Chapter Ten
Bella
How quickly things can change. Two years ago I was a young girl with her whole life ahead of her. I had no idea what I wanted or where I would go but it didn't matter. There was time to make those choices. I guess I expected eventually to have a husband and family but that was in the distant future.
Then I came to live with my dad and met Edward. I learned of the existence of vampires and shapeshifters. I fell in love and my future changed. Suddenly it was all mapped out. I would become a vampire and spend eternity with the love of my life. There would be no children but I could live with that, or at least I thought I could.
A couple of months ago my life was perfect. I was married to Edward and looking forward to becoming a vampire and a whole new life. I was blissfully happy and eager to begin.
And now? Now I was hiding from Edward. Holding in my arms the daughter he had wanted to murder in the womb. I could never go back, my love for my husband was now a cold feeling in my chest.
Ironic really, that he had turned out to be the monster he always denied while the man he had called a monster was here keeping his daughter and me safe. What would he say if he knew?
If Edward could see what we had created I was sure he would understand why I had decided to risk all. Would he love her as much as I did if he saw her? Would she open her arms to him as she did to Jasper?
I was happy here and surrounded by people who loved me and my daughter and I owed it all to Jasper and Maggie.
She had offered me sanctuary for which I would be eternally grateful, but Jasper? He had kept me safe, anticipated our every need, given up his time and put his life on hold to help me bring my dream to reality. Watching him with my daughter made me want to weep. The love they felt for each other was so clear. He could have crushed her with a single blow but I knew he would die before allowing anyone to hurt a single hair on her head. If only he had been her father. If he had been my husband I know he would have fought for both of us from the very start.
If I was being honest, and I was if only to myself, I had fallen in love with the sweetest gentlest man I had ever met. He was here with me, with us, and I wanted him to stay with us always. But could I ask him to take on Edward's child? Not to mention me? I was scared to ask those questions because if they were answered then I would have to decide our future and I wasn't strong enough to fight Edward, not yet.
Would he set me free? Would he relinquish any rights he might have to my baby? Or should I say the rights he might THINK he has to his daughter? I know I should allow him to share the joy but I didn't trust him. I had given him everything, my love, my trust and he had betrayed it. I still couldn't understand how he could even contemplate ending a life he had helped to create. I know what he said. How he was only concerned for my welfare. How he couldn't live without me but that wasn't enough of a reason for what he had contemplated.
As I watched my tiny miracle sleep I wanted nothing more than to hide her away from her biological father. If I had my way he would never see or touch her. But was that fair to her? Edward was her father and she had the right to know him. I prayed the winter storm that raged outside would never end. That I would never have to make that decision and if that made me a coward, then so be it.
I had slept so much recently that I didn't want to go to bed even though it was late and I was exhausted. Instead, I curled up on the couch with Jasper sitting at my feet, both of us staring into the fire. Did he imagine pictures made by the dancing flames like me? Or was he far away, wrapped in his own thoughts?
My little Firefly slept in her crib beside the tree looking like a scene from a Christmas card. I smiled, that had sounded whimsical.
"Merry Christmas, Bella"
I started at the sound of Jasper's voice, "Sorry?"
"It's midnight. Officially Christmas Day, so Merry Christmas. I'm afraid I haven't had time for any festive shopping this year so I made you this."
He had turned to stare up at me and held out his hand.
I took a twist of paper from him and sitting up I unwrapped it to find a woven bracelet inside. It was made of thin strips of leather and hanging from it were two tiny wooden letters entwined. B and F.
Tears filled my eyes as I gazed at it, "It's beautiful."
"I'm glad you like it. I can always replace the F later. when you decide on a name for your little one. Allow me."
His cool fingers grazed my warm skin as he fixed the bracelet around my wrist and I shivered involuntarily.
Noticing my reaction he stared into my face, "Are you cold? I'll put another log on the fire. I've stopped up the cracks as best I can but there are still places the draft gets in."
I shook my head, "No. it's not that. I just wish I had something to give you in return. The little one and I owe you so much."
He shrugged then grinned, the face of an angel.
"Just doin' my job ma'am."
Everything about him was so perfect, so sexy, without thinking about it I stretched out my arms and pulled him into an embrace kissing him as I had done a few times on the cheek in thanks but on the lips this time. It was a sweet, warm kiss that lingered before reluctantly I let him free and he rocked back on his knees.
