(in which we pet a friendly reindeer dude)

Ellipses, yeah. Invigorating start, innit…

Nn~h. Morning time. In a bed. My shoulders and head are propped on the pillows just right, for that in and of itself to knock me out again. Man, the day someone gives me a proper back massage, I'm just going to cum and die, I'm pretty sure.

...S'a little early in the day to think about that last part, though! Aah.

Now, normally I'd kinda be the person to like… considering my typical 'find a rock and molest it' sleeping habits, splay out and hog the bed and get funky with the pillows, but…

"Mnh…" Ha-chan's cozied up with my left arm, keeping it snuggly and warm. Her legs had advanced as far as they could over mine, but stopped at Genkan's.

To my right, Genkan's just lazily sunk into the bed next to me, also on her back. Her arms are splayed out, crossing me and Ha-chan and, on the other side, probably Maria. If she's still asleep or such, anyway...

Also, Maria's probably getting smooshed. I say this because I am getting smooshed!

...So that's why I didn't try splaying out. I am… literally contained! Contained, trapped, and warm. I don't know how to feel about this! But… I could really get used to more mornings where I get to sleep in because my party members trapped me. It feels… so good!

The only thing we really did as 'prep' was have Genkan wedge between me and Maria on principle. Otherwise, none of us really give a shit about the decency of sharing a bed! Sleep's sleep, dude, and if we're all in a lump, that just keeps us warmer.

...We also just kind of flop over and don't really plan it out past that, for the most part.

Back at home, I'd sleep either a step from nude or just nude 'cause screw clothes. Gensokyo really doesn't give you a moment for that luxury…!

My mind's run out of stuff to keep it preoccupied, son. Genkan's butt is against my right hip, and Ha-chan's just everything is on my left everythings. It's surprisingly less sexy than one might anticipate 'cause I'm trapped, but also thinking about this proximity is quite the prospect.

...I gaze into Ha-chan's sleeping expression.

Good night.

...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Thud.

Oh- woah, who's manhandling me, what the fuck.

I sit up! Time to start my day wit' a-...

...Ah. Genkan sat me down on the table, downstairs. Just, on my back, on the top 'a it…

Her usual stoicism greets me! "Good morning." Hi, friend. Good morning to you, too. "...Marcus may have fixed his shop. He did not return here while we rested."

He probably got the like ten million holy people who were in the village the other day to look at it. I don't think a not-Saigyou Ayakashi can stand up to the three religious leaders at once…!

"Good morning, world…" Sitting up, I look around from atop the table! "Here's to nothing fucked up happening today…!" First we find a freakin'... rape victim, and then we nearly die. We still have to molest Matt at some point, but until then, the next time we see Reimu, I'm just gonna go off the handle, yo. It's a molest or get molested world, son…!

Wait, didn't Mokou already have that covered? It's too early for this shit…!

Genkan's gaze falls to the table below me. "Considering this village, misfortune seems more than likely." She's not optimistic...!

"Why'd ya set me down on a table…?" I grin at 'er!

"I could have dropped you on the floor." ...Good point, and well made!

Sliding off the table and onto my legs, I look around the comfy magic house!

The dining room's pretty plain and open. Unlike other village housing, there's just a big opening into the wide main room, where the eternal fireplace is.

Stepping in, I see Maria and Ha-chan standing before a particularly tubby fluffle.

Fwam. From her staff, Maria created a slow-moving tan orb, which drifted into the fluffle and dissipated against its face, becoming a small static storm.

The fluffle's shell nose opened, but it didn't say anything. I don't think it likes it, but don't quote me on that!

"Danmaku's weird…" Maria laments on the properties of danmaku, yo.

"I never really learned how…" Ha-chan holds her hand out-

Fwam. She makes a cyan orb, which drifts into the fluffle…!

After it dissipated into static like the other one, some thicker sparks of cyan energy began to run along its form-

Poof. The fluffle ragdolled, paralyzed. Maria held a hand to her mouth…!

"Oh no." It got sacked, dude. "Hello, world." I greet the friends!

"Hello, world!" Ha-chan echoes my sentiments!

"Ah…" Maria notices me! "Good morning..."

...I stare down at the paralyzed fluffle. We ruined it, dude.

"Man." It looks cuddly, dude. "It's a lump, dude."

Bending down, Ha-chan picks it up. "Aww~! It's snuggly…" Then, she nuzzles it…

Unlike the normal fluff stuff, this one's midget-sized as opposed to freakin' house pet sized.

...Holding out my hand, I make that yellow danmaku cylinder I made back at Marisa's place that one time!

It drifts forward, before accelerating into the fluffle-

A~nd, the bullet's gone. It flashed out as if hitting the fluffle just deleted it.

...Maria looks at me! "You can… slightly use danmaku."

"Ye." I nod at 'er. "I don't really know much about it, though!"

...Genkan drifts into the room proper, approaching us by gliding gently across the hardwood floor. Hoh. "...I would show you mine, but I'm sure it's best fit for outside." ...Then, she looks at me and Maria more specifically! "Do you two have any spell cards?"

...Maria focuses on me!

"Nope!" I admit! "Not a one!"

With that reveal, Maria allows herself to shake her head. "I don't. I never had a reason to use it, really…"

"That would make sense…" Genkan focuses on the fluffle in Ha-chan's arms…

"I have one!" Ha-chan announces!

...I just kinda raise a brow at 'er! "Ya do, now…?"

"Mhm!" Eagerly, she nods! "Spell Card, Spell Card!"

After announcing her spell, she held out her hand!

Fwam. A single cyan orb generated in the air before her.

Chu. After a moment, it shot a white orb at the fluffle in her arms-

Fwoof. Upon being struck, the fluffle had taken enough abuse, and collapsed into dust. Oh no!

"Is that… really what it's called?" Maria gives her a… I dunno what kinda stare that even is. Somewhere between normal and jaded!

"I~ forgot." Ha-chan admits! "...I don't danmaku~. It's scary. And loud."

I can create elemental danmaku by using certain equips, right? And, I have trouble, like… making the shape and making it do anything, especially anything useful. You have to maintain this weird cognition of what your bullets are doing, and it's deceptively hard. Easy on paper, but deceptively hard in practice! Like… a staring contest, except with your mind.

I make another yellow cylinder, and it floats towards Genkan, before losing momentum and freakin' dying on the floor, yo…!

"Ah- huh..." She stops herself from being amused at it! "What was that…?"

"The good bullet, dude." My secret weapon. "Hakurei miko beware."

"Indeed." Allowing herself a smile, Genkan began to search the dim, warmly lit abode with her eyes…

And, yeah. In the front of the living room're some fun table things. Nothing's over the fireplace for obvious reasons, one of which being slow heat death, but on a nearby shelf I can see pictures of Marcus, Marisa, and… some woman. Must be the wife.

Let's not dwell on that! History's mysteries, man. Among other such analogies! Let sleeping doors lie? Some dogs are best left closed, son.

"Perhaps you'd have better luck if you used a focus for your magic." Oh, woah. Genkan spoke ta me while I was spacing out!

"...A focus." I just kinda echo it. I never really considered it. What good's it even? Aside from the whole 'firing lasers from your hand itself burns like a motherfucker' thing. Barring that, why would ya?

"Like my staff." Maria shows off her ice box-capped staff! "Some of my magic I channel through it, to make it easier to cast stuff. If I just used my hands to do things, I'd probably... lose them after a while, without potions."

That reminds me! "Prefab spells! How do they work, yo…?" I feel like I'd heard this before, but-

"Ah." Maria blinks! "...It's a little complicated. Basically, they're sort of complex, innate procedures- which, if you knew magic stuff, um… you could do, too. But basically… yeah, they're just automated functions. The key to them is... usually ingrained into you through magical recantation of something in a book, or you can try to recreate a prefab yourself just to see if you can, and to keep the steps in mind."

Aa~h. So… the easy way is the book basically giving you Game Genie codes, and the hard way is deciding to break down the process and making the Game Genie code yourself.

Well, I can't read anything other than modern English, so I'm a little fucked! Man. Maybe I can hire a translator. Freakin' Russian translators, dude...

...Reaching into my bag, I take ou~t…

Hmm. I start to draw Hard Winter, but… y'know, I've really got a lot of shit in this bag, don't I?

Taking it out fully, I aim it forward! Channeling mana into it, I focus…

Hmm. Like, as in, I actually focus on where that flowy feeling's kinda going. I sorta feel it when I visualize and cast shit, and sure as hell felt it when I made that laser that seared my hand, but…

I can kinda feel it flow from my hand to sorta over my weapon. I don't know how accurate it is, 'cause it's like having your eyes closed and trying to walk around; you just guess and overestimate and underestimate everything.

After charging mana in the tip, I create my~ cylinder!

It gently floats out. It's cyan this time!

After drifting gradually and hopefully forward, it hits the front door and kills itself. Oof.

"That's more magical knowledge than I'd have given you credit for." Genkan seems to have observed my process, somehow! "...That was more deliberate. Compared to when you normally channel into your... hangers, to cast prefabricated spells."

"Do you know any spells that don't rely on your, um… things?" How's Maria know my game mechanics…!? "I noticed you always channel to cast, and it's always some kinda prefab the thing itself does…" She answered me without me asking even…! Must be on my face.

"You guys already know my tricks, yo…!?" I didn't know it was that easy to observe…!

Looking me up and down, then giving me a nod, Genkan snorts. "They're really not complicated. And… your fighting style pretty much just relies on throwing as many cheap blows and surprises you can. When you're not the focus, you're pretty much support. You get pretty skittish in combat easily, as well."

Do I? Hmm. Kinda. I don't really betray panic if it's a kind of mediocre fight, even when pain sucks… although I am pretty frantic and flailing, as someone with like no combat sense beyond beating up relatively passive fairies.

