Ch. 3 Out of the Ashes You Buried Me In
(ALLI)
"Hey Alli, you coming to eat?" Dave asks walking over with Connor and Wes. I look in the direction Lucas just dragged Clare wondering if I should follow, but Lucas Valieri is scary.
"Yeah," I nod hoping Clare will find us when she's done with Lucas. I really have no idea why he dragged her away, in the middle of school that he doesn't even go to anymore.
I eat with Dave, Wes and Connor and Clare never does find us. As soon as I'm done eating I go looking for Clare, she's under the stairs near the front, watching outside.
"What was that about?" I question.
"Nothing Alli," she shakes her head.
"Lucas Valieri does not storm into school and drag you away to an empty classroom to talk about nothing Clare!"
"Please Alli just drop it," she pleads. She's looking at me and I see her eyes are full of tears.
"You are delusional if you think I'm dropping this," I reply and cross my arms just as I notice emergency vehicle lights out the window down the street. "Why are there cops and an ambulance here?"
Clare looks out and goes pale, she's shaking slightly, yet stiff as stone. "Nonononononono," she says quickly in a panic.
"Clare, tell me what's going on?" I beg.
"I can't, I can't," she mumbles so that I barely hear her. "I have to…I have to go home," she says and turns walking toward the doors.
"Clare you need to breathe, you look like you're about to pass out," I comment grabbing her hand.
"What's going on?" Sav asks appearing behind us suddenly. "Clare you okay?"
"I need to go home, need to go home," she says frantically.
"She won't calm down, she started freaking out when she saw the cop cars and Lucas dragged her away to talk just before lunch," I tell my brother. I'm very worried about my best friend right now, something really bad had to have happened.
"Yeah, I heard that part," Sav nods. He takes Clare's arms and looks in her eyes, she tries to pull away but he holds her tight, gently but tight. "Clare you need to calm down and breathe. I'll drive you home but not until you calm down," he tells her.
She swallows hard and nods, forcing a couple of deep breaths into her lungs. She closes her eyes for a moment, forcing herself to calm. While her eyes are closed I see Johnny, Owen, Fitz and surprisingly Spinner walking to the front doors. They all look slightly sick and royally pissed, I feel sorry for whoever they're after.
"I'm calm, I'm calm, can you take me home now?" Clare asks but she's still begging.
"Yeah, come on," Sav says putting his hand on her shoulder. We all turn to the front doors just as Johnny and the others burst through them, and they look right at Clare. She bites her lip and looks away.
"Why? Why didn't you…" Spinner stumbles over what he wants to ask. They're all looking at her with expressions I can't read.
Johnny grabs her arm making Clare gasp, he pulls her to him just a step.
"Johnny what the hell?" I demand.
He doesn't even look at me, just pushes her sleeve up and we see marks on her arm. They kind of look like burn marks, welts too, one is a cut and bruises. Everyone's expressions go from white to green to furious red.
"Fucking hell Clare why didn't you say anything?" Johnny asks.
She turns her head, biting her lip, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes about to break free.
"Clare, wh…" I start to ask but get interrupted by the intercom.
"Clare Edwards to the Principal's office."
Looking like she's just been sentenced to death she takes her arm from Johnny and walks slowly to the principal's office. We watch her go, watch as she is ushered into the office, Dave's dad and a female officer go in as well.
"Someone please tell me what's going on? What were those marks?" I beseech desperately. No one answers, no one looks at me, everyone stares at the office even though we can't see Clare anymore. "Johnny please, she's my best friend, what do you know?" I question grabbing his arm to make him look at me.
"Bruce has been abusing her," Johnny finally says and I feel the breath leave my body.
"Those marks on her arms," Fitz says having to clear his throat as he sounds like he might cry, "from his belt. He'd restrain her to the bed and molest her, rape her."
"What?" I gasp feeling the blood drain from my face and the contents of my stomach churn.
"Jhaantu," Sav growls out the Hindi profanity. He rarely swears and never in Hindi, we only know the words because of an uncle.
"I feel sick," I whisper thinking of my friend tied with Bruce's belt as he abuses and uses her body.
Johnny wraps his arms around me and I cling to him, inhaling his scent. I'm shielded here and I never want to leave it, but the bell rings telling us to get to class and he lets go. Sav puts his hand on my shoulder taking me from Johnny and walks me to class.
"We have to help her Sav, we have to do something. How could she have been going through all that and never…"
"We will Alli," Sav says hugging me tight before he leaves to go to class.
Clare never does come to class, I worry all afternoon. After school Sav and Johnny both come to our classroom, all I can do is shake my head. We start walking to the office to look for her, before we get there we see her lying down in the nurse's office.
