the air here is hot, heavy, and humid. Despite this, I can't seem to find plant life around anywhere.

Are we… actually in Hell? Because that's what this looks like. Did I actually just get sent to Hell for that stupid hand joke I made earlier?

Na~h. It was probably a long time coming, anyway… and I still seem to be alive, so that's a plus. Unless that really was a person scruncher.

While I'm ogling the skybox, Shikome steps up to me, gracelessly plops the now-unconscious Umeko on the floor, and takes Rumia out of my arms. Despite this, I am still left with that disembodied arm. It has platinum painted fingernails.

Kneeling down, she grabs the still-attached arm of the lunar rabbit, and brings it to Rumia's mouth, lightly pressing it against her lips.

"Eat." Shikome requests.

She taps it against Rumia's face again. "Food."

"Ya~y." Rumia is happy.

"Eat food." Again, Shikome presses the arm against Rumia's face.

"You will eat or I will make you eat." Shikome insists, pressing the arm against Rumia's face again, this time with slightly more force-

"Omf…" After a delay, Rumia takes a bite, causing Shikome to casually smile.

Now, where the hell do we go?

"Omf, om…" Rumia takes some more bites of the rabbit arm.

I assume we can teleport back… but I'm not sure if we want to. Byakuren and angry rabbits on the other side and all.

Stepping away from the girls and their meal, I look around the dim landscape…

...There's a big structure to the right of this rocky clearing, some distance away. Even farther is what looks like a tall, rocky city.

Around the very back of the box we came out of is what looks like a sizable, inactive volcano or mountain. Considering the occasional glimmer of magma, or rolling smoke cloud, I'm betting on it being a volcano…

Our destination should probably be the convenient, large structure in the distance. As fun as it'd be to romp around in an underground city, I'm sure the citizens would rip my ass atwain.

I'll have to wait for the lolis to finish their dinner meal first, though. This suit is not helping with this climate, but it's fine.

/ / / / FAT BANDITS / / / /

The bunny girl is now about a quarter of a bunny girl. Once Rumia began to wake up more, she demonstrated to have a hunger greater than Shikome when it came to flesh.

"Mmh…!" She tears a chunk of thigh off of the leg she's holding up. "...It's kinda different. It's like, rabbit… but not rabbit. I guess it's 'cause I haven't eaten in awhile that this tastes good!"

Shikome had only eaten a fourth of her own rabbit leg by comparison to Rumia's progress. "You're right. The taste is distinctly repugnant. It has a potent kick to it, too..."

"Mmm." Nodding, Rumia abruptly lunges for the leg again. "Omf…! Mmm."

After swallowing, she scrunches her face. "Oo~h. Yeah, that kick really kicks ya…"

...Then, she goes for another bite. "Omf…!"

I'm pretty sure this is some kind of cannibalism. It's a cuddly moment, though.

Rumia smiles. "Food's food! Omf…" Then, she takes another bite.

"Usually the viscera are more appetizing…" Shikome tilts her head. "However, these were... particularly sour."

Rumia swallows her bite. "...I dunno what you just said, but yeah! The gooey bits were pretty sour…"

Why am I listening to cannibals describe what organs taste like?

...After a moment, Shikome puts her leg down, refusing to eat the rabbit further.

Shortly after, Rumia does similar. "I'm full enough for the taste to be too much…"

Standing, Shikome looks around. "I'm sure we could find a more delectable meal."

...Rumia points at me. "What about him? He smells funny." Try to eat me and I'll rip your asshole inside out.

Shikome simply shakes her head at her, before beginning to explore. "No. That cannot do."

...Blinking, Rumia stands. "Why not? He's a, a…"

Furrowing her brows, Rumia turns to me. "...Nevermind! He's a I-dunno-what! He's just got some human on him."

Taking a moment to look around, Shikome examines the huge cavern's stone ceiling and walls.

"...Where are we?" Rumia is confused.