"Well, to be fair, it's hard not to get freaky in fights…" Maria defends my franticness! "Like, um… me. I'm pretty much never calm in a fight…"

...Genkan considers this! "...It would be easy to call myself calm, since my abilities are… as they are." You know, I never figured out how old Genkan was. She doesn't seem to be ascended two-point-woah tier old. "I am subject to frustration. And… complacency, as our last encounter may have conveyed."

"I'm confused…" Ha-chan's thinking too hard! Aa~h! "When'd we start talking about fighting…?"

"When we started talking about fighting." Genkan informs her very elaborately!

"...Oh!" See, there ya go, yo.

Moving past us, Maria heads for the dining room. "Anyway, we should spend this day… not doing village work, I think. I- I mean… it's great helping out and all, but…"

"Yeah." I'll have to agree on that…! "These past few days were heavier than anticipated…!"

Finding fucked up shit on my own is kinda like… I'm just really jaded, ironically. It's kind of different when my friends here aren't quite so jaded. I'm pretty sure that's like the first time Maria's had to really face an ordeal like that- and play the freakin' SWAT savior at the same time.

...Also, for some reason the dining room has these dim not-fire lights that are just always on in it, and it's distracting me!

"What are these lights…?" I freakin' meander towards the chandelier…

Digging through her pockets, Maria draws a piece of paper! "...I still have that yuki-onna job we took. We should… probably do that, since we took it."

"...I'd forgotten all about that." Genkan was reminded, too! Honestly, that completely escaped my mind. We got a lot busier than we'd expected! "We should see to that… at some point." Hoh.

"Some point, huh…" Maria begins to fold up the job again… "We shouldn't be too late, since it's already been… about two days."

"...Right." Genkan nods at this, rememberin' that part as well…

...Romping into the dining room through the big open space between the rooms, Ha-chan moves towards Maria. "You're short…"

"...I'm fifteen." Maria reminds her…! "I've, um… got growing to do... and all that."

Ha-chan blinks! "Why do people gro~w?" Aw, yo. She's intrigued by biology, yo. "Are humans like plants? Or flowers?"

...Maria dunno where to even start! "I- I… guess you could- well, no. They're not plants, 'cause-"

"But you feed them and they get bigger!" Ha-chan argues! "Just like plants!"

...Subscribing to her logic, Maria argues on even ground! "Humans can move." ...Plant girls can also move…!

Ha-chan looks away for a moment... "Yeah, that's true..." Ho ho. I don't think Ha-chan could grasp cell stuff. Maybe if you just abbreviated it to skin stuff and organs, she'd get it.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

With some of the furniture pushed aside, we stand in the midst of Marcus's rather generous dining room!

"While we've got a moment of peace…" I almost hold my hanger bag upside down, dude. "We should actually see what's in my inventory!"

"...I'd like to remind you that we shouldn't destroy this house." Genkan raises an objection, seated on that big fluffy chair of Marcus's nearby. "I know you keep bombs on yourself, for some reason."

I just kinda nod. "You know, that might be a good idea."

Maria jerks her head back! "Really…?"

...Genkan's got a brow raised herself! "...I was half-joking, you know."

You could do that!? I mean- well, I grin! "Ya weren't wrong!"

...Genkan gets up from the big fluffy chair, her itch to sit satiated.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

So now we're in the alley outside Marcus's house, between some generic, one story buildings. A few houses ahead is Small Packages and Golden Grin, and the main road. We're nice and cozy back here, dude.

The ground below is dirt, and between the wood plank wallings of the houses, we can feel a light, dainty breeze. The sky above is nice and blue...

Cla- clank, clank! Ha-chan tips over some garbage cans nearby, bricks and stuff spilling out. "Aa~h…!"

...Maria flinches at the noise, after a delay!

"Alright, yo…" It is time… to tip the scales, dude! Flipping the bag around, I hold it upside down-

Clank- clank, clank. Instantly, plant hangers drop from it-

Boom! The bomb hanger explodes, making the pile spread out!

Fwoom. The flame hanger hits the floor, and almost ignites my shoes.

More stuff clatters out-

Thud. Dude, my yin-yang flail-o-copter! Aw. I stopped using it because it's really demanding on the arms, and kinda clunky, and really I might as well just walk everywhere if flying there's a bloody gym exercise. It's also only really good for solo travel.

Ti- tink- crack- tink. A bunch of vase shards and other pieces of deadly shrapnel fall out, thankfully after I've expelled my freakin' bomb.

Cla~ng! Oh, wha's that? S'that a sword? Oh, right, Akihito's sword!

Ti- ti- ti- tink! Oh- right, my potions! Should probably move to set those aside, really quickly…

While I crouch down and recover the potions, Genkan moves some away telemagically. Aw…

Standing again, I flip the back bag over-

CLANG! Holy shit! When'd I pick up an anchor!?

Cla- clack. A bottle of pills fell out-

Bam. Hello, table! And-

Bam. Oh, shit. I had to step back, because multiple tables. Jeez…!

...Oh, hey, that sun badge fell out. I need a like, 'currently equipped' inventory section.

Cla- cla, clack. The space suit stuffs fall out, as I strafe in a circle around the freakin' crap pile…!

While I strafe, a dainty rope of red bikinis begins to unfurl out, that fancy key Brittany gave me along with some freakin' talisman drifting out-

Tink. The youkai pulverizer badge falls out, along with Remilia's cap, some monk robes, and my Kaguya outfit…!

Ba- bam- thud! Bam! More furniture! Chairs, end tables, and tables! A freakin' feather flutters out, too-

Um? When the hell did I pick up Reimu's clothes? Fucking, binding roll and everything! Ah- oh hey, those are my old blue sweatpants and flimsy shirt!

Cla- clack. My NERF Maverick blaster clatters out, with the NERF Marauder Long Sword flopping down next to it. Oh, yeah! Talk about a brick joke…! Literally never even looked at these after the very first chapter. Holy shit.

And then-

Splaa~sh! Water! Lots, and lots, of wate~r!

Splaaa~sh

While my bag freakin' floods the alley, I strafe back so I don't end up in a big mud puddle…!

...Genkan moves to float the big dumb anchor out of the way. "...Quite the collection, you have here." Ya don't say…

"Ooo!" Ha-chan picks up the Kaguya wig! "...I found a vaporized person!" Freakin'...

Thunk. After my bag finishes taking a leak, that London summoning cross falls out. I think… that's about everything!

...With the bag empty, I set it down, and move for some of my stuff!

I pick up my Maverick NERF gun. It's missing some darts from when I've fucked with it before, so now it's only got three shots. Aw…

...I point it at Maria, and cock the mechanism-

Pop! A dart flies out and bounces off her torso.

"Ah…" She flinches, before looking over! "...Is that a gun?"

"Yeah, dude." My strongest equip, dude. "It shoots high-impact foam at a few inches per second."

Pop! I fire another whistler dart at her! It doesn't even whistle.

Maria lets it bounce off herself again. "...A toy gun. It's different from ones sold here…"

...Ha-chan is now wearing the Kaguya wig, albeit somewhat improperly. She points at me! "I'm you now!" Aaa~h!

"Where did all of this furniture come from?" Genkan looked all the miscellaneous furniture over! "As well as that water…"

"Fish bowl two." I describe the setting as best I can. "The sequel…!"

...She didn't quite catch that! "What?"

More accurately…! "My water hanger used to not have a way to stop leaking, and I just kinda let it be in my bag here." ...Oh, yeah. "Also, I just stole all that furniture from around the world." There's Eientei and Scarlet kinds here!

"Excellent." Nodding plainly, Genkan then turns her attention to the clothing. "You've been thieving people's outfits from across the world, as well. Even the Hakurei didn't escape you."

Fwoa~m! Oh, no! The space suit I left out, it cast Zero Gravity-

Genkan holds an arm up and telekinetically grabs most things. Hoh…

"Wah- woah…!" Maria's caught off guard, and slowly begins spinning around! "Woa~h…!"

...Ha-chan moves to grab 'er so she stops twirling gently! Meanwhile, I'm just kinda floating up…

...After a moment-

Thu- thunk- thud. I land on my feet, and some crap clatters nearby, sploshing in the dirty, wet ground beneath us. Alright- I gotta put that freakin space suit away right away…! As well as my bombs and shit, so we don't trip on them and need a trip to the E.R.

Crouching down an' picking up my bag, I take this moment to flip it upside down for funsies-

Plop. Wat.

...Something black and depthless looking dropped down onto the floor before me. After a moment, it expanded to like, person size!

Backing away from the abyss, I watch it! Everyone else pays attention to it, too. Is it, like… a hole?

...Abruptly, a cream-haired fairy pops out! "Yeahoo~!"

Somersaulting out of the hole, she lands before me!

Wow, dude. She's cuddly. I wave at her! "Hello, friend."

...She whips around to face me, before beaming!

Then, she just kinda… bobs in place, bending her knees every second to do so. She's flat, so she's not jiggling her breasts.

"He~y! It's you!" Ha-chan recognizes her! "Hi!"

The fairy whips around, and waves at her. "Oo~h! Fairy-chan!" She dunno her name…!?

Oh, right, gotta grab that space suit. Lemme just do that…!

While I put away the gravity-raping suit, the unknown fairy speaks! "I got lost!"

"You did!?" Ha-chan, she came out of my bag. She's lost as fuck, son!

"I did!" She sure did, yo! "But now I'm not! Ho ho~!" She goes 'ho ho'!?

Woosh! Somersaulting rapidly through the air, she leaps over Maria entirely, before sprinting full stop towards the end of the alleyway! "Nice seeing ya~!"

"She's a nice fairy." Ha-chan gives me a smile, as I just take this moment to gaze into the slightly overcast aether. "She gave me pie once." Pie, huh.

"I don't understand fairies." Genkan makes her deduction, yo. "I also don't understand this rope of red bikinis." She holds it up…!

"You know, me either." Maria grins at it! "Where'd you even get that?"