"I'm sorry." I was blushing now, what a stupid thing to do! What were you thinking, girl?
He swallowed looking taken aback, "Don't be. It's the best Christmas present I can remember. Just a little unexpected."
Words tumbled out as I tried to hide my embarrassment.
"Jasper, I know you probably think I'm an emotional mess but…"
I stopped as he suddenly jumped to his feet and scooped Firefly from her crib, looking searchingly into her face.
My heart almost stopped with dread as I watched him.
"What is it? Jasper, what's wrong?"
He turned to me looking concerned, "I don't know. I can't feel her. She's been in my mind ever since I first felt her emotions stir but suddenly she's gone."
I took her from him and noticed that although her eyes were open she wasn't focusing on my face. Panic kept me frozen in place.
"Oh, God. Firefly! Baby, please..."
I stroked her cheek and to my relief, she lifted her arms weakly and gave a little cry.
I felt my body begin to shake with terror. I remembered Maggie telling me how her baby, Mary, had been fine for a few weeks and had then suddenly faded away.
I glanced at Jasper appealing for his help.
"No! Jasper, what do I do? We have to help her. I can't lose her now. I won't."
As I cradled her close to my shoulder rocking her I felt a sharp pain and looking down saw a thread of blood running from her lips.
I gasped in understanding,
"It's blood. She needs blood. I never thought of that. Why not? Here, little one. You can have all you want."
I placed my wrist against her mouth and felt another sharp pain but after a few seconds, she pushed my arm away grizzling and bobbing her head searchingly.
"No? Is it my blood that's wrong? Find her some blood, Jasper, please. Don't let my baby die."
He was staring, but not at me. His eyes were fixed instead on the infant in my arms.
"Do you trust me, Bella?"
I nodded, of course, I did. It went without saying.
"Then allow me to try something."
I handed her over reluctantly, afraid she would slip away before I got to hold her again.
Jasper
I sank onto the couch and Bella joined me, her anxiety causing her whole body to shake. Staring into Firefly's beautiful brown eyes I considered. They were half-closed but her mouth was opening and closing as if she was famished. One tiny fist was jammed into her mouth and she sucked furiously. She was hungry, needing something, yet Bella's blood didn't satisfy her. Of course, it could be that her mother's blood had been tainted since the pregnancy but I didn't think so. Carlisle would have tried human blood for Mary. It would have been the first thing he thought of. No, the infant needed something else and there was only one thing I could think of.
Bella watched me her eyes wide with terror as I drew back my sleeve and offered the infant my wrist. I just hoped that her teeth were sharp enough to penetrate my skin then decided not to take any chances and sank my teeth in allowing the venom to seep out of the wound.
When she sensed this, Firefly's tiny head whipped forward and she began to suckle hard. Bella and I sat watching in silence as she drank deeply of my venom.
Bella glanced up at me in wonder, "How did you know?"
I turned to her speaking honestly, "I didn't, but it was the only thing I could think of. She's a hybrid so her body needs both blood and venom. Her body is getting the energy to produce blood from the formula but maybe she can't produce venom. Her body must need it and maybe that's what happened to Mary."
Bella put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with horror, "Oh poor Maggie. Carlisle had the very thing to save Mary's life, He just didn't know it."
Then she stared into my eyes, "But you did. How?"
I shrugged, "Our connection I guess. Either that or I have a really warped way of looking at things."
Little Firefly must have been starving because it was a good ten minutes before she released my wrist and within minutes she was once again sleeping peacefully.
"Look at your poor arm."
Bella took out a tissue and wiped the still oozing venom from the bite. Then she looked at the other bite scars that ran up my arm to disappear under my sleeve. She didn't say anything, just nodded.
"I guess you decided one more scar wouldn't much matter."
I shrugged, pulling down my sleeve and buttoning the cuff suddenly very aware of our proximity.
The burn in my throat became a furnace and I got up quickly.
"You should both be OK for a while now. I should probably hunt. I have a feeling I'm going to become her favorite meal for the next few days."
She blushed, "I'm sorry, Jasper."
I smiled, "Don't be. It was my pleasure to save a life for a change. I'll call on Maggie and get her to come and keep you company until I get back."
I leaned over the crib and looked at the sleeping infant. She was happy and content again now, but I didn't know how much time I had before she woke hungry again.
