Ch. 5 Dreaming about Your Face in the Dark
(CLARE)
Lucas drops me at school and I run inside, once he told me that Bruce was getting out I kind of shut down. I don't even say goodbye to Lucas, just run inside. I'm trying to hold it together, but all I can think about is Bruce being out. Wondering if he'll come after me, try to contact me. Will I be able to face him without breaking into tears? I sit on a bench looking at my hands, wringing them together. Thinking of Bruce I feel dirty, I feel his hands on me, his lips, I feel nauseas. Just as I'm thinking I'm going to throw up Fitz and Owen sit on either side of me.
"Lucas told us, you okay?" Owen asks.
I force out a breath and shrug, "I'm okay, it's not like I didn't know I'd have to see him again at some point. He should have been out months ago, it's only because he kept getting into fights and trouble that he continued to have time added to his sentence. I knew he'd get out, I just foolishly hoped he'd continue to stay in prison."
"Trust me Clare we all did," Fitz says putting an arm around my shoulders. "He doesn't get out for two days, and when he does get out he won't get anywhere near you."
"Yeah, we won't let him close enough to even glimpse you," Owen assures me and I nod.
"Lucas is going to take me the lawyer's office at lunch so we can sign the restraining order," I tell them.
"That's good isn't it?" Owen asks.
"Yeah, it just doesn't make me feel very safe. I hope he breaks it and goes back to prison, but in order to break it he has to get close to me. Still, it's something I guess," I shrug.
"You three look awful mopey this early," Bianca remarks coming over.
"I should get to homeroom, I don't need my books yet," I comment getting up.
"We'll walk you to class," Owen says as he and Fitz stand with me. We start walking, Owen and Fitz on either side of me, Bianca behind us.
"Hey, where are we all going?" Drew questions falling in line with Fitz and Owen.
"Walking Clare to class," Fitz says.
"Okay, why?" Drew asks.
"Don't ask too many questions, it's better that way," Owen replies. Drew shrugs and comes with us, we all reach the classroom just as Eli does.
"Quite the escort you have to homeroom Edwards," Eli smirks.
"I'll see you guys later," I say to the group though really just addressing Owen and Fitz.
"Text us if you need us," Fitz tells me and I nod.
"So, tell the truth, you're really a princess and they're your security," Eli teases.
"Nothing nearly so glamorous," I laugh nervously as I sit at my desk.
"I don't know, you look like a princess to me," Eli smirks.
I bite my lip and blush a little at the compliment, but I don't feel like a princess at all. Suddenly I'm thinking about what Bruce put me through, what he said to me and I feel dirty again. Thankfully, Adam comes into class and starts talking to Eli about comics. Adam walks with me to second period, and I'm mildly distracted for class. At lunch Owen and Fitz come and get me from class and walk me outside where Lucas is waiting.
"Thanks, we'll see you guys after lunch," Lucas smiles at them.
When we get to the lawyer's we're shown back to her office and she greets us. She shakes our hands, giving me a sympathetic smile.
"Here's the request for a restraining order, I'll have it filed immediately. Lucas you'll have to sign as well as Clare's guardian," she tells us. I take the pen and sign first, then Lucas signs. "We have a court date, November seventeenth," she informs us taking the paper.
"That seems like it's too soon, and yet so far away. What happens now?" I question.
"Nothing right now, but in a few weeks deposition will start. Then you'll need to be prepared for the trial. I don't expect the trial to take very long, but you should still prepare to be out of school for a week. I'll be in touch," she says.
We take that as our cue to leave and Lucas thanks her, putting a hand on my shoulder as we leave the office. We get back in his car and begin driving in silence for a while. I look out the window, my mind swimming over so many thoughts it's making me dizzy.
"You hungry?" Lucas asks and I shake my head. We drive the rest of the way in silence and when Lucas parks at the steps I just stare at them. "Do you want to go home? I'll call the school," Lucas offers.
"No, I should be at school, it's only the second day, and at least it's distracting. I'm fine, just a lot on my mind," I assure him.