"In hell, dude." I return a grin 'a my own! "Old Hell, to be specific!"

...Let's see~. Oh, hey, there's Hina's bad luck talisman! And that eagle feather I got from that confusing youkai thing. I should probably put them on something before I freakin' forget like a smart person again.

"You know…" Stepping up to me as I gather the crap, Maria speaks! "That dart gun could actually make a good danmaku focus, I think."

...Y'know, that'd make a lot of sense, actually. It'd also have some kind of a purpose, for once in its freakin' existence!

...I gaze at my collection of plant hangers! "Y'know, that sounds like an idea." It'd probably be easier for me to visualize shooting shit from a gun than a plant hanger. No elemental affinities, sure, but if you're going danmaku, you might as well not bother with that technical crap. If I wanted to blow up a boy, I'd just use my other things.

Then, I look at the talisman and feather again. Hu~h…

...I take the talisman, and slap it on the NERF blaster's tactical rail! Bad luck bullets, dude! An' then I just kinda fix the feather onto that ring on the back of the cocking mechanism.

Not sure what the feather's supposed to do, but it's feathery. This is now a noble weapon, dude.

"This is now the good gun." I should find out what the feather does. Maybe I'll learn by zapping someone with my piss weak danmaku.

...I look back at Genkan, seeing her lift up some hangers I probably haven't shown off before: Million Bucks and Swordbreaker! She looks puzzled...

...Ha-chan's playing with the bikinis now by freakin' whippin' 'em around, and still has my Kaguya hair on, so I take aim at 'er!

Focusing on the gun, without cocking it I imagine a bullet roarin' out as soon as I press the trigger- after allocating my mana where it should be, of course-

Pop! Oo~h! I fired the dart without cocking it, apparently! The glowing projectile stretched to meet Ha-chan-

The dart bounced off her as normal, but not without losing its glowy magic first, only after hitting her. "Ee~!" She jumped at the sensation!

...After looking around a little, she smiles. "Oh. Oo~h…"

For some reason, she lands, before looking over at me. "Everything's pretty…" Smiling-

"Whao~!" She flails her limbs, slipping on the muddy ground!

Splat. She lands on her ass, in the mud. "Anh…" Oof.

...I look around for the dart- ah. It's... gone? Maybe it's under her ass.

I check my barrel, popping the revolving chamber of the toy pistol out to- huh, my shot's still there. The barrel never even moved!

"Brad-kun…" Ha-chan looks up at me. "...There're… two of you…"

...She's confused, son. I think. That, or she's just got really bad luck and it's fucked her senses somehow.

...I press the barrel of the NERF blaster against my temple! "Wahaha~!" See you in the next life, son!

Pop! Ooo~! My bullets are more tingly than freakin'... actually harmful. Also I swear I felt a dart just poke against my head-

Oh- oh, holy shit, Ha-chan was right…

For a moment, the world around me becomes a blur, sky and ground and the tint of the houses-

The floor is like, worse than ice.

Splap. I land on my side in the mud. Ah, fuck…

"Ah, Brad…!" Maria's voice is echoey. "Are you okay…!?"

No, I'm drunk. "A- aah, yeah, well, uh, kind... of…" Man, this mud'll be a bitch to wear out of my kimono. I should shove Deep Blue up my ass, and see if that helps...

Oh, I think Genkan lifted me, because now I literally can't see shit other than a blur of muted colors. Ahaha~nh…

I end up propped up against probably a wall, staring at multiple Genkans. "Hi."

"...You don't seem to have hurt yourself tangibly." Genkan evaluates my status! "You've completely lost your balance, however."

Yeah, ya don't say… oof. Well, at least I get to be freakin' useless for a few minutes.

"How did you even do this to yourself, so quickly?" Genkan makes a droll expression…!

Very carefully. Freakin'...

...For a moment, I just see the blur of colors of the alley, Genkan somehow moving- oh, she's moved to embrace me-

Oo~h, holy shit, that's a rush!

My vision snaps back to normal after a moment-

Genkan releases me, and I just freakin' snug up against the wall behind myself for a moment. "Wo- woah…" Death hugs with one hundred fifty resistance are life hugs. That's one way to cleanse my status…

In fact, I just realized I forgot to add Fragile Flower to my inventory for the last chapter batch despite actually having it on me this whole time! Hoh, shit!

"Better?" ...Don't gimme that smug face, fluffy.

"Ye." Ye he, he he.

...Now that I'm not dead, she floats Million Bucks and Swordbreaker back up to herself. "What is the point of these ones…?"

I point at Million Bucks! "That one's fer runnin' away!" And, gliding, apparently. Next, I point at Swordbreaker! "S'a swordbreaker! It breaks swords, maybe, on occasion." It's got fun ridges for leveraging and stuff, and reduces damage output of noobs.

"...I see." Genkan possibly sees their purpose. Hoh…

Anyway, I'm not drunk off my ass on magical confusion anymore. Y'know, confusion and bad luck seems like a damn good combo, all things considered. I should've stacked upgrades on my gun and learned danmaku sooner!

Having a Reimu costume is news to me. Dude, I'll get to show off my armpits with the best of them. I'll need it appraised, but I bet it's just a bunch of holy resistance. You know, the element everybody uses.

Dude, maybe I can get it dyed, and become the lime green- no, wait, that's technically Sanae, even if she's blue and green, and also white. I can become the magenta Shinto person, dude! I can play as Magenta Reimu! Or, maybe lime green Reimu like I'm some Team Fortress 2 player who blows money on ugly cosmetics. Reimu's a free to play 'cause she's in her stock costume, son.

...While I'm just staring at my crap pile like a retard, Genkan smoothly bends over to grab Fragile Flower…

She begins to right herself-

"Ah!" Squeaking, she tosses it straight up into the air! "My- my body...!"

...We watch it fly up, over the height 'a the houses around us, before arcing back down-

Thunk! It killed the dirt, dude.

...Turning back to me, Genkan gestures to it! "What is that?"

"It halves your physical everything!" I explain! "It's the good weapon."

"How detrimental." ...She gives it a hard stare. "No wonder you threw it at you opponent, last time. For what reason do you carry it?"

"'Cause, yo…" Stepping up to it, I put away my NERF blaster to free my hand up, and crouch down-

Oo~h, yep, even I can feel my strength freakin' swirl down the drain when I hold this thing. I should give it to Suika and watch her realize the meaning of the universe. Or maybe not, if she ends up breaking it on impulse, or something…!

"Cleanse, friend." I point it at Ha-chan as she slowly floats back up-

Fwoo- fwoo- fwoosh. Swooshes of fluffy white energy travel up her form, leaving her blinking. "...I can see again!" Ho ho!

"...Ah." Genkan considers these merits, yo. "Support magic. That makes… sense."

It kinda does. It really makes you commit, though. Forcing you to freakin' sit back or get your ass kicked and all that.

Thunk! Maria kicks a table over! Wahaha!

"You should probably clean most of these things up." Genkan advises me…! Yeah, I think we've had enough of staring at my shit.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I put away all the things and stuff! I took a good portion of the furniture with me again. I was comfortable with leaving the freakin'... glass shards and water behind, though. Maybe I should pour in a bucket of legos, so the next person to try and steal stuff gets their hands smooshed.

Anyway, we're now… on the midday road! Again. Yeah, this village has a lot of roads. This time, we're on a like, more back road. A more back road of the village, that is. Still in the Golden Grin and Ass Packages sector, but it's a lot further towards the outer walls.

"We're being hunted by yuki-onna, please help." Maria once again raises the job, looking it over as we approach the destination, wherever it is. "Ever since last evening, yuki-onna have been coming to our house and attacking us. When I get guards, they can't find them, and they're gone. I can't hold out much longer. Please help." ...She looks over at us! "Maybe we should've gone sooner."

"I'm sure, at worst, they had to vacate for a few days…" Genkan's brows are furrowed. "I can't believe my sisters would do such a thing. Lash out, yes, but to simply harass a structure over time seems too far, and too much effort. Especially here."

We're passing some tiny ass, dreary little farm-esque places. I say tiny 'cause like… these farms are the size of my house on the outside. Like- crops, barn and all, fence to fence. Which, lemme put it straight: is not big! Low-tier suburban lawn big! Still, it's more property than like, these box houses the normal villagers have… which is just the house and surrounding allies, and maybe a bit of the street in front, if it's even next to a street.

...After taking a right past a tiny shack on the edge of some loosely fenced farmland- oh.

Well, that's probably the farm we're supposed to approach. It's got ice crystals jutting out of the farmland. That might not be good for the crops.

"I, um, think we found the place…" Maria regards the ice crystals with raised brows! They're taller than the tiny shack on the edge of the property!

"Wo~w!" Ha-chan's awed! "It's so pretty!" ...Alright, yeah, seeing these ice crystals just out here is cool. Ho ho! They're like, translucent, but vaguely blue. I'm really satisfied by this, for some reason.

...Actually, this property has a two-story tiny shack, with a tinier shack next to it. Freakin'...

"Look." I gesture to the tiny stuff. "Nugget homes…"

"The houses are somehow not frozen." Floating ahead 'a me, Genkan observes the war status! "We may not be too late."

...Minding the freakin' stick crops, we take a path into the tiny farm and begin to approach the shack setup…

Bam! The wooden door of the main shack bursts open, a guard stumbling back out of it-

Fwam! An orb of light rushes out to strike his chest! "Uagh!"

The brown-haired guard man swings a short sword at the air wildly as he stops himself from almost falling backward-

Fwam! Another orb of light rushes out to smash 'em in the gut! "Uu~gh!"

Thud. Shattered, crappy armor plating falls to the side as the guard himself sprawls out on the floor, his sword discarded. "Fu- fuck… magic…"

...From inside, a short boy with brown hair and a hoe walks outside-

"Lumen!" He thrusts his hoe up-

Fwoosh! It shoots a glassy, white orb from it!

