Chapter 15
Megumi found herself thinking frequently about the past three weeks that she'd spent with Sesshomaru. So much had changed for her in that time that she found herself hard pressed to remember all the things she'd allowed herself to think about him. At one point, he'd been a mere means to an end - the end, obviously, being the undoing of her sealing. Then Tenseiga just had to make such a perplexing entrance, and then once she'd figured out who she was traveling with, he evolved in status from slightly rude current employer to the son of two people I love. Then she'd arrived at his shiro, had broken down in front of him, and his surprisingly considerate reaction bumped his status up to rather sweet man I've forgotten meeting. Days later they were heading out, and due to a frankly embarrassing misunderstanding on her part she learned that he wanted her to stick around longer than their contract needed; and Megumi, having come to peace with the realization that she wanted to embrace this re-found home of hers, once again changed his status to sweet man who wants me to stay as much as I do. Oh, and don't even get her started on her private appreciation of him. Clearly she'd no idea if he was anything close to eye candy, but he sounded wonderful and consistently smelled pleasant, so she was justified in allowing her thoughts to roam as long as they stayed in her head, right?
Girls get horny too, geez.
And since spilling most of her secrets to him she wanted to say that they were friends. Allies didn't feel like the right word anymore; allies worked together, but all that wasn't necessary usually wasn't discussed. And Megumi figured most all that they've talked about - her past, his markings, Sesshomaru's resignation to a loveless life - were certainly not topics required to discuss for their current mission. Certainly not topics that an ally would obsess over, and yet here she was. Megumi couldn't shake the way Sesshomaru's beliefs about his own mating made her feel. It went beyond the sort of concerns she would hold if he was strictly Kimi's son to her; he hadn't been just that in a long time. Megumi worried for him as a friend. She worried that thinking like that would make him reluctant to at least try. What if he found someone that he realized he was falling for? Would he take the chance, or would he hold back due to some sense of duty to the Western lands?
As much as Megumi wanted to bring up these sorts of things, Sesshomaru was currently guiding her through the village they'd finally returned to, and she figured springing a question like "Would you take a chance on love?" in front of all these people certainly wouldn't do for his reputation. So she was content to wait, as the daiyoukai led her past clusters of humans who'd come out to see them. She listened calmly to the passing remarks and exclamations, focusing mostly on the near-constant connection to the daiyoukai he'd given her via the hand on her back. Megumi was glad that she'd gotten over that brief phase of getting flustered whenever he touched her back at the beginning, or else it would have made things like this all the more awkward. Course, it wasn't hard not to stop feeling caught off guard about those sorts of things when she'd bawled her eyes out in the same room as him. Those things just have a tendency to make others feel like less of a big deal in comparison.
"Hey, isn't that the healer from three weeks ago?"
"Thought she died, honestly."
"Isn't she wearing new clothes? Tch. Probably thinks she's special or something."
"Jealousy doesn't look pretty on you, Chiyo."
"So do you suppose he's dropping her back off?"
"Probably. Hey, I didn't notice it before, but don't they look good together?"
With an amused smile, Megumi allowed herself to be led away from the gossipy villagers. Come on; if she could hear them, then they weren't doing a very good job of gossiping. When she was mostly sure that Sesshomaru and her weren't close to other villagers, she let out a little laugh. "With the way they talk, you'd think we were famous or something."
From her side, she could hear the sounds of the bag swishing gently where Sesshomaru held it. "This One expects nothing less, hime."
Okay, so he had a fair point.
"So where exactly are we headed?" Megumi could feel from the gradual cooling of the day's heat on her skin that they would likely need to camp soon. For obvious reasons, Megumi certainly wouldn't be one to protest if the inu decided to stop a little early to find a nice cushy place to crash for the night here . . .
"I am taking you to the inn you stayed at when you came here," he told her simply, and Megumi's hopes skyrocketed.
"Are we staying there?"
She heard a soft grunt of affirmation from the Western Lord, and sighed instantly in relief. Finally; a bath with warm water and walls! Tonight there would be no chilly stream and pricking her bare feet on especially jagged rocks in the river bed. Tonight she would have a hot meal and a floor to sleep on void of bugs. Tonight she would be very, very content.
Megumi caught herself humming lightly as she walked a little more vividly towards their destination. She couldn't wait to change kimonos, eat, and sleep. If they could find a way to build campfires on the floors of inns without burning the whole place down, she'd be completely content, but she supposed this time she'd have to drift off without the comforting crackle of the fire.
