(MAAHAA HAAAHNNNNH) (by that i mean MATT CHAPTER)
...I step back into the bar, as the drunk girls depart. Sakuya has demanded that I make one million yen in a month, it seems. Considering I've only been here about a month as is, that seems like a relatively generous time. Still, one million yen.
While I was meandering back up to the front counter to resituate myself, Vanilla sighed. "Some of those guys were giving me a weird stare when I sold a, um, session…"
Hmm. Well, they were drunk, so they probably won't care. It's not like Brad would care much, either.
...Glancing back, I see the green-haired Aiko Kuro romp back into the store from behind me. "Alright…" Taking a breath to compose her voice, she continued. "I've fetched your alcohol. I would like my bounty." She's currently clad in a very rough-looking business suit. Rough as in half of it is missing, but that's probably not the point.
Reaching into my pockets, I drew the yen she desired. Two thousand six hundred should cover a cheapo robbery.
She accepts it. "Pleased to do business."
Seems she's fine with that.
…Right, I should probably explain why she's here now, for those unaware. I found her again on the streets the other day, and it appeared cash was one of the languages she spoke.
Anyway, it'll probably be a few moments for customers to trickle back in. People usually aren't eager to stick around those four, I take it.
Looking over at Aiko again, I ask her a question. "Are you good for another run?"
...Folding her arms, she rolls her eyes. "A fifth heist today would break the bank, I'm fairly certain. I'm sure by sun up, they'll have guards placed in precariously annoying locations. I'd rather not make a bloodbath out of peddling cheap booze, either. Not until this village is better destabilized."
...That might be a no, I take it.
...After a few moment of silence, she makes for the back door. "I'll meander back here in a day or two's time. I'm sure you won't run these many bottles dry before then."
Are you certain about that. Oh, well.
I watch the eight sheathed katanas on her back as she pushes the back door open, meandering outside. Oh, right, we reinstalled the back door, at some point.
"Go on in." There's the customers.
"A' right, wha' the fuck is this place…"
Glancing up, I see Albus skulking back in, with a stout magely kid beside him. It seems he's brought Fred along, this time.
...Upon entering, Fred glanced over at his friend. "Mate, I know you're on a post-career alcoholic binge ta tha' grave, but y'don't need to spend your final days here of all places…"
Albus gives him a dour stare, before continuing forward to the main counter. "It's only my second day."
"Yeah- that's what they all say." Shaking his head, Fred followed him. "I swear, if the obituaries read that you were found dead in 'ere, I'm 'onna piss on your grave."
...Once they reach the counter, they quickly sit next to one another.
"U- uhm…" Vanilla starts to speak-
Fred only just now sees her, and his jaw drops. "Wh- whah…!?"
...His outburst passed, Vanilla continues. "What would you both like…?"
...Fred looks around, before meeting my masked gaze.
"Something that's actually beer today." Albus requested. "If you give me any more of that sugar water shit, I'm gonna be pissed."
"Ri- right away…" Vanilla went to go fetch one of our cheaper bottles…
Fred's still staring at me. "Are- are you for fookin' real?" I've got a feeling he remembers me.
Albus looks over at him. "What's up?"
...Shaking his head, Fred sighs. "Bloody, nothin'. Today's gonna be a real shit one, innit? Naked girl, gimme the hard stuff."
"Okay…" Setting down Albus's drink, she moves to fetch Fred's…
...Sitting up, Albus looks over his bottle, studying the different design.
As Vanilla sets the second bottle down, she struggles to bring an arm over the counter. "Thousand yen per bottle…"
"Better be what they cost this time." Albus plaps his coins down, before uncorking the bottle…
Fred provides his own funds, too. "The hell was that about sugar water…?"
...Looking over at Albus, Fred saw him already gulping down the beer. "Ah, the fuck, man."
"Go on in." Another customer, it seems.
...Some girl clad in thick, navy blue rags takes short but heavy steps inside. Her hair is similarly colored, messy, going down past her rear.
"Mrm…" Bringing a hand to her chin, she gazes around receptively at the emptiness of the bar, before sighting the counter. "Ah…"
Stepping up to it and nodding, she makes for one of the empty seats. There are already bags under her eyes, and her gaze seems curiously out there.
Deliberately sitting down, she looks up, sighting our practically naked bartender loli. "...Oh."
"Wh- what do you, um, want?" Vanilla met her tired gaze sheepishly.
"...Some water." The tired girl decides. "I didn't know this was going to be one of those places." Looking away, she stares at a nearby wall. "I'm sure it won't matter…"
...Fred sets his bottle down, glancing over at her. Then, he double takes. "Oh, shit..."
...The tired girl glances over at him, before glancing away immediately.
...Looking back at his bottle, Fred smiled. "Today might not be so shit after all."
Albus gave him a vain stare.
...Click! The girl seems to snap her fingers just under the counter, for some reason. "There…"
I hear footsteps upstairs. It sounds like the interaction proceeded smoothly.
Vanilla comes up to me. "...We- we don't have water."
...In the next moment, a blue-haired woman in a light blue dress floats through the wall nearest the girl. She seems to furrow her brows at the interior, looking around with a skeptical gaze.
The navy-haired girl seems to notice, but pretends she didn't notice the abnormality.
"I may've told you to find a dump…" The woman sat next to the navy-haired friend of hers like she didn't just float through the wall. "I didn't mean literally."
"It's quiet enough…" Her friend whispered to her, despite the floaty girl talking normally. "The only other person here's that failed youkai hunter…"
"You could afford to actually whisper." Albus barks back across the counter.
Fred looks over at her. "Honey- what about me?"
The navy-haired woman looked over at him. "...Well, you're only a child, so…"
Fred looks crushed. "The fuck do you mean I'm only a child!? I've got a bottle here! I'm a youkai hunter, too- Fred!"
...The woman just looks ahead, letting the protest roll off her.
"Youkai hunters, hmm?" The woman with shorter, lighter blue hair speaks up. "I'm glad there aren't any spooky youkai around here. I'm sure you two would recognize one in a heartbeat."
"Y'can fookin' bet." Fred gave her a grin. "I ran a scryin' spell 'fore I came in here. Not a single youkai."
...Is that so. Well, if you're certain.
"I- I still need water…" Vanilla begs me for liquid ice.
I glance down at her. "Go see Shikome and make some or something, then."
...She clenches her fists in actual frustration. "Wh- how? C'mon- you can make water…! These're your customers, aren't they…!?"
...But, how am I-... right, nearly forgot about my water scissors, somehow. Good on me.
Slipping an empty bottle from the shelves nearby, I hold it under the counter, slide out the scissors from a place on the shelves nearby, and start streaming the liquid in…
The blue-haired woman stares at the counter as if she was simply staring at me fill the bottle of water through it. Probably because she was.
That guy and the commissar begin to step down from the pile of disorganized plywood in the back of the room. "You're a real champ. Don't let anyone tell ya otherwise!" The unassuming looking guy ruffles the short maid's hair on the way down.
The commissar doesn't respond, simply giving him a firm stare.
...Oh, the bottle's overflowing. Whoops.
Bringing the bottle above the table, I set it before the navy-haired woman. "Here you go. One hundred yen."
She places the coins down for me to accept.
...After a moment, the commissar slowly meanders around towards the counter again.
...Fred looks up at him, and furrows his brows.
Glancing over at him, Albus discreetly lets him in on a secret. "Some prostitute. They run a thing here."
"Ah? Yeah- figured as much. Just…" Fred looks like he can't quite place something.
As the commissar gets behind the counter, I see the navy-haired girl's eyes lock on him.
...Her friend's eyes scan her, before gaining a dry expression.
Vanilla gets around to the floaty girl. "Um… what would you like?"
"Ah…" The girl looks down at her, before smirking. "Your strongest, if you would please. Or wine, but I doubt you carry that."
She's not wrong. We should have some hard things, though. I think. Outside of the obvious cheapo stuff, our premium are unsorted random crap Aiko happened to pick up on the way.
...Stepping up, I take one of the shiny looking bottles from the higher shelves, and set it down before her. "Two thousand six hundred yen." I give her the price.
Nodding, she lifts an arm-
The bills and coins drift from her pocket and onto the counter, and she grabs the bottle with the same arm.
"Ah- uh~m…" The navy-haired woman glances over at me, then over at the commissar. "You're the manager, right?"
"Sure." I'm pretty sure I know where this is going.
"He's cute…" Her gaze is still on the commissar. She makes a half-hearted attempt at looking discreet, but her eyes and manner are anything but. "I want him."