Fwam! "Aa~gh!" It explodes into white energy against the guard! "Un~h…" Giving up, the guard let himself relax against the dirt he found himself embedded in.

Snapping to us, the boy's eyes widen, and he holds his hoe up again! "Lumen!" Oh shit whaddup!?

Fwoosh! The boy fired an orb out at Genkan!

Fwam! "Ngh…!" Caught by surprise, Genkan drifts back slightly from the impact!

"Hey!" Maria yells out at him, raising her proper staff in protest! "Who're you!?"

"Lumen!" The boy strafes back as he casts his new shit!

Fwoosh! The orb comes out, moving for Maria-

Fwam! "Ghh!" Boltin' forward, I took the hit for 'er! Oo~h, shit…! Nice gut blow with your magic, chap… Christ.

I stumble ahead after taking the the blow. I'm ready to go ham for the team, son…!

"Blizzara~!" Maria's staff glows, as she throws it out for the good spell!

Fwa~sh! A spread of messy, blue and white ice magic splays out from her swing, some of it hitting my form and blooming out into frosty blasts, which only serve to fuel my barbarian rage!

Some of the icy particles bloom against the boy, and he recoils violently. "A- anh- Gods…!" Grimacing, he doubles back further inside. "Lumen!"

Fwoosh! The orb materializes, and stretches out towards us…!

So me and Maria just get outta the way of the doorframe.

The holy orb zips outside, vaguely curving towards our forms as it passes us, before missing completely and fading out as it floats off…

That boy, he was covered in freakin' blue kiss marks. What kinky shit's goin' on down here!? Why was he smokin' a guard!? Why's everything frozen out hea'...?

"Are you alright…?" Maria glances over at Genkan.

"I'm fine." Lookin' determined, Genkan approached the wall beside the door, across from my spot. "He's using holy magic, so it hurt more than it should have."

"Mgh- mgh, mgh…"

...I glance inside to see the kid chugging a mana potion-

Crack! He lets it fall out of his mouth as he thrusts the hoe forward, the tool glowing-

Bam! The door shut on us!

I knock on the door. "Da~h. Pizza~!" I know we just exchanged blows and all, but I got the fuckin' pizza you ordered, man!

...Ha-chan's hugging one of the ice crystals in the background-

"Cold- cold…!" She stopped, moving away and flailing her arms! "Oo~h…!"

"Friendly guy." It's a freakin' challenge scenario, son! ...I look at my party! "So!"

...After some idle moments of looking at each other, Maria begins to break the ice. Ha, ha. "Maybe we should just g-"

Tink! Tink! Tink! Tink!

Before us, the translucent, wavy form of a pitch blue woman begins to flicker into existence, glimmering glitter particles sparkling to life in her wake. She's nude but featureless, so it's still totally family-friendly, yo.

...She- I think- turns her blank face to me.

"That is not one of my sisters." Genkan immediately speaks out! "She is a greater frost spirit." A greater frost spirit, huh.

...She holds her hand up-

WOOSH! Wind with fluid, flickering streams of particalized frost whips against me…!

...And it feels good! "Ooo~..." This is the best breeze I've ever felt! Holy crap! Quick- admire how beautiful the horizon is…! Nice and blue and kinda boundless… and-

Agh- well, it's pretty strong wind, even if it feels good. Hoh…

...Turning away from me, the spirit turns towards the door. Reaching a hand down as it descended slightly, it began to jiggle the knob-

"Fire!" Maria's ready to smoke it!

Fwam! A small fireball kabooms against its butt.

Cra- crack- tink- crack! Loud, ice shattering noises are audible as the spirit dissipates into ice, slush and snowflakes.

"Di- did I kill it…?" Maria begins to look mortified…!

"No." Genkan summarizes. Ah.

Tink! Tink! Tink! Tink! Oh, hi again. The spirit spawned again around that other, midget-sized shack next to this one.

Tink! Tink! Tink! Tink! Oh, there's two. Jeez-

Tink! TInk! Tink! Tink! Sweet Jesus, it'sa monster house!

Crack- tink- crack, crack- tink! That's a lot of fucking spirits…! On the upside, they can't hurt us, really. On the downside, Maria's the only person who can immediately engage any of them…!

Also, I may be cold resistant, but I'm not wind resistant. Oof. At least wind can't straight up fuck your shit, like ice can.

"That's… a lot of greater ice spirits." Maria backs towards the door, intimimadated…!

Drifting closer to us, Genkan elaborates further. "Hmm. There's less than there appear to be, but…"

...The naked blue women all raise their arms into the air and praise the sun!

"They're casting!" Woah, yo! Genkan makes a loud announcement!

Whirling up to the door-

Fwa~sh! She freezes it with a touch of her hand, before drifting back as if to bash it open with herself...

Cra~ck! "Nnh…" She bashes the door open with her yuki-onna brawn! Yo ho ho~!

We rush inside-

"Lumen!" Alright, we're gon' hafta put a boy to sleep! He's castin' witchcraft on us, son!

Fwoosh! As his bullshit lights up, I draw my NERF blaster! "I'm gonna pop ya shit son! Put tha' hoe down!"

Fwam! "Enh!" Ohp, he hit Genkan again, now he's gone and done it.

Pop! Pop! Pop! I unload foam danmaku ordinance! This blaster feels so good not having to cock every damn shot.

The cyan whistler darts strike 'em in the face! "Ah…!?" He aims his hoe at me-

"O- oh…" Stumbling to the side, his eyes become uneven. "No… lu- lumen!"

Fwoosh! He generates the holy orb horribly to the right of all of us, stumbling into the corner at the back 'a the room…

...Slowly, it whirls around to try and home towards Maria, but she strafes outta the way!

"Le- leave me alone…!" He whines from the floor, having freakin' slid onto his ass and crawled into the back, his hoe sort of stuck on the surrounding walls as he tries to hug it to himself. "Ple- please…!"

"Son- be quiet!" I've had it up ta here with your shounen shenanigans, son! "We're here ta save ya dumb ass!"

"Wh- whah…!?" This freakin' little noo~b, dude…!

Ha-chan drifts inside, her hair blown to the side and frozen in place! "Ah- aah…"

...I stare out this tiny, broken window on the side of the shack-

WOOSH! The visibility outside is instantly flushed out by a flurry of white, whipping snow turning the immediate outside into a freakin' blizzard.

Snow shit starts to blow in through the open front door! As it starts to pile against the inner wall-

Kri~ng! A blade of ice erects from the floor, to shield us from the blizzard outside. Genkan knows what's up, yo.

"Oh- oh my ga~h…!" From the floor, the boy yells out, vaguely observing this! "Are- are you…!?"

"We're the angels 'a redemption, son…!" I'm just telling him whatever so he stops blasting our asses! "We're here to freakin'... fight the ice wizards!" With ice magic!

...Well, we seem to have a moment while the biggest freakin' mini-snowstorm ever rages outside.

This tiny shack, dude. There's some stairs for ants along the back wall, leading up to the second floor. There's a bunch of wagon wheels, wood buckets- some full of frozen water- and other wooden paddywhacks arranged along the floor near the front and back doors.

...There's also a pretty plain table near the world's tiniest window. What is this, a freakin' jail cell?

"Um…" Maria speaks up after a moment of me observing things. "Are we… trapped?"

...After a moment's thought, Genkan shakes her head. "Probably not. Even so, It's better you two shelter from the wind, in here." Yeah, I figured. Sounds like a fucking tornado outside!

...In the corner, the boy's busy seein' stars! Wahaha! This status-inducing NERF gun thing's pretty goo~d!

So I turn to the boy. "Yo, guy person. You know what's goin'-"

BOOM! Holy fucking shit!

Wood flies! The bland table before us is cast to the side as the entire damn wall explodes inward!

"Aa~h!" Maria's spooked!

Clo- clop, clo- clop! Wha~t the frik's that!?

The edgiest Reindeer alive's galloped into the room through the wall and whipping flurries, rearing back on its hind legs. Entirely composed of jagged, deep navy and black ice, smoky shadows steam from its form. Maybe that's just the color of the evil ice evaporating…

"Rehee~r!" That's not a 'neigh'...!

"Fire!" Maria thrusts her staff forward, a fireball splashing off of it-

Fwam! The orb strikes the ice beast, but it doesn't even turn to her! Instead, it looks towards me and the boy…

Pop- Pop, Pop! I unload danmaku NERF darts in its vague direction!

Also- don't be confused by the size 'a this reindeer. We ain't talkin' Santa's sleigh pullers, we're talking 'this thing is actually taller than this entire damn room'. It's like ten feet tall! Well- two of those might be its horns, but still…!

Clop! Clop! Oh my fucking god it treads towards the boy an' me in particular-

Kri~ng! Genkan erected another big ice blade to get in its way! "Halt!"

"Rehihi~r!" This makes it stumble back on its hindlegs momentarily-

BAM- Boom! Its horns clip the roof, tearing through the upper level-

CRA- CRA~CK… Oh my god! The house is fucking going nuclear…! What the fuck!

"Ah- aa~h!" Maria runs towards our back bit as the house slowly dominoes into collapse…!

Thoom. ...The ceiling gets stuck on the ice blades Genkan erected earlier, although the one that stopped the reindeer was now shattering, kinda.

"Rhehirhir- hrf…!" Stepping back, the thing shakes itself wildly, tearing a bed that landed upon it to shreds within the second.

Thankfully, the house is so economy size I'm pretty sure it's not going to fall more unless that reindeer charges us.

CRACK! Speaking of charging, the ice blade pillar holdin' everything up begins to crumble after the thing headbutts it with its horns…!

Kri~ng! Genkan erects a new one right behind it to reinforce the base-

"Lume~n!" Lyin' next to me, the boy's blanched as shit!

Fwoo~sh! His fwooshy orb powers up at the tip of his hoe, as he points it forward…

Fwam! After sailing forward, it swung into the reindeer after passing the side of the ice pillar.

