Chapter 10
One of the perks of knowing someone for over nine hundred years was having the privilege to see many different sides of them. It was an undeniable fact of the world; in life, things happen that not even the best oracles can predict, and those that stick around long enough have the privilege of witnessing you witness them. So for daiyoukai, the ones who can live for tens of thousands of years, seeing these sorts of things - those moments that catch you completely off guard - it's a mere, calculated eventuality.
In the relationship he had shared with his mother in his nine hundred years of life he had seen many facets of her personality reflected in those wizened eyes of hers, the ones that looked so much like his own. He had remembered it being easier to spot her emotions in those centuries of his youth and if it were not for that he doubted he would have been able to read the woman at all after the whole . . . Toga and Izayoi incident blew up in their faces. When he had watched his mother discover the ugly truth, he had been so sure that he had witnessed that eventual unpredictable upheaval, and so early in his life! He had thought, as he watched his mother withdraw her personal feelings from the court, had watched her paint deliberate burning strokes over the undecorated mask that she would now wear in front of everyone, that perhaps this was all the world could do to destroy his mother.
But he had been wrong.
He had always assumed his mother found some way to grieve her mate's loss in private. Once she had finished painting that mask, his father had already died, and he had not been as focused on what her reaction would be as he had been on his own. He figured, if she were to display any notion of heartbreak, it would look something like what she looked like now.
Sesshomaru had seen Kimi angry. He had seen her resolute. He had seen her condescending, proud, aggravated, impassive, unemotional, disgusted, and downright displeased. But Sesshomaru had also known her before she stopped bringing her heart out of her room, and because of that, he had also seen her worried, fretful, anxious, overjoyed, cheery, and blissful. He had been raised with the staring faces of two daiyoukai above him, and he had seen in her eyes what she felt as motherly love. Then she would turn to her mate, and he would see in her eyes what she felt as romantic love.
He had seen, in his collective nine hundred years of knowing Kimi, almost the whole spectrum of her emotions.
And now he saw heartbreak.
"Kimi, please; where's Toga?"
Sesshomaru had been surprised to see that when he turned to look at Megumi, her walls were as low as he had ever seen them. He could easily detect those signs of fear, of anxiety and dread that coursed through her and displayed themselves openly on her face. He could understand why; apparently, there had been some history between her and his parents - he would revisit that later - but then her question had fully registered within him and he had looked to his mother, to see what she would do.
Because Megumi did not yet know.
And one look in Kimi's eyes betrayed that her heart was going out to the younger woman, breaking for her, hating the news it had to deliver and hating what would undoubtedly happen after.
"Toga is resting," Kimi told her, her voice careful and each word uttered in that manner people choose for when they're about to deliver a decisive blow with the news they must break. Sesshomaru thought her face twisted further in pain when both daiyoukai noticed the way Megumi's shoulders instantly collapsed in relief. "He is . . . at peace, I think, walking the path you and I cannot yet follow."
Twin pairs of molten gold eyes set themselves on the sight of the not-so-human woman. Twin pairs of eyes watched as her face scrunched quickly into confusion, her mouth parting, and then watched as she closed it once more. Watched as her eyes went wide, as her hands dropped the tea cup and flew quickly to cover her mouth. Mechanically, Sesshomaru lashed out to catch the cup before it fell, setting it back on the tray with the unused ones all while never taking his eyes off her.
"Kimi," she gasped out, her voice muffled somewhat by her hands still pressed firmly over her mouth. "Kimi, no."
Sesshomaru's mother reached out carefully, moving to cup Megumi's cheek in her hand without grazing the other woman's skin with her claws. If she noticed that Megumi flinched at the sudden touch, she showed no sign of it. All that Sesshomaru could see in her eyes were those traces of motherly love he remembered, laced with bitter pain and ending in something so soft he almost missed it. Regret. "I'm sorry, Meg."