"Twenty-five thousand an hour." I inform her.
"Aa- aah…" With wide eyes, she sits up, and pulls a small black coin purse from her left pocket. "Ex- expensive…"
Yeah, illegal activity does that.
...She goes on a treasure hunt for money within her pouch, dispensing her findings in segments. "Fi- five thousand… twelve thousand… twenty-two…"
Furrowing her brows, she starts to abuse the purse. "Da- dammit, the one day I remembered to deposit my money…"
The blue-haired woman next to her places down the remaining three thousand. "Not that it's entirely wise to be carrying twenty-two thousand on its own, in this town."
"A- ah…" Blinking at the money, the woman pans her wide-eyed gaze to her friend. "Tha- thank- thank you, Kaku-sama! Thank you!"
"Make that hour count." 'Kaku' smirked at her. "Don't forget what I told you, however. If you died now, that'd simply be anticlimactic, and I'd have to kill somebody for no good reason."
"Ah- yes, yes…" Getting up impatiently, the curvy navy-haired woman began moving to the plywood 'stairs'. "Co- come here…!" She whisper-shouts over the counter as she navigates around it.
...The commissar gives her a curious stare as she navigates around.
Once she's around, she pats on her thigh and stands before the right exit to the counter. "Come he- here, little boy…"
"Boy…?" Fred focuses on the commissar again. "Gods dammit…"
...I look over at the commissar, and watch him drag his feet as he follows the obsessed-looking woman.
"Ah- aah…!" As he nears her, she lays her hands on his shoulders, leaning over him and sticking to his back. "Yo- you-... you look so soft…"
Well. Have fun.
...As they progress up the plywood pile, I look over at this 'Kaku' individual.
She's smiling at me. "If anything happens to her, you're next."
Oh. But I don't wanna be next. "I'm sure those two will get along just fine."
Snorting, she starts to uncork her bottle. "Good, good…"
...Glancing out the front door, I can see that the day's likely at noon.
Setting down his empty bottle, Albus slaps another thousand down. "Mo~re." In response, Vanilla moves to get another bottle…
...Fred's not even a third done with his bottle.
"Go on in." Oh, more people.
...Some generic villager looking guys, who go to take a seat at one of the outer tables. Vanilla moves to respond to their entry...
"You're carrying quite a few… enchanted objects." 'Kaku' examines me idly. "It seems slightly out of place for you to be behind a counter."
I'm sure.
…
Tilting her head back, she takes some greedy gulps of her booze. "Mmh…"
Clack. Swiftly, she sets the bottle back down. "Woo~. Tha~t's pretty alright, actually." She glances up at me, rotating the bottle around so that I could see the front label. "...Would you happen to know the brand?"
...It's Japanese, for one thing. It might also be beer. It's made with liquid, that much is certain.
...After a moment, I give her my best guess. "Japanese liquid alcohol."
…
"You tried." Nodding, she rotates the bottle back around, reading the label herself. "You don't even know Japanese, then."
"I dropped out of school." I inform her. "The tribulations of an academic life were beyond me."
She glances back up from the bottle, meeting my eyes. "...You've dirtied your hands faster than most. It's almost funny."
Looking vaguely left out, Fred turns to us with an annoyed expression. "The hell're you two talking about, now?"
...Slowly, Kaku panned her head to him. "Evil person things. Still upset you didn't get to flirt up my cohort?"
"Yes." Fred lays an arm down on the counter. "She was a total babe! I'd let 'er do me for free!"
Grinning, Kaku focused on him more intently. "You know, there's a lot of youkai outside these walls who'd gladly deliver such service."
"Yeah- very funny." Fred glares at her. "As if you'd know what it's like t'be all pent up."
Snorting, Kaku focused on her own bottle. "Aha~h. Yes, that stage of my life is just a little far gone, you could say."
…
"An', y'know, it's not like I don' have a girl…" Fred starts speaking for no reason. "But… she's still got a little ways to go, yeah? An' we only met a few weeks ago, so s'like-"
"Sounds like the perfect couple." Kaku finished sipping from her bottle. "You look like you're fourteen."
"Fuck you." Fred didn't appreciate the jeer. "And- and you're not hot shit yourself, y'know? You look like… you look like yer thirty!"
"Why thank you." Kaku gives him a well-timed smile. "Then again, I hear quite often that I look a few years under my age."
...Fred looks done. "Fuck."
Albus is nearly done with his new bottle. "Y'should buy some stilts, Fred. Actually- ain't there a spell for that, er' some shit?"
Fred seethes. "...No, Albus, there is not a spell for that, I'm pretty damn sure."
...As Fred stares at Albus, Kaku looks him over, before bringing a hand up and making a single wave-
"Ah- woah!" Suddenly, Fred's ejected from his chair, two glowing blocks of wood erecting and expanding beneath him. "Ho- huwoah- shit!"
Thu- thud. He fell backwards unceremoniously, landing on the ground some feet away from the counter. "Aah- gods dammit!"
"Pfft- hahahaha~!" Albus has a hearty laugh at his expense. "Ap- apparently there is a spell for it!"
"Shut the fuck up!" Fred points his partially spilt bottle at him-
Fwi- fwish. The stilts vaporize into cyan mist as the stout mage starts to get back up. "Bloody hell…"
Stumbling back up to the counter, he glares at me. "Fookin'- you're the barkeeper, yeah? Y'gonna fuckin' do something about tha'?" He gestures to Kaku for emphasis.
"She paid more than you." I shrug.
...Looking back and forth between me and her, Fred points a finger at the woman. "Let's 'ave a fookin' duel, cunt."
Kaku smirks at him, withholding further amusement. "I wouldn't want to dim the candle of a blooming young magic practitioner. Not when I'm simply here in passing, at least. Come to me at a classier joint, and I may answer your death wish."
...Red-faced, but vaguely intimidated, Fred looks around, before opting to take his seat again. "Fooki~ng… don't 'ave my staff on me right now anyways. I'll remember that." Fred will remember that.
…
With that, everyone returns to drinking their respective drinks.
Albus taps the counter, depositing another thousand. "Need anothe~r."
...Scurrying back behind the counter, Vanilla moves to get him some more of the cheap stuff.
/ / / / GO AHEAD, MISTA JUOHSTE~R / / / /
It seems that evening is beginning to set in…
"Fucking, seriously mate…" Fred is only halfway through his one bottle still. "I think it's time ta stop…"
Albus is leaned against the counter, six bottles next to him. "Mrhh. I- I, I'm goohd…"
"No ya ain't, ya fuckin' asshole." Fred latches an arm to his shoulder.
The commissar was down here once again, still blushing from that previous encounter. It seems he likes our female clients more. Not that we have an abundance.
Both those girls had left shortly after the navy-haired one was done with him.
...In other news, the outer tables have begun to fill up with random nobodies, considering what time of day it is.
"Go on in." Oh, look, more people.
...Looking up, I watch Byakuren march inside. Oh.
She lays her pseudo-carefree gaze on me. It was a matter of time, I suppose.
...Once she approaches the counter, Vanilla gets behind it and moves to address her. "Um- what'll you have?"
Byakuren simply gives the vampire a glance, then looks up at me.
...I move from my passive spot against the back wall to talk with her. "What do you want?"
"I've come to set things right." She starts to bear a light frown. "These few days, I've been skeptical towards my involvement. But, considering the place you've brought these girls… I don't doubt that you're a sick man."
Took you long enough.
"Where are the others?" She questions me, laying her arms down on the counter. "If you've sold them…"
Cre- creak. The counter begins to groan from the force she exerts.
"Who?" I raise a brow.
"I remember seeing Rumia and that dark youkai with you." Byakuren presses. "I don't see them here."
"One is literally in front of you." I inform her.
...Byakuren sighs. "Stop making this difficult. That child coated in blood, where is she?"
Fred's staring at our exchange like we're mental. "Wha~t the fuck…"
...Right. "Don't you have radar on her?" I'm pretty sure that's how that holy stone works, because she couldn't find us otherwise.
"...Mmm." Byakuren simply hums. "What of Rumia, then?"
"Flew to Narnia or something." I'm becoming annoyed with her interrogation.
...She seems to accept this answer, because she doesn't press on it further. "I'd like to see you set these children free."
Her eyes begin to scan my cohorts, before resting on the commissar…
Hmm.
…
I reach for the shelves. "Beer? On the house."
"I do not drink." Byakuren denies. "But thank you." ...Her gaze is still on the commissar.
Hmm.
Vanilla speaks up. "...Ho- honestly, I… don't really mind it, here."