Sesshomaru shifted his hand slightly, bringing it up to clasp her shoulder. She interpreted it as a sign to either stop and slow down, so she took her lively pace down to a hesitant shuffle. "We are here," Sesshomaru murmured to her lightly, and so Megumi stopped. She couldn't remember if there was a step or not, so she followed her partner's lead in order to enter the inn without accident. New scents assaulted her nose as the detached hand on her shoulder helped weave her way through the room. Megumi smelled the distinct tang of sake in the air, coupled with some other scents varying in pleasantness that she assumed belonged to other patrons nearby. Crinkling her nose faintly when a particularly bad combination of stagnant water and old fish lashed against her senses, Megumi eased closer to the insanely pleasant aroma permeating the air to her left. She just hoped she wasn't being too obvious about it.
"Welcome," came the sudden sound of someone talking beyond her. She sounded a little alarmed, and Megumi couldn't really blame her. It was painfully obvious that Sesshomaru was essentially the farthest thing from human someone could be, even in his humanoid form.
Sesshomaru proceeded to do the talking for both of them, which Megumi didn't exactly mind. It allowed her to simply focus on the way her companion sounded. She was surprised a little though when Sesshomaru specifically requested the room that Megumi had had when she came here with Daisuke and crew. Why, she couldn't understand. Could it be that the daiyoukai was sentimental? Or did he not want to take a chance with any of the other rooms? She wasn't exactly that surprised when he requested two futons for the room; the distance between them was similar to that when they camped in the woods. Megumi smiled lightly as she thought of those nights; she hadn't let on that she'd noticed what he was doing, but she'd realized why she never woke up with chills after the fire had died out after she just happened to drift out of sleep for a minute or two near the middle of the night. When she'd realized where she was she decided to just keep her eyes closed so she could go back to sleep, only to notice that there was a distinctly soft, warm thing bundled all around her sleeping form. Sesshomaru's pelt. He never wrapped it around her until both her and the fire were out cold, and he always managed to take it away before she woke up in the morning.
Still; the fact that he was considering how she felt even when she wasn't awake made Megumi's heart flutter in a curiously unprecedented way.
She was led away from her thoughts as the daiyoukai led her to the room. Megumi allowed herself a few moments to revisit the layout, confirming that her mental map was the same as before. She could hear the plop of their bag on the floor as the inu set it down. Now that they were alone, she figured she could ask him about those things that had popped up in her mind since earlier today. She'd start with the little things first, though.
"Sesshomaru," Megumi began as she turned to where she'd last heard him, "Why'd you pick this room?"
His voice came from a completely different direction, much closer to both her and the wall. It surprised her sometimes just how fast he could move in silence. "I do not like to leave things unsaid."
Megumi cocked a brow, shifting to put her weight on one hip. "Oh? And what does that have to do with room?"
Megumi had clearly been lying to herself when she'd said that she would no longer grow flustered at his touch. What she had really meant, of course, was that she had grown acclimated to the hand on her back. She had not even once got over the way his claws could graze over her skin, or the way his fingers could trace her jawline.
So when he reached out to catch her hand in his, using his other hand to place itself on her waist, guiding her to walk as he did the same directly behind her, she was completely caught off guard. Megumi's shock at the unexpected gesture made her utterly pliable in his guiding hands, even as her mind wondered unhelpfully if he had taken off that spiky armor he wore - he was so close to her back that she certainly would have felt it by now.
He guided her towards the wall, using that hand that had captured hers to place her palm against its surface. She knew instantly what he'd had her touch once she felt it: it was the painting that she had been running her fingers over shortly before she had realized she was not alone in the room; first thinking it was the Twin Dragon of Temperament, then Toga, before finally realizing it was neither.
Still, the understanding that he'd had her touch the painting didn't really help with why he'd had her do it. Also, Megumi doubted he was conscious of it - if he was doing it intentionally, she wouldn't know what to make of it - but the fingers over her waist were moving in the tiniest of circles, with only enough pressure that she could feel the motions he made as if he was doing it over her skin itself. "Sesshomaru?" she questioned, and her voice sounded uncharacteristically uncertain even for her.
The hand pressed to hers let go, and she felt its absence instantly. "You were inspecting this painting when I first saw you," he explained, "I felt you should know it is hideous."
Without pushing herself away, Megumi turned around so that her back was now to the painting and her front facing his. "You saw me do that?" Megumi had been really unaware of what was going on if he had been in the room with her for that long before she noticed.
She didn't register how close she was to him until he spoke, and there must have been no more than a gracious foot of space between them. "I watched you, yes." Megumi's breath hitched as she could feel the faint warmth where the air he stirred up between them ghosted over her. She found herself fighting the urge to tilt her head up to meet his; that sort of thing was asking to reduce the remaining gap they shared. However, it became clear to Megumi that gaps only stayed gaps if both people stayed put. That hand on her waist never left, but that scent of his grew stronger as he leaned closer. She could hear the fabric of his kimono shift as he raised the sleeve up, past his side, towards her, reaching closer . . .