"Clare?" I ask going in with the guys following me. "What happened in the principal's office?"
"They asked if it was true, I said yes and threw up. I've been lying in here ever since. Officer Turner was going to go talk to my parents. A female officer got pictures of the marks. I don't want to go home," Clare says and starts sobbing.
"You can stay at our house," Sav speaks up.
"Yeah, come on, you'll be safe at our house. We'll watch movies, eat ice cream, whatever you want," I tell her as I help her sit up.
She nods and wipes her eyes, Sav takes her backpack. Johnny says he'll see us later and we walk to Sav's car. Clare gets in the backseat and curls up.
"I have to go to the station tomorrow and make a full statement. I have to go to the hospital too, so they can take pictures, a rape kit. I just want to disappear into a hole," Clare says quietly and I wish I knew how to help my friend.
(CLARE)
"You brought him into our home Helen," Dad barks at Mom.
"You're never home how would even know what goes on in our lives," Mom barks back.
"You should have known what was going on in our own walls!" Dad hisses at her.
"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" I scream and then immediately feel dizzy.
After a night with no sleep my parents picked me up at before nine to take me to the hospital. Where a nurse took pictures of the marks and my entire body, including my most intimate parts. The rape kit was worse, it felt like a brand new violation and knowing Bruce always wore condoms I was sure it was pointless. Even worse was knowing Bruce was at the same hospital, even if he was beaten and unable to move.
As soon as we left the hospital we came to the police station, which is where we currently were. I was giving my statement, which meant having to remember it all again. Because I was a minor my parents were here in the room with me, I hated that. I hadn't gotten halfway through the second night of the abuse when my parents began fighting.
"Arguing is not going to help Mr. and Mrs. Edwards," D.C. Woods says. She's the female detective that got pictures of my wrists yesterday and is taking my statement now. "You are here because Clare is a minor, if you cannot contain yourselves I will have you taken out."
"I need the washroom," I request.
"I'll take you Honey," Mom offers.
"No, I need a minute," I snap.
"Come with me Clare," D.C. Woods nods. I get up from the table and follow her out of the room. As soon as we're away from my parents I grab her hand. "I can't do this, not right now, and not with them. They're making it worse, I feel sick," I plead with her.
"I agree they are making it worse. I can have a representative of Children's Aide be with you instead, but I couldn't get someone until Monday probably. You can have council with you as well if you'd like."
"That sounds better than my parents," I reply.
"Aimee," D.C. Woods calls to a woman sitting at a nearby desk, "take Clare to the washroom and escort her out front. I'll bring her parents out."
Aimee gets up and I follow her to the washroom. I splash some cold water on my face and leave the washroom. My parents are out front and we get in the car silently. The silence lasts about three blocks before Mom turns in her seat to look at me.
"How could you not say anything Clare?" She asks with a tsk in her tone making it sound like I didn't tell them I failed a test or cut class. "After what Darcy went through, why di…"
"HE THREATENED TO KILL YOU BOTH," I scream and feel dizzy again. "Or did you not hear me telling that part to the cops? He threatened to kill you both if I said anything and described how he would do it. I was scared a…"
"That's no excuse Clare," Dad cuts me off as he pulls to a stop sign.
I can't take anymore, with the car stopped I unbuckle, grab my backpack and run. My parents are calling after me but I ignore them. I hear Dad pulling up to park so I run into the nearest store and out the back. I'm so frantic and upset that everyone just stares and no one stops me. I run out to the alley and duck into and out the back of several more stores until I'm sure my parents cannot follow me.
After assessing where I am I start walking, I'm not going home, I'm not even going to Alli's. By instinct or desire I find myself walking to Lucas and Jane's house. I've only been here once, but I find it and knock on the door. It opens a moment later and Lucas looks at me surprised but quickly pulls me inside.
"Clare what's wrong?" Lucas asks.
"I went to the hospital this morning and it was awful, and Bruce was in the same hospital. Then I went to give my statement at the police station and my parents were with me. I hated saying it front of them, and worse they started fighting, blaming each other. I couldn't do it, and when we left they started blaming me and I couldn't be around them. I didn't want to go home and I just…just couldn't…" I can't talk anymore and start to fall to my knees but Lucas catches me. He picks me up taking me to the sofa and setting me down. I suddenly become aware of the presence of a small girl, and realize Izzy is here. I crashed Lucas' time with his daughter and I suddenly feel terrible. "I'm sorry, I should go," I apologize trying to get up but Lucas pushes me back to the sofa gently.
"It's fine, don't worry about it," Lucas says in commanding but soft tone.