Byakuren focuses on her, now…
...Feeling put on the spot, Vanilla clams up. "We- well, like, um… the- they take good care of me here, and… I'm fed, and bad things don't happen to me."
Her response seems to puzzle Byakuren. "...Genuinely? And, what about you?" She looks up at the commissar. "You, there. In the cute maid uniform." 'Cute'.
...He just anxiously staggers about, before looking away.
"Please, don't worry." Byakuren calls out to him. "There's no need to be afraid."
...Skeptical, and scared of the situation, the commissar responds, but doesn't meet her gaze. "Why not?"
...Byakuren blinks. "Hmm?"
"Wh- why should I not… be afraid?" Looking over at me, the commissar glares, tears beginning to stream from his eyes. "I- I can't be anything else, an- anymore…"
Hmm. One positive and one negative review shouldn't condemn me.
I look up at Byakuren, only to find her giving me an honest glare.
"What did he do to you?" She doesn't take her gaze off of me.
"Nn…" The commissar's face is red, and he looks confused. "...Nothing."
"What did he do to you?" Byakuren presses again. "I can protect you."
...This time, he remains silent.
"I can only protect you if you let me!" Byakuren beckons for a lifeline. "Please..."
Fred looks around, eyebrows raised. "Am I in a fookin' play or somethin'...?"
…
I think I've got an idea.
Moving from the back of the bar, I step up to the counter before Byakuren. "I think we can make a deal."
...She looks very eager to lash out verbally, but withholds herself, willing to listen.
"Vanilla." I request the vampire loli's aid. "Have I mistreated any of my other… girls?" Not that I really own Shikome or Rumia, but by this monk's terms…
"I- I don't think so." Vanilla shook her head. "...Rumia eats well and is happy, and Shikome seems like she could kill you if she wanted to."
I nod at her answer.
Byakuren's frowning, but not reinforcing it quite as deeply as before. "...But you've mistreated that boy over there." Byakuren can tell that he's a trap, it seems.
...Well he never said no. But, for persuasion's sake… "Sure. Guilty as charged. And, I'll let you have him."
Byakuren blinks at me.
"For an exchange." I reveal.
"You believe you can barter away your guilt?" Byakuren tilted her head at me, giving me a fake smile. "Your wrongdoing cannot be sold."
That so. "But, it is simple." I reinforce the exchange idea from a different angle. "You simply bring me someone else to replace him."
...Byakuren's gaze hangs on me, unblinking.
"And some money as compensation." I tack that on, too.
"Why should I do as you say?" She narrows her eyes at me.
"We're just working at a bar making an honest living, making people happy." I supply to her.
"It spreads fatigue and rot to an already dying community." Byakuren counters. "You do no good."
No good? That's slightly far. "It's their choice to come, not mine."
"This establishment simply further propagates this village's lost identity and morale." Byakuren argues. "It being here and run in such a way is a blight."
Fred unsurely inserts his two cents. "I mean, e'rryone needs a bottle 'a beer now an' then…"
Byakuren whips her head over to him. "And I suppose Albus needs one more?"
...Shaking his head, Fred stares ahead. "...Never said I was good a' arguing…"
"We simply make due with what we have. And losing a worker would be a major blow to the business." I supply. Now that I think about it, this is a good angle. "The only clear-cut moral objection is that he," I gesture to the commissar, "is unsatisfied with his work environment. If we had someone… fit for the job, then there would be no dilemma."
…
"What do they make you do?" Byakuren focuses on him again.
He's turned around, facing the wall and hanging his head.
…
She seems to shift to get a clearer view of him, stepping closer to Fred as she does so…
...Fred glances over at her, and rests his gaze on her breasts. "...Say, uu~h… could ya~... like-"
Pap. Byakuren pushes him aside, her palm to his cheek. "Ah- dammit…"
"...Young one." Byakuren calls out to him. "Please, face me."
...Turning around, he does.
...
Byakuren spends like a minute or so simply staring at him. "What is your name?"
…
"Cu-... Cutie-chan." He refuses to keep his eyes on her. "I'm Cutie-chan, now."
Eyebrows raised, Byakuren seems to have slightly twitched at that.
"What… have they done to you?" Bringing her arms together, the nun brings them over her chest.
"An able individual and three hundred thousand yen." I give her my bargain bin deal.
…
Reaching into her pocket, Byakuren sighs. "Fine. I'll… make a deal. But..." Meeting my gaze, she gains a chiding expression. "I'd like to add a few terms."
Depends. "...What terms?"
"I'm free to review this place again at a later date." Byakuren argues. "I'll give you the money upfront… but I'll want to bring him with me." She points at the commissar. "Your individual will be stationed outside the bookstore on the main street towards the Hakurei. You may acquire them there, tomorrow from noon to evening. If you do not acquire them by that time, it's out of my hands. If there are any casualties, you will be held accountable." Casualties…?
Cla-clack. She places a wealth of bills and coins on the counter.
...I place my hands on the money. "Sounds good. I expect you to follow through."
As I accept the money, Byakuren moves around the counter…
Almost confused, the commissar just looks around anxiously, unsure what to do as she rounds the wood counter to approach him.
Once she reaches him-
Thud. She swoops down and engulfs him in her arms, lifting him up and pressing him to her chest. "You're safe now."
"Wh- ah…?" He's still kind of mixed about everything, apparently.
With that, Byakuren moves to leave, the stout commander engulfed in her arms.
…
"Ma~n…" Fred shakes his head, staring at his two-thirds empty bottle. "This is some fucking beer."
"Need another?" I offer him more drinkage.
"Fuck no." Grinning, he shakes his head. "Does weird shit to you, mate. Wha' was that saying, again? 'May you live in interesting times'? Yeah, well these beers're interesting times… 'cept in beer form."
...Speaking of beer form, Albus seems to have passed out on the counter.
...Looking over at him, Fred sighs. "Fuck me~, mate. Alright- that's enough. Time ta get your ass outta here…"
Standing up, he moves to try and drag his friend-
Thud. He ends up pushing Albus out of the stool, before proceeding to just drag him by an arm. "Fuckin'- alright, c'mon now, easy does it…"
/ / / / CRY OUT ALL YOUR EYES OR WIN A NEW FORTUNE / / / /
It's now later that evening. Since we're down one employee, we'll simply have to make due with what we have available.
"I'll take another." Random generic villager number twenty-eight, this one sitting at the bar counter, raised his arm for another bottle.
Wordlessly, I hand it over to him, and accept the money he had laid down on the counter.
Traffic's been good this evening, but the majority of customers have just wanted to drink so far. One guy came in looking for the commissar, who I had to unfortunately turn down.
...Panning my gaze up, I see Vanilla bustling about the bar floor, moving to take orders and deliver bottles.
"Go on in." Another of many customers waltzes in, this one clad in a maroon and brown gi, an eyepatch over his left eye for whatever reason…
...As he enters, it seems he's intent on progressing towards the counter.
Once he's at the counter, I await his order…
"So this is the place I heard about…" He speaks over the low murmur of the guests throughout the bar behind him. "They call this 'hiding in plain sight', yes?"
Sure.
...Scanning me, he seems to grin at my outfit. "This some kind of costume party place? 'Cause it doesn't really look like anyone else got the memo..."
"Are you going to order anything?" As nice as it is to be heckled by some random guy...
"Ah…" He glances up, then at the shelf in contemplation. "...I believe I'll ta~ke… I don't know, about fifty-five thousand yen in property tax?"
Oh, okay. "Did you say something?"
"Normally tax on a two-story business is about forty-two thousand…" He shifts his posture, leaning onto the counter leisurely. "Give or take the taxes on doors, furniture, type of wood, blah blah blah. Rates're a little higher for unestablished businesses, if you catch my drift. Exclusive to the industries that thrive off that sorta thing."
...Right. "I'm sure you're not a very able scammer with a well-thought-out cover story."
The man grins wider. "Had a scouter here the other week, that really fluffy posh asshole. Ring any bells?"
...Yes no maybe. "And I'm sure simply giving you the money would be a good idea."
"Okita Soji, Chief Financial Officer of the village." He gives me a nod. "Feel comfortable now?"
This village has those positions? "...Never heard of you before."
"You've heard of me now." He counters. "Loo~k, I'll even hang around and buy a few drinks. It'd suck if I just had to take the money. I'm pretty sure we could do without that." Panning his gaze to the left, he sees the plywood pile. "If you can pay it, that is."
"What i~f…" I ask him a question. "I couldn't?"
"Well, then the village guard kicks you out, or I kick you out." He delivers bluntly. "...You haven't been rude to me yet, so I'm certain the guard would escort you out peacefully."