"I know," Lucas nods, looking out the window a moment and back at me. "I work tonight and Mom is working a double, I asked Johnny to come and stay with you tonight."
"I don't need a babysitter," I snap at him and then bite my lip. I'm not angry at Lucas, but knowing Bruce is getting out I'm feeling vulnerable and dirty.
"No, you need a friend, and I'm not leaving you alone tonight. I'll be here to pick you up after school."
I kiss his cheek and get out of the car going inside. I walk to my locker getting out my civics and citizenship book. I just have the locker open when Owen and Fitz come to my sides.
"How'd it go?" Owen asks.
"She's filing the restraining order, and we have a date for the trial, November seventeenth."
"That's still a ways away," Fitz remarks trying to be comforting.
"I'm not sure if I find that comforting or not. Two and half months of worrying about how the trial will go. There will be depositions and then giving testimony, I'm going to have to relive it all. Bruce is out in two days, even with the restraining order I don't really feel safe. I've got so many thoughts on my mind I feel like I'm drowning in them."
"Bruce won't get near you, and if he somehow isn't found guilty and punished at trial we'll do it," Fitz assures me. He puts his arm around me and pulls me to him in a tight hug. I find comfort in his embrace and lie my head on his chest. Part of me wants to stay in his arms, but I can't and I pull away after a moment.
"Will you walk me to class?" I request. I hate feeling this vulnerable, but I do and I'll feel better with them at my sides.
"Of course," Fitz grins. He keeps his arm around my shoulders as we walk. They bring me to the classroom, follow me to my desk and wait with me since the classroom is empty.
"I'll be okay now, you two can go," I tell them when Alli, Dave and Adam come into class.
"Lucas picking you up?" Owen asks and I nod. "Text us if you need us," Owen tells me before he and Fitz leave the classroom.
"How'd it go at the lawyer's?" Alli questions. I texted her as Lucas and I were driving to the lawyer's office.
"Lawyer?" Adam queries but I choose to ignore him for now.
"Restraining order filed, and we have a date for the trial," I reply.
"That good huh? No wonder you look so happy," Dave remarks sarcastically and Alli hits his stomach.
"Ignore him, guys are idiots, are you okay?" Alli asks.
"I'll be okay, just a lot on my mind, most of which I'm trying very hard not to think about."
"Is Lucas working tonight?" Alli questions.
"Yeah, and Evelyn is working a double, but I'll be okay, Johnny is staying over."
"Ewww," Alli says making a gagging motion.
"I know you hate him since breaking up but he's my friend Alli. Anyway, I'll feel better having someone at the house, even if Bruce isn't getting out for two days."
Adam is confused, Dave gives me a goofy smile and Alli gives me a sympathetic smile. They don't say anything though and everyone takes their seats. I pay attention to Miss Cosnell during class but barely, I'm fairly distracted and my mind wanders a lot. It's even worse in Perino's history class, he lectures about Canada just after world war one and I find my mind wandering because I'm bored. Naturally, given the day's events my mind wanders to the darkest of places. I shiver inadvertently and Adam looks over, putting his hand on my arm. With Bruce on my mind I gasp and jump, now everyone in the class is looking at me.
"Are you alright Miss Edwards?" Mr. Perino questions.
"May I go to the washroom?" I request and he nods. I get up and leave the classroom as quickly as I can. I walk to the nearest washroom wondering how long I can keep this up? If it's going to be like this until after the trial I'm sure to break completely by then.
"Are you okay Clare?" Bianca asks. She's standing in front of the mirror reapplying her lipstick but looks at me in the mirror.
"Yeah, just need a moment away from everyone," I reply.
"Lucas told me, all about Bruce and everything," she tells me, turning to me and my eyes widen.
"He told you everything? I didn't know you were that close."
"We all went to Lakehurst together, but I spent all of last year in juvie. I never liked Bruce, never could figure out why Johnny and the others hung out with him. I'm not at all surprised he'd do that, he's a disgusting pig. It's not the same, but I was raped too, ex-boyfriend. I understand some of what you're feeling, if you ever need to talk Lucas and the others have my number."
