(in which we have a fluffcast day)

"Nn~h…" Aw…

I awaken to the weight of a fairy on me. Despite me flopping onto the bed last night- if I recall correctly- I'm now all tucked in…

Ha-chan lies on my chest, drooling. Since I still got all my clothing on, that's not nearly as curious feeling as it could be.

Looking around, I see Merry and Renko up and at 'em across the room, staring out the window we got situated here.

Oh, and Brittany's here, watching me sleep. What is this, a freakin' show? Why the frik didn't London mow ya down?

...Brittany notices my awakeness! "Your Hana is not our Hana."

Cool, good morning.

"Nn~gh…" I start to sit up, and end up taking Ha-chan with me a little-

"Mnm…" She shifts a little, and the awkward positioning of the pillow behind me causes me to make no progress towards freedom. Freakin'...

"Maauu~..." At least her yawn's not in my face! That's the good part, yo…

She hugs me, and I feel her press herself against me. Oo~kay yo, we got company, as much as I'd like to do the stuff and things I kinda need to be up and ready like the rest of 'em, yo...

You know, I just realized… how do fairies sleep normally and in beds if they've got those wings?

...Idly, I lift the cover a little over both of us and check.

Ah. Since Ha-chan's just lying on her stomach, her wings are just outstretched under the blankets, taking up the empty space.

I try to wake her up by touching one.

Thu-thu-thump. Her wings flick against the interior of the blanket a bit, before she crawls up my form more. "Noo~. I~ wanna sleep…"

Yo- hey, freakin'- aah…

I end up with Ha-chan lying down on me again, her left cheek against my right, and her covered breasts pressing into my chest. She's still got her maid outfit on, so the sensation's somewhat dulled, but still yo… maybe I'll just-

"Have you had sex yet?" Brittany steps along the side of my bed, and sits on the unoccupied bed to the left of mine.

"Burn." Not in the mood, yo, not in the mood… s'too early for this shit!

"Ha-chan…" I speak to my fairy to see if she lives.

"Nnn." She does!

"We gotta move yo." We shall adventure and the things.

"Nnn." ...I dunno what 'nnn' means, but she's not moving.

"We gotta go." I announce! "We gotta go yo, we- we gotta go!"

"No go." She squeezes me tighter. "No no go go."

Aaa~h, aaaa~h! "Alright, yo…"

After a quiet moment, I press my legs 'n' arms against the bed and make myself violently wiggle!

"Wa-wah…!" Ha-chan is shocked out of drowsiness! "He~y…"

"Hi." With this matter settled, I wait for her to rise…!

...She pouts at me, before doing as expected. "When you don't have friends along, I'm gonna snuggle you."

Ah. I think I'm gonna look forward ta that…!

"Hana." Brittany immediately inserts herself as the third wheel. "...Tell me what the meaning of your flag is." What in the nine fucks are you talking about Brittany.

Ha-chan just blinks at her.

...The nonresponse doesn't communicate much, apparently, 'cause Brittany tries again. "What do you see in Brad?"

...Ha-chan looks at me and smiles. "He's soft, and warm to the touch." Atta girl!

Brittany's brows are furrowed now. "...Why does he love you?"

...Ha-chan smiles at her. "I dunno!" Pfft…! "He doesn't hurt me and he's nice, and we cuddle…"

...Brittany looks over at me, brow raised.

"S'unconditional, yo." I admit. "S'a simple thing, yo. Simplistically rewarding!"

"Intricately unrewarding." Dryly, Brittany begins to stand. "I wouldn't get friendly with her."

"I wouldn't get my dick lopped off, either." I jeer back. What, did they give ya periods, too?

Ha-chan frowns at not-me. "At least I'm not a meanie like you. I couldn't love you."

...Brittany has a wide smile at that, for some reason. "If only." Well, aren't you a freakin'... miserable pile 'a secrets?

...Taking a stiff posture, Brittany begins to step towards the door. "We~ll, with that... I will leave you alone. I have some things to do, and-"

Once Ha-chan's off me, I throw the covers off and spring into action! "Nah, none of this guessin' game bullshit! Drop ya crappy exposition and put ya hands up!" Especially if you plan to meander around aimlessly… like me!

...She freezes in place, only halfway around the bed, turning towards me. For some reason, she's perturbed at this. "Wh-why should I…?"

You brought it up! Aaa~h! "'Cause ya freakin' started talkin' ta me about it. I ain't some crappy JRPG protagonist who'll let'cha... walk away 'n' only answer my questions after another five days of gameplay!"

At this point, Merry and Renko are giving us dry stares. Ho ho ho…!

...Consenting, Brittany sighs. "Hana's sort of an antagonist in my Gensokyo. And she respawns, so…"

Yo ho ho. "And here ya are frownin' at me for whaling on your antagonizin'… 'mistresses'." Same setting, same problems!

Brittany frowns at me. "Frea- nhh... it's more than that!" Did she almost do a me thing? "You- you missed out on so much! Like… those girls are my family! I love them, and they love me, and-"

"I ge~t it, yo!" Chuckling, I walk around the bed towards her after idling shifin' in place for most of the conversation. "Circumstance does that, my man, girl, trap girl thing you." I don't know what to call you in all honesty…!

Turning away, Brittany starts to meander towards the door in a more relaxed, me-like manner. "I guess. I don't… know how I can convey it to you. What I know."

"By talking." Noob.

Glancing back at me, she rolls her eyes. "Hahahaha- fuck you." Noob!

Chuckling, I lean against the freakin' cabinet-whatever-this-is next to the window. "Get ow~ned."

Oh. I just stole a peek at the floor, and Komi's actually lying on her stomach just inside the room, her hair disheveled and her face down in the carpet. Looks like London did her job after all… but ignores Brittany for some reason. Probably 'cause we're somewhat the same person...

Before Brittany leaves proper, she stops in the door, lookin' down at Komi and moving to pick her up. Yeah, yo. Collect your lewd fairy.

"And-…" She speaks a word before stopping, as she lifts the fairy bridal style. "...Heavy." Promptly, she turns and plops Komi onto a nearby bed.

Ha-chan starts stepping up to me, and I gingerly pan my head towards her…

After giving me another glance, Brittany looks away, successfully lifting Komi and stumbling out of the room with her in arms.

"You done talking to yourself?" Renko grins at me from the nearby window.

"Yeah, yo." Stretching, I ready to begin the everything!

"We should probably get to the shrine and head home soon…" Maribel laments aloud, staring out the window. "We've been here a couple more days than we bargained for…"

...Renko blanches. "Oh, crap. What day is it?" She looks over at me! "What's today?"

...I shru~g? "Fluff… day?" What day it is typically doesn't matter to me!

For some reason, Ha-chan got closer to me when I wasn't lookin'. Hoh…! Snug fairy, dude...

"I knew we shouldn't've come on a weekend…!" Renko's all prancy, now! "We're gonna miss today's classes, too. Fff~..."

"Oh, man…" Shaking her head, Maribel marches for the door. "That's gonna be fun when we get back. Let's just not think about it for now."

...After Renko's face goes for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, she sighs, letting it relax. "Alright. We gotta leave today, though."

Ho ho. "Alright, yo. Let's make this a lightning fast run!" It is time to get us some breakfast, get us to the shrine, get us- well, the girls- the hell out, and hopefully we won't die during one of the steps of the process!

Marchin' behind Merry, I follow her out the door!

Out here, we've go~t… fairies!

With a lowering of her arm, Namori drops a suspended glob of water onto Komi-

Splash! "Wha- oah- oh holy shit…!" Komi flails her limbs, dark danmaku orbs randomly spiralling into the air around her. I wonder where our world's three fairy assholes are right now…

"Morni~n', bitch!" Koi leans over, yelling into Komi's face, before pulling yen coins out of her pocket and sprinkling them over the dark fairy. "Now dance, girl, dance!"

"Ngh- the fu~ck…?" Komi 'dances' by further flailing wildly, trying to bat away the coins.

...Ignoring the four fluffy fairy women, I meander forth into the halls. "Let us break the fast, yo. Break fast."

Maribel and Renko quietly follow me along, Ha-chan meandering out of the room behind them.

...Koi looks up, giving Ha-chan a sudden, furrowed brow stare. Namori glances over, too, and jerks her head back at the cyan-haired maid's existence.

Ha-chan doesn't notice them, moving snugly behind us. Noticing my stare, she smiles! "Hi."

"Hi, friend." I give her a wave. Aw.

...Yeah, the conscious fairies are all weirded out, minus Brittany who both already knows my shpiel and is also not a real fairy.

With that in mind, I promptly ignore it and-

Oh woah. Ha-chan stepped up to me and pecked me on the lips while I was thinkin'...

"Oo~h!?" Koi is amazed!

Namori looks jaded. "Wha~...?"

Komi just lies back down. "This world's fucking weird…"

Ha-chan steps back from me. "I surprised you!" Yeah, no shit…! Aah...

...I turn to see Merry 'n' Renko further down the hall, about to make a turn. Wait up, yo! "Let's go, yo!"

"Hehehe~!" Is this the return of Ha-chan trying to lewd me? That'd be… something.

Mental note to come back after a bit and disscussimate with Brittany and stuff. I've still got questions I wanna ask her, but I don't think she'll up and vaporize if I don't come back for a week! I gotta get my fluffy friends to the shrine and give the village a little look see...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We arrive at the dining room!