...Hrrm. "Is there any way to not pay?"
"No." He shakes his head at me, grinning wider.
...Well then.
...Taking out the yen, I place it on the counter. "I suppose it's a good thing I have the money."
"I suppose it is, too." Giving me another nod, he moves to quickly scoop up the money. "Pleasure doing business. If you're ever asked to comply with a property investigation…"
Slipping a small card from his gi, he places it on the counter. "Show 'em this."
I see.
...Once he's slipped away most of the money, he looks up at me. "So how much for a drink again?" Furrowing his brows, he looks at our disorganized shelves. "...I'm very certain you were just lent whatever beer looked like beer and put it on the shelf."
Placing five thousand yen on the counter, he points at one of the shiny bottles I'd placed on the very top shelf. "I'll take that Kugo brand stuff. Shame you only have one bottle, but a grab bag's a grab bag…"
I move to get him his bottle…
...Once he gets it, he nods. "Thank you."
/ / / / ROLLING CORN LOAVES / / / /
…
O~kay…
With all the grace of a plywood board, I roll out of that sleeping bag on the second floor…
A new day is here. And, with it, more booze.
Normally it's ass cold when I wake up, but now it's just cold. Mildly cold. Hardly cold…
Standing up, I crack and stretch my limbs, stumbling about until I'm more aware. The upper window betrays gentle, sunny light outside.
Right, need to wake up. Aiko should roll around sooner or later, and when she does I'll have to set up that kidnapping job. I should also have her kidnap me a proper bed…
...I look over at the door to my left.
Rumia seems to be standing on a wall on the inside, meanwhile Shikome's simply sitting down and staring at a different wall. Vanilla seems to still be asleep, sprawled out on the floor near her. Maybe the loli room could use any furniture at all. Maybe I'll give them this sleeping bag when I'm done with it.
I begin to move for the plywood slip and slide. Hopefully I don't actually slip and slide on the way down…
...In cautious anticipation, I proceed down the plywood in a position ready to slide onto my ass, except I don't. That's even better.
Down here, there's what looks like a fairy jumping on one of the outer tables. "Hup…! And, hu~p! Nnn~... hup!" She's got a cream-colored outfit, and short white hair. That's nice.
Moving to the front counter on impulse, I see a fairly tubby fluffle sitting atop it, doing nothing in particular.
...Once I'm behind the counter, I watch it.
"im roasted" It speaks without moving anything at all.
Bringing my arms up, I begin my morning exercise by slowly disassembling the dust thing before me.
Rip. Rip. Ri~p.
...It now only has one leg left on its torso.
"help" It still refuses to do anything other than vaguely speak. "im supposed to be brazenbran"
...I scrunch its head with my hands, and it collapses into a pile of dust on the counter.
"Hup!" That fairy's still doing jumping jacks or whatever…
I glance at the front door. The guards were brought inside for the night, and left to be logs immediately on the floor immediately next to the door. Outside, there's a plywood board leaned against the door reading 'closed' in English. All the booze still seems to be here and the sign wasn't misplaced, so it was a serviceable defence.
Clumsy but solid steps come from the right. Glancing over, I see Shikome's left the loli lounge to get some fresh air.
...Stepping up to the front counter, she looks up at me. "We covet chattels."
Did she always speak in foreignese? It's too early for this…
...The jumping fairy whipped her head over to us, and leapt off the table-
"Hup!" She does multiple forward flips as she leaps over to us, landing next to Shikome.
...Shikome turns to her blankly.
"What're you two talking about!?" She practically yells in our faces. "I like chapels!"
...Slowly, Shikome tilts her head towards the fairy, as if this is too early for her as well.
She turns back to me again. "We covet chattels."
Alri~ght. "Take that one." I lazily cast my arm towards the fairy.
...Shikome steps closer to the fairy.
"Huwoah!" Flipping backwards way more times than necessary, the fairy gains a few feet of distance. "I'm not cattle!"
...Creating a single tendril, Shikome sends it slithering towards the fairy-
"Huwa~h!" The fairy does an exaggerated leap to the side, and points her finger at the loli-
snap- pop- pop- pop- snap. She fires very subtle, blue danmaku shots from her finger tip. They move with alarming speed, but Shikome doesn't react at all as they patter against her silently.
"An'- take this!" She aims it over at me.
snap- click- pop- snap. It… feels annoying, to be certain. The pain slowly builds in my face as the bullets meet me, forcing me to lean out of the way. Not the worst thing I've ever felt, by far.
"Hahaha~!" Laughing, she focuses it back on Shikome.
click- click- pop- pop- snap. Shikome calmly walks through it as she progresses to the fairy…
As she gets closer-
Woosh! She leaps straight over Shikome in a sudden movement. "Hoh!"
Pivoting around on a dime when the fairy isn't looking, Shikome continues her relentless march.
The fairy turns around, Shikome right there.
Blinking, the fairy holds up her arms as Shikome reaches out to her swiftly. "Aa- ah!"
CLANG
Loud noise.
Becoming translucent, the fairy's form flares up with golden energy, and she brings up her finger to keep shooting useless pellets at Shikome.
Above her, an eyeless caricature of her head generates, laughing. "Hahaha~!"
snap- crack- crack- pop- clack- snap. For the next few seconds, she continues firing-
Shikome sends tendrils through her form, but they don't seem to interact with the translucent fairy.
Poof. The head over the fairy vanishes.
clack- pop- click- clack- pop. She relentlessly continues to focus on Shikome, and the dark loli tries to interact with her form to little avail.
...After a moment, the fairy's form starts to flicker, before coming solid and returning to normal coloration.
Woosh- pap. Shikome thrust an arm forward and into the fairy the moment it returned to normal.
"Aa~h." Gently, the fairy fell backward, taking a nice sit.
Thu- thud. Stepping forward, Shikome smoothly connects with the fairy's form, sitting on her waist…
"Aa- aah…!?" Eyes wide, the fairy scans Shikome's form. "Hey..."
"...Not comfortable." Shikome shook her head at the fairy.
Standing up, Shikome slips the fairy's torso under one arm. "Ah…" The fairy looked around awkwardly, snugged in.
Then, she experimentally begins turning idly, observing how her movements whipped the fairy about as she did so. "Aah! Wh- whah!"
…
Shikome does a three-sixty pivot. "Whoa~h!" The fairy was now dizzy…
...Gently, Rumia hovers down the staircase, bopping up and down exaggeratedly as she does so.
Looking over at Rumia, Shikome glanced down at her captured fairy, before stepping up to the darkness youkai as she landed.
"Did you get the cattle?" Rumia questioned her accomplishment.
She passed Rumia the fairy. "Do whatever with it."
...A sliding noise is heard as the closed sign in front of the store is slid aside.
Aiko walks inside, clad in her scuffy business suit again. At first, her gaze is as dour and sour as it normally is, but as she moves into the shop, it becomes increasingly incredulous…
Rumia experimentally raised and lowered her arms, making the fairy ascend and descend.
Giving the loli exchange a trying stare, she progresses towards me with a slanted, neutral almost-grin. "...How many more runs do you ask of me today? Without proper compensation for a change of locations, I don't believe I'll be hitting the usuals. I've already stolen about twelve dozen from them in the past three days, and I don't believe they're receptive to strange faces at this time."
"I have a special assignment." I inform the katana kitten. "On the main road to the Hakurei path, there's a bookstore…"
She tilted her head. "Kosuzu's, yes? I've heard of it."
"There should be someone of interest outside waiting." I instruct her. "...A temple monk, an important-looking one. You're to find them and bring them back here, by any means… as long as they're alive. No casualties in the process."
"Have you any figures?" Aiko lifted a brow.
"Ten thousand yen." I give her my price. "Double if no one notices you."
Aiko's kitty ears perk up. "...I see. When shall this be?"
"Today at noon- you have until evening." I provide.
"Very well." With a nod, she glances away. "Any alcohol runs? Or will that be for when I get back?"
"When you get back." I decide. "Focus on this job, first."
"It will be done." Smirking, she pivots away, and starts stepping for the front door. "I will see you later, then."
I watch her smugly proceed out the door and into the sunny day outside.
…
"Hwaa~h!" A pink-haired fairy goes blaring by the door, a gaggle of guards in her wake.
Sounds like a fun day out there.
Holding the fairy upside down, Rumia gives it a sideways stare. "Where'd you get her, anyway…? I thought cattles were big things…"
...There was no response from Shikome, as she began to look around restlessly.