Kimi's words broke whatever spell had been holding her aloft and with a shudder Megumi collapsed, her hands hitting the floor and her head hung low. If a servant had happened to look in at that moment it probably would have looked like Megumi was bowing, albeit somewhat out of form. The daiyoukai's keen ears and eyes honed in on the sounds of her quiet sobs and how her body shuddered as each one escaped her. His nose was quick to pick up on the slightly salty aroma that suddenly seeped into the air, even as the first of her tears struck itself against the ground.
Sesshomaru watched as his mother's resolve broke and she moved quickly, graceful even in her haste, and gently scooped the grieving woman into her arms and began to console her, cradling her smaller body against hers and murmuring lightly a single mantra. It's okay. I know. It's okay. Kimi's low, comforting voice wrapped gently around the space much in the same way the barrier she had placed over the room once the servant left did. Sesshomaru was left to watch as the once-in-a-lifetime moment unfolded before him; was left to ponder what would have changed in this greeting had Kimi been able to give a positive answer.
His mother had not been the one to break the news of the Inu no Taisho's death to him. If she had, would she have looked like this?
Suddenly Megumi's breathing quickened to an almost frantic degree, and she then she was trying to break free of Kimi's embrace in order to yank at the material of her obi. "I can't breathe," she gasped out, struggling against the fastenings and ignoring Kimi's attempts to calm her down.
Sesshomaru's poison whip was out before he knew it, and in one deft flick he had slashed through her obiage, obi and obijime, watching as they fluttered uselessly to the ground. Kimi didn't even glare at him.
Megumi gulped in air greedily in a way that signified she hadn't actually been able to draw in full breaths before. Kimi began to swipe tears away with motherly care, returning to her mantra as Megumi worked to calm herself down.
Only mildly uncomfortable - really, he certainly wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he had no idea what one such as himself ought to do to console a crying person that wasn't Rin - Sesshomaru allowed himself a brief withdrawal into his memories to revisit and mull over the conversation before . . . before this.
Firstly, there was his mother's side of the encounter. He could see what Megumi could not; the surprise and relief that washed over her when the bowing woman had first rose and Kimi had gotten her first good look. The words, you're alive, indicated to Sesshomaru that something drastic must have happened leading up to their parting however long ago. Her admittance to being emotionally involved with Megumi spoke volumes to him - Kimi had not allowed herself to establish personal relationships since Izayoi popped up, and the fact that she had yet to sever those deeper ties to Megumi suggested to him that her relationship was something precious. What's more, Kimi seemed to be worlds more familiar with Megumi than he was. For starters, she had yet to say the woman's name in full, choosing to call her Meg instead. Then there was that eerie way they both seemed able to talk about something without words: Kimi declared, you forgot him, and whatever hidden depth or realization the two women shared was lost to the Western Lord. But Sesshomaru had not received his reputation without good reason; and it was his deductions from the conversation that make his prowess evident.
Of course, it would have been difficult to put things together had he ignored Megumi's hand in the exchange. Her outright hesitation to talk when Sesshomaru had been present did not go unnoticed, along with the almost obvious way she seemed to filter her words. Curious enough, he knew now that despite his standing as the son of someone she blatantly was highly inclined to trust, that trust did not extend to him. This piece of information revealed to the intelligent inu that she must view information about herself as something of high value, and something that she likely felt put her at risk should it be well-known. Her mention of an incident in her past made him wonder if she had experienced the bitter repercussions of letting the wrong people know too much. He was now well aware of the fact that she was utterly unique. Her own admittance to being eight hundred years old, that tidbit about needing a moon pool for her powers . . . it all told him that whatever person his parents had brought in was unique to the world, an intriguing thing beyond the realms of both youkai and ningen. But there were things that alarmed him, that had not been mentioned verbally but he knew had certainly been thought of. She was eight hundred; he was a century older than her. Her inquiry as to if he lived at the shiro his whole life, Kimi's confirmation and then their mutual conclusion - you've forgotten him - told Sesshomaru that for however long she had known his parents she had stayed with them here, and she had not remembered seeing him even once. Had not known his name.