"We got damned to Hell." I answer.

...Taking another look around, Rumia extends her arms and drifts slightly. "It's not actually that bad down here! It's a little stuffy, though."

Strolling after Shikome, I gesture to the large structure in the distance. "We should check out that building over there."

...Looking between me and the building, she moves towards it. I seem to have adequately convinced her.

Between here and there, however, seem to be a myriad of plains, ruins, and curiously slanted surfaces. There's a lot less lava than I was expecting, but I can't honestly complain there…

I move after Shikome, and Rumia follows along behind us, glancing around curiously…

/ / / / AND NOW THAT I'M GROWN I EAT FIVE DOZEN EGGS / / / /

That temple is farther away than I thought. I blame the ozone fog that's somehow present underground.

We've yet to encounter anything, but to break the monotony of walking past Tetris blocks and statically increasing and declining slopes, I take out the Danger Scissors…

Spawn anything from anywhere. Let us see what we get…

As we continue forward, we eventually come to a small stone clearing, one of a few we've already covered. It's surrounded by four Tetris block-like ruins.

"So much nothi~ng…" Rumia drawls, drifting behind us lazily. "Hell's pretty boring…"

Yeah, that's the real kicker. That, or this is just the first level of Hell…

"Uuoo~h…"

The three of us pause at the sudden moan. It was deep, so it couldn't have come from any of us…

From around one of the Tetris blocks, a mummy walks out, wrapped in beige bandages. "Oouhh…"

Fwa-fwa-fwash! In the air above us, three white pots materialized into existence from bright flashes of light. The tops opened, revealing fluffles inside.

"Fufufu~..." The echoey voice of a woman rang out throughout the clearing, before a completely naked woman with white hair and large, wiry white wings appeared. Just happened to be in the middle of open space the moment I had looked away from it.

"I have to look my best for the-..." Walking around the corner of one of the Tetris blocks, a very poofily dressed man came to a stop the moment he realized where he was. "Huh!? How could this be!?" ...It looked like very old English attire, although his face was distinctly uncharacteristic of a human, looking way too smooth and uncannily round.

It has suddenly become an all-out brawl.

"So many people…!" Rumia realizes that we've suddenly been bamboozled.

Immediately, the probable succubus and poofy individual begin to skirt towards our area, the succubus sliding along through the air, and the guy just… running.

Hovering over us, the white fluffle pots create rings of light tick marks around themselves…

"Oouuh…" The mummy oh so slowly moves in the succubus' wake.

Once the poofy guy and the succubus were both in the proximity of us, the succubus held up her arms. "Bind!"

Fwoa~sh! An expanding shockwave of yellow, non-elemental energy spreads out from her form.

Pretty much everybody except the mummy and floating fluffles was caught inside of its radius. As a result, we were all left with these rings of yellow energy around each of us…

I try to walk forward, but make no progress. Huh.

...Rumia tries to fly, but only manages to go up, the ring following her as she ascends.

"Wh-what is this…?" The poofy guy stares at his ring with uncertainty.

...Shikome attempts to move forward, but is also bound to her current position. Apparently this bind spell doesn't inhibit actions, it just stops everyone from moving horizontally.

Looking around at all of us, the succubus licks her lips, drifting in a circle around the group…

"...You are all so equally plain." The succubus insults us. "...Hmm."

"Plain…?" The poofy guy jerks his head back. "I got these clothes for a small mint, sister!"

...The succubus just gives him a dry look.

Fwi~sh! An orb of light generates in the succubus' form, causing her to jerk back in the air. "Hwah!?"

...Shikome shields herself with a tendril as one of the fluffle pots charges towards her, encased in an orb of light.

The tendril stops that pot. Once the orb of light drops, Shikome jabs a second tendril into it-

Thud. Its holy pot was left to tip over on the floor. Shikome must've killed the fluffle riding the pot.