Still holding the fairy upside down, Rumia begins to take her upstairs for no reason.
"Wha- where're we going…?" The fairy looked around in a daze…
"I'm gonna put you somewhere." Rumia does a good job of answering her question.
We~ll, then. Time to get this day started. I wonder if Vanilla's awake yet…
/ / / / GALVANIZATION SON / / / /
The guards have been re-established. Vanilla is awake, the lolis are at play upstairs, and the bar is open. Let the sleazefest commence.
…
It should be noon again, soonish.
"I feel pumped up today, for some reason…" Vanilla looks eager to take on the world. She's still ninety percent naked, but it's the thought that counts.
Also, that language.
But anyway… hmm. I need a rag to pretend I'm polishing the counter with.
"Go on in." The living human doorbells announce a customer.
...In saunters a redheaded shinigami I've seen before. "...See? Toldja the bars just opened."
"Aa~h, yoo'h got lucky…" And then there's Suika, awkwardly fitting her horns in through the doorway.
This will be interesting.
...In the next instant, Komachi's taking a seat before me, while Suika stomp-stumbles up to the stool next to her. "Hrr~m…"
Once she's in her seat, Suika grins up at the disorganized shelf. "Oo~h, s'a random collection!" Reaching into her pocket, she drew a random assortment of coins and wads, throwing it on the counter. "Ho~w much s'that gimme?"
Thu-thu-thu-thunk. Komachi fancily discharges round coins from the palm of her hand, sending them bouncing off of the counter and into Suika's small pile. "And some for myself, thank ya."
"...I'm not a god of counting." I admit.
Vanilla gives me a wry glance, before moving to the money. "I'll do it. It looks like a lot, so…"
Yeah. Might as well give them some to start with.
Suika chuckles. "Hehehe~h! Yea~h, lotta' folk go 'round thinkin' oni don' carry money fer some silly reason. An' while that may be true downstairs 'a bit, is not like gettin' a little stockpile 'a common coins're so hard!"
Komachi glanced over at her. "...Well, not everyone steals celestial relics to pawn off for drinking money, y'know."
"Pff~t." As Suika gives her a dry grin, I place our cheap stuff on the table. "They'd give ya their 'family heirlooms' as long as ya asked nicely enough. An' if ya just go an' take it, they think yer gonna wait around for a- like a… escort or wha' was it- to get taken ta court! Pfft- hahaha~!"
Swiping up her bottle, she took another glance back at the shinigami before drinking. "Oh- and them peaches sell li' beer down 'ere. Dunno why…"
Pop! The cork comes off the bottle louder than any other customer's bottle opening procedure yet, and the oni tilts her head back, gulping the drink down.
...Komachi removes hers without difficulty. "You know why. As long as ya don't sell 'em to the humans, no one'll fuck you up, though."
Cla- crack! Suika sets her empty bottle down, and it shatters on the counter. "Aah, whoops. 'Nother here, 'tender!"
...Delivering another cheap bottle to the oni, I glance over at Vanilla…
Pop! Thwick!
"Pf- pfft…" Suika suppressed laughter. What happened?
...After scanning the room, I found the bottle's cork on a table across the room. Oh. Suika popped the cork with her horn, and it went flying and bounced off the wall. She's weaponized the act of opening a bottle in and of itself.
Tilting her head back, she begins chugging down this new bottle. "Mghk- nnh…"
...Looking forward at me, Komachi decides to actually drink from it instead of say anything.
"Go on in." More people. It's high noon, it seems.
...Some guy in a suit comes in, followed by a rather contained looking woman.
"Disgraceful… fucking hunters..." Talking to the uninterested woman behind himself, he taps on the leftmost table. "Right- stay here. What would you like?"
"Wine." She replies conservatively.
"Very well. Stay." Nodding, he turns and stomps towards the bar counter…
"Bartender." As he nears, he gives me a glare and taps on the counter. "Wine and liquor, anything you pick, but keep it classy."
Keep it classy, huh. Also, we don't have wine, so that's a problem. I'll just give him some of that sake stuff we've been holding onto on the other shelf. I don't know alcohol to save my life.
...Taking one of the less-than-cheap looking bottles and one of the sake bottles, I glance up at him.
He's already laid money on the counter. "Keep the change." Nodding at me, he seems to get ready to move, before pausing and looking over at the other company.
...Clack. Suika put great care into not breaking the bottle this time-
Cla-clack. It tipped over as she let go of it, but she kept it from breaking. "Oo- ah… good."
...It seems he's left me about three and a half thousand yen.
"Se- seventy-five thousand, three hundred and twenty-three yen…" Vanilla informs me how much the oni and her friend have plopped down.
Why.
...As I accept the fat stacks, I take a single one hundred yen bill, and set it on Vanilla's forehead.
...It takes her a moment, but eventually she looks up at it. "Ah…" Pay.
"Mo~re!" Suika cheerfully beckons for another drink.
...The stuffy suited guy seems to be furrowing his brows at Suika. Eventually, he looks forward at me, sets down a bottle and brings up a hand to beckon me.
Once I near him- giving Suika another bottle in the meantime- he leans over the counter to speak to me. "Excuse me. Do you know who those two are…?"
I shake my head at him.
…
Scowling, he reaches for my mask, but I lean away.
"Take that thing off when you speak to me." ...Despite his request, he doesn't press the matter, leaning a little further to compensate for the distance I'd made. "An- anyway…" He looks uncomfortable leaning that far. "If- if you couldn't tell, those are youkai."
What gave it away. This man must be a brain genius.
"Anothe~r!" Suika just finished her third bottle without any noticeable difference. Vanilla moves to replace her drink…
"Need another, he~re…" Komachi's out, too.
He focuses on me again. "Look. Look- they could be planning anything. I- you heard about the convoy, right? Wasn't it big news?"
The what.
...He takes my non-response for ignorance, and he may not be wrong. Looking to the side impatiently, he refocuses on me. "I was on it, looking for a runaway. We went out onto the path along the northern woods to gather supplies, before morning, but we were ambushed. The stagecoach was stolen- my flintlock stolen, the bastards took everything. Only some of us made it back."
Looking back over at Suika, he nods. "...I recognize that one, as well. Not from the trip, but she's known around here. Nothing but trouble."
That's nice.
"Jus'- jus' bring me like ten." Suika requested of Vanilla. "Fa' Komachi, too. We're gon' be here awhile!"
"Um, okay…!" Eyebrows raised, Vanilla shuffles to get them about twenty bottles. I'm not sure if we even have enough bottles for seventy-five thousand. Actually- we do, but that's probably two thirds of our stock.
...After giving Vanilla a long glance, then looking back at Suika again, the man turned to me. "Kick them out." Are you well.
"We serve anyone and everyone, the only difference being what's in their wallet." Also, I'd like to see anyone remove Suika by force.
...His expression doesn't change as he nods at me. "Even thieves? Criminals?"
You walked into a place called 'Small Packages'. "I said anyone, didn't I?"
...Looking over at us, Suika brought her seventh bottle from her mouth. "...Oh, hey, yer tha' guy!"
"Retu- shu-..." He stutters at her for a moment. "Be silent."
"Hehehe~!" Giggling, Suika considers her bottle, before focusing on him again. "Say, you got any otha' outfits? Only ever seen ya in tha' dusty thing!"
...Growing red in the face, the man looks around, before looking back at his drinks, and moving away from the counter.
His retreat causes Suika to giggle again. "Hehehe~!" ...Looking over at me, she nodded. "Guy challenged me ta 'a…" She holds up her fingers for air quotes. "Duel."
"Oo~h, that was him?" Komachi looked over at the imposing suited man. "No shi~t…"
"I thou'h it was gonna be a fist fight." Bringing up her bottle, the oni allows herself to finish her sentence before chugging. "Bu'h he drew 'is lil pea shooter 'n' started shootin' me! Pfft- hehehe~...!"
Then, she chugged. "Mmh…!"
Komachi shook her head. "Why d'they always try you? I kinda wanna play around with an idiot, too..."
"Fwa~h!" Bringing down the bottle-
Crack! She broke it by accident, focusing on responding to her friend instead. "Aa- haha~ shit. Wh'ever…"
"Go on in." More and more and more people. Those guards are invaluable.
"Pro'lly 'cause they forgot wha' s'like ta fight an oni!" Holding up her bicep, Suika flexed it. "Shootin' them… little steel balls at me! Fahaha~! Danmaku hurts harder!"
...Oh, it looks like Albus came back, again. Oh boy.
...Marching up to the counter, he takes a seat next to Komachi and leans onto the wood top.