Placing a kiss on her forehead I nodded to Bella, "I'll be back as quickly as I can. Don't forget to eat too. You still need to build up your strength."
"I will. Please hurry back, Jasper."
As I left I felt Bella's eyes on my back. She was afraid that the little one would wake hungry before my return but I knew that the amount of venom she had consumed would keep her going for some time. In fact, I'd been amazed at how thirsty she had been.
I hurried to the farmhouse to wake Maggie who had only returned to sleeping there a couple of days ago. I told her that Bella would explain and that I had to go out for a while. She didn't hold me up asking questions, just nodded and ran upstairs to dress leaving me to make a run for the highway.
I had known the moment little Firefly began feeding on me that I would need more than a few squirrels to satisfy my hunger, but it was a sacrifice I was only too willing to make.
It was hard, the weather meant that my choices were severely limited but eventually, I found what I was looking for and fed greedily making sure to clean up all traces of my meal before heading back.
I felt great but I knew I would pay a heavy price for my actions in the long run. For now, maybe I could get away with it but soon Bella would figure it out.
Still, I would deal with the consequences when I had to.
When I got back I could tell that Bella had filled Maggie in. The older woman looked up at me and smiled a little sadly.
"I wish you'd been there for me, Jasper. If only Carlisle had realized. You are a good man."
"Thank you, Maggie."
Sinking onto the floor beside the crib I saw the little one was still fast asleep and sensed that her dreams were happy ones.
Bella leaned against the arm of the couch and draped a hand over my shoulder. On her wrist, the bracelet looked good and the heat of her skin through my shirt felt good too.
"I hope you've eaten, Bella."
"I have. Maggie and I had cold cuts, fresh bread and hot chocolate. I hope you approve."
I nodded, aware that she would not have approved if she knew what my meal had consisted of.
Feeling uncomfortable at that thought I threw another log on the fire and then returned to my place. I may not be worthy of this sense of peace and joy but I would accept it gratefully.
Bella soon fell asleep on the couch and Maggie got a blanket from the bedroom and covered her up motioning for me to stay where I was.
She studied me long and hard for a minute before speaking low so as not to wake the sleeper, "Are you going to tell her, Jasper?"
"Tell her what?"
"You are good at camouflaging the signs but any decent light and she's going to see. Unless that is, you suddenly start wearing sunglasses."
I sighed, Maggie was too observant by half! "I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. She's got enough to worry about right now. I'm sorry I broke one of your rules. I couldn't risk going far but I was discreet."
She waved a hand in dismissal, "You did what you had to do. I'm not even sure that Carlisle would have had the courage to do that. Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful man but I don't think he has your strength of will. Bella and her daughter are going to be fine under your care. You know she's crazy about you, right?"
I grinned, "I'm crazy about her, but she's still married to my 'brother' and that little one in the crib is his daughter."
She shrugged, "I think little Firefly will make up her own mind about who she regards as her father. As for Bella, well she may feel that maybe she should talk to Edward but she can never love him again. He lost her the moment he tried to talk her into killing the baby. A woman doesn't forgive or forget something like that."
I stared into the fire, "It's something to consider later. Once we know how the land lies. I don't even know what Edward will do. Or the Volturi."
Maggie smiled, "It's against Volturi law to separate mates so you two should be safe enough."
I stared at her in shock but she just laughed, "Please don't take me for a fool. I spent a long time with Carlisle and he loves to talk as you well know. He told me much about his friends in Italy. Enough to give me nightmares for years, although I'm sure that he never meant to frighten me. He told me about the vampire life, about relationships, all that. If you two aren't mates then there's no such thing as true love. Don't let it slip through your fingers, Jasper. Grab happiness when you can. It can be taken from you so quickly."
I nodded.
"And tell her about tonight before she works it out or there will be hell to pay. Now, after those few words of wisdom, I'm going to get some sleep so you are officially on babysitting duties and it'll be dawn soon. I think the sun might shine."
I laughed softly, "It's blowing a gale out there and thick snow."
She smiled enigmatically, "The sun can shine inside too, you know. Ignore the weather out there. Enjoy the sun in here."
She patted my shoulder reassuringly as she passed, a gesture which reminded me of my mother and made me smile. She'd given me a lot to think about and now I had the time to think. The only sound was the crackling of the logs and the soft breathing of my two precious girls.
