Chapter Eleven
Jasper
My precious little charge woke first, just as Maggie had predicted she would and this time she wanted milk and then to play. I sat with her on my lap holding the animals so she could touch them and saying their names. Crazy I know! She was hardly likely to talk back but she seemed to enjoy it. Then when I heard Bella's breathing lighten I took her into the kitchen and filled the kettle with water for coffee. Bella couldn't start the day without her shot of coffee and I got out the cereal boxes and milk. She was still too fragile for my liking, I wanted to see her look healthier and that meant regaining her appetite.
Firefly was just pulling the cookie pack towards her as we sat together at the table when Bella walked in. She might be thin and pale but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Like a fragile porcelain doll.
She smiled at the sight of us together and joined us at the table pulling a bowl and cereal box towards her.
"I see you two have made yourselves comfortable. Has she had her breakfast?"
"Yep, two bottles of milk and I think she's keen to try your cookies."
I took the packet away from her tiny fingers and the little one turned her head to gaze at me reproachfully.
Bella and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"It's a good thing she doesn't speak yet or you'd have been given a real telling off."
"She's alert again now. I get the feeling it won't be long before she's moving around by herself. It's amazing how fast she's developing."
Bella nodded, "Maggie said that Mary was very forward at a few days old. It must have been heartbreaking to feel so helpless. Little Firefly would have ended up in a grave on that hill with Mary if not for you."
I frowned, "Hey, don't say that."
Bella looked away, her eyes brimming with tears, then caught herself, "Is it too cold to go outside? I'd love to show my little one the snow."
"Well it's stopped snowing and the sun is shining so I guess a little fresh air would do you both good. I have to check on the animals then I'll join you but please don't stay out too long."
I handed my charge over to her mother and left the two of them alone together. Hesitating at the window I peered back inside and took a quick snap with my phone. The photograph was wonderful with mother and child totally wrapped up in each other.
Smiling, I made my way to the barn and set about collecting the feed for the animals. The snow had blown up against the stable door and I had to clear it away before seeing to Hercules, Maggie's old horse. He was huge but very gentle and I thought when she was a little older a certain little one might like a ride on him.
The smell of the stable brought back happy memories and I stayed longer than I needed to, enjoying my equine company.
The cow, Bessie, needed milking and then started in on her feed while I checked on the chickens. There were fresh eggs to be collected and a small break in the wire to be mended. It wasn't large enough to admit a fox but it could easily be enlarged by a determined predator.
By the time I returned to the cabin Bella and Maggie were outside with the little one. So, I took a couple of snaps and then joined them.
Bella's face was radiant with pleasure and she turned to me smiling.
"She's mesmerized by the snow, Jasper. I picked some up and she touched it. You should have seen her face, it lit up. Then she tried putting it in her mouth. She wasn't so keen on the taste."
I smiled and squatted down to make a mini snowman watched by an attentive audience. Snapping a couple of twigs off a nearby bush I made two arms for my creation and Bella offered her knitted hat for his head. Maggie went inside and came out with two small pieces of half-burned wood for eyes and a carrot for his nose. Standing back to admire my handiwork I smiled as little Firefly began to clap her hands giggling wildly.
The sun came out from behind a cloud at that moment and I bowed to my audience. Little Firefly made a strange sound and when I looked at her I could see she was captivated by the way my skin sparkled in the sunlight. She stretched out her hands and Bella handed her over so she could touch my face. The feel of her tiny warm fingers on the skin of my cheek made me warm with pleasure. I could feel her wonder and love flowing through my body.
Looking over at Bella I saw that she was frowning, had I offended her by taking Firefly? No, she'd handed her over quite willingly. She wasn't angry with me, or was she? It was difficult to decide just what she was feeling. Her emotions were in turmoil.
"Is everything OK, Bella?" my voice sounded hesitant.
She nodded, looking suddenly grave and sad, "I'm fine. I just think it's getting too cold out here for her."