"Rehi~r!" Roaring, the reindeer pivoted around-

CRA~CK! It bucked its hind legs at the ice pillar, demolishing it instantly! Holy crap!

Whipping her head to us, Genkan whirls towards us as the rest of the structure freakin' folds inward in the moment-

Oof! She freakin' tackles onto me while Maria gets closer-

Kri~ng! A vaguely misshapen ice blade erects behind us, angled slightly over-

THOO~M…

Yeah, the house collapsed. We're just chilling out under some rubble. I think I saw Ha-chan slip out past the giant unidentified youkai and into the blizzard.

Is the boy alright? Ah, whatever.

"We- we really are trapped…!" Maria confirms our trappedness!

"Not if I can…" Genkan half-asses a retort to the situation, before-

Kri- Kri- Kri~ng!

Blades of ice everywhere, and not a drop to drink! The rest of the debris is pushed off and away from us by the erections-

CRA- CRA~CK! Our new ice structure collapses from one side, the reindeer having just wildly spun itself into the side of our freakin' ice box-

THWA- THWA- THWASH! ZAP- THWASH!

Ho~ly fuck! What is that!? Thundersno~w…!? The thing just cast Thunder Stromaga on our ass or some shit!

...Well, nothing really came 'a it 'cause of all this ice and debris over us, but still. There was a fucking blue and white lightning storm outside, for just a moment. Holy cra~p...

"Rehihihi~r!" The thing arcs itself back, rearing its hind legs as it readies to charge the ice again-

Kri~ng! Genkan just makes another blade before our shattered one for it to fuck up.

Za- za- zap…! Electricity dances around on its black and turquoise antlers-

THWA- THWA- THWASH! ZAP- THWASH! That's a lot of fucking thunder!

What the fuck are we fighting!? Where was this hiding!? Where the hell does it live!?

"Hwaa~!"

...Oh, there's Ha-chan! She's glowing from all the electricity she absorbed!

"He~lp!" Oh, good, our contractor's not dead. He's somewhere behind us, and probably buried under crap. Come to think of it, these houses are so fucking tiny, we probably would've lived through the crush.

CRACK! The reindeer headbutts the ice blade Genkan made. It collapses into the nearly broken one behind it, turning both into a nice big ice pile that keeps us kinda protected-

THWA- THWA- THWASH! ZAP- ZA~P…! Holy shit, that's both really pretty and fucking terrifying. Every time that happens, it's just… an awesome, gruesome surge of yellow, blue and white in all directions, violent, great sparks echoing out from the being. What is this monster.

Yeah, thundersnow, dude. Thankfully, it only knows how to cast death from above, no laser beams or shit, so we're still pretty set.

"I love you, horse~y!" Ha-chan expresses her affection for the reindeer, throwing herself into its flank-

ZAP- ZAP- ZAP- ZAP!

The entire thing lights alive with electricity, crackling a neon cyan…!

ZAP- ZAP- ZAP- ZAP!

Shit, that's too bright to even look at. Who knows if it's good for my vision to look for as long as I did…!

Yeah, Maria's already looking down too. Genkan's just staring directly into it, pro'lly 'cause yuki-onna don't hafta give a fuck.

ZAP- ZAP- ZAP- ZAP! Jesus, Ha-chan's got it stunlocked for awhile.

"Maybe we should do something…!" Saying that, Genkan floats up and begins to crawl out through the top of our self-imposed ice tomb… and as she does-

Kri~ng! She erects another ice blade, this time under the reindeer!

"Rii~!" It squeaks as it takes to the air-...

It's flying. The thing's fucking flying…!

"Whaa~!" Ha-chan screams from atop it, riding on its back as she still pumps it- albeit less so now- with electricity…!

Scrambling onto the ice pile, Maria thrusts her staff onto the top of it, and calls out over the wind and zaps. "Fire!"

Fwoom! The fireball arcs out into the snowy white as the thing spins around like a freakin' maniac-

Fwam! It hit its side-

CRACK- THOOM! "Rher!" Unceremoniously, the thing just dropped like a grand piano, slamming into the ground on its side, sending Ha-chan rolling off of it…

Oh, yeah, that cracking noise was it landing directly on Genkan's ice blade and crushing it into snow. What the fuck's this thing made of, yo…!?

...Taking out Flame Salvo while I've got this snug moment, I hold it up. "Gotta fire weapon! Fire weapon!" I'm sure as hell not gonna put it to good use, trapped in here.

...Looking back at me, Genkan doubles back to steal Flame Salvo from me, before pointing it outside!

Fwo- fwoom. Some flames pitifully flare out and into the wind from the hanger's nozzle, before being consumed entirely. Ah, shit…

...Climbing the ice rocks clumsily, Maria lays her hand on the hanger! "Fire~!"

Fwoom! A more resolute fireball sparks out, accented by a healthy stream of flames behind it!

Fwam! It strikes the reindeer as it gets back up-

"Hwraa~r…" Stumbling back into the white, the icy being hangs its head, shaking it about as if in agony… "Hwraa~ raa~r! Ra-a~a-ah..."

Just as suddenly as it appeared, the reindeer's form dissipated into misty, black shade, ice clumps dropping off of it and vanishing instantly, only some producing black fog.

After a moment, Ha-chan sits up in the snow, still glowing from electrical charge! "Brrr~!"

Wind whips and snow still roars down, as me an' the girls just kinda… just kinda stare outside. We don't really know what to make of what just happened!

"Whah…" Maria finds it hard to find her voice. "Wha- what was that…?"

"I've… I don't think I've seen... that kind of creature before." Genkan reflected. "But, its spirit is gone. I think we've killed it…"

Well, rest in freakin' pieces. Honestly, ultra lightning god reindeer might be a thing that should just stay dead.

"...Well." Maria's not unopposed to its death! "Is it safe to, um… get out of here?"

"Probably." Crawling out the top shaft dug by the late reindeer, Genkan goes to scout for us. "I only sense the spirits, and they seem placated by… what happened."

...As soon as she says that, the blizzard outside dims from a hellish, impossible white to pretty transparent again. I can see where the snow stops, too. It's like there's a tiny vortex around just this farm in particular. Man, that kid is unlucky!

Suddenly, whispers. Whispers everywhere!

"Wha- what's tha-... that!?" Maria's freaked out, du~de!

"Dude- the gorillas in the mist." I raise my eyebrows at her! First thing I've said in awhile, yo.

...Gaining a mischievous expression, she starts swatting her hand at me! Aa~h…!

Slowly and fluffily, the naked blue featureless women generate all before us. Ha-chan's just kinda awkwardly sitting amidst them…

...Genkan's outsideish now, ready to approach them.

So she does! And she makes demands. "What do you want of us?"

"The boy." The spirit in the front makes a request! "We ask you kindly, and most humbly."

"What was that frost beast we'd just seen?" Genkan asks the good question. "The one that attacked us. Was it your doing?"

...No response! "We ask for the boy." They really want that one boy, for some reason…!

"Answer me, or we will harm you." Well, that's pretty straightforward!

"Forgive us." The lead spirit bowed! "We ask for the boy."

"You're not answering my questions." I wonder how long until they light her fuse…!

...Rising from her bow, the spirit just stares at Genkan, not replying.

Slowly, the cacophony of whispers raises in volume. I can make out a few words, namely 'ice', 'boy', 'defeat' and 'uncertain' or something like that. The rest just don't really jump out at me…

"Hehehe~!" Ha-chan stands up! She's glowing a cuddly glow, dude. "You guys are funny! How do you do that?"

...Some of the spirits turn to her!

"Like the…" Ha-chan puckers her lips! "Swushwushwushwu. That thing." I think she tried to imitate the whispers…

...The spirits don't reply.

As such, Ha-chan quickly loses interest, looking at her hands. "Oo~h! I'm all glowy~...!"

Standing up, she beams! "Oh yeah! I used to warm up, like this! Wo~w…!"

Quickly, she shuffles in the snow, making a determined face as she does so! She doesn't glow any brighter, though. "Aww~..." Apparently, she can even tell!

...Looking at the spirits, she holds a hand out. "We~ll. There's no use in feeling weird, so…" She begins to drift towards the closest one! "Hehe~! Zappity zap zap!"

...Slowly, the spirits begin to back away from her!

Genkan starts to float away, too. "Hana. I don't think-"

"He~y…" Frowning, Ha-chan thrusts herself forward at the nearest spirit! "Zappity zap-"

KABLAM- THWAAA~SH

Woaa~h! "Waa~h!?" I yell out, but can hardly hear myself yell over the blast! Holy fu~ck!

...Once the unyielding light dies down, I take a look. I think she turned into a huge thunderstorm after touching one…!

All of the blizzard stuff's gone. There's still snow on the ground, but the stuff under the spirits got like vaporized.

Thud. Ha-chan falls over, still alive after that, somehow. "Uu~h…"

Thwa- thwash! Thwash. Thwash…

Lightning arcs up from the rooftops of some surrounding houses. Da~h…

THWASH. Woah!

...Oh, the debris was blown off the top of our ice fort thing. Hoh. All the electricity's arced up to this like one cloud in the sky, which is now shimmering with scattered internal energy!

All around us, some of the tinier shacks of surrounding farms walls just fold outward, the roofs curiously absent. The people inside each look freaked out…!

Holy shit. Ha-chan just deroofed all the neighboring farms. Oh shit...

...I start to crawl out of the ice tomb. I think... it's safe! Also, the spirits are gone.

Oh, wow. Genkan's really just out of the kaboom radius. The lightning's arc from the boom and the roof must've like grazed her. She's crouching with her hands awkwardly at her sides…!

Then, noticing us getting out of the ice machine, she just snaps back up and whirls to face us, acting like nothing awkward just happened. "...The spirits were dispelled." You don't say

"Are- are you sure about that…" Maria uncertainly sasses her!