I'm so broken right now all I can do is nod and sob. I pull my knees up to my chest and begin crying even harder.
"Daddy, what's wrong with her?" Izzy asks.
"She's had a very hard time, something very bad was happening to her and she's upset."
"Who is she?"
"She's Daddy and Auntie Jane's friend Clare," Lucas tells her. I think friend is pushing it, but crazy girl from DeGrassi that ran here for no reason probably wouldn't have sat well with the young girl. "Listen Izzy I know you're supposed to spend the weekend here but right now Clare needs me, and a safe place to sleep. I'm going to call Mommy and have her pick you up okay? We'll make next weekend extra special to make up for it."
I feel guilty again but I'm just a trembling ball of tears, snot and emotion right now. I couldn't move if someone was pointing a gun to my head so I stay where I am.
"It's okay Daddy, I understand," Izzy says and hops of the sofa.
"That's my big girl, why don't you go grab your bag and I'll call Mommy."
I hear Izzy run upstairs and I hear Lucas on the phone with Mia, but I can't hear the words. Everything blurs, becomes fuzzy, all I can hear is my sobbing, heavy breathing and my pounding heart. Either I cry myself to sleep or pass out because the next thing I'm aware of is waking in Lucas' bed. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and temples, searching for my glasses and then they get handed to me.
"You've been out for a couple hours, I was starting to wonder if I needed to call a doctor," Lucas tells me. "Your phone kept going off, it was your parents."
"I don't want to see them," I respond scrunching my nose at the thought.
"I told them as much. I said you needed some time, and if they found my house I wouldn't let them in. You can sleep here tonight," Lucas says.
"Thanks, I'm sorry I ruined your time with Izzy, was Mia mad?"
"Not at all, Mia and Izzy both understood, and you ruined nothing. Izzy and I have next weekend."
"I need the washroom," I remark getting out of bed and falter almost immediately.
"You okay?" Lucas asks as he catches me.
"Yeah, just never got a chance to eat, with all the crying and emotions I guess it caught up with me."
"I'll make you something to eat," Lucas says and I smile at him as I make my way to the washroom.
That wasn't the last time I ran to Lucas' house. I stayed there all weekend and he took me to school Monday. After school Officer Turner took me to the police station to make my statement. It was hard, but not as hard as it had been with parents in the room. I was taken home after, it was really hard to sleep in my room, in fact I couldn't so I slept on the sofa and Dad never came home.
School was pretty hard now, rumors abounded, only Alli, Sav, Johnny, Owen and Fitz knew the truth. The night I had gone home with Alli and Sav Johnny had snuck over later and told me what happened after Lucas left me in the classroom. I loved all of them just a little bit for what they had done, and how they'd gone after Bruce. At school Alli and my friends stuck by me, as did Fitz, Owen and Johnny. Why Bruce had been arrested and what he'd done to me remained speculation. Most people were on my side though, Bruce's reputation at the school was far from good.
Tuesday night my dad did come home, in fact we all got home at about the same time. My parents had both stayed late at work. I stayed late at school, Bruce might be gone, but my home had not returned to a sanctuary. Mom had picked up dinner and we sat down to eat in silence so suffocating it was hard to breathe. Dad was the first to break the silence.
"How could you bring him into our home Helen? You brought him in to prey on our daughter," Dad says irately slamming his fist on the table to punctuate his point.
"Don't you dare put this all on me Randall! I didn't just pick him up of the street and bring him home one day. We talked about this, you agreed to it! We both felt that we couldn't save Darcy so we'd save another soul. Bruce was arrested for drinking, stolen property, a weapon, not sexual offenses! You wanted him here as much as I did," Mom screeches standing up from the table. She takes her half-eaten food and tosses the plate into the sink. "Maybe you just wanted a man here to take your place because you are never around. You've failed your family Randall," Mom spits. She's still looking at the sink her hands gripping the edge her shoulders hunched.
I don't want to be here, but I'm too afraid to move and I feel like going to my room would be worse. Dad stands up from the table so fast his chair falls back, his face is angrier than I've ever seen.
"YOU'RE RIGHT HELEN I AM NEVER AROUND! I'M NEVER AROUND BECAUSE I'M MISERABLE IN THIS HOUSE AND HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME!" Dad yells so loud that the window shakes. "I've been having an affair for almost a year now. I'm leaving, I want a divorce, I'm going to marry Elaine from my office."
With that horrifying confession my dad grabs his keys and wallet and walks out without even looking at me. I can't even cry I'm so stunned. I look at Mom, waiting for her reaction, for her to scream, run after Dad, come tell me it will be okay. Nothing. She stays poised at the sink and I'm not even sure she's breathing. I get up slowly, walking over to my mom and put my hand on her shoulder.