"Thanks Bianca," I smile.
"Come on, we should get back to class, the day's almost over," she says taking my hand and pulling me out of the washroom.
She walks down the hall with me a little ways and we part to go to our respective classrooms. I have to admit I feel a little better after talking with Bianca. I still wish I could just leap through time until after the trial so I'd know what happens to Bruce and not have to worry about it for the coming weeks.
(JOHNNY)
"You want to come to my dorm room and study?" April asks when class lets out.
"Another time April, somewhere I gotta be tonight, and I gotta get over there," I reply with a smile.
"Must be either far away or a hot date," she remarks.
"A girl is involved, but it's not a date, she's more like a sister to me and she needs me tonight. I'll see you next class," I tell her as I leave. I walk to my car and drive straight to Lucas' place, his car is in the driveway so they're already home. I park and ring the bell, Lucas opens the door allowing me inside.
"Thanks for coming, I ordered some pizza for dinner," Lucas says.
"Cool, I'm hungry, hey Clare," I smile at her.
"Hi Johnny," she smiles back.
She seems to be doing homework, so I sit down and get out my books. Lucas has the TV on, he's sipping a beer, Clare and I are doing homework. At least, I'm doing homework, she seems to be staring at her book. I haven't seen her turn a page or do anything on her laptop since I came in. When Lucas gets up to use the washroom I bump her knee with mine.
"You okay?" I ask her.
"Yeah, just…thinking," she replies.
She gives me a reassuring smile and looks at her book, she actually begins typing on her laptop now. We work until the pizza is delivered and take a break to eat. After dinner Lucas showers and gets ready for work. He kisses the top of Clare's head before he leaves, thanking me again for coming over.
"You worried about Bruce or the trial?" I ask Clare when I see her spacing out on her history book.
"Hmmm?" She questions.
"You're spacing out again."
"Both, all of it," she sighs.
"The trial is weeks away, don't spend the next ten weeks worrying about it. Won't do you any good, you'll just make yourself sick. Anyway, Fitz already assured you if Bruce isn't found guilty and punished at trial we'd take care of him, and we will," I assure her, and she looks at me with her eyebrows pinched together.
"Yes, he did, but you weren't there."
"Since Lucas texted us this morning that Bruce was getting out we've been texting as a group all day. He told us how it went at the lawyer's, when you were back in school. Fitz and Owen told us what you talked to them about, pretty much everything."
"I feel like I should hate that you're all keeping such close tabs on me but right now I don't."
I chuckle and pat her shoulder. She smiles and looks at her book again, going back to her homework. When she finishes her homework she stays with me watching the movie that's on. When I'm finally done with my homework we stay up and watch another movie. Evelyn gets home while we're watching.
"Hi Clare, it's good to see you Johnny but what are you doing here so late with Lucas at work?" Evelyn asks.
"Bruce is getting released on Thursday, Lucas took me to the lawyer's at lunch to sign a restraining order. While we were there we found out there's a date for the trial, November seventeenth. After all of that Lucas thought it would be good to have Johnny stay the night, especially with you working late," Clare explains. Seems that while Lucas, Owen, Fitz and I were all texting he neglected to tell his mom any of it. Though it's possible she just never checked her phone.
"Good, then I'm glad you're here," she smiles. "I'm exhausted, going to take a sleeping pill and go straight to bed."
"Goodnight," Clare and I say together as Evelyn goes upstairs. Clare and I finish the movie and I turn off the TV deciding we should get to sleep.
"We should get to bed, Lucas said I could take his bed tonight since he's working. If you need anything come and get me," I tell her.
"Thanks Johnny," she smiles.
