(in which we have an ice day)

...Moving through the brush, we approach Alice's abode…

There wasn't much point in hanging around at the capitol for longer than we had ta. Mostly 'cause Reimu's still sorting stuff out and she's havin' Marisa, Mokou 'n' Keine help her, and it'll be a bit for the paperwork and other maybe-maybe-not boring insanity to get blown over.

So instead, we're doin' as Genkan wanted and rollin' on over to Alice's place!

Alice is leading the way! "I hope it's not too cold."

...Around us, a revolving ring of dolls with red glowing panels and dull red dresses are doing a wide orbit around us. Them panels seem to be heat dishes, 'cause I'm fryin' up in my one hundred ice resistance…!

Genkan seems to be hovering along the blind spots of the heat dishes, since there's only four dolls around us. "Don't worry. I'm sure it's not too cold."

...Alice gave her a grin. "You'd know, I'm sure."

"It's just right…" Maria tagged along with us because she's a hobo like me now, essentially! And, why not. "How do you make your dolls give out heat like that…?"

"Ah…" Alice glanced over at two as they passed by her, considering how to answer. "Well, the dishes they have are affixed with rather precise aluminum. With just a little magic to make fire and electricity within them, they can keep warm and heat up quite easily. I can't use them to fight, however… I need to fireproof them beyond simply making the dolls flame retardant, or else the heat boxes will just melt."

Ooh. The dishes aren't really dishes except from an outward perspective. In reality, they're like, almost as big as the teddy bear-sized dolls holding them; kinda tubby! The glowing pads facing us are dish-like, though!

The woods're nice and quiet. The leaves're mostly off the generic trees now, so it looks nice and stick-like… although as we get into the magic forest, the leaves're still on the trees there, 'cause they're burly.

As we move down the sorta overgrown path ta Alice's place-

Crea~k. Some kinda plant girl drops down from a tall magic tree! "Nnhou~h…" Her eyes are a dim, luminescent blue. Sounds like a her, anyway; she just looks like a big bundle of smooth vines…

"Don't mind her." Alice ignores the vine girl that dropped down around us. "Some kind of youkai who springs to life when the magic of the trees slows in the winter time. Just don't get close to her and you'll be fine."

"...What happens if you get close to her?" Maria wants to know!

"She tries to snatch you up and break you down into protein." Alice reveals! Hoh, shit… "It's not a very strong bind, but she can snap your neck if she brings you high enough. Fire or wind magic will make them release you, though. Spider girls love them, because they spawn naturally among the trees, and are edible to youkai. Their legs make short work of them, even in the trees."

Quickly, we come on up to Alice's abode. It's rather quaint in its little clearing. I still remember the time her doll army killed an invading spider armada…!

"Youkai eat other youkai…?" Maria seems a little offput by the revelation…!

...Alice turns to her as she nears her door. "Well, yes. Not universally, but it happens. Non-sentient youkai have it the hardest."

"...I've actually eaten some of those vine women before." Genkan's consumed plant matter in her lifetime! "They're best cooked. I don't get how insects eat anything raw." What's a yuki-onna know 'bout cooking…!?

I suppose that'd figure. If they're not sentient, they're probably just looked at like any other animal, even if they look humanoid for some reason.

Alice is on a roll, so I'mma ask her another question! "Why're so many youkai humanoid, yo?"

...She pauses in her door, with it halfway open. "I'm not a biologist. Something something fantasy land." Aww…

...The dolls with heat dishes flew up and into the freakin' atmosphere as we entered the house. Goodbye, friends. Where do you even go…!?

It's dark in here… well, dim-

Click. Alice snaps her fingers-

Faintly luminescent orbs of light appear for no reason! Then a tiny chandelier lights up and everything's good, yo…

"So, what do you want me to make?" Marching around her cluttered main table, Alice pivots around to us. "My partnered stores were still selling some things without me being able to talk to them, so I'm in a good mood."

"Wootz steel armor, yo…!" That big guy had wootz steel armor!

"I'm not a tengu." Alice refused my request, yo… "Stick to clothing or more conventional armor choices, if you would."

After givin' me a wry glance, Genkan focused on focused on 'er… "Well, I'd like my kimono here… updated, you might say."

"How much more ice resistance did you want?" Alice puts her arms behind her back…

All of it, yo. "...How much for one hundred percent?" Genkan threw a number out there!

Alice snorted. "That's not cheap, I'll be honest with you. Fifty at most is probably the upper limit of one's common spending range. If you must know, one hundred percent is about fifty to one hundred thousand yen depending, normally. This is also subject to change depending on what reagents I have on hand..."

...Looking over at me, Alice smirked. "You only got a discount because I thought you were broke and I was making fun of you." Oof…

"What if someone… brought you reagents?" Maria questioned the reagents thing!

"Well, that'd cut the cost down, since I wouldn't be sparing my own." Alice admitted. "I don't buy reagents unless they're rare or uncommon yet cheap, but if you wanted me to do something with one of your reagents, I wouldn't turn you away."

How much money do I even have on me? I know Maria's just broke, but Genkan's probably got some pocket change. Lemme see…

"I could… probably help with ice reagents." Genkan supplied. "I'm a yuki-onna, after all. Ice is within my affinity."

...Alice nodded. "You could do that, yes. It'd be awfully taxing on your mana pool to artificially aid in the process of hard generating something worthy of a reagent, though. Unless you were willing to part with some objects in your living space, perhaps. Even icicles would do."

...She leaned to the side, slightly. "I'm unsure if I wish to trek to my abode for such. You hint that I'm able to craft these reagents here…"

"I'd have to set up a small workstation and ways for your mana to be inputted." Alice explained, waving her arms outward, then inward-

Dolls came to start abducting goods from the table. Woah no…! "An object to accept the elemental energy, so forth. It depends on your mana pool, but I'm sure it will leave you drained, and using mana potions to generate reagents is simply wasteful. At that point, one would be better off running around in the woods, looking for elemental components."

"What- wha…" Maria learns how to speak, dude… "What if, um… we casted ice spells on her so she'd get her stamina back?"

Alice rose a brow. "You know ice spells…?"

"Me too!" I wave my hand! I am in fact included…!

"You know ice spells?" Alice looked surprised…!

"Technically!" There's no time to explain, yo!

...At that, she brought her hand to her chin. "If she heals from ice magic normally, that may work. Still, you'd simply be spending your mana in exchange for reagents. Not a huge difference, other than that you have more mana to work with."

"It should suffice." Genkan is confident in our mana, yo. "How much would that cut costs down?"

"...Twenty to thirty thousand yen, depending." Alice gives us the new quota, yo. "Should be more within your price range…"

Wait…

"Yo." I've got an idea…! "Alice, how many things do you own that are ice resistant?"

...She blinks at me. "Well, a dress, a scarf, some gloves… they're not for sale, you know."

"What i~f…" I rub my hands together…! "We threw all the ice-resistant accessories on her we could, and then cast ice spells on her?" RPG logic! If she has nine hundred percent resistance she'd probably have a seizure from low tier ice magic!

"...Well. That's a thing." Alice reluctantly accepts this logic…! "The effects of additional articles of the same kind tend to taper. If you wear two pairs of one hundred resistance pants, you'd only have one hundred fifty." How does that even work. How does resistance work at all…!? Why's it heal you!?

"Why do resistances heal people…!?" I'm so confused!

"You're going to have to pay me for lessons if you plan on asking this many questions." Alice wards us off from asking about general magic theory…! "Patchouli would be more apt for randomly throwing that question at, if you can keep at her long enough.

"The short of the matter is, resistances are largely weighed by bottoms, tops, hats, and accessories. Sometimes in full suits, too. Accessories can include shoes, apparel like badges or rings, so forth. Those are typically pretty worthless resistance-wise, unless you got a lot of them." Alice blinked a few times, before bringing a hand to her upper chest…

By this point, her helper dolls've done away with most of the stuff on the table.

Alice moved to her back counter. "Le- let me get a drink. I've been talking too long…"

"Our apologies." ...Hoo~! Genkan's smooth, yo…!

...While Alice got herself a glass of water, Maria looked over at me. "You have money, right…?"

"Oh- oh yeah, yo…" Lemme just…

Aa~h. Forty thousand yen and change, still? Shit man, I'm loaded! When the hell'd I collect all of this, anyway? Were those jobs really for that much…?

Then again, that's like forty dollars in American. I can get four really good burgers with this, dude. Alternatively, two tanks of gas in an economy car! Or half of the money to unlocking Darth Vader in 'Battlefront 2', hmm…

I shouldn't know that last fact because the year's still two thousand fifteen!

"Half a Darth Vader, yo." I nod at the money in my pouch inside of my other pouch!

"A whah?" Maria doesn't know what a Darth Vader is…!

"Forty thousand yen about…!" I grin at 'er!

"I only have about twelve thousand on me." Genkan reveals her money total! "...I don't really need money, out here, but it still gets around."

"I've got, um…" Maria took pause to consider her money. "Oh, yeah. I had you borrow my money, so my… adults wouldn't take it."

"Oh, ye." Lemme just…

Coin purse located! I hand it on over to her...

...Alice is just givin' us a curious stare at that exchange. I'd probably be, too!

She reads off the total. "Three thousand yen…" Thirty smackaroos! She can get… half of a triple-A title! Or a really big fountain drink. The big gulp, dude.

"The two of us have enough between ourselves for some articles, I'm sure." Genkan denies Maria the chance to blow her thirty dollars on clothing. Well, our clothing anyway.