. . . and coming to a stop on the painting itself, just to the side of her head. Not touching her, but close.
A delayed moment later it dawned on Megumi that the inu daiyoukai was quite literally trapping her against the wall with his body. Not pinning her, sure, but god damn if it wasn't enough to make that privately excited part of her go wild.
Megumi swallowed around her suddenly dry mouth.
"This painting," Sesshomaru murmured low, either completely oblivious to the position he'd guided her into or completely uncaring of how it was starting to affect her, "Depicts a battle I have the pleasure of knowing personally. His hand shifted on the painting behind her, going lower but never moving far away from her side. "Here," he continued in that low tone, "is the likeness of my father, the great Dog General." His hand was shifting up again, near where her head was. "Here, the likeness of my mother, in one of the few battles she took part in personally."
Megumi was genuinely not expecting that. "Kimi took part personally?" Really, she'd never pictured the Lady of the West as someone rather harmless - in fact, it was the stark opposite - but she'd always figured Kimi liked to weave her webs from behind the scenes, not out in the thick of things like her mate.
Sesshomaru made some sort of low rumbling sound of affirmation. "Kimi appreciated the sight of her opponents beneath her paws nearly as much as my father did."
"I see," Megumi responded. She felt that for the most part the fog she'd been in since finding herself in this position was lifting, and with it she found her proper thinking returning once more. "But Sesshomaru, that doesn't really explain why you think the painting is hideous."
Megumi's heart nearly stopped as Sesshomaru took a deliberate step forward, taking his hand from her waist to place it on the other side of her head. If she leaned forward, she could find herself touching his chest. "The problem exists here," he answered her, and she felt some part of her rationalize that he was now referring to whatever was on the other side of her head. "The artist was undoubtedly human, by the way they have chosen to dishonor my father's pack in these depictions. Here, specifically, they have painted me."
It took Megumi a moment to comprehend his complaint, and once she did, she found herself laughing softly, her head inclining itself as she did. She ended up accidentally headbutting him that way, but that thought didn't remain in her mind long with the realization of why Sesshomaru disliked the painting.
"So you're saying," she finally ventured as her laughs died down, "you don't like the painting because you don't like how you look in it?" Some distant part of her warned that she was treading dangerous, unknown ground, but the better part of her wanted to continue. "Don't tell me you're not all that attractive," she pushed on, adding a small gasp of mock horror. "I would never have imagined it, with Toga and Kimi as your parents."
She almost regretted her taunt when she heard the low growl rumbling in his chest, but something greater curbed her regret by telling her it didn't sound like the kind of growl that promised punishment for her outlash. It sounded . . . insulted?
"A lack of physical appeal is something unknown to the ranks of daiyoukai," he told her in a matter-of-fact sort of way. She supposed not even someone with an ego like his would just come out and say "no, I'm very hot." Though, he had a point about daiyoukai being very good looking. So Megumi wasn't expecting him to continue to impress the matter on her. "It is not uncommon for daiyoukai to develop admirers upon the first sighting."
Megumi weighed the value of teasing him further with that of finding an excuse to slip away from the arms trapping her so she could take a cold, cold bath. Decision made, Megumi tried to reroute the conversation back to the painting. She assumed, logically, that when there was no more to be said about it, there would be no more need for this close contact. "So then, if that's not the problem, what is?"
Sesshomaru let out the tiniest of huffs. "I have told you, Megumi. It is hideous. The ningen artist has chosen to warp the image into an insulting depiction of the youkai who fought that day, in favor of glorifying their fellow ningens."
Megumi decided that made sense. "Okay," she agreed. Then that mildly conniving smirk of hers made its was onto her face, and Megumi decided to do something rather stupid: she let her hand rise slowly, keeping her arms close to her body, and she raised both hands to either side of her head and lightly placed them on the painting behind her. She could feel the sleeves of her kimono slip down her arms quickly, settling where they bunched in between her elbow and halfway up her forearm. "I think," she told him slowly, "considering this piece is historically inaccurate, that there would be no qualms from the villagers if it . . . suddenly went missing, don't you?"
When Sesshomaru finally responded, his voice carried both traces of humor and something else Megumi couldn't place. "Do not tempt me," he told her, and suddenly the beating of their hearts so close to each other grew very loud in her ears.
And then someone knocked on the door.
Sesshomaru was not a man to do things without first thinking about them. He was not the sort of man to lead a woman by the waist, to press close to her, to place both palms on the wall she stood against.