But that wasn't what Sesshomaru was focused on; it was the logical conclusion that followed the first. Because he had been so sure that he had met and learned her name mere days ago, meaning that Megumi didn't just forget him - he forgot her.
And it irked Sesshomaru to know that something as untouchable as his own mind, his own memories at that, had been compromised. Sesshomaru eyed the two women with a critical eye as he reached his logical decision.
When Rin's current situation is finally resolved, and that seal he had given his word to remove from Megumi followed, Sesshomaru would devote himself to unearthing every buried memory someone had tried to get him to forget. The very fact that someone had gone out of their way to remove all traces of Megumi from his mind - and him from hers - told Sesshomaru that whatever he was forgetting was something important. He figured that Megumi might stick around after their agreement was resolved since it was technically also her memories, and her earlier story seemed to tell that more had been wiped from her than just him. Although, with her finicky way of telling the story, he wasn't sure how much she actually didn't remember and how much she just didn't want to reveal.
The sounds of little sniffles redirected Sesshomaru's attention to the woman he was currently trying to decipher. She seemed to have calmed down considerably in the time Sesshomaru had taken to review the earlier conversation, though it didn't look like she was quite ready to be separated from Kimi yet. And when his mother spoke she gave no outward sign that she had heard, and Sesshomaru figured her thoughts were turned inward, likely focused on the person she had been told she lost.
"She has been through much," Kimi said softly, her eyes focused on Megumi's crown of hair. "I had always wondered . . . " She shook her head lightly. "I had always hoped that she would make her way back here, but never had I considered she would come back too late."
Sesshomaru focused on the garments he had destroyed, discarded and likely never to be used again. His curiosity flared inside of him suddenly, burning, wanting. "Who is she, really?" He had to know. Who had he forgotten? Who would he remember?
Kimi glanced at him once, slowly, her gaze contemplative before it returned to the visage of the blind woman. "Who is she, really," Kimi repeated thoughtfully, even as that all-too-familiar secretive smile of hers creeped out. Sesshomaru would have scowled had he not been waiting for the answer; whenever Kimi displayed that smile, she was likely thinking one step ahead of whomever she was speaking with. Sesshomaru despised it. "If you wish to describe her, I can think of many names by which to do so. Megumi Madarame, her given name. Meg, if you become someone irreplaceably precious to her. Healer, since many of her powers seek to fix what was wronged. But if you know her past . . . " and here that smile cemented itself on her face, "Then there are other names, ones more valuable and dangerous. I think pirate is one of them now, is it not? Perhaps you'll learn more in due time."
Sesshomaru bit back the urge to growl, though his voice still came out low and throaty. "You tell me nothing of importance." Kimi shot him a look that said she clearly thought otherwise.
"You are impatient," she chided, but that smile didn't go away just yet. "You will not get what you seek out of her if you do not give the same; after all, she is many things, but she was first a hime. It is her birthright to be treated as your equal, my beloved son."
Kimi was quick to redirect Sesshomaru before he could properly address the bomb of a statement she had just dropped. Shifting, she re-positioned herself so that she appeared to be offering Megumi up to him. The shifting of the younger woman had her kimono layers moving as well, freed from the binding that once secured them and able now to hang naturally.
"You should take her to her room," Kimi instructed him. "She might need time to be alone now."
And so, with thoughts laden with questions answered and more posed, Sesshomaru rose and approached Megumi, placing one of his hands beneath her forearm and guiding her to stand as well. She complied with all the resistance of clay in his hands, and kept her eyes downcast as she walked where he guided her. He offered no words of consolation and she offered none at all, and together they made their way back to her room, him relying on his superior senses to redirect them whenever he detected an oncoming youkai. He would grant Megumi her privacy, and he would not allow her to be seen in her current state. He figured that she was of a like mind as him in the sense that she was probably as inclined to show weakness to others as he was.