Now that I think about it, should we get Maria anything? It'd probably be nice to get her something that's not a little banged up. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's some respect in genuinely worn clothes- none 'a that 'buy jeans, rip them up on day one and pretend you're cool' bullshit- but when the opportunity fer an upgrade arises…

"I do have those things from my… people." Reaching into her pockets, she digs for that tiny pouch Marisa stole for her...

"...I'll make her something presentable, on the side." Alice seems to have similar thoughts! "Regular villager clothing is nothing at all to produce, really. If she wants anything fancy, that's a different story."

Bringing out the bag of family gems, Maria shakes it about a little. "They had these gems that they, um, gave me." Yeah, yo.

...Alice tilted her head. "Gems? What kinds…?"

...Peeking inside, Maria tilted her head back and forth. "Like… there's some blue ones, and red ones, and some round coins…"

"Sounds… lavish." With a brow raised, she considered this. "Well, I suppose you could get something expensive if you wanted, then. I could always do with more gems..."

Bringing her arms out, Alice articulates her fingers! Aw dude, she's making Naruto hand symbols! Like the, uh, middle finger jitsu, the stick-it-up-your-ass bomb, the…

Yeah, I didn't watch Naruto…!

...Some dolls start to bring metal things to the table. Presses, parts, pads…

One brings a stone, while some others bring like, metal stick things. Ooo...

Click, clack, click. Aw…

Slowly, the dolls build some kinda set on the table before us. Some of the stone pads have pentagrams, others are just runic, vaguely glowy blue or cyan circles. Dolls're placin' blocks to prop some pads up higher, while others are just… doing something with metallic bits. Laying it down and having it magnetize in place…?

"Oh, you wouldn't know." Alice realizes we're not genies like her! "I'm building a transfusion lab right here. It only has to be fairly simple, because we've got a true yuki-onna as a power source, which makes things a lot more convenient."

Ho ho…

"Ooh…" Maria leans forwards and examines it!

"...Will this feel curious?" Genkan looked up at the puppeteer as the dolls placed a lot of stuff.

"It'll probably make you really tired, but otherwise no." Still articulating her fingers, the puppeteer leaned forward towards her lab thing. "Let's see how many we can make…"

...After some seconds, only a few dolls were making adjustments to the freakin' block puzzle she was setting up.

A metal stick on the very side of the contraption was passed by a yuki-onna doll to Genkan, for her to hold with one hand.

Walking around the side, Alice held up a freakin' steering-wheel-esque thing. "Hold on, let me put this on the end for you."

...Once allowed-

Clink! Alice attached the steering wheel to the stick. "There. I'll tell you when to channel."

"Alright." Genkan nodded at this…

...At the end of the series of raised and lowered pads- metal rings and wires running along all of them in the meanwhile- was a grey cubic block outfitted with unique, black carvings. It was small enough to fit in yer hand, too!

Alice taps on the block. "This will be the resulting reagent."

"Why not just channel into it directly?" Maria instantly points out. "Why… all of this?"

"So it doesn't explode or get frozen instead." Alice summarized about as instantly! "If you just hit it really hard with ice magic, like any other object, it will at some point stop collecting mana and just take the elements the hard way. This system lets us actually write the ice element inside of it."

"Isn't putting so much mana into one object kind of… dangerous?" Maria examines the block closer…

"Not when it's elementally attuned. This block is for ice only." Walking around, Alice gave her device a once-over… "Admittedly, while many of these parts are superficial with an actual yuki-onna here, they're not harmful to the process. That, and it's made out of rock, because rocks are receptive to input and don't act nearly as funny as certain metals do when they're charged."

...A doll with a water faucet for a head drifts up, holding Alice's empty water cup-

Sploo~sh. It fills it, its faucet turning to fill up the cup…

Alice accepts the glass, and half-chugs it. "Ghghgh~..." She gargles it, too!

"I guess it won't lash out if you drop it, either…" Stepping back from it, Maria nodded. "That's good."

...Swallowing her drink, Alice nodded. "Indeed. It won't lash out under normal circumstances. If you abuse it too poorly, though, it can explode, leak, or suffer impact activation."

"Aw, dude…" It's magically delicious. "What if it killed me, dude. Can it be used for war, yo…!?"

...Alice blinks at me before replying. "If I threw a rock at you, does the voltage kill you or the charge?"

I guess it's pretty stable, then…!

Cli- cli- cli- clink. Suddenly, smoothly whirling metal prods connected all of the metal rings of the myriad stone pads.

"Alright." Alice moves over to the stone block-

Cla- cla- clank! Various metal things move to clamp it in place, although it's only visibly being held down by a tiny, bent metal wire pressing down on the top. "Ready to charge. Whenever you're ready."

...Holding onto the grips of the steering wheel she was given, Genkan closes her eyes…

...After a moment, her hair begins to float, as does some of her clothing-

Fwa~sh! The outer grips of the steering wheel are frozen, along with her hands.

Even so, pale, barely blue energy visibly travels through a slot on the middle of the steering wheel and along the curved metal…

As it slowly progresses along, it travels into the first stone pad of the like seven…

The pentagram in the middle begins to glow with the energy, for a moment-

Fwi~sh. Some frosty magic releases from the circle, as the rest along the frame travels into the next pad, which is a few centimeters up…

"The purpose of these pads is to ensure purity of the element." Alice explains their existence. "Normally, if I were to try and extract it from a lot of snow, ice, non-ice individuals or enchanted objects, there'd also be a lot of things that aren't ice."

By now, the mana traveling along the wire was being fed into the fifth circle already, the pentagram lighting up before dimming to a faint glow again.

"These magical circles filter elements and expel them. Additionally, they increase automation of the extraction." Looking over at Genkan, she smiles. "Are you even trying, anymore?"

"N- no…" Genkan's eyebrows are raised. "It- it's just… leaving me…"

"Mmm." Nodding at this, Alice looks back at the device. "It'll stop once the reagent is full, and deposit whatever can't be used back into you. Unless it's not ice, as it's being expelled, but… you're a yuki-onna, so it's all ice.

"The reason it costs a lot of mana is in part to fuel the machine, but also to stimulate the reagent so the magic writes to it and it doesn't just die. Even so, the resulting reagent won't have high magical charge, just elemental." ...Furrowing her brows, Alice takes a drink from her water again.

"Wo~w…" Maria has become impressed! "How long did it take you to come up with this…?"

"...Awhile, admittedly." She looked to the side, her arms behind her back again as the cup leaves her hands and begins floating. "I got some pointers from Patchouli, initially. She's been working with the elements for a long time."

The previously black rune thing is now starting to glow brighter, with cyan energy…! The magic itself was flowing in from the metal cage around it, but also through that one clamp on the top of it.

"I'll make you something in the meantime…" Turning to her back counter, Alice starts to move her arms-

Dolls whirl to grab tools and use 'em, as opposed to not using 'em! "Would you like anything specific? Skirt versus pants, color, etcetera?"

"...Yo- you mean me?" Maria glances at me, for some reason…!

"No, the glass floating beside me." Alice jeered. "Yes, I mean you. I'll ask Brad what he wants later, when the reagents are done. Considering his company, I'm sure it's going to be ice related." She's a psychic, dude…!

"...Well." Looking down at her abraded, dull clothing, she considers what to ask for… "Hmm~. Um… some yellows would be nice. How's a... light blue skirt, a… tan vest, and a yellow shirt sound?"

"I can do that." Nodding, Alice thrusts an arm forward-

The dolls take to some of the material on the counter, and stuff starts floating and it all gets very complicated!

Voo~m. The reagent machine behind us suddenly gives an exhaling hum-

Clank. The metal cage around the reagent comes undone!

"A- aah…" Depleted, Genkan stumbles back, the ice around the handle of the machine suddenly in fragments and on the floor. "That… took more out of me… than I thought it wo- would…"

"Do sit down and rest." Alice instructs her. "Brad, you said something about throwing ice magic at her, so go do that." Yo ho ho…

...She looks over at Maria. "Do you want some new shoes, too?"

...Maria glances down at her shoes. "Hmm~... well. Maybe something sturdier. These don't take water well, and… I've had them for awhile now."

"Considering the human village standard…" Alice mutters to herself about the shoe standard in the village! "I'll make you some boots, perhaps. That's what I and Patchouli prefer, when she isn't wearing slippers, that is."

Aw, yo. "What about Marisa, yo?"

"She just throws on whatever." Alice waves her off! "Boots, shoes… well, you wouldn't catch her in heels. Barefoot maybe."

Hoh. I haven't really considered what footwear I've been wearing…! Let's see… pretty sure I still got on these freakin' clunky boots I stole from Alice's guest closet awhile ago. They've helped my feet not die. Luckily no one really pays attention to your foot apparel! I do have to put on booties for my space man suit when I wear it, since it wouldn't be air tight otherwise.

...Genkan stumbles towards me, looking drowsy. "...So~."

Aw. "Let's see if we can min-max your ice resistance with what we got on hand!" Since Alice's home is pretty warm, I start stripping off my kimono…

...Alice glances back towards me! "What- why."

"It has ice resistance, yo!" I point out! "We must max her ice resistance for the refill!"

"But…" She looks conflicted! "Look, I have a few rings and articles-"

"Don't worry, yo." With the kimono now off, I drape it onto Genkan lazily so she can work it out herself. "Your home is warm."

"...Great." Looking jaded, she looks back to the dolls as they make Maria's things. Then, she turns from them-

Click! After snapping her fingers, she holds her arm towards her room's door and tugs-

Bam! The door slams open, some yuki-onna-styled dolls carrying out scarves and hats and mittens and rings…!

"Yo ho ho…!" That's a lot of ice-resistant stuff! I point at a cobalt-lookin' ring! "How much is that, yo?"

"More than you." Alice theorized. "...If you meant resistance, well, also more than you, at this moment. Seventy-five percent, one hundred freeze resist."