Clack. He sets a thousand yen on the counter. Vanilla moves to get him his own drink…
...Suika pans her head over to him. "Ah, look. S'the other guy who tried shootin' me! How ya doin', Albus?"
"Mmrh. Good." He just props his head on an arm and sinks deeper into the counter…
"Go on in." Oh, boy. I'm going to need to hire a vault raid at some point. We're running out of drinks fast.
...Some kind of disaster in pitch black and neon green-plated clothing walks in, moving for one of the outer tables. Okay. They appear to be a woman.
The stuffy couple to the left seem to be silently sipping their drinks. The guy's giving us death glares from across the bar.
Suika is now on her eleventh bottle. "Fwa~h. F'some reason, I feel li~ke… this bar's gotta lotta variance. S'like a little bit of the drinks from all 'cross the village…"
Pre-emptively, Vanilla places out some more bottles, before going to get that walking disaster person's order…
...I hear some kind of loud voice from outside the bar, but I can't make out what they're saying. I didn't know this village had radio-announcer-sounding devices.
As the source gets closer, it's audible, though. "...Death! Death! Death! Death to the youkai!" Oh.
Fwvi~u. A tiny siren noise is heard from outside as the source gets closer and closer. Something bulky passes the storefront, before the siren and radio background noise go out.
...
"Go on in." The living doorbells welcome in another guest.
It's a rather large man in a raggedy, faded sky blue suit. He makes a deliberate effort to not clip the door with his arms on the way in, and proceeds to stomp right up towards the front counter.
"GENTLEMEEEN!" He yells at the entire bar as he enters, before reaching the front counter. "TODAAAY… FILTHY YOUKAI HAVE DESTROYED A SUPPLY CARAVAN TO THE NORTH! IF ANY OF YOU SERVE- NO, ANY OF YOU WILLING TO WORK… THE FIRST TO BRING ME THE HEAD OF A YOUKAI... GETS A TWO MILLION YENREWAAARD!"
For some reason, his face is very serrated and scarred, with blue-colored lips, and he seems bald.
...Suika and Komachi simply glance back at him, before Komachi shakes her head and returns to drinking…
The stuffy guy stands up. "Justice! We have youkai in this very bar!"
The tubby guy's eyes widen, as he looks forward and sees Suika.
"Oo~h…!" Beaming, the oni gets up off her seat, and continues to down her twelfth bottle. "Mmh…"
"SUIIIKA IBUUUKIII!" He practically screams his lungs out as he throws his arms back, in complete either rage or disbelief that the oni would attend a local bar. "I WILL SAW OFF YOUR HORNS, MINCE THEM, AND USE THEM TO BUTTON OUR UNIFOOORMS!"
...Lowering her bottle, Suika grinned at him. "Y'said a variant of tha' the last ten times y'walked in on me havin' a beer. We takin' this outside?"
"HAH!" Reeling his head back, the man turned around. "I'LL BE WAITING! THE MOMENT YOU STEP OUTSIDE THIS BAR, THERE WILL BE A NEW HELL! PERSONALLY CRAFTED FOR YOOOU! HUHAHAHAAA!"
The floor lightly vibrated as he stomped out of the bar, into the light outside.
"Haa~h…" Stretching, Suika meanders towards the door. "Stay here, Komachi~. I'll be back in a jiff."
"Aye~." Komachi raises her third bottle to her. "Don' break more than ya haf' to~."
"Aye~!" With that, Suika marches outside…
...The stuffy guy just sits back down, and doesn't even go to help. He probably knows the outcome already.
…
Just as the day starts to slip into a late glow, the back door opens.
Aiko slides in, before slamming the door with her ankle. "Ho~h…" She's got a short fellow in her arms, and seems to be a little winded. "There…"
...Albus and Komachi don't really seem to be paying her any mind.
Considering how winded she is… "Were you seen?"
"Not by the monks…" Taking a moment, she recomposes herself, taking deep breaths. "...The town guard surveys citizens for the most arbitrary of reasons..."
Good enough.
...Reaching into the new small fortune of mine in my pocket, I give her twenty thousand.
Accepting it, she nods. "A pleasure." ...Then, she sets down the small one.
The monk holds a small wood staff, with a green crystal at the tip of it. Their hair is cream-colored and short but even bangs hide their eyes. They also have two additional, small pigtails…
"Oh, by the way…" I gesture to our quickly emptying shelves. "We need beer- all of it."
She looks over at the bottles we've got on the counter, then at me. "Are… you just tossing it about? Not that it's any of my concern, but…"
"How much beer does twenty thousand get me?" I ask of her.
...She nods at that. "Well, if we're talking money like that, there's little I cannot do. What do you desire? A selection of premiums, or an abundance of anything?"
Hmm…
Patatatatat! Outside, machine gun noises go off. "THE ONI BONES WILL MELT! GRINDED... TO A FINE POWWWDEEER!"
Patatat- Bam! ...The noises suddenly stop.
Ba- bam! Craa~nk. I hear metal bending noises outside.
…
I look over at cat friend.
"If I take any work, it will have to be tomorrow, however…" She provides. "There's an incident in progress, and the village is, shall we say…"
"CUUURSE YOOOU!" That man has quite a guttural voice. "THIS DOES NOT END HERE, SUIIIKA IIIBUKIII! YOU MAY'VE SEEN THE LAST OF MY CRUSHING KART, BUT III'LL FIND YOU AGAIN! HUHUHA… HUHAHAHAAAH...!"
Suika leisurely strolls back into the bar, the bottle she left with now smashed in half. "Tha' was a real neat car thing he had there…"
"The village is on higher alert than ever." Aiko summarizes.
I see. Tomorrow it is, then.
…
"Wh-..." The stout monk person speaks up. "Where…?" Their voice is rather monotone, surprisingly. Fitting of their appearance, but perhaps not of their age.
...None of us answer her.
After setting out more drinks, Vanilla turns to her. I'm going to say it's a her for now, but I really have no idea. "Who're you?"
"I- I don't know…" The girl stares down. What. "Oh- oh no, I mean… I'm Mako."
Mako. At least I don't have to call her some vaguely specific descriptor like 'commissar' all the time.
"...I'm Vanilla." Vanilla introduces herself.
Mako looks her over. "Why're you naked?"
"Because I am." Vanilla doesn't seem like she wants to answer that question. "And- why aren't you…?"
...Mako looks down at herself. "Ba- Byakuren told me… that it wasn't okay to walk around naked."
Sounds like a bright young lass.
...Vanilla just seemed indifferent. "Well, no one gives me problems, and I feel comfortable like this. Are you gonna work here too?"
"Work…?" Mako looks around, confused. "I don't know…"
I have no idea where to put her for now, so she'll just be here.
Suika seems to be on her twenty-somethingth bottle. "I don' know wha' the hell I'm watchin', buh's funny lookin'..." She seems to have witnessed our exchange and doesn't particularly care.
Staring straight at me, Komachi smirks. "Aa~h, nothin' important, I'm sure. Back alley deals, pro'lly. We went ta a prostitute bar afta' all…"
Suika snorted. "A whah bar? They goh' good variety, though."
"Yea~h." The way Komachi's nodding at me, she probably knows these drinks are stolen. "What a coincidence…" Especially so, now.
Despite this realization, she doesn't seem apt to do anything.
Poof. A tiny mushroom cloud comes from the table of the fashion disaster. The table seems fine though, so I don't particularly care.
...Seems those washed up stuffy people are still here, just looking very angry for some reason. Actually, that might be their default expressions. I forget.
...Aiko seems to be just standing there.
After panning her gaze around, she nods, before turning to the door. "I believe I'm done here, then."
Cat person.
...Once she's gone, I pan my gaze over the guests again.
"What… do we do here?" Mako speaks.
"Well…" Vanilla thinks about it for a moment. "I serve drinks."
...At that, they fall into awkward silence.
...The stuffy guy gets back up, and moves towards the counter for round two. It seems their drinks are… not empty, so he's just coming back up for small talk or something.
"You." He speaks to Suika immediately upon marching up. "What did you do?"
...Suika's too engrossed in her twenty-fifth beer to acknowledge the noise.
Reaching forward, he taps on the glass. "What did you do?"
"Nnn…?" Suika hums mid-guzzle. "Whuh- auh- nnh…" She tries to talk as she guzzles beer, to moderate success. After spilling a portion of the bottle, she resolves to simply continue chugging the rest until it's empty…
The guy just looks offended at this, for some reason.
...Once she's done, she wipes her lips and faces him again. "Wha' happen? Timmy fell in tha' well again?"