...After brief contemplation, she smirks! "I suppose that much was obvious."

Some moments later, we're all out of the ice tomb, and yeah…

Man, this boy's yard got fucked up. His crops got like nuclear wintered. His house got run over by a reindeer…!

"Do you guys know the… popular outside holiday carol?" I don't think these dudes know what Christmas is, which is a crime against humanity, but one I will treat at a later date! "The jig that goes, 'my house got run over by a reindeer'...!?"

This made Genkan raise her brows. "...Reindeer?"

Maria looks at me as she pats ice stuffs off her clothes. "...That's a fitting name for it. Have you seen those things, before…?"

You dudes don't know what reindeer are, either. What, how, why.

...I just look bewildered, yo! "Reindeer are like… kinda like deer, but…" How the hell do you describe it. Deer with big antlers? Do they even normally have big antlers, or are those just Santa's reindeer? I'm not an animal study person!

"Made of ice, and ten feet tall?" Genkan takes a good guess! Yes, I remember Santa's nightmare deer from hell, quite. Y'know- I just realized, but does the translation barriermajig convert metric measurements to U.S. customary? Hoh…! Attention to detail!

"No, yo." I grin at 'er! "That was like, a youkai based on 'em or some shit. Actual reindeer are just deer wit' big antlers that live on mountains." ...Reigndeer, dude. That's probably why they considered the name apt!

"...Huh." Maria looks surprisingly comfy after that big tussle. That went better overall than anticipated, really. "I don't think we have those in Gensokyo… not- not the normal kind, anyway."

Yeah, instead we got the roving murdermania kind. That's great, dude.

...Hmm? There's something on the ground, by Genkan. I think that's about where the reindeer fucking exploded after we pummeled it.

Moving up to her, I crouch down and pick it up!

...Issa bone. One bone, to be exact!

"I got a bone!" Yeah, dude!

"Good for you." Genkan is unimpressed! "...Why is there only one?"

Good question. Anyway-

"Oh, right!" Maria perks up, and begins moving around the house! "We have to help that… person!"

"Oh, shoot…" Genkan begins to strafe around the building's ruins even faster! "I can't believe we forgot…"

...Once Genkan's there-

Ah, the boy's fine. He's standing in the middle of a space, dusting himself off, and looking just lost. "Ah…"

...Once I reach 'em, I wave! "Hello, yo! We've, uh… saved ya. From the... reindeer gods who were fated to gib you today, or something ta that effect." Really, I think this was a lot more than everyone bargained for…!

He looks at me, then down at the rubble. "...A- ah. Thank… you. I think."

Then, he looks around at the ice lands that used to be his crops. The icicles everywhere all exploded, but the bases are still there, and everything's snowy.

"...I think I lost everything." Oof. "Again." How did it happen the first time. Is this, like, a thing?

"Again…?" Maria tilts her head! "What happened the first time…?"

"...Debtors." The boy looked away. Wha- debtors. What fucking kind of debtors par with this…!? "I guess I kinda prefer this. I can find some abandoned wood, and rebuild… and maybe go hunt outside until I can plant again."

Taking this moment, he stops, and searches his pockets. "...O- oh, no. I don't even know where the money for- for the job is…"

Oh, what happened to that guard from earlier, anyway? Ah, whatever. Probably got up and hobbled off when the blizzard stuff happened. His body's not anywhere, so hoh.

"Um…" After glancing at us, Maria scratches her cheek! "You don't… have to pay us, I think."

...He looks up at us! "Wh- what? Really?"

I hold up a hand! "I got an idea!"

...The friends all look at me.

I point at 'em! "Teach us how ta cast that 'lumen' spell, yo!" That will be adequate non-monetary compensation!

...Smiling, he looks aside me. "Uu~h. Well, um… I- I can only cast it through this… holy- basically, only I can cast it, I think."

Holy? I got a holy thing!

Putting away this freakin' caveman bone from the reindeer, I take out Youkai Inconveniencer! "I got holy stuff!" It's a hanger attached to a chain of cross necklaces on a stick! The holiest of artifacts!

After giving my implement a look, he considers. "...We- well. Okay, I guess."

"What- what is that…" He points at the holy hanger flail thing!

...I look it over, before grinning smugly and nodding, dude. "It's the relic of the ancient Turkenese, dude."

"Oh…" His eyes widen! "Wow."

...At Maria's inquisitive stare, I turn to her and mouth 'it's not', shaking my head very obviously.

"Are you okay with teaching us your magic?" Genkan wishes to confirm the moral ramifications! "If we're bothering you, you needn't."

"Oh- no, it's not a problem." He shakes his head! "You guys… I don't think I could've fought that house smashing thing on my own. I'm on my last mana potions, too…" Yeah- that thing would've skullfucked you eight ways to Sunday. "It's the least I could do. I- I can't really tell you more- but, thank you." Whah.

Also, he's still covered in blue kiss marks. What the fuck was this job, dude.

"But anyway!" He gets us off those old topics! "Lumen is… um… a- a holy spell, and I think they're… based off of…" Furrowing his brows, he focuses, yo. "Holy spells can feed off will and sentiment, and um, yeah. When they don't, they're super super complex math stuff, and I don't really get it, but, um…"

I wonder if I'll heal from rubbing snow all over myself. Can I eat snow to regain health…!?

"For me, Lumen feeds off my… emotions and stuff. The actual spell's Vol Luminatio, but my version's smaller and… worse I guess, but easier to cast."

Stepping up to me, he holds up his hoe. "You're, um, gonna need a focus. Y'can use mine if-"

"Wait, yo…!" I start digging for my NERF blaster! Aw, yea~h, dude. "I've got a focus, yo!" Also, I have my holy flail of doom out right now. Is that not a focus…!? Anyway, I've got my gun out too, now.

"Ah…" He blinks at the toy gun, before nodding. "Right. So, can you do um, any holy magic…?"

...Oh, yeah.

Kneeling down, I focus my mana into the hange~r… and then I whip the floor!

Fwoosh! A person-sized orb of soft light expands in the midst of the snow before me, blowing some of it away and into the air.

"Woah…!" The boy stared at it after it'd vanished! "How'd you do that…!?"

Son- that's my question! "I dunno. My thing casts it for me, I just gotta put in mana!"

"That's how my penda- ah, that's how I do it, pretty much!" He exclaims! "...Do you think of mom- your mom- too?"

No, I think of your mom. Wait, do you mean you think of my mom…!? Help. Also, I shake my head. "Freakin'... no, yo." My holy is not emotionally charged in any way!

"...O- oh." Yeah, oh, son. "Hrrm…"

...I let my arms ragdoll.

"I- I'm not sure how to… teach it, to be honest." Aaa~h! Son!

Maria steps up, to assist! "Try casting it again." She lays her hand on the hoe. "I wanna see how you do it. I've kinda gotten better at… observing magic happenings, and stuff."

"Okay." Nodding, the boy aims the hoe up into the sky kinda awkwardly. "Lu- lumen!"

Woo~sh. The glowing orb generates, filling to life and pulsating at the tip of the hoe-

Fwoosh! It slowly careens off into the daytime sky, disney sparkles in its wake, as well as a small wind current…

...Maria steps back. "Hmm. You're drawing some kind of power from that pendant on your chest."

"No- no I'm not!" He hugs a hand around the pendant! "What pendant…!?"

...After a moment, Maria's stare becomes blank! "...Well, anyway, it's kind of a trickle of holy energy being released by the pendant. For some reason, that thing just emanates holy."

"Sto- stop!" The boy demands of her! "People can't know! Please, stop!"

...Aw. Maria looks saddened. "It's okay… guy. I already learned what I wanted. I, um, didn't see your pendant, I guess. If anyone asks."

...He frowns. "You mean it?"

"Yes..." She's somewhat incredulous, as well as saddened!

"...Good." Nodding, he turns away from us.

Stepping up to me, Maria speaks! "...I'm not sure if you can cast it, but we can probably give it a try at some point. Holy magic is… weird." Yeah, yer tellin' me…

Well, anyway, I'm gonna trade the kid some juicy intel for maybe his spell. "Yo, kid guy." We still don't know his name…!

...Once he looks over at me, I continue! "Y'know a dude named Fred?" Freakin' Fred.

...He blinks! "Y- you mean… the youkai hunter?" Wha- he knows 'em? "Also, um… my name's Fujio."

"...Ye." Hoh, hoh. "Y'know where he lives?"

"No…" Fujio looks away from me. "Why?"

...Lookin' away from the farm, I point down the direction of the main road that normally leads ta Hakurei land. "Third house down on that street, there…"

"East main street." Maria explains for me! "Right?"

"Yeah, s'a main road." I nod! "Fred lives there, yo. If he points a gun at'cha, tell 'em Brad blew up your house, and that you wanna mulch him. You'll probably make good friends, yo; maybe let'cha stay the night, if ya know what I'm sayin'...!" Fred's kind of a dickbag, but he has good intentions sometimes, so he's not a bad person at heart at least. I'm sure he'll find it in his heart to help a fellow shota boy out.

At my words, he nods. "I- I'll do that. Thank you, um… Brad?" Hoh. Hoh hoh...!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're on the village's south road! Which, if you're as lost with a compass as I am, is the road with Marcus's shop and Sekibanki's house and leads to Eientei and the bamboo stuffs.

That's also exactly where I plan on taking us! Eientei, that is.

Ultimately, we didn't get paid, and that guy's probably gonna be homeless for awhile, but it was still a thing that happened.

"Why, um…" Maria's got a raised brow! "Why're we going to the clinic?"

"So we can see more stuff!" Exploration! Bu~t… "That holy thinkin' also reminded me of something… somethin' I wanna check up on." There was that robot I found, with healing capabilities, from some alternate world or some shit. Something like that! "That, and y'know, getting out of the village, 'n' all that."

...Accepting these answers, Maria kept up with us as we neared the gate out. "...Maybe I can try and... teach you that spell on the way there." Yeah, yo.