"How much?" I turn to her!

"Not for sale." Aww. "...I'd accept nine hundred thousand, though. Cobalt's not that difficult to find or enchant, really." Aha~h…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Genkan now has two kimonos on, a pair of neon blue boots with wings and iron tips, a big ice cube attached to a visor as a hat, with a straw rice hat on top of it, scarfs for shoulder pads, scarfs taped to her thighs, scarfs everywhere, rings on every finger with mittens over each hand, and a pair of cyan shutter shade glasses.

"I feel violated." She turns to us with a jaded expression…!

"She should have seven to eight hundred ice resistance, now." Alice notes. Holy shit…! "Wet her for best results."

...A doll holding a bucket slowly travels over her-

Spla~sh. -and dumps it onto her, ice cubes rolling off of her-

"Wa- aa- aa~h…" She seems to tense up from the sensation! "Tha- that…"

"Sorry." Alice apologizes for the water. "...I've already replaced the reagent cube with a clean one. When she gets to the handle, could you two pump ice magic into her? However you do it, anyway."

Maria's in her new clothes, dude. "Sure!"

...Rigidly, Genkan stomps over to the metal steering wheel in her big clunky ice boots, before grabbing on. "...Ready, I guess."

"Alright…" Reeling her staff back, Maria swings it down! "Freeze!"

Fwa~sh! A shotgun spread of ice travels into Genkan-

"Ooo~h!" She arches back-

Fwa~sh! Suddenly, her arms and the entire metal steering wheel are frozen solid in a big block of ice-

Voo- voo~m! The entire machine lights to life nearly instantly…! Holy shit!

"Oh- woah, that…" Alice flinched at the reaction! I wonder how Genkan's taking-

"Blizzard!" Marisa casts again! Son-

Fwa~sh! The ice chunks strike her-

"Aa- aa~hn!" Slowly, she started to drop onto her bottom, crouching down-

Fwoom! The reagent lights up with energy, glowing violently! Yo ho ho~!

Clank! Alice quickly snatches it, forcing the clank to undo itself. "Um- I think that's-"

Fwa~sh! Maria already swung her staff again, a weaker spread of ice hitting the yuki-onna. Um...

"Aa- aa- nnh…!" She jitters violently-

Crack! -before breaking the ice effortlessly and sprawling out on the floor, pulsing and anxiously moving her limbs with no rhyme or reason. "Waa- aanh- ooh… ha- aah..." Da~h...

...Alice scratched her cheek. "I think that's enough…"

"Um…" Maria held a hand to her mouth.

"Nn- nnh…" Still vibrating on the floor, Genkan stared up at the ceiling. "Aa- ha- haa~h…"

"Are you okay?" Maria blinked down at her.

"She's… 'okay'." Alice answers for her. "Just overstimulated. I forgot to note this, but healing done through elemental conversion is converted to pleasure as well, so..."

Ah. So, uuh…

Shivering on the floor, Genkan's limbs slowly stopped feeling at the wood crazily. "Hehehehe~..." Aw.

"Simply put, you made her orgasm." Alice summarizes! Oh, okay, then…! "She'll be fine in a few minutes, and probably a little peeved."

"Oh…" Still holding a hand to her mouth, Maria looks down at her…! "Sorry, Genkan…!"

"Ha- aah…" Letting out a shuddering exhale, Genkan looks up at her with a drunk, flushed expression. "You- you… nnh…"

Arching her back a little as she lied on the floor, she let out a happy shiver and sigh. "Woa- oo~h… ooh~..."

==== FREAKIN GENSOYKO ====

Standing again, Genkan had her arms folded…

"I'm sorry~..." Maria had a small smile… "Forgive me?"

...Genkan was still flushed. Then, she gave me a hard stare.

"Hi." I wave at her…

She snorts. "...Do any of you… know how to channel slightly more gracefully than that?"

"I should probably teach them that." Alice remarked from a chair across from us! We were all sitting on this couch she had on the side of the room, while she herself was just over there. "...Did it feel good?"

"Shut up." Genkan looked away! "You were the last person I'd expected to remark."

"Those two are surprisingly sane at the moment." Grinning, Alice shared her sentiment! "I decided to fill in since no one else was going to."

"...And, yes. It did feel good. I still feel good." Genkan also now had most of her crazy min-max gear off and was just in two kimonos. "I'm also confused and disoriented, and happy. I'm a little angry about being happy, so I guess it evens out."

"I don't typically like having more than one hundred percent resistance." Alice remarked! "...Usually, I keep my resistance towards anything at about seventy percent at most so I can still feel it. Anything over one hundred could let someone overstimulate me, although I guess that wouldn't start until about one hundred and fifty."

Cli- click. She sat down the reagents on the chair she placed next to herself. "The reagent wasn't harmed, though, so that was actually really efficient. We just have to work on the part where she melts into a lewd pancake on the floor."

"The stains I've left on these kimonos better come out free of charge…" Genkan remarks about her love fluids!

"Sure." Alice waves it off. "They don't stain hard."

"And how'd you know, yo!?" I point at her!

"You haven't worked in the clothing business." Smirking at me, she stood and began moving to place a new reagent block down. "I used to do cleaning at the village. The amount of cum and piss stains were more than I'd care to note. You'd think people could wash that on their own, but no~. Well..." Placing the reagent on its pad and-

Clank! -clamping it shut, she gained a focused expression. "Not that half the village has water access beyond drinking, anyway. It's a good thing Reimu went to beat up that tilted council today. That whole 'no youkai' thing was starting to annoy me to the point I half considered cloaking over the walls, or setting up a warp."

Aw. "Why not just beat up a boy, yo?" I refer to the gate guards!

"I like not being a criminal, thank you." Alice gives me a stare…! "I don't have to be that rude to infiltrate a big exterior wall."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Some time later, we had our reagents…

By that, I mean, we have like six now, because we've got okay mana pools and Genkan seems to be fully recharged after like four casts from either of us. We made sure not to make her blast off again…!

"Ha~h…" Maria's tuckered out, though. "Will that be enough…?"

"Oh, certainly." Alice nodded at the reagents. "Depends on how much ice resistance you all want. We probably only needed four at most, so I can deduct those last two from your price." Hoh. We provided a service, yo…

I'm back in my camou-kimono! Probably not for long if I get it upgraded again, but it was gettin' weird being half-naked for like an hour around chicks…! Not that Gensokyo has any freakin' guys to go around, but y'know…!

"...Do we have enough for one hundred percent on an outfit?" Genkan questioned!

"Mmm. That'd be two of these reagents." Alice states, lookin' 'em over. So each one is fifty percent, huh? Hoh…!

I wonder if we can all become ice gods. Well, in theory yes, but price-wise…

"Oh, these make you more susceptible to fire, too." Alice also adds! "Kind of comes with the territory." ...Looking at me, she speaks to me! "So don't get too invested in stacking one defense, now. Unless you plan to come with a bunch of fire reagents or a lava demon, next time."

...I mean, we can all put out fire anyway- or at least me, so… I make a request! "How much to give me fifty percent more resistance, give Genkan one hundred percent more, and give Maria~... fifty percent?"

"That'd be four reagents, yes. Twenty thousand yen total, between the cloth, cleaning, and enchantment." Ooh. For the amount of stuff getting done, that's not a bad price at all!

"I can pitch in ten thousand." Genkan offers, before placing her money down on the now clean table...

Holding out my money, I place it on the table! "I have the other ten!"

"We're enchanting mine, too…?" Maria tilts her head!

"Ye, ye ye, ye." I nod repeatedly… "It beats having no resistances!"

"I- I wonder…" Maria speaks up! "If we have leftover reagents… could I get a staff, too?"

Snorting, Alice held her arm… "You're fortunate I'm pretty blatantly a magi. I have been requested to build staffs and magical focuses, yes…"

With a slanted, somewhat awkward smile, Maria made her request. "What could I get with one of those cube things…?"

"...Considering your current focus," Alice looked at her wood staff blankly, "you could probably either have me upgrade that or craft you a new one. It really doesn't matter since yours is just magically acclimated wood, which is cheap and common. A good choice nonetheless, but..."

Taking one of the reagents, Alice stared into it… "Hmm. It'd be an ice-elemental staff, so it'd also grant resistance, as well as boost the power of ice skills. You could probably cast a higher tier of ice magic than your normal with it, as well as perhaps something on the side."

"...That sounds good." Maria is happy with that! "I figured, with these gems I have, if it costs anything extra…"

"Well, an ice staff is pretty fancy, but…" Alice waves it off. "Really, something like that should only cost a few thousand yen, since you made the reagents and everything."

...With that, she takes a breath.

"Alright…" She smiles at us! "...You're all going to need to take off your clothes."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're in Alice's guest room now, dressed in temporary apparel. Namely, oversized t-shirts and tubby shorts that needed belts to stay on.

Looking under one of the beds, I examined some dust muffins…

"Dude…" I glance back at my friends. "Dust friends."

"im a wriggly" One of them speaks…! "wiggle wiggle wiggle" Aw.

Fwif. One of them makes a cuddly noise after it turns to me. Hi…

"No." Genkan refuses to greet the dust friends.

"They make me sneeze." Maria doesn't like them either! Aa~h!

Well, that's good. These things're vicious, anyway…!

I scoop 'em out from under the bed, and hold them up. "Yo ho ho~..."

...They attempt to gnaw on my arms with their shell noses. Hnn~gh…!

...I hold them closer!

One of them turns to me, so I lean in closer and nuzzle it until it falls out of my arms. Wahaha!

"no" Its friend stares at me expressionlessly.

"...No~." I tip it over, too.