"What did you do?" He rephrases himself for the third time.
"...Choked on m'beer." She gives him a toothy smile as she places down the bottle, and reaches for her twenty-sixth. "Y'look like you could use one…"
"I've had quite enough." He briskly shakes his head. "I wish to know what you did to the Chief Justice."
...That's who that was?
"Aah…" Suika blinked at the air. "Chief who~?"
"The man you assaulted outside…" This middle-aged man looks like he's about to tear his receding hairline out.
...Slowly, Suika's grin widened. "I think y'gon' hafta be a lil more specific…"
…
Face flushed, the man leaned closer to the oni. "You're disgusting, you know that?"
...Slowly, she focused on him fully now. "Hey, no~w. Them's fightin' words…"
Swallowing, the man looked around the bar with clear intent as he reached for his pocket…
Walking over to the scene, I tap on the counter. "If there's fighting, take it outside."
The man looked over at me, sweating. "Oh- oh no, bartender, I-... was not intending, on any such… things, yes."
...Suika just nodded at him, before looking back at her drink-
Suddenly standing, he thrusts himself forward-
Thunk. A dull noise was made as he bonked a tiny dagger against the oni's neck.
...Suika blinks, only realizing what happened after he made a fourth and fifth attempt. "Wha~h…?"
"Work, dammit!" Frustrated, he slammed his arm into the oni's neck repeatedly, intent on shoving the blade in-
Crack. His repeated efforts broke the metal, the oni's flesh unmarred.
...Putting my arms on the counter, I nod at him. "I think it's time for you to leave."
...Looking over at me, he raises his eyebrows. "It- it was an attack on a youkai!" Parting from her, he simply yells at me. "It was legal!"
"And I'm saying you started a fight on my property." Stepping back from the counter, I move for the rear door. "Come with me. Let's talk out back for a moment."
...Looking back at Suika, he huffed, shaking his head before moving to follow me.
"Hey…" Suika called out to him as he began to move, prompting him to glance back.
She pointed back at the front door. "Y'take one step outsi' this bar, and I will kick your ass."
...Saying nothing to that, he simply moves to rigidly step behind me as I exit out the back of the bar.
It seems to be getting dark outside. The world's currently cast in a mix of melancholic blues overset by an awkward splay of sunset, but only across speckled parts of the landscape. This looks weird.
...The man follows me outside, looking awkward.
I give him an expectant stare, which likely doesn't translate well through my mask.
"...That- that was a corrosive dagger." He informs me. "It should've worked. I must've gotten ripped off- I was sure it would work."
...Taking a moment, I lean into the bar and pull my backpack out from around the wall. As the guy stands there, I pull my hackjob rifle from the backpack's main pouch. "To fight youkai…"
How the hell did I set this up again. Oh, right, fill the chamber with water, insert bullet- I've stolen some unfortunate building nails for the occasion I get to use this again- and, then…
"You need the right equipment." I insert the electric scissors into the wire slot further on the gun-
Pop! Some lights flash on the interior. Oh, boy. It's a good thing I've kept neglecting to take off this rubber glove, although he shouldn't need it for his purposes, I don't think. I'll just tell him to hold it with his- oh, he has fancy person gloves too. Good enough.
"This is that equipment."
...Also. "Whatever you do, only hold the trigger end and the rubber grip. If you touch the barrel, you will die."
Brows furrowed, he looks up at me. "What happens if I touch the barrel?"
...You die. I just said that. "It might be a little unpleasant." This thing has the power of a lightning bolt. It's generally agreed upon that this level of electricity is unhealthy for a human body.
...Nodding, he carefully reaches over. Somewhat jankily and awkwardly, I manage to pass the gun to him without killing either of us.
"Aim and shoot." I recommend. "Preferably at the head."
"What if I miss…?" Looking down at the gun, he moves his head about to look at it better, afraid to articulate his arms.
"You won't." I strongly suggest.
...Nodding, he looks down at the gun, then back at me. "Why, thank you, bartender. I'd thought things had gone from bad to worse when you'd pulled me out for doing my duty, but… this is much appreciated."
The duty of stabbing oni with tiny pocket knives, yes.
"You know, if this gun turns out alright…" He blinks down at it, still refusing to articulate his arms at the moment. "When I find my flintlock, I'll let you have it. I told you how I lost it, didn't I? On that, er… voyage. Should've never gone on that damned stagecoach. I bet that Yamada bitch is probably dead, too." His face sours, as he glares at the adjacent wall.
Focusing on me again, he questions me. "You look a little funny, but you're alright. You... from around these parts?"
What other parts.
...At my non-response, he nods. "It's alright. Don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Was gonna ask if you knew some faces, but..."
...Once he's quiet, I point at the right of the bar. "Go around, meet her at the front. Once she comes out, aim and fire."
"Acknowledged." With a confident nod, he aims and marches off to the bar's right.
…Once he begins to round the corner, I move back inside.
Scuffing up to the counter, I step before Suika and give her the good news. "He ran. While I was talking with the man, he ran around to the front of the bar."
Suika blinked at me, before grinning, pushing herself from her stool-
Thu- thu- thump. She stumbled backwards, clutching the thirtieth- or more- bottle of beer that evening. "Oo~h, all~ right. I'll show 'em why ya don' just go 'round stabbin' women all willy-nilly."
Well, at least I won't be the one cleaning up the corpse this time.
...Komachi sips her beer peacefully, before rotating to face her friend. "Don' make a big mess, no~w."
...As Suika lumbered towards the shop's exit, the reaper leaned her head back and looked at me. "At least Eiki can't say I ain't workin'... pfft- hehehe~..."
So you say.
...Out of curiosity, I start to round the counter. That stuffy woman's just staring at me as I move to the bar's front.
Suika's out there, standing in the midst of the road and panning her head about. "A'right, where tha' fuck…"
…
After some moments of her rotating around and taking passing glances at her bottle in the meanwhile, she stops, looking to the right of the road. "Oo~h, s'mister dusty suit. An' he's got a stick, t-"
BLAM- THWACK
Suika's eyes widen, the discharged bullet slamming through her head.
Thoom. She stumbles back one step, the mere unrestrained movement causing the ground to rumble, and the soil beneath her to sink a little.
As she stares up into the sky, standing still, the man laughs. "Hahaha~! All you need to overcome youkai are tools! The guard's been doing it wrong this whole damn time! The Hakurei even!" Beaming down at the weapon, he holds it out as if to kiss it, before refraining, realizing it'd destroy him.
...Slowly, Suika's form stops leaning back. She begins blinking again, the hole in her head shifting and closing.
Oh. I didn't notice, but there's a splat of blood behind her. That bullet apparently went straight through her.
...Slowly, the oni's shocked expression shifts into a grin. "Pft- pfft…"
...The man looks around, before refocusing on her.
"Hehehe~!" Giggling, the oni took a few steps forward-
Thoom, thoom. The street shakes as she advances a few steps forward, small craters sinking into the floor beneath her.
The man aims the makeshift railgun at her again. "Stay back! I have the tool! Oni are- are superstition!"
"Oh, yeah?" Baring her teeth with a grin, the small girl began to flex her muscles winding her arm back. "Yer gonna poke an eye out wit' tha' toy. Here…"
Fwi~sh. Air vortexed around the oni's arm as she slowly reeled it back, as if it was a vacuum drawing in the road's dust and wind…
...The man pulled the trigger on the rifle repeatedly. I may have neglected to inform him it only has one shot.
Fwoom. Behind Suika, an orb of black and purple slowly fades into existence, which also seems to be pulling in dust and dirt. Small pieces of garbage, papers, chunks of wood- they all start getting pulled into it.
...I lunge forward to grab the 'closed' sign before it gets stolen. Fortunately, the main sign is nailed to the store, and this gravity well just seems to be pulling debris.
"I don't need guns!" Suika yells over the slowly growing roar of the black hole behind her. "I~ got these guns!"
...Tossing his gun to the side, he stumbles back-
Suika jerks her leg up, and stomps down.
I duck inside the store-
FWO- BOOM
Bam- bam, bam! The bar's tables and chairs tip over, a powerful vortex of wind at the door giving everything a single, mighty tug. We all find ourselves either on our sides or stomachs-
"Woa~h!" Komachi falls backwards-
Cra- cra- crack! Bottles are shattering-
Outside the door, I can see the action transpire.
With Suika's stomp, she rended the earth beneath her. This force combined with a sudden surge of energy from the now-fading black hole pulled everything directly towards her, including the man.