"I must admit… I haven't considered the bamboo forest, often." Genkan discusses her experiences- or lack thereof- with the bamboo woods. "I've been there, but I choose not to frequent there. It's a complicated place."

Yeah, I'll say. Freakin'... a lot of weird shit goes down in there, and it's a freakin' maze on top of it!

We reach the gate!

...The guard looks us over. "Look-"

"Ahergin' dergin' derger!" I don't have time to play Pokemon cards with you, my man! "I'm a-" Oh, right. I take out my badge! "I go out, youkais don't come in. Don't ask, don't tell, don't freakin'... aa~h!"

...Bewildered, the guard goes to open the gate!

I grin back 'a my party…! "See, yo. My pinky's number one on every list!"

"This includes the wanted felons registry, surely." Genkan pummels my soul…!

Cla- cla- cla- clank. The gate to the new world… is open!

"You bet!" I point at 'er! "I am the terror known as the great catastrophe…!" Cat ass trophy.

Bam! Once we're outside, the gate shuts behind us. Once again, we are cast onto the open plains! And, once again… I am confronted by this freakin' plain once again, personally.

...Deep breath i~n…

"Alright, um…" Maria holds up her staff! "Let's... start practicing as we walk, I guess."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We've stopped by the fluff stand…

"Try now!" Maria's gotten really into this!

This time, I try to… pour mana into Youkai Inconveniencer… and once it's clunky and shit- no idea how else to describe it- I take it back out and send it to my NERF blaster, through my arms and torso. Maybe I should give this gun a name other than 'generic NERF gun'...!

Then, I visualize all the stuffy stuff I gotta visualize… like, the magic moving, the homing orb generating…

"Lumen!" I may now be… the lumen boy too, dude.

Woo~sh… The light orb slowly, gradually is churned into existence by my method and- ooh. Oo~h. That… mana cost.

Fwoosh… Gently, so gently, the orb sails away from my NERF blaster. Oof…

"Holy… crap." That boy was just able to spam this? Oo~h. Just casting it raw is like… wow. Shoulda put on a magic condom, son…

"So you really can use that hanger to make holy…" Leaning closer, Maria looms over the hanger-flail-thing…

Yeah, but it kicks my ass. The intricacy of the spell is basically, like… running my mana through the holy hanger and getting it back to the gun without it eating shit. It takes a lot more focus than I thought it would. Since I'm basically just shooting a holy ball and not doing anything specific, it's about as complicated to create as danmaku or a fireball.

"It freakin' eats me, though." Suddenly I feel like I'm freakin' empty.

"See if you can cast another." Maria, why~.

Well, since ice magic is to my vitality like flex tape is to a boat, I might as well.

Focusing again, I let my mana travel to my hanger… flail thing. I'm just holding it by the hanger part at the moment 'cause I don't need a longer wire ta focus on, shall we say.

...After a moment, I feel the magic travel across my form, from my right arm to my left, where I've got the NERF gun held.

...I start amassing the white magic at the tip. The Maverick doesn't really have much for a barrel, so just the front face of it works…

Now, the good part: how I make the thing move and stuff! As I focus on the gun- thinking about a formless orb, naturally- I then look ahead at the thing I wanna smite. It's actually less 'how do I make it move' but more 'where do I want it to go'. It's something about how holy works just as like, an element, in its most basic form.

...That tree trunk over there, let's fuck it up!

"Lumen!" Illuminate the barks of wrath!

Woosh! You see, basic holy is kinda like… it's like a flashlight. You have to focus a lot more on where it's gonna go, not how; beyond powering it, of course. Doesn't work without batteries!

Fwoosh! Once fully charged, the orb drifts out towards the tree trunk!

Fwam! Upon reaching it, it exploded into light. My first orb before the perspective came back pretty much did that instantly, and it's about as good as that freakin' shota boy got it, too.

...I stumble to the side. Oof.

"...Wahaha." I let out a flat wahaha. "Wow."

...Sliding up to me, Genkan places a hand on my shoulder-

woo~sh. Woa~h ho ho~!

After she's done, I stumble around again! She like infused cold into me, son. Like I just drank a gallon of Kool-aid, dude…!

"Al~right, yo!" I am ready to get beaten up summore!

"honh honh honh" Oh, right. The fluffy fiend

I look over at the fluffle stand. Ha-chan's partially obscuring her face with the fluffle, her nose poking out from over its tubby little head.

...Stepping up to her, I take the fluffle, and stuff it in my bag.

"Whah…" Ha-chan stares at my bag, where the fluffle was stowed. "Oh no!" Wahaha!

"...Perhaps we should continue." Genkan looked the stand over dryly. "You've stolen the shopkeeper. I don't know what to say about that."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Bamboo woods! They're bamboo… and also maybe woods. I dunno, yo.

"I've heard a lot of horror stories about this place…" Maria approaches the thick wall of the bamboo forest apprehensively...

"Oh?" Genkan is intrigued!

"Like what, yo." The tale of the bamboo nuker, dude.

"...Have you guys ever come across a mantis-like youkai?" Poking at the bamboo, Maria tries to ascertain a way in…! "With a girl torso…?"

"Once or twice." Apparently Genkan has! She drifts towards the bamboo, herself… "I was told to be wary of them, and so I have been. I've seen them cleave others in two." Oh.

"Wow…" Maria tries to wedge her staff into some of the bamboo-

Fwish! Genkan brushes a big clump aside! "Nnh… get- get in before I have to let go." She's havin' trouble keepin' it aside, though...

"Hoop!" I try to hop on inside- double jumping-

Agh! "Enh!" Ha-chan- why~...!?

"Oof…" I land on my ass. Ha-chan tried to rush in at the same time I did, and I ended up with a face full of fairy boob.

"Take turns." Genkan doesn't wanna hold on any longer than she has ta…!

"Hoh, shit…!" O~kay I'mma just-

...Ha-chan, yer in my way! I- y'know what, "Fairies first, friend."

...She gives me a snuggly smile, but doesn't move. "...Thank you." Wat.

"G- go, already!" Genkan's baring her teeth at us as she holds on…!

"Ee!" Ha-chan zips through! Freakin'...!

I double jump through, again. Maria clambers in behind us pretty promptly-

Cla- clack- fwish…! Genkan lets the shell of trees around our entrypoint clatter back into place, now inside with us. "Ha~h. Amazing cooperation..."

"...I've never seen one before! Mantis youkai people, I mean." Maybe I've just been lucky…!

Drifting by, Genkan glances over at me, before leading the way. "They're not common. You're fortunate." Hoh, shit…!

...Thick canopy, son. The thickest, in fact.

"This forest is extra thick." Wahaha!

"...That may more aptly describe the magic trees." Genkan refers to the magic of fore- I mean, forest of magic! Not that forests aren't also magic, yo. "This forest as a whole, may perhaps be described as… thick."

"Extra thick, yo." You gotta emphasize the end, too! Thicc.

...Genkan just gradually gives me a stare...!

...Man, oh man, these woods. Shit is just everywhere. By- by that I mean plants and trees and cra- assorted plant life, not freakin'...

I'm still very thankful that fleas and shit aren't a thing here, or else the bamboo forest would be freakin'... aa~h!

Snap! "I'd nearly forgotten…" After enough leaves get in her face, Genkan snaps a branch in half in frustration as we wade into the immense woods! "This is the other reason I seldom visited here."

...After a moment, we're all pressed together. Which, y'know… s'fine by me!

Tick- tick- tick- tick! Ha-chan flaps her wings into us, and makes me jump! "Ooh…!"

"It's cramped…" She wants wing room, dude.

Tick- tick- tick! Maria blinks as the wings flap against her face gently…

"Achoo…" Aw. ...Maria furrows her brows at the fairy's back! "Hey." And then she let out the softest 'hey' in existence, dude.

"I'm snug." I'm gonna die, dude.

"Great." Genkan exhales…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Thu- thu- thud. We fall outta the dense forestry…!

...Pushing against the ground, Genkan thrusts me and the cuddlemuffins off of her. "Ugh. This place…"

It takes some moments, but me 'n' the girls get onto our feet. We seem to be in some kind of clearing…!

There's a tiny tent before us, in the middle of the place, with a small bunch of smouldering rocks before it. I remember Mokou living in a shack, so this isn't her place…

"Aw, dude." I point at it! "Sleeping accomodations, dude." It's accommodating.

"Someone might live in it." Maria considers, as we move around it kinda. "Let's not get too close…"

...Genkan seems to agree, just skirting around the side of it. As we pass the short of the camp, where we can see the inside of the tent-

Fwoom! Suddenly, the entire tent comes undone, and a bunch of rabbit people splay out across the campground!

"Woa~h!"

"Get the thing! Get the thing!"

"Stop the guy!"

"Grab the horns!"

For a moment, they pour out towards us…!

Kri~ng- Kri~ng- Kri~ng! Genkan erects three ice blades before us, building a wall. We're gonna make those rabbits pay for it, too! "Rabbits…!?"

"O- oh, woah…" Maria holds up her staff defensively! Um…!

After a moment, Genkan makes the blades fall.

Now, the rabbits are all idle, looking around bluntly. Whah…?

"Da~mn. S'not him…"

"Who're these people!?"

"Hehe~y, look, the circus!"

"Sexy ice lady~!"

We weren't expected, it seems. Hoh.

Slowly, the rabbits all divert their attention away, most of them ignoring us. Some begin to set that tent back up, while a couple meander towards us…

"Hey, hey…" For some reason, all earth rabbits seem to be either lolis or shotas. How old are they really, though? Anyway- this brown-haired little guy meanders up to us! He's in some plain brown attire, although it's not unkempt. "Who the hell're you clowns?"

A flaxen-haired bunny girl runs up to us! "Ice lady~! Can I love you!?"

"No." Genkan's reply is flat. "Tell your friends. I know how you rabbits can be."