Fwi~sh! The last holy fluffle pot vanished, before reappearing coming out of the mummy's form.

"Ooagh!" Stumbling to the side, the mummy lunges for the pot after a delay. Unfortunately, the fluffle was well away from it by the time it actually retaliated…

"I suppose…" Ignoring the fluffle's actions on her well being, the succubus begins to drift towards me, smiling. "You'll have to do."

The bind rings around all of us fizzle out, the spell over.

Rumia descends from above. "Hello again!"

Immediately, the poofy guy sprints towards her.

Reaching into my bag, I draw my slick black scissors. Fighting fire with fire, as they say.

Approaching me, the succubus licks her lips, and abruptly slides forward, her arms outstretching-

With my scissors, I abruptly slide back with equal distance and velocity, evading her grapple. She jerks her head back at this. "What…?"

Stopping before Rumia, the poofy guy gets onto one knee, and pulls out a rose. "I~ love you!"

…Rumia turns and gives him a glance.

Then, she slowly drifts back.

His entire body flinching, the guy clutches his chest as the rose abruptly wilts for no reason. "Don't reject me…!"

Strafing around his side, Shikome steps up to him. Then, she grabs him by the side of the head-

Cr-crack! Her tendril goes straight through his head, although no blood is produced.

"Auu~gh!" Curiously, his entire body turns black, before fading into rose petal particles, all of which dissipate in the air. In a few moments, he's gone entirely with nothing left.

Shikome just stared blankly at where the man was.

"Think you're clever…?" The succubus smirks at me, her eyes narrowing. "Fufufu~... I like men who think they can resist."

She is pretty much the textbook example of a succubus. Perhaps minus those curious wings of hers that seem more bone and wire than anything.

Folding her arms, she drifts back, two copies of herself drifting out of herself and to her sides.

They speak all at once. "You can't evade all of-"

Shink!

"Aanh…!?" Suddenly, the left and center clones disappear, the rightmost succubus' arms clamming up. In this moment, I notice Shikome behind her, a tendril running up towards the succubus' rear…

"You think you can act like that, filthy whore?" Shikome seems to have her good eye on me, at least.

Before anything else happens, a white pot fluffle descends from above, and simply floats down to bonk Shikome on the head.

Clonk.

...Shikome gives it a glance.

"Bi-bind!" The succubus raises an arm to cast her spell...

Fwoa~sh!

…Shikome and myself were the only ones caught in the radius.

Cra~ck! Somewhere where I wasn't paying attention, Rumia apparently took care of a fluffle pot. Far below her, the mummy was extending its bandages in the air after her, but the bandages apparently had a max length before the mummy couldn't control them anymore.

"Aah- oo~h!" The succubus shuts her silver eyes, the tendril attack still happening since her bind didn't really stop anything.

"Yeah, dance for me you sex-crazed slut." Shikome seems to be taking pleasure in torturing the succubus.

Fwam! Rumia sends a thick line of cluttered red bullets down at the mummy.

"Ooangh!" It roars in displeasure, its bandages crackling with danmaku energy as it gets absolutely shelled. In retaliation, it drifts slightly into the air-

Thoom. Tho-tho-thoom. The Tetris blocks around the arena raise into the air, and glow a deep purple…

"Oo~h…" Moaning, the succubus uselessly wiggles around on Shikome's tendril. There's more I could say, but ratings won't let me.

...Slowly, the final fluffle pot drifts down from above. The fluffle inside gazes at me, resting its vehicle in the air before me. "hi friend"

I slap it.

...Afterward, it jerks its head back as if offended, before hiding inside of its pot.

Fwi~ng! It glows with holy energy, before gaining a light orb around itself. Then, it slams itself into me-

"Oof…" Ow. That was unpleasant. The impact caused me to cringe back, and I likely would have been launched were I not bound to this horizontal position. That's going to leave a mark...

After getting its revenge, the fluffle pot floats away, looking for a new target.