Like the other ten million times I've been here, it is big. Oh so very big. But not too big!

There's a myriad of maids in hea, too; all seated and in varying states of food consumption…

"Yellow-chan, did you take my socks?"

"...Mrrm!"

"Lay off her." Ganpeki's minding her business at the dining table with a freakin'... weirdly shaped piece of paper or something. "You don't need socks."

"...I might actually need my socks, Gan-chan." Poor generic fairy who doesn't even get the privilege of additional prose...

There doesn't seem to be anyone of note here at the moment, but it looks like this world's Komi, Koi and Namori are here. Freakin'...!

As we approach the table, Komi looks up at us. "Oh, lookie here. It's the bitches."

"I don't kno~w you…!" Maribel pulls down on her poofy hat, trying to just pass by her…

"I guess that mirror shit went well. Mistress didn't kick our ass when we respawned." Komi laments, looking down at her waffles…

Then, she stands, cracking her knuckles. "I'm not about to…" Pausing, she furrowed her brows at our numbers.

"She has literally three different people standing behind her." I cut to the chase, yo. It's the lightning round! "We're all fluffy, too."

"So?" Sneering, Komi gestures to her friends. "Koi, Namori, get up."

Namori's lying on the table, next to her half-eaten cereal. Koi was transfixed on her spoon for a moment, before looking over at her. "Huh- whah? Oh- hey! It's uh… Minnie?"

Maribel snorts at the butchering of her name. "Maribel. Did I even tell you what my name was?"

"Probably maybe." Standing up herself, Koi smugly smiles at us. "You know-"

"No, no sex, no boobs, no whatever." Fed up, Maribel just picks the seat before us and sits there. "No orgies, no… just no. Yeah." Satisfied with that, she simply shakes her head at the fairies…

Komi raises her leg onto the table, making it shake as she presses down into it. "Well, aren't we confident?"

Koi hovers into the air next to her. "Hehehe~! You're not gonna be sayin' that when-..."

Sakuya is suddenly next to Maribel. "What would you care for, this morning?"

...Sheepishly, Maribel looks up at her. "Maybe some cookies…"

Sakuya vanishes, and immediately a plate of cookies was right before our soft friend.

"Wow." Maribel was baffled. "That… was fast."

"Well anyway!" Koi continues from where she left off. "When we lug ya back to our room, yer gonna- for cryin' out loud…" She slouches as Sakuya appears again, due to Renko taking a seat.

"What would you like?" Sakuya politely asks her for her order.

"Food." Renko jests. "Actually-"

Before Renko can say anything more, a plate of chicken strips is placed before her, the maid nowhere in sight.

"...I deserved this." Renko resigns herself, and begins eating the chicken strips with her hands…

Komi climbs onto the table, grinning. "Do you honestly believe I'm just going to stand here and-"

I take a seat next to Merry!

Sakuya's next to me, standing over me. "...Request something that exists, please."

Komi's had enough! "Chief!"

...Sakuya just dryly looks up at her.

"Do you mind!?" Komi stomps forward on the table. "I'm trying to-"

Thu-thunk. Two knives slide into Komi's ribs, throwing her off the table.

"No standing on the table." Sakuya reprimanded her in monotone.

Thud. Komi lands on the floor back a few feet, tipped chairs lying in her wake and two silver knives embedded in her torso. "Fu-fuck…"

...I look back up at Sakuya, to see her calmly staring at me. As such, I make my order! "Something that exists."

After a small delay, Sakuya's gone.

I look at my plate, only to see she's placed a limbless fluffle on it.

"im neat" It tells me it's really neat. Aw…

...Ha-chan seems to have sat next to me when I wasn't looking, already eating some waffles I don't think she even requested. Hoh.

After Komi was blown away, Koi floated back down. "Stupid chief. We need to find those clones of us and fuck 'em."

Aw. "A good fairy can get bad fairies and fuck 'em, and that's good!" I look down at my limbless fluffle breakfast. Freakin'...

Maribel turns to me. "How?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Breakfast's done!

Jogging out of the dining room slowly, I look back repeatedly as Renko and Maribel just freakin'... step out leisurely behind me.

"Relax, you." Renko tells me to stop jogging speed runner style! "We don't have to run."

...Stoppin', I slouch. "Aw."

We're in the generic halls again! Couches, end tables, you name it. They were there before, they're there now.

I look over at a big picture of Remi on the wall to the right. "Look at that face, yo. Freakin'..."

Remi looks super aloof here. That's huggable, dude…

...Stepping forward, I look closely. This painting was actually painted with oils and shit. Wonder if Remi got it commissioned. That, or Sakuya went around shanking artists until she found one that'd comply.

"Painting." Maribel casually waves off its existence, passing by it.

"Big, too." Renko gives it a respectful nod as she passes it.

...You know what?

Walking up to the painting, I start fiddling with the side of it.

Renko stops, looking back at me. "Brad, no."

Son. "Look yo, I'm just-"

Thunk. Somehow, me weakly fiddling with the side causes the painting to slide onto the floor, falling from its nail. It's still up against the wall, just on the floor now.

"Really." Renko is disappoint, yo. "If you break it, we're not paying for it."

...After a moment, the painting starts to fall forward!

I reach forward and grab it…! Hoh, freakin'... heavier than anticipated.

...Behind the painting is a tiny safe door, with a combination lock thing! Oo~h!

"Hey, yo!" I call out to the friends! "Ha-chan, c'mere and help me hold this!"

She bounds up from behind the girls giddily and grapples the side of the painting. "Can do~!"

...Sliding behind the painting, I put my hand on the combination lock and begin twisting!

Yeah, that's not going anywhere. I try to put my ear up to it like they do in the cartoons.

...Yeah, fuck lotta good that does. Whe~lp! I pull forward-

Thunk. It slides forward a little.

I push it back-

Thunk. It slides back inward a little. It's encased in a wooden box in the wall, the actual safe likely all metal.

...Shaking my head, I step out from behind the painting. "Let's just, u~h… leave that paintin' there."

Ha-chan tilts it against the wall. "Sure."

Merry and Renko're standing to the side, not terribly enthused about the safe I found in the wall.

"...You'd think they'd hide it somewhere more out of the way." Maribel reflects, before turning and continuing down the hall.

"Maybe it's there for a reason." Renko gives it slightly more reflection before following her friend.

Ha-chan and me follow behind them. It really doesn't matter who leads because these halls hate people.

...After some mind-drilling hallway walking, we pass a friend!

It's that stout blonde kid, yo. In good 'ol blue-ish maid attire, and those cardboard fairy wings...

He's got three… really tall fairy maids around him. They've got almost white hair- each fairy's a slightly different shade of red, blue, or green- but their haircuts and bodies otherwise are freakin' identical. They've also got white maid uniforms on.

"We should take him to the bathroom next…" The vaguely blue-haired one swoons over the shortie.

The red-tinted one has her arms on his shoulders, speaking breathily "No, no. We need to take him to Code-cha~n."

"Ahuhuhu~. Code-cha~n, Code-cha~n!" Green-hair does little hops in place, beaming down at the kid. They're pretty airy-headed!

Clamming up, the kid just continues to slowly pace forward while they loom over him, blushing like a freakin' neon sign.

...The four of us just watch the other four pass, for a moment.

Once they're outta earshot, Maribel comments! "This place's starting to give me the heebie jeebies…"

Renko chuckles. "It's like a giant sex dungeon. I'd hate to walk in here alone."

Now I feel like maintaining my virginity's some kinda achievement!

"It's not so bad when you get used to it." Ha-chan defends the manor casually, as we start walking forward again. "My friends're fun! And it's kinda fun when someone just walks up to you and-"

"I don't wanna know." Maribel shuts down that ship before it sails. "All I see are perverts…!"

Ha-chan steps up to her curiously. "What's a pervert?"

...Maribel looks haunted, yo.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We move outside the front door, and start proceeding across the manor lawn…

S'pretty abrupt how fast we left, and I still am bamboozled by Brittany's existence, but I think she'll stick around. If not, that mirror probably holds the answers. It's more like a stained glass thing now…

But anyway, outdoors! It's sorta overcast, today...

There's a fairy maid with bobby yellow hair out here that I haven't seen before. She's not Yellow-chan, 'cause Yellow had a ponytail in the back. She's just standing real casually, too…!

I point at her. "Y'know who that is, Ha-chan?"

"Uu~h…" Ha-chan focuses. Hoh! "Nope!" Aw.

...I meander towards her. "Hello, friend."

"Hi." She smiles at me.

Good conversation. I walk away, moving towards the gate…

"Good." Renko nods at me dryly. "Are you trying for a random encounter?"

"Yes no maybe so." I admit. "Fairies are cuddly, yo." Not every day I see one just fluffing about outside the gate for no good reason.

...Reconsidering, I whirl back to face the fairy before opening the gate and leaving!

The fairy's not even paying attention to us, her gaze firmly on the manor's door.

"Wat'cha doin'?" I ask her as my party pauses around me.

"Keeping guard." She states. Oh, okay.

"From…?" I gesture my hands to implicate following through!

"Someone." Ah, yes, that answers all my questions. "I can't let them leave. Code-chan would lock me away until I got hungry and sad." ...Fairies can get hungry?

...Satisfied with that, I progress towards the gate. "Alright, yo. Keep on keepin' on!"