But most of all, he was decidedly not the type of man that would bat an eye when doing these sorts of things. So why, he mulled to himself, had he started to enjoy what he had not-so-innocently been doing?
These certainly were not the types of interactions permissible for one of his stature; but then again, it was just him and Megumi around to see.
And the lady who brought in their dinner, had she not been sensed long before she arrived. He wasn't fazed by the fact that Megumi didn't seem to notice the approach until there was the knock on the door - what he was surprised with was why he had lingered there with her even as he knew they were soon to be stumbled upon.
He allowed himself a dive into his thoughts as both he and Megumi partook in the meal set before them. Not so surprisingly, it seemed that she was thinking a lot too. The Lord of the Western Lands found himself sniffing his tea cup suspiciously, before connecting why it seemed so familiar. Of all that they could have found themselves drinking, someone had seen fit to bring them ginger tea. And it seemed so familiar to him because he knew a certain woman whose scent was half grapefruit, half ginger . . .
He took a swift drink, rolling the taste over his tongue and contemplating if all things ginger-scented would taste like this.
When he realized where his thoughts led him he nearly spit it back out.
So, there was certainly something wrong with him. Had it been wrong to acknowledge that Megumi was, in fact, a very beautiful woman? Sesshomaru immediately shot that down. He would not lie to himself and he certainly wouldn't start now due to something like this. There were plenty of people he acknowledged who had been blessed by fine features: Kimi, Toga, himself (of course); and Megumi was the newest addition to the list. He considered why he felt there was a difference between her and others before her. The first potential reason came from her age: she said to be over eight hundred, so she was only about a century younger than him. Compared to others on the list - Toga, for example, had lived to be over three thousands years old - she was refreshingly close to himself in terms of centuries lived. The next potential reason came with the notion that she seemed to have decent tendencies as a woman; if her way of checking on Rin was any indication. She was different from Kimi in this standing because to an inu's natural senses, an unmated female who seemed to take well to pups held more potential (and thus, more interest) than a mated female who already had several pups of her own. Megumi also had the unique advantage of being someone he had grown up with in the past whether they remembered it or not. Those three things, he decided with satisfaction, were more than enough to rationalize why she elicited more of his focus than others.
Satisfied, Sesshomaru took another sip, and this time he was decidedly at peace with the way it tasted.
It wasn't long after that before conversation resumed between the two of them; noticeably void of painting mentions, but he had frankly been expecting her to return to this particular topic after several of the remarks he had made yesterday.
"You mentioned that many daiyoukai gain admirers frequently," she started, referring to his words when they had been by the wall earlier. "So, would that be the same for you?"
He found the lack of her awareness regarding the hoards of females at his shiro alone that unconsciously slavered at the jaws when he walked past them rather impressive, considering how many of those women there were. "It is," he confirmed simply. He had a feeling that wasn't what she really was building up to ask him.
He was right. "Then it only stands to reason that as the most powerful daiyoukai in the cardinal lands, you have plenty of people vying for you both for your looks and your political standing, ne?" Sesshomaru was excellent at reading undertones; it was half the reason he hardly gave direct answers.
"I have been the subject of negotiations for political matings in the past."
Megumi swiveled her head to look his way, clearly surprised. "Then how come you're, well," she faltered momentarily before pushing on, "unmated? I thought you were willing to take a political mating."
Sesshomaru couldn't help the way he bristled as she sent his own words back at him. "It is not my first choice." Megumi looked back down at her tray of food. "In my younger centuries I was more hasty and defiant, and made cementing those negotiations a great hassle for my parents. It was not until Kimi reminded me, rather bluntly, that the choices for one such as myself are heavily limited. Females that can manage a cardinal land and bear a healthy son are not easily bred."
Megumi nodded, opting to take a few bits from the bowl she held in her hand. She finished and set the now empty bowl back down on the tray. "When you said you would take a mate for duty, you meant the next time one came up, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"But none have come up after those ones in the past, have they?"
"They have not."
Megumi's head tilted back towards the ceiling, that gentle frown of hers displayed for whatever kami was currently watching them from above. "There really must be slim pickings, then."
They ate in silence for a while longer until he was through and Megumi was nursing the last of her tea. He decided, then, to turn the tables of their conversation on her. "And you?" He waited until he was sure he had her full attention before elaborating to ease her confusion and curiosity. "You are . . . unique. One such as yourself must have given thought towards a future mate."