When they arrived he slid back the door for her, and she slipped out of her outer kimono layer and left it to pool forgotten on the floor. She reached up to her hair, tugging without care, plucking and discarding until her hair once again tumbled free from her head, hanging around her like a protective shroud.
She swayed lightly, her face set in something almost alarmingly neutral. She had cried her fill tonight, he knew; and he realized now what Kimi had really meant when she said Megumi ought to be taken to her room. Decision made, he strode over to where the woman stood and guided her to the edge of the futon.
"Rest," he urged her, his hand shifting to lightly press on her shoulder, his subtle signal to her that this is where she should lay.
Instead, her left hand rose to find his where he had it over her shoulder, gripping it without much strength. "When?" she queried, her voice so quiet that it almost didn't register to his ears.
"More than a century and a half ago."
Sesshomaru watched as she breathed out, nodding slightly. Her grip on his hand tightened. "I wouldn't have made it in time," she confessed softly, but he knew her words were for herself and not him. She shifted slightly, her body facing his even as her head looked away. "Thank you."
Sesshomaru's other hand moved on its own, his fingers finding the soft flesh of her chin and gently guiding it so that her head was facing him just as the rest of her was. "You cannot look at me," he observed, and noted the way she seemed to grow faintly flustered as she fumbled for words.
"I . . . I might ask something impersonal of you, if I were to."
Sesshomaru leaned in slightly, his eyes flickering swiftly over her face to study it for any changes. "Ask me."
She tried to look away again, but his hand was still there, and so she remained facing him. The sounds of her breathing had grown slightly more relaxed, as if she was drawing in each breath and letting it linger slightly before releasing it. "Your scent," she admitted, and one of her hands raised itself slightly to gesture at him before returning to her side. He was keenly aware of how the gesture lacked all traces of her earlier vigor. "It reminds me of his. It's why I mistook you for him when I met you."
And suddenly, he understood.
Sesshomaru withdrew his hands from her, returning them to his chest as he worked silently to unfasten his outer kimono. It slid off of his skin with a faint hush, and he withdrew his arms from the sleeves and turned the garment around before it could be allowed to fall to the floor. Sesshomaru stepped forward, allowing Megumi to register his presence before he reached over her. There was no hurry to his movements as he draped his kimono over her shoulders, guiding each of her hands to the sleeves and making sure she slid her arms through. Even as close as he was he could see that it was clearly too big for her, but he found he rather liked the charm of it. He thought, as he watched her face for her reaction, that the whites and reds of his typical garb suited her.
Megumi hugged the fabric closer to herself, pressing her lips lightly together before suddenly leaning forward and resting her brow against his chest. "You didn't have to - "
"Rest," he murmured, his hand finding her chin and raising it so that this time her face was wholly directed towards his. He found he could not take his eyes off of hers, even as a single tear slipped from her right eye and started to trace its way down her cheek. The hand whose fingers were not currently against her chin reached up to banish the tear away before it could run lower than her nose. "Rest," he found himself repeating, and this time it almost sounded to him like he was saying please. "And think nothing of your duty to this place. Chiharu will tend to Rin until you are ready." The woman nodded softly against his hand, her eyes fluttering shut.
He had no need to remain in her room long enough for her to get situated in her futon, but he did that and then some. He remained, eyes unable to wander away from her, until he was sure she had finally succumbed to sleep. He moved to the table at the end of the room without a sound, taking up the brush there and writing in clear kanji his message to the first person that stumbled in here with working eyes.
Let her sleep, he wrote, as the sun slipped beneath the horizon into that place where it rested. She may keep the kimono as long as she wishes; find it a nice place in the room.
He placed the note on the floor near her futon, allowed himself one last lingering look, then let himself out.
"She didn't come back with you?"
"No; I thought she might have left early to get help. But when I woke up, Meg was nowhere to be found."
Kimi's knuckles grew pale as her fists clenched beneath her robes. "Toga, that means she's still out there." Her mate looked grim. "You couldn't track her down?"