"Nn-nnh…" Slowly, the succubus's limbs stop articulating as fast as they were, and her eyelids begin to lower. "Awa~h…"

Crack! The Tetris blocks devastate the fluffle pot, because it just flies right into them. Good.

After a few twitches, the blocks all slowly begin to converge on Rumia's position. She evades them by floating away from the original position, because the blocks don't track enemies.

Fwa-fwa-fwash! Rumia sends three more straight shots of a bunch of danmaku bullets right at the mummy-

"Huraoo~h!" Roaring, the mummy's bandages slowly rip apart from the cracking damaku energy. Once they're all gone, a shriveled corpse is revealed to the underground's light-

Fwoom! -which promptly begins burning for some reason.

Thud. The mummy fell over, ablaze.

The bind spell flickers out, deactivating. Shikome and I are free to move, now...

"Aah- anh…" Slowly, the succubus' eyes become uneven, before they start to close. "Oh…"

Well. This was a good fight. Annoying fluffles, a guy who walked up, proposed to Rumia and died, and a succubus. Also a mummy, but it was so skilled at combat even Rumia was able to tear into it.

Ba-ba-bam! In the distance, the Tetris blocks the mummy lifted crashed into the plains.

Rumia idly floated down to join us again. I slid away my pairs of scissors- the slick black ones along with the danger scissors- so that we don't get ganked by warriors from across the cosmos again.

Slowly, the succubus finally went limp on Shikome's tendril, her mouth hanging open. "Ah-... ah…"

I look around idly. The mummy seems to be burning out rather quickly… and it seems that one fluffle pot that Shikome disarmed is still just lying there.

Walking up to the pot while Shikome finishes her business, I look down at it.

...After giving it a good glance, I crouch down and lift it up. It's somewhat tubby, but perhaps it could be useful for something. There only seems to be dust inside.

I tip it over to spill out all the dust. Once that's done, I try and find a way to shove it into my backpack…

Rumia seems to be watching the mummy burn. Somehow, it seems to have already stopped burning, and is now a pile of ash with not even bones left behind.

...

Thu-thud. Shikome's tendrils dropped the limp body of the succubus onto its back.

Meandering over to the mummy's corpse, I look down over it…

In the ash, something glimmering catches my eye.

"Wo~w." Rumia marvels at just how fast it burnt up. "I didn't think it was that warm down here…"

Kneeling over the ash, I use my gloved hand to dig through the still-hot remains…

I find a chunk of ruby, slightly marred with ash. Huh.

Stepping away from the unconscious succubus, Shikome has a smug expression.

My backpack is now a size bigger because of that holy pot I shoved into it, which somehow only takes one inventory space despite being the size of my torso. Time to spend another entire inventory space on this tiny jewel...

When everything's said and done, Shikome just begins walking off towards the building in the distance again. Rumia moves to tail her, and I quickly lift my backpack and jog after her…

/ / / / FRECKLE FLUFF FEVER / / / /

This is a long walk. I am officially tired of walking.

We're getting closer to the building in the distance, although it does seem to be atop some sort of rocky structure. We're still in the plains, although we're coming up on the rock structure rather aptly…

"So many ro~cks…" Rumia is about as done with the rocks here as I am, despite being able to float. "I can't eat rocks. I can't eat trees either, but at least… they're not rocks."

We've passed numerous more Tetris structures on the way here, but most of the time they've only had some kind of fluffle nuisance around them, or a particularly angry ghost. The ghosts haven't yet tried to murderize us, however.

Stepping onto the incline towards the palace-esque structure, I continue following Shikome…

Shink!

...It seems that a large blade has descended from above, sticking itself in the cobblestone- only sometimes tiled- path before us.

Cla-clink-clang-clank-clack…

Numerous armaments descend from the nothing above. Maces, swords, and spears all clatter to the rocks before us, as well as some identical shields.