"Mom?" I ask cautiously.
"Everyone's gone, Darcy, Bruce, your father," Mom says looking at me and she seems almost blank. "They're gone and it's because of you," Mom hisses and then pushes past me running to her room.
Just like my dad did a short time ago I grab my backpack and run from the house. I run to Lucas and Jane's again, in tears by the time I get there. I knock on the door and when Jane opens it she brings me inside. Lucas is getting ready for work, but he comes downstairs when Jane calls him. I tell them about the fight, my dad leaving, my mom's reaction and how hard it is to be in the house at all anymore and that I never want to go back. As I'm sobbing on the floor and pouring my heart out Evelyn returns, she didn't hear it all but she heard enough.
"I can't be there anymore, it's not a home it's pit of despair."
"You can move in here," Lucas says looking up to his mom and sister.
"Lucas is right, move in here, you can share my room and when I leave for school it will be yours," Jane says.
"Yes, move in here Honey, you must feel good here you keep running back," Evelyn agrees.
I'm too emotional to say anything so I just nod gratefully and hug them tightly. When I can finally speak I say "thank you" over and over, and tell them how grateful I am.
I slept there that night, the next day after school Jane took me to my house and I packed up some things. I left a note for Mom that just said I was leaving too. The next day the woman from Children's Aide that had been there when I did my statement came to the school. I told her about everything with my parents, how I hated being in that house now. I told her that I kept running to Lucas and Jane's, and that Evelyn had said I could move in. After speaking to Evelyn she filed the paperwork and soon after Evelyn and Lucas were made my guardians. I've been back to my childhood house a few times to get some of my things, but haven't spoken to either of my parents since that night.
When Bruce was let out of the hospital he was sent to jail, because in the hospital the blood test revealed him to be drunk and high, violations of his parole. I no longer felt the need to stay at school late and always got a ride home with Jane or sometimes Johnny would bring me home. I felt safe there, but still had nightmares, and whenever I had a nightmare and Jane wasn't awake I'd go to Lucas. If he was at work I'd call him, and he always stayed on the phone with me. I always worried that it was bothering him, but he never seemed bothered by it and never made me feel like a burden.
Jane and I talked a lot, she'd been through things too, not entirely the same as me but she knew a lot of what I was feeling. We spent a lot of late nights talking about what we've been through, but also about literature, shows, movies, music, school, friends and everything in between. In the months we share a room we become like sisters, in fact I feel closer to her than I ever did to Darcy. I'm so proud of Jane when she graduates, and cry when she when she boards the plane for California, more than I did when Darcy left for Africa.
I became close to Izzy before she left for Paris, spending a lot of time with her when she had her weekends with her dad. Evelyn worked a lot, I never get to spend much time alone with her, but when we do it's comfortable and she's nurturing. I'll always be grateful to her for bringing me into her home and welcoming me, even if she is more like a friend than a parent. Probably the most important thing she did for me was encourage me to get back into dance. She even signed me up for a dance class and paid for it. Once I began again I couldn't stop, and signed up for three other dance classes.
With Alli in India for the summer I spent a lot of time with Lucas over the summer. If I wasn't at dance, and he wasn't at work or sleeping we were almost always together. We bonded and I truly felt that Lucas was my brother as much as I felt Jane was my sister. He was there for me and I knew I could count on him for anything. Something I couldn't say for a single member of my family at this point.
I didn't see Jenna or K.C. at all over the summer, I saw Dave and Wes a few times, Connor had gone home for the summer. Other than Lucas I spent a lot of time with Johnny, Owen and Fitz over the summer. Though I believe they were mostly hanging with Lucas they never complained when I was around. I also know they felt guilty about what had happened with Bruce, and I believe forging a friendship was in some way them making amends. It didn't matter I was grateful for all of them and finding that I appreciated each of them and their friendships for various reasons.
Johnny and Alli had only lasted (even in mostly secret) until the beginning of May when they had a terrible fight. Alli called him the devil and refused to ever speak to him again. That was also about the time I was finally starting to feel safe and semi-normal again. Lucas and his family had the most to do with that. However, at that point I was also done with giving my statements and speaking to my lawyer, at least for a while. There would still be a trial which would mean depositions and more talks with the lawyer and then having to testify at trial. No date had yet been set for the trial and so I was enjoying this calm until the next legal storm. Bruce was in jail and I was enjoying my summer, something I was sure I wouldn't be doing back in February.
I was even looking forward to school again. Bruce wouldn't be there, but I knew he'd be out of jail eventually and there was every possibility I'd have to see him again.