"Her scent vanished. It's possible she was found by someone who knows how to slight an inu."
The Lady of the West scowled openly at her Lord, for the moment taking out her frustration and worry on him. She paced the expanse of her garden as her cunning mind raced to figure out all the possibilities of what had happened to their dear almost-daughter. "She couldn't have been taken by humans; they wouldn't have known she was associated with us inu daiyoukai, and they couldn't have covered all traces of their trail like you said." Kimi pivoted and resumed her methodical steps. "There are few youkai that would dare upset the Lord and Lady of the West so openly. I'll have my spies out and prodding the networks to see if any of those demons will make mention of her or any schemes against us."
"And if they find nothing?"
"It is not what their search will reap that you should be focused on," Kimi seethed, spinning and turning to stare openly at Toga. "I will do my part, and you will do yours. Take as much time as you need. Travel all of Japan if you must. I'll take care of things here in your stead."
Something curious flickered in her mate's eyes, but it was gone before Kimi could properly process it. "Kimi," the Inu no Taisho started, "it is possible that Meg may not want to be found."
Kimi felt her blood go cold.
"Fifty years with us, and one trip with you is enough to have her running away?" Her voice was thick with sarcasm, but she knew Toga would detect the faint note buried underneath it.
Curiosity.
"There was an argument. I . . . might have said something that hurt her." If Kimi had not known her mate as well as she did, she might have sworn that she felt fatherly sheepishness coming from him at the admission. But then his expression turned grim once more. "There will be time to tell you what happened afterwards; time to tell you what I have done. I believe I've made a mistake, Kimi, but there are things I must do first before I can bring myself to confide in you."
Kimi stopped walking. "What are you saying, Toga?"
She watched as her mate stood, his ponytail tumbling over his chest as he turned his head to look in the direction he had first arrived in. And while he appeared to be scanning the horizon, Kimi knew that the expression he bore meant that his eyes were seeing other things.
"I am saying, Kimi, that above all else there is one person I need to find. Two people, actually." Toga's gaze refocused and once again he was watching the world spread before him. "You'll forgive me, Kimi; I won't make it in time for dinner tonight."
Then Toga was gone.
If only then Kimi had known he would never find Megumi or that other person he swore he must. If only then Kimi had known he would have returned to his shiro and forbid his mate to inquire on the subject further. If only she had known, then Kimi would have stopped her mate then and there and demanded he tell her exactly what had happened and what he was keeping from her. If only, then maybe . . .
Kimi's head rose a little as she had that last thought. Inwardly she chastised herself; she would not obsess over what may have happened if Toga had shared what he knew with his mate on that day. Kimi would not wonder if she could have been able to use that information to successfully locate Megumi and bring her back while Toga still lived. She would not stop to wonder if Megumi's presence might have been enough to alter the course Toga had taken just enough so that he never would have met Izayoi and had that hanyou.
If Kimi walked down that path in her memories, she feared she would grow to hate the very things she promised herself she would continue to love.
The servant returned when Kimi finally let down her barrier, and left no comment about the obvious lack of interest the Lady of the West's guests had had in the tea. Only when the youkai had exited once more did Kimi allow herself a tiny, inaudible sigh. She had never expected to see Megumi - found and brought here by Sesshomaru, of all people - when she had risen and prepared for the day. She had never imagined that one day their almost-daughter would return and that she would have to make the world a little darker for her with her news. Kimi's eyes wandered over to the spot where Megumi's obi still rested and found herself burning inwardly with the desire to know all that had befallen the woman since that day so long ago.
Of course, Kimi recognized that now certainly wasn't the time - she had no idea if Megumi's character was anything like the one she remembered from the charismatic two hundred year old, but Kimi was familiar with grief herself and knew its weight would not be manageable overnight. She would give the girl solace as she always had, and tell her all she wished to know, and eventually the world would right itself underneath Megumi's feet and Kimi would be able to ask the questions she wanted so desperately to know the answers to.