I guess someone just dropped their armory from the cave roof, or something. Too bad for them.

...Smiling, Shikome steps forward towards the sword-

It begins glowing, a green outline forming around it.

Shink...

Removing itself from the floor, the sword begins floating into the air…

Blue lights flash all around us, and a brief glance tells me that these blue lights are outlines forming around the other weapons.

As the large, ornate purple blade takes to the air, the other weapons gravitate off the floor, and begin spinning around it.

The end result was a floating sword with four shields postured defensively before it, two maces guarding the shield's flanks, some spears along the rear, and a bundle of scimitars, katanas, and broadswords all orbiting around the central sword.

...Shikome stepped back, folding her arms.

"That's a lotta weapons!" Rumia observes observantly. "They can use themselves, too!"

Is that so.

After a moment of inactivity between both parties, the shields of the floating armory spread out, and all of the lesser blades slide from between them, moving for us.

A katana and a broadsword move towards Shikome. She shoots her tendrils at them as they approach in a straight line-

Cla-clank! Promptly, the weapons are knocked from the air, clattering on the rocks before us.

Wo-wo-woosh! Rumia floats up to avoid a spinning scimitar. "He~y…"

Lunging forward, Shikome launches another two tendrils ahead, aiming them for the shields-

Cla-clang! The shields jerk back from the impact, but aren't destroyed with single swipes.

Woo-woosh! Spears jut out from past the shields without warning, immediately poking Shikome-

"Ngh…" She's pushed back by them, the metal and wood instruments only puncturing her torso partially.

Before she can counterattack, the spears all retract between the shields, and the scimitar that tried to assault Rumia spun away from our party entirely.

Drifting to the side, Rumia claps her hands together-

"Moon Sign! Moonlight Ray!" She decides to pop a spell card now, apparently.

FwiChoo~m, FwiChoo~m! Two blue, persistant lasers are fired to forty-five degree angles from where her hands clapped together, facing the floating armory.

Cla-clang-clank-bam! Swords, spears, and the flank-guarding maces are instantly disarmed and blown away by these lasers. The shields remain anyway, somehow. They must have tolerance to projectiles and magic...

Revolving rings of tiny danmaku pellets spread out from Rumia, intersecting as they expanded to slowly include the shields.

Pa-pat, pa-pat, pa-pat. The danmaku uselessly patters against the shields…

Running under the armory- which was now just the central blade and the shields- Shikome sends her tendrils up towards the sword.

Two tendrils manage to wrap around the blade of the sword, and start dragging it down-

"Hyah!"

In the next moment, a translucent figure appeared, holding the sword by its hilt. With a pull, it freed the blade from the tendrils, before performing a floaty leap backwards and descending…

On closer examination, the figure seemed to be mostly armor-clad, though she donned no helmet, revealing long black hair and empty eyes.

...Upon landing, she narrowed her eyes at the blade, holding and pointing it straight up-

Fwoash! The sword soared straight up with sudden, consistent velocity.

...Then, the ghostly wielder flickered out.

I suppose she just up and retreated, then. At least she left these weapons behind.

Shikome steps over to a mace to pick it up. Just as she bends over, it slowly floats into the air, before accelerating out of her reach and into the underground sky.

All the other weapons immediately follow suit, taking off like birds. Cool weapons.

"Weapons are getting more advanced every day!" Rumia smiles at the weapons as they fly away. "Bye, weapons!"

Yeah. Goodbye, weapons. We knew thee well.

/ / / / HERE'S SOME WEAPONS / / / /

We have arrived… at the structure. The front is illuminated with dim, clean lights, which accompany the huge, purple double doors.

The palace itself was large, the exterior mostly decorated with faded, sandstone-esque material and ornate patterns that mean little to me. Large open windows were evenly positioned along the front face, although for someone like me it'd be like rock climbing to try and reach them. They're a good twenty feet off the ground...

After giving the large palace front a glance, Shikome steps up to the door and pushes it open.