I grab my stuff and follow her upstairs. She goes into her bedroom so I grab my toothbrush from my bag and go into the washroom. I brush my teeth and go into Lucas' room, I hear Clare in the washroom. I read for a while before finally going to sleep, but I wake sometime later when I hear Clare scream. I untangle myself from the blanket, jumping out of bed and running to Clare's room. I flip on the light and find Clare sitting up in bed panting hard, tears running down her cheeks, still trembling from the nightmare.
"It's okay, it was just a dream, you're safe," I assure her hugging her tightly.
"I don't think I can sleep again, not after that," she sobs.
"Do you want to talk about the dream?" I ask and she shakes her head. "Do you want me to call Lucas?"
"No, I just can't sleep, I'm going to go watch TV," she replies.
"I'll come with you."
We leave her room and go downstairs. She brings a blanket with her and there's one downstairs on the sofa. She turns on the TV and we watch for a couple of hours before we both succumb to sleep. We wake when the front door opens and Lucas comes in. He frowns when he sees the two of us cuddled up on the sofa. Not because he thinks something was happening between the two of us, but because he knows something is wrong.
"Bad night?" He asks coming over and stroking Clare's cheek.
"I had a nightmare and didn't think I could sleep again. Johnny stayed up with me," she yawns.
"Doesn't look like either of you got much sleep, do you want to stay home?" Lucas asks Clare.
"No, I should go to school, I'll be okay. I'm going to get ready for school," she yawns again standing up.
"I should get dressed too, I'll grab some coffee at school. I've only got a couple classes today."
"Thanks for staying with her," Lucas says.
"Anytime," I smile going upstairs. I get dressed and put on some deodorant, combing my fingers through my hair. I leave Lucas' room as Clare is coming out of the washroom, she comes over and kisses my cheek.
"Thanks Johnny, I appreciate you being with me and staying up with me. I felt a lot safer with you here," she smiles.
I put my arm around her and bring her into a tight hug, "Anytime Clare. If you need me you know I'll be there."
(CLARE)
"Owen and Fitz will text me if there's any sign of Bruce. I don't know where he'll go when he's released but he may come to the ravine or the school. If you even think you see Bruce I want you text me. Principal Simpson knows Bruce is getting released today," Lucas tells me when he drops me at school Thursday morning.
"Okay," I say quietly.
"If you don't think you can get through the day call me and I'll pick you up."
"I know," I nod trying to smile for him, "thanks big brother."
I kiss his cheek and take a deep breath before getting out of the car. I start to go up the steps when Owen and Fitz come down to meet me. I'm not sure if they got here before us because Lucas asked them to or because they knew Bruce was getting out today. It doesn't matter, I'm grateful for the sight of them, feeling safe between the two of them. They wave to Lucas and the three of us walk inside.
"He won't get near the school, not even the ravine," Owen assures me. All I can do is nod. I haven't even seen Bruce yet and I feel like he's watching me. Just knowing he'll be released, be free and on the streets I feel like I'm in a prison.
"Hey, you need us at any time you text us, even if you're in class," Fitz tells me putting his arm around my shoulders.
"I will, I think I want to go straight to class," I tell them.
They walk with me to class, but Miss Dawes is in here and they don't wait around. Miss Dawes is working and doesn't seem to be paying attention to me. I get out my phone idly reading emails and glancing out the window. My eyes dart to the window every few seconds, I'm nervous even though I know Bruce isn't getting released until later this morning.
One of the times my eyes dart to the window I see him, I freeze, all the breath leaves my body. Some other kids pass by the window and Bruce is gone, he was never really there. I'm afraid and it's making me see things. He's not even getting released until later this morning. I force out a breath, my fingers trembling over my phone wondering if I should text Lucas and the others. Just as I'm about to Adam comes in the room.
"Hey Clare," Adam grins. I turn to him trying to smile, but by Adam's face I don't quite manage it. "What's wrong?"
"Didn't sleep well, just tired, it's going to be a long day," I tell Adam. It's not at all a lie, I'm just not telling him the reason for it all.
"You looking forward to Alli's party tomorrow? My brother can't wait, he wouldn't shut up about it last night," Adam says changing the subject.