He was intrigued when she sighed. "It's not really that simple for me either. Without Timidity, I would have been born a normal human. It stands to reason that an ideal partner would be someone who matches my lifespan, but daiyoukai are notorious for resenting the offspring of ningen and youkai." Megumi looked down at her hands. "My power does not pass into my children." He understood more of what she left unsaid: human children would be born, raised, and buried before she even turned nine hundred. She weighed human relationships as too short and demon ones as too unlikely.
He was so focused on the subject that he didn't really ponder over the label she had given her gift: Timidity.
"There are many daiyoukai in the cardinal lands who are growing lenient of hanyou," he found himself insisting for her. Why?
She opened her mouth, hesitated, and finally whispered, "It would be unwise of them to love me."
There were levels of pain in her voice that went beyond what he had expected, and then with a start he realized why:
There was experience in her voice.
"Who?"
She took a decently slow breath, then told him. "He was a relatively young demon, and had recently been cast out by his parents. Shimuzi, ever one to warm her heart to abandoned children, took him onto the ship. He was kind and gentle, and never did anyone wrong. His only fault in life was to fall for me." Sesshomaru noted silently that she said nothing of reciprocated affection. "I've told you before that in the wake of Nakago's mutiny all the crew members loyal to Shimuzi were killed. I did not tell you that Nakago decided to spare him since he was new and bend him to her loyalties, but he eventually attempted to free Shimuzi so she in turn could save me." Her face twisted faintly with guilt as she retold the rest of her story. "Nakago caught him, and he was fed to the crew. His name was Hansuke."
Sesshomaru could understand the root cause of her feelings, but in his objectivity, he could see the simple solution that Megumi could not. "He was weak," he told her plainly, though he spoke with care to make sure she wouldn't take it as an insult. By the way her shoulders sunk slightly in defeat, he figured she knew. "It is not your fault for being the subject of his love; it is his for being unable to defend it." As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he felt he understood his father's decision to love Izayoi more than he ever had before. "Not all who join the ranks of people in love will suffer for it," he told her, and it was the faintest glimmer of hope that he saw reflected in her face that coaxed him into saying perhaps the cheesiest, most unlike him thing he'd ever said. "You shouldn't fear being loved."
But apparently it did the trick; in a second, she sent one of those preciously gentle smiles his way, one that silently said, thank you.
"And neither should you," she countered warmly.
If Megumi could have seen his face as he looked at her then, perhaps she would have realized he was saying thank you too.
When Megumi finished her meal she excused herself and made her way to the baths. There, she allowed herself time to reflect over the day; to appreciate all that had transpired between herself and the Western Lord. Only when her fingers started to prune did she come back to her senses, withdrawing from the water and drying herself off. She dressed lightly for the quick walk back to her - their - room, drying her hair as she went. Upon her return she called out to the room that she would be changing. She counted on the daiyoukai's sense of manners and other conveniently polite things to keep his eyes away from her as she disrobed and selected new clothes, donning what she would to sleep in and carefully putting out what she wished to wear on the next morning. She knew that if she'd accidentally paired an obi with a kimono in poor taste for colors, Sesshomaru would stealthily swap pieces out in the night. Again, just another way he liked to be secretly considerate.
The trays had been replaced by two futons in the time she had been outside of the room, and seeing as she was more than eager to sleep she wasted no further time before slipping into the leftmost one. Eventually, she heard the telltale faint sounds of Sesshomaru doing the same in the other futon. Megumi wanted to thank him properly for those words he'd given her over dinner; they weren't exactly phrased in the most delicate way, but it was still something she supposed she had always needed to hear. You shouldn't fear being loved. What a powerful, powerful thing to say in so few words.
She'd already started drifting off by the time she decided to thank the daiyoukai, and when she finally figured out how she wanted to go about it she'd fallen off the edge of her consciousness, tumbling down into the dark vastness of slumber that awaited her. Outside of their room, high above both the house and the village, the near-full moon climbed its way into the sky. It was very, very close now to reaching its full size; it was likely that the night after this one would be the one where it finally grew full.
And resting in the world far below its celestial light, a woman stirred under the weight of her patron's gaze.
Tomorrow, she would be ready.
Author's Note: slightly shorter chapter to make up for the last one being rather long.
I hope this wasn't too cheesy? The whole mating subject was an incredibly important one (in my opinion, at least) and so I felt some things needed to be said and discussed before future conversations can be held.
And speaking of the future: I've managed to complete my planning for where the rest of the story will go, including some key scenes both romantically and in general. Just hang in there; I promise one of the best scenes before the start of the rise to the confrontational climax is coming up in one of the next three chapters, depending how I end up pacing things. Theories, anyone? I want to see if someone's put together all my hints just yet.
Thank you for the growing number of reviews and visits! I love hearing what people think so far . . .
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