Poof. It lands on its side, crestfallen and unresponsive.

And… a~nd…

"Achoo!" They made me sneeze…

"See?" Maria has proven her point.

...Genkan holds her arms out-

Fwa~sh! They froze solid.

Bending down, I picked up one of the fluff-cubes. "A relic from the long lost ice era, dude…"

...Leaning forward, Genkan smacks it from my hands-

Cra~ck! It shatters on the floor, the fluffle inside decimated.

Maria chuckles. "O- oh, no."

"You decimated it…!" I stare at the icy mess!

"Good." Grinning, she examines the beds. "Western beds. How odd."

"Alice is a pretty western name." Maria reflected. "I wonder where she came from." ...The west! More specifically, the shadow realm…!

...Looking over at us, Maria poses a question! "Where do people refer to when they mean 'the west', anyway?" Aw. That's the good question, dude.

"...I think it was inherited from outside terminology." Genkan supposes, drifting around the guest beds. "Since, before the barrier, there was more land, so the comparison was more apt. Considering Gensokyo's size, there's no relevance to an 'east or west' here."

"They refer to the west, yo." I answer for funsies!

...Maria gives me a dry stare. "Yeah- thanks. No, really."

Now, to answer for realsies! "...Do you guys know where Japan is?"

"Yes." Genkan replies immediately. "We're in it, clearly."

"Mmm!" Maria agrees with her! "Gensokyo formed in a land called Japan. That's common knowledge…"

"Do either of ya… know what Japan looks like? Geometry-wise." Now we get to the fun part!

"I think it was in a book…" Maria tilted her head. "...Sort of long, right? Also a lot bigger than Gensokyo…"

...Genkan doesn't respond, not knowing what Japan looks like, I think!

"Do ya guys know what's past Japan?" This is the good part…!

Genkan has a tilted smile at that. "This is supposing there's things past Japan."

"You'd think that kind of thing would be documented if it were the case." I now have Maria's full attention! "Keine didn't really get to go over geography with us, but we never really talked of anything past Japan."

I grin! "...Need I remind ya guys I'm from the outside?"

"What's past Japan!?" Maria wants to know!

"That would figure." Genkan nodded… "I'm pretty sure 'Brad' is western."

...Lookin' around, freakin'... I need paper and a pen! So I can draw a crappy world map to demonstrate how big the Earth is!

Moving up to the door out, I knock on it before opening it! "Yo, Alice!"

...Out in the main room, Alice looks at me as everything ever happens around her, dolls acting as her eighty eight kazillion different hands. "Wha~t? You didn't hurt yourselves, did you?"

I shake my head. "Yeah, they got me pregnant. Could I get a piece 'a paper and a pen?"

Alice double took at me for a moment! "They what? Ah- hold on…"

...After a few seconds, a generic blue doll slowly floats up to me with a sheet of paper, a pen precariously balanced on it.

"Cool, thanks!" Grabbin' it, I give 'er a wave and shut the door!

...Alright! I should've shoved fluffles down my shirt for that pregnancy joke.

"Why must you tell people strange lies?" Genkan just gives me a flat stare…!

"It's the genie's curse, dude." Brushing off her exasperation, I place the paper down…!

Alri~ght. "I'mm'onna draw the land masses here, so you guys can get some scale…"

First, let's draw Russia~... and like, the rest 'a China, Europe… and Africa'd be there. A~nd, Japan i~s… this little thing right here!

"I know it's ugly, yo, but those two islands right there…" I point to the vague 'j' shape! "That's Japan!"

...While they stare at it, I start drawin' the other series of continents…

"What's all this other stuff?" Maria looks at the other continents.

"The outside, yo." A~nd South America done! Wait, gotta draw Antarctica

"...And that's Japan." Genkan blinked at the small island.

"The island of Japan, ye." I nod at it. "But wait, there's more…!"

...Looking rea~lly closely at Japan, I draw a dot. "A~nd there's Gensokyo! S'probably a little bigger than Gensokyo actually is, really."

"It's... not a small world, after all." Genkan looks fairly taken aback!

I gesture to America. "Here's the west everyone likes to refer to! Western names are actually only really common like…" I draw an X on America. "Here, and…" Also, Britain. "Here. Which're, y'know, west compared to everything else. Japan's actually the very far east!"

"Wo~w…" Maria gapes… "What's that?" She points at Antarctica first. Daa~h…

"This continent… is entirely ice." I explain! "No one lives there."

"Except for ice beings." Genkan interjects promptly. "...Which might happen to exist, in case you'd forgotten."

"Yeah, yo." I turn to her…! "Like penguins! Sometimes. And the occasional researcher…" Maybe polar bears. I think those are distinctly northern, though.

"...Youkai, I mean." Genkan rolls her hand. "Such as…"

"Oh." I shake my head-

"There aren't youkai on the outside." Maria delivers the news! "...According to Keine, anyway."

I nod! "Yeah, pretty much. Since they live off 'a fear and stuff, and humanity's gotten pretty settled with its weapons of mass destruction and super guns and tanks and stuff."

...Genkan looks mixed! "No youkai…?"

I shake my head. "'Cept for some very remote regions, probably not! However there are like…" Let's see… seven billion, wasn't it? "Seven billion humans."

...Maria's risen her eyebrows!

Genkan has, too, yo…! "Seven billion."

I nod. "Yeah, yo."

"And how would you know…?" She seems skeptical! "With such a massive number-"

"We got like a million governments, and they like to record data." I inform her. "Also, yeah, without youkai, we have a million nations and villages- well, 'villages' everywhere, and we all want to kill each other. We share data and stuff and pretend to be friends, though!"

...Genkan's just kinda processing this!

"Oh, and if we aren't killing each other…" Important to note! "We're exploitin' each other for profit. On our own citizens too, more often than not…!"

"You know…" Genkan slowly nods. "I think I like it inside."

"Well…" Maria furrows her brows. "It… can't be all bad, right?"

I nod. "Well, yeah. Antarctica is entirely ice, so it's safe!"

"No, I mean…" Maria points to America. "What about here?"

"Aw, I grew up there, yo!" I loom over it…! "In fact…"

I draw a dot on my state! "Ri~ght here."

"What was it like…?" Maria looks down at it…!

"Well, for fifteen years, you're shoehorned into a really janky educational system…" It's rant time! "Where they basically just kinda keep you still in one place from the age 'a five until the age of like, twenty or so, and tell you anything other than the accepted norm is meaningless and stupid and scary.

"Then, once you're out, you have to sell your soul to learn actually vaguely useful things at a slow rate to private educational institutions for a few more years... and then work until you die on something hopefully you've come to like. And, u~h, that's if you've found your identity! If you haven't- we don't teach anything social or character-related, uu~h- you just kinda work menial labor, until you get your shit together o~r kill yourself. Well- then there's homelessness, but yeah." A~nd rant done! Never look back, yo…!

"I feel like you're biased…" Maria gives me a focused expression...

I give 'er a grin! "Well, it actually wasn't all bad…"

"See?" Maria smiles!

"Whenever I wasn't being, ah, kept still for six hours at a time, I was doing busywork so that I wouldn't rape the world or something- like the satan children all uneducated teenagers are supposed to be. A~nd when I wasn't, I was able to have fun for the latter half of my days! Y'see, we had these things called computers, and they let'cha read, write, listen to music, play- aah… interact with mediums of entertainment." Man, reminiscing on my time before Gensokyo at this point is weird.

"Computers…" Genkan considered this, still looking over the map. "Like the kappa?"

"Kind of." I wobbly my hand about. "Basically, they let you access entertainment 'n' information, and chat with others. They were boxes you sat at all day and typed at, 'cause the world outside's boring and full of sad, stupid, or boring people. That was uh… that was our fun!" Oh, man, putting it like that, it sounds kind of depressing. "...But, I mean, I got into some real shit online, yo…!"

Like- there was this fanfic I wrote- wait, shit…

"So you sat in front of a box all day…" Genkan retraced my logic! "...And that was fun?"

...Well. "Yeah." I nodded. "Better than going outside. Had nothing to talk about with anyone, nothing interesting outside my house, buncha dudes out there who wanted to kill people a~nd like, nothing to do. By the time I figured out our town had a library I was already at the stage of 'education' that traveling to one would kinda take too much time and effort. S'a bit ironic, innit…? Education kinda prevented me from being educated!"

...I looked down at the paper! "This is implying our library had anything interesting! Which, it might've. I dunno, I never checked."

Maria points at Africa. "What's… there, then?"

"Lots of sand!" I smile! "It'sa desert. South of that is a buncha tribes who shove sticks up each other's asses and eat sand, I guess. Y'know- that's probably the most logical place for youkai to be, next to like… really north Canada, or the middle east."

"Where's Canada?" Genkan was interested by this notion!

...Oh, crap, I forgot to draw Alaska and Canada. "Da~h, right up here, actually…!" The~re we go! "Forgot to draw it…!"

"...Ah." Genkan blinked at it.

"What's… there?" Maria pointed at China!

"That's a nation called China!" I explain! "Most oppressive dictatorship- next to North Korea- that still exists! People jump from buildings to get out of the forced labor! I think, ah, they had to put up nets around them so people stopped doing that."

Shaking her head, Maria points at Britain. "What, um, about there?"

I nod. "Aah. Britain- or England, whichever. It's like America, except British."

"...Okay." Furrowing her brows, Maria pointed at South America… "What about… there?"

"Drugs, forests full of deadly touch tarantula spiders, a~nd lots of murder!" I nod!

She points at India! "There…?"

"Overpopulation, re~lative poverty? I don't really know…" I never was really interested in India…

...She points at Australia, looking at me expectantly.