"Can do, Brad!" How in the- where'd this generic asshole get my name!?

...I stare back at her in slight bamboozlement, only to find her just smiling at us.

"Hn~h…" Maribel tries to push the gate open, but just gets fluffy up against it. "Why's this so heavy…?"

"It's a big metal gate, Merry." Renko counters, moving to help her push it. "Hn~h. Maybe too big and too metal…"

...Meiling's just to the left of the gate along the exterior wall, asleep. Nice.

Ha-chan raises a hand-

Zap! A tiny bolt strikes the top of the gate!

"Ow- ow, ow!" Merry leaps back from the gate, shaking her arms. "The stupid thing- it shocked me!"

"Jeez!" Renko leaps back, too. "Wo~w that stings. Man, static sucks…"

...I give Ha-chan a stare, and she just rubs the back of her head. "Hehehe~..."

"Hey." Weird fairy that knows my name speaks up beside us. "I can help you, Brad."

Stop callin' me Brad…! "S'that so?"

"Yeah." She brings her arms together before herself. "You'll owe me, though."

"Ass." I decline her offer. "We'll just fight the gate until it dies."

...Saying nothing, she turns back to watch the door.

Pulling out Hard Winter, I hold it out. "Everyone, give this hanger a grab and channel mana into it!" We're gettin' a full party buff, son.

Merry immediately latches onto it.

...Reluctantly, Renko lays a hand on it.

Ha-chan's bein' fluffy and places her hand atop where mine is.

Shink! A spike of ice comes out of the ground next to us-

Fwooo~. An earthy magical circle generates somewhere in the air above us, hitting nothing.

The hanger starts to crackle with electricity, making us all drop it and shake our hands.

Thunk. It lands on the floor…

"Cool plan." Renko grimaces down at it. "Are we gonna play russian roulette next?"

Freakin'...! I was the only one who got a strength buff outta that!

Picking up my hanger again, I march up to the gate and start just whackin' it!

Cla~ng! Cla~ng! Cla~ng! Wahaha~!

"Noo~b!" I yell at it!

Cla~ng!

"Maybe we should just ask the fairy for help." Maribel resolves.

Dropping Hard Winter, I draw Deep Blue, suddenly having an idea! "No, yo, no. Lemme do this one thing…"

...Moving to the side of the gate, I see where Meiling's leaning against it on the other side. Crouching down, I poke my hanger into the floor and yell for effect. "Geysa~h!"

Fwuu~sh! A stout geyser erupted under Meiling!

"Wh- woah!?" She flails her limbs as she's launched into the air. "Wha~aah!?"

Success! "Noo~b! Noo~b!" I yell out for her!

"What even just happened…?" Renko was next to me, trying to gauge what the hell I just did.

Thoom. Meiling lands on her legs after leaping off the top of the geyser. "Gee~z…"

"Yo, yo!" I start slamming my arm into the gate! "Friend, yo!"

...Meiling stares at me dryly, soaked and still drowsy. "Nngh- yeah, yeah, I felt ya, I kno~w…"

Hoh.

...I back up from the gate so it doesn't open in my face or something, and Renko does the same.

Meiling meanders up to the gate and gives it a brisk push-

Crrea~k. It swings open effortlessly.

"There…" With that, Meiling starts to lumber past us. "I'mma go get a towel. It's nippy out…"

"Have fun, yo." I give her a wave as my friends start to progress out of the manor walls proper.

In the next moment, I see that yellow haired frik standing closer to me, an examining expression on her face.

"You're freakin' creepy." I inform her!

...She doesn't seem fazed by the insult, a hand on her chin.

Okay, noob. Ignoring her, I grab 'n' store Hard Winter and Deep Blue before movin' to progress outside with the nugget company.

...It's slightly overcast, today! I dunno how cold it is, but Merry and Renko seem to be fine in their somewhat grimy rain coats.

...Ha-chan's just freakin' Ha-chan. I dunno where she puts her winter gear when she's not wearing it or dead, but she doesn't have it right now and seems fine!

"To the shrine!" I march forward, and jog a bit to get ahead of everyone!

It's gonna be a slow, overcast kinda day friends…

On our gradual progression towards the Misty Lake- which is pretty freakin' misty today- we pass by freakin'... something.

It looks like a mud monster, yo. Unlike the mud goo girl, it's just… a lumbering, huge hunched figure of mud and impossible body architecture.

Its arms end in earthy spikes, and it has no neck, instead just having a freakin' crag for a head. One big amber light on the middle gives it the impression of having an eye.

...As we pass it, it walks in the direction opposite us, ignoring us entirely.

"What was that…?" Merry just gives it an incredulous stare.

"Who knows." Renko dismisses its existence. "I think we'll be asking that question a lot the more we stick around here."

The path to the lake is still muddy with recent rainfall. Did it sprinkle overnight? When we got back to the surface, everything was dry.

As we near the lake proper, we begin to hear sobbing…

Coming up to the lake's shore, we see a small, blue-haired water fairy sitting by the shallows. Her wings are bunched up and smashed, and she's all caked in mud.

...We kinda stare at her as she cries into her dirty hands. "Ahuh… nn~aah…"

"Hey…" Maribel starts stepping towards her. "What's wrong."

"Wh-wh…!?" The fairy suddenly starts to clam up, seemingly trying to scramble towards the water-

"It's okay, I won't hurt you…!" Maribel holds up her hands diplomagically!

...Seemingly calming down, the fairy just stares at her unevenly with two dimly glowing eyes in the day's dark gloom. "Nn-nnh…?"

Smiling, Maribel opens her arms, crouching to the fairy's height. "Hug?"

The fairy's blue eyes stop glowing for some reason, unnaturally flickering dark, as if they were freakin' backlit.

Vrrr~. She lets out a weird whining sound-

Soundlessly, her head tilts back, the neck opening and revealing nothing biological, two whirling shafts of blades comprising the interior of her neck. Tiny, stick-like tools extend from her neck's exposed rims as she walks towards Maribel-

"Nevermind! Nevermind!" Swinging her suitcase wildly, Maribel backs up!

"That's not a fairy!" Ha-chan states the obvious!

"Alright- what is that!?" Renko takes back her previous comment about the redundancy of asking what things were in Gensokyo!

Drawing Hard Winter, I freakin'... step between Maribel and the thing as Maribel falls back!

...The stick-like tools extending from its neck are small, almost indescribably so. The interior of her neck is somewhat chromey, but not futuristically so. This ain't no fairy, it's some kinda freakin' machine…

Oh, yeah, it has blenders in its neck for some reason. What the hell is this supposed to be.

As it walks towards me with its arms outstretched, I reel Hard Winter over my head a~nd… bring it down-

Bam! My blow to its neck place causes it to fall backwards onto its rear, humming unhealthily…

Whir- Whir- Whir…!

Water seemingly soundlessly parts in the misty lake ahead. Three really tall, floating machines just extend out of the water fully, taking to the air above and before us. They're pod-like, the front faces of the black metal devices glowing with dim but really retro luminescent blue lights.

The bottom of the machines extends down in eight long, thin, grime-accented blades that slowly spin on a wheel as they float. They all emit air conditioner-esque hums… and the blades had to be at least twelve feet long.

"Let's just go!" Maribel starts running around the lakeside!

"Yeah!" Renko runs after her!

With little other choice, I run after them, and Ha-chan floats behind me…!

Instead of whirling at us like one might expect of bladed flying machines, they start shooting things from their boxy lights-

Pahp- pa- papa- pahppa~hp!

Oblong, cyan bullets wildly roar after us with very little aim, all three machines just unloading what seem to be danmaku shots as they begin to spin in the air, following us along the lakeside.

The way they shoot is just literally flailing wildly, bullets goin' everywhere…

"Woaa~h!" Maribel yells as she sees three bullets slam into the ground before her!

One bullet hits Renko, and doesn't seem to do much but leave some residual energy and pain on her. "Anh! Nn~h…!" It caused her to stumble for a moment, but she just keeps running, drawing her Counterweight scissors…

I jog in their wake! I've yet to be hit, somehow…

Zap! Ha-chan zaps one of 'em back-

Fwii~r…

Upon contact with her weak ass zappy bolt, one of the machines was thrown way up in the air, smoke billowing beneath it as it soared up…

...It eventually landed in the water-

Bam! It let out a loud but still kinda weirdly quiet explosion, which didn't even really seem to leave anything behind after the machine was consumed by it. Cool enemies.

Once the other two finish their salvos of totally unaimed danmaku, they just hover in the air after us menacingly but meaninglessly…

Patatatat! Danmaku roars out from the air above us.

Fwii- Fwii~r… Two more machines were flung away at ridiculous speed almost instantly by the salvo of tiny blue bolts.

"Got one! Got one!" An actual water fairy seems to hover overhead, two friends in her wake behind her, all clad in nearly identical blue dresses.

Choo~m! Choo~m! Long, blue streaks of light roar from the forestry nearby-

Pi~chun- Pi~chun! The water fairy's friends are annihilated by them, causing her to just bolt into the mist over the lake at super speed…

Choo~m! A long laser lags after her, seemingly homing onto her in the fog. I dunno what happened from there. I didn't hear her die, though!

"I'm glad we're heading home now." Maribel is sufficiently creeped out by today's overcast.

"Yeah…" Renko rubs the spot where that danmaku bolt struck her.