She stretched out and took the little one back then turned and handed her to Maggie.
"Would you take her inside, please? We won't be long."
Maggie glanced at me strangely and disappeared inside with her charge leaving us alone out in the snow.
I approached Bella warily, "Have I done something to offend you, Bella?"
She shook her head but I could see that she was angry now and then suddenly she was in my face her hands beating against my chest.
"You shouldn't have done that, Jasper. Why didn't you tell me?"
I frowned, mystified, "Done what? You've lost me. I don't know what you're talking about Bella. Stop. You're going to hurt yourself."
I grasped her hands before she hurt herself against my granite skin and waited for an explanation.
"Your eyes…" The words were almost sobbed and suddenly I understood and let her hands drop.
"Ah. Right."
"I'm not stupid, Jasper. They've changed color. I know what that means."
I shrugged, "I'm sorry, Bella, but I had no choice. There wasn't time to go further for a choice."
She suddenly threw her arms around me hugging me tightly, "Oh God. I'm so sorry, Jasper. You should have told me. I had no right to ask you to do that."
Her emotions were all over the place, she still hadn't fully recovered from her daughter's birth.
Smoothing her hair with one hand I held her against my chest, "You didn't, Bella. It was my choice. The little one needed my help and I have to tell you that I'd do it again in a heartbeat."
I could feel my shirt becoming damp as her tears wet the fabric.
"Bella, hey. Come on. Let's go inside. Please don't concern yourself with me. I'm not worth your tears."
She shook her head sniffing loudly, "It's not fair. I know how hard it was for you to stop. Edward told me you struggled and now…"
"And now, I'll struggle again. But this time it will have been worth it. What was it you said to me a while back? When no one believed you had the strength? I can do this. Well, I can do this. Now come on, you'll only upset the little one if she sees you crying."
I held her while she calmed and then wiped her face with a handful of snow.
"Now you just look cold. But still beautiful."
Our lips met for a moment, the sweetest of my long and varied life and I wished it could go on, but Bella was shivering and I heard grizzling in the kitchen.
"That's our cue. I think someone is hungry."
Bella sighed and we parted but she took my hand and we walked in together.
The little one finished off two bottles of milk and Bella put her down for a nap then came back in to sit beside me on the couch.
Maggie stood up abruptly and excused herself, "I should probably go. I'm going to put a casserole on for dinner if you'd like to join me."
Looking at me she added, "You too, Jasper. I know you won't eat with us but even so…"
I nodded my thanks and she went out after a last glance at the bedroom door.
We were alone at last and I waited, knowing Bella had questions for me but I was unsure how to answer them.
"Did you know you would be putting yourself in that position when you gave your venom to her?"
I sighed, "I thought it was likely. I didn't know how much she might need and I've been living off small mammals since we got here but it's not a big deal, Bella. Really."
"Don't say that. You struggled to stop when you met Carlisle and now you've got to go through it all again."
"It's not important. All that matters is that your daughter survived. What would you have had me do? Sit and watch her die like little Mary?"
She shook her head, "No, of course not, but I feel responsible. Ever since I decided to keep her, people have been suffering. Esme's lost her family, Carlisle is on the run, and you've been forced to drink human blood again. It's not right."
I knew no words would make her change her mind so instead, I kissed her. Then we sat together in silence watching the fire burn down for several minutes before she raised her head from my shoulder.
"Why didn't I see you before?"
I knew what she was alluding to and I shrugged, "Edward saw you first and dazzled you. Besides, I was with Alice and she was your best friend. The situation was a mess. I didn't even understand for a long time and by then Edward had you head over heels in love with him. I think Alice saw all this, or a version of and that's why she stayed so close to you. Why she insisted we keep you safe from James, although that didn't work out so well."