"No one is alive in Australia." I inform her. "The animals killed literally everyone, it's a ghost town."

"Jeez…!" Looking intimidated, Maria points at the middle east! "What about there?"

"Rape, bombs everywhere, lots of sand and money." Yeah, it's fun. "Oh, yeah, lack of human rights. Religious wars everywhere!"

"Alright…" Backing away from the map, Maria puts her arms on her hips. "What would you say about Gensokyo, then?"

Aw. "Super deadly magical girls! No safe regular place for safety-craving regular dudes, human part of the place sucks ass, a~nd no structure! Human populace as a whole gets harvested by existing, bu~t you don't necessarily gotta stick around in the village…!"

At least the people here kill you to eat you and not like, because you defied their god or because your corpse would help further their capital, or 'cause the government just said so.

...Maria tilts her head. "Harvested…? Well, I guess."

"He~y." Alice waves an article of clothing into the room. "When you're all done being buddies, come get your clothes. I've been done for awhile now..." Hoh, shit…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Oo~h, wow. One hundred fifty percent ice resistance in cold weather… feels kinda weird. In the words of the overhyped fairies, 'I feel really good about today'!

We start to come up to the human village gates, all clad in our new clothing!

Genkan's kimono is nice and white again, with some additional shiny blue embroidery to signify it as better. "Ha~h…" She's happy about it, too! "This makes me feel flighty."

"It's so much better out…!" Maria's yellow shirt now has a big snowflake pattern stitched into the front with blue thread. "It's like it's early fall again…!"

She's now got a darker wood staff with the ice reagent just kinda trapped in a cage of wood atop it. Her old one's still on her back for the moment. After making it, Alice appraised it! Twenty five percent ice resistance, one hundred percent freezing resistance, allows the user to cast Blizzara and Ice Shard, and boosts the power of ice skills. Negative fifty percent burning resistance, though.

...As we move up to the gate-

"Halt!" The guard steps in front of it, pike ready!

Leanin' back for a moment, I pull my youkai badge! "Yo~! Wha's good, son!?"

...Blinking at the badge, he steps back a bit! "...What is that?"

"A badge, son." I point out the obvious to him. "A youkai exterminator badge. I'm takin' these youkai in, dude. Gettin' a big bounty."

"...Oh." Nodding at this, he moves for the reel. "Sorry, sir." Sir, dude!

As the gate reels open, I spare a wink ta my party as I wait for it to open…!

...Once it's opened we just progress on inside. Ho, ho ho.

...No more guards're stationed on the sides of the road every ten seconds. Yo ho ho.

"We should go see what Reimu's up to down in the capito~l." I turn to one of the left alleys as we enter!

"Ah, yeah." Maria nods at this. "Let's go…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We walk in the totally broken and thrashed front door…

Inside, Reimu and Akyuu are near the chiefy, again. The wind fairy is just kinda in the corner of the room, and Ha-chan's… harassing her, I suppose!

"C'mo~n…" Ha-chan stomped in place next to her! "Let's sing songs like merry good folk!"

"Please, fragmented one…" The wind fairy doesn't even look over at 'er. "Go play in a storm."

Ha-chan tilted her head. "...I don't think there's any storms right now."

...As for people on the seats, we got like, Tao chained in place, a~nd Shurui chillin' in his seat, with Hagane chained up next to him. That money dude that Alice talked with isn't here, though. Okita, was it? Yeah.

...Reimu looks down at us!

I wave! "Ho~!"

...Parting from the chief, she floats up and down to us in a second or two.

"What's up?" She tilts her head before landing smoothly before us. "You guys come here for anything?"

"We came ta clean this place up, yo." I move to crack my knuckles…!

Cra- crack. Oof.

...Giving me a dry stare, Reimu nods at my display. "...Alright. Let me go get one of my to-do lists for this place…" She floats away again…

Aw, to-do list. We'll see~ what we can do! If it's 'patrol this one street a lot' I'm gonna shove fluffles down her non-sleeved frilly shirt.

...Aw. Someone steps into the capitol past us…!

S'a short lookin' girl, with long black hair, and a beige-orange lookin' suit. She's got a relatively short black skirt, but not stoopid short. Regular shoes!

...On her way in, she steals a glance at us wit' 'er red eyes. Hello, friend.

...Her gaze hangs on me!

"Hello, friend!" I greet her!

Turning around, she continues towards the desk, until she realizes there's no immediate way up to the higher levels, so she starts lookin' around…

Oh, there's someone back at the main door waitin' for her, too. It's a~... person in one of those masks Matt was wearin'. I know they're not Matt though 'cause they got boobs and are taller, and that faded green hair's not really his style…! Also, business suit, as this is the capitol and all.

...As the loli doubles back to find a way up, Reimu floats down with the list.

"Here." Reimu holds it out to us! "This is basically where I think you guys'll do best. Try to not screw it up too hard."

Aw! It's… it's in Japanese.

"...Give it to one of your friends." Reimu instructs me. Freakin'-

Genkan takes it from me. "Here." Aaa~h!

...After looking at it for a moment, she states what it's about! "These are a list of bars… it seems."

"Did that title that says 'list of weird bars' give it away?" Reimu puts it bluntly…! "Then again, it's Marisa's handwriting, so I guess you might get a little lost."

"I see…" Nodding at it, Genkan lowers the list. "What do you want us to do there?"

"Look around, question the place." Reimu looks over at me. "You have that silly badge, right? Use that to look around, if anyone cares about it." Ho ho! "If you see anything weird- like, crime, people trafficking, youkai tricking or killing people, people tricking or killing people, so forth, I'm giving you permission to stop it non-lethally. Unless your life's in danger, of course."

"Very well." Genkan acknowledges this! "...I must say, you're more hospitable than you're made out to be."

...Reimu blinks, gripping her gohei. "What was that?"

"You have a nice bow." Genkan changes her sentence completely…!

...Reimu turns to me. "That's not what she said."

"She said, 'you have a nice glow'." I correct 'er!

"She said you were nice." Maria abbreviates it in simpler terms…! "Basically."

...Reimu nods at Maria. "I trust you." Looking over at Genkan, she gives her a nod, too. "...Explain yourself better next time."

Genkan sighed. "Apologies."

...Turning around, Reimu began floating up towards the chief-

Thud. That red-eyed loli from before plopped a gold bar onto the counter, having stolen Reimu's spot…! Next to her's that suited masked not-Matt person!

"Oh- aah, yes, hrr~m…" Nodding at this, the chief slid his hand onto the bar. "...What position was it that you wanted, now?"

"Ahem..." She seemed to find her voice! "...I believe you have a position for… Chief Financial Officer?"

"Ah, eheh, well, yes- yes, that, yes we might- we might be able to work something out…" Patting on the bar with his eyebrows raised, the chief turns to her! "We've recently had a vacancy in guard captain, so I don't think our… current chief of finances will be opposed to being relocated, not at all. He's very understanding, you know?"

Reimu reaches them, looking around… "When'd this happen?"

"Oo~h, this is my friend!" The chief waves towards the loli. "She's a- she's a prime investor at the village, you see! Yes, we were just going over some deals we've had in the… in the running for a bit now, yes."

...Reimu looked at the loli closely. "Your eyes are red."

"She's a fashion modeler, you know." The chief smiles at the loli. "Like, a~... Margatroid, was it? Moonlight?"

...Reimu's just kinda staring at him!

...Leaning up onto the desk, the black-haired loli reached for Reimu-

"What, no." Reimu stopped the girl's hand before it reached her chest. "No seriously, when did this happen? I was gone for two seconds, and-..." Upon seeing the gold bar, Reimu jerked her head back and just went quiet…!

"I am simply here to complete a transaction." The loli spoke…!

...Looking between them, Reimu sighed. "Fine. If I see or hear something weird, I'm gonna start asking questions."

Looking between ourselves, I look at the door past my party! "So, yo…"

"May as well get started." Genkan made for the door.

"Alright…!" Holding up her staff, Maria seems ready for action!

It is time to investigate… establishments! Maybe do some interesting stuff along the way, too!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The sun is high in the sky, and it's nice.

We're in the middle of the village, half-considering our directions… and half-looking at this job board in the meantime!

"...Hrr~m." Maria traced her finger across multiple of them, not really finding one to her liking. "It's hard…"

"I can see why." Genkan's expression was dry. "Defeat the giant metal polygonal scuttle girl. Hunting knife only. Fifty thousand yen, and some stones."

...I look over at them. "What's a scuttle girl, dude…?"

"A girl that scuttles." Genkan supplies. Oh.

You know, these jobs always want you to defeat some fucking reality-breaking freak of nature, but you never run into them normally unless you take the job posting. What's up with that…!?

"Help me find my son." Maria reads off a job! "...He likes walnuts. Sounds like walmart." What…? Walmart? "Spange…? No…?" Oof…!

"...I'm not sure what to think of that one." Genkan shakes her head at the job. "It has the writing of a schizophrenic."

...Maria reads another one! "The 'master race' Frankenstein radio controls brain thoughts broadcasting radio. Eyesight… television? Wha- what is this?"

"That's not even a job, that's… I don't know." Genkan leans forward towards the board! "Half of these aren't even jobs, they're people trying to be witty, or splaying their insanity onto paper."

"...Kill Reimu Hakurei." Maria frowns at this one. "...They say 'please' in the description. That's mean..."

Taking that job, Genkan balls it up. "Let's save someone the trouble."

There're apparently some mundane jobs, like 'find my cat' or 'take out the trash'. If you can walk all this way to put that up on the board, why don't you just do it yourself…!? The trash thing, that is!

"Aah…" Maria places her finger on another one! "We're being hunted by yuki-onna, please help."

Genkan snorts! "What…? Hunted?"