Crea~k.

...Inside is a stark contrast to the worn-looking exterior. In here, there's a hard floor of some kind of black marble, and the staircase has purple rugging along it.

Now that I think about it, this lobby is sort of similar to the Scarlet Devil Mansion's. However, all the hall openings on the first floor are along the back wall. The overhang also goes around the back and sides of the room, and not just the back.

There seems to be a cat girl with short, purple hair standing in the midst of the hallway, her hands propped behind herself innocently. She's got a long green sweater on…

The three of us step inside, ready to commence the trouble.

"Wo~w…!" Rumia is awed by the interior. "It's like a super mansion!"

The cat girl gives us a toothy smile. "Hehe~y! Would you guys like to play a game…?"

"Sure." I nod casually, strutting towards the kitty…

She darts back-

Fwip-fwip-fwip. Three person-sized cards appear before me, all facing away from me.

"Pick a card." The cat girl is very smug.

...After some careful deliberation, I point at the middle card.

It turns around, and there's nothing on it.

Fwoa~sh. The card disappears with a puff of smoke.

"Aw." The cat girl shook her head. "Looks like you'll have to start over."

Fwo-fwoa~sh. The other two cards disappear. She throws her arm out again-

Fwi-fwi-fwip. Three new cards are generated before me, facing away.

I point at the left card.

It turns around, revealing a large, shiny yen coin picture.

Fwoa~sh. Cli-clink. Five hundred yen in coins clatters to the floor in its place.

"Lucky~!" The cat girl claps her hands. "Enjoy your prize."

I move to claim my five hundred yen from the floor. Yen prizes…

Standing up, I gaze at the cat…

"Would you like to play again?" She smiles.

I shake my head. "No."

"Aw." She brings her arms around her back again.

"I wanna play!" Rumia exclaims, floating up next to me. She clips my shoulder with one of her outstretched arms, but doesn't seem to notice. "Let's pla~y!"

The cat does a small spin back as she flings her arm-

Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwip. Five cards were presented to Rumia, facing away.

Almost instantly, Rumia picked the one second to the right. "Thatta one!"

The card turns around, revealing a picture of a flaming clock.

"Aw." Shaking her head, the cat girl shrugs. "Looks like you'll have to try again."

Fwo-fwo-fwo-fwo-fwoash. All five cards vanished into smoke.

...An amber, decorative counter reading 'five' appeared over Rumia's head, which we all instantly noticed, except for Rumia.

"Awwh…" She slouches. "Oka~y…"

The counter reads 'four'.

Snorting, the cat girl threw her arms out again-

Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwip. Five more cards were presented to Rumia, facing away.

The counter reads 'three'. Shikome stares at it intently, her eyes slowly narrowing…

"U~hm…" Putting a hand to her chin, Rumia focuses this time. "...Hmm~."

The counter reads 'two'. Idly, Shikome tries to stab it with a tendril, only for the tendril to go straight through it with no tangible result.

"That one!" Rumia picks the second from the left this time.

...The card turns around, and is blank.

"Oh, no." The cat shakes her head, smiling widely. "You'll just have to try again."

Fwo-fwo-fwo-fwo-fwoa~sh. The cards all disappear.

The counter over Rumia's head reads 'one'.

"Really…?" Rumia pouts. "Your game's stupid."

In response, the purple-haired cat girl just giggles. "Hehehe~!"

Fwoom. Suddenly, Rumia's form briefly flares up with amber energy, before she does an involuntary mini-backflip.

"Oof…" She ends up landing on her stomach. "...That wasn't very nice."

"Why don't we all play?" The cat girl proposes. "It's fun for everyone!"

"No." I decline.

"No." Shikome declines.

"Sure…" For some reason, Rumia agrees again. "I'm gonna win this time…!"

Pouting, the cat girl nods. "Guess it's just you and me. Here."