Bella shook her head, "That was my fault, Jasper, and I'm sorry for that. So, here we are. Both married to others. I'm terrified that Edward will want to get his hands on Firefly once he knows of her existence and I don't know how to keep her away from him or even if I have the right to do so."
"I can't tell you what to do, Bella. Alice has moved on and I know our wedding was never official so I'm free but you aren't. As for Edward, getting his hands on the little one, well that will be over my dead body if you don't want him to. I don't think he deserves her but it's not my decision to make. I guess it depends if you want to remain in hiding for the rest of your life. If so, I'll be here with you. If you choose to confront him then I'll be there too. You and she are the only things that matter to me."
Bella sighed and cuddled up once more, "Then I know we'll always be safe. I don't want to hide away. It's not fair on her. She should see the world and not hide away on this farm for the rest of her life."
"Then we'll give it a few more weeks for you to build up your strength and I'll try to contact Carlisle and see what the situation is."
Our next kiss was interrupted by a cry from the bedroom and while Bella went to collect her daughter I put fresh logs on the fire and glanced out of the window. The snow had started to melt, water dripping off the branches. We'd had snow for Christmas and now it looked like it might be saying goodbye.
Bella brought a freshly changed Firefly back in with her and the little one immediately held out her hands to me.
"I think she's still hungry. I'll get her another bottle of milk."
I shook my head, gazing into Bella's face, "Please. I'm fine and we both know what she needs. Let me help her."
Her eyes filled with guilt, Bella handed her daughter over and I offered her my wrist. In seconds she was suckling hard.
I knew Bella hated this, not because her daughter needed me, but because she feared what it was costing me.
Ten minutes later the little one was sleeping in my arms, her teeth still fixed on my wrist and sucking occasionally.
"Does it hurt? I know when James bit me it was excruciating but then I am human."
I grinned, "Compared to the bite of a newborn it's not too bad. I'm tough, Bella. A little pain isn't going to kill me and no, I won't need to hunt again yet. Stop taking the guilt of the world on your shoulders. If I'm good with this then you should be too."
She nodded, then smiled, "You're a natural with her."
I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I just grinned, "What can I say? I'm a man of many talents."
We walked to the farmhouse for dinner with Maggie and while Bella and she ate I sat at the table with the little one on my lap.
As the vegetable dish came close a little hand snaked out and grabbed a carrot. We watched as she put it in her mouth and chewed experimentally then held out her hand for more.
Bella hesitated and then handed her another and then a green bean which she chewed before screwing up her face and spitting it out onto my shirt.
Maggie and Bella exchanged a glance then burst out laughing.
"So, not a lover of greens then!"
The next day Firefly experimented with other foods. A mouthful of Bella's cereal which she liked, the cookie which she adored and Maggie's homemade sausages which were also a hit.
Within the next week she was pulling herself up on the furniture and we knew she would soon take her first steps.
She was also beginning to speak a few intelligible words. Mamma, Mag and Jas.
Maggie had been right when she said Bella's little girl was going to develop quickly.
Two weeks after that she was toddling and calling for us to catch her. She was no longer drinking milk except at bedtime but every day for at least ten minutes she would fill up on my venom.
"She looks on you as her papa, Jasper."
I shrugged, "I don't mind if you don't, Bella. Have you given any more thought as to what you want to do?"
She nodded, "Yes. I know you'll need to hunt again soon. Will you try to contact Carlisle for me, please? See what's going on in the world."
I nodded then we both turned to look at the little one playing with her wooden animals on the rug by the fire. The mobile had been dismantled when she started grabbing for the toys.
"Papa, play."
Uncomfortable at Bella's possible reaction to this I glanced at her relieved to see that she was smiling.
"Well? What are you waiting for, papa? Go play."
It occurred to me that this would certainly complicate matters if Bella went through with her idea of leaving the farm and Maggie's protection but it seemed so natural that I decided I didn't really care right now.
If in the future it caused problems between Edward and myself...Well, I could cope with that too.
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