"...Somewhere in the village, apparently." Maria reads off of it. "They're coming to their house?"

"I haven't sensed any of my sisters in this village…" Genkan furrows her brows. "We don't 'hunt' either. Not that I'm aware of, anyway, and especially not in packs. The only hunting I've seen sisters of mine do is in blizzards or cold that would already take lives."

...Taking the job off the board, Maria held onto it. "We'll look at this later, then. It's a thirty thousand yen reward, so…"

Ho ho. And, all things considered, we're optimized for ice-related endeavors! I heal from ice damage now, son!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We arrive at our first stop! There's explosions in the distance, for some reason, but we're just gonna ignore those for now…!

It's a rather quaint establishment far off on the edge of the village, with dim almost Christmas-y lights attached to the exterior. We've also got places like Golden Grin and Small Packages on our to-do list, but u~h… we'll save the former for later, and the latter for never, probably!

"This place looks pretty… old." Maria remarks of the bar before us.

"This village looks pretty old." Genkan countered. "...It's not out of place to call this building especially old, however."

"We should undo the foundation, dude." Sink it into the earth!

...The girls just give me a dry glance, before moving towards the place…!

...Actually, wait. "What's this place called again?" I kinda missed that!

"...The Brisk Barrel." Maria rattles off from the list Reimu gave her. "It specializes in ale. It's probably on the list because youkai tend to frequent establishments on the very edges of the village…"

Well, if it's just a dude servin' to youkai, this place might not be that criminal or explosion-worthy.

Maria pushes the door open-

"Eee~!" -before immediately leaping away from it!

Thud! A guy flies out from inside, sliding out on his back!

"A~nd don't show your cock-sucking face around here again!" In the doorway's a guy with wild, shoulder-length blond hair!

"Fuh- fuhck you, man…!" The ragged guy in plain dress clothes begins to get back up…! "I- I'll fu- fuck you- and I'll fuck… I- I'll fuck your-"

Bam! Whirling forward, the guy jabbed 'em in the jaw!

Thud! "Ooa~h…" Landing hard on his back, the plain-haired and likely drunk guy exhaled in defeat…!

"Hahaha~!" Laughing giddily, the wild guy looks around! "Who's next!?"

...We're all just kinda starin' at him!

Noticing we're not other burly drunk dudes, he just kinda grunts and turns back into the bar, ignoring us.

Well, then! These seem like a lot of fine, civilized fellows!

"We- well…" Composing herself, Maria blinks a few times! "Guess it's on the list for a reason…"

"Here I thought we were going to be antagonizing innocent establishments for no reason." Genkan makes for the door first, this time! "We should probably stay close to one another."

Aw. "Yeah, yo."

Followin' behind Genkan, we move inside with her as she pushes open the double door saloon things!

Inside, the bar is dim, lit by candles…

The outer windows- which were hard to see into-... were also hard to see out of! Really freakin' dim, for some reason.

In here are a variety of faces!

That wild-haired guy is taking his seat at the front again, giving us a flat stare as he does so.

...There's a few wolf people in here, and some neon-haired ladies at booths on the far ends of the room.

At the front 'a the room, the bartender's a guy with a scar across his face, and a rea~l smug expression, with slick black hair. And-... does he have a hook hand? Dude, yo ho ho in the yo ho! Pirates, ho~! He doesn't have a beard, though...

Also at the front counter is somebody just totally clad in a freakin' trench coat, his hat beginning where his collar ends. What the frik.

...Also, everyone's got their eyes on us!

"Oh, geez…" Maria's shy, dude. "Ar- are new people this rare, here…?"

"Probably." Idly Genkan continued to the front counter…

...Once we reached there, the good news is we were fortunately able to get three seats! The bad news is that it has to be between mister trenchcoat and that wild child dude.

...I trust the walking trench coat to not holler at anyone, so I shall sit next to the energetic guy! Also because the trench coat didn't so much as turn to us when we entered, so maybe they went to sleep or something. Who wouldn't pass out in a shady bar on the cusp of civilization, yo?

We've got Maria in the middle, with Genkan between her and the coat, and me just on the right.

...Stepping up, the guy with the big hook hand puts his arms on the counter. "What'll it be?"

"Water." Genkan requests liquid ice.

"Um… water." Maria's fine with that, too.

"Pure alcohol." Wahaha! "No beverage, just a cup of distilled alcohol…!"

...He nods. "Water for all three of you, then." Oof…!

Stepping up to the back door, he tilts it open with his good hand and calls out to someone. "He~y. Three cups from the well."

...He swings the door almost shut, leaving it open a crack.

...Looking to my right, I see the wild guy's just staring into my soul!

"You're a new face." He remarks on my face! "...Not from around here, are you?"

"I'm from around 'there'." I grin at 'em…!

"...Right." Nodding at me, he looks back at his drink. "Who's them?" Leaning past me, he points at my fluffy friends.

"Me." I ensure him.

...At that, he shrugs! "Nice."

...Hoh. I was half-expecting more attention to them, but he seems to just be drinking, now.

The trench coat thing tilts to look at Genkan. "He- hu- hu- hier- hier!" ...That's not a living being, dude…!

On closer inspection, it doesn't have legs. For an eye, peering outta the one triangle of black revealed between the collar and the hat, is just… a dot 'a light.

...Genkan blinked at it. "Hello?"

"Hrhi- clink- clink." ...Sure? Yes no maybe so…!?

"I can't understand you." Genkan confesses. "I'm sorry."

"Hr- her- her…" It looks ahead again and tilts forward slightly, as if disappointed. Well, rip friend.

...Instead of a drink, there's some kind of canister on the table before it.

"You're not here to drink." Wild guy states the obvious, makin' me turn to him…! "Why're you here?" Hoh…!

"We're fluffy." Yeah, I got nothin'. "Is no reason a good reason…?"

...Blinking at that, he turns away. "Guess so."

Ho ho.

...Maria looks over at me and speaks quietly. "Um… how're we doing this?"

I tilt my head at her. "Drinking water?"

She snorts. "No, questioning, I mean…"

Yeah, that's a good question. We could be freakin' noobs and yell at the bartender outright, or we could try to get information outta mister testosterone next ta me.

"Good question…!" I grin at 'er! "We'll see, yo. Stumble and mumble."

Alright, yo. It's time to stumble, and it's time to-

Lookin' back at the wild guy, I see him giving me a flat stare. "You here for me?"

...I shake my head. "Probably not."

"Whose name?" He leans forward a little…!

"A u~h…" I scratch my nose, dude. "Tookaneekee, Sanders. Tookaneekee Sanders." Perfect, yo.

...The guy just blinks. "Never heard of him. What'd he do?"

"He killed me." I give him a compromising smile.

"Sure." Indifferent again, the guy returns to his drink! Bomb defused for the uhmpteenth time…!

The barkeep comes out from around the back with our glasses, having briefly ducked out to get 'em. "He~re you go. Three hundred yen."

I splay the money out on the table! "Ye."

"Thank you." Accepting the cash, he nods.

...So we start sippin' our water. Aw…

Despite that showing from earlier, the place is pretty tame at the moment. There's a few rowdy jeers from some tables in the front, but otherwise the place is just a low murmur of chatter.

...As I swallow the water-

Wild dude taps on my shoulder. Freakin'...

I turn to him, slightly incredulous.

"They your girlfriends, or something?" He points past me…!

Freakin'... "Sure." Son. Why can't ya just drink yer drink…!?

"How many you got?" He allows himself a small grin. "Or s'it just them?" What were we talking about, again?

...I hold my arms out slightly! "Whaddaya mean, 'how many'? Son- how many do you have…!?"

"Three." Nodding, he leans back a little. "Well, there's six girls, but only three, you know, involved ones." No, I don't know…!

"...Cool. Cool and good." I nod at him dully. These're some strange parts, dude…!

...I should drink my water before it dies-

"So how're they?" Son, do you ever shut up.

"Pleasant, son." Pleasant avenue!

"...Fuckin'- details, come on." He taps a hand on the counter! "I wanna know."

"Spicy with a hint of lemon…!" What kind of answer do ya expect from me!? "S'that answer ya…!?"

"Are you stupid?" He stares at me dryly! "How does it feel to have sex with them." So~n!

I let my arms ragdoll. "...It feels like having sex." Wahaha!

He chuckles! "Yo~u motherfucker. Alright, fine, I see how it is…" Noddin' with his eyebrows raised, he looks away from me, looking back at the wall behind the bartender. "I'll leave ya alone, no sweat." Yeah, sure. Freakin'...!

...Now to wait for him to do something stupid.

I look back at the friends…

Maria's just kinda got her eyebrows raised! Genkan's totally indifferent, drinking her water and surveying the place with her gaze…

"...You look restless." The bartender speaks to Genkan! "Why's that?"

"Hmm. I'm always restless." Genkan gives a non-answer. "...How long's this establishment been here?"

"A few years." The bartender answers promptly. "Original owner couldn't keep up with the youkai scene, so he sold it off, and it changed hands a few times. I thought it'd make a good place under the right hands."

"...I see." Accepting this answer, Genkan held up her glass and swirled it about…

...I hear wild dude get up next to me, and step away from his stool.

...Turning my head, I watch 'em move behind me, so I whip around to see him walk up behind my party members…

Crouching down, he moves to cast his arms over both their shoulders-

Fwa~sh! His left arm freezes solid on contact with Genkan's.

"Ah- shh~..." He hisses at the sensation!

...Genkan turns to frown at him.

He grins back. "Talk about a~... cold shoulder."

...She reaches forward-

"Wh- ah!" He falls backward-

Thud! -and lands on his ass. "...Ow. Geesh…"

"What'cha doin' son." He's cruisin' fer a bruisin's what he is…!