Freakin'... with creepy weather comes creepy enemies, apparently.

==== FREAKIN GENSKOYO ====

The rest of the walk around the lake was curiously calm-

Choo~m, Choo~m!

Echoing laser blasts notwithstanding! They're mostly in the distance and stuff.

In the brush to our left as we get onto the Hakurei path, some kinda super abstract, translucent entity just drifts through the trees. It looked kinda like a snowflake.

Maribel glanced it, and shuddered. "Nope, nope. Let's keep walking…!"

We're now on the Hakurei path proper!

From the forestry to our right, a similar curiously abstract entity starts drifting out towards our path segment, ignoring the foliage-

Fwa~sh! Suddenly, it's cut into three segments by three parallel, simultaneous incisions. Its form dissipates into water, splashing on the floor, but some kinda translucent shard also floats down from it-

Woo~sh. A figure moving way too fast for me to make out takes the shard before it even touches the floor.

"I don't remember it being this weird out yesterday…" Renko reflects, slightly weary at the freakin' insane exchange we just watched.

I chuckle. "I don't remember it being this weird out ever!" While I have been mobbed by things, it's never been things one might mistake for a schizophrenic hallucination!

...As we near the Hakurei Shrine steps, we see Reimu standing in front of them. Aw…

She's stretching. "Hnn~..."

...While she stretches, we see a green-haired fairy hobble from the woods across the stairs. Its neck folds open, and it starts speed-stumbling towards Reimu-

Fwa-fwa-fwap. Three ofuda land on it in an instant, doing nothing except making it stop in its tracks since it's a robot…

"Youkai Buster!" Reimu throws another volley of ofuda, which speed forward in direct lines, leaving blue tracer trails-

Thwash! The ofuda pass through the robot entirely, flinging it nearly back into the woods where it hobbled from.

Cla-clank. It lands on its back-

Reimu jumps, and disappears, her form fading out.

Bam! In the next moment, she fades back in over the robot and stomps down on its torso, crushing it.

Cr-cr-crack! Glass vials and vats inside it break, and its flesh-like skin rips open.

Raising her brows, Reimu leaps back and away from it-

Fwam, fwam! Magic starts to react violently within the robot, bubbles and small geysers erupting from it and clear liquid seeping up from the ground beneath-

Boom! It explodinated. Glass, metal, and fake fairy bits splash out of it, along with a bunch of water, despite it having green hair. Well, it was kinda turquoise...

"What are these things?" Reimu folds her arms, staring at the smoldering remains of the robot fairy.

"Friends." I annotate, stepping up to her with my posse.

...She almost looked like she was gonna slug us for a moment, before realizing who we are. "Oh. You two ready to go?" She looks over Maribel and Renko…

"Yeah." Merry nods. "I've had enough insanity for a little while…"

"We've nearly been raped on multiple different occasions." Renko states plainly. "I'm investing in pepper spray."

...Reimu just gives me a glance before not caring. "Alright. Follow me up to the shrine… and watch your step. It's a little wet."

With that, Merry and Renko start to follow after her…

Maribel turns back to me, giving me a smile and a wave. "See you later, Brad! Don't die while I'm gone!"

"No promises, yo…!" I give her a thumbs up!

Renko gives me a wave, too. Ho ho.

After a while, the two make good progress up the stairs…

"Let's go take a shit on the human village." I beckon Ha-chan to follow me, casually strutting down the path.

She makes a conflicted expression. "...I was taught from day one not to 'defecate in the air' by chief." To imitate Sakuya, she makes a serious expression!

...I just give her an enduring grin. "We're not actually gonna freakin'... unload. Do fairies even do that?"

...Ha-chan tilted her head. "Maybe. If we wanna, I guess. Or if we eat a lot!"

Good.

Anyway…

S'an overcast day, yo. Now that I think about it, it is a pretty dark overcast day. Maybe we just slept weird 'cause we were up all night getting our asses kicked, kicking ass, kicking kicks and assing ass.

Oh, yeah, and before we get to the village, I should throw on my monk robes and pretend to be mister nice guy. That'd probably get me in easily enough…

Looking to the side, I progress towards some trees on the side of the path. It's pretty windy today, actually…

The foliage is really dark, because it's a dark day, so I'm apprehensive about approaching it. Freakin'... spent a month in Gensokyo and still scared about prancing in some bushes-

The bushes rustle. No~pe, nope nohohope.

...After a moment, grey, silver liquid starts to flow from a nearby shrub, which began forming into a goo girl. Oh. Ah, whatever.

For some reason, the liquid that formed her seemed to defy gravity to do so. The goo girl produced look melancholic, for some reason.

"Hi ho, friend ho." Ho ho. I give her a wave, passing by her and acting innocent. "You're a nugget, today."

...She slowly turns to watch me pass her as I move, her form jiggling as I do so.

Maybe I should walk past her normally and not skirt around her if I'm tryin'a play this low key. Oh well! I got past her, any-

"Trailing Shower." She lurches into the floor, before standing upright again after a moment.

...Now I'm wet.

I look up, and see a tiny raincloud a few feet over me. She rained on my parade!

...It's over Ha-chan, too. "Noo~..."

...It's also over herself! Aw.

"You made me wet, friend." I inform the friendly goo girl.

...She doesn't reply tangibly. For a moment, one of her arms seems to dissipate into mist, before reforming along her side again. Oo~h.

Ha-chan steps towards her. "Stop raining on me~. It's cold…!"

...After a slow moment, the goo girl holds up a partially mistified arm. "Please observe." Her hand starts glowing with purple energy…!

Ha-chan leans forward-

Fwoa~m. A small shockwave of some kinda purple energy spreads out around the goo girl.

"Aa- aaa~h!" Ha-chan screams for some reason, running up towards me!

Oof! I get glomped…

"Aah- nnh- nhah- aah…!" Ha-chan hyperventilates up against me, fidgety and wide-eyed. "Br- Brad- Brad-kun…"

"Yo~..." I'm a little offput by the sudden change! "Wazzap?"

"Nnh…" She buries her face in my neck, crying. "I-I… Br-Brad-kun…"

...I just look over at the goo girl, and give her a grin-accented stare.

She looks completely indifferent, which is nothing new. Freakin'...

"How long's this last?" I point at my frightened fairy friend.

...The goo girl just sighs. You don't even have lungs, ya stupid freakin'...

"Nnh…" Oof! Ha-chan freakin'... wraps all her limbs around me. Aa~h! "A-aah…"

I stumble back from the sudden weight before grabbing onto her so that I don't fall over myself. "Freakin'...!"

...Whelp, I can't seek vengeance on the goo girl like this, and Ha-chan needs cuddles, so I just walk off with her in my arms, leaving the goo girl to do whatever a goo girl does.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I walk up to the village gates! They were pretty much a spitting distance away from where we were.

Never got my monk clothes on 'cause Ha-chan's freakin' out and I don't trust these woods when it's this dark...

There's someone in a red kimono here. "Genuinely, hu-... mmm. Do people in your- my village- not dress in formal attire?"

...The bronze-clad guard ain't havin' any of it. "Not when they leave. Go away."

Aw, it's Genkan, that one yuki-onna from earlier! She's trying to get inside, but the guard's not complying. She followed my advice and got a red, floral kimono instead of her white yuki-onna one.

"I'm here to offer my services. You are in no position to turn me down." Genkan sounds progressively more annoyed…

The guard frowns through his helmet. "Really. I'm not here to kill anybody."

"What?" Genkan's hair starts to float oh shit…!

Walking up behind her, I place a hand on her shoulder-

Whirling to face me, her expression flares. "No!"

Fwa~sh!

With a rush of snowflakes and swirly ice magic, Ha-chan's frozen solid in my arms, but I'm fine. Freakin'...

...Genkan just blinks at me, seemingly recognizing who I am.

...After a moment, someone else walks up beside us. It's some woman with a deep maroon dress, long black hair, and freakin'... insect-like eyes. Woah no. Also, a black sun hat, which is peculiar 'cause she's got a regular dress on.

The guard was about to lash out at us for being assholes, but then he saw the bug lady come up. "...I'll have to ask you all to leave. If you stay like this, I'll have no choice other than to call for backup."

Genkan presses her hand against the ice that froze Ha-chan, and starts melting it into mist. "Sorry."

I smile at her. "S'cool, yo."

...She slowly glowers at me.

"...Pun unintended." I admit, realizing I made a 'cool' ice pun.

Once Ha-chan is thawed enough, she starts shivering. "A-ah…" She still seems terrified of life, too. Freakin'...

While Genkan and I kinda shift away from the guard and the bug lady, said bug lady steps up to the guard.

He rests his hand on his sheathed sword. "Get back."

"I have a request." She states plainly.

"We don't do requests. Go." The man waves his hand quickly.

"Can I get, uu~h…" She raises a finger thoughtfully. "Boneless human?"

"Funny." The guard nods at her. "Go. Last warning."

...In the time they were conversing, a violet magical circle formed under the guard's feet, glowing lightly.

...He looked down at it-

The bug-eyed girl snapped her fingers.

Fwash. The circle lit to life-

Cla-clack, clack, clack. A pile of bones landed behind her, piling up.

Slosh. Oh- oh my fucking god. Uuh. Uuu~h.

Genkan's jaw dropped.

...That thing about boneless human? She wasn't kidding. At all. She was deadly serious. Deadly serious.