...The bunny girl turns her gaze to Maria, before beaming. "Oh- oh, my go-"

"No." Genkan repeats herself! "Tell your friends. I know-"

"Wha- I wan' even lookin' at ya!" She glares up at Genkan! "'Sides, s'her decision!"

"N- no." Slightly flushed, Maria refuses! "Let's, um, not do that."

...Pouting, the flaxen-haired bunny shook her head. "Now look what'cha made her do. I had that in the bag."

"...Ta be honest, y'really didn'." The brown-haired boy gave his friend a flat stare. "Anyway, you guys, if ya haven't any business wit' us, move it 'er lose it."

...Ha-chan steps up to them! "Ooo~! Fluffy rabbit people!"

"Nn~no." The flaxen haired bunny girl steps back! "Fairies're a dime 'a dozen."

...The boy points at me. "'Cept for you, if ya wanna stick around. We got some beer ta spare, an' I know some places." Wat, no.

"We operate as a family unit, yo." I inform him! "So no. We're just gonna-"

"Y'know wha'- screw it, I'm comin' wit'cha." Why is he even. Does he want our shit or somethin'...!?

"If it's money you're after, we're broke." Genkan lied to the boy. "Sorry."

"Ah, piss off, I'm not hurtin'." The boy waves her off, stepping up to us! ...An' then he looks up at me. "I'm Naizen, guy." Oh, good. That's almost a bastardization of 'Nazrin'.

...Even more of the rabbits looking at us kinda just piss off!

'Cept for this thin orange-haired one, which bounced up to us. "A~h. He~y…" She's floaty, dude.

Oh, wait! I look at the rabbit guy! "If ya can get us to the clinic, yo, that'd be cool!" Let's not blam his ass just yet!

He beams at me! "Yeah, yeah! No problem, guy!" Aw, yo!

"If you molest any of us or steal something, we will find you." Genkan doesn't wanna put up with any bullshit!

"Y'don't have to worry your tits, yuki-onna." The guy waves her off. "Yer not my type anyway. Anyway, c'mon-"

"Nazaza~!" The flaxen-haired rabbit moves to stop 'em! "I thought you were gonna direct this thingy we were doin'!"

"Ah, direct it yerselves." He waves 'er off! "I'm sure y'brats know how shit goes down by now."

...She pivots away and yells at the sky! "Shit!"

This should abbreviate the travel time somethin' fierce, yo…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 79

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Hard Winter - A earth/ice elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the big, orange shaft-like hilt.

PRIMARY WEAPON SKILLS:

Jack Hammer - This weapon can be used as a jack hammer!

Attack Up - Attacks can be magically charged for bonus damage.

Generic Buff - The most generic of buffs. Boosts defense and attack moderately.

Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic. May make targets slightly tired. Creates downward push force on targets.

Tundra - Spike of sturdy ice which might throw people off balance. Might shank someone who slips onto it, though!

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Combo Plus - User gets an extra hit artificially, if they want to!

Combo Jump - User can easily cancel out of combos.

Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail, particularly while jumping.

NON-EQUIP SKILLS:

Lucky Star - Non-elemental attack that does very random damage to one target. Star that drops from abo~ve!

Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. Summons a pillow endowed with the user's love fluids… which, for males, is, euh…

World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given to me by Patchy. Summons a really, genuinely terrible fireball that only ignites the weakest of fairies.

Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats all my mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.

Double Jump - A skill I got somehow! Allows the user to jump twice. Avoid fall damage, maybe!

Perspective Holder - Um…? I am the primary perspective of this story!

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - A small bag that always seems to be conveniently unaffected by whatever weird crap happens to me. Never enlarges, almost always gives me what I need if I remember it's there. Infinite inventory space. I would like to know where it actually puts all my stuff though…

==o==

WEAPONS:

Swordbreaker - Dark elemental plant hanger. Boosts the power of dark skills. Has a curvy, fancy design that lets it easily counter swords! Provides a weak but passive boost to defense, magical defense, and evade. Lowers the attack of foes as its on-impact effect.

=o=

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! Boosts the power of holy skills.

SKILLS:

Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans too, kinda.

Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…

Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, which hits 'em with raw holy and stuff...

=o=

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. Has a grate slapped onto it, and a steel block! Sparkles, too…! Oh, s'also got strings, man…!

SKILLS:

Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble…!

Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, debuffing their sinuses!

Bootiful Instrument - I can play music wit' it, dude!

=o=

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious ruby red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Ignites things on physical attacks!

SKILLS:

Flamethrower Plus - A jet of fire. Freakin'... what do ya want me to say!?

Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.

=o=

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Boosts the power of wind skills. Pushes air on swing!

=o=

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.

SKILLS:

Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!

Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!

Valve - I can control the water flow with this!

=o=

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from dark shards. Glowy red runes on it…! Boosts the power of dark skills. Decreases user's defense and increases attack. Can cut things!

SKILLS:

Revenge - Non-elemental cleaving attack that increases in power when health is lower.

Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer.

=o=

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things…

SKILLS:

Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!

Danmaku Pellet? - Can shoot a yellow pellet, for some reason.

=o=

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself, along with some shoddy enchantments! Lowers defense slightly. Slightly electric and holy elemental.

SKILLS:

Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!

Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.

Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.

Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!

Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.

Glide - Replaces Brad's double jump skill with gliding.

High Jump - Increased jump height while running.

=o=

Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!

SKILLS:

Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.

Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.

=o=

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF Maverick Blaster - Harmless foam dart gun toy. When I focus with it, I can fire danmaku NERF darts! Upgraded with an eagle feather and Hina's talisman to inflict confusion and bad luck by default. Negligible non-elemental damage.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

==o==

ARMOR:

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business, son. Hopefully helps hide me better in the freakin' brush…!

STATS:

One hundred fifty percent ice resistance.

Fifty percent freeze resistance.

Fifty percent dark resistance.

Negative fifty percent fire resistance.

Negative fifty percent burning resistance.

=o=

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

STATS:

Seventy-five percent time resistance.

=o=

Yellow Racecar Helmet - It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

STATS:

Fifty percent sun resistance.

One hundred percent freezing resistance.

One hundred percent blinding resistance.

One hundred percent electrical stunning resistance.

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.

STATS:

One hundred percent electricity resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.

STATS ALONE:

Fifty percent blinding resistant.

STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)

One hundred percent electricity resistant. Again, yo!

One hundred percent resistance to burning and poison.

=o=

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes! Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

=o=

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can.

STATS:

Extends prize grabbing range!

=o=

Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.

STATS:

Fifteen percent sun resistant. Wow.

Fifty percent resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.

Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare.

Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.

=o=

Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.

STATS:

Negative five percent wind resistance.

May make the wearer tired.

=o=

Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!

Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking.

Hakurei Arm Sleeves - How do you wear these.

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Lets me be a Touhou, too!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Twenty seven thousand, nine hundred Yen - ...Yeah, just in a bag. It's about time I documented how much freakin' money I have!

Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?

Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!

Bone - I got it from a frozen reindeer. Why's there only one…!?

==o==

RANDOM CRAP:

Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!

==o==

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

==o==

Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning.

SKILLS:

Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.

Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.

Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.

Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.

Triple Glacier - See above, but on three enemies! As such, costs triple the mana!

Ice Spin - Spins and lashes out with chilling frost. Probably just an extension of her normal frost powers and not an actual skill…

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.

Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it…!

Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug…! Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna.

Other Skills - Probably has more spells, but freakin'... I dunno her like a textbook!

INVENTORY:

Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Has new trims and stuff!

STATS:

Two hundred ice resistance. Genkan only receives one hundred since this is her stock apparel…! Still adds up to two hundred 'cause of her Ice Control skill… and being a yuki-onna and all.

Negative one hundred fire and burning weakness. Doesn't affect Genkan since this weakness is native anyway, but oof.

=o=

Two thousand yen - Her remaining total after spending money on our upgrades.

Bagged Money - Some money Reimu got for us, to pay for our irreversible trauma. She's friendly, dude. We haven't counted it out, yet!

I dunno - What would I~ have if I was a sexy ice woman?

[unknown spaces remaining]

==o==

Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Used to run the most impoverished bar ever, but that fell under or something. Really low self-esteem! Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells!

SKILLS:

Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.

Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.

Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area! Zaps people…!

INVENTORY:

Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent. Also good for bonking things! Twenty five percent ice resistance, one hundred percent freezing resistance. Negative fifty percent burning resistance.

SKILLS:

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes!

=o=

Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest. Looks about as garish as your regular Touhou, now!

STATS:

Fifty percent ice resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

=o=

Wood Staff - Good for bonking things!

Magical Lens - A lens that shoots la~ser bea~ms! ...When you input mana into it, anyway, apparently. Gift from Marcus Kirisame!

[Travel Bag] - Inventory that exists! Does not take up inventory because it is inventory. Eight slots.

Two Mana Potions - Guess wha~t? It heals, except mana!

[four spaces remaining]

==o==

Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Hello again, friend! You're fluffy. Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning!

SKILLS:

Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above!

Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells that exist.

Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them, apparently.

Electric Elemental - Three hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent resistance to electrical stunning.

INVENTORY:

Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Honh...

==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

a fun chapter

nothing particularly remarkable happened but we moved about and saw some stuff and did some things

i did gain some new skills and danmaku is now more appealing to my guy since it now can come in the form of nerf darts - w -

we beat up a BIG FROZEN REINDEER from DARK SOULS

by sitting in a tomb and slowly prodding it to death with fire magic, and ha-chan

she actually did like ninety percent of the damage by hugging onto it and molesting it; it's not thunder resistant ironically

a nice slow wakeup and a re-evaluation of my inventory stuffs along with some things i have and have never picked up . w .

also new inventory explanation system that's sort of ugly but should be more clear about the custom skills i like to define (some from the epic battle fantasy series and some from final fantasy / kingdom hearts)! for all the flack i give square enix their visual design and general concepts are cool. their stories though…!

as always, see you all next time!