Raising his brows, he holds up his frozen arm to gesture to them again. "...I mean, if you aren't gonna give me details man, I was just-"

"I'm gonna smash you, son…!" That's enough layin' low! I'm gonna shove fluffles down his shirt, son!

Cra~ck! Smashing his frozen arm on the floor, he frees it! "Oh, yeah!? What's your fuckin' deal-"

"Eiji~." The barkeeper called out! "Take it outside this time. You nearly broke the counter, again. You're paying double the next time you do."

"Yeah, fuck, whatever." Getting up, the guy gestures for me to follow him! "Come on, bitch."

Let's see, best non-lethal combo~. I'm betting on Deep Blue and Hard Winter. Mostly 'cause geysers are fun defense tools, and they can stagger and shit…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're outside, now! It's still nice and sunny…

There's like one or two people from inside the bar watching us. Maria and Genkan came outside to observe, too…!

"So!" He's a good building's width away from me, so at least I don't have to worry too much about a bumrush. "How you wanna do this!?" He's yellin' over at me, yo…

"Very carefully…!" I call back! Since he's just kinda a generic dude, I'm not really expectin' much from him.

"Fucking…" He shakes his head! "Alright, we'll fight until one of us can't get up. You look like a pussy, so I'll say it now: none of that danmaku crap. Anything else is fair. If you got a gun, go ahead 'n' use it." Oh, okay. Yeah, dude.

...Drawing both my plant hangers, I grin at 'em! "I~ am ready!" Gonna clobber your face off, yo! Just lemme channel some mana…

...He just kinda gives me a sideways stare. "I-... sure." Shaking his head, he starts to walk towards me leisurely. "What the fuck're those…? What, you gonna... poke me with 'em?"

...Kneeling down, I jab Deep Blue into the ground.

Fwuu~sh! A small geyser erupts under him!

"Ha- aah…!?" He's flung into the air a ways! As he floats forward, he flips-

I jab Hard Winter into the floor and channel…!

"Hoo~h!" He lands on his legs before the geyser. "The fuck-"

Kring! A tubby ice spike erupts beneath him!

"Aah- shit…!" His balance displaced- "Agh!" -he just awkwardly falls onto it and rolls off. "Mo- agh- fucker…!"

As he rolls to the side and very swiftly freakin' begins to get back up, I channel mana into Hard Winter once more-

"Ice Sha~rd!" The magic with the cold and the shards and yeah!

Ka- fwi- fwi- fwish. The base shard generating in his form as he stood and reeled his arms back, it created a buncha more shards in the air around him!

Fwa~sh! He's chilled and somewhat icy, now. "Fu- fucking magic pussy!" Aw, dude. You said anything was allowed, so…!

Reeling his arms back-

Woosh! He accelerates towards me after swinging them, although not really at impressive speed, likely 'cause of the chilling…

I kinda run backwards as he continues towards me, channeling more mana into the hanger as he approaches. Self-buff time…!

Didn't expect him to deal with the ice and the water that easily. Like- he just exited the geyser and is still freakin' eager...

Once the attack's momentum stops carrying him, he just sprints towards me normally-

Thunk! I swing Hard Winter and hit 'em in the face 'cause he just ran at me-

Woah! He ripped Deep Blue from my hands with a swipe…! "Fucking!"

Woosh! I ducked under the hanger as he threw it back. "Fight me!"

Thunk! Jabbed the hammer hanger into his stomach, I did!

"Ghh!" He cringes back-

Woo- woosh! -before swiping at me a few more times, just shy of reaching my face with his claw-like nails. Jesus…! That blow didn't faze 'em or what!?

Oh, shit- he grabs Hard Winter-

A~nd, by tugging on it, he sent me sliding away! Aah- and I almost fall over, but somehow didn't…

...Thunk! Hard Winter bounces on the ground past me, just kinda cast aside.

Grinning at me, he cracks his knuckles. "You're fucked."

...Reaching into my bag, I take out Youkai Inconveniencer! "On the contrary! I've got... anotha' weapon!"

...He just kinda blinks.

Oo~h, the mana cost. "Shine!" I whip the flail hanger at the floor-

Fwoo~sh. The orb of light generates in his form an' expands-

"Aa~gh!" Doubling back from it as it engulfs him, he bares his rather sharp teeth. Then, he begins runnin' at me again…! How much health's this bastard got!?

Cha~rge the hanger… and look away-

Fwa~sh! Prepare for the real shine, too…! As in, bright flash and now no one can see.

"Hahaha!" He guffaws as I kinda run outta the way of him now that he's blind… "Didn't hurt!"

Woosh! He pummeled the approximate area I used to be, yo.

"Shine!" I'm getting tired…

Fwoo~sh. The holy orb generates in him again-

"Mo- motherfucker…!" Fortunately, he sounds a bit off too…

As he looks around, still getting his bearings, I freakin' like… do a retarded but quiet gait up to him-

Thunk! -and whip the holy weapon into his face! Hoho!

"Grgh!" Clutching his face with a hand, he stumbles to the side. "Fucking-"

Thunk! Never stop whipping, son! I'm a generic beast man beater, dude…!

"Ngh!" This time, he lashes his arm out-

Wham! Woa~h! It glances my shoulder and sends me freakin' rolling-

Bam! Ouch!

Boot on my back…! "Hahaha!" A~nd he's pressing me down. Freakin'... "What did you fucking think would happen!?"

...Shit. Channeling mana into the holy hanger again, I wiggle about a bit. "I- I dunno, I-"

"Who the hell even are those girls!?" He yells about my party members…! "Sure as hell aren't your sluts!"

Fwoo~sh. A third Shine cast goes off, engulfing the big dude again…! Freakin'- go down, damn you! Why won't you collapse, son!?

"Fu~ck!" He roars-

-and I scramble out from under him. "Wahoho…!" I have an idea…! Time to just throw shit at him and hope it works!

Reaching into my bag as-

Thunk! -he stomps the ground near where I was, I draw Fragile Flower. "Have a weapon, make it even!" Girly toss…!

Taken aback for a moment, he catches my girly toss. "Fucking- sure."

As I stand up fully-

He accelerates towards me with newfound speed! "Hrr-" Holy shit-

Thu- thunk! Grabbing my weapon properly, I bring the holy hanger into his gut as he brings Fragile Flower into mine…! Ooo~...

...A- and we both kinda stumble back, that didn't really get us anywhere…

"Wha- what the fuck…" Dropping Fragile Flower, he holds his stomach. "Yo- you been holdin' out on me…?"

"Ye- yeah…" Definitely~. Reaching into my bag, I took out my secre~t weapon…!

...Turning to me, he looks down at Fragile Flower, debating whether or not he still wants to use it. "...Fucking- when are you going to fight me like an actual goddamn-"

I chuck my bomb hanger at his legs.

Grinning, he kneels down to clamp it with his arms-

Boom!

...Thud. After going flying some ways, he slides back on the dirt road, mouth agape. "A-... ah."

Well. Did I… did I do it, yo…!? Yo ho ho! Bet he didn't see that shit coming…!

...Turning back to the front of the bar, I limp towards it. Mana prizes are splayed out all over the ground, not that they freakin' helped me in any way. Just, prizes. Aw, maybe I should collect some...

"Really…" Genkan's giving me a dry stare…! "You didn't really have to start a fight, you know."

Aha~h… "Well, yo. He was gettin' on my nerves…!" That, and he wanted to put someone's body on the wall one way or another. I kinda wanted to test my skills…! Something to that effect…

"...He was pretty uppity." With that, Genkan turned back inside. "I guess we could call that peace keeping, or something."

Maria turned back inside, too. "Yeah. I can't imagine many normal villagers could've done that…"

You know, that was marginally less gratifying than I anticipated. Oh, well. I managed to beat a dude who was pretty clearly above human level, so I'm proud of that!

...I gotta go pick up my shit!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Now I'm all freakin'... hurt.

...The barkeeper gives me a smug grin. "...If you're still looking for another fight, you should stick around. Eiji got his ass handed to him the other day by the…" He clears his throat! "'Serial sake stealer', as everyone's claiming."

Yeah, that's nice dude, I'm in pain here…!

Wait, I'm also stupid.

...Lookin' over at Maria as she gives me a worried stare, I make a request! "Cast, ah- Blizzard on me, yo."

...She blinks for a moment, before connecting the dots herself! "Oh, right…!"

...Standing up and moving back a little ways, she swings her staff. "Freeze…!"

Fwa~sh! A small shotgun spread of translucent ice particles splash into my form-

Oo~h. Oo~h. So Genkan feels this times four

"Freeze!" Maria- are you serious-

Fwa~sh! Another splash of ice hits me…!

"S'good, yo…!" I hold out a hand to stop her…!

While it feels good and all and I do feel better now, it's not quite strong enough for me to feel aroused by getting blasted by ice. Which is good, because freakin'... I don't want a boner every time a particularly cold breeze says hello!

...The barkeep's just kinda staring at us. "You all ice youkai, or what?"

"You could say that…" Maria sits back down at her bar stool. "We're, um, actually here to investigate... illegal activity."

"Oh." The guy waved his hand. "Search the place if ya wanna. Try and take anything and I'll kick your ass." Oh, well, I guess we could've been more direct about it this whole time, huh…

...I just kinda blink. "So ya ain't doing anything illegal?"

"I have a plan to travel to the peaks of Youkai Mountain in hopes of activating the Moriya superweapon and becoming the most powerful person on the planet." ...Oh. Okay…!? "I don't really think that counts." Ah…

...Genkan turns to us. "That's not technically illegal."