She throws her arm out-

fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi

...Before Rumia, a wall of twenty cards is set up.

"U~hm…!" Rumia stares up at it, intimidated. "Tha~t's a lot of cards…!"

I feel like the cat's just about done with playing with us.

Rumia picks some card. "I think that one…?"

The card flips around, revealing a bunch of question marks.

Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi…

The other cards all flip around, revealing question marks on every one of them. Cool game.

FWOASH

They all disappear, except for one. The remaining card drops onto its back, and slides under us-

Fwoa~sh! A shockwave of some kind of generic energy spreads out beneath us-

Oh. Ooh. Woa~h.

"Hehehe~!" The cat girl's voice is echoey. "Thanks for playing!"

...Cool.

I'm stumbling around in the main lobby, my vision unable to focus on one thing at a time as I helplessly stumble about.

"Aa-aah…!" Rumia is left in a similar condition. I try to look at her, but I end up seeing a zoom up of some plant in the corner of the room instead…

"Nnn~..." Shikome lets out a hum of annoyance, stumbling around as well.

I walk into someone-

Thu-thud. We both fall over. Alright.

After a moment of sitting down, my vision slowly returns to normal, the proportions of everything correcting, and the lighting levels of the room becoming normal again.

Rumia's currently in her orb of darkness, humping one of the far walls. Shikome's sitting on the floor before me, apparently the person I had walked into.

...Idly, I check my bag, only to find everything still there. Apparently the cat girl just confused us and took off.

Once we get back up, Shikome moves to pry Rumia off the wall…

Rumia drops her darkness orb anyway, lowering to the floor and stumbling off the wall. "That was wei~rd…"

...As she turns around, Shikome whisks her up bridal style- "Wo-woah!" -and begins moving back towards me.

...Rumia looks up at Shikome idly. "Are you gonna make me sleep forever again?"

...After a moment's hesitation, Shikome shakes her head. "No, I won't."

Cuddly.

...

Looking around, I try and gauge where we should-...

"Hello~?"

I see Hana drift in through the double doors, looking around idly. "...Ah! Hello!" She gives us a wave, before floating past us towards one of the deviating hallways.

"Woah!" She flies to the side and hits the wall as a giant brown thing flies out past her. Is that a huge moth…?

...It lands on the floor before my party on all fours. Yes, that is indeed a huge moth, and it has breasts.

She looks really smug, for some reason.

Then, she abruptly zips off, moving at absurd speed-

Bam! She hit herself against one of the walls behind us, but didn't seem to mind.

...Ignoring that, I start to move after Hana, who seems to have progressed down that hall already. Shikome idly follows behind me.

From this end of the hall, I can see Hana knocking on a door. After a moment, it opens and she's let in.

Hmm. I think I know just where to go…

Following Hana's foot steps- and taking my sweet time in doing so- I reach the other end of the hallway where the door she entered is…

Knock knock knock.

Cool. I knock again.

Knock knock knock.

I will make this door sorry.

Knock knock knock.

The door swings open violently. "What in the hell do you-..."

Brad jerks his head back at my presence. Slowly, he looks like he starts to go insane…

"Wha~t the fuck du~de!?" Completely, totally insane. "Whaa~h- where the-...!?"

"What are you yelling about…?" ...I would like to know why Maribel is in a bed in the same room as Brad.

"Shut u~p…" Oh, Renko's here, too?

"We must have taken a wrong turn, somewhere." I speak. "Like, it's just me and Shikome, walking around in the forest… and we take a wrong turn."

...Brad takes this moment to look shocked to an exaggerated extent. Looking out of the door, he sees my loli, and my loli's loli in the loli's loli arms.

"Son." He looks straight at where my eyes are. "I have half a mind to shut this door, stack some fluffles in front of it, and pretend you don't exist."

"But son," I speak again, "we need the party to start. Turn this house into a home."