Before me is a pile of clothes, armor, flesh, and blood. Lots of blood.

…Tearing my head away, I crouch, set Ha-chan beside me, and turn-

"Bwaa~gh!" My empty stomach is now emptier. "Kaufh, kah…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...We ended up getting inside anyway because he was the only guard at the gate, so Genkan was able to reel it open. That freakin'... bug lady took off with that dude's skin sack. Tha~t's not gonna leave my mind for some time!

"...I apologize for freezing your fairy." Genkan speaks to me after we've walked into the village some ways. I like how she's just pretending we saw nothing. That was some shit… just teleported all of his bones outside of his body. Holy crap.

"Yeah." I nod numbly. "She's... probably not alright with it." Yeah.

Looking over at the shivering Ha-chan, I see she's still holding onto my arm tightly, tears running down her cheeks. "A-aah… nnn~h…" Jeez.

...I've got my sun helmet off for now, both because I had to wipe some puke off the rim, and because I'd probably get some funny stares from the guards if they're really cracking down. Not that we won't as it is, but freakin'...

"...I'm sorry." Genkan apologizes again, looking at the path ahead this time.

As we proceed forward, a guard moves from one of the two lanes of people ahead and starts marching towards us. On the upside, guards are super obvious in their shiny ass brass armor. On the do~wnside, freakin'... they look a bit more aggro. They've also got pikes, which even a monkey can use.

"It's alright." I give Genkan a slanted smile, which is all I can muster at the moment!

Freakin'... if this guard tries to give us problems, yo, he's gonna have some problems…!

"Stop." He has his pike up defensively as he approaches us. "Who let you in?"

Genkan steps forward. "It is none of your-"

"You." I interject.

...They both look at me.

"Me." I point at myself. "I did."

The guard just stared at me idly, confused. Ho ho!

Time to tell a story! "What I mean is that I came here to buy some potions-"

"Doesn't matter." He gestures to the gate loosely. "You need to leave." Why're guards half competent now?

I hold up a ha~nd! "Let me finish, yo~."

...He sighs. Honh.

"So," I continue! "I rolled up to the front gate, and there was just no one. All we saw was a puddle'a blood on the ground and a pile 'a bones next ta it, so we let ourselves in."

The guard readies his pike. "I'll kill you both here." Pfft…!

Genkan grimaces, and throws her arm outward-

Fwa~sh! A~nd, frozen. He is now a block.

...We're also gettin' some funky stares!

I gesture for my yuki-onna friend to follow me into the back alleys, usin' my other arm to usher Ha-chan along. "C'mon, yo, we gotta move...!"

"Indeed." Genkan frowns at me, before floating alongside me, frost noticeably trailing on the ground in her wake.

After some apt movement, the three of us fade into obscurity in the back alleys. We left a trail of ice, but I don't think anyone gives a shit.

Back here it's also really freakin' dark. What a crappy day!

"I thought I could trust your word about the village." Genkan looks at me once we're a few turns into the alleys. "I suppose my hopes were too high."

...Slappin' on an enduring smile, I shake my head. "Yo, I didn't know the freakin' guard would get an entire revision. Last time I checked, they didn't use brass or pikes!"

...Once considering that, she gives me a brisk nod. "This is true. For the longest I can remember, they were swordsmen through and through, even after they'd by large lost the craft of the katana."

We come to a stop in the middle of somewhere after some idle movement. We're surrounded by tiny houses, fences, scattered dumpsters, and other such things.

"What do we do now, then?" Genkan looks at me again, frowning slightly. "I'm stranded in a village of malevolent humans, and it's all your fault." Aa~h, don't give me that, yo. You could bust out easy enough…

"Don't worry, yo." I grin at her. "If there's anyone who knows how ta kick human ass, it's me. I know a couple low places in this city, too. I'm connected, son."

...After staring at me for a moment, Genkan looks away. "I'll hold you to that."

Speakin' of safe houses…

Looking over at Ha-chan, I wrap an arm around her. "I think we'll be stoppin' somewhere right now, too. I gotta get my fairy friend to a home…"

Ha-chan seems marginally calmer now, but she's still frowning, her cheeks wet and eyes low.

"Br-Brad-kun." She shivers. "I'm cold."

...Y'know what.

Reachin' into my bag, I slide out Hard Winter a bit, and renew my strength buff so it exists again. Shelving it once more, I hold out my arms. "Get in my arms, yo."

...After blinking at me for a moment, she does! I'm now holdin' her close 'n' bridal style. We're gettin to a save point, yo!

"Thank you…" Hoh, she's being super normal about things. She must be really freakin' beat up about the debuffmania…

Looking up at Genkan, I grin. "Can I trust ya to freeze any guard that gets in our way? We're taking some low roads, yo."

...Genkan allows herself to smile. "Maybe. For a human, your actions towards your kind are rather traitorous, are they not?"

Pfft.. "Yo, we're douchebags. Especially in numbers! Now let's get a freakin' move on!"

Ha-chan in my arms and with a yuki-onna in my wake, I start beelining through the back alleys towards one of the safer locations of the city, or so I hope...

Sekibanki's house!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Nah, we're not there yet. Probably not even close! We're just crossin' one of the like two main streets we need to cross to get there, and freakin'... the back alley walking isn't terribly eventful. Especially when Genkan's hovering behind me, makin' all the thugs turn a blind eye. No one wants to attack the angry-lookin' girl that floats.

Comin' up to the main street, I turn to Genkan. "Yo, when we cross this road, mind keepin' a low profile?"

"You said I may freeze guards." She restates neutrally. "So it shall be done."

"If they get aggro, yeah." I confirm with her. "We ain't robbin' a freakin' bank. The idea's we don't get the safe house blown up…!"

...Genkan folds her arms, and lands on her sandals again. "Very well. If you're certain."

I'm mostly saying this 'cause I'm lookin' down the street, and on this road there's like… a guard every four lamp posts or so, acting sentry. Geesh, they really are crackin' down on interior traffic…

...I prepare myself to casually power walk across the street-

Clo-clop! Clo-clop! Clo-clop!

A horse darts down the road, ridden by some guy! I didn't get a good look at him, but I think it was a guy! They got horses now, of courses!

...Where the hell do horses exist in Gensokyo? I've seen not a one since I've gotten here, aside from freakin'... once or twice, in the context of the village. Also the headless horseman, but that shit was different.

Once the horse is out of the way, I start my eager power walk…!

...Immediately, four guards from four different corners of the street segment I'm crossing start to march towards us, wading through the few people who're out today.

Genkan notices them, but doesn't do much for now, stepping behind me leisurely.

...As they close in on us, we reach the other side of the street, and step into an alley.

The pikemen follow us into the wide alley, each standing side by side as they lower their pikes forward-

Genkan casts an arm out behind us. "Deep freeze."

Fwa~sh! The two middle guards are frozen instantly!

...The remaining guards just walk backwards, reversing the steps of their pike-raising posture. Wahaha!

"Wise." With that, the yuki-onna resumes drifting behind me.

...I never thought about it, but Genkan must be a strong ass yuki-onna to just freeze people like it's nothing. S'a good thing I'm freakin' anti-freeze!

"Where're we going…?" Ha-chan makes some conversation in my arms.

"A home." I smile down at her. Cuddlemuffin!

Moving down the alley, I take a sharp left so we move along towards the next main road. I'm keepin' close-ish to the square since Seki's place is along a different main road, close to the square…

From a nearby tiny deviation a guy with long clothes walks out, sees us, and freakin'... turns back around. Aw.

At the end of this alley, we reach a road section just off 'a the central village crossroads.

Peekin' out from the alley section, I look around…

In the center of the village is some kinda platform propped up by stout wood beams. Nothing's happening on said platform, though...

There's a similar guard situation, though! One's right outside my alley, the other's in front of the alley I wanna get to…

Movin' outta the way, I smile at Ganken. "Noobs're in the way, yo."

...She looks over at me. "Death is fine, correct?"

...I tilt my head a little. "Eeh. Freezin' em's fine, knockin' 'em out's fine, try not to kill anyone. If only 'cause they'll bite back harder if we actually kill people." Truth be told, I wanna avoid casualties!

...With that reasoning, Genkan lands and slowly walks towards the guard from behind.

Once she gets close enough, she lunges forward and wraps her arms around his back.

"Hmm…!?" He stumbles back a bit, but the yuki-onna holds him in place. "What's this!?"

"Rela~x." Genkan instructs him softly. "Just relax."

He seems to try and raise his pike, but he can't do a lot with it at freakin' hug range. Moving her arms along his, Genkan disarms him of his pike, her robes beginning to loosely cling to his sides…

"Youkai…!" He starts yelling out for help! "Yo- youkai!"

"Just give everything to me…" Genkan starts speakin' even softer, breathier. "I won't hurt you."

He tries flailing his limbs, only for the robes to snare them. "Ngh! Aaaa~h!" Why the hell's he screaming?

"Shh, shh, shh…" The yuki-onna shushes him as some guards from all around us start to beeline to our position…

Whelp, yo. Looks like we're gonna have to have a brief stint to get across the street!

...Thud. The guard falls out of Genkan's kimono, which quickly does itself again. His armor's covered in a thin layer of frost, and he seems sad.

The price we pay for the stealth bamboozlement is five more angry guards! With pikes!