"You told us this why…?" S'kinda weird, du~de…!

"...I just kind of like telling people." He looks to the side. Freakin'- okay, son… I don't even think a 'Moriya superweapon' exists, so have fun with that…

...Lookin' around, I scan the bar denizens again.

Oh, almost everyone's staring at us. What'd we do, yo…

"They're staring at you because you beat up Eiji." Hook hand keeper explains! "He's kind of the peacekeeper around here." Are you serious…!?

"...Huh." Genkan looks like she doubts that. "Was beating him up a bad thing, then?"

"Oh?" The barkeeper jerked his head back. "Na~h. Guy needs a wakeup call once in awhile. Wins too many fights, and he'll start getting lazy." This guy sounds like he doesn't care about anything at all…!

I look down at my water.

Getting up, Genkan moves for the bar counter. "Let's search the premises." Oh, we're going through with it? We probably should

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...Back here is some drink stuffs, a mixing table, some kitchen things and some short girl with bobby black hair.

"Oh, hey…" She waves at us casually as we come in. "Who're you three?"

Stepping forward, I gesture to myself! "I'm Sora!" I gesture to Maria! "That's Donald!" A~nd now for Genkan! "And that's Goofy!"

...Genkan whaps me on the back of the head with her fan. "You're goofy." Aa~h…!

I move for the door on the other end of the room, because this doesn't look like illegal activity.

Crrea~k. The dark door creaks open…! Outside is…!

Outside. Just, alleys and stuff.

"That's the back door." The girl goes back to… mixing drinks, I think. "You guys here to search or something?"

"Yeah…" Maria nods, stepping up to her. "Say, um…"

"Hmm?" The girl turns to her. "What's up?"

"You're Yumi-chan, aren't you?" Maria recognizes her! "From the school…"

...Blinking a few times, Yumi smiles at her. "Oo~h! And… I don't remember who you are, but hey!"

"Ahaha…" Shifting awkwardly, Maria grins. "Maria."

"...Oo~h, no wonder…" The girl nods. "You were always so quiet. I remember seeing you, but we didn't talk much…"

"Yeah…" Nodding comfortably, Maria distances herself from her a little. "It's nice seeing you again."

"Yeah, you too." Yumi goes back to mixing her drinks… "Oh, by the way, how's your mother? Is she still making those butterscotch cookies at the bakery…?"

Maria has gained a very jaded expression…! "Oh. She's fine. No."

"Oh…" Yumi blinked at that, before turning to her. "What happened?"

"She's dead." Maria put it bluntly.

"O- oh." Yumi held a hand to her mouth. "Oh. Um… sor-"

"It's okay." Maria looked away from her.

Well, this went pear-shaped fast…!

...Turning around, Maria made for the door out. I just realized this bar only has two rooms.

"Um, bye…!" Yumi calls out for her kinda awkwardly!

Exhaling, Genkan moves to follow Maria.

"So uh…" I'll follow them out soon, but first… "What's the story behind pirate guy?"

"Oh, Suna?" Putting down the drinks she was somehow mixing with uncanny precision, she turned to me. "He's kind of here to just be intimidating. He's pretty powerful. I hired him to do the bartending and he's kind of become a staple, here." Oh…

"What's this about a Moriya superweapon…!?" I'm not sure what he was on about there, yo…!

Stepping up to me, she whispered to me. "I made it up." Oh. O~h…! Four dimensional chess, son! "He thinks I'm the leader of a crime syndicate…"

"Who knows, yo, who knows." I'm reminded of that loli who just dropped a gold bar on the chief's freakin' lap. For all I know, you really are the leader of a crime syndicate…!

Well then!

I wave at Yumi-friend! "Bye, yo…! I'mma go… go." Yeah, I don't know how to end this encounter…! Except, perhaps with a-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 76

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Hard Winter - A earth/ice-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the hilt. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder. Allows casting of Gaia Seed. Casts Tundra, a weak spike of ice! Allows the user to cast Ice Shard. Extends combo length by one artificially. Allows the user to jump out out of combos smoothly, and leave frost in their trail.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - A small bag that always seems to be conveniently unaffected by whatever weird crap happens to me. Never enlarges, almost always gives me what I need if I remember it's there. Infinite inventory space. I would like to know where it actually puts all my stuff though…

==o==

WEAPONS:

Swordbreaker - Dark elemental plant hanger. Boosts the power of dark skills. Has a curvy, fancy design that lets it easily counter swords! It better, with a name like 'Swordbreaker'. Provides a weak but passive boost to defense, magical defense, and evade. Lowers the attack of foes as its on-impact effect.

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! May cast Flash, an attack that blinds; works best on darkness elementals and youkai. Acts as a flashlight via candles. Converted to a flail with cross necklaces! Can cast Shine.

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can cast Gust. By the addition of a steel block, its attack and magic attack increased slightly. Sparkles in the light due to fairy dust, able to reduce the accuracy of weak, biological enemies by irritating their senses with the dust. Can play beautiful, flat-tone musi~c!

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Ignites stuff on impact. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Has a flamethrower nozzle, allowing the user to cast Flamethrower Plus! Allows the user to cast Fume.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Can produce limitless fresh water. Boosts the power of water skills. Allows wielder to cast Geyser. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon style; physical attack increased, physical defense lowered. User bleeds out faster. Can cast Revenge, an attack that increases in power the lower the user's health is. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to let it cut!

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Lowers defense slightly. With added electric and holy charms, the hanger is slightly electric and holy elemental. Is able to fluidly chain attacks for stringing together longer aerial and ground combos. Allows the user to fluidly transition from combo to jumping. Allows forced aerial combo support. Grants the user the ability to air slide. Increased jump height when running. Gives motion sickness with avid use!

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please. Unless you're surrounded by fairies who don't know the difference- but y'know- that opportunity's a freakin' million to one.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

==o==

ARMOR:

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business, son. One hundred fifty percent ice resistance: fifty percent of the damage goes into my health pool instead! Dunno 'bout icicles and stuff, though. Fifty percent freeze resistance… not that freezing will hurt with this thing on. Fifty percent dark resistance. Negative fifty percent fire and burning resistance. Hopefully hides you a bit when navigating in the freakin' brush...

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! Seventy-five percent time resistance on equip. Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Lets me be a Touhou, too!

Yellow Racecar Helmet - It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! Fifty percent sun resistance, one hundred percent freezing and blinding resistance. Also gives immunity to electrical stunning. It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! One hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent freezing resistant. Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it. Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' helmet. Fifty percent blinding resistant! When worn with the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit, it also confers immunity to burning and poison, along with another one hundred percent electricity resistance. Yo…!

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes! Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can. Extends prize grabbing range!

Sun Badge - Fifteen percent sun resistance when equipped. Fifty percent resistance to blinding and electrical stunning. Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare when worn.

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Twenty seven thousand, nine hundred Yen - ...Yeah, just in a bag. It's about time I documented how much freakin' money I have!

Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Hina's Bad Luck Talisman - I remembe~r! Upgrades a weapon to debuff luck on strike and stuff!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

Sacred Eagle Feather - A gift from a rambler. It's… sentimental, I think? Help.

Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?

Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

==o==

Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning.

SKILLS:

Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance.

Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.

Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.

Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.

Triple Glacier - See above, but on three enemies! As such, costs triple the mana!

Ice Spin - Spins and lashes out with chilling frost. Probably just an extension of her normal frost powers and not an actual skill…

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. Generates a chunk in an enemy's body which proceeds to freeze the air around it. Power depends on the user.

Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.

Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it…!

Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug…! Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna.

Other Skills - Probably has more spells, but freakin'... I dunno her like a textbook!

INVENTORY:

Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Two hundred ice resistance, although since one hundred of that is inherently from Genkan, she only gains an additional one hundred percent. Gives her two hundred total, though! One hundred percent fire and burning weakness.

Two thousand yen - Her remaining total after spending money on our upgrades.

I dunno - What would I~ have if I was a sexy ice woman?

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==o==

Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Used to run the most impoverished bar ever, but that fell under or something. Really low self-esteem! Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells!

INVENTORY:

Pine Frost Staff - Also good for bonking things! Twenty five percent ice resistance, one hundred percent freezing resistance, allows the user to cast Blizzara and Ice Shard, and boosts the power of ice skills. Negative fifty percent burning resistance. Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.

Wood Staff - Good for bonking things!

Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest. Looks about as garish as your regular Touhou, now! Fifty percent ice resistant. Wearer is immune to freezing.

[Travel Bag] - Inventory that exists! Does not take up inventory because it is inventory. Eight slots.

Two Mana Potions - Guess wha~t? It heals, except mana!

Yuki-Onna Job - A job posting from the village, to stop some yuki-onna.

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==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

a fun chapter - w -

got stuff upgrades from alice! ho ho ho yo… and also went over the freakin' insanity of the world outside gensokyo

visited reimu to help with her fluffy rebellion! 'cause reimu's cuddly and - w -

headed on down to the BRISK BARREL for a 4 page BAR BRAWL and to ask some questions to a discount pirate and his relatively more regular friend

it was pretty fluffy; this is the general quality of populace you can expect of the very hinges of the human village that're quite often ignored aside from hopping the border - w -

oh yeah a buncha interesting magical theory stuff from alice; that's always fun to delve into once in awhile

BAR BRAWL: no real point to it other than to PUT A BOY'S BODY ON THE WALL but it was pretty short by comparison to everything else and did work as an icebreaker to start questioning the tender so it wasn't totally pointless at least - w -

and after looking over the fight a bit ai feel like ai could've done it a bit better but adding some more strategic thought in to make my guy react to what's happening helps - w -

didn't really get to talk with the misc folk around the bar but we didn't really have a reason to, other than eiji there

as always, see you all next time!