"Well that's good as I'm fairly certain she's throwing the party to get close to Drew," I smile at Adam. The thought of Alli's party is a nice distraction and Adam has this wonderfully charming grin.
"Don't tell Drew that, his ego is big enough as it is," Adam replies and I giggle.
"What's so funny?" Eli asks coming into class.
"Just talking about Alli's party tomorrow night," Adam tells him.
"Oh yeah, I'm going to that too, I hope it's a good one for my first party at DeGrassi."
"Alli's throwing it, if nothing else I'm sure it will be entertaining," I tell them.
Other students come into class, and soon class begins. Miss Dawes has us writing and editing with our partners. Eli is sweet and charming, and I'm distracted for all of class, yet thoughts of Bruce and his impending release stay at the back of my mind. I leave homeroom with Adam and we walk to physics together. Mr. Betenkamp is entertaining us with physics experiments but I'm not paying attention. I'm watching the windows, Bruce is out now, I don't know that he'd come here, but I'm watching the windows. Suddenly Bruce is there, standing outside the window grinning at me the way he would when he slipped into my room. I start to tremble, stop breathing, I shut my eyes tight hoping he disappears.
"You're not there, you're not there," I whisper to myself.
"Clare?" Adam asks touching my arm.
I turn to look at Adam, a breath forcing it's way from my lungs, I look out the window and Bruce is gone. I look back at Adam, "I'm okay."
He looks as though he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't say anything else. When class let's out Adam walks out with me and comes to my locker.
"I'm eating with Eli, you want to join us?" Adam asks, and right on cue Owen and Fitz show up at my sides.
"I have plans for lunch, but I'll see you next period," I smile at Adam.
He looks at Owen and Fitz, the latter of whom slides an arm around my waist in a protective manner. Adam smiles at me while I roll my eyes.
"You know, you don't have to be that protective and worried about Adam. We're just friends, he has no interest in me that way and it's mutual," I tell them as we begin walking.
"What about Eli?" Owen inquires.
"Eli wasn't standing with us, and I don't know about Eli yet. Thinking a boy is cute and being ready to try dating again are very different things. Anyway, with Bruce getting out today the rumors are bound to be flying. Once Eli hears the rumors I'm sure he'll want nothing to do with me," I say sadly and Fitz tightens his arm around me. "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the caf."
"We're eating at The Dot," Owen informs me.
"Lucas is meeting us," Fitz tells me. I'm certain this was Lucas' idea, to check on me today, but I don't mind. When we enter the café Lucas is here and Fitz let's go of me so Lucas can hug me.
"You okay?" Lucas asks.
"I thought I saw Bruce this morning, it was just my fears playing tricks on me. Pretty sure Adam is starting to think I'm nuts, but other than that I'm fine."
Lucas hugs me again before we order. Spin is working and he smiles at me when I order. Lucas pays for my lunch, he should still be sleeping since he works tonight.
"Mom will be home tonight, but Johnny said he'd stay again if you want him to," Lucas says as we begin eating.
"Is he sure about that? We didn't get much sleep," I remark.
"We could stay the night," Fitz offers.
"Yeah, we have football tryouts and then a project with Drew for broadcast and print production we need to work on. We were going to go to his house, you could probably go home with Adam. We'll meet you there and then bring you home and stay over," Owen agrees.
"Yeah, that would be good, if it's okay with Adam," I reply.
"I'll text Drew," Fitz comments getting out his phone.
"If it's not okay for some reason I'll pick you up and bring you home. Johnny can always hang out until Owen and Fitz come over. One of you can take my bed and the other can sleep on the sofa," Lucas tells them.
"Are you guys sure you want to? I woke Johnny up with a nightmare Tuesday night, he came running in when I screamed at the top of my lungs."
"We're sure," Fitz smiles at me and then his phone makes a noise and he looks at it. "Drew says that's cool and he'll talk to Adam," Fitz informs us.
I smile at my friends, I already feel better knowing I'll have so much company tonight.