Reachin' into my bag, I take out Deep Blue with one arm! It's pretty freakin' tricky with Ha-chan in my arms…

...Frowning, Genkan looks around at the guards.

After a short stare off, two restless guards at both far ends of the gathering start to move towards us with their pikes raised-

Fwa~sh! With a wave of her arm, Genkan freezes the one moving towards her in a block of ice.

Crouching down super awkwardly, I jab Deep Blue into the floor and channel mana through it-

Fwuu~sh! The guard moving towards me along the side is flung forward! "Hwaa~h!?"

Hearing him yelling, Genkan turns to him and throws her arm outward-

Woosh! A rush of cold air stops the noob from falling near me, sending him rolling off into the alley behind us, his pike lost somewhere on the floor along the way.

Shink! One of the more central guards jerked forward and gave Genkan a poke in the torso.

"Ngh…" Darting back, floating to keep herself balanced, the yuki-onna quickly recovers by diagonally spinning towards the three remaining guards-

Woo~sh! Frost whirls off her form as she spins to the side at an angle to prevent further poking.

The waves of cold air chill the guards, ice and snow crystals forming along the exterior of their bronze suits.

"Damn…" The central one slowly starts to turn away. "We- we can't- we need men!"

"Hn- ah…" The one farthest from Genkan's left positioning slowly articulates himself into guarding posture…

Quickly, Genkan slides back like twenty feet, before looking down at her stomach.

...With her farther away, the guards slowly begin turning and moving, their armor not quite accommodating-

Krii~ng! With an upward wave of her arm, one of those tree trunk displacing blades of ice erupts from the ground beneath the guards.

One of them's thrown just freakin' up, while the guy to the left of the line is sent stumbling forward despite not being hit.

"Huwoaa~h!" For some reason, the backmost guy very slowly, gradually falls backwards after getting nicked in the chest plate by the blunt frost blade.

...Thud. Despite the fall taking a full second, it was still loud. How'd the frost slow his falling speed? Freakin'...!

Bam! I don't know where that launched guy went, but something went boom somewhere. I'm going to bet he's dead!

...The final guard starts to very slowly sprint towards Genkan. The words 'very slowly' and 'sprint' combined equal 'a leisurely walk'! He's got his pike up though, and he looks like he's tryin' like hell…

Drifting just off the ground, she moves towards him, and gets within stabby range…

When he tries a lethargic stab at her, she drifts beside it and just floats up to him-

Fwam! She shoved her hand into his face, a blast of teal magic flaring out of her hand.

...Thud. The guard fell back onto the floor, his head encased in a chunk of ice. That's… probably more deadly than being frozen solid. Maybe. I don't actually know…!

Standing back up with Deep Blue and Ha-chan in my arms, I start jogging across the road. "Let's get goin'...! The popo be fast, on our ass!"

Genkan very quickly accelerates from the road to the alley ahead far quicker than I could. Yo, wait up…!

After a moment, I catch up to her in the thin alley we escaped into, her drifting slowing to a stop…

She whirls around to face me, before looking down at her stomach and frowning. "They ripped my kimono. This cost me five thousand yen." Her stomach seems to be healed, even if there's crimson stains on the edges of the ripped kimono.

I raise a brow. "Where'd ya get it from?"

"...I spoke with that puppeteer in the woods." Genkan provides.

Aa~h, cool. I wave the damage off. "Alice'll fix it for ya for a small fee, probably. She's chill about the pricing if you're chill. Freakin'- pun again unintended..." Freakin'... it's too easy to make ice puns! I'm not even trying!

"I'm starting to doubt that last part." Genkan stares at me skeptically. "...And, be that as it may, this is still your fault."

Nodding, I look down at Ha-chan, who's just kinda observing the world at this point. "Yeah- I'll give ya some dough once we get to the hideout. We shouldn't hafta barge through main street again, so it's just a little away…"

As we move down the road, a door opens from the side of one of the nearby houses, and a mustachioed villager guy leans out, his brows furrowed.

Once he gives us a good glance, he just smoothly leans back inside and slams the door shut. Noob.

Ha-chan shifts a little in my arms, and yawns. "Maauu~..." Hoh.

I like something about today's atmosphere, even if apparently all the freakin' horrible abominations share that sentiment with me. It's dark but real chill… and the sun's not fucking with my eyes like it normally does.

Eventually, we reach a small clearing amidst the alleys. It doesn't matter what kinda dungeon you delve into, yo. Be it mansion halls, forest paths or freakin' city sects, clearings are just a thing that exists.

There's a tipped over garbage can to the left, curious parts spilt on the floor. As we pass it, I realize that it's a pink-haired variant of the freakin' blender fairies from before, except it's all broken apart, and its limbs are all connected by wires.

On the other side of the alley clearing, there's a guy lying on the floor sleeping. Cool. That's a me thing, freakin'...

Pat- pat, clank. The trash can with the wire-y not-fairy starts shaking, and the parts begin rolling as if the can was set to spin cycle.

I point at it with my leg. "Genkan, freeze that shit."

She blinks. "...For what reason?"

"It's evil. It's gonna freakin' mutilate us, yo. It's a person snatcher!" I justify the robot genocide!

Genkan stares at me dryly. "I'm a person snatcher, and you didn't react to me with such venom." You freakin'...

Cra~Cra~ng! Two slots are busted open on the trashcan, and two freakin'... plastic- or perhaps metal- fairy leg limbs stretch into the air, a long trail of red, yellow, and blue wires extending as they accelerate up…

...After a moment, the limbs fall, and land on the roof behind the trashcan.

Slowly, the trashcan begins to get dragged up the side of the house by the two strings of wire. As it raises, the pink-haired, battered fake fairy head dangles upside down, one hot pink eye scanning our forms.

Genkan drifts forward. "Hello." Aw, yo. Let's talk with it.

...It doesn't respond, 'cause it's a freakin' robot.

...Genkan floats closer-

Cla-clang. The trashcan rattles loudly against the house after it tries to jerk itself forward, the loose head dangling limply like a hung ornament…

"I'm speaking to you." Genkan nears it further-

Vuu~r. The fairy's head opens its mouth, revealing a black nozzle and some wireframe-y metal bits, but nothing else of interest. No teeth, yo.

Whooo~m! It makes a vacuum cleaner-esque noise.

...Genkan drifts back a little. Wahaha!

Once the can is high up enough on the roof, it starts to jitter, two arm-esque limbs extending out of the slots the other limbs came out of before…

Like this, it positions itself on the roof with all four… 'limbs'.

"We won't hurt you, young one." Genkan speaks to it like it's an actual youkai. "Come do-"

Whii~r! Suddenly, the wires extend with great speed, the entire trash can launching off the roof and leaning down towards Genkan-

The yuki-onna slides back, ice dusting the ground in her wake.

Whooo~m! As the trashcan bobs in the air, super precariously held up by its four wire limbs with this bullshit arc between it and the rooftop, the vacuum nozzle extends from its mouth straight outward.

Taking this as an act of aggression, Genkan extends an arm-

Fwa~sh. Thud. The trash can was frozen solid, and the machine fell to the floor, the wire limbs ragdolling and ceasing activity.

"I toldja, yo." Shakin' my head, I start movin' for Seki's place again. "I saw some of those guys at the lake, and they had blenders for necks and tried to shishkebob me."

"What… are they?" Drifting after me, the yuki-onna poses a question!

"Robots're somethin'." I decide. "Well, clearly, but… I dunno past that."

After a moment, Genkan questions me again. "Are robots… different from normal youkai?"

I just turn to her, both brows raised, slightly grinning.

"...Don't look at me like that." She frowns at me. Aw.

...Oh, I got a way to explain it. "Y'know golems?" That was a fantasy trope, right?

Genkan nods once after I say that. "Oh, I see. How foolish of me. They're a sophisticated kind of golem then, are they not?"

"There we go, yo." At least she's quick on the take!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We have reached… the Sekibanki household! Actually, does she have a last name? Hmm. Last names are for noobs anyway…

I knock on the door.

Genkan lands from her neutral posture, which is hovering like a few inches off the ground. "Should I… pretend?"

I shake my head. "Nah, she's a youkai, too. Once we're in you can just ch-... relax." Hah! Caught myself that time…

"Good." Genkan folds her arms.

I knock on the door again.

Crea~k. It opens a crack, before it's opened fully. A girl with long, blonde hair and a plain brown version of Sekibanki's snazzy coat stares out.

Daa~h. I tilt my head at her. "Is, uh… Sekibanki here?"

...The girl raises her arm, and removes the blonde hair, revealing red hair beneath. "Hi." Aw, yo! Seki surprise…!

"You're cuddly." I inform the Seki surprise. "We need to lay low for a little bit, yo. This place's a mad house…!"

...Nodding, she moves out of the way to let us in. "Who's your friend?"

"You may call me Genkan." My yuki-onna pal speaks.

Sekibanki nods. "Yuki-onna?"

"Indeed. And you?" Smiling, Genkan drifts into the house behind me…

"Sekibanki. Dullahan." To accent her point, Seki uses her free hand to take off her head entirely.

Genkan jerks her head back at first, before blinking. "...I see." The good ol' Seki surprise, yo.

Sekibanki's house is nice and warm, yo. It doesn't feel overbearing, otherwise I'd've freakin' melted upon entry.

...Movin' up to her bed, I look back at Seki. "Yo, can I park my fairy friend here? She needs the snoozin' and the… relaxin'." Couldn't think of something that rhymed with 'snoozin' in time!