Kimi almost chuckled; those thoughts seemed to be mirrored in her beloved son. Kimi's worldly intuition told her what he had clearly not even realized himself, and she was intrigued to know that there was something in this world that finally puzzled and excited him. Then again, the Lady thought, if there was anyone in the world that could pose such a mystery to Sesshomaru it would undeniably be Megumi.
As Sesshomaru came to mind, so did another person: and with it, a surge of inspiration. Kimi's naturally confident smile eased onto her as she thought about Sesshomaru's ward. She wouldn't bother her son now in hopes that he was still preoccupied with Megumi, but there certainly was nothing stopping her from seeing dearest Rin. Of course, if she happened to see the now conscious human girl, and if Rin happened to tell her all she knew about Megumi's curious blinding and past thus far . . . well, it couldn't be helped. Silently, Kimi asked Megumi to forgive her for her current prying and her lack of action in the centuries since she had become lost to them.
Kimi glanced to the garden as a second silent message escaped her. She's come back, Kimi thought, and as Kimi watched the moon crest over the walls beyond the shiro she felt a tang of wistfulness. You believed she had died. You believed she hated us. Why? You refused to give me an answer in life, and in death I thought I would never answer this question. But you were wrong. Your son did what you couldn't, and he brought her back.
Toga.
Did you see what happened today?
Our dear Meg came home.
Somewhere far, far away, past pearls and gateways, past clouds and soulless birds, there lay a great body. It was weathered by time: the meat had been cleaned from the bones, the armor had rusted, and the fur had all but drifted away into those places beyond even where the body still stayed. It had not been visited in several years by either of its sons; it had served its purpose, and the youngest had scampered away with his token of heritage. And yet the body had stayed, hovering in that place where the living could reach but not yet where the dead could roam, to where those soulless birds were sure it was destined never to move on. Perhaps, they thought, all those years in that place had stripped more than the mortal flesh of the carcass and the soul had already left too. Why would a soul stay? Wouldn't it leave? No one had visited; no more fangs were to be given, so why still had that body and armor remained?
The birds got their answer, on that day the outside world suddenly plunged itself into night. They had not known what the feeling surrounding the former beast was until it suddenly vanished, taking with it that sensation of stillness. Something was stirring; something was awakening and remembering. Something had changed, in both here and the outside world, and now those birds realized that this entire time the body had been resting, waiting for something unseen.
It was not resting now; whatever it had been waiting for, it seemed prepared finally for it. The birds beat their wings in agitation and anticipation. After this, would that body leave and join the all the rest on the other side? Or would it continue to dwell in this graveyard it had built for itself? What's more, just how much was left of it?
The birds could taste the change of the wind on their parched tongues and their cries rose into the air.
It seemed that there had been one last thing for this once-demon to do, and it would not be long until then.
The birds could hardly wait.
Author's Note:
Sesshomaru's kimono = the feudal version of a significant other's hoodie/shirt/etc and you can't change my mind. Also, I figured I would drop this timeline now because we've established quite a bit about the timeline and stuff through dialogue and monologue. So here you go:
1.) Megumi meets Toga;
Megumi is 200+y/o, Sesshomaru is 300+y/o
2.) Megumi and Toga see each other for the last time;
Megumi is 250+y/o, Sesshomaru is 350+y/o
3.) Toga dies / ?;
Megumi is 650+y/o, Sesshomaru is 750+y/o, Inuyasha is born around this time (haha here comes the whelp)
4.)Present time in story;
Megumi is 800+y/o, Sesshomaru is 900+y/o
I hope that helps to clarify things a little! Obviously there's more stuff (besides from like all of seven words I haven't even made a passing mention about Megumi's life events before meeting Toga) but as of right now, this is all you'll need to know. Har har.
Little bit of a shorter chapter this time but I just wanted to focus on kinda the news we all knew was coming (all of us except for Megumi, that is). Anyways, I hope you continue to read and enjoy the story! :3