As he flew forward like a ragdoll, Suika sent forward a single jab, reserved to hit him the moment he'd meet the range.
The suited man met the range, and Suika's arm came forward less like an arm and more like a school bus.
BOOM
Ow. I was sent rolling by the wind off that-
Fwoo~m.
The hit was with such might that I saw no result. Suika stood there with her arm still extended, the jab complete.
…
Looking around at the indent in the ground she left herself in, she blinked, before sighing. "Aa~h, shit. Now I'm only half drunk and in trouble…"
Fwi~sh! In a moment, her form dissipates into mist, the cloud dispersing and spreading out, before becoming invisible.
…
Scrambling to my legs, I ran outside to see if I could see any result at all.
...It seems I lied. There are a few spots of blood on the ground, in an almost invisible trickle in the direction Suika sent the man.
...I look back inside the bar.
Komachi's lying on her back, still sitting on the stool, technically. Her arms are up, and it seems that some of the shelved bottles were kept in place telekinetically. All of the empty bottles were now an elaborate minefield on the ground.
...Vanilla's hugging onto the counter, her limbs wrapped around the top.
...That old lady's getting up, it seems. "Aah- damn it, damn it…"
Fwoom!
...A tiny but vast green shockwave emanated from Mako as she crouched behind the counter or something, a green sheen running up our forms for some reason.
Thump- thump- thump- thump. It seems Shikome has romped downstairs to see what the fuss is about, too.
"What in the…" The fashion disaster's also lying on the ground right now, nursing her head. "Last time I go to a cafe to brew crap…"
What possessed you to think this was a cafe.
Albus rose from the floor, cracking his neck and cradling it with one hand. "Nn~gh. What the fuck. My aunt hit me harder…" If you'd seen what transpired, you might second-guess that statement. Unless you meant falling over.
...Shikome steps into the midst of the room for adventure, and to ascertain the situation better.
"Ge- geez…" Vanilla crawls up the counter, getting into an awkward sitting position. "...I can't walk with this glass everywhere…" Can't she become a bat?
...Responding to this distress, Shikome turns and progresses towards her.
"Alri~ght…" Floating up to reposition herself, Komachi immediately pivots towards the door and moves. "Guess this is a good time ta call in late as any! No~w..."
I step out of the way as she drifts up to the door, and looks outside. "Ah, cool, soul's right there…"
"Don't work too hard now." I see her off.
...Glancing back at me, Komachi gives me an offhand wave. "Ah? Yeah, yeah, you too, relax on 'em homicides…"
No promises.
"Wha- what do- do you mean, soul…?" The old crone gets up, and starts half-jogging out the door after Komachi.
Fwoom. Mako reinforces that buff, whatever it does.
"Why…" Slowly getting onto her legs, the black and neon green thing looks about, before looking at me and giving me a half-hearted wave. Then, she goes to leave. "Stupid- wind vortexes. This is why I don't go outside…"
What are you.
Albus passes me as I glance about the damage, moving for the exit with his bottle. "See ya, 'tender. I gotta find out what the hell's goin' on out there…"
...Oh. That reminds me.
...Looking outside as he leaves, I see the doorbell guards just lying on the ground outside the door, splayed about like ragdolls. They're probably fine.
Crack- krik- crackle. Shikome steps across the glass plain with her sandals, and looks up at Vanilla.
"Ah…" Vanilla peers down at her. "Did you come down to investigate the noise…?"
...Shikome glances down at the shattered bottles, before looking back up at Vanilla and promptly grabbing her.
"Wha- hey…" She was caught in Shikome's arms, held semi-bridal style, but a little more reserved and fit for nuzzling. And also ass grabbing, probably.
...Gingerly, Shikome whisks her fellow loli towards the plywood slope up to the second floor. "Where're-..." Vanilla looks around idly, before inexpressibly resigning herself to being carried.
…
That just leaves me… a lot of broken glass, and Mako.
…
Fwoom. Why is she still buffing us. At this point, just me.
...Stepping around, I see Mako crouched down. Her staff's tall enough to stick out over the counter.
"You can stand up now." I inform her.
…
Slowly, Mako stands. "Ah…"
"I suppose I should be telling you what will be expected of you." I decide to grace her with some context before the inevitable.
"...Okay." She stares ahead at nothing, before turning to me. "Um… serving drinks, right?"
"Yeah." I nod. "Also having sex."
"...Cool."
/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /
END OF CHAPTER 73.5
PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator, Shrine Maiden Evader, Professional Youkai Developer, Legitimate Business Man
PRIMARY WEAPON: Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Allows horizontal quick-dashes, for dodging and agility purposes. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.
OFFHAND ITEMS: [A Single Rubber Glove] - For those moments one needs to touch a live power wire with one hand and fap with the other.
INVENTORY:
[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.
Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!
Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.
Shadow Hell Scissors - Fire elemental scissors. Ignites with every swing. Boosts power of fire spells. Forty percent fire resistance. Increases comfort when near fire. Allows user to cast Fire, Hellfire, Dark Fire, and Dark Fira.
Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with dried blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...
Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.
A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.
Danger Scissors Plus - Let's get dangerous. Randomly spawns anything from anywhere at any time at all, dependent on the power of the party or people around it while it is equipped.
(one more space remaining)
[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.
Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.
Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.
Hackjob Rifle - A pseudo-railgun, made from an AK-47 barrel and a mangled toy gun. Laced with duct tape and wires to function, powered by electrical scissors, and uses small iron pellets as ammunition. Explodes violently if fed anything non-iron as ammo. Outside is coated with vegetable oil and must be wetted regularly to avoid violence upon powering up. Quite powerful.
Water Scissors - Scissors that continuously produce water. How troublesome.
Goldfish Snack Crackers - They're smiling. They might make a good snack...
Modern-ish Surge Protector - Protects against surges. Not very useful without unified electrical practices in housing. Can still be used as a paperweight and a brick, though.
[Rubber Pouch] - Stores electrical objects safely. Too small to add extra inventory, but doesn't take up any space when it's filled. Currently holding electric scissors.
Electrical Scissors - Must be held by gloves at all times, lest they cause electrical fires. Can cause severe shocking and electricity-induced stunning in individuals susceptible, including myself if I'm stupid. Unable to be turned off.
Holy Pot - A torso-sized holy pot used as a vehicle by flufflekind. Has holy properties and resistances for obvious reasons.
Financial Officer's Card - A card handed to me by the chief financial officer of the human village. Bears a complex triangular insignia and shines depending on the angle you hold it. Has some Japanese printed on it.
(eleven more spaces remaining)
==o==
PARTY:
Shikome, the Black Scion of the Saigyou
WEAPON: Dark Tendrils - Able to create tendrils from any part of her body, she can use them for powerful dark/physical attacks.
INVENTORY:
[Defiled Kimono] - Coated in the coagulated blood of numerous unlucky people. Grants pockets.
(two inventory spaces remaining)
==o==
Rumia, Youkai of the Dusk
WEAPON: Unarmed.
INVENTORY:
[Rumia's Outfit] - Some kind of outfit. I'm not sure how Rumia maintains it. Properties unknown. Grants pockets.
Red Ribbon - It's a ribbon in her hair. It's small, too. Takes up no inventory space. Properties unknown.
(two inventory spaces remaining)
==o==
Vanilla, the Loli Vampire
WEAPON: Unarmed.
INVENTORY:
[Cloak] - A dull black cloak. No inventory space, but takes up none when worn.
(no inventory space)
==o==
Mako, Myouren Healer
WEAPON: Healer Sentinel Staff - A staff that boosts the power of physical reinforcement magic and healing spells. Allows the user to cast Renew and Refresh.
INVENTORY:
Monk Outfit - A robe for monks. Looks warm. Takes no inventory, because it's worn and is the inventory.
(four inventory spaces remaining)
==o==
ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this was a fun chapter - w -
lots of GOOD MOMENTS, had some hype moments too - w -
covered a COUPLE DAYS because honh and time skips through most day transitions
that suika scene was good fun, yo
i liked how the pacing really built up from just how elongated it was and also just how simply brutal the execution was; good payoff yo
byakuren accepts a scandalous deal! gasp
oh yeah the whole commissar exchange was fun; writing vaguely emotionally charged things can be a fun experience - w -
...not a lot on my mind at the moment, but this was fun!
oh yeah chief justice vay hek from warframe was an oddity to write . w ' mostly because he's mostly just SCREAMING AND YELLING and GENOCIDE and not a WHOLE LOT ELSE but he's fun to experiment with - w -
as always, see you all next time!
CO-AUTHOR'S NOTE:
it's good
bye