As she closes the back door- and locks it- she looks over at me. Then, she steps over, looking at the fairy in my arms.

"...Sure." She agrees! "She looks like she needs it."

...I plop Ha-chan onto Sekibanki's modest bed.

"Oof…" She looks around curiously, before looking up at me and smiling. Aw.

"Get snug, yo." I recommend ta her. "I don't plan on goin' far."

In a fluid motion she rolls over, somehow rolling the pre-made blanket out from under her, then over her, with one cycle; her wings folding in momentarily to permit this. Ho ho ho!

"...I didn't think I would ever see a human care for a fairy." Genkan ponders aloud purposefully. Honh…

"S'it really that rare?" I question. How old's she, anyway? They say it's impolite to ask a lady her age, so freakin'...! Then again, I never really let that stop me…

"Do you see good people in this village?" Genkan counters my question with another question!

...I gesture to Sekibanki.

"Who aren't youkai." Genkan allows herself a small smile. Freakin'...

...Wobbling a hand back and forth, I reply receptively. "Aki~hi~to~...?"

...Genkan shakes her head. "Not particularly, no. Not to me." That's subjective! Freakin'...

Despite that potential counter, I let it go with a compromising shrug. "Yeah, he was a-..." Wait.

I raise a finger. "His wife. Her, yo."

"...I concede." Genkan declares defeat! Wahaha!

"Brad-kun." Ha-chan speaks up from the bed. "Let's snuggle." Hoh…!

I look back over at Sekibanki for confirmation!

...She looks conflicted about letting me into her bed.

"Ya let a half-soaked fairy into your bed." I argue. "C'mon, yo."

"She looked like she needed it." Sekibanki counters neutrally. "You don't."

Oof! "But… I do yo. Ohoho~h, I do, yo…!"

...At her dry expression, I gesture to Ha-chan. "She needs me. You need her. Me need me, you need you."

She's still skeptical lookin'...

To my surprise, Genkan helps! "Let the human lie with his fairy. I don't imagine a single bedspread would be a hard wash, and you carry spares, do you not?"

...Sekibanki glances at a thin vanity cabinet in the corner of the room. "I'm lazy."

"Then have them change it." Genkan states plainly. "Simple solution."

Sekibanki's stare towards her turns dry. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

Genkan stares blankly at the dullahan for a moment. "You're not wrong." Yeah, nice help! Freakin'...

Knock knock knock. Noise comes from the main room, where the front door is.

...Raising a brow, Sekibanki placed her wig back on and stepped leisurely into the main room, panning the dividing door open as she does so…

As a reminder: Sekibanki's place's got two rooms! A bedroom and a slightly larger living room…

Crea~k. She opens it a crack, before quickly stepping back and opening it all the way.

"Hey." Some guy's voice came from the door. "...Sorry to bother ya, but there've been reports of some youkai going around freezing people. Today's been kinda crazy."

"...Thank you for warning me." Sekibanki is not entirely enthused.

...After an idle moment, the guy takes in a deep breath before continuing. "If ya don't mind, I'd like to send some no names inta here to check the place out. No hard feelings, just part of my new policy. It'll be over in a jiff." Oh, boy.

"Why here?" Sekibanki furrowed her brows at him.

He snorted. "We're doing checks all over the area. Last report of freezing was by a hobo in an alley, youkai froze one of those crazy wire whatever the hells to death." At that, the guy smirks. "I thought monsters were mostly friends, but apparently even here they'll kill each other. Makes my job a little easier."

Acting quickly, I slide off my boots and start stripping…

Genkan speaks low to me. "Is this how you react to stressful situations?"

Freakin'... "Yeah, yo. Hold up…" Within moments I toss my kimono and everythings off, except my underwear, and start pullin' the monk robes from my bag…

"You're checking every house?" Sekibanki stalls for time with more questions.

The guy just stares at her, his smirk static. "...S'what I just said. Sucks right now 'cause I haven't properly trained anyone yet. Gotta go door to door like a class act. If the door don't open, I have to make it open."

...Then, he looks to the side. "You'd be surprised how many doors I've had to break down just to find fuck nothing. It's kinda no surprise, but shit."

At least this guy doesn't sound like a raging lunatic. Considering his speech, is he one of the new guard leader persons? Maybe he's just a lower captain…

I've got my robes on, now!

...I look over at Genkan, and lightly stomp my legs on the ground and point at hers.

She stops floating, landing on both sandals.

...Ha-chan's wings are obscured by the blanket she's under. Her hair's cyan which might be bad, but I'm a monk now so I can probably just declare sanctuary or some shit.

I'm barefoot, but that's fine because I'm a monk now! Monks don't wear shoes, right? Whatever, yo…

...Sekibanki glances over at us, and I give a thumbs up as we meander into the main room to be natural.

She looks at the guy and nods. "Sure."

...Now that I see him, the guy's pretty tired-looking. He's got straight black hair, but it's pretty short, and he doesn't look like an old dude either. Just real tired.

"Cool." With that, he begins turning around. "Go on in. Don't fuck it up, now."

...After him, some guardly guys in robes start lumbering in, holdin' short swords around their waists.

The first guy's real lanky with short blonde hair. "Alright, I'm- I'm gonna need everyone... to sta- stand up, and me and… me and my partner will be with you shortly. I'm just- I'm just gonna check all the rooms- all the rooms, just to make sure you're not- not hiding any youkai on us, you know. That cool? That cool? Great."

...This dude's got a freakin' speech impediment or something.

...The last guy is stout, and even more tired-looking than the last guy. Once he gets in, he just leans back against the wall next to the door, looking like he's about to just collapse on the spot. Cool guard.

Moving further into the house, lanky guy marches with his hands firmly pressed to his sides and always lookin' straight ahead.

The lanky dude walks back into the room after noticing Ha-chan. "Why- wh- why do you have a youka~i in the back room here!?" It's a fairy ya twat…!

Despite his baffled expression and stuttering, his tone is more accusatory than nervous. "What is wrong with you!? That's- that's it." Oh boy, exaggerated hand motions and stuff. That's how you know he means business. "Everyone out, I'm gonna go get my men, we're going to evaluate the place, and- and..." ...What's wrong with you? Freakin'...

Stopping, he just glares at us. Probably disdainfully, but from here it's just a mediocre, stupid lookin' glare.

Before he continue to stutter at us menacingly, I gesture to my robes. "Buddhists, son. We're allowed in the village. Ya lookin' for a religion war, son?"

Shaking his head, the lanky guy just starts to back towards the door. "Gusto. Hey, I- I think we should call for a clean out."

'Gusto', the sleepy ass dude with short black hair and a moustache, just turns to him wit' his eyes barely open. "Wha~h?"

"Gusto. We need to tell the commander." Lanky man insists. "Come and do it with me- you know how to do it."

...Gusto leans his head back. "Why~?"

Fidgeting anxiously, lanky man demonstrates that he has no style, and he has no grace. This gua~rd… is a fucking disgrace! Wahaha! "Dude- you need to get it... together. Gusto- we need to do something- this is disgusting. Fucking disgusting."

"...Wha~t about me?" Gusto's just loving life right now, man. Dude's ascended.

...Looking back at us blankly, then at Gusto, the lanky noob just stepped out of the house with his arms firmly to his sides like he had a stick up his ass.

Gusto slowly turned and looked out the door, seeming very opposed to the idea of leaving Sekibanki's wall but doin' so anyway. "Aa~h…"

I dunno whether or not monks don't get sanctuary, or if lanky guy was just being a dick. I dunno if any backup is coming, either!

Sekibanki moves to sit at her main table. "You can cuddle with your fairy, if you want. Just… try not to make a mess of the bed." Aw.

"Alright, yo…" Nodding smugly, I strut towards the bed jazzily…

I reach it, and Ha-chan's smiling up at me. Just clambering in with two other people in the general vicinity feels a little weird, but damn it if I'll stop here! Man, the village has become a freakin'... three ring circus.

Oh, yeah. Just in case…

Sliding open my bag, I take London out and point her at the corner of the room near Seki's vanity thing.

After a moment, London floats in through the still open front door, and makes itself comfy in the back of the bedroom.

"My home is under attack." Sekibanki monotones at the presence of the doll from the living room. Hoh…

"Aight, London…" I give 'er some instructions. "No attackin'... anyone currently in these two rooms at this moment!" ...A slight redundant but I wanna make it clear, yo.

It swings its lance idly in confirmation. Ho ho.

No~w…

Crouchin' down, I start to lift the cover…

"I couldn't ask earlier 'cause I was sad and cold…" Ha-chan banters. Hoh! "Who's Gen-chan?" Oh, right.

"She's that yuki-onna we fought that one time. She's friendly now, though." I inform her. "She's also cuddly."

"Cuddly?" Ha-chan perks up with a big smile! "She can cuddle with us...!"

Daa~h. "...She happens to freeze the things she cuddles." She don't seem the cuddlin' type!

Ha-chan stares at me expectantly. "...When's that stopped you?" Man. Whenever Ha-chan speaks seriously, it's somewhat disarming. She's freakin' out of it ninety-five percent of the time…!

...After a brief moment, I've quickly donned the camou-kimono again. It was pretty cold without it on, even for being inside 'a Sekibanki's.