"This house is already a home…!" Brad throws his arm in the direction of the hall we came down. "We got raped by freakin'... busty moths! How the hell'd you even find us?"

...I'm not sure how I should feel about that busty moth statement.

Regardless… "We had to run from a wild motorcyclist that wanted our heads." I clarify all loose ends. "And we somehow ended up here."

...Shaking his head, Brad looks away. He sighs, giving his hair a brush. "Freakin'... the frik do ya want, anyway? Why are you here, yo~...?"

I guess I didn't answer his question. "We tried to jump over a gap in the forest floor, and fell in, and died."

...Brad just lets his arms ragdoll. "Son, I'm gonna shove fluffles down your shirt."

I suppose everyone's wondering how my life got flipped, turned upside down. Well, a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood…

Actually, no, we're not doing that again.

END OF CHAPTER 64.5

PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator, Shrine Maiden Evader, Professional Youkai Developer

PRIMARY WEAPON: Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.

OFFHAND ITEMS: [A Single Rubber Glove] - For those moments one needs to touch a live power wire with one hand and fap with the other.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.

Flame Scissors - Fire-elemental scissors that have an incendiary effect on strike. Boosts fire magic and abilities, as if I had any. Enchanted to grant 20% fire resistance, and reduce discomfort near fire.

Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with dried blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...

Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.

A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.

(two more spaces remaining)

[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.

Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.

Dense Shard - A cloudy, very light grey shard. It's not a rock, however… it's too textureless. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Hackjob Rifle - A pseudo-railgun, made from an AK-47 barrel and a mangled toy gun. Laced with duct tape and wires to function, powered by electrical scissors, and uses small iron pellets as ammunition. Explodes violently if fed anything non-iron as ammo. Outside is coated with vegetable oil and must be wetted regularly to avoid violence upon powering up. Has yet to be fired, so power is unknown...

Water Scissors - Scissors that continuously produce water. How troublesome.

Goldfish Snack Crackers - They're smiling. They might make a good snack...

Modern-ish Surge Protector - Protects against surges. Not very useful without unified electrical practices in housing. Can still be used as a paperweight and a brick, though.

Rubber Pouch - Stores electrical objects safely. Too small to add extra inventory, but doesn't take up any space when it's filled. Currently holding electric scissors.

Electrical Scissors - Must be held by gloves at all times, lest they cause electrical fires. Can cause severe shocking and electricity-induced stunning in individuals susceptible, including myself if I'm stupid. Unable to be turned off.

(twelve more spaces remaining)

==o==

PARTY:

Shikome, the Black Scion of the Saigyou

WEAPON: Dark Tendrils - Able to create tendrils from any part of her body, she can use them for powerful dark/physical attacks.

INVENTORY:

[Defiled Kimono] - Coated in the coagulated blood of numerous unlucky people. Grants pockets.

(two inventory spaces remaining)

==o==

Rumia, Youkai of the Dusk

WEAPON: Unarmed.

INVENTORY:

[Rumia's Outfit] - Some kind of outfit. I'm not sure how Rumia maintains it. Properties unknown. Grants pockets.

Red Ribbon - It's a ribbon in her hair. It's small, too. Takes up no inventory space. Properties unknown.

(two inventory spaces remaining)

==o==

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

didn't make this AU until well after the fact during final proofing - w - whoopsie yo

a lot of fighting here which can be iffy to reread through but i think it'll be cool for readers coming in, especially 'cause they get to see some new and interesting developments with shikome here

also byakuren's not lettin' this go, yo; she's back in HERO MODE again and she ain't stoppin' 'till it's TIME TA STOP yo

if anyone's still confused, the danger scissors 'plus' can basically make random encounters… TRULY RANDOM ENCOUNTERS; enemies from anywhere at any time at all, as long as they're equipped! scaled relative to party power so you could get one beefy lookin' dude or a buncha little ones

...they also don't come allianced or with any context - w - they just HAPPEN

as always, see you all next time!