Aa~h. Now everything's nice and lukewarm again…

With it on, I clamber into the relatively small bed aside Ha-chan, positioning myself onto my back. First time I've actually done this formally…!

...I dunno. Should I like, hug her or-

Ha-chan wraps her arms around me. She's still got her own shoes on so she can't do a lot with her legs…

Clunky sleep time! Hasn't stopped me from getting enough rest before though, yo.

"Gen-cha~n..." Ha-chan calls out for Genkan! "Gen-cha~n!"

"...Are you calling for me?" Genkan responds after repeated calls!

"Yea~h." Do ya really think she's gonna be cool with snugglemania? Well… she was cool with hugging me once, but that was 'cause she thought she could shatter my soul, yo. Little did she know, it was I who would do the shattering! "C'me~re."

...After a moment, Genkan gets up and steps over to us.

"Let's snuggle." Ha-chan pats on me like I'm a freakin' couch cushion.

Genkan looks vain. "No."

"Please?" Ha-chan resists!

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"My body is naturally cold." Genkan starts fighting with logic! "Therefore I shouldn't."

Ha-chan pats me again. "Brad-kun's good about the cold. Right, Brad-kun?" The 'kun' suffix is some weird shit…!

...Looking down at me, Genkan makes a curious expression as she seems to crouch down and place a hand on me.

"Hi." I greet her.

"...You're warm now." She notes.

Leaning forward, she proceeds to loosely, awkwardly give me a slanted hug. Daa~h…

After a moment, Ha-chan jumps a little. "Wo-woah…" Looking over at me, she blinks. "You're cold, now…"

...I don't feel any different, though!

"I took all your heat." Genkan states bluntly, retracting her arms. "Do you feel it?"

...It's actually a little more comfortable now, but I feel myself warming up again by being next to Ha-chan. "Yes and no? How cold should I be?"

"Dead." Genkan provides. "I took all your heat. You should have frozen solid."

Oh. Good thing I put on my kimono when I did! "...You were gonna freeze my ass, yo?" I grin at her somewhat incredulously…!

"You didn't react when I took more than what a human normally objects to, so I kept going." She justifies, reading my expression. Aah, that makes sense…

"Can you not take our heat...?" Ha-chan requests gently. "I like being warm."

...Genkan nods, after a moment. "I won't do so purposefully." Wait, is she actually-

Pushing me and Ha-chan further into the bed, the yuki-onna tilts onto her side and fits herself under the covers beside me, doing so smoothly by floating and giving gravity the middle finger.

This has gone from 'ignorably awkward' to 'I'm smooshed between two girls help'. At the very least... we're all clothed!

Seems that Genkan is making good on that hug request, if only partially. "I could do with a nap."

Ha-chan yawns. "Maauu~... me too."

...Yeah. Aside from the freakin' insane asylum escapees, today's been quiet. I think I'll just let myself relax for awhile…

Between the blanket and our clothes, this is more stiff than anything, but- ooh there it is. That unnatural comfort from Genkan's freeze hugs…

Like this, I'm immersed in the sensation of being hugged by both women on either side of me as I stare up at the ceiling.

Things lost coming to Gensokyo: safety, family, stable necessities and a place to live.

Things gained by coming to Gensokyo: boobs, crazy weapons, monster girls, potions and bombs.

This is alright by me...

Sekibanki leans into the room, staring at us vainly. Your bed's ours now, noob…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 67

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Hard Winter - A earth/ice-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice! Allows the user to cast Ice Shard. Extends combo length by one artificially. Allows the user to jump out out of combos smoothly, and leave frost in their trail.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - A small bag that always seems to be conveniently unaffected by whatever weird crap happens to me. Never enlarges, almost always gives me what I need if I remember it's there. Infinite inventory space. I would like to know where it actually puts all my stuff though…

==o==

WEAPONS:

Swordbreaker - Dark elemental plant hanger. Boosts the power of dark skills. Has a curvy, fancy design that lets it easily counter swords! It better, with a name like 'Swordbreaker'. Provides a weak but passive boost to defense, magical defense, and evade. Lowers the attack of foes as its on-impact effect.

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! May cast Flash, an attack that blinds; works best on darkness elementals and youkai. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can cast Gust. By the addition of a steel block, its attack and magic attack increased slightly. Sparkles in the light due to fairy dust, able to reduce the accuracy of weak, biological enemies by irritating their senses with the dust. Can play beautiful, flat-tone musi~c!

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Ignites stuff on impact. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle, allowing the user to cast Flamethrower Plus! Allows the user to cast Fume.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Can produce limitless fresh water. Boosts the power of water skills. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style; physical attack increased, physical defense lowered. User bleeds out faster. Can cast Revenge, an attack that increases in power the lower the user's health is. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to let it cut!

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Lowers defense slightly. With added electric and holy charms, the hanger is slightly electric and holy elemental. Is able to fluidly chain attacks for stringing together longer aerial and ground combos. Allows the user to fluidly transition from combo to jumping. Allows forced aerial combo support. Grants the user the ability to air slide. Increased jump height when running. Gives motion sickness with avid use!

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please. Unless you're surrounded by fairies who don't know the difference- but y'know- that opportunity's a freakin' million to one.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

==o==

ARMOR:

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! Seventy-five percent time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Lets me be a Touhou, too!

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business, son. One hundred percent ice resistance, and as such renders me immune to all magical ice damage. Dunno 'bout icicles and stuff, though. Fifty percent freeze resistance… not that freezing will hurt me with this thing on. Fifty percent dark resistance. Negative fifty percent fire and burning resistance. Hopefully hides me a bit when navigating in the freakin' brush...

Yellow Racecar Helmet - It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! Fifty percent sun resistance, one hundred percent freezing and blinding resistance. Also gives immunity to electrical stunning. It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! One hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent freezing resistant. Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it. Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' helmet. Fifty percent blinding resistant! When worn with the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit, it also confers immunity to burning and poison, along with another one hundred percent electricity resistance. Yo…!

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes! Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can. Extends prize grabbing range!

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Forty-one thousand, two hundred Yen - ...Yeah, just in a bag. It's about time I documented how much freakin' money I have!

Seven Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

WebDings Book about Foreign Juices - Wahaha! This better fetch a price on the market!

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

==o==

Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - A cuddleable fairy who's stalked me for awhile. She's lovable, dude. Healed by electrical damage! Casts tiny bolts of electricity as her attack these days…

PRIMARY WEAPON: Zap!

INVENTORY:

Probably rocks - Yeah.

Winter Mittens - Aww. Keeps hands from freezing.

Winter Coat - Where does she store this when it's not on…?

[unknown space remaining]

==o==

Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Probably heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning.

SKILLS:

Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.

Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.

Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.

Ice Spin - Spins and lashes out with chilling frost. Probably just an extension of her normal frost powers and not an actual skill…

Other Skills - Probably has more spells, but freakin'... I dunno her like a textbook!

INVENTORY:

Red Kimono - It's got floral decorations…!

Money - Apparently.

I dunno - What would I~ have if I was a sexy ice woman?

[unknown spaces remaining]

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

nuggets

another somewhat slow movement chapter - w - but it was fun

also had some good situations and just generally "what the fuck is going on" stuff so this was pretty cool!

this is once again not the last time you shall see renko and merry, but it'll be awhile before they show up again - w -

genkan again! a~nd… the ASSHOLE VILLAGE YO

welcome to the village but once again a difficulty higher: now with a more competent yet still freakin' stoopid village guard!

there's a buncha stuff to do here once shit hits the fan son

but that's not this chapter…

this chapter was overcast fluffcast - w -

we did kinda leave brittany behind super abruptly but we'll be back yo

after reproofreading the entire batch myself i do have some things to say

one: merry and renko were good fun - w -

two: do you guys really enjoy action holy shit i'd like someone to at the very least say "yes we enjoy it fucking shut up writefag"

three: that EX-fairy idiots fight took a long ass time; overstayed welcome or no? was it confusing?

four: did the follow up brittany fight take a decent amount of time / did you find it interesting

and finally five: how's the whole brittany concept yo - w - i feel like the explanation's legit enough, maribel doofadooped the evil mirror and now it's a portal between worlds

inb4 no one actually responds to me or cares about anything i had a qualm with i know i said begging was over but c'mon man feedback's the blood and soul yo don't leave me to play genie games wit'cha expectations

oh yeah and big thank you to the guys who worked on the TVtropes page! which at this time, is like two people who can be seen in the edit history. i won't work on it because it's a fan thing and it's like the unspoken rule that you don't fuck with fan stuff because then it's not fan stuff

thank you anyway even though at this moment it like half exists - w - the fact it exists at all's fun yo

i really wanted to roll out some revised versions of some of the first chapters this update, but between the fact it's been over a month since last update and each revision takes awhile since the early chapters were really bad i think i'll hold off until i hash out like five or seven chapters of that just in like offtime and such and then it'll be paired with a batch

chapter one's already done but it'll be weird (especially to newcomers) if JUST chapter one was revised so i'm just gonna hold onto it for now…

no big plot changes; just overall better prose, extended scenes and reworked combat, etc

sendai's already kinda my way to show people who haven't read my stuff that i'm not as crap as i used to be two years ago XD

i don't wanna do it as a separate batch/update entirely both because it'd probably take a week or more to revise those seven chapters unless i went turbo turds, and it'd update people's favorite/alert boxes without tangibly adding new content which is crappy

so yeah!

as always, see you all next time!